CAREER DEVELOPMENT AND WELLNESS You’ve Got a Friend in Me RPTE A few months before the pandemic, I went on a date of sorts. A new family moved into my cul-de-sac. Being a recent transplant myself, I was eager to meet “the mom” of the family (for the sake of privacy, we’ll call her “Marcy”) and make a friend in my new hometown. I got her phone number from another neighbor and invited Marcy to lunch. I prepared for the lunch as if it were a first encounter from an online dating site. I agonizingly chose my clothes (not too lawyerly, not too mom-ish, and, definitely, not too revealing), arrived at the casual (but not too casual!) local restaurant 10 minutes early, smartly chose the healthy (but not too healthy!) entree, paid for my own meal that would not get cold while I awaited Marcy’s arrival, and sat facing the door so that I could warmly welcome her. She arrived and we had a lovely meal, during which we discovered at least a few common interests. After lunch, I sent her a text message, thanking her for meeting me and offering to connect another time. I never heard from Marcy again. Yes, she still lives three doors down. What on earth does this story have to do with being a lawyer or RPTE? The answer, I think, is: absolutely nothing and absolutely everything. Intentionally or unintentionally, Marcy delivered a blow to my ego. I licked my wounds for months after this happened. However, the experience, coupled with the pandemic’s profound alteration of how I interact with friends, delivered an opportunity to reflect on what friendship means, its impact on my own wellness and development, and how RPTE has played a critical role in that regard. While RPTE has undoubtedly delivered countless bangfor-your-buck learning opportunities over the past two decades, what has kept me coming back is the people. Several years ago, former Section Chair Beth Lee led an exercise at an RPTE meeting concerning the nine friends that Contributing Author: Crystal Patterson, Gulfstream Commercial Services, LLC, 222 E. Witherspoon Street, Suite 105, Louisville, KY 40202, cpatterson@gulfstreamdev.com.
everyone should have. I was surprised at the number of RPTE friends listed on my exercise grid. As attorneys, we are trained to be professional advocates. We should be just nice enough that clients like us and seek to hire us, yet also just detached and professional enough that our adversaries and counter-negotiators respect and, possibly, fear us. These are not exactly compatible approaches to making friends, and, perhaps, they are wholly incompatible. Yet, lawyers—like all humans—crave the benefits that come from genuine, lasting friendships. Friendships are important, and research bears that out. People with social support are more likely to maintain an exercise plan longer than a year after starting it. The least socially integrated people experience memory declines twice as fast as those who are more connected. Social support wards off depression and suicide. People who identify as “lonely” tend to have higher blood pressure and other risk factors for heart disease, and they are more likely to “give up” or “quit trying” when dealing with stressors, such as illness. People with strong social connections, and men especially, see a marked increase in their life span. RPTE provides a unique platform for making such connections. The Section meetings offer settings within which to gather with other like-minded (or similarly challenged, depending on your perspective) individuals, who understand the fine line upon which we are expected to walk. Because RPTE attorneys hail from across the country, the fear of consorting with a competitor is greatly diminished. RPTE’s meetings occur just frequently enough to support connection, yet infrequently enough to keep things fresh and exciting. Yes, this is a formula for friendship and wellness success. I know this because while I proudly wear my “I’m not for everyone” t-shirt, I am simultaneously relieved to know that I have a tribe in RPTE. Through them, I have sought and received advice on substantive legal issues, divorce and dating in your 40s, inspiring employee engagement, unique travel experiences, technology know-how, trouble-shooting teenagers, transitioning
Published in Probate & Property, Volume 35, No 6 © 2021 by the American Bar Association. Reproduced with permission. All rights reserved. This information or any portion thereof may not be copied or disseminated in any form or by any means or stored in an electronic database or retrieval system without the express written consent of the American Bar Association.
50
November/December 2021
