FEATURE WHEN THE SPIRIT WAVERS: UNDERSTANDING SPIRITUAL DISTRESS IN LATER LIFE
For many older adults, faith has long been a steady compass—guiding, grounding, and offering meaning through the turns of life. Yet as the years bring change, loss, and new uncertainties, even the most deeply rooted faith can tremble. This quiet, often unspoken struggle is what many spiritual leaders call spiritual distress—a disorientation of the soul that leaves one questioning purpose, connection, or even God’s presence.
In conversations with three local pastors, a shared theme emerged: spiritual distress is not a failure of faith but part of its evolution—a time of disorientation that can ultimately lead to deeper understanding.
Thanksgiving is upon us — a time for turkeys, gravy, football, and the annual scramble to remember which side of the family likes the cranberry sauce shaped like a can. It’s the season when kitchens fill with familiar sounds and the air carries that unmistakable mix of cinnamon, sage, and nostalgia.
This month, we’re slowing down to think about gratitude — what it means, how it shifts with time and where we can still find it when life feels complicated.
In our feature article, “When the Spirit Wavers,” three local pastors share their perspectives on spiritual distress and how faith, even when shaken, can lead us toward deeper peace.
, OutreachNC | editor@outreachnc.com
In “Ask the Expert,” Care Manager Kate Pomplun explore ways to make the holidays meaningful, even when family is far away. Pomplun offers insight into the nuances of solo holidays and practical suggestions for making the most of the season, even on our own.
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
In “A Taste of Christmas,” we celebrate the sweetness of the season with three timeless cookie recipes that remind us warmth often starts in the kitchen. Fire up your ovens, beat your butter like it owes you money and prepare to enjoy flavors, both old and new!
Amy Phariss, Editor-in-Chief
Finally, in “Mental Health Matters,” we return to the quiet practice of gratitude — not as a grand gesture, but as a gentle daily habit that nurtures emotional wellness
Well, it’s official: fall is here. I had my first pumpkin-spiced latte just ture dipped low enough to merit a fleece.
Don’t worry. It was decaf.
and steadies the soul. We all know we should be keeping gratitude journals, but we often think of it as another chore on our to-do list. Hopefully, these prompts and quotes can help ease expectation and create a gentler, softer habit for something enriching.
October is a gentle month. There are constant reminders of change. we are lucky, toward each other. We have lingering conversations over the flames flicker. Smoke dances around us in a circle. We zip our jackets
Before signing off, November is also the month we celebrate our veterans. Two writers’ words capture the appreciation we feel for our veterans this season:
In this month’s feature, we’re starting an important conversation: care community for ourselves or a loved one? Fox Hollow Senior Robin Hutchings offers inside perspective for making this decision.
“A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”
— Joseph Campbell, mythologist and author
In Ask the Expert, Amy Natt answers a reader’s question regarding away without any estate planning. Without a will or access to important
“He loves his country best who strives to make it best.”
— Robert G. Ingersoll, lawyer, orator, and Civil War veteran
Physical therapist Dr. Sara Morrison of Total Body Therapy and Wellness potential diagnostic tools used in physical therapy to help diagnose these tools differ from what other doctor’s offices may offer.
I’m going to agree with Nathaniel Hawthorne this month, who wrote:
I cannot endure to waste anything so precious as autumnal sunshine spent almost all the daylight hours in the open air.
Here’s to enjoying the October sunshine, falling leaves and daylight
May this season remind us of the treasures right here (and the people who’ve protected them) — the friends we share a table with, the neighbors who wave from the porch, the quiet moments that ask for nothing more than our attention. Here’s to community, connection, and the beauty around us, waiting to be noticed.
Kate Pomplun, LMSW, CMC | AOS Care Management Care Manager | kate@agingcaresolutionsnc.com
Q: My adult children are scattered across the country, and this year I’ll be celebrating alone. How can I make the holidays feel special without family nearby?
A: This is a great (and courageous) question. The first thing to know is: you’re not alone in feeling this way. Many people find the holidays bittersweet — full of memories, but not always full of company. When loved ones live far away or when the rhythm of family life has changed, it’s natural to feel that something important is missing.
But being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely, and this season can still hold warmth, purpose, and connection — sometimes in new and surprising ways. You can actually start with a little dose of grace and selfcompassion. It’s okay to acknowledge that this year feels different. Don’t rush yourself into false cheerfulness or compare your holidays to years past (or to the perfect scenes we see in movies and on social media). Allow yourself to feel what you feel — sadness, nostalgia, even frustration. These emotions don’t cancel out gratitude. They’re just part of being human.
Try setting aside time to consider:
• What do the holidays truly mean to you at this stage of life?
• Which parts of the season still bring comfort or joy?
• Which traditions feel like obligations instead pleasures?
By recognizing what matters most, you can reshape the holiday into something more peaceful and authentic, to yourself and to this time in life.
Also, remember that we can connect….even from afar. Even when we can’t be in the same room, love still travels surprisingly well. Technology isn’t a substitute for a hug, but it can help keep bonds alive.
Here are some ways to stay close:
• Plan a “holiday hour” with your family by video call — open gifts together, share what you’re cooking, or toast with your favorite drink.
• Mail small surprises ahead of time — a handwritten note, recipe, or ornament — and ask them to open it during the call.
• Record yourself reading a story for grandchildren or sharing a favorite holiday memory. These simple gestures can become treasures for your family.
If you prefer to keep technology minimal, an oldfashioned phone call, letter, or Christmas card exchange can also help you feel connected to your loved ones. We’ve never heard of anyone turning down a box of homemade cookies, made and shipped with love.
Many people who celebrate the holidays solo find that creating a sense of warmth and coziness over the season helps a lot. Your home can be comfortable and joyous even when it’s quiet.
You can set the tone with small, intentional rituals:
• Light a candle each evening and take a few deep breaths in gratitude.
• Decorate one corner of your home with items that make you smile — photos, a wreath, or twinkling lights.
• Play music that stirs good memories or try a new holiday playlist.
• Prepare a favorite meal just for you. Use your best dishes. Sit down and truly enjoy the food, the experience and the moment.
Sometimes, simply creating an atmosphere of warmth and care can shift the whole day.
Finally, when life changes, traditions can too. This might be a good time to develop new traditions. It can be exciting to think: what do I want to do, on my own schedule, on my own terms?
Try one new thing this year:
• Take a winter walk in nature and notice the stillness.
• Start a gratitude journal for the month of December.
• Treat yourself to a new book, class, or creative project
• Write letters to friends or family sharing your hopes for the new year.
These small rituals can give shape to the day and create new memories to carry forward.
Being alone during the holidays doesn’t erase the love you’ve given or received.
Connection is carried in memory, care, and continued relationship. Whether through prayer, phone calls, acts of kindness, or quiet reflection, there are still ways to feel part of something good.
Live
Embrace vibrant living and world-class charm at Fox Hollow Senior Living, where each day is filled with connection, comfort, and care. Whether painting in the studio, strolling our scenic grounds, or exploring Pinehurst’s golf and shopping destinations—you’ll find more than just a place to live. You’ll find a place to thrive.
WHEN THE SPIRIT WAVERS:
UNDERSTANDING SPIRITUAL DISTRESS IN LATER LIFE
by Amy Phariss
By Amy Obst
Defining Spirituality
Before understanding distress, it helps to understand spirituality itself. For these pastors, spirituality isn’t a private or abstract concept—it’s the foundation of meaning, connection, and the lifelong search for purpose.
At First Baptist Church of Southern Pines, Greg Lundberg, Minister of Music & Senior Adults, approaches spirituality through both reason and faith.
Lundberg says, “All of life has meaning and purpose for those who believe in God. With that in mind, no part of life is meaningless, even hard times and suffering. We don’t like it when difficult times come, but faith gives rise to hope and that helps pull us through. We don’t always understand those difficult moments, but we can ultimately trust in the goodness of God.”
Lundberg reflects on the story of Job, a man who remained faithful despite tremendous suffering. “Job didn’t reject God,” he explains. “He was angry, and he took it out by talking to God. I think the larger story for the rest of us is that life is hard. We’re going to have bad experiences. There’s no way to avoid it. Either God is there to help you through it, or you lead a life without hope..”
HE PAUSES. “EVERYONE IS BUILT TO WORSHIP. I DON’T KNOW OF A CULTURE THAT DOESN’T HAVE DEITIES, SOME KIND OF SPIRITUAL FOCUS. WHERE DOES THAT NEED COME FROM? EVEN THE GREEKS HAD A NUMBER OF GODS - AND A STATUE TO THE ‘UNKNOWN GOD’ JUST TO COVER THEIR BASES. IT’S A DESIRE TO BE SETTLED SOMEHOW.”
For Lundberg, spirituality is that human striving toward wholeness—the “return to the original shape of a human being, the image of God.” It’s the lifelong process of becoming more complete, more compassionate, more aligned with the divine image within us.
At Brownson Memorial Presbyterian Church in Southern Pines, Rev. John C. Hage, Senior Pastor, defines spirituality more simply but no less profoundly: “I would say it has something to do with…that experience of God’s presence. There is something about presence that means more to me now than it has ever meant.”
For Hage, spirituality is the lived awareness of that presence—most often encountered through community, worship, and the sacred quiet of relationship. “It’s where faith meets care,” he says. “We experience God through each other.”
At Southern Pines United Methodist Church, Rev. John Michael McAllister, Senior Pastor, defines spirituality through the lens of connection:
SPIRITUALITY IS ABOUT CONNECTION. GENERALLY, WHEN WE USE THAT WORD, WE’RE THINKING ABOUT CONNECTION WITH A HIGHER POWER WE CALL GOD, BUT IT’S NOT MERELY A CONNECTION WITH GOD. IT ALSO INVOLVES A CONNECTION WITH OTHERS.
So, in Christian terms, broadly speaking, it always comes back to God and neighbor. What is the greatest command in the law, they asked Jesus, …you shall love the Lord your God…and love your neighbor as yourself. When we push more deeply into that, those aren’t two different things. They’re two sides of the same coin. How do we love God? In part, we do that by loving neighbor well. What is neighbor? Neighbor is anybody who is in your sphere, is anybody who, like you, bears the image of God in the world, is a God-bearer in the world.
Together, their views reveal spirituality as both universal and intimate—a shared human drive to find meaning and a personal journey toward becoming more whole.
When That Connection Wavers
If spirituality is the ongoing search for meaning and connection—to God, to others, to the self—then spiritual distress develops when those bonds are strained or broken. Loss, illness, isolation, or the quiet loss of purpose can all leave people feeling spiritually disoriented.
For many seniors, this season of life can bring significant change: the loss of loved ones, the end of careers, diminished mobility, and, often, a shrinking social world. When the familiar rhythms of faith and community begin to fade, even deeply rooted believers can feel lost.
WORDS THAT ILLUMINATE
Rev. John Michael McAllister, Senior Pastor, Southern Pines United Methodist Church
When asked to share a few reflections that continue to shape his understanding of faith, connection, and spiritual wellness, Rev. John Michael McAllister offered these words from voices who have inspired him through the years. Each, he says, “holds a small piece of truth about what it means to live in love, to grow, and to stay awake to the presence of God.”
1. “The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.” — James Baldwin
2. “We seem to think God will love us if we change. Paul clearly knows that God loves us so we can change. The only people who change, who are transformed, are people who feel safe, who feel their dignity, and who feel loved. When you feel loved, when you feel safe, and when you know your dignity, you just keep growing! That’s what loving people do for one another—offer safe relationships in which we can change. This kind of love is far from sentimental; it has real power.”
— Fr. Richard Rohr
3. “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell
4. “I am utterly convinced God will have all kinds of grace if we get the theology wrong. I am not entirely sure how God will take it if we got the loving other people, seeking justice, and choosing mercy part of life wrong.” — Stephen Bryce
5. “Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement, to get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.” — Abraham Joshua Heschel
6. “I really only love God as much as I love the person I love least.” — Dorothy Day
It’s in these moments, the pastors agree, that spirituality moves from being an idea to a lived reality—something that must be rediscovered, rebuilt, or reimagined. Often, we begin exploring the spirituality of our youth, the black-and-white lessons we learned as children, with the added nuance and perspective of decades of lived experience.
Disorientation: The Loss of the
Familiar
Lundberg describes spiritual distress as a season of disorientation. Drawing on theologian Walter Brueggemann’s reflections on the psalms, he explains that life moves in recurring cycles: orientation, disorientation, and reorientation.
“We get up in the morning and may be fairly oriented,” he says. “Then things happen and you become disoriented, and then we work through whatever it is, and we get reoriented again.”
It’s a rhythm as ancient as the psalms of lament—expressions of grief, confusion, and yearning that mirror our own human search for stability and hope.
Lundberg points to the COVID pandemic as a time of massive disorientation, particularly for seniors. “We’re still not ‘normal’ after that,” he reflects. “We need to find a way to replace what’s been lost—the connection, the human interaction, the love.”
For Lundberg, spiritual distress often comes with despair—over things done or left undone—and with it, a call to rebuild what anchors us to each other and to God.
Despair and the Gift of Presence
At Brownson Memorial Presbyterian Church, Hage describes spiritual distress as despair and a lack of hope. He has seen it most vividly in those immobilized by grief—the ones who, as he puts it, “just can’t get out of it.”
“It’s overwhelming. It has immobilized them. They can’t really see a way forward,” Hage says.
“THE ANSWER IS NOT TO GIVE EASY ANSWERS—IT’S TO MOSTLY LISTEN.”
In Hage’s ministry, listening itself becomes sacred work. Presence—not platitudes—helps restore the smallest flicker of hope.
“IN CHURCH, AT LEAST WHEN APPROPRIATE,
A HUG—PHYSICAL TOUCH—IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I CAN
DO.”
He also speaks of holy friendships—bonds of solidarity formed among people with no family nearby, who choose to become family for one another. “I’ve seen that so many times,” he says. “People have done extraordinary things for each other, even granting power of attorney, with no family relationship. That proximity and solidarity help in spiritual distress.”
Through presence, touch, and shared burden, despair softens into connection—a reminder that God’s comfort often comes through human hands.
When Faith Itself Falters
At Southern Pines United Methodist Church, McAllister approaches the topic from a different angle—one rooted in both theology and lived experience.
“There are a couple different ways I can go with that,” he begins. “One, I would say there would be, like, a trauma, such as abuse of power within the leadership. More saliently, more commonly, in American Christianity that is its own unique form of Christian expression, there is very much a quid pro quo understanding of God, which scripture itself gives credence to: you do this, God will be faithful. You do good, you receive blessings. You do bad, you receive curses.
More saliently around aging—we’ve done all the right things…but my adult son has cancer. Why is God doing that to him? Why is he doing that to me? People literally ask Jesus in the Gospels: who sinned? Him or his parents?
I’ve tried to be a good person, to do the right things, and yet I’ve experienced this loss, this diagnosis, this tragic event in my life. What does this say about God? Mike Tyson says, ‘Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.’
WE ALL HAVE OUR PREFERRED WAYS OF LOOKING AT THE WORLD, WHICH WORK WELL ENOUGH UNTIL THEY DON’T, UNTIL WE EXPERIENCE SOME HARDSHIP, SOME DISTRESS, SOME LOSS. OUR UNDERSTANDING OF GOD HAS TO SHIFT OR MATURE, OR BOTH.”
For many older adults, that shift may come late in life—after illness, loss, or a reevaluation of long-held beliefs. It’s not the end of faith, McAllister emphasizes, but its deepening: a movement toward a more honest, enduring relationship with God that can hold both suffering and grace.
The Way Forward
Taken together, these three perspectives form a kind of modern psalm: lament, reflection, and the outline of hope. Spiritual distress, we are reminded, is not something to hide or fix quickly—it is a natural part of a life of faith.
As Lundberg notes, the psalms themselves follow this path: from disorientation to reorientation, from lament to renewal. And though the journey through grief, doubt, or disconnection may be long, it is also sacred.
Next month, in “Finding Light Again: Restoring Spiritual Wellness Through Connection and Care,” we’ll continue this conversation— looking at how community, friendship, and faith practices can help rekindle meaning and hope, especially during the holiday season.
Editor’s Note: Greg Lundberg has, since the original interview, retired from his position with First Baptist Church of Southern Pines. We offer our congratulations, appreciation and thanks for his service in his role and his perspective for this interview.
MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS: GRATITUDE AS A GENTLE PRACTICE
Amy Phariss, LCMHCA, Clarity Counseling NC
When life feels busy or heavy — and the holidays can bring a bit of both — gratitude offers a simple, steady way to return to center. It isn’t about pretending everything is fine or ignoring what hurts. It’s about noticing what still holds steady: a kind word, a soft morning light, the sound of laughter. In counseling, we call these “glimmers.” Each week, I ask clients: how many glimmers did you notice this week? It’s always a good question….and reminder.
Research consistently shows that gratitude can improve emotional wellness, reduce anxiety, and even help with sleep. But perhaps more importantly, gratitude reminds us that joy and peace are built from small, daily moments. When we pause to recognize them, we retrain the mind to see goodness — even when life feels uncertain.
You don’t need to force it or make long lists. Instead, think of gratitude as a gentle practice — something you return to in small ways, over and over again. These journal prompts are designed to help you do just that: to slow down, breathe, and notice the ordinary gifts woven through your day.
GRATITUDE JOURNAL PROMPTS
1. What’s something small that made today a little better — even for a moment?
2. Think of a person who has shaped your life in quiet ways. What would you thank them for if they were here right now?
3. What part of your daily routine brings you comfort or stability?
4. Describe a challenge you’ve faced that, in hindsight, taught you something valuable.
5. What’s one sensory detail — a smell, sound, or texture — that reminds you of being at peace?
6. Who makes you laugh, and why does that matter?
7. What’s something you often take for granted but would miss if it were gone?
8. When in your life have you felt most content? What was happening around you?
9. What’s one small kindness someone has shown you recently?
10. If you could give thanks for one simple pleasure today — right now — what would it be?
AND
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”
— Aesop, ancient Greek fabulist and storyteller
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”
— G.K. Chesterton, English essayist and theologian
“It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings us happiness.”
— David Steindl-Rast, Benedictine monk and author
“Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.”
— Gertrude Stein, American modernist writer and art collector
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”
— Willie Nelson, American musician and songwriter
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
— Marcel Proust, French novelist and essayist
“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher
A TASTE OF CHRISTMAS: THREE COOKIES TO SWEETEN THE SEASON
The smell of cookies baking can turn an ordinary afternoon into something special. Whether it’s the buttery crumble of a Russian Tea Cake, the warm spice of gingerbread, or a new favorite shared among friends, holiday cookies have a way of bringing comfort and connection. Here are three recipes — one beloved, one traditional, and one new — that capture the heart of the season.
RUSSIAN TEA CAKES (SNOWBALL COOKIES)
Soft, buttery, and rolled in powdered sugar, these melt-in-your-mouth cookies are a holiday classic that feels both elegant and simple.
Ingredients:
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
½ cup powdered sugar (plus extra for rolling)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour
¼ teaspoon salt
¾ cup finely chopped pecans or walnuts
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. Cream butter, powdered sugar, and vanilla until smooth.
3. Add flour and salt; mix until combined. Stir in nuts.
4. Roll dough into 1-inch balls and place on prepared sheet.
5. Bake 10–12 minutes, or until just set but not browned.
6. Roll warm cookies in powdered sugar. Cool slightly, then roll again for a snow-dusted finish.
Tip: These freeze beautifully — store in an airtight container for up to 3 months.
NEW FAVORITE: BROWN BUTTER CARDAMOM SUGAR COOKIES
A twist on the traditional sugar cookie — nutty brown butter, warm cardamom, and a hint of citrus make these irresistible.
Ingredients:
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cardamom
Optional: zest of 1 orange
Directions:
1. Melt butter in a saucepan over medium heat, stirring until golden brown and fragrant. Cool slightly.
2. In a large bowl, beat browned butter and sugar until combined. Add egg and vanilla.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk flour, baking soda, salt, cardamom, and orange zest.
4. Mix dry ingredients into wet until just combined.
5. Scoop dough into 1-inch balls, roll in sugar, and bake at 350°F for 9–11 minutes.
Tip: These pair perfectly with tea or coffee — and make your kitchen smell like heaven.
GINGERBREAD COOKIES TWO WAYS
The scent of molasses, ginger, and cinnamon instantly brings back memories of home. The secret to perfect gingerbread? Texture. Below are two variations — one soft and chewy, the other crisp and perfect for decorating.
Soft Gingerbread Cookies
Rich, tender, and full of cozy spice.
Ingredients:
¾ cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
⅓ cup molasses
1 egg
3 cups flour
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon cloves
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Cream butter and brown sugar; add molasses and egg.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk dry ingredients and gradually add to wet mixture.
4. Roll dough into 1-inch balls, flatten slightly, and bake 9–10 minutes for soft cookies.
5. Cool on baking sheet before transferring.
Crisp Gingerbread Cutouts
Perfect for decorating — these hold their shape and snap gently when bitten.
Ingredients:
¾ cup unsalted butter, softened
¾ cup brown sugar
½ cup molasses
1 egg yolk
3 ¼ cups flour
1 tablespoon ground ginger
1 ½ teaspoons cinnamon
¼ teaspoon cloves
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
Directions:
1. Cream butter, sugar, and molasses. Add egg yolk and mix well.
2. Combine dry ingredients and slowly incorporate into the wet mixture.
3. Chill dough for at least 1 hour.
4. Roll to ⅛ inch on a floured surface and cut with cookie cutters.
5. Bake 8–10 minutes at 350°F. Cool completely before decorating with icing or sugar glaze.
Tip: For soft centers, pull from the oven when edges just begin to brown.
