TCFV Magazine April May

Grieve

The opportunity to mourn the deaths of our children/siblings/grandchildren - and examine our often-difficult and confusing “new normal” - in safe, non-judging environments.

Heal

Through our grief work, we move towards reaching an improved place of mental, physical, and emotional functioning.

Grow

While grief remains a part of our lives, we gradually identify new meaning, insight and joy in our daily living and relationships. We take the legacy of loved ones lost confidently into the future with us.

The Compassionate Friends Victoria is part of worldwide organisation, which was founded in England in 1969 and established in Victoria in 1978. It is a mutual assistance, self-help organisation offering friendship and understanding to families following the death of a child, sibling or grandchild of any age and from any cause. The primary purpose is to assist them in the rebuilding of their lives after death of their child, sibling or grandchild and to support their efforts to achieve emotional and mental health.

TCFV Staff

Alex Hamilton - CEO

Administration Accounts Officer: Paul Gadsden

Centre Coordinator: Jenny Galati

Groups Coordinator: Andrew McNess

Community Education and Communications

Coordinator: Jane Moschetti

IT: Jesse Bendel

Centre & Project Coordinator: Di Russell

Branding and Design Coordinator: Louise Rees

Casual: Sue Brown

Board

President: Kevin Purvis

Vice President: Amanda Bond

Secretary: Claire Kuhnell

Treasurer: Vincent Wai

Sibling Rep: Harriet Clegg

Board Member: Bruce Houghton

Board Member: Sonia Aberl

Regional Member: Robyn Reeve

The Compassionate Friends Victoria

Patron: Rhonda Galbally AC

TCFV Membership

Being a member of The Compassionate Friends

Victoria (TCFV) enables you to access many vital support services and attend social activities whilst demonstrating your support for a society that is aware and understands the impact of grief and bereavement following the death of a child, sibling or grandchild.

TCFV Membership is now open to both the bereaved and non-bereaved. Following an initial complimentary membership period, bereaved members have the option to remain.

• Full Member ($55 pa incl GST) or

• Limited Keep In Touch Membership ($22 pa incl GST). Associate membership is open to any non-bereaved individual or organisation who knows about our important work and wants to show their support in a meaningful way.

The non-bereaved membership levels include

• Associate Individual ($55 pa incl GST) or

• Associate Organisation ($110 pa incl GST).

The full details about all our different membership levels and their benefits can be found in the new Membership section of our website https://www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au/ being-a-member-of-tcfv/.

If you have any questions about TCFV membership, please call our office on 03 9888 4034.

Front Cover: Photo taken at the Walk 2 Remember held on Sunday 25 February 2024

24 HOUR Grief Support– Available on Telephone 03 9888 4944 / 1300 064 068

Bereaved Drop In Centre Hours 9.30am - 4.30pm Monday to Friday

NOTICE BOARD

Contributions to the next magazine

Articles, poetry, artwork and stories about your child, sibling or grandchild are always required for every edition.

you

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If you would like to contribute to an upcoming magazine, please send to Jane via mail to: The Editor, TCFV, PO Box 171, Canterbury, Vic, 3126 or email to editor@tcfv.org.au

Deadline for the June/July magazine is 1 May 2024

Dear Friends

Welcome to the April-May edition of Grieve Heal Grow. The start of 2024 has been very busy here at TCFV!

Our recent Open Days were a heartwarming success, filled with meaningful connections and promising collaborations with fellow bereavement organisations. It’s been a wonderful opportunity to expand our network and deepen our collective impact. Thank you to all those newly bereaved members who took the step to check out the Centre and meet others who are on the same journey.

On Sunday 25 February, Melbourne graced us with perfect weather for our Walk 2 Remember event. If you haven’t already, please see the photos on page 19 and take a look at the captured moments of a day where we come together to honour and remember our loved ones.

The TCFV calendar is brimming with events over the next few months. Check out the Centre News on pages 6 & 7 for a glimpse into what’s in store. And mark your calendars for our special Illuminate 46 Cocktail evening in June, an enchanting celebration marking the 46th anniversary of TCFV. Further details can be found on page 18.

Of course, May brings Mother’s Day, which can be a sad and difficult day for many of us. Personally, I usually go out with the family the weekend before and on the day itself, we stay home, spend time together remembering our beautiful Joseph. Please see pages 26 & 27 for some ideas that may help get through not only this day but other difficult occasions.

This edition features colour pages in the middle of the magazine. And if you’re receiving this via email, it’s always in full colour! If you prefer to switch from a print copy to an email version, simply let me know.

As always, I warmly welcome your contributionswhether it’s articles, poems, artwork, book reviews or anything else close to your heart. Reach out to me at janem@tcfv.org.au to share your thoughts and creations.

Until next time, may love and peace fill your days.

Jane Moschetti Bereaved Mother of Joseph

TCFV President’s Reflections – A Tale of Two Hammers

I have noticed, when reading TCF material, that there is a certain style of lovely imagery that is often used. Among these images are butterflies, candles, angels, dragonflies, flowers, sunsets, rainbows –usually portrayed with colours from the “soft pastel” end of the colour spectrum. They add a comforting, peaceful set of thoughts to material that is sometimes uncomfortable and disturbing. Such is the nature of the work we do as we serve in the grief and bereavement environment. Finding and offering comfort is an important part of what we do.

It has struck me that among these many beautiful images, there are not many that have their origins in what might be described as a more masculine setting. These days, of course, we are very careful about stereotyping masculine and feminine roles and images. We have a strong awareness that many of us appreciate a wide range of such roles and images. There is beauty and comfort to be found in many places and commonly, they are found in the eye of the beholder.

This tale of two hammers is using imagery that has traditionally belonged in a ‘blokes’ world’. Hammers were often seen as tools found in the men’s shed. Again, the stereotype needs to be avoided with the acknowledgement that many women are proficient with a hammer!

The first hammer in this tale belonged to William Wall. Many of you will be aware of the exhibition of William’s photography that has recently been held at The Gold Street Studios in Trentham East. William was a talented young photographer, following in the footsteps of his grandmother Ellie Young, who curated with Teresa Wall (William’s mother), the recent exhibition. William died by suicide on 22 September 2020, aged 14 years. Ellie had recognised his eye for photography and given him a good camera. The photographs in the exhibition were images taken by William. Ellie hand printed, framed and mounted the exhibition of these stunning photographs in honour of her grandson, as a tribute to his talent.

My wife Jenny and I knew about the exhibition from the TCFV advertising and were very glad to be able to attend recently, on the last day of the event. Immediately as we walked into the lovely exhibition space in Trentham East and saw the photographs, we both knew we would buy a print to display at home. The image that leapt off the wall at us was of a hammer, lying on a work bench, shot from behind the handle, looking towards the head. It is a simple and profoundly beautiful image.

In talking with Ellie and her husband Alan, William’s grandfather, we gleaned the story of the hammer. It has passed through four generations of the Young and Wall family, initially as a gift Alan had given to his father, using the first disposable income he had earned as a young teenager. It then passed through the men in the family, great grandfather to grandfather, to son in law and then to William.

In our family we also have a special hammer. It belonged to our son Stephen, who died by suicide on 24 April 2001, aged 15 years. A significant project in our family had been the construction of a house, as owner builders, in a little town called Mia Mia, just outside Kyneton. When we were setting ourselves up with tools for this job, Stephen was very excited because he loved to build things. Being an amateur bush carpenter was an interest we both inherited from his grandfather, Ivan. Among the tools we bought that day at a well-known hardware outlet was an Estwing hammer, chosen by Steve when I said he could pick a hammer for himself. It is a tradie quality hammer, leather handgrip, built to last and much better than the hammer I bought for myself!

He and I spent many hours together up at “the block”, working on our 3-year building project that only took 9 years to complete. Where was the other Kevin and Grand Designs back then? One of the symptoms of the mental health issues Stephen struggled with was school refusal, so we often used Mia Mia as a place of comfort and refuge. His hammer helped build our house and many other projects, some of which are in our home now. Grandfather clocks made from recycled fence palings were his signature constructions, which his grandmother and sisters still happily have in their homes. Stephen died not far from the house at Mia Mia, perhaps still seeking refuge in his dark moments.

His hammer became a very precious item for us. Like many of us bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings, we have a collection of items that are precious reminders of our loved ones. Ours mostly reside in a wooden trunk in our lounge room, which gets opened occasionally, but is always present for us.

A couple of years ago, our then 11-year-old granddaughter, Autumn, was enjoying a burst of restoration activity. She would find old tools or pieces of equipment on hard rubbish or in op shops or at their local ‘tip shop’. Rust removal, paint stripping, shining and polishing these items became her hobby. She was aware of “Uncle Steve’s” hammer, the uncle she had never met but knew a lot about, and asked if she could restore it. A few months later, it came back, a gleaming,

shiny shaft and head, with a beautifully oiled and renewed leather handle. The emotions we all felt around this hammer were so powerful.

William’s photograph of his great grandfather’s hammer (on the left, above) impacted us with immense resonance. It was such a moment of connection, both into his story and into our own story. Two teenage boys and their hammers, both creating beautiful things, both struggling with the challenges of life that ultimately overwhelmed them. Through the tears and despair, we try to hold onto these lovely images, these reminders of our wonderful, creative boys. Thank you, William and Stephen, unknown to each other but nailed together in the tale of two hammers.

TCFV President and Bereaved Father of Stephen.

(See pages 14 and 15 for more on William Wall)

Kevin Purvis

William Wall’s Photograph

Stephen Purvis’s Hammer

Ellie Young with Jenny & Kevin Purvis

News from the Centre Social Media News

On 6 February, we hit a monumental milestone: 10,000 incredible followers on our TCFV Facebook page! It’s a moment filled with gratitude that we just had to share.

If you’re not already part of the amazing Facebook community, why not join us? We’re constantly sharing uplifting articles, heartfelt poems, and all things related to navigating grief. Plus, we keep you in the loop with the latest news and events happening at the Centre.

There is also a whole family of platforms waiting for you to connect with us. From our exclusive sibling-only private Facebook page to our Instagram accounts for both TCFV and TCFV Siblings, and even our new Threads account, there’s something for everyone.

Every single like, comment, and share you give us isn’t just a click, it’s a beacon of hope. It helps spread the word about TCFV to those who may be searching for support but haven’t found us yet. Together, we can extend our arms of compassion to those who need it most. Thank you for being a part of our journey.

New Staff Member –

Louise Rees – Branding and Design Coordinator

Louise became a member of TCFV in 2019, after the death of her 24-year-old son, Nathan to suicide. Turning to TCFV in her time of need, she sought connection and understanding amidst her pain. Finding a lifeline in TCFV, Louise discovered a community that embraced her with empathy and warmth. Through shared experiences and compassionate support, she found a sense of belonging and purpose and in October 2022, she began volunteering with TCFV, supporting Jane with social media content and creation.

Louise was able to utilise her knowledge and experience with creative programs, such as Canva and Illustrator, to help raise awareness of TCFV within the community.

Louise has now commenced a new chapter with TCFV, transitioning into a part time staff role, taking over responsibility for the TCFV Instagram and Threads accounts, continuing to help with the Facebook page, as well as other creative duties. Louise will also continue to help in a volunteer capacity.

She and her husband, Cameron, have two other children, Christian (27) and Mikaela (24).

Calendar of Upcoming Events

Illuminate 46

SAVE THE DATE: Friday, 14 June 2024

Honouring 46 years of TCFV lighting the way through the dark for bereaved families. Tickets will be on sale soon for this beautiful evening event.

Please see page 19 for more information

CALENDAR

OF UPCOMING EVENTS

Topics Around Grief: Death of a young child

Long Time Bereaved morning tea

Bereaved Grandparents morning tea

Self-Care: Meditation

Topics Around Grief: Grandparent grief

Self-Care: Creative writing workshop

Topics Around Grief: Death of an only child

Illuminate 46

Gathering

Service

Worldwide Candle Lighting Service

Volunteer Training

DATE

Saturday 6 April

Wednesday 10 April

Wednesday 17 April

Saturday 20 April

Saturday 4 May

Sunday 19 May

Saturday 1 June

Friday 14 June

LOCATION

TCFV Centre, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, Canterbury

TBC

Saturday 18 & Sunday 19 Oct TBC

Date Location

Sunday 8 December TBC

Date Location

Please check the TCFV website closer to the time to see specific dates and arrangements. To attend please book online at www.tcfv.org.au or call the Centre on (03) 9888 4034.

Magazine Team

A big thank you to the entire magazine team for all the articles provided, proofreading, etc.

Thank you to the magazine mailout team for their help in preparing the Feb/March edition for posting out to members.

Thank You

Thank you to Heather Hughes for the donation of Butterfly Stickers in memory of her son Levi.

Remembering and ANZAC Day

Ernest Hemingway once said, “Every man has two deaths: when he is buried in the ground and the last time someone says his name. In some ways men can be immortal.” *

Every year, the country marks ANZAC Day, to honour those who voluntarily served in World War 1 and those who died in or from the conflict. We may not speak their names, but we remember them. We have rituals, symbols and traditions that accompany this day, ways to memorialise their lives in community or individually. Throughout the country you can attend observances or find Avenues of Honour, and some people make pilgrimages to places like Lone Pine, Turkey.

One of the symbols for ANZAC Day is rosemary, the herb of remembrance, a sprig that may be pinned to our lapel or shoulder.

Whether or not your sibling or grand/child died as a result of serving in a war, these days there are so many inventive ways that our family members can be remembered. Our magazine editor, Jane Moschetti, presented a workshop on ways to keep our loved ones present, from turning ashes into glass art or planting a garden, to getting a tattoo or setting up a perpetual Lord Mayor’s Charitable Fund account.

Are there ways that you keep your loved one ‘alive’?

Joanna Durst Remembering Zoe Volunteer

It must also be said that this quote about dying twice is found in ancient Egypt texts, in Jewish writings and was something attributed to Banksy, too. And, of course, it doesn’t only apply to men.

(Unsplash)

Japanese words that assist in our grief journey

Grief is a journey. A journey of discovery. A questioning and modification of your beliefs, values and hopes in life. A journey of self-discovery, your strengths and vulnerabilities. Learnings about others and their relationships in your life. Confronting challenges and recognising opportunities. Accepting the world and your place in it. Grief challenges us to our core when what we love is no more. I have always been a curious person, asking 100 questions. And it has been and is, curiosity, reading and research that was and is my connection to Nathan. Nathan my curious, adventurous and fun loving son who passed away in 2018.

It is this curiosity that has led me to explore and try to incorporate some of these Japanese concepts on self-improvement and wellbeing into my life:

Mono no aware – appreciation of the beauty and sadness from the impermanence of life.

Shikata ga nai – it cannot be helped, accept what you cannot control.

Oubaitori – chasing after big things, do not compare yourself to others. Wabi-sabi – embrace imperfections and transience of life.

Kintsugi – the art of repairing broken pottery with golden lacquer. A metaphor for accepting the wounds and scars of life and the enduring strength and resilience.

Gaman – endure with patience and dignity.

Shin gi tai – balance between mental focus, abilities and action for success, often referred to in martial arts.

Omoiyari – being considerate of others, treating others with kindness and compassion. Ikigai – reason for being, finding your purpose.

Kaizen – continuous improvement, make small, gradual changes.

Shinrin yoku – forest bathing, connecting with nature.

Ma – the space between or pause, the use of space and silence to create meaning and harmony.

Yutori – living with spaciousness, to slow down and have space for your peace of mind.

Hara – centring oneself, to find mental, emotional, physical and spiritual balance.

Yugen – awareness of the vastness and beauty of the universe, of mystery and wonder.

When I ponder on these Japanese words I try to think of English equivalents. Do you think these words convey the message in English: resilience, purpose, acceptance, gratefulness, mindfulness, harmony, peace, trust, hope, release?

To read a little more about these concepts, you can go to: https://medium.com/illumination/7-eyeopening-japanese-concepts-for-life-transformation-bb143445a0e6

Sue Rowan

(mother of Nathan)

The griever’s journey to hero

The hero’s journey is one we are familiar with in folklore, paintings, literature, theatre and films.

In the Harry Potter series, Harry is a lonely, bullied, boy living with his aunt and her family. Initially he is reluctant to go to Hogwarts, the wizard’s school, but he meets a mentor Hagrid who convinces him to attend. He makes friends and enemies, is challenged by Voldemort, Dementors, Death Eaters and his own lack of self-belief. In the end he triumphs over evil, gains skills, confidence and friends. It is the same storyline in the “Star War” series, “The Lion King”, “Spiderman” and Homer’s “The Odyssey”. An ordinary person embarks on an adventure into the unknown. They overcome challenges, meet allies and enemies, defeat evil, learn lessons and return home transformed. This is also the journey of grief. A number of writers have written of the themes

of grief in relation to the themes in the hero’s journey.

An organisation, Good Grief Guidance3, bases one of its grief support programs on the hero’s journey, from grief to thriving. In this article I will explore the similarity between that of griever and hero.

The hero’s journey was theorized by an American writer Joseph Campbell in his 1949 book “The hero with a thousand faces”. He called the journey a monomyth. In various mythologies an archetypal hero follows a similar journey. In developing this theory, Campbell was influenced by art, literature, philosophy, psychology and anthropology. The theory has 17 stages organised into 3 major sections – departure, initiation and return.

Christopher Vogler, a screenwriter, author and educator reduced Campbell’s original 17 themes into 12 themes:

The 12 hero journey themes are explained here in relation to the grief journey.

Stages Hero journey

1 The ordinary world

2 The call to adventure

3 Refusal of call

4 Meeting the mentor

5 Crossing the 1st threshold

6 Test, allies, enemies

7 Approach to the innermost cave

8 The ordeal

9 Reward

10 The back road

The hero lives in the ordinary/known world, a world which is familiar and comfortable.

An incident occurs that disrupts the hero’s life and requires them to leave their ordinary life and calls them to adventure.

The hero may initially refuse the call to adventure, often due to fear, anxiety, or a lack of confidence.

Grief journey

The griever lives an ordinary live with roles, hopes and dreams for the future.

A loved one dies.

The griever now has a new role: widow/er, childless, only child, parentless, sibling loss.

There are many tasks to perform: funeral, finances to address, belongings to organise etc.

There is a range of emotions: denial, anger, sadness. The griever initially feels fearful, confused, inadequate. The griever is in a world of pain and suffering.

11 The resurrection

12 Return with the elixir

The hero meets a mentor who provides encouragement, advice, training and guidance on the journey ahead

The hero leaves behind the ordinary world and crosses the threshold into the unknown, often encountering tests, trials, and challenges along the way.

The hero must navigate a series of tests, trials, and challenges, often with the help of allies and the opposition of enemies.

The hero approaches the innermost cave or the heart of darkness, often facing their greatest fears and challenges.

This is the moment of the hero’s greatest challenge, where they face a major obstacle or enemy and must overcome it to continue their journey.

The hero achieves a reward: insight, knowledge or a powerful object. This is a time of celebration.

The hero begins the journey back, often encountering new challenges and obstacles along the way. Often s/he is reluctant to return to the ordinary world.

The hero and enemy experience their final fight and s/he must utilise all the knowledge and skills s/he has learnt on the journey. At the end, the hero is transformed.

The hero returns home, changed by their experiences, with new knowledge and skills that can benefit their known world.

The griever is supported, assisted and guided by family, friends, funeral directors and health professionals. The griever is in a world of memories.

There are rituals and ceremonies (funeral, memorial, etc) but often after these, grief and death are not discussed. The griever moves into their “after-the-loss” life.

The griever loses family and friends who cannot deal with the loss and they meet and make new friends. They must manage practical issues.

The griever must confront their old beliefs and values about life and death and revaluate them.

There may be physical, cognitive, emotional and spiritual challenges as a result of the loss.

The griever develops increased resilience and finds a way to continue a connection with their loved one.

Grief triggers continue to surface but often the reaction is less intense and the triggers less frequent.

The griever confronts their final fears and moves towards a space of acceptance and meaning-but -notforgetting. There may be a new vision.

There is no return to the old ordinary world but life continues in the new ordinary world. The griever has new skills and knowledge to cope with their emotions and grief triggers, a changed relationship with others, a different appreciation for life and sometimes a new purpose that involves guiding others through grief or establishing a legacy for their loved one.

But returning with the elixir is not the end of the story. Your story, like Harry Potter’s, has more than one series. The journey is a cycle that continues with more departures, initiations and returns. So, what is the relevance of the hero’s journey to the griever’s journey? We can all be heroes in our story. Before grief we lived an ordinary life, but grief changes us. By reflecting on these common themes, we can identify ourselves as not just grievers but as heroes, warriors, capable of strength, resilience, and growth. Confident in our abilities to survive and maybe thrive.

Sue Rowan (mother of Nathan)

To read more about these stages, go to: https://www.imagineforest.com/blog/heros-journey/

Running the Melbourne Marathon

Running my first Melbourne Marathon in 2012, I couldn’t help but be inspired by the Spartan singlets earned by those that complete 10 Melbourne Marathons. They ignited a sense of purpose, especially as the race culminates at the MCG. The last time I saw my brother Stephen was watching The Bombers play in 2001, shortly before his suicide. Coping with his loss has been my biggest challenge, shaping my journey and motivating me to make a difference.

While registering each year, the fundraising question always gave me pause. But for my 10th marathon, I committed to fundraising for mental health causes, dedicating my Spartan achievement to Steve and my friend Hilary, both of whom left indelible marks on my life.

Steve’s death, coming after my own ovarian cancer diagnosis as a 14-year-old, led me to value the support networks I found.  As president of Canteen Victoria, I was involved in support groups that included bereaved adolescents, so I was not unfamiliar with the impact that the death of a young person has on a family. I have benefited in more recent times from the literature and resources provided from joining TCFV, some 23 years post my brother’s death, and this goes to show the value and need TCFV has in the community.   Those connected to the organization are likely to know my parents, Kevin Purvis (current President) and Jenny Purvis – (Leader of a Bereaved by Suicide Group).

My journey to becoming a Spartan has been intertwined with personal growth and resilience. Running offers, me solace and reflection, connecting me to my true self and the broader community. Whether running solo or with others, the experience is transformative.

Reflecting on past marathons, it’s not about finishing times but the journey itself. Each race presents its challenges and lessons, like the memorable moment when my friend and I helped a wheelchair athlete complete the race. We gave her a push when she needed it, and she took off on a downhill stretch.  We were delighted to be greeted at the finish line with her tears of joy knowing we had helped one another achieve our personal goals.

As I approach my goal of becoming a Spartan, I’m reminded of Steve’s presence, cheering me on. His struggle with depression taught me empathy and resilience, shaping my understanding of grief and personal strength.

In honouring Steve I continue to find meaning and purpose in my marathon journey. Their memories inspire me to keep pushing forward, acknowledging the impact they’ve had on my life. With each step, I honour their legacies and the lessons they’ve taught me.

Bronwyn Brooks

Bereaved Sister of Stephen

NIKE MELBOURNE MARATHON FESTIVAL – SUNDAY 13 OCTOBER 2024

For all information regarding the Nike Melbourne Marathon Festival please click or copy the link below … https://melbournemarathon.com.au/

To join Team TCFV please click or copy the link below … https://melbmara2024.grassrootz.com/the-compassionate-friends-victoria

William Wall

William started taking an interest in photography when he was about 12 years old, after being in and out of the eating disorder clinic. I think it was his way of escaping his world. It was such a difficult couple of years for William, but things were starting to slowly improve for him, with a new school and friends.

Then COVID-19 lockdown happened. There was no school or physical contact with friends, so William would spend a lot of time outside on our property with his camera. He had an amazing eye for detail, he was able to see things that most are oblivious to - he had a unique vision.

It was only after William had passed away that we realised the amount and quality of photographs he captured, not only on his own camera but also on his school camera.

We decided to mount an exhibition of some of his photos. The process took over 3 years and was quite emotional, but we wanted to share his vision and to increase awareness of youth suicide.

Teresa Wall

Bereaved mother of William

PS: A very big thank you to Eleanor Young, William’s grandmother, for the very generous donation of $4,750, which was the proceeds of the William Wall Exhibition at Gold Street Studios, Trentham.

Illustration Credit: Mari Andrew

For Every Drop Shed in Anguish

Dedication Ceremony, Australian War Memorial, Canberra, 22 February 2024

Long-time TCFV volunteer Jan McNess, along with her adult children Kathryn and Andrew (also a TCFV staff member), attended the Dedication Ceremony for a wonderful new artwork. The sculpture, featured within the lawns of the Australian War Memorial, was designed by Sydney artist Alex Seton.

A beautiful explanation of the symbolism of the sculpture is included at the Monuments Australia website: https://monumentaustralia.org.au/ display/119883-“for-every-drop-shed-in-anguish”- “The sculpture For Every Drop Shed in Anguish recognises and commemorates the suffering caused by war and military service. [It is] a field of sculpted Australian pearl marble droplets in the Memorial’s Sculpture Garden. Every droplet has a unique shape, defined by its delicate surface tension, as if about to burst. Their rounded liquid forms suggest blood, sweat or tears — for every drop ever shed in anguish. Most importantly, when touched these forms reveal themselves to have an inner strength and resilience that provides hope and promise of healing.”

Jan, Kathryn and Andrew attended the ceremony on behalf of their son/brother Jeremy David McNess, who died in an F-111 accident in Guyra on 13 September 1993, and their father-in-law/grandfather Norman Hurtle Charles McNess, who died at sea on the Nino Bixio on 17 August 1942.

Families in attendance at the Dedication Ceremony were also invited to afternoon tea at Government House. It was here that Governor-General David Hurley arranged for the McNess’ to visit a memorial wall at the Australian Defence Force Academy (ADFA). The Academy Cadets Mess Wall of Remembrance acknowledges ADFA graduates who passed away whilst on active service.

A recording of the Dedication Ceremony for “For Every Drop Shed in Anguish” can be found here: https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=aUsV7wXpAm8

Andrew McNess

W2R

MILESTONE BIRTHDAYS!

In a whirlwind of milestone moments, some of the TCFV staff recently celebrated a cascade of significant birthdays! The festivities commenced in May 2023 with John Brown marking his 70th birthday, initiating a parade of major milestones as five out of the eight staff members reached significant age milestones.

November 2023 marked the grand entrance into the fabulous 60s for Jenny, followed by Di stepping into this vibrant decade in December.

As if caught in a symphony of celebration, February of 2024 welcomed Jane into the esteemed club of sixty-year-olds, while also marking Andrew’s jubilant transition into his fabulous fifties!

Andrew

Dianne

Jane

Jenny

John

CDS for TCFV

From Mildura to Mallacoota and Mill Park, people all over Victoria can now choose to donate the money from their collected bottles and cans to our organisation.

The Container Deposit Scheme (CDS) started here in Victoria in November 2023 and one of the options for those collecting and dropping off their eligible containers is to donate the funds to a registered not-for-profit. The Compassionate Friends Victoria is now on the list right across the state, so you are invited to contribute to our valuable services, groups, literature, and speakers in this way.

On the list at the refund points, look for The Compassionate Friends Victoria (not TCFV or Compassionate Friends) and direct your refund there. We really appreciate it!

Sip and Paint

The Sip and Paint Workshop held on Saturday was donated to TCFV community fundraiser “Broken Hearts, Sharing Hope” a great success.

The challenge was to paint watercolour on a canvas. Subject wise, after consultation with a member of the group of eight, we thought an abstract composition would be preferable. I had five different examples they could refer to. I demonstrated different techniques on a canvas to give them an idea as to the qualities of the canvas and how the paint reacts to the surface.

They had fun with the paint and utilised the water spray bottle resulting in some amazing effects. While we were painting throughout the afternoon, we also were able to enjoy a lovely cheese plater and a glass or two of bubbles. I enjoyed facilitating the workshop.

Chris Hermans (TCFV Member & Bereaved Mother of Melissa)

Triggers

Triggers, triggers everywhere – on the ground and in the air,

A skateboard here, a small boy there, a big black dog, a kid with flair. I never know when they will hit, these triggers with such speed and skill; They come at home, they come at work, they come for me - a bitter pill.

The time goes by, the years roll on, the triggers almost disappear When suddenly I see a sign, I hear a tune, he is so near.

I see my son, I hear his voice, I feel the tears begin to flow; I turn away to hide my grief, to mask the pain, and then I know…

That triggers will just never go, they’re part of me, they’ll never leave; It’s how to manage, how to cope, and how to hold them as I grieve.

To be prepared and feel no shame, to know they’re always waiting there, For what those triggers really do is demonstrate how much I care.

Maggie Somerville, 2023

Bereaved mother of Julian

Remembering

This poem was read out at the recent Walk To Remember (W2R), by Board Member and bereaved father Bruce Houghton.

The beauty of a memory, Is that it’s always there, Like a penny in your pocket, You can take it anywhere.

And when your heart is heavy And your eyes are filled with tears, You can focus on a memory, And travel through the years.

Your heart can visit happy times When laughter filled the air, And the presence of your loved one, Will lessen your despair.

So, as you travel on in life, Take comfort as your go, In a lifetime of sweet memories, Of one who loved you so!

Poem by Genie Graveline

Remembering Ben

Ben left us with many wonderful and amusing memories. When he was in Grade 4, his teacher, Rosemary, whom he loved, asked the class to write about themselves, their family, interests and dreams.

These are the snippets that Ben wrote about each of us, his family and himself, when he was 9 years old. I’m so glad I kept his assignment, as I think it’s a beautiful reminder of how he saw his life then, as a young child.

Alicia Diaz

Bereaved mother of Ben

The Bereaved’s Guide to Surviving Mother’s/Father’s Day (and Other Occasions)

Posted by Kellyn Shoecraft on April 30, 2019

Retrieved from https://hereforyou.co/blogs/news/the-bereaveds-guide

Spring is a hard season for the bereaved. After my dad’s death, the transition from winter to spring was the the most unexpectedly difficult period of my ‘year of firsts’. There is no greater indication that life is moving forward than the landscape coming alive with sunshine, buds, and bird calls. Spring’s warmth infuses the general public with happiness and smiles. But back in 2004, the hopeful weather was the antithesis of my mood. I would have happily stayed in winter for that entire year, but I was forcefully pushed forward into a world I where I felt like I didn’t belong.

Spring also holds Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Of my 35 Father’s Days, I have now been fatherless for 15 of them. That particular Sunday in June no longer feels like a spotlight highlighting my father’s short life and my half-orphan status, but I really struggled with Father’s Day, and other holidays/anniversaries for the first 5-7 years after my dad’s death.

As a kid, I found Father’s Day to be more of a nuisance than a celebration (my dad was born on June 27, and I was always at a loss on how to celebrate these two occasions so close together). Now I want to yell at that whiny child with tangled hair and stained sweatsuits, because I know how lucky I was to have a person to celebrate. Now I wonder why I never thought to just ask my dad what he’d like to do for Father’s Day. At the time I hadn’t yet learned the lesson that celebrating people didn’t have to be about buying things they didn’t want. My poor dad got stuck with a series of BBQ utensils that came in a fancy case, a 3” plastic trophy that said, ‘World’s Greatest Dad’, a series of cards with ties on them, and a black mug with orange lettering that read, “Dad is always right.” And then in smaller letters at the bottom, “(except when he disagrees with mom).” I didn’t notice the mom part until the night before Father’s Day when I was wrapping up the gift on my bedroom floor. I gave it to him, anyway, hoping he wouldn’t notice (he noticed, and he wasn’t a fan).

If you are newly missing your child, mom, dad, stepparent, or parental figure, these two days of celebration can be stabbing daggers. Marketing materials celebrating the child-parent relationship are everywhere — written on the classy and colorful balloons-on-a-stick at the supermarket checkout, floral arrangements advertised on radio, or restaurants with big window signs, encouraging you to make reservations for Sunday brunch. Perfectly posed and artificially highlighted parent-child photos bombard our social media feeds.

You are not alone if you are dreading these holidays. When miscarriage and stillbirths are included, 19% of

adults have experienced the death of a child (excluding miscarriage and stillbirth, that number changes to about 10%). For children under 18, 2% have lost one or both parents. Anywhere between 22-30% of college aged young-adults are within a year of a significant loss (parent, sibling, or grandparent). There are a lot of people hurting.

Like clockwork, my body responds to the calendar, even when I try to convince myself that a particular trigger day won’t bother me this year. I have found that there are things that I can do to help ease the stress of birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. There are also reassurances I give myself to help me remember why I’m feeling what I’m feeling, and that these feelings are absolutely reasonable. Here is what I have learned from 15 years of trigger days:

Tip 1: Anxiety

My first tip is not actually a tip but an acknowledgement. The anxiety leading up to the day is almost always worse than the day itself. This, of course, doesn’t help in the days leading up to the day when your anxiety is in the red zone, but it most certainly can be helpful to know that the terrible feelings won’t necessarily explode on the second Sunday of May or the third Sunday in June. I often feel a release of tension and anxiety when the day concludes. Grief comes in waves, and the build-up is part of the experience.

Tip 2: Plan something to look forward to

Can you get away that weekend? Do you have someone in your network with a similar loss? Could you get together with them on Saturday (specifically not on Sunday in a place where you might see families out celebrating). You can do anything. This year, on my dead sister’s birthday, we went to SkyZone, last year it was LEGOland. Sure, these aren’t dream destinations, but they were fun and it helped me and my family get through the 24 hours we were dreading. Do you want to paint pottery? See Roller Derby? Eat at a food truck? Build a fort out of cardboard and paint it in neon colors? Watch comfort TV on Netflix? Do whatever might bring you lightness (but be sure to keep it legal).

Tip 3: Stay off social media

It’s best not to even bother — you will be seeing a lot of posts from others celebrating their parents or children. Maturity and reason should tell us that it is not a personal attack when a friend or relative posts a photo with their beloved mother, but it certainly feels like a sucker punch to the gut. I admit that I’ve often

thought that it was reasonable to expect everyone else to stop being happy because I’m grieving, or at least keep their joy hidden behind closed doors so I wouldn’t have to see it. If you’re like me and staying off social media is hard because you love the drama in your neighborhood Facebook group (and don’t want to miss the never-ending complaints on errant sidewalk dog poop and gas-powered mowers starting too early in the morning on a Saturday), consider unfollowing all of your friends. This gives you the benefit of not seeing happy photos when you’re not feeling up to it. You can always re-follow in the future and your buddies are none the wiser. I unfollowed everyone (that’s right — every. single. person.) after my sister’s death and I have no plans to change my social media feed in the near future. Unfollowing is pretty liberating.

Tip 4: Pass along kindness

This year, on the anniversary of my dad’s death, I tipped 100%. I am so cheap and this was completely out of character for me, but my dad was extremely generous. After adding the tip, I wrote a note for the server with a little info about my dad. Sometimes doing something for someone else can bring you the feel-good feelings you’re searching for. Perhaps on that Sunday you want to volunteer, donate blood, pick up trash, or leave $20 on a park bench. Kindness tends to magnify when you are enveloped in sadness and doing so might give you just what you need on a really hard day.

Tip 5: Embrace your anger

It is ok to be angry. Really angry. Do not feel guilty about being angry. It is unfair and not right that you are missing your person. I’m so sorry, I wish they were here with you.

Tip 6: Tell people what you need

Last year, the first Mother’s Day without my sister happened to fall on my birthday. So, not only was it the first year where I wasn’t conspiring with her on Mother’s Day plans or just having my sibling with my family as we celebrated our mutual parent-child relationship, but it was also the first time I aged up while she remained at 37. It was very hard for me to get texts from people that only spoke to the superficial joy of the day. “Happy Birthday!��������������” or “Happy Mother’s Day!������������” There was no happiness on that day, and these messages alienated me from my friends and family.

[Disclaimer: When I share statements like this, the responses typically fall into two camps:

1. “You’re so ungrateful! You’re lucky that people text you to say happy birthday or wish you a happy Mother’s day. At least you are healthy and had another birthday and at least your child is alive and healthy. Who cares what they say, they said something and that’s all that matters. You’re being too sensitive”

2. “I get it.” (because they’ve been there) or “thank you for telling me,” (because they haven’t been there but they are open to learning how to support someone in pain).

I recognize that it is an honor for people to think of me on these days (or any day), and that as of right now my family is healthy and health is something I never want to take for granted. But, that gratitude doesn’t cancel out the difficulty of the mismatched experience between what I need and what people give.]

I chose to not respond to those celebratory texts, but in retrospect, I wish I had used social media to make a post a few days before. Something like, “This weekend will be hard without Alison. I ask that you take a moment to think of her on Sunday.”

There is a huge disconnect in our grief culture, and the burden of teaching almost always falls on the bereaved. It is totally understandable why someone in the throes of grief would have no interest in or energy to tell people what they want, but at the same time, we can’t expect people to know what we need if we don’t tell them.

Think of what you might need or want from people and put it out there a few days in advance. Perhaps you’d like your friends who knew your mom to toast her on Mother’s Day, or you share your dad’s favorite meal in case anyone might like to think of your dad the next time they enjoy it. Maybe your son loved a particular playground, and you request family and friends to consider making that destination a part of their Father’s Day celebrations.

Tip 7: Find Community

You may not have friends or peers in your community with similar losses, but they are out there. Now it is easier than ever to find an online group of people who have a similar story to your own. Connecting with these people, though they may be strangers, can bring an enormous sense of comfort. We recently passed Siblings Day (which I didn’t even know was a thing until after my sister died). I loved this post where many surviving siblings shared beloved memories of their sisters and brothers. Reading and learning about other people’s losses helps me feel less alone.

I tend to lean towards more untraditional ways of honoring my dad and sister, but there are certainly endless ways to incorporate your beloved people on trigger days. Visiting the cemetery or the place where their ashes were scattered, attending a service, leaving a chair open for them at the table, giving a toast...the possibilities are endless. Do what feels right. It is also totally reasonable to pretend the day isn’t happening and treat it like any old day. What works for some won’t work for everyone else. But what works for me may work for you. I hope that you find something that makes the day just a little easier.

Rhonda McElligott

Group Leader - Geelong Support Group

It is a pleasure to introduce Rhonda McElligott to readers of Grieve, Health, Grow. Past and present members of the TCFV Geelong Support Group will know Rhonda well, as she has been a co-leader of that Group for many years.

Rhonda and her co-leader, Jan McNess, have been a stable and dependable presence for TCFV members in Geelong for longer than most people can remember. Rhonda became GL in 2008 (and, remarkably, Jan had been a GL already for many years prior!).

I had the pleasure to interview Rhonda recently, to find out a little about her own bereavement journey and her role as Group Leader. We had barely begun our chat when we learned we had both lost sons at the age of 19 and both as a consequence of catastrophic cardiac events. Noting our dreadful experiences had much in common, the conversation then flowed.

Rhonda and her husband, Dennis have 5 children. It was their son Jade who passed away in 2001, following a cardiac arrest at football training. Technically, Jade had suffered from Arrhythmogenic Right Ventricular Cardiomyopathy. Just as life - as we know it - stopped for Jade, so life ‘stopped’ for Rhonda and Dennis.

But to Rhonda’s gratitude, she was soon approached by three mothers of deceased children, who introduced her to The Compassionate Friends. Rhonda bravely took up an invitation to attend the Geelong Support Group and then became Group Leader (with Jan) in 2008.

When Rhonda was asked to consider becoming a Group Leader she accepted without hesitation. By then, she understood the value of TCF and wanted to do whatever she could to support the organisation.

At this point in our conversation Rhonda stunned me with news of two further tragedies in her life. In 2022 and 2023 she lost two grandchildren, Maggie and Billy, (both aged 8) as a result of a rare illness known as Tay Sachs Disease. If the magnitude and complexity of one’s grief compounds with multiple losses (I assume it does), then it is remarkable Rhonda is even still standing. The thought of so much tragedy for a person leaves one breathless.

Chatting about parental bereavement in general, Rhonda noted the feeling of isolation she felt after Jade’s passing. ‘You are abnormal, everyone else is normal’ was Rhonda’s summation of this. Attending the Geelong Support Group provided an antidote to this sense of alienation and of being different. As so many of us appreciate, TCF Support Groups allow us to be in the company of others walking the same lonely path as ourselves.

Rhonda and Jan have allowed a model of shared leadership to evolve at Geelong where neither is Leader nor Support Person. At each meeting they both lead and Rhonda feels this ‘equal’ leadership model has been a factor in their longevity as Group Leaders.

Over many years now, Rhonda and Jan have introduced various themes and activities into the Group, including (but not limited to):

• Creative writing

• Various Handcrafts

• An occasional guest speaker

They have also organised special dinners and even Christmas lunches. Plus, every Support Group meeting is followed by a convivial cuppa that allows everyone to wind down and reflect.

Rhonda feels she can’t go on as Group Leader forever. Hearing this, I asked her why she has not already ‘hung up her boots’. Rhonda says there are still plenty of rewards in the role, not the least of which is seeing people grow again as humans and regain enough confidence to ‘re-enter’ the world. She takes comfort and satisfaction from knowing she (and Jan) are providing a safe place for bereaved parents and siblings to come and talk about their children/siblings and to honour their lives.

Above all else, Rhonda says: ‘There is a need for Support Groups. They are a wonderful thing. They are only valued once you have become bereaved’. These are perhaps self-evident truths to all of us who lead Support Groups and Rhonda does not want to walk away while this need exists.

With time slipping by, our conversation ended the way it began. We both drew breath and reflected on the seeming injustice of a life lived without your child, and more so on the life our children have been denied; an injustice underscored every time their peers attain another milestone (getting married, having children, buying a house, travelling overseas and so on).

I would like to thank Rhonda for her selfless commitment to TCFV. Being a Group Leader is not easy (although it is a rewarding vocation). To be a Group Leader for 15 years is quite exceptional.

Thank you, Rhonda.

(Bruce Houghton – Father of Liam - 19)

TCFV SUPPORT GROUPS & SOCIAL SUPPORT GROUPS

What TCFV Group Meetings offer is…

• The opportunity to get together with other bereaved people.

• The chance to talk about the person missing in our lives.

• The opportunity to drop the mask that society so subtly demands of each of us.

• The chance to cry without embarrassment.

• The possibility to laugh without others thinking you must be “over it”, and

• The opportunity to bask in a non-judgemental atmosphere and make new friends.

Support Group Meetings provide bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents the opportunity to meet in a safe environment with others who have “been there”, who understand and care. Group attendees report that meetings are an essential part of their “learning to live again” journey.

Social Support Group Meetings are similarly led by group leaders. They are a lovely social opportunity for bereaved people, often held at a cafe. Discussion is more general, although can sometimes centre on griefrelated issues. If you are needing more substantial time to explore your grief-related issues (and this can particularly be the case when you’re newer in your grief), we recommend a formal support group.

A minority of groups require registration to attend.

Please notify our telephone support-line of your intention to attend the next meeting of one of the following groups: Hawthorn East Social Group  /  Box Hill Social Group.

Please register to attend an upcoming session of one of these groups: Book Club /  Walking Through Grief  /  Express Yourself Through Art at TCFV CENTRE  /  Online Support Group / Online Support for Regional Suicide -Bereaved  /  Online Express Yourself Through Art.

I have baby-sitting problems. Would it be alright to bring my child with me?

While we understand the difficulties of finding childcare, we must ask that out of respect for the needs of others, you do not bring children (under 18 years of age) to meetings.

Bereavement support for under-18s.

While TCFV’s services are for individuals 18 years and above, there are a number of other organisations that provide under-18 services, such as Grief Australia, Headspace and Jesuit Social Services. A listing of these services can be found at: www.tcfv.org.au/under-18s

REGIONAL CONTACTS

We have TCFV volunteers in the townships/regional cities listed below who have some availability for a peer support phone chat or coffee catch-up:

Ballarat - Robyn

Camperdown - Judi

Castlemaine - Matthew

Melton - Deb

Wodonga - Lynne

Please enquire on 1300 064 068

Bayside

Bendigo

Canterbury Daytime

Canterbury Evening

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

4th Wednesday 7pm-9pm (Jan-Nov)

4th Tuesday 1:30pm (Jan-Nov)

4th Wednesday 11am (3rd Wed in Dec)

2nd Tuesday 7:30pm (Feb-Dec)

Canterbury Siblings 3rd Tuesday 7.45pm

Canterbury Suicide-bereaved

Eltham

Geelong

4th Monday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

1st Thursday 11am (Feb-Dec)

Last Tuesday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

Horsham – Wimmera Mar, Jun, Sep, Dec

Menspace

Mildura

Portland

Rowville

Sunshine

Sunshine Bereaved Through Suicide

Warragul

Warrnambool

ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP

Regional Suicide-bereaved (Online)

Bereavement Support Group (Bereaved through any means) (Online) NEW

SOCIAL GROUP

Box Hill

Croydon

Geelong

Hawthorn East

Southern Peninsula

ART THERAPY GROUP

Express Yourself Through Art at TCFV Centre

Online Express Yourself Through Art

LIGHT EXERCISE GROUP

Walking Through Grief

READING GROUP

Book Club

INTERSTATE GROUP

Darwin

3rd Wednesday 7pm – 9pm (Feb-Dec)

2nd Saturday 11am (Feb-Dec)

3rd Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Dec)

1st Friday 1pm (Feb-Dec)

3rd Tuesday 7:30pm (Feb-Dec)

1st Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Dec)

Last Wednesday 7:30pm (Jan-Nov)

1st Wednesday 7:15pm (Feb-Dec)

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

3rd Thur bimonthly 7pm (Feb, Apr, Jun, Aug, Oct, Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/ events

1st Tuesday monthly 7:30pm (FebDec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/ events

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

2nd Thursday 7pm (Jan-Nov)

Bookings are essential. Please call 9888 4944.

3rd Wednesday 10:30am (Feb-Dec)

Note: December 2023 meeting will be held on 2nd Wednesday (13th Dec)

2nd Tuesday 10am (Feb- Dec)

4th Tuesday 7pm (Feb-Nov)

Bookings are essential. Please call 9888 4944.

1st Tuesday 12 noon (Feb-Dec)

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

3rd Monday of the month 7:30pm (FebDec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

1st Thursday of the month at 1.30pm (Feb-Nov)

Which day in the month is the event held?

1st Friday 9am-10am (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

1st Saturday month (Feb-Dec) Registration required: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Which day in the month is the meeting held?

Last Wednesday 7:00pm (Jan-Nov) Contact Group Leader (Ingrid) on Ph 1300 064 068 / darwin@tcfv.org.au

Where is meeting held?

Highett Neighbourhood Community House, 2 Livingston St, Highett

Long Gully Community Centre, 23-29 Havilah Road, Long Gully

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

Eltham Library Community Room, Panther Place, Eltham

Noble Street Uniting Church, 26-42 Saffron Street, Newtown

Contact 1300 064 068 for details

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

MADEC Community College, 133-137 Madden Ave, Mildura

Star Theatre, 40 Julia Street, Portland

Bridgewater Centre, cnr Fulham Road & Bridgewater Road, Rowville

Salvation Army Drop-In Centre, 42 Devonshire Road, Sunshine

Salvation Army Drop-In Centre, 42 Devonshire Road, Sunshine

Warragul Community House, 138 Normanby Street, Warragul

Archie Graham Community Centre, Room CP1, 118 Timor Street, Warrnambool

Where is meeting held?

Held via Zoom.

Held via Zoom.

Where is meeting held?

Box Hill RSL, 26-28 Nelson Road, Box Hill

The Rumour Mill, 22 McAdam Square, Croydon

Brioche Café, 175 West Fyans Street, Newtown

Café Paradiso, 213-215 Camberwell Road, Hawthorn East

Contact 1300 064 068 for details

Where is meeting held?

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Rd, Canterbury

Held via Zoom. To register, please visit: www.tcfv.org.au/events

Where is meeting held?

TCFV Centre, 229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury

Where is meeting held?

Four Beans Café, 22 High Street, Northcote

Where is meeting held?

MLA Office (Member for Legislative Assembly), Shop 15A, Oasis Shopping Centre, 15 Temple Terrace, Palmerston, NT, 0830.

Please note: Bereavement Peer Support in Hobart

Bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents in Hobart meet informally at a café setting on a regular basis (often a weekend afternoon). For more information on this non-TCFV support network, including dates and times, please contact our telephone support line on 1300-064-068.

This Bereaved Mother’s Day

Let us recognise all mothers who have lost a child

Let us acknowledge their strength and eternal love Let us remember their beautiful children today and ALWAYS

Poem by Maureen Hawkins

Committed

From the Cambridge Dictionary, the meaning of commit is as follows: To do something illegal or something that is considered wrong.

It is described as ‘committing’ a crime when someone kills another person either deliberately or by accident. It is described as ‘committing’ a crime when someone steals, vandalizes, and destroys another person’s property or belongings. It is described as ‘committing’ a crime when a person steals another person’s car and causes a fatal road accident.

Another example or meaning for committed includes being ‘committed’ in a place of confinement, such as a mental institution.

People do not commit a heart attack, people do not commit cancer, people do not commit an accident, so then, why do people still use the phrase “they committed suicide”?

In this day and age, when the general population is semi open-minded to the issues surrounding mental health, ‘committed suicide’ is still a common statement, even within the health system, the media and emergency response workers.

This needs to STOP, they died from suicide, they did not ‘commit’ a crime.

Robyn Reeve (TCFV Board

Member)

Bereaved mother of Kate and Jake

Rikki

Agnes Tan

Avery Poole

Bradley Family

Bryn Humphreys

Bunnings Box Hill

Bendel Family

Brunswick United Masonic Lodge

Charles Tegner

Cheryl Lardner

City of Boroondara

Coates Family

Country Women’s Association of Victoria

Dorothy Ford

Eastern Press

Galati Family

Geelong Cemeteries Trust

Harmer Family

Ian Zadow

James Marcon Foundation

Jennifer O’Reilly

John Brown

Judith Theobald

Justice Connect

Karen Philippzig

Kerilee Bolto

Kidsafe Victoria

Life Time Trophies

Lord Mayor’s Charitable Foundation

Louisa Ong

Marken Hosting

Meet Me In The Middle Cafe

Michael & Maureen Cawley

Mindfull Aus

Mirella Marcon

Nunan Family

Pam & Max Williams PivotLife

Robyn Arya

Scotsglen Singers Inc

Shelia Schutz

Sim Family SM Creative

Strickland Family

Sue Binzer

The Pethard Tarax Charitable Trust

The Retreat at Mount Cathedral –

Kerilee & Nic Bolton

Tobin Brothers

Trembath Family

Tripleconnect

Yarra Ranges Council

Yvonne Sharpe

Wall, Theresa, Shane & Family

Le Pine Funerals Legalite

TCF Australia

ACT & Queanbeyan 0419 137 818

New South Wales 02 9290 2355 Suite 602, 109 Pitt Street, sydney, NSW 2000

Queensland 07 3540 9949 505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm 4005 South Australia 0456 820 133

Darwin darwin@tcfv.org.au

TCF Mandurah 08 9535 7761 Mandurah Lottery House - 7 Anzac Place, Mandurah 6210 TCF on the internet - United Kingdom www.tcf.og.uk – New Zealand (email) tcf.otago@xtra.co.nz USA www.compassionatefriends.org – SA www.compassionatefriends.co.za – Canada www.tcfcanada.net/

The Compassionate Friends Victoria 229 Canterbury Road, Canterbury VIC 3126 Po Box 171 Canterbury, Vic. 3126

Support Phone: (03) 9888 4944

Administration Phone: (03) 9888 4034

Email: support@tcfv.org.au Web: www.tcfv.org.au