4.1.2016

rawr

4.1.16 Vol. 6 No. 24

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The Sith Lord’s address page 5

Making a mystery

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Chaos in class Lyndsie Kiebert | Rawr

horoscopes The Argonaut

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Your work in

Rawr illustration photography mixed media paintings sculptures

Aries 3/21-4/19

Someone replaced all of your pencils in your pencil bag with quills and ink wells that leaked all over your bag. Buy a new bag and a fingerprint dusting kit. Analyze the fingerprints, look for anomalies, cross-reference the anomalies with the police database, by quills and ink wells. Take revenge.

Taurus 4/20-5/20 Garden gnomes will be stalking you this month armed with Whoopi Cushions.

Look before you sit.

short fiction poetry non-fiction Rawr is an alternative weekly publication covering art, culture, campus life and entertainment.

We are accepting all forms of art and creativity to be featured inside the publication or on the cover.

Email: arg-arts@uidaho.edu

4.1.16

Gemini 5/21-6/21

Having a rough week? That chain text message you didn’t forward in the seventh grade because you were convinced not sending one text to 10 people wouldn’t “give u bad luck 4 life” is probably why.

Cancer 6/22-7/22

Close your eyes for five seconds, then open them. Reach into your pocket. Turn it inside out. There’s nothing in there, but you probably looked really silly.

Leo 7/23-8/22 Go in your room and open the biggest drawer on the right side of your

Kevin Douglas Neighbors | Rawr

desk. Inside you will find: Windex, bleach spray, paper towels, lint rollers and a sponge.

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Gather all the dust bunnies in your apartment and start a family. Teach them philosophy, mathematics, English and science subjects. Give them a better life than you had.

Congratulations — something good will happen to you this week, probably.

You will come into a large sum of money next week. However, the stars cannot tell if it is because you won the lottery or became a bookie.

Aquarius 1/20-2/18

Libra 9/23-10/22

This month you will be offered lots of gum from your friends. Don’t trust them, it’s a trick. The gum will be rigged with a finger clap or electronic pulses.

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Did you feel that tap on your right shoulder? Look to your left. That person that’s standing closest to you whistling and acting nonchalant, it was them.

The first day of April was canceled this year and will be replaced by an extra day in March. Don’t forget to write today’s date: March 32, on all of your papers.

Pisces 2/19-3/20 Go into your shoe closet and tie all of the shoelaces inside. It’s bad luck in April to have untied shoes. You will also seem more put together.

opinion

Life hacks: curing a cold Being sick sucks, and while spring usually marks the end of cold season, we’re coming up on allergy season in Moscow. Whether you’ve caught an untimely spring fever or are sneezing at anything that blooms in your general direction, here are some life hacks to ease the inconvenience of feeling sick.

Some people use Vaseline, but that can be super uncomfortable. Use actual Chap Stick for this. It’s more effective and will stay on when you blow your nose again. Just make sure and mark the tube to avoid accidentally using it on your lips afterward.

Rawr

Feeling Sluggish?

Make some Jell-O. Instead of chilling it, stick it in the microwave for 30 seconds.

Then add a teaspoon of honey. The warm gelatin will soothe your throat and the honey will help kill bacteria.

Stay hydrated. Your body is using so much energy to attack your cold that you need to be drinking more water than usual. That’s why doctors always say “drink fluids.” A good water target is to drink half of your body weight in ounces.

Mary Phipps Rawr

Drink ginger tea. I’m not much of a tea drinker, but ginger has effective properties for soothing a natural remedy most doctors recommend to this day.

Chapped Nose?

Migraine?

Submerge your hands and feet in hot water while putting a bag of frozen food or an ice pack at the back of youhead. The heat will pull the blood from your head, and the ice pack will keep your upper body cool.

For more Rawr content, visit uiargonaut.com

Sore throat?

Feeling Nauseous?

The best life hacks for when a spring cold hits

Coughing?

Slather the bottom of your feet with Vics. The menthol is absorbed best through the pores in your feet, plus you will get a constant whiff without burning your nose.

Stuffy nose?

Place an ice cube on your tongue and hold it to the roof of your mouth for thirty seconds. This is meant to help your swollen nasal valves to contract so that congestion clears. If this doesn’t work, result to wasabi.

It works every time.

As always, make sure that you’re getting rest, eating well and drinking plenty of water. Hopefully these hacks help you out, and please stay healthy.

Mary Phippscan be reached at arg-arts@uidaho.edu

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Review

Long name, amazing music British synth band The 1975 unleashes its second album

last album’s opening salvo “The 1975,” the album kicks off with the one-two punch of “Love Me” — easily the newest sounding track with dueling guitar The self-titled debut album from the riffs — and the curiously titled “UGH!,” young British group The 1975 which turns up the synth to 11. was an unexpected hit in 2013, From there on out, the album delivering an epic combination takes on a softer, more intimate between ’80s throwback tunes tone with tracks like the pianoand new wave funk ballads. anchored instrumental “Please Now, the band is back with Be Naked” and the swaying their unruly titled follow-up: slow jam “Somebody Else.”

“I Like It When You Sleep, for The group’s influences are You Are so Beautiful Yet so all over the map, whether it’s Bradley Unaware of It.” For this album, the Simple Minds’ sound in “A Burgess they lean more toward the old Change of Heart” or the John Rawr than the new, which manages Hughes era, sing-along worthy to work for the band rather “The Sound.” Even with those than against them. similarities, the band puts their own spin on each tune. The six and a half After an ethereal reworking of the

meets U2. The first album minute “If I Believe You,” Rawr for example, is clearly inwas refreshingly old school, spired by jazz grooves, but but also spun into a 21st For more Rawr singer Matt Healy’s compelcentury equivalent. This one Reviews, visit ling vocals are the through is sure to elicit the phrase, uirawrreviews.wordpress.com line that ties it to the rest “They sure don’t make ‘em of the album. That’s not to like that anymore.” say there’s nothing origiA criminally addictnal on this new record: Listen to the ing and instantly replayable album, “I album’s title track and see for yourself.

Like It When You Sleep, for You Are so Compared to the band’s debut Beautiful Yet so Unaware of It” is the album, this sophomore effort is more first real surefire hit of 2016. If The 1975 mature, featuring more experimental weren’t megastars before, they will be sounds and longer than usual song now, as they’ve turned in a killer album lengths. The spirit of the first album is that is the very definition of a modern still here, especially on the infectious classic.

“She’s American,” but it’s been someBradley Burgess what magnified by grander, stadium can be reached at sounding melodies, “Lostmyhead” being the prime example — think Coldplay arg-arts@uidaho.edu

fridAY FICTION

Thank you for not vaping The Cadets don’t think about how The generation gap between faculty the smoke from their death sticks and students can make it difficult for bothers my mechanical lungs. Perhaps instructors to connect with their pupils if they understood what it meant to and I really do not understand what is be empathetic they would realize how going through the minds of Imperial difficult it is for me to breath after cadets these days. I remember my days my former best friend cut off my as a youngling. Even though limbs and left me to die on a volI often disagreed with my canic planet. masters, I knew how to Every time I see some dumb show them respect. teenager blow that thick, disgustI may have cut them ing vapor out of their mouths it down in cold blood during reminds me why I joined the dark my torrid descent to the side in the first place. dark side, but at the very Sam Balas Probably the worst thing about least I knew well enough Rawr the Jedi Order was how many to not blow flavored smoke of those boxes they sucked on out of my mouth every five constantly. I still remember listening to seconds. Unfortunately, many of the Master Yoda yap about how “my new young men and women who will one MOD, the most dope it is” or “try this day be captains of TIE Fighters, Star new flavor, you must.”

Destroyers and maybe even the Death You know why I cut off Master Star, have no concept of self-awareness.

An important message from the Sith Lord himself

Rawr respirator. Any ideas that I am Wendu’s arm? Because I was sick and tired of seeing him somehow getting “clam baked” For more Rawr take massive drags during content, visit under my helmet is absurd. uiargonaut.com every Council meeting. Now And I want to officially say that I’m on the correct side that whoever is going around of the force, the punishment spray painting images of me with vapfor looking like an idiot is a lightsaber to the face. Just ask Cadet Roberston, ing paraphernalia with phrases such as who was caught vaping in “Ion Cannon “Darth Vapor” is offensive.

Targeting 275.” Now, I understand why I have taken my job as the Emperor’s some might be against my harsh methpersonal enforcer very seriously in our ods. I canan idiot is a lightsaber to the mutual quest for galaxy-wide dominaface in the fiPalpatine scream about “lition. Killing rebel scum is both difficult ability” and “our skyrocketing insurance premiums” but I swear it’s worth every and stressful, I think that in return for credit to see these punks get what’s my hard work I deserve some respect, coming to them. or at the very least the chance to not While we are on the topic of vaping, have to breath in your filthy air.

I would like to address an unfortunate Sam Balas rumor I’ve been hearing about me can be reached at and dispel it once and for all. I am, in fact, not pumping vape smoke into my arg-arts@uidaho.edu

The Argonaut

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4.1.16

March adjunct madness bon and Coors Banquet with With March Madness nearing its end and everyone’s Pabst Blue Ribbon winning the championship. It was also brakets not turning out the declared unanimously that way they wanted, the deciCoors Banquet tastes sion was made to exactly the same as have our second anMiller High Life. nual March Adjunct This year’s competiMadness. tion does not resemble Adjunct beers last year’s results. Last are beers that use year’s champion failed other sources of to make it past the first sugar for fermentaround and was beat out tion, such as corn Jordan and rice instead of Hollingshead by Bud Light. Although Coors Banquet and the usual barley or Crumbs Miller High Life were wheat. These are labeled as tasting the generally the cheap same last year, they had no beers such as Keystone Light, problem picking a winner in Pabst Blue Ribbon, Coors and the first round this year.

Miller Highlife.

In the end Coors Banquet, This week, five judges which placed second in last compared 16 different year’s bracket, beat Budadjunct lagers. Each adjunct weiser — which didn’t make beer was randomly assigned it through the first round a spot in the bracket and last year. judged against another beer These results are not in the bracket. Comparisons intended to encourage investwere blind, so judges didn’t ment decisions. know which beers they Jordan Hollingshead were tasting. can be reached at Last year the final round crumbs@uidaho.edu was between Pabst Blue Rib-

Coors Banquet

Corona Busch Sig.

Budweiser Budweiser

Budweiser

Miller High Life

Rolling Rock

Rolling Rock

Directions 1. Place potatoes in a sauce pan and add enough water to cover potatoes 2. Cover and heat until boiling and then reduce heat to low 3. Cook covered 25 to 30 minutes or until potatoes are tender and drain 4. Let stand until potatoes are cool enough to be handled and then cut into cubes 5. Mix mayonnaise, vinegar, mustard, salt and pepper in large bowl 6. Add potatoes, celery and onion. Mix 7. Stir in eggs and then sprinkle with paprika 8. Store in the refrigerator for at least 3 to 4 hours covered

Jordan Hollingshead can be reached at crumbs@uidaho.edu

Keystone Bud Light

Kokanee

Rainer Stella

Coors B.

Coors B.

Kokanee

Kokanee

Icehouse Busch Light Coors Banquet

PBR

Potato salad n 1/2 pound round red or white potatoes, peeled n 1 1/2 cups mayonnaise or salad dressing n 1 tablespoon white or cider vinegar n 1 tablespoon yellow mustard n 1 teaspoon salt n 1/4 teaspoon pepper n 1 cup celery stalks, chopped n 1/2 cup onion, chopped n 4 hard-cooked eggs, chopped n Paprika, if desired

Coors B.

Budweiser

A Crumbs recipe Ingredients

Busch Lig.

Corona

Coors Light Coors Light

Bud Light Coors Light Heineken

Rawr

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Literature

Western writing: outside of the Box Best-selling author C.J. Box tells stories to curious crowd at BookPeople Lyndsie Kiebert Rawr Best-selling mystery and thriller writer C.J. Box may write a lot about mysterious disappearances and death in his popular series that follows the fictional game warden, Joe Pickett, but this isn’t the only time he’s faced these themes in his writing career.

Box’s first agent wasn’t very communicative, and had Box’s first transcript for four years before the author ceased attempting to work with the man and took his transcript to the road.

“When I’d call him he’d get mad at me,” Box said.

“So eventually I just quit calling.”

At a conference in Denver meant to allow aspiring writers to pitch their works to agents and editors, Box met someone interested in helping him get published.

The interested party asked Box if he already had an agent — so Box gave him the inactive agent’s name.

“The guy looked at me and he said, ‘You didn’t know he was dead?’” Box said. “He’d been dead for like six months. So that was my first agent.”

Despite the strangeness of his first agent experience, Box has spent the last 15 years publishing 22 novels, which have been translated into 17 languages.

Over 10 million copies of his works have been sold in the US alone.

Carol Spurling, BookPeople of Moscow owner, introduced Box to a crowd of several dozen packed into the back of the small bookstore on March 22.

After listing off Box’s various awards and recognitions, she had the pleasure of announcing the mother of them all: March 27, the coming Sunday, Box’s newest addition to the Joe Pickett series would be number one on the New York Times best sellers list.

“That’s every writer’s dream,” Box said.

People of all ages stuck around for nearly two hours to listen to Box read from him newest novel, “Off the Grid,” ask questions pertaining to his writing process and everyday life, as well as get their brand new books signed.

Spurling said that Box, who is currently reaching the end of a month-long book-signing journey, stopped in Moscow on his way from the west coast of Washington to Montana.

“I knew we would be a good stop,” Spurling said. “I knew we would have a good turnout.”

Though Spurling has yet to read any of Box’s novels, he is on her to-read list.

“I love a good mystery,” she said. “It is always fun to find a new series.”

Box’s books take place primarily in the American west — mostly Wyoming, his native state and current home. The 57-year-old author said he was been

Lyndsie Kiebert | Rawr

Mystery and thriller author C.J. Box speaks at a booksigning event in downtown Moscow March 22.

warden in Wyoming. Box said he often a ranch hand, fishing guide, surveyor, and does ride-along sessions with wardens owner of a tourism marketing firm. He Rawr who trust that he won’t write about also spent time as a small-town newspaper them specifically. reporter and editor.

For more Rawr content, visit “Researching is one of my favorite “I guess becoming a writer kind of flowed uiargonaut.com parts of writing the books,” Box said. “All from that,” he said in regards to his time pracof the pieces need to fit — it all needs to ticing journalism. work. It’s a real construction project.”

Box said he receives undying support Box’s next visit to North Idaho will be April 23, from his wife a daughters, who read the first drafts of when he will visit Post Falls. All of his other schedeach manuscript as soon as it’s done and offer suggesuled readings and appearances can be found at cjbox. tions. net/appearances.

“They’re all kind of part of the team,” he said.

Lyndsie Kiebert Box said his favorite part about writing is the can be reached at research required to write about bureaucratic arg-arts@uidaho.edu processes, accurate depictions of western landor on Twitter @lyndsie_kiebert scapes and what it is really like to be a game

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Corg Nation | Nicole Moeckli

The Argonaut

I probably look really cute///

4.1.16

What you don’t realize is this is actually a hostile takeover.

BTW, cats rule. #winning

By Megan Hall

January Blues The Colossally Amazing Adventures of Norbert (and Friends) by Samantha Brownell

APRIL FOOL’S!!!!!

We couldn’t think of a better prank.

Did you like it?

Yes! This was perfect.

Rawr

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Elementary upheaval Friday Fiction

Lyndsie Kiebert Rawr “How’s it goin’, Bob?” A woman asked.

“Pretty good. Just resisting the urge to choke children.”

Mrs. Gregory chuckled at the gruff bus driver’s response, knowing all too well that it was just one of those days at Grace Elementary School.

She’d already sent two snippy second graders to the office and revoked the entire sixth grade’s recess privileges — and it wasn’t even lunch yet.

Mrs. Gregory had been a grade school librarian for 27 years — Bob a bus driver for 30 — and neither had seen such hellions at Grace Elementary in all that time. From the office came the ever-present melody of whining troublemakers, while the playground had become an every-Kindergartenerfor-himself jail yard.

The school had the small town of Grace wondering what it had done wrong.

On this particular Wednesday in March, Mrs. Gregory and Bob sat in the small library looking out the sunny windows while the school lay silent. Mrs. Gregory pondered how to get little Mikey Granger to do his required reading, while Bob considered the likelihood of jail time should he kick little Mikey in the seat of his little brown Carhartts. That was when the ruckus began.

It started as any of the other daily tizzy-fits had. A textbook thrown into the hallway, the thud followed by a teacher’s stern remark of disdain — this time, the young Miss Campbell of fifth grade — and then silence.

The silence is what made Mrs. Gregory and Bob exchange a glance. Silence in Grace Elementary? Unheard of.

Mrs. Gregory later described what ensued to her therapist as “alarming” while Bob told the bartender it was “the goddamn devil-spawn apocalypse.”

Nicole Moeckli | Rawr

Either interpretation could be considered accurate, as the Grace Daily News’ headline read “Local elementary school closed following tike-led coup.”

The first thrown book must have been the signal. Soon the rhythm of hardbound book after book met the hallway carpet, spewed from all classrooms at both ends of the school’s single hallway.

Mrs. Gregory, her library’s entrance situated squarely in the middle, contemplated running for the hills (quite literally) but instead looked on in horror.

Miss Campbell fled from her colorful classroom, curly hair full of paper wads and silly string.

“They’ve lost it!” she shout-

ed down the hall between breathless huffs as she dodged the flying books, just as two other teachers emerged with chairs held like shields against the steady stream of pencils and dioramas being thrust their way.

That’s when Mikey made his appearance. Barely four feet tall with perpetually muddy boots and bleach blonde, spiketipped hair — the perpetrator and mastermind behind this uprising, no doubt.

Children then flooded the hallway. Small girls in flowered dresses and little boys in baseball jerseys all shouted and toted chalk-coated erasers and sharped-edged

and hollering faded binders, following as the children Mikey’s lead with Rawr rounded the bend. wild eyes.

None of the teachFor more Rawr Passing the content, visit ers spoke, let alone library, Mrs. Gregory uiargonaut.com moved. heard a kindergar‘Do we call their tener named Tommy parents?

The authorities?’

Wilks ask Mikey if they were Mrs. Gregory thought. ‘How going to get in trouble. does this even happen?’ It “They can’t catch us if we took Bob the bus driver’s all go,” Mikey sneered. And monotone voice to break anythey were out the door. one’s eyes from the childless The teachers stood in a blacktop. staggered line atop the hill on “I guess I can go home — which Grace Elementary sat actually, to the bar,” Bob said. as five dozen children, age’s “No need for the bus today.”

6-12 — the entirety of the Lyndsie Kiebert student body — ran, strutted can be reached at and skipped down the road arg-arts@uidaho.edu or on Twitter @lyndsie_kiebert toward town. The hooting

The Argonaut

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4.1.16

Welcome Future Vandals!

Visit the Idaho Commons and Pitman Center during your visit!

Idaho Commons: 885 . 2667 info@uidaho.edu

Bruce Pitman Center: 885 . 4636 www.sub.uidaho.edu