Scan Magazine | Humour |
Columns
IS IT JUST ME…
By Mette Lisby
Who is puzzled about what seems to be a worldwide obsession with air conditioning? The concept leaves me freezing and baffled with one burning question on my mind: Why? I travel halfway around the world to Thailand to escape winter and frost, to revel in heat and sunshine, only to walk into the hotel lobby and be met by a staggering 15 degrees Celsius. Why? People working the front desk are in full suits – shirts and jackets! Why? It is Thailand! It is supposed to be hot! 100 billion tourists cannot be wrong. (Okay, numbers are not my forte – this one has the sole purpose of figuratively illustrating ‘a lot’.) We all go to there because of the heat. Generally, worldwide, heat is pretty popular and in high demand. So why is it that every place where heat comes naturally, people are doing everything they can to cool it down – ironically spending lots of energy that in the end only helps increase global warming? I moved to Los Angeles, abandoned my family and friends for California living and yes, the warm weather is a big part of that
– when I can find it, that is. Because everywhere I go, they do their best to keep it at a mind-boggling sub-20 degrees Celsius. In taxis – or any car, except my own, basically – I sit freezing on the backseat with clattering teeth, while the driver is wearing two shirts and a jacket. Why? Why not just dress for the weather you are actually in? Instead of changing the temperature, maybe just wear shorts? The last time I flew in to Los Angeles, we were boarded on a bus to take us from the plane to the airport building. Landing in Los Angeles having flown from Mexico you would have never thought to pack winter clothes, but that was exactly what that bus ride required. The air conditioning was so aggressive I nearly had frostbite. “Welcome to Los Angeles!” Why are people so obsessed with cold? Have they never experienced real winter? Do they think of winter as something to be tak-
Rules of hospitality Swedes like to mix their hospitality with strict rules. Official dinners, such as one that we were lucky to attend recently, can be a good example of this. On arrival, we were treated to a lovely welcome drink, then left to queue for an eternity to be ticked off the appropriate guest list. This set the whole meal back by an hour, but rules are rules. Then came the dinner: herring and boiled potatoes. This is a meal that is served all year round at every possible occasion – another example of where enjoyable meets compulsory. Along with the herring comes snaps (neat, chilled aquavit), every sip of which is accompanied by a snaps song, a short ditty about – you guessed it – snaps. You must drink. Rules. Through a mix-up, my husband got allocated a seat away from me, but when we enquired about moving, we were met by blank stares. You sit where you are told to! 112 | Issue 113 | June 2018
en lightly, something desirable, even? Take it from me, who grew up in Scandinavia, lived in Greenland for six months and has been travelling ever since to keep warm: cold is overrated – ask anybody who catches it! Mette Lisby is Denmark’s leading female comedian. She invites you to laugh along with her monthly humour columns. Since her stand-up debut in 1992, Mette has hosted the Danish version of Have I Got News For You and Room 101.
By Maria Smedstad
outdoor shoes in the hall. Naturally, you buy your shoes according to the rules, in this case fashion rules. Picture a throng of 400 tanked-up guests, scrabbling to find their footwear in a gigantic pile of identical shoes. “Madness!” husband mused, opening a beer, which was swiftly removed by staff. Because you would not want to get drunk out of the strict, official get-drunk-hours, would you? Luckily, husband ended up wedged between two women who were very good at explaining all the rules, though he did cause a stir with his inability to remember which table companion to eyeball the most intently after the snaps (don’t get me started on that one, I still have no idea). Then came one final moment of rule- induced chaos. In Sweden, it is typical to bring indoor shoes to a party, leaving your
Maria Smedstad moved to the UK from Sweden in 1994. She received a degree in Illustration in 2001, before settling in the capital as a freelance cartoonist, creating the autobiographical cartoon Em. Maria writes a column on the trials and tribulations of life as a Swede in the UK.