A Life in Every Mirror

A Life in Every Mirror

Written by Rebecca Lee Enter: Empty Zoom call. Host is in the meeting. Rebecca is now the host. Zoom is a mirror, a reflection of the self apart from yourself.

It’s easier to see your facets reflected back in other people. They shine differently through the focused lens of their identities. They’ve had the space to think about themselves. To stop observing and observation. To settle questions we’ve long since forgotten.

During quarantine, Rebecca stared into her own eyes a lot. Into her own lives lived a lot. She sees me and I shy away.

We’re chasing the hands of the clock in an endless circle And the initial thought was that we would all finally get a break But we didn’t. It’s

Tiring.

She finally starts listening to podcasts and catches up to the episodes made before the pandemic. It’s funny to hear, to relive that moment of realization. The one-after-another moments jolting out of the script. A reassurance from a past-time that I’m not privy to anymore.

It’s nice to hear them anyways. The comfort of a similarly-stricken past. I remember that panic vividly.

Am I different now? Different in the way that you’re different after vacation or a summer camp or a concert? What has changed?

Now, I’m translating my fullbody motion to a hitbox square. I’m a Zoom box lurking among the mosaic. I am multi-tasking with myself and sorting what I can. I’m a tightly-wound core of possible time. I am returning to the things I remember.

As much as she’s missed the sound of music out loud, her family’s voices, the way she can walk without worry. She’s missing the journey from today to tomorrow.

Rebecca looks for the new open-heartedly.

The host has ended the meeting!

Ok.

Collage by Rebecca Lee