A L A N’S STORY: A high-risk client
Alan’s life became hell when his teenage son became abusive and pulled a knife on him. With support from Stop Domestic Abuse, Alan has learnt to put his safety first and is finding happiness again.
J
ack was always a difficult child. He had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and as he grew into adolescence, he became more and more aggressive. He was only 16, but I was scared of him. He would smash the house up. One day he grabbed me in a headlock, physically assaulted me and demanded money. I was afraid to say no to him. My wife and I separated because of the pressure and were advised by the police at the time that they could not guarantee her safety. Jack assaulted her a couple of years ago, so he continued living with me. On another occasion he pulled a knife on me. I was so scared that he was going to stab me. He smashed the door and various items in the house, causing over a £1000 worth of damage. Eventually I found the courage to call the police. The police removed Jack from the property. Jack was bailed to his mother’s address. The police referred me to Stop Domestic Abuse, who assigned me an Independent Domestic Violence Adviser (IDVA). I had become so anxious and depressed that I had to be signed off work.
Jack breached his bail conditions During my first meeting with my IDVA, I told her that Jack was back at my home. With the IDVA’s support I called the police who took him away. My IDVA and I created a safety plan and she referred me to the target hardening team, to improve the security of my home. They fitted window alarms and gave me security advice. My IDVA also arranged for the police safeguarding team to fit a national monitoring alarm.
My IDVA saved my life It’s been heartbreaking for me to accept the breakdown of my relationship with my son. I thought: “How can I give up on him?” My IDVA has helped me to understand that my safety and wellbeing has to come first. I have grown in confidence and gave evidence at court against my son. I was granted a restraining order for two years. Jack is now living in supported accommodation provided by the local authority. Slowly, I’ve started feeling happier again. I’ve started swimming and gardening and I’ll be returning to work soon. When I first met my IDVA, I was ready to take my own life, but she has helped me to live again.
He threatened me with suicide One day, Jack appeared at my front door demanding money. I didn’t open the door, but eventually I gave into his demands and slipped £5 through the letterbox. A little while later, Jack came back, pushed the letterbox open and shoved three empty paracetamol packets through. He screamed: “This is what you’ve made me do!” I panicked and called my IDVA. She helped me to stay calm and told me to call the police and an ambulance, but not to open the door. I followed her advice and didn’t go with Jack to the hospital.
Names have been changed
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It’s been heartbreaking for me to accept the breakdown of my relationship with my son.
STOP DOMESTIC ABUSE
Did you know…? One in six men experience domestic abuse, yet only one in twenty report it. Men may be abused in a same-sex or heterosexual relationship or by a family member. Men may also be victims of forced marriage. (ManKind Initiative, 2018)
stopdomesticabuse.uk
