Love, Pangyaos

WELCOME TO AUGUST. You probably didn’t notice, but half of the year is already gone. And the good news is that the pandemic is over, and most of you, if not all, aren’t wearing facemasks anymore when you meet your friends, eagerly showing your smiles with lots of love emanating from your hearts.

And speaking of love, have you been part of the euphoria in last month’s controversial Philippine tourism logo, Love the Philippines? Never mind the bashing and the negative comments; as long as there is love in the phrase, it will make the cut, and we, Pangyaos, must always try to find ways to act on it, i.e., to understand love.

Love seems to be an extraordinary word for everyone, particularly for sweethearts and couples. To many, it’s always the day’s topic, may ‘pandemic’ man o wala, anything with love ay hindi ‘anemic’ ( o ayan, may rhyme pa ). Therefore, it’s paramount to understand it a bit more from the romance perspective. And along with labelling it as the most salient word for lovers are the many nonsensical and wrong concepts about ‘love’ that we continue to practice and believe.

I will give you two. Yes, just two.

“KUNG TALAGANG KAMI AY PARA SA

ISA’T ISA, MAGKALAYO MAN KAMI NANG

MAHABANG PANAHON, KAMI PA RIN SA HULI.”

This is being applied to lovers who aren’t married yet. Kung kayo daw talaga, ay kayo pa rin sa bandang huli, kahit si Pogi ay nasa Mars, at si Maganda ay nasa Venus, at magkahiwalay sila ng more than twenty years.

Talaga? Well, let me start by saying that when you stay in one place for a long time, it is inevitable that you will meet other people. You will also change. The possibility that you will fall in love with someone else – whom you will spend more time with and with the same interests as yours – is very high.

So kung may mahal ka talaga, do your best na hindi ka malayo sa kanya. Kung talagang sa tingin mo ay ‘kayo na nga’, aba eh explore all the possibilities na magkasama kayong muli. Huwag mong asahan ang kapalaran. Pag nagkalayo kayo nang mahabang panahon, malamang ay makakita ka ng ibang mapapakasalan, at siya naman ay masasakal (aggh) ng iba. At kung maghihintayan naman kayo, malamang na sa muling pagkikita ninyo ay ‘too old’ na kayo at hindi na kayo makakapaghoneymoon. Bibili na lang kayo ng ‘honey’ at titingin na lang kayo sa ‘moon’. Eh, kasi nga, wala na kayong lakas (wala nang ibubuga). Drink na lang kayo ng tea or coffee and magtitinginan. tinangay na niya at nilagay sa Balikbayan Box? Talaga bang wala ka nang dahilan para mabuhay? Oww. Di nga? Naman naman. (Kung may utang ka na dapat bayaran, isa yon sa mga dahilan para patuloy kang mabuhay noh).

If you have no choice at talagang magkakalayo kayo for a long time, accept the possibility that you may find a new someone who could and would make you happy and content.

You only need to realise that only you have command of your life. No one – not even the person you have given so much of your love – could take control of your life; indeed, they aren’t your only reason for living. Your motivation to live is you (ikaw mismo), because you know that you are always going to love…. and be loved. So tigilan mo na yang pag slideslide sa wall at baka mapa-jingle ka pa dyan, ang layo pa naman ng toilet.

Ang daming naghihintay sa iyo, basta marunong ka lang tumingin sa paligid. Bigyan mo ng chance ang sarili mo. You have a whole new and exciting world in front of you. Grab it. Enjoy it. The door to your next adventure is open.

Ganon? So iniwan ka niya. Tapos mageemote ka. At habang sinasabi mo yan, ay nag-wa-walling ka. Yung bang nakasandal ka sa wall habang humihikbi at dahan-dahang bumababa at nag-islide ang katawan pa-upo sa makintab na floor o sahig (marami na ring gumawa sa movies niyan... di ba? tapos gagayahin mo pa; wala ka na bang originality? ). Ingat lang, baka may pako o thumbtacks na naka-usli sa wall, matusok pa likod mo; or kaya baka masira yang suot mong damit na kabibili mo lang sa ukay-ukay. Hanap ka ng background music habang ginagawa mo yon. Pwede na siguro yung Sundo ng Imago, or yung Natapos Tayo ni Nar Cabico.

Pero teka, bakit wala ka nang dahilan para mabuhay? Lahat ba ng pangarap mo sa buhay ay nilagay sa luggage niya nung iniwan ka? Nung umalis ba siya, buong pamilya mo ba at mga kaibigan mo ay nangibang planeta na rin? At higit sa lahat, pati ba respeto mo sa sarili ay

Love always starts simple, pure, and elegant. Keep it that way. Don’t make it complicated and thorny. If you’re still single, use your time wisely and try to rediscover yourself; you may have skills and talents that attract potential life partners, so flaunt them. You may be surprised how you have changed over the years. Explore possibilities and adjust your goals.

And most of all, do not lose focus on yourself and your well-being. You can only know how to give love when you have learned to love yourself.

Love, Pangyao Ron.

“Being compassionate and respectful is not written in our employment contracts, and this is something that we hope would be the norm for all employers,” says Marites Palma, an Isabela native who founded Social Justice for Migrant Workers (SJMW), a community group run by migrant domestic workers (MDWs) to help and support their peers.

Founded at the start of the COVID pandemic in May 2019, Marites’ aim was to help her fellow MDWs who were struggling with life abroad. “Marami kasi akong na-eencounter na mga kababayan na may mga problema sa amo - either sexual or physical abuse, illegal termination, at iba pa,” [I have encountered a lot of fellow MDWs who had problems with their employers – sexual and physical abuse, illegal termination, and many other problems] shares Marites. “Kaya naisip ko sa sarili ko, paano ko kaya sila matutulungan?” [So I thought to myself, how can I help them?]

Facebook tends to be the preferred social media outlet for migrant workers in Hong Kong, and this is where SJMW connect with the community. Through this platform, Marites and her administrators offer support to those in need of help, pointing them in the right direction for legal advice, counselling, and even sometimes medical assistance.

They help address issues related to employment disputes, worker welfare, and labour rights through their network of government, non-government, and private organisations. “Nakakatanggap kami ng hundreds na mga messages galing sa aming mga members na humihingi ng tulong kada lingo,” [We receive hundreds of messages from our members asking for help every week] notes Marites.

Enriching one’s skills and knowledge is also an important part of SJMW. With the help of their connections, they help publicise workshops, seminars, and training programs on a variety of topics such as financial literacy and mental health. These aim to equip MDWs with the tools for both for personal growth and for helping their peers in times of need.

And it never hurts to be given a little push in the right direction: “Ninominate ako ni Marie Kretz De Meglio CEO ng NGO na Uplifters para maging Resolve fellow noong 2019. Noong natapos ko yung kanilang leadership training, doon ko naisip kung ano ang pwede kong gawing project para makatulong sa kapwa, saka ko naisip buoin ang Social Justice for Migrant Workers,” [I was nominated to be a Resolve fellow by Marie Kretz De Meglio, CEO of Uplifters, in 2019. When I finished my leadership training, I thought about a project that could help my fellow workers. That’s how Social Justice for Migrant Workers started] shares Marites.

“Kahit ngayong nabuo ko na ang SJMW, tuloy tuloy pa din ang pagsali ko ng mga workshops at seminars. Gusto ko talagang matuto, kasi naibabalik ko din naman sa community ko.” [Even now that I have put together SJMW, I still join workshops and seminars, when I can. I love learning, because through learning, I can give it back to my community.]

This is one of Marites’ goals, to encourage her fellow migrant workers to join these free workshops, seminars, and classes that are offered by reputable organisations. “Mas maganda yung maglaan sila ng konting oras kapag day off nila para sumali sa mga ganitong mga workshops,” [It is better if they spare a little bit of their time during their days off to join these useful workshops] she says.

Asked whether she has a message for employers of MDWs in Hong Kong, Marites shares, “What I want for all employers is to treat their domestic workers fairly. Labour laws in Hong Kong are here to protect us, but it doesn’t say anything about being compassionate. Don’t shame us in public, give us enough food, give us enough rest – with these basic things, we can avoid feeling unwell, both physically and mentally. Employers don’t have to treat us like family, they just have to treat us like human beings.” @SocialJusticeForMigrantWorkers