Issue 12 vivacious

LOTUS no. 12 | vivacious

LeTtER FROM tHE eDITOrS Dear readers,

This semester, we were truly encapsulated by a contagious energy that fosters creativity, color and individualism. Issue 12 of Lotus, fittingly entitled “Vivacious,” is a testament to our effervescent staff and their dedication to create something not only draws your attention, but keeps it for all thirty-five pages. In this issue, our writers explored the ideas of gender identity, losing faith — and redefining it — and discovering your personal love language. Mars Ross, the driving force behind Lotus’ evolving style, delivered her swan song through “Textile Trials,” on page nine.

This letter is a hard one for us to write, being that this is our last issue as editors-in-chief. Our college careers were consumed by Lotus; almost every issue produced in the last four years has our bylines in it.

As underclassmen, we were drawn

to this magazine’s creative and embracing atmosphere. It gave us an outlet to combine our journalistic and creative interests while being a part of something bigger - something tangible we can hold onto for the rest of our lives. It’s difficult to let this job go, but we are leaving our readers in good hands with Adrianne Hutto, who has been instrumental in the production of Lotus since 2021 and will take over as editor-in-chief next semester.

We hope you love this issue as much as we do.

Signing off, ,

Cari & Jilleen

S T A F F EDITORS-IN-CHIEF CAROLINE MCCARTHY JILLEEN BARRETT ASST. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ADRIANNE HUTTO EXECUTIVE EDITOR KYLA GUILFOIL

FASHION & BEAUTY EDITOR KELLY KENNEDY AVA GASPARI LIFESTYLE & OPINION EDITOR MEGAN LACRETA ASST. LIFESTYLE & OPINION EDITOR NICOLE FITZSIMMONS

NAIL TECHNICIAN MICHAELA SCULLY SHOOT COORDINATOR ELENA WILLOUGHBY PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR LIZ DONG

HEAD STYLIST MARS ROSS STYLING TEAM DANIELLE STERLING KIMIYA EHSAN CHAYSE MARTINO

ART DIRECTOR WADE WIEDEMANN

ASST. ART DIRECTOR LAUREN RAZIANO PRODUCTION DIRECTOR JOCELYN VISNOV PRODUCTION TEAM ANNA SCHREINER IVY JAEP

SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR MARIA PERRINO SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM MEGAN AMORE COLETTE BARRON

WEB DIRECTOR BRENNA MCNAMARA ASST. WEB DIRECTOR ELIZABETH KALAJ

vivacious

ADJ. attractively lively and animated

TABLE OF CONTENTS

5 signifigant undercover: how to become 6 a social media sleuth 7 taylor swift: better than your therapist 9 the textile trials 15 neutralize nutrition: breaking food stigma 16 throwing my phone into the ocean recession core: how the economic 17 state affects current trends 18 the higher the heel, the heightened the fight 19 you followed your dreams and it sucked 20 learning to embrace my femininity 23 a beginner’s guide to cruelty free beauty 25 the phenomena of the five love languages 26 the dangers of grindr: it’s not all it seems 27 celestial spectacle does a prayer go to?

31 who respecting my color palette: finding out what 33 colors work best for me diving into the whirlpool of gender identity

Diving into the

Whirlpools of Gender Identity

I

n my mind, I have always viewed the transient contrasts of my gender identity as being similar to aquatic waves of movement in a vibrant ocean. Just like the ocean, it can be terrifying to go through, and it has personally provided me with innumerable grievances regarding my body image and overall appearance. I’ve come to acknowledge that denial is your own personal purgatory, and accepting the emotional currents is the key to navigating gender confusion.

Gender Dysphoria Waves crashing into your skull, flooding your thoughts with uncertainty, threatening to perish your towers of assurance in plentiful ways. To those who have never experienced this harrowing feeling, gender dysphoria is a term used to describe the intense feelings of unease a person may feel due to a lost sense of belonging in regards to their biological sex and gender identity. The vigor of the dysphoric mind configures anxieties into the irrevocable pull, like a tsunami — suddenly simple questions regarding your pronouns become internal landslides of uncertainty. Despite the panic they instill, these internal natural disasters that arise communicate to us their demand for change. The waves of dysphoria alert us of the uncertain alignment from within that must be resolved in order to attain tranquil shores.

Gender Euphoria

Gender euphoria is defined as a psychological state of bliss and comfort that comes from feeling assured in one’s biological sex, gender identity or expression. The sweet essence of gender euphoria feels as though it directly emerges from the pool of certainty and cascades onto your fingertips, like the rejuvenating sting of a cold waterfall you have searched long to find. Whether the euphoric spirit is provoked from a fitting gender expression or

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issue no. 12 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

by NATALIE SCHMITT art by ELENA WILLOUGHBY layout by JOCELYN VISNOV

correct usage of pronouns, it’s feeling so ethereal and enchanting, one may ponder how they had ever lived any differently. Or perhaps there had never even been doubts of gender identity before, but now somehow there’s a sense of infatuation embedded in the possibility of a different identification. The waterfall of gender euphoria quenches the thirst of belonging. Even though it can be frightening to embrace and step into, it will only make you feel cold for a moment. The clarity can last lifelong. Once you learn to accept the emotions the euphoric water grants you, you will learn from it sublime peace and pride.

Identity Acceptance Similar to the everchanging variants of water, the journey of our gender identity can feel incredibly destructive. Establishing an internal sense of comfort with our own gender identity can at times be difficult in a world where our pronouns are constantly being put on display. Despite the importance of pronouns to the queer community, it is also imperative to recognize the pressure it can produce for those who may still find themselves drowning in their own confusion. It’s completely rational that someone’s own identification can not yet be diluted into one distinct label or pronoun. Those who have become victorious in establishing their identity and those who are still paddling their way through rough waters both deserve our utmost admiration. We must continue to push forward in the hopes of creating a community where all can feel comfortable and accepted sharing their truths with one another. No one should ever feel forced to mask their confusion in fear of others’ judgment. It’s the differences we’re all granted that lend us each our own magnificent variety. In that variety, we can uncover genuine love for our bodies, despite their sporadic betrayals.

Significant Undercover: How to Become a Social Media Sleuth

H

ow do you catch a cheating ex over a thousand miles away? Ask Gabriela Sandoval, a junior international relations major who did it using a fake Snapchat account, a made-up name and her old roommate’s face.

“I just had a gut feeling he was cheating on me … I confronted him about [it] and he was like, ‘Fuck, you’re crazy’,” Sandoval recalled.

Social media has made it possible for anyone to be an internet detective. While this is a win for people getting lied to, cheated on, etcetera–there are serious privacy concerns for everyone walking around with smartphones and secrets.

All you need is someone’s name and one other basic identifier about them — like a hometown, college, job or sports team. A quick internet search will likely return their home address, phone number, social media accounts and much more.

Sandoval waited until her now ex-boyfriend went to a party at his college. Back at MC, Sandoval created the fake snapchat account under the pseudonym ‘Diane’ and snapped her ex using her roommate’s face.

Claiming to be a girl he had met out the night before, ‘Diane’ quickly made plans to meet up with Sandoval’s ex the following Friday.

“They [‘Diane’ and Sandoval’s ex] talked for the week… then I texted him, and was like ‘Hey on Friday, let’s talk at 6 p.m.’,” Sandoval explained.

Convinced ‘Diane’ was real, Sandoval’s ex quickly came up with an excuse to cancel his call with her before heading off to meet ‘Diane.’

“I looked up the campus map and found the furthest campus dorm from him. I looked up [the names of his college’s] dorms and stuff. I knew how many floors there were in that building. I made him walk to the ninth floor and knock on a random door,” Sandoval said.

Sandoval then video-called her ex on ‘Diane’s’ account, this time showing her own face and revealing to her ex that he’d been set up.

Relaxed private settings on features like Snapmaps, “activity status” on Instagram or public Venmo transactions may reveal your physical location, the last time you picked up your phone or whose Uber you hopped in last night. Phone numbers or emails can be typed into third party apps without a password and tell even an amateur sleuth whether or not that person has an active account. For example, sites like Tinder and OnlyFans will say “reset password” if the information belongs to an account versus “account does not exist.”

What seems like a cool way to connect with friends incidentally also gives anyone the ability to gather data from all your profiles and your friend’s to create a much bigger picture.

Suddenly, hundreds or thousands of your social media “friends” can find out where you went last night, who you were with or if you’re ignoring their text.

Not every story of internet stalking is as shocking as Sandoval’s, but it demonstrates how easy it is to find out very intimate information about someone.

Anna Woods, a senior political science major, lightheartedly shared the story of how her current boyfriend caught her sleuthing information about him online, before they were officially dating.

“I guess I don’t remember specifically, but he must have told me his address, but I guess I remembered it. So then, of course, I went on Zillow to look at his house and I completely

by ROSALIA CEFALU layout by JOCELYN VISNOV art by KELLY KENNEDY

forgot about it. A couple days later, we’re hanging out again. He grabbed my phone [to] look something up and the first thing on my Safari was his house,” Woods said.

After sharing their sleuthing scenarios, Sandoval and Woods both agreed that routine internet stalking has become increasingly normal in our daily lives.

“I think if people aren’t admitting that they’re doing it, they’re lying,” Woods said.

“I think everyone does it to some extent.”

So what can you do to privatize things you may not want public?

Patricia Sheridan, J.D., a licensed attorney and Manhattan College professor who teaches a class on data privacy offered her advice on how to reduce one’s digital footprint, which she describes as having a “privacy-first” mindset when it comes to having personal information online.

“Whenever you visit a website or download an app and see the prompt to manage cookie preferences, take the time to toggle off the tracking instead of simply clicking accept all. If a pop-up asks for permission to track, you say no,” Sheridan advised.

“It’s also a good idea to get in the habit of checking and adjusting the privacy settings for the online accounts you regularly use,” she wrote. “In many cases, the user can adjust the default settings to affirmatively opt out of the collection and sharing of certain types of personal information. I would also suggest periodically conducting a ‘privacy check’ on your phone to determine which apps are accessing your location, and adjust the location sharing for each app to the minimum necessary.”

With how powerful social media has become, there is no fool-proof way of securing your online information. But by exercising caution and keeping Sheridan’s “privacy first” mindset, you can lighten up the trail of information you leave behind throughout your digital days.

Taylor Swift: Better T han Your T herapist article and layout by Caroline McCarthy

I

remember the first time I heard “Dear John” the way some people remember where they were during major life altering events. I was eighteen years old sitting in the passenger seat of my mom’s car, listening to our mutual favorites on the “Speak Now” album when I heard the iconic John Mayeresque opening chords - I usually skipped this song. When “Speak Now” was released in October of 2010, I was only nine years old and had never felt the heartbreak needed to understand this story.

So I typically spent my time listening to “Sparks Fly” or “Mean” instead.

At eighteen, I had just gone through my first major breakup. I remember being very proud of myself for not letting myself cry or allowing a guy to mess up the rest of my senior year. “Dear John” shattered those false accolades and I spent the rest of the car ride with my headphones on, listening to the song on repeat, and replaying memories as if the song were tailor-made to explain my life story. I felt as if I had gone through the five stages of grief in a 6 minute and 43 second song.

Some people call this fabulous, award-winning storytelling, but Swifties know that the way Taylor Swift writes music often makes us feel so connected with her it’s like we’re living in her music video.

Nearly half of Americans

consider themselves to be fans of Taylor Swift’s music (44%, as found by IPSOS’ 2022 study).

Her biggest fans, the 9% that consider themselves “Swifties” have for years accepted that their love for her music stems from the shared experience of heartbreak.

However, similarly to a study that found magazine content taught young girls how and what to think, Swift’s lyrics — which most of her audience grew up with since before

intelligibility through which a girl or woman is permitted to understand herself.”

Taylor Swift fans connect so heavily with her lyrics and one another because we grew up with Swift’s code of understanding your emotions and how to process them.

There is a pattern of Swift going through a phase of growing up and reciting the experience to her fans to learn from. In her 2020 documentary Miss Americana, Swift said “There is an element to my fan base where we feel like we grew up together. I’ll be going through something, write the album about it and then it’ll come out and sometimes it’ll just their tweens — may very well have taught her fans how to process their coincide with what they’re going emotions, keeping them hooked on through.” She described it as if they were “reading [her] diary.” her hooks.

While this is primarily Angela McRobbie is a British seen in her breakup hits, Swift’s cultural theorist and feminist lyrics dive into even more scholar who focused on how personal stories that resonate popular culture influenced young with her audience. In 2012, on the women’s culture. She specifically “Red” album, Swift’s song “Sad, looked at the content young Beautiful, Tragic” tells the story women were given to indulge in the media and how that influenced of her parent’s divorce. “1989,” their perception of self. McRobbie released in 2014 is the story of moving to a new city, living with analyzed “Jackie” and “Marie friends and finding freedom and Claire” magazine, calling them independence in adulthood. “responsible for defining and This would be her most streamed producing the norms of cultural album, with the top hit “Shake it Off,” which encourages her issue no. 12 | LOTUS MAGAZINE audience to be true to themselves

“Taylor Swift fans connect so heavily with her lyrics and one another because we grew up with Swift’s code of understanding your emotions.”

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and ignore what haters say about them, being one of her most successful songs ever. On Lover, Swift’s song “Soon You’ll Get Better” walks the listener through her mother’s battle with cancer and Swift’s specific experience being a daughter feeling desperate and hopeless as she watches her mother fight.

A generation of Swifties have never gone through a major life event without having Swift navigate it for them first. Her fan base’s devotion to her and her music comes from years of using Swift’s experience as a prototype for analyzing one’s own thoughts and feelings. Her lyrics serve as cultural artifacts, or objects that reflect the beliefs, values, customs and traditions of culture and society.

This creates a mentorship mentality that encourages women to look at Swift as a role model.

As her career progressed and Swift came into a more confident adult, the messages in her music shifted into a more political and feminist tone. Swift has spoken out on issues such as body positivity, the gender pay gap, female representation in the media and LGBTQ+ rights. She does so not only in press conferences and on social media, but within the music that she is producing. By using her voice through

the trusted platform of her music, hysterical.” she is giving her fans the language Swift was very vocal about they need to begin discussing these how the patriarchal music industry topics themselves. I first noticed took advantage of her early on in this when my little sister, Katie, her career, and Katie was outraged began listening to Taylor Swift that the industry would allow more regularly. During the COVID that to happen to her. She began lockdown era, her and I would only researching cases, listening to all of leave our homes to drive around Swift’s interviews and videos about town. To pass the time we would being a woman in the industry, listen to Taylor Swift and drink and has overall learned more about Dunkin Donuts. confidence and feminine energy After months of isolation, than she ever could have in a conversation steered away from traditional teaching environment. hometown friends and outside Swift paved the way and activities - because there weren’t taught her how to express her any to talk about. Somewhere on feelings and gave her the language the same road, listening to the same needed to convey them in a way songs, my younger sister, who was that was understandable. Though 16 at the time, began talking about this example was just brothers politics and feminism in a way I had being brothers, this confidence never heard before. and knowledge on the female She was particularly experience will forever help Katie fascinated with Swift’s legal battle stand up for herself - as it will for the rights to her own music. for all Switifies.

After “The Man” was released in 2019, Katie learned that even women who seemed to be at the top of the world still hit their head on the glass ceiling.

I remember very vividly later that summer when Katie got angry about a comment my brothers had made, and the family instantly called her hysterical. She stood right up and said “Oh but it’s okay when you do it? When you get angry you’re in the right, when I’m angry I’m just

THE TEXTILE TRIALS article and layout by MARS ROSS

Duct tape, comics, and bottle caps are not the traditional components we think of when it comes to clothes. But with every kind of glue imaginable and a lot of mistakes along the way, I found ways to create textiles with these unconventional materials. While these may not be for everyday wear, hopefully, they can still be appreciated for their design. You will be my judge and jury, it’s up to you to decide if these clothes win their case. With no needle or thread, the fashion court is now in order.

Growing up, my sister and I were always crafting, making beaded bracelets and scrapbooking. With nothing to do during Covid, I started learning techniques to make more intricate beaded pieces and earrings. The outcome was simple and timeless, the kind of jewelry that goes with everything. I started selling what I made to friends and creating custom pieces for them as well.

Once in-person classes started again, I stopped making jewelry until the announcement of the Lotus fashion show. It gave me the chance to make things I always wanted to but didn’t have a reason to. I embellished a vest and hat with chains and charms and created ornate body pieces and headpieces. The results were unlike anything I had ever made, but the complicated clasps and fragile nature limited them to a life on the runway instead of day-to-day wear.

By the end of the show, I already had the next fashion show in mind and a fountain of inspiration from the other designers. I began to consider what I could create for my senior collection. With limited sewing skills, my first idea was to create a garment out of safety pins. The process was beyond time-consuming, but the skill set to make it was just like making jewelry, only on a much larger scale. After attaching each and every safety pin with jump rings, I had a skirt and top without sewing an inch.

During this time I was taking a history of fashion class with Marilyn Civantic. I learned about designers throughout history who threw the traditional aspects of design to the wind.

In the early 1900s, designers were making highly tailored suits and corseted dresses that required copious amounts of sewing.

Mariano Fortuny took a different route. His infamous delphos dress was achieved with only a few seams.

With a loose silhouette, his design became popular because it freed women from the highly restrictive clothes they were accustomed to. Paul Poiret was another designer who redefined women’s wear with comfortable loose silhouettes. He wasn’t an expert tailor like Dior or the House of Worth but he still wanted to be a force in fashion, and he was.

Nicknamed “The King of Fashion” in the 1910s, Poiret used draping techniques to minimize sewing and maximize Eastern aesthetics. Poiret also famously created the lampshade dress, a garment with a hoop-like skirt resembling a lamp. This inspired me to take the idea more literally and create a dress from lampshades.

During Christmas break, I scoured flea markets and thrift stores in my hometown to find two lampshades that I could use for the project. Luckily I came across a pair of shades for sale without their bases. I took them home and started ripping out the lining, contemplating how I could make them wearable.

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 12

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With my dad’s tool shed in the backyard, I knew there had to be a solution. He helped me cut out a section of the metal frame and they fit around me perfectly. A little hot glue, some ribbon and fringe brought the shades a step up from their former glory on the thrift shelves and turned them into a wearable light fixture.

Among the plethora of items I could find in my childhood home to work with was my brother’s stash of old comic books. I cut out the pages and connected them with tape and a few sheets of press and seal. Using wrapping paper in place of pattern paper, I traced the sections of a collared shirt and traced again onto my new comic “material.” Heaps of tape and a tin foil collar later, a new kind of tailoring is now up for debate. Regardless of its questionable durability, the idea of a comic book shirt was a reality, with heroes and villains combating throughout the garment.

After working on these projects over the course of a year, I finished everything in time for the fashion show and to be featured in this issue. With nine textiles on trial, each piece has its own story, but it’s up to you to decide if they are clothes, art or both. I couldn’t have done it without Lotus, my parents, and the rebellious designers that came before me. You don’t have to be a seamstress to make something wearable and there are no rules to fashion, only a need for creativity.

STYLIST Mars Ross

PHOTOGRAPHY Liz Dong

MAKEUP

Models

Danielle Sterling

Rebecca Coglianese

Chayse Martino

Aidan Mackenzie Angelica Niedermeyer Kamren Poe Kristen Sample Jailen Todd

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 12

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Neutralize

Nutrition Breaking FOOD Stigmas

D

iet myths and food stigmas seep through into our lives in a million ways. They shift and morph as different styles come in and out of fashion. They are flimsy, unreliable and usually harmful, yet we always believe them.

Today, the most powerful myths travel through social media: in a food blogger’s latest Instagram post, or a “What I Eat in a Day” video snowballing likes on TikTok. Why do we so easily believe what we see online? Is it because the person who is posting it embodies what we wish we looked like? Is it so we can feel some kind of control over our looks by attempting to regulate how we eat, exercise or think about ourselves? For most of us, it’s probably a combination of insecurity and seeking control over our self worth. However, we will find neither of those things successfully by obsessing over and subscribing to diet myths.

For many young women, we were taught about food through a lens of fatphobia. We watched our mothers, our friends and our relatives make comments about their own bodies and food, as well as those around them. We learned which foods had a negative connotation, and followed suit in what we were told is “good for you.”

Well, what you were told probably isn’t actually what is good for you.

Ideally, we would be able to rely on our natural hunger cues, which allow us to intuitively eat a variety of foods based on how we feel and properly nourish ourselves to fulfill our energy needs. A hunger cue could be anything from feeling your stomach rumble to craving food.

It’s a physical alarm clock that tells us: Time to eat!

However, growing up with a morphed sense of nutrition diminishes our natural hunger cues and ability to use intuitive eating to properly nourish and fuel ourselves.

No matter your past with food, you can rebuild those natural hunger cues. It just takes time to reestablish a healthy and nourishing relationship with food.

Navika Gangrade, Ph.D., RD, is a registered dietician working with LK Nutrition, a nutrition counseling group in Brooklyn. Gangrade explained that there are three main nutrition needs at the root of all our eating: protein, carbohydrates and fats.

Right off the bat, both carbohydrates and fats are constantly considered “fattening” or “bad” for you. But that is entirely a stigma.

In reality, you need all three of these components in your diet in order to have a fully functional mind and body.

Gangrade used the keto diet as an example of how restricting one of these components affects your health and wellbeing.

“If you’re lacking some core nutrition group, we

by KYLA GUILFOIL art by LAUREN RAZIANO layout by ADRIANNE HUTTO

often times see effects on our mood, as well as if we’re just lacking in food in general, we see effects on our mood,” Gangrade said. “And these effects can be different things like anxiety, feeling down, feeling restless, but also could be long term health effects.”

Gangrade mentioned “brain fog” that is often attached to the keto diet. Gangrade explained that carbohydrates should be the most significant part of our diet, meaning that we should eat more carbs than anything else, because it is what many of our critical functions rely on, including our brain function. Since being keto means you greatly restrict your carbohydrate intake, she explained that your brain will actually begin to feel foggy, or you will struggle to focus or think clearly.

It is incredibly common to see posts emphasizing “low carb” meals or find packaging at the grocery store that advertise “only two grams of carbs!” We have been conditioned to view carbohydrates as an enemy, when in reality it is a nutrient that fuels us and allows us to be fully functional people.

Gangrade encourages the idea that any food can fit into a healthy, sustainable diet. She explained that it’s important to remove the labels of “good” and “bad” foods and instead recognize that each food has some type of value and has a place in your diet.

“Nutrition science really shows that all foods can fit into a balanced, nourishing diet,” Gangrade said. “So once you look at the signs, you can see that you can really have all these different types of foods and there’s no need to restrict food groups or restrict [certain] types of foods.”

Gangrade said that with knowing that all foods fit, you can establish a foundation for yourself to allow yourself to eat whatever works for you, and create a much more stable relationship with food.

With a lack of accessibility for some college students, it is difficult to always find the “right” things to eat.

However, as Gangrade explained, the best thing you can do for your body and mind is to find combinations of carbohydrates, proteins and fats, in whatever form you can.

Starting with this foundation can help you begin to challenge so many of the diet stigmas that we are raised by, and find what actually makes you feel good.

It is difficult to recognize biases we have about food because they are so ingrained in us. But, taking small steps to question your relationship with food and learning more from reliable sources about food can unlock a mental and physical health you might not have known was possible.

Any food can be a part of a healthy, sustainable diet. Stop thinking of “diet” as a rulebook to stay in a certain mold, and begin thinking of “diet” as the recipe to a healthy and full life.

Throwing My Phone Into the Ocean

S

even forty-five a.m. I pick up my phone, half asleep, and hit snooze on the blaring alarm. I open Twitter, and read up on what happened since I last checked at eleven thirty p.m. the night before. Then I check Instagram, and see who posted since I last checked at midnight. I open Spotify, pick a podcast, get ready and walk to work, where I manage the front desk. I scroll through TikTok and look up occasionally to welcome a professor or assist a student. I go back to scrolling again when they walk away. I put my phone down, type some words in an empty document, and pick it back up again when the light of a notification catches my eye.

I depend on my phone for nearly everything, before I even open my eyes in the morning — you can probably relate. I spend hours of my life on my phone — my screen time averages consistently above six hours a day. I often wonder what I would do without it.

My curiosity about my phone usage only grew when I read a New York Times article last December, profiling the “Luddite” teens of Brooklyn. The article followed a group of teens who disavowed smartphone technology, some even choosing to forego iPhones for flip phones. Together, they started a club where they put their phones away, and painted, read books or meditated rather than focusing on their tiny screens.

As a self-described “chronically-online” individual, I thought running my own phoneless experiment might benefit me.

On a Sunday night, after a day spent acquiring double-digit screen time, I decided the time had come.

The Experiment Realistically, I could not live without my phone. What was once a GPS, a physical newspaper, an MP3 player, a computer, a pager and a telephone has all become one.

Rather than throw the whole thing into the sea, I decided to remove the parts of my phone that kept me glued to it.

I wiped Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, Facebook, LinkedIn, BeReal and even Pinterest off my phone. Next came the news apps. I had just one game on my phone, and I deleted that, too.

article and art by MEGAN LACRETA layout by ANNA SCHREINER

I kept everything I genuinely felt like I couldn’t live without — messaging apps and email for school and work, Google Maps for not getting lost— or felt like I could’ve had in a pre-smartphone world — Spotify is really just a Walkman app, if you think about it.

Monday was my first full day effectively phoneless. Even with nothing of interest on my phone, I kept finding reasons to open it.

Bored at work, and not wanting to start homework at nine a.m., I found myself rereading old messages. Many times throughout the day, I caught myself opening my phone, swiping through home screens, and turning it off again when I came to the conclusion that there was nothing attention-grabbing to click on.

The next day was similar. I missed having a distraction readily available during any waiting period, awkward silence or moment of bore-

dom. I worried about my social media, left unattended — what if someone messaged me and I was unintentionally ignoring them? As a person who prides myself on always knowing all the news, celebrity gossip and Internet discourse, what if there was something culturally important going on that I missed?

My first sin came on Wednesday. I was having a stressful day, and in a moment of weakness, I opened up Instagram through Safari. I scrolled, soaking in the beautiful, mind-numbing content. I realized how much I depended on that escape to ease my anxiety.

The next day, I overcame, logged off of Instagram, and resumed my experiment. By the time the weekend came around, I started to feel the perks of a less connected life. I

went out with friends on Friday, and I didn’t have any desire to interrupt our conversation by opening my phone, something I tend to do almost mindlessly when I’m in a group.

I also felt a little bit of freedom from my usually crippling fear of missing out. Without Snapchat and Instagram stories updating me on everyone’s whereabouts, I didn’t find myself comparing how much fun I was having to others.

The Results I kept my experiment going for ten days.

There were times I struggled, opening Instagram or Twitter through Safari when I was stressed or tired and wanted to shut my brain off. But ultimately, I do believe that I emerged with a new outlook on my phone.

First, I learned what I didn’t actually like about my phone. I hate the stress I feel on weekends, ruining my own good time by comparing it to what others posted on their stories. So, I deleted Snapchat for good. I don’t like how I could casually scroll on LinkedIn, and end up in a spiral about my career. So, I deleted it from my phone and only use it on my laptop when I need to for a specific reason. I don’t like how TikTok sucks me in for hours, so I got rid of it, simple as that.

I also learned what I did like, and even underappreciated, about my phone. I found myself texting my friends more, sharing things with them instead of my story. I genuinely enjoy Instagram, but I have also learned that I’m capable of living without it if it’s distracting me or stressing me out.

I learned that I depend on my phone when I feel like I need to escape from the world around me. But, that escape isn’t necessarily into a better place.

I am not exactly a member of the Luddite Club. Functionally getting rid of my phone did not lead me to read more or make art or find inner peace. But, it did teach me about how to integrate it into my life in a more mindful way. My 10 sort-of phoneless days reminded me that I have the ability to disconnect from the more negative aspects of modern tech, without having to actually throw my whole phone into the ocean.

Recession Core: How the Economic State Affects the Current Trends

by AVA GASPARI art and layout by JOCELYN VISNOV

As Paris Hilton once said, “Skirts should be the size of a belt. Life’s short - take risks.”

N

onetheless, times are changing and we’re in the year 2023, where maxi skirts are dominating the season’s runways and micro minis have been undeniably replaced, at least for now.

Because whether it’s the price of gas, eggs or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, things have gotten quite expensive. As a response to the political unrest around the world and a post-pandemic world, the country has seen a cost-of-living rise, and a stock market decline. What exactly does this have to do with Paris Hilton’s mini skirt preference, you may ask? The answer is theoretical.

In the 1920s, according to CR Fashion Book, economist George Taylor theorized a response to the change in women’s skirt lengths, from the Edwardian floor-length fashion in the early 1900s, to the flapper skirt of his day. Coined the “hemline index,” the theory suggests that an economic recession often coincides with a lengthening of the average woman’s skirt – the reasoning for this change being that “when finances were tight, hemlines dropped as women hid that they couldn’t afford hosiery.” The rise of the flapper is a prime example of the transition from restrictive, modest skirts to a more movable, flirtatious style. As a sign of the times, women were showing a little more leg.

Reversely, the stock market crash of 1929 prompted hemlines

pg 17

issue no. 12 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

to revert back to floor length. Those who struggled opted towards repurposing old fabrics, sheets, and even potato sacks, and even the Hollywood glamour of the era reflected a heightening of the waistline and a longer, more feminine figure.

Over the course of the twentieth century the ever-changing trend cycle can almost always be attributed to the economic climate of the time. Even now, the cyclical nature of fashion had the micro mini skirts of the early 2000s making a brief comeback – only to be overshadowed by a more utilitarian and practical reflection of the times in 2023 collections. The maxi skirt is back on the runway and the streets. This could be an attempt at modesty, or simply a reflection of the downsizing and more unassuming trend of the new decade.

In our modern trend cycle well beyond the abundance of hosiery, the hemline index is a phenomenon that can only be hypothesized.

Nevertheless, as a glance back at the twentieth century’s fluctuation in skirt lengths will tell you, whether or not it’s the economic state that’s determining a woman’s skirt, beauty routine or ideal body, the trend cycle is simply that: a fluctuation. The most stylish item of the season is a fickle title, and for that reason perhaps the most appropriate reflection of our current economic and social state is a choice to wear what you want – not simply what Fashion Week tells you to.

the higher the heel, the heightened the fight

T

he fight for women’s rights has been strenuous and ongoing for centuries.

The desire to be seen as something more than a pretty accessory to a man has been a main factor when working towards equality. Women are typically belittled and degraded by their choices — specifically fashion choices. Society has connotated certain articles of clothing as being improper and unjust for a “classy” woman to wear. Stilettos have received some of the most controversies over time as they are viewed as a tool for promiscuity and a symbol for everything a woman should not be.

The stiletto heel first emerged in the 1930s, a time when the main purpose for women was domesticity — looking properly while caring for their families and homes. The male-created shoe was made to showcase a woman’s tiny foot. Additionally, stilettos improve one’s posture and contort the woman’s body. Pushing your chest forward and butt outward, the stiletto was created to contort a woman’s physique. This is no surprise as women were viewed as nothing more than pretty objects during the time the heel first appeared. Stilettos were not popularized until the 1950s, following the Second World War. In the 1950s, more women were seen wearing stilettos than not. While the role of the majority of women had not progressed much since the 30s, the stiletto became a much more integral part of a woman’s day-to-day life.

The 1950s was the epitome of women being depicted as pretty, poised and silent.

Women would dress up on a daily basis to do mundane tasks such as grocery shopping or household chores. Women were expected to not only take care of their homes and children but to look attractive in the eyes of the male gaze while doing so.

They were not respected for their efforts but were sexualized, heavily due to the contortion of their bodies by wearing the stiletto.

According to The New York Times, the sexual appeal given by the stiletto was labeled as erotic and shunned in the 1960s. Stilettos were viewed as suggestive, something the domestic women idolized during this time should never be. While women used them as a tool of empowerment, dressing nice and feeling good, the opinions of men who felt the heel was promiscuous left women having to pack their stilettos away.

In the late 1970s, the stiletto received a more erotic connotation as people correlated the heel with pornography. Seeing women enjoying their sexuality and in some cases being dominant left men uncomfortable as they were used to being in power in all areas of life and were unaccepting of a change in gender roles.

The high heel that once stood as a means for women to feel confident soon turned into something they actively avoided.

In the 1980s professional women chose to wear low heels, making any attempt necessary to distance themselves from promiscuity and ensure they were doing everything in their power to receive the respect they always deserved. The 1990s however took a more progressive turn.

High fashion argued that articles of clothing, such as stilettos, that were signifiers of femininity should be a signifier of success rather than a tool used to degrade women.

In the 21st century, stilettos are a way for women to feel confident and beautiful.

If a woman chooses to wear a stiletto it is because she wants to and she can. It does not matter how a man thinks about them,

by SAMANTHA KEATING layout by ADRIANNE HUTTO

because it is a woman’s choice and she worked so hard to have the ability to make that choice.

Not only are stilettos a symbol of all women have worked for but they embody the strength of women. By no means is being a woman easy, but we still manage to persevere and be accomplished, as Ginger Rogers once said, “There’s nothing a man can do that I can’t do better and in heels.”

1930s - Stiletto heel emerges for the first time.

1950s - Stiletto is finally popularized

1960s - Stiletto is seen as “too sexual” and errotic.

1970s - Stiletto becomes associated with pornography

1980s - Professional women choose to wear a low heels 1990s - Stilettos become associated with highfashion.

21st Century Stilettos are a way for women to feel confident

You Followed Your Dreams and It SUCKED As a kid, we are asked what we want to be when we grow up as early as preschool. Those dreams follow us and can even define some of us for most of adolescence. When we get older, we might even go to college to pursue that dream. Our dreams may change and evolve just as we do — like my brother who went from an engineering major to a history major — we grow up with an image in our mind of what our lives are going to be like when we’re older. The problem is, once we get to that dream job we’ve worked years to have, we may realize it’s not what we really want. In fact, it can actually suck!

My dreams led me to leave my hometown of Charleston, South Carolina to pursue a journalism career, an idea I didn’t entirely get on my own. My primary influence was my own mother, who, much like me, grew up in a small town, for her in Southern Illinois, only to move to New York City to follow her career dreams.

My mom was drawn to law — specifically courtroom law, which led her to the University of Notre Dame where she studied political science. After graduating Notre Dame, ironically, on disciplinary probation and with a 2.8 grade point average, she got into Brooklyn Law School in New York with LSAT scores in the 99th percentile.

After she graduated from law school, things got tricky. My mom, in an attempt to make more money, took a job at a three hundred attorney firm.

Being 24,

article and layout by ADRIANNE HUTTO

young and naive, my mom’s hatred of her job reflected in her work and ultimately caused her to get fired. Afterward, she ended up moving to South Carolina, and that’s when the next phase of her life came.

While living in South Carolina, my mom spent the first half of her thirty year career as a litigator trying cases, handling motions and filing lawsuits. For six years, she ran her own business and then in 2008 successfully ran for the House of Representatives, a seat she later lost in 2010.

However, it was that loss that opened up more opportunities.

“In 2013, I was approached by a friend about coming to lobby for an environmental organization in Charleston. And that’s when I closed my practice, and quit being a litigator and couldn’t be happier,” my mom said.

Now, my mom is a state lobbyist in South Carolina where she works primarily in education policy, coastal conservation and advocacy for women’s reproductive rights. When asked about the advice she would give to twenty something, soon to be post-graduates she explained that the future is difficult, but it’s not bleak.

“You know, you may have to compromise a little bit on what your dreams are. But remember that everything is an experience that builds who you’re going to be. So be prepared to work your tail off and try to keep a smile on your face, that will make a difference.”

When looking towards our futures, it is important to remember how much time we really have to figure it all out. Another great story of an uncertain yet ultimately successful career story comes from that of Nancy Niedermeyer, a therapist out of New Jersey.

Niedermeyer grew up in Colorado and attended Colorado State University where she was uncertain about her career path. Feeling pressure to figure out a path, she decided to major in economics.

When she graduated, she got a job with a bank. Niedermeyer explained that, “Every time I was outside, I was like, ‘Ah, I don’t want to go back to the bank. I don’t want to go sit inside’.” That was when she knew she needed a change.

Niedermeyer applied to several different airlines and was then hired by American Airlines as a flight attendant. She hoped this would give her the opportunity to travel more, but ended up with only domestic flights.

Ultimately, Niedermeyer ended up meeting someone in New York — who would later become her husband and father of her children — and she decided to move to be with him. She ended up going from a flight attendant riding from Dayton and Abilene to having layovers in Brussels and Paris.

After doing this for sometime, Niedermeyer got bored and decided to go back to school, and got her master’s degree in counseling, while continuing to be a flight attendant.

Once her son entered high school and it became harder to leave for flights, she made a switch.

“I changed careers at like, 54,” Niedermeyer explained. “I’m a therapist, I see about 20 clients a week. I work with trauma work with lots of people who have anxiety and depression, ADHD, lots of stuff and I love it. I’m having a good time, I’m having fun with it.”

Niedermeyer explained that she is grateful for having taken to this career later in life because, as she joked, she likely would not have stuck with it in her twenties.

“It’s perfectly normal to switch careers a number of times during your working life,” Niedermeyer explained. “I think young adults today, they feel so much pressure to get it right. Let’s just be fully present, whatever you’re doing, and enjoy it. Be curious and not afraid to try something different, especially in your twenties, you can’t figure it all out.

Nothing is really how you expect it’s going to be, you gotta just try it.”

There is a lot of pressure surrounding getting the right job or internship or having the right things on your resume; but looking at the experiences of the older generations, specifically our parents and grandparents, there is a lot of evidence that you won’t have it figured out — and that’s okay. Give yourself the opportunity to explore a career that you may not be doing in ten years, just because it makes you happy now.

Learning to Embrace My Femininity: Everything I’ve Learned about Myself Through Rom Coms

by KELLY KENNEDY layout by ADRIANNE HUTTO

A

s women, much of our value is placed on our appearance. The idea of who we are is often shaped by what we look like. We’ve all heard that blondes have more fun and that glasses make you

nerdy.

These stereotypes often put us into boxes. But no one person can fit into just one box, right? What happens when you check more than one box? When you’re fashionable but also good at math, or bubbly and bright, or love to go out with friends but also studious? We so often fight just to be taken seriously because of our gender, and having a personality perceived as feminine makes it all the more difficult.

Throughout my life, this has been an internal battle of wanting to be cool so pretending to like football so guys won’t look at me and think I’m dumb because I’m more interested in other things.

A battle of spending hours trying to make the perfectly professional outfit for that interview so that my personality wouldn’t show through my clothes. A battle of thinking it’s a compliment when a guy says he’s impressed that I’m “not like other girls.”

I got used to people always being surprised: when my academic advisor raises his eyebrows be-

cause my GPA is higher than he expected, when the loud boy in the class that never does the reading is surprised that I got a higher grade on the midterm, when that finance major at the bar asks “Don’t you have to smart for that?” after making conversation about what I want to do after college.

Because favorite color is pink, or I dye my hair or spend my time reading Vogue that makes me less? It’s no coincidence that activities and interests perceived as feminine are those often looked down upon.

When did being not like other girls become a compliment? When did we learn to suppress femininity to be taken seriously?

The media has often perpetuated these stereotypes, by casting bubbly blondes into the roles of the dumb cheerleader, and putting glasses on a supermodel to transform her into the misunderstood geek.

The only area of media where I have ever really seen femininity and intellect go hand in hand is in every man’s least favorite movie category — the romantic comedy.

Growing up these movies were everything to me. From their style to their jobs, all I wanted was to be the girls in these movies.

People are often so focused on the romantic plot lines of these movies and the “girly”-ness of them that we often overlook the way the women protagonists are portrayed. These women, while falling in love, are often strong and successful all on their own.

Elle Woods taught me to not let other people’s perceptions of me stop me from pursuing my dreams. Jenna Rink taught me to enjoy the present and not to be in a rush to grow up. Samantha Jones taught me to love myself first. Andie Anderson taught me to follow my heart.

Many dislike rom-coms because they see it as an unserious movie genre for boy-crazy girls. But when I watch these movies and when I look at these women, I have always seen my own struggle within the subplot of the movie. The bright, fun girl who also has an amazing job that she has worked hard for and a life she has built for herself. But that is not the center of the plot, instead their whole personalities have been structured around their love interests. And when we watch it’s the only thing we see, and not the incredible lives they’ve built for themselves.

These movies have shown me more than just a light laugh and a silly romantic plotline to pass the time. They’ve shown me that all aspects of femininity are not only acceptable, but appreciated. I was able to see that it’s not only okay to be who I am, but it’s what makes me and so many other girls shine.

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 12

pg 20

These stereotypes often put us into boxes. But no one person can fit into just one box, right? What happens when you check more than one box. When you’re fashionable but also good at math, or bubbly and bright, or love to go out with friends but also studious? We so often are fighting just to be taken seriously because of our gender, and having a personality percieved as feminine makes it all the more difficult.

Throughout my life, this has been an internal battle. Of wanting to be cool so pretending to like football so guys won’t look at me and think I’m dumb because I’m more interested in other things. Of spending hours trying to make the perfect outfit for that interview so that my personality wouldn’t show through my clothes. Of thinking its a compliment when a guy says he’s impressed that I’m “not like other girls.”

I got used to people being always being surprised. When my academic advisor raises his eyebrows because my GPA is higher than he expected. When the loud boy in the class that never does the reading is surprised that I got a higher grade on the midterm. When that finance guy at the bar asks “don’t you have to smart for that?” after making conversation about what I want to do after college.

Because my favorite color is pink, or I dye my hair or spend my time reading Vogue that what, makes me less? It’s no coincidence that activities and interests perceived as feminine are those often looked down upon.

These can f check good with just ing a more

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end coinare

STYLED BY MEGAN LACRETA NICOLE FITZSIMMONS KELLY KENNEDY PHOTOGRAPHY BY ANNA MACIOLEK These stereotypes often put us into boxes. But no one person can fit into just one box, right? What happens when you check more than one box. When you’re fashionable but also good at math, or bubbly and bright, or love to go out with friends but also studious? We so often are fighting just to be taken seriously because of our gender, and having a personality percieved as feminine makes it all the more difficult.

Throughout my life, this has been an internal battle. Of wanting to be cool so pretending to like football so guys won’t look at me and think I’m dumb because I’m more interested in other things. Of spending hours trying to make the perfect outfit for that interview so that my personality wouldn’t show through my clothes. Of thinking its a compliment when a guy says he’s impressed that I’m “not like other girls.”

I got used to people being always being surprised.

When my academic advisor raises his eyebrows because my GPA is higher than he expected. When the loud boy in the class that never does the reading is surprised that I got a higher grade on the midterm. When that finance guy at the bar asks “don’t you have to smart for that?” after

MODELS NICOLE HORMANN SHAY ROTH BRIANNA GEROLD CASSANDRA MONTGOMERY SOPHIE KHOSROWSHAHI

A Beginner’s Guide to Cruelty Free Beauty

by NICOLE FITZSIMMONS art by WADE WEIDEMANN layout by IVY JAEP

I

t’s so exciting to try out new beauty products, experiment with trending items and buy well known brands. Unfortunately, what most people do not realize is the external costs to these trends that goes beyond dollar signs. Many leading brands in the beauty industry currently test animals in their laboratories or pay companies to test their products for them in separate factories.

According to the Humane Society International, it is estimated that over 115 million animals worldwide are used in laboratory experiments every year. Specifically for cosmetics, these tests are not putting cosmetics on bunnies or brushing their teeth. Laboratories are performing skin and eye irritation tests and dose tests to see how toxic chemicals are, according to the Humane Society of the United States.

The FDA regulated policy, The Federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act, is not requiring cosmetics to be tested on animals to be distributed in the US because of alternative methods of ensuring safety. Yet, some countries currently offer restrictions on sale of cosmetics in their country if not tested on animals.

But don’t worry! There are plenty of cruelty free cosmetics available, especially if you search around for products certified by Leaping Bunny, which has an extensive guide to consumer products that are cruelty free. Cruelty Free Kitty is another resource that can be helpful for this. For now, I can offer you some of me and my friend’s personal favorite alternatives.

pg 23

issue no. 12 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

1. L’Orèal’s Telescopic Mascara → e.l.f Mascaras

L’Orèal’s products are in the “gray area,” meaning it is completely unclear if they test on animals because the company claims to be cruelty free. It is difficult to know with certainty because it is not certified by PETA or Leaping Bunny. But according to the Cruelty Free Kitty databases, “L’Oréal is not cruelty-free. They may test on animals, either themselves, through their suppliers, or through a third party. Brands who fall under this category could also be selling products where animal testing is required by law.” e.l.f products are always a great, inexpensive drugstore cosmetic alternative that is 100% cruelty free AND vegan! Additionally, they offer so many types of mascaras: volumizing, lengthening, etcetera.

2. Coppertone Sunscreen → ​​ Supergoop!

Unseen Screen or Sun Bum Original Sunscreen Coppertone is a classic sunscreen that unfortunately is not certified cruelty free by any organizations, and according to Cruelty Free Kitty, “Coppertone is owned by Bayer, a company that tests on animals. Not only is Coppertone not cruelty-free but neither is their parent company.”

Supergoop! recently became a brand that follows cruelty free guidelines and is certified

by Leaping Bunny. But, according to Cruelty Free Kitty, not all their products are certified vegan. No fear — the Unseen Screen is a vegan, glowy option against laboratory testing.

Sun Bum Original Sunscreen is a second alternative certified by Leaping Bunny and PETA. Sun Bum offers some non-vegan products, but is completely free of laboratory testing on animals for their products.

3. Dior Lip → Fenty Gloss Bomb

According to Cruelty Free Kitty, Dior’s official statement is “We do not test our products on animals nor do we permit others to do so except where it is required by law.” So, unfortunately, the famous lip is a no-go in terms of its 100% cruelty free status.

Fenty Beauty is not certified by any cruelty free organizations, but ac- cording to Cruelty Free Kitty — which contacts brands directly to confirm that they do not test on animals — Fenty Beauty does not test on animals. It is not currently sold in places where animal testing is required by law, but certain products are not vegan. In my opinion, Rihanna’s products are pretty amazing.

4. Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask → AMOREPACIFIC or Burt’s Bees Lip Products

According to Cruelty Free Kitty, their parent company’s official statement is: “As an enterprise seeking peaceful coexistence between nature, human beings and businesses, AMOREPACIFIC pledges elimination of unnecessary animal testing for cosmetics to respect all living creatures.”

The brand has also dis-

continued any products tested on animals and expanded cruelty free policies to their suppliers. They also said, though, that “exceptions to this principle will apply however, if animal testing is required or bound by local governments or laws.” Meaning, there are some instances their products are not cruelty free.

Despite being moved to the gray area a few years ago, Burt’s Bees is back to being certified by Cruelty Free Kitty and Leaping Bunny, although they are not all100% vegan. Burt’s Bee’s is inexpensive and accessible, too!

5. Maybelline Fit Me Concealer → e.l.f’s Camo Concealer

Maybelline is owned by L’Oreal, and according to Cruelty Free Kitty, the brand “inherits their animal testing policy. Not all brands owned by a company that tests on animals inherit their policy, but in this case L’Oréal’s policy is displayed in the FAQ (see below).”

Again, a great drugstore alternative is e.l.f products! Their camo concealer is comparable to Maybelline’s Fit Me concealer.

Switching to a cruelty free lifestyle is difficult, and certainly no one is perfect. Try your best, swap stuff times you are ready or able and try not to waste products you already own. In the meantime, activists are continuing to formulate policy to prevent cruelty on numerous species. For more information, search up products on Cruelty Free Kitty’s website to see if your favorites are cruelty free, or, to search for alternatives.

the phenomena of the five love languages

H

ave you taken “The Love Language Quiz?”

It encompasses a series of questions available on 5lovelanguages.com for people to determine the percentage of each of the five love languages they hold.

The concept of the five love languages was introduced by Gary Chapman in his book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” and has grown in popularity since. According to Chapman, every person has a personal language, whether that is quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts or physical touch.

Gary Chapman, Ph.D. in adult education from the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, developed the idea of the five love languages during his time as a pastor in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

During this time, he offered adult education classes where he covered topics such as financial planning, but also discussed marriage and family which led to couples approaching him for relationship advice.

After years of collecting notes, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern of these couples’ love not being shown to each other in a way they appreciated.

In 1992, Dr. Chapman’s book was published.

We each decided to take the quiz to learn what our own love languages are when thinking about a romantic relationship. Kelly’s top love language was quality time making for 40 percent which did not come to a surprise to her. Contrasting Kelly, Brenna’s results showed physical touch as first composing 29 percent, which was very surprising to her.

But are the love languages based on any evidence?

Kimberly Fairchild, Ph.D., Department Chairperson of Psychology at Manhattan College, shared her thoughts on the validity of the five love languages since it is based on Chapman’s own experience counseling couples as a pastor.

“It’s mostly all anecdotally based which doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s bad or wrong” said Dr. Fairchild. “But as a research scientist, I always like to see, okay, what’s the data behind this that can support this theory that he’s putting out there?”

Currently, it is unclear how one’s love language is determined or where it comes from, but Dr. Fairchild believes it may be based on familial relationships.

“I would imagine a lot of it comes from how we’re raised and our parents and our family experiences is probably some element of that,” said Dr. Fairchild. “But how that actually becomes your love language.

That doesn’t seem to be something that we actually know right now.”

Despite its relevance in pop culture, there has not been a ton of research on the five love languages.

However, Dr. Fairchild described

the findings of the

by BRENNA MCNAMARA & KELLY CWIK art by WADE WIEDEMANN layout by IVY JAEP

studies she found.

One study concluded that the love languages appear to be important for relational maintenance.

“If your partner needs physical touch to feel loved and you don’t give them physical touch, your relationship’s going to be in trouble, but if you do make sure that you give them hugs and caresses and things like that, then your relationship is going to work better” said Dr. Fairchild.

It is important to note that the five love languages were created through a Christian lens strictly about heterosexual relationships. Excluding LGBTQ+ relationships and Dr. Chapman’s homophobic views are extremely problematic. Dr. Fairchild agrees that Chapman is problematic, but believes the basic premise of the languages are universal.

“I think Chapman is problematic and his book would be problematic for homosexual couples because they wouldn’t see themselves in any of the examples or anecdotes but again, the idea of my partner really likes quality time, so I’m going to spend quality time with them.” said Dr. Fairchild. “Right? Certainly it just it’s on face value makes a lot of sense and I think does in that way, have that universal element to it.”

Other studies Dr. Fairchild reviewed had interesting results. For example, when two people in a couple have the same love language, this does not increase relationship satisfaction. Lastly, a study found that when a couple was executing each other’s love language, women felt more relationship satisfaction compared to men.

So, are the five love languages applicable to non-romantic relationships such as friends and family?

Dr. Fairchild found one study during the pandemic where the researcher looked at families who video chatted. He tried to align them with the five love languages and discovered that they behaved in line with the five love languages through video chats. Even though this was the only non-romantic study Dr. Fairchild found, she believes the love languages can be applied to non-romantic relationships.

“The face value of what the five love languages say: these are behaviors and [if] you match them to what the person wants or needs, it’ll make them happy and help your relationships,” said Dr. Fairchild. “So I don’t see why it wouldn’t apply to friendships as well.”

Whether the five love languages are supported by data and factual evidence, it is still fun to potentially learn more about yourself and your partner. Take the quiz, and find out more about your own love language!

Layout by Ivy Jaep

ep

THE DANGERS OF GRINDR It’s Not All as it Seems

by CHRIS COLAVITO JUSTIN ATWATER layout by ADRIANNE HUTTO

CHRIS

I

joined Grindr a month before my eighteenth birthday, knowing that gay men use the app to hook up. My first impression was that men do not like people on the heavier side, as I would always see profiles with “no fats or fems” in their description. As someone of a heavier size that also identifies as more feminine, I immediately felt intimidated and not good enough to get into the devil’s tango, even though like many queer men, I saw Grindr as the only gay hookup app.

JUSTIN

I

joined Grindr for the first time shortly after a breakup and learned more about how sexual gay culture can be behind faceless online accounts. The app is a slew of gray profiles looking back at you, because profile photos aren’t required. Instead of swiping, anyone in the immediate vicinity is able to view a profile and message them, anonymously even. In my smaller hometown in upstate New York, the app is ridden with older men claiming they need “college meat” or “women with a penis,” often frightening young adults like myself to the realities of gay hookup culture.

Like many adolescent gay men, we went looking for queer connections in the easiest way we knew, and thought it would be rewarding. However, this is not the vision we were met with. Predatory behavior and stereotyping is what we found. Not only do we have to confine ourselves into these categories of sex positions or body types, the men we are trying to appeal to may not even be telling the truth about themselves, leading to dangerous situations.

When creating a profile, the app has several prompts–all optional–to advertise yourself to the community. The prompts include HIV status, age, height, weight, location distance, nickname, sex position, ethnicity and where you would like to meet each other. You can instantly start chatting with anyone using the app based on location — there is no swiping like Tinder. Nevertheless, none of the information is verified by the company. Users can lie about their HIV status or age to take advantage of individuals they deem susceptible. Since anything stated on profiles can be fabricated, Grindr creates an atmosphere of untrustworthiness that allows for predatory behavior and sexualization to happen.

Advertised as the “The world’s largest social networking app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people,” Grindr appears to be a welcoming place to meet other individuals nearby. This forms a misconception that queer adolescents must flock to the app when they reach adulthood instead of other outlets.

Professor and advisor to the Rainbow Jaspers, Manhattan College’s LGBTQ+ student organization, Rocco Marinaccio, Ph.D. says that “very often, men below the age of consent, and who are also perhaps lacking the emotional maturity to have sex are frequently thrown on Grindr, because it’s the only thing that they can possibly think of to meet other gay people.”

While Grindr is a great resource to meet other queer individuals, it may distort their perception of the queer community. The app pushes users into categories based on their sexual preferences, such as “top” and “bottom.” Putting oneself into a box sexually makes you think that you are not able to experiment or try new things — you have to confine yourself to the expectations based on the traits you advertise on your profile. For example, if you advertise yourself as feminine, people assume you are a bottom and are more submissive, so you get conditioned that that is what guys want, and feel like you have to do that. Marinaccio explained that the app allows for the idea that gay sex only looks a certain way.

“I do find it that those questions end up shaping how we think … so I need to fit into those categories,” Marinaccio said.

Grindr is also drastically different from heteronormative dating apps Tinder and Bumble, not only because you can start communicating with users without a match system, but because users are not required to use profile pictures. You could be talking to someone on the app without even knowing what they look like, making it extremely easy to get catfished.

As with cyberbullying, anonymity gives people confidence which can result in negative behavior such as predation. Grindr does not require you to display your age, nor verify it.

Consequently, young people are able to use the app before they turn 18.

Billy Walker, a sophomore at MC, has been in a situation of this caliber.

“I once met someone who was like 17 and they told me that after they added me on Snapchat. I was like, ‘I’m not hanging out with you’... so I wish there was some way to confirm [users’ ages],” Walker, who was over the age of eighteen at the time, said.

The unverified aspect of Grindr also proves dangerous with listing HIV status. There have been incidents where men on “Grindr” have purposefully infected other users without them knowing. According to the National Library of Medicine, it is a kink called “stealthing.” In a case reported by NBC San Diego, a man bragged to his friends that he intentionally infected his Grindr hookups with HIV. The queer community already faces stereotyping and discrimination from heteronormative society, a discrimination that draws the community closer together. The format of Grindr is inherently problematic because it perpetuates the stereotypes that queer people are trying to escape, a problem that pulls the community apart. By creating an environment where predatory behavior is enabled, it sustains the negative “predatory” perception that outsiders already have of the community. To unlearn the stereotypes that society has put onto the queer community, Grindr needs to stop hyperfocusing on categories that enable stereotypes such as “top” or “bottom” and establish an atmosphere that uplifts the community, one that has verification involved. While apps formatted like Grindr are progressive in creating a social atmosphere for the community, it is not progressive in helping them escape heteronormative ways of thinking.

Celestial Spectacle

Models

Natalie Schmitt Chris Colavito Justin Atwater Micheala Scully & Alanna Cordero

Stylist & Photographer

Danielle Sterling

Makeups Artists

Chayse Martino Zoë Liva

e

pg 29

issue no. 12 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

who does a prayer go to?

by JAYDA-LYNN GRULLON art by VICTORIA LANG layout by IVY JAEP

I

n November of 2004, I was born to two Christian parents who came from families deeply devoted to God. Whether it be one’s Presbyterian upbringing or the other’s Baptist background, the testimony of the bible was embedded in my fate. As I grew older, God grew with me. It was inevitable that every aspect of my life was surrounded by this God, given what I had been told. And with all of that, I had to live without question(s) of this higher figure that supposedly loved and protected my family and I. Up until my junior year of high school I had stuck with my family’s Presbyterian values and compelled myself into believing those were my own morals. Every Sunday morning I went to church, I prayed before eating every meal and especially thanked this God for providing it. There came a point where I had turned to God during the progression of my great-grandmother’s dementia hoping he would heal her from pain.

Come junior year, my life is struck with all things that can go wrong for a girl that had previously lived her life in a bubble of happiness. I felt detached… sad, lonely, unheard, unseen. This was when I had officially let go of the beliefs because there was no God I believed in or religion I belonged to. There were countless nights I spent crying on the floor of my room wondering why my prayers were being ignored.

How I had supported him all seventeen years of my life and he couldn’t heal my heart from the aching it acquired? After attempting to turn to this God to fix a pain I had never felt before, I had a realization that I have never seen nor spoken to him. I was talking to absolutely nothing, but the molecules of my air. Who is my prayer going to?

Moving from a small town to a state of endless opportunity brought about a beautiful growth– it was like an out of body experience. Deciding to attend Manhattan College, a Catholic institution, went against everything I tried escaping, but ended up leading me to find myself. A beginner’s religion class was required along with a visit to a Buddhist sanctuary– I was drawn to the Temple of Enlightenment. This was the start to my journey of spirituality and the teachings of Buddhism.

The more I studied Buddhism, the more I learned it went beyond what I had previously known. It wasn’t about basing my entire life around serving a higher figure, but rather about intentions and how you treat those around you. Letting go of negativity and living life in each moment because time is impermanent.

Meditation is one of the main holistic practices of Buddhism.

I began to absorb ten minute meditations into my night routine and soon after, it became more than a practice to me. My perspective on life

progressively shifted from being something I have to live in everyday to grateful for each day I was able to live in.

It was time to take things to the next step. In the path of spiritual divinity the power of crystals, tarot cards and manifestation started to become familiar to me. Gradually my soul healed and I repaired the relationship of my mind and body. Slowly, these practices aided their way into other’s lives allowing peers alike to transform their relationships with themselves.

John Paul DiVanna, a senior mechanical engineering major at Manhattan College, recounted his experience with holistic practices and the effects it had on his lifestyle.

His journey began with entering a crystal shop in the city– from there it merged into his daily routine and drew him to other curiosities, such as tarot and manifesting. DiVanna identifies as a Catholic that goes beyond the boundaries of his religion through his spirituality.

Manifestation is setting a goal, by believing in yourself with an optimistic mindset, so the Universe can make these ideas tangible. John Paul DiVanna uses manifesting in various aspects of his daily life for the betterment of himself.

“Manifest[ing] with a crystal to set the intention I want and usually carry it around with me for a long time… I believe that I’m speaking that into my life and the universe is going to have that set for me.”

The methods of holistic practices have been beneficial to DiVanna in times of need. ““[Spirituality] kind of gives me like hope, I would say, like faith,” DiVanna said.

“I can believe that something’s going to happen… and [be] more aware of my intentions in life.”

DiVanna’s livelihood has seen gradual change through his incorporation of holistic practices in his daily life. He mentioned that he will continue his journey of spirituality and the Buddhist teachings accompanying it because their effects brought him fulfillment.

Makenzie Swift, a freshman communications major at Manhattan College, began incorporating buddhist teachings in her life as a child, thanks to her mother who guided her in divination, or the way of the Dharma. She has adopted mindfulness in her meditation claiming it has had a major impact on her life.

“It has benefited me a lot,” Swift said.

“I have been through hard times…

And having mindfulness has helped me accept that things are going to change which is part of life… you’re going to continuously grow and change throughout your life.”

She also detailed her understanding of tarot cards and how she uses the results of her readings to give a clearer outlook on life as her own guidance. DiVanna and Swift’s beliefs have been valuable to their lifestyle– they believe in the powers of the universe, straying from traditional approaches despite their different backgrounds, as their faith.

Buddhism has been more than something for me to be a part of; it has taught me that I don’t need to abide by customary religions to have hope for something greater. Believing in myself and the greater good of those around me as a way to reach my own liberation, is the only strength I need to keep going. Christian and Catholic prayers go to God the Father.

Hindu prayers go to Vishnu. Muslim prayers go to Allah. But, my prayers go to the Universe.

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 12

pg 32

Respecting My Color background by COLETTE BARRON layout by JOCELYN VISNOV Palette: Finding Out art by WADE WIEDENMANN story by ANGELINA PEREZ

What Colors Work Best for Me

I

used to think there wasn’t a color that fit me better than black. Its darkness and tendency to flatter often alleviated my insecurities and kept me in a clothing comfort zone I wasn’t fully aware of until recently.

Soon I realized that the darker the color, the more likely I was to buy and wear it over and over again. I always knew there was psychological reasoning behind these choices, but I never stopped to consider there could be a scientific one as well.

A popular TikTok trend shows stylists attempting to see what colors fit best for you through filters. My mostly black wardrobe inspired me to give this trend a try.

Marcia Crivorot, a personal stylist who works in New York, Connecticut and New Jersey specializes in helping people feel beautiful in the clothing items they buy and guiding them in the right direction in terms of color and style. I went to Crivorot to discuss the trend and get “color matched” so I could see how I can incorporate more colors into my closet.

“No, TikTok will not do your color analysis for you.” Crivorot said. “I’ve been getting lots of inquiries about color analysis from people discovering it on TikTok, and I’m going to tell you that most of the personal stylists there

are not trained in color theory.”

Color theory was formed by an artist from the 19th century called Johannes Itten. While teaching an art class at the Staatliches Bauhaus, he noticed students gravitate to specific colors that had something in common with their complexion. From this, another artist, Robert Dorr, could tell just by the color of an actress’s clothes how well her skin looked against them. He formed the beginnings of the four seasons — winter, spring, summer and fall — analysis.

“We don’t work with the four seasons anymore.” Crivorot explained. “We now work with 12, and each has three subcategories.

When we talk about seasons you need to imagine the typical landscape of the season.”

Crivorot described how each season and the wide range of colors each season includes — for example, summer. Summer includes the bright tones you might see in a sunset, the whites and creams found in the sand and the array of blue-green hues in the ocean.

After explaining the history behind the color analysis, I finally got to get color-tested myself. By wrapping my hair in a cap with just my natural roots sticking out, she instantly verified the intensity of my hair and how it contrasts with my eyebrows and eyes. Beside me was an array of colors ranging from the lightest to the darkest of each color imaginable.

“We are going to see the intensity of the colors and test them on your skin. A color can be very muted, very calm, and a color can also be a bright neon. There are also those in between. So not everything is in the beginning or in the end,” Crivorot said as she brought the first piece of fabric below my chin.

She silently brought shades of purples, reds and oranges, moving back and forth between the brightest to the darkest of each.

“We will be looking at value, intensity and temperature. Look at your face. What happens when I do this?” Crivorot asked as she held up a light green fabric, which made my skin appear more yellow.

She then moved to the darker side, stopping in the middle first. This made my skin look pink-ish. Finally, she found that the darkest green she had complimented my skin the best. This, Crivorot found, is because my color palette is deep winter.

I thought she was lying at first. How could my skin change with color? Of course, it

wasn’t until I stared harder than I ever have in the mirror that I could see the color change she had been telling me about our whole session. By putting more of the deep winter colors up to my skin, I found what colors can work best for me and make me truly shine.

“It means your colors are with a dip, but more towards the dark and neutrals. When discussing vibrance, you work towards the vibrance but not super vibrant,” Crivorot told me. “You have these yellow which is a citric not mustard, not yolk. Citric is the best yellow for you because it’s a little bit cooler. You have purples from lilac to vibrant and dark purple. You have greens, you have navy blue, you have purples, pinks, reds, and yellows.”

For makeup, she recommended avoiding orange or peachy and sticking with a lovely coral aiming towards the redder side of it. For jewelry, she reassured me that I could go from the darkest to the lightest metal as long as there was vibrance. The brighter the shines, the better against my skin.

By sticking to the stubborn idea of darker clothes without the possibility of a pop of color, I would’ve missed out on a whole range of clothes I love but have always been scared to wear. Because of this experiment, I know that citric yellow, all shades of purple and navy blue are all colors I should embrace.

Like Crivorot told me earlier, proper in-person color matching is the best choice to find the colors that best fit a person’s wardrobe. To book an appointment with her, go to marciacrivorot.com.

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 12

pg 35

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