Reader's Digest UK Oct 2021

HEALTH • MONEY • TRAVEL • RECIPES • FASHION • TECHNOLOGY

OCTOBER 2021

HALLOWEEN

HAUNTS Exploring The World’s Most Frightening Forests

KIM WILDE

On Parties, Prince & Top Of The Pops

3

REFUGEES Write To Their Younger Selves

readersdigest.co.uk

OCTOBER 2021

£3.99

Eden came to GOSH at just two years old, when she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a rare, aggressive type of cancer.

CLAIM YOUR FREE WILL

Will you update your Will to rewrite a child’s future?

We’ve teamed up with three Will-writing services that are simple and completely free to use until 30 November 2021.

You can claim your Free Will by quoting GOSH21READ: At a participating local solicitor through the National Free Wills Network: Tel: 0800 011 2030 (Mon–Fri 9am–5pm) or Email: info@nationalfreewills.net With a specialist Will writer in your own home through the Goodwill Partnership: Tel: 01462 976029, Text: GOODWILL10 to 60777 or Email: goshcc@thegoodwillpartnership.co.uk By quoting GOSH21READ at checkout online at Beyond.life/gosh There is no obligation to leave a gift to GOSH Charity in your Will, but after taking care of family and friends we hope that you may be inspired to leave a gift.

Just 5% of your estate could help rewrite a child’s future.

All free Will-writers and solicitors are independent from the charity and act in the best interests of their client.

Great Ormond Street Hospital Children’s Charity. Registered charity no. 1160024

Contents OCTOBER 2021

Features 16 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

p28

This month, Olly Mann delivers a moving eulogy for his dying pet goldfish

ENTERTAINMENT

20 INTERVIEW:

PAUL O’GRADY

The beloved comedian on love, loss and his humble beginnings

28 “I REMEMBER”: KIM WILDE

The British pop icon looks back on her childhood, colourful career and meeting Prince

HEALTH

36 THE LINK BETWEEN

p86 80

INSOMNIA & DEPRESSION

How treating one of them can help you tackle both

Discover the world’s most frightening forests—if you dare

86

54 FACE BLINDNESS

INSPIRE

72 WORDS OF WISDOM Three refugees write to their younger selves cover illustration Daniel Mitchell

MOTORBIKE MAGIC Xavier Alberti on his passion for two-wheeled journeys and the philosophy behind them

One woman’s story of living with the confounding disorder

HALLOWEEN HAUNTS

TR AVEL

90

A FAIRYTALE TRAIN TRIP Ride along on a luxury trip through the former Ottoman Empire OCTOBER 2021 • 1

48% of falls happen outside of the home A DISCREET, LIGHTWEIGHT, EASY-TO-USE ALARM 24/7 EMERGENCY HELP FOR LESS THAN 60p A DAY MEASURE YOUR HEART RATE AND DAILY STEPS Lightweight and comfortable, the Personal Alarm Watch is a regular wristwatch. In an emergency, simply hold the SOS button on the front of the watch and you will be immediately connected to our expert emergency care team. We can then send the help you need.

Not satisfied? Return your watch in 30 days for a full refund.

“The service is so reassuring. The team is accessible and quick to respond, going above and beyond to make sure I’m happy.” - Jan

ORDER YOUR FREE BROCHURE TODAY The Personal Alarm Watch is available for just £54.98, with a monthly payment of £17.99 for the 24/7 Emergency Care on a flexible, rolling contract with no minimum term.

CALL: 020 3885 0603 VISIT: www.PersonalAlarmWatch.com

Contents OCTOBER 2021

In every issue 8 12

Over to You See the World Differently

44 48

HEALTH Advice: Susannah Hickling Column: Dr Max Pemberton

70

INSPIRE If I Ruled the World: Skye Edwards

p108

98 100

TRAVEL & ADVENTURE My Great Escape Hidden Gems: Berlin

112 114

FASHION & BEAUTY Column: Bec Oakes’ Fashion Tips Beauty

102

MONEY Column: Andy Webb

116

ENTERTAINMENT October’s Cultural Highlights

106 108

FOOD & DRINK A Taste of Home World Kitchen: Outer Hebrides

122

110

DIY Column: Mike Aspinall

p70

127

BOOKS October Fiction: James Walton’s Recommended Reads Books That Changed My Life: David Hare

128

TECHNOLOGY Column: James O’Malley

130 133 136 140 143 144

FUN & GAMES You Couldn’t Make It Up Word Power Brainteasers Laugh!

Beat the Cartoonist Good News

OCTOBER 2021 • 3

You’ve lived

You’ve made a mark

There were ups

There were downs

Perhaps more than you realise

Triumphs

Failures

Love, laughter, tears

And children

And now grandchildren

It’s time

to tell

your story

The gift of a lifetime

LifeBook LifeBookis isthe theworld’s world’s leading leadingautobiography autobiographyservice. service.

Around Aroundthe theworld worldmore morethan than 8000 8000people peoplealready alreadyenjoy enjoyowning owning the thelife lifestory storyofofsomeone someonethey theylove. love.

Each Eachbook bookis isa aunique uniquepiece piece ofoffamily familytreasure, treasure,custom-made custom-made and andhandcrafted, handcrafted,totobebeshared shared bybygenerations generationstotocome. come.

It’sIt’stime timetototell tellyour yourstory. story.

Find Findout outhow howbybycontacting contacting ususonon0800 0800999 9992280 2280 ororvisit visitlifebookuk.com lifebookuk.com

SENIOR EDITORS Anna Walker, Eva Mackevic EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Marco Marcelline ART DIRECTOR Richard Cooke ADVERTISING Jigs Pankhania HEAD OF FINANCE Santwana Singh FINANCE MANAGER Irving Efren MANAGING DIRECTOR Julie Leach CHAIRMAN Gary Hopkins

TRUSTED MEDIA BRANDS INC (USA) President and Chief Executive Officer Bonnie Kintzer Editor-in-Chief, International Magazines Bonnie Munday

WRITE TO US! SEND US YOUR STORIES, JOKES AND LETTERS OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE For all subscriber enquiries, please use the customer services number below

WE PAY... £50 for the star letter and £30 for regular letters.

Email readersletters@readers digest.co.uk or go to readers digest.co.uk/contact-us

WE ALSO PAY...

CUSTOMER SERVICES Contact Customer Services for renewals, gifts, address changes, payments, account information and all other enquiries. Call 0330 333 2220* or email customer_service@readersdigest.co.uk

TALKING MAGAZINES

£30 for the true stories, anecdotes, jokes in Laugh! and You Couldn’t Make It Up…, and contributions to end-ofarticle fillers and My Great Escape.

Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk or go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us

Reader’s Digest is also available in audio and accessible etext editions from RNIB Newsagent, for blind and partially sighted readers. Call the RNIB Helpline on 0303 123 9999 or visit rnib.org.uk/newsagent

SORRY!

Annual subscriptions are available to be delivered monthly direct to your door.

For our latest offers please visit readersdigest.co.uk/subscribe Or telephone us today on 01778 392461.

Gift subscriptions also available.

UK rates may vary. Overseas rates: Republic of Ireland £45, Europe £50 and Rest of the World £60 for 12 month subscription.

We cannot acknowledge or return unpublished items or unsolicited article-length manuscripts. Do not send SAEs. Article-length stories, poetry and cartoons are not requested.

SUBSCRIPTIONS

SMALL PRINT: Ensure submissions are not previously published. Include your name, email, address and daytime phone number with all correspondence. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media.

Contributions used become world copyright of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest).

Reader’s Digest is a member of the Independent Press Standards Organisation (which regulates the UK’s magazine and newspaper industry). We abide by the Editors’ Code of Practice and are committed to upholding the highest standards of journalism. If you think that we have not met those standards, please contact 0203 795 8886.

If we are unable to resolve your complaint, or if you would like more information about IPSO or the Editors’ Code, contact IPSO on 0300 123 2220 or visit ipso.co.uk PAPER FROM SUSTAINABLE FORESTS. PLEASE RECYCLE © 2017 Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader’s Digest). British Reader’s Digest is published by Vivat Direct Ltd, 57 Margaret Street, London W1W 8SJ. All rights reserved throughout the world. Reproduction in any manner, in whole or part, in English or other languages, is prohibited. Reader’s Digest is a trademark owned and under license from Trusted Media Brands, Inc, and is registered with the United States Patent and Trademark Office. All rights reserved. Printed by Pindar Scarborough Limited. Newstrade distribution by Seymour Distribution Limited.

6

*Calls to 03 numbers cost no more than a national rate call to an 01 or 02 number and will be free if you have inclusive minutes from any type of line including mobile, BT or other fixed line

EDITORS’ LET TERS

In This Issue…

The arrival of October marks the start of my favourite time of year.

The weather is cooling, warm drinks are back on the menu and the general mood is one of cosiness and contentment.

Situated smack in the middle of this wholesome time, however, is Halloween—the occasion when we celebrate all things spooky, and get back in touch with our inner children, dressing in costumes, watching scary movies and overindulging in sugary treats.

We’re celebrating everyone’s favourite fright fest in this month’s magazine. Turn to p80, gather your loved ones round the bonfire, toast some smores, and enjoy the light thrill of a scary story as you discover the lore and legends that lie behind some of the world’s most “haunted” forests.

Also in this issue, we speak to three incredible people who fled their war-torn homelands and risked their lives to travel to the UK in search of a peaceful life. On p72, Grmalem from Eritrea, Kholoud from Syria and Tina from Nigeria open up about the life they had to leave behind, navigating the complexities of asylum seeking, and their hopes for the future.

They also reveal what they would say to their younger selves, offering moving reflections on the meaning of life and importance of education.

As scare stories and myths about refugees continue to permeate the headlines, it’s vital that we keep our hearts open and zero in on individual stories such as these to keep us aware and empathetic. If you want to help further, consider donating to charities that support refugees, such as The Refugee Council or Choose Love.

Anna

Eva FOLLOW US

facebook.com/readersdigestuk

twitter.com/readersdigestuk

@readersdigest_uk

You can also sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk Reader’s Digest is published in 27 editions in 11 languages

OCTOBER 2021 • 7

Over To You LETTERS ON THE August ISSUE

We pay £50 for Letter of the Month and £30 for all others

LETTER OF THE MONTH

Thank you for the August issue which struck many chords with me and resonated with my mental health issues.

The interview with Sir Derek Jacobi highlighted how significant the BBC TV series I, Claudius was when it came out in 1976. I remember watching some of the episodes with my elder brother when we were children. Then later in my twenties I went through the whole series on video.

The breakdown and spiralling descent into madness of the emperor Caligula is memorable and scary. In my own mental health condition, diagnosed as schizophrenia in 1986,

HEART-FELT I was shocked to read in your article “Women And Heart Disease” that heart disease is the single biggest killer of women worldwide and kills twice as many women as breast cancer in the UK. 8 • OCTOBER 2021

I have a vulnerability to the sound of coughing and traffic, feelings of guilt and trouble with inner voices. I wish I could have remembered I, Claudius better then.

Your meditation sceptic article detailed some of the benefits of meditating, which I find helpful. Culture like I, Claudius and meditation—what Sir Derek Jacobi calls “game changers”—are like rocket fuel. We need to make good use of them. Who knows when the past could come back to help us.

— ANDREW LOW, Middlesex

It is a travesty that this is not more widely known despite the excellent work done by the British Heart Foundation. Often our knowledge of these risks comes down to how trendy it is as a cause; and particular conditions can

hog the limelight to the detriment of others. More must be done to highlight this and to educate women about reducing their chances of suffering a heart attack.

— NATASHA RUSSELLCARR, Wakefield

DECISIONS, DECISIONS I’m always struggling with the profusion of choices modern life throws our way, so I especially enjoyed reading Olly Mann’s August column.

My recent attempt to simply purchase a lamp online caused me significant stress when, searching on a particular website, I was presented with 8,055 results. Feeling swamped, I promptly switched off my laptop and gave up.

The “paradox of choice” regularly prevents me from making what should be easy decisions.

Olly’s technique of only allowing himself to consider the first few options on each page of a menu is genius.

I normally resort to ordering the same dish every time to avoid making the wrong choice. Olly has discovered, to his benefit, that deliberately restricting his options means he’s enjoying new things he wouldn’t otherwise have experienced. I shall definitely be choosing this approach next time I visit a restaurant. That’s one choice I’m certain about!

SQUARE EYES? Doctor Max wondered last month how preoccupied we should be with our children’s habits.

Excess TV has been linked to poor grades, sleep problems and behaviour issues. I limit my children’s TV time but there’s other media use too (such as video games and spending nonschool-related time on tablets and smart phones). Although these can be a source of learning and entertainment, too much screen time can take away from other pastimes such as sleeping, exercising, playing with friends and doing homework. Spending more time with children helps.

Every weekday evening after dinner we play cards or board games as a family. And I don’t beat myself up if the family watches a film or two. I believe in moderation in all things.

— GEENA COOPER, London

— LUKE ITHURRALDE, County Durham

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! Send letters to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk Include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media OCTOBER 2021 • 9

Confused about equity release?

Get the facts.

Equity release has soared in popularity, yet many people still have questions over how the process actually works.

In our guide we explain how to boost your finances by releasing money tied up in your home. Packed with customer stories, facts and figures, why not find out if equity release could work for you?

Get your FREE copy of the Reader’s Digest Guide today.

Fo r

your FREE GU : IDE call us now on

0800 or v

is i t : w

0 2 9 12 3 3

ww.read

ersdigest.co.uk/er2

This is a Lifetime Mortgage which will impact the value of your estate and could affect your entitlement to means tested benefits. To understand the features and risks, ask for a personalised illustration. Reader’s Digest Equity Release is a trading style of Responsible Life Limited. Only if your case completes will Responsible Life Limited charge an advice fee, currently not exceeding £1,490.

5

Equity release truths you should know

At Reader’s Digest Equity Release we understand that even the best prepared plans can be knocked off course by unexpected events. If you find yourself in need of some extra cash in retirement, then equity release could be a solution for you. However, there are many myths that often stop people from considering it. So, we have prepared 5 truths that you should know about equity release.

1. Y ou are not selling your home!

100% ownership is guaranteed.

2. Y ou will never owe more than the value of your home.

3. I f you still owe money on a mortgage, you can release equity towards clearing it.

4. T here isn’t a requirement to make payments (unless you choose to do so).

5. I t’s possible to release equity and still guarantee something to leave behind for your loved ones.

You might have some more questions about how releasing equity works. If so, then we can offer you a free no-obligation appointment with a fully qualified adviser.

As releasing equity will reduce the value of your estate and could impact your entitlement to means-tested benefits, an adviser is best placed to explain the features and risks.

Your adviser will also help you to consider your own circumstances and let you know whether releasing equity could be the right choice for you.

Call the friendly Information Team today to book in your free no-obligation appointment.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Readersdigest.co.uk/er2

Call 0800 029 1233

Reader’s Digest Equity Release is a trading style of Responsible Life Limited. Only if you choose to proceed and your case completes will Responsible Life Limited charge an advice fee, currently not exceeding £1,490. Please note that due to restrictions face-to-face appointments may not be available in all areas. The Information Team will let you know the options available to you.

12

SEE turn THEtheWORLD... page

Photo: © Paul Zinken/dpa

…DIFFERENTLY Thirty-thousand wishes lined Berlin’s Straße des 17. Juni (June 17 Street) in Berlin to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the fall of its infamous wall. People from around the globe were invited to note their hopes and wishes, not just for Germany’s capital but also the entire world, on colourful ribbons. The wishes were interlooped to form an 150m-long flying carpet which seemed to float weightlessly for a week over the street right up to the Brandenburg Gate. The idea behind the installation called Visions in Motion came from the US artist Patrick Shearn, in time to be the signature attraction at Berlin’s festival week.

Photo: © Annette Riedl/dpa

15

IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

Forget-Me-Not Olly Mann reflects on the imminent passing of a beloved family goldfish

M

y goldfish is dying.

This may not strike you as the most urgent issue in the world—the one that should most compel me to put pen to paper—but, crucially, he is dying next to me right now, as I write this.

Which makes it rather hard to be objective about the situation.

He was initially relocated from the kitchen as a temporary measure, when my wife decreed that the persistent low buzz emanating from his air-pump was too much of a distraction while we were eating (I suspect she also felt uneasy consuming sushi in front of him).

Olly Mann presents Four Thought for BBC Radio 4, and the award-winning podcasts The Modern Mann and Answer Me This!

16 • OCTOBER 2021

Ever since, the fish and I have become closer; metaphorically but also literally, him being actually, proximally adjacent to me, in my home office, throughout the working day. The companionship of an aquarium cannot, perhaps, reasonably be compared to a cat or dog, but, honestly, he has kept me company. Some days—when the kids were back at school, but we were still technically in lockdown—he was the only creature I talked to.

I found myself caring for him a little more attentively: feeding him when he "asks" (there’s a nudgybobby thing he does); cleaning his tank with greater consideration for his stimulation (moving the miniature castle is a big day), and even listening to less vibrationcausing pop music (it turns out he’s a folkie).

Then, last week, without warning, illustration by Dom McKenzie

17

IT’S A MANN’S WORLD

he stopped swimming as spiritedly as usual, and sank to the bottom of the bowl. He did that tell-tale thing almost-dead goldfish often do, sort of bending in half, in suspended animation. Then he started sleeping upside down. That—even my two year-old son knew—was really not a good sign.

But then, the next morning— after a partial water change and a bit of fish-whispering—he bolted back into life! Maybe… he was just experimenting at sleeping upside down? Ah, no: the next evening, he reverted back to the Concerning Behaviour again. But look! Right now, he is once again swimming along happily! You don’t take a goldfish to the vet, do you? I mean, the signs are all there. He is, surely, about to pop his fins.

He’s had a reasonable innings, Mr Fish (yes, that’s his name, although quite possibly not "his" gender—it’s tricky to tell with goldfish). He’s been in the family since… well, it’s hard to be sure, because we didn’t exactly receive a birth certificate, but he definitely moved out of London with us in 2013 (memorably spending three months living 18 • OCTOBER 2021

on my parents’ washing machine), and lived with us for at least a couple of years before that, so he must be around ten.

According to the RSPCA, goldfish (which are categorised as "Companion Animals"—See! I’m not the only one!) can live “for an average of ten-15 years, with some varieties living up to 30 years when provided with proper care”). Ouch, that "proper care" stings a bit.

I mean, I’ve honestly tried my best.

Washing machine aside.

Other goldfish, anyway, have surely fared worse. Those that only survive a matter of days after being won at a funfair, or gifted as an ironic leaving present, or thrust into an unsuspecting toddler’s Christmas haul. But how would the RSPCA be able to track those? I reckon the true average is about two years.

In any case, a decade-ish lifespan makes Mr Fish the longest-lived of my goldfish, so I’m taking it as a win.

His predecessors only made it to two or three—and let’s gloss over the tankful of 30 (yes, 30) miniature tropical fish (tetras, frogs, baby sharks) that I once managed to massacre in one fell swoop, by taking a long weekend away and forgetting to feed them (truly

READER’S DIGEST

scarring scenes on my return. I’ve never visited Weymouth again.)

Mr Fish won’t be mourned like my cat Coco, who died last year after a 16-year stretch. I have fewer concerns, for example, about how to tell the children—I’m sure they can be easily distracted from their grief with some ice cream. But I can’t imagine myself just flushing him down the loo like I did our previous goldfish. At the very least, he deserves a garden burial (deep down enough that the current cat, Alvin, doesn’t dig him up).

I’ll miss him. It’s true that you can’t stroke a goldfish, or teach them tricks. Since they’re under water, you can’t even really hear them. You can’t even really get a true sight of

them, in the magnified curve of the goldfish bowl.

They are, primarily, ornamental pets. But, look: we surround ourselves with all kinds of aesthetically pleasing things—lamps, posters, cushions—and these trinkets are not derided, but celebrated, by our consumer culture, which wants to sell us ever more of them.

A living, breathing creature that brings beauty to our homes, and asks for nothing in return, apart from sustenance: what could be more wonderful than that?

So, goodbye, Mr Fish. Unless you bounce back again. In which case, sorry for the premature eulogy, and apologies for already choosing your replacement. n

Quiz: True or False?

1. You can sneeze in your sleep.

2. Waterloo has the greatest number of tube platforms in London.

3. Monaco is the smallest country in the world.

4. The River Seine in Paris is longer than the River Thames.

5. Bananas are curved because they grow upwards towards the sun.

6. Marrakech is the capital of Morocco.

Answers:1.True 2.True.3. False, the Vatican City is. 4.True, it's over 400km longer.

5.True. 6.False, Rabat is.

OCTOBER 2021 • 19

ENTERTAINMENT

20

Paul O’Grady: “I Feel Like I’ve Stepped Through The Looking Glass”

By Vicki Power

National treasure Paul O’Grady, 66, first stepped into the limelight as Lily Savage, his drag alter ego with towering curls and a cutting tongue. But 25 years later, he’s better known for his softer side. He spoke to us about love, loss and his soft spot for animals

P

aul O’Grady sounds bewildered as he discusses a career that’s propelled him from pub drag act to national treasure. In the 25-plus years since he first burst onto our TV screens as Lily Savage— the acid-tongued Scouser with a wig the size of the Liver Building— Paul has metamorphosed from flamboyant variety act to animal ambassador and elder statesman of light entertainment.

He’s recently returned to the shiny floor genre on ITV’s Paul O’Grady’s Saturday Night Line-Up, a chat-cumquiz show, and he’s about to film

a tenth series of the programme in which he dispenses love to unwanted canines, For the Love of Dogs.

It’s in the wee small hours at this farmhouse in Kent that Paul takes time to reflect on his journey. “It’s never ceased to amaze me, how I got here,” he says down the phone, in his nasal Birkenhead twang.

“Sometimes when you sit and have a think, as I do about three in the morning when I’m writing, I might make a cup of tea and I think, How weird: me arriving at Victoria Coach Station with hardly any money, to this. How did I get here?”

“I feel like I’ve stepped through the

INTERVIEW: PAUL O’GRADY

In drag as his legendary alter ego, Lily Savage

22 • OCTOBER 2021

hand, and you exude a warmth that makes everyone (and every pooch) in your radius feel good.

In the last decade O’Grady has become synonymous with Battersea Dogs Home thanks to the low-fi documentary series in which he checks in to the charity HQ and communes with the unwanted animals. With O’Grady at the helm, it’s proved a huge ratings hit for ITV, but Paul confesses, because of his love of dogs, he was ambivalent about doing the show when it was offered in 2012. “It was one in a series of treatments I’d been sent,” he said.

“And I just looked at it. I’d never gone into Battersea, because I know what I’m like [he’s ended up taking home

PA I M A G E S / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

looking glass, I really do. I never take it for granted.”

For someone who’s shinnied seemingly effortlessly up the showbusiness pole, TV personality Paul claims he’s largely devoid of ambition. “You know those people who get up each day and they’re like, ‘Right!’ And they do all their emails and they’re on the phone to their other agents,” he says. “I couldn’t be bothered. I’ve never had a plan. I had more ambition when I was starting out as Lily, but I think it was more enthusiasm than ambition.”

Of course, the whole not-havinga-plan approach can work out well when, like O’Grady, you’re the funniest person in the room, you can hold an audience in the palm of your

READER’S DIGEST

PA I M A G E S / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

Paul O’Grady with rescue dogs Razor, Moose and Dodger at London’s Battersea Park

2006 (they married several dogs while “I DID A SERIES in 2017), is overrun making the series].”

ABOUT ALPACAS with farm animals “But the six hours and pets: eight I was booked to LAST YEAR AND sheep, six chickens, do turned into six FELL IN LOVE five New Zealand months. Because WITH TWO OF pigs, four barn owls, of the budget, we’d three goats and all get involved, THEM. I CAN’T four dogs: Eddie, including the crew.

HELP MYSELF” Arfur, Conchita and We realised that Nancy, all adopted we were making from Battersea. something that is quite special. Ten He spends his days minding years later, here I am.”

It’s well known that Paul’s devotion this menagerie. When it’s lambing season, he’s been up to his elbows, to animals is not just confined to Herriot style, delivering them. When the small screen. He’s a Doctor lambs are orphaned, he moves Dolittle for the 21st century. The them into the house for hands-on smallholding in Kent he shares with parenting and bottle-feeding. husband Andre Portasio, a retired One wonders what his husband ballet dancer he started dating in OCTOBER 2021 • 23

INTERVIEW: PAUL O’GRADY

makes of the zoo-like conditions at home. “He used to be terrified of the animals at first,” guffaws O’Grady.

“The sheep scared the life out of him, but now you want to see him down the track, in the field. He’s embraced the countryside completely.”

“We’re talking about getting alpacas next. I did a series about alpacas last year [in Paul O’Grady’s Great British Escape] and went to an alpaca farm. I fell in love with two of them. I can’t help myself.”

Now Paul has parlayed this animal madness into his first novel, for children, after four well-received 24 • OCTOBER 2021

memoirs. Eddie Albert and the Amazing Animal Gang centres on a boy who can talk to animals. “That’s his talent, but it’s a talent that he is not proud of,” explains Paul. “Because like a lot of children, he doesn’t want to stand out and be seen as the oddball. So he keeps it very much to himself, he’s quite embarrassed about it.” Eddie is sent to Amsterdam to live for a few months with his eccentric Aunt Budge and learns to embrace his special gift.

It’s a charming and well-written novel for ten-year-olds, although O’Grady says he wrote it largely for his own amusement during

PA I M A G E S / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

Paul O’Grady with rescue dog Charlie, a Staffordshire bull terrier at Battersea Dogs Home

READER’S DIGEST

lockdown—he hadn’t necessarily planned to get it published. “It sort of started about four years ago,” he says. “I thought, I’m going to write a kids’ book. Anyway, this thing was 95,000 words and convoluted, so I had a word with a few publishers, who liked the characters but said it was way too long.”

“So I abandoned ship, to tell you the truth. And then in lockdown, I picked up the characters again and wrote a completely different story about them. I gave a draft to my manager and he loved it.” Two more Eddie Albert books are planned: one set in the nearby Romney Marshes

and another in India.

His main character, Eddie, lives with his widowed father; his mother has died. Loss is a theme with which O’Grady is painfully familiar: he lost family members young, followed by numerous friends from AIDS in the Eighties. His former boyfriend and manager, Brendan Murphy, died of a brain tumour in 2005, and more recently his close friends Jackie Collins (in September 2015) and Cilla Black the month before that.

He was “destroyed”, he said, by Black’s sudden death from a stroke.

“I’ve had loads of loss,” he says, turning the subject into a joke.

OCTOBER 2021 • 25

INTERVIEW: PAUL O’GRADY

“My producer at Radio 2 calls me The Grim Reaper. When he was in hospital he said, ‘If Paul O’Grady turns up, please don’t let him in!’

Yeah, my father died when I was 17 and a cousin died in a terrible road crash when I was about seven. And that was on Bonfire Night, so we never celebrated.”

He explains that a US drama he’s been watching, Pose—about the LGBT drag scene in New York in the AIDS era—is bringing back to him the emotional tsunami he endured in London around that same time, when he was doing drag as Lily Savage.

“Watching it kills me,” he says of Pose, serious again. “I don’t know why I put myself through it 26 • OCTOBER 2021

because I was there. In the Eighties.

I lost so many friends. If I wasn’t at a hospital, I was at a funeral, or clearing a flat and trying to explain [what happened] to parents who didn’t even know their son was gay, let alone a drag queen. I watch it and it kills me.”

He’s nostalgic for the drag scene of 40 years ago, though. “I sort of miss all that banter and buying the wigs from Hairaisers, feathers from Miss Rule, Mini Diamond in Berwick Street with all the jewellery,” he says fondly. “The drag scene now, it’s different. The whole attitude, it’s quite American now. English drag had a whiff of musical hall and variety. We had really great drag comics and all that in our time and

W E N N R I G H T S LT D / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

Paul O’Grady and friend Cilla Black

READER’S DIGEST

Downing Street flat. “How much more can you rub our faces in it? Lily is simmering inside me, desperate to get out with her opinions,” he says with a rueful chuckle. “She could say things I never could, really.”

“I LOST SO MANY FRIENDS IN THE EIGHTIES. IF I WASN’T AT A HOSPITAL, I WAS AT A FUNERAL OR CLEARING A FLAT” now they’re gone.”

He says there’s no chance he’d revive Lily Savage, whom he retired in 2005. “She’d be livid at the way things are going,” he says, going into a mini-rant about child poverty in the UK juxtaposed by the recent news that Boris Johnson spent £100,000 on two paintings for the

We ease off politics, for no other reason than it’s probably not healthy to get O’Grady’s blood boiling. It feels little short of miraculous that he’s still here, having defied the angel of death after suffering heart attacks in 2002, 2006 and 2014. Claiming “dodgy tickers” run in his family, he’s fatalistic about his prospects. “There’s nothing I can do about it,” he says.

“But I’d rather live my life to the full than sitting at home. My cardiologist is amazed I’m still standing.”

Paul admits he was thrilled after a recent heart check-up gave him a clean bill of health, allowing him to continue working at a decent lick. “There was talk of getting me a pacemaker,” he explains. “My cardiologist thought I should have one, so he sent me to the specialist.

I had the ECG and all that business, but the specialist said, ‘You don’t need the pacemaker. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.’ I was delighted, absolutely delighted.

I don’t feel ready to retire.” n Eddie Albert and the Amazing Animal Gang: The Amsterdam Adventure is published on September 16, 2021 in hardback (Harper Collins, £12.99) OCTOBER 2021 • 27

ENTERTAINMENT

28

Kim Wilde

I REMEMBER… Singer Kim Wilde came to fame in 1981 with "Kids in America" and this year celebrates 40 years in showbusiness. She looks back at growing up as the daughter of rock 'n' roll star Marty, those 1980s hits and her second career as a gardener THE VERY FIRST THING I REMEMBER IS THE SNOW OF 1962. It came just after Christmas and covered everything for quite some time. I was two years old, looking at the snow through the window of our South East London home and absolutely loving it. Ever since then I always get excited when the first drop of snow falls at © SEAN K VINCENT FAMILY PHOTOS COURTESY OF KIM WILDE

Christmas, not that it happens too often anymore.

MUM USED TO TAKE ME TO A SHOP CALLED CLOBBER in Blackheath, which was Jeff Banks’ first shop and was frequented by Sandie Shaw and Cilla Black. The staff would look after me while Mum was trying on mini dresses with her big false eyelashes and lovely dark hair—that’s when I fell in love with fashion.

OCTOBER 2021 • 29

AS A CHILD I HAD A VERY STRONG SENSE OF MY DESTINY. From a very young age I was just certain I’d have a career in music because it was the thing that hit me in my heart and my soul. I vividly recall at age eight falling in love with Cilla Black’s "Anyone Who Had A Heart" when I heard it on the radio and thinking, Wow, music is where I belong.

I LOVED WATCHING MY DAD [MARTY WILDE] PERFORM FROM THE SIDE OF THE STAGE, seeing him entertain audiences. I’d known he was famous from seeing him on our black-and-white TV. It’s funny, though, because when you’re young you just take everything at face value 30 • OCTOBER 2021

so it was like, "Dad’s famous and he’s on TV sometimes" but we knew him as that lovely man sitting on the sofa with his big hands playing the guitar.

BEFORE THE SINGING CAREER TOOK OFF I did a number of jobs with my friend Clare, who is still my best friend. We worked in a shop and a pub for a bit. I also worked at Lister Hospital one summer as a cleaner.

I was young, adaptable, took on

READER’S DIGEST

anything, and I loved getting a pay cheque and being able to go and buy myself a piece of jewellery.

I GOT INTO ART AT SECONDARY SCHOOL. I did art A-level at sixth form and a foundation course which included painting and drawing. But it all fell away pretty quickly because shortly after that my dad and my brother Ricky wrote "Kids In America" for me. I’d done some sessions singing and I assumed that would be my path rather than being a popstar, then I recorded that song and the rest, as they say, is history.

DOING TOP OF THE POPS FOR THE FIRST TIME WAS AMAZING. Madness were there and I was a huge fan. They looked like a bit of a scary

bunch; they were such a tough lot that they scared the wits out of me. There was I, the Hertfordshire country girl singing "Kids in America" and I thought, They’re gonna hate me, but they were very sweet, with lots of cheeky smiles. People said afterwards, "You were so cool" but actually I was terrified because I’d been watching Top of the Pops since I was eight or nine years old. It was overwhelming in every sense of the word.

I NEVER TOOK THE WHOLE SEX SYMBOL THING SERIOUSLY but I was over the moon when they started OCTOBER 2021 • 31

putting me on the cover of Smash Hits because I’d been buying the magazine for some time. I couldn’t believe it; in fact, I’ve still got all those issues. The stripey T-shirt, dinner jacket and jeans combination was inspired by Elvis Presley in "Jailhouse Rock". The T-shirt was lent to me by a friend and she never saw it again! But I didn’t play up the so-called sultry image.

For me it was all about making great music.

WHEN I WAS IN LOS ANGELES promoting "You Keep Me Hangin’ On" in 1986 I was shellshocked to see Prince backstage, because he was such a tiny man. I think we said 32 • OCTOBER 2021

a quick "Hello" but I never got to chat to him. As for that promo tour, I loved flying in and out of cities over there to do radio shows. I went with [my brother] Ricky and we had a blast. Then, when we got back to England the song went to number one in the States and [co-writer] Lamont Dozier sent us a telemessage to say congratulations.

I still have it framed on my desk in my office.

READER’S DIGEST

I TOURED WITH MICHAEL JACKSON on his Bad tour in 1988 but I only met him once, when we did a publicity photo. I was surprised by how tall he was but he seemed so fragile. I felt like you could blow and he’d fall over. He was very polite, kind and sweet but I only spent those few moments with him.

JUST BEFORE I GOT MARRIED I’D stepped out of the music industry.

I was a bit bored and needed new challenges. It was a relief to walk away from a career that had dominated my life to become a wife and mum [to husband Hal Fowler and their children Harry and Rose].

I met Hal when we both appeared in

the musical Tommy and it was pretty much love at first sight. It all happened very quickly and the children were and still are my main focus in life. I’m so proud of them.

Rose is studying psychology to become a counsellor and Harry is an amazing singer-songwriter.

MY LOVE OF GARDENING STARTED OUT AS A NECESSITY because after we had children we didn’t have a garden, just a bit of grass out the back, and it grew into a passion. I went to horticultural college for a while in the early 2000s; I ended up doing some garden telly which was really fun, then music called me back and I realised how OCTOBER 2021 • 33

much I loved it. But gardening hasn’t gone away. I still do consultations and I did a few gardens during lockdown for friends.

I WAS RELUCTANT TO DO THE RETRO TOUR CIRCUIT. I didn’t feel ready to revisit the 1980s hits but I was asked to go on the Here and Now tour in 2001 with some of my heroes and I thought, Why not?

I’ll go on tour with a bunch of 1980s artists, come back home and forget about it. But I was amazed at the reaction from audiences. I could understand why they’d been interested in a 21-year-old singer fresh out of art college but I didn’t think they’d be interested in seeing a mum of two 20 years later, but there they were.

34 • OCTOBER 2021

IN 2009 I WAS OUT IN THE GARDEN AND SAW SOME INCREDIBLE LIGHTS, which actually got reported in the local newspaper. It was an astonishing sphere in the sky—static and silent, then it moved very quickly, and a smaller one joined it. I’ve been looking at the stars since watching the 1969 moon landing on TV. There’s so much energy and stuff going on out there and it thrills me to think about

it. I’ve not had another close encounter but I’m always looking up.

WORKING WITH BOY GEORGE ON MY NEW ALBUM has been the icing on the cake. It’s a greatest hits compilation with some new tracks, including "Shine On" which he and I recorded together. I’ve met him many times over the years and there’s always been a good feeling and spirit between us, but I’d forgotten how garrulous he is. He has so many stories and he’s very wise. He’s like a little Buddha.

TURNING 60 LAST YEAR FELT LIKE A MILESTONE, or at least everyone reminded me that it was. But I was in lockdown so I just celebrated it with my husband and family. I had a lot of

attention via the post and messages, and I felt very loved and valued. I’m not big on parties. By the time you’ve said hello to everyone you’re starting to say goodbye, so I was happy it was a quiet one. As for work, I’ve often said to my husband over the years, "When do you think life might slow down?" but it never has and I don’t know if it ever will. We just seem to be whirlwinds, the pair of us. n As told to Simon Button Pop Don’t Stop: The Greatest Hits is out now as a two-CD compilation and a seven-disc collector’s edition.

Tickets for Kim’s 2022 tour are available through kimwilde.com OCTOBER 2021 • 35

36

HEALTH

How

Insomnia& Depression Are Linked The good news is that treating one can improve both

by Lisa Fields

37

A

few months into the pandemic, Héctor González*, 57, visited the Álava Reyes Psychology Centre in Madrid. He had developed insomnia in response to the widespread fear and uncertainty of the virus.

According to the centre’s director, psychologist María Jesús Álava Reyes, the corporate executive would fall asleep easily at bedtime but awaken two or three hours later with worrisome thoughts that kept him restless. Eventually he’d nod off, then arise for the day two hours early, preoccupied with negative thoughts.

Over time, the lack of sleep soured his mood and his ability to function.

“Insomnia produced very high levels of anxiety, which led to frequent frustration, and a weariness that ended up leading to depression”, says Álava Reyes about González.

Thomas Müller-Rörich, who lives 38 • OCTOBER 2021

near Stuggart, Germany, fell into a depression while visiting Sardinia with his family back in 1992, when he was 38. Thomas found himself inexplicably unhappy, irritable, and tense. He yelled at his children for playing noisily and picked fights with his wife over nothing.

After returning home, his mood didn’t lift; he lost his appetite and couldn’t concentrate at the electrical engineering firm that he ran. Two years later, he was formally diagnosed with depression. Shortly thereafter he began experiencing insomnia, awakening at 4am with anxious feelings that prevented him from falling back asleep, which was making it even harder for him to be productive during the day.

“The combination of depression and insomnia definitely made things worse”, says Müller-Rörich, who is

All illustrations:©OllyKava/istock/getty images plus

HOW INSOMNIA AND DEPRESSION ARE LINKED

READER’S DIGEST

now 67. He adds: “I felt empty and numb, that everything I had done in life was wrong.”

It’s becoming increasingly clear that insomnia and depression are linked. A widely cited 2011 meta-analysis from researchers in Freiburg, Germany, showed that insomnia doubles the risk of developing depression compared with those who have no sleep difficulties. And in 2020, follow-up research found that the conditions have a bi-directional relationship, and that early treatment for insomnia may help to prevent depression, although more study is needed.

Both insomnia and depression affect many across Europe. Between six and ten per cent of European adults have chronic insomnia, the most common sleeping disorder.

About four per cent of adults experience depression, the second most common mental health disorder in Europe. And some people, including Thomas MüllerRörich and Héctor González, experience both simultaneously.

“Sleep disorders and depression often occur together,” says psychotherapist and somnologist Dr Hans-Günter Weess, head of the Interdisciplinary Sleep Centre of Pfalzklinikum in Klingenmünster, Germany. “Up to 80 per cent of depressions are accompanied by sleep disorders. They’re like siblings.”

And about half of people with

insomnia report symptoms of depression. “Their risk of developing depression is up to three times higher, compared with people without sleep disorders", he adds.

Both conditions can negatively affect health: people with chronic insomnia are more likely to have weaker immune systems and get sick more often, and they’re at greater risk of high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, and heart disease. People with chronic depression are more likely to experience stress, chronic pain, or weight gain, and they may also be at the risk of misusing drugs or alcohol.

WITH CHRONIC INSOMNIA, YOU FEEL HELPLESS, WHICH IS TYPICAL OF DEPRESSION, TOO People may not always know which came first, insomnia or depression, but it isn’t necessary to be sure. Research shows that treating one condition may improve symptoms of both.

“It’s not so much a case of the chicken or the egg, what caused what,” says Dr Dan Chisholm, programme manager on mental health for the World Health OCTOBER 2021 • 39

HOW INSOMNIA AND DEPRESSION ARE LINKED

Organisation’s European office in Copenhagen. Chisholm adds: “The things that might help are going to help both of those conditions.”

Why insomnia may increase the risk of depression People with insomnia may have trouble shutting down their minds when it's bedtime.

“They have very frequent, brief wake-reactions all the time”, says Dieter Riemann, head of clinical psychophysiology at Freiburg University’s Medical Centre and founder of the European Insomnia Network. Reimann co-authored the 2011 and 2020 studies mentioned earlier. “Usually, if you’re a good sleeper, your whole brain and all relevant brain centres go into a sleep state. We assume that in insomnia, some parts of the brain do not sleep as deeply.”

TECHNIQUES SUCH AS PHYSICAL AND MENTAL RELAXATION & THOUGHT-STOPPING, CAN HELP Repeatedly losing sleep this way can affect your mood. “In your waking hours, you’re more likely to 40 • OCTOBER 2021

be irritable, a bit exhausted, a bit less likely to want to interact socially", says Dr Chisholm.

If you find yourself staring at the clock all night, panicking that you’ll be a wreck tomorrow, you may feel powerless to help yourself. “We want to have control over everything, but you can’t control your sleep; sleep is involuntary”, Riemann says. “Chronic insomnia means feeling helpless. And feeling helpless is a common feature of depression.”

Why depression may increase the risk of insomnia One classic symptom of depression is altered sleep habits. Many people with depression experience insomnia as a matter of course.

“Often, depression is diagnosed through a checklist, and that includes sleeplessness as well as irritability, feelings of sadness and so on,” says Dr Chisholm. “There’s a clear relationship, in that sense, between depression and one of its underlying symptoms.”

Sometimes, traumatic life circumstances elicit such strong responses that people may suffer from both depression and insomnia.

“Someone may be in a state of psychological grief or stress that causes depression symptoms and insomnia symptoms, says Dr Alexander Sweetman, a research associate who studies insomnia at

READER’S DIGEST

Flinders University in the Australian city of Adelaide.

“The pandemic has led to an increase of mental health problems covering depression and insomnia,” Riemann adds. “It’s fear-associated: Can I get infected? The lockdown. The social consequences. The economic consequences. And many people have worked from their home, so the structure of their lives was altered.”

Treatments are available for both conditions Coping with insomnia or depression by itself may seem draining; having both problems simultaneously may feel like a great challenge. But there are many resources to help you find

relief. Whenever possible, it's important to seek treatment for both conditions.

“If you have severe depression coupled with insomnia, you should not neglect the insomnia”, Riemann advises. “Many doctors will say, ‘OK, I’ll give you a sleeping pill for a week or so.’ But there’s no special attention paid to it. It’s good to have an eye on both.”

Treatments for one condition may help to alleviate both, but this isn’t always the case. This is why doctors recommend treating both insomnia and depression, if you realise that you have both conditions. If you don’t realise that you have both, treating one disorder may still help.

Experts recommend these following treatments: ✦ Catch insomnia early. The 2011 German study suggests insomnia may be an early sign of depression, and that people with chronic insomnia may inadvertently double their risk of developing depression.

“There is some evidence that identifying and treating insomnia symptoms early can reduce depression symptoms and also prevent them from becoming worse in the future”, Dr Sweetman makes sure to confirm.

OCTOBER 2021 • 41

HOW INSOMNIA AND DEPRESSION ARE LINKED

✦ Make lifestyle changes. Modest changes may reduce depression risk and protect against insomnia.

“You don’t need to rush off to see a specialist; some people might end up there, but there are other things we can do to take care of ourselves,” says Dr Chisholm. “Physical exercise is very important for good sleep and protective against depression, as are healthy eating habits and staying off alcohol. Make sure you stay active and go back to the things that interest you and give you pleasure.”

Opening up to a trusted friend about your struggles with insomnia or a depressed mood may help. “This

OLDER ADULTS: IS IT DEPRESSION? It may be difficult for older adults to recognise that they’re depressed.

Many people equate depression with a constant feeling of sadness, but some older adults don’t have this experience. Instead, they feel more tired, irritable, or restless than usual. They may have trouble making decisions, or feel unmotivated to follow their daily routine. They may also experience difficulty thinking clearly or concentrating. Fortunately, seeking treatment can alleviate these symptoms.

42 • OCTOBER 2021

can often be very therapeutic in its own way”, Dr Chisholm says. He adds: “If there are still issues, then you might need, and want, to seek help from a health professional.” ✦ Limit sleep medication. Sleeping pills should be taken only for a short time, if at all, because you may develop a dependence. Plus, the medicine won’t address underlying causes of your insomnia. “A hypnotic works well in the short term,” says Riemann, but it doesn’t do anything to address sleep issues in a sustained way. He adds: "It only helps you when you take it.”

✦ Seek cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I).

Learning techniques to help you sleep more effectively may help with both insomnia and depression.

The European Sleep Research Society recommends CBT-I for adults with chronic insomnia.

“Studies show that CBT-I for insomnia not only improves sleeplessness, it also helps those patients with depression as well,” says Dr Weess, a board member of the German Sleep Society. “Specific behavioural therapy techniques such as thought-stopping, and physical and mental relaxation techniques, have a positive effect on both disorders.”

Therapists who administer CBT-I may suggest that you stop napping,

READER’S DIGEST

create a calming bedtime routine, avoid looking at the clock while you’re in bed, use your bed only for sleep and sex, get out of bed to read or do something relaxing if you can’t fall asleep, and always get up at the same time each morning.

After Héctor González from Madrid sought help for his insomnia and depression, his therapist recommended that he shower and read in the evening, instead of watching television. He was advised that if he awoke in the middle of the night and didn’t fall asleep within 15 minutes, he should go into another room and read. He also began taking anti-anxiety medication.

“As soon as he managed to have restful sleep, in parallel he started to decrease his anxiety levels, and in a few weeks he overcame his depressive crisis,” Álava Reyes says.

“It was very clear to him that the key to his recovery was through eventually overcoming his insomnia.” ✦ Consider therapy and antidepressants. For depression coupled with insomnia, going for talk therapy and taking antidepressants may improve both conditions.

“Sedative antidepressants taken in the evening have proven to be effective in the treatment of depression with insomnia", he says.

Not all antidepressants have the same impact on insomnia. The most common type of antidepressant,

selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), may cause sleep problems in some people.

“Some of them may induce insomnia, maybe in 20 to 30 per cent of subjects,” Riemann points out. “You shouldn’t take these drugs at night.

Take them in the morning so that there’s not so much effect on sleep.”

Thomas Müller-Rörich of Germany found relief from his depression and insomnia after getting psychoanalysis and taking antidepressants and sleeping pills. He experienced insomnia and depression once more in the early 2000s but recovered again with the help of doctors and medication. He was so pleased by these interventions that he cofounded the German Depression League in 2009, so that more people would know that help is available.

“I was happy to see that depression—and insomnia—are treatable,” Müller-Rörich says.

“I became myself again, was able to show my love for my family, and enjoyed work.”

If you’re experiencing insomnia and depression, struggling with sleep and with your emotions, it doesn’t matter which problem developed first; seek treatment from your doctor and know that the self-care tips listed above can also be of help in getting you towards a place of recovery and renewed health.

And as Dr Chisholm says, “Things can and do get better.” n OCTOBER 2021 • 43

5 POST-

PANDEMIC PROBLEMS

AND HOW TO FIX THEM FOR GOOD In the year and a halfplus since COVID restrictions began, the virus has taken a toll on our health and wellbeing, even if we haven’t had it Problem 1: weight gain Recent research from Public Health England (PHE) revealed that 40 per cent of adults have piled on the pounds—half a stone, on average— during the pandemic, thanks to all that snacking and comfort eating.

The fix Losing weight takes a lot of will power but small changes can make a big difference. Start by swapping sugary drinks for water or stopping putting sugar in tea or coffee.

PHE has launched a Better Health campaign, which includes a weight loss app featuring a 12-week plan.

44

HEALTH Problem 2: constipation Lockdown eating also turned the UK into constipation nation. Spending more time sitting down, less time getting out and about, plus COVID stress didn’t help matters.

The fix Drink plenty of fluids and spend as little time sitting as possible.

Now’s the time to enjoy autumnal walks. Include plenty of fibre in your diet in the form of wholegrains, oats, nuts, beans and lentils, and, of course, fruit and vegetables.

Problem 3: insomnia Months of pandemic restrictions have taken their toll on our sleep patterns. Sleeping too much or too little, nightmares, having trouble dropping off, misuse of sleeping tablets—doctors even have an umbrella term for these problems: COVID-somnia.

The fix Good sleep hygiene can be a big help during times of stress. Even small tweaks such as documenting your worries in a journal, turning off all screens one hour before bed and taking regular exercise can help.

Problem 4: maskne Acne and other rashes caused by wearing a mask have led to another new COVID word. According to the British Skin Foundation, a mask rubbing against your face can cause redness, flakiness, peeling skin and

even sores, while the humid conditions behind your face covering can cause pores to block, triggering acne.

The fix Apply emollient to combat friction and opt for soft fabrics like cotton for masks rather than harsh synthetic fibres. Use a gentle facial cleanser, which should ideally contain salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide which can alleviate acne. Avoid wearing make-up under your mask.

Problem 5: COVID back Too much working from home on a laptop can lead to strain on your shoulders and upper back. Given it’s so easy to stay in the same position for hours on end without having to walk to work or visit colleagues’ desks, is a bad back any surprise?

The fix Turn your laptop into a desktop by raising it to eye level and using a separate mouse and keyboard. Have frequent small breaks where you get up and move around.

For more weekly health tips and stories, sign up to our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk Susannah Hickling is twice winner of the Guild of Health Writers Best Consumer Magazine Health Feature OCTOBER 2021 • 45

H E A LT H

Healthier Ready Meals Around 88 per cent of people in the UK eat ready meals or ready-to-cook foods. All too often they’re not as nutritious as they could be, so here are some ideas for making convenience foods as healthy as home cooking Only buy things you don’t have time to make Ideally, of course, you’d make all your meals from scratch, using fresh ingredients, but life isn’t like that, so if you need to save time try to make sure that as few elements of your meal as possible are pre-prepared.

Buy two meals at a time That ready-roasted chicken can be the principal ingredient for your Caesar salad the next day. Or make twice as much packet couscous as you need for your evening meal and pick up some veg and feta cheese for a lunchtime Mediterranean salad.

Always think veg Make it a reflex always to incorporate 46 • OCTOBER 2021

vegetables in your meals, whether it’s a pre-packed cut salad or frozen peas.

And you can make a very quick, healthy salad from a tin of mixed beans—just drain off the water, add a bit of chopped spring onion and a dribble of olive oil and make sure not to forget some balsamic vinegar.

Go for sushi Sushi is low in fat and if you don’t fancy raw fish, you can get cooked fish or vegetarian sushi.

Have an indoor picnic No prep necessary with this one beyond cutting slices off a loaf of fresh bread and laying out some slices of cooked turkey, some low-fat cheese, cherry tomatoes, pre-sliced red peppers and mini carrots.

Steer clear of the mayo Any pasta salad or sandwiches that are awash with mayonnaise are to be avoided—it’s essentially egg and oil and is high in calories.

Select soups carefully Ready-made soups made with vegetables—such as lentil or minestrone—are better for you than meat-based broths, as less fat is added. Shun cheesy or creamy soups, such as cream of asparagus, and aim for soup made with vegetable stock, or even chicken stock. n

Ask The Expert: Breast Cancer

Dr Sileidia Oliveros is a clinical oncologist specialising in breast, and head and neck cancers at private cancer care provider GenesisCare

Why did you decide to become a breast cancer specialist?

I’ve always had a special interest in breast cancer. From the scientific point of view, it’s diverse and ranges from a very indolent condition to sometimes, sadly, a very aggressive disease. There are so many treatment options and I feel privileged to have witnessed improvements in survival in my career.

What are the main risk factors for developing breast cancer?

Some are within our control, such as obesity, sedentary lifestyle, high alcohol consumption or taking female hormones for long periods. Others are ungovernable, such as our genetic make-up, high breast-tissue density or age—women at age 50 or over are at highest risk.

What signs and symptoms should people look out for?

It’s important to look out for any changes such as a lump, but also swelling, redness, change in size or shape, nipple inversion, discharge, a rash or crusting, skin puckering or dimpling. Persistent pain in the breast

or armpit can also be symptoms.

Make sure to regularly examine your breasts and report any concerns to your GP. How can women reduce their chances of breast cancer?

Keeping active, limiting alcohol and unhealthy foods, and not smoking can all help reduce the risk. If there is a family history of breast cancer, then it’s also important to discuss this with your doctor, adapting screening or arranging gene testing if appropriate.

What are the most exciting new developments in detection and treatment?

More advanced diagnostic tests such as tomosynthesis or contrast imaging have improved early detection. At GenesisCare we have introduced One Stop Breast Clinics using advanced technology with direct consultant access to be able to reassure women appropriately or expedite diagnosis and treatment. Chemotherapy treatment options, accurate and advanced radiotherapy techniques, and anti-oestrogen treatment have all contributed to better survival rates. n OCTOBER 2021 • 47

HEALTH

The Real NHS A trip to A&E showed Dr Max what really matters for patients

O

ne day a few years ago I made the sudden, unexpected and rather unpleasant transition from doctor to patient.

The previous day, everything had been fine, but little did I know that the meal I’d eaten that evening would be the last I’d have for nearly two weeks. When I woke up in the morning I went to get a glass of water. Still half asleep, I stood in the kitchen and took a gulp.

As I swallowed there was a sharp, excruciating pain across my chest and the water shot back out of my mouth. The pain was so severe Max is a hospital doctor, author and columnist. He currently works full time in mental health for the NHS. His new book, The Marvellous Adventure of Being Human, is out now

48 • OCTOBER 2021

I actually looked down at my chest to see if something had stabbed me.

Nothing. I tried again and the same thing happened, only this time the pain was so much that it bent me double and brought tears to my eyes.

I wondered what this could be and decided it was best to just ignore it.

By the end of the day I still hadn’t been able to swallow anything and even swallowing saliva brought on the pain. I went to bed that evening, thirsty and hungry but concluding that whatever it was would go by the morning. It didn’t. By the next evening, I was rushed into hospital.

What would follow was a fascinating experience into what it is really like to be on the receiving end of the NHS. My overall feeling was that the care I received was excellent. In A&E I was seen promptly, it was clean and efficient and I was immediately placed on a drip to address my dehydration. I was hooked up to monitors, blood taken, results

that the attitude of the staff took discussed, a bed found, scans on an immense importance. There arranged. Within a few hours was the phlebotomist who said she I was up on a ward. An emergency wouldn’t take my blood because I’d operation was arranged while been sent at the wrong time and she they did further investigations and was on her break and I had to plead I was started on a wild concoction of with her until she eventually relented medication which meant I was now and, tutting, vindictively stabbed able to swallow small amounts of me in the arm with her needle. A water. I decided that I would be best grumpy receptionist brought me off at home and so I was discharged close to tears. A radiologist snapped to have the outstanding tests and at me when I turned round to answer scans as an outpatient over the next a question as I was few days. having my chest x-rayed.

My GP telephoned me knowing what was each day, saw me within ON PAPER, MY Not happening or why, being a few hours if I needed it and generally I felt as EXPERIENCE talked about when I was standing there, or worse, though everyone had my WAS THE people talking about best interests at heart. I their holiday to each was pleasantly surprised MODEL OF while performing by the efficiency that EFFICIENCY IN other intimate procedures had everything was done far more of an impact with. On paper, my THE NHS on me than dust on experience was the the skirting board or model of efficiency in having to wait. Conversely, there the NHS. But what I soon learned was a kindly volunteer who found was that, as a patient, the things me looking lost and personally took that managers and politicians me to the doctor I was supposed to concern themselves with such as be seeing. I can’t remember what waiting times or how often the floor the doctor said, but I’ll never forget is cleaned or discharge rates is the volunteer. The nurse who took only part of the experience which my hand as I was having a scope put contributes to the care one receives. down my throat and I was gagging; Something I hadn’t appreciated the porter who went to extraordinary was how scary it is being a patient. lengths to get me a blanket when Long friendless corridors and impersonal waiting rooms combined I was cold—it was these tiny and insignificant but valuable things that with the creeping feeling that this made all the difference. n was possibly quite serious meant OCTOBER 2021 • 49

HEALTH

The Doctor Is In Dr Max Pemberton Q: Dear Dr Max, I am an avid reader of your column which is useful and interesting. I am 85 years old and have a condition of flowing nose when I go out for a walk in cold weather. I do not have symptoms of common cold. Is there a treatment for this?

- Ant, 85 A: Thank you for your letter and your kind comments, Ant. I’m so pleased to hear you find this column useful.

What you describe is actually very, very common for people, especially as they get older. It is called “coldinduced rhinitis” and it affects between 50-90 per cent of all people to a greater or lesser extent. It’s also sometimes called “skier’s nose”, because sometimes skiers complain about it when they are on the slopes.

To understand what’s happening, we first need to understand a bit about the nose. Our nose is very vascular—which means it contains a lot of small blood vessels. The reason for this is as we inhale through our nostrils, the air flows over this bed of blood vessels and is warmed and moisturised.

50 • OCTOBER 2021

This prevents cold, dry air from entering the lungs which would irritate the delicate cells lining the lungs. It needs to heat the air to around 26 to 30 degrees, which is quite a task. When it encounters very cold, dry air, it triggers sensors in the nose to send a signal to the brain to increase the amount of blood flow to the nose. It does this by dilating those small blood vessels in the back of the nose. It is also triggered to produce more secretions so that it can moisturise the air better—sometimes though it over-compensates, especially in very cold, dry environments, and so the excess secretions become a runny nose.

To make matters worse, the cold dry air also triggers special immune cells called mast cells. Runny noses are uncomfortable and annoying but don’t usually require medical attention. Just carrying tissues should be enough, or decongestant nasal spray can help to restrict nose vessels. n Got a health question for our resident doctor? Email it confidentially to askdrmax@ readersdigest.co.uk illustration by Javier Muñoz

HEALTH

How To Have A Famously Good Memory Try these “as-seen-on-TV” techniques from our memory expert, Jonathan Hancock “Can I Improve My Memory?” is a question that I’m asked almost every day. It’s also the name of the latest TV show I worked on, in which five celebrities tried out memoryimprovement techniques—each of them for a particular, personal reason.

Dance legend Len Goodman, for example, wanted to keep his mental skills as supple as his physical ones, even though he’s well into his seventies. TV presenter Anna Richardson talked about beating “menopause brain”. And Chris Eubank hoped he could keep his memory fighting fit, despite the punishment his brain took during his boxing career.

By accepting the challenge, all five contestants had already taken the vital first step to getting better memories. What the show did next was to give them practical ways to do so. And then (thanks to some fiendish questions from me!) it tested how much they’d improved as a result.

No spoilers… but I can report that all five contestants recorded some truly incredible feats of recall—when they put their minds to it. And some good news for everyone: the most effective 52 • OCTOBER 2021

strategy was one that can be mastered in minutes.

You start by picking a place you know well, then split it into ten spaces in your “mind’s eye”: ten rooms in a building, say, or ten spots within a single room. Then, you can take a list like the one below, give each item on it a memorable image, and picture a pair of these images in each of the ten spaces you chose.

The 20 Most-Watched World Sports 1. Football 2. Basketball 3. Tennis 4. Cricket 5. F1 6. Baseball 7. Athletics 8. American Football 9. Boxing 10. Golf 11. Ice Hockey 12. Volleyball 13. Badminton 14. Cycling 15. Rugby 16. Swimming 17. Mixed Martial Arts 18. Snooker 19. Moto GP 20. Hockey So, in your imagination there could be a well-known football player heading basketballs against your front door. The hallway could be a tennis court, with a giant cricket bat for a net.

And is that an F1 car full of baseballs racing through the kitchen door… ?

When you’ve visualised all ten pairs in place, you should be able to walk back through this “memory palace,” and use the clues you left there to reel off all 20 sports with confidence.

Then, you’ll need to keep using your memory actively, and applying it to information that matters to you. But soon you too will have your answer to that question in the title—and it will be an emphatic “Yes”! n

SUPPORT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM

†

Immunace® was developed over 20 years ago by Vitabiotics’ experts.

It was one of the first immune health supplements to pioneer the inclusion of vitamin D for the immune system.

Immunace® Original includes 24 vitamins and nutrients. †With vitamins D, C, zinc and selenium which contribute to the normal function of your immune system.

Immunace® Extra Protection is our advanced formula with the benefits of Immunace® Original, extra vitamin D and more.

with 10mcg

vitamin D

ORIGINAL

EXTRA PROTECTION

The UK Department of Health recommends that all adults should consider taking a daily supplement containing 10mcg of vitamin D, particularly in Autumn and Winter, as found in Immunace Original.

2021-08-17_ADIMMCONP_E

Britain’s No.1 Vitamin Company* *Source: Nielsen GB ScanTrack Total Coverage Value and Unit Retail Sales 52 w/e 17 July 2021. To verify contact Vitabiotics Ltd, 1 Apsley Way, London, NW2 7HF.

From , Superdrug, Holland & Barrett, supermarkets, chemists, health stores www.immunace.com

54

illustration by mydeadpony

? ? ??? ? ? ??? ? DO ? ? ? ? ? I ?

KNOW? ? ? ?Y OU ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ??

HEALTH

Despite my face blindness, I have learned to navigate the world

By Sadie Dingfelder

From Washington Post

55

DO I KNOW YOU ?

In 2013, I was four months into my job

“Oh, right!” I said, hoping that Holley assumed I’d merely gotten their names mixed up. In reality, I was convinced that they were the same person.

A few years later, I was trailing behind my husband, Steve, in a supermarket when he grabbed a jar of own-brand peanut butter from a shelf. I plucked it out of our cart and examined the label.

“Since when do you buy generic?”, I demanded.

Steve jumped back, his eyes wide with fear and surprise. It was an expression unlike anything I’d seen cross my husband’s face—because, I realised, this man was definitely not my husband.

56 • OCTOBER 2021

Two years ago, I found out that I have a rare neurological disorder known as prosopagnosia, or face blindness. This discovery sent me on a journey that I thought would be a lark. After all, I’m a happy, successful adult—who cares if my brain isn’t quite like everyone else’s?

What I didn’t realise was that this diagnosis would make me question the very fabric of my identity.

I’m at my appointment at the Boston Veterans Administration hospital with neuroscientist Joseph DeGutis, who is leading a face-blindness study.

I’ve spent the past day and a half taking tests to determine whether I will get into a training programme

All illustrations:©OllyKava/istock/getty images plus

at The Washington Post when we had a going-away party for Sara, who was moving to Philadelphia. Everyone gathered around while our boss talked about her contribution to the paper. When I got to work the next day, I was surprised to see Sara standing beside a copy machine. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Philadelphia?”

I joked. Sara peered at me through plastic-rimmed glasses and said, “I’m Holley.”

READER’S DIGEST

for face-blind people. The tests had been impossible. One began with a grid of six faces that I was supposed to memorise and then pick out the ones I’d seen before from lineups of nearly identical faces.

“So am I face blind?”, I ask DeGutis. I try to memorise his face—handsome, if a little wolfish.

“We think you have mild to moderate prosopagnosia,” he says.

Normal folks have a near photographic memory for faces, DeGutis says. This is because of an olive-size lump of brain located just above and behind each of your ears—the fusiform face area. The FFA seems to come programmed with information about facial configuration: two eyes above a nose above a mouth.

“Even before you’re born, you have this kind of proclivity toward faces,” DeGutis says. This is also why people see faces in electrical outlets, on the front of cars—basically everywhere two dots appear over a line. We tune this basic facial-recognition software by scrutinising the faces around us, DeGutis adds.

Face-blind people—who make up about two per cent of the population—seem to be born with faulty FFAs. In DeGutis’s experience, prosopagnosiacs tend to be smarter than average, perhaps because they often have lonely childhoods with few friends but lots of time for reading and solitary pursuits.

As for cures, nothing so far has

been very promising, including stimulating the FFA with a weak electrical current. One treatment has shown promise: a training programme DeGutis created that teaches face-blind folks to make quick judgments about the spacing of facial features. He tested the computerbased programme on a face-blind friend of a friend and was stunned

“THAT WAS RUDE”, MY FATHER SAID. I HAD WALKED RIGHT PAST SUSAN, A FRIEND FROM SCHOOL when it worked. “I was like, ‘Oh my God!’” DeGutis recalls. “‘We might have actually helped someone.’”

Being face blind means living in a world of strangers. The fact that some are acquaintances and even friends is a source of constant anxiety. One face-blind man I read about kept his eyes downcast to avoid chance encounters with people he knew but couldn’t recognise.

This earned him a reputation for being aloof, which made it harder for him to make friends.

There’s only one failproof way for face-blind people to avoid social embarrassment, and that is to stay home. The most tragic cases dig OCTOBER 2021 • 57

DO I KNOW YOU ?

themselves into a trench of loneliness that’s difficult, if not verging on impossible, to escape.

This was the path I was going down until my dad gave me some crucial advice. I was 19, home from my first university term, and we’d just finished food shopping.

“Well, that was rude,” he said when we got into his car.

“What?” I asked.

“Your buddy Susan Zartman,” he said. “You just walked right past her.”

A LOT OF MY FRIENDS DON’T BELIEVE I’M FACE BLIND. “YOU CAN RECOGNISE ME, CAN’T YOU?”, THEY SAY A girl with short brown hair had waved to me in the store. “Oh, that was Susan?” I asked. She had been a friend in middle school, but when I stopped seeing her regularly, she faded from my mind.

There’s some evidence that faces act as the brain’s file folder for all the information you gather about people—when and where and how you met, their favourite bands, the name of their last boyfriend. Because my brain is unable to make a good file folder, these details often get lost.

Of course, I didn’t know any of this at age 19. How, I asked my dad, 58 • OCTOBER 2021

do you have a conversation with someone you don’t recognise?

“Everyone just wants to talk about themselves,” he said. “Just ask a lot of questions.”

This tip transformed my life at university. All it took was faking that I knew the people who appeared to know me. When I was walking to class, if someone seemed to be looking my way, I smiled. If they smiled, I stopped to chat. Before long, the whole campus was brimming with friends of mine.

A few people did stand out from the crowd. My best friend, Melissa, had long blue hair; Thalia and Annette were freakishly tall. As for everyone else, I was often at a loss, but that didn’t hamper my blossoming social life. When I was elected house president of my student hall, I took pictures of all 80 women I lived with and put their faces and names on a bulletin board, claiming that it was for everyone’s benefit.

Today, as in university, I have many acquaintances but just a handful of close friends—all of whom are distinctive-looking. My friend Miriam is a pixie with long purple hair; Sieren is tall and thin; Steve is a 350-pound giant of a man.

A lot of my friends don’t believe I’m face blind. “But you can recognise me, can’t you?", they say. The answer is: sometimes. If you’re in the right context, in good lighting and wearing your usual glasses, my brain will

illustration by mydeadpony

READER’S DIGEST

probably come up with a name.

If you’ve popped up somewhere unexpected or gotten a haircut, there’s a good chance I won’t. What I will see, instead, is a person who seems to know me, and I will greet you warmly and hope that you say something that clues me in to who you are.

A few weeks after I return to Washington, DeGutis’s assistant, Alice Lee, invites me to take part in a 30-session computer-based training programme designed to help face-blind people improve their

facial-recognition skills.

Each session begins with a grid of ten variations on the same face, with some features shifted by tiny increments. A zigzag line separates them: In group one, the faces have eyes and mouths spaced farther apart; in group two, the faces have notably more compact features.

I study the faces for a few minutes and then press a button to begin. The grid disappears, and is replaced by a slide show of individual faces that I must identify as belonging to group one or two by pressing “1” or “2” on my keyboard. I know from reading OCTOBER 2021 • 59

DO I KNOW YOU ?

DeGutis’s earlier work that this is supposed to teach me to focus on information-rich areas of the face and make fine distinctions on the fly.

The first round is a disaster.

I categorise the faces about as accurately as a blind person would.

For the second round, I try using my fingernails to measure the distances between features. It doesn’t work—

THERE IS GOOD NEWS: AFTER 30 HOURS OF TRAINING, MY FACERECOGNITION SKILLS HAVE IMPROVED time often runs out and the screen flashes red.

By the third round, the faces are starting to look distinctive, but the computer is varying their size. Apparently, I’m supposed to memorise the relative distance between features—something that normal people do without even trying. At the end of the hour, I am nearly crying in frustration.

For weeks I flail and nearly quit.

Then, around week ten, I discover a winning strategy. Instead of trying to assess each face as a whole, I divide it into halves, top and bottom. Then I decide which of three positions (high, middle or low) describes the eyebrows, and which of four positions 60 • OCTOBER 2021

(highest, middle-high, middle-low or lowest) describes the mouth.

I also memorise which pairs of characteristics belong to which group.

My scores are soaring, but my realworld facial-recognition skills remain dismal. One day, I apparently sat next to my friend Dani at a coffee shop and didn’t recognise her. “You looked right at me,” she later tells me.

I return to Boston for more tests and scans, and DeGutis calls me at work with the results. “Your ability to learn new faces is among the worst of our prosopagnosiacs,” he says.

My brain scan had shown that my fusiform face area is thicker than the average one.

Children start out with dense FFAs, but as the brain determines which neurons are useful and which ones are just getting in the way, it thins them out. This so-called neural pruning seems to have stopped short in my FFA. “You have the fusiform face area of a 12-year-old,” DeGutis says, adding that my facial recognition ability is like a “below-average macaque.”

I’m in shock.

There is good news: after 30 hours of training, my facial-recognition skills have improved significantly.

“If you’d been this good when you came in, you wouldn’t have gotten into the study,” DeGutis says. But the follow-up tests showed that my face perception was still terrible—I wasn’t

READER’S DIGEST

photo by anna stumps

Postdoctoral fellow Maruti Mishra attaches electrodes to Sadie Dingfelder’s head to measure the activity in her fusiform face area

able to match a face with the exact same face at a slightly different angle.

After saying goodbye to DeGutis, I flee the office in tears.

“What’s wrong?”, Steve asks that night, and I tell him. It’s not the monkey brain news that’s getting me down, I say. The bigger issue is that I’ve always thought I was in charge of my life—that I was a writer and a reporter because I had decided on that career path. But maybe I’d been pushed in this direction by my faulty brain, which made for a lonely childhood that I got through by reading a lot. Then, as a young adult, my prosopagnosia made me an expert at talking to strangers.

For weeks afterward, I am a mess. This whole investigation has reopened a mystery from my past: why didn’t I have any friends when

I was a kid? My old verdict—that I was weird and kids are mean—was suddenly in question.

I write a Facebook note to my former classmates, telling them I’ve been diagnosed as face blind, and asking if that had anything to do with my unpopularity.

“You had friends! I was your friend!” one classmate replies. She shares a memory of making fudge at my house.

Other people recall that I was standoffish. “You always seemed to just be content doing your own thing,” one woman writes. Another claims that she’d tried to be friends with me, but that I never seemed to warm up to her. “I thought you just didn’t really like me,” she says.

How many friendships have I been missing out on because of my face blindness? I will never know. Luckily for me, not knowing is sort of my own special skill.

In July 2019, I celebrated my 40th birthday with 60 or so friends, many of whom I wasn’t able to recognise.

I was fine with that, and, presumably, they were, too. My hard-won gains in facial recognition have faded.

I can do booster sessions to keep my skills sharp, but I’d rather spend that time doing something I enjoy, like looking at birds. I get such a thrill identifying them. n from Washington Post (August 21, 2019), Copyright © 2019 by Washington Post

OCTOBER 2021 • 61

MAGICAL MUSIC FOR CHRISTMAS EXCLUSIVELY SELECTED FOR

READERS DIGEST BY

Choose any 3 Christmas CDs for just £18 including p&p You can choose any 3 CDs for just £18 from this range of 30 titles featuring top artists, all designed to bring a special atmosphere to your Christmas preparations and celebrations Visit our website for more details

www.music2you.co.uk/readersdigest

Tony Bennett The Classic Christmas Album Howard Blake The Snowman Boney M Christmas With…

Susan Boyle Home For Christmas Canterbury Cathedral Girls Choir Christmas With…

Mariah Carey Merry Christmas Johnny Cash The Classic Christmas Album Perry Como The Classic Christmas Album Bing Crosby and the LSO Bing At Christmas Doris Day The Christmas Album John Denver The Classic Christmas Album Neil Diamond Acoustic Christmas Celine Dion These Are Special Times Bob Dylan Christmas In The Heart Il Divo The Christmas Collection Mario Lanza Christmas With…

Annie Lennox A Christmas Cornucopia Leona Lewis Christmas, With Love Johnny Mathis The Classic Christmas Album Dolly Parton Home For Christmas Elvis Presley Christmas Peace Elvis Presley and the RPO Christmas With Jim Reeves Christmas Songbook Cliff Richard Together With Cliff At Christmas Frank Sinatra Ultimate Christmas Rod Stewart Merry Christmas Baby The Three Tenors Christmas Trinity College Choir The Great British Carol Collection Various A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector Andy Williams The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

INSPIRE

My Britain:

Nottingham

By Anna Walker 64

T

hink of Nottingham and one person will most likely spring to mind—Robin Hood.

The city's most famous son (or fox, depending on your film of choice) was known for stealing from the rich to give to the poor under the reign of "dastardly" Prince John, and displays of Nottingham's affection for their notorious outlaw are in evidence across the city. From Sherwood Forest, to Robin Hood tours, to dedicated museums, you won't be short of opportunities to learn more about the legend.

As dear as Robin Hood is to Nottingham's heart, there's so much more to the city than capers with mythical thieves.

Nottingham has a long legacy of lace making, and the modern day quarter-mile Lace Market—once the centre of the world's lace industry—is a protected heritage site. If history is your thing, there are also extensive cave networks to explore, stunning heritage properties including Newstead Abbey and Wollaton Hall, and England's Oldest Inn, Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem. And if all that history has you working up an appetite, Nottingham also boasts entertainment venues and independent restaurants, cafes and bars aplenty.

OCTOBER 2021 • 65

B EYS BT ROI TF ABI N M R I: TNI SOHT T I N G H A M

Ade Andrews Ade Andrews—known to many in Nottingham as the 21st century Robin Hood thanks to his Robin Hood Town Tour—is the owner of Ezekial Bone's Tours of Nottingham. Visit ezekialbone.com or facebook.com/ EzekialBone to learn more

66

I came to Nottingham in the early 1990s, so I've been here knocking on 30 years. What brought me to the city?

In two words: Robin Hood. In my early twenties I had a degree in history, long hair and could fight with a broad sword, so I came to Nottingham seeking my fortune working on the medieval scene.

It also had the oldest pub in England, Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, so that was another trump card for the city.

I'm proud to call myself a resident of Nottingham. Our city is resilient, rebellious, creative and brave. Scratch the surface, look a bit deeper, and you have one of the most fascinating cities in this country. It has it all. As well as history, architecture, culture and art, it has a great music scene, green parks, independent businesses and many great places to hang out. It is welcoming, friendly and cosmopolitan.

It's a cool city.

The Robin Hood Town Tour is a key attraction in Nottingham, every Saturday at 2pm. It takes in the whole town centre, exploring the truth behind the Robin Hood legend and telling the story of the city. We go into Saxon caves beneath an ancient pub and finish at the Trip to Jerusalem where folks can drink with the living legend himself. It's a fun, interactive and educational way to really understand the city and make the most of your stay.

Robin Hood is the perfect host for Nottingham! My self-appointed role as the "Official Outlaw" is a culmination of my skills, experience and interests as a historian, a writer and a creative. The success of the Robin Hood Town Tour shows that people want to believe. But it's not all about Robin Hood. My alter ego, Ezekial Bone, does other tours which celebrate important aspects of the city like the Theatre Royal and the

Lace Market which has two different tours—one about the textile industry and the other, Guts & Gore, about the darker side of life in Victorian times.

The Lace Market is my favourite spot in the city. It has such a wide range of buildings which all speak of different chapters of the Nottingham story from the 1,000-year-old St Mary's Church to the ultra modern Nottingham Contemporary art gallery.

The area was the commercial heart of Nottingham's worldwide empire of lace and boasts some of the finest industrial buildings in the country, which are now finding a new lease on life. It neighbours with the bohemian quarter of Hockley with its Carnaby Street-like atmosphere, independent shops, cafes and bars, and so is the perfect place to stroll around, exercise your imagination, relax and support some local businesses.

OCTOBER 2021 • 67

B EYS BT ROI TF ABI N M R I: TNI SOHT T I N G H A M

Debbie Bryan Independent gallery, studio and shop owner Debbie Bryan has lived in Nottingham since 1999. Visit debbiebryan.co.uk to learn more

I moved from Morecambe to Nottingham 22 years ago to study at The School of Art and Design at Nottingham Trent. I graduated in 2005 with a masters in fashion and textiles and a degree in textile design. I opened my first Debbie Bryan studio in Nottingham before moving this venture to the Lace Market and opening to the public in 2009.

I’ve curated Debbie Bryan spaces to enable the freedom of creativity. I have two exciting galleries, each with their own creative spaces and tea rooms.

You can find our galleries in St Mary’s 68 • OCTOBER 2021

Gate in Nottingham’s historic Lace Market and in Ruddington’s beautiful museum village on High Street. We’ve combined creativity, inspiration and uniqueness that’s delivered through our handcrafted collections, our seasonal menus and our team's ability to organise and host atmospheric experiences.

Our galleries thoughtfully curate fashion, lighting, art, glass, ceramics and jewellery. Specialising in handcrafted textiles, jewellery and original prints made in our own design studio, we also sell selected Nottingham Lace gifts; historic papers, framed fabrics and haberdashery trims, and we

DEBBIE'S TOP FIVE INDEPENDENT BUSINESSES IN NOTTINGHAM: also house an impressive Nottingham Lace Heritage Archive.

Nottingham has lots of great bricksand-mortar independent shops and eateries, with lots of pops up and indie festivals and markets happening weekly.

Collaboration is a big part of what we do in our business and as a city.

Nottingham has amazing creativity with lots of exciting new ideas from individuals and communities, making the area a fantastic place to live and work.

To plan a future visit to Nottingham head to visit-nottinghamshire.co.uk

Malt Cross. A wonderful charity-run bar and eatery.

ShopZero. A business that's dedicated to supporting its customers with shopping responsibly and sustainably.

Hopkinsons. Fantastic for vintage, antiques and art lovers!

Keishi. Specialist jewellery designers with brilliant, inspiring community spirit.

Studio Chocolate. Perfect for those with a sweet tooth.

OCTOBER 2021 • 69

INSPIRE

If I Ruled The World

Skye Edwards Skye Edwards is the founding member and vocalist of the cult electronic band, Morcheeba. Their latest album Blackest Blue is out now Everyone would have to grow something edible. There’s empowerment through growing our own food. As Ron Finley aka Gangsta Gardener says, “You can have independence and a better life by growing your own healthy food”. It can also teach us valuable skills like patience and perseverance. It takes time for the firsts seeds to sprout and that can bring out the nurturing side in us. And if you don’t have a garden, or balcony? An old dresser drawer, bath tub or bucket. Even in a basement flat with hardly any light? Yes, you can use LED lighting.

Or try Guerrilla Gardening, by planting seeds in areas that aren’t being cared for, along a grass verge or an empty tree pit. Growing your own food has so many positives.

There’s a great pride and joy that you get from eating something that you’ve grown yourself.

All windows could open inward so they would be much easier to clean. From the age of 19 through to 70

26 I lived in Stratford, East London in a one bed flat on the seventh floor. It wasn’t fancy, the whole block was infested with cockroaches—you get the picture.

Still it was my first home away from my parents and I loved it. It had a balcony and large south facing windows. It was great for growing house plants. What I liked about the windows was that they opened inwards which made them very easy to clean. With a simple squeeze and washing-up liquid I could do the living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom windows, easy peasy.

with those of different generations.

There are huge benefits of bringing old and young people together. They could bond over school work, share life lessons and stories. Older youths could share their knowledge in technology, and show elders how to remove the Emoji app from their iPhones, for example, or give them fashion and beauty makeovers, and have fun teaching them the latest Tik-Tok dance routine. There’s a certain vigour passed on from the young that leaves the old feeling energised which is good for their mental and physical health.

I would ban all Emojis. I absolutely hate them. They would fall into the same banned bin as words like “bae”, “LMAO” and “LOL”. I think that Emojis are a lazy way to communicate and lack sincerity.

Apparently “Emojis are essential to communicate emotion, something that words cannot portray.” Hold on, so out of nearly 200,000 words in the English dictionary we can’t find the right ones to use? I don’t speak Emoji. Say what you mean in words.

No shoes allowed while walking on grass. This will allow us to earth or ground ourselves. The earth’s surface has a negative charge and is constantly generating electrons that could neutralise free radicals. Free radicals are unstable atoms that can damage cells, causing illness and diseases. Walking barefoot on grass can help with your wellbeing. We all know now that spending time in nature and the outdoors is good for us. Connecting with the earth can help decrease muscle tension and lower stress. It can help regulate body temperature, digestion and blood pressure. Try earthing as soon as you get a chance! n

All school kids aged five and upwards would visit their local care home once a week. I’d call it the “Five Ninety Five Club.” All too often there’s a disconnect between young and old. The Five Ninety Five Club would help bridge the gap.

I think it’s important to spend time

Morcheeba will play O2 Brixton Academy in London on Thursday, December 9 OCTOBER 2021 • 71

INSPIRE

A Message To MY YOUNGER SELF

BY Parisa Hashempour

Illustrations by Cassia Hashempour

What would you say to a younger, less world-weary version of you? For some, it’s an easy decision to warn off bad choices in love, life and labour. When the question was posed to 21-year-old refugee Grmalem, he answered without thinking, “Just to be in the moment,” as he smiled down a crackly Zoom call. His phone vibrated in his pocket and college classmates called out as he searched for a quiet corner to chat, “If you don’t live in the moment, you’re going to miss it all.”

Like all of us, migrants deserve security, comfort and the freedom to simply exist. Yet 70 years on from the UN Refugee Convention, migration is still fraught with misconception. We spoke with three refugees, who share their stories with warmth, candour and heartache. They reflect on their journeys to the UK, and the message they’d send back in time.

72 • OCTOBER 2021

73

A MESSAGE TO MY YOUNGER SELF

GRMALEM: "LIVE LIFE IN THE PRESENT" AGE: 21 HOMELAND: ERITREA

“I was always happy in Eritrea, but the government own you,” he explains. “Even though I was 14, the army kept coming to try and take me away.” Avoiding conscription thanks to his student card, Grmalem knew that when school ended, so would his freedom.

“My sister was in the army, my friends were,” he explains. “My sister lost four ribs while serving, now she is always in pain.” With only forced military service ahead, Grmalem made the perilous border crossing on an impulse. “All children leave, you just don’t know when. One day you meet your friend in town, the next day they are gone.”

Carrying just a biscuit and a small 74 • OCTOBER 2021

can of Coke, Grmalem crossed into Ethiopia undetected. “I travelled to Europe with a hundred other people,” he said. “Saw men carry women and children who struggled, and thought, Who’s going to carry me? I saw people who were dead, saw bones of people who died a long time ago.” The most gruelling part of his journey, though, was crossing the Mediterranean Sea, which Grmalem explains he does not yet have the words to process, “I just don’t have the English for that.”

After months of arduous travel, Grmalem eventually arrived in the UK and claimed asylum. As a child, he underwent testing to determine his age. “They test you on cooking

“EVEN THOUGH I WAS 14, THE ARMY KEPT COMING TO TRY AND TAKE ME AWAY” and ask lots of different questions, then they decide how old you are.

I told them I was born in 2000, but they gave me a new birthday in 1999. It’s OK, you just have to accept it,” he shrugs.

Now 21 and living in Kent, Grmalem remains firmly in the throes of youth. Bright-eyed and buzzing with ambition, he looks

forward to soon starting university to study art. The message young Grmalem sends back to his teenage self is steeped in the kind of thoughtfulness that so often escapes many of us until later life, “I would tell myself to be in the present, to keep faith, even if it seems like you have no future; you have to work today to make it tomorrow.”

OCTOBER 2021 • 75

A MESSAGE TO MY YOUNGER SELF

KHOLOUD: "STAND BY YOUR BELIEFS" AGE: 36 HOMELAND: SYRIA

In 2011, Kholoud started Enab Baladi, a Syrian newspaper reporting on the Arab Spring as it unfolded in her homeland. State-owned media meant citizens had little idea of what was happening in neighbouring cities, making her work a crucial asset to the pro-democracy movement. “I was a member of a peaceful activist group,” she says.

“We would walk the streets holding roses and bottled water, calling for democracy, freedom of expression, human rights. But the regime only responded with force, starting with electric sticks, then rubber bullets.

It only took two weeks for the real bullets to come.” Soon after, the arrests began. Kholoud’s brother was taken just after midnight one evening when the family were all home. “The soldiers threatened to kill us all, threatened my mum they would chop her son into pieces.” She has not seen him since.

It wasn’t until 2013 that Kholoud would be forced to leave herself.

“We were supposed to meet friends, 76 • OCTOBER 2021

but two of them arrived early. We phoned to say we were coming, but they told us the secret word—they had been arrested, the meeting was a trap, and we had to flee the country in less than two weeks.”

First moving to Turkey, Kholoud gained a scholarship to study at SOAS University of London in 2017. But when her Syrian passport expired while studying, she was forced to claim asylum.

“Surrendering my papers was the most difficult thing I’ve done.

I could not leave the country or even work, I felt deprived of my humanity, and at that moment I realised there’s no hope for going back to Syria. I lost that sense of being a full human being and I became a refugee.”

For her, this hurt most when she

“I LOST THAT SENSE OF BEING A FULL HUMAN BEING AND I BECAME A REFUGEE” heard her father was admitted to intensive care in Turkey. “He had three strokes while I was waiting for my asylum proposal to be accepted, I couldn’t go. Whenever I think of that moment,” she struggles to find words, “I feel guilty,” she finishes. “I feel my parents have suffered for my activism.” Kholoud counters that regardless of her work, her home was bombed, her city destroyed, and many were forced to flee. “I didn’t ever think I would even leave my hometown, let alone Syria. I thought I wouldn’t mind being killed at home beside my

parents. But in the end, it wasn’t bombs we were fleeing but political oppression. We were fighting for a better Syria, and I only left when the security forces were chasing me. My brother, my friends, they didn’t have that chance,” she says.

“Despite the hardships, I have no regrets. I would tell my younger self to keep fighting. I keep a motto close to me, written in the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, which says ‘For you, a thousand times over.’ For this cause and the freedoms of millions of other Syrians? Yeah, a thousand times over.”

OCTOBER 2021 • 77

A MESSAGE TO MY YOUNGER SELF

TINA*: "EDUCATION IS EVERYTHING’’

Tina has fond memories of her youth in Nigeria, of learning to peel yam and plantain when she was five years old, grinding tomato with stone to maintain its sweetness when she was ten, and dancing at the Yam Festival with the other local girls at 15. “My father planted yam, and we grew cassava, pineapples and mango. When a woman knew how to cook, she didn’t have to go to school”—and so, Tina didn’t.

Aged 27, in search of opportunity but with no education, Tina left her homeland. Promised domestic or childcare work abroad, she was trafficked out of Nigeria to the UK, and the reality of what she faced was much darker. “It is difficult to 78 • OCTOBER 2021

describe, and I won’t give detail, but it was a very hard, traumatic time. I had to run away from the person that brought me here, and sometimes I’m still afraid because I don’t know where he is.”

It was her time spent in a UK detention centre, though, that haunts Tina the most. “I was there for four months and two weeks. It’s a place I wouldn’t pray for my worst enemies to go, they treat you like an animal.” Tina recounted a moment in which she was kept in a room for hours with no explanation. When she began to cry she was told by detention centre staff that she was faking her tears. “I saw security men holding

*NAME CHANGED TO PROTECT IDENTIT Y

AGE: 43 HOMELAND: NIGERIA

“I WAS AT A DETENTION CENTRE FOR FOUR MONTHS AND TWO WEEKS—IT'S A PLACE I WOULDN'T PRAY FOR MY WORST ENEMIES TO GO” guns. Why did they have a gun?” she asks. “I’m not a criminal.”

Deportations of newly made friends came often. “They took them in the night and packed them like tuna in cans into planes, mixing Nigerians and Ghanians together. I was so scared I couldn’t sleep.”

Though her childhood love of cooking instilled in Tina the ambition to one day become a

chef, she wishes she could tell her younger self the importance of learning. “Focus on your studies,” she says to a younger her. “Go to school, don’t depend too much on a man and focus on yourself.”

A special thank you to iMix, Kent Refugee Action, Migrateful and the Refugee Council for helping to bring this article together.

OCTOBER 2021 • 79

The

World’s Most

With large, dark shadows and unidentifiable animal sounds,

INSPIRE

Wistman’s Wood, England

Haunted Forests

forests can be some of the spookiest places in the world

by Lauren Cahn

81

‹‹ Wistman’s Wood ENGLAND In Wistman’s Wood in Dartmoor National Park, in the southwest of England, moss and lichen drip so thickly from the tangled oak treetops that you can barely see the sky. And the place really is haunted, if you believe those familiar with it. Ancient tales of druids, ghosts, and a host of other supernatural creatures have earned it a reputation as the most haunted part of Dartmoor.

The Hoia-Baciu Forest ROMANIA

GERMANY

Named for its almost impenetrable darkness, the Schwarzwald (“Black Forest”) is the site of some of the scariest tales the Brothers Grimm ever wrote. Legend has it it’s haunted by werewolves, witches, and the devil himself. The tale of Der Grossmann (sometimes translated as “The Slender Man”) is that of a tall, horribly disfigured man with bulging eyes and many arms who compelled children to enter the forest and confess their sins. They never emerged again.

82 • OCTOBER 2021

Long Trail

UNITED STATES This 270-mile-long hiking trail near Bennington in the state of Vermont, in the northeastern United States, is believed to be where a college student named Paula Jean Welden disappeared on December 1, 1946. But she wasn’t the only one to vanish. Four other people

ALL PHOTOS: Getty images. from RD.COM

The Schwarzwald

Located in northwestern Romania, the Hoia-Baciu is known as the “Bermuda Triangle” of Romania.

Strange disappearances are said to have occurred here, like a shepherd who reportedly vanished with a flock of 200 sheep, and a five-year-old girl who went missing in the forest for five years—only to emerge without having aged. Visitors often “report intense feelings of anxiety and the feeling of being constantly watched,” the forest’s very own website warns, and the locals tend to stay away because they fear that if they enter, they will never be able to find their way out again.

Island of the Dolls MEXICO One of the world’s creepiest places is La Isla de las Muñecas, or “Island of the Dolls”, south of Mexico City. The small tree-covered island was named for its collection of dolls, doll heads, and disembodied doll parts that have been strung from the jungle trees. The man who did this, more than half a century ago, hoped it would chase away the spirit of a drowned girl whose body washed up on shore here. The sight of the dolls is terrifying enough, but some people have said they’ve heard the dolls whispering to one another from high above in the treetops. disappeared in the forest here between 1945 and 1950, and only one body was ever found. Rumours of the trail giving off what has been described as a “weird haunting energy” continue to this day.

Blairadam Forest SCOTLAND

Another creepy copse is Blairadam Forest, north of Edinburgh. Back

in Victorian times it had been the home of a coal mine and a mining town. Visitors to these woods report strange phenomena such as feeling inexplicably agitated, and that their pets were spooked. Such accounts didn’t stop a local family from enjoying a hike and a picnic there in 2008. But afterwards, they were stopped cold when they examined photos they’d taken of their children OCTOBER 2021 • 83

THE WORLD’S MOST HAUNTED FORESTS

in the forest: a sinister-looking figure wearing Victorian-era clothing was clearly visible, lurking in the trees.

Tawau Hills Park MALAYSIA

This beautiful forest park in Tawau, on the island of Borneo, is home to the tallest tree in the world, a

yellow meranti, and is frequented by tourists—but usually only during the day. Some local residents believe the forest is haunted, and the spirits that lurk there come out only at night. Go if you dare, but it’s been said that people have disappeared there, particularly near its famous waterfall.

The Forest of Broceliande FRANCE The Fôret de Brocéliande, a place of medieval legend, was ravaged by fire in 1990.

Located in Brittany and, these days, more commonly known as Paimpont Forest, it is said to have been the setting of the King Arthur legend, and is home to the megalithic Tomb of Merlin. Those things alone wouldn’t make it spooky, but its Valley of No Return is said to be where the sorceress Morgan le Fay—King Arthur’s half sister—imprisoned unfaithful young men. After the fire, an incredible half a million new trees were planted.

84 • OCTOBER 2021

Aokigahara JAPAN In Japanese mythology, Aokigahara, which is also known as the “Sea of Trees” at the base of Mount Fuji, is said to be haunted by demons. It is also thought that yuˉrei— trapped, lost, angry, or vengeful souls—flit among these twisted trees. According to local spiritualists, the trees have a malevolent energy accumulated over centuries.

It’s also easy to get lost in this eerily quiet forest: compasses and cell phones sometimes don’t work. One theory why? The high iron deposits in the soil. n

OCTOBER 2021 • 85

86

INSPIRE

My Motorbike, My Freedom There is a magic and solidarity that come with two-wheeled journeys

photo: ©getty images

By Xavier Alberti

F

or as long as I can remember, I always understood that riding a motorbike was the beginning of a journey from which you never return, even when you put your feet back on the ground. On a bike you must keep moving forward. Because if you stop, you fall off. This is probably one definition of freedom.

Before this, though, is the first feeling of freedom: the bicycle. I remember my first bicycle so clearly, its colour a “racing” red. I must have ridden thousands of miles, must have invented a hundred stages of my own personal Tour de France.

Cycling is, first and foremost, a form of wandering that gives free rein

87

MY MOTORBIKE, MY FREEDOM

to your imagination. Every time I crossed the avenue of plane trees that led to the village square of my childhood, my bicycle allowed me to experience fantasised sprints amid cheers of an enthusiastic public.

And it was under these same plane trees when, a few years later, on an icy morning in this small Provençal village, my grandfather Louis gave

THE SENSATION DRIVES US TO SEARCH EVERYWHERE FOR WINDING ROADS me my first moped.It was an orange 103 Peugeot, recovered in a dump, and which Grandpa Louis had repaired himself.

The expression on my face when I saw this moped was probably one of the most joyous in my life. As I grabbed it, I knew that this machine was going to make me happy and form a vital part of my emancipation from childhood.

I spent hours and a few francs changing the exhaust (Cobra), the handlebars (twisted), and the carburettor (a Dellorto). I’d ride it without knowing where I was going, carrying my sister and friends, getting lost, making my mother anxious, freezing, running out of petrol. It was a sad day when the 103 88 • OCTOBER 2021

finally gave up its cylindrical soul.

After that came the first motorcycle, then a second, a third. And now, at 51 years old, I have never stopped espousing the philosophy that goes with having a motorbike. It’s a choice that structures our relationship with speed, risk, and even death.

On a two-wheeler, there is an overwhelming need to move forward, like a summons to travel. Balance only comes through movement.

When you grab your helmet and climb on, you are transformed. You are an explorer or a conqueror. And the moment you dismount, you become an earthling again, heavy and clumsy, hampered by weight, stuck by the force of gravity.

I’m not talking about motorbiking in urban areas; yes, that’s often convenient and fast, but in my opinion it is an unnatural use of the motorbike. As for riding on motorways, that is unbearably boring and uncomfortable. For me, straddling a motorcycle is a constantly renewed search for the best way to attack a curve, to bend over, to seek and find that angle where one has the sensation of flying above the road, suspended yet anchored to the concrete, in full possession of gravity. This sensation, born of the opposition between two forces (centrifugal and centripetal), acts like a drug that drives people to search everywhere for the winding

roads where turns link stunning landscapes. The more it winds, the more the trip resembles a dance where the curves are round, soft, and intoxicating. The quest for turns is the reason why bikers seek out the sinuosity that takes them to the most remote terrain.

A unique relationship is also formed with the air. It’s a relationship

THE MOTORCYLE IS A PROMISE, AN EXCITED AND HAPPY CHILD characterised by the capacity of the air to give shape to speed but also to put you in direct contact with the crossed landscapes, their panoramas, their reliefs. Above all you’re in contact with the smells—those of forests, scrub, or burning tarmac in August that’s suddenly refreshed by undergrowth serving as air conditioning.

It is probably because every biker is aware of the risk they take each time they press their left foot on the gear selector that they form a community of support. In a world where individualism too often rhymes with selfishness, motorcycling, though it’s an individual activity, proves that one can remain autonomous without

leaving the group. Bikers can count on an almost flawless solidarity, and thus they have formed a permanent community of mutual aid. A biker stuck on the side of the road never stays there for long. There is always another biker to stop and offer help.

Nobody teaches us that; it’s just the way it is.

When two bikers pass each other, they make a gesture: two fingers of the left hand reach out, or the right foot comes down from its footrest when overtaking. Yet two bikers who pass each other have probably never seen each other and will certainly never see each other again.

This gesture does not answer any obligation and is not taught in any motorcycle school. It is simply a sign of recognition between people who do not know each other but who say to each other, “I see you, I recognise you, everything is fine.” I consider it proof that strangers can and do respect and help each other.

The motorcycle is a promise, an excited and happy child. And at the end of the journey, when you put your foot down and take off your helmet, you realise that what you were looking for was mounted with you on the motorcycle’s saddle.

There is no destination; there is only the journey.

It is the story of our lives, a quest.

It’s what we are constantly looking for, everywhere—and it is right there inside of us. n OCTOBER 2021 • 89

TR AVEL & ADVENTURE

A FAIRYTALE

TRAIN JOURNEY Ride along, vicariously, on a luxury trip through the former Ottoman Empire

By Maggie Shipstead

From Travel + Leisure

T

rains take you behind the façade of a place and show you fleeting, random glimpses of ordinary life, sometimes beautiful, sometimes gritty.

Travelling from Istanbul to Budapest on a luxurious private train called the Golden Eagle Danube Express in 2019, I looked out on storybook medieval villages and gloomy Communist housing blocks; smoke-stacked industrial suburbs and endless fields of sunflowers. Bystanders took videos of our cream-and-blue carriages, which were restored in the style of a glamorous fin de siècle sleeper train.

Sometimes the train’s throwback 90 • OCTOBER 2021

elegance made me feel like a visitor from another era; sometimes the scenery gave me a sense of travelling through another time. Once, somewhere in Romania, beside a highway humming with boxy Cold War-era Trabants and the latest German luxury cars, I glimpsed a man driving a horse cart down a dirt lane.

For four days, the train carried me and my 17 fellow passengers across a thousand miles, through Turkey, Bulgaria, Romania, and Hungary.

And here’s what blew my mind: every scene we saw, every inch of railroad we clacked across, fell

Nestled in the Carpathian Mountains, Peleş Castle was built near the end of Romania's royal era

inside the boundaries of what was once the Ottoman Empire. For more than 600 years, sultans ruled a vast multinational, multilingual territory, and our itinerary took us from its heart to its northern edge.

Every day the train stopped for walking tours, and the Ottomans popped up constantly in the guides’ narration. The reconstructed fortress we visited in Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria?

A bulwark against the Ottoman Turks until 1393, when they burned it down and took over. Budapest’s public baths? An Ottoman legacy. The defensive towers in the 12th-century Transylvanian citadel of Sighisoara? ¸ One guess who they were built to defend against.

W

here else could the trip begin, but Istanbul?

Everyone describes the city— the Ottoman capital from 1453 until the empire’s dismantling in 1922—as amazing. But, for some reason, I’d never felt an urge to go. As soon as my car from the airport crested a hill, though, and the labyrinthine metropolis unfolded below, minarets needling up like cactus spines and the Bosporus strait reflecting a purplepink dusk, I got it.

First there’s its sheer size: Istanbul is home to more than 15 million people.

It’s a grand jumble of tiled roofs, expansive waterfront promenades, and maze upon maze of narrow, Byzantine alleys. Then there’s its thrilling geography, spanning Europe and Asia with the Bosporus in between, a location with strategic and commercial advantages so irresistible that it has been continuously inhabited for almost 3,000 years.

Fortifications, monuments, and archaeological finds crop up pretty much every time someone puts a shovel in the earth.

After a night in a hotel, my fellow Danube Express passengers and I set out on foot for a guided tour.

The Ottoman Empire’s essential qualities of immensity, longevity, and complexity were driven home by our first stop, Topkapi Palace. This was the sultans’ dwelling place from the mid 15th to mid 19th century and their seat of power over a gigantic swath of OCTOBER 2021 • 91

territory that stretched from presentday Algeria to Iraq, and Croatia to Saudi Arabia.

Topkapi’s structures are long, low and decoratively understated—at least when you consider the sultans’ extreme wealth. They surround gardens now plain but once paradisiacal, abounding with tulips and roses, peacocks and gazelles.

The guide then led us to the harem, where the sultan lived with his family, female servants, and, notoriously, a fluctuating population of female concubines. Only a small fraction of its more than 300 rooms are open to the public, but I still felt disoriented and claustrophobic as we walked through multiple tiled chambers and twisting corridors. At one point we emerged into an open courtyard where latticed windows looked out across the water toward the city, at a wider but unreachable world.

After Topkapi, we visited three other big attractions: Hagia Sophia, a hulking sixth-century Byzantine church-turned mosque; the Blue Mosque, a mass of domes and minarets; and the Grand Bazaar, an immense covered market that felt like a video game in which, instead of enemies, men offering deals on rugs popped out from all directions.

All these places were compelling and important, but they were also crowded, and the day was hot. By the time we boarded the train in the early evening, the health app on my phone 92 • OCTOBER 2021

said I’d walked seven miles.

I revelled in my glassed-in shower stall as the Danube Express slid out of Sirkeci station. In my roomy, wood-paneled cabin, I could sit by one picture window and drink a cappuccino, or recline beside another on a pillow-strewn sofa, which an attendant converted to a fluffy bed each night. The next carriage was the bar car, where white-gloved waiters circulated with drinks. A man played jazz standards on a keyboard. The dining car was next, a vision of white linens and gleaming, elaborate place settings. As I dined on Parma ham draped over cantaloupe, I thought of Hercule Poirot and the Orient Express.

Indeed, the Danube Express invokes a kind of nostalgia for nostalgia, recalling an era of elegant travel so bygone that the vast majority of us only know it secondhand from period pieces. I had imagined the trip might attract die-hard train buffs, and though a handful of our well-travelled group had already taken the swanky Trans-Siberian Express, most seemed drawn less by the train itself and more by the ease of our cruise-like itinerary.

Being conveyed from place to place without having to repack or carry bags is no small asset in places such as rural Romania, where infrastructure is on the rudimentary side.

N

ext morning I woke in Bulgaria.

Outside the window, wispy fog and the green Balkan Mountains

photos, previous spread: (left) courtesy of Golden Eagle Luxury Trains, (right) ©Jeremy Woodhouse/getty images. this page photo: ©getty images

A FA I RY TA L E T R A I N J O U R N E Y

photos, from top: ©getty images; courtesy of Golden Eagle Luxury Trains

Above: the breathtakingly steep town of Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria Below: the Danube Express on its journey through what was once the Ottoman Empire

had replaced Istanbul’s sprawl. In the night, the train had click-clacked northwest across the shifting frontiers of former empires, fought over for centuries but today all but forgotten.

A little after 9am, we reached our first stop, the medieval fortress city of Veliko Tarnovo, which was stacked so steeply uphill from the winding Yantra River that a local joke, our guide said, is that directions are given in terms of up and down, not right and left. We checked out an equestrian monument to the rulers of the Asen dynasty, who had overthrown the Byzantines in 1186, and then the Tsarevets fortress, which had failed to stop the Turks.

In a nearby village, Arbanasi, we visited the 16th-century Church of the Nativity, a low stone structure that looked like a meeting hall for hobbits. The inside, densely painted

with saints in red, gold, and green, gave me the giddy feeling of some holy kaleidoscope.

As we reboarded the Danube Express that evening, it dawned on me that I wouldn’t be spending much time on the train. I’d imagined leisurely hours reading in my cabin, but soon learned that on journeys like these, nighttime and early morning are when the distances are covered.

Daytime was for walking tours, which were always interesting and, since our visit coincided with the tail end of a heatwave, always characterised by the search for shade.

How’s this for a sightseeing marathon? The next day we disembarked at 7:45am in the OCTOBER 2021 • 93

Transylvanian alpine Budapest marks the end of the town of Sinaia to visit Danube Express’s journey Peles¸ Castle, reboarded for a quick trip to the city of Brasov, took a bus to ¸ Bran Castle for dinner, and returned to the train after 11pm, at which point I collapsed into bed.

Half a dozen passengers, all decades my senior, adjourned to the bar car for a nightcap. Heroes.

Castles in modern times present a quandary. They are impractical dwellings and no longer serve the Communists would seize all royal defensive purposes, but property. Touring Peles¸’s public letting them decay would be a shame. rooms, I felt an odd melancholy for its So admission must be charged and builders, who had been oblivious to curiosity cultivated. Peles¸ Castle was the looming end of their gilded era. built mostly in the 1870s as a summer Bran Castle, too, excites the palace for Carol I, who became imagination, but more for marketing Romania’s ruling prince in 1866 and, reasons than for anything related to following its formal recognition as a historical fact. Built in the second country, its first king in 1881, which half of the 14th century as a fortress honestly seems a little late to kickstart to defend against invaders, including, a monarchy. yes, the Ottoman Turks, Bran is now Nestled in the Southern Carpathian known as Dracula’s Castle, a touristMountains, Peles¸ is a 160-room trappy label reinforced by the stalls, fantasia done in a catch-all style clustered at its foot like a feudal known as neo-Renaissance. From the village, selling plastic fangs and glowoutside, it looks like an over-the-top in-the-dark wolf T-shirts.

Bavarian hunting lodge, timbered In the 1970s, enterprising travel and spired; inside, it’s a showcase of companies promoted the castle embellishment, with once-futuristic based on a tenuous connection to features like a cinema and a central Vlad the Impaler, a 15th-century vacuum system. Final touches were Wallachian prince with a predilection added in 1914, a mere 33 years before 94 • OCTOBER 2021

photo: ©getty images

A FA I RY TA L E T R A I N J O U R N E Y

READER’S DIGEST

chatted about travel, as tour mates tend to do.

photo: ©getty images

O

n the last day, I woke to find that Romanian cornfields had given way to the Great Hungarian Plain, a vast expanse of grassland that occupies the eastern half of Hungary.

We stopped for one last excursion, which involved sampling the local schnapps Drawing on tenuous historical and literary and watching a traditional connections, Bran Castle in Transylvania has horse show. In Budapest, we rebranded itself as Dracula’s Castle disembarked the Danube Express for the last time.

That evening I sat beside for skewering his Ottoman enemies the river while barges passed and on stakes. He is widely believed to young women sat chatting on the be the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s embankment. Like Istanbul, Budapest fictional vampire, and so the leap to is an ancient city. The Romans, the undead monster as the face of Bran Huns, the Visigoths, the Magyars, the was made. Disappointingly, Stoker never came to Transylvania, and there Ottomans, the Hapsburgs, the Nazis, the Soviets—they all had a hand in is also no concrete evidence that he shaping it. The city’s spires darkened based his bloodthirsty count on Vlad to silhouettes, and it struck me how the Impaler. crazy it is, really, how touching, that Bran is one of those attractions that the human belief in the permanence transcend cheesiness. Perched on a rocky bluff, it’s arresting and genuinely of cities and borders and ways of life persists despite ever-accumulating spooky-looking. Inside are appealing, evidence to the contrary. whitewashed living spaces. Squeezing Someday, travellers might take trips up a narrow stone staircase, we designed to spark a sense of nostalgia emerged into a high room where a for our era. Someday—and this is long table was waiting. French doors certain—it will be the humans of opened onto a balcony overlooking today who will be the ancient ones. n the castle’s towers and courtyard: the setting for a private dinner. A string From Travel + Leisure (December 11, 2019), Copyright quartet played while we dined and © 2019 by Maggie Shipstead OCTOBER 2021 • 95

PROMOTION

A new kind of

LUXURY

Immerse yourself in quintessential Dorset life and don’t lift a finger with English Cottage Vacation, which offers a unique blend of rural charm and five-star luxury

A

stay with English Cottage Vacation is far more than your typical luxury cottage experience; it’s an “appanage”, a term that hosts Nathan and Laura Kurton use to define their new holiday concept’s special attributes.

This is a tailor-made, ultra-luxurious, completely private experience that comes with one all-inclusive price. To top it off, the level of care and attention to detail that you’ll experience elevates English Cottage Vacation above other luxury options. This is where the nation’s reputation for legendary elegance meets exceptional hospitality.

English Cottage Vacation centres on Well Cottage, an 18th-century thatched gem that sleeps up to six guests. You’ll find it nestled in the quaint and characterful hamlet of Bedchester in rural Dorset. If you’re keen to roam further afield during your stay, you can travel southwest to the county’s famous Jurassic Coast, or head inland and discover Downton Abbey’s real-life double Highclere Castle, as well as Stonehenge, the Cotswolds, Glastonbury and many more nearby iconic destinations.

While you have complete control over your itinerary and how you spend your time, you won’t have to do anything for yourself. Having spent 10 years working on high-end, luxury charter yachts, Nathan and Laura decided to anchor the quality of their seafaring hospitality expertise to their homeland. As “live-in hosts”, Laura is your housemaid and personal chef, providing gourmet dining for three (or more) meals of the day, with drinks and snacks to suit every occasion available on demand. Meanwhile Nathan is your personal chauffeur, tour guide, waiter and barman.

Well Cottage combines the simplicity of traditional English rural life with superlative modern service – including total flexibility and privacy – usually the preserve of charter yachts and five-star hotels. Thanks to Nathan and Laura’s passion for – and knowledge of – their country, your English Cottage Vacation will be truly unforgettable.

English Cottage Vacation is currently taking bookings for 2022. For more information, please email Nathan and Laura at info@ englishcottagevacation.com or visit www. englishcottagevacation.com

A FESTIVE PRE CHRISTMAS BREAK AT WELL COTTAGE Cosy nights playing games with your loved ones in-front of the roaring open fire. Fairy lights twinkling and Frank Sinatra playing in the background. Laura in the kitchen creating a beautiful 3 course evening festive meal of Minted Pea Soup, followed by Sous Vide Filet Mignon, Creamy mushroom sauce, roasted seasonal vegetable and truffles roasted potatoes completed with Mince Pies and Fresh Cream or of course whatever you heart so desires. The aromas wafting through to your nostrils filling you with nostalgic happiness as Nathan delivers a mulled wine or Whisky on the rocks from the vast choice of spirits, beers, wines and liqueurs from the Cottage bar.

The perfect pre-Christmas "Christmas", where this year you haven't had to lift a finger! This year you've had the chance to relax and enjoy your time with your family. Be it your partner, children or parents.

Nathan and Laura have thought of everything so that you don't have to. They have arranged all of your activities and even made sure you travel in style and comfort with refreshments packed for your journey and all the details taken care of. Whether you are doing a spot of Christmas shopping, sight seeing, enjoying family activities with your children or simply taking every opportunity to soak up the festive atmosphere they'll arrange it all.

Perhaps a morning spa treatment in the comfort of your bedroom. Lazy mornings with a buck fizz in hand, dressing gown adorned and family laughs at the cottage breakfast table of eggs benedict, croissants, fresh fruit and many other delights.

This Christmas, indulge you and your loved ones in a Christmas in a home away from home surrounded by love and festive cheer.

TR AVEL & ADVENTURE

My Great Escape:

Monumental Millport Our reader Wendy Cumming from Fife enjoys a staycation

I

n January 2020, just weeks before the pandemic bloomed, I spent a few days on the quirky Scottish island of Great Cumbrae. As the bus moved round the curved stretch of Millport Bay, I got my first sighting of the iconic Crocodile Rock. The tide was in and the reptile-shaped rock was half-submerged. It was still possible to see its red painted tongue and lips.

Jagged white teeth and black rimmed eyes sound fearsome but the genial croc had an air of benign humour.

The rock was originally painted by Robert Brown in 1913 and is now community maintained.

Houses, cafés and shops, all with a sea view clustered round the sandy bay. For a brief moment, stepping into the Ritz Café, I thought I was in a bizarre time warp. Formica topped

98 • OCTOBER 2021

tables, a jukebox and separate booths made for a feel of the Sixties.

It was good to sit with a mug of tea, in the nostalgic and unpretentious café and watch the world go by for a while. The wailing and squalling of the gulls was strident and sharp above the sound of the waves. Palm trees, usually synonymous with

R. Hughes / Alamy Stock Photo

the far-flung Caribbean Isles, were dotted round the promenade in clumps. A mere ten-minute ferry ride from Scotland’s west coast, this was a more accessible escape.

Sandwiched between two shops was another Millport curiosity, The Wedge—a tiny house shaped like a pizza slice known as the world’s narrowest home. At its most petite, the bijou property measures a tiny 47 inches, widening to a slim 11 foot. Living in the diminutive residence must be a minimalist’s idea of heaven.

Poking through the trees away from the town’s frontage was an elegant grey spire. Built in 1851, the romantic sounding Cathedral of the Isles is reputed to be the smallest cathedral in Britain. Under an elaborate stone arch a serene treelined path led to the cathedral door.

I was unprepared for the profound sense of peace and tranquility to be found inside. This was an intimate place of quiet rest.

The gleam of the diagonal floor tiles, the crystal sparkle of the stained glass and the polished sheen of the wooden chairs all testified that the small cathedral was well loved and cared for.

For the cathedral alone, I would love to visit Millport again. n Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo too) and if we print it, we’ll pay £50. Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk OCTOBER 2021 • 99

PEACOCK ISLAND

HIDDEN

GEMS

Berlin

A surreal mixture of ostentation and escapism awaits on the 170-acre Peacock Island.

Pfaueninsel, to use its German name, is found in far southwestern Berlin on the widening River Havel.

Besides free-roaming blue peacocks which explain its name, you’ll find a showy castle and much enchanting nature.

Having already hosted coloured-glass pioneers, the island became a late-18th-century retreat for Prussian king (and military genius) Frederick William II. He and his mistress had their small palace built to mimic a derelict Roman villa, with painted wood used to imitate white marble, plus a gothic-style dairy and English gardens. Inspired by newly-discovered South Pacific islands, strutting peacocks were soon introduced alongside exotic trees and a menagerie (whose alligators and lions later moved to the new Berlin Zoo).

While its interiors are closed until 2024, that castle’s facade is sufficiently striking as a cast-iron bridge links two towers. Strolls around the surprisingly-quiet island will also yield a large rose garden, a Doric temple and fine views over the Havel amid stretches of woodland.

A tree-framed liegewiese (lawn) is Pfaueninsel’s allotted picnic area, and accompanied by a small beer garden and cafe. English-language information boards explain the buildings, which all somehow survived the Second World War. Getting there involves an S-Bahn ride to Wannsee station, then a four-mile ride on the 218 bus to Pfaueninsel’s ferry port for the one-minute crossing.

Boats depart every half hour and returns are €8. As the island is a nature reserve, bikes and dogs are forbidden. n

By Richard Mellor 100

101

Is Your Pension Safe From Scammers?

Online fraudsters have found a plethora of ways to trick people into giving their pension away

102

MONEY

T

he average amount of money stolen from pensions by fraudsters in 2021 is £50,949—more than double what they took last year.

That’s according to the Action Fraud, which found individual losses ranged between just under £1,000 up to £500,000.

With scammers increasingly sophisticated in their approach, it’s important to keep your eyes open.

Warning signs to watch out for The regulator Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) says there are some clear signs that you’ve been contacted by scammers.

First up, anyone cold calling about pensions will not be legitimate. In fact it’s been illegal since 2019. So, avoid anything like this straight off the bat. And treat with caution unsolicited letters and emails or contact via social media.

The same goes for anyone offering a free pension review, something that’s increasingly common in online advertising. Even though most people would ignore a stranger offering to do this, almost 10% would accept this review when contacted out of the blue online. Although some approaches may be genuine, this also can be a scammer’s first step to stealing your money.

It could be they’ll just use this to get details like account numbers

and passwords, or it could lead to offering dodgy advice that’ll convince you to give them your pension cash.

Next, and it’s something that applies to any kind of scam, but if it seems too good to be true then it probably is. With pension scams this is likely to be the offer of higher guaranteed returns than what you currently are getting from your pension savings. Often it can also involve an unusual investment in something that’s not regulated such as overseas property or renewable energy bonds.

Another common promise and massive warning that this isn’t a legitimate company is if they say they can release money from your pension earlier than at 55 years old (or 57 from 2028). The scammer will talk about loopholes or loans, but if you do this you’ll get hit with a huge tax bill, or worse still, lose it all.

Be wary too of anything which seems incredibly complicated or involves a lot of different companies.

This can hide extra fees or it could lock your money away for longer than normal.

Scammers will also try to put you Andy Webb is a personal finance journalist and runs the award-winning money blog, Be Clever With Your Cash OCTOBER 2021 • 103

MONEY

under pressure to make a decision fast, telling you that if you don’t act now you’ll “miss out on the opportunity”. Except it’s all a tactic that’s designed to rush you into making a decision without properly thinking about what is actually happening to your cash.

Other high-pressure actions the scammers could use include sending a courier to deliver documents and then wait for you to sign them. It’s far better to miss out on something than agree to a deal on something you’re not sure about. And if you do think it’s something worth pursuing, you should get independent advice.

There’s also more information about pensions available from the government’s MoneyHelper site.

How to know if a firm is legitimate The FCA register is available online at register.fca.org.uk or by calling 0800 111 6768. This lists all regulated financial firms and what they are allowed to offer advice on.

Check whether the people you are talking to are on this list. But even if they are on there, don’t assume everything is fine.

If you were contacted first it could

IT’S ALL A TACTIC THAT’S DESIGNED TO RUSH YOU INTO MAKING A DECISION WITHOUT PROPERLY THINKING ABOUT IT easily be someone impersonating a legitimate company. It’s imperative that you don’t use any contact details cold callers provide. Instead go directly to the firm via a number you find on their website.

What if you think that you have already been scammed?

If money has already changed hands or you’ve given potential scammers access to your accounts it’s vital that you get in touch with your pension provider as soon as possible.

Aside from your pension provider there are other helpful resources that you can additionally get in touch with. These are FCA’s Scam Smart team (via the number above) and Action Fraud on 0300 123 2040 or on their website. n

Tree Talks Acacia trees in the African Savannah have a unique defence system. When antelopes gobble up their leaves, the tree increases tannin production which is toxic to animals, before alerting nearby trees to do the same through emitting a cloud of ethylene gas Source: bestlifeonline.com

104 • OCTOBER 2021

READER’S DIGEST

On The Money Andy Webb Q: I don’t think I will ever be able to enjoy a retirement. My husband is in his late sixties and still working extremely hard, with demanding hours. I am in my late fifties so I still have many years left until my state pension. Between us there are no savings, and lots of debts (mortgage, credit cards and loans). Is there anywhere I can turn for advice? I’m very worried about our future.

- Mary, 58 A: The first step is to tackle those credit card and loan debts. Can you get them onto 0% interest? This could be via a balance transfer credit card or an interestfree overdraft. Though temporary, this will mean you are putting all your money towards the debts. This will make it easier to bring down the balance if not clear them completely.

But if these debts feel unmanageable I’d recommend you talk to someone who offers free and independent debt advice (never pay for this). Organisations like Citizens Advice, National Debtline and StepChange can help you reduce spending and agree repayment plans with creditors. You might even

be eligible to wipe out the debts completely—though there are some consequences to this.

Then, thinking ahead to when you hope to retire. Have you checked what income you’ll get? You can get a State Pension forecast from the gov. uk website and there are a number of online calculators to work out what income any work or private pensions will provide. That’ll give you an idea of how much you’ll have versus the costs you expect (these should go down too).

If neither of you already have a work pension, it’s better late than never to sign up. You’ll get some free cash from both your employer and the government which will boost the total pension pot.

Also, when you are both eligible to claim your State Pensions, you might also be able to claim benefits to boost your income. This can come in the form of pension credit top up payments and help on things like Council Tax and heating costs. These won’t give you a luxury lifestyle, but everything will help.

However, if that’s still not enough money I’m sorry to say you might both need to keep working later than you’d like. n Got a money question for our resident expert? Email it confidentially to onthemoney@readersdigest.co.uk OCTOBER 2021 • 105

A TASTE OF

HOME

106

FOOD

Rick Stein’s Apple Charlotte I’ve mentioned the television series that I recently filmed in Cornwall often in this book, mainly because most of the recipes in the programmes are for dishes I cook at home a lot. The runaway success of the series was this apple charlotte, which I cooked in an orchard at Tresillian House, near Newquay. It’s a very special recipe—my mother’s and one of her favourites

METHOD

INGREDIENTS:

1. G rease a pudding basin, about 15cm in diameter and 10cm deep, with plenty of butter. Peel, core and finely slice the apples. Rinse in cold water and put them in a saucepan with sugar, lemon zest and 30g of butter. Cook to a pulp over a low heat and then beat to a purée with a wooden spoon. Allow to cool. Preheat the oven to 200°C/Fan 180°C. 2. M elt the remaining butter. Dip each slice of bread in the butter and then line a pudding basin with about three-quarters of the slices.

Pack them in tightly and don’t leave any gaps. Spoon in the cooled apple purée and cover with the remaining buttered pieces of bread and gently push down.

3. Tightly cover the pudding with foil and bake for about 30 minutes. Remove the foil and bake for a further 8-10 minutes until the top is golden brown. Leave the pudding to rest for 5 minutes before turning out onto a serving plate.

4. Serve your apple charlotte with custard, clotted cream or ice cream.

Serves 4 • 125g butter • 350g Bramley apples • 250g Cox’s apples • 2 tbsp sugar • A little grated lemon zest, to taste • 6-8 slices white bread, about 5mm thick, crusts removed • Custard, clotted cream or ice cream, to serve

Rick Stein At Home: Recipes, Memories and Stories From a Food Lover’s Kitchen (BBC Books) is out now OCTOBER 2021 • 107

“Address to the Haggis” Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin’-race!

Aboon them a’ ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o’ a grace As lang’s my arm.

108

FOOD

World Kitchen Outer Hebrides: Vegetarian Haggis & Whisky Sauce This month, we feature a very special take on the traditional Scottish haggis from the internet sensation Coinneach MacLeod, better known as the Hebridean Baker: “Trimming off any large pieces of fat and cutting away the windpipe is never the most appetising way to start a recipe, so I have chosen a vegetarian haggis recipe for my cookbook. It still deserves to have Rabbie Burns’s ‘Address to the Haggis’ recited before digging in!”

Method: For your haggis: 1. Soak your lentils overnight and then drain.

2. Preheat the oven to 180°C/360°F. 3. Finely chop your onion and carrot, mix in with the oats, suet, lentils and nuts, then season. Add enough stock to make a moist consistency.

4. Butter a pudding basin, pour in your haggis and cover in foil. Bake in the oven for 25 minutes, remove the foil and bake for a further 20 minutes.

For your sauce: 1. Melt the butter in a pan. Add your whisky to the melted butter and let it simmer. Add your mustard and stock and bring it back on to simmer. Season and add your cream—let that reduce to a gravylike thickness.

2. Serve your haggis with neeps and tatties— mashed turnip and potatoes—and pour over your whisky sauce. Make sure you have a dram of your favourite single malt to wash it down!

Ingredients: For the haggis: •3 0g red lentils •1 15g pinhead/ steelcut oats •6 0g vegetarian suet •1 medium onion, finely chopped •1 carrot, peeled and finely chopped •3 0g chopped mixed nuts •1 tsp salt •½ tsp black pepper •1 30ml–150ml vegetable stock For the sauce: •K nob of butter •3 –4 tbsp whisky •1 tsp Dijon mustard •5 0ml vegetable stock •S alt and pepper to taste •1 00ml double/ heavy cream

Taken from The Hebridean Baker: Recipes and Wee Stories from the Scottish Islands by Coinneach MacLeod OCTOBER 2021 • 109

CR AFT & DIY

NightTime Glow Create some eerie art this Halloween with the magic of glow-in-the-dark paper

S

ound the craft alarm, I’ve stumbled across something incredible. Printable glow-inthe-dark paper! Yes—printable paper that’s loaded with glow in the dark pigment. How has this passed me by until now? My mind is rattling with project ideas!

The paper is compatible with any inkjet printer (if you have a home printer, it’s probably an inkjet). It works by absorbing light throughout the day, then emitting it as an eerie green glow when it gets dark.

Of course, I’ve wasted no time in trying it out to make some spooky, glow-in-the-dark Halloween art. This project couldn’t be simpler, but the effects are really, really cool.

Mike Aspinall runs one of the UK’s most popular craft blogs, The Crafty Gentleman, where he shares free DIY tutorials 110 • OCTOBER 2021

You will need • Glow-in-the-dark printer paper (find the link on my website) • A high-resolution photo • Inkjet printer • Picture frame • Optional: photo mount What to do 1 Take a photo of something spooky on your phone or camera. Pumpkins, black cats, Halloween decorations or old houses work well. Try to keep the image clean, simple and on a white background (alternatively, you can download professional photos from stock image websites). The key thing to remember is that any pale areas of the image will be the parts that glow the most. Therefore, try to keep

large sections of the image white, or very pale. If too much of the paper is printed on, it won’t glow as strongly.

2 Using photo editing software, adjust the image so it’s black and white.

I’d also recommend increasing the contrast so it looks very stark, with bright whites and dark blacks.

I also increased the sharpness of mine, so the detail really stands out.

3 Load your printer with the glow-inthe-dark paper. Make sure the paper is the correct way up so that the ink will print on the glow-in-the-dark side. If you’re not sure which way to put it, run a test print on some cheap copy paper.

4 Print out the image as close to full bleed as your printer will allow. Wait for a few minutes to allow the ink to dry completely before you touch it.

5 If necessary, trim or mount the printed image.

6 Frame your DIY glow-in-the-dark Halloween wall art, and hang it up somewhere that gets a lot of light in the daytime.

This project was one of those low effort / high impact ones—it took just minutes to print, but has become the star of my Halloween decor! And the paper I bought came in a pack of five, which means that I still have plenty left to make more! n OCTOBER 2021 • 111

FASHION & BEAUT Y

Mastering The Art Of Transeasonal Dressing Easy ways to switch your wardrobe with the seasons

D

ressing for the unpredictable British weather can feel like a minefield and never more so than during the tricky transitional period between seasons—that time of year when one minute there are blue skies, the next torrential rain.

There’s nothing worse than going out sans jacket only to get caught in an unexpected rainstorm. And, on far too many occasions, I’ve dressed for a blustery morning in my finest wool coat, then overheated as the temperature rose at lunchtime.

When weather conditions at opposite ends of the spectrum collide in the space of 24 hours, it makes it pretty damn difficult to know what to wear. Enter transeasonal dressing—style built around seasonless wardrobe essentials. And it’s not as complicated as you might think. Whatever your personal style, all it takes is investing in a few versatile pieces so you can tackle whatever these awkward in-between 112 • OCTOBER 2021

days throw at us without breaking a sweat… or getting a chill.

Get in the right mind-set for transeasonal dressing by steering away from an excessive amount of summer or winter items. Beach cover-ups and straw hats or heavy overcoats and thick knits are great in extreme weather conditions but will quickly find their way to the back of your wardrobe as soon as the temperature changes. Instead, fill your wardrobe with pieces that can be mixed, matched, adjusted and layered as needed. Think cotton t-shirts, straight-leg jeans, lightweight jackets, leather ankle boots and loafers.

Equally, you can truly make the most out of your wardrobe by going back to basics. Opt for high-quality timeless staples in easily translatable colours (ie, neutrals) that will provide the foundations for endless stylish ensembles season in and season out. Then, as seasonal trends come and go, simply add a few that you love to your outfits and you’ll be looking good on all fronts.

And how do you ensure you’ll be warm but not too warm? Cool but not too cool? Comfortable yet stylish?

The key lies in layering. Whether it’s a breathable knit, a lightweight jacket or a silk scarf, at the centre of any transeasonal wardrobe is an army of versatile layers that can be thrown on or shed as the temperature shifts throughout the day.

Layering also allows you to wear your favourite summer pieces for longer. This summer, oversized cotton shirts were a must-have piece, worn with denim shorts, over bikinis and belted à la Carrie Bradshaw.

Give your shirt a new lease of life by pairing it with a sweater vest, your most flattering jeans and crisp white trainers to beat the October chill. I’ll be elongating the life of my favourite piece from summer 2021—the Batsheva "Amy" dress— by layering it over a turtleneck with lug sole boots and adding a puffer coat as the temperature continues to drop.

As the seasons shift, have fun mixing, matching, adjusting and layering pieces to curate a wardrobe that is both comfortable and stylish, making the transition between summer and winter seamless. n Bec Oakes is a Lancashire-based freelance journalist with particular passions for fashion and culture writing

Key Pieces For Transitional Dressing The trench coat A versatile classic that can be paired with everything from summer dresses to chunky knits and rain boots. Burberry is known for its iconic trench coat but high street brands like Marks & Spencer and Monki also offer great variations.

The midi skirt Looking equally great with a satin camisole and mule sandals as it does with knitwear, tights and boots, the midi skirt makes dressing for any weather an absolute breeze.

Cashmere knits As a natural temperature regulator, cashmere offers warmth while remaining breathable, making it ideal for year-round wear. A fine cashmere knit draped over your shoulders feels just right on a cooler summer evening and is perfect for layering. Cashmere jumpers can be found at every price point from Uniqlo to Saint Laurent.

Laurent Loafers The sensible loafer’s closed-toe and sturdy structure make it practical and ideal for transitional weather, and they look equally great with relaxed jeans or tailored trousers, bare legs or tights. Try on-trend flatforms from the likes of Ganni and Vagabond or stick to the classics with horse-bit detailing from And Other Stories or Gucci Gucci.

OCTOBER 2021 • 113

FASHION & BEAUTY

Soapbar Brows Want the season’s signature fluffy brows? The secret might already be in your bathroom, says Jenessa Williams What are they?

The antithesis of the pencil-thin plucking of the 1990s and early 2000s, full and fluffy eyebrows are well and truly on trend. Part of the "natural" make-up movement, stars such as Cara Delevigne, Keira Knightley and Jennifer Connelly have all had their bushy brows admired by the beauty community, with many going to great lengths to achieve a similar carefree look. But as social media has more recently discovered, there is a hack; a regular bar of soap. Companies such as West Barn Co and Technic offer specialised handbag-friendly soapbrow taming kits, but the look can be just as easily achieved with a regular bar of soap and a spooli-applicator— the kind you find in any pharmacy.

What Are The Benefits?

A trick long-used by make-up and drag artists, soap can be preferable to traditional eyebrow gel thanks to its affordability and staying power. It’s all down to glycerine, which coats the strands and then dries, keeping stubborn strays in place and allowing you to groom them in your intended direction, fluffing up and out as 114 • OCTOBER 2021

preferred. Fill in any gaps with a pencil, neaten the edges, and you’ll be well on your way to an editorial look. Just remember to choose an unfragranced, transparent bar (such as Pears) and always patch test first.

Does it actually work?

In a pinch, it’s pretty impressive what can be achieved with such a simple product. But for repeated use, the soap brow trend is likely to be exactly that—a quick-hack that will likely irritate the skin if left on for too long.

If you’re planning to experiment, moisturise first, and apply soap in thin layers before setting with your usual make-up setting spray. While not foolproof, this should help prevent the dreaded soap-in-eyes sting.

The real catch of soap brows is that it will only really work if your brows are already quite full. For those with sparser coverage, pencil application or a professional salon lamination will create a more natural effect, without the fear of any flakiness. It may not be as purse-friendly as a bar of soap, but it’ll certainly save you any suds. n

PARTNERSHIP

PROMOTION

Making it count

A

fter spending far too much time on apps and social media over the last few years, Gemma decided it was time for a change.

“I’d started to get really frustrated with how I was spending my spare time”, said Gemma, 54 from London. “One day, I realised I’d checked my phone over 100 times. Something had to give.”

“So, I deleted my social media apps from my phone and made a promise to myself to do something more positive with my time.”

At first, it wasn’t easy for Gemma to find things to do.

“I’m embarrassed to admit that I’d stopped reading as much over the last couple of years. But, then a friend recommended Readly to me. I’d always loved reading magazines and thought it was time to give them a go again.

The selection is amazing: food, fitness, lifestyle, culture, crafts and

hobbies are all covered. I’ve been using Readly in the evenings to relax instead of watching TV. I’ve also found it great for inspiration and ideas for new recipes. We’ve been doing some re-decorating, so the interior design section has been really helpful. Having so many past issues to browse through is just fantastic. I can’t think how much I would’ve had to spend to get all that content. If you read more than a couple of magazines, you’ll be saving money each month.

My husband loves the car, sport and business magazines. And we cuddle up and do the puzzles and crosswords together now as well!

As it’s a family membership, I’ve shared my subscription with my daughter who has started using it. She’s a teacher and loves getting inspiration from the kids news, science and history magazines.”

To find out more about Readly, and to try 1 month for free, please go to www.readly.com/digest

ART

116 • OCTOBER 2021

State Of The Art:

works. Why is that theme resonant to you? A lot of it came out of a feminist perspective in the 70s and 80s, the idea of putting yourself in the picture. I’m also incredibly lucky Anna Walker speaks to artist, because I have family photos going lecturer, archivist and co-founder back to 1880. I had a pictorial of the Brixton Art Gallery, Rita Keegan representation of a middle class black family, so when I saw images How would you describe your art? of black people a lot of it didn’t ring Well, I’m quite eclectic. I was trained as a painter, although I studied fashion true, because I knew there was more illustration and costume design. I paint, than one image and more than one way of being. Being able to use those but I have also done a lot of things images, especially once I started using the photocopier. As a child, if doing copy art, was really important. you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I used to say, an artist.

This is your first solo show in 15 years. Why is now the right time?

You work across so many mediums, do you have a favourite? Generally There’s very little space for an artist it’s a case of what feels good but it’s after they get over 50. There needs also about access. It was years before to be space for young people to I was able to get my own computer show, but there also needs to be because I started with Macs and they places for people who are working on were outrageously expensive. I used their practice too, but I think that’s to call it the original white man’s across the board in terms of writing, media—outrageously expensive and acting—art always wants the new. immediately obsolete. Not having your It’s happy with the old too, which own equipment is difficult, whereas, I guess is why I’m back—but that with pen, paper and pencils, you’re place in the middle where you are ready to go. One of my early memories experiencing and working? There’s is sitting under my mother’s kitchen very little place for you. I think there table and drawing on its ceiling. needs to be that diversity of young It’s cave painting, you know, you people working alongside older ones. find a stick and if you’re on the beach, then you make marks in the sand.

Rita Keegan’s “Somewhere Between These things are in our DNA. Here and There” is at the South London Gallery until November 28. You can read an extended cut of this interview at You’ve explored the importance of family histories with several of your readersdigest.co.uk/culture

Rita Keegan

OCTOBER 2021 • 117

BOND FAREWELLS

S

eptember 30 sees the longawaited arrival of No Time To Die, Daniel Craig’s fifth outing as James Bond that pits him against new villain in Lyutsifer Safin (Rami Malek), as well as returning nemesis Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Christoph Waltz) and a new agent named Nomi (Lashana Lynch). It’s reportedly Craig’s final turn in the tuxedo, 15 years on from first film, Casino Royale. As fans eagerly await his final moments, we look at Craig’s predecessors to see just how actors have departed the role in the past—is it a case of going out on top, or outstaying your welcome?

118 • OCTOBER 2021

Sean Connery: Diamonds Are Forever (1971) / Never Say Never Again (1983) The first 007 defined the character on-screen with effortless cool combined with a hard-edged masculinity. His connection to the role meant that there was more than one goodbye for the Scot. Having first departed after You Only Live Twice (1967), he returned to star in 1971’s Diamonds Are Forever, after George Lazenby left the franchise. A fun but quirky mixtape of Bond highlights including old foe Blofeld, Las Vegas, and moon buggies; it was a solid encore, even if Connery looks less than invested.

He had little hurry in reprising the role; a whole 12 years passed until Never Say Never Again, an unofficial Bond movie that arose from a dispute over the rights to Thunderball. As it wasn’t part of the official series, elements were missing such as the gun barrel shot, a pre-credits sequence, and James Bond’s theme. However, these are small issues compared with the hackneyed plot and a weary turn from Connery, who was 52 at the time.

RE A D E RS D IGE S T.C O.UK/CULTURE

P I C TO R I A L P R E S S LT D / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO / B FA / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

FILM

READER’S DIGEST

George Lazenby: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969) While his predecessor was always linked with the part of Bond, George Lazenby bowed out after one movie. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service remains a divisive film— some herald it as one of the best of the series, taking chances others wouldn’t and being faithful to the original novels.

For others, it strayed too far from the tone set by the previous films, with the inexperienced actor Lazenby paling in comparison to Connery.

in keeping with the books. License To Kill saw Bond go rogue in order to exact revenge on a drug kingpin, and featured a young Benicio Del Toro as a henchman. The film was hard hitting, but didn’t win over a summer box office that included Batman and Indiana Jones. He was ahead of his time, as Daniel Craig would take elements of his philosophy to his tenure, but Dalton departed reasonably quietly as a potential third film became delayed by court cases.

Roger Moore: A View To A Kill (1985) Moore was 57 at the time of his seventh and final adventure, A View To A Kill.

The high-concept caper required Moore (or his stunt double) to leap from The Eiffel Tower, and battle the nefarious Max Zorin, played by Christopher Walken. Moore is one of the most loved Bond actors, offering a more tonguein-cheek style compared to Connery.

Moore joked in 2008 that he was “about 400 years too old” for the film, and the critical consensus is that A View To A Kill may have been one instalment too many for him.

Pierce Brosnan: Die Another Day (2002) Taking Bond into the 21st century was Pierce Brosnan, who seemed to find a mid-point between Moore’s joviality and Connery’s edge. His debut, 1995’s GoldenEye, was an instant classic, but by his fourth film things had gotten out of hand. Die Another Day saw him surfing on tsunamis with Halle Berry, defying death, and sharing an awkward scene with Madonna.

Like Diamonds Are Forever, it’s something of a greatest hits of Bond cliches and far from the star’s finest moment, although the film remains the most financially successful non-Craig Bond. Then in his late forties, Brosnan was “kicked to the curb” (his words), as producers stopped negotiations for a fifth film in favour of a younger actor.

The Golden Globe nominee clearly felt he had at least one film left, and who can blame him.

Timothy Dalton: License To Kill (1989) Dalton was a case of the right spy, wrong time.

His portrayal of the character as a troubled, reluctant killer was a shock to the system for audiences who had just had 12 years of Moore seeing the lighter side, although it was

by James Luxford OCTOBER 2021 • 119

TELEVISION

M

onty Python. The Day Today.

Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Peep Show. From time to time, a show overhauls the look and lexicon of TV comedy. Here’s the latest: I Think You Should Leave (Netflix), which dropped its second season over the summer.

This literally riotous sketch show trades not in reassuring punchlines or catchphrases, rather situations that lurch out of control, sometimes towards oblivion. Whoopie cushions, loud shirts and late lunches derail business plans. Violent celeb lookalikes reduce parties to chaos.

Sporadic fake adverts further warp viewer perception. Some will understandably be thrown; cling on, however, and you’ll witness the most radically funny set of ideas the streaming era has yet generated.

Creators Tim Robinson and Zach Kanin have tapped that volatile mania churning beneath the waking world’s surface; with that world getting ever loopier, Season 2 seems more

relatable, if still not wholly sane.

Peace of mind is the goal in In Treatment (Sky Atlantic; NOW TV), a classy, understated HBO drama— adapted from an Israeli original, BeTipul—which logged three seasons from 2008-11 with Gabriel Byrne in the psychiatrist’s chair, and now has a refurb, with Uzo Aduba (formerly Orange is the New Black’s “Crazy Eyes”) taking over as head shrink.

The format remains unchanged: each half-hour represents a session with one of the doctor’s patients, a grabbag of modern American neuroses, from pronoun-juggling teens to onepercenters piqued at having their privilege called out. It’s a televisual throwback, in many ways, limited to one newly plush set, dependent on exceptionally sharp writing, playing and direction to sustain its probing crosstalk. Yet few shows have better acknowledged how complicated humans can be—its breakthroughs are all the more moving for being so hard-won.

by Mike McCahill

Retro Pick: Help S1 (YouTube) The British In Treatment: Chris Langham’s the hapless psychiatrist, Paul Whitehouse his many patients in this nuanced, BAFTAwinning 2005 gem.

120 • OCTOBER 2021

MUSIC

Album Of The Month: Love For Sale

by Lady Gaga & Tony Bennett

G E I S L E R- F OTO P R E S S G M B H / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

T

he legendary gentleman crooner Tony Bennett (95) and the audacious pop megastar Lady Gaga (35) might not immediately seem like a match made in heaven.

And yet, the pair are one of Hollywood’s favourite, most wholesome music duos of the recent years. They first met backstage at a charity gala in 2011, where Gaga performed Nat King Cole’s “Orange Coloured Sky”. As she later described in an interview, she came up to Bennett and introduced herself, saying “Hi, I’m Lady Gaga”, to which he replied, “I know who you are—you’re a jazz singer.” The two hit it off straight away and recorded an album of jazz standards Cheek to Cheek in 2014. They have since established a deep and mutually loving friendship, with Bennett attending Gaga’s concerts and Gaga getting him a gigantic birthday cake for his 90th.

Now, the couple are releasing a brand new collaborative album celebrating Cole Porter’s songbook, Love For Sale. This historic album will mark Bennett’s final studio recording; the jazz legend has been battling Alzheimer’s since 2016 and as of August this year has retired from live shows on doctor’s orders. Love For Sale features a mix of jazz ensemble, big band and orchestral arrangements, as well as both duet and solo selections from both artists. A delectable, classy and a tad mischievous collection of songs, it’s just the thing to warm the cockles of your heart on a chilly autumnal evening.

by Eva Mackevic

Early Encounters Tony Bennett’s been a life-long heartthrob, charming his fans to the point that, upon his marriage to first wife Patricia Beech, 2,000 wailing women clad in black dresses and veils gathered outside the ceremony at a New York cathedral in mock mourning.

He’s been happily married to his third wife Susan Crow since 2007, but the way they first met was rather unusual: decades before they fell in love, Bennett encountered his future wife while she was… in her mother’s belly.

That’s right—Crow’s parents Marion and Dayl were avid Bennett fans and went backstage to take a picture with him at one of his shows in 1966—little did they all know, Marion was pregnant with Bennett’s future wife!

BOOKS

October Fiction A downbeat but brilliant novel set during the coronavirus outbreak is this month’s fiction pick

Life without Children Roddy Doyle Cape, £14.99

I

n his 1991 novel Talking It Over, Julian Barnes compares life to invading Russia. You start off full of beans, making happy progress—but then comes “a long morale-sapping trudge with rations getting shorter and the first snowflakes upon your face”.

This less-than-cheery notion also underlies the work of Roddy Doyle. His career began more than 30 years ago with the comic ebullience of novels such as The Commitments and The Van, both made into successful films.

These days, though, his fiction has a distinctly melancholy tone, with his James Walton is a book reviewer and broadcaster, and has written and presented 17 series of the BBC Radio 4 literary quiz The Write Stuff

122 • OCTOBER 2021

mostly male protagonists facing the onset of old age and a growing sense of redundancy as their children begin to leave home and their chances of changing their lives to any significant extent recede.

His new short-story collection Life without Children (there’s a clue in the name) firmly follows the same pattern.

Almost all the tales feature men in their early sixties—Doyle’s own age—who are forced to realise that they’re just not needed the way they were back when they occupied centre-stage in their kids’ lives. But this time, there’s an added dimension to feeling cut off from the world they once knew, because most of the stories take place during Ireland’s

coronavirus lockdown—which, as Doyle puts it about one particularly unhappy character, “has ripped away the padding. There’s no schedule, no job, no commute. There’s nothing saving him.”

The book displays Doyle’s remarkable talent for conveying the strongest of emotions in the simplest of words and the shortest of sentences (“He’s a nothing. An emptiness. He’s a place where a man used to be”). It bristles with quietly sharp insights into the shape of a human life. It’s also full of a touching sympathy for these blokes—and perhaps even more for the women who have to live with them.

Granted, one or two of the characters manage, again touchingly, to achieve about the best they can hope for: a kind of weary acceptance of their new situation. Nonetheless, for all its brilliance, this is certainly not a book for readers who like their fiction to provide escapism.

Name the author Can you guess the writer from these clues (the fewer you need the better)?

1. He has the same first name as the author of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

2. His wife Barbara was a high-profile Labour MP from 1997 to 2010.

3. His many bestsellers include The Pillars of the Earth and World without End. Answer on p126

Paperbacks Meghan Andrew Morton (Michael O’Mara, £9.99). Diana’s most famous biographer applies his usual combination of solid research and touches of memorable gossip to Meghan Markle. Fully updated from the 2018 hardback to include the split with the Royal Family.

The Searcher Tana French (Viking, £8.99).

Another compulsive thriller from one of the biggest stars of the genre.

A Field Guide to the English Clergy The Revd Fergus Butler-Gallie (Oneworld, £8.99). Fabulously enjoyable compendium of the Anglican Church’s most eccentric ministers— who prove to be very eccentric indeed.

The Strays of Paris Jane Smiley (Picador, £9.99).

One of America’s finest novelists turns playful with the utterly charming tale of a runaway racehorse.

Fall: The Mystery of Robert Maxwell John Preston (Viking, £9.99).

Preston follows his bestselling Jeremy Thorpe book—which was adapted into the hit BBC drama series starring Hugh Grant—with another scarcely believable British scandal, beautifully told.

OCTOBER 2021 • 123

BOOKS

READER’S DIGEST RECOMMENDED READ:

Down The River Travel writer Colin Thubron takes us on a journey through time to the Amur river Genghis Khan knew

A

ccording to Craig Brown, Colin Thubron “might justly claim to be the greatest travel writer in the world”: a claim that, if anything, is bolstered still further by the appearance of this extraordinary new book.

A couple of years ago, aged 79, Thubron journeyed to what—even by his standards—is a remote part of the globe.

Now he brings its people, geography, wildlife, current problems and all-round historical importance thrillingly alive in a way that may make some readers (me, for starters) somewhat embarrassed that we’d never so much as heard of the Amur river. It is, after all, the world’s tenth longest, and for 1,000 miles forms the border between Russia and China.

Or at least it does these days—thanks to Russia’s huge expansion into Asia over the past few centuries (before that, the Russian frontier was 3,000 miles away). In recent years, though, the rise of China has left those on the Russian side increasingly alarmed about what might happen next.

Thubron travels the Amur’s length,

124 • OCTOBER 2021

READER’S DIGEST

from its beginnings as the Onon river in Mongolia, which he tackles on horseback. From there, a mix of road, rail and boat takes him the 3,000 miles to the Pacific, with wonderful stories at every turn. He also finds traces of the region’s many layers of history, from the last remnants of the indigenous shamanists to Buddhist monasteries with a single monk, via statues of Lenin.

We join him here near the start, when the Amur is still the Onon, in whose valley Mongolia’s most famous son grew up and is said to be buried— although, despite much searching, his tomb has never been discovered…

‘‘

The nearest source for Genghis Khan’s life, The Secret History of the Mongols, says nothing of his grave.

Its omission from this extraordinary document suggests a prohibition against disclosing it; but it is The Secret History that fills the Onon valley with Genghis’s youth and early conflicts. The anonymous epic, written in a lost Mongolian original a few years after Genghis’s death, was discovered in the 19th century on the shelves of a Peking library. The work is redolent of oral tradition, where history merges with legend, and vivid detail with archaic epithet. It was written, it seems, as an instructive history for the Mongol royal family, and follows their great progenitor’s ascent from youthful crimes—he murdered his own half-brother—to

the fulfilment of his divine calling from the Eternal Sky. A complex character, both politic and visionary, emerges alongside the tempest of shocking cruelty familiar to the West.

It was on the Onon’s banks that the Mongols united under him, and it was in its valleys, in collective hunting and early battles, that the way was paved for an empire founded on horseback.

The Secret History relegates the two decades of his later campaigns to a few cursory sentences, but by his death in 1227 his empire stretched from the Pacific to the Caspian, and his descendants extended it to form the largest contiguous empire ever known, conquering China in the east and harassing Vienna to the west. By 1290 the whole breadth of Asia was bruised into one vast confederacy whose Pax Mongolica endured for another century, while commerce flourished and an exhausted peace reigned. A virgin with a dish of gold, it was said, could walk unmolested from China to Turkey.

Perhaps Genghis Khan, leaving no

The Amur River: Between Russia and China

by Colin Thubron is published

by Chatto & Windus at £20 OCTOBER 2021 • 125

BOOKS

material trace on the Onon watershed, permeates it the more powerfully in imagination. This evening, when we regain it, the river seems no longer an incident in the landscape, but its surging heart. It is stronger now, fed by mountain tributaries, and deeper.

Its surface glimmers in steely troughs and ridges that reach its banks gently, while eating them away. Yet it is still small—a moving sliver in the darkness—and no theory quite dispels the wonder that it engendered this cataclysmic transformation of Asia, and that today’s Mongolia, with a population of barely three million, once poured out such a flood of concentrated power.

Between 1237 and 1239 the Mongols’ Golden Horde overswept the mosaic of princedoms that constituted early Russia, and settled to impose fearsome levies on the surviving Slavic peoples. For over two centuries Russia’s subjugation under the Mongols drastically realigned it, impairing its future convergence with western Europe. The so-called ‘Tartar yoke’, some historians suggest, gave birth to Russia’s stoic fatalism, freezing it in serfdom and autocracy.

Thus, by an outrageous sleight of mind, Ivan the Terrible, Stalin and Putin become the offspring of Genghis Khan, and the country’s perennial split between Western civilization and an ‘Asiatic’ destiny originated in the moonlit river beneath us.

’’

126 • OCTOBER 2021

Colin Thubron’s Choice Of Great Travel Books The Road to Oxiana by Robert Byron.

This is something of a bible for travel writers. A journal of Byron’s 1930s travels in Persia and Afghanistan, brimming with sardonic high spirits and some of the finest architectural descriptions ever written.

Shadow City: A Woman Walks Kabul

by Taran N Khan. The author knew the city between 2006-2014, often wandering its streets alone. A fascinating book, already touched with foreboding.

A Time of Gifts by Patrick Leigh Fermor. The start of the celebrated writer’s journey on foot from Holland to Turkey in the 1930s, infused with addictive panache. A masterpiece.

Stalin’s Nose by Rory MacLean.

MacLean journeys through a fracturing Eastern Europe with two eccentric aunts, a coffin and a Tamworth pig. A surreal reflection of the political dreamland dissolving around them.

And the name of the author is…

Ken Follett, whose prequel to The Pillars of the Earth, The Evening and the Morning, is just out in paperback. Barbara now handles her husband’s business affairs, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is by Ken Kesey

Books

THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

David Hare is a British playwright, theatre and film director and an Oscar-nominated screenwriter.

His new book, We Travelled: Essays And Poems is out now, published by Faber&Faber The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde I fell in love with Oscar Wilde at the age of ten. In 1960, when I was 13, I embarked, with two other friends from the Thalia School of Drama in Bexhillon-Sea, to do a puppet performance of The Importance of Being Earnest. Even heavily cut, it was very hard work. The string work required to pass cucumber sandwiches between puppets was way beyond us. But we loved the dialogue and we raised a fair amount of money for charity. At Cambridge University, much to the horror of the puritanical English department, I did a dissertation on Wilde.

Generous, witty, and original, Wilde’s been with me all the way.

The Third Man by Graham Greene It never had occurred to me that a film script could be published, until, at some time in the late 1960s, the BFI (I think) published the full text of The Third Man, illustrated with stills from the film. It was a revelation, and an education in the profession of screenwriting which I would eventually take up. It’s every writer’s dream to be both good and popular, but Greene is one of the few who has achieved it in my lifetime. His novel, The End of the Affair, affected me so profoundly because it made me realise how important romantic love would be to me—something of which I, up till then, had no inkling.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/CULTURE

Eichmann in Jerusalem

by Hannah Arendt George Steiner at Cambridge used to lecture about Western civilisation being terminated at Auschwitz. He was a lone voice, because in those days nobody talked about the camps. It was only with the winning of the Six Day War in Israel in 1967 that survivors’ guilt finally lessened, and the atrocities became commonly discussed. Meanwhile I had finally read Hannah Arendt. I had never imagined that a philosopher could so urgently address profound questions which actually mattered in everyday life. Her 1963 account of how evil may be done by quite ordinary people has never been surpassed.

OCTOBER 2021 • 127

TECHNOLOGY

A Crash Course In Cryptocurrency This month, James O’Malley ponders whether cryptocurrency is the future of money or just a silly idea

H

ave you ever thrown out something you’ve later regretted? If so, spare a thought for Welsh IT consultant James Howells.

In 2013, he got rid of a hard disk that contained the keys to a £275m fortune. And today it is buried somewhere in a landfill in Newport.

How does a hard disk contain such a vast fortune? The answer is because the money isn’t in a bank account—it’s in Bitcoin, a so-called “cryptocurrency” that over the last few years has been steadily growing in popularity.

The way it works is fiendishly clever, and presents an entirely new way of thinking about digital money.

Unlike normal currencies—your Pounds Sterling and your US Dollars, there is no central bank in charge.

There is no government that can order more money to be printed, or even to guarantee that the money in your virtual wallet actually means anything at all.

Instead, Bitcoin, and other currencies based on the same

128 • OCTOBER 2021

technology, use a “distributed ledger” to take care of these functions. Essentially, there is no central list of transactions that can be hacked or compromised. Instead, the list is distributed so there are many copies. And when a transaction is made, it is recorded on each. This means that if one ledger is hacked or destroyed, there are plenty of others containing accurate information.

The way the ledgers are kept accurate is through a process known as “mining”. Essentially, anyone can connect a computer to the Bitcoin network, and task it with anonymously processing transactions by solving complex equations. And this is far from a thankless task. If you “mine” enough with your computer, you’ll eventually be rewarded with new Bitcoins of your own.

And Bitcoins are valuable things to own. At the time of writing, they are worth over £32,000 each. So unsurprisingly, Bitcoin mining today takes place on an industrial scale,

with countless computers around the world whirring away, trying to solve the equations and earn the valuable coins.

In total, it’s a very elegant system, and is its own sustainable digital currency. Since it was first invented in 2009, and since it hit the big-time around 2017, it has earned itself countless zealous evangelists who like to talk about how Bitcoin and crypto will change the world.

But there are still plenty of reasons to be sceptical. In my view, though they are technologically very clever, cryptocurrencies are still a solution in search of a problem. While Bitcoin may be—in principle—enormously valuable, because a lot of people think that it is valuable, on a practical level there really isn’t much you can actually buy or do with it.

In fact, the only real notable use of cryptocurrencies is for illegal activities on the so-called “Dark Web”. Because Bitcoin transactions are anonymous and outside of the control of any government, criminals have discovered it is perfect for buying and selling guns, drugs and whatever else you may need in the criminal underworld.

And this is not to mention the huge environmental cost of Bitcoin.

All of those computers mining those virtual coins are using a lot of

electricity. In February, one study by Cambridge University calculated that Bitcoin mining was using 121.36 terawatt-hours of power. That’s more electricity annually than the whole of Argentina.

Ultimately, perhaps cryptocurrencies were best summed up by a famous tweet responding to someone asking on social media what Bitcoin is. “Imagine if keeping your car idling 24/7 produced solved Sudokus you could trade for heroin”, came the response.

And I think that though the idea of a currency not having to rely on a government may sound appealing to a certain type of person with libertarian leanings, for most of us it just means that Bitcoin transactions lack the basic protections that ordinary bank transactions have.

That’s what that IT consultant James Howells is learning the hard way.

Sadly for him, because there’s no government involved, he has no recourse to get his hands on his fortune. As of July, he was still reportedly trying to persuade Newport Council to let him search through his local landfill to look for the missing hard disk. He has even offered them a £55m share of the buried treasure once he finds it.

Good luck, James. You’re going to need it. n OCTOBER 2021 • 129

FUN & GAMES

You Couldn’t Make It Up Win £30 for your true, funny stories!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

My father was cross with my mother after he came home from work, and discovered that she hadn't watered the plants on the patio, like he asked her to. She explained: "It was raining".

"That's no excuse," he replied.

"You could have used an umbrella!”

GINETTE HUGHES, Hertfordshire

Remember the times when little boys with plastic guns used to run around threatening everyone and shouting things like, "Hands up!" or "Bang! Bang!"?

I saw one in a restaurant yesterday doing the rounds of the tables and wanting to test people's temperature with his. Another fall out from the pandemic, I suppose.

MAGGIE COBBETT, North Yorkshire 130 • OCTOBER 2021

The bus I was on was creeping slowly forwards, in heavy traffic.

On the other side of the road, a telephone engineer had opened up a large junction box and was staring at a mass of wiring, contemplating his next move.

The bus driver, clearly a fan of action movies, leaned his head out of the cab window and shouted, "Cut the blue one!"

ROGER GOMM, Surrey

I was out with some friends listening to a modern band and commented that the lyrics to the songs were very repetitive and couldn’t the singer do better.

Someone said, “Maybe, but have you ever heard the “Hallelujah” chorus?”

MARGARET ANNE ROBERTSON, Kent

"GRANDMA, PLEASE STOP TESTING SPELLS ON MY BOYFRIENDS!"

One day, my son was working in his surgery and it was a very busy day. He got a call from my eightyear-old grandson, Ruben. Normally he won’t take personal calls while at surgery, but because it was his son, he thought it must have been urgent, and took the call. Ruben said, “Dad, am I allowed to buy a season pass for Fortnite?”

It’s a computer game and my son was annoyed that he was disturbed for this, and abruptly replied, “I’m busy, I can’t talk. Bye”.

When my son came home that evening, his wife complained, “We agreed it’s not good practice. Why did you let Ruben buy online?”

My son replied, “Of course I didn’t give him permission to buy, let’s ask him what's going on.” cartoon by Guto Dias

He called Ruben down and asked him why he didn’t listen to his dad, and how dare he go against his parents’ wishes. Ruben said, “Dad, you said that you were busy and couldn’t talk. But you said ‘BUY’.

That’s why I got it.”

GOURI SRINIVASAN, via email

I bought some keratin for my hair that made it lovely and soft. All ready for an evening with friends, I told my partner Lee about it and he noted how lovely I looked. Later that evening a friend mentioned how nice my hair was, to which my partner replied, "Yes, she looks lovely—she has cretin on her hair!"

I think he's the cretin! But everyone had a good laugh at him.

JANE WHITAKER, Kent OCTOBER 2021 • 131

It’s never been easier to enjoy the world’s favourite magazine!

3 ISSUES

FOR JUST £3!

Each must-read monthly issue covers life, culture, health, books, films, food, humour and travel alongside in-depth news features, memoirs and celebrity profiles.

YES I want to subscribe to Reader’s Digest Magazine for just £3 for 3 issues (a saving of £8.37 on the shop price of £11.37 based on the cover price of £3.79 per issue). I understand that if I do not wish to continue receiving Reader’s Digest after my first 3 issues I can simply cancel my subscription by contacting customer services.

If I do want to continue to subscribe after my first 3 issues I need do nothing and my subscription will automatically be renewed at the low rate of £7.50 for every 3 issues until I decide otherwise.

INSTRUCTIONS TO YOUR BANK OR BUILDING SOCIETY TO PAY BY DIRECT DEBIT. Originators reference: 400162 Please complete direct debit mandate below Name of Bank ......................................................................

Account Holder ............................................................

Branch: Sort Code

Name:

/

/

Account No.

Address:

Postcode: Telephone: Email:

Return your completed form to: Reader’s Digest, The Maltings, West Street, Bourne PE10 9PH

Or call us today on 0330 333 2220 Quoting code RDN091

Instructions to your bank or Building Society: Pay Reader’s Digest Direct Debits from the account detailed on this instruction subject to the safeguards assured by the Direct Debit Guarantee. I understand that this instruction may remain with Reader’s Digest and if so will be passed electronically to my Bank or Building Society.

Signature .....................................................................

Date ..............................................................................

Data Protection: From time to time Reader’s Digest may contact you with details of its products and services. Please tick here if you object to receiving such information.

FUN AND GAMES IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power

In honour of October, we devote this month’s quiz to seven-letter words that begin with O. Will the answers be obvious or will the test prove onerous? That depends on you. Onward!

BY RO B LUTE S

1. oblique— A: docile.

B: indirect.

C: regretful.

2. occlude— A: ignore.

B: westernise.

C: block off.

3. ominous— A: dire.

B: rocky.

C: bejewelled.

4. outcrop—

A: overharvesting.

B: jutting bedrock.

C: mullet-like haircut.

6. orectic—

11. opulent—

pertaining to: A: speech.

B: gold.

C: desire.

A: optimistic.

B: ostentatiously wealthy.

C: carefully organised.

7. organza— A: citrus fruit.

B: a large wooden stage.

C: transparent fabric.

12. occiput—

8. obviate—

A: explain.

B: prevent.

C: nurture.

A: crest of a wave.

B: back of the head.

C: spout.

13. orotund—

A: grossly overweight.

B: glowing.

C: full-and richsounding.

14. osseous—

9. obloquy—

A: abusive language.

B: religious offering.

C: sad musical piece.

containing: A: bone.

B: acid.

C: air.

5. oddment—

A: remnant.

B: portion of fallow land.

C: left half of a racket court.

10. odyssey—

A: long journey.

B: idiosyncrasy.

C: feeling of discomfort.

15. ocarina— A: teardropshaped flute.

B: small squash.

C: spicy soup.

OCTOBER 2021 • 133

WORD POWER

Answers

1. oblique—[B] indirect. Yeva made oblique references to her sister’s surgery but stopped short of asking how it had gone.

9. obloquy—[A] abusive language.

The video footage of the mayor’s misdeeds brought him a storm of obloquy.

2. occlude—[C] block off. We had the blinds custom-made to better occlude the morning light, but it hasn’t improved the situation.

10. odyssey—[A] long journey.

Myra’s odyssey took her from a tiny village in the the countryside to the stages of the West End.

3. ominous—[A] dire. Evidence of the Asian carp swimming in the upper Mississippi River is an ominous sign of how far the invasive species has spread.

11. opulent—[B] ostentatiously

4. outcrop—[B] jutting bedrock. If

head. The massage therapist ran her fingers along Ahmed's occiput in an effort to alleviate his headache.

you’re going on that hike tomorrow, be sure to visit the outcrop of quartz that marks the summit.

5. oddment—[A] remnant. Andrew's

dishevelled uncle shuffled his way into the kitchen, dressed in oddments of clothing.

6. orectic—[C] pertaining to desire.

The new iPhone has left me in a deeply orectic state.

7. organza—[C] transparent fabric.

Paula charmed the assembled guests with her elaborate floral dress set off by an organza sash.

8. obviate—[B] prevent. The new drains were installed to obviate water damage to the museum.

134 • OCTOBER 2021

wealthy. The furnishings in Professor Clark’s home were even more opulent than Sadia had expected.

12. occiput—[B] the back of the

13. orotund—[C] full- and rich-

sounding. Everyone was awestruck as Juliano’s orotund baritone filled the hall.

14. osseous—[A] containing bone.

The soil in the Egyptian cave was rich in osseous remains.

15. ocarina—[A] teardrop-shaped flute. The ocarina produces a very sweet sound—neither too high nor too low.

VOCABULARY RATINGS 7–10: fair 11–12: good 13–15: excellent

TRIVIA

By Beth Shillibeer

1. What US television role did Katie Couric, Ken Jennings and Bill Whitaker have in common in 2021?

8. The 2020 Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to which organisation whose mascot is a dog named Foxtrot?

2. What Oktoberfest commodity sold out despite the cancellation of the 2020 Munich celebrations?

9. When Israel’s spacecraft Beresheet crash-landed on the moon in 2019, what was it carrying that may have since become the first lunar life form?

3. Canada’s University of Victoria offers a course on which DC superhero created

by Bob Kane and Bill Finger?

4. Which Australian prime minister was also a Rhodes Scholar and one-time holder of a world record for drinking beer?

5. Saffron can be more expensive than gold by weight. True or false?

10. Why is Russia’s October Revolution of 1917 commemorated in November?

11. Who is the only US president to have been awarded a Pulitzer Prize?

12. In 2020, sailor Bert Ter Hart became the first person from North America to sail around the world alone using what method of navigation?

6. What type of Halloween costume did Disney launch in 2020 for disabled children?

15. Facing an excess of oranges, what did the city of Seville recently do with its fruit waste?

14. Vampire squids, goblin sharks and fangtooth fish are all members of what specific ecosystem?

Answers: 1. Jeopardy guest host. 2. Official beer stein. 3. Batman. 4. Bob Hawke. 5. True.

6. Wheelchair adaptive costumes. 7. Presumed consent. 8. World Food Programme. 9. Tardigrades (water bears). 10. Russia used the Julian calendar in 1917 but now uses the Gregorian calendar.

11. John F Kennedy in 1957, for Profiles in Courage. 12. Celestial navigation (charts and sextant).

13. A sheep, a duck and a rooster. 14. Deep sea environments. 15. Create electricity.

OCTOBER 2021 • 135

Photo: ©getty images

7. Nova Scotia is the first legislative body in Canada to implement what legal approach to organ donation upon death?

13. What passengers took on the very first hot air balloon ride in 1783?

FUN & GAMES

BRAIN TEASERS Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles, then check your answers on p139

Tents & Trees How to play: At this camping site, each tent is adjacent to its own tree, either horizontally or vertically.

Tents are not adjacent to each other, not even diagonally. The numbers outside the grid indicate how many tents are in that row or column. Locate all tents.

Example

2 0 1 1

3 1 2 2 2 1 1 4 1 4

2 0 1 1

3 2 2 2

1 2 2 2

5

Numbers

Example:

How to play: Enter the numbers 1 - 9 into the grid, so that any two numbers connected with a line will have a difference of at least 3.

Two numbers are given.

1

9

4

6

1 Visit WWW.pzzl.com/rd for solving tips and examples of both puzzle types 136 • OCTOBER 2021

1 4

£50 PRIZE QUESTION

SIXY SUDOKU How to play: Insert the numbers 1 to 6 just once in each a) row, b) column, c) bold outlined area and d) white or grey rectangle.

DIVIDE AND ANSWER Replace a number in the central box by which all the other numbers can be divided without leaving a remainder. The number is greater than 1

Example:

sixy2110_01 The bold outlined areas Beware! are no longer Type: [ 1] 2x3!

1

4 1 3 4

5 6 1

1 2 5

Type: [ 1]

2

95

209

114

38

228

THE FIRST CORRECT ANSWER WE PICK WINS £50!* Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk

5 sixy2110_02

152

2

2 6 4 1 2 4 5 5 1 3 6 3 2 1 4 4 5 4 6 1 2 5 6 2 5 1 3

3 1 4 2 6 5

2 3 1 3 4 1 3 4 2 2 5 6

ANSWER TO SEPTEMBER’S PRIZE QUESTION

ROLL OF THE DICE 41. There are 21 dots on each die, thus a total of 63 dots on the three dice. Since 22 dots are visible, the total number of dots on the sides that are not visible amounts to 41

AND THE £50 GOES TO… ROBERT BLUCK, Birmingham

Visit sixysudoku.com for books and a free app

2 6 1 4 3 5 5 4 3 6 1 2

Puzzles © PZZL.com

OCTOBER 2021 • 137

CROSSWISE Test your general knowledge.

Answers on p142

ACROSS

Masked (9) Mexican money (5) Diving bird (5) Life story (9) Yorkshire town on the Wharfe (5) Commonplace (8) Hard-shelled pupa (9) Pilsner (5) Swellings (5) Fit for publication (9) Fashion industry (3,5) Effluent carrier (5) Apiarist (9) Strong thread (5) Trials (5) Necessary to get to Mars (9)

138 • OCTOBER 2021

1 6 9 10 11 12 16 17 20 22 24 26 29 31 32 33

DOWN

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 13 14 15 18 19 21 23 24 25 27 28 30

Stalks (4) Protected from the weather (9) No good (7) Weeps (4) Pair (3) Incomplete (7) Above (5) Cunningly (5) Rural (6) Scrutinise (4) Inclined (6) Nonsense (9) Regretted (4) Wave riders (7) Stage (7) Capital of Morocco (5) Valleys (5) Extent of space (4) Quick sharp bark (4) Step in ballet (3)

1 4 1 BRAINTEASERS SOLUTIONS 4 3 2 2 2 1 2 2 2 1 4 Tents & Trees

Numbers

sixy2110_01

sixy2110_02

Type: [ 1]

Type: [ 1]

4 1 3 4

5 6 1

1 2

2

5

3

SIXY SUDOKU SOLUTIONS 5 1

2 6 4 2 5 3 1 5 1 3 6 4 2 3 2 1 4 6 5 4 5 6 1 2 3 2 6 5 3 1 4 1 3 4 2 5 6

2

1 4 6

3

9

5

7

8

2

4

1

6

4 5 2 1

3 2

2 6 1 4 3 5 5 4 3 6 1 2 3 1 5 2 4 6 6 2 4 3 5 1 4 5 2 1 6 3 1 3 6 5 2 4

The Unknown Woman Of Seine Before the widespread availability of photography, the facial features of unidentified bodies were sometimes preserved by creating death masks so that relatives of the deceased could recognise them. One such mask recorded the face of a young girl who had been found drowned in the Seine River, Paris, in the 1880s. The CPR mannequin Rescue Anne was modelled after her OCTOBER 2021 • 139

FUN & GAMES

Laugh!

WIN £30

for every reader’s joke we publish!

Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

Did you hear about the new app that allows you to rent your attic space to mad women?

It’s called Eyre BnB. Submitted via email

Can’t believe somebody broke into my house and stole my limbo stick.

How low can you go?

Seen on Twitter

Why did they call the film Jurassic Park and not A Reptile Dysfunction?

Comedian GLENN MOORE

People think that “queue” is just the letter “q” followed by four silent letters. But those letters are not 140 • OCTOBER 2021

silent. They’re just waiting their turn.

Seen on Twitter

Would anyone on Twitter like to buy some secondhand boots?

Slide into my DMs. Comedian GARY DELANEY

Me: I’ve lost the dictionary.

Her: Can you look upstairs?

Me: I can’t look up anything!

Submitted via email

There’s a man in America who says that he can rob his local supermarkets using telekineses.

Food for thought that, isn’t it?

Submitted via Twitter

What do you call a group of opticians?

A FOCUS GROUP! Seen online

Garden Nightmares An angel appears to a man in a puff of smoke and says to him, “Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth.”

After reflecting, the man says, “I’ll take the wisdom” “Wisdom is yours,” says the angel, and promptly disappears.

The puff of smoke is barely clear before the man thinks to himself, I should have taken the money.

THINK YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S FRONT LAWN IS BAD? THESE TERRIBLE GARDENS COULD TAKE THE BISCUIT via boredpanda.com

JOHN WILLIAMS, via email

Did you hear about the poor emu who grew a few feet taller and lost all of his friends?

He was ostrich sized.

Seen on Reddit

What do you get when you cross a sad fruit with a sad vegetable?

A meloncauliflower.

Seen online OCTOBER 2021 • 141

LAUGH

Everybody knows where the Big Apple is.

But does anybody know where the Minneapolis is?

Seen on Reddit I asked my dog what one minus one equals.

He said nothing.

Seen on Twitter A construction worker sits down in his favourite pub at the end of a long, exhausting week. He orders a beer and takes a sip in pure bliss. From the corner of his eye he notices an attractive woman, but he pays no mind. All he can think of is the glass in his hand, filled to the brim with golden ale.

As the night progresses, the attractive woman places herself next to him. As she orders a drink, she flirtatiously asks, “So, big man, any concrete plans tomorrow?”

The worker laughs and takes a big gulp of beer. “Honey,” he answers with a drunk grin on his face. “I don’t work weekends.”

Seen online

In films, why is the “chosen one” always a teenager? Are we really going to put the fate of the universe on somebody with an undeveloped prefrontal cortex? Give me a story where the chosen one is a 42-year-old mum who has already seen some serious s**t and run out of cares to give.

Seen on Pinterest

Bad Sports Twitter users find the funniest ways of describing some of our favourite sports @DontThinkso555: Fencing.

Two beekeepers trying to stab each other @ReneeJordan78: Synchronised swimming is just swimming, but for drama students @ZackSal2: Basketball. You have 24 seconds to pass to the most talented player @MisterDorngal58: Shot put. The things you always wanted to do in a bowling alley but couldn’t @DrSarahSebree: The gymnastics balance beam is the ultimate driving-whileintoxicated test @SaiynaBrief: Make the thing go through the thing describes basically every sport ever

CROSSWORD ANSWERS Across: 1 Disguised, 6 Pesos, 9 Grebe, 10 Biography, 11 Otley, 12 Ordinary, 16 Chrysalis, 17 Lager, 20 Nodes, 22 Printable, 24 Rag trade, 26 Sewer, 29 Beekeeper, 31 Twine, 32 Tests, 33 Spaceship Down: 1 Dogs, 2 Sheltered, 3 Useless, 4 Sobs, 5 Duo, 6 Partial, 7 Supra, 8 Slyly, 13 Rustic, 14 Scan, 15 Sloped, 18 Gibberish, 19 Rued, 21 Surfers, 23 Theatre, 24 Rabat, 25 Glens, 27 Area, 28 Yelp, 30 Pas

READER’S DIGEST

Beat the Cartoonist!

IN THE NOVEMBER ISSUE

Engelbert Humperdinck

I REMEMBER… Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s original, will be posted on our website in mid-October.

If your entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50.

The legendary balladeer looks back on his childhood and career

Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk

by October 10. We’ll announce the winner in our November issue.

AUGUST WINNER THE ELECTRIC REVOLUTION Battery power for motoring seems inevitable these days, but what form will the car of the future take?

+

Our cartoonist’s caption, “We’re not in kennels this year so I don’t know why they call it a staycation!” failed to beat our reader Julian Cadman this month, who won the vote with their caption, “I always insist on a window seat when I’m travelling!” Congrats Julian!

cartoons by Royston Robertson

A PORTRAIT OF THE TREE Celebrating our favourite trees from around Britain

OCTOBER 2021 • 143

Mutaz Essa Barshim of Qatar and Gianmarco Tamberi

LAUGH

GOOD NEWS from around the World

In one of the most defining moments at this year’s Tokyo Olympics, Qatar’s Mutaz Barshim and Italy’s Gianmarco Tamberi made the world weep when they shared their win at the Men’s High Jump.

After matching performances that led the pair to a tie, instead of opting for a jump-off as would usually be custom, Barshim asked the referee whether it was possible to share the gold medal. The referee ceded the decision to the two athletes, and Tamberi immediately agreed.

In emotional and jubilant scenes that followed, the two embraced in a jump hug—a scene that has been called the “best moment of Tokyo 2020” on social media.

144 • OCTOBER 2021

Speaking to the media, Barshim said: “I know for a fact that for the performance I did, I deserve that gold. He did the same thing, so I know he deserved that gold.” He added: “This is beyond sport. This is the message we deliver to the young generation.”

Meanwhile, Tamberi said: “Sharing with a friend is even more beautiful, it was just magical.”

Barshim later took to Twitter, where alongside posting a photo with him and Tamberi, he said: “What is better than one gold?

TWO!!”. A win shared is clearly a win made all the more sweeter.

by Marco Marcelline

A FLO CO. LTD. / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

A WIN SHARED

Only £895 for a fully fitted electric door.

Gotta get a Garolla

NOW ONLY

£895

WAS £1,354 INC VAT

Offer valid for openings up to 2.6m wide & including 2 remote controls, 55mm white slats, internal manual override.

WHAT’S INCLUDED WITH EVERY DOOR: FREE EXPERT MEASURING & FITTING TWO REMOTE CONTROLS ACOUSTIC & THERMAL INSULATION AVAILABLE IN 21 COLOURS FREE DISPOSAL OF YOUR OLD DOOR

Garolla garage doors are strong and solidly built.

They’re made to measure in our own UK factories.

The electric Garolla door rolls up vertically, taking up only 8 inches inside your garage. Our expert installers will fit your new door and take away the old one, so there’s no mess.

Give us a call today and we’ll come and measure up completely FREE of charge.

CALL US TODAY FREE ON:

0800 118 2459 MOBILE

07537 149 128 www.garolla.co.uk

Dynamic Smart Clay Core Electric Radiators

100% Heating Guarantee1 FREE Installation FREE Installation No maintenance No maintenance

Unique 40mm Unique 40mm chamotte clay core chamotte clay core

WARRANTY

REE Installation Unique 40mm lation -40mm FREE Installation - Unique Unique 40mm llation Unique 40mm No chamotte clay enance chamotte clay core Nomaintenance maintenance chamotte core core enance chamotte clayclay core

Unique 40mm Compatible with Unique 40mm Compatible with hamotte amotte clay claycore core most energy tariffs most energy tariffs

Compatible with

Attractive

Compatible with Attractive Attractive most energy tariffs Slimline: 11cm ble with ble with Attractive ost energy tariffsSlimline: 11cm Slimline: 11cm gy gy tariffs tariffs Slimline: 11cm

Attractive Attractive Slimline: 11cm Slimline: 11cm Wirelessly control an accurate temperature • Control each room independently • 24/7 programming

Attractive

Attractive Slimline: 11cm Slimline: 11cm

w w w. fi s c h e r fu t u r e h e a t . c om

Innovative.

Compact. 10 Efficient.

UP TO

Y

W YEAR AR T RAN

HEATING WATER ONLY ON DEMAND NO WATER STORAGE SINGLE 3kW HEATING ELEMENT SOLAR PV COMPATIBLE UNIQUE PATENTED TECHNOLOGY

Request your FREE catalogue today.

Call 0800 103 2705 and quote discount code RDSEP21.

Or post this coupon and address the envelope to: FREEPOST FISCHER FUTURE HEAT (No stamp or address required)

NAME:

PHONE (Optional):

ADDRESS:

POSTCODE:

EMAIL:

RDSEP21

Terms & Conditions. Fischer Future Heat is a part of the Bastian Plc Group. We like to listen to our customers – for this reason the Bastian Plc Group of companies may contact you about exciting new products from time to time. To learn more about the Bastian Plc Group of companies and how we look after your data please see our updated privacy policy at www.fischerfutureheat.com/privacy-cookiepolicy/. Nothing in this advert is intended to create a contract between the reader and Fischer Future Heat. Product specific terms and conditions apply and will be provided to you at our free no obligation survey. 1This guarantee is only valid for 28 days commencing with the first day following install and only applies October – April. All rooms in property must be sufficiently heated; cannot be more than 2 air exchanges per hour within a room & heaters must be used according to instruction. 28-day heating guarantee does not apply to properties with open chimney/vents. 2Our 10-year warranty comes with separate terms and conditions which are provided at the point of sale. Our Electric Radiators are not night storage heaters and as such, our radiators use both day and night rates of electricity. Aquafficient is an instant hot water heater. We are not responsible for a properties pipe run if and that pipe run is long, it may mean the output of hot water is delayed. Aqaufficient uses both day and night rates of electricity. Solar PV versions are available. Fischer Future Heat Limited, 19/20 Frog Island Leicester LE3 5DH is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority. 3Not compatible with Heatwise or Economy 10 tariffs. Reference to discount is discount that may be given at the point of sale.