TCFV Magazine June/July 2024

Grieve

The opportunity to mourn the deaths of our children/siblings/grandchildren - and examine our often-difficult and confusing “new normal”in safe, non-judging environments.

Heal

Through our grief work, we move towards reaching an improved place of mental, physical, and emotional functioning.

Grow

While grief remains a part of our lives, we gradually identify new meaning, insight and joy in our daily living and relationships. We take the legacy of loved ones lost confidently into the future with us.

The Compassionate Friends Victoria is part of worldwide organisation, which was founded in England in 1969 and established in Victoria in 1978. It is a mutual assistance, self-help organisation offering friendship and understanding to families following the death of a child, sibling or grandchild of any age and from any cause. The primary purpose is to assist them in the rebuilding of their lives after death of their child, sibling or grandchild and to support their efforts to achieve emotional and mental health.

TCFV Staff

Alex Hamilton - CEO

Administration Accounts Officer: Paul Gadsden

Centre Coordinator: Jenny Galati

Groups Coordinator: Andrew McNess

Community Education and Communications Coordinator: Jane Moschetti

IT: Jesse Bendel

Centre & Project Coordinator: Di Russell

Branding and Design Coordinator: Louise Rees

Casual: Sue Brown

Board

President: Kevin Purvis

Vice President: Amanda Bond

Secretary: Claire Kuhnell

Treasurer: Vincent Wai

Sibling Rep: Harriet Clegg

Board Member: Bruce Houghton

Board Member: Sonia Aberl

Board Member: Ann Smith

Regional Member: Robyn Reeve

The Compassionate Friends Victoria

Patron: Rhonda Galbally AC

TCFV Membership

Being a member of The Compassionate Friends

Victoria (TCFV) enables you to access many vital support services and attend social activities whilst demonstrating your support for a society that is aware and understands the impact of grief and bereavement following the death of a child, sibling or grandchild.

TCFV Membership is now open to both the bereaved and non-bereaved. Following an initial complimentary membership period, bereaved members have the option to remain.

• Full Member ($55 pa incl GST) or

• Limited Keep In Touch Membership ($22 pa incl GST). Associate membership is open to any nonbereaved individual or organisation who knows about our important work and wants to show their support in a meaningful way.

The non-bereaved membership levels include

• Associate Individual ($55 pa incl GST) or

• Associate Organisation ($110 pa incl GST).

The full details about all our different membership levels and their benefits can be found in the new Membership section of our website https://www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au/beinga-member-of-tcfv/.

If you have any questions about TCFV membership, please call our office on 03 9888 4034.

Front Cover: Photo taken on Sunday 5 May at the TCFV Bereaved Mother’s Day Morning Tea. Photo shows some of the Mothers and Grandmothers with their memorial ribbons.

24 HOUR Grief Support– Available on Telephone 03 9888 4944 / 1300 064 068

Bereaved Drop In Centre Hours 9.30am - 4.30pm Monday to Friday Disclaimer:

6-7 News from the Centre 8 Run Melbourne 9 Melbourne Marathon 10-11 Alex’s Story

12 Friendship Circle

13 Photo Love Gift & Poem

14-15 Two Styles of Grieving 17-18 New books in the library

18 Mediation Workshop & Watercolour Workshop

19 Longtime Bereaved & Sibling Trivia Night

20-21 The five languages of love applied to grief

22 Glimmers workshop

23 Winter Solstice

24-25 From the President

26 Ladies Night at the Movies

27 It’s not about how well you can draw

28 Flyers Suicide + Early Grief

29-31 Reflections from TCFV Group Leaders

32-33 TCFV Support Groups & Social Support Groups

34 Buy a Brick Campaign

35 Community Noticeboard

36 Thank you Supporters

Tomorrow, At Dawn

Tomorrow, at dawn, at the hour when the countryside whitens, I will set out. You see, I know that you wait for me. I will go by the forest, I will go by the mountain. I can no longer remain far from you.

I will walk with my eyes fixed on my thoughts, Seeing nothing of outdoors, hearing no noise Alone, unknown, my back curved, my hands crossed, Sorrowed, and the day for me will be as the night.

I will not look at the gold of evening which falls, Nor the distant sails going down towards Harfleur, And when I arrive, I will place on your tomb

A bouquet of green holly and of flowering heather.

NOTICE BOARD

Contributions to the next magazine Articles, poetry, artwork and stories about your child, sibling or grandchild are always required for every edition.

If you would like to contribute to an upcoming magazine, please send to

Jane via mail to: The Editor, TCFV, PO Box 171, Canterbury, Vic, 3126 or email to editor@tcfv.org.au

Deadline for the Spring Magazine is 1 August 2024

By Victor Hugo (French Romantic writer & politician) Bereaved father of Leopoldine Cecile Marie-Pierre Catherine Hugo (19)

Leopoldine married Charles Vacquerie in 1843, but they both drowned only a few months later, when their boat overturned on the Seine. Nineteen years old and pregnant, she died when her wet, heavy skirts pulled her down, and her husband died trying to save her. This tragic event had a great impact on the work and personality of her father, who dedicated numerous poems to the memory of his daughter. Victor Hugo did not write for several years afterwards owing to the clinical depression he developed following Léopoldine’s death. Wikipedia

INTRODUCING BOARD MEMBER – Ann Smith

I am grateful to join the Board of The Compassionate Friends Victoria and look forward to seeing how I can contribute to this great service.

My daughter Danni took her life in 2015 at the age of 26. Danni had been in and out of psychiatric services over the years, but she also packed a lot into her short life. Danni spent a year in China and travelled to Japan, India and Tibet, She also worked at the 000 police call centre and was working at 000 the night of the terrible bushfires in Victoria in 2009 that led to so much loss of life. Danni was awarded the Victorian Emergency Services Medal recognising her work during those fires.

I know we can have complicated relationships with our children, and we went through some very hard and difficult times indeed over those years. I also know that, no matter what, we love them and their loss from our lives is devastating, no matter what their age.

I found The Compassionate Friends many years down my grief journey, and I am now keen that others hear about us and access all the support we can give them as early in their grief journey as we can.

Over the last 30 years I have worked at professional and leadership levels in both the Federal public service and the private health sector, including private hospital management, quality assurance, education and training. I now run my own business where I focus on coaching and teaching leaders and teams, skills to help them more expertly manage and resolve challenging situations and to build their business and their workforce capabilities.

I am looking forward to working with the Board to help our service grow and deliver the support and care people need at this hardest of times.

Ann Smith

Bereaved Mother of Danni

EDITORS LETTER

Dear Friends

Welcome to the June-July issue of Grieve Heal Grow. As many of you know, July holds significant dates of remembrance for my family and me. Joseph’s birthday falls on the 6th, and his anniversary on the 30th. This year marks his 26th birthday and the eighth year since his passing. The ache of missing him remains as strong as ever.

In the early years, I could vividly imagine what Joseph would be up to—playing sports, spending time with friends, and working at the special school, even what he would say! Now, after eight years, the picture is less clear. While I believe he would still enjoy his favourite pastimes and cherish his friendships, there’s an ache of uncertainty about the life he might have lived—a girlfriend, new experiences, and milestones.

Joseph’s absence is also felt in the milestones of his younger siblings. They’ve transitioned from childhood to adulthood, experiencing high school graduations, working, obtaining driver’s licenses, and starting and (for one of them) finishing university. It breaks my heart that Joseph hasn’t been here to witness their growth, and they’ve missed out on sharing these moments with their brother.

We’ve received an invitation to one of Joseph’s best friend’s weddings later this year. While it’s an honour, it’s

also a painful reminder of Joseph’s absence. Attending will undoubtedly be bittersweet, as we represent him in spirit.

Reflecting on my journey, I’ve realized how much I’ve changed. In the early years of grief, I thought I’d never want to leave the house or find peace or joy again. The future looked very bleak. Yet, amidst the ever-present sadness, I’ve discovered many moments of tranquillity and happiness. I’ve learned to appreciate what I do have; I do look forward to many things and am no longer terrified of my future. I’ve learnt to say no without feeling guilt (mostly), and if I don’t feel 100% comfortable attending something with people I don’t trust to be supportive, I don’t go. I know Joseph lives on in our hearts and the bonds we have with him can never truly be broken. I understand now that the pain of losing a child is incomprehensible to those who haven’t experienced it firsthand, and I’m more forgiving of the many hurtful comments and silly remarks said to me.

TCFV has been a lifesaver for me and my family. Without the help and support I have received here, I can’t imagine what sort of mental space I would be in. The help I’ve received has made me a better wife, mother, and friend and makes life easier for all those around me.

Until next time, may love and peace fill your days.

Jane Moschetti

Bereaved Mother of Joseph

NEWS FROM THE CENTRE

We would like to announce that sadly due to personal reasons John Brown has resigned as the Sibling Coordinator. However, we will still be seeing him around the Centre in his role as a volunteer.

We thank John for all his hard work over the past few years and his friendly presence in the office, and we look forward to seeing him from time to time in his volunteer role.

The sibling space is an area we are still extremely passionate about and will be recruiting for his replacement. For enquiries, email Alexh@tcfv.org.au

Go Green!

Around the table from bottom left are staff members Di, Alex, Jenny, Jane, Andrew, John, Paul, Jesse, Jo (one of our dedicated volunteers) and Louise.

Please consider receiving the magazine via email, this not only helps the environment but also helps TCFV reduce printing and mailing out costs.

If you would like to change from postal to email, please contact us on janem@tcfv.org.au

Please note that the email flipbook version of the magazine is always in full colour!

CALENDAR OF UPCOMING EVENTS

Illuminate 46

Winter Solstice

Topics Around Grief – The aftermath of suicide

Longtime Bereaved Morning Tea

Sibling Trivia Night

Ladies Movie night out

Topics Around Grief – Early Grief

Suicide Walk

Grief Retreat

Friday 14 June

Friday 21 June

Saturday 6 July

Wednesday 10 July

Wednesday 10 July

Friday 26 July

Saturday 3 August

Impact Accelerator Hub, Level 4, 454 Queen Street, Melbourne

TCFV Centre

TCFV Centre

TCFV Centre

Oydis, 190-192 High St, Ashburton

Balwyn Cinema, 
231 Whitehorse Road, Balwyn

TCFV Centre

Sunday 8 September TBC

Friday 18, Saturday 19 & Sunday 20 October

Wellbeing Centre, Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust, Springvale.

Service Date Location

Worldwide Candle Lighting Service

Sunday 8 December TBC

Save The Date - Friday 18 October from 4:00pm – Sunday 20 October 3.30pm Weekend Grief Retreat

The Wellbeing Centre at Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust, Springvale

Join us for the whole weekend, or for the day on Saturday or Sunday, or for dinner on the Saturday evening. More details to follow soon.

Please check the TCFV website closer to the time to see specific dates and arrangements. To attend please book online at www.tcfv.org.au or call the Centre on (03) 9888 4034.

NEWS FROM THE CENTRE

Keyboard Player Required

We are looking for a keyboard player to help with a sing along self-care session we hope to run later in the year. If you are interested or would like some more information, please email dianner@tcfv.org.au or call the Centre on 9888 4034.

Magazine Team

A big thank you to the entire magazine team for all the articles provided, proofreading, etc. and a thank you to the magazine mailout team for their help in preparing the April/May edition for posting out to members.

Thank You

Thank you to Fiona Bird for the donation of Butterfly Stickers in memory of her son Damien.

Bereaved Mothers and Staff at the Bereaved Mother’s Day Morning Tea (l-r) – Jane, Alex, Louise, Jenny and Di

SUNDAY 13 OCTOBER 2024 For all information regarding the Nike Melbourne Marathon Festival please see the link below: https://melbournemarathon.com.au/ To join Team TCFV please click the link below: https://melbmara2024.grassrootz.com/the-compassionate-friends-victoria

NIKE MELBOURNE MARATHON FESTIVAL

Sunday 13 October

This year I will be running the Melbourne Marathon on Sunday the 13th of October.

The inspiration behind me wanting to complete this challenge is that the marathon is reaching the same age this year that my auntie Hannah Barry was when she died in a motorcycle accident 22 years ago, aged 24.

By all accounts my auntie lived with the same fierce lust for life that I share today.

A lust for life which became more ingrained in me after losing her so suddenly and at a young age, leading me to realise the importance of seizing each day as if it were my last and chasing my goals and passions with courage.

So, as I reach this commemorative milestone I want to acknowledge that influence she has had on my life and channel it into realising one of my biggest dreams: to run a marathon, and in the process fundraise for a cause which has helped my family and countless other families in the wake which follows the loss of a loved one: The Compassionate Friends Victoria (TCFV).

TCFV has a small number of staff and over 150 bereaved volunteers who serve to honour the loss of their loved one by staffing a free call 24/7 helpline, running support groups (including specific groups for men and for people bereaved by suicide, for example) and workshops across Victoria, producing and sending out a magazine and running the head office and centre for meetings, amongst many other support services for bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents. All funds raised from my marathon will be used to support, maintain, and extend these support services.

I can assure you, in preparation for this great challenge no stone will be left unturned.

You can see every step of my preparation for the Melbourne Marathon by following me @ Jeremy Laing on Strava, where I can guarantee day after day consistency and hard work popping up in your feed, until race day.

Jeremy Laing Grandson of Maxine Berry and bereaved nephew of Maxine’s Daughter Hannah

Christmas 2001 - our last with Hannah...

Jeremy got a tricycle from Santa and someone sat him on it. He bawled! Then Auntie Hannah came along and turned tears into laughter, as she uniquely could.

Training for the Melbourne Marathon to raise financial aid for the Compassionate Friends (Victoria)

MY JOURNEYafter losing River

November 2011 is a chapter of my life that changed me as a woman, a wife, and a Mother. On the 7 November 2011 I lost my son, River, to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). He was just four months old, and his absence left a hole in my heart. I always heard people talk of the pain of a broken heart. It was only at that time did I realise the excruciating pain and ache that you feel when you are forced to say goodbye to your child.

After River’s death, I was lost in a fog of grief. Nights were the worst: I’d lie awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering why it had to happen to us. I felt like I was drowning, suffocating under the weight of my own sorrow. But in the midst of that darkness, there was a glimmer of hope—a fellow bereaved mother named Tracey, who understood the pain I was going through. I remember her sharing her loss with me and I looked at her, in awe, perhaps disbelief that I would ever be able to function like her again.

I’d spend my nights talking with other bereaved mums, giving each other strength as the sun came up on another day,

Driven by a desperate need to make sense of it all, River’s Dad and I founded River’s Gift, a way of us funding SIDS research. But it wasn’t just about raising awareness of SIDS or funding research; it was about giving meaning to River’s short life, ensuring that his memory would never fade away. Working in the space of lived-experience / peer-support now, provides a platform for me to pass on the strength I gained from all those other bereaved parents, in my darkest days.

Parenting after losing River has been a struggle, a constant battle between grief and gratitude. And yet, amidst the pain, there have been moments of unexpected joy—Shiloh and Bodhi, my rainbow babies, born after the storm of loss.

Shiloh and Bodhi saved my life in more ways than one. Their laughter and innocence remind me that there is still beauty and hope in this world. They talk about River all the time, weaving his memory into our lives with a tenderness that breaks my heart and fills it with love all at once.

I’ve come to realise that grief is not something you ever truly get over. It’s a part of who I am now, woven into every part of my being. But through it all, I’ve learned to find beauty in the brokenness, to cherish every moment with Shiloh and Bodhi, and to hold onto those friendships I’ve formed.

And though the road ahead may still be filled with obstacles and heartache as each anniversary rolls in, I know that River’s loss has provided me with an empathy and awareness, I would never have had. I know I can weather any storm.

I feel like I’m living proof that even in the darkest of times, there is still light to be found.

Alex Hamilton Bereaved Mother of River

(4 months)

THE TCFV Friendship Circle

In the aftermath of loss, grief can feel like an insurmountable mountain to climb. For families grappling with the absence of a loved one, the support of their inner circle becomes a lifeline, providing solace and strength amidst the darkness. However, for those witnessing the pain from the sidelines, knowing how to offer meaningful support can be a daunting challenge.

That’s why we are thrilled to introduce the TCFV Friendship Circle. This initiative offers an opportunity for bereaved families to empower their loved ones, friends, and colleagues, encouraging them to wrap their arms around those in need and ensure that essential support remains readily accessible to all.

How Your Donation Will Make a Difference:

Friends and family of those who are bereaved often ask how they can help. By sharing your story and letting them know about the TCFV Friendship Circle, you can ignite a ripple effect of love and support that helps your family, and other bereaved families now, and in the future.

From just $50 per year, your loved ones can join the Friendship Circle, proudly signifying their commitment to standing by your side. Their names will be featured in our magazine, honouring their dedication to making a tangible difference in the lives of those touched by loss.

But what truly sets the Friendship Circle apart is the concept of “buying a hug.” With each contribution, supporters symbolically wrap their arms around bereaved families, offering comfort and reassurance during their time of need. It’s a gesture that goes beyond words, conveying empathy and compassion.

Join Us Today:

To learn more about how you can rally support for the TCFV Friendship Circle and make a meaningful difference in the lives of bereaved families everywhere, visit our website or contact us directly. WWW.TCFV.ORG.AU

Photo Love Gifts

Photo Love Gift messages can be made by filling in the form on the TCFV website at: www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au/become-involved/photo-love-gifts/

Please limit your Photo Love Gift message to no more than 30 words, counting the date as one word. Photo Love Gifts can be included in the magazine for a donation of $30.00. Please email the photo you would like to include to editor@tcfv.org.au

28.08.1987 – 16.07.1998

Years fly by, yet you are always remembered.

26 years without your laughter.

Stay close to all our special angels. Happy 37th birthday xxx Love always Mum, Rebecca, Andrew & family.

Remembering our dear friend & volunteer Alison

Rest in peace as you reunite with your darling Julianna. Will miss you always.

Love Theresa Yeo, Jenny & Joe Galati

Letting Go

I love you so very much, And I didn’t want you to go, It would have been easy to keep you here and near, To care for and look after you,

But I thought it would be so selfish, And maybe also cruel to hold onto you, So, very grudgingly I let you go, It was the hardest thing in life I’d ever do.

I held you in my arms very tight, As you left this world, And wondered if what I did was the right thing to do. And still I wonder and yearn to be with you.

Steven Katsineris, February 2021 Bereaved father of Chione, 6

06.07.1998 – 30.07.2016

Happy 26th birthday to our

You will live on in our hearts forever. All our love always, Mum, Dad, Harry, Millicent and General XXXXX

04.04.1988 – 21.04.2005

Happy Heavenley 36th birthday Missed you every day. Love you to the stars and back. Mum, Dad, Ben & Tony xxxx

What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.

— Helen Keller

Heather Therese Zammit

Joseph Thomas Moschetti

beautiful Joseph.

Danielle Galati

Alison Tan

Tan.

The Two Styles

of GRIEVING

In 2009, our son Max died. He was 26 years old, and many people had loved him for his kind heartedness and his witty sense of humour.

But I didn’t cry.

Everyone else around me cried quite a bit but I didn’t … until 2 weeks later when, at a concert, a young man sang “Bring him home” from Les Misérables. I sobbed throughout the whole song. After that, it was a long time until I cried again. Despite all the chaos after Max died and despite the way that every aspect of my life changed, I didn’t cry. I felt embarrassed about what other people might think of me for not crying. Did I not care? Was I emotionally retarded?

Luckily for me, all of my friends and family were supportive and non-judgemental, but it was still a great breakthrough for me to discover the so called “Two Styles of Grieving” and that it is actually quite normal for some people to grieve without much emotion.

People like me are head space grievers, we grieve cognitively. In many textbooks, we’re called Instrumental grievers. This “style” of grieving is more common amongst men than amongst women. Head space grievers need to be doing things and we need to be doing them on our own.

The great writer on grief, Dennis Klass, tells the story of a father whose daughter drove through a fence and then into something solid that caused her death. Her father went and fixed the fence. It wasn’t his fence to fix and people asked him why he did it. He explained that, in the whole horrible incident, the fence was the only thing he could fix. There he was, a man, doing something meaningful and doing it on his own. Reading that story helped me a lot in understanding my own grief.

Head space grievers need to understand their grief rather than to share their grief. Support Groups might be useful

for the chance to think through the grief rather than to feel engaged with the sharing process. Discussion groups offered by TCFV like Topics around Grief* are another means to understanding grief.

A lot of people seem to think that the emotions are there and that we need to find a way to let them out. Perhaps a lot of us don’t have much emotion. And yet, we can still suffer from all of the mental disturbance caused by our head space grieving.

What’s the opposite of head space grieving? It’s emotional or Intuitive grieving. Emotional grievers cry readily, they need to share their feelings and they need to share with people who seem “to get it”. Emotional grievers are more likely to be women and, given their need for doing grief work with others, they naturally benefit from support groups such as those at The Compassionate Friends.

However, we’re not strictly one style or the other. We’re not just head space or just emotional. We’re a mix. We’re on a spectrum that goes from people at one end who are almost exclusively emotional to people at the other end of the spectrum are unemotional and almost exclusively in the headspace.

You can be anywhere on the spectrum and perhaps we’re on different parts of the spectrum at different times. Perhaps, when I sobbed at the concert, I was temporarily much more in the emotional space.

There’s a so called “3rd style of grieving” which is known as “dissonant grieving”. This style is the mask we put on to hide our feelings. We can feel hurt when we share our true feelings only to have these feelings ignored or

rebuffed. People say, “How are you?” and we say we’re ok because we don’t want to say how we really are. It might be the wrong time, or it might be the wrong person, so up comes the mask.

One lady told me that she cries when she wakes up and she cries when she’s on her way to work. She doesn’t cry while she’s working but she cries on her way home, and she cries herself to sleep. She cries a lot but not when she wants to hide it. There are people who have a good cry while they’re in the shower because that’s where they have their best privacy.

These “styles” of grieving were first described by Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin. They listened to thousands of people’s stories, and they could see that, in our grief, we tend to be more in the emotional space or more in the head space.

How would you describe your style?

* Please check the TCFV website under the Events tab to find out what Topics Around Grief are upcoming.

Andrew Weatherhead Bereaved Father of Max, 26

Image taken from “What’s your grief?” website.

BOOKS IN THE LIBRARY NEW

Recently, we have had some books donated to our library collection so here are a few that are now

Just Because: The life changing moment when Lisa’s 21-year-old sister Zoie, and Zoie’s 26-year-old partner James, died in a shocking car accident, is now memorialised by a beautiful oak tree. But Lisa then lost her 31-year-old husband Andrew to suicide, and her 32-yearold younger brother Justin to brain cancer. Faced with compounded grief from the untimely death of loved ones as well as a myriad of other losses, Lisa embarked on a journey of self-healing and renewal. Just Because acts as a measure of wisdom about the often unspoken but universal topics of loss and grief, depression, suicide, miscarriage, Alzheimer’s disease, and the loss of a loved one to COVID-19.

I’m Not a Mourning Person: A few years ago, Kris Carr’s world was falling apart. Her father was dying, she had to pivot her business because of the pandemic, and she was on the verge of reaching her twenty-year milestone of living with an incurable Stage IV cancer diagnosis. In this book, Kris shares her (embarrassing, painful, helpful, hilarious, and sometimes inappropriate) stories and observations about what to expect when you’re not expecting your world to fall apart.

On Valentine’s Day, after a night of red wine and pasta and planning for their future, Natasha Sholl and her partner Rob went to bed. A few hours later, at the age of 27, his heart stopped.

Found, Wanting tells the story of Natasha’s attempt to rebuild her life in the wake of Rob’s sudden death, stumbling through the grief landscape and colliding with the cultural assumptions about the ‘right way’ to grieve. It is a memoir about falling in love in the aftermath of loss, and what it means to build a life in the space that death leaves.

Furious and passionate, bracingly honest and beautiful, Found, wanting is above all, a memoir about living and making sense of the multitude of lives within us.

The Death of a Child: There is perhaps no more excruciating pain than the loss of a child. It is a life-changing event that will forever scar a parent. When a child dies, bereaved parents face the challenge of rebuilding their lives, a daunting task that may often seem overwhelming.

The book is filled with stories of people who have lost a child (sudden death, suicide, war, more) and how they dealt with the reality of that event. This collection of life-giving lessons touches on a wide range of emotions and situations that parents may encounter after the death of their child.

Meditation Workshop

Hi, my name is Marie and on Saturday the 20th of April I was lucky enough to attend the Meditation session, one of the Self-Care workshops, at the TCFV offices.

John Brown ran the session, and he is truly a gifted person. He slowly guided us to find our own personal inner peace while listening to his gentle calming voice. I have come away with an understanding of the amazing benefits of meditation, the power that we all hold within our deeper selves and the confidence to explore meditation as another way to connect with our precious children.

Thanks to Dianne for organizing such a beautiful event and a big thanks to John for showing us how simple and truly enriching mediation can be.

Marie Gilbert Bereaved Mother of Jess

Watercolour

Workshop

The Watercolor Painting workshop was a huge success. We had 15 members turn up to paint butterflies and insects. We enjoyed a great afternoon tea whilst chatting about our loved ones and spending time together in a safe and relaxing environment.

At the end of the day, we all got to take our paintings home. Di Russell

Photo (l-r) John Brown, Cathy Anagnostou, Marie Gilbert, Di Russell

The five languages of love applied to grief

The five languages of love was a concept developed by Gary Chapman, PhD, showing how people express love. The concept was described in his 1992 book, “The five love languages: the secret to love that lasts”. Dr Chapman was a Baptist minister, speaker, author and counsellor. In this article I will describe how the five languages of love can be applied to honouring our person, how the language of love can be related to our legacy of love, to grief.

The five languages of love are as follows:

1. Words of affirmation - verbal acknowledgment of affection, compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, frequent digital communication – texting etc.

2. Quality time - spending time with your loved one in meaningful conversation, shared activities.

3. Acts of service - completing chores, helping with activities. It is often said “Actions speak louder than words”.

4. Gifts - visual symbols of love, the importance is not the monetary value but the time and thought that has gone into choosing the gift.

5. Physical touch - physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, hugs.

Below is a chart with how the five languages of love relate to our legacy of love for our loved one:

Language of Love

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Acts of service

Gifts

Physical touch

Language of love applied to grief

• Writing a blog

• Write a novel or poetry

• Writing letters to our person

• Continuing to tell the story of our person

• Saying our person’s name

• Volunteer with a charity/foundation eg TCFV, animal welfare, local school, church

• Volunteer in an area of interest to our person

• Establish a charity/foundation

• Run in a marathon (money donated to charity)

• Donation to charity

• Gift to community eg fountain, bench seat

• Bequest to establish a scholarship

• Caring for a pet

• Nurturing a garden, indoor plants.

The key to how we express our ongoing love is that the intent is to demonstrate our love and affection for our person, that we are tailoring our demonstration of love to what were our persons interests, what they would appreciate. But these expressions of love are but the more obvious ways in which we express our love. We also express love and honour for our person through the way in which we lead our lives, a life where we care for others, show kindness and gratitude, respect and loyalty.

In the next edition of Grieve Heal Grow will be examples of how some TCFV members have demonstrated the five languages of love to honour their person. Please write to TCFV magazine and share how you have demonstrated the five languages of love in your grief.

Nathan Fox

In writing this article I thought of how we have applied the five languages of love in honouring Nathan. Nathan was a young man who loved running in marathons, training on the beach and waving to the locals as he ran through the streets in our small community. He liked being part of a small community. So to organise and donate a water fountain (gift) to the local lifesaving club seemed right. I like to write articles for this magazine to help others cope with their grief and remember their person. And it allows me to write of Nathan (words of affirmation). The garden that we have created, Nathan’s garden, is also a way to honour Nathan (physical touch). The garden has herbs to cook with, a large tree for birds to nestle in, and a wooden bench for sitting on and reflecting.

Sue Rowan

Glimmers Workshop

Alex, our CEO, recently facilitated a Glimmers Workshop at the Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust (SMCT) in Springvale and received this lovely thank you email from Leah Grier who is the Senior Partnerships and Programs Lead at SMCT.

Thank you once again for facilitating your beautiful Glimmers Workshop here at Springvale. We thoroughly enjoyed the session reminding us how important it is to discover glimmers in our daily lives.

I was so thrilled to see a married couple attend. They lost their son to suicide 9 years ago. I had called them the week prior recommending your session and they advised they wouldn’t be attending: “I actually find those sessions more unsettling rather than helpful”. I followed up with them and while they find these types of sessions unsettling, they were courageous enough to come. I observed them during the workshop, and it was heartwarming to see them participating and being surrounded by supportive friends. From my perspective, it seems very timely for them to be reminded to look for the glimmers, especially when anniversaries and significant events approaching throughout May, so thank you.

WINTER SOLSTICE 2024

Winter Solstice this year falls on Friday 21 June, the actual date of the TCFV Event.

This event is always a very popular one, the meeting room is full, there is the smell of mulled wine and smoke from the outside fire pit wafting through the rooms. We say goodbye to the darkest night and hello to a returning of the light (although here in Melbourne the weather usually gets much worse before it gets better!)

A little history around the winter solstice...

There is evidence that the winter solstice was deemed an important moment of the annual cycle for some cultures as far back as the Neolithic (New Stone Age). Astronomical events were often used to guide farming activities, such as the mating of animals, the sowing of crops and the monitoring of winter reserves of food. The

winter solstice was important because the people were economically dependent on monitoring the progress of the seasons. Starvation was common during the first months of the winter, livestock were slaughtered so they would not have to be fed during the winter, so it was almost the only time of year when a plentiful supply of fresh meat was available.

Because the winter solstice is the reversal of the Sun’s apparent ebbing in the sky, in ancient times it was seen as the symbolic death and rebirth of the Sun or of a Sun god.

If you have not been before, fear not there is always a friendly face to greet you and everyone who attends is bereaved.

Remember you “need not walk alone”.

FROM THE PRESIDENT, MAY 2024

In recent days our family has recognized the 23rd anniversary of our son Stephen’s death by suicide. With the memories of that life-changing event in 2001 burned deeply into our hearts and minds, it is hard to grasp the fact that 23 years have now passed. Somehow those years have gone by, the raw agony of the early years has reduced and life has continued to build. The family has grown, life pursuits have changed and developed. Within those 23 years of change, we have always sought to hold the place of Stephen in our lives. The anniversary in late April has always been a time of intentional connection and remembering. There are many reminders, both planned and incidental, of the 15 years he spent with us. Many families in the bereavement community have developed ways of remembering and honouring their loved ones. Some of these are public activities, often sponsored by The Compassionate Friends Victoria, such as the Walk to Remember, the World Candlelight Service and many others. Some of our rituals for remembering are more private and individual to the specific details of our own stories. In his description of The Four Tasks of Mourning, William Worden gives what I find a very helpful structure for understanding the grieving process. An online search for his name will connect you to the full description of the four tasks. The fourth task is the one I want to reflect on at this time of anniversary remembrance in my world. He describes it as Task 4: To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life. Gradually you create a balance between remembering the person who died and living a full and meaningful life.

We have sought to find the balance he describes over these past 23 years. Involvement in TCFV is one of the ways both Jenny and I have tried to find meaning in life. The anniversary is of course one of the powerful times of remembering Stephen. Like many who grieve, we have developed a set of informal rituals that mark this sad occasion.

One of those rituals has become a bicycle ride along the Lilydale – Warburton Rail Trail, for a short stay in Warburton. Cycling was an activity we shared with Stephen, and we spent the first anniversary of his death in Warburton. He and I completed the Great Victorian Bike Ride together a couple of times in the last years of his life. As well as the therapeutic value of exercise in a beautiful location, it is also a powerful memory of

the positive experiences we shared with Stephen. There are often many challenging memories of the struggle, so it is helpful to find a way to access some of the good memories.

Another of the informal rituals we use at this time is to revisit some of the significant music associated with Steve. In preparation for his funeral, a CD was put together of music that was his and that was significant to other family members at that time. The CD has now graduated to being a Spotify playlist that we can easily access. Prominent among the music that engaged Stephen is Don McClean’s major hit song, American Pie. For reasons that are lost in time, Steve loved this song. On car trips it would be played loudly and sung along with until his siblings insisted it stop. He knew the words off by heart and even completed a school music project in which he attempted to explain some of the more bizarre images in the song. It was played in full, all 8 minutes and 42 seconds, at his funeral.

There are a range of other songs which touch our hearts with meaningful lyrics and music. I think many of us find an emotional resonance echoing around us in music. Without wanting to reproduce whole songs in this article, here are a few that resonate for me and I invite you to seek out these songs for yourself.

The Whitlams: The Curse Stops Here – a powerful song written following the suicide of 2 band members from one of Australia’s prominent bands.

Eric Bogle: a Scottish born resident of Adelaide, a folk singer perhaps best known for his song about the Anzac experience, ‘And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda’. He is a wordsmith who crafts songs from many life experiences, the joyful and the tragic. Two of his songs that always impact me are:

Enigma – the story of Andrew, an apparently successful man who takes his own life. Each verse of the song tells the impact of this loss upon those who loved him, his wife, his parents, his friends and concludes with a verse that attempts to describe the enigma of Andrew’s own experience.

Elizabeth’s Song – written from the perspective of parents who have lost their beloved infant daughter to an illness. The haunting line for me in this song is the plea of the parents for their friends and family to continue using

Elizabeth’s name in conversation. They recognize the experience that many grieving people have – that in an attempt to avoid causing pain, no mention is made of the loved one who has died. The truth for many of us is that, in the midst of the pain we are experiencing, the recognition of our loved ones is important.

Jesus Loves Me: a song from Stephen’s younger days, often sung by his grandmother at bedtime. The reminder of a simple time of pure love was another powerful moment in his funeral service.

Lean on Me: a 1970’s pop song by Bill Withers, written about his search for a community after moving from the small mining town of his childhood to a larger city. The mutuality often experienced in the support of TCFV is captured beautifully in the lyrics: Lean on me, When you’re not strong, And I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on. For it won’t be long, Till I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.

Forrest Gump Theme Song: This hauntingly moving piano piece by Alan Silvestri is the theme song from one of Stephen’s favourite movies. It made the perfect piece of music to accompany us out at the end of his funeral.

Listening again to these and other pieces of music is part of the ritual of connecting with Stephen. After 23 years, it is interesting to observe how powerfully real are many of the memories from nearly a quarter of a century ago. We have a wooden chest in our lounge room that contains many of the memories of Steve –condolence cards, photos, sports trophies, pom poms made by his hands, school reports and other bits and pieces from his life. It gets opened occasionally but is always present in the living of our ongoing lives.

Finding the ways to remain significantly connected to our departed loved ones, while somehow continuing to experience meaningful lives can be a real challenge. I hope you can find ways to do both these things, at times of poignant reminders like the anniversaries and in the midst of so called “everday life”.

Kevin Purvis

Bereaved father of Stephen, 15.

TCFV President

“It’s not about how well you can draw.”

The insights and comforts of art therapy for bereaved people.

One of TCFV’s lesser-known services (but much appreciated by those who find it) is art therapy, aka Express Yourself Through Art. Established by Lauren Foster (bereaved mother of Rex, 5) in 2016, Express Yourself Through Art is run at the TCFV Centre and is also offered online. In each case it is offered on a monthly basis.

Lauren runs the online sessions and another similarly warm and talented art therapist Natasha (Nat) Ballingall (bereaved mother of Eva, 0) runs the onsite sessions. As Lauren writes, “We use the creative process of artsmaking to improve and enhance the physical, mental and emotional well-being of individuals. Our classes are based on the belief that the creative process involved in artistic self-expression helps people to resolve conflicts and problems, develop interpersonal skills, manage behaviour, reduce stress, increase self-esteem and selfawareness, to achieve insight.”

The approach that Lauren and Nat take has been received with much appreciation. For those who have ventured in, they find the self-doubt of “Am I artistic enough?” is ultimately irrelevant and instead they bask in the opportunities for self-expression, self-nurturing and self-awareness (as well as the opportunity of connecting with others).

To conclude, we thought we’d include the following endorsements, which also shine a light on the processes involved in these sessions:

“We cry, we laugh, we share, support, understand … and always leave more uplifted than when we came. Accessing hidden unexpressed emotions in this way and sharing them is very therapeutic and enlightening.”

“Every week we start with a ‘check in’ of where we were at, how we felt, a short, guided grounding exercise followed by an expressive art therapy session. There are no expectations, no art ability is required, and it isn’t about producing an end result, but a means for people to express how they feel.”

“Through art we are able to access deeper parts of our emotions and grief that often is very difficult to express or share with words alone. The process makes us aware of different things and gives us much food for thought and reflection. We use different materials each week, that often elicit different feelings which surface and are shared and discussed, with all of us being able to relate to what has come up for each other.”

Express Yourself Through Art ONLINE: held the first Thursday of the month at 1.30pm (February-November). You need to register to attend a session: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Express Yourself Through Art at TCFV Centre: held the third Monday of the month at 7.30pm (FebruaryDecember), TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury. You need to register to attend a session: www.tcfv.org.au/events

REFLECTIONS FROM TCFV GROUP

LEADERS & SUPPORT

LEADERS

Group leaders and support leaders form an integral part of TCFV’s peer-support volunteer workforce, providing group support throughout Victoria. The following article provides quotes and reflections from just under a dozen of the people TCFV is extremely fortunate to have as leaders. From their reflections on being a leader to their reflections on grief experiences, we hope you gain much from the following.

DEBBIE GRANT & ANDREA LYON (Warrnambool)

DEBBIE: I’m drawn to the [peer support] role because I could not have made it through my own grief and loss without the ongoing support I received from others. Now, it is time for me to offer my support to others who are in need, I’ve been looking forward to meeting the people of Warrnambool and surrounding areas, to hear their stories and offer a safe space to remember.

ANDREA: I find this saying very apt: “We grieve as deeply as we love.” Attending TCFV meetings provided a space for me to be ‘me’ in my grief. There is no judgement, no time limit and no expectations. In turn, I have looked forward to providing this for bereaved people in Warrnambool.

NAT BALLINGALL (Canterbury Evening Support Group & Express Yourself Through Art)

I sought support through professionals to help better understand my grief and loss, but I never seemed to connect with anyone in the way I had hoped. Feeling disheartened by the inability to find the support I yearned for professionally, I changed careers and decided to go back to study to become a Counsellor, to help others and indirectly help myself. When I realised the strengths that the arts can have with healing and recovery, I now combine the traditional talk therapy with expressive arts therapy in my practice. The most satisfying part of my role at TCFV is witnessing people heal, by giving them the space to share their story and to be heard. The more we talk about our loss and work through our pain, the more we heal: that is, we reach an improved place of mental, physical and emotional functioning, whilst keeping the memory and legacy of loved one’s close by. (See p. 27 for more info.)

JOHN DELLIOS (MenSpace Support Group)

My time at MenSpace helped me think of my grief as part of a life “re-building” or “renovation” project. From a male perspective, I like the idea of a renovation project as it conveys the notion of an on-going construction work in progress. That is, grief is not something that can be cured or that you get over, but more that grief can be and is transformed with time and effort. Thinking about dealing with grief as a series of “projects”, instead of one long and arduous journey, helps make it a little more manageable. I also liked being in the company of other bereaved fathers to share my stories and “projects”. So, I like to now think that MenSpace is about blokes coming together to “renovate” their grief one brick at a time.

RHONDA McINTYRE (Horsham Support Group)

I have been grateful to share the group leadership with Di who has been willing to offer her support in any way at any time. I believe my input to The Compassionate Friends has served to forge my character. It has given me an enormous knowledge on how to cope with life, and to find the meaning in life, despite being overwhelmed and consumed by my son Troy’s life and death for a very long time. I applaud the Canterbury Centre who has always permitted our autonomy yet given us support and encouragement if it has been requested.

JAN McNESS (Geelong Support & Social Support Groups)

I’ve learnt that no death comes without its unique complications. If it’s a death following an illness, there is the pain of helplessly watching a beloved child ailing, of witnessing unpleasant and perhaps painful treatments being administered, unable to do a thing and, then the final separation. If it’s suicide; it’s the shock, the bewilderment, the guilt, the questions, the stigma. If it’s murder; it’s the shock, the horror, the fear of what happened in the last moments of the child’s life, the bitterness and hatred for the perpetrator. If it’s an accident; it’s the shock, the questions, the “if onlys”, the anger at those possibly responsible and at yourself for not anticipating. And this is only looking at the deaths themselves. Add to this family dynamics and relationships and what was going on leading up to the death. There is nothing quite like death to force us to face the sorts of questions we spend most of the rest of our lives avoiding.

TONY GEE (former MenSpace leader, now facilitator of Spirituality Discussion Workshops)

Sitting in or ‘being’ in circle is probably as old as human history. In some traditions, a circle would be called when there was special news to discuss, or when there were particular events that affected the community. In general, such small gatherings were highly democratic, everyone got to have their say and to listen to the views of others. In some traditions a circle could be called by a member or for a member when events were such that they needed extra support and the strength of their community. Such ‘talking circles’ are found in almost every culture - certainly they were central to indigenous or ‘first culture’ societies. Whether we know and/or accept it or not, these traditions likely form the bedrock of most ‘modern’ group support and group work. But their roots go back into antiquity and one of the reasons ‘circle’ has survived and in fact, is more recently flourishing, is that they tap into some of the most fundamental principles of self-help and healing. They are also a central part of forming connection and community, an aspect of healing that traditional Western ‘expert’ models have generally undervalued.

CLAIRE KUHNELL (Siblings-specific Support Group)

I became a volunteer with TCFV after receiving TCFV telephone counselling and group leader training and participating in a number of projects around suicide loss. Whilst completing my Bachelor of Counselling, I started co-facilitating the TCFV’s siblings support group about 10 years ago. Sadly, in March 2019, I lost my last remaining brother, François, aged 49, also to suicide. How unfathomable that I could be experiencing this loss again. I have learnt so much about grief and loss and trauma and try to approach my feelings with as much self-compassion as possible, getting the support I need from TCFV, but also friends, and my own counselling. Going through this reminded me of what “early grief” looked and felt like.

BRUCE HOUGHTON (Bayside Support Group)

Our friends had intact families. We did not. Our friends’ lives were ultimately unchanged. Ours was not. I remember this feeling as though it was yesterday. Nowadays, I relive this feeling whenever one of Liam’s friends gets married or announces they are expecting a child. The pain and the sense of separation is never far away. But thankfully, I have met many other bereaved parents through The Compassionate Friends, and I have become aware of many other child deaths, and I know there are grieving parents involved. To assuage my sadness and feelings of loneliness, I consciously think of the other parents I have met who are on the same journey as Catrina and myself. It gives me comfort to know there are many others who feel just as I feel, navigating their way through life without their child, just as I am. A key learning for me during our early months of bereavement was that giving advice to a bereaved person is unhelpful and possibly selfish. We had a handful of people who had never endured the loss of a child, insisting on giving us advice, telling us when and how to rebuild our lives, and moreover, taking exception to Catrina and I not being the people we once were and not accepting friendship on their narrow terms. What we wanted was to be with people who just affirmed our feelings. As though it were yesterday, I remember a friend (in his early fifties) and father to three boys saying to me that the thought of one of his children dying ‘scared’ him. On hearing this I felt my feelings were validated; I knew I was with someone who was moved by the profundity of my loss and who was coming from a position of love rather than control or ego.

JOHN BRADLEY (Box Hill Social Group)

The understanding, love, compassion, and support I received from The Compassionate Friends have been second to none. It was hearing other people’s experiences that had such an impact on me; there is no greater power of example than the stories of those with lived experience. The way that The Compassionate Friends fosters and values the power of the people who can talk the talk, because they have walked the walk, is what attracted me to this remarkable organisation.

TCFV SUPPORT GROUPS & SOCIAL SUPPORT GROUPS

Support Group Meetings provide bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents (18+ years) the opportunity to meet in a safe environment with others who have “been there”, who understand and care. Group attendees report that meetings are an essential part of their “learning to live again” journey.

Social Support Group Meetings are similarly led by group leaders. They are a lovely social opportunity for bereaved people, often held at a cafe. Discussion is more general, although can sometimes centre on griefrelated issues. If you are needing more substantial time to explore your grief-related issues (and this can particularly be the case when you’re newer in your grief), we recommend a formal support group.

For attendees of the Canterbury-based meetings. Please enter TCFV Centre through its front entrance on Canterbury Road. The back gate will no longer be available for entry to/exit from group meetings.

A minority of groups require registration to attend.

Please notify our telephone support-line of your intention to attend the next meeting of one of the following groups: Hawthorn East Social Group / Box Hill Social Group.

Please register to attend an upcoming session of one of these groups: Book Club / Walking Through Grief / Express Yourself Through Art at TCFV CENTRE / Online Support Group / Online Support for Regional Suicide -Bereaved / Online Express Yourself Through Art.

I have baby-sitting problems. Would it be alright to bring my child with me?

While we understand the difficulties of finding childcare, we must ask that out of respect for the needs of others, you do not bring children (under 18 years of age) to meetings.

Someone in my household has COVID-19, but I don’t. Can I still attend a meeting?

Meetings, by design, have people sitting in close proximity to one another. If someone in your household has COVID-19, we would prefer that you not attend a face-to-face meeting in that month. Please be aware that, in its place, you could have a one-on-one peer support session (see: www.tcfv.org.au/one-on-one) and/or attend an online support group (for upcoming sessions visit www.tcfv.org.au/events).

Bereavement support for under-18s.

While TCFV’s services are for individuals 18 years and above, there are a number of other organisations that provide under-18 services, such as Grief Australia, Headspace and Jesuit Social Services. A listing of these services can be found at: www.tcfv.org.au/under-18s

REGIONAL CONTACTS

We have TCFV volunteers in the townships/regional cities listed below who have some availability for a peer support phone chat or coffee catch-up:

Bairnsdale – Elvie Ballarat - Robyn Camperdown - Judi Castlemaine - Matthew Melton – Deb Wodonga – Lynne

Please enquire on 1300 064 068

SUPPORT GROUP

Bayside

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

4th Wednesday 7pm-9pm (Jan-Nov)

Bendigo 4th Tuesday 1:30pm (Jan-Nov)

Canterbury Daytime

4th Wednesday 11am (3rd Wed in Dec)

Canterbury Evening 2nd Tuesday 7:30pm (Feb-Dec)

Canterbury Siblings 3rd Tuesday 7.45pm

Canterbury Suicide-bereaved 4th Monday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

Where is meeting held?

Highett Neighbourhood Community House, 2 Livingston St, Highett

Long Gully Community Centre, 23-29 Havilah Road, Long Gully

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury Eltham 1st Thursday 11am (Feb-Dec)

Geelong Last Tuesday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

Horsham – Wimmera Mar, Jun, Sep, Dec

Menspace 3rd Wednesday 7pm – 9pm (Feb-Dec)

Eltham Library Community Room, Panther Place, Eltham

Noble Street Uniting Church, 26-42 Saffron Street, Newtown

Contact 1300 064 068 for details

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury Mildura 2nd Saturday 11am (Feb-Dec)

MADEC Community College, 133-137 Madden Ave, Mildura Portland 3rd Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Dec)

Star Theatre, 40 Julia Street, Portland Rowville 1st Friday 1pm (Feb-Dec)

Sunshine Meetings scheduled to resume in August 2024 3rd Tuesday 7:30pm (Feb-Dec)

Sunshine Bereaved Through Suicide Meetings scheduled to resume in August 2024 1st Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Dec)

Warragul Last Wednesday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

Warrnambool 1st Wednesday 7:15pm (Feb-Dec)

ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP

Bridgewater Centre, cnr Fulham Road & Bridgewater Road, Rowville

Salvation Army Drop-In Centre, 42 Devonshire Road, Sunshine

Salvation Army Drop-In Centre, 42 Devonshire Road, Sunshine

Warragul Community House, 138 Normanby Street, Warragul

Archie Graham Community Centre, Room CP1, 118 Timor Street, Warrnambool

Which day in the month is the meeting held? Where is meeting held?

Regional Suicide-bereaved (Online) 3rd Thur bimonthly 7pm (Feb, Apr, Jun, Aug, Oct, Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Bereavement Support Group (Bereaved through any means) (Online) NEW 1st Tuesday monthly 7:30pm (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Held via Zoom.

Held via Zoom.

SOCIAL GROUP Which day in the month is the meeting held? Where is meeting held?

Box Hill 2nd Thursday 7pm (Jan-Nov)

Croydon

Bookings are essential. Please call 9888 4944.

3rd Wednesday 10:30am (Feb-Dec)

Note: December 2023 meeting will be held on 2nd Wednesday (13th Dec)

Geelong 2nd Tuesday 10am (Feb- Dec)

Box Hill RSL, 26-28 Nelson Road, Box Hill

The Rumour Mill, 22 McAdam Square, Croydon

Brioche Café, 175 West Fyans Street, Newtown Hawthorn East 4th Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Nov)

Bookings are essential. Please call 9888 4944.

Southern Peninsula 1st Tuesday 12 noon (Feb-Dec)

ART THERAPY GROUP

Express Yourself Through Art at TCFV Centre

Online Express Yourself Through Art

LIGHT EXERCISE GROUP

Walking Through Grief

READING GROUP

Book Club

INTERSTATE GROUP

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

3rd Monday of the month 7:30pm (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Café Paradiso, 213-215 Camberwell Road, Hawthorn East

Contact 1300 064 068 for details

Where is meeting held?

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

1st Thursday of the month at 1.30pm (Feb-Nov) Held via Zoom. To register, please visit: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Which day in the month is the event held? Where is meeting held?

1st Friday 9am-10am (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

1st Saturday month (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury

Where is meeting held?

Four Beans Café, 22 High Street, Northcote

Which day in the month is the meeting held? Where is meeting held?

Darwin Last Wednesday 7:00pm (Jan-Nov) Contact Group Leader (Ingrid) on Ph 1300 064 068 / darwin@tcfv.org.au

MLA Office (Member for Legislative Assembly), Shop 15A, Oasis Shopping Centre, 15 Temple Terrace, Palmerston, NT, 0830.

Please note: Bereavement Peer Support in Hobart Bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents in Hobart meet informally at a café setting on a regular basis (often a weekend afternoon). For more information on this non-TCFV support network, including dates and times, please contact our telephone support line on 1300-064-068.

The Compassionate Friends Victoria’s ‘Buy a Brick’ Campaign Building Memories:

In the quiet corners of grief, where memories linger and hearts ache with loss, there exists a shining light in The Compassionate Friends Victoria (TCFV). For 46 years, we have been a pillar of support for bereaved families, offering solace, understanding, and a sense of community through the darkest of times. Now, we stand on the threshold where our foundation to support bereaved families is quite literally being laid, by the hands of those who have walked the path of loss.

TCFV once faced the uncertainty of constantly shifting premises. Rental properties, however accommodating, were transient, unable to provide the stability and permanence that grieving families needed. It was then that a group of dedicated volunteers, fuelled by a shared vision, came together to form the Acorn Foundation. Their dream was audacious yet simple: to secure a permanent home for The Compassionate Friends Victoria, a sanctuary where healing could flourish, and memories could be honoured. Through countless fundraising endeavours, the dream gradually took shape. And now, nestled in the serene suburbs of Canterbury, Victoria, stands a tangible symbol of hope – a home for the bereaved, a haven for healing. But the journey is far from over; the destination of ‘ownership’ still lies ahead, waiting to be reached.

One of the many endeavours that have fuelled this journey is the ‘Buy a Brick’ Appeal. In its simplicity lies its beauty –a single brick, a tiny testament to love and remembrance. For just $110, one can purchase a brick, adorned with a brass plaque engraved with the name and age of a beloved lost. These plaques find their place on a memorial board at the TCFV Centre, a tangible reminder of lives lived and love eternal.

But this appeal transcends mere commemoration; it is a celebration of life, a tribute to the enduring bonds that time cannot sever. You can buy as many bricks as you like, marking milestones, anniversaries, or special occasions with a gesture that echoes through eternity. Each purchase not only immortalizes a cherished memory but also contributes to the greater cause – the full ownership of the TCFV Home.

For those who have walked the lonely road of grief, ‘Buy a Brick’ is more than just a campaign; it is a lifeline, a way to channel love into something tangible, something enduring. It is a promise kept, a legacy honoured, and a beacon of hope for generations yet to come.

In the quiet corners of grief, where memories linger and hearts ache with loss, there exists a beacon of hope – The Compassionate Friends Victoria.

With each brick laid, with each name engraved, we build not just a home but a sanctuary of love, where memories endure, and spirits soar.

Purchase your brick via our website. Under the Support Us tab, choose Memorial Items and then Buy a Brick.

Thank you Supporters

Agnes Tan

Avery Poole

Bradley Family

Bryn Humphreys

Bunnings Box Hill

Bendel Family

Brunswick United Masonic Lodge

Charles Tegner

Cheryl Lardner

City of Boroondara

Coates Family

Country Women’s Association of Victoria

Dorothy Ford

Eastern Press

Galati Family

Geelong Cemeteries Trust

Harmer Family

Ian Zadow

James Marcon Foundation

Jennifer O’Reilly

John Brown

Judith Theobald

Justice Connect

Karen Philippzig

Kerilee Bolto

Kidsafe Victoria

Le Pine Funerals

Life Time Trophies

Lord Mayor’s Charitable Foundation

Louisa Ong

Marken Hosting

Meet Me In The Middle Cafe

Michael & Maureen Cawley

Mindfull Aus

Mirella Marcon

Nunan Family

Pam & Max Williams

PivotLife

Robyn Arya

Scotsglen Singers Inc

Shelia Schutz

Sim Family

SM Creative

Strickland Family

Sue Binzer

The Pethard Tarax Charitable Trust

The Retreat at Mount Cathedral –Kerilee & Nic Bolton

Tobin Brothers

Trembath Family

Tripleconnect

Yarra Ranges Council

Yvonne Sharpe

Wall, Theresa, Shane & Family

Legalite

National Number 1300 064 068

ACT & Queanbeyan 0419 137 818

New South Wales 02 9290 2355 Suite 602, 109 Pitt Street, sydney, NSW 2000

Queensland 07 3540 9949 505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm 4005

South Australia 0456 820 133

Darwin darwin@tcfv.org.au

TCF Mandurah 08 9535 7761 Mandurah Lottery House - 7 Anzac Place, Mandurah 6210

TCF on the internet - United Kingdom www.tcf.og.uk – New Zealand (email) tcf.otago@xtra.co.nz

USA www.compassionatefriends.org – SA www.compassionatefriends.co.za – Canada www.tcfcanada.net/

The Compassionate Friends Victoria 229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury VIC 3126 Po Box 171 Canterbury, Vic. 3126

Support Phone: (03) 9888 4944

Administration Phone: (03) 9888 4034 Email: support@tcfv.org.au Web: www.tcfv.org.au