October 2020 Newsletter by OutreachNC

OCTOBER 2020 - 1

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Feature Intro: Eating like A Bird: A Guide to Backyard Birding

Over the past few months, the same topic keeps coming up: birds. Specifically, backyard birding seems to be all the rage among friends, acquaintances and even co-workers who say they are waking up early and enjoying coffee while watching the hummingbirds hover near feeders and take in nectar (or, as is provided in feeders, a 4-1 water-to-sugar mixture). I sat with friends in Carthage a few weeks ago post-dinner, on their patio, and we too watched the hummingbirds, their high metabolisms and fluttering wings a soothing balance to our full bellies and sloth-like lounging. They drank sugar-water; we drank wine. With birding now on my radar, so to speak, I began noticing birds in my own yard. A cardinal sat on the grass a few days ago before spotting me and moving on. I hear the sounds of birds in the morning when it’s cool enough to open a window or door, and I’m left wondering: what are they saying? Who are these birds? And how can I learn more? To that end, John Barrett co-founder of AOS and Friends Care, Inc. reached out and provided a list of helpful links, resources and ideas if I wanted to learn more about a subject both he and his late wife, Mary Anne, came to love and find much joy in: backyard birding. Or, as people in the know refer to it: ByB. John and Mary Anne began ByB in 1978 in their first home in Pennsylvania and ran into many of the questions, concerns and struggles newbies to the hobby experience, from determined squirrels to deciding on proper supplies and equipment. Calling on a local nature store in their area, Wild Birds Unlimited, John and Mary Anne were able to get answers to their questions and solve problems. When the Barretts moved to Pinehurst in 2004, chief among their must-haves for a home was a place for birding.

CONTENTS

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ASK THE EXPERT: WHAT IS ADL? FEATURE: EATING LIKE A BIRD FAITH: BAD HAIR DAY? PHYSICAL THERAPY: MIGRAINE TREATMENT BOOK CLUB: WOMEN ROWING NORTH

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Amy Phariss, Editor-in-Chief, OutreachNC | editor@outreachnc.com

OCTOBER 2020 - 2 October is here and it finally feels like fall. The air is crisp rather than muggy; warm drinks abound. It’s finally sweater-weather, and pumpkin spice has been infused into everything from coffee to breakfast cereals. As social distancing and precautions continue, it seems easier to quarantine and remain indoors with earlier sunsets and cooler temperatures. For those of us who yearn for afternoon walks to blow the dust off our mental and physical selves, the lower temps bring welcome relief as we can make it more than a block before falling victim to heat stroke. October is particularly exciting with the arrival of festivals and fundraisers. This year’s unique circumstances (pandemic and all) require us to remember non-profits truly need us to continue to donate our time, talents and financial support. We are so grateful to be part of a community of people engaged with each other, who take care of each other, celebrate each other and look after each other. The annual Mums for Memory™ fundraiser is one we are honored to partner with. We were overwhelmed with the community generous support which will allow AOS & Friends Care to continue its mission of supporting programs and events to benefit those affected by dementia. As if a fall fundraiser and mums aren’t enough, we also have a full-blown guide on getting started with backyard birding. From tips on addressing hungry squirrels to making water more appealing, Wild Bird Unlimited owner Jon Davis helps us navigate the sometimes-confusing world of birds to encourage and enjoy a thriving birding paradise in our very own yards. Physical therapist Dr. Sara Morrison explores how migraine pain can be relieved by physical therapy, a welcome article for someone (like myself) who often struggles with debilitating migraines. You’ll want to read Dr. Morrison’s article if you or anyone you love struggles with migraines or tension headaches. Colette Bachand reminds us of the story of Samson and Delilah and how it applies to life as we now know it, and Amy Natt explains ADL Care in this month’s Ask the Expert. Finally, we’ve read and reviewed Mary Pipher’s Women Rowing North, and even Jeeves is adding this to his must-read list. We hope you are enjoying the cooler temperatures, the fall air and have an extra pep in your step as we shift seasons and fully embrace fall. Here’s to pumpkin spice muffins, lattes and bread pudding.

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ASK THE EXPERT: WHAT IS ADL?

I recently filed a claim for benefits with our long-term care provider. The policy repeatedly mentions ADL care and a plan of care. Can you explain what they are talking about? The plan of care (POC) for an individual is used to determine what type of problems, needs or challenges an individual may have, tasks or action steps to address those and goals to meet. It will also identify who will be involved in addressing needs and reaching goals. A POC is typically created and maintained by the health care provider or practitioner involved. It may be very specific to a certain type of therapy or more general to overall functionality. I like to think of them as a road map to care. When evaluating a person’s care needs, you will often see the term ADL or IADL. Here is how to break them down: ADL (Activities of Daily Living) Basic daily functions. • Bathing – how does the individual complete the bathing process. What type of assistance do they need to do it correctly and safely? • Grooming – this might include brushing teeth, nail and hair care, as well as shaving or other daily grooming tasks. • Dressing – how does the individual dress and undress themselves daily. What challenges might they face, like buttons, balance or weather appropriate choices? • Toileting – is the person able to use the toilet independently? To include wiping correctly, getting on and off the seat. • Continence – is the person continent of bowel and bladder? Do they have accidents? • Eating - is the person able to manage the mechanics of eating a meal? Do they use the utensils correctly, cut and chew food appropriately?

OCTOBER 2020 - 3 • Mobility – how does the individual move from one place to another? Can they walk? Get up out of a chair on their own? Fall risk? Do they need help to transfer from one place to another? IADL (Instrumental Activities of Daily Living) Supportive daily functions. • Transportation – does the individual still drive? Do they have access to transportation? • Meal Prep – who cooks and prepares the meals? • Shopping/Errands – how does the person access groceries? Are they able to shop and run errands? • Managing Medication – how are daily medications managed? Does the person take them correctly or need reminders? • Money Management – who manages household finances, bill paying, banking and taxes? Does the person need assistance to do these correctly? • Telephone Use – Can the person pick up the phone and call for help? Would they know to call 911? • Housekeeping – is the person able to clean the home, do laundry, change bedding? • Social Companionship – does the individual still engage in social outings, have access to activities, do things with friends or family? Is there a risk for isolation? • Safety Supervision – is the person oriented to time, place, location? Is it safe to leave the person alone or are there cognitive issues that create a risk? Addressing each of these areas is a great way to identify how well a person is able to function independently and where they need additional support. Each area of challenge can be broken down into specific details identifying specific problems and opportunities to support the person to ensure needs are being met. Tasks or action steps can be put in place, and goals established to help the person function and participate in each task to the best of their ability.

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OCTOBER 2020 - 4 continued from page 1 Soon after, they were thrilled to find a Wild Birds Unlimited store was opening in Aberdeen, enabling them to continue both their education and ability to outfit themselves properly for birding in their NC backyard. More than just a hobby, ByB became therapeutic for Mary Anne some years later when she developed Alzheimer’s Disease. John says, “Even in the middle stages of the disease, Mary Anne seemed to greatly enjoy being out in our sunroom and watching hummingbirds at their feeder, cardinals bathing in the bird bath, blue birds entering their house, and many species eating at the numerous feeding stations. This often brought a smile to her face when nothing else that day did.” For so many people, birding is a hobby enabling us to connect with nature, to watch creatures busy in their own work and to remember a different pace, a more soothing and gentle rhythm of daily life. Backyard birding enables all of us, those of us homebound, struggling with illness or simply sipping a cup of morning coffee before work and chores, to relax and commune with nature from our own spot of land.

Eating Like A Bird

A Guide to Backyard Birding by Amy Phariss

Photo Credit: Brady Beck

Per John’s suggestion, I headed down to Wild Birds Unlimited in Southern Pines for a chat with owner Jon Davis, who patiently answered my questions about backyard birding including how to get started, which mistakes to avoid and what to focus on in order to have the best possible experience. Here are Jon’s tips, thoughts and suggestions for getting started in the world of Backyard Birding:

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Step 1: Find high-quality seed and food!

THE KEY IS FINDING HIGH-QUALITY FOOD THAT APPEALS TO A VARIETY OF BIRDS AND WILL BE EATEN AND NOT SIMPLY DISCARDED BY THESE BIRDS. Seed that is discarded and left to rot will be eaten not only by ground-feeding birds but also by rodents, bringing more mice, possums, raccoons, and voles into your yard. Following these critters, of course, come snakes, which may not be a pleasant addition to one’s back porch.

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According to Wild Birds Unlimited, Bark Butter attracts cardinals, woodpeckers, catbirds, chickadees, mockingbirds, wrens and more. Over 150 different species of birds have been recorded enjoying Bark Butter, more than any other single kind of food.

Bark Butter is a spreadable suet, which is high in fat. Birds need high-fat food sources approximately nine months out of the year when they are trying to stay warm in the winter, and also when nesting, hatching and feeding babies. Suet is a great source of food for birds during these months.

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Davis explains that the quality of seed does matter when it comes to ByB. Much of the seed sold at cheaper prices and in larger quantity is made up of small, round balls comprised of millet and milo. Millet and milo is usually used specifically to attract ground-feeding birds such as game birds like quail and grouse, but it is not preferred by songbirds, for example. So, if your feeder is filled with millet and/ or milo songbirds might dig through it and scatter it to the ground, but they won’t eat it. Also, those round seeds often plug a feeder’s drain holes, resulting in more moisture damage to the seed. If you want to attract an array of songbirds and birds other than ground-feeding birds, choose a better seed mix or even Bark Butter. According to Davis, a large variety of birds adore Bark Butter, which can be applied to just about any surface, including feeders, to attract birds.

o W E Do T

fundraiser thank you!

Thank you for supporting Mums for Memory!

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Your donations allow AOS & Friends Care to provide a variety of free services to the community including direct care grants, personalized music players, robo companion pets, resources, and education.

The need for funds and community support is yearround. We invite you to include AOS & Friends Care in your end-of-year donations. ALL DONATIONS ARE TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.

aosfcare.org/donations

OCTOBER 2020 - 6

Step 2: Provide water and make it move! Davis also suggests bird baths for attracting birds to one’s yard. Even during the fall season, when Mother Nature typically provides enough food for birds, making them less likely to need our feeders, birds need water.

AS DAVIS SAYS, “NOT ALL BIRDS ARE SEED EATERS, BUT EVERY BIRD NEEDS WATER.” The key to attracting birds with water is not as simple as it sounds, however. “Stagnate water doesn’t always get a bird’s attention,” Davis says. “Moving water is what they’ll see when they’re flying by.” Moving water? Yes, ripples get a bird’s attention, and several options exist for keeping the water in a birdbath moving. From a simple, batteryoperated Water Wiggler (around $40 at Wild Birds Unlimited) or a dripper/mister, keeping water moving is a sure-fire way to attract more birds with water. Davis also reminds ByBing newbies to remember to keep the water in a fountain or bath clean and fresh, refilling it daily by simply tipping the fountain over, draining the old water, scrubbing out any dirt or debris and refilling the fountain with fresh water. Birds, it seems, have standards. When you think about what role songbirds play in nature, one of their functions is to spread seeds and nuts far and wide, causing more plants to grow in more areas providing more food for more animals. They are designed to eat the freshest foods on Earth, and we need to try to match that in order to attract the greatest variety of interesting species. Old seed, or the wrong seed, is not going to cut it. You can attract some species, or young birds who can’t find and defend a better territory yet, but you aren’t really helping them much as they can waste a lot of time dumping most of that food on the ground vs. actually finding and eating high quality, nutritious food.

Step 3: Create a bird-happy natural habitat in your own backyard! The birds we see in the back of our Sandhills yards are, for the most part, native to this area, which means they prefer native plants. The trouble? Many landscaping companies and unknowing homeowners plant either non-native or invasive plants that birds and other pollinators (bees, butterflies, etc.) simply aren’t attracted to. This means birds and other critters will move on, in search of native plants’ nectar and food including the insects also attracted to these native plants. As Davis notes, “Our insect biomass has been depressed. I remember not too long ago, I used to have to clean my windshield all the time there were so many dead bugs. Now, I hardly have to clean it at all.”

THE INSECT BIOMASS HAS BEEN DRAMATICALLY REDUCED IN PART DUE TO INSECTICIDES, WEEDICIDES AND OTHER PEST-CONTROL PRODUCTS THAT MAKE OUR YARDS AND GOLF COURSES LOOK PRISTINE BUT ARE WREAKING HAVOC ON OUR NATURAL HABITAT. Without insects, birds (some of whom eat insects) are without a crucial rung in their own natural ladder. What do we do? The first thing we can do is plant and maintain native plants in our yards. With a little research and guidance from local gardening centers, it’s possible to take small steps but have a big impact on the local ecosystem simply with the plants we choose to include in our landscaping. Also, Davis points out that people shouldn’t be in such a hurry to prune everything that looks dead in the fall. Depending on the variety of plant, it may provide vital food and/or shelter in the coming winter. Prune before spring instead.

OCTOBER 2020 - 7 Second, we can limit our use of potentially harmful pesticides and learn more about how they impact the environment and biomass. Third, we can provide high-quality seed and food and fresh water for birds in our own yards. Many new birding enthusiasts are concerned if feeding birds is upsetting the natural balance of the ecosystem itself by making birds dependent on humans for seed or disturbing migration patterns. Davis is quick to dispel this myth. “We’ve already upset the balance. We’ve destroyed the balance. By feeding, we’re replacing what we’ve destroyed!” Davis also notes that birds are not mammals, who will become dependent on human feeding. Birds, however, will always seek out the most natural source of food when it is readily available. In this way, a bird’s activity at our feeders is a barometer of Mother Nature. When resources are abundant in the wild, we will see far fewer birds at our feeders. When those resources become less plentiful, the birds will come seeking food we provide. For all of us, when we stop and listen and sit down to watch, birds can be a gentle reminder of Mother Nature’s own timing and pace. For Mary Anne Barrett, birding brought her peace and joy in a time when life became disrupted, and for her husband, the couple’s ByB adventures live on in his memory as well as his backyard.

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OCTOBER 2020 - 8

Enjoy the of Quail Haven Village in the

Jon Davis’ Tips for Squirrel-Free Feeding

1.You’ll need a tall pole with the top of a baffle set 5 feet off the ground (and the bottom of the feeder no lower than 5 feet off the ground. Squirrels can’t jump higher than 4-4.5 feet, which makes these measurements key. Also, ensure the feeder has an 8-10 circumference around it free from any object a squirrel might jump from (like a tree, fountain, furniture, etc.). If you have a large space free, these measurements can all but eliminate a squirrel’s ability to access to your feeder.

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2.Buy a well-designed squirrel-proof feeder. Davis says this is where the old adage “you get what you pay for” makes sense. A high-quality, well-made feeder starts around $38 for a small feeder and goes up to roughly $99 for a larger feeder with six holes. Each feeder has different features and options, so be sure to look at how many birds you hope to feed at one time, whether or not the feeder can accept a weather guard and what materials are used in its construction. Spending a bit more on a welldesigned feeder will save you a lot of hassle and expense down the road. Also, keep even a squirrelproof feeder about 10 inches from any surface a squirrel can hang on to and reach the feeder from (like a tree branch or furniture). 3.Use habanero-infused seed. Birds do not have capsaicin receptors, so they’re not affected by spicy peppers (in fact birds eat hot peppers where hot peppers grow naturally), but squirrels and other rodents do not appreciate a habanero-infused seed mix. Davis notes cayenne isn’t hot enough to deter many squirrels, but habanero oil usually does the trick. He notes that his shop sells more habaneroflavored seed and suets than the normal versions! 4. Feed safflower seed, which is a small, white seed high in fat and protein. Squirrels and blackbirds don’t care for this seed, making it an excellent choice. The one caveat, according to Davis, is that due to safflower’s one-seed variety, it will not attract such a large variety of birds.

OCTOBER 2020 - 9

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FAITH: BAD HAIR DAY?

OCTOBER 2020 - 10 So, did you let your hair grow long or did you cut it yourself? When all the barber shops and beauty salons closed due to the pandemic, did you say, “Oh, what the heck!” and let it grow, or did you take matters into your own hands and cut it yourself, for better or worse? (Usually worse.) At some point this summer I realized I hadn’t had this much hair since the 1980’s and when I flip through my phone now at pictures from the summer, I’m finding some pretty funny images of the people I love. Getting that first haircut when salons opened felt like a victory; not only did I look better, but somehow, getting my hair cut seemed to suggest that the virus, when all was said and done, hadn’t gotten the best of me. Hair and hair cutting actually has interesting Biblical significance. Cutting one’s hair completely off in ancient times was a signal of mourning, while letting it grow long signified someone was setaside for a special purpose. If you are familiar with the story of Samson and Delilah from Hebrew scripture, the mighty Samson’s strength was found in his hair. (I think I felt like that in the 80’s too, but I digress!) History romanticized their story, but the real Samson and Delilah story is about betrayal. Delilah made a pact with the local authorities to figure out what made Samson so strong. After a night of consuming a little too much wine, while he is sleeping, Delilah cuts off Samson’s hair. Betrayed by the one he thought loved him,

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Samson’s strength is gone. He is arrested, powerless without his hair and thrown into prison. (Read Judges chapter 4 if you want the rest of the story.) Other places in the Bible tell us that God loves us so much and knows us so personally, that God knows every hair on our heads. So maybe there are some lessons about hair from our faith that can get us through these challenging days. First of all, at the end of the day, our hair can be a reminder (since it’s something we look at every day) that God knows every little thread and inch of it, so who are we not trust that God isn’t applying the styling mousse, hair spray and conditioner we need? If God knows every hair on our head, then when we look in the mirror, we must see ourselves as a reflection of the one who created us. Secondly, it is true, we have never been in times like this, but we are not the first people to feel that way, and along the way we are learning that even the worst haircut grows back. Samson’s did; he regained his strength and became a hero. I pray the future will look back at us and say we were heroic for staying steadfast in faith during difficult times. Perhaps the future will say we were the ones who insisted we could feel joy and hope, even when it was hard to do so. Despite your worst hair day, God has held you close. Like birds that molt their end of season feathers, we can shed our moments of fear and doubt knowing that with the help of the Divine we too will be restored. Samson’s superpower may have been in his hair, and maybe after your first hair cut when salons reopened you felt that way too, but the God who knows every hair on our head is never far away, and that is our true superpower.

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GRAY MATTER GAMES

ACROSS

1. Kuwaiti, e.g. 5. Erased 10. Boor’s lack 14. Box office take 15. Start of a refrain 16. Bounce back, in a way 17. Brawl 18. Three-___ fork 19. Heroin, slangily 20. Beginning 22. Equips for military duty 24. Lively intelligence 26. Home, informally 27. “Potemkin” setting 30. Wears away 32. Machine to cut and bundle grain 33. Banquet 34. Blouse, e.g. 37. Driver’s licenses, for

one (2 wds) 39. Deer-like 41. “For shame!” 42. Exactly (3 wds) 44. Chemical cousin 45. Statue base 47. Most desperate 48. “Beat it!” 49. Harvest fly 51. More loyal 53. Pomp 57. Grasp 58. Retain with stone 60. “Field of Dreams” setting 61. Carbon compound 62. Fragrant resin 63. Alpine transport 64. Contradict 65. Big Bertha’s birthplace 66. Toy that comes easily to hand

DOWN

1. City on the Yamuna River 2. Commuter line 3. Above 4. Residential suburb of Washington, D.C. 5. His “4” was retired 6. Frock wearer 7. Imaginary 8. Type of guitar 9. Carpenter’s groove 10. Blue book filler 11. Computer’s interval between request and

delivery (2 wds) 12. Mariner’s aid 13. Clothing 21. Claim 23. Lower surface 25. Forgive 27. Final notice 28. Lover of Aeneas 29. Vertebrate’s brain 31. Iroquoian language 35. Aces, sometimes 36. Chipper 38. Bags with shoulder straps 40. Excessive desire to eat

OCTOBER 2020 - 11

43. Those who steal 46. Forte 48. Backgammon piece 50. ___ de menthe 51. Abandon 52. Algonquian Indian 54. Gray wolf 55. “Shoo!” 56. Hawaiian tuber 59. Bolivian export

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PHYSICAL THERAPY: MIGRAINE RELIEF & TREATMENT

Do you or a loved one suffer from repeated headaches or migraines? Are you tired of missing work or family activities because of your pain? Have you tried medication or injections but still can’t get the relief? Do you just want to get back to “normal” without being medicated all day? If you answered “YES” to any of the above, keep reading! Chronic headaches or migraines can cause severe throbbing pain in the head and neck. It’s often accompanied by nausea, vomiting, and extreme sensitivity to light and sound. Migraine attacks can last for hours to days, and the pain can be so severe that it interferes with your work, family activities, daily chores, and life in general.

ACCORDING TO THE MIGRAINE RESEARCH FOUNDATION, MIGRAINES ARE THE 3RD MOST PREVALENT ILLNESS IN THE WORLD, AFFECTING 12% OF THE POPULATION. But there is hope! WHAT CAUSES MIGRAINES? Many times, migraines or headaches can be caused by tight muscles in the back of the head or neck. These muscles often become tight and spasm with poor posture--especially when slumping back in your chair or leaning forward at your desk or computer. (Come on, you know you do it!) When these muscles become tight or spasm, they literally pull on the back of your head. This causes a headache at the base of your skull. When the pain worsens, it can travel up your head, into your forehead, or behind your eyes. Pain, numbness, tingling, or burning can also travel into your shoulders, arms, fingers, or base of your shoulder blades. Sometimes all those places! Let’s say your migraines are due to other causes (e.g., hormones, smells, or lights). Your neck muscles can still be tight. What do you do when you get a headache? Often people lie down or don’t move. This further tightens your neck muscles. Doing this for many months--or even years--can worsen your posture and weaken your muscles, increasing your pain.

OCTOBER 2020 - 13 PT is very effective to reduce your tightness, increase your motion, improve your posture, and strengthen your neck and upper back muscles. How Does PT Work? The great thing about Physical Therapy is there are multiple treatments, machines, and techniques we can use to help all kinds of pain and issues. Here are some of the best treatments we utilize to help migraine and headache sufferers: MASSAGE Nothing gets those knots and spasms out like a good massage. With 7+ years of schooling, no one does massage better than a PT! We get deep down to release those spasms, knots, scar tissue, and trigger points. PTs have studied the body extensively and know all those tricky spots where the spasms and pain like to hang out. And we are highly trained to go and get them. DIAGNOSTIC TESTING EMG/Nerve Conduction is used if you have numbness, tingling, or burning. It assesses if your nerve is damaged or pinched and PINPOINTS where the exact problem is, getting you better faster. DIAGNOSTIC ULTRASOUND At times, pain can radiate or shoot from unlikely spots. Old shoulder injuries can often mimic a neck issue. Ultrasound provides a high-resolution image of joints, picking up small things that an MRI cannot. It can even assess a joint while it moves, letting us know not only how the area looks at rest, but how it looks during movement. At a fraction of the cost of an MRI, a diagnostic ultrasound is a great way to visualize tendons, swelling, arthritis, and more. DRY NEEDLING (DN) DN is the treatment of choice for chronic pain to get long lasting relief. DN uses skinny needles (acupuncture needles) to go beyond the skin, into the fascia, and into the deep muscle layers. It breaks up scar tissue and knots, realigns the muscle fibers, and allows muscles to glide and slide like normal. DEEP TISSUE LASER (DTL) DTL is an FDA approved therapy that speeds up the body’s natural healing process and improves results. It targets your T-Cells (healing cells) and makes them grow and replicate faster. DTL is effective in treating pain, muscle spasms, swelling, and more. It is great for immediate pain relief, and it is an excellent alternative to medication or injections. All of these PT services can drastically reduce your pain and missed time at work and get you back to the activities you love.

OCTOBER 2020 - 14

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Walter’s wife called and said this: “ Walter, don’t forget your swimsuit – water’s just fine! ”

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Walter, who has hearing loss, heard this:

“ Just forget your swimsuit... won’t have mine! ”

n (844) 519 4806 (new phone number) n captelnc.com FEDERAL LAW PROHIBITS ANYONE BUT REGISTERED USERS WITH HEARING LOSS FROM USING INTERNET PROTOCOL (IP) CAPTIONED TELEPHONES WITH THE CAPTIONS TURNED ON. IP Captioned Telephone Service may use a live operator. The operator generates captions of what the other party to the call says. These captions are then sent to your phone. There is a cost for each minute of captions generated, paid from a federally administered fund. No cost is passed on to the CapTel user for using the service. CapTel is a registered trademark of Ultratec, Inc. NC Department of Health and Human Services • Division of Services for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing ncdhhs.gov/divisions/dsdhh • NCDHHS is an equal opportunity employer and provider. • 06/2020

ONC BOOK CLUB

OCTOBER 2020 - 15 4. Pipher addresses the difference between loneliness WOMEN ROWING NORTH: and solitude in Women Rowing North, which is a compelling and important concept to ponder. So NAVIGATING LIFE’S CURRENTS often, we feel lonely as we age (when friends move, AND FLOURISHING AS WE AGE kids have busy lives of their own and loved ones pass away), but there is also comfort in solitude, which we Writer, activist and psychologist Mary Pipher’s book often have the wisdom to appreciate as we grow older. centers on the issue of women’s experiences aging and 5. In Chapter 3, Pipher discusses the idea of “Healing growing older, which sounds as if it might be depressing Packages,” which are rituals to help us heal, which are or negative but manages to be inspiring yet incredibly key to resiliency. It makes one think about how we realistic. Pipher deals with the physical, spiritual, each individually heal, and how we can develop habits emotional and community aspects of aging, all of to aid this process so that we are stronger, healthier which have pros and cons. She delves into her personal and more resilient for our future. Healing Packages experiences with health issues, grief and loss, and how can be anything from time with loved ones, better she has managed to address obstacles and either turn sleep hygiene or avoiding the evening news if we find lemons into lemonade (for lack of a better expression) it disturbing. From healthy, soothing foods to daily or simply face the reality of her situation and move on. rituals, we can all contribute to our own healing. As a woman of 45, I am not necessarily in the audience 6. In Chapter 9, Pipher writes, “Each of us has the Pipher’s book is geared toward (which is 60+), but much freedom to decide what is essential.” This is an of what Pipher writes about still resonates with me either important message, particularly as we age, because personally or with what I see my mother, family members our lives can be either reactive or proactive. We can and friends experiencing as they pass the 60 year mark. either spend our time reacting to the external world, This book gave me a hopeful, realistic expectation for or we can decide what matters to us as individuals and what is to come, should I create lives shaped and empowered by these essential be lucky enough to reach values. 60 and beyond, and I’m 7. Finally, one of Pipher’s loveliest messages is that the grateful for the perspective future is today. We can watch the sun set today. We it sheds on aging from a can call a friend, meet for coffee, do yoga, take a female perspective. nap, play with a grandchild, have an argument, eat Here are 10 Things I loved chocolate, sip coffee or go to a drive-in movie…. about Pipher’s Women today. We often get caught up in planning for the best Rowing North: tomorrow, but the future is today. 8. Jeeves gives Women Rowing North a full 4.5 stars for 1. Though Pipher writes giving him a nuanced perspective of a woman’s view about and from the of aging and for encouraging him to appreciate the female perspective, small treasures in his own life. much of aging and 9. Pipher notes, in Chapter 9, “In life, as in writing, it is growing older is as important to know what to delete as it is to know universal. A great deal what to add.” Editing, even in life, is the key to quality of what is discussed in this book would be equally over quantity. relevant for men, and it might help couples better 10. Finally, Pipher makes a note in Women Rowing North understand the experience of rowing north from their that sits with me as a woman in middle age. She notes partner’s perspective. that many women my age are too busy (with work, 2. In Chapter 1, Pipher writes, “My body would age; kids and a lot of hustle) to make deep, long-lasting my soul would expand.” This is a lovely and true friendships with other women. We pay the price for thought. Though our bodies age, our souls, minds this later, when we have time but perhaps not the and emotions are not as limited as the physical depth of friendships we desire to truly appreciate and manifestations of ourselves. fill that time. I am sitting with this reminder now, and 3. Pipher notes that we must fight ageism….even I am thoughtful about how to avoid this mistake. in ourselves. I thought this concept was a useful Mary Pipher is the author of 10 books including her #1 reminder. We often think of negativity or struggle as New York Times bestseller Reviving Ophelia. For more external hardship, but we often have internal barriers to growth we must contend with. It made me stop and about Pipher and a list of her books, visit her website at https://marypipher.com. think: what are my negative associations with aging?

H STA O Y AN M E I N D LO YO SA N U FE G E R R R

OCTOBER 2020 - 16

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