Scan Magazine | Humour | Columns
IS IT JUST ME…
By Mette Lisby
… who often catches myself daydreaming when scrolling through friends’ and acquaintances’ social media feeds? It seems to be a statistic truth that no matter how many or few people you follow on various social media outlets, there is always at least one who is holidaying in the most beautiful place on Earth. It could be the Maldives. Or Zanzibar. Or Tulum – oh, wait. That was me, actually. Someone is always right there, in the most spectacular surroundings. And it looks amazing! Soon you are sighing wistfully, longing to swim in those turquoise waters and bask in the sunshine – and by the way, is it not amazing that it looks so enviable, perfect and fantastic and it must be so great to be there, yet the people who are actually there are not so compelled by this perfection that they can resist tearing themselves away to take photos, edit them and come up with a neat, catchy caption for their post? Even upon pondering that, I still find myself dreaming of being on that beach, wishing I were there, living that sweet life.
That is when I remind myself: it is not always what it looks like. Take the arguably most photogenic moment of my life: I saw whales breach while whale watching in Cabo san Lucas. As a kid, I watched the iconic Greenpeace posters on my socially conscious friends’ walls (I’m sad to admit I was more of a posters-of-ABBA-on-mywall type – sorry!), with the tail of a whale majestically rising from the ocean. This was officially what everybody declares is a universal ‘wow’ moment. And it looked fantastic – but the smell! I would have never suspected it, because it completely contradicts this moment of beauty and harmony, but let me just say that personal hygiene is not a big priority with large sea mammals. Their breath was horrid! Imagine the smell of rotten fish laced with dead krills blown violently towards you. Everyone on board the boat repulsed in horror during this, the most photogenic moment of our lives. But boy, it looked good on Instagram.
Being lots of things I turn 40 this year, which has brought on a bit of a life crisis. I have no particular problem with growing older; in fact, I quite like it. Despite this, something deep within is kicking off, usually in the middle of the night, shouting: ‘what are you doing with your life’ and ‘who are you?’. The latter is a complicated question to answer. I am someone who still struggles with English words containing both Vs and Ws, but whose Swedish has not really progressed since 1994. I have no real ‘home’ in the UK, in the sense of a place where I grew up. Despite this, there are some encouraging signs that I do belong here. For example, I drink more tea on a daily basis than there is blood in my veins. I no longer think there is anything odd about carpets on trains. And even though I was not born here, there are places that I am strongly connected to: the stretch of railway near Teignmouth, for example, where the train exits a tunnel
Mette Lisby is Denmark’s leading female comedian. She invites you to laugh along with her monthly humour columns. Since her stand-up debut in 1992, Mette has hosted the Danish version of Have I Got News For You and Room 101.
By Maria Smedstad
were a laptop and a sleeping bag. I can belt out Ding Dong Merrily on High at Christmas and Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau at the rugby with equal conviction. Maybe it is not so strange that I struggle to know who I am. But then, perhaps being lots of things and belonging in many places is something I should be grateful for. Who knows, perhaps with age really will come wisdom?
and the sea is right there. I would pass it on my way to university and weep because of its beauty (and teenage hormones) every single time. Tooting Common and the rolling fields of Kent, where I walked my dog throughout my 20s. The flat in Bristol, where – for a while – my only possessions
Maria Smedstad moved to the UK from Sweden in 1994. She received a degree in Illustration in 2001, before settling in the capital as a freelance cartoonist, creating the autobiographical cartoon Em. Maria writes a column on the trials and tribulations of life as a Swede in the UK.
Issue 122 | March 2019 | 121