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A Final Thought…
Helping our young people by SAMANTHA DHOLAKIA
We will, we are, or we have experienced youth… and there is nothing quite like it. No matter which stage of life you are in, being the youth of the day is no easy feat - it can come with great costs and trade-offs. There certainly is a fee to being young and free! This month is home to two fantastic days, National Friendship Day on 7th August and International Youth Day on 12th August, which both raise awareness and offer support to the voices and connections of our young people. I wanted to share these two days because they are so entwined. Growing up we hear all sorts of things; you’re too young, you're growing up too fast, you're not mature enough, you're older than your years, you're just a child, you're not a child anymore… it seems that for the youth, there is no clear being. Are we as young people always feeling too much or not enough of something? This never-ending external input from those around us, coupled with the ongoing growth of comparison and conflicts between social ‘norms’ and identity definition can lead to a great deal of inner turmoil. So yes, being young comes with many ‘fees’ - trade-offs and tough decisions, of which friendships are one of the biggest challenges, connections and complications. Decisions around who we are friends with and how best to ‘fit in’, what we wear and how we present ourselves, what we want to focus our time on and the best way to go about it are just a few of the daily stresses our young people face… and of course with the growing connections through social media, these questions continue online and into our homes. As an educational consultant, parental strategist and implementation coach, I work with a great many young people, and the longing and drive to make, manage and maintain connections is always at the heart of so many of their choices. As human beings we have an innate drive to feel connected to others around us, it not only allows us to feel safe, but also gives us a sense of belonging. Shared experiences as we grow and develop are crucial to how we understand, connect and communicate with the world around us.
42 Life in... Orpington August 2022
With all of the work we at SPD Tuition and Coaching do to support schools, parents and young people, I wanted to share some tips that can support our young people in lessening the stress of the daily load of being young whilst offering them (and you as parents) some freedom within.
• Talk about yourself first and then listen Young people are often processing a great deal and can be overwhelmed when asked open-ended questions such as ‘How was your day?’ - you may get a grunt or a ‘fine’. If you open the conversation with a couple of things you have enjoyed about your day it gives them time to think and allows them to work from an example. Then you can listen, without interruption, to their thoughts and feelings.
• Give them permission to relax
We sometimes forget that the teenage brain is going through a huge shift neurologically and this has an immense impact on their emotions, and of course their behaviour. Sharing relaxation time, again modelling how you relax and then allowing them the freedom to choose what works for them, can support them in building healthy habits.
• Observe and share
One of the best ways to support any child, no matter their age, is through noticing their character strengths and commenting/praising them when they are using them. This not only allows them to feel seen and gives connection, but it also builds their confidence and self– esteem.
The support we offer at home can help develop the skills they need as they go out into the world.
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