Methodist Message: Apr 2025

MCI (P) 008/11/2024

Vol 127 No 4 APRIL 2025

CONTENTS

Editorial Board

/ Bishop’s Message /

Adviser and Publisher Dr Anthony Goh Chairperson, Council on Communications

Communications Manager Lynn Tan

/ News / 3 First principal of ACS (Academy),

a veteran SPED educator, takes office this month

Managing Editor

7 "Love the Lord your God":

Alvin Tay

Bishop Philip Lim exhorts Methodists as the Church

Editor

celebrates 140 years of Methodism in Singapore

Lianne Ong

Communications Executive Kathrynn Koh

Sub-editors

10 MSM's Worship & Church Music Director

receives the Perkins Sacred Music Soli Deo Gloria Award

/ Features /

Lucy Cheng Janice Khoo Tan Chiu Ai Elliot Soh

12 The neurodivergent believer and the body of Christ

Proofreaders

on neurodiversity education and the Church

Kenneth Lee Christabel Tan

16 In conversation with Dr Eunice Tan

/ Opinion / 20 Soundings: From inclusion to belonging

/ Outreach / 22 Love your volunteer gig?

It just could become your career Methodist Message is the official monthly publication of The Methodist Church in Singapore. Published material does not necessarily reflect the official view of The Methodist Church.

All Scripture quoted is based on the English Standard Version Anglicised (ESVUK) unless otherwise stated.

70 Barker Road #06-04 S309936 6478-4793 | 6478-4763 methodist.org.sg/message www.methodist.org.sg communications@methodist.org.sg

24 Choosing inconvenience

/ Relationships / 27 You & Your Family: A victim mentality and the blame game

30 At The Well

/ Worship / 34 On Earth as it is in Heaven:

Worship as a catalyst for inclusivity

fb.com/Methodist.SG @methodist.sg @methodistsg

Layout by Londonbob Design / Printed by Xpress Print Pte Ltd

/ People / 37 Returning to family roots

Bishop's Message

Come, let us celebrate!

Bishop Philip Lim was elected Bishop of The Methodist Church in Singapore in 2024. Previously, he served as a missionary in Cambodia under the Methodist Missions Society (MMS), and as Executive Director of MMS from 2012 to 2018.

O

n 20 April this year, Christians all

over death and that is why we can have

over the world will celebrate Easter.

salvation and eternity with him.

We remember the virgin birth and hope of the world during Christmas, but more

In 1 Corinthians 15:14 (NIV), Paul states,

so than his birth, the resurrection of

"And if Christ has not been raised, our

Christ validates, and is the foundation of,

preaching is useless and so is your faith."

Christianity. It was the resurrection of Christ

This is why the resurrection of Christ

that showed the world God's triumph over

is central to the Christian faith and is

sin and death. Christ's resurrection was the

celebrated with such joy.

fruition of the hope that the world had at his birth.

The Apostles' Creed says, "I believe in Jesus Christ, his (God's) only Son, our Lord; who

However, when first faced with the

was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the

fantastical news that Christ is risen, the

Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate,

disciples "did not believe the women,

was crucified, died and was buried; he

because their words seemed to them

descended to the dead. On the third day he

like nonsense" (Luke 24:11 NIV). Even after

rose again; he ascended into heaven …". The

three years of experiencing the life of Jesus

resurrection of Christ gives power and hope

and his miracles first-hand, the disciples

to our testimony, for if Christ has already

doubted and could not comprehend that he

defeated death, what else can stand before

was alive again. Later, when Jesus appeared

him? When we consider all that we face on

to the disciples, they finally believed.

this earth in the light of eternity, what else can overshadow this hope for our future?

When we share the gospel with prebelievers, we do not only share that Jesus

So, brothers and sisters, whatever you may

was born, or that he loves each one of us.

be facing today, let us celebrate the good

We must also share that Christ triumphed

news that Christ is risen!

April 2025 Methodist Message 1

News

Lianne Ong is the Editor of Methodist Message. / Photo courtesy of Esther Kwan

First principal of ACS (Academy), a veteran SPED educator, takes office this month

Ms Esther Kwan

M

s Esther Kwan has been appointed

An alumna of Methodist Girls' School,

the first principal of ACS (Academy),

she knew from an early age that she

Singapore's fifth special education

wanted a career in teaching. "I never

(SPED) school that supports students

thought I would be in special education

on the autism spectrum who are able

because I didn't think I would make a

to access the National Curriculum. ACS

very good SPED teacher," she said. "But

(Academy) will be the first Methodist

God had other plans."

SPED school in Singapore.

After she completed her Bachelor's Ms Kwan has spent her entire career

and first Master's degrees in the US,

since 2006 until March 2025 at Grace

she returned home and "applied for

Orchard School (GOS). She joined GOS as

any ( job) related to education". She was

a teacher and left as its principal. GOS, a

drawn to GOS because it was a mission

school under Presbyterian Community

school and she would be given more

Social Services, caters to children aged 7

autonomy in the classroom.

to 18 with Mild Intellectual Disorder (MID) as well as those with a co-morbidity of

With more than 18 years of experience

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

at GOS, Ms Kwan has found it bittersweet to move to a new school.

Ms Kwan was a recipient of the MOE-

"My students have taught me what it

NCSS Outstanding SPED Teacher Award

means to have true joy in learning,"

in 2016, and in 2018, she obtained a

she said. "They've also shown me what

Master's Scholarship in Special Education

tenacity and resilience looks like. Most

(Overseas) from the Ministry of Education.

of them experience social isolation and

"God fulfilled the desires of my heart to

the stigma that comes with a disability

be better equipped for the work," Ms

label, but I see them never giving up,

Kwan said about being able to study at

boldly trying and picking themselves up

Vanderbilt University.

after a 'fall'."

April 2025 Methodist Message 3

First principal of ACS (Academy), a veteran SPED educator, takes office this month

Perfect imperfections

Joining the ACS family

A Christian, Ms Kwan's understanding

Prior to this role, Ms Kwan collaborated

of neurodiversity is informed by her

with ACS (Independent) to create an

faith. "The term 'neurodiversity' is

opportunity for a class of high school

man's way of reframing 'disability'

GOS students to attend ACS(I) twice a

which is often associated with the idea

week. Together with their ACS(I) buddy

of brokenness, of imperfection. But

classes, a Sec 4 class and a Year 5 class,

the Bible tells us that each of us are

they would have physical education

created in God's image, and that we

(PE) lessons and recess together, plan

are fearfully and wonderfully made,"

and execute Values-in-Action (VIA)

said Ms Kwan, who worships at Pasir

projects and take part in the "Play

Panjang Christ Church.

Inclusive" floorball competition. The programme culminates in a year-

"I call it 'perfect imperfections'. I

end dinner where parents of all the

believe every child has been given

students are invited for a dinner that

exactly what they need to fulfil

is planned by the students. The annual

God’s purpose for their lives. But

collaboration is in its third year, and Ms

there is a mismatch between a

Kwan says the impact this programme

person's competence with societal

has had on all students, from both

demands. SPED must bridge that gap,

GOS and ACS(I), has gone beyond their

equipping our students with supports

original intent.

that will allow them to remove or overcome the barriers they may face."

Having seen the benefits of this collaboration, Ms Kwan is excited by the

As a SPED educator, Ms Kwan's goals

co-location of ACS (Primary) with ACS

are to provide students with equal

(Academy) in Tengah, where authentic

opportunities and experiences their

platforms for students to practise the

mainstream peers would have. "I want

application of social skills can be provided.

them to find their voices, to exercise self-determination and advocate for

On joining the ACS family, Ms Kwan

themselves. It's been heartening to see

says, "I have been humbled by the

this happening now—we have the good

extensive support that has already

'problem' of finding them pathways

been given to ACS (Academy) by more

and opening doors for them."

than 80 volunteers from the Methodist and ACS community. Together with

In 2021, Ms Kwan—who has a brother

Vice-Principal Dr Morgan Zhou, our

with special needs—co-founded

focus for the first year would be to

SibsUnite, a support group for

build on this strong foundation—both

siblings of persons with special

spiritual and physical—working closely

needs. An experienced chorister, she

with our key partners, Methodist

also initiated SPEDacular Voices, a

Welfare Services (MWS) and Bukit

combined choir comprising more

Panjang Methodist Church (BPMC) so

than 150 students from 12 SPED

that the work we establish will be on

schools, which ran from 2016 to 2018.

solid ground."

4 Methodist Message April 2025

Dr Morgan Zhou, an old boy of ACS, has served in education at ACS and the National Institute of Education for 20 years. He currently chairs the Board of Children's Ministry in the Trinity Annual Conference of The Methodist Church in Singapore and serves as the Vice-Chairperson of the Methodist Fathers Movement.

To future parents of ACS (Academy), Ms Kwan says, "Kintsugi, a Japanese art form that uses gold to mend broken pottery, often results in a piece that is more beautiful and stronger than the original. My prayer is that in the years our students and their families are with us, they will experience what is akin to Kintsugi and in so doing, be a 'beacon of truth and light' of the God who created them. For truly, the Best is

Kintsugi, a Japanese art form that uses gold to mend broken pottery, often results in a piece that is more beautiful and stronger than the original. My prayer is that in the years our students and their families are with us, they will experience what is akin to Kintsugi and in so doing, be a 'beacon of truth and light' of the God who created them. For truly, the Best is Yet to Be."

Yet to Be."

ACS (Academy) will serve students diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) who have no intellectual impairment and can access the National Curriculum (NC), or what is known as the ASD-NC student profile. Students in ASD-NC schools are exempted from Mother Tongue Languages (MTL) and will receive an assigned MTL score between Achievement Level (AL) 6 and AL 8 in the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE). Please note that there are no alumni or affiliation considerations for priority admission to special education (SPED) schools. Additionally, SPED schools in Singapore do not offer affiliation benefits for admission to any secondary school or post-secondary institution.

For more information about ACS (Academy), please visit

www.acsacademy.edu.sg.

April 2025 Methodist Message 5

ACS (International)

ACS (International) Singapore is a distinctive international secondary school open to all Singaporeans & other nationalities, offering an all-round English-based education for students aged 12 to 18 years leading to the International General Certificate of Secondary Education (IGCSE) and the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP).

Senior Leadership Team

Building Through Belief, this school of choice provides • Exceptional examination results, strong value-added achievement and an all-round holistic education • 50:50 mix of local and international teachers who uphold the dual Methodist ethos and ACS heritage • Small class sizes with overall student-teacher ratio of 8.7 : 1 • 40 different CCAs – 16 Sporting, 12 Visual and Performing Arts, 12 Special Interest Groups • Over 200 formal student leadership positions • Scholarships for four Singaporeans to undertake the IBDP

Mr Gavin Kinch Principal

Mrs Tan Siew Hoon Vice-Principal

Achievements include • Students with perfect score of 45 points in IBDP • 23 “Top in the World” awards in IGCSE examinations over each of the past twelve years • Students accepted to Oxford and Cambridge universities for the past eight years • Admissions to top universities in the UK, the US, Australia and Singapore

Mr Christopher Hayward Vice-Principal

Dr Kristopher Achter Vice-Principal

For more information, please contact Joseph Ng or Serene Lim at +65 6472 1477 or admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

• PSLE and GCE ‘O’ Level students obtaining outstanding value-added examination results for the IBDP and improved pathways to good universities • Successes at national level in Athletics, Touch Rugby, Debating, Orchestra, Volleyball, Taekwondo, Ice Hockey, Fencing, Swimming, Artistic Swimming, Rhythmic Gymnastics and Wushu.

News

Lianne Ong is the Editor of Methodist Message. / Photo courtesy of MCS Communications

"Love the Lord your God" Bishop Philip Lim exhorts Methodists as the Church celebrates 140 years of Methodism in Singapore

MCS office bearers and Wesley Methodist Church leaders

T

he Methodist Church in Singapore

Rev Reuben Ng, Rev Lek Yong Teck, Rev

(MCS) celebrated the launch of its 140th

Saravana Kumar; Secretary of Trustees of

Anniversary as part of Wesley Methodist

MCS, Mr Guan Yeow Kwang; and Mr Anton

Church's 140th Anniversary Service. The

Moses, Chairperson on the Council of

milestone anniversary is marked from the

Episcopacy. From the Methodist schools,

time Wesley Methodist Church was founded

several board chairpersons and principals

by Bishop William Oldham and Rev James

were in attendance.

Thoburn in 1885. After its early years at the first Methodist Chapel at Coleman Street,

Bishop Philip Lim brought greetings

a new church building was built at Fort

from the connexional body of MCS to

Canning, where it still stands today.

Wesley Methodist Church. "We cannot separate the two anniversaries," he said,

About 1,338 congregants were present at

reminding the congregation of how the

the 8.30 a.m. service, which included guests

first Methodist sermon was preached by

from the Methodist community such as the

Rev Thoburn on the verse, Zechariah 4:6,

Presidents of the three Annual Conferences,

"Not by might, nor by power, but by my

April 2025 Methodist Message 7

"Love the Lord your God": Bishop Philip Lim exhorts Methodists as the Church celebrates 140 years of Methodism in Singapore

Spirit, says the Lord of hosts." On reaching

million hours (about 35 hours a person)

this milestone anniversary, Bishop Lim

to serve the community in any area of

said, "All this can only be the work of God,

social concern. There will also be a fund-

we are only his instruments."

raising concert, "The Healing Nation" on 1 November 2025 at Star Performing

The traditional service incorporated

Arts Centre, showcasing collaborations

familiar Wesleyan hymns and prayers for

between our churches, agencies,

united community. An intergenerational

schools, beneficiaries and Christian

prayer led by representatives from

artistes. This concert will be another

different generations thanked God

occasion to commemorate MCS 140 as

for "guiding The Methodist Church

we come together for a time of worship

in Singapore and Wesley Methodist

and celebration.

Church through the ups and downs the past 140 years."

Love the Lord your God Bishop Lim preached from Mark 12:

Year-long events to celebrate MCS 140

28-34 where a teacher of the law asks

Bishop Lim highlighted several events

Jesus which commandment is the

planned for a year-long celebration, such

most important, and Jesus responds by

as the Church-wide Holy Week services

stating that the greatest commandment

from 14 to 16 April.

is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and

Bishop Lim also shared that MCS'

with all your mind and with all your

social concerns arm, Methodist Welfare

strength" and the second is to "love your

Services (MWS), would be taking

neighbour as yourself". Bishop Lim said

the lead in organising a large-scale

that for this quadrennium, he wanted to

volunteer initiative to rally Methodist

go "back to basics" and re-orientate the

church members to contribute 1.4

focus of the Church towards loving God.

8 Methodist Message April 2025

(above, left) About 1,338 congregants were present at the 8.30 a.m. service (above, right) Bishop Philip Lim preached on loving God with our whole heart

The 140th Anniversary Combined Choir at the traditional service

He shared three reflections on the passage:

worse, … only when we have gotten into

•

Our relationship with God

trouble," Bishop Lim said. He elaborated

The covenantal relationship between

on what it meant to love God with our

God and his people means that

heart, soul, mind and strength and

loving God and being faithful to him

challenged the congregation with

would derive blessings. But if one

questions: Are we ready and willing to

acted contrary to that, one would

lay down our life for Jesus? Do we fill

have to "be prepared for destruction".

our minds with the word of God?

Bishop Lim cautioned that there was a danger of being so engrossed

Bishop Lim concluded his sermon by

in loving our neighbour that God

asking the congregation if they were near

became second or third place.

the Kingdom of God and encouraged them to draw near to God by loving him

•

Love must be performed with

wholeheartedly.

everything we have Bishop Lim called on Methodists to examine whether our different

NEW CORPORATE VIDEO

demands consumed us until we had

To commemorate 140 years of

no more space for God, preventing us

Methodism in Singapore, MCS

from loving God with our heart, soul,

produced a new corporate video.

mind and strength.

Scan the QR code to watch the video and learn about MCS 140 events

•

A total devotion to God

happening this year.

"To love God fully means to devote 100% of our time and energy to him, not part of the time … or when we feel like it. Or

https://www.methodist. org.sg/mcs-140/

This article was first published on the Methodist Message website on 16 February 2025.

April 2025 Methodist Message 9

News

Gwendolyn Tan is the Senior Executive for Communications, Methodist School of Music. / Photos courtesy of Methodist School of Music and Judith Laoyan-Mosomos

MSM's Worship & Church Music Director receives the Perkins Sacred Music Soli Deo Gloria Award

(far left) Dr Laoyan-Mosomos with her mentor and supervisor, Dr Michael Hawn, University Distinguished Professor Emeritus of Church Music & Adjunct Professor, Doctor of Pastoral Music Programme, Perkins School of Theology

T

he Methodist School of Music

including Dr Lim Swee Hong, Deer

(MSM) celebrates the achievement

Park Associate Professor of Sacred

of Dr Judith Laoyan-Mosomos, Director

Music and Director of the Master of

for Worship & Church Music, who

Sacred Music Programme at Emmanuel

has been awarded the prestigious

College, University of Toronto.

Perkins Sacred Music Soli Deo Gloria Award. This honour, presented by

Dr Laoyan-Mosomos has served in

the Perkins School of Theology at

church music across the Philippines,

Southern Methodist University in

the United States and Singapore. Her

Dallas, Texas, recognises distinguished

career includes teaching at esteemed

graduates who have made significant

institutions such as the Asian Institute

contributions to church music ministry

for Liturgy and Music, St Andrews

and education.

Theological Seminary, Sekolah Teologi Malaysia, the Cambodia Methodist

The Soli Deo Gloria Award, established

Bible School and MSM. At MSM,

in 2010, is reserved for individuals with

which she joined in 2006, Dr Laoyan-

at least 25 years of service who have

Mosomos has been instrumental

demonstrated excellence in church

in shaping worship education,

music. Dr Laoyan-Mosomos joins an

pioneering initiatives such as the

esteemed group of past recipients,

Certificate in Christian Worship (2013),

10 Methodist Message April 2025

(left) Dr LaoyanMosomos conducting the Methodist Festival Choir at the TRAC Ordination Service in 2024

a programme for church worship

MSM's Executive Director, Clarissa

leaders and musicians, and Children in

Tan, also highlighted Dr Laoyan-

Worship (2022), a training programme

Mosomos' impact, stating: "Judith's

equipping children in church music.

deep passion for worship and church music has been a blessing

A gifted choir conductor

to MSM and the churches we serve.

and passionate advocate for

Her work in education, training

congregational singing, Dr Laoyan-

and choral leadership continues to

Mosomos has served with the

nurture and equip worship leaders

Methodist Festival Choir—a choir

and musicians for the Church."

comprising Methodist and nonMethodist church choristers in

Her leadership and dedication

Singapore—as its Artistic Director

have been invaluable to The

since 2013. Her influence extends

Methodist Church in Singapore

beyond Singapore, having contributed

(MCS). Col (Ret) Quek Koh Eng,

to hymnal committees for the

who has chaired the AldersgateSG

Episcopal Church in the Philippines

committee for several years,

and the interdenominational hymnal

reflected on her contributions.

Let the Asian Church Rejoice.

"Judith has been very creative, helpful and an inspiration to many

Dr Laoyan-Mosomos has worshipped

of us. Her leadership in worship and

at Kampong Kapor Methodist

music ministry has deeply enriched

Church (KKMC) since she joined

our Methodist community," he said.

MSM and has been instrumental in shaping the worship ministry and liturgy there. She also conducts KKMC's Chancel Choir.

"Serving at MSM for 19 years has been a deeply fulfilling journey.

From equipping worship ministers to planning liturgies, meeting choristers from diverse backgrounds in the Methodist Festival Choir, being part of KKMC's worship team and introducing congregational songs—every step has been a privilege. My hope is that those who have received these gifts have been as blessed as I have. To God alone be the glory!" said Dr LaoyanMosomos, who is married to Brent.

They have two children, Canaan Agkhoyo, 29, and Chaya, 26.

April 2025 Methodist Message 11

Mark Toh (PhD in Clinical Psychology, MA in Theology) is a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of clinical experience working with children, adults, couples, families and those in ministry. He is an associate with Promises Healthcare.

Feature

The neurodivergent believer and the body of Christ Many of us are able to sense that someone is "different", but do we understand that difference, or know how to respond to the person? Dr Mark Toh explains what neurodiversity is and presents a profile of autism to help us in the quest to be an inclusive church.

T

he word neurodiversity was first

and other learning disabilities

coined by Australian sociologist Judy

such as dysgraphia (difficulty with

Singer in 1998 to highlight her view that

writing), dyscalculia (difficulty with

everyone's brain develops in a unique

maths), dyspraxia (difficulty with

way. The diversity pertains to differences

coordination), Down syndrome and

in sensory processing, social cognition

Tourette syndrome. People who

and motor abilities. This diversity also

are not neurodivergent are termed

falls on a spectrum of differences in

"neurotypical".

1

neurocognitive functioning.

The word arose from a social justice Neurodiversity is an umbrella term to

movement to promote equality and

highlight certain conditions that were

inclusion of people who process

otherwise considered as disabilities.

differently from the neurotypical. This is

These conditions include autism

a paradigm shift away from the previous

spectrum disorder (ASD), attention

view that people with such conditions

deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD),

are disabled, as its usage downplays the

dyslexia (difficulty with reading)

stigma of disability or pathology.

12 Methodist Message April 2025

However, it is controversial: some

Responding to the neurodivergent

people still view the conditions as

The social movement to be inclusive of

separate from the norm ("normal

the neurodivergent is commendable.

vs abnormal" which is employed

In the mystery and complexity of life,

in the medical model) rather than

our neurocognitive status is not self-

merely processing differently. These

determined and the neurotypical

disability advocates are concerned

and neurodivergent co-exist. We

that accepting neurodiversity without

are each other's neighbour, despite

acknowledging the specific limitations

our neurocognitive differences. No

could lead to the possibility of

distinction is made when Christians are

downplaying the need for treatment

called to "love [our] neighbour" (Matt

or support as, for example, ADHD can

22:39), and to "look not only to [our]

be managed through behavioural

own interests, but also to the interests

reinforcements and medication.

of others" (Phil 2:4). Our own child or relative may be neurodivergent,

In contrast, neurodiversity supporters

though born to neurotypical parents.

believe that by highlighting that

But, being different from the norm and

the neurodivergent brain works

in the minority, the neurodivergent

differently from the neurotypical's,

stand a greater chance to be socially

differences in their ways of learning, in

marginalised.

the perception of their environment, in communication and in social

The prevalence of ADHD in Singapore

preferencing can be expected of

is estimated to be between 5 and 8

them. This brings to the forefront

percent of children and adolescents,

their unique strengths and struggles.

and between 2 and 7 percent of

Similar to the neurotypical, they can

adults. 2 The prevalence of autism

benefit from educational and specific

is estimated to be about 1%. 3 The

programmes to nurture their strengths

prevalence of dyslexia is about 10%

and work on their limitations. This way,

with 4% of that to be severe enough

they are offered the best chances to

to warrant intervention.4 These

pursue their own happiness.

conditions can be collectively viewed as expressions of different ways

There are famous people who are

of neurocognitive functioning, yet

neurodivergent and have found

they are distinct enough to warrant

enormous success. They include

separate attention and consideration

Elon Musk (CEO of Tesla and SpaceX,

of specific interventions to address

ASD), Mark Zuckerberg (co-founder

their respective limitations. The view

of Facebook, ASD), Michael Phelps

of them as "invisible" disabilities is

(Olympic swimming champion, ADHD),

apt because they express limitations

Simone Biles (Olympic gymnastics

that are less obvious, but amenable

champion, ADHD), Anthony Hopkins

to specific therapeutic interventions

(Oscar-winning actor, ASD), Greta

that support their adaptation into

Thunberg (climate activist, ASD), Steve

mainstream society. For example, the

Jobs (founder of Apple, dyslexia),

Autism Resource Centre in Singapore

Richard Branson (founder of the Virgin

provides a range of services to

Group, dyslexia) and Keanu Reeves

support and empower those on

(actor, dyslexia).

the autism spectrum including job

April 2025 Methodist Message 13

The neurodivergent believer and the body of Christ

placement and training for adults.

Pathlight School offers Singapore mainstream academic curriculum to autistic children along with life skills education.

For the Christian, "loving our (neurodivergent) neighbour" starts with having empathy. Empathy is an attribute of Jesus (e.g. when he wept, John 11:35). We need to extend ourselves beyond our own comforts and perspectives to enter another's world of struggle, be they neurodivergent or neurotypical.

Engaging with those on the autism spectrum Perhaps, among the neurodivergent, those on the autism spectrum encounter the biggest challenge in social and behavioural interactions. The symptoms and severity of each person's condition depends on where they are on the spectrum and hence each person's presentation is unique.

Some common characteristics include how they perceive the environment and those around them differently, and how they process and verbalise information. This in turn can pose barriers to communication.

A diagnosis of autism can be made from toddlerhood, but some people can go undiagnosed until adulthood. Different levels of support are required as the spectrum ranges from mild to severe.

Challenges 1.

Social and communication challenges

•

Initiating and maintaining conversations

•

Reading social cues

•

Understanding someone else's perspectives

•

Establishing and maintaining eye contact

•

Expression through speech which may not reveal emotions

•

Understanding figures of speech

•

Fixation over certain topics of interest to them

•

Building and maintaining close relationships with others

•

Need for noise when silence is expected

2.

Emotional challenges

•

Regulating their own emotions

•

Adapting to changes in routines and expectations

•

Need for rigidity in routines and schedules; need for repetition of rituals

14 Methodist Message April 2025

•

Adapting to sudden outbursts

3.

Physical challenges

•

Balance, coordination and motor skills

The Christian's response Believers who are autistic may grapple with issues similar to the neurotypicals', but often face additional obstacles in learning,

Strengths 5

gaining social acceptance or

1.

Sensory strengths

finding jobs of their choice. They

•

Attention to detail and pattern recognition

may appear to be a riddle to the

•

Tunnel vision where the focus of attention is sharper

•

Colour intensity

•

Synaesthesia (multiple senses are perceived simultaneously)

•

Acute hearing and superior auditory discrimination

•

Heightened pitch detection

•

Enhanced olfactory detection

2.

Cognitive strengths

•

Correlation with intellectual giftedness

•

Savant syndrome

•

Powerful memory

•

Encyclopaedic knowledge

•

Superior problem-solving skills

•

Rational decision-making

•

Hyperfocus (ability to exert more intense

non-autistic. But we can better understand their plight when we recognise that we all struggle with limitations, albeit different ones. Our pride, arrogance and propensity to displease God are instances that reveal our spiritual deficits or limitations. What we share is the struggle to get along with those around us, to overcome adversity and those limitations, to succeed, to survive and to thrive.

The Church is a gathering of people in community to support each other to grow towards sanctification. The neurodivergent Christian is no less deserving of this community and support.

focus and visualisation) •

Hyper-systemising (a high drive to analyse and construct systems)

•

Pattern recognition

•

Lateral thinking (ability to generate unusual and novel ideas)

3.

Behavioural strengths

•

Strong work ethic

Not all these strengths and challenges are found among those diagnosed with ASD. But they are common enough to be noticed.

Singer J (July 3, 2016). NeuroDiversity: The Birth of an Idea (2nd ed.).

1

https://www.moh.gov.sg/newsroom/ attention-deficit 2

3 https://autism.org.sg/living-with-autism/ prevalence-of-autism-in-singapore 4 Teo, Jee Ti et al. “Early Intervention for Dysxlexia in Singapore”, Embrace Dyslexia, DAS Handbook 2019, https://das.org.sg/ handbook/das-handbook-2019/.

https://embrace-autism.com/autismstrengths-and-challenges/ 5

April 2025 Methodist Message 15

Feature

Sue-Lynn Teo is a registered psychologist with the Singapore Psychological Society and is trained in Educational and Developmental Psychology.

She specialises in assessments and therapy work with children with learning, behavioural or special needs. Sue-Lynn is one of the panellists for At the Well.

She worships at Toa Payoh Methodist Church with her family. / Photos courtesy of Eunice Tan

In conversation with

Dr Eunice Tan on neurodiversity education and the Church Special needs education is a growing field in Singapore. Dr Eunice Tan, who heads the Special Education Programme at Singapore University of Social Sciences, sits down with psychologist Sue-Lynn Teo for a chat on her experiences in the field of neurodiversity education.

(left) Dr Eunice Tan and her parents, Mr & Mrs Tan Wah Thong, Christopher and husband, William

S

itting across the table from Dr Eunice

she assumed her current position as Head

Tan at Starbucks, I can already tell her

of the Special Education Programme in

dedication to the field of neurodivergence

the Singapore University of Social Sciences

from her resume. After graduating with

(SUSS) in 2019.

a broad-based Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of British Columbia in

Along the way, her calling to the field

1989, she went on to obtain a Bachelor of

of neurodiversity was heightened and

Education from the same university, then a

felt bittersweet, when her elder son

postgraduate diploma in Special Education,

Christopher, now 24, was diagnosed with

and finally, a PhD in Special Education.

autism at a young age.

Out in the workforce, she spent several

Pondering on her storied career in the field

years as a special education teacher in an

of special education, she said, "I enjoyed my

international school and at a local special

university studies and my job as a special

school. At one point, she was a principal at

education teacher to neurodivergent children,

a special school as well as working at MOE

even before Christopher was born. The more

headquarters. Then, there was a three-year

I studied, the more my interest grew. So,

stint in the social services sector before

teaching was a natural career path for me."

16 Methodist Message April 2025

Asked what spurred her to join SUSS to

that they are referred to as 'autistic' rather

pursue the academic side of neurodiversity,

than 'a person with autism'. They see being

in other words, "educating the educators",

autistic as a key part of their identity as

Eunice looked reflective. "I suppose you

'neurodivergent' and are proud of being

could say I am a late starter. When the

autistic," said Eunice.

opportunity came, I didn't start off thinking, oh, is this my calling then? At first, it was

Indeed, the neurodiversity movement

just a way to prove to myself and others that

advocates for a strengths-focused

I could achieve something in this area. But

approach, which acknowledges and affirms

after joining SUSS, I realised I could meet

what the neurodivergent individual can do,

more people and have greater influence

instead of only focusing on "remediating

in the area of neurodiversity and the

their weaknesses". When I asked

positive impact I could make. I can teach

Eunice what she thinks is the Christian

my students, mentor my PhD students

perspective of neurodiversity, her answer

and impact the community through my

was candid and personal.

research, organise workshops and talks on the different topics related to neurodiversity.

"I think for parents like me with a

All my students have their own niche and

neurodivergent child, we try to rationalise,

unique paths, so I am also learning from

and struggle for satisfying answers to

them, and it's been rewarding. I'm really in

'Why is my child like this?' While I used

a very happy place right now."

to feel sad and depressed about it, I have reconciled those feelings over time. As

What's in a name?

a Christian, I try to think of it not as a

Although I am a psychologist specialising

punishment but as how God has chosen

in neurodivergence, I asked Eunice

me because he knows I will be a good

what people should understand about

parent to my neurodivergent child."

neurodiversity today. She said, "The terminology has evolved through the

Her answer affirms what the Bible teaches:

years: from 'persons with disabilities', to

everyone is created in the image of God,

'special needs', and now to 'neurodiversity'.

and he makes no mistakes in creation. Every

It describes people with neurological or

human being, whether neurodivergent or

brain-based differences in the way their

neurotypical, is created in God's image.

brains work and process information. The

Practically speaking, the lived experience

term 'neurodiversity' is perceived as a kinder

of raising a child with special needs or even

and more respectful term. We have to shift

being a sibling to someone with special

our mindset to use this word rather than,

needs, is both challenging and rewarding in

say, 'mental retardation' which implies that

their unique ways.

someone is subnormal. But as language is ever evolving, who's to say what it will be

What can the Church do?

replaced by in five- or ten-years' time?

Looking at the bigger picture, Eunice believes the Church has come a long way

"In fact, the term 'neurodiversity' has

in its efforts to embrace neurodivergent

liberated people to identify themselves

individuals. She cited Faith Methodist

with the condition. For example, there

Church, which she used to attend with

are a growing number of neurodivergent

Christopher, and Wesley Methodist Church

people in the autism community who

as examples of churches with a Sunday

identify as being autistic and would prefer

school programme for children with special

April 2025 Methodist Message 17

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needs. I was impressed to learn that during

be a special school catering to children

the years when she attended Covenant

with autism who are able to access the

Community Methodist Church, she and a

national/mainstream curriculum. It will

good friend who also has a neurodivergent

seek to inculcate Christian values and to

child ran a small Sunday school for children

follow the ACS brand of education where

with special needs.

every child is embraced.

Speaking like a true educator, she

While some details of what Eunice

enthusiastically shared her vision with

shared with me are under wraps, her

me. "Some sort of monitoring, to get the

excitement was evident. "We are hoping

same quality of teaching, will be helpful.

to have training for all staff, including

It would be good if the Methodist Church

administrators and volunteers, on

has a repository of resources, such as

managing students with autism. We

a short introductory online module for

will do research, evaluate the 'new'

Sunday school teachers to help them

programmes and track outcomes. For

better understand special needs and how

example, getting the parents', teachers'

to intentionally include children with

and students' perspectives of whether the

special needs in their classes. Any secular

programmes implemented were beneficial

curriculum out there can be very much

and what the beneficial aspects were.

tailored to our faith and to the Methodist

Some of the programmes that we will

culture; the specialised curriculum will

be trying will be bespoke programmes,

help the teacher plan for meaningful

not tried in Singapore before. It has been

participation and inclusion and for the

very encouraging to see the ACS alumni

child to be engaged during the class.

coming together to use their professional

Classroom accommodations should also be

knowledge and expertise in their

considered (e.g. visual supports/timetables

respective fields, in the planning for and

for children with autism). When children

building of ACS (Academy)."

with special needs are meaningfully engaged in Sunday school, their parents

Both Eunice and I are encouraged to look

can attend the church service. Thus, going

ahead with hope that God will continue

to church will be a more inclusive and

to use whom he has called and equipped,

family-centred experience.

to serve and welcome the neurodivergent community in schools and the Church.

When it comes to neurodivergent adults, the church can match them with cell groups or prayer groups of members within a similar age range, as they tend to have more commonalities than with, say, people who are 10 to 20 years older.

For those willing to start such cell groups/ prayer groups and be more inclusive, a similar online introductory course will help to equip the members with the necessary understanding, skills and knowledge."

The first Methodist special education school Our talk turned to the upcoming ACS (Academy), in which Eunice has a role as advisor. ACS (Academy), within the family of Methodist schools in Singapore, will

Dr Tan with former President of Singapore, Mdm Halimah Yacob, pictured here with a book Dr Tan wrote about Christopher, Christopher Is Loved

April 2025 Methodist Message 19

Dr Roland Chia is Chew Hock Hin Professor of Christian Doctrine at Trinity Theological College and Theological and Research Advisor at the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity.

Soundings

From inclusion to belonging

I

n an article published in the April 2024

various media platforms, we will find that

issue of the Methodist Message, it was

the idea that dominates the discourse is

reported that:

that of inclusion. Society, we are told (and by extension, the Church), must be inclusive

The Church in Singapore has been key

and welcome people with disabilities.

in supporting people with disabilities through social services. Social service

This is of course a laudable and much

agencies such as the Methodist Welfare

needed exhortation. We must indeed try

Services, St Andrew's Mission Hospital,

to create an environment where people

Singapore Anglican Community Services

with disabilities do not feel excluded or

and TOUCH Community Services have

pushed to the margins and alienated.

made a significant impact on the

Instead, we must welcome them and

national disability landscape. While we

ensure that they truly feel welcomed.

may boast about our presence in the social service space, hardly the same

However, while inclusion is certainly very

can be said of the churches. Only 5 per

important in our attitude towards and

cent, or 26 churches, have one or more

treatment of people with disabilities,

disability ministries among the 600

it is only the starting point. For people

Protestant churches in Singapore.1

with disabilities to really flourish in our churches, they must not only feel that

Clearly more can and must be done to help

they are included. They must also have a

churches here understand the importance of

profound sense that they truly belong.

ministering to its members with disabilities.

But even while that is being done, we must

The Bible and Christian tradition offer

also reflect on what such a ministry entails.

abundant resources for developing a theology of belonging that should be

If we were to consult the literature on the

explored and applied to the Church's

subject, including the articles published on

approach to people with disabilities.

20 Methodist Message April 2025

At the most fundamental level, a Christian

to the full range of the activities of the

theology of belonging is established on

church. Inclusion places emphasis on

the gospel message itself. Jesus Christ, the

what some writers have called structural

incarnate Son of God, has died for the sins

accommodations: wheelchair ramps,

of humanity. All who call upon his name and

large print bulletins, sign language

put their faith in him as their Saviour and

interpretation etc.

Lord are reconciled to God and have become his sons and daughters.

While all these are of course important, belonging goes much deeper. It is less

This directly impacts how each member

about the structures that are put in

of Christ's Body should be regarded. Paul

place to assist people of disabilities,

powerfully emphasises this in his well-known

but involves a mindset, an ethos and

chapter on the unity and diversity of the

a culture which embraces all people

Church, where he writes: "For in one Spirit

fully for who they are. It involves the

we were all baptised into one body—Jews or

creation of a social space where people

Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to

with disabilities are truly valued as an

drink of one Spirit" (1 Corinthians 12:13).

integral part of community and where they can use their God-given gifts to

The apostle spells out the significance of

bless the Church.

this further in his letter to the Christians in Galatia: "There is neither Jew nor Greek,

Belonging emphasises genuine

there is neither slave nor free, there is no

relationships established on our

male and female, for you are all one in

identity and unity in Christ. This means

Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). To this list we

valuing members with disabilities as

can surely add "neither abled nor disabled".

brothers and sisters in Christ, not merely "tolerated" or "accommodated", but

Thus, every believer is part of the Body of

loved and treasured as indispensable

Christ. No one is lesser than the other. No

members of the Church.

one is dispensable. Through the work of the Spirit, every believer belongs to the one

Belonging also stresses interdependence.

body, the Church.

This recalls Paul's words to the Corinthians: "The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I have

But what is the difference between inclusion

no need of you,' nor again the head to the

and belonging?

feet, 'I have no need of you'" (1 Corinthians 12:21). Belonging recognises the fact that

Belonging points to a deeper, more profound

our brothers and sisters with disabilities

understanding of membership in the Body

have much to contribute to the building

of Christ than inclusion. Inclusion generally

up of the Church.

suggests making room for someone at the table, while belonging involves an invitation

Moving from inclusion to belonging

to participate fully in the life of the church

means going beyond merely making

and contribute meaningfully to its ministry.

room for our brothers and sisters with disabilities to fully embracing them. In

Inclusion often points to efforts to ensure

doing so, the Church becomes more fully

that people with disabilities have access

what it is meant to be.

Joanna Ong, "Whither the Church and disability ministries in Singapore?," Methodist Message, April 4, 2024, https://www.methodist.org.sg/methodistmessage/whither-the-church-and-disability-ministries-in-singapore/).

1

April 2025 Methodist Message 21

Outreach

By the Methodist Welfare Services Communications Team / Photo courtesy of Methodist Welfare Services

Love your volunteer gig?

It just could become your career Melissa Teo left her corporate job to pursue a degree in guidance and counselling. A volunteering opportunity at an MWS Active Ageing Centre turned her passion into a career.

"I never knew I had such endless patience

As a volunteer, Melissa played an active

and empathy for seniors."

role in befriending socially isolated seniors and running programmes such

When Melissa Teo began volunteering at

as bingo and sing-along sessions. "Some

MWS Active Ageing Centre – GreenTops@

seniors get so excited during sing-along

Sims Place (GTAAC) in May 2022, she was

sessions that they even start dancing,"

eager to gain experience in the social service

she laughed. "Seeing them happy makes

sector. Having left the corporate world after

me happy, and as Proverbs 17:22 says, 'A

more than 20 years to pursue a degree in

joyful heart is good medicine.'"

guidance and counselling, Melissa saw it as a chance to discover new career possibilities.

Using her skills to help seniors avoid squabbles

But what started out as casual

Volunteering also became a meaningful way

volunteering soon turned into a calling.

for Melissa to apply her counselling skills.

"I came to realise that I truly love the seniors—the good, the bad and the

She recalled an incident where an elderly

difficult—and I wanted to continue

woman with a walking stick arrived late to an

engaging with them," she shared.

activity and was turned away by the groups

22 Methodist Message April 2025

she tried to join. Feeling excluded, she

From volunteer to senior executive

shouted in Hokkien, "I am just an old lady

When a full-time position opened up at

with walking difficulties! Why do you people

the AAC, Melissa saw it as the perfect

push me around?" before storming out.

opportunity to turn her passion into a career. Now, as a Senior Executive

Melissa quickly followed, calming her down

responsible for Volunteer Management,

before encouraging the other seniors

she encourages other seniors to

to put themselves in her shoes. "I asked

volunteer and develops innovative

them to consider how they would feel if

programmes to boost engagement.

they were told they didn't belong," she

She also empowers volunteers to co-

shared. "That was one of many times I was

lead activities, giving them ownership

able to counsel seniors struggling with

in shaping an environment where

resentment and bitterness. It was fulfilling

seniors can thrive together.

to help them find peace."

For Melissa, this work is deeply tied

Melissa Teo (in MWS tee) leading a Reminiscence Facilitation session at MWS Active Ageing Centre – GreenTops@ Sims Place

Determined to foster a more supportive

to her faith. Citing Matthew 5:16, she

space, Melissa worked with staff to

shared, "There were times when I had

launch a six-session workshop on positive

the opportunity to visit sick seniors in

mindsets and respectful communication.

the hospital and, with their permission,

Through games and skits, seniors explored

pray for them. It is truly meaningful to

topics like embracing diverse perspectives

live out God's word in this way."

and managing emotions.

The impact was clear—a more mindful and respectful environment, where seniors felt a stronger sense of belonging.

Melissa's journey shows how acts of service can bring purpose and transformation—both for volunteers and those they serve. You, too, can make a difference by stepping up to serve the marginalised and vulnerable in our community.

As The Methodist Church in Singapore celebrates its 140th Anniversary, its social concerns arm, Methodist Welfare Services, is rallying members to contribute 1.4 million volunteer hours (about 35 hours per person) to uplift lives.

Scan the QR code to learn more.

April 2025 Methodist Message 23

Rev Vincent Lim is a Diaconal Minister in The Methodist Church in Singapore and serves as the Regional Director (Laos & Thailand) for Methodist Missions Society. / Photos courtesy of Methodist Missions Society

Outreach

Choosing

inconvenience

Art class outside the classroom

E

veryone loves a comfortable and

When Methodist Missions Society (MMS)

pleasant environment. A quiet

founded Little Sheep Childcare Centre

classroom can quickly become unsettling

in Khon Kaen, Thailand, we were thrilled

when disrupted by shouting or running.

to teach children and instil godly values

Rushing to an appointment, only to be

in them. Daily challenges like crying,

delayed because the bus driver waits

disobedience and delayed learning

patiently for a person in a wheelchair

were normal situations which we

to board, can cause frustration. A joyful

handled everyday. However, one day, we

gathering interrupted by a meltdown

encountered a situation that tested us in

can create discomfort. Many of us have

new ways—a child began exhibiting signs

found ourselves in situations where we

of autism. This child struggled to interact

feel uneasy or inconvenienced due to

with others, often screamed during

the disabilities of others. Disabilities can

classes, and disrupted nap times with

be physical, sensory, intellectual, mental

loud singing and outbursts.

or related to chronic illnesses. These moments often challenge us to respond

The teachers grew physically and

with patience, understanding and

mentally exhausted. They were also

compassion.

concerned about the impact on the

24 Methodist Message April 2025

other children's learning if this situation

pales in comparison to the surpassing

continued. During our discussions, we

love of God, who demonstrated his

faced a difficult decision; either gently ask

love for us in this: "… while we were still

the parents to find another school better

sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

suited to their child's needs or take on the responsibility of teaching and nurturing

Jesus did not let the inconvenience

the child to the best of our abilities.

of coming to earth stop him from redeeming us from our spiritual

As we prayed, we asked ourselves: How

brokenness. During his time

does Jesus view this child? What would

on earth, he reached out to the

he do? The answer was clear. Jesus loved

marginalised, the disabled and the

this child deeply and would not have

excluded, showing us how to love

turned him away. Jesus said, "Let the little

them unconditionally. Likewise, the

children come to me and do not hinder

disabilities of others should never

them, for to such belongs the kingdom of

stop us from loving, caring for and

heaven" (Matthew 19:14).

accepting them for who they are.

When we told the child's mother that we would work together to support her child, she was overwhelmed with gratitude. With tears in her eyes, she said, "We've been asked to withdraw from previous schools before. The teachers couldn't handle my child.

I didn't know what I would do if your centre turned us away too."

Jesus did not exclude children with special needs, and neither should we. It felt like a battle between doing what was right versus doing what was easy.

We chose the right path, even though it was the more difficult one. When we told the child's mother that we would work together to support her child, she was overwhelmed with gratitude. With tears in her eyes, she said, "We've been asked to withdraw from previous schools before.

The teachers couldn't handle my child. I didn't know what I would do if your centre turned us away too."

Disabilities and special needs often leave children and their families feeling abandoned by society. By choosing to embrace this child, we offered them acceptance and love. Yet, what we did

Concentrating is hard work

April 2025 Methodist Message 25

You and Your Family

Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars.

Benny has helmed the You & Your Family column for more than 18 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

m i t c i A v

mentality and the blame game

L

ife can be very unpredictable

searching. We may wonder if we

and some may say unfair. This is

could have done anything to prevent

especially so when things outside our

it. This may lead to blaming ourselves

control happen to us. This includes

over every minute decision we could

being born with a disability or into

have made differently to prevent

a family where the level of care falls

it. An example of this is a date rape

short. Or being betrayed by someone

victim who blames herself for not

we trust. Or being in the wrong place

keeping an eye on her drinks at a

at the wrong time when hit by a

party. Maybe then, she thinks, no

crime. When we find ourselves in such

one would have had a chance to put

circumstances, we feel like a victim.

something into her drink. Or maybe she should not have gone on the date

We often respond to such

in the first place. As you can see, this

unfortunate situations with some

self-examination can spiral into a

form of questioning and soul

whole string of "what-ifs" or "maybes".

April 2025 Methodist Message 27

When the difficulties are totally beyond

all very natural human needs.

one's control, who do we blame?

These reflections arise from meeting

How should others respond to such

two clients with similar struggles.

persons? Well, for one, the search for

One was born with an incurable heart

answers should not be stifled nor cut

defect. The other was born into a

short with trite responses like: "This

family where his younger sibling has

is just the way it is. Sometimes bad

severe autism. Both are young men in

things just happen, no one is to blame."

their thirties, well-educated and hold

These responses may contain a grain of

professional jobs. The first impression

truth but if said too early, will only fan

one gets is that they have a bright

the flames of anger. What we can do is

future ahead. Yet as one digs deeper,

to listen with as much understanding

their outlook on life is pessimistic and

as we can summon. We need to

they are even depressive in their mood.

acknowledge the appropriate place for emotions like anger, rage and sadness.

It is hard for these young men, and I am sure for many other men and women,

We can then move on to having

to plan for their future. Hopes of getting

conversations about how they can

married and starting a family are all

live their lives in spite of these

viewed through the lens of their personal

circumstances. Not because of the

challenges. They have taken to declaring

circumstances but even with them.

their circumstances at the start of

What hopes and dreams can still be

any romantic relationship so as not to

entertained? What interests can still

"mislead" any interested party and then

be pursued and how can others help

suffer the disappointment of rejection.

make them possible?

We understand that nothing happens outside of God's perfect and complete will. If we submit ourselves to it, we may find this to be a time when our faith can grow stronger.

Earlier, I mentioned soul searching for

As believers, there is one other

who or what to blame. Such efforts are

dimension to our response. We

understandable as a way of venting

understand that nothing happens

some of the anger and frustration.

outside of God's perfect and complete

Unfortunately, these strong emotions

will. If we submit ourselves to it, we

are usually not quenched. Instead,

may find this to be a time when our

they may grow even stronger with

faith can grow stronger. We can find

all the blaming. This is because the

peace and rest even when these

purpose of blaming ourselves or others

negative circumstances remain

is to find answers or ways to control

unchanged because even these

our lives in future even though we

situations cannot separate us from his

could not prevent what has happened.

love. When this happens, we change

The need to understand our life's

from being a helpless victim to a

circumstances, to grieve when hurt

survivor and can even transform further

and to gain some degree of control are

to be a victorious child of God. April 2025 Methodist Message 29

Rev Joey Chen is currently pastoring at Paya Lebar Methodist Church, and oversees the Family Life, Youth and Young Adult ministries.

Prior to pastoring, Rev Joey had stints in the public and private sectors doing communications work. She is married to Andrew, whom she met in seminary.

Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, clinical supervisor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars.

Benny has helmed MM’s You & Your Family column for more than 18 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

Sue-Lynn Teo is a registered psychologist with the Singapore Psychological Society and is trained in Educational and Developmental Psychology. She specialises in assessments and therapy work with children who have learning, behavioural or special needs.

She worships at Toa Payoh Methodist Church with her family.

Need advice? Scan the QR code or visit https://www.methodist.org.sg/mm-atthe-well/ to submit your question. Due to space constraints and repetition of topics, we may not be able to feature all questions submitted.

Dating & Marriage

My husband is "fighting his feelings" towards another woman—is this infidelity?

My husband of 25 years told me he fell in love with someone my daughter's age. He says he has never felt this way before. I consider this infidelity. He does not because he says he is fighting his feelings. I am so hurt. Is he right?

Am I too sensitive? How can I be with a man who doesn't love me but loves someone else?  Broken

30 Methodist Message April 2025

Joey says Dear Broken, My response is based on the understanding that no physical boundaries were crossed between your husband and the lady, since there was no mention of it.

It is painful to hear your husband say that he has feelings for someone else. However, it is a promising sign that he has chosen to be honest with you and is choosing to fight the feelings. That he is fighting and not going with his feelings indicates that he treasures the marriage. He may be reaching out to you for support in this fight by being honest. If that's the case, I would encourage you to fight alongside him.

It is possible that there was emotional

Friendships

infidelity but that depends on how far the

Caught between two friends

emotional ties went. Regardless of whether there was or wasn't an emotional affair (that can be sorted out later), what is key in the immediate future is how you and the relationship will heal from this. His developing feelings for someone else may be a symptom of existing marital issues that need to be dealt with. If you are both committed to the marriage and to the healing process, there is a good chance that you both can heal and recover from this, and the marriage can come out of this stronger. Looking for a professional marriage counsellor that you have rapport with to help guide you both through this episode will be a matter of priority.

The healing journey will be difficult. When

I am friends with a couple and have known the husband and wife for nearly a decade now. On the outside, they look like the perfect couple— stable jobs, great kids, nice house, God-fearing family. However, both the husband and wife confide in me separately and share their deepest, darkest secrets with me. They do not know that I am hearing both sides of their stories. I have told them to talk to each other in my separate chats, or to consider couples counselling. How should I tell them I do not want to be involved and that it's too much for me?  Friend in the middle

you feel overwhelmed by the pain, take it to God in prayer. Let him show you what he wants for your marriage and let him lead you in your response that your response may be God-honouring (and not out of your own flesh).

April 2025 Methodist Message 31

At The Well

What complicates matters is that each has independently shared things about the other. Their sharing may colour how you see each friend. Listening to their "deepest, darkest secrets" sounds like it is taking a toll on you.

It is right to encourage them to speak with each other and resist being the messenger. Avail yourself less and less to both, but let them know that this is a deliberate action on your part as you value their friendship and cannot help but feel drawn in to be their counsellor, a role which you do not want nor are you able to manage.

Additionally, providing a listening ear may give them sufficient relief to tolerate

Benny says Dear Friend in the middle,

and cope with the current situation and thereby delay their need to resolve the problems. It may, in the long run, prove

One of the gifts and responsibilities of

to be unhelpful.

being a close friend to someone is that they may take you into their confidence.

As they trust you, they may begin to confide in you more and more. Even if they do not do so to get some advice or some concrete form of assistance, the mere fact that they can share with someone they trust and whom they believe cares for them, affords them some temporary relief.

Family

Teenage son talks back to his teachers My nearly-adult teenage son does well in school both academically

It is a gift because being taken into

and in CCAs. However, he gets into

someone's confidence is not a given. It

trouble every year for talking back

is also a gift as you, the listener, makes

to his teachers. Some teachers

yourself available. To your credit, not one

absolutely adore him; they are

but both these friends have come to see

the ones who see his heart. But

you as someone in whom they can confide.

teachers that are "not nice" will bear the brunt of his talkback because

It is a responsibility too because your

he has no respect for either their

friends may expect that you keep their

poor teaching skills or their difficult

sharing to yourself. Caring and yet

personalities. He is often the one at

restraining oneself is not always easy. It

fault, but I don't know how to get

takes a special quality, a good set of skills

him to rein in his tongue.

and finally, loads of discipline to do so.

 Fed-up Mama

32 Methodist Message April 2025

Sue-Lynn says

disappointment over what he thinks is

Dear Fed-up Mama,

poor teaching or the teacher's difficult

It's hard getting our teenage children

"I hear/see that you're feeling _______

to listen to well-meaning advice on not

because of _______") and when you

talking back to teachers out of respect

sense he is ready, encourage him to find

for their seniority in age and position,

alternative, more helpful ways to express

especially as they get older. Your son, as a

his underlying emotions and thoughts/

Gen Z, may have grown up in a generation

perceptions about his respective teachers.

personality. Validate those feelings (e.g.,

and school environment where teachers are regarded as peers rather than

Prayerfully bring in God's word that

being positionally more senior and thus

encourages us as Christians to let our

commanding more respect.

words reflect the truth of the gospel and how it has transformed our lives ("Let

Trying to understand the "why" behind

our conversation always be gracious,

your son's "talkback" is a good start,

seasoned with salt, so that you may

especially when approached with a curious,

know how to answer to each person"-

non-judgemental stance. For example,

Colossians 4:6). Thereafter, ask him to

"Teacher A is not great at teaching, can

consider how he might re-examine the

you help me better understand what you

way he talks to his teachers. Provide

mean?" Use his words as far as possible.

guidance if needed (i.e. scripts to use to communicate more respectfully with

Next, try to understand the intent of his

his teachers) and as necessary, pray for

"talkback" without assuming, for example,

a continued heart change that would

that it is out of disrespect (keeping in

lead to a continued change in his speech

mind that Gen Z teens may have different

("Let the words of my mouth and the

definitions of "respect" from their Gen

meditation of my heart be acceptable

X parents). For example, he may be

in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my

expressing his frustration/annoyance/

redeemer"- Psalm 19:14).

April 2025 Methodist Message 33

Amelia Leo is a Senior Programme Executive (Worship & Church Music) at the Methodist School of Music. She worships at Fairfield Methodist Church and serves as Choir Director in the worship ministry.

Worship

On Earth as it is in Heaven:

Worship as a catalyst for inclusivity

I

t was a typical weekday morning dropping my daughter off at preschool—

until the principal approached me with unexpected news.

The children were preparing for their year-end concert, and my daughter had been paired with a classmate with special needs. The principal gently warned me that the boy might have a meltdown during rehearsals or the performance and suggested that I be mentally prepared for any incidents.

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I felt a mix of emotions. On one hand,

How does our worship prepare us for the

I was proud that my four-year-old had

kind of kingdom Jesus describes?

been entrusted with this role. On the other, a small part of me hesitated,

•

Does our worship reflect this vision of radical hospitality?

wondering about the challenges she

Do our churches welcome those with

might face. And in that moment of

disabilities and neurodivergence, not

hesitation, I felt the Spirit's rebuke.

just as visitors but as fully participating members of the body of Christ?

•

Do we make space for different abilities in our liturgies and music?

Is there room for the participation of those who may not fit conventional expectations of engagement?

•

How does our worship shape our responses outside the sanctuary?

If worship is meant to form us, does it move us towards compassion and inclusion in our daily lives?

How does worship shape our ability to embrace those who are different from us?

In the end, I chose to see my daughter's experience as a teachable moment.

After each rehearsal, we processed what happened together. On the concert day, she danced on stage, at times alone, as her partner hesitated. But in one small,

For years in my last job, I had worked on

beautiful moment, she gently nudged him

disability policy in the civil service. Today

to join in. Some may have felt sorry for her,

I actively promote inclusive music and

but to me, that moment held a glimpse

dance programmes through the Methodist

of hope—of a world where differences are

School of Music. So why was it difficult

embraced with love and patience.

to embrace inclusivity when it became personal?

If worship is truly about shaping us into God's people, then it must cultivate a

That question lingered in my heart, but

posture of openness and love, especially

it soon expanded into a bigger reflection:

towards those whom society often

How does worship shape our ability to

overlooks. Worship is not only about the

embrace those who are different from us?

words we sing or the prayers we say but also about the habits it instills in us—

In 2015, artist Hyatt Moore painted a

habits that should form a people ready to

striking image of the great banquet in

embody the inclusivity of God's kingdom.

Luke 14—a table where the poor, crippled, blind and lame are honoured guests. It is

As we pray "on earth as it is in heaven",

a powerful vision of God's upside-down

may our worship not only reflect the

kingdom. Yet, while we affirm this vision,

vision of heaven but also lead us to live it

living it out is another challenge.

out, here and now.

April 2025 Methodist Message 35

Walking alongside you with compassion and care

ESTABLISHED SINCE 2000

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38–39

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People

Joanna Sia serves as a keyboardist in the Worship & Music Ministry at Paya Lebar Methodist Church, and serves in the same worship band as her husband, Paul Khoo. / Photo courtesy of Joanna Sia

Returning to family roots at first. Subsequently, our children began to show reluctance to go to church on Sundays and it did not improve despite our efforts to address their concerns. This only intensified my longing to return as I recalled how I was nurtured in my faith growing up in Sunday school. When I shared my desire to move back to PLMC with my husband, he revealed that God had also placed on his heart to "return to family roots". PLMC was the first church where his grandparents and extended family worshipped at while living in Kovan Road in (from left to right) Paul, Joanna and their children

W

the mid-1900s. Praise God for aligning our hen I was 10 years old, my mum

hearts in agreement to return to PLMC!

brought my brother and me to Paya

Lebar Methodist Church (PLMC). My fondest

In 2015, our family of five returned to PLMC

memories of my younger days were my

after being away for 10 years. Our children

loving Sunday school teachers and the youth

also adjusted very well to Silver Boxes, PLMC's

camps I attended.

children ministry. While tucking the children into bed one Sunday night shortly after

After my husband and I started our own

moving back to PLMC, our youngest asked me,

family, we moved to another church for

"Mummy, when are we going back to church?"

several years. After some years, I felt an aching in my heart to return to PLMC. I began to seek

Till today, my heart is so full of thanksgiving.

the Lord on this but kept the matter to myself

We have returned home.

Kopi kakis by Lau Peng Leong, Yen Tun I and Zachary Yong

April 2025 Methodist Message 37

MSM WORKSHOP | VOCALS 101 9, 23, 30 April & 7 May 2025 (Wednesdays), 7.30 p.m. to 9.00 p.m.

Methodist School of Music, 496 Upper Bukit Timah Road, #03-20, John Wesley Centre, S678099 Find out more and register via bit.ly/Vocals101Apr $240 per participant, inclusive of GST Do you desire to sing your best for worship? Designed for church worship team vocalists, this course will unlock your vocal potential, reduce strain and help you sing with confidence.

What you will learn: • Sing high notes with greater ease • Improve voice projection • Protect your voice from strain • Deliver your vocal best in worship Organised by Methodist School of Music

UNDERSTANDING CHURCH PLANTING AND HOLISTIC MISSION 10, 24, 31 May 2025 (Saturdays)*, 8.30 a.m. to 1.00 p.m.

Trinity Theological College, 490 Upper Bukit Timah Road, S678093 (Hillview MRT) Register via http://ttc.edu.sg/english/EQUIPRegistration $150 for standard registration; refer to website for fees This course will explore the biblical theology and practical aspects of church planting and holistic mission in contemporary mission context. There will be a focus on the ministry of church planting in the twenty-first century from biblical, ecclesiological and missiological perspectives, including looking at the process of starting and multiplying new church plants. Biblical and historical basis for holistic mission will be examined, along with the exploration of emerging models in contemporary practice. *Participants must attend all three sessions and pass the course assignments to complete each workshop.

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Organised by Wycliffe Singapore