LOTUS no. 13 | rebellion
EDITORS’ note Dear Readers,
experience with each other has been a cornerstone of our senior-year here at MC, and we’re so grateful to be leading Welcome to Lotus’ lucky number 13 and our debut as this magazine and building upon its incredible legacy. your editors-in-chief. This magazine comes together every A special thanks to our right-hand women, Ivy Jaep and semester through the creativity, commitment and expertise Ava Gaspari, for helping fill any cracks and always being of so many talented Manhattan College students. Our mast- willing to spend a late night with us in front of the comhead has worked tirelessly since August to plan, execute puter. We also want to congratulate and celebrate Chayse and curate the vision of this issue, titled ‘Rebellion’. Martino and Meg Amore for their debut issue as head stylIssue 13 is a collection of articles which challenge the ists, bringing together innovative, creative and inspiring stereotypes and the molds which we find ourselves trapped looks that made the issue fully embody the rebellious spirit in; in our style, our love lives and in growing up and conwe hoped to generate. sidering what it means to find ourselves in new spaces. Without further ado, tear through Lotus Magazine’s This issue’s photoshoots bring to life these ideas visually, Issue 13: Rebellion. smashing boundaries and evoking the spirit of this semester’s inspiration. Coming into this year, we faced unprecedented challenges by having our budget completely cut at the last minute. We are so grateful to our staff and our supporters for helping to raise money and donate to this magazine to keep its tradition alive. We’d also like to give a special thanks to our faculty advisor, Rebecca Kern-Stone, for their unceasing advocacy in this process, ensuring that we got this magazine to print. Further, thank you to our staff for staying completely committed to their roles and our long-term goals despite uncertainty and new challenges this year. Lotus brings together students across our campus, and we are so grateful that even with our budget cuts, students from various academic disciplines and extracurriculars have found a space to create through this magazine for another semester. This editorial debut means so much to us, as we’ve both been contributing to Lotus throughout our college experiences at Manhattan. This magazine is a place where we have been able to develop both our creativity and our leadership abilities, as well as develop close friendships. Sharing this
KYLA GUILFOIL ADRIANNE HUTTO AVA GASPARI EDITOR IN CHIEF EDITOR IN CHIEF ASST. EIC
IVY JAEP ASST. EIC
GRACE HOLODAK
ANG NIEDERMEYER MARY HALEY F&B EDITOR ASST. F&B EDITOR
GRACE CARDINAL ASST. L&O EDITOR
JOCELYN VISNOV PRODUCTION HEAD
MAIZY SWIFT
MEG AMORE
ANNA SCHREINER ASST. PRODUCTION
CHAYSE MARTINO
HEAD STYLIST
SAMI KEATING
L&O EDITOR
MAST
EXECUTIVE EDITOR
ASST. PRODUCTION HEAD STYLIST
KIMIYA EHSAN ASST. STYLIST
HEAD
MICHAELA SCULLY
ASST. STYLIST
ALANNA CORDERO LIZ DONG MODEL PHOTOGRAPHY COORDINATOR DIRECTOR
ANGIE PEREZ ASST. PHOTOGRAPHY
LAUREN RAZIANO ELENA WILLOUGHBY
ART DIRECTOR
ASST. ART
LIZ KALAJ WEB DIRECTOR
MARIA PERRINO SOCIAL MEDIA
SIENA DEMARCO ASST. SOCIAL MEDIA
JESSIE LOCH VIDEOGRAPHER
GRACE DILLON ASST. WEB
rebellion noun. the action or process of resisting authority, control, or convention.
pg 3 issue no. 13 | LOTUS MAGAZINE
TABLE OF CONTENTS
5 Does the Nose Go? 7 Sex-Ed Failed me 8 How to Elevate Your Going Out Style 9 Love Lost on the Quad 11 Stripping the Kilt 12 Gen Z Has No Problem Expressing Themselves Through Fashion 13 Hailing Class 15 You Should Date Yourself First 16 Pink’s Empowerment Throughout the Seasons 17 Losing the Ballerina Body 19 How My Sister Taught Me True Beauty 20 Vivienne Westwood: A Tribute 25 Beyonce’s Renaissance 27 Post Club Pizza 33 Goodbye College, Hello Life 35 Bloody Businessman 41 The Romeo and Juliet Effect
Does the N SNIFFING OUT the STIGMAS OF RHINOPLASTY I
n a world where trends are fleeting and the pressure to adhere to fluctuating beauty standards demands more everyday, it becomes exhausting trying to keep up in this “race of face” without wanting to change ourselves on the surface level. From the Too Faced Lip Injection gloss to booking for botox, or the Charlotte Tilbury contour wand to a nose job, we are always finding something that will keep us ahead of the game. Whether it’s something we can wash off at the end of the day or a permanent change, it feels like we’re constantly tripping over hurdles. In the end, does anybody win? I believed I would be absolved of my insecurities when I moved to college in New York City, a melting pot that celebrates people’s differences. Although, recently while boarding the one train, I was greeted with an advertisement for plastic surgery, a pledge from three middle aged women that they could “transform my beauty” and “elevate my confidence.” I wondered what I needed to be transformed and elevated, but did this mean halting the features of my family lines? Simona Muscarella, an Italian-American English student at Bates College in Lewiston, ME, also had this dilemma, but realized the importance of this familial connection in her features. “I think when my mom said I had my Grandma’s nose, that was like, ‘how can you not like your nose?’” Muscarella said. “I can’t really say I’ve ever been insecure about my nose. I actually do think it fits my face, and I think that’s a common misconception because sometimes when people get nose jobs, it can look worse, even if the nose itself looks ‘better.’ It’s just your face. I don’t think you’re meant to change it.” While living in Italy briefly, Muscarella reflected on how much of a difference there is in beauty standards around the world, and how that
differs from America. “In Italy, [rhinoplasties] probably just don’t happen. People really do embrace their natural features in other countries.” Muscarella said. “[In Europe], the countries acknowledge that they’re all so different. Whereas [in the United States], we’re all one big country that makes one beauty standard.” These beauty standards can change based on cultures, communities, and places. Lola Travisano, a sophomore at the University of Tampa from Cliffside Park, NJ, explained the culture around nose jobs she has experienced and how “getting work done” is normal at both school and home. Unlike other places, Travisano observed that in both settings, it is expected to have some part of yourself polished, whether it’s a weekly manicure or changing your features to fit a specific mold. Since experiencing the run-of-the-mill culture of nose jobs of where she’s from, Travisano has set the six month countdown to her rhinoplasty procedure. After seeing her mother and brother get rhinoplasties, she has felt the support to pursue her own. In her high school years, Caroline Stefanak, a junior at Manhattan College, would strategically pose a certain way or style her hair in order to conceal the shape of her nose. However, as the years passed, she realized that keeping up with the beauty standards were futile. A permanent adjustment was something she had commented on, but never in a substantial way. After transferring to Manhattan in the spring of her freshman year, she had a new perspective on herself, one where she no longer worried about others’ perceptions. She’s had her doubts, many of us have, but at what point do they warrant action? We live in a world that tells us what we should change, but actively ridicules anyone who does so. The surgical action that women take can be harshly criticized by the public eye, but in reality,
Nose Go? written by MARY HALEY & VICTORIA SCHILLER art by CHAYSE MARTINO layout by JOCELYN VISNOV
these changes can be the product of a deeper meaning. Josie Longo, a pre-PA student at the university of Pittsburgh, started disliking her nose at 9, was set on a nose job at 13, and went under the knife at 17. She explained the relationship with her nose and what the surgery meant for her. “My insecurity started in the fifth grade, but at that age I was so young, I didn’t even know what a nose job was!” Longo explained. “I was always talking about getting a nose job. I would beg my mom for one. I would tell my friends I always wanted one. And they always knew how I truly felt.” So, post-operation, how did she feel? “After I got my nose job, I felt like I finally had freedom within my own skin,” Longo said. Before, I was so insecure and couldn’t take it anymore. Afterwards, I felt at peace with myself and how I looked. I felt comfortable in my own skin, finally, after seventeen years. I’ve never felt so beautiful. I didn’t do it for anyone but myself because I knew if I didn’t do it, my hyper fixation on this feature of mine would only get worse and cause my mental health to decline because I would
be so focused on it and felt so truly ugly in my own skin.” Not only did Longo gain the confidence she had always been looking for, but the surgery allowed her to fix her deviated septum, ultimately improving her breathing as well. There’s a misunderstanding that comes along with altering your appearance. The world does not know what to make of you, but it’s probably one of the most personal experiences someone could go through. When my best friend Lola told me about her plan, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “I think you’re perfect,” I said. I could not understand why she’d want to change anything about herself. But then she asked me, “If there was something you wanted to change and you hated it, would you do it?” That is how personal these decisions are. We are all running this race at different paces. At the end of the day, supporting each other’s individuality will make us all winners of the race.
SEX-ED
SEX-ED failed me.
S
ex. I first heard about sex when I entered high school. I was 14 years old and I had no reference for what it was. Even growing up watching shows I was definitely too young for and seeing ‘sex scenes,’ on television, I still didn’t understand what it entailed. Growing up there was no “sex talk.” I went to an allgirls private school in the south for the first nine years of my life, so the topic was taboo. Instead, my friends and I were all taken by our mothers to ‘Girlology.’ We sat in rows while our moms stood in the back and we were told about our periods and that we would soon be using bras, which were then tossed at us by the instructor. A couple of years later I went to another ‘Girlology’ course, this time it was only myself and another friend. This time we were told about our growing bodies and shown cartoon drawings of male and female genitalia. I was 12 at the time and the only thought of male genitalia I’d had was when I was 5 and thought I should be allowed to stand up while I peed just like my brother. Then came middle school, where we had an official “sex education course.” It was one class and it lasted maybe 20 minutes.
My science teacher pushed abstinence on us and that was that. Now, I’m 21 years old and have been having sex
for 7 years of my life. Still, it feels like I don’t know everything I should and everything I do know I learned from experience.
Why does it feel like this is the only way for women to understand sex?
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, female teenagers were more likely than male teenagers to have received instruction on birth control methods, to have talked to their parents about sex and birth control and to have talked to their parents about “how to say no to sex.” Why is it in the hands of women to learn about sex for
pg 7 issue no. 13 | LOTUS MAGAZINE
article, art & layout by ADRIANNE HUTTO
ourselves and how to practice it safely? If you’ve ever called Planned Parenthood, a nonprofit organization that provides reproductive healthcare and sexual education in the United States, to get birth control or make an appointment they will ask you three questions. Can we call you from this number and say that this is Planned Parenthood? Can we call this number and disclose that this call is about sexual health? Can we send mail to your house about your appointments? This is because most women have to hide from their families that they are practicing safe sex. In conversations with other women my age I have found that those practicing sex more often and more “unsafe” are those who grew up with an abstinence-only background, while those who grew up with frank conversations about sex are less sexually active as adults. Why must something so a part of our lives, particularly as we go from high school into adulthood, be so looked down upon? The more we open the door for conversations about sexual health, safety and pleasure the more everyone can experience safer and more pleasurable sex.
How To Elevate Your Going Out Style written by GRACE HOLODAK art by ADRIANNE HUTTO
W
e’ve all been there. You’re getting ready to go out so you take a gander in your closet. You always stick to the old reliable — jeans and your favorite top. You want to venture out and try something different, but nothing in your closet is speaking to you. Here are some tips to help you play with some pieces in your wardrobe and elevate your going out style. Accessories: The right acces-
sories can turn you into the cool cat you’ve always wanted to be. I recently bought a couple pairs of blue light glasses and thought about how fun they would look on a night out. Whether they are oversized, dainty and round, chunky and square or a vibrant color — glasses can be the perfect accessory to make an outfit look striking. Some accessories might not even cross your mind as possibilities — like socks! They might be a necessity when leaving the house, but why not turn a boring essential into a fun addition to your outfit? Whether it’s delicate lace socks underneath loafers, sheer/glitter socks paired with a heel, thick ribbed socks and ballet flats or a pop of color sock for sneakers. Play with the pairings and do what feels right for you. Another underrated accessory is a tie. There are so many accessories that might not even cross your mind to wear on a night out. When you get creative — you could end up looking really chic. My favorite way to style a tie is loose fitting, with an oversized button up, mini skirt and boots. Going out in an outfit like this feels sexy, put together and versatile. Odd Pairings: Venture out when it comes to
your style! Try pairing items of clothing that you wouldn’t expect to go well together — oftentimes these are the best combinations. Some of my favorites I’ve seen recently are shorts with a blazer, two-toned denim on denim, excessive jewelry with formal wear and an oversized coat with kitten heels. Odd pairings of pieces in your closet make for a nicely contrasted silhouette. Your own creation: Style is all about experimentation. You don’t have to know how to sew or stitch in order to make your own creation. Brooches or safety pins are a great way to play around with clothing and wear a piece in a hundred different ways. Grabbing and stretching material of a dress, skirt, or shirt and pinning it in place so that it fits your body in the way you want it to is the perfect way to get creative. Have Fun! Elevating your style and exploring how you like to dress is all about having fun in the process! Say goodbye to the phrase “dress to impress.” Rather than feeling pressure to look good for others, dressing up should only be about yourself. Style is about experimentation, creativity and expressing yourself for you and only you.
layout by ADRIANNE HUTTO
Love Lost on
written by SHAY ROTH art by GRACE DILLON
N
avigating the dating scene at Manhattan College poses a unique challenge due to its intimate size, where the dating pool is rather limited, and the probability of encountering an ex or a former fling remains particularly high. In contrast to larger universities, where students might easily fade into anonymity post-breakup, our small campus setting fosters a forced proximity between people. Whether it’s sharing classes, participating in social events, or simply crossing paths on campus walkways, these ongoing interactions can heighten feelings of anxiety and uncertainty, challenging us to face potentially awkward situations. Reflecting on my own experience of a tough breakup last semester, I found myself grappling with anxiety over the prospect of everyone learning about it. Over the course of my years here, I’ve come to notice that romantic relationships tend to be more public in our tight-knit community. The interconnected nature of our campus translates to everyone seeming to know everyone’s business, turning any breakup into the hot topic of the week. The rise in public awareness can increase the emotional toll of a breakup, as personal matters transition into communal discussions, adding an additional layer of complexity to the healing process.
Jdel Workers Know All
The heartbeat of our campus community extends into the familiar walls of Jasper Deli, where the employees seem to know all about the statuses of the student body. One day, as I stepped into Jdel, I unexpectedly had a run in with my ex-boyfriend. A mere moment later, an employee greeted me with a casual, “You just missed your man.” The weight of our recent breakup crashed over me, and I couldn’t contain the rush of emotions, finding myself sobbing to the employee and its other patrons. From that point forward, I knew I would be opening the floodgates of confusion amongst the Jdel staff in the case I ever stepped foot inside the deli beside my ex-partner. This experience isn’t unique. A friend of mine revealed that they also found themselves in a situation where they had to explain their relationship status to a cashier at Jasper Deli. The vigilant employee, accustomed to the rhythms of our lives, questioned them about the absence of themselves and their ex’s shared presence. Despite the awkwardness, my friend wanted to put an end to the employee’s lingering curiosity. They briefly disclosed to the employee that the chapter had closed on their relationship. While they did not get emotional, they felt as if they had to avoid the place the time being.
The Casual Run In
for
feel
Within the confines of our compact campus, anonymity is a luxury we cannot enjoy. The inevitability of bumping into an ex is an unfortunate reality, an anticipated encounter that, despite preparation, never fails to come with an anxious shock. Even with casual flings, I still anxiety in just passing them, but nothing compares to seeing an ex
on the Quad on campus. The most overwhelming aspect of my breakup was sharing a building with my ex. From the vantage point of my window, I would wait until he left, ensuring the coast was clear before I made my walk over to campus. Avoidance became my coping mechanism, and the proximity within our living space turned into a constant reminder of the breakup. A friend of mine too also grappled with the challenges of coinciding schedules with an ex-boyfriend. Their synchronized class times meant obligatory pre and post-class conversations that carried a trace of awkwardness. The watchful eyes of friends and acquaintances on campus only added to the pressure, turning every interaction into a subject of speculation. In a similar vein, many I have talked to have found themselves sharing a class with their ex, a choice that in hindsight deemed regrettable. These decisions led to an entire semester of navigating uncomfortable exchanges, with each shared class serving as a reminder of a relationship that once was.
Dating an Ex’s
Mutual Friend
Exploring the potential for a romantic connection with a mutual friend of an ex involves delicate considerations, requiring a balance between respecting past relationships and pursuing one’s own happiness. Students here often find themselves in this particular situation due to the small enrollment and the
layout by MAIZY SWIFT
even smaller number of people a part of the Manhattan College social scene. While the notion of pursuing a mutual friend may initially evoke feelings of betrayal, it can, surprisingly, evolve into a profoundly rewarding choice of happiness. Amongst my friends and numerous individuals, they have ventured into such relationships, forming fulfilling, long-term connections with an ex’s mutuals. Remarkably, these individuals express contentment with their decisions and share that their ex-partners often show understanding and respect for their choices to explore connections within their shared social circles. In these instances, those that shared explained they were still mindful of their previous relationships and would never do anything to disrespect their previous partners boundaries and feelings. Conversely, some individuals have experienced feelings of betrayal when their ex-partners pursued those within their close circle of friends. A close friend of mine, for instance, recounted the pain he endured when he witnessed his former partner and a mutual friend growing closer than before. While the friend and the ex did not pursue things further, he confessed that their relationships have been tarnished for good. These experiences serve as reminders of the hardships involved in balancing personal desires with the potential consequences on existing relationships. For those contemplating involvement with an ex’s mutual friend, those interviewed all agreed on
the need to carefully weigh their existing relationship with the ex-partner and the dynamics between the ex and the mutual friend.
Where to go from here
Coping with a breakup while being on a small college campus can make you feel like the unwilling star of a bad reality TV show. Your personal drama is playing out on a flatscreen TV like Quad Movie Night, while the entire student body weighs in with their criticism and judgment. Affairs you intended to be illicit, and conversations you hoped would stay private, are now being dissected in a Majestic apartments’ Sunday debrief. I have immense respect for my fellow peers who have put on a brave face amidst these messy college breakups. From experience, I think it’s crucial to go easy on yourself and resist the urge to be overly self-critical. Though it may be tempting to convince everyone you’re fine or over it, this approach will likely hinder your ability to truly heal. It’s okay to acknowledge that breakups are difficult, even with the prying eyes of a small college community watching. Reflecting on my own breakup, my close friend Kacie consistently offered valuable advice: Rather than seeking distraction through various outlets, allow yourself the space to simply sit with your emotions. Instead of suppressing feelings or rushing the healing process, take the time to reflect on the relationship.
LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 13
pg 10
Stripping the Kilt
article and layout by IVY JAEP art by EMMY SMITH
W
hen you’re in grade school, you wear a jumper with socks traveling up to the tippity top of your tibia. Then, when you’re in middle school, you get to wear a kilt with a sweater and a tie! Finally, when you’re in high school, you wear a polo, a kilt, and Sperry’s. From the first day of kindergarten to the last day of senior year, I have been given very little options to choose from when it comes to getting ready for school. As someone who has attended Catholic school since kindergarten, my passion for self expression through fashion has not had the chance to flourish. That is, until I decided to commit to a Catholic college in New York City. I can remember finding myself upset at the fact that I could not “dress down” every day of school at a young age. Most days I was not fond of my uniforms. I did not like the lengths they had to sit at, the stiffness of the material, or the box-like shape they displayed. Transitioning from grade school to middle school, I graduated from wearing a jumper to wearing a kilt with a sweater and a tie. I enjoyed the preppiness it bestowed upon me. Although that was my uniform four days out of the week, on the odd day out I was to wear my “gym uniform,” which looked like this: a gray cotton t-shirt and nylon drawstring shorts. As for the shoes and socks, they were both to only be black, white, or a mix of both. No color under any circumstance. To add, I interviewed junior Martina Eichhorn to share her experiences while attending a Catholic school since grade school. Martina feels like she missed out on a lot of her self expression due to the fact she went to Catholic school since second grade. As a young girl, she was not allowed to wear anything tight-fitted. That meant no yoga pants, unless a t-shirt covered the butt. As for myself, being a young girl going through puberty, I was embarrassed of my visible armpit sweat because of those god-forsaken gray cotton t-shirts. As much as I loved my gym uniform due to its comfort, there would come days when I would try and figure out innovative ways to prevent those sweat marks from showing. One of them being panty liners. I attempted to stick a panty liner over the stitching of the armpit line in each one of the arms. Well, for those wondering, they did not stick and my plan did not work. Following the eight years spent at the same school, I went to an all girls Catholic high school. Once there, I was very happy about my uniform. My socks were not knee high anymore, and I got to wear a polo year-round with my kilt. The dress code was not knit-picky, but it was stern. We could not wear sweatpants or a sweatshirt under/over our uniforms, even if they were school merchandise. As for interviewee Martina Eichhorn, her high school dress code did not allow her to have bleached hair. She also stated that heads were not allowed to be shaved or have any shave design, no visible tattoos, and only a maximum of two ear piercings per ear. Another Manhattan College student, Cara Loganadhan, whom I interviewed also had negative experiences regarding a strict dress code in which she wanted to share. Cara Loganadhan, a sophomore, stated, “If you got 4 kilt slips for your skirt being too short, they would punish you by forcing you to wear pants for a month. I think this was a really weird concept because it also made girls who chose to wear pants feel like outsiders for wearing pants.” These dress codes restrained the development of styles for all young adolescents. I believe that it is crucial for young people to develop their styles and really show their personalities through clothing, hair, accessories, and more. As I got older, I experimented a lot more with my style. I tried different trends, performed different makeup on myself, et cetera. It became annoying to not be able to express that experimentation both inside and outside of school. Since then, that has not been a problem. Even though I am attending another Catholic school, I am granted the freedom of expression through my clothes, accessories, etcetera! I have finally stripped the kilt.
pg 11 issue no. 13 | LOTUS MAGAZINE
Gen Z Has No Problem Expressing Themselves Through Internship Fashion written by ANGELICA NIEDERMEYER layout by IVY JAEP As I sit on the 1 train amid the morning rush of commuters, I am immersed in a sea of gray suits and cream cardigans. Looking down at my bright pink and orange blazer, I feel young and a bit out of place, but true to myself. I intern at The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey in the financial district of New York City. Working in the fashion capital of the world, I went into my internship thinking I would be walking past professionals showing off, but instead most outfits matched the gray New York fall sky. However, I did encounter one person that freely showed who they were: my recently relocated director Jo Greene. Greene, a Black woman from Baltimore, is always true to herself in her style, hair, nails, shoes and personality. Working in NYC was an opportunity for Greene to act like she was on a catwalk everyday. Greene knew that she stood out and embraced it. After my first day interning, I got the sense that business casual was more loosely defined than I had anticipated. I realized I could push the boundaries, and that I wanted to. Why be boring when you could wear a pink and orange suit to work? The corporate world is being hit with a style revolution. Gen Z, born between 1996 and 2010, is strutting their way for an avenue of self-expression. We are more connected than ever– sharing every creative choice online. Fashion trends are moving quicker than an express train. We are constantly curating and seeking inspiration from Instagram, Tiktok, and Pinterest. As we enter the working world, I hope my generation doesn’t lose who they are just because there might be older employees who follow the traditional dress code. Here’s my guide to interns to express yourself and still stay business casual.
Know Your Workplace Culture
Sashay into the office with an open mind. Start off by understanding your workplace culture and dress code. Notice what kind of clothes others are wearing and don’t be afraid to ask your manager for the laydown. Once you have a sense of the environment, go off! Who knows, you might even encourage others to step up their outfit game and express themselves.
Mix and Match
Next up, have fun with your outfits. It’s like playing dress-up all over again, but now with responsibilities. Plan and layout your pieces the night before to make for a smooth morning. Blend classics with patterns for a stylish and cool silhouette. Consider unique jewelry, scarves and belts. Try that boxy houndstooth blazer sitting in your closet that your aunt bought you for Christmas! Pair it with colorful sneakers or chunky gold jewelry and you are sure to keep the finance bros necks turned.
Gender Fluidity
These days, women are not wearing pantyhose and high heels for the rest of their lives. Embrace inclusivity by playing with the rainbow and various shapes. Sporty and boxier looks might be more masculine, but let’s be real: a clean and valiant suit is powerful for all identities. Being comfortable is more important than forcing an outdated norm. Accepting your individuality sends an empowering message to peers and higher ups– that you are a force to be reckoned with!
Tailored Fit
Making sure your clothes fit and are ironed is so important! Nothing is scarier than presenting in front of a group of executives and looking down at your pants and seeing creases. You want to look so put together that the team could miss a possible slip up with the spreadsheets. Investing in a tailor gives you confidence that radiates onto others. Check out J.Crew, Madewell and UNIQLO for numerous options for non-iron shirts. Having a smooth, crisp ensemble takes your outfit to the next level and makes you feel good. If you are wearing a unique outfit and you feel comfortable, your confidence will shine through– encouraging your colleagues to do the same. Having a personal and professional style should never lose sight of your identity because individuality is memorable and honorable. Tell your unique story while contributing to the evolving wardrobe of business fashion and you might just change the world.
HAILING CLASS
COORDINATOR Lauren Raziano
STYLIST MEG AMORE
Asst. coordinator Max bennett-myles
Photographer Anna maciolek
models sterling grant caroline stefanak
Layout Ivy jaep
LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 13
pg 14
You Should Date Yourself First written by CAROLINE STEFANAK
T
here’s nothing quite like the morning after a one-night stand. You look around and panic while trying to spot last night’s clothes amongst the mess of the random boy who looked a little too good in the barlight. You tiptoe to avoid making any noise or moving the comforter even the slightest bit. No need for an awkward morning conversation. Slip on your jeans and tiny going-out top. Throw on the shoes, slip out the door, and down the creaky steps. Don’t forget the loose attempts to fix your hair. Your phone’s almost dead, the morning light is a bit too bright, and your head is pounding. Now you start what many call ‘the walk of shame’. Ugh, one of the many joys of your single era. Being single and dating is fun. But would it hurt to date yourself first?
worth. And one major benefit- It’s a lot more enjoyable than trying to find comfort in some man’s navy blue sheets.
IT HAPPENS Being single can be uncomfortable, exhausting, discouraging, and everything in between. From the opinion of someone who has been single for basically their entire life, the hardest part is the constant reminders of what you think you’re lacking. I have spent so much of my early teenage life, and much of college, searching for what I don’t have, grasping onto every bit of hope I see in someone else. As a single woman, you’re lacking nothing. Yes, maybe your girlfriends are being taken on dates every weekend and getting flowers from their boyfriends. That doesn’t mean you can’t do that for yourself. It took me way too long to realize that. The moment I realized I wasn’t just living for myself was something that punched me right in the gut. I was dressing, performing, living, all for some imagined male audience that would maybe take a few upand-down glances at me on a random Saturday night. Thinking each weekend should include at least one random boy to fulfill the lack of affection, swiping endlessly through Tinder for random conversations, or falling for the bare minimum- I’ve done it all. I craved male attention because I wanted someone to appreciate me. When we search for our own worth in others, we lose sight of the confidence we were all born with. It became so hard for me to differentiate myself through the lens of the men I’ve been with, and the me that I see in my bathroom mirror. Being a single woman is being yourself- just without a man. You don’t need to be living to find someone else. Shamefully, it took me a while to understand that healing and building the relationship you have with yourself will get you a lot farther than you might think. Dating yourself won’t solve all your relationship issues. It won’t fix your track record of falling for shitty men. But it will remind you of the kind of woman you are- the strong, sexy, independent woman who knows her
HOW IT’S DONE Treat your body well. Take yourself on a lunch date to that spot you’ve been checking out. Run to Trader Joe’s and find a fun new meal to cook. Put on a workout set and take yourself to the park. Maybe sign up for a yoga or pilates class. Hell, why not splurge on a Taylor Swift spin class? Visit that museum or gallery exhibit you’ve always wanted to see. See that new movie, and make sure to grab an extra large popcorn and candy. Start creating habits for yourself. Build a routine, and make an effort to prioritize your schoolwork or career. Start journaling, or find a new hobby. Build your dream life instead of searching for someone who might weigh it down. You can still have Saturday date nights as a single woman- a common misconception. I’ve taken myself out solo so many times. Spend time alone, and learn the joy of falling in love with yourself. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection. See a woman who doesn’t need a man to complete her. Society has shown us over and over again the importance of investing in relationships. Why not start investing in the most important relationship? Date yourself first.
layout by MAIZY SWIFT
ink's PEmpowerment
written by ANGELINA PEREZ layout by MAIZY SWIFT
Throughout the Seasons T
here is a phase in every girl’s adolescent years where they claim to hate anything about the color pink. Not me, though. I always enjoyed pink. The color touched every corner of my childhood room, from the walls to the shoes in my closet. I associate the color with a time when I was happiest. But, the happiness it would bring me slowly stopped as I got older, and the boys became meaner and associated pink with being “weak” or “girly.” There was no way a girl who embraced her femininity could ever get along with boys who enjoyed sports. However, as history repeats itself– the blush pink associated with naivety is starting to morph into a meaning of power. Greta Gerwig, the director of Barbie, the highest-grossing film of the year, has turned it into a feminist message. The flooding of the Barbie pink color in merchandise and social media trends shows power rather than submission. Even men are wearing more pink. Although pink is now associated with femininity and girlhood, as shown in the Barbie movie, its creation was very different. It was traditionally a male color, with male children wrapped in pink garments and military dawning pinks and reds, rather than the conventional blue linked with masculinity now. The flip started to occur during the 1940s with the depiction of the housewife. US First Lady Mamie Eisenhower took the color and changed it into a shade of power when she wore it for the inauguration. Pink became the statement color for feminist and LGBTQ+ movements with the pink triangle and the pussyhats in the 2017 Women’s March in Washington DC, a worldwide protest against former US President Donald Trump. The Pussyhat Project aimed to turn the march into a ‘sea of pink’ and create a striking visual statement of solidarity for women’s rights. This deep history of pink can be used to argue that it will survive the winter. It is impossible to deny that the recent surge of pink is credited to the Barbie movie, seen in the New York Times report of the 1,135 increase in Pinterest searches for “Barbie aesthetic bedrooms”
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in the last year. The inevitable decline of “Barbiecore” does not mean the death of pink. Despite the usual upcoming winter neutrals, Pantene, which creates a seasonal color report prediction for designers in both fashion and interior design every year, says otherwise. When making the seasonal report for the fall/winter 2023 season, Pantene forecasts a brighter palette than average, including three different pink shades: rose violet, burnt sienna, and viva magenta. Pink is here to stay; pink has always been here, and it is more than just Barbie’s. It is a color with a deep-rooted history of empowerment. If you have put away anything you own that is a shade of pink in fear of it not lasting beyond the summer hype of the movie, remind yourself of the little kid inside of you that aches to wear their favorite color regardless of when it is.
Losing the
Ballerina Body
written by GRACE CARDINAL art by EMMY SMITH layout by CONALL MURRAY
M
y whole life, body image hasbeen something on my mind every single day. By third grade, I was subconsciously sucking my stomach in. In middle school, I was tracking my calories and planning my diet for competition weeks. By high school, I was just waiting for the final bell to ring at 2:10 so I could get to what I actually wanted to be doing - dancing. What people didn’t see, and the part I refused to acknowledge, was the dread I felt knowing I had to stare at myself in the mirror for hours on end each night, even though I was bloated and on my period. Little did I know that college, with no dance in sight, held its own unique set of challenges I was wildly unprepared to overcome. Without the set schedule of 20-plus hours a week in the studio, and never having touched gym equipment in the first 18 years of my life, my plan for maintaining my athleticism and “dancer body” in college was basically “I’ll figure something out” because I knew would rather wake up at 6 am every day to go to the gym over losing the six- pack and flexible hips I had worked towards my entire life. But, as it does, life got in the way. Classes started to pick up, the novelty of living in NYC wore off, and I found myself in a position I didn’t know how to handle. While I knew it was normal for bodies to change in college, I
was so determined to not gain the “freshman 15” that I never stopped to consider that weight gain isn’t the only thing that can make a body change. When I started noticing changes, I wasn’t gaining weight, I was just starting to carry my weight “differently”. I wasn’t getting old, but I started noticing cellulite where I used to have more muscle. I wasn’t becoming “fat” but I started noticing a little more bulge in my belly, and how my pants didn’t quite fit the same, even though the number on the scale wasn’t noticeably going up. Growing up in an industry where I was used to being nit-picked to death and criticized for every movement from my fingertip down to my pinky toe, I had inherently learned to do the same thing to myself, but less constructively, and in all parts of my life. I started to find myself wearing baggier clothes on the days when I felt like I had eaten too much, my stomach felt too heavy to suck in, or I simply had not had the time or energy to go to the gym. I figured out that if I could fool the world into thinking I’m still the girl who’s just waiting for the last bell to ring so she can get to the studio, if I look and feel like a dancer, maybe my brain would believe my body still looks like one too. I felt helpless. What made matters worse was that when I felt helpless before in my life, I had dance to turn to. Now, dance was
the problem. I felt like I had nothing. I tried supplementing with yoga, the gym, and even weekly dance classes to see if they would help, but nothing motivated me or felt as rewarding as dance did. What bothered me even more than feeling uncomfortable about my body was the anxiety I felt knowing I would be back to visit my studio over the holidays - and the last thing I could handle was imagining one of the younger kids who used to look up to me whispering “wow… she looks different” not in the college glow-up kind of way, but in an “I hope I don’t turn into that” kind of way. Despite how isolating my situation felt, it turns out I was never alone. My friends noticed the exact same things within themselves. One of my friends from dance – who I really should be calling my sister, because that’s what she feels like – said that when she went to college, gaining the freshman 15 was her biggest fear in the world. When she began noticing stretch marks, she realized that she had to come to terms with her new body. “It’s all about self-talk,” she said. “I’ll look in the mirror and be like, okay, it’s okay to have stretch marks, it’s not the end of the world. I feel like I really had to accept that. Everyone’s bodies change going from high school to college, even if you are exercising a million hours a day. I’m not gonna stay super skinny my entire life…I was like, okay this is just me fully developing, I’m coming into
my own body. And it’s okay. I feel like I just had to accept that I’m not going to be 15 forever.” While I struggle without it, dance being less accessible has made me regain my appreciation for the art. When I do get the opportunity to dance, I fall back in love with how my body moves. I’ve learned to appreciate that the beauty in dance comes from the movement itself, not from the body the movement comes from. Sitting here today, in my third semester of college, with over a year having passed since dance was the anchor of my life, I still struggle to see “two years ago today” posts pop up in my Snapchat memories. While there is still a split second where the first thing I notice is my thin waist and toned thighs - I refocus on not grieving over a body that was once mine - a body that propelled me through competitions and grueling rehearsals - but on the memory that I associate with the photo. Reminding myself that being happy and making memories is more fulfill-
ing than trying to maintain an unrealistic body helps me to accept what looks back at me in the mirror. Even though I struggle each day, and I notice every inch of bloat or new skin around my stomach, I work day by day to fight the stigma that has been instilled in me for the last 17 years. While there is beauty in acceptance, there is beauty in struggle too. As my lovely friend – another sister– Tori put it, “People are going to love you no matter what. At the end of the day, your body doesn’t define you. College should be more than worrying about what your body size is. It’s a time with a lot of change, and it’s an adjustment, so why put your body through unnecessary stress worrying about what you look like when there are so many things that are more important.” So to everyone, dancer or not, live your life in your body, remember that it doesn’t define you, and whenever you have bad days, know that you’re not alone, because I’m here too.
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How My Sister Taught Me
True Beauty M
akeup was my way of self-care. I mean, it felt like I was pampering myself and I love to make myself feel good because I work too hard not to. I felt more beautiful with it… I will always love doing makeup, but I feel like I came to a point in my life where it’s not appropriate to do as much as I used to. My sister was always my biggest inspiration. The teen years of the twenty-first century was a period of endless creativity and fun, or at least that’s the way I remember it. This period was my childhood, so I vicariously lived through my older sister, Michelle, who considered this time to be her “prime age”. She recalls this time as the most authentic for fashion and beauty. I watched my sister grow into her own woman
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written by JAYDA GRULLON art by ELENA WILLOUGHBY layout by JOCELYN VISNOV
by self expressing– her power and ingenuity impacted my growth and self-esteem. All the times she would practice her “look” of winged eyeliner over a smokey on me, it fueled the confidence in me all women need, despite the constructs we are limited to. We all start somewhere and for Michelle that was on YouTube with the typical “Get Ready with Me” and “How To” makeup videos. Her go-to look for school, work, or a hangout with some friends was a dark smokey eye with a cat eye to finish the eyes, and a burgundy-dark purple lip liner and lipstick duo. Dark colors attracted her eye more because of her complexion, but when she did my makeup her talents unfolded as she used vibrant colors and intense shades for lipstick. At this age, I was young and innocent and I failed to notice that throughout the years my sister did less and less until one day it became none at all and a negative outlook on a “full face” of makeup. When I was old enough to notice this shift, she told me that she had received so much negativity from our family, her friends and teachers, and even strangers. Before I knew it, my sister’s dreams of one day being a professional makeup artist had dissolved. Makeup was at its peak of expression and art over 10 years ago– now the term “makeup” refers to concealing blemishes and saturating our faces. The less “makeup” one appears to have is related to their success in achieving a “good look” or considered skillful. Our world of social constraints and unrealistic standards is feeding the notion that people have to be what they are told, not who they choose to be. Watching my sister conform to societal norms has taught me to thrive on individuality and stay true to myself. Michelle growing up is an example of what happens when we change ourselves for the likes of others. My sister continues to be my inspiration because she matured into a woman who doesn’t let others’ ideas shape her, rather, she is empowered to live as the best version of herself, and sparkle.
Vivienne Westwood A Tribute
Vivienne Westwood, renowned fashion designer and icon passed away in December of 2022, shaking the fashion world to its core. Her talent and individuality pioneered alternative, punk aeshetics to be accepted within the fashion industry. She was adored for her unique and rebellious style that pushed the limits of what was considered socially acceptable at the time. In this photoshoot, we aimed to honor her influential work and legendary artistic vision. With each outfit we pay homage to Viviennes long remarkable career and showcase her enduring impact on the world of fashion. - k
coordinator & stylist: KIMIYA EHSAN asst. styling: MILAN MARUKOVICH MICHAELA SCULLY photography: LIZ DONG KIMIYA EHSAN hair & makeup: ZOE LIVA CHAYSE MARTINO SOPHIE KHOSROWSHAHI ALANNA CORDERO nails: MICHAELA SCULLY models: SIENNA GALLUS EVANS PARE EMILY SMITH MILAN MARUKOVICH MELANNIE ESTRELLA layout IVY JAEP
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Beyonce’s Re
A Melodic Journey Through B
R
elease the love, forget the rest, “BREAK MY SOUL,” Beyoncé, 2022. In the vast tapestry of music, there are hidden stories, overlooked communities, and unexplored cultural nuances that, when brought to the forefront, can change the way we perceive art and identity. Beyoncé’s 2022 album RENAISSANCE, is a striking testament to this transformative power of music as it intricately and implicitly weaves together the rich threads of ballroom culture and house music, bringing forth a cultural awakening that is both empowering and harmonious. At the core of Beyoncé’s RENAISSANCE lies an explicit celebra tion of ballroom culture, a subculture rooted in the black and Latinx LGBTQ+ communities. Emerging in the crucible of discrimination and marginalization during the 1960s and 1970s in New York City, ballroom culture became a sanctuary for self-expression and authenticity. “Vogue in beat is a dance obsession,” “Elements of Vogue,” David Ian Xtravaganza, 1989. Central to the subculture of ballroom is voguing, a dance form that emulates the poses found in fashion magazines, like its namesake, Vogue. Participants competed in balls by striking dramatic and glamorous poses, sharp movements, and exaggerated hands. It’s not just about dance; it’s about embracing chosen families, celebrating identities, and affirming one’s place in the world. Madonna’s 1990 record, “Vogue,” and her performance of it at the 1990 MTV Video Music Awards gave visibility to ballroom culture’s primarily Black and Latinx LGBTQ+ participants, showcasing
ballroom elements and embracing glamour, extravagance and a sense of fabulosity. A few months later Jennie Levingston’s seminal Paris Is Burning, a documentary providing an in-depth look at the ballroom culture in New York City during the 1980s, was released. The film depicted members of prominent New York City houses like the House of Xtravaganza and highlighted music by LGBTQ+ icons like Grace Jones and Annie Lennox. “Out in the night diamond, shine bright,” “1, 2, 3,” Kevin JZ Prodigy, 2021. House music facilitates ballroom culture with its pulsating beats and infectious melodies. It’s not just a genre; it’s a heartbeat that unites diverse individuals on the dance floor. This genre emerged in Chicago in the early 1980s and found its way into New York City’s club scene. Within these communities, the “house” served as both a physical space for dance and a cultural hub, embracing black culture and providing a platform for black artists to shine. House music has also found its way to the mainstream through TikTok when songs like legendary House MC Kevin JZ Prodigy’s “BAM BAM SHAWAM” and “HERE COMES THE HURRICANE” went viral. House music’s resurgence on TikTok is not limited to the viral success of individual tracks but extends to the creation of dance challenges and trends. Users on the platform like @moanabih have embraced the infectious rhythms and uplifting melodies of house music, choreographing dances that celebrate the genre’s energy and vibrancy. “So elegant and raunchy, this haute couture I’m flaunting. This Telfar bag imported,” “SUMMER RENAISSANCE,” Beyoncé, 2022. Through its intricate use of sampling black music staples like Big Freedia’s New Orleans bounce-centered “Explode,” which details breaking free from systematic oppression, in Beyoncé’s RENAISSANCE we see the culmination of decades of this artistic and cultural evolution. In addition to celebrating the rich traditions of ballroom culture and house music, Beyoncé’s RENAISSANCE has also incorporated elements of afrofuturism into its tour visuals and concert dress code. This visionary concept emphasizes the fusion of African heritage and futuristic aesthetics, symbolizing a powerful reimagining of black identity and creativity. Beyoncé’s tour visuals and concert dress code reflect a blend of tradition and innovation, echoing the idea that the future can be shaped by embracing the past. By illuminating the stories, communities, and cultural nuances that often go unnoticed in mainstream music, RENAISSANCE demands a shift in our musical and cultural paradigms. It is a call to action and unapologetically black.
Renaissance:
h Ballroom and House Music
written by ARYANNA SANTANA art by ELENA WILLOUGHBY layout by JOCELYN VISNOV
POST POST CLUB CLUB PIZZA PIZZA
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stylis t adrianne hutto & chayse martino models sofia cervelli sanjana salem giorgi tabatadze ashton erb aliyah austin joe gialluca
photographers liz dong angelina perez make-up zoe liva aracely flores chayse martino
style assis t ivy jaep alanna cordero
special thanks to goodfellas pizza
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GOODBYE COLLEGE,
written by KYLA GUILFOIL art by LAUREN RAZIANO layout by ADRIANNE HUTTO
HELLO LIFE I
t feels like I’ve spent most of my life running. Rushing from one thing to the next, destined to survival mode. There was always something more to do, my days glazed over by a constant anxiety chanting, “it’s not enough.” As I climb through the first few months of my senior year of college, I realize the “steps” I have been so used to checking off are becoming more and more vague. There is no set curriculum after graduation, no campus I must live near, no hometown I must return to. The world suddenly becomes vast in a way I knew was coming, but was able to ignore through my constant busyness. I was the one in my childhood friend group that knew exactly what I wanted to do since I was ten years old. I was going to move to New York City and be a writer. There were no if’s, what’s or but’s. I was going to do it. I spent my childhood and teenage years fighting to ignore the chaos of my family life and the sense of hopelessness that I
would never be enough. I didn’t yet understand why I couldn’t feel content or ever relax. I just knew there was work to be done. I knew that I must get out, however I possibly could. I took AP classes, did research on colleges and scholarships, worked hard in a sport I trained for every day. I found my escape in extreme discipline and a mindset of ‘do this, do that.’ I never just stopped. I did exactly what I promised myself I would do. I moved to New York City when I was eighteen to study journalism and swim on a Division I college team. Now, in my fourth year being here, I realized that throughout college I existed in the same obsessive, controlling survival mode I developed as an adolescent. I have a top GPA, I hold school records for swimming, I’ve interned at top national news networks. Eighteen year old me couldn’t believe it. Yet, I feel absolutely terrified. Finally, at twenty one years old, I’ve learned to be vulnerable. But accepting that vulnerability means I must loosen my grip on The Plan. It means I must accept a level of uncertainty, embrace the unknown and give myself permission to not always be gunning for what I have perceived all my life as “first place.”
Who am I without a checklist? Who am I when I don’t care what my resume looks like, in its plain, black and white template? Before I knew what an SAT score was, or scholarships, or internships, or that I have to pay ConEdison every month, I was just a girl who dreamed of New York. I wanted the buzz, the literal vibrations of energy that I felt every time I stepped foot into the city, watching the millions rush across crosswalks and yap loudly into their cell phones. I wanted to feel like I was somebody in that crowd. Can I find that little girl who just loved to write? She came before the angsty teen who found everything wrong and nothing right in every situation. She came before the girl who learned
her. I mourn the wonder, the confidence and the brightness that I held before I learned what I should do or should be. I mourn the fact that I’ll never experience my family or myself the same way I did when we all lived in the red house on the curve of the hill. But with that, I also affirm I can still know her. I can still hold that small, wondrous version of myself tight, cherishing her instead of pushing her away. I can learn from her, even when it feels like it’s too late. I hope I can leave college with less of a plan than when I entered it. I hope I can find freedom from expectation and suspend the weight of outside judgment.
“But accepting that vulnerability means I must loosen my grip on The Plan. It means I must accept a level of uncertainty, embrace the unknown and give myself permission to not always be gunning for what I have perceived all my life as ‘first place.’” the hard truth about love. About the heartbreaks she both received and she gave to her parents, her friends and that first boy she told, “I love you.” The girl who came first, she just wanted to tell stories. I feel her now more than ever. I feel her in every heartbreak I’ve felt, every rush of nostalgia I get when I see a little kid waddling down the street alongside their parents, singing out shamelessly or giggling with wide eyes. This final year of college feels like a cascade of reminders that I am grown, that that little girl is only a memory inside of me. After years of pushing her away, fighting to find the another “step” on the checklist, of yearning for “what’s next” and praying I’ll be older, I finally mourn
I hope I can just be her. Time goes quickly. It rushes from us like wind, itself invisible but its effects monumental. We can only reclaim it by surrendering to it, by accepting our greatest power is in our sense of freedom, found only through unclasping our fingers from their fist. I choose to move with the wind, to surrender from standing in its wrath. To choose the me that lives within, rather than the one I’ve painted for the outside world, whose paint is chipped and structure muddled. I hope to find the colors of the her that are inside, who has been trapped for far too long. I feel she will shine much brighter in the sunlight.
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bloody businessman
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yn
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STYLIST MEG AMORE
ASSISTANT STYLIST SIENNA GALLUS
MODELS
JACK DEVANEY BARRETT PALMIERI ALYSSA GRINDSTAFF REBECCA WILSON MAX MEILLEUR CHRIS FREMER CAMILLE BOKIBA ARACELY FLORES LUCIA KOBAYASHI
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MAKE-UP
ARACELY FLORES CHAYSE MARTINO ZOE LIVA
photographer LIZ DONG MEG AMORE ANGELINA PEREZ
The Romeo Juliet Effect
written by SAMI KEATING art by LAUREN RAZIANO layout by IVY JAEP
&
O
“Oh Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?”
h Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? The age-old question exists coupled with the historic belief that a woman has to await her true love, which will result in her own happily ever after. Though, of course, the case for Romeo and Juliet was clearly different as they both ended up dead in the name of true love. In my early teenage years, I thought this was the perfect example of peak romance. What could be more romantic than loving someone you barely know so much you’d die for them? News flash: a lot of things. From a young age, toxicity masked as love is fed to young people, primarily girls. Unhealthy relationships and acts of possessiveness or lust are depicted as
“goals”, something girls should strive to want. The media we grow up with surrounds us with a web of toxicity that works to support the patriarchy in whatever way possible. Men are uplifted and go by untouched, their behavior is expected and it’s the girl’s fault for not knowing better. The blame is always on the girls. They get hurt- their fault, they believe a lying man- their fault. It is so exhausting to watch media that centers around placing blame on women for men’s actions. We see it in movies, TV shows and bestselling romance novels. It teaches girls that they are always at fault and that toxic relationships should be the norm we expect. Additionally, it puts a negative light on girls who do end up in toxic relationships, they are depicted as weak or naive. Yet there is such a lack of stereotypes over men who are toxic and unkind, in fact, it is almost expected for men to behave in this manner because it is what we grew up seeing play out. The line between passion and toxicity often gets blurred within the media. A
passionate relationship is usually a healthy dynamic with a very inlove couple whereas toxic relationships are inherently unhealthy. A relationship with passion is full of love, kindness and support- all of the things that make people fall in love and fill them with passion. Whereas components of a toxic relationship are usually insecurity, control and a lack of trust. There cannot be true passion in an unhealthy relationship because passion is a positive attribute driven from healthy love. Oftentimes the media we consume depicts toxic relationships and slaps the label of passionate over them. Leaving young and impressionable viewers thinking that acts of toxicity are valid because it is passionate love. In fairy tales such as Snow White and Cinderella, other female characters were evil
and the women needed strong men to save them. Preaching an unhealthy level of reliability and discouraging independence. As we grew up the message in the shows we watched remained the same. Victorious and ICarly, two of the highest-grossing TV shows for children of Gen Z, depicted unhealthy and borderline abusive relationships. The girls, Sam and Jade, were seen as violent, possessive and jealous and the boys just dealt with it. Depicting girls in a negative light to be erratic sends the message that
we are made to idolize the couples we see and want our own relationships to reflect what we are watching, regardless of how it makes us feel. We see men who are skilled in the art of apologizing, bringing flowers and having heartfelt proclamations and it makes us think that a man who can apologize is a good man. The reality is if a man is spending the majority of his time apologizing without changing his actions you should probably run. The media fails to highlight that an apology without change is manipulation, sending girls spiraling into a cycle of believing that if a man is sorry, that is enough. Yet the real focus should be on him doing the same thing three
about the women’s “crazy” behavior- which is usually her wanting the bare minimum- and we internalize this. We are led to believe that if a show ends and a toxic couple ends up together then they are meant to be together. We do not inquire about what would happen after the credits or if there was a sequel or another season. We simply believe they are living happily ever after because that is what has been marketed toward us. The media should reflect reality. Happily ever after does not exist and Romeo is kind of the worst. We
“Why do we think we deserve abuse that calls itself love? “
this is the way relationships are. Even when the boys messed up, the focus was still on the girls being “crazy”. I cannot think of a single couple from a TV show I watched as a child that fits the standard of “healthy”. The issue around watching these shows and movies is that as human beings, we aim to consume media that serves as a reflection of ourselves. It is more fulfilling to watch a show with characters with similar relationships and personalities to our own because it’s easier for us to become engaged and interested in their choices. As a result of this,
episodes later and the cycle never ending. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, one of the highest-grossing coming-of-age movies, was targeted to young people in support of this idea. With a slew of toxic and unhealthy relationships, no one in this movie receives any type of healthy young love. The characters fail to see the error of their relationships because, as the famous line from Emma Watson’s character Sam says, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Yet many people who watch this movie fail to ask themselves “why?” Why do we think we deserve abuse that calls itself love? While there are a slew of reasons, a leading one is because it is the model that is presented to us. We see couples fight and women get treated poorly. We watch the men make jokes
need to be sending a message of reality and realistic expectations. Starting with the fact that nobody save you or fulfill you but yourself and having feelings is okay. It does not make you crazy to be upset over something and relationships should be about resolution, not rage. The goal should be feeling fulfilled which comes from a passionate and healthy relationship, not engaging in a relationship that reflects the toxicity we often see in the media. We need to remember and instill the belief that the most passionate love comes in the healthiest models.
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