5 minute read
Career Development and Wellness
You’ve Got a Friend in Me RPTE
A few months before the pandemic, I went on a date of sorts. A new family moved into my cul-de-sac. Being a recent transplant myself, I was eager to meet “the mom” of the family (for the sake of privacy, we’ll call her “Marcy”) and make a friend in my new hometown. I got her phone number from another neighbor and invited Marcy to lunch. I prepared for the lunch as if it were a first encounter from an online dating site. I agonizingly chose my clothes (not too lawyerly, not too mom-ish, and, definitely, not too revealing), arrived at the casual (but not too casual!) local restaurant 10 minutes early, smartly chose the healthy (but not too healthy!) entree, paid for my own meal that would not get cold while I awaited Marcy’s arrival, and sat facing the door so that I could warmly welcome her. She arrived and we had a lovely meal, during which we discovered at least a few common interests. After lunch, I sent her a text message, thanking her for meeting me and offering to connect another time. I never heard from Marcy again. Yes, she still lives three doors down.
What on earth does this story have to do with being a lawyer or RPTE? The answer, I think, is: absolutely nothing and absolutely everything.
Intentionally or unintentionally, Marcy delivered a blow to my ego. I licked my wounds for months after this happened. However, the experience, coupled with the pandemic’s profound alteration of how I interact with friends, delivered an opportunity to reflect on what friendship means, its impact on my own wellness and development, and how RPTE has played a critical role in that regard.
While RPTE has undoubtedly delivered countless bangfor-your-buck learning opportunities over the past two decades, what has kept me coming back is the people. Several years ago, former Section Chair Beth Lee led an exercise at an RPTE meeting concerning the nine friends that everyone should have. I was surprised at the number of RPTE friends listed on my exercise grid.
As attorneys, we are trained to be professional advocates. We should be just nice enough that clients like us and seek to hire us, yet also just detached and professional enough that our adversaries and counter-negotiators respect and, possibly, fear us. These are not exactly compatible approaches to making friends, and, perhaps, they are wholly incompatible. Yet, lawyers—like all humans—crave the benefits that come from genuine, lasting friendships.
Friendships are important, and research bears that out. People with social support are more likely to maintain an exercise plan longer than a year after starting it. The least socially integrated people experience memory declines twice as fast as those who are more connected. Social support wards off depression and suicide. People who identify as “lonely” tend to have higher blood pressure and other risk factors for heart disease, and they are more likely to “give up” or “quit trying” when dealing with stressors, such as illness. People with strong social connections, and men especially, see a marked increase in their life span.
RPTE provides a unique platform for making such connections. The Section meetings offer settings within which to gather with other like-minded (or similarly challenged, depending on your perspective) individuals, who understand the fine line upon which we are expected to walk. Because RPTE attorneys hail from across the country, the fear of consorting with a competitor is greatly diminished. RPTE’s meetings occur just frequently enough to support connection, yet infrequently enough to keep things fresh and exciting.
Yes, this is a formula for friendship and wellness success. I know this because while I proudly wear my “I’m not for everyone” t-shirt, I am simultaneously relieved to know that I have a tribe in RPTE. Through them, I have sought and received advice on substantive legal issues, divorce and dating in your 40s, inspiring employee engagement, unique travel experiences, technology know-how, trouble-shooting teenagers, transitioning from private practice to an in-house job, how to make the perfect martini, requesting a pay raise, and moving to a new city. My RPTE friends have seen me at my best and at my worst, and I know my experience is not unique.
Lawyers have not always done a superb job of raising one another up or showing vulnerability. Yet the next generations of attorneys deserve, and may even demand, a fresh approach to the rigors of being a professional, the balance of work and not-work, and a safety net to acknowledge when help is needed, whatever the issue may be. Indeed, part of being successful is taking care of yourself. Accordingly, this year, RPTE is launching a new special committee on attorney development and wellness. At first blush, these may appear to be the “soft subjects” that no one wants to admit are important or that they personally need help with, but I believe the topics to be addressed by the committee are the lifeblood of the profession’s future. The committee will focus on many of the same subjects that my RPTE friends and I have discussed over the years. No, the committee won’t be offering parenting or mixology courses. We are poised, however, to deliver a toolbox of timeflexible and dynamic resources on topics such as career transitions, partnering with your assistant, work-life balance, executive presence, integrating physical activity into the workday, and public speaking skills to support the whole attorney throughout the entire career continuum. Content will be offered through a series of podcasts, mindfulness exercises, lectures, round-table discussions, online forums, and, perhaps, even a good old-fashioned happy hour where the value of a handshake and a shared laugh can always be counted on to cultivate a new friendship. Together, we will learn to apply our own proverbial oxygen mask before assisting others.
As for Marcy and me, I did what any self-respecting lawyer would do. After waiting over a year, I sent her a message a few weeks ago and offered to help her with a neighborhood endeavor I learned she was undertaking. Did she respond? You’ll have tune into one of our Committee events to find out.
As part of RPTE’s ongoing effort to deliver value to its members, the Section has launched the Special Committee on Career Development & Wellness. The mission of the committee is to provide an array of resources that support attorneys throughout the continuum of their careers. The committee encourages Section members to contact any committee member with suggestions for programming.
CO-CHAIRS
Jim Durham (RP) and Crystal Patterson (TE)
COMMITTEE MEMBERS
Abigail Earthman (TE), Dana Fitzsimons (TE), Lilly Gerontis (RP), Soo Yeon Lee (RP), Nancy Little (RP), Marie Moore (RP), Kelly Perez (TE) and Mary Vandenack (TE)
