Scan Magazine | Humour | Columns
IS IT JUST ME…
By Mette Lisby
… who’s worried about how it affects us that everything is constantly available, accessible and possible? You can transfer money between your bank accounts NOW. Book travel NOW. Shop for anything – like, oh I don’t know, NOW! When Freddie Mercury sang “I want it all and I want it now”, it was a bold demand that evidently could not be realised. In today’s world, it sounds like a relatively reasonable request. Of course you want it all now. How could you not? Just yesterday over dinner, my husband and I were talking about getting new trainers, and two minutes after we finished eating, we had bought them. I never really liked shopping, so I guess I should be all for the time-saving online option – but I guess my reluctance is probably more about the fact that not only shopping, but also pretty much anything else can be done anytime, online. Making doctor’s appointments, dentist appointments, paying bills – even relaxing, you do with your computer or phone now. No need to browse through a real maga-
zine, paper or book – it is all accessible in your computer. You do not even have to get up to fetch it. I have always been a big advocate for getting away from the computer once in a while, but now it seems completely unnecessary to not be in front of a screen, not just for work but in every aspect of your life. Watching news, planning travels, communicating with friends, shopping for shoes, bras, kitchenware, groceries... There is never a reason to be offline anymore – you can do it all there. You need to make an active decision to NOT sit in front of your computer, because when you are there, there are emails to check, bills to pay, there is LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram – there is always something. And why wait when you can do it now? Except I think that ‘now’ becomes less significant when it is completely the same all the time and only the image on the
Doomed I am doomed. My regular cartoon slot in a Norwegian newspaper has come to an end, and so a large chunk of my income has disappeared overnight. This is the problem with working freelance – you can be hurtled back to square one at any point and with no warning. I am used to it, but the older I get, the more difficult it feels to start over. Having said that, I sometimes wonder if my move to a different country helps me deal with the upheaval. Or perhaps it contributed to me choosing this somewhat unconventional path in life in the first place? Since emigrating to England 25 years ago, I have moved a total of 15 times. The funny thing is, I see myself as someone who would be suited to being comfortably settled. But perhaps, once you have had a major uproot, it is hard to ever find that peace again? I cannot decide whether this is a good or a bad thing because, as mentioned, I am currently at square one, which 124 | Issue 123 | April 2019
screen in front of you changes. Maybe it is time to realise that perhaps we do want it all, but actually, most of it can wait a little while, while we take a walk in the sunshine.
Mette Lisby is Denmark’s leading female comedian. She invites you to laugh along with her monthly humour columns. Since her stand-up debut in 1992, Mette has hosted the Danish version of Have I Got News For You and Room 101.
By Maria Smedstad
idea, but just how would you capitalise on Swedish-ness? What are we (supposedly) good at? I can only think of cinnamon buns and raunchy vintage films, neither of which I am sure I am suited to. Anyway, as mentioned – I am doomed. This is not because of my sudden job situation, but because I have just discovered that my (current) home city has a shop that sells real Swedish sweets. If anything will lead to my financial ruin, it will be this.
is a pretty all-consuming space to occupy. Where do I go from here? A minor career adjustment, a change in profession, a change in country? “You’re Swedish,” my friend suggested. “Can’t you somehow use that to your advantage and create a new job?” It sounds like a good
Maria Smedstad moved to the UK from Sweden in 1994. She received a degree in Illustration in 2001, before settling in the capital as a freelance cartoonist, creating the autobiographical cartoon Em. Maria writes a column on the trials and tribulations of life as a Swede in the UK.