Issue 99

qmunicate issue 99 • 7/11/12 • www.qmunicate.wordpress.com

Does Size really Matter?

Inside: Election Results - Drug Laws Don’t Work - Moving Earth Spare Parts - Skyfall - Bowling For Soup- Faliing With Style

Words of a Boardie Alan Compton, Current Student Representative, takes his turn in the column that will have a different board member discuss their work each issue.

Contents 3 • Words of a Boardie 4 • Diary Dates: Halloween; QMU By-Election; 5 • QMU Elections; SNP Policy Lambasted by Fox 6 • Waltzing Julia; Star of a War. 7 •The Drugs Don’t Work; qmunicuts 8 • Malachy Clarke: Mental Deviant 9 • Moving Earth

Hi guys and welcome to this issue’s Words of a Boardie. As you will no doubt know by now, this section of the magazine is the chance for each of the students that you elected to represent you on the Board of Management to let you all know what we’ve been doing to help improve our Union. I’m Alan, and I was elected as a Current Student Representative in a year long seat in the General Election in March. It’s an exciting time to be on the Board with the recent by-election resulting in a huge change in the people that make up your Board, providing new faces for Duty Board and -more importantly- a plethora of fresh ideas. I’m excited at the prospect of working with the new board, and can’t wait to help them settle in and get started. For more information on who now represents your views on the Board of Management, head on to page seven to read the summary that Laura did of the election.

that everyone in the building knows exactly what we’re showing, and exactly when we are showing it. To work alongside this our President, Colum Fraser, has assisted greatly in utilising social media to help push our live sports coverage on our 83” projector screen.

With great help from Tom Kelly (Publications Convenor) and James Ansell (Social Convenor) in particular, greater strides are being made in establishing Champions Bar as the premier sports bar in the West End of Glasgow. Looking forward, we’re also hoping to start a major push making sure that you guys feel a part of everything that we do. We’re hoping to launch a QM Football Supporters Club to allow those of like minds to discuss what’s happening with their team, and those of opposing views a chance for some healthy debate.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my shameless plug of Champions and our Big Screen Sports, and I’m sure you enjoy the rest of qmunicate. I’m always looking for new ways to push sport within the Union, and ways to improve the Champions Bar atmosphere so please; if you ever have any queries, concerns, suggestions or critiques on all things Champions Bar – or indeed all things QM – I shouldn’t be too hard to find.

Anyway, a lot of my time in the QM is spent in Champions Bar. Although I will admit to the occasional dose of Vitamin T (that’s a pint of Tennents to those of you unfamiliar with a nutritious diet) the majority of the time spent there is because the project I’ve committed myself to is the improvement of our live sport coverage in Champions Bar. Attempts to improve this have included the prioritising of Cheers the Champions Chalkboard in order to ensure [Alan Compton]

Credits

Malachy Clarke • Tom Kelly • Euan Hill • Eugene Zhadanov • Lucy Howell • Laura Thomas • Mhairi Bruce • Susie Rae • Theo Wheatley • Alice Black • David Childs • Elspeth Gordon-Smith • Section Editors/Heroes: Emma Jewson • Theo Wheatley •David Childs •Joseph Nelson Barrie Josephs • Ryan Wilson • • Ali Begg • Anna Price • Laura Thomas • Kirsty Photogaphy/Illustration: McLeish jonny2love • Tom Kelly • aussiegall • JudyGr • Peter Price • Johnny Tirita • Joseph Nelson • Contributors: Suki McFarland • Joseph Nelson • Max Sefton• Editor: Tom Kelly

10• Reproductive Wrongs 11 •How Deep is Your Love?

12 • Spare Parts 13 • Bowling for Soup Interview 14 •John and Barry, Jims Bar Philosophers 16 • Recorded Music; Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj; Gaslight Anthem; For Abel; Ringo Deathstarr; Breakbot’ 17 • Live Music: Bowling for Soup; Amy McDonald 18 • Movie Reviews: Skyfall; Rust and Bone 19• Arts & Culture: The Magic Flute; American Idiot 20 • Tech: Solar Tower Power; Dissappearing Comets 21 • Sports: Falling With Style ; One Night in Barcelona Thanks to: Free K’s • Sweety Cups • Colour • Whisky • Ellie Munro and Theo Wheatley’s sound advice • Rallying Efforts Despite: Missing Editors• Boycotts • Losing Andy • Halloween • QMU Internet • All the duties • Nina and Theo’s debates

Printing courtesy of Forward Graphics

qmunicate • 3

news

Diary Dates

The best of the QM’s calendar

Red Ribbon Ball 27.11.12 The QM’s Campaigns and Charities Committee proudly presents Red Ribbon Ball. A night of cabaret, music and magic that will be raising money for World Aids Day and Terrence Higgins Trust Scotland.

Starting at 9pm, the members will be welcomed into a transformed Qudos. The event will have a formal-with-a-splash-of-red dress code to observe and will cost you a tiny £5 if you buy as a member in advance of the night. If you’re not a member it will be £6 and if you’re not able Local acts such as Skunner, The Creative to buy one before the night either way you can Martyrs, The Reddettes and many more will still get a ticket at the price of £7. be taking the stage alongside the GU Big band who will be playing Red Ribbon Ball for the Like last year the plan is to get an opportunity second year in a row, having done a fantastic to sit back and relax whilst watching quality job the previous year in the first every Red performers and then a chance to dance the Ribbon Ball at the QMU night away. Get down to support a good cause.

St Andrews Day 30.11.12 Whether you are a fully fledged Scot or a new student looking to get a bit of Scottish Culture down you, there is no better event for you than St Andrews Day dinner at the QMU. St Andrew’s Day is Scotland’s official national holiday and here at the QMU we tend to celebrate it with amazing style.

until you burst is not Scottish enough for you, we’ll even do one better at the end of the night there will be a Ceilidh, with a fantastic live Ceilidh band so you can get the oppurtunity to work off those sizeable QM portions the way Scots have for years and years.

With the venue decorated for the event and everyone dressed up it’s a great oppurtunity for excapism from the 59p noodle, holes-in-all-mybloody-clothes lifestyle of the modern student at Glasgow University at a price that won’t This is a new-belt-hole-requiring send you plummeting into the depths of your three courser that comes with overdraft. a dram of whisky and a glass of wine for the great value So get down to the QMU Reception and get your sum of just fifteen pounds tickets as soon as you can to guarantee you and sterling. That’s not something your mates get a seat at the table of plenty that you can afford to miss. is St Andrews Day. Oh and you probably should find something to dress up in, don’t worry, kilts If swigging whisky and eating aren’t mandetory.

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news

QMU Elections New members on the QM board after annual by-election It is the start of November and you know what that means: essay deadlines, less daylight and - more importantly - election season to the QMU’s Board of Management. As I’m sure you’re aware this union doesn’t just run itself.

A whole dedicated team of hardy, rugged individuals with a high alcohol tolerance are required to keep the wheels turning and new events coming. All those people you saw around campus in bright coloured t-shirts, waving sweeties in your face were attempting to convince you that they should represent you within the Union. And really, hats off to all of them because the election fell the day after the QM’s Halloween celebrations, demonstrating the stamina of those who canvassed for your votes all day, in the rain.

Strausz was uncontested for the first-year sixmonth seat, while Kerr Stevenson was elected as Former Student Member for the upcoming year without struggle.

No candidates stood for the year-long positions designated for first-years only. The five positions open to all students, however, saw fierce competition. Seven candidates ran for three positions as Current Student Representatives in constituency A. Overall 229 votes were cast in this category, Sean McFadden was first to be deemed elected after reaching quota in the third round. Votes were reallocated and Andy McAllister received an extra 30 votes, allowing him to reach quota in the fifth round.

This magazine’s features editor Emma Jewson was last to meet the target, narrowly beating This year’s by-election saw fourteen candidates Emmaleena Kakela. running for eight positions. Whilst there was strong competition in two constituencies, Five students ran for two positions in Current those of Current Student Representative A Student Representative constituency B, Louise and B, the other three constituencies saw Bennie, Hannah Brand, Mark Harvey, Bryce a disappointing lack of competition. Saxon Johnston and Calum MacInnes. Calum reached

quota straight off in the round with 92 votes. The remaining position was much more hard fought however. Louise dropped out in the second round, losing out to Mark Harvey by only one vote. The reallocation of votes was not enough to see Mark through the next round however, and it was Hannah and Bryce who went neck and next into the final straight. Ultimately it was Bryce Johnston who took the victory with 98 votes including reallocated ones.

These new representatives join the Board of Management’s existing student representatives and offer all of the QMU’s members an opportunity to get their concerns and comments heard. A hearty congratulations to all those who were elected, and comiserations and a well-done-for-trying to those who missed out.

The next round of sweetie-distribution and flyer hand-outs will be in March, so if you’re thinking of running, you’ve got plenty of time to decide what colour your t-shirts are…[Laura Thomas]

SNP Policy Lambasted by Fox Liam Fox slams the SNP’s defence and NATO policy Former defence secretary, GUU journalist and current Scottish MP, Liam Fox, has lambasted the SNP’s vision on the defence strategy for an independent Scotland. Writing on conservativehome.blogs.com, using a very attractive pink header, Mr Fox highlights the perhaps ill-considered position that Mr Salmond’s Scottish National Party (SNP) have put forward on the future of Scotland’s defence.

Current SNP ideas involve taking control of Scottish Forces from the UK Armed Forces. Mr Fox criticized the SNP as viewing the armed forces ‘as though they were at a Pick ‘n’ Mix counter in a sweet shop’. He points out that current plans would involve taking control of armed forces but not the ability to fully resupply themselves or a navy with an appropriate auxiliary. To Mr Fox, this would leave Scotland with an un-deployable military and little hope of NATO membership, esspecially without maintaining the Nuclear Deterrent. The Scottish Government, perhaps in response, are now embarking on a further defence review, but the

problem with the Nuclear Deterrent remains.

Despite having a morphing vision of what defence in Scotland would be, removal of all nukes from Scotland has remained an SNP promise. The British government is keen to keep the missiles in Scotland though, and has insisted that- should Scotland become independent-

any attempt to remove them would cost billions of pounds to the new Scottish state. The SNP however continue to campaign against nukes in Scotland.

Mr Fox’s views should not be taken lightly.

Whether or not Scotland will have an appropriately equipped fighting force remains unclear and NATO membership should not be taken for granted. The SNP opposed military intervention in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Kosovo, suggesting that the military necessary for Scotland is quite different from Britain. A problem arises as the SNP are now potentially seeking NATO membership. Without foreign intervention or nuclear capacity there is little incentive for NATO to accept Scotland. Also with Britain as a key member, if the dispute over nukes continues, it is unlikely that NATO would let Scotland in. The SNP should seriously consider their approach before the independence referendum.

[Euan Hill] qmunicate • 5

news

Waltzing Julia Australia’s PM suspected of fraud and silencing media In the 1990’s Julia Gillard, Prime Minister of Australia, worked for law firm Slater & Gordon.

However in 1996 she left that job following an internal inquiry into some dealings she had made on behalf of the Australian Workers Union (AWU). The concern was that whilst Gillard was representing AWU she was also dating an AWU official by the name of Bruce Wilson. This is slightly tricky territory anyway,

and run with this story. Segments of the world internet community have been in uproar that this scandal has never once been investigated, except for the internal inquiry at Slater & Gordon. Even when the police got involved This story is not new by any means; Gillard’s Gillard was never fully investigated to find out entire political career has seen this story to what extent (if any) she was involved. unearthed time and time again. It found itself thrust into the limelight once again this July What many are asking is, why have the media when ‘The Australian’ newspaper printed an decided to turn a blind eye to what could be article that stated a Melbourne lawyer, Harry a very serious crime? The real story may lie in Nowicki, had uncovered some fresh juicy whether Gillard has somehow been able to information about the case. A series of articles keep the media from reporting on the story followed until a transcript of a final meeting now that she is in a position of power. Possibly which Gillard attended before she left the firm newspapers think that people just don’t care was also published in ‘The Australian’ in mid- about something that happened nearly 20 August. However since then there has been very years ago and see no point in publishing it, but little coverage of the story at all, most noticably this seems an increasingly unlikley explanation.

The internet campaign shows no signs of in mainstream Australian newspapers. stopping, and may lead to the investigation Due to the lack of coverage from the usual reopening in the near future. places, the internet has steped in to fill the void [Mhairi Bruce] but the situation intensified when Wilson was accused of stealing up to $1 million from the AWU in 1995. Whether Gillard had any part in the fraud however is still unproven.

Start Of A War Plans by Cameron to celebrate the start of WW1 hit snags Poor old Cameron has really gone and shot himself in the foot by suggesting a special celebration of the start of World War one in 2014. This will be the 100th anniversary of the war and Cameron is suggesting plans for several large-scale national commemorations during the year, including school trips to the trenches and upgrades to the Imperial War Museum in London.

These decisions have come as a result of polling done by the think tank British Future, which suggested that 80% of the 17,000 people asked, wanted bells to be rung across the UK and flags to fly at half-mast. Other suggestions for the day are to reschedule football games and close all the shops. Unsurprisingly these did not score quite as highly, receiving a 50% and 45% yes vote respectively.

While celebrating the start of a horrific and bloody battle is a very unconventional way to bring the country together, it has not gone unnoticed by those less inclined towards the PM, that the event happens to take place at about the same time as the Scottish referendum

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for independence. This has of course led to suggestions that Cameron will try to use the event to influence the public to remain unified, as we were back then.

of troops and tear up the face of Europe for 5 years to avoid diplomatic embarrassment and then celebrate doing it 100 years later, the events may not turn out in Mr. Cameron’s favour.

Any plans however, to try to use the July [Lucy Howell] commemoration to keep the country unified, may in fact backfire, when the specifics of the war are considered. Statistics from the Scottish Army reveal a 26.4% casualty rate compared to 11.8% from the British Army, which dissenters are suggesting actually supports Scotland’s desire to separate from England, as even then they were made to suffer more.

Further afield, Cameron’s European invitation to celebrate the start of hostilities with a trench festival costing £50 million have been met with ‘dismay and appall’, according to a spokesperson for the PM. Cameron, ever trying to spin things in his favour, suggests that the war ‘captures our national spirit in every corner of the country, something that says something about who we are as a people’. Some have pointed out though that if ‘who we are is a people’ is to slaughter hundreds and thousands

news

Drug Laws Don’t Work qmuni cuts Ryan Wilson on changes in the world of drugs The ever-controversial topic of governments’ drug control has come once more into the spotlight, as France plans to launch and test the success of a number of ‘shooting galleries’; places where drug addicts can get their fix under medical supervision, and Uruguayan President José Mujica has announced plans to legalise marijuana, with the state monopolising its production and sale.

In terms of marijuana, many people think lax drugs policies are a good thing. Furthermore the facts, to a large degree, are in support of them; however many governments claim that legalisation amounts to ‘dangerous liberalisation’. As recently as 2009, the British government’s chairman of the Advisary Council on the Misuse of Drugs was fired in relation to his research, after producing a pamphlet that illustrated the difference between the scientific classification of drugs through empirical evidence and the laws classification of drugs on a criminal basis; not only did his research conclude that marijuana was overall a fairly harmless drug biologically, but that it produced less negative effects on the human body when consumed than both alcohol and tobacco. After his dismissal, then Home Secretary Alan Johnson stated that ‘He was asked to go because he cannot be both a government adviser and a campaigner against government policy’. The dismissal essentially made the statement that government policy on drugs wouldn’t follow evidence produced by the scientists who are employed to inform the government, but that they expect scientific findings to confirm the traditional views.

Despite this, opinion across the globe is changing; there are currently twelve states in the US pending the legalisation of marijuana for medical use, following in the path of California.

With President José Mujica’s plans, Uruguay would be the first country in the world to fully legalise and regulate the production and sale of marijuana, and, Mujica suggests ‘The negative effects of consuming marijuana are far less harmful than the outbreak of violence associated with the black market’.

So it appears our collective understanding and treatment of marijuana usage worldwide is rapidly changing, but does this mean that every drug should be treated with the same leniency?

Well of course no; scientific evidence shows that drugs like heroin are far more harmful than marijuana, biologically and socially.

The column that has a cold

These drugs have been proven to be incredibly and sneezes all over your food harmful to the body, and as such heroin should be considered in a completely separate light.

The resolution of France’s Socialist government to test the success of new ‘shooting galleries’ represents a radical step forward in the MI5 recently downgraded the threat from the IRA to the UK mainland from substantial to moderate. Yay! • Controversy is raging over plans by Glasgow council to revamp George Square. The council plans to remove many of the statues and plinths in order to create an open space for use in the Commonwealth games. The council humanisation of people addicted to heroin has indicated thats some of the statues will not and drugs in general. We need only look to our be returned afterwards, but used elsewhere own use of the ‘shooting galleries’ test and its as part of city beautification. A movement has immense success in reducing crime rates and started to prevent the changes. cutting the level of drug related deaths to get a • clear understanding of the kind of impact such A baby hedgehog caught in a crisp packet was a policy can have. Although naturally there finally freed after a three and a half hour rescue is the ethical question posed by the prospect operation involving six people. The hedgehog of the government providing drugs, is it any crawled into a discarded packet in Westonmore ethical for us to continue to allow people Super-Mare and was spotted by a shopkeeper. suffering from addiction to die from impurities The hedgehog was described as cold and in their narcotics as they fork cash over to de-hydrated upon being rescued, and is now serious criminals? being looked after at local Prickles Hedgehog Rescue. Awww!

For Mail on Sunday columnist Peter Hitchens • however, these arguments are null and void. 23 died at a recent Saudi wedding after firing ‘I don’t believe in addiction’ he states in his guns into the air in celebration. The bullets new book, entitled ‘The War We Never Fought’ hit power lines which came down, hit a metal where he postulates that the war on drugs has door and electrocuted the guests. Firing guns not only failed, it has in fact never truly existed. in celebration was banned in Suadi Arabia only Hitchens argues that it suits the liberal elite to a month ago. Laws are there for a reason guys. talk tough on drugs, but in fact allow citizens • to take them with relative impunity. However Marvin Gaye has been scientifically proven to Hitchens also attempts a moral argument, be the best music to get romantic to. Dynamic claiming that all drugs are morally wrong range, high end vocals, less vibrato and vocal as they break the chain of cause and effect raspiness, plus smoothness and a circular between work and pleasure. However, when emotional quality to the music apparently help pressed for answers as to the logic behind us relax and get in the mood for some sexual his belief that all drugs are immoral he fails healing. In contrast Bohemian Rapsody is the to produce substantial rebuttal; when asked worst bedroom music. It was also found that about his coffee consumption, he replied, men tend to let their ladyfriends choose the rather disappointingly, ‘Caffeine? Come on. It’s boudoir beats. Who says chivalry is dead? just not a serious point’. Well…. Why is that, if, • according to his belief, all drugs are immoral?

A Brazillian man suprised his family by turning A petty sounding comparison, I know; but an up to his own wake. It transpired that the dead important one. if we are to continue in the vein man was in fact a colleague of the first man, of tradition in ‘the war on drugs’, governments who just happened to look very similar. will come under increasing pressure to adhere • to scientific findings, and if they are to defend China has begun a security lockdown in themselves on moral grounding, much more preparation for its Communist Party congress. robust argument will be needed.

R.C. aeroplanes, releasing pigeons and selling pencil sharpeners are amongst the restricted [Ryan Wilson] activities. qmunicate • 7

Your week at the QM… Monday Free Condoms 1200-1600 • Cloak Room Campaigns and Charities Committe 1700 • Board Room Monday Night Music Quiz 2000pm • Jim’s Bar

Tuesday Events Committee 1730 • Board Room Unplugged 2000pm • Jim’s Bar

Friday

Saturday

Wednesday

Thursday

Sunday

Free Condoms 1200-1600 • Cloak Room

Social Committee 1730 • Board Room

Free Condoms 1300-1600 • Cloak Room

Live Sport in Champions’ Bar

Live Sport in Champions’ Bar

Publications Committee 1730 •Board Room

8th New Theatre

Pop Culture & a Piano 1630 • Jim’s Bar

See Bar for this week’s games!

See Bar for this week’s games!

BWNPQ 2000 • Jim’s Bar

15th QM Live

Karaoke 2100 • Jim’s Bar Cheesy Pop 2200-2am • Qudos

Want more qmunicate? We hear you. Thats why we’re putting plenty more of this wonderful content online over at: www.qmunicate.wordpress.com With exclusive online content including regular columns on sport and films, regular fashion features, travel features and game reviews to whet your appetite .

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features

Malachy Clarke Mental Deviant

Our magazine columnist talks about running for President I am officially a victim of the man. I’ve always felt that way but now I can back it up with evidence. I’ll explain. My last column, which of course you all read, was about beards. There was an extensive and graphic section about what it’s like to go down on a girl when you have a beard; for some reason that’s all anyone remembers of it. My very first column, which was in one of Freshers week issues was just straight up about sex. (If you ain’t a fresher and didn’t see it you can read it at www.qmunicate. wordpress.com.) So I have been asked to “tone it down” and this bullshit is the result. I mean I guess I see where they’re coming from I mean my dad reads these. He hasn’t been able to look

me in the eye since the beard column though. I wrote about sex and I wrote about beards. That’s basically all I’ve got. What more is there to life than that? Trying to consider a world beyond beards and sex made me uncomfortable and sad. So I expanded my thought process in the most minor way possible and this issue I’m all about QMU elections! As of writing this they haven’t happened yet. I dunno who’s won. I dunno who’s running. These are the mid-term elections for the ordinary board members.

Also known as the guys hanging around with the mop and bucket cleaning up piss and shit and vomit. (Editors note- I’m a convenor and I clean up more vomit than anyone, this is at best, inaccurate). The bigger (read, more annoying) elections come later. These are for the higher up positions, for the executive and conveners and shit. Whether it’s these elections or the bigger ones later, there’s always a fair few candidates all spouting shite about how if you elect them they’ll make the sun shine everyday and every pint’ll come with a great big hug. But we all know that’s bullshit right? So how do you work out what’s bollocks and what’s legit?

Who’s gunna be best at cleaning up vomit and handing out glow sticks? (Editors note- You may mock but I am solid on both those things and it bloody helps) Well you’re in luck! Please find below; The Malachy Clarke guide to voting in student elections. It’s really quite a simple process which we’ll go through step by step and provide a brief explanation.

Step one. Do you want to sleep with any of them? Yes? Vote for that person. It means that A) they’ll be around the union a lot and B) you have an ice-breaker for when you finally get to speak to them “oh hey yeah I remember you I voted for you.” And if you’re thinking “but what

if they’ve got bad polices, good looking people aren’t necessarily good board members.” fuck that. Do you think you’ll be concerned with who’s pissing about on duty while you’re on top of whoever you helped elect? No. And well, that’s it really. Next I just go through the ballot putting numbers next to names pretty much at random. Unless I see somebody I really hate. Than I make sure to put Position Vacant higher than them. There’s only one paid position on the board. El Presidenté. When the real elections roll round I’m gunna be running for president. And this is not just cause of the money. (I swear.) When I’m president I’ll make a few changes around here. I’m gunna dismantle the board to be replaced with a council of my choosing. I’m gunna scrap this magazine and create my own one. Malacate or something. It’s a working title. All the issues will be about how much better the union is under my rule. I also intend to answer any question at the hustings with “I decline to answer.” Also naturally, I’ll have a bullet-proof campaign. I’ll just run a smear campaign against the other guy. Like, if Colum Fraser was running again (he can’t it’s just an example) My campaign’d be based around claims like “Colum punches kittens. don’t vote Colum, I’ve got this one in the bag. If you’re interested in writing for Malacate or helping me with my campaign please contact me at malachyclarke4president@gmail.com.

In all serious, which is not something that I’ll say a lot in this column; democracy is pretty much the only thing the western world has going for it. Between all the violence, poverty and obesity at least we can cling to the democratic process.

The chance to have a real say in how your union is run is nothing to be sniffed at. I hope you all appreciate that and come out and join me in campaigning for Malachy 2013.

[Malachy Clarke]

The views expressed above do not neccesarily represent the views of qmunicate, the Queen Margaret Union or the mop bucket that we keep under the stairs who thinks this is all rather silly.

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features

features

‘The crime? Failing to predict the future.

And, crucially, the verdict: guilty.’

Lucy Howell

Picture this: you’re standing before a judge; the charge against you is manslaughter; the sentence is six years in jail. The crime? Failing to predict the future. And, crucially, the verdict: guilty.

MOVING EARTH

Should scientists shoulder the blame? up to the earthquake which registered 6.3 on the Richter Scale. However, experts from across the globe agree that tremors are not a sign of a larger quake, not even close. If they were then places like California, or anywhere else that is located near shifting tectonic plates, would be on constant high alert. Well respected academics from around the world have weighed in on the case, including Dr John Elliott of Oxford University, who said: “This verdict is a sad end to a tragic series of events in L’Aquila. Earthquakes cannot be predicted, and these scientists should not even have been on trial accused of providing incomplete information.”

Now, you may laugh but this was the fate of six scientists and one senior government official in Italy after they were charged with failing to predict the earthquake in L’Aquila on the 6th of April 2009, which caused 309 deaths and Now there can be some debate as to whether horrific destruction to the medieval city. the claims against the men have some grounding. After all, they did fail to do their job Italy and their rather risqué politics has been at the most basic level, but surely if they told hitting the headlines more frequently in the everyone to evacuate and the earthquake did last few years. When it was just Berlusconi’s not happen, someone would have sued them sexual exploits it was OK. Yet when a judge can for causing panic or tried to charge them for sentence good, hardworking men to prison temporary living costs. It was not a question for failing to do something that is impossible, of the men failing to act as much as a natural should the international community really disaster happened and the government stand back and let such injustice happen? needed someone to focus the blame on.

Look what happened with hurricane Katrina: The men convicted, all members of the National the Bush administration was targeted by the Commission for the Forecast and Prevention public because they were angry and they of Major Risks, were charged on the grounds needed somewhere to direct their anger. It’s a of negligence and malpractice, with survivors human instinct - when something bad happens claiming that they played down the risk factors people want someone to blame. Over the years of several minor tremors in the days leading scientists have consistently been the targets

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of everything from rage to condescension because they are dealing with subject matter that is way above public understanding, and we all know that anything we don’t understand must be evil and/or dangerous, right? It is also a powerful reminder that it doesn’t matter how advanced our civilization is or how small we can make our technology, the fact remains that we, as humans, are not the supreme masters of the world. There is a force out there, more powerful and unpredictable and terrifying than anything man can ever create: nature. We can explore every aspect of the globe and dissect every molecule we find, but we are still not that much closer to learning the secrets of the planet than the cavemen were.

The problem is that when we start targeting our leaders or our scientists, and blaming them for life’s unpredictablilities, they will just stop helping. Already in Italy, the repercussions of the L’Aquila verdict have caused many of the scientists on the government’s advisory board to take a step back, according to officials, with the convicted members positions remaining empty. Why should the scientific community help if the thanks they could receive for their hard work is 6 years behind bars and a 7.8 million euro fine (about £6.4 million)? It would be like us fining the weatherman every time he predicted the weather wrong.

[Lucy Howell]

features

Reproductive Wrongs Laura Thomas wonders why it is only men discussing abortion When it comes to divisive issues in politics, few cause more of a debate than that of reproductive rights. With the upcoming US presidential election, abortion and contraceptive rights play an important role in distinguishing exactly how much each candidate appears to dislike the idea of women having control of their own bodies. However, the issue has more recently caused debate on this side of the Atlantic, with our own Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, stating that he would support a reduction in the legal time frame for abortions, from 24 weeks to 12.

While it has been emphasised by Big Dave and several other Tory MPs that Hunt was merely expressing his personal opinion and that there are no Government plans to change the law, the fact that such a senior minister has publicised his own highly controversial views is cause for concern. Alex Neil, Scottish Health Secretary, has also said that the issue of reducing the limit should be “looked in to” should Scotland gain independence, although he later back-tracked and said that there was no party stance on abortion rights

of political bias, who are comfortable with men discussing an experience which their bodies will never have to go through, and decisions they could never possibly make alone. Because there lacks a male equivalent of abortion, there is no solid ‘what if’ question that can be levied at men when it comes to discussion of reproductive rights.

The humble vagina is under attack. Male politicians do not want one, for fear of turning into Nadine Dorries, but at the same time, seem to not want even women to have one, or at least one with a woman with a mind of her own attached to it. The disdain for lady parts begins before the sperm even has a chance to acquaint itself with the egg. Women who carry a condom on a night out are ‘asking for it’; men who do the same are ‘responsible’. The Pill, which fifty years ago gave women the freedom to control their sexuality, is now relied upon by men who do not want to wear a condom; and yet, notions of a male version of an oral contraceptive are met with (often anti-male) derision by men and women alike. In addition, a woman’s choice in sexual partner(s) is constantly scrutinised, although of course there’s no realistic way that the boys in power can legislate about that, thankfully. When a woman decides to get an abortion, it seems as if politicians think it is a decision entered into on a whim, and thus the law must step in to remind them what they’re doing.

examinations, compulsory for women seeking an end to their pregnancy. This year, Virginia initially attempted to pass a bill enforcing transvaginal examinations, in which a woman could see the foetus. Under the guise of ‘educating women and ensuring informed choices’, the bill was deemed too controversial; if a woman has made up her mind, there is no need for the state to play any further role in her decisionmaking. But the fact that the bill even made it that far into the Virginia Senate lends weight to the argument that there is a widescale attempt to curb women’s freedoms. It’s not all bad news though; Northern Ireland will see its first private abortion clinic open before the end of the year, bringing an end to the need to travel to Britain for the procedure, and, better yet, decreasing the number of women who attempt to abort their pregnancies themselves.

Voting by conscience on any number of other issues would widely be seen as a positive development in British politics. Yet when it comes to abortion, allowing MPs to be swayed by their personal opinion is ultimately damaging. How can having an issue of deep personal choice legislated on by MPs, of whom 78% have no direct experience on the matter, be fair? Jeremy Hunt’s words caused outrage amongst many women in Britain, but the fact that the Conservative party sprang into ‘damage limitation’ mode is reassuring.

Abortion is unlikely to be as restricted as Hunt suggested, but women are by no means free just yet.

Abortion is one of few issues which, when voted upon, are not accompanied by party whips; it is a vote of conscience, which may be why the issue is so hotly contested whenever a public figure discusses it. Significantly though, comments are usually sparked by men, and then publicly debated by male politicians. Obviously, this is partly due to the lack of women in parliament, (which is an entirely separate issue that which is currently sitting comforably on the list of “things that qmunicate sadly cannot do much about”) In eight US states, there are varying forms but there can be very few women, regardless of non-invasive pre-abortion vaginal [Laura Thomas]

qmunicate • 11

features

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE? The modern pressures on men’s manhoods Here at qmunicate, we try our hardest to keep you up to date with the most culturally significant news from around the globe. In this vein, I am thrilled, nay, honoured, to present you with what is, almost inarguably, the most poignant international story of 2012.

about Fabricius attempting to make himself feel better about his own teeny penis, but the sentiment is something that we should all appreciate. If nature has denied you a giant, pringles-tube-sized dick, the least society can do is provide you with a free Apple product.

In a competition running until the end of January next year, Danish dating website SingleSex.dk are awarding an iPad 3 to the user with the smallest penis.

Of course, we all know that size doesn’t matter.

Pretty much every single guy has, at some point, asked a girlfriend/boyfriend/good friend/one-night-stand/stranger in the street this question, and they always get the same answer. You know, the answer that goes along the lines of “uh... of course not. Size is nothing.

It’s how you use it. I was with this guy once, and he was tiny, but he had this freakishly long tongue... not that yours is small or anything.

Yours is great”. A lot of us have either heard it or said it. And, to an extent, it’s true. I mean, when it gets to the point that it’s so miniature that it doesn’t even touch the sides, and you have one of those hotdog-in-a-hallway situations, you may have a problem, but, as a whole, size isn’t as big a deal as, say, generosity or hygiene.

I promise.

SingleSex.dk is encouraging users to send in pictures of their wee penises, and female users will act as judges, awarding an iPad 3 to the lucky winner and an ironically much smaller iPhone 5 to the runner-up. And this isn’t the first time this site has run a genital-based competition, having previously given away prizes to users with the most attractive penis and the “most welcoming” labia. Because, if we know nothing else about female reproductive organs, we know that they should be welcoming, their flaps being the vaginal equivalent of a log fire and a nice cup of tea.

According to Morten Fabricius, owner of SingleSex.dk, “it’s a competition which is at the core of manhood, the most important thing for a man. There are so many unhappy men out there, who think you have to have a giant penis, but it’s not normal to have a huge one”.

And while, yes, there is definitely a joke here

12 • qmunicate

as a society, to believe that female body hair is a nasty, evil thing that only grows on bad people, that genitals are naturally whiter than if they’d spent a week soaking in Daz, and that women really do make those noises. It’s an unrealistic expectation, and can be quite damaging to the self-esteem of penis and vagina owners alike. In today’s society, we spend enough time worrying about whether we’re too fat, or too short, or our eyebrows arch in the wrong way, or if we don’t go in and out in all the right places. We don’t need the extra fear that, if exposed, our genitals are going to be met with screams of horror and disgust.

In reality, we all just need to calm down a little bit when it comes to sex. Your dick probably isn’t freakishly small and inadequate, and your vagina isn’t some lopsided, “unwelcoming” monstrosity. When it comes down to it, people are probably too excited to see you naked to be analysing the shape, size, and dimensions of every last part of your body. Just make sure you shower beforehand, be generous with the oral, and, for the love of God, check your partner’s down with it before introducing any extra I blame porn for creating this notion that a bodily fluids. Trust me, if you can abide by these penis has to be the size of a toddler’s arm to rules, nobody will care whether you’re hung be allowed to call itself a penis (in fairness, I like a donkey, or have an iPad-worthy dicklet. blame porn for a lot of things, including the increasing use of the horrifying phrase “who’s your daddy?”, and my ever-deteriorating grades). It’s the same mentality that causes us, [Susie Rae]

features

SPARE PARTS Looking beyond Romney and Obama

The bangs and whistles for the 5th of November this year are set to be drowned out and overshadowed by the far more momentous occasion the next day. Of course it’s that every four year extravaganza of propaganda, policy, posing and promises the US Presidential elections. It goes without saying that the outcome affects the whole world, when our planets only superpower goes to the polls all eyes are focused on the outcome. I suppose its fair to say that Obama is the world’s candidate (except al Qaeda, they’re not bothered either way), but very unfairly we don’t get a vote in the provinces of the American empire. Even Puerto Rico hasn’t received that honour yet. Romney however could well be the favoured choice of yanks themselves, his strong chin seems at least to cut through the crap and capture the hearts of many a demographic, and perhaps the novelty of a black president has worn thin, and Americans will scream out for some new toy.

Obviously this a fight between the Democratic donkey and the Republican elephant (a fight in which, if it were actually between those animals, my money would be firmly on the elephant), however, their respective candidates are not the only people running for the prestigious position of president. They’re not going to win of course, they’re not even likely to get a mention on election day, but they represent a political wing of the US not covered by the two giant parties. The stalwart of the third ticket, as it is known, is good old Ralph Nader. A journalist from Connecticut, Nader rose to national prominence with his book ‘Unsafe at Any Speed’, a damning indictment of the safety of those big old American cars with spikes and such stuck on them that you see in old American films, or present day Cuba. Naturally Chevrolet and

its parent company General Motors weren’t best pleased and tried to discredit him by sending private eyes to spy on him and dig some dirt. Nader sued and won, but it goes without saying that the mainstream political elite, for whom General Motors are close buddies didn’t want much to do with him.

Nader went on to campaign on many more consumer issues, and has run as presidential candidate five times, once as a write-in at the New Hampshire primaries (1992), twice as a Green Party candidate (1996 and 2000) and twice as an independent (2004 and 2008). In 2000 he managed a personal best of 2,883,105 votes, 2.74% of the popular vote. This was highly controversial given that in Florida, where Nader managed 97,421 votes, George W. Bush defeated Al Gore by only 537 votes, which won him the election. Nader then effectively made Bush president, given that his supporters would mostly have otherwise voted for Gore. The Democrats were fuming. John Kerry in the 2004 race tried bargaining with Nader to not stand if Kerry adopted some of his policies, failed. Nader may not have won, but he certainly made an impact, even if it backfired a little. Nader will not be on the ballot on 6th Nov, but given what a tight race it’s set to be, one of these other guys could be set to perform a similar upset.

Gary Johnson, former governor of New Mexico is fronting the Libertarian Party’s presidential campaign. Johnson was a Republican state governor for two terms, from 1994 to 2002, where he threw around his veto power like ticker-tape at a parade in order to cut state spending, cutting bureaucracy and encourage personal freedom. His stance on legalising wacky baccy and his pro-gay marriage agenda has earned him some controversy, but basically he’s all about civil liberties. Get on with your life and let the state do as little as possible. Cut that

spending, cut those taxes, cut government involvement in the economy. He’s a typical liberal basically, as you might expect from the Libertarian candidate. But to be perfectly fair, he did try to get the Republican candidateship before, but since they said ‘no’ he threw his lot in with Libertarians.

If Johnson isn’t to your taste then other flavours are available. Former talk show host Stewart Alexander has the dubious honour of being the PFP and Socialist candidate.

His previous four attempts at running for office were less than successful, but he is executive of the African American Civil Rights Union, so I suppose we can say he’s at least fighting the good fight. Workers rights and infrastructure improvement are his main areas of concern, apparently inspired by his years hearing the cry of the masses at KTYM radio in LA. Alexander appears to lack any real substance regarding the economy or foreign policy however, and it’s just as well that he’s not bothered to get any since his chances of presidential victory are so slim.

Lastly we have independent candidate: Stephen Rollins, an actor and business man who formally played for the New Jersey Rock n’ Rollers hockey team. He’s in favour of small government and tax reduction on the whole, but hasn’t said a great deal. He doesn’t really need to, people will only vote for a third ticket out of total disillusionment with the Democrats and Republicans, the Rangers and Celtic of US politics. All other candidates are but minnows (Queen’s Park if you will). But, they might yet make a difference, we’ll know soon enough.

[Theo Wheatley]

qmunicate • 13

Bowling For Soup

Alice Black has a chat with the Bassist from the iconic act behind ‘1985’ How do you think the internet has affected your band? Do you think it helped or hindered?

I think we have many, many more fans than we would have had before the internet and we would have sold many, many more albums before the internet, but you know that’s just the times man, you gotta adapt and use that to your advantage and, like I said, because of the internet we have many more fans so we still get to keep touring and playing shows after 18 years and realising albums and finally get to own our own record label. So it’s a nice spot to be in.

So what is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to you on tour?

At Warped tour, 2004. On stage I did the Billy Madison quote, ‘you ain’t cool unless you pee your pants’. Then we went back to our booth and we were signing autographs and selling t-shirts and whatever and these two girls come up and just stand there in front of us and we were like ‘can we do anything? Sign your t-shirt?’ and they just stand there laughing and I begin to see this dark spot spreading down their jeans. They both came and stood in front of us and peed their pants. It was like, okay first of all you’re at Warped tour and wearing jeans- bad idea because it’s hot outside, you’re watching shows, you’re gonna be sweaty all day long and that’s just not a good choice.

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Secondly, you’ve decided to pee in them to impress a band that are just so fucking freaked out by it and thirdly you’re gonna have to walk around in them for the rest of the day in your pee pants. That was quite possibly the weirdest thing that’s ever happened.

Do you guys notice any difference between U.K and U.S audiences or do you find them to be similar?

(Hesitates) UK music fans are much more into it I guess? In the states people come to shows and they’re kinda by themselves at the show so there’s like 4,000 people but there are 1,000 groups of people. In the U.K there’s 4,000 people and there’s one group of people- it’s much more of a community vibe over here, like everybody comes to the show to join together. In the states a lot of times people show up, because they want to see the band, but they’re also there to see and be seen.

So you just finished the collaborative album ‘One Big Happy’. How did you find covering other artists’ songs and hearing their versions of yours?

It was…I can’t speak for the other bands, but for us it was like we got to take these songs and keep it as true to the original as possible but put in our spin on it. It’s not an easy thing to do, but I think everybody - us, ‘The Dollyrots’ and ‘Patient Pending’ - did a really good job of keeping that in mind. The songs that

were covered were not straight up coverseverybody put their own little twist on it and that’s cool, I love hearing that. I loved hearing other people put their take on our songs.

Has there been a highlight to your career?

Can you pin-point a moment when you just thought ‘Wow this is it’?

Being nominated for a Grammy was pretty much up there but then, at the same time, the first time that we played the main stage at ‘Download’ was amazing as well and that might have been a little more amazing than being nominated for a Grammy. The Grammy thing there was like no way we were gonna win, whatever, but playing main stage at Download was amazing. We’ve all been, every one of us, following that weekend since it was ‘Monsters of Rock’- again, it all basically breaks down to ‘Spinal Tapp’ like ‘Whose playing Castle Donnigton? Oh no- we are!’ so it was that kinda thing. Then we go out on main stage and there were 85,000 people standing directly in front of us. It was just amazing.

What do the next 12 months have in store for ‘Bowling for Soup’?

We’re about to take a little break, we’re discussing doing a new album and that’s as far as we’ve got. So we’re gonna take a little time then reconvene probably mid-January and then we will see what’s happening for the rest of the year.

[Alice Black]

qmunicate • 15

HERE COMES MY MAN

BEAUTY AND A BEAT

Justin Bieber feat. Nicki Minaj When I undertook this review, I did so with childish glee, wanting to rip it to shreds. It’s with a heavy heart that I write I cannot conscionably do this, as it’s actually alright. I’m not a fan of The Bieb, and it’s only with a slight irony that I endure Nicki Minaj (I can still rap pretty much anything she’s ever done – find me when drunk and I’ll do a rendition for you).

This has a solid dance beat that’d go down well in any club and, now his voice has broken, JB is actually bearable. He sings the usual finding love in a club story, which is all innocent and lovely (if naive) but Minaj somewhat ruins this innocence with ‘Justin Bieber/You know I’m gonna hit him with the ether/Buns out, wiener/But I gotta keep an eye out for Selena’. That sounds dubious to me, Miss Minaj. [JN] Following up 2010’s acclaimed Colour Trip, Mauve is the second album from the Texan trio with the finest moniker in alt-rock. The opening triumvirate of tracks ‘Rip’ ‘Burn’ and ‘Drain’ sound exactly like you’d expect a band called Ringo Deathstarr to sound: distorted walls of noise in the vein of eighties alternative heroes The Jesus and Mary Chain, or the younger Yuck and Pains of Being Pure at Heart.

Elsewhere ‘Brightest Star’ starts out as a forceful burst of fuzz but changes tack totally after four minutes for a shimmering, spacious coda, that’s as welcome as it is unexpected. Vocalist/Guitarist Alex Gehring deserves particular praise for a vocal style capable of veering from a Billy Corgan sneer to Robert Smith romanticism within just a few moments.

MAUVE

Ringo Deathstarr 16 • qmunicate

The second half focuses more on generic punk-rock blowouts like ‘Waste’ and ‘Do You Wanna?’ but the sheer youthful exuberance makes their facsimile of rock n roll in the late 80’s/early 90’s not only palatable but charming too. By the time ‘Wave’ washes over you at the end of the album, you might just have a new favourite band. [MS]

This track has a classic Gaslight Anthem feel; it’s catchy and easy to listen to. As with most of their songs, ‘Here Comes My Man’ has a strong Bruce Springsteen influence, although there is less focus on the guitar parts this time. Unfortunately, it doesn’t pack the same punch as some songs from the last album.

It comes in firmly between ‘The ’59 Sound’ and ‘Here’s Looking At You, Kid’ in terms of the style. The most disappointing aspect of this release has to be that there is less of a story in the lyrics in comparison to their old stuff, but this is still a great song to listen to on a chilled out day and is by no means a step in the wrong direction for The Gaslight Anthem.

[MB]

‘Break of Dawn’, a bizarre calypso disco hybrid, opens By Your Side and, with little delay, morphs into something sounding like it was taken from the soundtrack to a Sonic the Hedgehog game (the awesome Mega Drive ones, not those sub-par Dreamcast-era onward ones – those soundtracks were horrible).

Seamlessly, the album transitions from one track to the next, with ‘Fantasy’ in particular being a highlight. This features the vocals of Ruckazoid. I’m not quite sure who that is, but they sound like Diana Ross channelling Michael Jackson from beyond the grave – that is to say, quite wonderful.

This is an album meant to be listened to all at once. The segues between songs are almost unidentifiable, while still managing to maintain individual sounds between each song. Whilst listening to an album as a whole that features soul, pop and robo-disco may seem a bit haphazard, it works brilliantly.

However, this isn’t something you can dance to; it’s more of a chilled out album to put on in the background while you eat Nando’s/make slow, awkward love/perform in a 70s film montage/travel in an elevator. [JN]

THE 17th FAILED HOPE SONG For Abel

From the first time the singer opens his mouth on ‘The 17th Failed Hope Song’, I am instantly taken back to the mid 2000s, when I used to have Interpol’s album Our Love to Admire on repeat for days on end.

This, however, does not result in heaps of praise for For Abel. Their songs feel like I’ve heard them a dozen times before. The vocalist seems to have deemed it sufficient to sound like Paul Banks because it’s a safe bet.

The rest of the band is restricted by this greatly, especially the guitarist, whose attempts at energetic riffs end up feeling somewhat incongruous.

It is a disappointing single, because it is clear that all the members of the band are talented, and there is perhapos a sense that they just need to build up the confidence to try something a little different. [EZ]

BY YOUR SIDE

Breakbot

SINGLES ALBUMS

MUSIC : RELEASES

The Gaslight Anthem

BOWLING FOR SOUP ABC, 15/10 Bowling for Soup. Everyone remembers them from their early teenage days: they had those songs, ‘Girl all the Bad Guys Want’, ‘1985’ and… that other one. When I first went to see them, I was expecting to see a band playing a few one hit wonders for the crowd, and then struggling through a back catalogue of unknown tracks.

Boy was I wrong. There’s a reason Bowling for Soup have been touring for 18 years, and tonight’s gig is a continuing testament to this.

Bowling For Soup are up next.

They come out to a great reception and start off with ‘My Hometown’, following with ‘High School Never Ends’, but that’s when any sort of ‘normal gig’ format finishes. The band open an on-stage bar (open

AMY MACDONALD ABC, 30/10

They carry on with the set, taking some requests shouted out by audience members, but often stop (sometimes halfway through a song) for booze and a chat with the audience, or even a chat amongst themselves. This sounds like it could be annoying for an audience who have paid to hear songs, but it only adds to the gig’s fun and casual atmosphere.

The show has an extremely intimate feel, as if you were watching four friends playing a club show. In between the crude jokes, audience interactions and many, many drinks the band still manage to play a cracking number of songs, performed with high energy and good humour.

The end of the gig sees both support bands back on stage to do the final number alongside B.F.S. Although unrehearsed and a bit chaotic, it makes a prefect finish to a great show which thrives on that format.

[Alice Black] opposite, rocking through ‘Poison Prince’ and ‘Spark’ amongst tracks from her three studio albums.

Of the new tracks, ‘The Game’ elicits an enthusiastic crowd response but still can’t hide the fact that songwriting-wise it goes nowhere. ‘Slow It Down’ is a solid piece of Killers-lite pop-rock, which gets fists in the air before Warming up a sellout crowd a surprisingly brilliant cover of on the first of two hometown Jackie Wilson’s ‘(Your Love Keeps shows, Cassidy’s music is fairly Lifting Me) Higher and Higher’. standard solo troubadour fare, Lead single from her second although his lyrics tend towards record ‘Don’t Tell Me It’s Over’ also the predictable and his vocal gets the full rock treatment and a delivery lacks variety. You can belting vocal from the singer as sense each chord change and her five-piece band take turns to vocal line a mile off, but he still vamp it up. seems to get a good response from a generous crowd. ‘Meet The only stumble is a disjointed Me at the Corner’ subverts its mid set acoustic interlude, which Dylanesque strum with a verse pitches Amy somewhere between of Artic Monkeys-style social Adele and KT Tunstall, before the commentary, but unfortunately patriotic one-two of ‘Green and upcoming single ‘Battleship’ sinks Blue’ and ‘Pride’, which she claims without a trace. Only on the final was written in an evening after two tracks, ‘Dancing at the Devil’s singing the national anthem at Door’ and ‘Fifteen Years’, does he Hampden Park. The big guns ‘Mr finally manage to spin out a pair Rock N’ Roll’ and a toe-tapping of catchy folk-rock grooves, but ‘Let’s Start a Band’ finally get the crowd fully dancing, but long by then it’s too little too late. before this Amy Macdonald is the If Michael Cassidy underwhelms, princess of Glasgow.

Amy Macdonald achieves the [Max Sefton] Success, for Amy Macdonald, means having four seemingly identical guitars delivered into your hands by a willing roadie.

To support act Matthew Cassidy, it means playing to an audience larger than the nine people who saw him in an Edinburgh pub a few nights previously.

MUSIC : LIVE REVIEWS

LIVE GIGS

The night is kicked off by The Dollyrots; a three piece band from Florida/L.A. The slightly husky but powerful voice of singer Kelly Ogden belting over guitarist Luis Cabezas and drummer Chris Black produces a raw and high spirited performance. Featuring catchy lyrics and head bopping riffs, their set has the whole room jumping around and singing along.

to themselves, their support bands and all their techies) which ensures that, by the end of the night, all are steaming.

qmunicate • 17

ARTS : MOVIE REVIEWS

SKYFALL

Director Sam Mendes There’s not a word in any language that can do justice to the most epic Bond film of the past few years. I‘m not a fan of Daniel Craig’s rough and rugged approach to the character I’m not even a huge Bond fan - but this film was just freaking kick-ass.

Taking a similar approach to films like Men in Black 3, whose characters are cracking on a bit in the great circle of life, this film makes commentary on younger generations replacing the old. True to Bond style, these digs don’t go unpunished as we see a hark back to classic Bond eras in Skyfall tells the story of a missing list terms of both music, and a certain containing the names of all agents famous car, which only goes to show working undercover in terrorist there’s still life in the old dogs yet. groups. The wonderful Dame Judy Dench, appearing in her last film as In terms of the new approach M, is the target of a political attack as to Bond, with huge explosions, the government tries to place blame absurdly long gun battles that cost for losing the list (though a smarter millions to film, and flashy statemove would be to get it back). of-the-art gadgets, this film takes a

more conservative approach. Don’t worry, they’re still there, but more in the James Bond style of older generations, which perfectly fits the whole film’s mentality.

Few times have I wanted to applaud a film as the credits start to roll. This had action, excitement, and even homoeroticism between James and the film’s villain Silva, played by the wonderful Javier Bardem.

Go see this film. It’s the best Bond in years.

[Lucy Howell]

RUST AND BONE

Director Jacques Audiard think the actors had any sexual chemistry, their friendship was believable and almost made up for this shortcoming. The film is visually stunning; some parts had me squirming in my seat with every From then, you get the feeling that punch Ali dealt out. the Really Bad Thing is going to happen to make them both likeable. Whilst I felt Ali and Stephanie And boy, does it. I won’t give it away, were unlikeable, this was because but let’s say this film will be forever director Audiard never shied away immortalised as ‘The Reason I Will from exposing their flaws, making it Never Go To Seaworld’. all the more remarkable when they fall in love. The film wasn’t perfect, When it happens, they fall into but pulsated with life and was very each other’s lives once more, and well executed.

When we meet the pair, neither begin a friendship, that later leads seem quite likeable – I disliked both to sex. Despite the fact I didn’t [Suki McFarland] A love story that kisses you one second and punches you the next; Rust and Bone plays with emotions, giving the audience a passionate love story with viscerally real situations and characters. Talented Marion Cotillard plays killer whale trainer Stephanie with subtle depth, while Belgian actor Matthias Schoenaerts portrays single father and boxer Ali with brutish strength, making his halting sensitivity towards the end of the film more surprising, like a flower blooming in the dead of winter.

18 • qmunicate

characters, and got the feeling they weren’t too keen on each other either. I was promised romance, what the hell were these ‘real people’ doing in a love story?

THE MAGIC FLUTE

Director Sir Thomas Allen/Simon Higlett From the eccentric geniuses who brought us The Marriage of Figaro and The Barber of Seville, comes Scottish Opera’s latest feat – The Magic Flute. Taken from Mozart’s surreal-acid-trip phase, The Magic Flute contains everything you could ever want in an opera – heroes, villains, dragons, cults, glassshatteringly high notes – except an actual understandable plotline.

Even with the opera translated from the original German into English, with handy subtitles at the top of the stage (a common and useful feature of Scottish Opera performances), it’s still a definite struggle to understand what’s going on for the majority of the performance. Even most of the characters couldn’t follow the plot, with the opera’s villains still halfway through their evil plans come curtain call.

This aside, Scottish Opera’s The Magic Flute certainly has its advantages. This particular adaption took on a steampunk twist, with some of the most impressive

costumes and scenery I’ve seen in a stage performance. Even if you don’t understand what’s happening for the entire three hours of the show, it’s well worth going along purely for the spectacle.

While the opera’s hero, Tamino, is a little bland, the Queen of the Night, the show’s main villain, is utterly spectacular, through a combination of her commanding presence, overwhelmingly amazing voice, and really cool cape. There is also a great deal of entertainment value provided by Papageno, the opera’s reluctant sidekick, whose quest for love had the audience laughing out loud throughout.

The Scottish Opera runs a deal that gives students tickets for only £10, an offer that I recommend you take advantage of at least once in your university career; whether or not you’re particularly into opera, you may be surprised - the whole experience is always well worth the subway ride there. [Susie Rae]

Director Michael Mayer American Idiot: The Musical is very well put together. A visual sensation with moving sets, TVs beaming harrowing news and strobes all give it the air of a proper rock gig.

to the city and becomes a junkie, Tunny (Thomas Hettrick) is seduced by the glamour of army life, whilst Will (Casey O’Farrell) is trapped by a pregnant girlfriend. Though a thoughtful character study is always welcome, the show ignores the awkward truth that almost EVERYTHING is worse now than it was in 2004.

Jared Stein conducts with energy and flair which reflect throughout the band and cast; Kennedy Caughell injects pathos into Dearly Beloved, Trent Saunders as St Jimmy is wonderfully chaotic, and Alex Nee The apathy, anger and sense of is somehow likable as Johnny. futility doesn’t ring true as it did back then. At one point, Johnny’s The show follows three young angry about his dead-end job, the men as they try to escape their show never addressing that an suburban boredom. Johnny goes addict getting a job in the first place

would be laughably impossible in the modern day.

Johnny seems entitled, and there’s the problem: American Idiot doesn’t attack the system, it whines about it. Choosing to set the story in 2004 means the issues it tackles look not only like small potatoes, but totally irrelevant potatoes.

Still, if like me you loved Green Day when you were 14, it’s worth the £18 ticket for a nostalgia binge of punkpop with flashy lights attached.

[Elspeth Gordon-Smith]

ARTS : STAGE & MORE

AMERICAN IDIOT

qmunicate • 19

TECH : INNOVATIONS SOLAR UPDRAFT TOWER POWER

Suki McFarland explains advancements in eco-friendlyenergies Australian listed company Enviromission have recently had their plans for a solar updraft tower approved; the facility, to be completed in 2015 in an Arizona desert, will be the second tallest man-made structure on the planet. More significant however, is the purpose of the tower – essentially, it uses hot air and solar power to produce electricity. The key to the tower is at the base, where a 3.6km wide greenhouse is based. Sunshine on the greenhouse warms the air underneath it, causing it to rise up the 800m chimney above it. Because the air at the top of the tower is much cooler than the air warmed by the greenhouse at the bottom, the hot air is sucked up the tower as it tries to escape. As it rushes upwards, it generates the turbines at the base of the tower, which creates the electricity. The reason for the tower’s enormous height (about twice the size of the Empire State Building) is that the higher up you go from the surface, the lower the ambient temperature become. The greater the difference in the temperature at the

bottom from the temperature at the top, the faster the hot air at the bottom rises – in turn, this increases the amount of electricity created by the turbines.

The main question is, how will this technology compete with coal based power plants?

Producing 200 megawatts of power (enough to run around 150,000 homes), it is less efficient; several such structures would have to be built to replace just one 600 MW coal-fired station, so the whole of Arizona will not be able to run on this single tower. Financially however, it would be more cost effective – whilst the electricity would be initially more expensive, over a long period of time the incredibly low maintenance costs and naturally sourced fuel would mean that eventually the price could be brought down.

[Suki McFarland]

DISAPPEARING COMETS

Barrie Josephs on the electronic shop’s end Comet joins a long list of iconic high street businesses. shops to have gone into administration in the last few years that includes Clinton Cards, GAME Comet, established in 1933, now has 243 stores and Virgin Megastores. nationwide, and somewhere in the region of 6,500 employees, all of whose jobs are now at OpCapita, owners of Comet were, it was said, risk. looking at a number of potential buyers for the electronic goods store over the last couple It is understood that the straw that broke of weeks. Having bought Comet for only £2 the camel’s back was when Comet’s insurers last year from Kesa Electricals, OpCapita have refused them trade credit insurance and some not been able to turn things around at Comet, of Comet’s suppliers demanded to be paid in which is thought to have had operational losses advance. in the region of 35 million pounds. The effects of the economic downturn are still having a large Continually, it seems that in the wake of a impact on the sales performance of the retail consumer downturn very few large electronic, outlet. videogame and music stores can stave off growing competition from the online market.

Comet claims it will still make good on all As choice and competition over prices on the outstanding delivery orders that have been high street starts to dwindle, the number of paid for whilst it has been announced Deloitte online shoppers may well go on the increase. will act as administrator, looking at options for sales of remaining stock, closure and sales of [Barrie Josephs]

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SPORTS: IN REVIEW

FALLING WITH STYLE

Baumgartner’s record breaking skydive had a profound effect on Tom Kelly The date is October 14th 2012. Felix Baumgartner, a skydiver, is sitting in a capsule hanging from a helium balloon at 128 kilometers high and planning to jump into the longest freefall any person has ever experienced.

showing the live stream in homes around the world. Felix’s silence weighs heavy on us all. I’m trying desperately to empathise with Baumgartner, and in his silence, I assume he has become scared, gotten cold feet and is trying to take a moment to think. I’m wrong.

As I watch a live stream showing his preparations to jump, the man responsible for communicating with Felix and ensuring he is prepared for the jump, Joseph Kittinger, is looking for confirmation that Felix has completed all the items on the pre-jump checklist. However, Felix is silent. So is everyone sitting around my laptop and, I imagine, the 15 million computer screens

Felix isn’t scared, at least not scared into silence, he’s just struggling to hear the radio communication. Moments later, when he leaps from the ladder attached to the balloon and proves my assumption wrong, I realise how truly amazing this man is and the astounding privalidge I have in being allowed to watch him shatter my preconceptions of human limits live on a quality stream for free.

All of that which I have described was of course brought to me proudly by Red Bull. I have heard a number of people talking about Red Bull’s involvement in a derogatory way, claiming they have tried to buy history. I would argue their payment was mostly beneficial. Watching a man hurtling towards the earth at speeds faster than the speed of sound was something so wonderfully captivating I gladly traded for being subjected to some relatively minor Red Bull references and would gladly do so again. The world will remember the significance and the astonishment, the stunned silence; not the soft drink. History cannot be bought, it can only be paid for. [Tom Kelly]

ONE NIGHT IN BARCELONA (IN A PUB)

David Childs on crying over football, and why it is completely legitmate Last Tuesday, in a pub, I cried a little bit over a of the night. The disparity between the two game of football. teams was so incredibly large (the Celtic team was cheaper to assemble than Barcelona’s Every day since I’ve typed that sentence, the centre half Alex Song) that I would have statement seems increasingly nonsensical. I happily have taken before the game a modest support Celtic who lost in the dying seconds to loss and not too much embarrassment.

Barcelona, the current squad being arguably the best club side to have ever graced our But then, we had the audacity to go and planet, away from home in the European Cup. bloody score a goal, a factor that I never really took into consideration. We weren’t There’s a book about the infrequent highs meant to do that. It actually felt cheeky to and the painfully consistent lows of being a do that. We were meant to go to Cataluña, connoisseur of Scottish football called “The get embarrassed a few times by Xaxi and Hope That Kills Us”. The title of this book Lionel Messi and then go home and beat (which I recommend by the way, it’s a cracking Kilmarnock the following Saturday. But none read) aptly sums up why Tuesday night’s of that happened (including the bit about concoction of agony and Tennents humbled Kilmarnock). me so. I didn’t expect anything at the start

Barcelona equalised, but as the match trickled along, the more it seemed that Celtic were going to get a draw. I was in denial for much of the second half. “Oh, Barcelona will score one more, of course they will. They are Barcelona, for crying out loud” I told myself repeatedly.

But sixty minutes slowly enough became ninety minutes. And when David Villa hit the post for Barcelona near the end of the match, I dared to believe. The entire pub started singing “Hail Hail”, I hesitated to join in since the game wasn’t over yet. A minute later, the singing stops, as abruptly as the breaks on a train. Barcelona scored with seven seconds left. It’s the hope that kills us.

[David Childs] qmunicate • 21

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