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Beavers Invade SNHU for Free Real Estate Devin Pouliot Staff Writer
Free Real Estate Guy. (image courtesy: imgflip) Since Covid-19 shut down the SNHU campus nearly a year ago, the public knowledge of all students and staff is that the campus lies abandoned and quiet. What faculty and students do not know is President Paul LeBlanc and other university administrators have been covering up vital and shocking information. SNHU has come under invasion by thwhate external threat of beavers. Lured by the promise of free real estate, thousands of beavers swarmed to the SNHU campus for what they call “The Great Land Steal of 2020.” “It’s all thanks to Mr. Guy,” Bucktooth “Bucky” Beaver said (‘24). “He’s the one who approached us first and said he had some land we might be interested in.” Mr. Guy, born Free Realestate Guy, is an international real estate agent who recently rose to fame with his promotion of the idea of free real estate. When asked why he chose to sell the SNHU campus to beavers, he
said he felt bad letting such prime land go to waste when there are those in need of homes that could use the space. “No one was using the land and the beavers need land. So, I was like ‘hey! It’s free real estate,’” Mr. Guy said. For years, beavers have come under the threat of habitat loss due to recent land conflicts with human expansion and settlement growth. As a result, many beaver families have been displaced and without a home. “We were beginning to lose hope we would ever find a new home,” Beatrice Beaver, mother of six, said (‘98). “But when Mr. Guy came to us, it was like we were being offered a second chance.” While the beavers have been provided with a safe new space to live, this new population living on campus has come with an unfortunate side effect of devastation to the trees surrounding the SNHU campus.
As beavers need an ample supply of wood for their homes and dam building projects, the numerous beavers have started using the local resources at an alarming rate, leading to massive eco-devastation in the surrounding area. The woods surrounding Hampton Hall have been completely deforested to allow an unprecedented, unblocked view of the Dining Hall from the dorm building. With President LeBlanc’s message, in a recent interview, that SNHU will be opening its campus to students again, only time will tell how relations between students and SNHU’s new residents will fare. “We aren’t willing to give up our newly acquired land,” Bucktooth Beaver said (‘24). “But we are willing to negotiate terms with the university’s administration on shared custody of the land. Barring catastrophe, SNHU will be transitioning from a completely online format to on-campus learning in the fall of 2021.
