Quarant-Zine Spring 2021
The Tax Man
Written by Wesley Hovatter John was an average man, who wakes up on time and does his taxes, just like normal people who don’t commit tax fraud do. John would never commit tax fraud, that’s illegal. Unlike his brother Gary, who commits tax fraud left and right. One day, it was Thanksgiving and John and Gary met face to face for the first time since Gary got out of jail for tax fraud. “Do not commit more tax fraud”, John said in sorrow, he knew his words would fall on deaf ears, because Gary is deaf. Gary, naturally, didn’t hear him and accidentally did more tax fraud. The lack of Gary’s taxes caused the IRS to go bankrupt. John still did his taxes though, because he is an average man, who wakes up on time and does his taxes. He would put his money in an envelope labeled “To IRS” and place it in the mailbox, but eventually the mailbox filled up, since the IRS couldn’t afford to employ anyone to pick up the taxes. John decided to get another mailbox. This went on for thirty long years. John currently owns 478 mailboxes, filled with a total of $8,005,302 in cash. John’s house is wall to wall mailboxes now. He can’t escape. Occasionally Gary comes to check up on John, to which John cries out for help. But Gary is deaf, so every time he leaves thinking his brother hates him to the point of not even answering the door for him because of all of the tax evasion he committed. Because he can’t leave to get it himself, John has to order food. Most of the time the delivery person tries to put it in an inaccessible mailbox, so John has to order again and again, hoping the delivery person puts it in one of the mailboxes he can reach. Everything smells like rotten food. He wants to one day break free from his self-imposed prison, but he knows if he did he would be breaking one of the core tenants he lived his life by: waking up on time and doing his taxes.
Illustration by Wesley Hovatter Poets and Writers Coalition Quarant-Zine Spring 2021
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