#30

EDITORS LETTER

HELLO THERE NE LOVERS

Ringing in a new year is a time for celebration, for reliving and looking back, 2018 has been a year that some of us would rather forget and certainly not repeat. One thing I know to be true is that a lot can happen in a year in-between the good, the bad and the plain ugly. So don’t spend too long looking backwards.

Because either way glasses will raised again and fireworks will explode into the sky. It’s important to recognise how special this time of year really is. It’s a time of new beginnings and fresh starts. It’s also a time of reflection and promises, which more often than not are short lived (thank goodness considering some of our lots resolutions:)

So whether yours consist of keeping your hands out of the sweetie jar or promising to work harder on relationships with your loved ones, give it a whirl. It can make all the difference to put your hopes into words and warm wishes, even hugs and kisses. Make time to pick up the phone, jump in your car, or on the bus or train and just tell them, tell the people you care that you care! Most importantly, share your joy with others this holiday season. Let them know that however good or bad 2018 was for them, you wish them a better 2019.

One thing I am absolutely positive about is something dad taught me and I believe 100%,

It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.

So here goes. Goodbye to the old and hello to the new. May it be filled with optimism, and hope and may all of your dreams come true x PASS

Tel 07865630036 juin@nelove.co.uk

CONTENTS

MAD MEN & BAD BOYS FOUR KINDNESS

RUBY RED NINE SEASONS GREETINGS

LOVELY LISA ELEVEN SPOONEY

GIFTED FOURTEEN MARSTEN ROCKS

GO EARLY NINETEEN GET UP EARLY

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED NO PART OF THIS PUBLICATION MAY BE REPRODUCED IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER THE RIGHTS EXPRESSED IN NE LOVE ARE THOSE OF THE RESPECTive CONTRIBUTORS AND NOT NECESSARILY SHARED BY THE MAGAZINE STAFF PUBLISHED SIX TIMES A YEAR NE LOVE IS DESIGNED BY kelly flood creative, www.kellyflood.co.uk NE LOVE 3RD FLOOR COMMERCIAL UNION HOUSE 39 PILGRIM STREET NEWCASTLE NE1 6QE TEL 07865630036

MAD MEN

Photography Kayla Wren, Junkyard Creative Male Model, Jord Liddell, clothes by Woven, Durham Female, Jenny Hann, Trendlistr, facebook.com/trendlistr Styled by Craig Mason Hair and Makeup The Junkyard Location The Hudson, County Hotel Newcastle

NE LOVE ON, HOW TO GET BEAUTIFUL

If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud. Emile Zola

There is something about that Zola quote that always makes me think of the incredibly talented and not so shrinking violet, that is Lisa Jones.

I'm not saying this because she is a long time friend, or that she is herself unquestionably beautiful. No I am saying this because she is, all that, and then; Incredibly talented, as anyone who has had the pleasure of working with her will no doubt testify.

Its no surprise then that Lisa has come so far in her years in the industry, 20 years after starting as an assistant to Julie Renwick, the lady who first brought Hair Extensions to the North East.

Lisa says, Julie worked with hair pieces and handmade wefts herself, showing her skill to me from an early age. At just 17 I went to work in the US with her and learned the art of non-cosmetic replacement.

After that came Amsterdam a centre of fashion and fast forward in the ‘art’ of hair and makeup. Needless to say she thrived there ending up staying far longer than anticipated, working on carnival style fashion floats, canal boats with hair models standing like statues with ‘diferent’ hair and fabulous painted faces!

Lisa proceeded to travel the world and returned only to attend makeup courses which led to her working on commercials and music videos with Louise Constad in London.

'I live to create ‘The Ultimate Wedding Day’ putting all of my experiences with hair and makeup into a fairytale for every unique bride. We make the ‘Anything is Possible’ quote come true, I can cater and create for any bride from a classic chignon with dewy skin and pastel eyes, to a back-combed frenzy with smoky purples or gold’s. Why not come in for your bridal prep trials, tans, lashes, nails and brows, we have it all.

In search of 'natural looking beauty' or the full Haute Couture experience? let Lisa paint you beautiful, in her brand new Gosforth High Street studio You literally couldn't be in better hands! l

HAPPY HEALTHY HAIR HAPPY HEALTHY PLANET

30 years on and Y Salon has earned its reputation for excellence from their salon in Eldon Garden, Newcastle. Always leading the way, Y Salon are passionate about great hair and now they are just as passionate about the environment. Their aim is to find the perfect balance between fantastic performance and results, without compromising health or the environmental impact. They currently source hair care products which are sustainable and not tested on animals, taking a chemical-conscious approach to hairdressing.

The KEVIN.MURPHY brand is used religiously in Y Salon, Parabenand cruelty-free. The KEVIN.MURPHY range ensures the highest quality and responsibly-sourced natural ingredients, including orange blossom and bamboo, mango butter, and antioxidants from lotus flowers. Delivering performance, strength, and longevity.

Y Salon have a dedicated recycling programme, inviting all of their clients to participate by bringing in their empty shampoo and conditioner bottles to be refilled or recycled at the salon. We love that they passionate supporters of keeping the local coastline clean, and £1 of your shampoo refill will go towards this efort right

on our doorsteps in Northumberland.

Angela remains firmly at the forefront of British Hairdressing, and during London Fashion Week can be found rubbing shoulders with A-list celebrities at prestigious shows like Givenchy and Hermes, speaking of celebs, Angela has personally styled the hair of the likes of singer Rae Morris and model Lily Jean Bridger.

While taking care of the VIP’s is obviously important at Y salon, when any client walks in, Angela and her team want nothing more than to make them feel completely at ease safe in the knowledge that they are in the hands of highly experienced hair care professionals, one could say the crème de la crème, in recyclable packaging.

From the moment you walk through the door YOU are the VIP l Y NOT? Y, NOT INDEED

18 Eldon Gardens, Newcastle upon Tyne NE1 7RA www.ysalon.co.uk Tel: 0191 230 1010

Photography: Kevin Murphy, Montana Lowery, (Male Photography) image courtesy of The Journal

Highest quality, non surgical facial treatments by a qualified nurse.

Lip enhancement

Anti wrinkle injections

Dermal fillers Skin resurfacing Meso therapy

AQ Derma Stamp

NEW FOR 2019, PROFHILO

A stabilised form of the miracle hydrating molecule hyaluronic acid. When injected, it stimulates the skin’s natural synthesis of collagen for plumped and firmed up skin,especially efective at treating those areas prone to laxity and sagging like the cheeks, neck, chest and décolletage. But Profilo isn’t just efective in the treatment of wrinkles and ageing skin –it also helps with radiance and hydration, two less things to worry about. IM IN

His & her's h ap y hair

Spoil

Well what a year it’s been this year in the barbering calendar, there’s been so much going in the industry, huge trade shows, barber connect, barber uk and salon international to name but a few. The bar is being raised every year in our industry now with new young talent emerging knocking out some awesome work, all of which has been showcased at the highest level. On a personal note I have had an extremely busy year myself, a new beautiful baby girl, a new shop refit. On the competition front I managed to take the north east regional title for Britain’s best shave for the second year in a row and this year I managed to score enough points to make it to the national final which was held at Barber UK at the Birmingham NEC.

This was something I was extremely proud of but something I nearly didn’t make as I was only 3 weeks out of surgery after a full hip replacement operation, I managed to make it to Birmingham

Xmas Opening hours for stoneys barber shop

Thursday 20th December - 8am-8pm

Friday 21st December- 8am - 7pm

Saturday 22nd December - 6am - 3.30pm

Sunday 23rd December - 9am - 4pm

Xmas eve - 7.30am - 1.30pm

Xmas day-closed Boxing Day- closed

Thursday 27th December - closed

Friday 28th December 8am - 6.30pm

Saturday 29th December- 6.30am - 3.30pm

Monday 31st December- 7.30am - 2.00 pm

New Year’s Day- closed

Wednesday 2nd January- closed

to compete in the finals where to my surprise I managed to get through the quarter final, semi final and to the final where I was pipped at the post by Enver Efe of Kings Barber Shop in London by 1 point. The educational side has also picked up where i have new bunch of students I teach at SouthTyneside College vying to pick up the skills to make it in this wonderful trade. The Great British Barbering Academy, whom I also work for, have had a great year where we have ploughed through so many courses at our Salon Services Training Academies and also done plenty of stage work and demos at some of the biggest trade shows in Europe. So all in all 2018 has been a busy year but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Let’s hope 2019 is exactly the same. I’d like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very merry Xmas and prosperous new year from everyone st Stoneys Barber Shop! Until next time l

Stay Sharp Amigos!, Allan Stone GMB

Pur e Luxury

The Bali Purse is designed and made in Newcastle, using high grade vegetable tanned leather, each purse is hand cut, dyed and sewn. The Bali purse ofers a practical design for storing cards and notes, or even a phone. The purse is then finished with a wax cream to give the surface a luxurious softness. £35 www.torilodesigns.com

Grea t Ski n Natural y

Key ingredients are paired with like grape juice extract to deliver an efective yet gentle exfoliating experience that reveals moisturised, softer and fresher skin. Exfoliated skin can better absorb key ingredients when additional topical products are later applied. Available from www.lucymd.myforever.biz or by emailing lucy@flp.com £17.72

B er O'clock?

NORD GIFT BOXES

4 x Mixed 330ml Bottles for £14

4 x Mixed 440ml Cans for £18

6 x Mixed 440ml Cans for £26

TOTE BAGS

Branded Tote Bags £5 www.nordbottleshop.co.uk

Spic e i t up

PureKnead CHRISTMAS CAKES are available in two sizes. The rich cake is enriched with roasted plums and brandy soaked fruits. Topped with candied fruits and spices and of course, a liberal dusting of golden sparkle. They come in GF and normal varieties and are priced at £20 for the 6" & £30 for the 8". Each one is boxed and be-ribboned and a perfect gift! www.pure-knead.co.uk

Mask it

£51 for a box of 5. Available from www.lucymd.myforever.biz or by emailing lucy@flp.com to try one mask for £10.

Indulg e yourself

Abaisse 55% dark chocolate bauble filled with house made sea salted caramels and embellished with editable gold leaf. Visit www.abaisse.co.uk or @abaisse_chocolatier on Instagram for more information. £10

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR WORK OUT

It’s the best way to get the new years good intentions past January

If you have even the faintest inkling that you might want to get in shape in the new year—or anytime really, do not, I repeat don’t wait until January. The best time to start a gym habit is right now, you will probably have the place to yourself.

Technically “right now” is always the best time to start, but December is special. If you wait until January, gyms will be packed. The first two weeks of the year, everybody thinks they’re at the start of an amazing new fitness habit... and then by February, most of them have forgotten all about it. Don’t make life harder for yourself by starting during the big rush. Classes will fill up, you’ll have to fight people to get on the cross trainer and it will be hard to have any real fun. So start now. The rest of December, which encompass both Christmas and New Year

In December, fair-weather gym goers will be of shopping for gifts after work and attending holiday parties on the weekends. They won’t feel like getting out of their warm beds in the morning, either. When you arrive, cross trainer will be free. You’ll have your choice of treadmills. The gym will be your oyster.

You’ll have one month, give or take, before the rush. And that

month is the perfect time to set a small goal and keep it. If you vow, now to hit the gym four times a week, and you’ll have at least 10 workouts in before the new year. I started the couch to 5k running plan, its great you choose your ‘trainer’ I chose Sarah Millican her voice never fails to make me smile when she cuts in to my iTunes to tell me how many runs I have left and how well I’m doing. Never mind that people must be wondering what that crazy sweaty woman is smiling about, just think you could be half done before mid January.

December is always busy and stressful, but remember that exercise will help your brain cope with the stress. If you don’t want use an app just mark your workouts on your calendar, and keep those appointments with yourself.

Don’t worry about missing out on deals: any gym or studio that ofers a January special will be running sales all December too. If they don’t ofer, just ask; remember what happens to shy bairns, absolutely NOTHING.

Happy holidays and remember, good things come to those who sweat! l

VIRGO: 2019 is going to be the year you make resolutions that you follow through. You’re severing any ties that have previously bound you and cutting out the crap both physically and environmentally. Nothing is as good as being free feels.

LIBRA: Are you in control or being controlled? This is the question you will be pondering as the new year rolls in. Yes, you are the peacemaker but if you allow everyone to take a piece of you there will be nothing left. It’s no more Mr nice guy, you have to be firm and stand up for yourself. The time has come to do it your way!

SCORPIO: Buckle up, 2019 has many changes in store for you and there is nothing you can do but hang on and try to enjoy the ride. You may change career, partners, location or mindset. Whichever it is will be monumental and dramatic. Don’t try to resist it, go with the gush and you’ll find that when you stop spinning you certainly won’t be in Kansas anymore.

SAGITTARIUS: How well do you know you? The new year is going to take you to the depths of your psyche as you play hide and seek with your soul. All that has been hidden deep within emerges as the universe is going to guide you to your true life purpose. No help is at hand, this is a job you need to tackle solo. Retreat, recover, then rejoice!

CAPRICORN: Steady footing, security and stability are the gifts the new year brings to you. It’s such a long time since you have felt settled, but this new year is allowing you to grow roots. Home is where the heart is and it’s time for you to lavishly feather your nest.

AQUARIUS: Cheese alert!! New year, new you. It’s is not just blah blah bulls*it, this next 12 months will see your inner battle subside and your soul fly the white flag of peace. Roots instead of ructions and clarity instead of chaos not only related to your environment but to your overworked, exhausted mind. Who ordered the pipe and slippers?

PISCES: No use crying over spilt eggnog, there is a whole new year to dive into. Things didn’t go to plan but that’s the whole idea, there is a wonderful, brand new, untarnished 365 days to bring you delights. So clean up any mess that has been

made, turn to face your future let bygones be bygones and raise an overflowing glass to the future.

ARIES: The new year sees you signing up for the spiritual gym. It’s time to unleash and build your inner strength and detox your soul. Softly softly is your approach but with persistence you will realise your own power and potential. By spring you will be sporting a mighty fine six pack on your solar plexus. ‘Nice chakras, do you work out?’

TAURUS: A New Years resolution and a new lease of life. Adventure awaits and you are feeling fearless! Nothing can stop you as you throw caution to the winter winds and set sail into a 12 month summer vibe. The sun is shining on you

GEMINI: Your heart may feel heavy as we enter into 2019, something has lost its sparkle and you know it’s no use flogging a dead reindeer. But please know that acceptance is the final stage of grieving what is gone and you will soon be on your way to healing and happiness.

CANCER: Why have you invited the ghosts of Xmas past to the New Year celebrations? Yes, you are going to be another year older but you cannot live your life in yesteryear. Remember, fine wine and cheese are better mature, so be like them, forget what was embrace the new and your glorious future!

LEO: Bridget Jones new year anthem was All by myself, and although she snivelled into the tinsel, you are turning the tune around and throwing your hands up in the air. You will find your happiness within and are not going to give that up, even for Mr Darcy! This year is about you, your independence and having everything you need. Rejoice, this could be your best year yet!

www.goo.gl/DncyME

CONTRIBUTORS

BECAUSE IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR WE ASKED OUR FABULOUS CONTRIBUTORS, WHAT WOULD BE THEIR NEW YEARS RESOLUTION FOR 2019?

JUIN GO DRUNK WHEN I'M CLEARLY HOME!!

CRAIG NEVER TAKE LAXATIVES AND SLEEPING PILLS AT THE SAME TIME.

KELLY FLOOD TO PUT DOWN THE GIN!

GREG CONVINCE AN ORANGE IT'S AN ONION BY CRYING WHEN I PEEL IT.

DARIN

START LISTENING TO NEW MUSIC AGAIN

HELEN WELL MUSIC IS THE ANSWER AND GOD IS THE DJ SO I SHALL WEAR MY DANCING SHOES MUCH MORE OFTEN IN 2019

The Kindness Book

SPREADING THE LOVE

www.thekindnessmovement.uk

What an amazing idea! A book that invites children to draw and write about moments of kindness with each other. It is hoped that, through the process of recalling these moments, children will come to realise how small acts of kindness are carried through their school and throughout society.

The idea is that children between the ages of 7 and 12,are invited to write down a moment of kindness with a friend, who they then pass the book on to. The friend then writes down their memory of a moment of kindness with another friend who becomes the next recipient of the book, and so on.

The Kindness Book is being piloted in 15 London primary schools with the aim of rolling the scheme out throughout London, the UK and Europe. The book is the first initiative of the Kindness Movement, an initiative founded by brothers Jason Holt and Stuart Acker Holt together with business leader Debra Charles to honour the life of Robert Acker Holt.

The oldest surviving member of Hatton Garden’s London Diamond Bourse, and founder of jewellers Holts Gems, Mr Holt died in January, aged 94. Having fled the Nazis as a Jewish refugee, aged 16, his sons said he never forgot the small acts of kindness shown to him during this time.

The mission of the movement is to encourage small acts of kindness at schools, which are then carried through to society, as well as to raise awareness of the value of kindness and to reduce prejudice. The organisers plan to turn the finished books into an exhibition.

Jason Holt said: “Dad instilled in my brother and I – and all who met him – a sense of kindness he himself felt from one or two individuals during his years of persecution in Vienna in 1938. This book is a celebration of dad’s memory and a way to pass on that sense of kindness to all our children.”

Stuart Acker Holt added: “One of my father’s greatest words of advice were ‘always carry a pen’. He used his own pen to record and share moments, or doodle observations in his little notebooks of kindness. He carried them throughout his life and I believe this record fed his remarkable reservoir of empathy. He would be delighted to see this simple and beautiful idea carried forth to children in the Kindness Book.”

NE Love wholeheartedly applaud this idea, whilst secretly harbouring a wish to get our hands on one, after all a kindness book,,, really? Who wouldn’t benefit from a little shared kindness, Now then where’s my pen l JFR

inspired by Robert Acker Holt

DENIZCAN TOPAL

JOSEPHINE RAIKES

MATTHEW BRADSHAW

KARISSE FABIALA

THE FUTURES BRIGHT

It is with the greatest of pleasure that about this time of year we get the chance to have a peek at whats going on and go undercover, to find our cover from the wealth of talent at Newcastle College. Like everyone else it seems this year we couldn't quite make up our minds, not even about what subject to throw at them so following the trend of uncertainty we gave them two subjects. The two most talked about words of 2018 BREXIT and DIVERSITY. As usual the students threw all kinds of fresh and new ideas at us, as they always do and that is precisely why we work with them, please enjoy our selection from their work and join us in congratulating Stephanie Thomas for the brilliant cover image.

FutureMe is the program of activity that is ofered to students by NECOP at Newcastle College. Students taking part in FutureMe have access to a range of activities and events to support them in considering their future options. By taking part in FutureMe activities young people get the opportunity to plan for their future and gain an understanding of what can support them in reaching their goals l

DEB HELM

STEPHANIE THOMAS

What could be better than not having to worry about waking up in the morning make up-less in a mad rush to get to the ofce. Having an extra half an hour lie in and still leave the house with perfect eyebrows, lip liner, eyeliner and even possibly a slight blush to your cheeks. Now that would be just about perfect wouldn’t it?

Now the lovely Lou at Tat2 Cosmetics has added an extra special, even more personal service, yes, you can actually have that lie in and then get Lou to drive over, pick you up, and drop you back of home after your treatment. This is the latest in a number of services by Tat2 Cosmetics, which also include tattoo removal, should you have foolishly tattooed your exes name when you were feeling particularly loved up.

Oh, did we forget to mention, a free consultation, a lie in, perfect make up and being chaufer driven by yours truly.

Lou at Tat2 Cosmetics, making life easier.

HappyfromHolidays all of

OVER THE SPOON

I grew up in a small village in Teesdale. Both my parents were art teachers so I suppose it was a given that I was to choose a creative path.

I have been working with cutlery for about seven years now, it all started as a hobby and now I have a regular pitch every Saturday and Sunday on Tynemouth market.

All of my rings are handcrafted and made by myself in my studio in Wallsend. Most of my cutlery is locally sourced so I guess they would be toon spoons. My favourite spoons to work with are Georgian, I get a buzz working with something that is over two hundred years old and full of history. I always have over two hundred and fifty spoon rings to choose from and lots of silver bangles and pendants made from old silver. I can adjust most of my rings to fit the customer and always tell them the full history of their purchase. I also make unusual stamped spoons with quirky sayings on them... spooning may lead to forking, use condiments! l Visit me at…Tynemouth market every Saturday and Sunday. BENTHESPOONMAN@HOTMAIL.CO.UK

ELEVEN

PHOTOGRAPHY: RICHARD KNAPPER, STORM WALKER

TAKE A WALK ON

THE WILD SIDE

The North East charity behind a free public art trail is calling on artists from across the UK to help make the event a success and raise much needed funds for children with incurable conditions.

Elmer’s Great North Parade will take place in August 2019, with individually decorated statues of the popular children’s picture book character, Elmer the Patchwork Elephant, positioned throughout Tyne and Wear.

It is being held by recently crowned North East Charity of the Year, Newcastle-based St Oswald’s Hospice, in partnership with Wild in Art and Elmer publisher Andersen Press.

And they are now calling on amateur and professional artists to individually decorate the 70 fibreglass statues, which will make up the trail.

Written and illustrated by David McKee, the Elmer books feature a patchwork elephant whose unique colours mark him apart from the rest of the herd – and the Hospice hopes artists will let their imaginations run riot in creating designs of their own.

Not only will those, whose designs are chosen, receive an artist fee of £800, but their work will be seen and enjoyed by the estimated 700,000 visitors to Elmer’s Great North Parade.

The 10-week long Parade is the sequel to Great North Snowdogs, a similar free public art trail staged by St Oswald’s Hospice with Wild in Art in 2016, which raised £367k for its children and young adults’ service.

It will culminate in an auction of the statues on 12 November to raise money for the Hospice, which provides specialist care for North East adults, young people and children with incurable conditions and support for their families and loved ones.

Newcastle-based Artist Amanda Rabey, who designed a Snowdog

for the earlier trail, said “it was a major factor in my sales increasing.

“My involvement as an artist gave potential customers greater confidence to buy and helped get my name heard and work see by vast numbers of people from the region and beyond.”

Along with the 70 large sculptures the trail will feature more than 100 smaller Elmers, designed and decorated by North East schools, youth groups and organisations.

“This is a unique opportunity for artists to see their work being enjoyed and viewed by hundreds of thousands of people,” said project curator Victoria Maddison.

“We welcome original designs from both emerging and professional artists across the region and beyond.

“The successful artists will be expected to transfer their design onto a large, three dimensional Elmer, which will sell at auction. We look forward to seeing a variety of creative designs over the coming weeks.”

Submissions must be made via an online form at www.greatnorthelmer. co.uk/artists and the closing date for entries is 14 February 2019.

Artworks will be presented to the sculpture sponsors in May 2019 and the artists whose designs are chosen will need to transfer their designs on to the full-sized Elmer sculpture between the end of May and the beginning of August 2019.

Wild in Art is one of the leading producers of spectacular, massappeal public art events, which connect businesses, artists and communities through the power of creativity and innovation.

Since 2008 Wild in Art has animated cities across the world including Sydney, Melbourne, Cape Town and São Paulo, and created trails for the London 2012 Olympics, the 2014 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, Historic Royal Palaces and Penguin Random House l

Kayleigh Lambert…

Learn how to make a triangle out of a crisp packet, switch to decaf and shop local.

NYR

Libby Lagun…

I had Alopecia last year and this has taught me that I need to stop giving such a shit , so my New Years resolution is not to give too much of a shit…I’m getting good at it.

We asked some of our favorite NE LOVE fans what would be their New Years Resolution 2019, Crazy lot: but thats why we love them!!!

Kayla.. to reject all responsibility and adulthood at all costs.

Toria.. learn every Harry Potter spell and start hexing people.

Naomi…

To treat myself with as much love and care as I do my house plants

2019Daz and Tiny Holl. Like father like daughter … Go party, no one ever lay on their deathbed wishing they had stayed home more.

Dudley Reed

WANK, NEW YORK 1984

10 x 8 archival inkjet print available, Price £250 Other size prints available upon request.

Exclusive opportunity to purchase numbers 1 and 2 of 10 available in the UK

Signed and numbered 14 x 16 black and white silver gelatin images hand printed by artist on 16 x 20 , Price £1250

FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT 07865630036, INFO @ NELOVE.CO.UK www.dudleyreed.com

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION? …NAH

The internet wants you to start getting up earlier. Everywhere you look, there’s an article telling you that waking way before daylight is the ultimate life-hack.

Morning routines like Mark Wahlberg’s involve waking up at 2:30am to go to the gym, which helps him stay focused on… whatever it is that Mark Wahlberg is trying to achieve. Then theres the HSBC exec who rises at 5:30am, using her early morning hours to meditate, drink green juice, and talk to friends and family on FaceTime. Blah blah blah.

The New York Times talked to 300 successful people and determined that the average wake up for a business leader is 6:27am. And finally, The Cut’s Edith Zimmerman suggested a 4am or 5am wakeup call for anyone trying to get ahead in life! Are these people nuts? we haven't even gone to bed at 2.30.

But the cult of early rising seems to miss a pretty obvious point: . Firstly, if you are waking up this early without going to bed earlier, you’re going to be very tired and probably stressed. And if you are going to bed early, that means you’ll need to cut down on other non-work-related areas of your life such as exercise, cooking fab meals, having drinks with friends and colleagues after work, reading books, or watching one of the 24 Netflix shows everyone is talking about. In fact it seems that unless you mean to miss out on pleasures like wine, home-cooked meals and the like, this advice is pretty useless.

No one seems to question the fact that the primary motivator for maximizing our mornings is to make more room in the day for work. As the demands of employers extend far beyond what’s possible

in a 'normal workday' early-rising fans recommend not cutting back on work, just finding creative new ways to accommodate it. That’s because the waking up early isn’t really that good for you: It’s good for capitalism. As Nicholas Lezard writes in his review of Jonathan Crary’s 24/7 “Today we are willing connivers in our own sleeplessness…as far as late capitalism is concerned, we are nothing more than ultimately disposable units for keeping economies running.”

We all know some people who naturally spring out of bed in the small hours—not because their careers make it necessary, but because they genuinely enjoy it.... strange but true. (Parents of young children also get up early because they have no choice, but no one seems to idolize that as a life hack.) And perhaps it’s true that the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed early risers really do experience fewer "distractions” as they go about getting their work done. Good for them. But a lot of us already struggle to rise postdawn, and it’s just wrong to suggest that there’s some secret stash of hours somewhere in the 24-hour day that we could make better use of, if only we tried harder. Waking up early necessarily comes at the cost of something else.

The best life hack really is to get enough sleep that you don’t even use an alarm. simply because not all of us want to be overachievers sending emails time-stamped 6 am. For some of us, the real aspiration is to be a well-rested person who finally has time to watch the entire first series of Killing Eve l

HONESTLY

SURVIVING XMAS

There’s nothing you can do to halt it, as it hurtles towards you one payday at a time, it’s that bearded blokes birthday! So Rejoice! But for now, let’s focus on Yuletide behaviour. I’m giving you the benefit previous experience here. Times I’ve tried hard to banish to my subconscious.

Instead of punching that bloke in the back of the head because he just barged past you and got the last copy of Battlefield 11 Tanks of Doom, simply take that rage and force it all the way down to the pit of your stomach. All the while thinking “It’s ok I’ll just try another shop it’s Christmas, good will to all men, apart from you, you prick” Later it will be another thing you tell your therapist about.

When your mother in law complains that your turkey is very dry this year and prattles on about how her best friend Enid’s daughter/ son has a bigger spread, don’t thump her over the head with an empty bottle of Buck’s Fizz, remain calm and smile while handing her a card containing a gift voucher for the old people’s home, hooray!

New year new home, enjoy sleepy meadows ‘mum’.

When the dreaded staf night out comes along and Mariah Carey blasts out over the speakers, inevitably that married person from

accounting is making advances on the dance floor. Don’t get mad, simply inform them that you are actually the secret millionaire from the TV and they are being covertly filmed for the new series. Watch the colour drains from their face until they resemble an over boiled sprout

When its 6am Christmas day and your children are crying because there are no batteries in the toys, its way to early for putting pants on so you can pop to the garage for them, why not tell them that Santa didn’t think they were good enough this year and when they reach the required level of angelic behaviour you can just slip the batteries in and hey presto well behaved kids all day! Christmas its truly magical!

On a more serious note, this season isn’t jolly for everyone. People struggle everyday with things we can’t see, and that pressure to have a perfect Christmas can often be too much. Look after one another l

Peace an d godwil to al! Play nicely wit h the other kids!