qmunicate special freshers’ week issue 4 • 13/09/12 • www.qmunicate.magazine.
REVIEWS&PREVIEWS
DEBATE,BWNPQ & HEADPHONE DISCO Three diverse events, all awesome
Same Sex Marriage Debate This was an absolutely engrossing way to see into both sides of the same-sex marriage issue, with every attendee going home with something to think about the controversial subject. The Dialectic Society has done some great work assembling these speakers and hopefully you can catch more of their great debates in the QMU over the coming year! BWNPQ The BWNPQ got off to great start last night in Qudos. An army of Freshers turned up in the hope that they would leave with a pocketful of notes and their dignity intact. After an epic final challenge, the team with the ability to eat Swiss roll fastest came away £250 richer. When they did, it resembled a cup final as their entire team jumped on stage and hugged each other. [Jake Casson] Headphone Disco Fun?! Innovative?! Packed?! Finnish!? We told you so at the QMU. Once again, Glasgow’s favourite Union pulled it out of the bag, set fire to the bag and then started wearing the bag as if it was some devilish 22nd- Century Hat that the Human-Robot-Gods had all started wearing in order to educate us about how to throw good clubnights. Headphone Disco provided everything one could imagine Heaven would be: the right amount of pints of magic, a lot of Chart ‘n’ Cheese, a bit of Dance ‘n’ Dub, Freshers Helpers being friendly, Freshers making friends, DJs mixing with mortals and everybody giving to charity. In years to come, when humankind floats and loses all its hair, and lives in Glo-Podz high above the Amazon River, we will all talk about Headphone Disco. We will all worship it as a sentient being. This is where it started. God bless the QMU! [Sean Iles]
DAY OF GAMES
In association with GUSA!
Today, the QM will lay down a series of challenges that will break you mentally, physically and emotionally (well, only if you lose). Yes folks, it’s the sporting event of the year, the QM’s Day of Games! Starting at one, our team of Freshers’ Helpers will be hosting a series of games, from carnival favourites like coconut shys to ‘Pin a Pint on Paul’. Through the day you and four friends can rack up points for prizes! The big event at the Day of Games is the QM’s Big Hunt, a massive scavenger hunt across the West End where you look for things as disparate as babies, police boxes and arm wrestling OAPs. Always a massive laugh, this’ll have your team scooting around fervently looking for whatever our Social Convenor James Ansell has decided you should find. We’ve heard the process involves speaking to an Oracle in the mountains. Or pints (probably pints). At the end of it all, the team with the most points walks away with the QM’s Sports Table, with sports prizes contributed by GUSA. All in all, it’s an awesome way to get to know the folk in your team, win some prizes and race around the West End. [Andy Mac]
FRESHERS’ BALL
Ten piece Ska band, that is all. ‘The handbags and the glad-rags that your Granddad had to sweat to buy you’, sang Rod Stewart. Well, you wouldn’t want your old Grandpa to think that all his hard work had gone to waste would you? The QM’s Freshers’ Ball is a staple of all our fresher’s weeks and is a chance to wear the very finest of threads. Put on your most expensive cologne and those shoes you only ever wore once, in an effort to look truly fabulous one last time, before the ravages of the student lifestyle take their toll on your body. Most esteemed guests of the QM will be greeted this evening by a red carpet fit for at least a minor member of the royal family. Upon entrance each Sir and Madam will be granted a wristband, with pull-off tokens exchangeable for a glass of bubbly, some pizza and some chips for the casino. Did I mention there will be a casino? Not real money of course, but a laugh nonetheless. Once one’s gambling instincts are satisfied one may dine regally from the chocolate fountain, or descend the stairs to cut a rug in the Food Factory where traditional ceilidh dancing will be offered for the delectation of all those who wish to partake. Don’t be shy if you’ve never tried it before, a caller will be directing the spectacle. Still too shy? Come on! C’est la mode! Downstairs again in Qudos a ten piece ska band will be delighting listeners with their unique brand of danceable tunes, as refined as the finest quality whisky. Doors open at 8pm. Dress code will not be strictly enforced, so don’t worry if you don’t have a suitable suit. However, considering you’re likely to spend a great deal of your time at uni eating microwavable pizzas, drinking the cheapest of alcohols and being sick in the gutter you’d be mad to miss out on one last night of pure upmarket chic and sophistication. [Theo Wheatley]
NOT GOT THAT FRESHERS FEELING? Theo Wheatley explains why that’s okay.
The University’s organisations put a lot of effort into providing you freshers with a top quality week to remember. Are you not grateful!? How can you not like all this attention thrown your way? In reality all the fuss can be pretty daunting, University Avenue is swarming with people aggressively handing out flyers. Suddenly you’ve gone from being a normal person to some sort of minor celebrity who everybody wants at their particular establishment. Sure it has its perks, but it is a bit of a strange feeling to suddenly have thrust upon you. But that’s no reason to forget about Freshers’ Week altogether. It’s always better to go out to the likes of Pop Culture and a Piano and try to make some pals that share your interests. There’s bound to be some events on that suit you at least a little, and of course at the freshers’ fair you could have found a University society that fits your interests. You can even write for this magazine, if you’re a total loser (just kidding, I like it quite a lot). I hated Freshers’ Week, but I did meet people who I subsequently became good friends with, and even my flatmates in second year. So the moral of this story is to persevere, lie back and think of Scotland and it’ll pay off. Most of all, don’t worry, Freshers’ Week does end and normal service will resume. So relax, and try to enjoy it; if you don’t never mind, it’ll all be behind you soon. You’ll be settled in before you know it. [Theo Wheatley]
PREVIEWS&FUN STUFF
Yeah! Woohoo! Freshers’ week! Brilliant! That’s all you’ll have been hearing recently, Freshers’ week is like a fever, gripping the student community and twisting them into a single minded frenzy of drinking and socialising. A genuine illness can accompany this adding further confusion. But what if this isn’t really you?
YOUR HALLS
CAIRNCROSS
Our third stop on our tour of the halls of residence. Welcome to Cairncross! Not quite the posho-luxury-spa-palace that is Queen Margaret Halls, nor the viper’s nest of sin that is Murano. Advantage one of Cairncross is how close it is; walking up to the Uni and, more importantly, the Union, takes about 10 minutes. Which means absolutely no excuses for not attending Cheesy! All sorts live at Cairncross House: the Scouser with the big chin, the paternal senior resident, the Blonde Adonis that suggests an ‘indoor firework party’ and then orders the explosive equivalent of a small cannon off of the internet (leading to threats of explusion, social ostracision and, eventually, imprisonment). Another feature I got to know are the cheery squads of security staff, forcing you to use the ‘stairs’ and physically restraining you from abseiling out of your third floor window at two in the morning. At Cairncross parties, social-gatherings and boxcar derbies are all shut down at ten, so be prepared to blockade your corridors with mattresses, chairs and flaming rolls of toilet paper in a futile attempt to prolong the merrymaking. Or you could just start pre-drinking a bit earlier, if you want. To each their own. If you’re fully clothed and relatively sober, the staff are helpful and friendly, and you’re so close to campus that you can learn while in your bed! Oh, and your kitchens and bathrooms are cleaned every week. It’ll be like you’ve never left home! If you lived with 313 other students at home. [Sean Iles]
EATING & DRINKING PROPERLY
Our Charities & Campaigns Convenor talks about your daily diet.
Hangovers are the bane of student life, curable by a range of remedies from bacon to hair of the dog. Many of us have experienced them before and no doubt those of you who haven’t before University will be well acquainted by now (unless you’re one of those lucky buggers who remain uneffected). Sadly a hangover is not the worst thing you can get from Freshers’ Week; I mean Freshers’ flu (though our Free Condom service is open 12-4 to avoid the others). You may have heard tell of this little shit currently plaguing halls and campus alike; you may even be unlucky enough to have started showing symptoms. Freshers’ flu is normally just the common cold that comes on because of weakened immune systems, what with nights of drinking and mingling with other freshers. Fortunately Freshers’ flu is actually quite easy to prevent, or at least easy to minimise. These include eating healthy, stuffing your face with vitamins and stupid little things like staying hydrated on nights out. In regards to eating well, I know I sound like your mother here but even a couple of your five a day will help you stay fit and healthy. There are many recipes online (or in a condescending “student cookbook” you’ve been given) that are designed to give you these while hiding the taste of vegetable; I recommend curries and soups. Having a couple of vitamin supplements (especially vitamin C) to support this will further boost the old immune system.The staying hydrated part may sound daft but having an odd pint of water on a night out helps prevent hangovers and allows you to wake up feeling less shit than you would otherwise. Campaigns and Charities committee runs every Monday at 5 o’clock. We run free condoms & fundraising and welcome new ideas and involvement. They’ll likely be suffering from Freshers’ Flu from not following the advice they tried to give you.
FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND
The best bits from Tom Kelly’s interview with Kris, Matthew and Pat . Fans seem to have welcomed your return to a heavier sound with your last album ‘Welcome Home Armageddon’. You’ve hinted that your new material will be heavier still. Is there a particular inspiration behind this move towards a heavier sound? Kris Coombs-Roberts: ‘I think we came to the realisation that what we do best as a band and what comes most naturally to us is to write more punchy, aggressive songs.” Matthew Davies: ‘I think with this record we’ve gone back to what made us want to be in a band in the first place. It is important to figure out where your music influences are and be true to that. I don’t know if it’s a return to a more aggressive sound but it’s definitely taking an edgier and more direct approach with our music, and having a bit more fun with it as well. We’re being kind of selfish with the new record, getting our musical kicks. I think people will be surprised.’ It has been suggested that your sound became less heavy because you wanted to distance yourselves from bands that have taken inspiration from you. Was this ever the case? Kris: ‘I think that’s definitely true. In the beginning people were attracted to us because our sound was original. Then the genre of music we were associated with became stagnant, and as a result we tried to push our music in a direction that was moving away from the sound we originally created. ‘ Matthew: ‘It’s hard to even fathom the time frame. Ten years we’ve been together and it doesn’t even feel like three years let alone ten. It’s humbling when we’re talking to kids at shows who are in bands and making records with fanbases of their own and referencing us [as an influence]. It’s nice.’ Do you feel your fans are too readily pigeon holed with the negative stereotypes of ‘emo’ and ‘screamo’? Kris: ‘If it makes a fan more comfortable being labelled something and makes them more comfortable to like the music then I think it’s fine. If it you want to call us emo, call us emo or whatever. I suppose I’d rather be called “emo” than shit. Shitmo!’ [Group laugh] You’ve been dubbed one of the pioneers of “Welsh rock”. The country certainly has a powerful heavy music scene with the likes of Bullet for My Valentine, Skindred, Pulled Apart By Horses etc. Kris: ‘I think the fact that Welsh bands have a tendency to help each other out has opened the door for the music industry actually going to the area to look for bands rather than bands having to go to London to find the industry.’ [Tom Kelly] See the full interview online at www.qmunicate.wordpress.com
ALAN COMPTON
He likes sports and he doesn’t care who knows. The will to win. Go big or go home. No matter how you put it the love of winning – and often bigger hate of losing – is the healthiest and most natural human reaction to taking part in competitive sport. With that in mind, following recent events in the sporting world the question must be asked: is there room for sentiment in professional sport?
Professional athletes acknowledge the need to stay competitive, especially in the latter years of their career. Zinedine Zidane will forever be remembered as one of football’s greatest ever talents. In 2006, following an unsuccessful attempt at ending his career by lifting the World Cup, Zizou retired aged 34, relatively young for a football player – very young for one who still found himself a regular for a Real Madrid team still fondly remembered as one of the finest ever produced. Pete Sampras, who would be the undisputed greatest ever tennis player had Roger Federer never been born – retired at the age of 31 for the same reasons. So if the culture of quitting whilst still playing at the top level – in order to cement your legacy as a top star is accepted (albeit by no means universally) by sportspeople themselves, why have fans found it so difficult to embrace the idea? Take, for example, the London Olympics. The omission of David Beckham from the squad proved a controversial and divisive issue. Why? Becks was – in his time – one of the world’s finest midfielders, joining Zidane in the aforementioned ‘Galacticos’ Madrid side. He is, by any definition a footballing legend – even if analysis of his ability is somewhat lost playing second fiddle to ‘Brand Beckham’. This is all accurate, in his time he was a player who would have been of undoubted importance to Team GB. The key is however, that ‘his time’ is not 2012. The David Beckham who was being considered for selection by Stuart Pearce in the build-up to the Olympics is not the same David Beckham that curled in that injury time free kick against Greece to send England to the 2002 World Cup. This is not the David Beckham that led his country with pride and passion, and the one whose cultured right foot brought seemingly endless success to Manchester United and Real Madrid. This is a 37-year old David Beckham. This is a David Beckham who has played Major League Soccer for LA Galaxy since 2007. No offence to our cousins ‘across the pond’, but the quality hardly compares to La Liga or The English Premier League. Compare this to the three over 23 players selected by Team GB – Craig Bellamy, Ryan Giggs and Micah Richards. All three not only played Premiership football in England last season (albeit Bellamy signed for Championship side Cardiff City postOlympics) but they all starred for sides which finished in the top eight. This shows a set of players who are all playing at a much higher level than Beckham, and at a much higher standard. If we are to ascertain from this that Beckham could not be selected for Team GB ahead of these three based on footballing ability, that leaves just one plausible reason for the controversy surrounding his selection – sentiment. Should Beckham be picked as a thank you for everything he’s done for British sport? No. Through the Queen’s Honours list and testimonial matches, fixtures are in place to reward Beckham for everything he’s done. As for the sport, let’s keep those squad places for those good enough to deserve it – because the minute we move away from that is the minute we move away from true competition, and after that, what’s the point? [Alan Compton] You can read Alan’s column every week in term time at www.qmunicate.wordpress.com
SHINTY
You couldn’t beat it with a big stick So you’ve been in Glasgow a few days now. It’s quite good, isn’t it? The thing is, once everything calms down here, you can’t really go out every night the way you can during Fresher’s Week. You can try – heaven knows I know many who have and invariably failed – but you probably need to find some roughage and sleep in your life. Exercise is pretty essential, too. You’re lucky, because Glasgow offers a plethora of different sports and activities for you to choose from. Most of you, I suspect, have already made up your minds about what you are – and aren’t – going to do. One sport which you probably haven’t considered though, unless you’re from the Highlands, is shinty. For those of you who don’t know what shinty is, the concept is pretty straight forward. Imagine field hockey, but with far more menace. Add some grass - the playing surface, not the Class B variety – and that is pretty much it. OK. I probably haven’t sold it for you there. Yet there is so much more to it than a private school pastime intertwined with the Hunger Games. The game encourages so many forms of fitness, and unlike Katniss Everdeen, you won’t need a bow and arrow for self-protection. Maybe invest in a helmet, though. That could come in useful. This barbarism, perhaps, begins at home. I come from Fort William, which is a hotbed of the sport. Three teams compete in the top two divisions, each with their own second teams, grounds, and youth development structures. As a boy, I played shinty and it was great. In a town with a population smaller than the capacity of Firhill (for those who have just arrived at Murano, that’s the football ground right next door to you) this is quite impressive. Coming from a town where the sport is a fairly big deal due to multiple local derbies, Camanachd Cup finals (the biggest match in shinty) and the regular host of international matches between Scotland and Ireland at shinty-hurling (a hybrid version of the two native sports) I guess I’m being a bit biased. Yet underneath this bias there lies a genuine enthusiasm for the sport. If you look beyond the brutality associated with the sport you will find a game which requires good hand-eye coordination, athleticism and speed as well as the clichéd bravado. The principles, ethics and rewards of any team sport are evident in shinty. Luckily for you, Glasgow University has a shinty club, and if you missed them at the Sports Fair at the Stevenson Building the last couple of days, fear not about missing the proverbial boat. They train at Garscube every Wednesday evening, and if you have any queries you can email their captain at captain-shinty@gusa.gla.ac.uk . I’m not saying this sport is perfect for every reader: such assumptions are not worth printing. But what I will say is that you will never have a better opportunity to try a sport which is unique to our little country. So if you’re new to Scotland or just curious about the sport which is so popular in a region which didn’t have Channel 5 until two years ago (for those of us without Sky, that’s a fact, by the way), then now is a great time to do so. [David Childs]
BRIAN BRISTLETWAT: ADVICE FOR DEAR YOUNG FRESHERS
I SAW YOU Hey! Wanna rat out your mates on their amazing exploits and embarassing adventures where everyone can see? Text 07766404142 starting with ‘qmu’ and we’ll publish them right here the next day! I saw you Ronan rubbing your Dick with a sponge I saw you kat SPEWING ON ME I saw you team no boundaries I saw you sexy tequila shots I saw you cloister goblin living in my vagina I saw you Lisa gill hip hop dancing to ffaf I saw you random GUSA guy drop your pants in the middle of Champs bàr I saw you GUSA in the mosh pit I saw you qmunicate misattributing my recipe to Nina. I saw you dirty secretaries I saw you Dave hands up if you love life I saw you Freshers loving the narwahl chat I saw you qm fresher being taped to the lamp post at halls! I saw you Fraser using your language skills to charm all the Scottish birds. I saw you Luke McGill geein laldy on the dancefloor using Boris Johnson quotes as chat up lines I saw you Marcus Binnie reciting Romeo and Juliet while utterly fucked out yer head I saw you tech team being subtle like a boss I saw you Alan being my friend, my Roman, my countryman. I saw you, Euan, playing the music and lighting the lights I saw you Sean, being a kidd er
CREDITS Editors
Theo ‘The Power’ Wheatley, Tom Kelly, Andy Mac, Jake ‘Online Stuff’ Casson, Sean ‘Pretty Boy’ Iles, Ali ‘Definitely Not A Hipster ‘ Begg, Emma Jewson, David Childs
Writers
Driver/Delivery Boy
Theo ‘The Power’ Wheatley, Tom Kelly, Ryan ‘Wunderkind’ McFarlane Andy Mac, Jake ‘Online Stuff’ Casson, Sean ‘Pretty Boy’ Iles, Ali ‘Definitely Not A Hipster ‘ Begg, Robin ‘Glowsticks’ Callaghan, David Childs, Alan Compton