Glass Issue 12: Complicated - 2021

Glass QUT GUILD

Q UTG L ASS .COM

Issue 12 08-2021

C O M P L I C AT E D

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FRONT COVER ARTWORK BY SARIAH SKETCHES

Why Glass?

Whether you’re a glass half-full or glass halfempty kind of person; this issue of Glass is stacked with stories for QUT Students by QUT Students.

Like always, we aim to navigate you through the complicated facets of life that all students experience. Glass is here to be a lens on the issues, successes and stories that matter to students, and we hope you enjoy this issue.

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Acknowledgement of Country

Cultural Warning

Glass Media and the QUT Guild acknowledge

Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander readers

the Turrbal and Jagera peoples as the First

are warned that the following magazine may

Nations owners of the lands where QUT now

contain references to deceased persons.

stands. We pay respect to their Elders, past, present and emerging, their lores, customs and

Disclaimer

creation spirits. We recognise that these lands

Glass Media informs readers that the views,

have always been places of teaching, research, learning and storytelling.

Glass Media and the QUT Guild acknowledge the important role Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples play within the Meanjin community.

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thoughts, and opinions expressed in this issue of Glass belong solely to the author, and not necessarily express the views of Glass Media or the QUT Guild.

Contents Interview

Feature

What It’s Like for Your Parents to Divorce When You’re in Your 20s: An Interview with Jacqui Scheiwe......10

Does Australia Have Tall Poppy Syndrome, or Are We Just Inherently Prejudiced? .............................................. 24

Swallowing the Universe with Trent Dalton............................................... 20 QUT’s Digital Future with Professor Kevin Ashford-Rowe: Pro ViceChancellor (Digital Learning)..............46

Memoir Now I’m 22, What Do I Do?.................... 14 The Space I Take Up................................ 38 You Can Be Anything..............................50

Critique ‘DROPP the MOPP’ – The Difficulties of Online Learning and Academic Misconduct................................................. 16

Fiction Swimming Together................................ 26 Inclement Weather.................................. 43

Poetry How to Pick Strawberries......................30 Peter Pan Syndrome - A Collection of Poems by Alex Rich............................ 32

Art/Photography Cover Art: Sariah Sketches...................00 In Search for Nostalgia: Pipier Weller...........................................................08 Zac McMah.................................................. 15

Non-Fiction

Ruby Seddon.............................................. 18

To My Dear Beautiful Daughter........... 35

Alisha Davenport............................... 41/42

The Need to be Busy............................... 36

Sam Hope................................................... 52

Web: Claudia Pilbeam............................ 28

Sariah Sketches......................................... 51 Emily Hansell............................................. 49 Peter Roborg-Sondergaard................. 26 Back Cover Art: Jack Roylance........... 56

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THE GLASS EDITORS

Editors’ Letter

EM READMAN ELLA BRUMM TOM LOUDON CHRISTINA SIMONOSKI

Hey there Glassies,

We asked and you certainly delivered. Your

life feels as though it has returned to normal,

submissions challenged us this issue to find

until we have another snap lockdown, virus

new and creative ways to showcase amazing

mutation or vaccine shortage. Navigating life

student art, stories and works. When we finally

has always been complicated – in so many more

came to the theme Complicated, we never

ways than one, as this issue proves. Just like

imagined that it would inspire such an increase

this theme, people are complex.

in submissions and so many amazing artworks — the most ever in a single issue! Coming out of 2020 and navigating the changing world we now live in has been no easy task. In some ways

This issue we’d like to finish off our letter by each saying a little something straight from the heart, to you, our loyal readers.

Em I’ve been on board with Glass since Issue 7, and

I hope that Glass is something that stands

Issue 12 will be my final publication that I edit

the test of time, and continues to be a space

with Glass. The past two years were far from

to give students a voice and provide a source

what I expected, but have come with some

of information and entertainment. I’m glad to

phenomenal experiences. I am so proud of

have been a part of that. The past six magazines

what I have built alongside the editors I have

have been a joy, and I cannot wait to see what

worked with over the past two years, from the

this becomes. Thank you to everyone reading

voices we have platformed, to the issues we

this for trusting me with this publication.

have raised, to the community we have built.

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Ella This issue challenged me in a few ways. I had

pieces from my fellow editors and from all the

the worst writers block for Complicated partly

contributors. It has been inspirational hearing

because I didn’t know how much I wanted to

others’ perspectives and their own stories.

reveal about my own messy life. In the end I

Glass has definitely helped me hear different

worked on two pieces that I thought were right

voices that I wouldn’t have been able to listen

for this issue and I am comfortable knowing

to otherwise. Thank you to all the readers,

they’re in the hands of such an accepting and

contributors and launch party goers. You make

open-minded community. Working in Glass

our job incredibly rewarding!

throughout this year has been an eye opener.

I’ve read personal and thought-provoking

Tom

Christina

Working with the Glass contributors has

Complicated! Wow, was this issue a big theme

certainly been a highlight of this year. When

to tackle. The stunning submissions of creative

I joined the team in March, I didn’t realise just

artworks and the variety of writing we received

how passionate and dedicated our submitters

were really inspiring. It was clear from these

are about their work. Seeing contributors

submissions that this issue would be even more

improve and grow throughout the year – to the

introspective of student lives than Reset. I also

extent that we’ve had to increase the length of

really struggled to find the words to tell my

our magazine for this issue – has been inspiring.

story in this issue, so I hope if some of you can

Getting to interact with our subscribers

relate you don’t feel alone!

has also been exciting – and if you haven’t

I’m super excited to see even more varied

subscribed to the Glass Newsletter, yet you

contributions in the future, so if you’re a fan

are missing out! I can’t wait to see the future

reach out and let us know what kinds of content

of Glass and what next year has in store for this

you’d like to see us add in the next issue and

little magazine.

online x.

EDITORS LETTER

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President’s Letter OLIVIA BRUMM

Life as a university student is complicated.

fit we are, or how many social outings we can

Most of us juggle work, social and family

cram into a weekend. There are endless ways

commitments while also trying to do our best

with which we can compare ourselves. Even the

in our subjects. Sometimes it can all become

most well rounded and put-together of us will

just a little too much. In the first few weeks of

inevitably fall short by some measure.

the semester, you stick to your routine; you think, ‘this time I’ll follow through’, and for a few weeks, you do. You get up at the first sound of your alarm, manage to fit in a few sessions at the gym every week, keep up with your course work and get to sleep at a reasonable time. Then somewhere around week 2 (or the middle of the semester if you’re lucky), you notice your routine starting to slip. You’re missing classes. Your sleep schedule is erratic if not non-existent. Your ‘healthy’ diet has been reduced to a vending machine Red Bull and a 2-minute cup of noodles at 10pm.

I am yet to encounter a single person who’s made it through their degree without some aspect of their life descending into chaos.

We’re the first to recognise faults and shortcomings in ourselves but routinely fail to apply that same critical lens when analysing the achievements of others.

We are constantly benchmarking ourselves against the achievements of others our age, and luckily there seems to be no shortage of benchmarks to choose from. Whether it’s when we finish our degree, what class of honours we get, whether we’re in a relationship, how

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Some of the most accomplished, impressive, and beautiful people I know cry in the work bathrooms at their dream job more than once a week. Some of my most assertive and articulate friends are paralysed by social anxiety when they’re out drinking on the weekends. Friends who have secured clerkships with top tier law firms are kept up at night, spiralling over a slightly awkward comment they made on the first day despite receiving a glowing exit review. Friends who misplace their personal belongings at an alarming rate are celebrating finishing last semester with straight 7’s.

Everyone puts up a façade; some are just better at maintaining it than others. So, this semester when life gets in the way and you fail to achieve some arbitrary measure of success you set for yourself in week one, take a second to reflect and try viewing your own achievements through the same rose-coloured glasses that you so willingly apply to others.

Best, Liv

A wellbeing initiative brought to you

by QUT Guild, your student union.

3 Aug - 17 Sep

2021

View all events and RSVP at qutguildwellfest.com

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In Search for Nostalgia: In Search for Nostalgia (2020) is a six-part series that features archival family photos that have been digitally overlaid with nostalgic objects and environments from my childhood home. The process of digital manipulation, layering, exploration, and collecting were used.

This series was my response to the robbed memories COVID-19 stole during lockdown in 2020. As the title suggests, these works were a therapeutic process that allowed me to search for happier and nostalgic times during a year of isolation and uncertainty. @pipierweller

ARTWORK BY PIPIER WELLER

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What It’s Like for Your Parents to Divorce When You’re in Your 20s: An Interview with Jacqui Scheiwe WRITTEN BY ELLA BRUMM

What was your childhood like?

My childhood was very normal. Just mum, dad,

out from underneath me. I felt silly that it

me and my brother. We never moved house.

was making me as sad as it did because I was

We never changed school. We would holiday at

an adult and society was telling me I should

the beach every summer and ate far too many

have been fine to cope with it. I distinctly

prawns and serves of trifle every Christmas.

remember telling myself “You’re one of those

We went to church on Sunday mornings, and

people now. A person from a broken family.”

visited our grandma on Sunday afternoons.

I felt like I couldn’t tell my friends because

Mum would take me to my dance classes and

their parents were still together and they just

dad taught me how to drive. Both me and my

wouldn’t understand. I felt like a character in

brother grew up with a sense that we were a

a movie. Films and TV shows I had previously

‘normal’ and ‘perfect’ family. Of course, we

loved which had a storyline of divorce, tugged

didn’t know any better.

at a new, relatable nerve.

How old were you when your parents

Were you blindsided by the separation or did

divorced?

you see it coming?

I was 24. I think. Even though it was only a few

I was gut-wrenchingly blindsided, even though

years ago, that period of my life is a blur. And

months beforehand my dad had moved into the

my mind has actively suppressed the details.

spare bedroom of our house, before signing a

It’s crazy what your brain does under stress!

lease and moving into an apartment down the

What did it feel like hearing your parents were divorcing?

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road. We just thought it was a phase he was going through and he’d come back. He never told us he was planning on divorcing. He was

I went numb, yet felt sad and angry at the same

also diagnosed with prostate cancer during

time. I was shocked it was happening. After

this time, which convinced us he would come

being a ‘normal’ family for so long, it didn’t

home and reconnect with our family after his

feel real. It felt like the rug had been pulled

surgery. He didn’t. What blindsided me the

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most was finding out dad had actually been

Did the separation change how you saw your

having an affair for almost a decade with a

parents?

family friend of ours from church. She had also been married at the time. And, she also happens to have the same name as me. I felt like not even Hollywood could write a script that ridiculous.

Absolutely. You grow up thinking your parents have life figured out and you can go to them for advice. But all I could see them as was broken people. During the separation the parent/ child roles reversed completely. I would cook

The blindsiding continued all through their

dinner for the family while my parents argued

property settlement. It became apparent dad

for hours on end. I would drive my mum to

had been siphoning off money from their joint

work because she couldn’t stop crying over the

bank account. He also tried to claim more

separation. I would put her sleeping pills under

than 50 per cent in the property settlement

my pillow in case she decided to take too many

by devaluing the items he wanted to keep,

that night. I felt so betrayed by my dad when he

and overvaluing mum’s things. But the best

tried to convince mum she was mentally insane

moment was probably when my dad sent mum

because she was so upset by the divorce, and

a legal letter claiming defamation because she

had the car keys in his hand ready to drive her

told her friends about dad’s affair. Except the

to hospital. I had to physically stand up and

lawyers spelt it as ‘defamination’! I couldn’t

stop him because mum has no signs of mental

even recognise who my dad was anymore.

illness or a history of it. I had a crash course in

Did it make you question any of your

identifying a gaslighter that night.

childhood memories?

How did your life change after the separation?

Absolutely, it made me question ever y

The biggest change was I lost my relationship

childhood memory. I would lay in bed at night

with my dad. It was as if he had died, but I never

looking at our happy family photos on social

got a funeral to grieve. While he was the one

media and wonder just how long our family had

who left and decided to cut me and my brother

been living a lie? It made me long nostalgically

off, I decided the best way for me to heal was to

for my trouble-free childhood. But with every

make sure I had no contact with him. At least

happy memory I would go back and relive, I

until he is ready to admit he cheated and lied

would find clues about the cheating. Memories

to our family. It made me lose myself in a few

about things I didn’t think anything of at the

bad relationships. But in another way, it slowly

time and had dismissed, but now all made

but surely made me more confident in myself.

sense. Like when my dad used to get angry if

I’ve had to become the one to back myself

we touched his phone, or when he would come

in everything because my parents weren’t

home late from work every Friday night. How

there for me when I was grieving our family’s

my mum would always worry about not being

separation. It’s made me try new things out of

attractive enough for dad, even though she was

my comfort zone to show dad what he’s missing

stunning.

out on now he’s left.

INTERVIEW

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INTERVIEW

If you were a child the expectation is usually

I honestly don’t know. Because I know I’m

that you have one or two weeks with each

not the only adult who has suffered through

parent but considering you’re an adult how

their parent’s rough divorce. Having said

has that developed? Do you feel the burden

that, I know my story is a little bit unique. But

of having to share your time equally between

I think because there is a lot of awareness of

both parents?

how trauma in someone’s early years impacts

As an adult I’ve had all the freedom to cut off contact with my dad, and I am so thankful for that. If I was younger, I think I would have been somewhat forced into accepting his affair. It’s been an interesting journey learning not to feel guilty about cutting out a toxic person from my life, even if they are a parent, with cancer.

I was told every inner detail of their separation because of my age. From their lack of sex,

their development and future success, there is more demand for research on that topic.

I think divorcing parents are more aware of the impact they are having on their younger children. But if you do know of any resources for adults like me, please let me know because I’d love to read it!

Did they treat you like their child or a confidante?

to reading through every legal document

They treated me and my brother like we were

exchanged between them. I was told about

both children and their psychologists. They

everything.

told us everything and confided every one of

What is the biggest misconception you’ve noticed that people assume about divorce in the family?

their emotions. Yet at the same time, they told us we were too young to understand. It was a difficult path to tread, and it always left me with knots in my stomach. I felt like I was going

The biggest misconception I’ve encountered

to be blamed for talking to one parent more

as an adult child of divorced parents is people

than the other, and be accused of taking sides.

think the separation wasn’t such a big deal

It didn’t matter how careful I was because I was

for me or my brother. Because we are older,

accused of it anyway.

people thought we were doing fine. When we started telling them our honest feelings, how much it actually upset us, our friends really

Were there any silver linings that eventuated from your parents’ divorce?

did a double take. They slowly started realising

It forced me to rebuild myself and my ideas

just how painful it was for us to watch the two

about the world from the ground up. It’s

people who had been our rock for our entire

made me more aware of the subtle ways

lives, crumble before us.

people manipulate others. It’s made me see a

Many research articles and psychologists have commented on the impacts that divorce has on children but many neglect people of divorce in their 20s, why do you think that is?

psychologist to learn healthy ways of dealing with grief and anger, and to unlearn every toxic thing I subconsciously learnt from my parent’s marriage and divorce. Most of all, it’s made me, my mum and my brother the closest and happiest family we’ve ever been.

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What has your parents’ relationship taught

narcissists and gaslighters before you marry

you about romantic relationships and has it

them.

made you reflect on your own relationships?

It’s taught me happily ever after is a lie. Haha I’m joking! I still believe I will find my Mr Right, and I still believe long-lasting marriage is absolutely possible and worth it. But it has taught me no matter how amazing your partner is or how religious they profess to be, they will always have the capacity to betray you. I now know the importance of being an emotionally healthy person before entering into a relationship to not only build a strong foundation for a healthy

Did the separation bring you closer to your sibling?

In a strange and unspoken way, it has. We are the only people in this world who truly know what each other has gone through. We were both lied to by our dad. We both watched our mother’s breakdown. We were both misunderstood by our friends and extended family. And we’ve both come out the other side as stronger and better people.

partnership, but to also help weed out the INTERVIEW

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MEMOIR

Now I’m 22, What Do I Do? WRITTEN BY CHRISTINA SIMONOSKI

So, by the time you’re reading this, I’ve finally

that everything after 21 feels like important

graduated. I keep finding myself wondering

groundwork. Whether it be building a career,

what exactly other people were doing in their

making general life plans, improving my skills,

20s and curious about what I should have

travelling or moving out of my parents’ place.

already achieved by the time I turn 22.

them need to happen at some point, but... what

first significant milestone of completing my

do I even start with?

bachelor’s degree. Looking forward, I have two more important life events that almost feel like they’re approaching me at a highspeed rate. One being my Master’s in Digital Communications that I am actually really excited about and the other... turning 22.

I’ve always felt a sense of pressure to set myself up to be someone my siblings can go to for help, support or advice. A Macedonian upbringing

Some people say to work with lists, I like lists too, but I get extremely overwhelmed when it comes to life goals. The tasks I want to work on start to go round in circles like “what comes first, the chicken or the egg?”

Do I save up for a car or spend money on driving lessons because I am STILL on my learners?

kind of does that to you as the oldest sibling

Do I move out of home or wait till I have a

(especially when they’re seven and fifteen

car first?

years younger than you). I know it’s probably an unhealthy amount of co-dependence, but it’s still something I want to be able to do for my sister and brother as they grow up. So, I can’t

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I don’t know what steps to take first. I know all of

I’ve definitely made a good start with my

Do I look for work a reasonable distance from my parents or move closer to where I find work?

help but place these ridiculous expectations of

Do I live at home and save before moving

achieving some tangible milestones in my 20s

out with my partner or just try to start

more than any other point in my life.

living independently?

And look, it’s not the number I have a problem

Do I save up for travel or save up for a car???

with, really, but more so the recent realisation

Will I ever get a car???

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ARTWORK BY ZAC MCMAH

Maybe someone wiser than me is reading this chuckling, knowing exactly which decisions to make first, but for now, I’m still stuck in a comparison loop. Social media is probably the culprit for making it all look so easy. I know I can’t study forever, and apart from finding work, I never really know which milestone to reach for next. Everyone my age and everyone I look up to seems to just know what steps to take next, and I can’t help but feel like a baby animal learning how to walk.

Will 22 be the age where I find my footing and finally grow up?

MEMOIR

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CRITIQUE

‘DROPP the MOPP’ The Difficulties of Online Learning and Academic Misconduct WRITTEN BY ANONYMOUS

Complicated. Many things have been complicated in the past 12 months at QUT. Students have certainly had an interesting time navigating new ways of studying.

The struggle of trying to figure out why someone is doing Mathematics in the Law Library.

The struggles of being enrolled internally while only having access to external lectures and tutorials, as QUT does not have the capacity to teach the number of students enrolled in classes internally.

The struggles of isolation, and missing seeing your friends in person.

The struggles of not being able to celebrate submitting your exam with a ceremonial Long Island, or five.

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The largest struggle for many students has

not colluded. You could go so far as to read your

been the inability to collaborate and discuss

assignment aloud to another student, and you

their units with their peers.

likely would not breach the collusion provisions

“Why would I come into Uni to talk with students when I’m forced to be external?” We ask ourselves. “I’m not paying for the train or campus parking if it’s only to talk with my study group. We can just talk in the group chat.”

The new world of post-Covid learning has created a complicated world for students. The above statement may seem like an entirely rational thing for students to do in the future of online learning. However, that thinking may find students in breach of QUT’s MOPP for collusion.

in the MOPP. But, if you were to have the same conversation online, through social media or another service, the University could find you guilty of collusion.

Covid-19 has placed students into a position where many cannot risk coming to University due to the associated risks. Many cannot be bothered to go into Uni because they don’t have in-person classes, so travel is an unnecessary expense. Students rely on online communication to achieve any sort of ‘university experience’, and QUT is aware of this, evidenced by the shift to online learning.

The MOPP definition of collusion itself

These same students may be found guilty of

is complicated, vag ue, and difficult to

academic misconduct for writing down their

understand.

non-academic misconduct collaboration

5.3.6. (e) Collusion Collusion involves unauthorised collaboration o n a ssess m e nt ite m s w ith any oth e r person/s. Collusion includes:

instead of talking in person.

QU T needs to a mend t he MOPP to accommodate for the shift to online learning and make explicit what behaviours constitute ‘collusion’. While the government has told

working with others to produce an assessment

universities that classes can return in their full

item where such collaboration is not specifically

capacity, it appears QUT has made up its mind

authorised in the assessment requirements

and shall continue to rely on online learning.

sharing completed answers to summative assessment items, where it is reasonable to expect that the material will be submitted for assessment by others

QUT cannot continue in good faith to hold students to the same standards of pre-Covid learning when the world and University have been made so complicated.

sharing detailed examples of work related to

Of course, if you’re found guilty of misconduct

assessment items, where it is reasonable to

and fail your class, you have to pay to retake the

expect that the material will be submitted for

unit, which is more money in Margret Shiel’s

assessment by others.

pocket. But that’s another conversation…

QUT’s current definition of collusion is diametrically opposed to online learning. If you were to talk with your friends and study groups about assessment in person, you have

CRITIQUE

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ARTWORK BY RUBY SEDDON

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INTERVIEW

Swallowing the Universe with Trent Dalton WRITTEN BY TOM LOUDON

When Boy Swallows Universe was published in 2018, its author, Trent Dalton, was known for the flowery prose of his feature articles. Well regarded in the world of journalism, his debut novel put him in another spotlight entirely. One year — and 140,000 sales — later Dalton had four Australian Book Industry awards, a second novel on the way, and glowing reviews in the

of his life is the fact that it is based on Dalton’s.

“When I was in grade six my teacher told my dad at a parent teacher night that she was convinced I was going to become the leader of an outlaw motorcycle gang,” Dalton later tells me, when after I ask how his life has deviated from his expectations.

New York Times and Washington Post.

“It’s certainly turned out a lot different.”

So, it was a surprise when the QUT Literary

I’d been to a Lit Salon before and was familiar

Salon announced Dalton as a guest speaker

with the format; six readers, six pieces, a small

last May.

crowd. On this particular night it was seven

The teenage protagonist of Boy Swallows Universe, Eli Bell, lives a remarkable life one soon to be immortalised in a sold-out stage adaptation by Queensland Theatre, and a small-screen adaptation headed by Joel Edgerton. In about 450-pages Eli navigates domestic violence, an international drug syndicate, and an infatuation with an older woman. But perhaps the most remarkable part

readers, seven pieces, and a healthier audience.

Among the art students and introverts, Dalton’s straightforward style and labrador energy stood out. As his desire to personally meet everyone in attendance became more obvious, this energy became infectious. When I finally caught him, he was on his way out. But there was plenty more of Dalton to go around.

“Oh Tom! Of course,” he says like he’s known

INTERVIEW

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INTERVIEW

me for years. When I ask if I could get in touch

“I can’t wait to see what’s ahead for those young

with him for an interview, he loudly shouts

writers I saw.”

his personal email address and one of my coworkers commits it to memory.

Condon, who’s a dear friend of mine, his work,

When I do email him, his auto-reply defers me

particularly on Brisbane crime has been hugely

to his publicist at HarperCollins, who insists

influential. Kris Olsson — who was actually my

that “Trent is on a deadline” and “not doing any

QUT creative writing tutor — she was deeply

media commitments”. Half an hour later, Trent

influential in the fact that she got me my first

replies to my original email with his personal

writing job and that I wouldn’t be possibly alive

phone number, and asks me to text him any

without her.”

questions.

Dalton doesn’t feel like he needs to be managed.

“It’s from my twenty years as a journo. It’s that idea that if you can’t sit down at the desk and write for eight hours as a journalist you lose your job. And then the mortgage doesn’t get

He talks about writing from his life, and I glean a little more of the real-life story of Eli Bell.

Half of Boy Swallows was “too close to home”, and Dalton came close to losing control. But he stresses that our role as writers is to speak with our own voices.

paid and your kids don’t go to school. These

“Whether we let people know that we’re

are very powerful motivations and I try to look

writing close to home or not is a different story.

at any fiction writing I do in exactly the same way. So, I usually start at about eight o’clock and I’ll go right to twelve. Eight to twelve are my best writing hours — I love those writing hours. I don’t really need any convincing or any external encouragement to do it because I feel like I’m the luckiest bastard on earth and I try to recognise that every day.”

“And for me doing that was extremely, deeply cathartic, and it was that or drinking straight Burbon every Wednesday night. For me writing a 100,000-word novel is much healthier than that. I think it’s important for us to mine the things that are troubling us. And I think I’ll be digging down into that quarry of emotion for the rest of my life, because just because I wrote

Dalton had come to the Lit Salon as a QUT alum

some of that stuff in Boy Swallows Universe

and a Brisbane native. When I ask him about

doesn’t mean I’ve sorted it all out and I look

Brisbane writing specifically, the event is still

forward to processing that in the future.”

firmly in his mind.

“Not to sound like a Bruce Springsteen song

“I just had the pleasure recently of going ... to

or anything but when I was growing up ... you

see the incredible creative writing students at

don’t think of anything like what has happened

QUT do an open mic storytelling night where

to me as possible or for you, because there’s

they read stories about Brisbane from their

this invisible wall keeping you away from that

own lives, and it was the most inspiring thing

and that’s called the outer suburbs of Brisbane.

I think I’ve seen in a year and some of the most

If you don’t know what’s beyond that invisible

incredible stuff I’ve heard come out the mouths

wall you don’t know that certain things exist.”

of young writers.”

22

“David Malouf, massive inspiration. Matt

QUTGLASS.COM

“That’s not just me being writerly or anything

“Be careful not to lose yourself in your own

that’s just a fact. I thought for all money I was

fricken head. When you meet the love of your

headed for the G James Glass and Aluminium

life and you’re in the kitchen cooking dinner

factory on Kingsford Smith Drive because

and they’re talking to you about the important

that’s where a lot of my mates went to work and

things that are in their head, don’t be in your

that’s a good life and it pays well and you can

head thinking about your fricken story! Make

buy a nice house in Bracken Ridge with a job like

sure you listen to them and you open up to

that and I was ready to go down that road. And

them and you remember that there’s a whole

I reckon I would have been happy enough. But

wide world out there that exists beyond your

I’m just so glad I saw some other things and I

brain and your own little story bubble.”

got to exactly where I think I belong.”

Underneath Dalton’s approachable, energetic exterior is a complicated person, characterised only in part by past trauma. Dalton has never stopped learning and has never lost his enthusiasm for life, which is — if anything — his biggest secret.

“I’m actively learning those things as we speak.”

Read the full transcript of our interview with Trent Dalton on our site, including his thoughts on QUT’s young writers, his secret song lyrics, and his advice for young and emerging writers.

“In life and in writing – be enthusiastic.

Enthusiasm is the most underrated human emotion,” Dalton implores.

“I’m talking about the fricken way you get out of the bed ... I’m talking about the way you treat your friends and your relationships and the way you listen to music and the way you look at birds flying in the sky and the way you talk to your mum on the phone. But particularly

READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPT OF OUR INTERVIEW

the way you approach your writing. Because what comes from enthusiasm is curiosity, and what comes from curiosity are answers. All the answers come when you’re enthusiastic.” “[I think that’s been] the thing that’s gotten me where I am today.”

But where he is today is not Dalton’s final destination, as he continues to grow up every day.

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT TRENT DALTON’S UPCOMING WORK HERE

INTERVIEW

23

FEATURE

Does Australia Have Tall Poppy Syndrome, or Are We Just Inherently Prejudiced?

WRITTEN BY ELLA BRUMM

Have you ever achieved something you’re

As Australians we are quick to dampen

really proud of and wanted to share the news

someone’s success if we feel threatened by

with others around you only to be cut down

our own achievements. We do it to colleagues,

a few pegs for ‘bragging’? This feeling is

friends, family members, and peers. It’s an

rather common in Australia, due to Tall Poppy

unfortunate part of our culture.

Syndrome.

the media and general public have teared

phenomenon of criticising, resenting or

down for supposedly getting ‘too big for their

bringing down high achievers, usually by

boots’ or not fitting the role society has pushed

jealous people, when they begin to rise above

them into. Bachelor fans may recall one of the

the expected standard of society. The name of

contestants on Matt Agnew’s season, Abbie

the syndrome derives from the presumption

Chatfield. At the time Abbie was a 23-year-

that poppies should grow together and if one

old confident woman who knew what she

begins to grow taller than the others, it must be

wanted and went for it. However, the media

cut back to match the size of the rest.

and Australian public viewed Abbie in a less

Australia has a particular issue with this occurring on an interpersonal and national level. Whether you achieve a seven in an assessment, land a highly sought-after job, or receive virtually any award for your achievements, the chances of you being met with comments that point out any flaws or downplay your success or simply having your hard work being attributed to luck is rather high.

24

There is a long list of famous Australians who

Tall Poppy Sy ndrome is the cultural

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colourful light. While the producers and editors of the show didn’t help her PR, the media painted her as a villainous sex-crazed diva who only cared about winning rather than finding ‘true love’ (the show’s ‘apparent’ intention). Abbie was trolled relentlessly for being ‘too sexual’ ‘too confident’ and ‘too honest’. Despite claiming her own right in the influencer domain, she continues to receive criticism about how she portrays herself

through her Instagram. Maybe it’s not just

interestingly the ones who are vulnerable

because she grew a large following within a

to this cultural phenomenon are women

short time and had a quick path to fame that

and minorities. Maybe it wasn’t that these

she was cut down. Could there be something

Australians were rising above the rest. Maybe

more to her mistreatment than just Tall Poppy

we just didn’t like seeing Abbie express her

Syndrome?

sexuality so openly because it contradicts

Within the sporting world, Adam Goodes was cut down much further than the other incredibly talented AFL players who didn’t subscribe to the unspoken Australian value of downplaying your success. Goodes was a marvellous player who demanded respect and attention when he walked onto the field. As his career progressed, his talent was broadcast

conservative values of how a woman should act.

Maybe it wasn’t that Goodes was too talented and proud of his athleticism, maybe it was because he’s Aboriginal and Australia remains deeply racist at its roots. Maybe we didn’t like seeing Thorpe embody anything short of the burly ladies’ man persona that we so quickly place on male athletes.

to the masses and he gained even more fame.

Maybe Tall Poppy Syndrome is the cause of

Unfortunately, what came with that was a sea

why these celebrities were mistreated by the

of opposition fans booing him directly every

media, but I think we selectively choose the

time he played. He was berated and abused on

ones we want to see fall and tear them down

and off the field during his career, causing him

by the identities that make them who they are.

to drop out of the game altogether. Was Goodes

It is already hard enough in our society for

vilified for being ‘too good’ of a player? Or was

minorities to reach the same level as others

this racially incited? The answer becomes

who are afforded unearned privileges for being

quite clear when the mistreatment of Goodes

male, white, and straight, but to cut down

can be traced back to when he performed

the few who have made it big whilst battling

a celebratory war cry after kicking a goal

prejudice is barbaric. We shouldn’t be proud of

during the Indigenous round. This was seen

having a culture that aims to play down each

as provoking the crowd and taunting them by

other’s success, we should be celebrating one

throwing an imaginary spear into a cluster of

another, especially those within the BIPOC,

Collingwood fans.

LGBTIQA+ and feminist spheres.

Even Australia’s darling, Ian Thorpe, couldn’t escape Tall Poppy Syndrome. Supporters began to expect too much of Thorpe and when he fell short, Australians had their scissors sharpened ready to cut him down. But was this in response to our high expectations of the swimmer or the speculations surrounding his sexuality?

It seems that many famous Australians have been victim to Tall Poppy Syndrome but

FEATURE

25

FICTION

Swimming Together

I am adorned in a dark blue sheet. Next to me lies a man I’ve been seeing for a very long time.

Longer than I should have. The blue is clinging and touching every part of us, like the water in a current that shouldn’t be fought. It’s night time and we’re in our room we’ve created

WRITTEN BY

together, nobody else can see us as we’re both

HANNAH HASSEN

in the inky blue. We can barely see each other.

You, Steven, are not even looking at me, but I’m drowning.

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QUTGLASS.COM

PHOTOGRAPHY BY PETER ROBORG-SONDERGAARD

I toss and I turn whilst I’m naked and beside

nobody around to say “wow, how magnificent

you, you’re naked too but you’re still and

you both are!”. I remember when the adoration

asleep. I just had another argument with you,

of our friends was enough for me. “You guys are

but only in my mind. I promise. In the dark you

so good together!”

look hardly recognisable and your features cast shadows that make you unapproachable and ugly. I can’t prod or touch you, I can’t say “please wake up” or “can we talk?”. Or I don’t love you anymore.

I make small ‘o’ shapes with my lips to pull in more air, and it eventually fills my chest until I’m so full of air my chest feels like it might

We must look like those old psychiatric ink patterns with the fold right down the middle.

Except that our fold is deeper than most and we are not symmetrical if you were to observe us closely. We are out of sync, and there are still things I haven’t told you yet.

I resent you.

burst. I cry and I imagine my tears are big and

Every night we take a swim in this exact ocean.

blue, like how I would have coloured them in

It’s become so familiar to me that I suspect we

as a child. Pools and pools fall out and I use my

will eventually die here. We have sex, we sleep

fingers to try and push them back in, but I’ve

and we wait for the light to remind us that it’s

done this before and they’re blue like the blue

time to leave the warm blue only to return

we’re swimming in so nobody can see them, not

again the next night, and the next, and the next.

even you with your eyes closed so tight. We are completely opposite even now! Yours have no no crinkles, no signs of distress.

We are drowning together, but not really. You are somewhere else, somewhere oblivious, dull and safe. It is in this moment, as I feel inexplicably tethered to you, I realise that there

I reach across the navy blue sheets we are lying in and I tenderly push my toe up against the back of my husband’s leg, “Good morning you”.

Steven smiles, still with his eyes closed, and reaches for my hand. I intwine my fingers over his and say that I love him.

is no knife or hands or scissors that could set me loose.

I don’t want to be with you anymore.

I turn my attention to the silence that occurs when one finds themselves in a vast, blue coloured arena with no audience. I notice how small and inconsequential my life feels here.

You made me so small.

Our bodies are two crescent moons facing each other against an ink blue backdrop, with

FICTION

27

ARTWORK BY CLAUDIA PILBEAM

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QUEER ROOM

29

POETRY

WRITTEN BY JARRAH L BARTON

How To Pick Strawberries

The first step in picking Everyone’s favourite berry Aggregated drupe: the container.

I needed a container to put you in Something to preserve Sealed away for freshness So as to not bruise.

When choosing strawberries For picking, just do what feels natural Look every time, for flushed red ripe

I chose you; did you know?

I picked you, Jupiter I gravitated toward You from across the fields Of green and brown and Black space. Jupiter Your swirling reds said You might be ready.

You’ll notice when they’re ready for you,

Take off your sunglasses

They are larger, full, whole.

A whole person with a whole life Gently twist the stem between Your fingers and pull.

I watch your fingers You pull on me You ask me if I’m sad.

Sadder for loving you?

No! Never!

Sad that our strawberry Isn’t ready?

Maybe it isn’t the right season.

I can wait, little strawberry.

31

POETRY

Peter Pan Syndrome - A Collection of Poems by Alex Rich Content warning: this work deals with topics of suicide, grief, self-harm, gender dysphoria, transphobia and includes profanity.

32

QUTGLASS.COM

WRITTEN BY ALEX RICH

hyacintho luna 5th of May 2020

Whisper your secrets to the bay leaves

He bleeds in blue

Place them on the grave

Like one of those sanitary pad commercials

That he shares with another

Where they can’t be bothered to show a monthly occurrence

Cover them with the dirt

For 52% of the population We don’t need to see that We are ashamed

Was he ashamed?

Was he ashamed of the way he felt

Barely overturned Light the candles Lay the crystals Pour the water Sing fucking hallelujah Just don’t play Wake Me Up When September Ends

The way he grasped the knife The way he burned the people around him

5th of May 2021

Before plunging himself into the ice?

Dye my hair atomic turquoise in the bathtub

What could have been

Bleach stains on the shirt he gave me

Burns like a raging house fire in my gut

Clean the sides with steel wool and pure fucking tragedy

Vintage polaroids smouldering at the edges Pictures of you as my date to the semiformal A lifetime ago, two years ago Now you have a date with Anubis Maybe you’ll play chess Do you remember me?

Wherever you are?

He is not your publicity stunt He is not your election campaign He is not your cautionary tale He is not the green heart on your Instagram story If I burn my own house down, is it arson?

Is it a knife if I hold it by the blade?

I bleed in blue.

POETRY

33

WRITTEN BY ALEX RICH

argr Someone else stands in the mirror Reflective chrome coating applied to fragile laughter Gaze travels down to her chest Hey asshole, my eyes are up here I stare into them, my pupils contract She is all I can see

She will be present until the day I die Play her up with winged eyeliner and red lipstick Streaks in my foundation, smudged mascara Don’t worry It’s a stylistic choice Goth god Trickster Aesir

Janus, tranny, shemale, argr

Someone else stands in the mirror Dysphoria painted over shapeshifters and decomposition Gaze travels up to her eyes Windows to the soul splitting like frozen plastic She whispers, you are oracle and king And I am the unwelcome outcome.

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To my dear beautiful daughter, I’m writing you a letter. That’s right, a good old-fashioned letter.

I have a confession to make. I didn’t like you very much at first.

You were just this annoying little blob. You smelled nice, most of the time. But you didn’t seem to have much interest in me. Which I of course found vaguely insulting. It was just you and your mum against the world. Funny how some things never change.

So, I cruised along, doing my thing, acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent can change you. I don’t remember the exact moment everything changed, I just know that it did.

One minute I was impenetrable, nothing could touch me. The next, my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements.

Loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it’s been almost too much to bear.

As your father, I made a silent vow to protect you from the world, never realising I was the one who would end up hurting you the most.

When I flash forward my heart breaks. Mostly because I can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride. How could you? Your father is a child in a man’s body. He cares for nothing and everything at the same time. Noble in thought, weak in action.

Something has to change. Something has to give.

WRITTEN BY THOMAS ELLIS

NON-FICTION

35

NON-FICTION

The Need to be Busy WRITTEN BY HOLMESY

In high school, I was the kid who had their hand in too many jars. I have worked a parttime job since the ripe age of fourteen. I had multiple extra-curricular dance classes inside and outside of school, as well as commitments to the drama and music departments. I always had my hand up for extra seminars/courses/ camps/exchanges, be it for leadership, maths, or science. I was culturally involved with my community, always hosting exchange students, and going on exchange myself. While, I was very lucky to have these opportunities, I suffered regular habitual burnout.

36

QUTGLASS.COM

Then when high school finished and these

I quit two of my three jobs and decided I was

opportunities ‘went-away’, my life slowed

fine living off of Centrelink, like every other

down. I took a gap year and worked at a Donut

poor university student. I cut down on the

King. I stopped dancing and being involved

hours I spent volunteering and the time I

with the community. I spent five years never

spent at the dance studio. I scheduled weekly

having a moment for myself, this was my year

meetups with my friends and family, and I

to chill the hell out. That’s when I discovered

researched the hell out of burnout to ensure I

it. I felt this innate need, that bubbled inside

could overcome the dangerous habit.

of me and ate away at my confidence to make life decisions. It made me anxious, I felt as if I was wasting my life away and it took me to a very dark place mentally. It was a compulsion; I needed to be busy. Once I had come to this conclusion, I was so determined for the gap year to be over, so I could get busy at university.

And that’s actually exactly what happened. I spent my first year at university as a nineteen year old, studying two degrees, working three jobs, volunteering five hours weekly and attending regular dance classes. Needless to say, I was busy! It was not a ‘hang-outwith-your- friends-all-the-time’ busy, it was an ‘activities-that-will-contribute-towards -my-future-career’ busy. I liked the feeling of productivity, almost like I was constantly working towards future success. However, I

Even now, after I have completed my first three week placement at a school, whilst working thirty hours a week at my hospitality job, I am still plenty busy. I recognise my growing level of stress, see the symptoms of burnout manifesting stronger as the days go on, but I cannot help feeling the need to be busier.

I am still learning and finding balance that will give me that productive feeling, without stressing me the fuck out! Knowing how to have a healthy balance, to live in the present and not for the future, is one thing, but enacting this concept is proving to be a challenge. You may say that we have a complicated relationship, this innate need to be busy and I. However, I will get there one day. I am just going to take some baby steps.

discovered some things were lacking in my life. I had no time for family or friends. No time to use the money I worked so hard for.

Low and behold, I fell back into my routine of habitual burnout, suffering chronic stress and depression, unable to get out of bed some days.

So I had to make a change for myself!

NON-FICTION

37

MEMOIR

The Space I Take Up WRITTEN BY EMMA NAYFIE

I’m 11 years old when I realise that I take up

hands in the bathroom of my friend Carly’s

too much space. Mum takes me straight from

house. She’s throwing a party; there are boys

school to buy an outfit for my impending

from school here, Nirvana songs on repeat, and

Confirmation at St Mary’s Catholic Church.

warm bodies that stop just short of touching.

One of eight girls in the church group, I’m the

It’s 1997 and I’ve perfected the art of deflecting

only one that hasn’t been able to find a pretty

attention from my bulky frame by wearing an

dress to fit my large frame. For me, a young girl

oversized Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt, baggy

with heavy breasts that developed far ahead of

jeans, silver Doc Martens, black nail polish and

their time and hips that demanded sizes from

box-dyed black hair. A strong I totally don’t care

the women’s section in department stores,

what you think vibe.

I have slim chances of finding anything that didn’t resemble either a grown woman’s bridal gown or a large, sequined garbage bag.

us – she’s in her room doing her makeup with our friend Taylor, who’s got a similarly large

In mid-1990s Bundaberg, formal fashion

body to my own. You might be fat Tay, but you

item choices in my size outside of the bridal

can change that, she says matter-of-factly.

boutique are limited to the polyester-filled

At least you’re not ugly like Emma. You can’t

racks at Millers Fashion. I flatly refuse to try

change ugly.

anything from these ‘old people shops’, so I watch my mother dive into the back of clothing racks at Target, trying to reach an elusive size 16 dress. We don’t find one.

I see myself reflected in the mirror above the sink, but there’s something new there now, a crookedness in my nose, one eye slightly bigger than the other, blotchy freckles in a sunburst

I leave that day with a dark grey, floor length

across my forehead. I poke at the new geometry

polyester skirt and a modest, long-sleeved

of my face, and it fills me with shame. Not only

black top. I hate it, and in all the photos that

do I take more than my fair share of space in

day I make sure my mouth twists in a sad scowl

this world, I’ve tarnished that space with this

so that everyone knows it. Mum tells me not

asymmetry, with these blemishes. It takes me

to worry - the outfit makes me look slimmer.

another 16 years before I question my place in

That’s what matters is unspoken, but it sits

this world.

heavily in the air between us. *

*

*

When I’m 16, I realise I’m ugly. I’m washing my

38

I hear Carly’s voice through the wall between

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*

*

*

At 32, I have a seven year old daughter who slips into the bathroom while I’m drying myself from

the shower. She examines herself in the mirror, frowning. What are you so grumpy about? I ask.

I’m not very pretty, she tells me, and it feels like a slap across my face.

When I ask why she thinks she’s not pretty, she tells me that she’s fat, her arms are too big, her stomach too soft. I could summon a multitude of platitudes in response, but all I can manage is to pull her close and hug her tightly.

So many of us spend our lives feeling not beautiful, just shy of pretty. There are unwritten rules on the space we hold in this world, and our culture demands payment from anyone that fails to conform to the elusive optimum standards of size and beauty,

the colours of ourselves that have bled outside the lines of a bland, uniform ideal of a woman.

regardless of how fickle and shifting these

I find an online community of women who

standards are.

are rejecting this pressure to conform. They

I am angry; at the world, for starting to shape my daughter in its image, at myself for all those times I’d criticised my own body with my daughter in earshot. For criticising myself at all. I know this has to be the moment things change. *

*

call themselves “fat acceptance activists” and their bible is a book called Health at Every Size

by Lindo Bacon, PhD. “Once you consider the extent of the magical thinking that tends to be tied in to the fantasy of thinness,” he says, “you can understand how threatening it is to consider the idea that you may never get the

*

I start by throwing away the magazines I’ve collected over the years; hundreds of pages

thin body you crave. It means that you never get to become the person you want to be.” His words stick to the walls of my heart.

of diets that promise to help me burn belly

I read Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth. She tells

fat, products to help transform my skin, burst

me that “a cultural fixation on female thinness

my capillaries into smoothness, laser away

is not an obsession about female beauty but an

soft edges and suck flesh from the stubborn

obsession about female obedience” and once

pockets of my thighs; so many ways to erase all

39

I’ve read that I can’t unread it. Each bite I take

not always visible on the bathroom scales. Over

is an act of protest.

those years I come to believe that the space we

*

*

*

I am 33 when I find myself sitting in my doctor’s office, sobbing into a tissue as he records my responses to the K10 Anxiety and Depression Checklist. My blood pressure was through the roof, and the depression so severe I spent several days at home in a near-catatonic state before my husband insisted on taking me to the doctor.

take up isn’t really a physical ideal, rather it’s the promise of power, for which we relinquish what power we already hold within ourselves.

I gain weight in rebellion against the beauty fantasies that hurt women around the world, from women in India who scar their faces with bleaching creams in the quest for lighter skin, to Asian women who have surgery to re-configure their eyelids in order to make their eyes appear rounder. I gain weight to

I need you to think about losing some weight.

show my daughter that it does not define my

He says it gently, but I immediately bristle at my

worth as a woman, as a human being.

GPs suggestion that my mental health issues can be solved by weighing any less than I do.

I am protective of my body and will not stand for being told that it is in some way faulty or unworthy of respect. He shrugs, not wanting to get into a confrontation. Perhaps some exercise

My stomach grows, along with my breasts, my hips, my thighs. After years of trying to whittle myself down to a smaller space, how strange and wonderful it feels to see my flesh stretch not in shame, but possibility.

then?

*

*

*

Later, a friend suggests my size could be put

I am 37 years old, my eyes squinting at the stark

to good use in the gym, so I begin training for

brightness cast by the hospitals florescent

powerlifting and strongwoman and they’re

lighting. The nurse tells me the sleeve

right. My physical strength surprises me at

gastrectomy surgery has been successful, and

first, and people around me begin to admire the

I’m being moved to my private suite. The pain

weights I can move not just in spite of my size,

is intense, so the nurse refills my intravenous

but because of it. My depression and anxiety

pain medication and soon after the cool sting

scores improved steadily, and I find myself

begins to travel through my veins, I drift off to

discovering reserves of self-esteem within

sleep wondering if I’ve made the right choice.

myself that I had never experienced before.

There’s a saying in the gym that “weight moves weight”, so as my proficiency in weight lifting increased, so do the numbers on the scale. *

*

*

In four years, I add 30 kilograms to my frame and I do it unapologetically. Convinced that the fantasy of thinness is designed to oppress those that believe it, and buoyed by the community of strong women I train alongside, I grow in ways

40

QUTGLASS.COM MEMOIR

READ THE FULL MEMOIR ON QUTGLASS.COM

NON FICTION

41 ART BY ALISHA DAVENPORT

ART BY

42

ALISHAQUTGLASS.COM DAVENPORT

I Hate Myself When I Am Like This: These works are part of a series exploring the emotional and intimate weight of words. T hrough f rag ment ation, tessellation and digital layering, the works proclaim inner thoughts without explicitly giving them away, revealing the side of myself that I am ashamed of.

ALISHA DAVENPORT, 2021

FICTION

Inclement Weather WRITTEN BY CIARAN GREIG

The raindrop landed with a soft thud on

venue. Mara imagined that Cleo had a supply of

Mara’s shoulder. For a moment she stared at it,

baby wipes stashed somewhere on her person,

transfixed, as the water absorbed itself into the

ready to smudge away any hint of mud.

fabric of her jacket and bled across its fibres.

Inclement weather, Mara thought. She felt

“Of course, most couples organise a back-up

another raindrop sink itself into the hair on

venue in case of inclement weather.”

her crown. The sky above them was aflame with

Cleo, the venue manager, peeked down at the suede-detailed wedges on her feet. Mara had

leaden clouds. Craig, her fiancé, squeezed her hand.

noticed Cleo’s wedges when they first arrived

Cleo led them up a leafy, winding path. The

at the Elderflower Estate moments ago. The

marquee appeared suddenly, standing alone

shoes were impeccably, impossibly clean –

in a wide clearing. A mass of gumtrees and

especially for a woman who supposedly spent

pine guarded it overhead. Behind the trees, a

her days traipsing around an outdoor wedding

line of ragged mountains carved out the space

FICTION

43

between the valley and the clouds. Mara could

Mara looked beyond the confines of the

hear birds nearby, squawking and singing in the

marquee. She could see a large clearing in the

trees. The scent of the earth floated thick in the

distance, slightly overgrown. Scraggly. “Could

air: dust-like from the rain. It reminded Mara of

we sit outside?”

the creek she grew up by. The smell of it always made her feel like she was playing witness to a whole, beautiful eco-system at work.

Cleo scrunched up her nose. “We could look into it for you.” she said, drawing out the last syllable. “I wouldn’t recommend it, though.

Craig, usually quiet and unimpressed, flashed

Who wants rain ruining their hair on their big

Mara a quick smile. Cleo pointed out a eucalypt

day?” Cleo smiled, then tilted her head.

nearby, where a sleeping koala rested while hugging a branch. Mara felt a laugh bubble up inside her. There was something about the delight of it all. When had she ever seen anything so simple before? So pure?

Mara paused, then smiled back, “right.” * They booked the venue, eventually. Mara paid the deposit herself, watching the funds

Mara closed her eyes for a second. Was it just a

disappear from her bank balance in an instant.

second? A milli-second? A minute? When she

None of it felt completely real. As spring slid

opened them, the venue manager was zipping

into summer, she found herself spending more

open the entrance to the marquee and Craig

and more time talking about the wedding with

was helping her part the clear plastic sheets

friends, family, colleagues. She felt like she was

that held the front piece together.

always talking about the wedding. She wanted

Mara squinted at the marquee, her eyes

to stop talking about the wedding.

struggling to adjust. It was as if her brain didn’t

“It’s not that I don’t want to get married,” she

know how to focus on the mass of thick plastic

explained to Craig one night, through a mouth

in the midst of the trees and the mountains

full of Pad Thai. The useless standing fan they

and the wildlife. Something about it felt off.

had propped up in their living room squeaked

She looked at the trees and then back to the

urgently and the air in the room was thick

marquee. It was ghostly in its transparency,

with warmth. She wiped a layer of sweat off

absurd in its clean lines and pointed corners.

her forehead. “It’s just all this wedding crap.

In her peripheral vision, Craig waved his arms,

I’m over it.”

mouthing something to her. Come on. Mara

The summer before the wedding brought fire:

hurried in to join them.

hot and wild, spreading across the country

Inside the marquee, everything was perfect.

It was exceptionally, profoundly clean. The plastic filtered the light flawlessly. Quiet and temperate.

like a rash. They watched the flaming maps on TV, noticed how the fire skirted around the hinterland near their wedding venue. Mara found herself waking up frequently in the small hours of the morning, so sure that their whole

“We can accommodate just about any seating

world had collapsed into grimy ash. It was

layout you’d like,” Cleo said. “Bridal table at the

strangely comforting: those first few, transient

top, through the middle, circular tables – ”

minutes when she could believe that nothing else existed in the world but herself and Craig.

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* The flames never reached the boundary of the Elderflower Estate, after all. But the world soon

Mara shuffled out of bed and watched from the back deck as the rain battered down on the garden.

shifted again. The wedding, scheduled for early

She ambled into the yard and laid herself down

April, was cancelled anyway. The whole globe

on the grass, feeling the blades tickle the inside

seemed to be cleaving itself apart, limb by limb.

of her ears. She closed her eyes. She let the rain

But, despite all of it, Mara couldn’t help but feel light. Everything gone. Nothing left. Just

trickle down the side of her neck, let it fall in between her fingers.

Mara, just Craig. She thought of the trees in the Elderflower Estate, imagined them exhaling slowly. All alone. At last.

Mara was on her knees, ripping out weeds in the garden, when Cleo called in a huff.

“You must be so disappointed,” Cleo said, sighing. “I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”

“Yes, of course,” Mara said. With her phone wedged between her ear and her shoulder, she let Cleo’s voice fade into the background as she examined the weeds in her hands, ripped from their roots. She hated the sound they made as she tore them from the earth. It was a scream, low and short, like tearing tendon from bone.

That night, Mara and Craig lay still in their bed.

Craig sighed about the work ahead of them: rescheduling the date, reorganising time off from work, the cost of it all. Mara thought again of the greenery of the Elderflower Estate, the bowing branches, the perfect leaves. She remembered the marquee, immense and plastic. She imagined a huge gust of wind sweeping down the valley and blowing the marquee away. Whoosh.

She was a moment away from sleep when she heard the rain. It was soft at first, then stronger.

It asserted itself on their roof, insisting on being heard, sounding like huge sheets of water crashing down on their rickety little house.

FICTION

45

INTERVIEW

An Interview about QUT’s Digital Future with Professor Kevin Ashford-Rowe: Pro ViceChancellor (Digital Learning) WRITTEN BY EM READMAN

For many students, some of the biggest

of Woolongong. In a professional scope, he

questions that have come out of the last

has worked in the professional streams as a

eighteen months are about who is at the

Director at Griffith University and ACU, before

forefront of QUT’s online strategy and what

starting at QUT as the Pro Vice-Chancellor

they are doing. It’s not an easy question to

(Digital Learning) in January of 2019. It’s

answer at first glance. The staff that students

clear from this resume that Kevin has had an

interact with on a daily basis are their unit

extensive academic career with a core focus on

teaching teams, library staff, and HiQ staff.

digital learning and student experience, which

While these people are responsible for content

has also exemplified his publication history.

access and delivery, the digital strategy falls into the hands of Professor Kevin AshfordRowe. He’s the QUT Pro Vice-Chancellor (Digital Learning), and his work is centred around designing QUT’s learning experience into the future. As a writer for the student

of his career at QUT, what his work does to directly benefit students and what is in the pipeline for QUT in an increasingly digital environment.

newspaper, I was surprised (and glad) that my

For students that may not know where you fit

request for an interview with one of QUT’s

in QUT’s leadership team, what does your role

higher-level executives was not only accepted

do for students?

but encouraged.

46

Kevin and I met for a coffee to discuss aspects

Kevin: I am the Pro-Vice-Chancellor (Digital

Kevin holds a Bachelor (Hons) of Economic

Learning). I lead the Learning and Teaching

and Social History from the University of

Unit which is comprised of the Student Success

Hull, a Postgraduate Certificate of Education

Group, which support student success and

from the University of Exter, a Masters of

focusses on degree completion; the QUT

Professional Studies from the University

Academy of Learning and Teaching, focusing

of New England, a Masters of Education

on student feedback and the development

from Edith Cowan University, a Graduate

of staff capabilities and policies; and, the

Certificate of Multimedia from UTS, and finally,

Digital Learning Portfolio, which supports

a Doctorate of Education from the University

QUT’s curriculum design as well as digital

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transformation. My role is grounded in

Your portfolio was massively important

supporting academics and students, framed in

last year, supporting QUT’s mass exodus

the focus areas of curriculum and technology

of on-campus learning due to COVID-19.

support. Essentially, my role is dedicated to

Which aspects were most challenging and

developing the success of the QUT teaching

complicated, and which brought the most

and learning communities.

rewards?

Which project are you proudest of from your

Kevin: There was the challenge of shifting

time at QUT?

a predominantly campus-based university

Kevin: I am proud of the digital transformation in learning and teaching that we are facilitating.

We have developed a dig it al learning framework, working closely with students and academics. This digital learning framework will help inform what our QUT education experience will look like in the future.

to an online experience. And with it came a number of challenges like, how do you enable students to learn in an online space when physical spaces have been established as the standard? That said, I don’t think that we are operating in a ‘new normal’ and many of the challenges that we’ve faced in supporting our students preceded COVID-19. Many

What part of QUT’s Digital Future are

students have been challenged with attending

you most looking forward to providing to

campus, and for a number of reasons whether

students?

they relate to the need to work or to support

Kevin: I believe that QUT is transforming its learning experience for a digital world. Our transformation has to be world-class, and I would envision that QUT will be a university that will continue to be acknowledged for an excellent learning experience in the digital age.

Editor’s note: It’s hard to find a copy of the Digital Learning Framework, which is

others etc. I think that the experiences of the past eighteen months have forced many universities, including QUT, to look at who and where our students are and to ensure that we are maximising their ability to access their learning experience both on and off-campus.

Which aspects of online teaching enhance learning for students from your perspective?

understandable as it’s a staff document.

Kevin: One of the greatest advantages of

However, I obtained a copy and essentially,

online learning is that it can enable students to

it is a criteria sheet-style document aimed at

have access to their learning at the times and

staff to assist with the design of their learning

places that best suit them. COVID-19 showed

experience. The framework includes 18

us that students and staff still value the

guidelines, an explainer of why they matter,

opportunity to collaborate and communicate

and a delivery checklist, some items being

with one another. This means that we need

essential and some being recommended.

to provide the same opportunities for this

These include things like ensuring accessibility

collaboration in the virtual spaces that we do

of resources, creating a value-add online

on our magnificent physical campuses.

environment, and employing the concept of authentic assessment.

INTERVIEW

47

One of the largest criticisms I have seen

Digital learning for you holds a focus of

from the digital age of learning is that online

‘access,’ providing flexibility and opportunity

delivery modes enable cheating and academic

in new ways for students. Do you believe

misconduct. Do you think this is an accurate

‘access’ is being held at the forefront of QUT’s

critique, or a critique of teaching tactics not

digital L&T strategy?

being optimised for digital learning?

approach, and they are ‘student access’ and

campus, better assessment design can and

‘student engagement’.

should be the way in which we seek to minimise breaches of academic integrity. I believe that in my role I need to work closely with our academic teachers to support the design of

Our strategy is to engage through using technologies that increase the student’s ability to access their learning experience.

assessments that are more personalised and

Ultimately, it’s important to understand that

engaging, so students are less inclined to

learning in a digital age is not necessarily a

cheat...

matter of just technology. It is much more about

A lot of your personal focus regarding academic misconduct is focused on the concept of ‘authentic assessment and learning’. Do you think authentic assessment and learning is the future of QUT curriculum development?

Kevin: Authentic assessment is important, but it is not one tangible entity, it’s a theoretical framework. Authentic assessment means replicating realistic working experiences and bridging the gap between study and employment. This expectation for learning and assessment is explained further in the QUT Real World Learning 2020 Vision, which outlines the aspirations of the university.

We’re already implementing these strategies, and many teaching staff are as well, but we’re increasing education on these frameworks to our lecturers and tutors so that they can understand authentic learning and assessment and employ it themselves. It can’t be a bolt-on, or a band-aid solution, so we have to educate as much about the benefits of this approach as possible.

48

Kevin: There are two phrases that frame our

Kevin: I believe that whether online or on

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understanding the ways in which students can be best enabled and supported to learn and then think about how the technologies can be used to facilitate that experience and support their learning journey.

At the end of our conversation, I thanked him for his time, and he thanked me for mine.

It’ll be interesting to see the future of QUT’s digital transformation and where it will leave students in 2022 and beyond. Quite often, university upper-executives are a mystifying thing to students. We don’t often hear or see them until they’re handing us our parchment and sending us on our way. I felt valued after our conversation, that my questions and suggestions mattered. While it’s important to hold scepticism for the university’s plans, it is reassuring to know that some of the leaders of QUT are willing to join the dialogue.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY EMILY HANSELL

49

MEMOIR WRITTEN BY K. MARIE

When I was eight, I loved to visit the toy section at Target. You could lose me there for hours, among the glitter and the plastic. Above all, the Barbies were my favourite to look at. Feet glued to

I would I thought of you the other day,

examine the

as I brushed my teeth and stared into the mirror, willing the green bags under my eyes away.

clothes and accessories

I thought of you while I struggled the ground, eyes roaming, I would carefully consider which ones would be

to find something nice to wear too, and again, and again, when I kept tying and untying my hair, trying to make myself look like something other than the mess that I felt.

I thought of you, and you came.

the dolls came with, and study their hairstyles, wondering

How kind.

if I could

You came to hug me

somehow

tightly, tightly. the best to add to my collection.

Quite the curator,

So tightly I forget how to walk

replicate

without you-r grip,

their tiny

on my belly, hips, thighs...

How kind of you to embrace me so.

It must be love.

And how you must love me if you hug me as if

braids on my dolls at home.

you can never let go.

Surely, the pleasure is all mine.

e b n a c You thing! any 50

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READ THE FULL PIECE AT QUTGLASS. COM/BARBIE

WARNING: CHOKING HA Z ARD. 3+ YEARS RECOMMENDED

ARTWORK BY SARIAH SKETCHES

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ARTWORK BY SAM HOPE

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QUEER ROOM

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SUBMISSION CALLOUT

Your work could be in the pages of Glass Magazine!

We love celebrating and publishing the work of QUT Students and Alumni. Our online submissions are always open and our print edition submissions open as advertised. You can find information about the submission themes and how to submit to Glass on our website, qutglass.com/submit, or our Facebook page @qutguildnewspaper.

Non-Fiction Stories Interviews Reviews Poetry Art Photography

We accept writing of all genres. We take poetry, opinion pieces, essays, satire, fiction, recipes, reviews and more. We also take illustrations, collages and photography. If you have any questions, feel free to get in touch with the editorial team to discuss.

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APOLOGY TO GENERATION LIBERTY

The Queensland University of Technology Student Guild Staff (“the Guild”) extends an unreserved apology to Generation Liberty for the Guild’s rejection of an application to hire a stall at the QUT Gardens Point Campus on Market Day 2020 and stating the reason for this was that the brand of Generation Liberty did not align with the values of the Guild.

PAUL CLAYTON - GENERAL MANAGER QUT GUILD

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BACK COVER ARTWORK BY JACK ROYLANCE

Editors Em Readman Ella Brumm Tom Loudon Christina Simonoski

Designer May Lyn Chew

Contributors Thomas Ellis Hannah Hassen Jarrah L. Barton Alex Rich Holmsey Emma Nayfie Ciaran Grieg K. Marie Jack Roylance Pipier Weller Claudia Pilbeam Sam Hope Sariah Sketches Emily Hansell Zac McMah Annonymous Alisha Davenport Peter Roborg-Sondergaard Ruby Seddon Em Readman Tom Loudon Christina Simonoski Ella Brumm Oilivia Brumm Trent Dalton Jacqui Scheiwe

Glass QUT GUILD

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