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Columns
IS IT JUST ME…
By Mette Lisby
Who has noticed what is surely an alarming discrepancy within each and every one of us? I am guilty of it, everyone I know is guilty of it, and I am pretty sure you are too. In fact, I am also pretty sure you will recognise the following scenario all too well. My Facebook and Twitter feeds are overflowing with posts and memes of love and understanding: save the planet; save the world; help each other; please donate to my birthday fundraiser for a rescue dog shelter; #bekind. Each of these little posts blasts of triumph of the human spirit and generosity in a way that leaves me warm and fuzzy inside like I had just mentally had a cup of warm cocoa. Obviously, getting this great feeling from being on Facebook requires that you skip the posts from your annoyingly perfect friends and their annoyingly perfect meals (they eat a lot for being that skinny, don’t they?), but if I focus on the heart-warming videos and the overall sentiment, it leaves me feeling very good about humankind.
Then I leave my house. I get in my car and I go out in traffic. This is a completely different experience. Here, I see people yelling at each other, impatiently honking if they have to wait two seconds for someone to move. People cutting in and out in front of you, changing lanes, oblivious to the nuisance they apply to others and unreasonably furious when someone brings it to their attention. People furiously rolling down their windows throwing rude hand signs at others like a rap video gone mad. What is making us all so angry? Where did these intolerant, spiteful, short-fused bastards even come from? It is the same people who were just on Facebook half an hour ago spreading loving messages, which is what I find so mind-boggling. It is not just the startling anger; it is also the staggering intolerance, impatience with others and plain rudeness that, to be honest,
Call of nature Here is a question for you: How many different types of toilet can you name? To a Brit, this may seem like a trick question. A Swede, however, may actually attempt to give you an answer. In a country where many homes are off-grid, it is often necessary to be inventive. We experienced this first-hand recently, while visiting friends who have converted an old summer house into their permanent home. Being handy Swedish types, they did most of the work themselves, including rebuilding large parts of the house. However, when it came to sewage, their options were limited. On arrival, we all crowded inside their bathroom so that our hosts could explain how to correctly use their incineration toilet. (It does exactly what you imagine it does.) Despite the undoubted efficiency of this, our friends recommended using the great Swedish outdoors where appropriate. Not one to miss an opportunity to reconnect with my country, I obliged. Stepping outside, 114 | Issue 118 | November 2018
I think each of us has been guilty of one time or another in traffic. And then, of course, there is the grave ignorance that is every bit as dangerous: people who move around in traffic while staring at their phones. But, who knows? Maybe they are on Facebook or Twitter desperate to restore their faith in humanity after having to deal with other people in traffic. Mette Lisby is Denmark’s leading female comedian. She invites you to laugh along with her monthly humour columns. Since her stand-up debut in 1992, Mette has hosted the Danish version of Have I Got News For You and Room 101.
By Maria Smedstad
confidently into the night. Did I mention that my friends rebuilt most of the house themselves? Well, in my moment of returning to my roots, I forgot. Failing to notice that the step I descended onto was not actually a step yet, I fell flat on my face in the pitch black. Another memory from childhood resurfaced. While answering the call of nature in nature, remain on your feet at all times, and definitely bring a torch.
during our first night, I experienced a deep sense of serenity. There were all those familiar sensations of my childhood, the smell of pine trees, the reflection of the moon on still water, the hoot of a Swedish owl. ‘Yes’, I thought, ‘I am a true Swede after all’! Embracing this sense of belonging, I proceeded
Maria Smedstad moved to the UK from Sweden in 1994. She received a degree in Illustration in 2001, before settling in the capital as a freelance cartoonist, creating the autobiographical cartoon Em. Maria writes a column on the trials and tribulations of life as a Swede in the UK.