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LOTUS issue 10 | indulgence

cover shot by KIERSTEN THOMPSON back cover shot by MARS ROSS

Dear Readers, As we finish up Issue 10 of Lotus Magazine, we are reflecting on how grateful we are to have a magazine to share with you each semester. Lotus has seen significant changes over the last few semesters and we interact with our readers now more than ever. We wanted to find a way to celebrate that and share Lotus with you in an extra special way. That’s why we decided to promote Issue 10 at our first ever fashion show. During our first — and probably most attended — meeting last fall, someone pitched the idea to hold a fashion show on the quadrangle, where designers and models could show off their talents three dimensionally. We took this idea that, at first, felt like just a dream and brought it to life. With that, we present Indulgence to you. Symbolic of desire, enchantment and gratification, Indulgence reinforces that no dream is out of reach. This issue showcases the creative intricacy of our writers and stylists so that you may enjoy their labor of love. We simply cannot get enough of Lotus, and we hope you feel the same way.

Lilly here. It has been an absolute pleasure to serve as Co-Editor-in-Chief alongside Jilleen for the past two semesters. I was truly in awe at every single meeting seeing how our members interact openly with each other and with our masthead to marry ideas that we may have never thought of on our own. That’s what Lotus is about: the sharing of ideas to create somethng that we can all swoon over in the end. Getting to know all of you during that process was the best part, and I will miss Lotus dearly. The magazine is in the best hands with Jilleen and Cari after I graduate and I look forward to seeing all that Lotus becomes. Finally, I encourage you all to trust your creativity and bring it to the table, just like our contributors did in this issue. Yours truly, Jilleen and Lilly

Editor’s

Note

EDITORS-IN-CHIEF ASSISTANT EDITOR-IN-CHIEF EXECUTIVE EDITOR FASHION & BEAUTY EDITOR ASSISTANT F&B EDITORS LIFESTYLE & OPINIONS EDITOR ASSISTANT L&O EDITOR PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR ASSISTANT PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR ART DIRECTOR ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR WEB DIRECTOR ASSISTANT WEB EDITOR SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR ASSISTANT SOCIAL MEDIA EDITORS PRODUCTION DIRECTOR ASISTANT PRODUCTION EDITORS HEAD STYLIST ASSISTANT STYLIST

S T A F F

LILLY BROWN JILLEEN BARRETT CAROLINE MCCARTHY KYLA GUILFOIL JENNIFER GUILBEAULT DANIELLE RIVAS KELLY KENNEDY MEGAN LACRETA COLETTE BARRON BRIAN ASARE KIERSTEN THOMPSON ROSEMARY ‘WADE’ WIEDEMANN LAUREN RAZIANO MADALYN JOHNSON BRENNA MCNAMARA KELLY KENNEDY MARIA PERRINO MEGAN AMORE GRACE CAMPBELL ADRIANNE HUTTO NICOLE RODRIGUEZ MARS ROSS MARIN BULTENA

issue 10

indulgence noun

the action or fact of indulging; gratification of desire.

art by ROSEMARY ‘WADE’ WIEDEMANN

table of contents Forever Young: Why Do Women Fear Aging?

A Reflection on MC’s First Women’s Retreat

Diary of a Teenage Anorexic

Class of Club: Club Kids Throughout the Decades

Rethinking the True Meaning of Success

It’s Time to Leave Girlboss Feminism and Toxic Positivity Behind

We’re Not Really Strangers

Tea With Turtles

Seeing Yourself in the Stars: A Beginner’s Guide to Astrology

When It Comes to Modest Fashion, Empowerment and Choice are Synonymous

The Beauty of Finding Yourself in A Digital Age

Euphoria and Generation Z: How the Stunning Drama Influences Young People’s Style

The Modeling Experiene as Self Development

rowing up, I used to admire my eighty-five year old grandmother for religiously getting her roots touched up every other week. I looked up to her for the time, money, and effort she’d set aside to keep up with her appearance. I thought to my pre-teen self that one day, I’d be just like her. I wouldn’t give up on taking time to make myself look beautiful, even when I’m old and nearing ninety. But when she finally stopped dyeing it at the age of ninety two, my perspective changed completely. Her thick, curly hair grew into a beautiful white color, looking like a fluffy cloud atop her head. My whole family thought the same; we wished she’d done this sooner. I realized then that beauty doesn’t mean confining to the beauty standards that entrap women. Beauty is letting go of societal norms and allowing yourself to feel good in your natural state.

Forever Young: Why Do Women Fear Aging? by GRACE HOLODAK

The amount of times I’ve heard my friends say that they want to stay young forever is upsetting. I’ve seen women in their mid-twenties post TikTok vlogs of their trip to get botox on the Upper East Side. I don’t shame any woman who does this, but I do wish more women could see the beauty in naturally aging, and that it is perfectly normal for wrinkles to form on their face. Wrinkles are an indication of wisdom, experience and knowledge. I know we might not be thinking of the day we notice the first crease on our face or our first gray hair growing in. We still have years ahead of us before our youth starts to diminish. But when the time comes, I encourage our generation to look back on our youth fondly, and look forward to getting older, as it is a brand new chapter in our lives, filled with new experiences and more accomplishments. In Susan Sontag’s article titled, “The Double Standard of Aging,” she focuses on the pressures imposed on women to preserve their youth. Although aging can be anxiety-inducing for both men and women, there is no doubt that a double standard exists. “Men are ‘allowed’ to age without penalty, in several ways that women are not,” Sontag says. Since the beginning of time, a woman’s worth was based on her ability to bear a child. Our reproductive organs are what makes us woman, not our a ccomplishments. For men, their abundant sperm can last until the day they die, meaning their value comes from their ability to succeed. Sontag touches on an important comparison, stating, “‘Masculinity’ is identified with competence, autonomy, self-control — qualities which the disappearance of youth does not threaten … ‘Femininity’ is identified with incompetence, helplessness, passivity, noncompetitiveness, being nice. Age does not improve these qualities.” Stereotypes that come with femininity and masculinity contribute to this need some older women feel to hide their age. Many women feel that their vanity is what qualifies as feminine. We are told that femininity is attractive instead of qualities such as strength, intelligence, empathy and the millions of other amazing qualities that women hold. As soon as we turn a certain age, society tells us that we are no longer attractive, so we feel a need to hold onto this vanity instead of focusing on our inner beauty.

While men are com

While men are commended for being the “silverfox,” women are called “hags” the minute they let their hair go gray. Media representation largely focusing on women aged 18-30 leads us to be conditioned to think that youth is the only way to have worth in society. So what is the solution? Botox, tummy tucks, dyed hair and anything else to stop the natural aging process. Anti-aging serums, creams and supplements are largely marketed towards women. The beauty standard for women in the United States and other countries is much harsher than it is for men. Too many men believe women over a certain age are no longer worthy to them, while they can wither and sag all they want with very few repercussions. Lisa Marie Rankin wrote for Human Parts about her experiences with aging and confidence. She included an anecdote about a man she was dating in her twenties who created a categorization with his friends for women based on age. They called women aged 20-25 “gazelles,” 25-30 year olds “bobcats,” women in their thirties “cougars,” and women over 40 were referred to as “mountain lions.” Based on this misogynistic classification, I think you can guess how these men viewed each age group and how desirable each category was to them. “Mountain lions” held the least value to these men — or should I say boys? Rankin went on to discuss how she was divorced at 39, approaching the “mountain lion” stage, and instead of fearing this stage, she was ecstatic. She’d never felt more comfortable in her own skin because she had years to grow into her most authentic self. “We don’t need to fear getting older — we can welcome it … Prior to this period, many of us were laser-focused on our partner, children, or career,” she said. “There was little time for self-reflection, never mind the opportunity to pursue the things that make our soul sing. Now, we can rediscover our spirit and return to our more instinctual nature.” Rankin expresses a significant point that aging should be an exhilarating experience, stripping away what makes us “desirable” for life partners, and focusing on what truly makes us happy. I was lucky enough to interview one of my favorite professors of education here at Manhattan College, Dr. Kerri Mulqueen, on her experience with letting her hair naturally turn gray. Her hair was something I had admired about her when I had her for a class.

“an indication of wisdom, experience and aging.”

Have you ever dyed your hair before? Yes, for a long time. I started getting gray hairs in college when I was twenty. So I dyed my hair all through my twenties sporadically, and then in my thirties I dyed my hair regularly. What made you decide to let your hair go gray? I had been thinking about it a lot because the fact that I felt like I needed to cover it up was not a real message that I wanted to send to the world and that I wanted to send to my daughter. So, I was 41 when the pandemic struck, and the hairdressers shut down for months. I kind of got over the hump of that uncomfortable time where you get the skunk stripe and I was like, Well, this kind of makes more sense, like, I’m forty one, my hair’s going gray. I was worried about it aging me but in general I don’t feel like I look or act old so I thought I could probably see how it goes. So when the hairdressers opened back up in the summer, I debated back and forth, you know Should I stick with it? Because at that point I had inches of gray and my hair was growing in like salt and pepper. I was like, F– it, I’m just gonna go natural with it. So I haven’t colored it since then, and now it’s been 2 years. Has anyone ever made negative comments about your hair? Yeah, so I’ve got two older sisters and they both dye their hair and they both are like, Why are you doing this? You’re gonna look older than us, and I don’t think that’s true. I just don’t want to. I feel like it was psychologically a hurdle to get over that first six months. I was really self conscious about it but now I’m not and I like it and I like that I don’t do anything to it. Now when I look at pictures from five years ago I’m like, You’re trying too hard, so I like it better now but it did take a while. My kids are little, four and nine, and the other moms at their schools don’t have gray hair – I’m not self conscious about it anymore, but I was.

“every wrinkle is Do you wish more women would let their hair go natural? I think my wish for women is that everybody feels comfortable doing what they want. I just wish women didn’t feel pressured to do anything. If people dye their hair because they like it then I think that’s what they should do. I just hope people aren’t doing it because society or someone else wants you to do it. I hope if people are dying it, it’s for themselves. You think about the way men get talked about when they age, like the whole “silver fox” phrase and how attractive that is. I mean, it’s so misogynistic that there’s literally no converse of that. When women start to age, you’re immediately considered less attractive and I wish that we could have more push back against that because I think it’s just toxic. I think the more women do it, the more other women will follow. When I did it, I wasn’t the first person I knew that did it and I think that makes a difference too. The idea that when we normalize it, then everybody can make their own choices and do what they want. I think normalizing is good. It is actually natural. The idea that dying it is the exception is interesting because going gray is actually what happens in nature. For men, they don’t have to worry about if they’re attractive anymore. Is there anything else you would like to add to this conversation? Last summer, I went to a party and our kids were all jumping on the trampoline and this one woman and I were looking at each other across the trampoline. She had the same length of gray hair that I

did at the time. She walked over to me and she was like, So, you went pandemic gray? and I was like Yeah, I just realized like I’m never doing that again. I didn’t make the choice directly, I got a jump start because of the pandemic. I never pulled the trigger until the pandemic gave me this five month break and it was funny because she and I had this exact same experience once we got over the hump. It’s been fun, I’m enjoying it and even one of my sisters is thinking maybe she should do it too. This conversation opened up my mind even more to the idea of letting yourself age naturally and how we can be role models for other women to do the same. The more we start to abolish the beauty standards set in place for women, the more normalized natural aging becomes. I loved Dr. Mulqueen’s point on setting an example for her daughter: that we are beautiful with or without gray hair and wrinkles. Our faces are meant to be a canvas. The creases that form around our mouths when we burst out into laughter, the lines on our foreheads expressing genuine surprise, the wrinkles that emerge around our eyes when our favorite person enters the room. Each wrinkle is a memory. The lines around our cheeks are the strokes of a paintbrush decorating us with happy reminders from our past. The older I get, the more I realize that my grandmother probably felt the need to dye her hair for so long because she was holding onto her vanity. I hope that when I get my first gray hairs, instead of freaking out and rushing to the hair salon, I’ll think about how beautiful my grandmother was with her hair white as snow, and how naturally aging is just as attractive.

a memory.” 7

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 10

A REFLECTION ON MC’S FIRST WOMEN’S RETREAT by JILLEEN BARRETT

weekend away from the city to talk about womanhood, take blissfully quiet walks and do arts and crafts was exactly what I needed to escape my chaotic schedule during midterm season. That’s why I decided to go to Manhattan College’s first ever women’s retreat. The retreat took place in the same cozy home where Kairos — an annual retreat led by Campus Ministry and Social Action — is held, in Goshen, NY, and it was an overnight trip led by graduate assistants Rabea Ali and Jubilee Aguilar, as well as Jacquie Martin of the social action suite. My main goal in attending was to write a great article about it, but I’m not sure my article could do it justice, so forgive me if you attend the next women’s retreat and it ends up being so much more than I could ever describe. While on the retreat, I realized a great article is an incredible thing, but so is my mental health. While I would normally start an article like this by furiously writing notes, recording voices and asking tons of questions, I spent my time on the retreat relaxing and getting to know everyone who was there. It was incredibly beneficial and I learned a lot by doing that. So here are the three most important lessons I learned while I decompressed in Goshen, and did not think about writing this article at all.

EXPRESS GRATITUDE WHERE YOU CAN

One of the activities we did on the retreat was GrARTitude, which is basically a way of expressing gratitude through arts and crafts. Each woman on the trip made a “pie chart of resilience,” and a “prescription” of things we need to have in our daily lives. The pie chart was a way of recognizing times where you were strong and the prescription was a list of things you need to be that strong. My pie chart listed some of my most difficult experiences and my most rewarding, while my prescription focused on keeping a balance in my life, listing chocolate and exercise as being equally important to my ability to be resilient. It also listed my love languages, words of affirmation and physical touch, another reminder that kind words are vital to my strength.

LET YOUR BURDENS GO

They’re only keeping you down. Burdens tend to ruminate in your mind till they make you go crazy, which can destroy your happiness and diminish your motivation. On the retreat, we wrote down our burdens and threw them into a fire pit and watched them turn into ashes. This might seem silly, but watching them burn reminds you that you have control over what you think about. Letting go of your burdens may seem hard, and it definitely is, but it’s also rewarding.

BE THIS GIRL, NOT THAT GIRL

On the second day of the retreat, after waking up to fair trade pop tarts and Taylor Swift blasting through a speaker for the whole house to hear, we made mood boards. Dreaming about your goals and desires is just as important as working for them, because if you do not take the time to envision your ideal life, you won’t know what you really want it to look like. My mood board focused a lot on my career goals in journalism, which were thoughts I was trying to escape on this trip as I Everyone could benefit from being a little nicer to themwas stressed from applying to so many summer internships. However, selves. A lesson I have learned time and time again is that you should taking a minute to have fun and make something beautiful made thinknever say something to yourself that you would not say to your best ing about the future fun. friend. For example, you would never tell your best friend that they The lesson with these mood boards was to remember to weren’t qualified for a job or that they should eat less or work 24 stop trying to be “that girl.” As a group, we decided “that girl” is too hours a day — you’d tell them that any job would be lucky to have narrowly defined, so not everyone can reasonably embody the concept. them, their body is perfect no matter what it looks like and they “That girl” is typically white, thin, a go-getter and wealthy enough to deserve breaks. So why do you say it to yourself? wear Lululemon and eat avocado toast daily. Recognizing “this girl” is I learned this lesson again at the retreat. We were discuss- a way of chasing your ideal life by celebrating who you are, loving your ing something about how we put ourselves down, and I admitted out body as it is, eating whatever makes you feel good and wearing whatever loud that I know I have pushed myself too hard these past few semes- clothes make you happy. ters at school. Did I get good grades? Sure. But did I nearly burn out Because of this retreat, I have come to know this girl a lot last semester and drive myself a little crazy over my GPA? Definitely. more. This girl is now embarking on adventures she did not know While I had already recognized this unhealthy behavior, I needed the she could handle. She’s less scared of rejection because she knows reminder as we were right in the middle of midterms. Being nicer to those who will accept her will find her. She ignores toxic positivity and yourself does not involve relenting on your goals, but you can achieve instead acknowledges that pain goes away with time. She’s stronger and those goals in a much healthier way by reminding yourself that you happier and has more powerful women surrounding her because of this deserve to achieve them. retreat.

BE NICE TO YOURSELF

issue no. 10 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

TW: EATING DISORDERS

Diary of a Teenage Anorexic by KYLA GUILFOIL art by LAUREN RAZIANO

I think the worst part was when I realized it didnt event hurt anymore... I think that’s when I realized that what I had been craving was an escape. I wanted a direct, blinding excuse to ignore what was really going on in my life. I wanted to hide. And I couldn’t. In May 2020, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa with a binge-purge subtype, alongside severe anxiety. I wasn’t surprised — I had known what I was doing to my body for years, at least in hindsight — but I was relieved, I was validated. The diagnosis came through a Zoom call in my childhood bedroom in Rochester. My mother sat beside me, listened to the doctor tell her that I needed clinical treatment. By the end of the day I was prescribed two different pills. It’s not like everything changed as soon as I started taking the sertraline and the hydroxyzine, or when I started the meal plan, or the doctor’s visits, or the exercise restrictions. It was still hell for a while. But I was getting better. I think, despite how fucking hard it was, recovery was the easy part. It was asking for help that seemed impossible for so long. I don’t remember when I started hating myself. It seems like it was there for as long as I can recall. But I do know that a lot of my hating myself seemed to be connected to my body. Now, I know that I’ve struggled with anxiety since before puberty, but back then I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe it. It would be like this: ten minutes until the school bus would arrive at my house, and I’d still be stuck in front of the full-length mirror in my parents’ bedroom. I’d feel this burning all over my body, feel a deep, twisting knife in my stomach – my stomach, that fucking stomach. I’d want nothing more than to just rip it off, all my skin, because it was crawling, it just wouldn’t stop crawling.

A lot of times, I would just start crying hot, angry tears. I couldn’t explain how deeply and horribly I wanted to escape from the cage that was my body. My mom didn’t get it, all I could do was stare, keep staring and keep hating. I got older, I started high school. I thought I could reinvent myself, so that I wouldn’t hate so much. I started eating differently. I would bring the exact same lunch to school, every single day by the time I got to my junior year of high school. My senior year, I wouldn’t bring a lunch at all. Suddenly, within the span of a few months, I was a different person. I think what’s hard is that people congratulate you for getting skinny. Like, I knew I was doing something wrong, that I wasn’t supposed to feel the way I did, but no one seemed to think anything of it, so why should I?

There was something so validating about being the one in charge of my pain. No one asked questions, so I just kept going. And the more I kept going, the more I needed it: the insatiable craving for something, and the discipline to say no. I got addicted to the pain of it. I got addicted to feeling like I was slowly killing myself. I could feel myself fading a little everyday, and it started to scare me, but I liked how it felt. I had these inner demons that I couldn’t seem to explain. I was in so much pain from being at the mercy of others, of feeling like I depended on their approval, their kindness, if they thought that I was good enough, because I didn’t think that I was good enough. I wasn’t in control, hurting myself put me in control. I really didn’t feel like I was in charge of my life, and I wanted so badly to be. I spent my days in classes that I really didn’t care about, in a town that I couldn’t wait to escape. I was an honors student, a competitive athlete and one of four kids in a chaotic house. It didn’t seem like there was any time to be me. I guess that’s why I became so addicted to being in charge of my own pain. It was that control that started to rule my life. So, asking someone to take away that control was the single hardest thing I have ever done. I was 18. The pandemic had shut the world down and my life as I knew it was essentially taken away. The only thing I had left was my disorder. As I was quarantined in my childhood home during the final months of my senior year, I pushed myself to rock bottom. I don’t think it’s productive to describe how I did this, because no one should ever follow my example, but I do think someone might gain something from knowing how it felt. I didn’t think about anything else except what I ate, when I was going to eat, how I was going to work out, how I looked, how my clothes fit on my body. I didn’t think about anything except this addiction to having control over myself. I knew I had a problem, and I wanted to stop feeling the way that I did, but that also meant giving up this control. And so, I would feign recovery. I would tell myself I was going to stop, that I could fix it myself. I did this for months. Then, in April, I gave up. Somehow, deep within myself, I found a will to cut it off. I realized that I needed to give up my power, because it was literally killing me, and somehow, some way I knew I didn’t want that.

This night, this choice, saved my life. Period. I stood in the corner of the kitchen, late at night, having just broken down from a binge that had followed a restriction period. My body ached, at this point it usually did all of the time. I stood, the heavy weight of gravity on my shoulders, and hot tears in my eyes, and I asked my parents for help. I told them to take over. I told them not to trust me. Because even I couldn’t trust myself. I gave up my control. I gave up my only sense of power. From here, everything changed. It was not easy, it was not without pain, or regret or sacrifice. But it was reclaiming the life that I had been taking for granted. It was building a new foundation for myself to actually live my life. Slowly, I began to feel energy. Somehow I had forgotten what it really felt like to be alive. I was able to spend time with others, and I actually wanted to spend time with others. After months of feeling like a shelled corpse, there was energy left over beyond what was needed to survive. It was this energy, this physical strength, that also allowed me to begin clearing my mind. For almost two years, my brain had been claimed by a fuzzy veil that prevented me from seeing beyond the lens of my disorder. Now, I was able to think, really think, and that was what truly changed my projectory. I came to Manhattan College the August after I had begun recovery, and I was able to start over. I had built the foundation needed to reinvent myself as someone not defined by my illness. I’m two years recovered this spring, and I can’t explain the differences between who I was then and who I am now. I am a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter. I’m not constantly haunted by my past, by who I and those around me used to be. There has been such growth and healing and it is my greatest grace to say that. I know how it feels to want to escape one pain by inflicting another. I know why it works. But it doesn’t last, it never will. Choose life. Give up your power, because it’s the only way you’ll ever be able to reclaim it.

But it doesn’t last, it never will. Choose life. Give up your power, because it’s the only way you’ll ever be able to reclaim it.

class of club

club kids throughout the decades

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LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 10

90s

2000s

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 10

2010s

Creator, Stylist, Director: Danielle Sterling Co-Stylist: Marin Bultena Makeup/Hair: Marin Bultena & Kimiya Ehsan Photographer: Brian Asare

Models: -Liz Dong - Minto Soares-Wade Wiedemann - Colin Sweeney-Sterling Grant - Chayse Martino-Elena Willoughby - Anthi Panagiotidis-

RETHINKING THE TRUE MEANING OF SUCCESS

by MARINA MORE ANDRES

y definition, success is the accomplishment of a goal. But what does that mean when it comes to defining whether a person is successful or a failure? When thinking about successful people, our thoughts might un avoidably be directed towards those individuals who have wealth, fame, power, privilege or beauty. There are plenty of well-known names which fit each category. When it comes to wealth and success, we may think of Elon Musk or Warren Buffet. For fame, our minds may gravitate toward the Kardashian-Jenner family. Political success may be defined by the power of Germany’s chancellor Angela Murkel. Success in beauty has been found by Naomi Campbell or the Hadid sisters, for example. We are encouraged to look up to all of them, because celebrities, world leaders, artists, entrepreneurs, historical figures, social media influencers — or simply those with a fat bank account — are seen as the pinnacle of success. Our parents might have a different idea of the type of success they want for us. For them, success means having financial stability, security in our jobs and building a healthy family. But that might not be the success we are looking for. Even unconsciously, we know what we want to achieve to consider ourselves a success. But, how do we personalize that definition? Is it entirely ours? We are unavoidably influenced by our surroundings, so we might have a personal version of what success means, but that is also inherently constructed by society’s perceptions. But here is the good news: success itself is a perception, a mere social construction, and there is no perfect definition of it. The meaning of success in today’s society lies in being exceptional, better than anyone else. You have to achieve high goals — pursue a college degree, get a high-paying job, own a big house, travel to exotic places, dress in the fanciest clothes — and you have to do it while you are young. In western societies,

marina

material possessions equals happiness, and while those might bring pleasure, they are driven by the desire for acceptance from others. We will never have enough of them, so they won’t truly fulfill us. Having status and a life full of luxuries serve to build a false image of success and, while it might be tempting, it keeps us from seeking a deeper meaning of it. It can become a struggle trying to fit in society’s perception of success. But, is it really necessary to do so? No, it is not, because taking into account that the meaning of success is relative, we should be able to pursue other objectives that make us feel accomplished according to our own inner values. And we have to know and define those inner values. Despite sounding simple, doing so can become a challenge because of the pressure that is placed on us to live up to society’s standards. Due to constant exposure to the internet and social media platforms, it seems as if everyone is aware of what everyone else is doing all around the world. We might feel that we should be as successful as they seem to be, often forgetting that the “luxurious and successful lifestyles” we see on social media are usually the most aesthetically pleasing parts of people’s lives, and are highly manipulated. This leads us to compare our own achievements with other people similar to us, and that can become harmful and distort our perception of our own success. It is important to keep in mind that each person should measure success differently, according to their own individual values. As a society, we have the perception that success can only be attained when an individual has achieved something remarkable. Yet, when the people who do achieve these goals are asked about their success, they don’t state their achievements as part of what makes them feel accomplished. Since success is relative, each person should build their own unique definition of it that will make them individually feel accomplished, bring them the satisfaction of meaningful achievements and include both personal well-being and professional fulfillment in their life.

layout if not later

Do you consider yourself a successful person? Wait, what does that actually mean?

issue no. 10 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

It ’s Time to Leave Girlboss”” Girlboss Feminism = ’

by ELENA WILLOUGHBY art by ZOË LIVA

want everyone reading this to think of a time that they were expected to stay productive even when they felt no motivation or ability to do so. A time when you were expected to always be grateful to work, and to always be a “yes girl.” Whether that would be from a condescending family member or from an all too positive tampon ad, reflecting on these moments gets us to see how long we have been conditioned to endure constant labor. In the days of social media, toxicity masks itself as motivation and becomes much harder to avoid. It’s regurgitated in the form of jargon-filled infographics, pseudo-healer influencers and tone deaf mental health advice. The same people who perpetuate these ideals have ways of projecting their deepest insecurities onto their naive audiences. While these motivators could be coming from a genuine place, the impact is certainly harmful. In fact, I argue that the toxic girlboss movement stems from a capitalistic drive for desirability. People who do not identify as men are taught from young ages to be silent, but relentlessly hard working at the same time. This puts many of us in a position in which we are lying to ourselves about our needs. Sometimes, we just need a break, but we don’t always know how to give ourselves one. We have been taught that as long as we stay productive, there is no need for self care or mental health. Well, that is exactly what’s missing from the girlboss ideology: consideration and self-reflection. Instead of inspiring other women by uplifting them positively, the girlboss is the type to acknowledge their successes without telling anyone how they got there. It is a mentality that leaves no room for acknowledging one’s flaws, because the ability to self-reflect would mean the girlboss mentality would have to make room for imperfection. I perceive the brightly colored, strongly worded infographics with messages of “positivity” to be a distraction from challenging oneself, especially when one reaches a high level of success that makes them unrelatable to the public. We hear celebrities and influencers like Kim Kardashian complain about how “nobody wants to work anymore,” but rarely do we see those same people acknowledging their own flaws. All they

have to say is that people are sitting on their asses and doing nothing. It’s not that nobody wants to work, it’s that many of us are not as privileged as they are. Not all of us have the money to start billion dollar corporations. The whole “get your ass up and work” rhetoric is a problematic way of viewing productivity and drive. It erases the understanding of mental, social, physical and emotional aspects of one’s life that does eventually determine their ability to stay positive and/or become successful. It makes people feel like they need to find success quickly, or they are not good enough; an example that college students may relate to would be starting a career upon graduation. The mentality that someone is doing poorly because they do not have a job and an apartment right after they graduate college is unhealthy — you can’t always expect that much from yourself. There is still so much opportunity for a person to grow in the months or even years after college. Growth is not always linear, nor is it aligned with our peers. Toxic positivity makes people feel differently though; it only sheds light on success, and shames those who struggle. It gives no leeway for a person to grow. Mental health, race, disability rights and non-heteronormativity are all factors that are blatantly ignored within the sphere of girlboss ideology. This is because this sphere refuses to recognize issues that are not easily dealt with in a white, heteronormative, capitalistic system. If you struggle to exist within this system, your problems cannot be solved with a simple motivational saying or by taking on extra work time. Toxic positivity refuses to recognize that non-linear healing is, in fact, normal. Emotions are also often suppressed on social media because of overwhelming displays of positivity. Do you ever hear people say that other people only post their happiest moments? That’s be-

cause expressing any negative emotion is going to get scrolled past. It is nearly impossible to go on Instagram and not come across some type of “positivity” that you can just tell is fake, the type that just feels more like an ill-placed advertisement than a social media post. While many of us have learned to pick out this insincere content, imagine how it feels as a young teen being advertised a fake lifestyle on a day-to-day basis. When it is all you see on your feed, you are more likely to internalize the messages. More likely to think to yourself that you are doing something wrong in your life if you are not living like some influencer. Whether they are subliminal or brazen, these messages are definitely not healthy to fixate over. At the end of the day, nobody should have to sacrifice their mental health to be seen as successful. Especially not for the sake of social media. If anything, it is more important to see the true beauty in yourself and to know that it is okay to heal in a nonlinear fashion. Overworking to the point where you are on autopilot may look good on paper, but it harms the inner being. If you are not actively taking care of yourself while maintaining success, who are you doing all of this work for? Because it sure isn’t solely for yourself. It is okay to have moments where you have no desire to be active or to work. Life isn’t linear, neither is growth.

and Toxic Positivity Behind issue no. 10 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

WE’RE

NOT

REALLY

STRANGERS

by: LAUREN RAZIANO

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 10

What’s been your happiest memory this past year? My 2022 Indoor Track and Field season. One of the biggest challenges that really isn’t spoken about within college athletics is the mental aspect. Yourself vs yourself. The transition from high school sports to the D1 collegiate level did not come lightly for me. From injuries, the pandemic, coaching changes, and more injuries – It almost seemed as if everything was set up for me to fail. Especially in the spring of 2021. The constant thought of, “Do I really want to continue this”, flooded me on a daily basis. I was ready to risk it all and stop running, probably my biggest passion and love. If it weren’t for the friends I have in my life and the constant reminder that progression takes time, I would have probably given it all up. Fast forward to now, I have come to fall in love w/ the sport all over again. What did it take? Finding my why. Why did I come to this school? What’s my purpose within the sport? I stopped doubting myself and my abilities. I mean for one, I am here running D1 track for a reason. All this led to me recently having the best season I’ve had in years. -Kaya Simpson ‘23

What’s the most pain you’ve ever been in that wasn’t physical? My wife was chronically ill (I’ll spare you the details) for two years - right after our second child was born. She had to move to another city for medical reasons and to be closer to family - and the kids went too. So I was a lonely mess for two years. Managing without them felt like pretending to be a person. I’ll never take any of them for granted now. So there’s that. -Adam Koehler, Ph.D, Professor of English

marina layout or womens retreat

What was a goal you achieved that you never thought was possible? Making friends at this school. My first year at Manhattan College I had a lot of trouble making friends and meeting people due to the fact that I was very quiet and mostly kept to myself. But, this year I put myself out there and I have met some of the best people that I am extremely grateful for and I love them all so dearly. -Shay Roth ‘24

When was the last time you felt truly understood by somebody? Who was it? What did they understand? Anytime I talk to my sister. My sister is the closest thing I’ll ever find to a soulmate/twin flame in this life. She understands me & my thoughts even before I do. I think the last time I felt truly understood was when she was able to talk me through a really emotional night. It was the anniversary of a family member passing & I was feeling extremely homesick and alone. She was able to listen, calm & eventually make me feel better. I don’t think anyone else could’ve done that. -Brylee Watkins ‘24

issue no. 10 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

23 LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 10

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 10

Mars Ross

Director, Stylist, Photographer

Models

Alyssa Marshall Kimiya Ehsan Rory O’Connor Chayse Martino Xavier Peña Danielle Sterling Zoe DeFazio

Makeup

Nails

Michaela Scully

D I U G S ' R E N f l e s r N u o I eing y G e E s B

by CHAYSE MARTINO and KIMIYA EHSAN art by CHAYSE MARTINO

A A

strology is the study of the way the positions of planetary bodies affect our energy from the moment we are born and throughout our lives. It is the belief that we are influenced by the signs and represented by constellations that we are born under, which help map out the course of our lives — this including our past, present and future. This information is accessed through what is known as one’s natal chart, which is determined by a person’s date, time and place of birth. It can be better understood if one visualizes the sky being split into 12 sections, each section characterized by its constellation in which each zodiac sign is based on. As the Earth and the other planets orbit the Sun, the constellations in which the planets lie constantly change, and therefore their influence changes accordingly. In order to get the full experience of this article, follow along on your birth chart, which you can calculate for yourself on the website Astrology Cafe.

The sun is your ego, or, the central idea of your personal identity. It illustrates your inner source of pride, confidence, and identity. Essentially, it is you at your creative best, enjoying life to the fullest.

The moon represents our soft interior that recalls memories, fears and dreams. It brings out your specific moods and reveals how your intuition works, what your emotional needs are and how you want your needs met.

Rising represents how you are perceived; the characteristics you embody in first impressions. One must know their exact birth time to determine their rising, as it changes approximately every two hours. Rising signs can also contribute to physical appearance and personal style.

The planet of the mind, communication and intellect, Mercury represents how one thinks and processes information. This planet reveals how we like to communicate & be communicated with.

Venus, the planet of love, romantic relationships and love languages. Like the rising sign, it can also relate to aesthetics and personal style. It characterizes how you attract others.

The planet of action, assertion and sexuality, Mars represents how we release emotion and how we deal with conflict, take action, and pursue desires.

DE TO AS in the sta TRO rs LO GY THE BIG SIX THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE PLANETS IN YOUR BIRTH CHART one. The planetary bodies each symbolize how someone will express themselves in their personality. two. There are two groups of planets in one’s birth chart: personal planets and generational planets. three. The personal planets in one’s chart include the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars and finally, the rising sign. The generational planets include Pluto, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus. four. Personal planets show your inward and outward personality, as well as how they will show through interactions with others. five. Generational planets apply to a larger group of people, so everyone within your age range shares all or most of the same generational placements. six. Personal planets are known as the “big six,” and within that is what is known as the “big three” (sun, moon and rising).

Jupiter offers deeper insight and life experiences. It gives a sense of faith and spirituality.

Saturn is where discipline and maturity originates; it teaches how to maintain personal boundaries.

Uranus brings on extremes, breakthroughs and breakdowns. It strives to break free from limitations.

Neptune fosters inspiration, dreams and psychic sensitivity. It brings a sense of spirituality and all things ethereal.

Pluto is where subconscious and transformative energies come from; it introduces endings and new beginnings.

RN CAPRICO

THE BIG THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE SIGNS IN YOUR BIRTH CHART R UA S IU

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one. The 12 zodiac signs possess different characteristics that can have varying meaning based on our chart placements. two. They give us insight into what traits we will embody, as well as in specific parts of ourselves or situations we may face. three. Each sign has its own strengths and weaknesses as well as attitudes and viewpoints in life.

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Masculine, cardinal, fire, ruled by Mars Impulsive and impatient Ignorant of obstacles; strong desire to achieve goals as fast as possible Good at initiating projects, but not good at finishing them Brave, direct, need for physinus cal action Ve ess

ARIES

LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 10

SAGITTA RIUS

ZODIAC SIGNS AND THEIR CHARACTERISTICS

earth signs. Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn air signs. Gemini, Libra, Aquarius water signs. Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio RA

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SC OR PI O

fire signs. Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Masculine, cardinal, air, ruled by venus Love balance and harmony; wants equal give and take in a relationship Loves to entertain and socialize Specialize in manners, courtesy and small talk Good at seeing both sides of a situation

Feminine, mutable, earth, ruled by mercury Picky, analytical and critical Keen eye for detail and able to fix almost anything Enjoys making lists, agendas and schedules

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For more information on Zodiac signs and astrology, read the full article on lotusmagazine.org

When it comes to modest fashion, empowerment and choice

are synonymous

The beauty in religious expression lies in the variety. There are so many ways people can distinguish their beliefs through their personal style. They can wear something as subtle as a symbol on a necklace, or as obvious to the eye as a burqa. Some people at Manhattan College, as some may have noticed, wear a hijab. The hijab is commonly known as a veil, or headscarf, and it is worn by many Muslim women by virtue of modestly presenting themselves to the world and to God. Offered in a variety of styles and colors, the hijab is, for many women, a stylistic representation of both religious affiliations to Islam and an alliance in womanhood with other Muslim women – a mark of identity. Islamic standards of modesty go back thousands of years, and while only women typically wear hijabs, these standards exist for both women and men. The Quran states that a modest style of dress is vital to remain pure in the eyes of God. For many, modesty is open to multiple interpretations, and has become a form of expression. Mamady Ballo, a hijabi Muslim pursuing an international studies

by AVA GASPARI degree at Manhattan, defines modesty in a literal sense. Modesty to her is being “fully clothed from head to toe,” including a hijab wrapped around the head. “A misconception is that we’re being forced to wear it — it’s a choice,” Ballo said. “It’s even scripted in the Quran that the hijab is something that someone should choose to wear, instead of someone being forced to wear it. A second misconception is that [hijabis] can’t wear certain things … If you wanted to wear a crop top, just put a long sleeve shirt under it, and that is your crop top. You can make it fashionable. Everything is fashionable. You can make everything suited to what you like, and your body.” Like Ballo said, this is not a practice women are forced into as many might think. While certain countries may require women to cover their heads, the religious principle is in fact based on the option to do so. This is a fact commonly overlooked in criticisms of the culture. As a Catholic institution, Manhattan College prides itself on Lasallian values and a culture of acceptance, much of which is shared with Islam. The two religions in fact share a common root, along with Judaism, under the Abrahamic umbrella. In this way, Islam is not that unrelated to Catholicism. Mehnaz Afridi, Ph.D., a religious studies professor at Manhattan College, described her experience as a practicing Muslim woman. “One thing I really value here [at Manhattan College] is the Lasallian values,” Afridi said. “I value them because they’re very close to Islam, and what I believe. Being in the presence of God is a very common feeling that Muslims have, that God is everywhere. God is always present, and that’s why we pray [to] and remember God, because we shouldn’t forget that. Dignity for the other is really important to Muslims, and charity. And then, also, including the other is very important. A lot of these values are very much like Islam. When I go around and give lectures around the nation, I will say ‘I’m Muslim-Lasallian’, and people think ‘Wow. That’s weird.’ I think that its given me the flexibility and openness to be very open.” This ever-present God unites both Catholics and Muslims together under a single faith, with entirely unique styles of practice. This is something that should be embraced and not used as a means of alienation against one to another. Practices similar to these persist in these similar religions as well, yet they are faced with less backlash. Christian women often dress modestly with principles like those of Islam — some choose to maintain unexposed upper legs, forearms and chests. In Judaism, as well, women may elect to cover their hair with a wig — the basis for this practice is similar in root to that of Islam, dedicated to the concealment

of hair from men. With these in mind, one might ask where the almost exclusive criticism of Muslim women comes from, to which the answer is painfully simple. In the Western world, there is a distinct ‘otherness’ associated with non-Western cultures and practices, and Islam is no exception. Modest fashion, when it is a choice made within a religion that is familiar, and decidedly white enough, is acceptable as an institution. However the marginal identities of a majority of Muslim women are likely the cause of the criticism; the irony in these critics’ goals is that in claiming ‘disempowerment,’ they are the ones doing the disempowering by creating a racially motivated culture of ignorance surrounding a time-honored practice. The Western world’s surface-level criticism of veiling practices directly contradicts the experiences of the majority of hijabis and their choices to abide by this tradition. For the Western illusion of liberation lies in the removal of women’s clothing, and a woman’s value is, frankly, directly proportional to her sex appeal. In this way these criticisms are simply an appeal to the patriarchal idea of beauty that persists in Western culture. Through the eyes of the beholder, however, the covering of the body can be seen more as liberation from the authoritative male gaze than oppression. Afridi describes this phenomenon. “The stereotype is that all Muslim women veil, and that they are oppressed … if you’re veiling in any way, it doesn’t mean that you’re oppressed. There’s a human being underneath that veil, underneath that hijab,” Afridi said. “A lot of these women, in Iran or in Saudi Arabia, are highly educated and they’re engineers, scientists and doctors. It’s interesting that in the US, especially, we’re such a visual culture. We identify freedom with the removal, rather than something we put on.” For some women, unfortunately, the hijab can feel like the only way in which they are provided protection from unwanted advances and harassment from men. Heba Alomari, a biology major on campus, embraces the protection that modesty provides her from “potential harm and harassment from men staring at [her] or making [her] feel uncomfortable.” “I’m a literal representation of Islam, and I can walk around and show people that Islam is not just everything that’s being said on the news, we’re just normal people living normal lives,” Alomari said. While the ability to interpret one’s cultural identity based on their clothing may appear an unfair means of stereotyping, for Alomari

there is beauty in the upfront identity which she presents to the world, and her ability to use it as a re-characterization of the religion which she honors and is unfortunately misinterpreted by outsiders. Hijabis are a physical representation of the religion that, in an unfairly ignorant environment, is not sought out to be learned and understood, only criticized. Many hijabis on campus, in fact, expressed a positive change in their relationship with Islam after attending Manhattan. “I came in here really strongly-faithed,” Ballo said. “I knew that Islam was very important to me so I was not going to change that … I am [still] able to do a lot of things on campus. I make sure to make it known that I am Muslim. If people have not seen me previously, in my picture they see my hijab and know [I am] Muslim and that we have to cater to her. The school has been very helpful with that.” Alomari, a senior, thought back to her freshman year and how she felt coming to a Catholic school after attending an Islamic high school. “It made me dig deeper,” Alomari said. “People did come and ask me questions. A lot of people. And I wanted to be able to answer them.” These women entered a Catholic school with an open mind and it was reciprocated, which isn’t always the case. If anything, the largest amount of oppression Muslim women face comes from outsiders and not the other way around. This increases the value of an open mind immensely. To make a judgment about the possible oppression of a woman based on her appearance is possibly even more oppressive than the world which she faces. To many Muslim women, there is no sense of restriction associated with covering up. For Ballo, it’s in fact quite the opposite. “You can make it fashionable. Everything is fashionable. You can make everything suited to what you like, and your body,” Ballo said. The hijab should be seen with the same aesthetic liberation as one might see in a crop top, or a mini skirt. Freedom lies in the option between the two, and this applies to both sides of the spectrum of modesty. It’s time to start categorizing veiling practices as a respected and honorable means of self-expression and not the opposite. To credit Muslim women dressing modestly as disempowered comes from a place of misunderstanding, and the ignorance of a woman’s right to choose to present herself modestly is inadvertently even more disempowering. Said best by Afridi, the hijab is “more of an identity rather than a modesty.”

issue no. 10 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

The Beauty Yourself in

by NICOLE HORMANN

Finding of a Digital Age

art by ROSEMARY “WADE” WIEDEMANN

ave you ever experienced that bittersweet feeling after watchA friend once told me that the things you admire in people are ing the last episode of the show you binge-watched? Or maybe things that are already within you, you just haven’t discovered it yet. you’ve felt overwhelmingly empty while reading the very last This saying really stuck with me –– especially growing up in a digital page of the book you have been world where we are constantly exposed to invested in for the past month? “A parasocial relationship is a one-sid-different people, art, movies and lifestyles I can’t be the only one who has ed relationship where one persononline that inspire and shape us. shamelessly sobbed at concerts puts in emotional energy and time For example, the style I have now as I watch my favorite artists into someone that is completely un-is definitely not the same as it was before walk on stage for the very first I downloaded TikTok. The music I listen aware of the other’s existence.” time. Maybe I’m just an overly to almost always changes after watching a emotional person, but if you can relate, you have probably experienced new film. The list of goals I set for myself continue to grow as I see otha parasocial relationship. er people achieving their own. As I am constantly consuming content, A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship where changing, and growing, I can’t help but think, Who even am I? Am I one person puts in emotional energy and time into someone that is being authentic? Am I losing sight of who I really am? completely unaware of the other’s existence. These relationships are Sometimes we don’t even realize how much social media incompletely normal and can actually be a positive thing — and even comfluencers, television characters and celebrities influence us — but it’s forting for some people — if we allow ourselves to understand that the almost inevitable in today’s world. It’s so easy to become invested in people we admire are normal human beings like us. things like Kanye’s relationship problems or Harry Styles’s existence

when we are exposed to it online. And I know that I am invested in their lives so much more than they are invested in mine. The thing about celebrity culture is that we sometimes tend to put these people on pedestals and disregard the fact that they are normal human beings like us. When we are able to view celebrities and influencers as normal individuals, this is when we are able to draw inspiration from them in a positive and healthy way. The beautiful thing about this is that we can discover qualities we love about an individual online and take that piece of them and incorporate it into our own being, creating a unique person that does not yet exist. We are all ultimately mosaics of the content we consume, the people we surround ourselves with, the movies we watch, the celebrities we admire … the list goes on. This is why we will never not be authentic and unique human beings, even if we are heavily inspired by the parasocial relationships we create. Studies have shown that our brains cannot tell the difference between real life and what we read in novels or watch in movies. This is why we become so emotional at the end of a movie: our brains register the ending as the ending of a real relationship. Because we devote so much of our time to these characters, it only makes sense that they will have some sort of influence on us too. This is why when I tell you I truly believe Mr. Keating from Dead Poet’s Society has forever “through changed the way I view the world, I’m not kidding. I find that through every paraevery parasocial interaction or relationship I’ve formed, social interaction I have picked up on new qualities or relationship I’ve and perspectives of the world that I would not formed, I have picked wise. have otherN o t up on new qualities only are we capable of forming parasocial and perspectives relationships through of the world that I ters, but we our favorite characcan would not have with celebrities also form them and other people through Instagram, otherwise.” TikTok, and Youtube. Even though parasocial relationships are one-sided and ultimately not real, people feel that they know them personally based off of the content they share on social media platforms. I find myself subconsciously going through the steps of creating parasocial relationships the most through TikTok. With every scroll, I am introduced to a new person’s life, their hobbies and their passions. With every scroll, I see someone achieving their wildest dreams. This only inspires me to want the same. I think that when we all find things we admire about someone — whether it is the way they are motivated in their lives, the way they radiate confidence or even how they view the world, we naturally become curious about who they are and what their story is. And next thing we know, we are invested in a complete stranger’s little life! As long as you are not putting in too much of your energy into their lives or start to feel burdened by their problems, it can actually be a positive thing. In fact, if it weren’t for parasocial relationships and interactions: I wouldn’t have found my personal style. I wouldn’t have discovered my favorite songs. I wouldn’t have half of the goals I’ve set for myself. I wouldn’t be closer to the ideal version of myself. I wouldn’t have developed different perspectives of life. If it weren’t for the influence of parasocial relationships, we wouldn’t be the same cool people that we are today — and I think that’s the most beautiful thing about it. issue no. 10 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

euphoria & generation z

HOW THE STUNNING DRAMA INFLUENCES YOUNG PEOPLE’S STYLE

issue no. 10 | LOTUS MAGAZINE

vivid B

by ALANNA PARRILLO

right eyeshadow and bold outfits fill the TV screen. Insanity is about to ensue on a Sunday night as the newest episode of the hit HBO Max show Euphoria begins. The show is known for its raw insight on high schoolers struggling with drug addiction, yet, the makeup and outfits from the show are what truly bring the viewer into another world. Euphoria recently finished airing its highly anticipated second season, and the makeup artists and stylists did not hold back when it came to the characters’ expressive cosmetic and fashion choices. The looks from the show perfectly capture Gen Z’s boldness and youthfulness, arguably in a way that has never been done before. They have broken fashion and beauty barriers and have inspired Gen Z to become more daring with their style. The makeup in season two has evolved from its “test run” in season one. The makeup in season two is tailored to each character differently, in order to individually express them and their journeys. Glittery pastel eyeshadow, pigmented eyeliner, sparkling eye gems and vivid lip colors were plastered on the faces of characters throughout the season. But, the makeup is more than just art on a character’s face. “This is not a ‘cool-girl’ brand,” Donni Davy, makeup artist on Euphoria, said to Refinery29. “It’s really meant to be totally un-intimidating and inspiring … it’s for everyone. It’s not just crazy colors. We wanted it to transcend the Euphoria makeup stereotype. Yes, we are that. But here’s what else we have to offer to people who’ve never seen the show. You don’t have to know the show to love the line.” Euphoria has been one of the first television shows to utilize bold makeup to express the different personalities of each of its characters. In the beginning of season two, Cassie’s makeup is more natural, girly and sensual. As the season progresses, Cassie’s makeup begins to reflect her change in persona. She starts to transform into a secretive, bizarre, dauntless person and her makeup reflects these newfound personality traits. Makeup that was once light and sweet suddenly becomes heavy and sharp, just like Cassie. All over TikTok and Instagram, fans of Euphoria have been showing just how influential the show’s makeup can be. Through the use of neon eyeliner, glittery eyeshadow, face gems and more, fans are recreating and mimicking the looks on the show and posting their routines on social media. The trend has spread like a wildfire, proving just how significant Euphoria’s influence is. Aside from makeup, fashion has also played an important role in Euphoria’s expression of Gen Z taking on wilder fashion choices than its predecessors. The outfits from the show are just like the makeup – confident, daring and transcending.

colors

Similar to the characters and their outfit choices in Euphoria, Gen Z has a reputation of being perilous and wild. The generation is not bound to social or gender norms; instead, they are more focused on grasping a level of confidence that helps them to reflect their truest form of identity. Seeing the characters in the show toy with their identity through the use of fashion has inspired Gen Z to do so as well. People have begun to recreate outfits from the show in their own unique way, and have shared their creations on social media. The clothes in the show perfectly convey the ways in which fashion can be an outlet that young people utilize in order to express themselves without fully knowing who they are. Cassie, for example, had a variety of outfits in season two, all of which were vastly different from one another. In one episode, Cassie dresses almost identical to Maddie. Cassie was trying to be a duplicate of Maddie through the utilization of her outfits. She was using fashion as an experiment to try and find which outfits best expressed her identity while at the same time, hiding her insecurities, as most of the characters do in the show. The experimentation of clothes in Euphoria mirrors Gen Z’s unrestrained personality. It perfectly captures the way in which Gen Z is changing the way in which young people behave and are viewed in society. Not only has Euphoria successfully symobolized Gen Z through their makeup and fashion choices, but the show has also inspired Gen Z to express themselves in a way that represents their generation for what it is: bold and daring.

head stylist

MARS ROSS

MARIN BULTENA photography KIERSTEN THOMPSON make-up

nails by

MICHAELA SCULLY

models

GRACE SMITH MICHAELA SCULLY DANIELLE JENKINS JADA-LEE BLACK

the modeling experience as self development by COLETTE BARRON art by ROSEMARY “WADE” WIEDEMANN

hen we think of models, we think of glamorous photo shoots and high-end vacations. We may imagine beach photo shoots in Tulum, or sparkly Cartier rings flashed on Instagram stories. We imagine models’ lives to be flawless — or at least somewhat appealing. But the modeling industry is not all about glamorous trips and notoriety. Supermodels and lesser known models alike go through many experiences which shape them as individuals — and possibly subject them to a certain kind of unfair treatment. Living the fast-paced life of a model can lead to so many changes in one’s life, regardless of how they began their job or how famous they are. I know from personal experience that it can be interesting to watch someone grow within the modeling industry. I was first exposed to the modeling industry when I saw my older cousin, Olivia Palermo, model for Brandy Melville when I was 14 during a school break when my family went to see hers in her home state of California. Olivia is now 21 and has found a lot of success and even moved across the country for her career. However, growing up, modeling wasn’t always Olivia’s intention.

“I didn’t ever seriously think about modeling when I was younger, although it was something that always sparked my interest,” Olivia said. “I started modeling when I was 15 exclusively for Brandy Melville.” How did she end up as a Brandy model? She went into Brandy Melville while shopping with friends and was offered a position as a model on the spot. Olivia was told that she embodied all the features of a Brandy model — long legs, blonde hair and a sculpted face, a body type which was useful for their “one size fits all” clothing, because everything looks good on her. Olivia was primarily chosen due to her appearance and weight. Many girls in that store at the same time were probably not glanced at because they did not embody the “preferred” Brandy Melville size. This is toxic, not only toward the girls who don’t fit their standards, but toward everyone, including Olivia. Beauty standards are a harsh reality that even Olivia, who was considered perfect by her recruiters, has to face. “Dealing with rejection in the industry ultimately made me a stronger person and allowed me to detach myself from other people’s views of me. I feel like it brought me to a place where the only opinion I care about is my own,” Olivia explained. When she was a 20-year-old junior at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, she relocated from California to New York. She considers modeling to be her full-time career, and this move displays her dedication just enough to experience an immense transition within her life. She has benefited from this decision and has had the chance to model with many other well-known names. “I have worked for so many brands throughout the years, but notable clients are Urban Outfitters who I began working for in 2016 and Target who I began working for in 2017,” Olivia said. “I’ve also walked for Moschino in 2019, Maje Paris in 2017, and have done several editorials for magazines including Lofficial, Document Journal and Jalouse.” Leaving her family in California also meant leaving behind the culture of Los Angeles. Olivia grew up in California and adopted the state’s playful style, but she completely changed her look when she moved to New York City.

“When I lived in LA, I mainly bought many bright-colored clothes and accessories, whereas now I focus on more simple monochromatic looks … There are substantial style differences between LA and NY. I find LA a much more bright, fun, spontaneous type of fashion, while NY is more edgy and sleek,” Olivia said. “Overall, LA is more beachy and casual. In LA, the market is more commercial and playful, but in New York, the market is more high fashion and cutthroat.” This demonstrates how New York’s style impact is pushed on individuals due to the city’s massive presence in art and culture. How Olivia got to where she is now all comes from the growth she has experienced while modeling. “I’ve noticed immense growth in myself in several ways since modeling,” Olivia said. “Professionally I know how to handle myself much better around a set of working adults that I used to. I think it helped expand my confidence which in turn helped me grow into my style.” No one would ever want to feel small. However, this can happen within the modeling industry. Olivia’s confidence was raised because of experiencing rigid shows and photoshoots, which led her to mature. Olivia’s space in modeling helped her feel good about herself and her work because it enhanced her growth. Olivia’s confidence boost courtesy of her work environment’s influence can be compared to other models’ experiences finding their confidence, such as Hailey Bieber. “l I had a really bad experience with a casting director who was very important,” Bieber said in an interview with Allure. “He said something to my agent that just shook my confidence when it came to the runway. I don’t want to feel bad about myself in this space because I feel really good about the other work that I do. So why would I even put myself in a position to feel small?” Models’ lifestyles may appear glamorous to some, but they are cutthroat. It entails living with minimal personal space in model apartments — which are basically dorm rooms — and getting up early for casting calls, to name a few things. Rejection is something that models have to go through. This is something Olivia has experienced within her career. “I’ve struggled with my modeling career in times when dealing with rejection. There’s a lot of times you’ll get turned down in the industry, and it takes time to train your brain not to take it personally and move on,” Olivia said. “Living in model apartments introduced me to some of my best friends to this day as well as some of the worst people I’ve ever met.” Said Olivia. Model apartments are not all glamorous. There is no special treatment or specialized accommodations like some may think. The models are treated as if modeling is not only a full-time job, but their whole life. There are also instances in

45 LOTUS MAGAZINE | issue no. 10

which models are not functional roommates, as Olivia knows. “Some girls were super sweet, some were kleptomaniacs and some were downright mean,” she said. On a brighter note, Olivia recounts that she has also been granted a glimpse into the culture of models who are from different parts of the world. “Living in model apartments really gave me a view on all different kinds of girls from all over the world and you get to experience their culture as well.” Olivia’s move has allowed her to have life experiences that she would not have had otherwise if she hadn’t modeled. Her lifestyle has become accustomed to the New York City scene, which she appreciates. “Meeting all types of creative people and getting to experience their perspectives, style, and artistic thoughts is my favorite part about modeling in NYC … Some of my favorite activities to do in NYC include people-watching in the parks, eating out with friends and going thrifting in Brooklyn,” Olivia said. When you take on a new life culture in general, you will undoubtedly grow mentally and physically. Whether you’re alone or not, navigating yourself to discover what you appreciate in a new environment can benefit you in the long term. Even if you’re working a difficult, misconstrued job, it’s critical to identify yourself and recognize your accomplishments.

10 spring 2022