RAFFLE TICKETS ARE INCLUDED
Grieving Together Grief Retreat
Please join us for our Grief Retreat. Our theme “Grieving Together” embodies the importance of reshaping our lives and processing our grief in a supportive and understanding environment.
Friday evening to Sunday afternoon, 18 October – 20 October 2024
Friday evening: Connect with like-minded individuals over refreshments and nibbles.
Saturday: Engage in a full day of grief and self-care sessions, including morning tea, lunch, and afternoon tea.
Saturday evening: Enjoy a communal sit-down dinner.
Sunday: Participate in additional grief and self-care sessions through to afternoon tea.
Additionally, there will be plenty of free time to relax, chat, and enjoy the beautiful and serene surroundings of the Springvale Botanical Cemetery.
Venue: The Centre for Care & Wellbeing, Springvale Botanical Cemetery 600 Princes Highway, Springvale, VIC
Cost: Packages ranging from $70 - $280
Discounted accommodation is available at nearby hotels.
RSVP: Friday 27 September
Bookings are essential and can be made for the entire weekend or individual days, allowing you to select workshops and activities tailored to your needs.
There are limited spaces per session so we encourage you to secure your spot for this special retreat.
Contact: griefretreat@tcfv.org. au or care@smct.org.au
Welcome to COMPASSIONATE CONNECTIONS
Dear Members and Friends,
I am delighted to welcome you to the inaugural edition of our new quarterly magazine, Compassionate Connections. This publication marks a significant step forward for The Compassionate Friends Victoria (TCFV) as we strive to provide you with relevant, seasonal content that supports your journey through grief.
In this first issue, we are excited to highlight our upcoming “Grieving Together” grief retreat, taking place from 18 October to 20 October 2024, at the beautiful Springvale Botanical Cemetery. Partnering with the Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust (SMCT), this retreat is designed to offer a nurturing environment where you can connect with others who understand your grief, share your stories, and find solace in a supportive community. I look forward to meeting many of you there and registrations are now open via our website. See pages 15 - 17 for more details.
Introducing the Friendship Circle
I am also proud to announce the launch of our new initiative, the Friendship Circle. This program aims to educate and support friends and family members of those who are struggling with loss. By providing them with the tools and understanding they need, we hope to create a more compassionate network of support for our bereaved members, all for the price of a cup of coffee per month.
Hear from a friend who has joined the Friendship on page 7.
Our Commitment to You
At TCFV, our mission is to light the way for bereaved families through our comprehensive range of services. Whether you need peer support groups, one-to-one sessions, our 24-hour grief support line, or the welcoming environment of our drop-in centre in Canterbury, we are here to offer you a compassionate and understanding ear. With translation services (online or in person) also now available at no charge, we are thrilled to be able to open our services to all within our community.
Your Stories Matter
Compassionate Connections is more than just a magazine—it is a reflection of our community. We invite you to share your stories of grief and life after loss. Whether it is a poem or book that speaks to your soul, a piece of music that brings you comfort, or a story that moves you, your contributions can inspire and provide solace to others navigating similar paths.
By sharing our experiences, we help each other. Your story, your voice, and your journey are vital to this collective process.
Thank you for being a part of The Compassionate Friends Victoria. We look forward to walking this path together and lighting the way for others in the dark.
Warm regards,
Alex Hamilton CEO, The Compassionate Friends Victoria
EDITORS LETTER
Dear Friends
Welcome to the launch issue of Compassionate Connections, the new TCFV quarterly magazine.
SPRING is the theme for this first magazine, perhaps SPRING was special for your loved one, bringing back memories that are sad, bittersweet, or maybe even bring a smile to your face. While it might not technically be spring, I consider August 1st as my New Year’s Day, with Joseph’s birthday and anniversary both in July now behind me, I find myself feeling slightly more hopeful about life, undoubtedly helped by the lengthening days. Personally, I am very affected by the weather, on grey days, I must be mindful of my spirits, while bright sunny days make it easier to cope with life’s challenges. However, I know many bereaved parents feel the opposite, saddened that their loved ones are missing out on beautiful sunny days. It’s a poignant reminder that we all grieve differently.
Hope you enjoy the magazine and the middle colour pages that will now be a permanent fixture. There are lots coming up in the next 3 months see page 26 for a list of all the events happening.
The SUMMER issue will be coming out sometime in December, please have any articles to me by Friday 1 November. We are always looking for content, if you’d like to write an article or send in a (short) letter to your loved one see pages 10 & 11 especially if any have a “summer” theme to them.
Until then, take care.
Jane Moschetti
Bereaved Mother of
The poly bag this magazine is posted to you in, is made from 100% recyclable material LDPE (low density polyethylene), it’s tough and can be reused and recycled when finished with.
CENTRE NEWS
Thank you to …
Guardian Plan for supporting TCFV in organising the Grief Retreat in October.
Emily’s Wish Foundation for their donation towards Grief Packs including, personalised candles, magnets, grief journals.
Michelle Loughhead for the donation and butterfly stickers in memory of her only child, Gregory.
Creative Writing Workshop
Thank you, Di Russell, for organizing the amazing afternoon with Doctor Hope Lee Sneddon in the Creative Writing Session on Sunday, 19 May 2024.
I’ve come away with a clearer understanding of how to go about producing a short story employing the use of form, theme, time and perspective. Hope, it was a pleasure to meet you and listen to you. Thank you for giving us your time and explaining the intricacies of story writing in a logical and achievable way.
I loved the Japanese Haiku form, by the way, a simple but effective way of expressing any thought or feeling… and we all have a few of those.
What better way to Express a feeling than to Use a chosen word
Marie Gilbert
Mother of Jess (29)
(See photo of the Creative Writing Workshop on page 18)
Friendship Circle Members – Organisational
Thank you to the following …
Wooling Hill Memorial Estate
Chapter House Funerals
CDS for TCFV
From Mildura to Mallacoota and Mill Park, people all over Victoria can now choose to donate the money from their collected bottles and cans to our organisation.
The Container Deposit Scheme (CDS) started here in Victoria in November 2023 and one of the options for those collecting and dropping off their eligible containers is to donate the funds to a registered not-for-profit. The Compassionate Friends Victoria is now on the list right across the state, so you are invited to contribute to our valuable services, groups, literature, and speakers in this way.
On the list of registered donors, look for The Compassionate Friends Victoria (not TCFV or Compassionate Friends) and direct your refund there. We really appreciate it!
Vale Gerard Bariola
We were very saddened to hear that ex-TCFV group leader Mary Bariola suffered the loss of her youngest son, Gerard, on the 29th June this year. Mary ran a TCFV Healesville Support Group for over a decade in memory of her son, Mark, who died in 1999.
Our deepest condolences to Mary and family.
Magazine Team
A big thank you to the entire magazine team for all the articles provided, proofreading, etc. and a thank you to the magazine mailout team for their help in preparing the June/July edition for posting out to members.
Friendship Circle
You are invited to join the TCFV Friendship Circle and make a meaningful impact on the lives of bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents.
Your support can help us continue providing essential services and a comforting environment for those in need.
Support us for the cost of a coffee a month: $5 per month
Or shout us the equivalent of 2 coffees a month: $10 per month
Or why not shout us the cost of a coffee per week: $20 per month
All $5, $10 & $20 donors will receive:
4 newsletters with tips, updates, grief education per year, emailed to you.
4 magazines emailed per annum, with the opportunity to share an article for our Friendship Circle.
Social media tile.
Our $10 per month donors will also receive:
One free ticket for our yearly raffle, with a minimum value of $200 10% off 1 x Illuminate ticket
Our $20 per month donors will also receive:
Two free tickets for our yearly raffle, to a minimum value of $200
20% off 1 x Illuminate ticket
Our $150 per annum Organisation/Business – Friendship Circle member
4 newsletters emailed per year
Magazine subscription (4 magazines per annum)
20% off 2 x Illuminate tickets
Use of our Esignature
1 x FaceBook post tagging the business
A listing in the magazine for 12 months
Social media tile
Free guest speaker at your next event
Please visit out website to sign up for the Friendship Circle … https://www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au/friendship-circle/
Members of the Friendship Circle, our doors are always open to you. Come into the Centre anytime for a coffee or tea on us.
Friendship Circle
Loving your friend through grief. An introduction to the Friendship Circle.
Navigating the rough waters of grief with a friend who has lost a loved one, such as a child, can be one of the most challenging and delicate situations we face. You often don’t know what to say, how to act, or how to truly understand the depths of their pain. In these moments, it’s common to make mistakes, to put your foot in your mouth, or to unintentionally say something insensitive. The most important thing is to show your friend, through words and actions, that you are there for them, unwavering in your love and support.
My best friend, Alex, faced the unimaginable heartbreak of losing her baby boy at just 128 days old.
Supporting a bereaved friend can be challenging, as we search for ways that are meaningful to that person. For my friend, it means remembering important dates, like his birthday or anniversary. It means showing up, consistently and compassionately, even when you feel unsure or uncomfortable. The sad reality, as I’ve learned through conversations with the beautiful community of TCFV, is that many bereaved people not only lose their loved ones but also their friends and family, simply because people don’t know how to support them.
Grief is a journey that requires patience, space, and grace. Sometimes, your friend may not be at their best, and it’s essential to offer understanding and flexibility. Hold their hand when they need it, and step back when they need space. Always remember that your presence and willingness to listen are more valuable than finding the perfect words.
When Alex was in the depths of her despair, thinking about how support services are funded was the last thing on her mind. She simply needed access to those services. This is where the concept of the Friendship Circle was born. It’s an initiative designed to connect loved ones to the resources they need to support a bereaved friend. By participating, you not only learn strategies to help but also contribute to ensuring these crucial services remain available.
Being involved in a charity is a way for many grieving parents, siblings and grandparents to make sense of their loss. As someone who loves a bereaved parent, I encourage you to get behind your loved one’s efforts wholeheartedly. Attend every event you can, donate your time and resources, and remember their loved one’s important dates. Your unwavering support can make a profound difference in their journey.
In the end, being a friend to someone who has lost a loved one is about showing up, staying present, and offering unconditional love. You won’t always get it right, but your dedication and compassion will shine through.
Through all the fundraising, the events, and the difficult conversations, the most heartbreaking thing I’ve learned is that the loss of a child often leads to a further loss —friends. Many people withdraw because they don’t know what to say or do. Let’s change that narrative. Let’s be the friends who stand by, who remember, who support, and who love, no matter how challenging it may be.
Together, we can help our friends navigate their grief, find solace, and create lasting legacies for their loved ones.
Leanne Weber
Lean into Spring
Spring has sprung. The flowers are blooming. The birds are singing. The sun is shining. So why do you feel so dark? So stuck? So empty? So sad, overwhelmed and angry? Why do you long for cold, rainy, dark days?
Because you are grieving.
Because Spring can feel like pressure. Pressure to be present and live life despite how you are feeling on the inside. Pressure to feel a semblance of normal. Pressure to believe in the possibility of new. Spring feels like a betrayal of your grief.
Grief is not predictable. It does not follow an order as the seasons do. It is personal. It is painful. It is messy. Grief can feel surprising, shocking, never-ending.
Spring feels contrary to the realities of grief, to the experience of mourning. Sadness, anger, anxiety, loneliness, feeling overwhelmed…. those feelings do not match the sights and sounds of Spring. And yet there is much to be learned from the audacity of Spring. Those feelings of deep grief are the winter frost forcing us to lie dormant, to turn in, to be in (and of) our grief. Trust in time that your Spring will come, that you too will begin to thaw, that in time you can, and you will push through the bitter heaviness of grief.
You will bloom once again, new and different. You will begin to grow towards the sun and find respite and healing in its warmth.
Your Spring will come, in your time, in your way. Perhaps in the most trivial and unexpected ways: hearing the song of a bird and allowing that song to fill you; noticing the crocus poking through the icy crust and experiencing a sense of awe at its resilience, strength and courage; feeling the warmth of sunshine from the inside out. Moments previously not accessible, now experienced with heightened awareness and even gratitude.
Lean into Spring. Go outside each day and write down one sound in nature that you hear, one new flower or growth you see. Add to this list daily. At the end of one week reflect on this experience. Were you able to find some comfort noticing leaves on branches once barren, lying dormant under the weight of ice and frost? Nature provides a model for grieving, healing, and resilience. Nature teaches us that there is a season for everything.
Earth, teach me to forget myself as melted snow forgets its life. Earth, teach me resignation as the leaves which die in the fall. Earth, teach me courage as the tree which stands all alone. Earth, teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring. William Alexander
This is an edited extract from - https:// transformativegrief.com/2019/04/29/lean-into-spring/ Jennifer Stern
Reflection on Spring and Legacy
With the arrival of spring, nature abounds with growth and new life. As the sun emerges, new buds and leaves appear on trees once again. Yet, in the winter of grief, the heaviness of the heart doesn’t always align with the feelings of renewal and hope that nature offers. How can we embrace new life when our entire being is shaken to the core, when we feel that a significant part of us is missing? Limbs cannot regrow. Spring brings mixed emotions for me. My brother François died on March 21st, the first day of spring in France, though it was autumn in Melbourne due to the reversed seasons. My brother Benoît died five days after the Autumn Equinox, on September 26th, and yet, here in Australia, the anniversary of that day marks the beginning of spring.
Themes of renewed life, growth, and hope have led me to reflect on finding meaning after loss. What remains of my siblings? Who will remember them when I’m gone?
Benoît died nearly 39 years ago at the age of 17. He didn’t have many friends, and none of them stayed in touch with us after his death. I’m not sure they remember him. My husband and children never met him. Now that François and my parents have passed away, who else can hold his memories but me? It is a heavy feeling to think that I’m the only one keeping Benoît alive in my heart. François’ legacy is easier to identify. He lived well into adulthood, had many friends, and was known by my family and friends. They still remember and talk about him, recalling his compassion, dedication to others, generosity, and caring nature, as well as his involvement in just causes and his efforts to help young refugees find a better life in France. I believe he made enough of an impact in their lives that I am not alone in remembering him.
While Benoît’s death led me to TCF and to helping bereaved individuals, it still feels as though something is missing. As I wrote this piece, I considered the legacy of things and how they relate to Benoît. Benoît had strong ties to our mother’s birth country, the Netherlands, having attended school there for a year. He discovered a Dutch game called sjoelbak. Sjoelen is played on a 2-metre-long flat smooth wooden board: players slide wooden pucks along the board, aiming to land as many
pucks as possible in one of four slots at the other end, earning points in the process. During one of our trips to visit grandparents in the Netherlands, Benoît convinced my parents to purchase one. He had done research and selected a tournament sjoelbak; my parents transported this long board on the roof rack of a small car during an 8-hour trip back to France. Sjoelen was enjoyed by the whole family, providing a convivial way to spend time together. We continued to play after Benoît died, with friends and family. During visits to France with my children, we would always bring out the game. There was no need for a common language; we knew how to play and cheer each other on.
When François died shortly after our parents, friends and family helped me clear the family home—a tremendously arduous and traumatising task while grieving both my parents and my brother and losing my entire life in France. I had to empty the house’s contents in less than a week and return the keys to a house that had been rented for 25 years. I didn’t have much space in my luggage to bring back family belongings. The sjoelbak was rescued by my Dutch cousin. A few months after my return home, around the time of Benoît’s anniversary in Australia’s spring, I received a surprise package. The board had been carefully wrapped by my cousin, but it arrived slightly damaged and warped. My husband and son promptly repaired it, and we began playing again. It became a healing salve for my wounds. The game continues to be played with family and friends, and my children’s friends. The story of how we obtained it is shared, linking my children and their friends who play with it to my brothers and our Dutch origins. It brings people together and continues to bring joy. That is a wonderful legacy.
Claire Kuhnell, bereaved sister of François and Benoît.
Letters to Loved Ones
My beautiful-hearted son, Michael
My heart of hearts
My only child
My beautiful Angel
You were the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life.
Those 18 years we had together were the best years of my life.
You brought so much love, laughter, joy and happiness to everyone who was lucky enough to meet you.
I hope you and your dad have been reunited in heaven.
I will always love you forever and ever my treasure.
I was so blessed to have you as my son.
I just wish you could have got to stay.
One day I will see you again my darling boy
I love you INFINITY
By
Michael James Rendall Love, your mum
Di Russell, Haiku poem from the Creative Writing workshop
A Healing Walk in Nature’s Chapel
White fluffy clouds floating in blue skies purple mountains a painted backdrop the bush is an altar cloth sunlit leaves shimmer as candlelight frosty dew crackles underfoot. These all give welcome along this forest path.
Incense is the smell of the bush timpani rustling in the breeze schlapping whitecaps on the lake distant surf drumming in big seas. This grand forest orchestra’s overture beginning a new day.
Birds of the air, bush, lake and sea crickets, beetles, cicadas too the bushland creatures in chorus with the ballet of the jumping fish join their verses all together. Voices all for me and you.
Dark storm clouds looming reflecting in the lake mirror all these images of my thoughts and then my ache. Echoes I must ponder on in Nature’s Chapel.
You are loved and missed by so many. Dance and go well ‘til we meet again my loved one.
Jo Knoll mum of Matt
31/3/1971 - 4/10/1998
Mallacoota is a small town near the Victorian/NSW border. It was always a special place for me as a child. Since then, our family has spent many happy holidays there. So many memories all together. We love Mallacoota. Being there in touch with nature is my spiritual place where I feel close to Matt.
When an adult sibling dies*
Your brother or sister has died. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Whether your sibling was younger or older, whether the death was sudden or anticipated, whether you were very close to your sibling throughout your lives or experienced periods of separation, you are now grieving.
To grieve is to experience thoughts and feelings of loss inside you. If you loved your sibling, you will grieve. To mourn is to express your grief outside of yourself. Over time and with the support of others, to mourn is to heal.
Consider your unique relationship
Brothers and sisters often have strong and ambivalent feelings for one another. Sibling relationships tend to be complex, characterized by a mixture of anger, jealousy, and a fierce closeness and love. What was your relationship with the sibling who died? I’ll bet it wasn’t entirely simple.
Sibling relationships are so complex because while we are growing up, siblings are both friends and enemies, teammates and competitors. We play with our siblings, and we fight with them. We share our parents’ love, and we compete for our parents’ love. We enjoy being part of a family, and we struggle to become individuals.
Sometimes we carry our childhood rivalries and differences into adulthood, and our ambivalent feelings toward our brothers and sisters remain. Sometimes we separate from our siblings completely as adults. And sometimes we become very close friends with our grown-up brothers and sisters.
Yet no matter what your present-day relationship with your sibling was, his or her death is a blow. You shared a long history with your sibling. Your stories began together and were intimately intertwined for years.
Know that sibling grief is important
The loss of an adult sibling is often a significant one. I have had the privilege of companioning many sibling mourners, and they have taught me that they often feel deep pain and a profound sense of loss.
Yet our culture tends to under-appreciate sibling grief. When an adult dies, the myth goes, it is the parents, spouse, and children of the person who died who suffer the greatest loss. We seem to think that siblings are affected less.
Yet the truth is, the more deeply you feel connected to someone, the more difficult his or her death will be for you. And siblings—even when they have not spent much time together as adults—often have profoundly strong attachments to one another.
Yes, your grief for your sibling is very real. And it may be very difficult for you. Allow yourself the time and the support you need to mourn.
[For the following topics, see the URL below to read more.]
• Accept different grief responses
• Honour the sibling who died
• Understand the concept of reconciliation
A final word
• Embrace the healing power of linking objects
• If you are a twin, seek extra support
To be “bereaved” literally means “to be torn apart” and “to have special needs.” When a sibling dies, it is like a deep hole implodes inside of you. It’s as if the hole penetrates you and leaves you gasping for air. I have always said that we mourn significant losses from the inside out. In my experience, it is only when we are nurtured (inside and outside) that we discover the courage to mourn openly and honestly.
Remember—you are not alone, and you are not forgotten. No, your love does not end with the death of your brother or sister. You can and will carry your sibling with you into the future, always remembering your past and what he or she brought to the dance of your life.
Alan D. Wolfelt
*From: https://tinyurl.com/2rxr8awx
We have this book in our library, and it is available for you to borrow for four weeks.
What is a Mental Health Treatment Plan?
Disclaimer: Grief can profoundly affect our mental health, often bringing deep sadness, anxiety, shock, and feelings of hopelessness. As per Hunter New England Local Health District document, Mental Health Treatment Plan for Grief, “Grief is a very personal experience and as long as you aren’t causing harm to yourself or others, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. For some people having the support of family and friends around them is enough to get them through their grief, while others may need support or counselling from a professional.”
Disclaimer 2: This document is intended solely for educational and informational purposes and does not constitute the provision of medical advice or professional services. Information in this document is sourced from what is considered reliable and accurate at the time of publication but may have been updated since. For further information about mental health treatment plans, visit: https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/ mental-health-treatment-plan.
If you are struggling with your mental health, you may benefit from a mental health treatment plan. A mental health treatment plan allows individuals to receive subsidised mental health care from a psychologist or accredited mental health social worker (AMHSW). Seeing a mental health professional may help you to feel more supported and more in control of your mental health.
To obtain a plan, you must see a doctor who will ask you questions about your mental health. If your doctor diagnoses you with a mental health condition and determines that you would benefit from a mental health treatment plan, they will fill in your plan and provide you with a referral to a mental health professional. You then contact the mental health professional to book your first appointment. You may have to wait to get an appointment.
Your doctor may require a longer appointment (double appointment) to complete your plan, so make sure you mention this when you book in to see your doctor.
Having a mental health treatment plan can help cover the cost of sessions with a mental health specialist, although there may be a gap fee. The plan includes up to 10 individual and 10 group sessions per calendar year subsidised through Medicare. The total coverage depends on the fees set by the health professional.
Your mental health treatment plan does not have an expiry date and you can start your treatment at any time. If you feel you need further support after you use all your 10 sessions, please consult with your doctor.
Melissiah Diabel (TCFV)
EMBRACING CONNECTION: The “Grieving Together” grief retreat
For those navigating the tumultuous journey of grief, finding solace and understanding can often feel like an insurmountable challenge. In recognition of this, we have long provided spaces for bereaved families to come together, share their experiences, and discover this new way of life, collectively. This year, TCFV is proud to announce the “Grieving Together” grief retreat, a weekend get-together, designed to offer support and connection to all who attend.
Held in partnership with the Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust (SMCT), this year’s retreat will take place from 18 October to 20 October 2024, at the serene Springvale Botanical Cemetery, The Centre of Care and Wellbeing. This location, known for its tranquil and reflective environment, provides an ideal backdrop for a weekend dedicated to nurturing the bereaved.
A Carefully Crafted Experience
The “Grieving Together” retreat offers a thoughtfully designed program that includes various activities aimed at supporting grief processing and promoting self-care. Starting on Friday evening, attendees will have the chance to connect with others over refreshments and nibbles, setting the stage for a weekend of meaningful interactions.
Saturday promises a full day of engaging sessions, including workshops focused on sharing grief experiences and learning new self-care techniques. These sessions are interspersed with breaks for morning tea, lunch, and afternoon tea, ensuring that participants have ample time to rest and reflect. The day concludes with a communal sit-down dinner, further fostering a sense of community and support.
On Sunday, the retreat continues with additional workshops and self-care activities, culminating in an afternoon tea that provides an opportunity for reflection and remembrance. This carefully structured itinerary ensures that attendees leave the retreat with a deeper understanding of their grief and a renewed sense of connection.
Adapting to Rising Costs
In recent years, TCFV has faced the challenge of rising costs associated with organising large gatherings from the venues themselves and resourcing the
weekend. This has necessitated a need to look for aligned partnerships and this partnership with SMCT, an organization equally committed to supporting families through their grief, is a very special one. This collaboration not only makes the retreat financially feasible but also enhances the experience by leveraging SMCT’s resources and expertise.
Accommodations and Registration
To accommodate attendees, TCFV is developing partnerships with nearby hotels should members wish to extend their attendance to overnight. Efforts are underway to secure special offers for members, ensuring that the retreat remains accessible to all who wish to attend.
The registration deadline for the retreat is Friday, 27 September 2024. Prospective attendees are encouraged to register early to secure their spots and select their preferred workshops.
A Community of Support
The “Grieving Together” retreat stands as a testament to the enduring commitment of TCFV to provide support and healing for bereaved families. By creating a space where individuals can share their experiences, learn new coping strategies, and build connections, TCFV continues to fulfill its mission of fostering a compassionate community for all who grieve.
Program Cost and Overview
Day registration includes all Workshops and Self-Care activities, lunch, morning and afternoon teas on the day.
$280 Friday night canapes and drinks, Saturday registration and dinner, and Sunday registration
$240 Saturday registration with dinner, and Sunday registration
$150 Saturday and Sunday registration only
$80 Saturday registration only
$70 Sunday registration only
$95 Saturday evening dinner
SATURDAY 19 OCTOBER
Workshop One 10.45 - 12.15
1SW1 Grief and feelings of isolation
- Exploring the impact of isolation on our grief
1SW2 Call of the Dreaming
- Presented by proud Bunurong and Palawa woman Jillian West, this session explores the cycle of birth, life, and death on Traditional Bunurong Land. An opportunity to participate in a Traditional Bunurong Healing Ceremony will be included.
1SW3 Loss of a young child
- Navigating the heartbreak. Practical strategies and emotional support for parents coping with the loss of a young child.
1SW4 Seated yoga
- Connect to your breath and body, through this gentle yoga workshop. Designed to cater for all abilities, you will learn how to do yoga from a seated position. No prior yoga experience is required.
1SW5 Floral arrangements
- Learn the art of creating beautiful floral arrangements – flowers provided.
Workshop Two 1.15 - 2.45
2SW6 Exploring sibling grief
- For anyone to better understand surviving siblings.
2SW7 Judgmental attitudes
- When a cause of death is hard to talk about. Panel session with Q & A.
2SW8 Spirituality
- The bond with your loved one does not end with their death.
2SW9 Partners can grieve differently
- Respecting differences, finding harmony in separateness.
2SW10 Yoga Nidra guided meditation
- Yoga Nidra is an effortless and nourishing yoga practice that involves no physical movement. It is a lying down guided meditation that helps to create a state of calm, ease, and relaxation. No prior yoga or meditation experience needed.
Workshop Three 3.30 - 5.00
3SW11 LGBQTI+
- Participants will learn about the relational aspects of grief, the impact of complex interpersonal relationships, and how to navigate and share their grief with trusted individuals. Through this session, we aim to provide a safe space for understanding and supporting the diverse grief experiences within the LGBTQIA+ community.
3SW12 Grief of the newly bereaved (up to 2 years)
- To help ease feelings of bewilderment and isolation.
3SW13 Is my grief normal?
- Understand the differences between healthy grieving and Complicated Grief. Explore things you can do to encourage grief integration and when to seek further support.
3SW14 Social walk
- A gentle walk through the beautiful gardens of the botanical cemetery.
3SW15 Singalong
- Come together to enjoy music and have fun. All welcome, music and song sheets provided.
SUNDAY 20 OCTOBER
Workshop Four 9.00 - 10.30
4SW16 The grief of suicide
– The session will explore the special and commonly experienced reactions that can complicate our grief. The session will provide a safe place to share, develop connections and connect to local supports.
4SW17 Legacies
- Creating a legacy to honour your loved one.
4SW18 Spirituality
- The bond with your loved one does not end with their death.
4SW19 Art therapy
- Represent your grief through art.
4SW20 Qigong
- Mindfully align your breath and movement to restore health and vitality through the practice of Qigong.
Workshop Five 11.15 - 12.45
5SW21 Photography
- Capturing memories through photography. Learn how to use your mobile phone camera to capture beautiful photographs. The session will include tips and tricks to using your mobile phone camera, including a range of basic skills to help you to take photographs. These skills can be applied to creating digital memories of significant places, people and objects that can be treasured forever.
5SW22 Vibration healing
- Wellbeing Sound Bowl Meditation After Loss - This beautiful calming session combines relaxing sound vibrations and guided meditation, including visualisation and breath, to invoke a state of deep relaxation, reduce stress and enhance self-care. BYO blanket.
5SW23 Carer support/bereaved carers and pre-emptive grief
- Recognising the energy that goes into caring for our special people, acknowledging that once death occurs, every aspect of life will change. Explore anticipatory grief and self-care strategies.
5SW24 Men’s Space
- Men may grieve differently. An opportunity to learn and connect.
5SW25 Card Making
- Make some beautiful cards in honour of your loved ones.
Group Leaders Retreat
Illuminate 46 Event and Run Melbourne Wrap-Up
This year, we celebrated the 46th anniversary of The Compassionate Friends Victoria (TCFV) with an inaugural Illuminate get together. It was a truly special occasion, marking nearly half a century of lighting the way for grieving families.
The event saw our first-ever gathering of forty industry guests who joined us to celebrate and build on our invaluable partnerships. Additionally, eighty-five families came together to share in this momentous occasion. We are thrilled to announce that we raised over $20,000! A heartfelt thank you to everyone who attended and our event sponsors— Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust (SMCT), Le Pine Funerals, White Lady Funerals—and the Lord Mayor’s Charitable Foundation for their generous support.
We look forward to hosting Illuminate 47 on Friday, June 13, 2025 – Save the Date!
In conjunction with our anniversary celebration, TCFV also participated in Run Melbourne. This year, our team raised an impressive $5,453.60. We are incredibly proud of our participants, whose dedication and spirit truly shone through as they walked and ran, flying the TCFV flag for all to see. A special shout-out to the following individuals who took part:
Millicent Moschetti
Brad Holt
Benji Recto
Aly Nguyen
Albert Tran
Christine Kerr
John Brown
Edith Bryant
Kevin Purvis
Jenny Purvis
Elaine Bal
Alicia Diaz
Mr Diaz
Hayden Brooks
Leila Maddela
Robyn Cox-Livingstone
Peter Cox-Livingstone
Andja Markovic
Darko Markovic
Thank you to everyone who participated and supported these events. Your efforts and contributions help us continue our mission to support and connect bereaved families.
Alex Hamilton
TCFV CEO & Bereaved Mother of River (4 months)
Running for Clara
On October 13th I’ll be racing my first half marathon at the Nike Melbourne Marathon Festival. I’ll be running in memory of my sister Clara, as she’ll never be able to run a half, full or any race for that matter. I’ve got two legs that move and a beating heart, so I’ll be giving this my best shot.
There’s the saying that “time heals all wounds”, but grief doesn’t abide to cliches. Every day without Clara hurts that little bit more, as it’s more moments, more memories that we’ll never get to share with each other. We never got the chance to grow up together, to navigate life side by side, to be a family.
And that’s why I’ll be running. Long distance was never my forte, in fact until this year I’d never run further than 5km. But even though training through these Melbourne winter mornings isn’t going to be all fun and games, and neither will running 21.1km, nothing will ever hurt more than losing my big sister.
All donations raised are going to The Compassionate Friends Victoria (TCFV), for their work supporting bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. Since moving to Australia in 2001, TCFV have been an integral part of my family’s life. The support network and community the organisation has provided us has truly been a lifeline.
Grief: the loss of a child, sibling or grandchild, isn’t something people really understand until they have experienced it themselves. Through TCFV, we’ve met some incredible people along the way, people who just get it. No explanations needed about why some days just hit harder and when the pain comes out of nowhere.
Clara, I was always the nightmare to your daydream, the chaos to your peace. For three and half years you were my idol. All I wanted was to follow you around and do everything you did (even ballet lessons, which I got kicked out off)! Twenty-four years later, I hope this one can make you proud.
For more information or to donate please see https://melbmara2024.grassrootz.com/thecompassionate-friends-victoria/running-for-clara
Annabelle Sim
Bereaved Sister of Clara
Strategies to help cope with Grief
beneficial in helping cope with their huge grief.
Below is the strategies identified. As we discussed, some strategies worked for some, while other strategies worked for others. It is very individual what works for each of us.
Strategies
1. Physical exercise (e.g. gym or walking “I get a break from thinking when I walk; I exhaust myself”)
2. Meditation/breathing – a focussed yet relaxing activity
3. Think of things I do have (when I’m feeling low) (Thinking of the things it’s worth keeping going for)
4. Plan my day / set up a routine (“Being unplanned leaves me more vulnerable to unproductive thought”)
5. Using humour/finding a laugh
6. Shared experiences/talking about my child or sibling or grandchild (e.g. support groups, phone support)
7. Carrying a small book of photos – my child is with me/I take my child with me
8. Photos in the home (saying “hello” and “goodnight” to my child, I talk with my child)
9. Working occupies the mind (stop thinking about what ifs!!)
10. Going out with sympathetic friends (a friend said give me a call anytime; that was very helpful to hear)
11. Reading (I disappear into a book)
12. Journals (helps me reflect back / make sense of my experiences / get the angst out of my system)
13. Facebook discussion group – another form of writing & discussing
14. Trying not to be alone too much
15. Burning oils/candles
16. Meditation (Buddhist) – “Accessing” child in dreams
17. Receptiveness to signs
Taken from the Resources section on the TCFV website www.tcfv.org.au
Recently donated books
Thank you so much to those who have improved our library collection by donating books that they’ve found helpful.
From Mark and Lorraine Bransby, in memory of Elliot Bransby: “Forget-me-not-poems: a collection of poetry honouring our children gone too soon.”
From Janice Bulbul, in memory of Saarah, her daughter: “The space between the stars” by Indira Naidoo and “The grief handbook: a guide through the worst days of your life” by Bridget McNulty.
From Berni Lowden, in memory of her daughter, Breanna: “Beyond reason: lessons from the loss of a gifted child” by Gregg Korbon and “Still standing: a mother’s raw journey from the shadows of loss to the dawning of hope” by Denny Meek.
From Kathy Leek, in memory of her daughter Tayla: “Always by my side” by Kathy Leek.
What we’re reading …
Spirituality, self-help, classic
Stories of resilience from inspirational women
Messages of hope and healing from the
other side
Here’s (most of) what people brought to the Book Club in June.
The science of belief, opinion and persuasion
A dark comedy about living your best life
Identifying and healing from narcissistic people
We welcome everyone to come along - new people really add some zest to the morning, so we warmly invite you to give it a crack. We have brunch (or just a coffee) and leave feeling strengthened and soothed by the company and setting.
Note that starting in October 2024, we are moving to a new format and Book Club will become Culture Club, see flyer below. This was trialled at the recent Group Leaders Retreat in June to much success. Culture Club will meet bi-monthly on the second Saturday of the Month starting in 2025 on, 8 February, 12 April, 14 June, 9 August, 11 October.
Welcome to the “Compassionate Connections” Magazine Subscription
At TCFV, we understand the importance of finding support and comfort during times of grief.
Our magazine offers a compassionate approach to navigating the challenging journey of loss, providing practical advice, comforting stories, and insights to help individuals cope and heal.
The perfect magazine for your waiting room!
Subscription Benefits:
Comprehensive Support: Each issue is carefully crafted by our team of experts to provide comprehensive support for individuals and families dealing with grief.
Practical Advice: Our magazine offers practical tips and guidance to help readers navigate the grieving process and find healing.
Comforting Stories: Through personal stories of loss and resilience, Compassionate Connections provides comfort and reassurance to those who are grieving.
Community Connection: By sharing experiences and insights, our magazine fosters a sense of community and understanding among readers.
Subscription Details:
Frequency: Receive 4 issues per year (1 magazine delivered every 3 months)
Cost: The subscription cost is $99 for 4 magazines, with each issue delivered directly to your doorstep.
Additional Magazines: Need more copies for your waiting room, office, or to share with friends and family? Extra magazines can be ordered for just $15 each.
By subscribing, you not only gain access to valuable resources for yourself or your organisation but also support our mission of providing compassionate care to individuals and families in need.
Every subscription helps us reach more people with our grief support services and contribute to building a supportive community.
If you would like extra copies per order, please email JaneM@tcfv.org.au.
NOTICE OF ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING
Dear Members,
You are cordially invited to attend the Annual General Meeting (AGM) of The Compassionate Friends Victoria.
Date: Sunday, 6 October 2024
Time: 2:00 PM
Venue: 229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury
This is an important occasion for us to review the past year, discuss our future plans, elect Board Members and recognise our 2024 Rhys Harmer Volunteer Award Winners. Your participation and input are highly valued as we continue to support and strengthen our community.
Agenda:
1. Welcome and Introduction
2. Apologies
3. Minutes of the Previous AGM
4. CEO Report
5. President’s Report
6. Treasurer’s Report
7. Elections
8. Rhys Harmer Award Winners
9. General Business
10. Close of Meeting
Afternoon tea will be provided after the meeting. We look forward to your attendance and contributions.
Kind regards, Alex
Please register here:
The Compassionate Friends Victoria is part of a worldwide organisation, which was founded in England in 1969 and established in Victoria in 1978. It is a mutual assistance, self-help organisation offering friendship and understanding to families following the death of a child, sibling, or grandchild of any age and from any cause. The primary purpose is to assist them in the rebuilding of their lives after the death of their child, sibling, or grandchild and to support their efforts to achieve emotional and mental health.
TCFV Staff
CEO: Alex Hamilton
Administration Account Officer: Paul Gadsden
Centre Coordinator: Jenny Galati
Groups Coordinator: Andrew McNess
Community Education & Communications Coordinator: Jane Moschetti
IT: Jesse Bendel
Centre & Project Coordinator: Di Russell
Branding & Design Coordinator: Louise Rees
Casual: Sue Brown
Board
President: Kevin Purvis
Vice President: Amanda Bond
Secretary: Claire Kuhnell
Treasurer: Vincent Wai
Sibling Rep: Harriet Clegg
Board Member: Bruce Houghton
Board Member: Sonia Aberl
Board Member: Ann Smith
Regional Member: Robyn Reeve
The Compassionate Friends
Victoria Patron: Rhonda Galbally AC
TCFV Membership
The annual membership fee is $65, which plays a significant role in helping us provide essential services. Your contribution supports our 24-hour grief support services, over 30 support groups, our center, training programs, educational materials, and more. This small $10 increase from previous years helps us meet the rising costs we face as a charity.
Additionally, your $65 membership also allows you to receive our magazine in a hard copy, should you choose.
Please note that memberships renew every year on July 1st. We are also pleased to bring back our “Pay It Forward” option for members who wish to gift a year’s membership to someone who might not otherwise be able to afford it. Our “Keep in Touch” ($33 per annum) option is also available for bereaved families who still want to maintain a connection and support the services we provide for other families.
Thank you for your ongoing support. Together, we can continue to provide the compassionate care and resources that make a difference in so many lives.
24-hour grief support – available on 03 9888 4944 / 1300 064 068
Bereaved drop-in Centre, Hours 9.30am – 4.30pm Monday to Friday
Disclaimer: Unless expressly stated, the views expressed in articles, poetry etc. in this magazine are not necessarily the views of TCFV Board, Staff or the editorial team. The editor reserves the right to edit any contribution. Permission is given to Editors & Chapter Leaders of The Compassionate Friends to reprint material from the magazine. We request that credit be given to the author & their TCF Chapter.
TCFV SUPPORT GROUPS & SOCIAL SUPPORT GROUPS
Support Group Meetings provide bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents (18+ years) the opportunity to meet in a safe environment with others who have “been there”, who understand and care. Group attendees report that meetings are an essential part of their “learning to live again” journey.
Social Support Group Meetings are similarly led by group leaders. They are a lovely social opportunity for bereaved people, often held at a cafe. Discussion is more general, although can sometimes centre on griefrelated issues. If you are needing more substantial time to explore your grief-related issues (and this can particularly be the case when you’re newer in your grief), we recommend a formal support group.
A minority of groups require registration to attend.
Please notify our telephone support-line of your intention to attend the next meeting of one of the following groups: Hawthorn East Social Group / Box Hill Social Group / Canterbury Evening Support Group
Please register to attend an upcoming session of one of these groups: Culture Club / Walking Through Grief / Express Yourself Through Art at TCFV CENTRE / Online Support Group / Online Support for Regional Suicide -Bereaved / Online Express Yourself Through Art.
I have baby-sitting problems. Would it be alright to bring my child with me?
While we understand the difficulties of finding childcare, we must ask that out of respect for the needs of others, you do not bring children (under 18 years of age) to meetings.
Someone in my household has COVID-19, but I don’t. Can I still attend a meeting?
Meetings, by design, have people sitting in close proximity to one another. If someone in your household has COVID-19, we would prefer that you not attend a face-to-face meeting in that month. Please be aware that, in its place, you could have a one-on-one peer support session (see: www.tcfv.org.au/one-on-one) and/or attend an online support group (for upcoming sessions visit www.tcfv.org.au/events).
Bereavement support for under-18s.
While TCFV’s services are for individuals 18 years and above, there are a number of other organisations that provide under-18 services, such as Grief Australia, Headspace and Jesuit Social Services. A listing of these services can be found at: www.tcfv.org.au/under-18s
REGIONAL CONTACTS
We have TCFV volunteers in the townships / regional cities listed below who have some availability for a peer support phone chat or coffee catch-up:
Bairnsdale - Elvie Ballarat - Robyn
Camperdown - Judi Castlemaine - Matthew Horsham - Ronda Melton - Deb Wodonga - Lynne
Please enquire on 1300 064 068
SUPPORT GROUP
Bayside
Which day in the month is the meeting held?
4th Wednesday 7pm-9pm (Jan-Nov)
Bendigo 4th Tuesday 1:30pm (Jan-Nov)
Canterbury Daytime
4th Wednesday 11am (3rd Wed in Dec)
Canterbury Evening 2nd Tuesday 7:30pm (Feb-Dec)
Attending a meeting requires registration. Please call 03 9888 4944.
Canterbury Siblings 3rd Tuesday 7.45pm
Canterbury Suicide-bereaved 4th Monday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)
Where is meeting held?
Highett Neighbourhood Community House, 2 Livingston St, Highett
Long Gully Community Centre, 23-29 Havilah Rd, Long Gully
TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury
TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury
TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury
TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury Eltham 1st Thursday 11am (Feb-Dec) Eltham Library Community Room, Panther Place, Eltham
Geelong Last Tuesday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)
Menspace 3rd Wednesday 7pm – 9pm (Feb-Dec)
Noble Street Uniting Church, 26-42 Saffron St, Newtown
TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury Mildura 2nd Saturday 11am (Feb-Dec)
Portland 3rd Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Dec)
MADEC Community College, 133-137 Madden Ave, Mildura
Star Theatre, 40 Julia St, Portland Rowville 1st Friday 1pm (Feb-Dec)
Sunshine 3rd Tuesday 7:30pm (Feb-Dec)
Sunshine Bereaved Through Suicide 1st Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Dec)
Bridgewater Centre, cnr Fulham Rd & Bridgewater Rd, Rowville
Salvation Army Drop-In Centre, 42 Devonshire Rd, Sunshine
Salvation Army Drop-In Centre, 42 Devonshire Rd, Sunshine Warragul Last Wednesday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)
Warragul Community House, 138 Normanby St, Warragul Warrnambool 1st Wednesday 7:15pm (Feb-Dec)
ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP
Which day in the month is the meeting held?
Regional Suicide-bereaved (Online) 3rd Thur bimonthly 7pm (Feb, Apr, Jun, Aug, Oct, Dec)
Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events
Bereavement Support Group (Bereaved through any means) (Online) 1st Tuesday monthly 7:30pm (Feb-Dec)
SOCIAL GROUP
Box Hill
Croydon
Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events
Which day in the month is the meeting held?
2nd Thursday 7pm (Jan-Nov) Bookings are essential. Please call 03 9888 4944.
3rd Wednesday 10:30am (Feb-Dec)
Note: December 2023 meeting will be held on 2nd Wednesday (13th Dec)
Geelong 2nd Tuesday 10am (Feb- Dec)
Archie Graham Community Centre, Room CP1, 118 Timor St, Warrnambool
Where is meeting held?
Held via Zoom.
Held via Zoom.
Where is meeting held?
Box Hill RSL, 26-28 Nelson Rd, Box Hill
The Rumour Mill, 22 McAdam Square, Croydon
Brioche Café, 175 West Fyans St, Newtown Hawthorn East 4th Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Nov) Bookings are essential. Please call 03 9888 4944.
Southern Peninsula
ART THERAPY GROUP
Express Yourself Through Art at TCFV Centre
Online Express Yourself Through Art
LIGHT EXERCISE GROUP
Walking Through Grief
READING GROUP
Culture Club (formerly “Book Club”)
INTERSTATE GROUP
1st Tuesday 12 noon (Feb-Dec)
Which day in the month is the meeting held?
3rd Monday of the month 7:30pm (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events
Café Paradiso, 213-215 Camberwell Rd, Hawthorn East
Contact 1300 064 068 for details
Where is meeting held?
TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury
1st Thursday of the month at 1.30pm (Feb-Nov) Held via Zoom. To register, please visit: www.tcfv.org.au/events
Which day in the month is the meeting held? Where is meeting held?
1st Friday 9am-10am (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events
TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury
Which day in the month is the meeting held? Where is meeting held?
Saturday 12 October 2024
Then, held bimonthly in 2025: Feb, Apr, Jun, Aug, Oct
Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events
Four Beans Café, 22 High St, Northcote
Which day in the month is the meeting held? Where is meeting held?
Darwin Last Wednesday 7:00pm (Jan-Nov) Contact Group Leader (Ingrid) on Ph 1300 064 068 / darwin@tcfv.org.au
MLA Office (Member for Legislative Assembly), Shop 15A, Oasis Shopping Centre, 15 Temple Terrace, Palmerston, NT, 0830.
Please note: Bereavement Peer Support in Hobart
Bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents in Hobart meet informally at a café setting on a regular basis (often a weekend afternoon). For more information on this non-TCFV support network, including dates and times, please contact our telephone support line on 1300-064-068.
Thank you Supporters
Agnes Tan
Avery Poole
Bendigo Community Bank – Inner East (Ashburton, Balwyn, Canterbury, Surrey Hills)
Bradley Family
Bryn Humphreys
Bunnings Box Hill
Bendel Family
Brunswick United Masonic Lodge
Charles Tegner
Cheryl Lardner
City of Boroondara
Coates Family
Country Women’s Association of Victoria
Dorothy Ford
Eastern Press
Emily’s Wish Foundation
Galati Family
Geelong Cemeteries Trust
Guardian Plan
Harmer Family
Ian Zadow
James Marcon Foundation
Jennifer O’Reilly
John Brown
Judith Theobald
Justice Connect
Karen Philippzig
Kerilee Bolto
Kidsafe Victoria
ACT & Queanbeyan
New South Wales
Queensland
South Australia
Darwin
Le Pine Funerals
Legalite
Life Time Trophies
Lord Mayor’s Charitable Foundation
Louisa Ong
Marken Hosting
Meet Me In The Middle Cafe
Michael & Maureen Cawley
Mindfull Aus
Mirella Marcon
Nunan Family
Pam & Max Williams
PivotLife
Robyn Arya
Scotsglen Singers Inc
Shelia Schutz
Sim Family
SM Creative
Strickland Family
Sue Binzer
The Pethard Tarax Charitable Trust
The Retreat at Mount Cathedral –Kerilee & Nic Bolton
Tobin Brothers
Trembath Family
Tripleconnect
Yarra Ranges Council
Yvonne Sharpe
Wall, Theresa, Shane & Family
TCF AUSTRALIA
National Number 1300 064 068
TCF Mandurah 0419 137 818
02 9290 2355 Suite 602, 109 Pitt Street, Sydney, NSW 2000
07 3540 9949 505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm 4005 0456 820 133
darwin@tcfv.org.au
08 9535 7761 Mandurah Lottery House - 7 Anzac Place, Mandurah 6210
TCF on the internet - United Kingdom www.tcf.og.uk – New Zealand (email) tcf.otago@xtra.co.nz USA www.compassionatefriends.org – SA www.compassionatefriends.co.za – Canada www.tcfcanada.net/
The Compassionate Friends Victoria
229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury VIC 3126 PO Box 171 Canterbury, Vic. 3126
Support Phone: (03) 9888 4944 Administration Phone: (03) 9888 4034
Email: support@tcfv.org.au Web: www.tcfv.org.au