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qmunicate issue 96 • 17/04/12 •

The Secular The Spiritual Inside: All Things Space • Buckfast Tonic of the Gods• Is This What a Feminist Looks Like?• Noah and the Whale & Emeli Sande • New Theatre: Noir


Security Excellence Awards : UK Event Security Team of the Year 2011/12

Find out more at WINNER

View From The Top a well-earned rest. Unless you’re finished exams of course. If you’re one of those lucky people you have no excuse. And when you are done for the year, remember to head along to the QM for a shot of tequila and a pint of Tennents for £3. We’ve taken to calling it TNT, but I’ll leave it up to you to decide if you want to ask for that at the bar...

Hello everyone, So exam season has crept up pretty quickly and it really does seem like Freshers’ Week was yesterday. The QMU has been pretty quiet recently with you all scurrying home or to the library, but don’t forget we’re here so you don’t get too stressed out with studying. It’s rubbish when you spend all your time in front of a computer screen, be it on lecture notes or Facebook, so make sure you take some time to come down to the QM for a welldeserved break. The Food Factory and Lacuna will be here to help you keep up your energy and the shop has everything you need from notepads and pens to healthy snacks to keep you going. Remember the shop has a 1 hour binding service for just £2.50 if anyone still has a dissertation or project to hand in.

Anyway, enough about exams, there’s loads of other stuff going on that you should come to. We’re holding a hustings for the local council elections on the 30th of April. It’s a chance to put questions to the people who will be representing you and the rest of the students who live in Hillhead, so it’ll be a good chance for you to find out what they’d do about dodgy landlords and housing problems or if they will ever start gritting the bloody pavements around here... I have a lot of internal rage about this issue. As well as this, we’ve decided that we want some Miniature Dinosaurs - another great local band in Jim’s - to start our summer off, so pop along to that on the 10th of May. I’m actually rather looking forward to it.

The AGM has been announced for the 16th of May. I cannot urge you enough to come along to this. This is where the most important decisions of the year are made and any member of the QMU is able to attend. You’ll be able to question the students who have represented you all year and suggest policy for the next Board of Management to take on and make the Union better for you. Also, it’s actually quite fun and everyone gets a bit steaming at the end. Jings, that’s the third mention of booze this issue already. I should probably point out that the Queen Margaret Union only endorses Of course we always encourage you to be a bit responsible drinking, m’kay? outrageous in your efforts to take a break from studying. Cause, well... Fuck it. Cheesy Pop is So that’s what’s going on. If you want to get in open until 3am on the 27th of April, so have touch with me you can email me at president@ the night off, crack on with the shots and take or pop up to the third floor.

Credits Editor: Nina Ballantyne

• Andrew McAllister • Bryce Johnston • Nina Ballantyne

Photography/Illustration: Sean Iles • Joseph Nelson • Stephen McLeod • Nina Ballantyne Section Editors/Heroes: Marc Barr • Jonny • Tom Kelly • Rev. Xanatos Satanicos McAra • Christina McGuire • Adam Sorice • Bombasticos • Grunge Textures • digital Theo Whetley • Tom Kelly • Andrew McAllister collagist • dmswart • Ben Houdijk • Mike Mantin Contributors: Cia Jackson • Suki McFarland • Abbey Shaw • Thanks to: Minimalism • Plastic cups • An Calum McInnes • Kenny Anderson • Johnny unhealthy attitude towards exams • Cheap McAra • Boris Miller-kurakin • Becky Male • coke • Meeting childhood heroes • Half-price Joseph Nelson • Adam Sorice • Jake Casson Chablis • Bourgeois picnics •


Contents 3 • View From The Top 4 • Diary Dates: Miniature Dinosaurs,; Hustings; Summer Cheesy 5 • We’ve Got The Power; All Things Space 6 • I Don’t Think We’re Alone Now; A Tory Trick? A Conservative Con?. 7 •Deaths In The Cells; qmunicuts 8 • Cia Jackson 9 • Tonic of The Gods 11• Godlessness is Golden 12 •To Whom it May Concern 13 • Is This What A Feminist Looks Like? 14 • Live Music; Noah and the Whale; Emeli Sande’ 15 • Recorded Music: White Rabbit; Justin Bieber; VCMG; Heartbreaks; SebastiAn 16 • Film: The Hunger Games; Headhunters 17 • Arts & Culture: QMU New Theartre Presents: Noir; A White Woman’s Photographic Travel Journal 18 • Tech: BBC Hollywood; GAME Over? and Links 20 • Back Page

Despite: Easter opening hours • Idiot cats • Lost matric cards • Nina’s rapping skills • Uni. lol • Printing courtesy of Forward Graphics

Want to get involved? The Publications Committee meet every Wednesday during term-time at 1730 in the QMU’s board room. This lovely gang put together every issue of qmunicate and would like you to join them. Alternatively you can send compliments, queries, comments and restraining orders to:


Diary Dates Summer Cheesy Pop April 20th & 27th (late license), May 4th, 11th, 18th (late license) & 25th It’s been another long, gruelling year, hasn’t it? You’ve worked really hard in all your classes, haven’t you? You get no recognition, nor reward and graduation still seems miles away, doesn’t it? And if it doesn’t, it feels terrifyingly close, doesn’t it? It’s time you did something for yourself, isn’t it?

and first year hoodie. What you need is a healthy* dose of everyone’s favourite guilty pleasure and Glasgow institution: Cheesy Pop.

Glasgow City Council Elections: Hillhead Hustings

Start the summer as you mean to go on. Every Friday of term, we’ll be minutes from the library and Bute Hall, eager and keen to offer you a place to relax, a place to party and a place where DJ Toast will take your requests all night long. Work hard, sure, but no play made Jack a dull boy. Besides, how much work is anyone going to do on a Friday night?

It’s time you set aside the books. It’s time you wore something other than your library uniform on campus. It’s time you said “Enough is enough!” You deserve a break. You deserve to finally have some pure unadulterated fun. You deserve a place where you won’t be judged *Cheesy Pop does not imply health-giving even if you do turn up in your roomiest joggies properties

QMU Live Presents: Miniature Dinosaurs 10.05.12 “Totally harps back to older Scottish bands, the likes of Orange Juice and Fires Engines, mixed with some straight up pop…watch out for Miniature Dinosaurs” – Ally McCrae, Radio 1 Miniature Dinosaurs are an up-andcoming Scottish band, who have been compared by critics to the likes of David Bowie, The Killers, Pulp and Weezer. Their recently released tunes ‘Fight or Flight’ and ‘Alligator’ are bangin’, and this band are always highly anticipated live. Come down to Jim’s Bar at 7pm on Thursday 10th May, for what definitely promises a better time than another night stuck at the library!

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Advanced Tickets £5/£6 for Members/Non Members, £8 on the door. Tickets can be purchased from QMU Box Office or online at and (this event is open to students and non students who are over 18)

Jim’s 30.04.12 Council Elections take place on Thursday 3rd May. We’ve invited candidates standing in the Hillhead constituency to answer questions about your community, and about wider student issues. Transport letting you down? Been screwed around by your landlord? Don’t feel safe walking home at night? Well, it’s your chance to ask some of the people who want to represent you exactly what they’re planning on doing about it. Regardless of which constituency you’re registered to vote in, the event will be helpful for you to ask any questions you may have regarding particular party policies. Representatives from the Scottish National Party, the Scottish Liberal Democrats, Scottish Labour & the Scottish Green Party have already been confirmed with more candidates to be announced. Email your questions to uk, and come along on the night!


We’ve Got The Power! University of Glasgow leads the way in alternative energy research Researchers at the University of Glasgow are currently developing a possibly innovative new form of fuel, with inspiration from an unexpected place: plants. The inter-disciplinary Glasgow University Solar Fuel group is improving upon the idea of photosynthesis to create a more efficient method of using solar power. Essentially, the idea is to harness solar power and other renewable forms of energy and store it as solar fuel which can be used later. The advantages of this are numerous. Whilst renewable forms of energy, such as solar energy,

do not damage the environment, the energy cannot be stored for an extended period of time and there is no way of generating it when it is dark, or the wind is not blowing. Furthermore, the researchers aim to include carbon into this new fuel. Combining carbon and renewable energy in this new fuel adds a whole new possibility to this research; hypothetically, when the fuel is burned it would release CO2, which could then be reused to store energy. Effectively, this would create a closed carbon cycle that could potentially counteract the damaging effects of fossil fuels. When qmunicate spoke to Professor Lee Cronin, co-chairperson of Glasgow Solar Fuels, he seemed excited about the potential of the research, although emphasized that more development is needed. ‘Our main question at the moment is, is it conceptually possible?

However, I do think that Scotland is the opportune place to test this theory on a large scale because of the truly incredible wind energy on the coast and the already existing pipeline infrastructure. These two factors will hopefully mean our research will receive the support and funding that it needs.’ It will possibly take millions of pounds and decades until an efficient model can be produced, but Professor Cronin believes the potential benefits of the idea far outweigh the cost. ‘I think that people will begin to realise that the financial and human cost of the droughts, floods and other national disasters caused by fossil fuels is ultimately far higher than the cost of a renewable, clean energy that could reverse these effects. In the next 20 years we will see war and famine and droughts...hopefully this research could prevent that.’ [Suki McFarland]

All Things Space Could Scotland lead humanity to a new home planet? Last issue I spoke about Scotland entering the Space Race, with Virgin looking at opening a commercial Space Port in the Highlands. I’m not going to go over that again, as you’ll have already read the article (and if not, why not?). Since then, I’ve found out that this isn’t the only only Scottish Space Stuff™ going on. The first satellite to be built in Scotland is due to launch next year! Dubbed Ukube-1, the device is intended for testing new technologies in space. Made up on 3 10cm3 cubes, originally enough called Cubesats, Ukube-1 is being built just round the corner (more or less) from our beloved Union, in the West of Scotland Science Park in Maryhill. Over 600 Cubesats have been launched so far, and Clyde Space, the makers of Ukube-1, have made components for over 40% of them. But that’s not all! Clyde Space, along with Strathclyde University’s Advanced Space Concepts Laboratory, recently won the ‘Space

but should this occur, it looks like scientists may have found our home away from home: Recent research has found that Titan, one of the moons of Saturn, experiences rainfall like Earth. So far, these are the only two places we know of where So what’s next for Scotland? Will we one day be rain is thought to occur. Of course, it only rains commanding the bridge of a Starship with the once every 1000 years or so on Titan, and the Saltire emblazoned on the side? Who can say, rain is liquid methane, but it’s a start. Titan also boasts temperatures of -179C, so don’t forget your jacket. Oscars’ for their work. These prestigous and sought after awards were presented at the UK Space Conference in Warwick last year. Go Glasgow!

If you are looking for something a little more hospitable, there is always Gliese 581C, a mere 20 light years away. Declared to be a ‘Second Earth’, Gliese 581C sits in the Goldilocks Zone (not too hot, not too cold) of Gliese 581 in the Libra constellation, and sees average temperatures of 0 to 40C. Given it has the perfect conditions for life as we know it, in my mind this means one of two things. The prospect of aliens, or a perfect spot for New Scotland. Lets hope that your favourite fast food joint will still deliver there. [Kenny Anderson] qmunicate • 5


I Don’t Think We’re Alone Now... Plans are afoot for the government to keep a close eye on all of us Big Brother reared his ugly head recently as the government announced that they are considering including a controversial bill in next month’s Queen’s Speech. According to ministers, the bill in question would extend the powers of the UK’s security services, allowing them to monitor emails, phone calls, text messages and social media of the public ‘on demand’.

internet phone calls (including sender, time, recipient and geographical locations) for 12 months thanks to an EU law introduced in 2009, they currently do not keep a record of the content of these modes of communication. The proposed new legislation would extend these requirements to social networking sites such as Facebook, and online phone services such as Skype as well. This would allow agencies to access information without a warrant before a case is brought to trial, as opposed to retrospectively during court cases.

Whilst many ministers have been keen to support the proposals - stressing that they are necessary in order to bring criminals, paedophiles and terrorists to justice - opinion is still extremely divided and the public sceptical. Many critics, including Tory MP David Davis have spoken out against the proposed measures, Although Internet Service Providers are obliged describing them as ‘unnecessary snooping’, to keep records of users’ web access, email and and turning the UK into a nation of suspects.

Despite suggestions that this is merely bringing existing legislation ‘up to date’ in order to reflect the current trends in communication and imposing consistent safeguards, The Lib Dems were equally sceptical. Backbenchers signed a letter demanding an open, public debate upon the matter. Perhaps somewhat ironically, the two parties of the Coalition actually heavily objected to similar proposals made by the last Labour government in 2006. Although public safety is key, critics have noted that should the bill be put into place, it would ‘see Britain adopt the same surveillance policies as China’, thus thoroughly changing the relationship between government and citizens. Essentially people would be guilty until proven innocent, rather than vice versa. There is still much debate surrounding the proposals, however the message is loud and clear: Big Brother is watching and waiting. [Cia Jackson]

A Tory Trick? A Conservative Con? Are the Conservatives faking their opposition to independence? is cemented not simply in its name, but in its history. Always patriotic advocates of empire and Britishness, the party opposed devolution in Scotland and Wales as recently as 1997, arguing it would weaken Britain. Their past aside, however, it’s true that the Tories could benefit from Scottish independence.

numbers alone, Scotland would be little loss to them, while depriving Labour of key support. Additionally, some Tories and sections of England’s population see free Scottish services (such as university tuition and care for the elderly) as subsidised by England, with Tory MP David Mowat describing UK public spending as ‘fritter[ing] away billions of pounds to appease Scottish Conservative votes declining for vested [Scottish] interests’. Independence Cruddas told reporters that the Tories ‘have many years, are unlikely to recover soon; in would solve that problem too. to be seen to be fighting to keep the Union The Conservatives’ response to the recordings together… even if we don’t agree with it’ was to state ‘one of our fundamental beliefs… so they can negotiate from a position of is that the United Kingdom is better off strength following a hypothetical referendum together.’ The party cites many reasons for result supporting independence. The SNP’s its view, including complications in defence Nicola Sturgeon described the remarks as ‘a policy and the diminution of British standing bombshell’ demonstrating that ‘senior Tories in in the world. Furthermore, the recordings show London are cynically faking their opposition to that David Cameron told Cruddas ‘He wants to independence’. fight to keep the Union’. With no evidence to suggest senior Tories believe otherwise, the Allegations of Tory insincerity are interesting. Conservatives’ public opposition is probably Among the Unionists there ought to be no sincere, despite speculation. stauncher defender of the UK. Officially the [Calum McInnes] Conservative and Unionist Party, Unionism The Scottish independence debate continues. Not a day goes by without claim and counterclaim about the merits or perils of dissolving the Union. The Sunday Times’ recent undercover recordings of former Tory co-treasurer Peter Cruddas add a controversial assertion to the discussion: namely, that the Conservatives may not actually oppose independence.

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Deaths In The Cells Abbey Shaw on an issue troubling policing Since the riots throughout the UK’s cities last summer, there has been increasing attention from both the media and the public regarding police brutality, Mark Duggan and Reggae star Smiley Culture being high profile victims. The issue has most recently resurfaced due to the ongoing investigation surrounding Jacob Michael’s death, which is due to reach a conclusion this month. Michael, 25, died last year after being restrained by police. The public have been particularly concerned by the fact that Michael called the police himself, apparently in need of help. His father commented: ‘As far as I’m concerned, if the police didn’t treat my lad the way they did, he would be here today. He did nothing wrong, he hadn’t committed any crime, he rang the police for help’. The number of deaths in police custody is certainly a controversial topic. Since 1969, there have been 1000 reported cases of deaths in police custody, but zero convictions of a police officer for involvement. While this may initially sound quite high, comments from the Guardian’s website show mixed views amongst the public, with one commenter stating: ‘1000 sounds a lot, but over 40 years it’s only 25 a year on average. At the alcohol and drug-addled fringe of society that police have to deal with, that’s not a lot’. Yet another comments that ‘It seems statistically highly unlikely, than in a 1,000 such cases there were no circumstances that warranted a successful prosecution of a police officer for involvement in a death in custody’. What is particularly unsettling about Michael’s case, however, is that there has been no clear report explaining how he died. Cause of death has been put down to ‘excited delirium’, a controversial term which is often used in police reports concerning deaths in police custody, but gives no specifics, such as bodily injuries. Furthermore, the term is not recognized by the British Medical Association, which brings us to question why it is deemed an acceptable cause of death by the police. In a report compiled by retired judge, Thomas Braidwood, he concluded that ‘the term was uniformly rejected by medical professionals and was being used to cover up actual causes of deaths in custody, especially those involving excessive restraint’. Braidwood’s account may hold truth, but its worth considering that excited delirium includes ‘symptoms’ of bizarre and/or

qmuni cuts The column that ate too many extra-strong mints, shat itself and threw its trousers in a hedge

aggressive behavior, shouting, paranoia, panic, violence towards others. Whether or not the term itself is medically sound the ‘symptoms’ associated do indicate dangerous behaviors which would require severe restraint from A hamster in Northumbria recently became stuck to the metal bars of his cage, after eating police. But does that really excuse his death? a small magnet from a Spiderman toy and The Independent Police Complaints storing it in its cheeks. The hamster (named Commission (IPCC), who are currently Smurf ) was suspended in mid-air when its undertaking the investigation into Michael’s owners found it. We’re pleased to report the case, admitted that they had investigated a hamster, after a trip to the vets, is ok, and has got the magnet out of its face. • A lorry full of hot milk and cream exploded on a road in Dumfries and Galloway, causing delays. The lorry caught fire, which caused the containers full of milk to explode. A passing lorry full of cereal then tipped over next to it, providing a healthy start to the day for nearby residents. • An investigation has been launched into a number of cases involving ‘excited delirium’ Northern Irish Catholic priest who, whilst in the past. ‘We are aware there is an ongoing giving a powerpoint presentation on First Holy debate within medical circles about the Communion at a primary school, accidently condition, but the IPCC does not have the displayed a pornographic images to a room full medical expertise to comment on such a of parents. However the investigation has been matter’. This statement, rather worryingly, hindered by the theft of the laptop, which the brings one to question who will comment on powerpoint was on, from the priests home. It was the only item stolen. Hhhmmm... this issue, if not the IPCC. • The IPCC does, however, accept that deaths in Plans are underway to lay a massive undersea police custody of any kind can result in a lack cable from Iceland to the UK to provide us of trust of the police from the public, stating with electricty, generated ecologically by geo‘Deaths in or following police custody are a thermal energy from Icelands many volcanoes. controversial area of policing... They impact on At 932 miles long it would be the longest in the trust and confidence in the police, particularly world, and should be able to keep household bills low and allow the UK to meet its carbonin black and minority ethnic communities.’ reduction targets. People won’t be saying ‘ahh hate Iceland’ anymore As the media try desperately to uncover a cause • for the riots throughout England’s cities last year, we must consider the possibly that the Gun’s N’ Roses lead singer Axl Rose (whose public’s perception of the police (particularly name is an anagram of oral sex, just so you within minority groups), is at least partly to know) has declined to be entered into the Rock blame for certain instances of crime. This lack n’ Roll Hall of Fame, stating that he does not feel of perceived justice is of course aggravated wanted or respected. Fans had hoped the event by incidents such as the case of Jacob Michael would mean a reunion of the orginal lineup. (particularly because of his ethnicity), and, The current lineup last performed in the UK in along with all the usual components (such as Dublin in 2010, but were bottled off stage after coming on an hour late. bad parenting, unemployment, poverty etc.), • may continue to cause unrest. Whatever the verdict, it will be interesting to see the outcome Scientists in the US have made a robotic jellyfish of Michael’s case this month, and if the result that runs on hydrogen, which it can draw from affects the country’s methods of policing, the water around it. It is hoped in can be used and if the police are willing to provide more in underwater rescues, as real jellyfish have previously been very unhelpful in this area. transparency into their procedures. qmunicate • 7


Cia Jackson You voted her here, You deal with the consequences.

Colum Fraser

Shape. Size. Big. Wee. Round. Square. Hexagonal. Hairy. Smooth. Does any of it really matter? Exams are looming, the sun is shining and Tesco has upped the prices of ice cream. It can only mean one thing, and to quote that bloody irritating HSM song, it’s “Summer!” Almost. I have mixed feelings about this. And not just because Glasgow generally seems to be about as warm as Victoria Beckham’s personality. On the one hand, I can let my hair down, crack out the Pimms and not worry about missing lectures (due to being hungover and having accidentally set my loosened red locks on fire by having leaned in too close to the barbeque the night before). But of course, on the other, a season of judgement, sunburn and back fat looms. Mirror, mirror…could you maybe just hide under my laundry for the next three months? It can’t be denied that whatever the season, we’re a vain lot. The majority of ads on TV these days seem to either be for pet food or some amazing new product designed to improve your appearance. One thing I’ve certainly noticed lately is that razor ads for hacking my lady garden to pieces have multiplied faster than bunnies on speed. “Subtle” doesn’t even begin to cover the pubes that may or may not be shaved off, depending on whatever Kate Moss accidentally flashes on the beach this year. And speaking of Ms Moss, magazines as usual are also doing their bit, circling cellulite and establishing exactly how much money I shouldn’t give to Cadbury’s in order to achieve the perfect body. The general trend seems to be huge tits, nae arse and as many ribs as

possible sticking out beneath two triangles of fabric and some string that barely cover one lopsided nipple. i.e. a weird mix of Jordan and a biology lab skeleton. Call me sizeist, but is that really sexy? Or even realistic? Jennifer Aniston and Megan Fox may be able to pay doctors to chop fat off and stick it elsewhere, but I don’t. I naturally have hips, an arse and a pair of tits that I’m actually rather proud of, even if someone once proclaimed them to be “crackin’ falsies!” Much as I love carrot sticks and Zumba, there’s not enough time in the world to exercise and starve off anyone’s weight, let alone my own. Not even 4 years training for a black belt persuaded my curves to take a hike. Starvation and surgery aside, I also need to “pre-tan”. For those unaware, it’s kind of like pre-drinking, but the results are messier and the smell is far worse. It’s at times like this I wish to embrace my half-Englishness and query exactly what’s so wrong with being a classically “pale English rose”?

Surely a werewolf would be a shaggy beast? Not some flesh-and-blood version of a Ken doll. The fact that Launtner’s muscles are probably digitally enhanced for both film and photo just makes it all the more disconcerting. I won’t lie, I have been known to fondle my boyfriend’s biceps on occasion, but I’d ultimately rather men were around to open jars and provide cuddles on tap. I don’t quite know why David Beckham’s baby oil-soaked muscles are presumed to be quite so appealing when it’d blatantly be like trying to snog a greasy brick. I once thought men had it easier, but with role models like JLS or Brad Pitt, I’m hardly surprised that more boys are growing up with eating disorders and poor self worth.

“razor ads for hacking my lady garden to pieces have multiplied faster than bunnies on speed”

Of course, I’ll try not to discriminate. I lack a penis but I get the impression it’s no better for men. Heat magazine kindly prints “Torso of the Week” and I’ve seen Taylor Lautner’s teenaged, waxed chest more times than I’ve had pints of Magic. Whilst I can understand that playing a werewolf might mean having a bit of muscle, but where the bleeding hell is his chest hair?!

Ultimately, I’m probably wasting time writing this column. Let’s face it, typing has yet to be proved to be one of the big calorie burners. I should be sobbing quietly on a treadmill whilst someone waves a photo of Keira Knightley in front of my face, screaming, “FASTER, YOU FATTY!” Obviously one person can’t go up against the worldwide cosmetics industries and Hollywood alone, but I know I’d rather play Frisbee in the great outdoors as a chubster than spend all summer indoors lifting weights. But even better yet- how about we try to stop judging, enjoy summer, and for the love of Qudos- at least cover those nips?!

Views expressed above do not neccesarily represent the views of qmunicate, the Queen Margaret Union, or our nipples.

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Tonic of the Gods? In the face of increasing opposition, Jonny McAra argues the case for Scotland’s other national drink

Admitting that you regularly drink and enjoy Buckfast tonic wine in pleasant company is a bit like admitting you get sexual gratification from torturing kittens with a lighter at an RSPCA meeting. Gasps of horror follow; “My God, not that stuff!”, “How can you drink it?”, “Do you know it contains more caffeine that all the tea in china and causes irritable bowel syndrome???” (The second part’s actually true). And in yet another attempt to demonise the devil drink, Scottish Labour are campaigning for an alternative to the SNP’s minimum pricing that would particularly affect the sale of caffeinated alcoholic beverages. The most infamous of which, obviously being wreck-thehoose-juice. But why the social stigma? Most people will point to its association with anti-social behaviour. The obvious solution is to ban it, since making things that people enjoy illegal is an effective and sensible course of action that has been successful throughout history. And of course, banning it would greatly reduce, if not end, all anti social behaviour. Just imagine little Jimmy standing outside his local Spar of a Saturday evening, in his good trackies, sweaty wee hand clutching at the six quid nestled within. It’s been a hard week thinking up new ways to torment the wee fat guy in his class and there haven’t been many good fag ends to catch a draw off lying around the school car park. He just wants to relax with the lads down at the playground, maybe impregnate Chantel in the bushes. Imagine his absolute dismay at

being informed that commotion lotion was but models for Wikipedia STI pictures in their no longer available. “Oh well” he’d say, “I kinda spare time. Sure you’ll hate them and yourself wanted to stay in and get to grips with Kant’s the next day but you’ll always come crawling back. “Why did we ever categorical imperative anyway. Time break up?” you’ll ask to turn my life around!” Or, more “Buckfast isn’t seductively as the likely, he’d just buy some other type of alcohol. Because the truth is, responsible for people purple ambrosia slides down your neck and Buckfast isn’t responsible for people acting like cunts, binge drinking is. acting like cunts, binge makes you hilarious, charming and the Buckfast just gets you there faster. drinking is. Buckfast just world’s greatest dancer. The next day, when You might think you’ve been drunk before, but if you haven’t had a full gets you there faster.” all your excretions are indistinguishable from dose of Supersonic down your neck then you’ve never really been that drunk. each other, you’ll remember why. Buckfast gets you the kind of drunk where you wake up alone in your girlfriend’s bed with People who moan about Buckfast should a note on the pillow saying she never wants bear in mind that the bottle carries a warning, to see you again. The kind of drunk where something that no other alcohol container I nightclub bouncers use you as an example of can think of does. “The word tonic does not the sort of person not to be let in. The kind of imply health giving properties” is plastered drunk where you pull your trousers and pants clearly across every delicious bottle. Arguably all the way down when you’re doing a piss and it’s not so much a warning as a lesson on what not even for a laugh, just to minimise the risk of the word tonic doesn’t mean. From this we can deduce Buckfast Wine Ltd. are keen to promote getting piss all over yourself. proper use of the English language among I drank my first ever bottle of Buckfast in young people. Finally a respectable bastion Barcelona when I was travelling (if your first in the fight against the decline of the English experience of Buckfast makes you sound like language, from the unlikeliest of places. more of a student wank I’d like to hear it). The next day my piss looked like vegetable oil and Also, Buckfast is made by monks. Monks are the substance leaking out of my arsehole could on God’s side. Therefore, God loves Buckfast only accurately be described as toxic sludge. and wants you to drink it every day. The logic Thus began the most enduring love affair of my is inarguable. life. Because Buckfast is the person at the party you go home with that looks like good clean fun [Jonny McAra]

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Godlessness is Golden You’d be a fool to dismiss the importance of religion, or the freedom of a truly secular state, argues Boris Miller-kurakin ‘Don’t care what you believe, just believe in it.’ To the non Whedon fans out there this quote is intended to express the ultimate right to freely place your faith wherever you like, and this is the thing. Freedom of religion is a cornerstone of rights in modern society, yet it is also one of the most divisive. From the controversies around women wearing the hijab to the aggressive statements of writers such as Dawkins, religion is almost never an easy question. Yet does this mean that the right to express beliefs publicly (whether in God, Marx or the Flying Spaghetti Monster) is appropriate? I am almost certainly not the only person to have cringed inwardly when the Church of England spoke out yet again against gay marriage. Or even more recently when in Arizona the state decided to pursue a deplorable antichoice legislation that meant a baby would be considered alive two weeks *prior* to conception. It’s especially cringeworthy when their arguments are entirely groundless and based on ludicrous premises like “the purpose of marriage is to produce children” or “if God demands that a child be born who are we to stop it?”. Arguments like these can appear hypocritical since the CoE considers it okay to marry couples who go childless via biology or choice, and if the same God that fundamentalist American Christians believe in is supposedly capable of impregnating a young girl *without* sex then it hardly seems likely that we could stop him. I hesitate to use the word ‘spiritual’ because of its crystal waving and hippy-esque incense lighting connotations, yet as an individual I suppose this is the word

which best describes yours truly and I for one state is one that I actually agree with, and am embarrassed for the Church whenever they he is one of the main reasons that I believe discussions about religion belong in the private come out with these claims. sphere. They often only serve to disparage the activities of people with a quieter faith and inflame the However, his approach is not only aggressive passions of people who want to prove that faith but his assertion that anyone of faith is suffering from a grand delusion is insulting. Equally as is nothing more than harmful to humanity. insulting as the demagogues who spout the This brings me nicely to the other end of this idea that sinners belong in hell. It does the spectrum...atheists. It seems ironic to me that debate on faith no good when it turns into the people who attack religion the most are an angry shouting match. Many of the issues the ones guiltiest of the same methods. They I have with this assertion of religion as bad is use the same tactics and the same dogmatic that it ignores all the positive (and admittedly approach to their arguments which they call less quantifiable) aspects of faith, the comfort damning in religious zealots. I don’t often and solace it offers, an inspiration to do good hear well thought, mature arguments against that can at times be attributed to faith. faith; a great deal of what I hear is mocking, juvenile and insulting. Is it any wonder then However, there is a fine line between saying “I that the church retreats to its doctrine and love my God” and “you should love my God”. refuses to engage or learn when more often When David Cameron came out publicly and than not its detractors use methods which said that this country needs to return to the are this distasteful? I believe in the freedom of Bible, his words were likely taken out of context, people to believe what they wish and if society yet at the same time they were a poor choice. perceives these beliefs to be wrong then the If the people voted in Cameron because they approach should be to offer up reasoned agree with his views and he says those views debate and across time the institution will have were inspired by his faith then happy days. Yet the opportunity to change internally of its own when he tries to say that a country occupied by people of many faiths needs to adhere to those accord. views this is clearly a breach of his position. Yet this is not currently the case, the Church A state needs to be secular to represent all as it is finds itself under siege from a barrage people and a faith needs to be personal as of opinions with no real attempt at discourse, your relationship to Allah, Vishnu or Edward compromise or understanding. In the public Cullen is personal. Conversation, debates and sphere the loudest of religion’s critics is discussions are healthy but slagging matches celebrated author and renowned biologist are not, so let religion stay out of the public Richard Dawkins. His goal of creating a secular sphere where it belongs.

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To whom it may concern... qmunicate responds to criticism over coverage of Nightline unicate. qm of e su is nt ce re e th To The Editors in ticle on Nightline ar e th t ply to any of ou re ab to in a l d e mp il co fa to ng vi ng i l ha ai r, em ee nt am u l I tive Nightline vo ac an er operates ng o l It no s. ie is t ul n ic ki ff ra di Ku rce e l il fa M s es ri do Bo Firstly, ng. Yes, Nightline ri ee nt u l vo s hi g in rd e. It is run by ga se re to m hi ke t i l ac d l nt ou co w to e cl s l ti ai ar em e r th ou many posters as as rd take an fo af to e l ot nn op ca pe r it he so ot , g et in tt dg ge bu d w o on a l to focus on an k or w se ur view, co er of ov t o l an a as ve ed ha gn si ho de w , is ts en ng ni ud 4th year st unteer. The trai l vo s ri Bo d ar he t n’ ve e training ha th I ng d ki an ta , e t ul os ic Th ff di r. cu is oc rt y pa ma active icult cal that ff di al on si ca oc e th n is important to io nt It me . l el to w t as an s rt l po ca im e es is th it h d it w an sel ors to deal un co as on Nightline ng ni h ai rs tr ha y o ar to ss is ce ne e cl e ti th ar ve ur ha yo t do no nd I feel that A e. ic rv will se e y cl ar ti nt ar u l vo ur a yo is en th ne i tl s, gh er Ni st po at th remember are not enough e er th , ys sa e cl ti ar uardian’s ur G yo U G as e , th If r . e l te ho af w s a me co as is rs Th voluntee s of mistrust. ed se g in w so by e ic rv Nightline in your se to e th gy o ol ap an e su is u yo at do more damage for I would ask th e. su is st a l r ei th in e ic rv se criticism of the next print issue. Thanks, Adam Dear Adam, Boris reprised his role as a Nightline volunteer in orde harsh than the e r to research th ditorial team had e article, and his expected, due to The article in que findings were ac a c c ounts relayed to stion doesn’t inclu tual y far less de any inaccurac us b the general stude y o t h e r N ig h ie t l s i ne and we cannot a nt population’s at volunteers and us pologise for brin tention. Surely an ers. and the Universit ging the problem awareness of the y to assist Night s Night troubles Nightline line mo Nightline is a per encounters will enc line faces to fect service could re, not less, and in doing so, im ourage volunteers prove its service cause much more provide. If fourt t o d amage to student students. A pret h years cannot d ence that s who are in ne edicate adequate inadequate servic ed of help that time to the servi e. Nightline cannot ce, they should no Just because an t b e e ncouraged to pro organisation is run vide an by volunteers, it the aims of the does not mean t service they provi hat it should not de are of impor the QMU are sur be held to accoun tant ones, which ely al evidence o t, especial y if w e believe Nightline’s f that. The artic to some institutio a l e r e d . oesn’t single out nal issues, and if GUSRC, GUSA, th or criticise any e GUU and anything is a cry Al the best, The individual voluntee for increased fu Editorial Team r, it merely poin nding. I hope th 12 • qmunicate ts is response clarif ies our position.

Is This What Feminism Looks Like?

After GU FemSoc’s controversial vote, Becky Male asks: Does feminism take balls? At their last meeting, the Glasgow Uni Feminist Society had a discussion on the role of men in the society. They voted on the issue and allowed men to be members. All well and good, it seems. However, they also voted that men can only hold board positions if no woman wants it and that the women in the society must vote on men’s voting rights prior to each vote. Lastly, they also passed barring men from some discussions. And we wonder how so many people can say, “I’m not a feminist but...”.

is female? Do we start issuing cards verifying In the past century feminism has helped to win ownership of a vagina? And is that all a woman women a lot of rights but gender inequality still exists. Not only that, it is not exclusive to is? women. Yes, it’s far more extreme for women. The Fawcett Society, one of the oldest and Yes, we have a full time equal pay gap in the largest feminist campaign groups in the UK UK of 14.9%, while we’ve also had an Equal (named after suffragist Millicent Fawcett, Pay Act for the last 40 years. Yes, only 36% of who if she isn’t one of your feminist heroes, MSPs are women. Yes, women are going to be should be), have a gallery on their website of harder hit by cuts to public sector jobs. But celebrities wearing the famous “This is what men are subject to gender discrimination too. a feminist looks like” t-shirt. Amongst them Two weeks paternity leave is deemed enough are artist Tracey Emin, successful novelist for a man to care for his child in their earliest Sarah Waters, blogger Jessica Valenti, human days, in comparison to the whopping 52 weeks rights activist Shami Chakrabarti and famous maternity leave allocated to women. Is a child’s musician Sophie Ellis Bextor. But by far the early relationship to one parent so much less hairiest feminist pictured is comedian Bill important than another? Is having a science Bailey. The caption to his picture reads, “Three and technology workforce only 12.3% female women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve really that different to just 12.4% of primary colonised a male-dominated joke format’”. teachers being male? These gender inequalities The impact of that joke is in no way weakened cut both ways, in very different areas of life and with different severities, but they do exist. because a man made it.

FemSoc claim that the issue of voting rights is largely symbolic and probably won’t have much of an impact on actual decision making. That’s almost certainly true; feminism has always been and may always continue to be a female dominated movement. But feminism is meant to be about striving for gender equality. You can’t prove to another group that you’re not a second-class citizen by symbolically Feminism can only be stronger for the inclusion making them one. of men. It takes bollocks to identify as a feminist (as anyone who’s had to listen to sexist jokes One of the many questions this change raises trying to provoke you will know) but it takes is: “What happens if you don’t fit the gender even bigger bollocks to identify as a feminist binary?” This might sound like very academic as a man. To not only acknowledge that you question but it’s an important point. Whenever are born in to a more privileged position but you try and put people in neat little categories, to see that there is something wrong with there are always people who don’t fit those that and to want to change it, makes a male boxes. For many people, it’s a reality that their feminist something special and something to gender isn’t as simple as male or female. What be encouraged.

Feminism exists to fight gender inequality – and it should be fighting it in all its forms. There really are bigger issues at stake than whether or not men can be part of their little club. Even if it’s only “of symbolic importance”. It makes us look bad and helps justify the shite people think they know about feminists. Haters gonna hate but giving them more ammo to use won’t get us anywhere. And it sure as hell won’t help us change the world. [Becky Male] qmunicate • 13

fsndiofdsofhdsjfjbddsifn Live Noah and the Whale HMV Picture House 20/3 For my seventeenth birthday, a friend of mine gifted me a ukulele along with the debut album from, the then relatively unknown, Noah and the Whale. Naturally, I spent that October week’s holiday off from school figuring out both the instrument, and each of the tracks from the album. Mis-spent youth indeed. Consequently, I’ve always felt a sort of attachment to this band, and although I’ve found their most recent offerings just a little irritating, I was interested to see them live. Unsurprisingly, the set opened with an assortment of tracks from their most recent album Last Night on Earth, much to the delight of the screaming audience. Eventually returning to some of their earlier tracks, the band played Shape of My Heart amongst others, although there was not a uke in sight, the folky sound of older tracks being replaced by guitars and keyboard, which, in all fairness, was probably more appropriate given the size of the venue.

And I must admit, while I was not a huge fan of their most recent album, it is undeniable that it translates well live, and the adapting of the older songs into the sound of the newer ones resulted in a more cohesive set.

Charlie Fink. Yet it seemed that Fink was rather enjoying his new role as an unlikely heart-throb as he flirted with the audience – “You’re all looking well tonight” he smirked – and was met with an appreciative uproar from the front. Fink continued this slightly irritating showmanship Not only has the band’s sound transformed, throughout – jumping off a podium he had so have the band. They’ve scrubbed up fashioned at every chorus – but the audience significantly; each member appearing in a appeared to appreciate it. perfectly tailored suit. This new image has clearly not gone unnoticed by their fans; The band closed with crowd pleasers 5 Years swarms of teenage girls shoved to the front, Time and L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. which, in all screeching at every word uttered by singer honesty, were a lot of fun. Much to my delight, however, their encore consisted of only one track –The First Days of Spring. A beautiful, sweeping and climactic song from their second album which I feel fully demonstrates the band’s genuine talent. As it was not released as a single, I feel this song is somewhat underrated, but as the audience left, it was clear everyone appreciated that this band have the capability to make more than gimmicky pop songs. (AS)

Emeli Sandé/ Seye Old Fruitmarket 20/04 I didn’t really know what I’d let myself in for - I angelic voice, seeped with 90s R’n’B against an hadn’t heard much at all of the acts, but knew 80s inspired synth and rock combo, Smoking Emeli was meant to be the ‘next big thing’. Gun receiving an epic light show. His music was all heartfelt and Motown influences could be Seye walked on first, with little fuss. It felt a little heard, emotion dripping from every lyric. like a stand-up gig; Seye (said like Cher) telling jokes to warm up the crowd. Then, with Get Then the main event - Emeli Sandé being the Back to Jennifer, dedicated to a crowd member, third act to sport the same hairstyle. The venue his nonchalance became a clever façade hiding now filled out, and beginning with slow Daddy, his raw talent. Breaking a guitar string mid- she immediately upped the ante, belting out song, he still completed it without a problem, and continued with another dedication and crowd sing-along. Then, getting into the Glasgow spirit, he downed a pint of lager. His best song, White Noise was reminiscent of Bloc Party’s Flux, with slower acoustic influences, and an indie rock beat. Definitely one to watch, with it receiving Radio 1 airplay as I write this. Next up, Daley. Hidden in shadow, I genuinely thought it was a woman, until the first song had finished and he was bathed in light. His

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Tiger with such primal emotion that I began to get goosebumps. Then after a few reworked tracks from her album, she talks about leaving her Medicine degree for music - treating patients in hospital who had lost everything but their hope and love for each other, she was inspired to follow her dreams. Emeli treated us to her new song Wonder, written just three weeks ago, which she hopes (and I predict) will be the summer anthem of 2012. Finishing as it all began, with Heaven, I was blinded by the lights and her powerful voice. After an encore - in which the whole venue began chanting her name - Next To Me finished the breathtaking show, with the soul equivalent to mosh pits breaking out all round. All in all, Emeli Sandé has lived up to her hype, and should to continue to outdo herself. As for her supporting acts, they’ll be the next big things along with Emeli. Mark my words. (JN)

fnspdfjhshasiohshdiojdihh reviews

Albums White Rabbits Milk Famous


White Rabbits used to be so interesting. Their debut album Fort Nightly was a brilliantly cohesive collection of guitar-pop tracks with a mysterious, nocturnal atmosphere. Their second album featured Percussion Gun, one of the better songs of the year, and certainly their best yet. What made them great was the energy instilled in almost everything they did... and that’s exactly what’s missing from their third record, Milk Famous. The first song that you could describe as “upbeat” comes in at track number four, and it’s hardly a barnstormer like Kid On My Shoulders” rom the debut. Of course, not every album has to be full of belters from start to finish, and, indeed, many benefit from welcome breathing space. But Milk Famous breathes so much that it’s suffering from hyperventilation. Some later tracks on the album are worth a listen but ultimately forgtettable. An unfortunate change in direction. (AS)

Terrible isn’t a word I throw around often. Listening to Ssss has made me want to throw it around more than a ball in a ball game. Sorry, but this album doesn’t deserve a good metaphor. VCMG is the duo of Vince Clarke and Martin Gore, both of whom were in Depeche Mode for their debut album Speak and Spell way back in 1981, so have a pretty solid musical reputation. Vince Clarke once wrote a song when he was still with Depeche Mode called You Just Can’t Get Enough and it’s ironic that 30 years later he helps produce some music that you can in fact get enough of and it’s after the first 5 seconds of track 1. Usually I’ll listen to an album and have at least one favourite track, but with Ssss if you don’t like one, you won’t like any. This is because they all sound the same. To me, it sounds like old Vince and Martin haven’t put any effort in, even the track names are simplistic, with such songs as Bendy Bass and Single Blip. The penultimate track is even called Recycle, which considering they all sound identical, is quite funny. Thinking of that joke is the only happiness I got out of listening to this thing. (JC)

Singles SebastiAn Love in Motion French electro artist SebastiAn, from the Ed Banger Records (school of Justice and, er, Uffie) collaborates on his new single Love In Motion with Mayer Hawthorne. Put simply though, it’s just not really a single. A dull mechanical beat plods along through the verses with Hawthorne’s distorted vocals way too deep in the mix. You might expect this to build up to a big chorus, but it disappoints in this regard as well, leaving you wondering just what the point is. It says a lot about SebastiAn’s production when you think he could take a few ideas from Skrillex’s remix, which is actually quite interesting until it reaches that hideous creation they call “The Drop”. Best of all, though, is the remix from Rustie, which loops house piano over pounding drums, and makes far better use of Hawthorne’s voice than SebastiAn’s production. (AS)

The Heartbreaks Delay Delay This song is very catchy, I found myself singing along by the second chorus. The vocals give an 80’s feel to the song yet the music is very current. The lead singer has a brilliant voice, from time to time resembling the great Alex Turner from Arctic Monkeys. It could be seen as a pop song which most people will dislike but it is quite a feel good and uplifting song. The chorus easily gets you singing along and although the lyrics are quite simple it’s written in a way that means it is easy to learn the words which is always a great technique for upcoming bands. The lyrics and lead singer definitely make this song good; the music is typical of most pop songs. The song is definitely radio ready and everyone should give it a listen as they put a lot of effort into creating a great finished product. Look out for these lads come festival season. (MB)

Justin Bieber Boyfriend Baby Bieber has finally turned 18 and is super keen to show he’s now big Bieber. But he’s in the tricky position of having made his name as a saccharine teen heart throb. Which brings us to Boyfriend. When he was a child, he sang like a child, he looked like a child, but now he is a man he has put away childish things. Kind of. We begin with a breathless rap over minimalist instrumentation, describing how Biebz can take you places you ain’t never been befo’. Presumably deemed a little too sexy by some middle-aged, balding record company man, Bieber’s new Falsetto™ soon bursts into a twee, if creepy chorus about how if he was your boyfriend, he’d never let you go. The track is actually a decent enough Timberlake-esque RnB number and while there’s plenty space for growing up lyrically (Swag is not a verb Justin.) I was taken aback by just how catchy the hook is. Oan yersel big man. (NB)

Unsigned Corner- Glasgow based So Many Animal Calls just released new EP Eulogy! Get along to a show for some Xcertsesque fun. qmunicate •



The Hunger Games Ignore all you’ve heard about this film. Forget claims it’s just a Battle Royale rip-off. Dismiss hype that it’s ‘the new Twilight’. Don’t watch the trailer. You don’t even have to read this review. Just go see it, now.


annual tournament held in the post-apocalyptic Panem. 24 children aged 12-18, or ‘tributes’ are selected by lottery to battle to the death until one survivor remains, all while being broadcast on national television. The tournament was born as a punishment for the citizens’ rebellion If you’re still reading, the film is based on novels against the totalitarian regime of The Capitol. by Suzanne Collins, about the eponymous You are immediately thrown into a dystopian world, where rich and poor could not be any further apart. Political allegories are present throughout, as are unsettling observations about our society; you will be left thinking for a while.

in love with her. Peeta and Katniss begin an uneasy friendship, and try to stay alive.

There’s not much more I can say; I don’t want to ruin it for you. The acting is almost perfect, particularly Woody Harrelson as Katniss and Peeta’s mentor. The messages are simultaneously obvious and subtle. I literally cannot think of any negatives in this film, save for the little screen time Hemsworth received; his is an important character, and yet we feel little for him because we hardly get to know him. If you’re more a passive viewer, or an active one, just go and watch it. There are laughs, cries, and ‘aww’s galore, and someone even shouted out ‘COME ON GINGER!’ when I went to This year, Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) see it. Viewer participation, just as The Capitol volunteers in place of her sister, and wants it. ends up torn from her friend Gale (Liam Hemsworth) and competing against Peeta (Josh Hutcherson), a boy from her [Joseph Nelson] village who also happens to be madly

Headhunters A Norwegian movie about a short head-hunter who isn’t sure whether his wife loves him or not sounds pretty bland, doesn’t it? It’s fortunate then that Roger Brown is also an art thief which helps to spice things up. Although not quite as suave as Cary Grant in To Catch a Thief, he gets by using the money from his thieving to buy his wife’s love. But then his wife meets Clas Greve who is tall and charming, the polar opposite of poor Roger,. Clas just took early retirement from being CEO of a Dutch tech company, so he’s rich too. He’s got everything, except he apparently still wants a job and Roger suggests they meet to talk about a position he has in mind. It turns out that Clas also owns a lost Rubens worth 100 million Norwegian Krone (at the current exchange rate that’s a whole lot of British pounds). Roger needs money to keep 16

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up his rich lifestyle and as I mentioned he’s an art thief. You can guess what happens next. Roger steals the painting, but upon leaving the apartment tries to ring his wife, only to find her ringing phone in Clas’ bed. Pretty standard love triangle thing, right? Wrong. You see, it also turns out Clas used to be Danish Special Forces and specialised in tracking fugitives. A bad

thing to hear when you just nicked someone’s priceless Rubens. Not only that but he helped his company develop minute trackers than can stay on an object unnoticed, another bad thing for Roger to hear. His life gets worse when his partner in crime tries to kill him, forcing Roger to shoot him in the head. What happens in the next hour surprised even me and films don’t often do that. For the sake of keeping you surprised, I won’t tell you what happens. All you need to know is that if you only see one Norwegian movie this year, see Headhunters. Though let’s be honest, you will probably not see many Norwegian movies in your entire life, so don’t miss this opportunity.

[Jake Casson]


QMU New Theatre presents: Noir Jim’s Bar, QMU 11th March 2012

Theatre isn’t the sort of thing you expect to see in Jim’s bar, but I went along to see how it was and all I can say is, ‘wow!’ What a show it was. Members of the excellent Staged Theatre Society put on an evening of Noir - a genre associated with the monochrome movies of the 40s and 50s. A difficult thing to show on a stage at the best of times, but I’m glad to say they pulled it off. An excellent use of lighting helped to show differences between the past and the present, using blue light to show memories of a past love in ‘From Grace’. Both plays relied very much on the imagination of the audience, being in Jim’s meant they had to be light on sets, using only a few chairs, a table and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s (the staple of any tortured noir protagonist).

he gone wrong in life, before cutting to how he found himself in such a dire situation. Set in America, the play called for appropriate accents and the players didn’t disappoint. The accents were flawless and helped to perpetuate the

imaginings of the audience. A play consisting of only three men, it really did rely on the imagination to enjoy. It clearly shows that a story doesn’t need to be overflowing with characters to be enjoyable. The QMU’s very own Eugene Zhdanov was codirector, not only that but he also wrote the excellent ‘From Grace’ as well as starring in both plays. He truly got all the action, being shot no less than 3 times and kissing all the women he could. The blood packs used when he was shot were realistic, even if the last one was a little unreliable and needed some extra punch for it to burst. The next time there’s new theatre in Jim’s it can’t be missed. Excellent plays for an excellent price.

I particularly enjoyed the first of the evening’s entertainment, ‘As the Red Paint Dries’. It began with a dying man describing where

[Jake Casson]

A White Woman’s Photographic Travel Journal Nina Bacos, PhD Exhibition GSA, 6th-12th April 2012 herself, ‘(In Africa) race operates as a hidden scripting of rationalized irrationality’.

under the title of ‘Assimilation’, a euphemism I’ll be using from now on.

It’s in this setting that the artist addresses ‘Whiteness as a racial construction’, attempting to bring a perspective to how white people are still perceived as a ‘privileged category’. As the exhibition addresses the nature of the observer, Nina Bacos has set out to interpret andunderstand Africans in the way a lot of white middle aged woman in Africa do. By According to Nina Bacos, when most getting under them. documentaries about Africa are made by white folk behind a camera, cultures and societies What Nina Bacos has, in fact, done is take a are observed with the condescending eye of couple of pictures about her and women like someone in a place where they come out on her shagging their way across Africa. Here it top. Even if the observer has absolutely no acts as evidence of the racism still pervades idea that this is going on, the social norm shifts the continent; the advent of sex tourism is how because of their colour. To quote the woman this racial inequality has evolved. This all comes

To that end, the exhibition is self indulgent in more ways than one; Nina Bacos could have documented the confused racial construct of ‘white’ in a country that still gives in to unmediated reactions on race. Instead, she’s made the evidence intractable to anyone who doesn’t fit her specifications, a white middle aged woman like her. On the one hand she’s proven her point that the nature of the observer affects the observation. But in the end, you leave with the feeling of a wasted opportunity. And a bit grubby.

Well, I originally thought this exhibition was about curtains. I thought it was going to be an easy afternoon reviewing one of the tamer exhibits at the GSA. Unfortunately I couldn’t have been more wrong. As it turns out, this exhibition was about sex tourism. Bringing my girlfriend to something that sounded quite dull but vaguely cultured actually ended up giving her a very worrying idea of what my interests are.

[Andrew McAllister] qmunicate • 17

Tech BBC Hollywood

GAME over?

Being Human, Skins, The Office, Fawlty Towers, Life on Mars, what do all of these British TV shows have in common? They all have variously successful American remakes. Hell, even Dad’s Army and Red Dwarf for god’s sake, although, gratifyingly, the latter two were never picked up. Precisely how anyone would have translated the characters of Lister and Captain Mainwaring into an American format is a question that, thankfully, will go unanswered.

Whether you’re a diehard video game enthusiast or someone who has only picked up a Wii remote once in your life, chances are that the recent financial turmoil surrounding GAME Group Ltd (who operate both GAME and Gamestation, the UK’s two biggest video game-specific retailers) has not evaded your attention. After several publishers refused to continue stocking product to the company’s stores due to credit difficulties, the organisation filed for administration on March 26th.

But happens all the time. Wikipedia has just furnished me with a frankly worryingly long list of British TV shows which at least had an American pilot made. Even shit like American Idol. We did it first, although in that case, we’ll happily give the Yanks credit. But what is it about British shows that have the Americans flocking all over them? It seems like every successful show that gets noticed over here inevitably gets an American remake, even, gods help us, Trisha Goddard, is getting an American version, debuting this autumn.

However, as any Rangers fan will know, administration doesn’t mean that the group is going bust. (Well, not yet anyway.) A buyer was secured and a week later, everything was back to normal. Except that it wasn’t. Administration means bringing someone in to make the hard decisions about how to keep the company afloat. With the closure of all but one or two stores in each city, and the loss of over 2000 jobs, that is exactly what has happened.

Americans seem unable to accept that shows can be successful without feeling a burning desire to make an American version of them. I can’t even begin to think of why this would be, possibly the feeling that while these shows are perfectly good, the good ol’ US of A can always make them better? But this view would seem to fall down in the face of the fact that (with a few exceptions) these remakes tend to have the life expectancy of a socialist in Alabama. This has come to a head with the planned remake of the BBC’s Sherlock. To be set in New York, and starring Lucy Liu as Dr Joan Watson, the announcement has infuriated fans. Now, I can’t say I much care about a woman playing Watson, I actually think that’s a positive, but Sherlock Holmes, the brilliant Victorian detective, re-invented as an American? There’s something that just doesn’t feel right about that. But hey, we still get Benedict Cumberbatch (incidentally my favourite name ever) and Martin Freeman, doing Sherlock properly. Based on what usually happens, with any luck, the American version will sink so deep that it’ll leave even Sherlock stumped. [Bryce Johnston]

I Write Like – Find out which WOWC

famous author your writing cruelly imitates! Just hope it isn’t Samantha Brick - Space (Fur)Balls – Wish your cat had intergalactic ambitions? (Why?) Live the hipster dream within! - omgcatsinspace.tumblr. com

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Magikarp? Gutted – Behold these impressive wastes of time, crazy detailed LEGO models of Gyarados and a rather naked Magikarp - One Move Pony? – This entire Tumblr is a riff on the same shit joke. Funny though -

To be fair, GAME has to an extent brought this upon themselves. In Glasgow’s city centre alone, there were no less than six separate stores between GAME and Gamestation. (Two on Sauchiehall St, one in Buchanan Galleries, one on Union St, one in St Enoch’s Centre and another in St Enoch’s Hamley’s, if you were struggling.) Add to that the staff pushing you to buy pre-owned copies of a game at only a fraction less than a new copy, and the constant “What are you looking for?” sales approach as soon as you walk through the door, and you get the feeling maybe it’d just be easier to shop online. If GAME is to survive, it is clear it will need to realign its core focus. Waterstone’s took a hit when supermarkets started stocking chart books, but a simple reshuffle of products allowed them to hold on to an acceptable market share as books are now grouped together by genre and then author. A similar strategy could boost sales of video games too, as while Cooking Mama can be found near Call of Duty, the similarities end at alphabetization. Time will tell of GAME survives its financial troubles. Here’s hoping it does, as it’s closure will be a huge loss to the high street. Not to mention, with GAME gone, where is my Gran gonna buy my birthday presents? [Kenny Anderson]

Pingu In Pursuit – There’s something innately satisfying about little penguins chasing your cursor; we’re not sure what - A Positive Outlook – If nothing else will make you go have an STI test, reading this will -

Issue 96  

Its got Buckfast in it

Issue 96  

Its got Buckfast in it