Characters:
James: A 47 year old politician from the south. He has red hair, freckles and a daft haircut.
ViKtor: A long time friend of James.
Bartender
Taxi Driver
Policeman
SCENE ONE
The Ritz in London, a conference room. James has a briefcase full of nuclear documents. He’s waiting for ViKtor. James is pacing the room, muttering to himself.
He’s dabbing his head with a napkin, he has very little hair and this messes up his combover.
ViKtor enters.
VIKTOR: HI James, nice to see you.
JAMES: (Pats ViKtor down) Wearing any mics?
VIKTOR: Have you got the documents?
JAMES: Yeah they’re here. Don’t make any copies.
VIKTOR: Shall we get a drink?
VIktor and James exit.
SCENE TWO
James and ViKtor enter the hotel bar and approach the bartender.
BARTENDER: Good evening and what would you like to drink?
VIKTOR: Martini, shaken not stirred (winks at bartender).
BARTENDER: And you?
JAMES: The same.
The bartender makes the drinks, when he goes to hand them over he is not sure which one is which. He decides it will be fine and gives them to James and ViKtor.
JAMES/ VIKTOR: Thanks
VIKTOR: Cheers to world domination (laughs).
James exits to go to the bathroom.
ViKtor becomes wobbly. He falls over unwell. Bartender approaches.
BARTENDER: What’s going on? The state of you, you’ve only had one drink.
ViKtor mumbles from the floor.
Bartender: This is ridiculous, twice in one week!
James enters.
JAMES: Bloody hell, are the drinks that strong? Let’s get him in a taxi, c’mon.
James and the bartender help ViKtor up and hold him as they all exit.
SCENE THREE
ViKtor, the bartender and James are in the back of a taxi with a driver in front.
VIKTOR: (out of his mind) James you’ve been drugged. I’m working for the KGB and we’re trying to steal your documents!
Improv: bartender tries to shut ViKtor up.
JAMES: (To the bartender) Were you trying to drug me? ‘Cause that Martini was a bit off.
BARTENDER: That was my best work.
VIKTOR: JAMES. JAMES!
The bartender covers up ViKtor’s mouth to shush him.
BARTENDER: I don’t know what he’s talking about.
Improv: a policeman pulls over the car. The taxi driver lowers the window.
TAXI DRIVER: These people just got into my car.
POLICEMAN: Can I see your license?
VIKTOR: WE’VE BEEN DOING DRUGS!
POLICEMAN: That’s not even you in the picture.
VIKTOR: WE TOOK PICTURES OF YOU! WE’VE GOT EVIDENCE!
POLICEMAN: I can get you all arrested.
Improv: ViKtor echoes the following conversation throughout.
JAMES: Do you know who I am. I’m James Fletcher and I work for the conservatives.
POLICEMAN: Sorry, I vote Labour. You’re all booked.
BARTENDER: Well I happen to be a Lib Dem. Here take these documents.
The Bartender hands the policeman a pile of documents.
POLICEMAN: So, this is a scandal.
THE END.