LOTUS ISSUE 15: HEREAFTER

LOTUS No. 15 | Hereafter

Editors’ Note Dear Readers, This issue was, admittedly, difficult to define with just one title. Not only is this our first issue as Editors-in-Chief, but our first issue as a university publication. One word could not possibly begin to encapsulate the following forty four pages of artistry under these circumstances.

This is where “hereafter” came in. Lotus is an ever changing and evolving representation of our similarly evolving student body. We wanted this issue to represent a transition, a marking of the passage in time through which we, as students, rush towards a somewhat sudden death. In the middle somewhere is the art we create and absorb.

Hereafter can mean “from now on,” but it can also refer to life after death. This issue explores the definition from both angles, as a tribute to some timeless classics, but also as a reflection of how these classics fit into a constantly changing modern world.

This semester’s contributors have worked ceaselessly on their stories – some of which seek to dissect modern meanings of chivalry, highlight the foremothers of timeless style, and even repurpose the mental block caused by embarrassment – among others. Our shoots this issue were composed with a similarly unremitting drive and passion for celebrating iconic styles and aesthetics, whether established or invented.

We hope this issue inspires you to treat art and writing as a means to change and resurrection. Our immortality lies in the art and writing that has decorated the pages through which you, dear reader, are about to flip.

We hope you love it as much as we do.

Issue 15: Hereafter.

Love,

FW24 MASTHEAD

Ivy Jaep & Ava Gaspari Editors in Chief ... 1 Mary Haley & Sienna Gallus Asst. Editors in Chief ... 2 Charles Birbeck Executive Editor ... 3 Angeline Perez (F&B) Section Editor ... 4

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Grace Cardinal (L&O)

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Section Editor ... 5 Victoria Schiller (F&B)

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Asst. Section Editor ... 6 Maggie Shediac (L&O) Asst. Section Editor ... 7

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Elizabeth Kalaj

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Web Editor ... 8 Grace Dillon

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Asst. Web Editor ... 9 Anna Maciolek

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Production &

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Photography ... 10 Anna Shreiner Production ... 11

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Michelle Galarza

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Production ... 12 Chayse Martino Head Stylist ... 13

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Michaela Scully Head Stylist ... 14 Kimiya Ehsan Head Stylist ... 15 Ashton Erb Asst. Stylist ... 16

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Milan Marukovich

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Model Coordinator ... 17 Emily Smith

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Art Editor ... 18

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Liz Dong Photography Director ... 19 Jack Devaney Asst. Photographer ... 20 Maria Perriono Social Media Editor ... 21

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Siena DeMarco Asst. Social Media ... 22 Conall Murray Media Content Creator ... 23 Jessie Loche Videographer ... 24

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Punjabi

Interning in His

Fashion coordinated by JASVINE GREWAL

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n a post #MeToo world, young women entering their first internships may expect to face fewer unwanted advances, harassment or uncomfortable interactions, but the reality falls short. In 2024, 34% of women under 30 and 37% of all women reported experiencing one or more forms of sexual harrasment in workplace, up from 35% of all women in 2018, according to Women In The Workplace.

These numbers tell part of the story, but the real impact is felt by women all around us. By sharing my story and those of other females on campus, I hope to shed light on why awareness, change and preparation are so important.

Entering my first internship, I was nervous going into a maledominated field, but I never thought to be scared of the possibility of harassment. During the first couple weeks, I struggled to make acquaintances as the only intern in my department. So when a friendly superior approached me to make conversation, I was excited and hopeful to make a meaningful connection.

photography by KIMIYA EHSAN & JACK DEVANEY layout by IVY JAEP

After a couple of weeks of normal conversation with this manager, I did not think twice when he asked for my phone number and address, assuming it was for work since he was in charge of our upcoming move. I was wrong. It started with texts

world like “Hello Senorita”, but he continued to get increasingly bold in crossing boundaries.

Later that day, he approached me with my house pulled up on Google Maps, saying, ‘I am going to pick you up’. I was terrified, but questioned if I was being overdramatic as coworkers carpool all the time.

Then, he escalated to texts like “Good Morning Beautiful” and suggestive comments at work. I knew it was inappropriate, but blamed myself for giving my number, hoping that ignoring it would make it stop. Instead, my anxiety spiked every time I heard footsteps and I felt unsure how to stand up for myself, fearing no one would believe me.

It wasn’t until I finally opened up to my mom. Seeing how furious she was finally gave me the courage to go to HR. I feel so lucky that my office was willing to listen to me and my story.

An Anonymous female who had a summer internship at a radio station, shared her internship preparation and her experience about a boss who abused his power.

“There is always some guards up as a woman,” Anonymous said.

Clothes and Coordination Sterling Grant

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Photography Jack Devaney Layout Anna Maciolek

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by CARA LOGANADHAN

layout by IVY JAEP photography by LIZ DONG

“But, they shared the same values as me, they were very liberal … so I felt like the people would be less threatening to me”.

While there was an underlying fear, she still had some trust in the males around her, as they were her bosses.

“I was specially picked by one of the head writers for their online section,” Anonymous said. “I could see that I was the only woman in the entire radio station … and there was a common theme of them being surprised that I could do simple tasks, like writing an editorial, or being able to cite something correctly.”

Her direct boss further pushed boundaries, by joking that she couldn’t do anything right, despite selecting her as a qualified intern. Her breaking point occurred one day, when he wanted to take her out for lunch to celebrate her good job at work.

“He was like, ‘Well, I know a better spot to talk, let’s get take out’” Anonymous said. “He took me to a remote place and tried to make advances on me … He was in his 30s/40s and he told me that he wanted to work on an independent project with me at his apartment outside of office hours.”

She had gone out to lunch with him in the intention of networking and learning from him to further advance her career.

Her boss exploited this situtation and abused his authority.

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“When we arrived back at the office (after being gone for four hours), there was minimal questioning… I know, if there had been a woman there, they would have been suspicious of something going on,” Anonymous said. “After that, I filed a lawsuit against them and quit.”

Another anonymous female, who completed her third internship in the finance field, discussed the unequal treatment she received.

“It was like a clear distinction between men and women, Anonymous 2 said. “On top of

“It is always better to prioritize safety over an occupation opportunity.”

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CONT Issue 15 | Hereafter 6 Finding Your Fragrance A cohesive guide to finding a signature scent that works for you, including a personal quiz and specific product recommendations.

14 Personal Designs Showcasing The Silver Lining collection by Sterling Grant in a fun, modern spread.

8 Mastering Men’s Fashion Our first ever style guide for men, with tips and tricks for finding a style that suits you and where to shop for it.

18 If Love is to Burn, Why Am I On Fire?

To anyone in their 20s– be sure to read this one for a relatable and hopeful story of expectations and love in college.

9 Two Students Talk Mental Health Away From Home A Q&A style interview with two MU students discussing their individual experiences with moving away from home for college

19 Is Chivalry Dead?

Is it? Find out how to navigate understanding the “chivalrous” acts of the modern day knights.

10 Punjabi Fashion An exhibition of color, extravagance and beauty in traditional Punjabi attire.

20 Rock x Classical A shoot in tribute to coming-of-age and the collaboration of music and culture.

12 It’s Not That Deep We’ve all experienced it. Read about the embarrassing moments your MU classmates have been brave enough to tell.

24 Interning in His World An expose piece about the struggles of interning in a male-dominated field and how to advocate for yourself.

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issue no.15 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

It’s Not That

coordinated & styled by

assistant stylist

Kimiya Ehsan makeup by EMMY SMITH & ASHTON ERB TAMMIE MBWERA

Deep

photography by

LIZ DONG layout by

ANNA MACIOLEK

CAROLYN BESSETTEKENNEDY A Tribute

written by CAROLINE STEFANAK art by EMMY SMITH layout by IVY JAEP

Have you ever been sitting, working on an assignment for a class in the library on a Wednesday night, when out of the blue, you remember something you did when you were out on Saturday? Maybe you twitch a bit, cringe at yourself out loud or try to force the memory out of your head.

I can’t speak for everyone on campus, but I know more than half of us understand. The polarizing feeling of remembering something that you just KNOW was laughed at, the amount you overshared to the girl in the bathroom, or that time you sent that way-too-bold drunk text. Maybe it was that time you tripped and fell on the quad or waved to someone you thought was your friend (they were actually waving at the person behind you).

“Hangiexty” probably existed

for you before college, but after moving away from home and living on your own, that feeling might consume you almost every Saturday and Sunday morning. It used to for me, and sometimes still does. As a senior in college, I’ve probably totaled on average ten “embarrassing” moments a week thus far. I used to think the whole campus was laughing at me for that stupid thing I did three weeks ago, but that was before I remembered I’m not under any kind of microscope.

The next time you wake up on a Sunday morning and feel like you need to hide under your covers for the whole week or get overwhelmed with panic in the middle of Locke’s over a memory that hits you like a bus - read this. Chances are if you embarrassed yourself this week, so did I, and so did almost everybody else on campus.

models: MARY HALEY VICTORIA SCHILLER AVA MCGUIGAN CAROLIINE STEFANAK

written by VICTORIA SCHILLER

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styled by AVA GASPARI photography by ANNA MACIOLEK layout by IVY JAEP

lthough Carolyn Bessette was thrown into the spotlight after being spotted hand-inhand with one of New York’s most eligible bachelors, her timeless sense of style has remained in the minds, hearts, and closets of fashion lovers everywhere, even 30 years after her tragic passing. Although she was known for her classic pieces, which may have seemed relatively simple, when CBK put an outfit together, people took notice, and the fashion world is yet to look away.

Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy symbolizes class and eternal style in a world of fluctuating fashion. Here’s what we know about her.

An icon in her own right, she didn’t need to be next to her husband to attract attention from the public. Born in White Plains, NY, on January 7, 1966, the Calvin Klein Executive moved to Old Greenwich, Connecticut, at age eight and attended Boston University after high school. She received her bachelor’s degree in childhood education but eventually began working in PR at a New England nightclub after graduation. Eventually, she returned to Boston and worked as a saleswoman at a Calvin Klein store. Her position quickly turned to executive level because of her influence in the fashion world, catching the attention of people in high places who wanted to see more of her creative eye. She moved to New York City to work as a publicist at the Calvin Klein flagship store and met JFK Jr. after showing him the clothing selections for a fitting. Elizabeth Beller wrote her 2024 novel, “Once Upon a Time: The Captivating Life of Carolyn BessetteKennedy,” and explained how Calvin,

along with his wife and assistant, chose Carolyn because she was the most effervescent employee on the sales floor. JFK Jr. left that day with a new outfit and her phone number.

As someone who kept things simple and conspicuous, CBK was a favorite amongst the media who wanted to know more about the mystery woman. The less they could get, the more they wanted, and Carolyn seemed to make sure to keep things as minimalistic as possible. I cannot help but praise her for her simple yet admirable fashion choices. What I found most interesting about her, but not

“She didn’t even wear jewelry to her wedding.” shocking, was her hesitation to wear jewelry. With such a strong sense of style, it is without a doubt that her jewelry choices would be as impeccable as what was inside her closet. So, why did CBK choose a bare look? It is reported by many outlets that she did not like to draw extra attention to herself. Even college peers confirmed the fact that she was never seen wearing jewelry.

She didn’t even wear jewelry to her wedding. It was also reported in New York Magazine that

ENTS 26 Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy: A Tribute A tribute to Manhattan’s own Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, and her tastefully chic wardrobe, in text and photography.

38 Photodumping: The Truth of Authenticity A plea for the return to casual Instagram with a focus on the art of photo dumping and curating coolness.

28 My Body, PCOS’ Choice A personal essay about learning how to trust your body when it’s telling you something the doctors are ignoring.

39 Tim Burton A tribute to auteur Tim Burton and his unforgettably haunting film aesthetics.

30 Defying Flora Nostalgic for the spring and summer? Bloom into the past with this shoot.

34 Fashion: Friend or Faux Bows, bloomers, “ballet-core” and more. See the microtrend phenomenon in a new light.

36 How Thrifting Got Me Into Underconsumption This isn’t your typical “why thrifting is better” article. Learn about how it can help in all habits of life!

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no.15

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Finding your fragrance written by CHARLES BIRBECK art by EMMY SMITH layout by IVY JAEP

Have you ever been walking down the street or standing in an elevator and passed by somebody who smells so good that it’s all you can think about? You will likely never see them again, but your nose will never forget them.

Fragrances have the unique ability to tell a complex story without any verbal or visual cues.

This is why having a scent you love and wearing it as if it were clothing can be a fun chance to showcase your taste, personality and more.

Here’s a guide to provide you with useful information and resources to find your signature scent.

Perfumes have three main concentrations: there is eau de parfum, eau de toilette, and eau de cologne, from most concentrated to least concentrated. Depending on your tolerance for strong fragrances, you may want to consider these concentrations when shopping, as a higher concentration means the perfume will provide more sillage, projection, and longevity. There are also several fragrance profiles, which include amber, fresh, floral, fruity, and woody.

Amber scents, sometimes called gourmands, can be warm, spicy, sweet, and opulent, often containing notes of amber, vanilla, spices, and even sometimes foods. For the bold and those who love the feeling of luxury. Amber fragrances are for those who love the finer things in life. These fragrances reflect a charismatic and warm kind of person, the kind of person who makes their entrance to a room known with just their presence and the kind of person that nobody forgets once they leave. Recommend: The 7 Virtues Vanilla Woods,

Juliette Has A Gun Not A Perfume

Fresh scents can be clean, aromatic, green, light, and reminiscent of a bright spring or summer day. Some of my favorite notes in this profile are basil and neroli. These fragrances are for people who love

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issue no.15 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

simplicity and have a naturally optimistic disposition. Simultaneously fun and refined, these fragrances are perfect for the busy body who can look effortlessly put together. Recommend: REPLICA Maison

Margiela Bubble Bath, Le Labo Neroli 36

Floral scents are rather self-explanatory but can contain plenty of depth as they complement every other profile, creating endless possibilities for deep symphonies of notes. Common notes in this profile are rose, jasmine, iris, and gardenia. If you’ve ever called yourself a romantic, these are probably the fragrances for you. With a history going all the way back to ancient times, floral scents have a timeless quality to them. They are for the person who values beauty and making a good impression. Recommend: Diptyque Fleur de Peau,

Tom Ford Rose Prick

Fruity scents can contain notes of any fruit you can think of.

Fruity scents can also complement the other fragrance profiles quite well. Fruity scents are for the fun-loving and adventurous type. These fragrances do well on someone with a natural charm and uniqueness to them. If these fragrances were a person, they would be that friend who has a new, somehow more wild than before, story after every weekend.

Recommend: Dolce & Gabbana L’Imperatrice, DS & Durga Debaser

Finally, woody fragrances encompass various earthy, smoky, and sharp scents. Think of a damp rainforest or the smell of a burning campfire. Common notes in this family include cedarwood, sandalwood, and vetiver. These fragrances are for those who want to smell sophisticated and mature. Woody scents often present with a trace of bitterness or sharpness but reveal a surprising depth, perhaps just like the wearer. If you’re the type to prefer neutrals over color, these fragrances may be for you. Recommend: Aesop Hywl, DS &

Durga Bowmakers

Think of your perfume as another accessory, adding another layer of aesthetic quality to an outfit. If you’re trying to pick a signature scent, it’s best to choose one you feel embodies your personality and can see yourself growing more fond of the more you wear it, not the other way around. It’s very important to try the perfume on yourself and wear it for a full day before making your final judgment, as perfumes wear differently on everybody and can change drastically as time passes.

The perfume market is so vast that finding a perfume that perfectly aligns with your personality can seem overwhelming, but don’t overthink what your signature scent may or may not smell like. Just start smelling perfumes, and there will be one that clicks, and you will know it’s your perfect match. Something that has helped me immensely is the website Fragrantica.

If I smell a perfume I like, I will look it up on this website and see all the notes, which will help me recognize the notes I do and don’t like. By figuring out what perfumes work best for you, you’ll be able to find your signature scent in no time.

What's your fragrance profile?

Take our quiz to find out!

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no.15

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Mastering Men’s Fashion: A Basic Guide to Finding Your Style

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written by SAM WOFFORD art & layout by SAMI ABUAUAD

or many, the first time you feel truly comfortable and confident in an outfit can be an unforgettable experience.

Mine was Easter 2013. I was nine, and my parents bought me a suit jacket at the GAP. It was too big on me, my hair looked ridiculous, and my glasses hardly fit my face, but when I walked into that Easter service feeling like an absolute G, I couldn’t express how incredible it was. Suppose you haven’t experienced “the feeling” yet. In that case, you might not know any better, but finding that confidence, even if it’s just for an Episcopalian Easter service, can catalyze your sense of style.

I am here to present a bare-bones fashion guide for men because most of the ladies have this figured out. If you think exploring fashion is “too feminine,” here’s an idea: wear what makes you feel more masculine.

Or, you could lose that narrative altogether. It’s 2024, and it’s time to embrace a more inclusive mindset. Anthony Phillips and Ronan York are two fashion-forward students at Manhattan University. While Phillips describes his style as calm and minimalistic, York sees himself leaning towards eclectic and grunge-inspired pieces. He argues that quality pants and solid boots are always a good investment. Both students agree that not only is clothing a great way to present yourself to others, but your style also builds your self-perception. According to Phillips, fashion nowadays caters more to confidence than popularity.

After reading this style guide, I hope more guys embrace a creative, individualistic sense of fashion. That’s not to say basic copy-and-paste outfits aren’t nice to throw on occasionally, but guys, let’s do better.

Keeping the following steps in mind can fundamentally change how you present yourself. And yeah, we all know the “don’t judge a book by its cover” phrase. But, to put it bluntly, in this day and age of social media and job searching, first impressions are everything, especially in New York City.

Identify your style goal.

This first step is simple. Choose a style you like and build on it! Some popular styles include…

- Streetwear - Minimalistic - Vintage - Preppy

Assess your wardrobe.

Check the clothes you already own. If there are clothes you like but that don’t match your style, you can always try to alter or customize

them. You can also keep them in your outfit rotation so you don’t get burnt out on one style.

Gather inspiration.

A great way to curate a style is to see what others wear. Never underestimate the power of a TikTok or Pinterest search. Finding inspiration isn’t limited to social media, though. You could go out for a quick people-watching session in Washington Square Park or watch movies with stylish characters. For instance, I love the wardrobe of Good Will Hunting. Those dark brown and green earth tones are a chef’s kiss.

Build on your wardrobe.

Start with the basics. Every man should own…

A well-fitting t-shirt.

Jeans you feel comfortable & confident in.

Versatile shoes.

From that point on, the only limit to your fashion sense is your imagination. Not having the money isn’t an excuse to not present yourself well. Thrifting is a hack to find cheap clothes, and if you need evidence, I once thrifted Onitsuka Tigers for the price of a Big Mac. I’ll never live that down.

Experiment!

Don’t immediately push yourself too much. Start at a comfortable place, and eventually, you’ll understand how to improve! You can begin experimenting with…

- Colors - Proportions - Accessories If you try something that doesn’t work, learn from that experience.

You can always try something new the next day!

Developing your style.

Don’t stop searching for inspiration! As we grow, our styles grow with us. If you want to get rid of some clothes, you can sell them online or donate them.

By following these steps, you can unlock new ways to express your unique identity. This will improve your presentation and make you feel more authentic and self-fulfilled, as it has made me.

FROM TEXAS TO MOROCCO, TWO STUDENTS TALK MENTAL HEALTH AWAY FROM HOME

by LYNA AMRAOUI & MAX BENNETT-MYLES moderated by GRACE CARDINAL layout by IVY JAEP Lotus: What has your experience been like living far away from home, especially at a largely commuter school?

Max Bennett: “At first, my experience here was a work in progress. It was very chaotic, a lot of adaptation that needed to be exercised…My experience has definitely shifted from ‘Oh god, what’s wrong with me?

How do I survive here?’ to ‘I found my belonging here.’”

Lyna Amraoui: “I had really high expectations about how New York was gonna be…The first thing that shocked me was how fast Americans talk, and I could not understand what anyone was saying most of the time… On the positive stuff, it was really something that I was dreaming about. Going into New York City the first time was with my roommate. Even though I had no idea how to use the subway, she helped me.”

Lotus: How do you feel living far away has uniquely shaped your college experience, apart from others who may have family closer?

MB: “It has definitely made me more independent and self-reliant because I didn’t have, and still don’t have, the capability of just going home whenever I’m stressed out, or I need help, or I just need to get away.”

LA: “I was scared of being alone before coming here, and I wasn’t comfortable being alone at all. I would always want to have friends around me or someone around me to spend time with. But now that I’m here, I think I’ve learned to become more independent and learned how to be alone… it does make you feel more mentally and emotionally strong to not rely on people.”

Lotus: How has being far away from home affected your mental health throughout the semester?

MB: “My mental health was like a roller coaster, up and down, left and right, backward and forward, diagonal. It was everywhere, and it definitely took a lot of learning, just because I’ve never really experienced that before.”

LA: “When I first came here, I loved being here, and I did not want to

go back home. I did not feel homesick at all…But after my freshman year, I started feeling it, especially when I would go back home during the summer and then them [family] dropping me off at the airport, and seeing them cry as I leave them behind.”

Lotus: What have you discovered helps you keep your mental health in check when you’re so far away?

MB: “The Counseling Center, just having someone to talk to about my thoughts and my feelings and emotions without feeling judged.

Other things that I do is walk, not necessarily with a location in mind because sometimes I just need to be outside and be away from the environment.”

LA: “I love writing poetry, so I just write whatever I’m feeling at that moment. It helps you let it out. And at the same time, if you don’t really feel comfortable, or if you don’t have someone to rely on or to talk to, you can just write it.”

Lotus: What advice would you give to other students who live far away from home who might be struggling with the distance while at college?

MB: “You worked very hard throughout high school to be where you are now and to let a temporary feeling kind of pull you back into a bubble wouldn’t serve you the way that I think it would serve you.

Whatever your heart is telling you to do, you just follow it. I just feel that no matter what you do, you’re going to be fine. It’s just a matter of allowing yourself to see how fine you’re going to be.”

LA: “Try and talk to your family as much as you can, and FaceTime them, call them…You can join clubs, and you’ll be able to make new friends, or try and talk to your classmates and make friends out of your classmates as well.”

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no.15

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Punjabi

Fashion coordinated by JASVIN GREWAL

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issue no.15 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

photography by KIMIYA EHSAN & JACK DEVANEY layout by IVY JAEP

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no.15

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It’s Not That

Deep

written by CAROLINE STEFANAK art by EMMY SMITH layout by IVY JAEP

Have you ever been sitting, working on an assignment for a class in the library on a Wednesday night, when out of the blue, you remember something you did when you were out on Saturday?

Maybe you twitch a bit, cringe at yourself out loud or try to force the memory out of your head.

I can’t speak for everyone on campus, but I know more than half of us understand. The polarizing feeling of remembering something that you just KNOW was laughed at, the amount you overshared to the girl in the bathroom, or that time you sent that way-toobold drunk text. Maybe it was that time you tripped and fell on the quad or waved to someone you thought was your friend (they were actually waving at the person behind you).

“Hangiexty” probably existed for you

before college, but after moving away from home and living on your own, that feeling might consume you almost every Saturday and Sunday morning. It used to for me, and sometimes still does.

As a senior in college, I’ve probably totaled on average ten “embarrassing” moments a week thus far. I used to think the whole campus was laughing at me for that stupid thing I did three weeks ago, but that was before I remembered I’m not under any kind of microscope.

The next time you wake up on a Sunday morning and feel like you need to hide under your covers for the whole week or get overwhelmed with panic in the middle of Locke’s over a memory that hits you like a bus - read this. Chances are if you embarrassed yourself this week, so did I, and so did almost everybody else on campus.

Tell us your embarrassing moments “Texted my dad instead of my hookup- Completely sober” “Fell off the treadmill at the gym and then tripped over my shoelace- TWICE” “Called my sneaky link once & told him I really liked him- he hung up”

“My underwear fell out my laundry basket once and someone saved me by covering it with a piece of paper”

“Once wore my shirt backwards during an interview and had no clue”

“Fell down the quad steps and ripped my pants”

“I went out alone for Halloweendidn’t make it past 11:30 p.m. and ended up having to be carried out by frat kids” “I tried to convince the McDonald’s worker to let me make my chicken nuggets- I got kicked out and banned” LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no.15

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Clothes and Coordination Sterling Grant

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Photography Jack Devaney Layout Anna Maciolek

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Piercing through the fashion industry with one-of-a-kind creations, The Silver Lining is a design brand bringing back confidence, versatility, and a resrouceful nautre. By utilizing sustainable materials and ethics, these creations are exclusivley made by Sterling A. Grant. Build your style and pick out unique staple pieces to stand out in your wardrobe. Give life back to the uncoventional and shop The Silver Lining. thesi1verlining 1

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Models Brian Oduor Prea Gomez Vivian Nartey Enzo Monticelli Kalea King

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If Love Is To Burn, Do I Really Want To Be On written by MAGGIE SHEDIAC art by EMMY SMITH layout by ANNA SCHREINER

M

y reality as a 20-year-old girl in college has often made me feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough. Never. Ever. Good enough. Influences flood at me from every angle. My peers, parents, strangers on the internet I have never seen and most likely never will - each and every person makes me question what I should be doing with my time.

There is a huge pressure around the four years you spend at college as an undergrad. Whether it’s academically, socially, or romantically, there seems to be some kind of pressure to be the most perfect version of yourself. The reality is, most of us have no idea who we really are, and we still won’t for quite some time. The urge to compare ourselves to those around us is strong, mainly because it seems like everyone always has it figured out - but that is so far from the truth.

I am constantly being bombarded with posts on social media of things to do and not to do. Make sure you’re eating healthy, but don’t restrict yourself. Focus on your school work and building your career, but stay in the moment and enjoy college for what it is. Put your friends and yourself first, but don’t neglect relationships entirely, you don’t want to be alone forever. Exercise to look a certain way, but also love yourself the way you are. The list goes on. The pressures and comparisons never seem to end, but they can.

Your twenties are inevitably a period of overwhelming uncertainty. Jane Austen once said, “to love is to burn, to be on fire.” I think about her words often. For a long time I questioned how I could find the space to love when I already felt like I was on fire. There were assignments to be done, friends to be made, basic things that needed to be done to be able to function properly, yet there was always a voice in the back of my mind that poked and prodded at the notion of love. Those around me made it seem so easy.

I searched and searched for someone who would want me the way I am, but to no avail.

I now know, looking back, that love really does come when you least expect it. When you’ve finally grown comfortable with being

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FIRE? alone, happy to do things by yourself and excited to continue on your journey, suddenly, someone shows up out of the blue. It may be someone you already know, or someone you just met, but unexpectedly in one small moment, you get a feeling in your stomach that you haven’t felt in a long time. There’s denial at first, followed by all of the ‘what if’s’ your mind can render. It’s never an easy feeling to justify or come to terms with, especially when you’ve finally grown to understand and appreciate your life the way it is. Some may argue that independence is lonely, but for me, it felt stable and secure, something I always thought I should be, now that I am on my own.

I didn’t think I wanted the fire, the burning emotions of love, but it seems to have fit right in. I learned to not fear emotion, but to instead embrace it. Can we

“to love is to burn, to be on fire.” really claim to live our lives if we choose not to feel and experience it? Maybe the extra burn from the fire is what we all need to stay warm through the end.

Is Chivalry Dead? written by FIONA DUNKEL art by EMMY SMITH layout by ANNA SCHREINER

From the time girls are little, watching fairytales and playing house often turns into looking to make thoseideas come to life. They fantasize about finding their prince charming and falling in love, getting married and starting a life with their soulmate. However, finding this life partner is not as easy as it looks in the movies.

Fairytales and romance movies usually portray the male protagonist as someone who is loving, generous and willing to climb up towers and face dragons to claim the one he loves, but in the real world, that is far from the truth. The long debated argument regarding the concept of chivalry comes into play when women imagine being swept off their feet and carried to their happily ever after with the one they love - but what exactly is chivalry? The Oxford dictionary defines chivalry as “courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women.” While this definition has evolved from the medieval times of knights, most women, due to their upbringing within the Disney princess realm, find it to be an important quality in choosing their partners.

However, in today’s world, chivalry has a totally different meaning. Back in medieval times, acts of chivalry could include large romantic gestures such as buying properties for a woman or gifting her with expensive items. Even smaller acts of kindness and courtesy like love letters and poems were used by men to express deep gratitude and longing for the heart of the woman they loved. Nowadays, many girls cannot get a text back, or even an acknowledgement while with others. The idea of chivalry has changed so much since days of knights and grand gestures – some women I know get giddy when a man opens a door for them. I understand the invention of the internet and online dating has made an impact on how men and women view each other, but it still begs the question - is chivalry dead?

Although I have my own experiences with romance, or lack thereof, I wanted to see if anybody else had experiences that could possibly answer this question. In keeping with the modern day tradition of heading to social media for the purposes of finding solutions, I took to Instagram and asked, “What’s the most romantic thing someone’s done for you?”

As responses poured in, I found myself questioning what people in today’s day and age consider romance to be. Some people shared that they had been taken out to dinner or on a trip, while others mentioned that they had been bought a drink at a bar. Sure, you don’t have to pay the tab, but most times this “chivalrous act” comes with an assumption or invitation to take things in a direction you may not want to go in. This had me thinking about how we as a society view showing affection.

I comedically decided to throw one last question out into the Instagram-verse that would hopefully urge people to respond. In a brutally honest fashion I asked, “What is something in your romantic life that happened that would put a Victorian-era woman into a coma?” Immediately, I read some of the most unhinged responses I have ever seen. The things that were exchanged and deemed as romantic were astonishing. People wrote that they had been gifted a vape, or were sent nude photos in the middle of the day…How thoughtful! It made me question if we as a society had all woken up in a parallel universe and became immune to disrespect and lack of effort.

Despite these responses and my personal experiences, I know that these are only some instances and this lack of chivalry cannot be generalized to the whole population. However, times have changed and I believe that the struggle is not with finding someone, but finding someone who shows you what you mean to them with their whole heart - not just someone who shells out twenty bucks to get you your Miami Mint Geek Bar.

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Rock x

Classical

Fake piercings, silver jewelry and distressed clothes. The Rock x Classical shoot shows the juxtaposition of how my personal style stood out in such a traditional space such as a church. The use of dark colors and fur and heavy eye makeup showed the 90s rock inspiration in my highschool style.

The use of crosses in the styling is what ties in these two contrasting ideas. Although my style was so tied to the metal scene I was still attached to my start in the church. Now going into my tenth year of playing

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cello my music and personal style are still deeply intertwined.

directed by SYDNEY GADDY layout by IVY JAEP photography by LIZ DONG

My personal style was directly affected by my presence in both the metal and classical music spaces. I was 11 years old when I first started playing cello at my catholic middle school. I started playing music for the church services and school masses. As I gained a larger and more curious interest in music as a whole and explored more genres, I grew a large connection to nu-metal music. I learned guitar and by high school I started a band.

My interest in rock and metal music bleed into my personal style. Which made me stand out in the very traditional orchestral music scene.

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Chris Fremer

Natalie Schmitt

Grace Cardinal

Madyson Milianta

Ari

Matt Napoli

Dylan Deokarran

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Interning in His I

n a post #MeToo world, young women entering their first internships may expect to face fewer unwanted advances, harassment or uncomfortable interactions, but the reality falls short. In 2024, 34% of women under 30 and 37% of all women reported experiencing one or more forms of sexual harrasment in workplace, up from 35% of all women in 2018, according to Women In The Workplace.

These numbers tell part of the story, but the real impact is felt by women all around us. By sharing my story and those of other females on campus, I hope to shed light on why awareness, change and preparation are so important.

Entering my first internship, I was nervous going into a maledominated field, but I never thought to be scared of the possibility of harassment. During the first couple weeks, I struggled to make acquaintances as the only intern in my department. So when a friendly superior approached me to make conversation, I was excited and hopeful to make a meaningful connection.

After a couple of weeks of normal conversation with this manager, I did not think twice when he asked for my phone number and address, assuming it was for work since he was in

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world charge of our upcoming move. I was wrong. It started with texts like “Hello Senorita”, but he continued to get increasingly bold in crossing boundaries.

Later that day, he approached me with my house pulled up on Google Maps, saying, ‘I am going to pick you up’. I was terrified, but questioned if I was being overdramatic as coworkers carpool all the time.

Then, he escalated to texts like “Good Morning Beautiful” and suggestive comments at work. I knew it was inappropriate, but blamed myself for giving my number, hoping that ignoring it would make it stop. Instead, my anxiety spiked every time I heard footsteps and I felt unsure how to stand up for myself, fearing no one would believe me.

It wasn’t until I finally opened up to my mom. Seeing how furious she was finally gave me the courage to go to HR. I feel so lucky that my office was willing to listen to me and my story.

An Anonymous female who had a summer internship at a radio station, shared her internship preparation and her experience

issue no.15 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

by CARA LOGANADHAN

layout by IVY JAEP photography by LIZ DONG

about a boss who abused his power.

“There is always some guards up as a woman,” Anonymous said.

“But, they shared the same values as me, they were very liberal … so I felt like the people would be less threatening to me”.

While there was an underlying fear, she still had some trust in the males around her, as they were her bosses.

“I was specially picked by one of the head writers for their online section,” Anonymous said. “I could see that I was the only woman in the entire radio station … and there was a common theme of them being surprised that I could do simple tasks, like writing an editorial, or being able to cite something correctly.”

Her direct boss further pushed boundaries, by joking that she couldn’t do anything right, despite selecting her as a qualified intern. Her breaking point occurred one day, when he wanted to take her out for lunch to celebrate her good job at work.

“He was like, ‘Well, I know a better spot to talk, let’s get take out’” Anonymous said. “He took me to a remote place and tried to make advances on me … He

was in his 30s/40s and he told me that he wanted to work on an independent project with me at his apartment outside of office hours.”

She had gone out to lunch with him in the intention of networking and learning from him to further advance her career.

Her boss exploited this situtation and abused his authority.

“When we arrived back at the office (after being gone for four hours), there was minimal questioning… I know, if there had been a woman there, they would have been suspicious of something going on,” Anonymous said. “After that, I filed a lawsuit against them and quit.”

Another anonymous female, who completed her third internship in the finance field, discussed the

“It is always better to prioritize safety over an occupation opportunity.”

unequal treatment she received.

“It was like a clear distinction between men and women, Anonymous 2 said. “On top of that, some of the things they would say to me were kind of inappropriate, and they would be like ‘No, but it’s all banter.’”

“I think this just made me want to work harder, in a way, because I wanted to be the change” Anonymous 2 said. “I thought ‘oh, they don’t want me here, but I want to be here.’”

“He took me to a remote place and tried to make advances on me...”

Time and again, it feels like we have prove ourselves in the workplace and drive this change. However, its this perseverance and resilience that will hopefully pave the way for future generations.

really trust your intuition,” Anonymous said. “It is always better to prioritize safety over an occupation opportunity.”

Often, men continue to make what they consider “harmless jokes” or locker room talk which only perpetuates this divide between men and women.

If reading this has made you apprehensive

about entering the workforce or starting your first internship, this was not the intention. Rather it is to raise awareness that these situation are common, so you can prepare and equip yourself for the possibility. Here’s some advice from those who have faced uncomfortable situations in the workplace before.

My advice is to be careful about the information that you share, especially as a young woman.

Additionally, I would say trust your gut, if you feel like something is wrong, you are probably right, and you shouldn’t be scared to say something.

Similarly, Anonymous, a female with a summer internship at the radio station gave her advice to people who find themselves in an uncomfortable situation.

“I would just say to like

Your feelings are valid, and in the workplace, it is your right to feel comfortable and safe. So if something is going on that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, it is your right to say something to HR or your employer.

Anonymous 2, a female with her third internship, gave her advice to females considering entering the finance field.

“I don’t want to discourage people to not do internships, so I do want to say I did have a positive experience” Anonymous 2 said. “there’s probably always going to be more men than women in the finance industry. But that should not be a discouragement to not push yourself into these huge companies” The stark reality is that women continue to be treated differently or harassed in the workplace.

I hope this article encourages awareness around men and instils confidence in women as they enter the workplace.

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CAROLYN BESSETTEKENNEDY A Tribute

models: MARY HALEY VICTORIA SCHILLER AVA MCGUIGAN CAROLIINE STEFANAK

written by VICTORIA SCHILLER

A

styled by AVA GASPARI photography by ANNA MACIOLEK layout by IVY JAEP

lthough Carolyn Bessette was thrown into the spotlight after being spotted hand-inhand with one of New York’s most eligible bachelors, her timeless sense of style has remained in the minds, hearts, and closets of fashion lovers everywhere, even 30 years after her tragic passing. Although she was known for her classic pieces, which may have seemed relatively simple, when CBK put an outfit together, people took notice, and the fashion world is yet to look away.

Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy symbolizes class and eternal style in a world of fluctuating fashion. Here’s what we know about her.

An icon in her own right, she didn’t need to be next to her husband to attract attention from the public. Born in White Plains, NY, on January 7, 1966, the Calvin Klein Executive moved to Old Greenwich, Connecticut, at age eight and attended Boston University after high school. She received her bachelor’s degree in childhood education but eventually began working in PR at a New England nightclub after graduation. Eventually, she returned to Boston and worked as a saleswoman at a Calvin Klein store. Her position quickly turned to executive level because of her influence in the fashion world, catching the attention of people in high places who wanted to see more of her creative eye. She moved to New York City to work as a publicist at the Calvin Klein flagship store and met JFK Jr. after showing him the clothing selections for a fitting. Elizabeth Beller wrote her 2024 novel, “Once Upon a Time: The Captivating Life of Carolyn BessetteKennedy,” and explained how Calvin,

along with his wife and assistant, chose Carolyn because she was the most effervescent employee on the sales floor. JFK Jr. left that day with a new outfit and her phone number.

As someone who kept things simple and conspicuous, CBK was a favorite amongst the media who wanted to know more about the mystery woman. The less they could get, the more they wanted, and Carolyn seemed to make sure to keep things as minimalistic as possible. I cannot help but praise her for her simple yet admirable fashion choices. What I found most interesting about her, but not

“She didn’t even wear jewelry to her wedding.” shocking, was her hesitation to wear jewelry. With such a strong sense of style, it is without a doubt that her jewelry choices would be as impeccable as what was inside her closet. So, why did CBK choose a bare look? It is reported by many outlets that she did not like to draw extra attention to herself. Even college peers confirmed the fact that she was never seen wearing jewelry.

She didn’t even wear jewelry to her wedding. It was also reported in New York Magazine that

she asked Prada to remove their logo off a ski suit she had purchased, truly showing she liked things plain and simple. She never needed a brand logo to distinguish her sense of style.

And speaking of logos, it was unlikely she wore one brand head-to-toe.

She often wore multiple designers at once, never sticking to one designer.

She also kept things minimalistic through her color palette choices. It has been widely reported and recognized that CBK favored a neutral clothing collection, often sticking to black, white, beige, navy and gray. She was even known sometimes to throw in a pop of color, such as red or a patterned staple. In true Carolyn fashion, she was known for her go-to, everyday style: blue Levi jeans and a plain Gap t-shirt.

Effortlessly chic and timeless.

CBK was the epitome of understated elegance. A true legend in the fashion world, she put together classic and chic pieces that shined differently when she wore them.

Even 30 years after Bessette-Kennedy’s tragic passing, her quiet luxury and reputation in the fashion world will continue to stand for themselves.

She was one of a kind, difficult to replicate, and will be remembered forever.

“She was one of a kind, difficult to replicate, and will be remembered forever.”

M y Body, PCOS’ Choice Before college, I never would claim to have an eating disorder. My focus on exercise and my body overshadowed anything to do with my mental health. I spent my entire adolescence wondering when or why “healthy” became synonymous with “skinny.” I wish I understood then how science and genetics worked and that I simply had PCOS, not too much to eat.

Johns Hopkins Medicine classifies Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) as, “a condition in which the ovaries produce an abnormal amount of androgens—male sex hormones that are usually present in women in small amounts. The name “polycystic ovary syndrome” refers to the numerous small cysts (fluid-filled sacs) that form in the ovaries.” According to the World Health Organization (WHO), up to 70% of PCOS cases go undiagnosed, with most women finding out in their 20s or 30s, as I did.

Before I first got my period, friends told me how lucky I was not to have a menstrual cycle and have to deal with the monthly inconvenience of bleeding. Unfortunately for me, not bleeding meant my body was preoccupied with cysts gradually growing on my ovaries. For many years, I was told that acne, irregular periods and weight fluctuations were just a normal part of growing up.

There’s a common stereotype that plus-sized people hate exercising, but that’s often not the case. I grew up with an active lifestyle, dancing and playing soccer nearly every day of the week. Despite pushing myself hard during competitions and games, my mind couldn’t help but focus on my appearance. I would catch myself picking at my leotard, tights, or game-day outfits in the mirror, hoping they would magically shrink me down a size.

Women with PCOS face a greater risk than other women in obtaining an eating disorder. Associate professor at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, WI, Laura Cooney, M.D., M.S.C.E., crafted a study on the correlation between women with PCOS and eating disorders, emphasizing the importance of screening women with PCOS for eating disorders before clinicians provide recommendations.

“The lifestyle modifications we often recommend for women with PCOS—including physical activity, healthy diet and behavior modifications— could hinder the recovery process for eating disorders. Health care providers need to be vigilant about screening for eating disorders in this population,” Cooney’s study stated.

It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that my OB/GYN finally took the irregularity of my hormones seriously and recommended switching to a different form of birth control. She suggested an IUD to address my hormonal imbalance, telling me it would help bring everything back to regularity. By January 2020, after several months on the new medication, I still felt something was off. As a chronic Googler, I began to connect the dots between the symptoms I had been experiencing for years: acne, weight gain, a lack of periods—and there, on my phone screen in bold letters, were the words: “Ten signs you might have PCOS.” I had never heard that term before, so I dove into a rabbit hole of research, my mind spinning a hundred miles a minute.

written by ANGELINA PEREZ art by EVA CANNING layout by ANNA MACIOLEK

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Every article seemed to mention the high risk of infertility, and I couldn’t shake the fear that this might be the reason everything in my body felt so wrong. I had never dreamed of becoming a mother, but now, faced with the possibility that I might never be able to, I was flooded with a sense of confusion and panic about the choice being stripped from me. The symptoms weren’t just physical; the emotional toll was starting to weigh heavily on me, too. My sense of self seemed to be unraveling.

Without hesitation, I called my OB/GYN the following day and scheduled an appointment.

During that visit, I was told I was no longer eligible for an ultrasound to look for cysts due to the IUD. She could only recommend a workout plan that would “eventually” work. As COVID-19 peaked in the spring of 2020, my weight continued to skyrocket, and COVID-19 only furthered more physical changes and the growing sense that something inside me was out of balance. Despite everything I was going through, the medical answers I needed felt just out of reach, and the more I researched, the more I realized how often PCOS is misdiagnosed in young women.

A few weeks after my 21st birthday was when I got the official diagnosis - I had PCOS. After years of fighting for a voice with a body that would not cooperate, my endocrinologist helped me figure out the mess that had been circling my mind for many years.

“I don’t believe in God, but when I look at myself in the mirror now, I can’t help but feel that I was created in the image of something divine.”

I now notice the curves, the strength, the scars, the marks that tell the story of everything I’ve survived. I see a body that has carried me through highs and lows, and deserves kindness, respect and love. I spent years thinking I needed to change it—shrink it, hide it, make it conform to some standard that never felt right for me. I constantly judged my reflection, waiting for it to meet the expectations set by others, society and family. I let those outside voices drown out my own, not realizing how much power I was handing over.

I still have days when I struggle, when insecurities creep in and old patterns resurface, but I’m learning that healing is not a straight line.

It’s messy, complicated and beautiful. Looking at myself now, I see a person who has learned to stop fighting her body and start embracing it, learning how to live authentically, unburdened by the unrealistic ideals I once held. And I feel, deep in my soul, that this body—this vessel—is exactly as it was meant to be. I don’t have all the answers. I still don’t have a perfect relationship with my body. But I’m learning that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. What matters is the journey, the growth, the self-compassion, and the ability to look at ourselves and say, “I am enough” - because there’s nothing more divine than that.

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Defying Flora coordinated & styled by SIENNA GALLUS photography by JACK DEVANEY layout by MICHELLE GALARZA

modeled by COLIN COOK ISABELLA SALICETTI BRUNETTE KALMYKOW SIENNA GALLUS ISABELA SOFIS ELOIZA SANCHEZ

Pg# 30 31 issue page issueno.15 no.15| |LOTUS LOTUSMAGAZINE MAGAZINE

The Lotus that Bloomed From Our Bones Did you witness the lotuses that bloomed on the bodies of the bruised?

Proving our anatomy is the Earth, they learned to photosynthesize without sun.

Strange it seems, but by living their dreams they have learned to plant the seeds of defiance.

Long live the lotuses that bloomed from within when everyone else craved to assimilate.

Written By SIENNA GALLUS

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The Rose That Grew From Concrete Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete?

Proving nature’s law is wrong, it learned to walk without having feet.

Funny it seems, but by keeping its dreams, it learned to breathe fresh air.

Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared.

Written By TUPAC SHAKUR

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Fashion:

Friend or Faux

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coordinated by ELIZABETH KALAJ styled by ELIZABETH KALAJ CHAYSE MARTINO MICHAELA SCULLY photography by JACK DEVANEY modeled by ELLIE HUGHES ELIZABETH KALAJ layout by ANNA SCHREINER

How Thrifting Got Me Into Underconsumption written by GRACE CARDINAL layout by ANNA MACIOLEK Last fall, in the slump between midterms and Thanksgiving, I took to the traditional stressed-girl self-care routine of treating myself to a weekend shopping spree to brighten my wardrobe and mood. I spent around 100 dollars at MU’s local Marshall’s on three sweaters, a pair of pants, socks, and slippers and while it was a fun day trip, I have only worn those items two or three times since purchasing them. Now, I’m stuck in that place of guilt everyone knows too well, where the

One of my first ever thrift shop purchases was a silver Ralph Lauren necklace that I bought for $12. I found it posted on the Instagram of a local secondhand shop in my hometown, and immediately DMed them to put it on hold. I was so proud of myself for getting a high quality piece for so cheap, and it’s come to college with me every year since.

I remember my hometown flea market with my parents last

items don’t feel old or used enough to donate, but they also no longer have a place in my closet.

When I look at my shopping habits over the last three years, I notice a recognizable shift in my attitude when shopping at thrift stores compared to chain big-box stores. Not only is thrifting at second-hand stores and flea markets nicer on my pocket, but it’s also been better for my mental health. Thrifting may be trendy for Gen Z, but the benefits behind it can go much deeper. Not only does thrifting promote an environmentally friendly lifestyle, but it can also promote lifestyle changes like underconsumption.

While I thrifted occasionally in high school and my freshman year of college, this last year is what really got me involved with thrifting and the underconsumption lifestyle. Shopping at a thrift store that is locally owned always makes me feel so much better about my consumption habits and makes me aware that I’m actively participating in an eco-friendly lifestyle. The pieces I have acquired from thrifting each hold much more memory and meaning than other first-hand pieces in my closet.

Christmas break. I purchased two sweaters I wore through all of spring semester, until it was too hot to do so. This summer, when I was living alone in the city for the first time in my life, I thrifted a pair of jeans that I altered as well as a pair of heels that I plan to wear on my 21st birthday. I truly love both pieces and feel like myself in them more than anything else I wear from my closet. All of these pieces have had so much more use and are much more meaningful to me than what I bought at Marshalls that one fall day.

The thrift store has not only been significantly nicer on my wallet as a jobless college student, but has taught me what I value and need to look for in pieces for my wardrobe. that Not only that, but the lack of a return policy at many thrift stores has forced me to be extra cautious in what I purchase. It forces me to make sure that each piece I buy is a piece that I will get a lot of use out of and really love long-term, not just in the moment.

All of this to say, thrifting not only costs me less, but has taught me to buy less. The pieces I have from thrift stores are some of my favorite and most used inventory in my closet. I feel more like myself when I wear these pieces, and am proud to show them off when someone asks me where they’re from. To ensure that I keep my thrifting finds limited to things that will benefit both me and my closet, I’ve determined that each piece must fall under one of three categories to help me make sure I don’t over consume.

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“I have begun to look at every piece as an investment in a collection, not just as something to throw on twice in the next year.”

Unique Pieces That Are Actually One of A Kind:

When I can find a piece thrifting that I know I won’t be able to find anywhere else, especially in a big box store, I jump on it. I am a person who loves pairing a pop of color or wild pattern with one of my more neutral pieces - bonus points when I find something from a designer brand that is no longer in business or has stopped producing a certain item of clothing. When I find something that looks like it jumped straight out of the 80s, I have to have it. These are the pieces that bring the biggest smile to my face when I open my closet each morning.

Closet Staples on My List:

I am a person who keeps a running list of clothing items I am actively looking for to add to my closet. This is another way I’ve found that helps me limit impulsive buying. It is indescribably satisfying when I am able to knock one of these items off my list while hunting at a thrift store. Many times, these pieces work for just about any scenario, from school to work to going out. This category includes things like solid color layering pieces, jeans, basic chunky sweaters and anything else that I know will live in my closet for many years to come.

Good Quality Clothing & Materials:

Lastly, clothing and materials matter. Finding a 100% cotton sweater these days is my version of winning the lottery. Pieces that I know will last wash after wash and wear after wear are the building blocks of any sustainable wardrobe. While I am always glad to see a Shein tag in a thrift store because it means someone donated instead of trashing it, I avoid these items when I’m on the hunt for quality that I can both feel and see.

It’s important to note that I absolutely still go shopping for new clothes, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, there are just things that you need that you can’t wait to hunt for or that you won’t be able to find exactly. For me, these items include my basic bodysuits or white sneakers I wear nearly daily. While I love hunting for jeans at a thrift, my unique size requires me to buy from one specific brand name store. Obviously, other basics, like dress pants for work, sometimes just need to be bought new. But, thrifting has taught me to only buy new what I need and what is essential for me to have. It has taught me to grow as a person with more sustainable habits in all aspects of my life, from how I decorate my apartment to how I buy groceries.

Thrifting has not only pushed me to buy less clothing, but less overall in my life. Every holiday break from school, I clear out at least a garbage bag’s worth of clothes from my room.

Contributing to the second hand cycle for me feels just as good as buying from it. It helps me mentally, knowing that I’m not holding onto clothes that no longer serve me, and makes the mornings easier when I go to pick out an outfit - I know whatever my fingers land on, I will feel good in that day. Like many college students I talk to, I’m still working through getting my closet to a place where I love every piece in it - but I can honestly say, through thrifting and following my three categories, I’ve gotten a heck of a lot closer.

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Photo-dumping:

The Truth of Authenticity “Instagram is a highlight reel,” are words I wish I heard when I signed up for an account at nine years old. My unrestricted internet access in the fourth grade allowed me to covertly create an Instagram account by a username along the lines of @amazing437, reflecting an adjective I thought I was.

A few years were spent posting videos of my friends and I hanging out, my stuffed animals, starbucks frappuccinos and random “keep calm” quotes I found online. After forgetting the password and getting logged out of that account, I created a new one by my real name in middle school. I noticed how my peers would carefully curate their feeds, only posting every few weeks, with photos of them posing with friends cluttering my timeline.

Quickly following this came an abundance of “finstas,” or fake Instagrams, in my suggested followings.

Looking back at this time, my finsta was filled with the kinds of things I would post when I was first introduced to social media. Random photos of my dog or movies I saw or whatever I was doing at that very moment filled rows and rows of the account. My last post on my finsta was in 2021, right around the time when “casual Instagram” started to float around. It was them that I made my “photo dump” account.

Clearly, I’ve had my fair share of Instagram accounts, but why?

While I’ve kept my “main” Instagram account since I created it in middle school, these secondary accounts have resembled each other in one way: authenticity. Each has served as a place where I can post on a whim, or I can post something that feels vulnerable, while still safe as the following is much less than what lives on my “main” account.

Somehow, I always felt bad for having so much of an online presence in my youth, convincing myself that I had an addiction to social media. Yes, that could be somewhat true (isn’t it for us all), although, with this age of unfiltered self expression online, having this outlet – whether it be through spam posting pictures of a night out or random diary-like entries – further pushes the boundaries of

written by MARY HALEY layout by SAMI ABUAUAD

authenticity on social media. Madelyn Theresa, better known as M.T. on her many accounts, is someone with whom I have reminded myself of in times of feeling “post anxiety”. Although she is better known on her TikTok platform, @thegoldcoastermt, I’ve always admired her private, “photo-dump” Instagram, @where_blondes_go2dii, where you’re introduced with the words in her bio “a priv account 4madelyn.”

“Once I realized my main Instagram was becoming a main Instagram, and I was getting many followers on there, I really wanted a free for all, lack of judgment place,” M.T. recalled.

Although both of her feeds from @madelynttheresa and @ where_blondes_go2dii do not look very different, the vulnerability in her posts lie in the captions. Photos of her sailing “up and down the gold coast,” her infamous Bardot blowout, her matching chic style and memories caught on film of her and Moonchild, her boyfriend, relaxing at the beach all live on both accounts.

The difference lies in the captions.

One of the @where_blondes_ go2dii posts reads: “I think someday I’ll have to build a time machine to talk to my 17 year old self again. 3 more days being 17. No time to think about 18.

18 is just imposing itself on me without any formal invitation.”

Her captions show who she is and what the point of her account is: “4madelyn.”

This is how I have tried to model my own personal photodump: for myself, and myself only. It has followed me through adolescence into early adulthood, with posts ranging from a photo of my bagel I was eating before my first period of trigonometry, to cathartic anecdotes about how I am feeling at any given moment.

My closest friends have followed the account from when we were one classroom apart from each other, to now viewing the posts from hundreds of miles away. More importantly, my photo-dump has served as a way of preserving my true self in images through the years, for myself, and those close enough to my heart to see it.

As M.T. said, “There’s a kind of art of making the public feel like I have shared a lot with them when really, I haven’t shared that much.”

coordinated & styled by

assistant stylist

Kimiya Ehsan

EMMY SMITH & ASHTON ERB TAMMIE MBWERA makeup by

photography by

LIZ DONG layout by

ANNA MACIOLEK

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no.15

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issue no.15 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

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Kimiya Ehsan

Yumi Rivera

Charles Kirote

Barrett Palmieri

Emmy Smith

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