Methodist Message: Mar 2025

Soundings: More than human The Christian's battle with addictions Physical intimacy and Christian dating ... why must it be so complicated?

Vol 127 No 3 MARCH 2025

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MCI (P) 008/11/2024

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GOD’S TEMPLE

CONTENTS

Editorial Board

/ Bishop’s Message /

Adviser and Publisher Dr Anthony Goh Chairperson, Council on Communications

/ Features / 3 Choe Peng Sum: "His ways are better than our ways"

Communications Manager Lynn Tan

7 The Christian's battle against addiction

Managing Editor

10 A testimony: The miracle I saw

Alvin Tay

Editor

/ Opinion /

Lianne Ong

12 Soundings: More than human

Communications Executive Kathrynn Koh

/ Young Voices /

Sub-editors

14 Physical intimacy and Christian dating …

Lucy Cheng Janice Khoo Tan Chiu Ai Elliot Soh

why must it be so complicated?

/ Outreach /

Proofreaders

17 Our cue from the benediction

Kenneth Lee Christabel Tan

19 The hiding place: Finding deliverance in God’s love

/ Relationships / 22 You & Your Family: Why it's important to "be the change" 25 At The Well

/ Worship /

Methodist Message is the official monthly publication of The Methodist Church in Singapore. Published material does not necessarily reflect the official view of The Methodist Church. All Scripture quoted is based on the English Standard Version unless otherwise stated.

30 Worship as self-care

/ People / 33 Where is my trust if I am only assured

of his faithfulness in restrospect?

70 Barker Road #06-04 S309936 6478-4793 | 6478-4763 methodist.org.sg/message www.methodist.org.sg communications@methodist.org.sg fb.com/Methodist.SG @methodist.sg @methodistsg

Layout by Londonbob Design / Printed by Xpress Print Pte Ltd

ERRATA In the January 2025 issue of Methodist Message, some of the titles/positions listed in the Chinese Annual Conference 2025 appointment list contained errors.

• • •

Rev Joseph Chen Yong Chang's title in Chinese should be 牧师, not 传道.

Rev Timothy Ang is an Associate Pastor (协理), not Assistant Pastor.

Pr Esther Yek Yew Lik is a Preacher (传道), not Associate Pastor.

We apologise for the errors.

Bishop's Message

A holy grief Bishop Philip Lim was elected Bishop of The Methodist Church in Singapore in 2024. Previously, he served as a missionary in Cambodia under the Methodist Missions Society (MMS), and as Executive Director of MMS from 2012 to 2018.

T

his year, the season of Lent starts

around us and to long for a renewed

with Ash Wednesday on 5 March.

and reconciled relationship with God

It commemorates the 40 days that

through Jesus. Although Lent is not a

Jesus spent fasting in the desert while

scriptural command, it is, nonetheless,

being tempted by Satan. It is a time for

a precious time for us to take time out

believers of Jesus to reflect and prepare

of our full schedules to draw close to

for the suffering and death of Jesus.

God. We are reminded that the life we have today, and the one we look

Traditionally, Lent is a period of grief for

forward to in eternity, did not come

the suffering of Jesus that ends with the

without a cost.

celebration of Easter and the resurrection of Christ. It is known by some as the

As we approach this holy season,

season of "bright sadness"—a profound

amidst the busy-ness of the daily

combination of sadness and joy.

grind, may the Holy Spirit speak to each of us in the still, quiet moments.

Lent is marked by the emphasis

May we be filled with a holy grief at

on prayer, fasting, giving and the

what Jesus had to endure because

repentance of sins as we are reminded of

of our sins and may this grief lead to

the price Jesus paid on the cross. We are

conviction in our hearts of how we

also reminded of how deeply sinful and

should live our lives.

undeserving we are and that it is only through Jesus' sacrifice and God's love,

We also remember that at the end of

mercy and grace that we have the hope

these 40 days is a celebration of Jesus'

of reconciliation and eternal life.

victory over death. God's grand plan is not one that ends with grief and

This season invites us to see the

sadness, but with joy, hope, victory

depth of sin and brokenness in and

and celebration!

March 2025 Methodist Message 1

Walk in the Truth of God Ps. 86:11

Saturday 29 March 2025 7.30 a.m. to 10.30 a.m.

Anglo-Chinese Junior College 25 Dover Close East Singapore 139745

Guest-of-Honour Minister for Education - Mr Chan Chun Sing

Register to join us for the walk! https://bit.ly/churchregMW2025

Supported by: The Methodist Church in Singapore Organised by:

YEARS OF METHODISM THE METHODIST CHURCH IN SINGAPORE

Feature

Lianne Ong is the Editor of Methodist Message. / Photos courtesy of Choe Peng Sum and Pan Pacific Hotels Group

Choe and his family

"His ways are better than our ways" Choe Peng Sum, new ACS BOG chair and veteran hotelier, talks about the new ACS Academy and God at the workplace.

I

n November 2024, Choe Peng Sum

the world of hotels came when he applied

assumed the role of Chairperson of

for a Shangri-La scholarship. Out of 480

Board of Governors, Anglo-Chinese School

applicants, he was one of two successful

(ACS). He has worshipped at Barker Road

candidates. "At the fifth round of interviews,

Methodist Church for more than 50 years,

my cell group was outside praying for

serving as its lay leader and Pastor-Parish

me," he said. "That I managed to get this

Relations and Staff Committee chairperson

scholarship with no relevant experience

at different points in time. As a veteran

was surely the hand of God. God knew that I

hotelier, his name is familiar in the

would enjoy running businesses, that I liked

marketplace after more than 25 years in the

to understand how they work, so I'm grateful

hospitality industry. Currently he is the CEO

he set me on the right career path."

of Pan Pacific Hotel Group.

Building a different kind of school In Choe's eyes, his career path and faith

Choe became a believer through ACS.

journey are closely intertwined. His entry into

The young Choe Peng Sum had a chance

March 2025 Methodist Message 3

"His ways are better than our ways"

to hear the gospel because he attended ACS

deal with the challenges that lie ahead.

and joined The Boys' Brigade. "I'm from the

His support for the school's move to the

era of the clock tower revival," he recalled.

heartlands and fulfilling its original mission has to do with the fact that his mother had

As BOG chairperson, he will be involved in

queued up to register him when the ACS

the new ACS campus at Tengah. He shares

Primary School was at Coleman Street.

his excitement at the prospect of building

"Coleman Street was not like Bukit Timah

a different kind of school campus, both in

today," Choe said, alluding to the fact that

its architectural design and in its culture,

the school was open to all and his life

that will allow growth and integration

would have been vastly different otherwise.

between two schools: "ACS Academy", the upcoming school for children with special

On having a co-ed ACS and admitting girls

needs and ACS (Primary) which will be co-

to a traditionally all-boys school, he said

located at the Tengah site.

educators he has spoken to support the idea wholeheartedly. "I think we should just

Students of the two schools will be given

embrace it and move on. ACS boys who

opportunities to interact with each other

have daughters would benefit from this co-

naturally and intentionally—a different

ed school," he said.

approach to special needs education. The campus will have mingling areas, like

"It's not going to be easy, but we have

a "lung", so that students can interact

wonderful opportunities at Tengah. What I

during recess, and it will boast sports and

would like to do is bring everyone together

vocational facilities that both schools will

and move forward," said Choe.

share, creating more opportunities for the students to have activities together. Seeing

God at the workplace

how the physical design of the school has

Rallying people and "knowing your flock"

direct impact on the social aspects of school

is something he has spoken of before

life, he is amused at the parallels between

in other interviews about workplace

school and hotel design.

leadership. In many articles about Choe, he is dubbed the "workplace minister", seeing

Acknowledging that "Tengah" has been

his role as an office "pastor" who is known

fractious for the ACS family, he is ready to

to speak of his faith openly.

4 Methodist Message March 2025

(above, left) Choe at a hospitality industry event (above, right) Choe (first from left) in BB uniform marching

Occasionally his decisions have caused his staff to raise their eyebrows because of the seeming ill logic. During the pandemic, one of the senior partners in China was upset and had sent a legal letter, threatening to break the relationship. Choe's team replied with an equally tough letter and organised a meeting to face each other online.

"That morning, I prayed and asked God for wisdom. And I heard God say, 'Just listen.'"

In ACJC, Choe (top row, first from right) was both a student councillor and BB boy

"It may scare you when I put it this way, but I do hear God's voice," Mr Choe says, matter-of-factly.

Rising to the top of leadership at work has not come without its struggles. At times, it is like being thrust into battlefields and being forced to make a tough, sometimes illogical, call. Above all, Choe firmly believes: "God is relevant at the workplace.

"I told my CFO to stand down the lawyers, and she was shocked. 'But we're ready to fight,' she said. If we went without our lawyers, it was akin to going to battle naked."

When the virtual meeting started, the partner turned up with his army of the best lawyers. But after 25 minutes of ranting, he suddenly stopped and asked his lawyers to leave the room.

His ways are better than our ways."

"Frankly, I could have just called you and But aren't marketplace practices often

talked," the partner admitted.

at odds with Christian principles? At the workplace, there are turf wars, politics and

Choe said, "I realised then if we had gone

badmouthing, but Choe "still think(s) it's

in with our lawyers, we would have started

possible to behave differently."

fighting because neither side would want to lose. My staff asked me, 'How did you

During the Covid-19 pandemic,

know?' And the truth is, I didn't know, I just

hotels and airlines were the worst hit

prayed. Sometimes what God asks you to

industries. As Choe struggled to keep

do doesn't make sense."

6,000 staff employed, he heard God tell him to "start a war room" and examined

That difference in his thinking comes

the cashflow data with a team of

from a constant fellowship with God,

experts. The plan was to slash salaries of

continuously seeking his wisdom.

the staff around the world, starting with

Philippians 4:6 is a verse he clings to.

China, and in doing so, no one was laid off. Miraculously, the business became

Choe said, "Others will be able to see the

cashflow positive as the world emerged

difference in your behaviour, that you're

from the pandemic, and Choe then

calm, your decisions are made from a

lobbied for all salaries to be returned to

different place. God is interested in your

the employees.

work. For me, church starts on Monday."

March 2025 Methodist Message 5

ACS (International)

ACS (International) Singapore is a distinctive international secondary school open to all Singaporeans & other nationalities, offering an all-round English-based education for students aged 12 to 18 years leading to the International General Certificate of Secondary Education (IGCSE) and the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP).

Senior Leadership Team

Building Through Belief, this school of choice provides • Exceptional examination results, strong value-added achievement and an all-round holistic education • 50:50 mix of local and international teachers who uphold the dual Methodist ethos and ACS heritage • Small class sizes with overall student-teacher ratio of 8.7 : 1 • 40 different CCAs – 16 Sporting, 12 Visual and Performing Arts, 12 Special Interest Groups • Over 200 formal student leadership positions • Scholarships for four Singaporeans to undertake the IBDP

Mr Gavin Kinch Principal

Mrs Tan Siew Hoon Vice-Principal

Achievements include • Students with perfect score of 45 points in IBDP • 23 “Top in the World” awards in IGCSE examinations over each of the past twelve years • Students accepted to Oxford and Cambridge universities for the past eight years • Admissions to top universities in the UK, the US, Australia and Singapore

Mr Christopher Hayward Vice-Principal

Dr Kristopher Achter Vice-Principal

For more information, please contact Joseph Ng or Serene Lim at +65 6472 1477 or admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

• PSLE and GCE ‘O’ Level students obtaining outstanding value-added examination results for the IBDP and improved pathways to good universities • Successes at national level in Athletics, Touch Rugby, Debating, Orchestra, Volleyball, Taekwondo, Ice Hockey, Fencing, Swimming, Artistic Swimming, Rhythmic Gymnastics and Wushu.

Mark Toh (PhD in Clinical Psychology, MA in Theology) is a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of clinical experience working with children, adults, couples, families and those in ministry. He is an associate with Promises Healthcare.

Feature

The Christian's battle against

G

od has given humanity the gift and

The struggles associated with living are

mystery of life. From birth, life thrusts

many. Sometimes, the source of our

on us the need to survive, to overcome

stress or struggle is predictable, e.g.

and mature, and to live meaningfully.

preparing for exams, illness or physical

Our separation from God because of the

injury, difficulty getting along with

disobedience of Adam and Eve (Genesis

others or lack of finances. Sometimes,

3) and what we have subsequently

our struggles are a more complicated

inherited complicates this challenge. Our

tangle of different sources of pain

fragile human nature is impacted by the

experienced at the same time, e.g.

relentless demands of living. Because of

trying to overcome depression while

our fallen nature, it is an arduous quest

living within an unhealthy family, living

to live effectively in a world that is often

with the effects of parental neglect

harsh and pernicious. We cannot avoid

and abandonment as a child and now

suffering in the process. As such, it is not

trying to parent one's own children

helpful to view addictions primarily with

as an adult. Suffering also shows up

judgement. Instead, it is more helpful

when children are born with congenital

to view addictions as an indication of

defects, when unexpected accidents

how humans struggle to cope with the

take the life of loved ones and natural

hardships of living with discomfort, pain or

disasters cause damage to property

suffering. Understanding our frailty and our

and personal injuries. Every disaster or

potential for health will also help us in our

hardship entails human suffering. So

understanding of this subject.

how do the sufferers cope?

March 2025 Methodist Message 7

The Christian's battle against addiction

What is an addiction?

many youths are searching to escape or

Addictions are a dependency that reveals

seek companionship through internet

our deep emotional struggles with the

gaming or entertainment, making them

difficult demands of living, demands

vulnerable to addiction.

that are often chronic. Addictions show up as a routine engagement in a series

With this understanding, we must help our

of behaviours, the most common being

children build buffers against addictions.

compulsive overeating, porn, sex, gaming

Establishing close relationships with them

and gambling, as well as substance-abuse,

with a focus on learning responsibility in

such as drugs or alcohol. Such activities are

their growing autonomy is essential to

compulsively sought with the intention to

developing self-efficacy and, eventually,

bring relief to physical or emotional pain

resilience. This requires spending time

or discomfort, either by way of stimulant

with them to nurture bonding and social

or arousal (e.g. a search for dopamine

development, along with setting limits

highs or endorphins) or to numb the pain

to their screen engagement. With a

or discomfort. There is reason for serious

close relationship, a child may inform

concern when the control it asserts over

their parents of unmet needs, threats or

an individual's life reveals the extent of the

emotional difficulties. Children without safe

dependency, as when it creates damage

or trusting relationships with their parents

in other areas of life, e.g. alcohol addiction

are less likely to turn to them for help.

leading to job termination, divorce or What if a child has fallen into an addictive

domestic violence.

behaviour? When their addictive behaviour

How do we keep our children safe from addictions?

is serious—when the dependency persists

The most important support for our

impairs their academic, social and physical

children is prevention. We must recognise

functioning (e.g. neglect of schoolwork,

their vulnerability to addiction especially

increased withdrawal from friends and

with today's mesmerising digital tools.

family, inadequate sleep)—professional

The internet offers children ready access

help should be considered quickly. Not

to stimulation, entertainment and an easy

addressing the addictive behaviour and

mental escape when life becomes difficult.

the reasons behind it can cause a child

despite the negative consequences, and

to develop avoidance, or hide from the Excessive criticism, harsh discipline,

sources of their distress or discomfort. This

neglect, bullying and abuse (physical,

avoidance is a dependency which can follow

sexual, emotional) are all likely to cause

them into adulthood.

hurt or emotional injury to a child. Given neglectful parenting in Singapore , many

Helping a spouse who has an addiction

children often feel overly controlled and

If one's spouse is addicted, consider

criticised, or are left to fend for themselves

professional help quickly. Because of its

while living under constant stress.

disruptive and often pervasive hold on

Consequently, many feel neglected, bored,

a person's life over a period of years, the

lonely, unloved, rejected, inadequate or

addict needs support and treatment. When

defective, and suffer from depression,

treatment begins, recovery from addiction

anxiety and stress. 2 Under these pressures,

can be a roller-coaster ride.

the prevalence of authoritarian and 1

8 Methodist Message March 2025

Depending on the type of addiction, there may be a period of detox at the beginning of treatment. Because of what can be an unfolding battle for the addicted spouse, one must be prepared to be drawn into the battle as well. Actions to consider include: 

Seek professional help. An addiction is often entrenched, and recovery is unlikely to happen quickly or without resistance. It is difficult for both the addict and their spouse to tackle the problem by themselves alone.



Being honest is essential. Honesty and transparency are needed to



Learn everything you can about

chart the journey forward and

the addiction. Parts of the addict

support a new, healthy recovery

may be revealed that the spouse

process, and avoid enabling the

did not know of, as well as the

addict's attempts to minimise

extent of their attachment to the

their struggle.

substance or behaviour.  

Don't forget self-care. Find

Be patient. The addict may have

support, as caregiving during the

hidden their addiction for a long

addict's recovery can take a toll on

time. Very likely it was a huge

the spouse's well-being. Having

challenge for them to address

support is important to help carry

the original problem that led to

their burden.

dependency on maladaptive coping.

Change can take a long time so

The addict's journey towards healthy

patience is essential.

and effective living and godliness will be marked by great struggle. God



Have empathy. Understand that the

loves us in our frailty and helps us find

addict is struggling and suffering

our way forward (Philippians 2:6-8).

on at least two levels (the source of

Jesus is the good Shepherd who sees

their original pain and subsequently

us as his sheep (Matthew 9:36). The

being stuck in their choice of

Holy Spirit is our helper (John 14:16).

coping). The struggle through

Christians and churches that heed

dependency and recovery must be

the call to care for those struggling

walked out by the addict.

emotionally are engaged in ministry that is dear to the heart of God.



Be determined. The journey towards healing can be arduous for everyone in the family.

Determination is essential to stay the course to support the addict as they learn to wrest control back from their dependency.

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/childhoodtrauma-can-lead-to-mental-health-issues-amongyoung-adults-study 1

https://www.straitstimes.com/ singapore/health/ depression-anxiety-stress-1-in-3-youth-in-s-pore-hadhad-very-poor-mental-health-says-imh-survey

2

March 2025 Methodist Message 9

Feature

Raveen Chinnavan is the Captain of The Boys' Brigade Second Company based in Victoria School and sponsored by Kampong Kapor Methodist Church (KKMC).

Together with his wife, he leads a LifeGroup at their home. He is also a member of the Local Church Executive Committee of KKMC. / Photo courtesy of Raveen Chinnavan

acleI saw irmiracle mThe A testimony:

Raveen and his family on a holiday

I

n January 2022, I woke up one morning

Still apprehensive, I also consulted my

to find the world a blur. When I could not

ophthalmologist. After running some

read the small print on my smartphone,

diagnostic tests, he said the back of my

I thought my presbyopia must have

right eye was pale but that was unlikely to

deteriorated. Then I could not make out

impact my vision. Nevertheless, to make

any of the labels and price tags at the

sure it was not a neurological issue, he

supermarket. Frustration truly set in when

ordered a brain scan (MRI).

I could not read any of my documents at work clearly until I enlarged their fonts.

I underwent the first MRI on 14 January 2022. As I am claustrophobic, the

I was already seeing an ophthalmologist

experience was traumatic and I had

for my eye issues on a regular basis before

to be sedated during the process. I

that day, but nothing had been detected

was told that the MRI revealed a small

that warranted immediate intervention.

growth, a meningioma, pressing on my right optical nerve.

Our family doctor, a GP, attributed my sudden condition to some stresses I was

Back in the hospital ward, the

undergoing at the time, and the fact that I

neurosurgeon to whom I was

had not been sleeping well.

immediately referred advised me that

10 Methodist Message March 2025

the radiologist's MRI report implied

After the scan the next day, the

there would be a complete loss of

neurosurgeon came into my ward

vision in my right eye unless the growth

beaming cheerfully. "Good news!

was removed. Furthermore, a delay in

Nothing found!" He had to repeat

removing the growth might result in

himself as I could not believe it at first.

vision loss of possibly 50%.

After he left, I quickly took out my phone and texted the good news to

I made an appointment with him to

my wife and my LifeGroup. It was not

discuss a plan for brain surgery and

until one of them, Karen, asked about

also to see another neurosurgeon for a

my eyesight that I suddenly realised

second opinion if I needed it.

I was reading my phone texts clearly.

Incredulous, I walked around the ward

Throughout this bewildering time,

to search for signs and labels, and found

my KKMC LifeGroup members, my

I could read them too! My heart was

Pastor-in-Charge, Rev Tay Kay Leong

joyful as I praised God for his miracle.

and some close friends in whom I confided were very supportive and

My wife told me that listening to the

praying with me. My wife was also

song "Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus" the

very worried and honestly, we had

day before my scan encouraged her

many sleep-deprived nights trying to

to trust in Jesus for my healing. As I

come to terms with the diagnosis and

listened to the same song on my way to

impending major surgery.

work the next day, I was overwhelmed by the thought that I was blind but now

Unexpectedly, the first words the

I could see. But what about the people

neurosurgeon said at our second

who are spiritually blind, shouldn't I help

meeting were, "I have good news for

them to see by pointing them to Jesus?

you!" He explained that he had felt the need to see the actual scan films for

Since my conversion to Christianity

himself, rather than just relying on the

as a teenager, I have been praying for

radiologist's report. After viewing them,

family and loved ones who are not yet

he was not entirely convinced there

believers. But I never had the courage

was a growth; he thought the MRI was

to speak about Jesus to them. With

inconclusive. However, as my vision was

the encouragement of Steven, another

still blurred, he suggested I undergo

of my LifeGroup members, I wrote a

a 3T magnified scan, which is more

detailed testimony of my healing and

accurate and would provide greater

posted it to my family's chat group.

clarity. The scan was scheduled for two

My sister, a non-believer, responded,

weeks later.

texting me that she strongly believed a miracle had happened and I was

The night before the scan, after tossing

indeed a child of God. Praise God

sleeplessly for a while, I had a dream in

that the miracle I saw became an

which I saw myself waking up with a

opportunity to witness to my family. I

bandage on the right side of my head as

believe he will open more doors for me

if the surgery was already done.

to reach out to them.

March 2025 Methodist Message 11

Soundings

Dr Roland Chia is Chew Hock Hin Professor of Christian Doctrine at Trinity Theological College and Theological and Research Advisor at the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity.

More than human

I

n a secular (and some might add post-Christian) culture, where the Christian vision of the future has been set aside, various imagined futures have emerged, drawing their inspiration from a scientific ethos.

One familiar example is the vision of a classless society sketched out by Karl Marx in Das Capital in 1867 which still captures the imagination of some in the West, although it has undergone several revisions.

A more recent example is the Venus Project (1985), founded by Jacque Fresco, the American futurist, social engineer and industrial designer, which envisions a future where technology will replace traditional systems of politics and economics.

as individual human beings and as a species? And more boldly still, what if we can employ them to make us more than human—post-human, trans-human?

Numerous experiments are already underway to see if human lifespan and healthspan can be extended, and for how long. In fact, longevity studies have become something of a booming industry with an increasing number of start-ups, independent researchers and boutique labs.

Some of these studies are based on the transhumanist philosophy which regards human biological death as an aberration that can and must be corrected. This perspective is compellingly articulated by Max More, futurist and former CEO of the Alcor Life Extension Foundation when he asserted, "ageing and death victimises all humans", adding that it placed an unacceptable "imposition on the human race".1

While these imagined utopias have to do with fashioning a different social order, the rapid and often mind-boggling advances in bio-medicine and technology have directed the attention of futurists to something even more basic. The future imaginary is now not only focused on changing society, but in augmenting human nature itself.

Several approaches are currently being explored to try to surmount human limitations and possibly achieve immortality.

Some futurists and scientists are now asking: What if we could use our science and technology to accelerate human evolution? What if we can use these tools to help us achieve our fullest potential—

The first approach is associated with the English biomedical gerontologist, Aubrey de Grey, who believes that living for 150 or 200 years would soon become routine. De Grey's research involves tinkering with the length of

12 Methodist Message March 2025

the telomeres and staving off degenerative mutations in cellular replication and rejuvenation in order to increase the lifespan of humans. Winning the war against ageing and death, he asserts, is simply a matter of efficient engineering. 2

Such a quest betrays the basic dissatisfaction with the kind of creatures God has made us to be. To put this differently, the allconsuming and even fanatical desire to go beyond our given nature reveals a sinful revolt against creaturely finitude.

Another approach is to explore the possibilities presented by developments in nanotechnology, synthetic biology and robotics to create a bionic human being that is not subjected to current limitations imposed by biology. For example, synthetic blood vessels, skin and muscles can replace their flimsy and short-lived natural counterparts. And nanorobots can course through the human body to detect and repair damaged vessels and organs.

Furthermore, the belief that humans can use their own technologies to transform themselves into something beyond human—beings with enhanced abilities and the potential for everlasting life—is an extraordinary display of hubris. It unveils the desire of human beings to be their own creators and therefore to replace God himself.

The third approach is perhaps the most fantastical, and it is associated with visionary leaders in the fields of artificial intelligence and robotics such as Ray Kurzweil and Hans Moravec. They think that it is possible to upload the information in the human brain onto a computer attached to a robotic substrate to ensure the individual's posthuman existence and "immortality". 3

This propensity—at once dark and perverse— is as old as humanity itself, and can be traced to the original humans in the Garden of Eden. The primordial sin of Adam and Eve is precisely their refusal to accept their finitude and the limitations associated with it, and their attempt to be like God (cf. Genesis 3:5).

And this is precisely why death is such an apt punishment for such sin.

As theologian Wolfhart Pannenberg explains:

What would be an appropriate Christian response to all of this?

The Christian must recognise that the scientific knowledge that we are able to uncover and the technologies that we create are made possible by the providential grace of God. Christians must therefore support the scientific community and their work, and give thanks to God for every new discovery that has the potential to alleviate suffering, cure diseases and serve the common good.

Precisely for this reason they are riveted to their finitude, and this takes place through death. The distinction between finitude and death may be seen here in the fact that it is precisely the sinner's nonacceptance of their finitude that delivers them up to death.4 Or as another theologian, Helmut Thielicke, puts it: "Death is a limit … set to those who want to be without limits." 5

That said, the quest to be more than human and to achieve "immortality" through science and technology is something quite different and deeply troubling.

1

Max More, “On Becoming Posthuman,” Free Inquiry 14, no. 4 (1994): 39.

Aubrey de Grey, ed., Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence: Why Genuine Control of Aging May be Foreseeable, Annals of the New York Academy of Science 1019. New York Academy of Science, June 2004.

2

3 For a more detailed discussion of this theory, see Roland Chia, “Digital Immortality? Mind Uploading and the Quest for Everlasting Life,” Medicina y Etica 34, no. 4 (2023): 1063-1088, https://ethosinstitute.sg/wp-content/ uploads/2024/01/1.-01012024-DIGITAL-IMMORTALITY.pdf 4

Wolfhart Pannenberg, Systematic Theology, Volume 3 (Eerdmans, 1998), 561.

5

Helmut Thielicke, The Evangelical Faith, Volume 3: Theology of the Spirit (Eerdmans, 1982), 393.

March 2025 Methodist Message 13

Young Voices

Source: Shutterstock.com

Physical intimacy and Christian dating … why must it be so complicated?

With a heart to honour God, many Christians start dating with a list of dos and don'ts in mind. Are there other ways? Hannah Leung shares the lessons she learnt in dating.

A

h, dating. The strange phase

Yet, there seems to be an endless

between being single and being

stream of rules surrounding dating for

married. Whether you're single or

Christians. Since there are no guidelines

married, there are explicit principles

in the Bible, many well-meaning church

and encouragements you can turn to

leaders try to help us prepare for dating

in the Bible. The Bible, though, doesn't

by setting rules that are grounded in

discuss dating. Dating only became

biblical principles.

commonplace way after biblical times.

Almost all the characters in the Bible

After hearing all these guidelines—

were brought together via family

what to do, what not to do, what to

arrangements!

expect, what to flee from—I felt anxious

14 Methodist Message March 2025

about entering a relationship, though

to honour God in our relationship by

having rules made sense to me. I knew

not engaging in sexual relations before

that as humans, we tend to act on our

marriage. Therefore, to help ourselves

emotions. I hoped that the guy I ended

stay far from temptation, what was wise

up dating would want to tread wisely

for us at that time was to keep to this

and carefully as well.

boundary, though it may have appeared extreme to others!

Just before I turned 19, a close friend from church, Abhi, told me

Looking back, I think it was a helpful

that he really liked me. But in that

decision not to hold hands, because

conversation, he also confessed to the

it made it clear that I didn't want to

physical intimacy he had shared with

engage in any behaviour that may

his previous girlfriends. He wanted me

arouse us. Well, holding hands may

to know before I made any decision

seem safe now, but the guidelines we

about going out with him.

put in place helped us to stay as far away as we could from any sexual temptation!

I wasn't sure what to do when the "rules" were broken before the relationship even

LESSON 2

started. As we ventured into dating, I

Guidelines can change

learnt some lessons about how dating

As we continued in the relationship

guidelines could help our relationship.

and there was greater certainty of our feelings for each other, we felt that we

LESSON 1

could look at our physical boundaries

Guidelines are not just about what's

again. We wanted to find new rules

right or wrong (although there are

that would allow us to express and

certainly rights and wrongs!)

enjoy each other's affections without

After hearing many stories about how

compromising on our commitment to

guys are easily led to think lustfully,

honour God. We took some time to think

coupled with the fact that Abhi had

about it, and one day, he shared openly

already broken some dating guidelines,

that he felt that kissing would cause us

I felt this heavy responsibility to make

to venture into sexual territory. Thus,

sure he didn't have "funny" thoughts.

we decided that that was the line we

We started dating for about a year, and

wouldn't cross, and we wouldn't share

throughout that year, I didn't let him

a kiss until we got married. I don't think

hold my hand. I could tell that he really

it's a commandment to be followed by

wanted to, but I was afraid of what it

everyone, but it was what we decided

might lead to!

was beneficial for us. Withholding some of our physical desires at the dating

Was it right for me not to let him hold

stage is a way to love our partners, since

my hand? When it comes to physical

it helps them to honour and love God.

boundaries, I don't think that there is a

I wouldn't want to lead Abhi into doing

right or wrong to most actions per se.

what he thinks is wrong!

It might be more helpful to think about whether an action is wise or unwise.

Different guidelines are helpful to

What was clear to us was that having

different couples, and guidelines

sex outside of marriage is something

can be revisited as your relationship

spoken against strongly in the Bible (e.g.

progresses. For us, discussing our

Genesis 2:24; Leviticus 20:10; Proverbs

physical boundaries while dating

5:15–21; 1 Corinthians 7:2). We wanted

made things unambiguous, while March 2025 Methodist Message 15

Physical intimacy and Christian dating … why must it be so complicated?

allowing us to grow into new

I would like to share is this: if you want

expressions of affection comfortably.

your marriage to be one where God is

At every point when we wanted to do

first and foremost, it needs to start at

something new, for example, when

the dating stage.

we started holding hands, or hugging, we would check with each other if we

I've talked a lot about physical intimacy

were okay with it. While our emotions

because it seems to be the biggest

led us to desire more physical intimacy

issue in Christian dating, and thus,

with each other, our desire to honour

an area with a lot of guidelines and

God helped us to say no to some

rules. But it is far from the only aspect

behaviours that we felt could lead us

of a dating relationship that needs

into sexual temptation.

discussion. Have you given any thought to areas in your dating life that might

LESSON 3

draw you away from God? Choosing to

Guidelines help us to honour God

prioritise honouring God in your dating

Guidelines are not there to steal our

relationship may feel difficult at times,

joy. They should liberate us to enjoy

because it could mean that you are

a God-honouring relationship that

putting to death something of your

produces joy! Imagine if there were no

earthly (as opposed to godly) nature.

rules in soccer. Someone decides to

We read about this in Colossians 3. In

use his hand to block the ball, or there

putting to death our sinful nature, we

could be ten goalkeepers completely

can take on Christ's nature (Colossians

blocking the goal … it wouldn't

3:5-10, 12-13). Verse 14 (NIV) says,

really be a proper soccer game,

"And over all these virtues put on

would it? It would be frustrating,

love"—such true love is also what we

confusing and potentially cause lots

desire and hope for in our romantic

of injuries! Likewise, guidelines in

relationships. Christian dating can feel

our relationships help us to enjoy

complicated, but really, it doesn't need

them more. When we don't have to

to be. At the heart of it all, that desire

constantly guess what is right to do in

to honour God and our partner is what

a relationship, we have the freedom to

motivates us to set up these rules, as

enjoy it fully within the boundaries we

a way of setting us up for a love that

have set.

matures and deepens with time.

LESSON 4

Whenever you feel discouraged or a

Christ-led dating sets you up for a

little rebellious, remember the way

Christ-led marriage

that Christ loves us with wisdom and

At the end of the day, dating concludes

patience. Those are the characteristics

with the question of marriage. What

we hope for in whom we marry, and

do you want in your marriage? With

the characteristics we hope to develop

dating, you are already building a

in ourselves. As such, persevere in

relationship with a person, and that

having guidelines in your relationship,

relationship can't change overnight

and take heart that it will most

on your wedding day. The final lesson

certainly be worth it.

This article was first published on Kallos magazine (www.kallos.com.sg) on 2 November 2022 and republished with permission. Hannah and Abhi have been married for four years and serve actively in their home church.

16 Methodist Message March 2025

Outreach

Our cue from the

Church Planting: Rev Thirawat Preedakasemrung (also known as John, in striped t-shirt on the left), pastor of Mittaphab Methodist Church, that is reaching out to the Shan and Wa people in Chiang Mai, Thailand

L

Collin Tan is the Chairperson of Methodist Missions Society (MMS) after serving two quadrennia as its Finance Chairperson.

He worships at Bedok Methodist Church. / Photos courtesy of MMS

benediction

ife is filled with different cues

After he was delivered from the mob of

prompting certain actions—the shrill

demons in Luke 8:26-39, the man desired

urgency of a bell warning of fire prompts

to go with Jesus, but Jesus sent him

us to run away while the tinkling of a bell

away instead, saying, "Go … tell what

signalling the arrival of the ice-cream

God has done for you." What a powerful

cart draws us to it. Not unlike the ringing

commission he received, to go on a

of a bell, the Christian receives a cue

mission to share what God had done.

every Sunday.

So it should be for us, whom Jesus has saved, as well.

At the end of the church service, when the pastor or elder pronounces a benediction

To start our mission, we need to understand

on the congregation, what is the cue

the two elements, peace and joy.

we receive? When we hear, "Go in peace and serve the Lord with joy", do we pay

Now, it may seem ironic that we are

no heed, other than the thought that

admonished to go in peace when peace

we are now free to go off and pursue the

in this world is so difficult to find. Consider

activities we have lined up for the rest of

the situation of the Israelites when they

the day, or week?

were liberated from Egypt. Ever been on a trip where you do not know where you are

Or do the words "Go in peace and serve

going, have to pack in a hurry, eat on the

the Lord with joy" sound to us a clear

run, navigate harsh desert, are pursued by

call to missions—a cue that triggers the

an army, have to cross a sea that parted

response to GO and SERVE?

for you but drowned an entire army hot March 2025 Methodist Message 17

Our cue from the benediction

on your heels, drink bitter water and face

establish indigenous churches where

more endless desert for forty years with

none currently exist. Our strategy is to

no respite …? One lesson here is that while

work through appropriate partnership

we may always hope for it, we should not

arrangements, whether with overseas

expect a peaceful walk in the park when

Methodist entities or non-Methodist

we go out into the world to share what

mission entities, or pioneer new

God has done for us.

missionary work. We are commended to serve with joy, partnering with

Yet, despite all the turmoil of the Israelites'

local churches to promote service

desert wanderings, God was in their

opportunities and to ensure that

midst, and they clung tightly to the hope

missionaries are cared for.

of peace. This is the true meaning of peace—it is the peace we know only God

It is my prayer that each Sunday, every

can give. Acts 10:36 (NIV) says, "You know

Christian will grasp the cue of the

the message God sent to the people of

benediction and, armed with God's peace,

Israel, announcing the good news of peace

joyfully answer his call to missions.

(above) Little Candles Methodist Church and School, where Community Development and Church Planting works in Phrao, Thailand are integrated (below) Community Development: David Chan, MMS missionary, with students and staff at St Paul Methodist School, Timor-Leste

through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all."

We are bearers of the same testimony— that peace has come through Jesus Christ.

Through this peace, the Israelites also knew joy. Psalm 105:43 (NIV) says, "He brought out his people with rejoicing, his chosen ones with shouts of joy."

Even though circumstances were dire, the desert stretched ahead and the Promised Land was not yet in sight, their state was joy. I am convinced they were joyful from the hope of glory, anticipating what was to come. Their joy was the remarkable joy that exists irrespective of present circumstances.

God's work must be done by God's people. MMS' primary mission is to

18 Methodist Message March 2025

Connect with the team at MMS to find out about the work that we do. Visit www.mms.org.sg for more information.

Outreach

By the Methodist Welfare Services Communications Team.

The hiding place: Finding deliverance in God’s love

Chairperson of Methodist Welfare Services' Board of Governance and a regular volunteer at its nursing homes, Eugene Toh shares a personal reflection from a recent pastoral care visit.

You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. ~ Psalm 32:7 (NKJV)

H

ave you ever felt like life's challenges

She also told me that she had attended

have taken you to the deepest pits,

45 Bible study sessions—a testament of

where hope feels distant? How often do we

her hunger for God's Word. Most of all,

forget that even in those depths, God's love

Catherine's faith shone through as she spoke

is present and active, working to deliver us in

of God's deliverance. She shared her life

ways we might not yet see?

verse, Jeremiah 39:18 (NKJV): "For I will surely deliver you ..." It is a promise she has clung to

Recently, I visited MWS Bethany Nursing

through every difficulty.

Home and chatted with one of the residents, Catherine (not her real name).

I asked Catherine how long it had been since her last episode. She smiled. "Not once,"

Catherine's story: A journey to deliverance

she said, "in the four years that I've been

Catherine shared openly with me the

deliverance?

staying here." Praise God for that! Isn’t that

disorienting mental episodes she had faced, and the side effects of the medications

A shared vulnerability

she was prescribed, which left her feeling

As Catherine shared her story, I found myself

powerless. For years, these struggles

opening up about my own struggles. I spoke

threatened to define her life.

of a family member facing a serious health March 2025 Methodist Message 19

The hiding place: Finding deliverance in God’s love

crisis, one that had deeply tested my family's

Despite the brutal conditions, abuse from

faith. This trial had taught us to lean on God's

guards and the constant threat of death,

promises and reminded us of his faithfulness in

Corrie and her sister Betsie ministered

ways we had not fully realised before.

to the women in the Ravensbrück concentration camp, sharing the gospel

That moment of mutual vulnerability created

from a small, smuggled Bible. Their

a powerful connection. We were not just

unwavering faith led many fellow prisoners

exchanging stories but bearing witness to

to Christ. Tragically, Betsie fell ill and died

God's love in the midst of our trials. Like

in the camp on 16 December 1944. Shortly

a hiding place, his love surrounded us,

after, Corrie was released due to a clerical

reminding us that no matter how deep our

error; all women her age were executed

struggles, his presence is deeper still.

just a week later.

The hiding place: God's love in the depths

In the depths of Ravensbrück, Betsie offered

Catherine's story reminded me of The Hiding

profound words of hope: "There is no pit so

Place by Corrie ten Boom, an autobiographical

deep that God's love is not deeper still."

account of her experiences during World War II. Published in 1971, the book details how

Just as Corrie found strength in God's

Corrie and her family hid Jews from the Nazis

promises, Catherine's story reminds

in their home in the Netherlands. The title

us that deliverance does not mean the

refers to both the physical hiding place and the

absence of struggle. Instead, it often looks

spiritual refuge found in God, as referenced in

like God sustaining us, strengthening us

Psalm 119:114 (NKJV): "You are my hiding place

and showing his faithfulness in ways that

and my shield ..."

transform us from within.

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Three personal applications This volunteering experience revealed several truths about God and our struggles.

1. There is God’s timing for deliverance, not ours The waiting can be difficult when we are in the midst of challenges, but God's timing is perfect. Just as Jeremiah 39:18 reminds us, God's deliverance is certain, even if it does not come when we expect it.

Learning to trust his timing deepens our faith and helps us rest in his sovereignty.

2. There is God’s way of deliverance, not ours

Just like Eugene's regular volunteering has afforded him a front row seat to God's promises and strengthened his own faith, will you consider volunteering

Deliverance may not always come in the

and spending some time with the

way we imagine or desire. Sometimes,

marginalised or vulnerable groups

God works in ways that we cannot see,

whom God loves too? Who knows,

leading us through unexpected paths to accomplish his purposes. As Isaiah 55:8 (NKJV) says, "For my thoughts are not your

you may well also experience God in precious, unexpected ways.

thoughts, nor are your ways my ways."

The Methodist Church in 3. But surely, there will be deliverance

Singapore is celebrating its 140th

The promise of deliverance is

Anniversary this year. Through its

unshakeable. It may come in this life,

social concerns arm, Methodist

or in eternity, but God's Word assures

Welfare Services (MWS), it

us that deliverance is part of his plan for his children. Holding on to this truth provides hope and strength, no matter how deep the valley may feel.

is rallying Methodist church members to contribute 1.4 million hours (about 35 hours a person) to serve the community in any area

As The Hiding Place so beautifully

of social concern. These hours are

expresses: there is no pit so deep that God's

not limited to volunteering with

love cannot reach. It is only when we rest in

MWS or with local churches.

this hiding place will we find the ultimate deliverance. Let us rest in that love, trusting him to deliver us in his perfect way and timing. In every trial, his presence is our hiding place.

Scan the QR code for more information.

This visit to MWS Bethany Nursing Home was one of many I had made, which blessed me profoundly. These experiences have given me different reflections on life and helped me see challenges in a new light, especially as I witness the struggles and faith of others.

Truly, they remind me of the goodness of God and the depth of his love.

March 2025 Methodist Message 21

You and Your Family

Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars.

Benny has helmed the You & Your Family column for more than 18 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

Why it's important to "be the change"

T

he sentence, "You must be the change

The first is a woman in her 40s who had

you want to see in your life" is often

been repeatedly betrayed by her husband.

attributed to the late Mahatma Gandhi, the

As she struggled with trying to trust him

great social activist and strong advocate

again, she experienced waves of despair,

of personal empowerment. Regardless of

anxiety and anger. What did not help was

who actually wrote this, it reflects a positive

how the husband reacted to her anger by

change that I do see in my clients from time

getting angry himself. Let me quickly add

to time. It is as if being in the crucible of

here that the couple is clear that the wife's

difficult encounters brings forth gems for life.

past behaviour is NOT the sole cause for the husband's infidelity. He has taken full

Two of my clients, faced with different life

responsibility for straying from his marital

challenges, came to the same conclusion—

vows. But the healing of their relationship

you cannot change others, you can only

could begin only when both worked

change yourself. This realisation led to the

together towards rebuilding.

next important epiphany: that only if one sees a need to change, does the journey of

To his credit, he had been making attempts

change begin.

to repair the marriage. However, when angered, he would refer to how her "caustic

Let me briefly describe these clients'

behaviour" over the years was a cause of

challenges so that we can appreciate how

their troubled marriage. Such responses,

difficult it was for them to come to these

which both agreed were valid, only

realisations.

increased their emotional instability.

22 Methodist Message March 2025

Then came something unexpected and almost

This client's epiphany took the form of her

out of the blue. In a one-to-one session, the

realising that her expectations and negative

wife shared that perhaps it was time to start

thinking needed to change. While discussing

examining her own behaviour and working on

her marriage and husband, she concluded

herself so as to improve their relationship.

that while there were areas for improvement, e.g. while he could be less gruff in his

This awareness is priceless, and not

responses and more affectionate, there were

something in which I had any part. Some

also some good points. Their marriage of over

external events had made her more aware of

40 years has largely stayed the same and

the urgency of the need to break the deadlock

to expect things to be different now, even

between herself and her husband. Some

become ideal, might be too much to hope for.

close friends also spoke about it. But this realisation needed something more than just

Both these clients' realisation is not to

an intellectual understanding. It had to come

be seen as resignation or surrendering to

from deep within herself. As believers, we may

their circumstances. If this were so, the

see this as an epiphany brought about only

accompanying emotions would be sadness,

when we are confronted by a deeper truth.

self-pity and despair. Rather, they had

Both these clients' realisation is not to be seen as resignation or surrendering to their circumstances. If this were so, the accompanying emotions would be sadness, self-pity and despair. Rather, they had realistically assessed their circumstances and were ready to accept the part they played in them. The accompanying emotions and response were humility, calm and a renewed resolve to work on themselves and their situation.

The second client is a woman in her late

realistically assessed their circumstances

60s, whose marriage is in the doldrums.

and were ready to accept the part they

After the marital relationship had stagnated

played in them. The accompanying

for some years, she feared her husband

emotions and response were humility,

was drawing away from her. Like chalk and

calm and a renewed resolve to work on

cheese, the couple often have differences

themselves and their situation.

and a cold war descends, punctuated by occasional jabs at each other.

Do you find yourself in a deadlocked situation, frustrated that others or circumstances

In the earlier years of their marriage,

around you are not improving? Perhaps it is

they were busy with their only child and

we who should consider being the change,

their successful careers. With their child

be it in our expectations or responses to

now grown up and living overseas, their

circumstances. As we adjust and move

retirement had left them with more time

forward in our journey of change, we may well

to introspect and brood.

see the change we want in our life.

March 2025 Methodist Message 23

Walking alongside you with compassion and care

ESTABLISHED SINCE 2000

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38–39

HOSANNA BREAVEMENT SERVICES PTD LTD

Rev Joey Chen is currently pastoring at Paya Lebar Methodist Church, and oversees the Family Life, Youth and Young Adult ministries.

Prior to pastoring, Rev Joey had stints in the public and private sectors doing communications work. She is married to Andrew, whom she met in seminary.

Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, clinical supervisor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars.

Benny has helmed MM’s You & Your Family column for more than 18 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

Sue-Lynn Teo is a registered psychologist with the Singapore Psychological Society and is trained in Educational and Developmental Psychology. She specialises in assessments and therapy work with children who have learning, behavioural or special needs.

She worships at Toa Payoh Methodist Church with her family.

Need advice? Scan the QR code or visit https://www.methodist.org.sg/mm-atthe-well/ to submit your question. Due to space constraints and repetition of topics, we may not be able to feature all questions submitted.

Friendships

My friends laugh at me and avoid me I am an 11-year-old. I have a small group of friends but recently they have been hanging out with my exfriend. Sometimes they laugh at me and avoid me.

Should I confront them or just stay quiet?  Lonely

March 2025 Methodist Message 25

At The Well

Sue-Lynn says Dear Lonely, Thank you for your bravery in writing to us and sharing what has been going

Dating & Marriage

Is it okay for my husband to give his female colleague a ride to work frequently?

on. It's tough to feel left out, but you don't have to face this alone. Pray for

My husband and I have been married

wisdom and strength to approach

for seven years and we have two

your friend group. You can use "I"

children. Recently, I found out that he

statements to share how their actions

has been giving a female colleague

make you feel (e.g. "I feel hurt/rejected/

a ride to work frequently. I found this

sad when being laughed at or left out").

out by accident when I saw a message

Then, calmly ask questions to find out

coming into his phone which was left

what may be going on (e.g. "I value

on the table, confirming pick-up time.

our friendship and would appreciate

When I asked my husband about it,

it if you can tell me what's going on").

he said this colleague lives along the

Take this opportunity to respond and

way to the office and her husband was

share your side of the story if needed.

unable to send her to work on some

Remember, true friends care about

days. He claimed that he picked her

your feelings and have a friendship

up only occasionally and he was just

where everyone is respected and

being helpful. I do not feel comfortable

valued

with this arrangement and told him

☺. Above all, continue to seek

Jesus, whom we have the privilege

so. Instead of respecting my wishes,

to call both our Saviour and Friend

he accused me of being controlling

through all the seasons of our life.

and insecure. I also found out that after a business trip they would share a taxi back together as our homes are close. While this sounds convenient, I am not comfortable with the thought.

What should I do? Am I being difficult?  Concerned

26 Methodist Message March 2025

Benny says

wonder if he had kept you informed and

Dear Concerned,

even told you more about this female

Your situation confronts many men and

respect for your feelings and that there

women in our present society. How do we maintain appropriate boundaries with each other in an environment where we come into close contact often? How does a couple trust each other in a world that is fallen and may have different values

colleague, he would have demonstrated might have been no cause for anxiety on your part.

Perhaps, a calm conversation would be a good way to clarify some of your concerns and his needs. If the relationship between

from us?

the two of you is still too strained, a trusted

It is sad to hear that your feelings of

such time when you could both talk about

discomfort were dismissed by your

friend can serve as a go-between until it yourselves.

husband. As an adult and a man, I can see how he may be upset if he felt that you were being very controlling. So

Family

let me ask, just to be clear, if you have

My daughter has gender dysphoria and wants a sex change surgery

been questioning his every decision and insisting that he gets your approval in most instances?

Assuming your answer is no, does he

My 17-year-old child has gender

understand why you are uncomfortable

dysphoria. As my husband and I are

about these interactions he is having

Christians, we have tried our best to

with his female colleague? I can see at

share with her about what the Bible

least two reasons for your heightened

says about sexuality and at the same

concern. Firstly, it involves having frequent

time show her love and acceptance.

one-on-one interaction between the two

She has pleaded with us to allow

of them. Even if he does not have any

her to go for a sex change surgery

dishonourable intentions, what about

and because we refused, she has

her? Also, others noticing their coming

become distraught and engages in

and going can get the wrong impression

self-harm. Our relationship with her

of the nature of their relationship.

has become very strained. We brought

Finally, your husband's kindness could

her to see a counsellor but the

be misunderstood by the colleague's

sessions end up as heated arguments

husband, if she is married, and cause

because she will not accept our views

tension in their marriage.

and feels that we are imposing our Christian beliefs on her. As parents,

Secondly, these interactions only came to

we are at our wits' end. It pains us

light because you discovered it. It was not

to see her struggle mentally and

volunteered by your husband. Even if he

emotionally. We also struggle with

did not mean to hide them from you, it

guilt and wonder how things have

shows that he does not understand how

turned out this way.

you might feel about such interactions. I

 Help March 2025 Methodist Message 27

At The Well

Joey says

It is also clear that your daughter is

Dear Help,

hurting. One important thing to do is

It's very difficult for you as a parent

the intention to understand what she is

to see your child struggle with her gender identity and with self-harm.

It is not going to be an easy journey.

The first thing to do is to find support for yourselves. Many parents in similar situations will not want to share what they are going through. But having a group of godly counsellors will help you make wise decisions (Proverbs 11:14). For a start, speak to your pastor. The Truelove.is website also has resources and a helpline

to show compassion. Listen to her with going through (rather than to correct) and empathise with her struggles. It is concerning that she is engaging in self-harm. Try to convince her to speak to a counsellor she is comfortable with to help her manage her mental health, and if possible, do a suicide assessment.

As a teenager, she is trying to figure out her identity, and the current cultural milieu does not help. There may also

you may find useful.

be emotional factors at play here. All

You mentioned that you struggle with

daughter will need help sorting through.

guilt. Please know that your daughter's gender dysphoria is a complex situation that goes beyond what you did or did not do. However, if your daughter raises past hurts for which you need to take responsibility, ask for forgiveness and make amends.

28 Methodist Message March 2025

these add to the confusion that your Acknowledge her desire for gender reassignment but encourage her to take time (think: years) to consider this. You can come from the angle of, "Gender transition is a big, life-changing decision.

It would be wise to go slow, and take the time to really think this through together."

In this time, learn about gender

to her thriving. It may mean saying

dysphoria together. Have conversations

something like, "We love you, and we

to help her clarify what are her thoughts

are not trying to impose our beliefs on

and what are external factors (e.g.

you. We believe that God loves you, has

culture) acting on her. The reality is that

a good plan for you, and the greatest

when she turns 21, she will legally be able

joy is found in God. We want that

to make the decision without parental

for you." You'll need a lot of wisdom

consent. So, between now and then,

to navigate such conversations:

position yourself as a guide to help her

staying close to God and having godly

think this through, rather than coming

counsellors will be essential.

across as an authority figure whose objections she needs to overcome. This

The good news is that even when we

will hopefully help relieve some of the

are far from God, God loves us and his

tension in the relationship.

love pursues us to bring us back onto the right path (Luke 15:11-32, Romans

As you journey with your daughter, it

5:8-9, Psalm 139:7-12). God loves your

will be important for you to hold on to

daughter. One of the ways that she

both grace and truth. The grace will

will feel God's love will be through

help her to know that you and God

you, and that is important for your

still love her unconditionally, and the

relationship and her well-being. But

truth will keep her safe. It's difficult

ultimately it is her relationship with

to straddle truth and grace, and your

God that will guide her to make the

daughter will most likely challenge

right decision. When she is captivated

your position. For example, your child

by God's love, she will—of her own

may feel that you are choosing God

volition and with joy—do what is right

over her. However, the choice is not

in the eyes of God. So, gently point

between loving her (by supporting

her back towards a relationship with

her transition) and loving God (by not

God, if possible, and pray for her. Most

supporting her transition). To love her

importantly, do not despair: God will

fully means trusting that God's design

never leave nor forsake your daughter,

for her and following God's plans

and your relationship with your

for her is what will ultimately lead

daughter can improve.

When she is captivated by God's love, she will—of her own volition and with joy —do what is right in the eyes of God. So, gently point her back towards a relationship with God, if possible, and pray for her.

March 2025 Methodist Message 29

Worship

Gwendolyn Tan is the Senior Programme Executive for Worship & Music at the Methodist School of Music and a member of Barker Road Methodist Church.

Worship

as self-care

Engraving of "David Playing the harp Before Saul" published in The Story of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation by Charles Foster in 1883 (Source: iStockphoto) 30 Methodist Message March 2025

T

he Bible tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1

Corinthians 6:19-20), entrusted to our



daily life so that you can

care. Caring for ourselves is not just about

care for the temple God

physical health—it is about nurturing

has given you.

our connection with God. Worship helps restore our whole selves and draws us closer to him.

Make worship a part of your



Enjoy a quiet moment with instrumental worship music so as to allow us

Music has long been a source of comfort

to pause and rest in his

and healing. In 1 Samuel 16:23, David's

presence.

harp playing soothed King Saul's troubled spirit. Worship music goes even



Sing or meditate on

deeper, drawing us into God's presence.

Scripture, like Psalm 23.

It fills us with hope, renews our strength

Even when words fail us,

and anchors us in his truth. Whether we are singing or simply listening, music has a way of calming our minds, lifting our hearts and surrounding us with

worship songs can become our prayers—expressing gratitude, confessing our sins or a cry for help.

God's peace.

In corporate worship, the congregation's

At the Methodist School of Music

repertoire should encompass songs

(MSM) , we believe in the power of music

that express the full range of human

to shape lives and deepen faith. Through

emotions—joy, sorrow, hope, lament,

our training programmes, workshops and

gratitude and praise—so that our souls

worship initiatives, we equip individuals

are nourished, strengthened and drawn

and church communities to use music

closer to God. A well-balanced repertoire

as a means of worship, healing and

ensures that worship is not only a joyful

spiritual renewal. MSM seeks to cultivate

experience but also a space where

a heart of worship across all ages

worshippers can bring their burdens,

through music-making moments, with

find solace and be reminded of God's

the hope that these moments become

presence in every season of life.

life-transforming. This includes children's music education, seniors' and inclusive

Caring for yourself through worship not

programmes, choral training with the

only strengthens your relationship with

Methodist Festival Choir, instrumental

God but also brings healing to your mind

programmes like the Methodist Festival

and heart. When we honour the temple

Orchestra and intergenerational worship.

he has entrusted to us, we live and worship in ways that glorify him.

For more information, visit https://msmusic.edu.sg/.

March 2025 Methodist Message 31

People

Naomi Jenitha James worships at Tamil Methodist Church (Short Street) and serves as the President in the Methodist Youth Fellowship. / Photo courtesy of Naomi James

Where is my trust if I am only assured of his faithfulness in retrospect?

Naomi James

I

t's been over 365 days of job hunting and I

As I recall all the ways God was with me in the

am about to crash out. Automated replies

past, I also recall how I often worried during

are currently clogging my Gmail inbox. The

those times. God's plan always prevailed

only comfort is that my other pals are also

in the end, but as I look back, I could have

down in the trenches with me.

been much more at peace had I sat still in the discomfort and remained confident in

Looking back at my life, I can see how God has

his faithfulness. I started to question myself:

been faithful to me on numerous occasions.

where is my trust if I am only assured of his

God was with me as a lonely teen, giving me

faithfulness in retrospect?

friends as I moved to a new country. God was with me in my academic pursuits, assuring

I want to look back at my life and know that

me that he had a plan for me and helping me

I trusted in God's faithfulness even amidst

to graduate from university last year. God was

uncertainty. As I navigate this season of job

with me as I grieved the loss of my grandma,

searching, I now know that God has been

providing timely comfort through his Word

teaching me to remember his goodness and

and his people.

to put my trust in his timing.

Kopi kakis by Lau Peng Leong, Yen Tun I and Zachary Yong

March 2025 Methodist Message 33