RS - August 2018

realsimple GLOWING SKIN IN TWO STEPS

LIFE MADE EASIER

More Free Time Shortcuts That Give You Back Hours

No-Cook Delicious Dinners Finish Cleaning Faster Walking Workouts You’ll Love

AUGUST 2018

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Thoughts

“Summer was our best season: it was sleeping on the back screened porch in cots, or trying to sleep in the treehouse; summer was everything good to eat; it was a thousand colors in a parched landscape.”

GET T Y IMAGES

— H A R P E R L E E , To K i l l a M o c k i n g b i rd

6 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Make your house a home.

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O

N E O F T H E G R E AT T H I N G S about living alone is there’s no arguing over who left the dishes in the sink or the clothes on the floor. That would be you. The flip side is that if you don’t do something, it doesn’t get done, which, during a busy week, could mean you run out of toilet paper. (Hypothetically, of course.)

So when my husband and I moved in together, I thought, “Great, I can fob of half the tasks on this fella.” But there was suddenly twice as much laundry, and when he cooks, he uses every pan in the kitchen. (The resulting meals are amazing, but jeez.) And I developed an admittedly petty habit of tracking who did what in the home. I was convinced I was doing a lot more cleaning and errands and general household stuf. I would sometimes announce all the things I did that day, and yet he wouldn’t chime in with his contributions. Which reinforced the idea of “Hey, I’m doing more! But it’s 2018!” Well, actually it was 2005. But it was 2005!

It turns out we didn’t have a division-oflabor problem. We had a communication problem. Because Jeremy was doing a lot: The car always had gas, the plants were watered, the landscaping happened, the cats were fed, the recycling cans always made it to the curb, and the fireplace ashes were swept up and disposed of while I slept. And lots of great dinners were cooked not by me.

He just had no need for someone to validate his chores. That’s just not who he is.

I’ve made this all sound simpler than it was. There were evenings I felt upset and taken advantage of. We both worked a lot of hours—I was in a newsroom, and Jeremy was a full-time reporter also going to grad school—and some weeks the balance of household work felt of. When we discussed the situation, the facts didn’t bear that out, but it reminds me that our feelings and communication around chores can make basic tasks like cleaning a minefield for families.

That’s why we’re giving you “How to Split the Chores So Everyone Is Happy” (page 118).

In it, Deputy Editor Anna Maltby dispels some myths (50/50 shouldn’t be the ultimate goal) and ofers some insights (studies show that dishwashing and shopping are the emotional powder kegs of the chore world).

My sincere wish is that her reporting brings more harmony, calm, and happiness to your home.

Follow me on Twitter @lyazel and Instagram @leslieyazel

8 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Photograph by Rob Howard

F A S H I O N S T Y L I N G B Y A LY S S A D I N E E N ; H A I R B Y M AT T H E W M O N Z O N ; M A K E U P B Y K AT I E J A N E H U G H E S

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Contents August 2018

O N T H E C OV E R

TO BUY: Windsor Bay Plastic Adirondack Chair, $198, and Garden Treasures Windsor Bay End Table, $65; lowes.com. Madewell Halliday sunglasses in Milky Pearl, $65; madewell.com.

MORE FREE TIME:

No-cook delicious dinners

110

Finish cleaning faster

118

Walking workouts you’ll love

134

Glowing skin in two steps

134 Take a walk to improve your health

128

110

128

118

Oven-free summer meals

Do your makeup in five minutes

Find a happy division of housework

Cover Photograph by Johnny Miller Prop St yling by Sarah Smar t Floral St yling by Livia Cetti

AUGUST 2018 RE AL SIMPLE

11

Contents

97

55

141

Put yourself in a good mood

Create a colorful accent

Recipes to enjoy all month

Thoughts

6

Editor’s Note

8

Real Simple 24 /7

14

Your Words

16

The Short List

18

what we love

the realist How to Open a Coconut Real Simplifier Build a controlled campfire

39

40

23

Things Cooks Know A guide to chiles and peppers 42

Pretty Smart Beauty buys to save your sanity

26

Beach Bag Essentials Products to help you face sand and sun 47

The Staple Grits

30

Bold Gear for Beachgoers

Little Helpers Clever items that make every day better 32 Real Simple Home Enjoy an organized living room

34

Road Test Our editors pick the very best shower products

48

Drugstore Insider Shop the aisles with celebrity hairstylist Kathy Benghanem 50 Organize This Tidy your bookshelf

52

Add a Little Color Refresh any room with just a splash of paint 55

Stylewise Summer-to-fall pieces to mix and match 61 The Essential Style a white tee

71

relating 5 Ways to Expand Your Social Circle Inspiring ideas for meeting new friends 73 Good Read Ashley Lefrak Grider on answering tough questions from kids 76 The Vets Will See You Now Pet problems, solved Modern Manners Catherine Newman offers advice

80

83

How Much Privacy Should You Give Your Kids?

Personal space in the digital age 90

balance The Good-Mood Switch Tips for turning around a bad day 97 5 Things You Should Never Skimp On Bigger up-front costs that save you money in the long run 100 How to Make the Most of a Slow Day at Work Use office downtime to help your career 102

How to Split the Chores So Everyone Is Happy Divvy up housework fairly 118 The Five-Minute Face Look gorgeous with only two products 128 Walk This Way Get motivated to stroll more—and discover how it might change your life 134

Making It Work How do you form work connections?

107

food 5 Easy Dinners

142

Ahhh Take a breather

Road Test Nut-free lunch box snacks

150

Make It Yourself Mayonnaise

152

Big Batch Ratatouille

154

The Struggle Is Real

158

109

features No Cooking Required Satisfying dinners that save you time and keep you cool 110

REAL SIMPLE® (ISSN 1528-1701) IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY (VOLUME 19, ISSUE 8) BY TIME INC., A WHOLLY OWNED SUBSIDIARY OF MEREDITH CORPORATION. PRINCIPAL OFFICE: 225 LIBERTY STREET, NEW YORK, NY 10281.

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12 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

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Real Simple 24/7 FOLLOW US ONLINE FOR E XCLUSIVE IDE A S, TIP S, A N D W AY S T O M A K E L I F E E A S I E R — E V E RY D AY.

MEET

B RO O K E S C H U L D T A S S O C I AT E S O C I A L M E D I A E D I TO R AT R E A L S I M P L E . C O M

Face masks and chemical peels don’t have to be messy and time-consuming.

We found the quickest, easiest, and most effective products to help you get healthy, beautiful skin.

Morning routine: I usually do 30 minutes of yoga, then listen to podcasts while I eat breakfast.

Going to bed early versus waking up early: Going to bed early.

There is nothing I love more than sleeping in.

How to use social media to relax: I am constantly searching for puppy pictures on Instagram.

Nothing turns a day around like cute animals! @BABBLINGBROOKEBLOG ON INSTAGRAM

Head to realsimple.com/ facemasks.

Streamline busy days You want to make the most of every minute, so we rounded up the best ways to get your emails answered, messes cleaned, and meals prepped. Plus, how to sleep better when it’s all done.

Check out realsimple.com/busydaytips.

Reimagine back-toschool lunches

# A R E YO U O N FLIPB OARD? We are too! Follow us for home advice, shopping tips, recipes, and more.

Visit flipboard.com/@realsimple.

PINTEREST @REALSIMPLE

TWITTER @REALSIMPLE

S N A P C H AT @REALSIMPLEMAG

Instead of that slightly squished PB&J, send the kiddos off with one of our creative lunch ideas.

Go to realsimple.com/ schoollunches.

14 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Open

and tap

for tasty breakfast ideas.

FAC E B O O K @REALSIMPLE

I N S TA G R A M @ R E A L _S I M P L E

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T : C O U R T E S Y O F B R O O K E S C H U L D T ; C H R I S T O P H E R T E S TA N I , P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y H E AT H E R C H O N T O S ; B R I A N H EN N ; J EN CAU S E Y; C O U RT E SY O F R E A L S I M P L E . C O M

SIMPLE SKIN CARE

Yo u r W o r d s

What line or lesson from a book has stuck with you?

“You make a life out of what you have, not what you’re missing.”

—Kate Morton, The Forgotten Garden C O N N I E W O R K M A N B RO W N , W I LTO N , I O WA

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” —Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God. This is easily one of the most reassuring and inspiring sentences I’ve ever read.

HE ATHER WAKEFIELD, MILFORD, CONNECTICUT

# R S L OV E

“ S O M E B E AU T Y N E E D S TO B E C A PT U R E D I N TO N S O F P H OTO S . ” @ ST R I P E S N V I B E S

“For justice may be slow and invisible, but it always renders its true verdict in the end.”

—Colson Whitehead, The Underground Railroad SALLY CASEY, BELLEVUE, MICHIGAN

“Never trust people who don’t have something in their lives that they love beyond all reason.”

—Fredrik Backman, Beartown @EMILYMCMACK

The last line of W.B. Yeats’s short poem “Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven”: “Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.” As an angsty teen, I felt as if everyone were treading on my dreams; now, as a teacher and mother, I often think of that line. Youthful dreams are vulnerable and fleeting, and it’s my job to be a dream cheerleader, not a dream crusher.

JES SICA STURGEON, OMAHA , NEBRASK A

“My dear, I don’t give a damn.”

—Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind M A RT H A L AV E RY, C O LO R A D O S P R I N G S, C O LO R A D O

16 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” —J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring. A favorite quote from one of my favorite books, it reminds me that when I choose to do good in the world, it matters, even if those good things are small and seem insignificant in the bigger picture.

SHANNON KIMBALL , L AWRENCE, K ANSAS

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

—Antoine de SaintExupéry, The Little Prince CHERYL STREE T, CHASK A , MINNESOTA

I like this line from The Secret Garden

by Frances Hodgson Burnett because it inspires positive change even in the face of adversity or apathy: “At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can be done, then they begin to hope it can be done, then they see it can be done—then it is done and all the world wonders why it was not done centuries ago.”

JILL HOWARD CHURCH, FAYE T TEVILLE, GEORGIA

“When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple.

Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.” —Randy Pausch and Jeffrey Zaslow, The Last Lecture LOVE NEE TU, SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA

“You don’t have to be who you first were.” This line appears in the first chapter of Jen Hatmaker’s Of Mess and Moxie.

It resonates with me because, in spite of my age (late 40s) and the fact that my children are older, I am still alive. I am still able to grow and learn and change.

PAT TIE REITZ , VALD OSTA , GEORGIA

The Instagrammers who shared the photos in this column will receive our Spring Cleaning special edition. Want to be considered for this column? Tag photos on Instagram with #RSLOVE.

“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life.

You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.”

—Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting KELLY CULVER, PIT TSBORO, NORTH CAROLINA

Without a doubt, one of my absolute favorite lines is said by Elinor in Jane Austen’s incomparable Sense and Sensibility: “I will be calm; I will be mistress of myself.” Choosing to be mistress of myself has saved me in countless moments.

L AURE KRUPP, P ORTL AND, OREGON

“Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes.

A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.” —Richard Bach, Illusions

# R S L OV E “ T R O P I C A L V I B E S C O U RT E SY O F A D R AG O N FRUIT & PINE APPLE ICE P OP @BALIECODELI.” @INFO ODBALI

NEXT QUESTION...

How do you thank a host?

Send an email to yourwords @realsimple.com and let us know your answer to this question.

Your response could appear on these pages.

ELIZ ABE TH SL ACK , BUCKEYE, ARIZONA

I have read many books, but none have stayed with me like Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy. A line at the beginning of the book is one I will never forget: “Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done.”

K AREN NAFE, AUSTIN, TE XAS

“Good for her!

Not for me.”

—Amy Poehler, Yes Please I say this to myself when I catch myself making snap judgments of strangers. You do you! It doesn’t affect me!

K AT E B RO S I O U S, M O N T RO S E , C O L O R A D O

AUGUST 2018 RE AL SIMPLE

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The Short List F I V E B O O K S T H AT W O N ’ T D I S A P P O I N T

By Nora Horvath

Surprising thriller

Crystal Hana Kim’s If You Leave Me tells the story of Haemi, a girl living in a refugee camp in war-torn Korea. Though she is expected to marry Jisoo, a wealthy soldier, she sneaks out with his cousin, her childhood friend Kyunghwan. The man she chooses will determine her and her family’s fate.

Kim’s heartrending saga—told from the perspectives of five characters— examines how difficult choices can test even our closest relationships.

Kya is left to fend for herself when her mom walks out on her family. Only 7 years old, with an absentee, alcoholic father, Kya learns to survive the wild North Carolina coast on her own. Townspeople nearby dub her the Marsh Girl and believe she is dangerous.

So when a man in town is murdered, it doesn’t take long for the locals to try to pin the crime on Kya. Delia Owens’s gorgeous novel, Where the Crawdads Sing, is both a comingof-age tale and an engrossing whodunit.

Travel memoir Kate Harris grew up itching for adventure but frustrated by how few untouched places were left in the world to explore.

In her 20s, desperate to make a discovery, she set out with a friend to bike the former Silk Road— a journey that took her through Tibet, Uzbekistan, Turkey, and other countries.

Her captivating memoir, Lands of Lost Borders, will inspire readers to question their selfimposed boundaries and map out new adventures.

Family drama Misunderstood by his father, overshadowed by his sister, and dealing with undiagnosed bipolar disorder, Leon finds solace in dance class. But his nonconformity— it’s the 1960s in conservative South Dakota—creates problems at home, especially as Leon becomes more serious about ballet.

Paula Saunders’s The Distance Home is a somber novel about the consequences of judging others and the unintended damage loved ones can cause.

In The Air You Breathe, Graça, a young Brazilian girl living on her family’s sugarcane plantation, befriends Dores, an orphan adopted by the family cook. The two quickly bond over their love of music, and together they go on to find samba stardom—Graça as a singer, Dores as a lyricist. Frances de Pontes Peebles’s tender novel follows this unlikely friendship and the jealousy and rivalry that come with their pursuit of fame.

For more book recommendations, visit realsimple.com/ newbooks.

18 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Photograph by Chelsea Cavanaugh

P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y K ATJ A G R E E F F

Great for book club

Portrait of a friendship

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PROP ST YLING BY ASTRID CHASTK A

E V E RY T H I N G O U R E D I T O R S A R E B U Z Z I N G A B O U T T H I S M O N T H

Bold gear for beachgoers GAME ON THE GO

This ingenious traveling game set has a backgammon board printed on one side and a checkerboard on the other. Once the game is over, the “board”—actually a lightweight drawstring backpack—holds all the set’s wooden, made-in-Maine pieces. TO BUY: Backpack Backgammon & Checkers, $50; asummershop.nyc.

Photograph by Chelsea Cavanaugh

AUGUST 2018 RE AL SIMPLE

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W H AT W E LO V E

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1 BYO R A I N B O W Fly the coolest kite on the beach thanks to this kaleidoscopic number, made of durable nylon for months of aerial fun.

TO BUY: Delta Kite, $44; areaware.com.

2 SCENIC SOUVENIR Artist Heather Landis’s nostalgic print is a colorful reminder of the fleeting joys of summer.

TO BUY: Play the Day Away limited-edition art, from $23; minted.com.

24 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

3 C I RC L E U P When it comes to beach blankets, round is the new rectangle. Bonus points if yours has a graphic pattern and pom-pom fringe.

TO BUY: All Around Giant Circle Towel, $68; bando.com.

4 THE COMFIEST CHAIR This waterproof lounger folds into a compact pouch and weighs less than two pounds.

TO BUY: Alite Designs Meadow Rest Waterproof Lounger, $70; alitedesigns.com.

5 NAP NECESSIT Y With an inflatable insert and a removable colorblocked cover, this beach pillow is both pretty and super practical.

TO BUY: Tangalle Beach Pillow, $14; sunnylife.com.

6 K N O W YO U R S H E L L S Identify your beach finds and coastal treasures with this handy illustrated guide.

TO BUY: The Beachcomber’s Companion by Anna Marlis Burgard and Jillian Ditner, $17; chroniclebooks.com.

7 T H I R S T, Q U E N C H E D This sparkling striped beauty will keep you hydrated at the beach, by the pool, and everywhere else summer takes you.

TO BUY: Glitter Bomb Water Bottle, $26; bando.com.

8 GONE SWIMMING A classic silhouette plus a bold, colorful stripe lends a retro-cool vibe to this one-piece.

TO BUY: Madewell Solid & Striped Anne-Marie swimsuit, $168; madewell.com.

T H E B E AC H C O M B E R ’ S C O M PA N IO N : K E V I N S W E E N E Y; OT H E R P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U R T E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R S

4

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W H AT W E LO V E

Pretty Smart

Swipe to lock and prevent spills in your bag.

T H E H A N D I E ST L I T T L E F O U N DAT I O N A N D S E V E N OTHER B E AU T Y B U Y S T O S AV E YO U R S A N I T Y

By Heather Muir Maffei

In 32 shades, with a light feel but providing full coverage, this formula will impress even foundation haters.

Hyaluronic acid and antioxidants plump skin so the foundation never settles into fine lines. Plus, the bottle has a reservoir to pump product into and sponge out onto skin.

TO BUY: $40 each; sephora.com.

26 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Photograph by Chelsea Cavanaugh

PROP ST YLING BY ASTRID CHASTK A

B E AU T Y B L E N D E R BOUNCE LIQUID WHIP LONG WE AR F O U N DAT I O N

W H AT W E LO V E

KEVIN MURPHY COLOURING ANGELS

S A J E N AT U R A L WELLNESS PEPPERMINT HALO H E A DA C H E R E M E DY

IGK NO MORE BLOW HIGH SPEED A I R D RY S P R AY

When you want to wash and go but don’t want to arrive with wet hair, spray this on after your shower and comb through. Starches wick away moisture so hair dries almost 50 percent faster.

TO BUY: $29; igkhair.com.

M A RC JA C O B S B E AU T Y O ! M E G A SHAD OW

During a rough day (at work, in traffic), trace this rollerball along the back of your neck. Peppermint, eucalyptus, and lavender offer a cooling sensation and instant relief.

TO BUY: $27; saje.com.

Have one go-to color? Get it in a substantially sized compact with a nice big mirror. Gel powder means creaseproof. TO BUY: $29 each; sephora.com.

GLOW RECIPE WAT E R M E L O N G L O W J E L LY SHEET MASK

AVO N S K I N S O S O F T B U G G UA R D P LU S P I C A R I D I N TOWELET TES

Clear (not white) and in two pieces for a better fit, this watermelon-infused hydrogel mask depuffs and hydrates in 20 minutes. Great before applying makeup.

TO BUY: $8; sephora.com.

Easier to travel with than bug spray, these nonsticky wipes repel mosquitoes without oil or deet. Open, unfold, rub onto exposed skin, and reapply in 12 hours.

TO BUY: $14 for 8; avon.com.

28 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

S M E A R A N D C R U M B L E : B R I A N H E N N ; P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R S

JULEP PERK IT

A real-life retoucher, this sponge-tipped pen (in four shades) brightens dark circles, cuts redness, and calms skin with turmeric extract and camellia seed oil. Dot onto skin and blend with your fingers.

TO BUY: $26; ulta.com.

Extend and enhance your color between salon visits with this conditioning gloss, available in four tints. Use every three washes.

TO BUY: $38; kevinmurphyau.com for salons.

Instagram @lorealhair ©2018 L’Oréal USA, Inc.

Earn rewards. Join now at: lorealparisusa.com/worthitrewards

ALWAYS ON SET. Elnett Satin hairspray is the secret of celebrity hairstylists.

It holds strong but brushes out effortlessly. So you can style and restyle—on set and everywhere.

Elnett. It’s pure gold.

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Quick Ideas

The Staple Slowly simmered in milk or cream and inished with butter, a good pinch of salt, and a handful of grated Cheddar, grits are one of our favorite ways to round out a meal. In fact, they can stand in for lour or another grain just about anywhere. Cooked in coconut milk with a cinnamon stick and topped with dried fruit and chopped nuts, they make a luxurious dessert. Blend them with savory grated onion for lighter-than-air dumplings, perfect for soaking up your favorite chicken soup. They even add welcome texture to an easy herb-and-goat-cheese soulé. For grits with big corn lavor, look for heirloom varieties from the likes of Anson Mills. But the ideas on this page work just as well with the quick-cooking kind.

1 GRITS PUDDING

Combine a 13.66-oz. can coconut milk, 1 cup water, 2 Tbsp. honey, and 1 cinnamon stick in a medium pot.

Bring to a boil and stir in cup quick-cooking grits, cup chopped dried apricots, 2 Tbsp. golden raisins, and tsp. salt. Simmer, stirring often, until grits are tender, 6 minutes. Top with a drizzle of honey, chopped dried apricots, and chopped salted pistachios.

2 GRITS DUMPLINGS

Whisk cup quick-cooking grits with cup all-purpose flour, 1 Tbsp. grated onion, and 1 tsp. baking powder.

Bring cup milk, 3 Tbsp. butter, and tsp. salt to a boil in a small pot. Whisk in grits mixture and let stand 5 minutes; shape into 9 balls. Steam in a lightly greased steamer basket until puffy and slightly firm, 15 minutes. Serve dumplings in broth or soup.

Bring 1 cup each water and milk to a boil. Stir in cup quick-cooking grits, 3 Tbsp. butter, 1 tsp. salt, and tsp. pepper. Simmer, stirring, until tender, 6 minutes.

Whisk in 4 egg yolks, 4 oz. goat cheese, and 1 Tbsp. chopped chives. Beat 4 egg whites on high until stiff peaks form; fold whites into grits. Divide among 8 lightly greased 6-oz. ramekins.

Bake at 425°F until puffed and golden, 15 minutes.

B y D a w n Pe r r y Recipes by Anna Theoktisto

30 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Photograph by Corey Olsen

P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y C E C I L I A E L G U E R O F O R K AT E R Y I N I N C .

3 G OAT C H E E S E GRITS SOUFFLÉS

:H G L S S H G L W L Q ' 2 9 ( ' D U N & K R F R O D W H G X V W H G L W Z L W K D N L F N R I F L Q Q D P R Q ',6&29(5 1(: '$5. &+2&2/$7( &,11$021 '867(' $/021'6 0DUV RU $IILOLDWHV

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TM

W H AT W E LO V E

PA RT Y P L A C E S E T T I N G

Elevate a baby shower or birthday dinner with this tearand-assemble set. Includes a coated-paper place mat, a wineglass marker, a napkin ring, a name card, and a coaster.

TO BUY: Lulu in a Box table decor, $23 for 6 sets; luluinabox.com.

NONSTICKY HAND SANITIZER

This 32-ounce glass container keeps your spinach-banana creation fresh for hours by slowing down oxidation.

The lid contains a vacuum pump to remove air.

TO BUY: Sans XL, $40; sans-bottle.com.

Little Helpers S I X S M A RT P RO D U C T S TO M A K E YO U R L I F E E A S I E R

By Brandi Broxson

A L L- I N - O N E C H A RG E R

SHRIMP PEELER Peel, devein, and butterfly in one easy pass thanks to this time-saving tool. The handle is made from recycled materials; the spine is stainless steel.

TO BUY: Frogmore Shrimp Cleaner, $28; toadfish outfitters.com.

32 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Juice up three devices (including phones and tablets) at once with this portable battery pack, which comes with built-in charging cables.

TO BUY: iWalk Scorpion8000X portable battery, $60; sprint.com.

I N - F L I G H T O RG A N I Z E R

Keep essentials front and center en route. This clever carrier can hang from a tray table hook and has enough room for your book, cellphone, headphones, and more.

TO BUY: Seat Pak Pro, $38; flight001.com.

PA R T Y P L A C E S E T T I N G : B R I A N H E N N ; O T H E R P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U F A C T U R E R S

SMO OTHIE CAR AFE

Spritz this moisturizing formula—with aloe vera extract—on your hands for a quick cleanup.

Available in basil and lavender scents.

TO BUY: Mrs. Meyer’s hand sanitizer, $3.50 for 2 oz.; mrsmeyers.com.

To schedule an appointment, call 1-866-314-3976

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W H AT W E LO V E

Rethinking the Living Room W E ’ R E B U S Y D E C O R AT I N G A N D O RG A N I Z I N G A N E N T I R E H O M E T H AT Y O U ’ L L G E T T O S E E T H I S FA L L . A S A P R E V I E W, T H E T E A M B E H I N D T H E L I V I N G R O O M S H A R E S T I P S F O R M A K I N G T H E S PA C E P R E T T Y A N D P R A C T I C A L .

Nate and Jeremiah brought some of their design tips to life in their former living room, seen here.

Nate Berkus & Jeremiah Brent

Marissa Hagmeyer Organizer Marissa is co-owner of Neat Method, a national organizing service.

FO R M ZO N E S Use a rug to make a large room’s sofa and accent chairs feel more like a cozy unit. Alternatively, lay a few small floor coverings to define more intimate conversation areas throughout the space.

34 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

C R E AT E O R D E R

Avoid losing your remote controls in the couch cushions by placing a small basket or vessel on a nearby table.

Get into the habit of putting the remotes there when not in use.

D ON’ T ST R E S S OVER S CUFFS

Old leather, metal, or wood pieces with a patina bring character to the room, and you don’t have to worry about protecting them with coasters. Scuffs and discoloration will only add to the charm.

MAKE IT PERSONAL

B R I N G I N BA S K E T S

Your home should tell your family’s story.

Incorporate photographs from your favorite trips and mementos from special experiences in your life.

Baskets offer a decorative place to toss throw blankets or stash stray items before lastminute guests arrive.

Just be sure to revisit the contents once your guests have gone and return those items to their proper spots.

L I V I N G R O O M : C O U R T E S Y O F J U L I E H O L D E R P H O T O G R A P H Y ; N AT E B E R K U S A N D J E R E M I A H B R E N T : C O U R T E S Y O F L I V I N G S PA C E S ; M A R I S S A H AG M E Y E R : C O U RT E SY O F M I C H E L L E D R E W E S P H OTO G R A P H Y

Designers Nate (right) and Jeremiah are interior designers based in Los Angeles.

A DV E R T I S E M E N T

FRESHEN UP YOUR LIVING ROOM The living room is where your family probably spends a lot of time relaxing and entertaining, which makes it prone to spills, stains and odors. Freshen up this space with these tips.

CLEAN COUCH CORNERS Chocolate smudges and cookie crumbles can find their way into deep corners of your couch. The best way to remove these sticky stains is to mix a little detergent with warm water and blot the area with a clean white cloth. Next, use a damp cloth to remove any lingering detergent.

REMOVE PET FUR Don’t immediately dry off your rubber kitchen gloves after doing dishes at night. Run clean, damp rubber gloves along couches and other furniture to easily remove pet hair from cushioned surfaces.

KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN

WASH THROW BLANKETS Having cozy blankets to snuggle in during TV time is great, but odors and stains can build up. Be sure to wash your throw blankets at least once a month to keep them smelling fresh.

Learn more at WWW.ARMANDHAMMER.COM

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THE CLEAN YOU NEED AT A FRACTION OF THE COST.† †per load vs. the leading detergent.

U N C O M M O N S O L U T I O N S T O E V E RY D AY P RO B L E M S

F O O D S T Y L I N G B Y M I C H E L L E G AT T O N

H OW TO CR ACK O PE N A CO CO N UT Pick a coconut that’s heavy for its size and makes a sloshing sound when shaken. To open it, find the three dark indentations, or “eyes,” on the bottom of the fruit and press each with the tip of a wine key until you find the softest one. Screw the wine key into the eye and then remove it, creating a hole. Drain the water into a cup, then taste it. It should be lightly sweet; if it’s sour at all, the fruit is past its prime. Place the coconut on a bed of towels and strike near its equator with a hammer or mallet, turning the coconut slowly with your other hand. After the shell cracks, place the halves facedown, then use the hammer to tap around each shell until the white meat separates from it. Remove the thin brown skin on the meat with a vegetable peeler. Shred or cube the meat.

Or use the peeler to make chips for the granola recipe at the link below.

By Brandi Broxson

Get the recipe for coconut-cashew granola with mango and pistachios at realsimple.com/granola.

P h o t o g r a p h b y Yu n h e e K i m

AUGUST 2018 RE AL SIMPLE

39

THE REALIST

Real Simplifier

How to Build a Campfire U S E T H E S E E A S Y- T O - F O L L O W I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R A ( C O N T R O L L E D ! ) B L A Z E T H AT W I L L M A K E YO U R C R E W H A P P Y C A M P E R S.

By Caroline McKenzie

1

2

3

5

4

CHECK CONDITIONS

G AT H E R M AT E R I A L S

FIND A GO OD SP OT

IGNITE THE FL AME

E X T I N G U I S H S A F E LY

Not all days are good campfire days. “Dry vegetation, heat, wind, and thunderstorms increase the chance of a fire getting out of control,” says Deborah Macres, a Girl Scout troop leader and High Adventure Girl Scout leader in Granite Bay, California. “Reviewing conditions beforehand will help you assess dangers and alert you to any current burn bans.” Campgrounds will post information on such bans. But if you’re planning a fire in a less regulated area—or even your own backyard—you can consult the National Weather Service (weather.gov) as well as a local ranger station or land management office. If there’s a warning, skip the fire.

You will need tinder, kindling, and logs, says Brenda Lo-Griffin, a Raleigh, North Carolina– based instructor for REI Outdoor School. Tinder is any thin, dry material that ignites instantly with a match, such as leaves or pine needles.

Dryer lint also works well, says Lo-Griffin.

Kindling is small sticks (about the size of a pencil) that help a fire expand beyond the initial spark. Finally, logs, which will keep your fire burning over time, should be wood that is no thicker than your wrist, dead, and found on the ground. Never cut live branches—they won’t burn well—or use wood that’s been pressure treated or painted, says Macres.

If your campsite doesn’t have a designated fire pit, seek out a level area away from overhanging branches. The fire base should be three to four inches of sand or nonfertile dirt. Encircle the spot with rocks to help concentrate the flames.

Arrange tinder, kindling, and logs in one of two patterns: tepee or log cabin. Tepees begin with kindling in lean-to formation around a ball of tinder. As the flames grow, add larger logs the same way. Log cabins, which many prefer, start with logs arranged in an interlocking perpendicular and parallel design. Place tinder on the first layer and kindling on the next, continuing to build fuel layers with larger logs on the outside of the structure.

Campfires should never be started with gasoline, lighter fluid, or other accelerants, as they can be harmful to the environment and result in flames that quickly escalate to unmanageable levels.

Instead, Lo-Griffin suggests a long-handled lighter wand or, better yet, matches. “Ignite tinder and then blow on it to help the fire spread to the kindling,” she says. “Oxygen is key to a fire’s success.” Also, be patient. “It may require 20 to 30 minutes for it to catch, especially if there’s been rain in the past few days,” says Lo-Griffin. “You need to add kindling and logs slowly—don’t rush.”

Putting out a fire can take just as long as starting one. Macres says to expect at least 20 minutes. To extinguish your handiwork, sprinkle water—not dirt or sand—on the fire pit.

As you do so, stir the embers with a stick or shovel until the fire is completely extinguished. “Resist the temptation to flood the fire,” says Macres. “It creates instant steam, which can burn people in the vicinity.” When is it safe to leave? When the area—fire ring, wood, embers—is cool to the touch. Until then, continue to sprinkle with water and stir intermittently. If you’re at a campsite, return the rocks to their original location when your fire is finished.

40 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Going camping?

Get a handy packing checklist at realsimple .com/campingchecklist.

Illustrations by Amy van Luijk

THE REALIST

Things Cooks Know S T R A T E G I E S , T E C H N I Q U E S , A N D T I P S O N C H I L E S A N D P E P P E R S— F RO M T H E R E A L S I M P L E T E ST K I TC H E N TO YO U R S

By Grace Elkus

2

Ready to turn up the heat?

1

Our guide to chiles and peppers—in peak season now—will help you distinguish your poblanos from your serranos.

THE BASICS

5 SERR ANO Just up the Scoville scale (that’s the chile heat index) from jalapeños, these slender green chiles give an extra kick.

6 BELL PEPPER Mild, juicy bell peppers come in green (slightly bitter) and yellow, orange, and red (sweet) varieties. Cooking them brings out their natural sweetness—try them in ratatouille or atop pizza.

3

4

3 S H I S H I TO Wrinkled, sweet, and delicate, these Japanese peppers are best when blistered in a hot pan. Serve with a squeeze of lemon juice and a sprinkle of flaky salt.

6

5

42 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

2 H A B A N E RO Super-spicy and distinctively fruity, habaneros range in color from green to red. Their robust heat stands up well to grilled meats.

4 JA L A P E Ñ O Commonly used in salsas and hot sauce (sriracha is made from red ones), these are your gateway chile.

For less heat, remove the seeds and pith.

BONUS POINTS H ATC H Grown in Hatch, New Mexico, these fleshy peppers are harvested beginning in late summer (and are celebrated in September at the village’s annual Hatch Chile Festival). Roast, peel, and chop, then add to enchiladas or queso dip.

P I Q U I L LO Look for these pointed red peppers, stuffed with meat or cheeses, on tapas menus. They’re tame like bell peppers and easy to find roasted and jarred.

S C OTC H B O N N E T Often confused with habaneros, these slightly sweeter chiles give jerk chicken its characteristic heat.

Photograph by Jen Causey

F O O D S T Y L I N G B Y E M I LY N A B O R S H A L L ; P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y C L A I R E S P O L L E N

1 POBL ANO Relatively mild, these thickskinned, heart-shaped peppers are ideal for stuffing (think chiles rellenos).

*Per serving than regular Natural Bliss.

© 2018 TIME INC. AFFLUENT MEDIA GROUP, A DIVISION OF MEREDITH CORP. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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THE REALIST

Beach Bag Essentials ARMED WITH THESE LIT TLE GEMS, Y O U C A N F O R G E T A B O U T S C A RY S U N B U R N S , R AC C O O N E Y E S, A N D W E T- R AT H A I R .

H AWA I I A N T RO P I C A N T I OX I DA N T P LU S S U N S C R E E N L O T I O N S P F 50

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TA N G L E T E E Z E R PINEAPPLE C O M PA C T S T Y L E R

Detangling pool or ocean hair has never been less painful.

The long teeth slide through knots without pulling, while the short teeth smooth the cuticle so hair looks shiny despite chlorine or salt water.

TO BUY: $16; ulta.com.

N E U T RO G E N A H Y D RO B O O S T PLUMPING MASCAR A

Water-, smudge-, and flake-proof, this formula contains vitamin E, hyaluronic acid, and keratin, resulting in glossy, defined lashes when it’s on and healthy lashes when it’s not.

TO BUY: $10; at drugstores.

Detangle your hair or turn scaly legs sexy with a shot of this multiuse organic oil.

It leaves a pretty sheen and smells of lemongrass and gardenia. TO BUY: $66; leonorgreyl-usa.com.

P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y K ATJ A G R E E F F

O UA I H A I RC A R E SUN OF A BEACH O M B R É S P R AY

Sun In has a sophisticated little sister.

Activated by the sun, this lemon-infused coconut-water spray brightens highlights and makes virgin hair look sun-kissed.

TO BUY: $24; theouai.com.

COLORESCIENCE S U N F O RG E T TA B L E T O TA L P RO T E C T I O N B RU S H - O N S H I E L D S P F 50

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Photograph by Chelsea Cavanaugh

This lightweight SPF contains green tea extract to boost defense against damaging UV rays.

Plus, it smells like a tropical vacation.

TO BUY: $9; target.com.

The absolute easiest way to reapply sunscreen: Dust this mineral powder onto skin for UVA and UVB protection.

TO BUY: $65; colorescience.com.

Got sun spots? Find brightening tips from derms at realsimple .com/suncare.

AUGUST 2018 RE AL SIMPLE

47

THE REALIST

R o a d Te s t

Shower Products C H O S E N F RO M M O R E T H A N 5 0 C O N T E STA N T S, T H E S E S I X W I N N E R S S H AV E D T I M E O F F O U R G E T- R E A DY RO U T I N E S, L E F T O U R S K I N S O F T E R , A N D M A D E U S F E E L A L I T T L E PA M P E R E D E V E RY D AY.

By Lisa D eSantis

BAR

Dove Anti-Stress Micellar Water Beauty Bar This dermatologistrecommended face and body cleanser now contains micelles (molecules that draw out dirt and oil) for a deep yet gentle clean. TO BUY: $3.50 for 2; at drugstores.

LO T I O N

WA S H

Nivea Vanilla Caramel Foaming Silk Mousse Body Wash This whipped formula is laced with silk extract, smells like dessert, and doubles as a luxurious shaving cream.

TO BUY: $6; at drugstores.

Curél Hydra Therapy Wet Skin Moisturizer The secret to baby-soft skin: Apply lotion to damp skin. Keep this in the shower and smooth it on right after turning off the faucet.

TO BUY: $11 for 12 oz.; at drugstores.

realsimple ROAD TE ST

TO OL S PA - L I K E T R E AT

Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Shower Steamers in Sleep When you don’t have time to take a bath to unwind, grab one of these essential oil–packed pods to fake the feeling. Place the quarter-size tablet on the shower floor. As it dissolves in the water, its calming lavender and cedarwood formula transforms your shower into a steamy, tranquil oasis so you can shake off a stressful day.

TO BUY: $14.50 for 6; bathandbodyworks.com.

48 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Spongellé Papaya Yuzu Wild Flower This time-released body wash–infused buffer saves precious shower space and effectively exfoliates dry spots. Lasts for 14-plus uses. TO BUY: $14; spongelle.com.

For time-saving shower tricks, visit realsimple.com/shower.

P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R S

S C RU B

Frank Body Express-O Coffee Scrub This no-mess scrub is designed to stick to skin, not fall onto the floor. The finely ground beans boost circulation.

TO BUY: $20; frankbody.com.

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©2018 P&G

THE REALIST

Drugstore Insider

Kathy Benghanem

Conair Worldwide Travel Dryer “This dryer has dual voltage—ideal for travel—and folds so it can be easily packed.

Its ionic technology keeps hair smooth.”

TO BUY: $30; at drugstores.

Known as the master of natural-looking microbonded hair extensions (she uses the brand Great Lengths), Benghanem is a celebrity hairstylist whose clients include Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens, and Valerie Bertinelli. She’s the owner of Gemini 14 Salon in New York City.

The Original Mane ‘n Tail Shampoo and Conditioner “Believe it or not, these were made for horses but cleansed hair so well without stripping that people started using them!”

TO BUY: $6 each; at drugstores.

50 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Old Spice Pomade “This offers definition without giving you that slick look—perfect for piecey layers or short hair. It smells amazing, and you can’t beat the price for the quality.”

TO BUY: $9; cvs.com.

WetBrush “This works wonders. It takes out the dread of brushing knotty, tangled hair and is good for all hair types and for kids. You can use it dry and not get static.” TO BUY: $10; thewetbrush.com.

John Frieda Frizz Ease Extra Strength Serum “Excellent at creating defined curls without the crunch, this product controls frizz and also acts as a heat protectant.”

TO BUY: $10; at drugstores.

L’Oréal Paris Elnett Satin Hairspray Strong Hold “My go-to hairspray because it gives great hold. Spray it onto a toothbrush and run it along your hairline to smooth flyaways.” TO BUY: $15; at drugstores.

C O U R T E S Y O F K AT H Y B E N G H A N E M ; H A I R D R Y E R : K E V I N S W E E N E Y ; P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U F A C T U R E R S

T H E B E ST B E AU T Y P RO D U C T S I N T H E A I S L E S, H A N D P I C K E D BY A P RO

THE REALIST

2 1

1 ARR ANGE S T R AT EG I C A L LY

4

Stash books you want to keep but may not reread on high shelves, leaving the space at eye level open for in-use items. Heavy or large volumes should be kept on the bottom shelf to prevent the ledge from sagging under their weight.

2 C AT EG O R I Z E

3

The easiest way to find exactly what you’re looking for is to divide each shelf by category (nonfiction, fiction, biography) and arrange books accordingly. Enforce the “one in, one out” rule: Every time you purchase a new book, donate an old one so you can keep the shelves’ airy look.

3 C R E AT E B O U N DA R I E S

Use magazine file holders to corral kids’ keepsakes or crossword puzzle books and prevent the shelves from looking messy.

TO BUY: Magazine file box, $15; poppin.com.

5

4 ADD CHAR ACTER

Organize This B U I L D A B E T T E R B O O K S H E L F W I T H T I P S F RO M T O N I H A M M E R S L E Y, A U T H O R O F T H E C O M P L E T E B O O K

5 K E E P I T C O N TA I N E D

Outfit your shelves with pretty bins for nondecorative items, like remotes or charging cords.

O F H O M E O R G A N I Z AT I O N .

To learn how to keep it clean, visit realsimple.com/bookshelf.

52 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

Photograph by Chelsea Cavanaugh

PROP ST YLING BY ASTRID CHASTK A

Pile some books horizontally to form a bookend for a row of books placed vertically.

Top the stack with a decorative object or a small plant to give the shelf some life.

EVERY

“WOW, WE DID THIS”

HAS A STARTING POINT. Ready to take your painting skills to the next level? Lowe’s is ready to help. We can show you everything from the latest techniques to the newest tools. So go ahead, take on that bigger, bolder look. You might be surprised at how easy it can be.

START WITH

©2018 Lowe’s. LOWE’S and Gable Mansard Design are registered trademarks of LF, LLC.

THE REALIST

Add a Little Color T I R E D O F N E U T R A L E V E RY T H I N G B U T D O N ’ T WA N T T O G O T O O W I L D ?

E X P E RT S S H A R E T H E I R FAV O R I T E S U R P R I S E S P O T S T O P U T A S P L A S H O F PA I N T.

By Stephanie Sisco

COURTESY OF JENNIFER HUGHES

If you’re a fan of vibrant color but still recovering from a regretful choice to paint your entire college living room turquoise, this story is for you. Consider adding an unexpected accent shade to the interior of a cabinet (seen here), along your staircase risers, or on a piece of furniture.

“Choose a color that relates to something else in the room and fits in with the style of the space,” says Patrick Sutton, an interior designer in Baltimore. Here, he went with a bold orange tone that complements the warm wood of the cabinetry.

55

THE REALIST

Furniture “The prep is key,” says Tracy Morris, an interior designer in Washington, D.C. First, sand the entire piece with 100-grit sandpaper to remove some of the old finish and rough up the surface a bit so the new paint has something to adhere to. Thoroughly wipe it clean, then use a mini foam roller to coat it with a primer (like Kilz Max White Water-Based Interior Primer, Sealer and Stain-Blocker, $35 per gallon; homedepot.com), which will provide a clean base and prevent any oil in the wood from bleeding through your color.

“Sand between coats and clean off the dust before applying the next coat,” says Erin Gates, author of Elements of Style.

P I C K YO U R PA I N T

Find inspiration from your accent pieces (like the cactus pillow below). “It’s important to consider your existing flooring, fabrics, and window treatments,” says Dee Schlotter, senior color marketing manager for PPG Paints. Hold up a few possible paint swatches against these elements to make sure everything will work well together.

(From left) Regal Select in Peacock Feathers, $60 per gallon; benjaminmoore.com for info. All Surface Enamel in Naval, from $68 per gallon; sherwin-williams.com for info.

TO TRY:

For metal surfaces, Sherry Petersik, author and DIY blogger at younghouselove.com, recommends Rust-Oleum Universal spray paint because of its comfortable trigger mechanism and built-in primer. Lay the brackets outside on a tarp or old piece of cardboard and “spray in short, sweeping motions to keep your paint even,” says Rachel Mae Smith, author of Hello Color. Let it dry for at least 10 minutes before applying the next coat; four or five thin coats should do the trick. To seal, spray on a coat of Krylon Colormaxx Acrylic Crystal Clear in satin (from $4; krylon.com for info) and let it dry overnight.

P I C K YO U R PA I N T

Go with one color or choose a rainbow assortment (as shown above). It’s also fun to use four shades of one color and install the finished brackets in gradient order for an ombré effect, says Smith.

(From left) Rust-Oleum Universal Matte spray paint in robin’s egg, $7; homedepot.com. Montana Gold Acrylic Professional spray paint in Viola, from $7; dickblick.com.

TO TRY:

56 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

For more designer-approved paint colors, visit realsimple.com/perfectpaint.

OFFICE: COURTESY OF RACHEL MAE SMITH; BUNK BED: COURTESY OF A BE AUTIF UL MES S

Shelf Brackets

© 2017 Delta Faucet Company

LO O KS D I F F E R E N T.

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F E E L S D I F F E R E N T.

THE REALIST

Interior Doors Again, primer is crucial. Gates likes a satin or semigloss finish for doors and trim, but cautions that “the shinier the paint finish, the more it will highlight flaws on the surface.” Ideally, remove the doors from their hinges and paint them flat atop sawhorses. If that’s not possible, paint in place, making sure to cover the floor below. Apply painter’s tape to protect knobs and hinges. If your door has panels, use a paintbrush to get paint into the crevices, then follow with a four-inch foam roller on the remaining surface to smooth out the brushstrokes.

Sand down any drips that develop between coats.

P I C K YO U R PA I N T

Using a complementary color on a closet door and updating the hardware can give the space an entirely new look. Consider a pastel for a subtle addition to a guest bedroom (below, on door: Satin Ribbon, from $48 per gallon; dunnedwards.com for info). Or use a brighter shade to add character to a kids’ space.

(From left) Valspar Signature Interior Paint and Primer in One in Beach Blanket, from $32 per gallon; lowes.com. Regal Select in Cinco de Mayo, $60 per gallon; benjaminmoore.com for info.

Staircase Risers Gates suggests using a polyurethane-based porch and floor enamel here, as it’s durable enough to withstand high traffic.

Alternatively, try paint with a semigloss finish, which is easier to wipe clean and doesn’t hold on to dust, grime, and scuffs like a flat finish can. Line the top and bottom edges of each riser with painter’s tape (such as Frog Tape, $8 per roll; lowes .com) to protect the stair landings. Remove the tape before the paint is dry to help ensure a clean line.

P I C K YO U R PA I N T

If you have a “shoes on” house, opt for a darker shade to mask scuff marks (above: Teal Ocean in satin, $53 per gallon; benjaminmoore.com for info). If your heart is set on a lighter color, says Petersik, pick a medium gray or tan to hide the debris that collects in the crevice between step and riser.

(From left) Regal Select in Revere Pewter, $60 per gallon; benjaminmoore .com for info. Night Watch, from $35 per gallon; ppgpaints.com for info.

TO TRY:

58 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

S TA I R C A S E : J O N N Y VA L I A N T ; P I N K D O O R : C O U R T E S Y O F J E F F M I N D E L L

TO TRY:

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Stylewise

The Denim Edit THE NE W BLUE S G O WITH E V E RY T H I N G , I N C L U D I N G ONE ANOTHER. THESE NINE ESSENTIAL PIECES H AV E YO U C O V E R E D.

S O F T S T Y L I N G B Y A L E X S I LVA AT B E R N S T E I N & A N D R I U L L I

By Flavia Nunez

P h o t o g r a p h s b y Ke v i n S w e e n e y

AUGUST 2018 RE AL SIMPLE

61

THE REALIST

The Key Pieces J .C R E W JA C K E T Classic Denim jacket, $110; jcrew.com.

K AT E S PA D E N E W YO R K S K I RT Vintage Denim Wrap skirt, $198; katespade.com.

KENNETH COLE HEEL S Lex Ankle Strap heels, $140; nordstrom.com.

M O DA LUX E C RO S S B O DY Aurelia bag, $65; modaluxe.com.

KEDS SNEAKERS Ace Leather sneakers, $65; keds.com.

H A B I T UA L TO P Clio Sleeveless blouse, $258; habitual.com.

G E R A R D DA R E L DRESS Daphne dress, $395; gerarddarel.com.

J.JILL JE ANS Versatile 5 Pocket Denim leggings, $99; jjill.com.

GA P S H I RT Denim Fitted Boyfriend shirt, $60; gap.com.

62 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

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WINK OF PINK SHOP EARRINGS Zoe Lucite Hoop earrings, $24; winkofpink shop.com.

MARK AND GR AHAM BR ACELETS Stella Valle Birthstone bracelets, $45 each; markand graham.com.

S H I RT + S K I RT The similar indigo tones make these separates feel like a one-piece.

Add a necklace and crisp white sneakers for an instant modern finish.

64 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

JACKET + BLOUSE + JEANS Go classic with a denim jacket that hits right above the hip.

A collar bow and longer hem on the top elevate this casual outfit into an easy date night look.

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S H I RT + JEANS Different shades in an all-denim outfit keep you from going the Canadian tuxedo route, and the statement necklace adds a special touch.

66 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

D R E S S + S H I RT When Labor Day breezes kick up, layer a denim shirt over a floral dress for a pretty, relaxed look.

Knotting the shirt in front shows off your waist.

THE REALIST

The Essential T H AT B A S I C I N YO U R C L O S E T I S M O R E V E R S AT I L E T H A N YO U T H I N K .

T H I S M O N T H: H OW TO ST Y L E YO U R W H I T E T E E FO R A N Y O CC A S I O N

By Rebecca D aly

S TA RT W I T H THE TEE...

SOF T ST YLING BY SABRINA GRANDE

TO BUY: Uniqlo Supima Cotton Jersey Crew Neck ShortSleeve T-shirt, $10; uniqlo.com.

. . . A D D A P R E T T Y S K I RT A N D A S C A R F

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Ladylike extras—slingback kitten heels, a straw hat—give a unisex tee a retro, feminine vibe that feels unfussy but fancy enough for brunch or a baby shower.

A T-shirt can look downright professional.

Just keep your accessories as polished as you would if you were wearing a silk blouse. A statement necklace disguises the telltale cotton-rib collar.

For a colorful, of-the-moment twist on jeans and a tee, layer on a lightweight tank. The attached belt on this one brings refinement to a laid-back look.

TO BUY: Oak + Fort skirt, $78; oakandfort.com. Joules Square neckerchief, $20; joulesusa.com. Lizzie Fortunato Reversible Skinny Georgia belt, $195; ofakind.com. Kin The Label Lucy hat, $130; kinlabel.com. Jessica Simpson Double Stone Post Drop earrings, $10; amazon.com. Aldo Creranna slingback heels, $80; aldoshoes.com.

Alex Marie Tessa jacket, $129, and Tallulah pants, $79; dillards.com. Kate Spade New York Bauble Drop earrings, $48; amazon.com. Stella & Dot necklace, $198; stelladot.com. Skagen Anita watch, $175; skagen.com. Clove + Revel Charlotte satchel, $365; cloveandrevel.com. Nine West Affable flats, $79; ninewest.com.

TO BUY:

Learn how to take care of your white tee at realsimple.com/theessential.

Photographs by Brian Henn

French Connection Dalma cami, $58; frenchconnection.com. Frame Le High Straight Blind Stitch Hem jeans, $220; frame-store.com. American Eagle Rose Round sunglasses, $16; ae.com.

David Aubrey Triangle Cutout cuff, $69; davidaubrey.com. Shinola Crescent crossbody bag, $395; shinola.com.

Italeau Soldani Water Resistant sandals, $395; italeau.com.

TO BUY:

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MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS IN A MODERN WORLD

5 WAYS TO E XPA N D YOU R S O CIA L CIRCLE In a friendship rut? A few expert ideas for meaningful ways to mingle with new people.

By Betsy Rubiner

1

B O N N I N ST U D I O / STO C K SY

Grow by gardening.

Community food gardens automatically give people two things to rejoice or complain about together: food and the weather. And many of our members (young families, seniors, church groups, veterans, and others) become friends in our gardening or cooking classes, or during our garden socials or all-garden workdays. New members get a Welcome sign on their plots so the other gardeners know they may need help. One woman told us she’s lived here for 14 years, and after joining one of our gardens, she finally felt at home.

L A MANDA JOY IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE CHICAGO NONPROFIT PE TERSON GARDEN PROJECT, WHICH SHE FOUNDED IN 2010. SHE IS THE AUTHOR OF START A C OMMUNI T Y FO OD GARDEN: THE ES SENT I AL HANDBO OK .

REAL SIMPLE

73

R E L AT I N G

2

Sing along.

A community chorus helps people in diferent stages of life, with a variety of viewpoints, find something in common: making music.

It’s powerful. Our chorus is coed, with singers from age 15 to their 80s, college students and community members, professionals and service industry workers, church choir singers and people who would never set foot in a church. At a time when our connections are so digital, choirs provide a uniquely human connection—the opportunity to stand shoulder to shoulder with others and be aware of their very breath.

AIMEE BECKMANN-COLLIER IS THE DIRECTOR OF CHORAL STUDIES AT DRAKE UNIVERSIT Y IN DES MOINES, IOWA . SHE CONDUCTS THE DRAKE UNIVERSIT Y/COMMUNIT Y CHORUS AND AUDITIONED ENSEMBLES.

4

Share supper and stories.

Team up for fitness.

Everyone at our CrossFit gym is in the same boat. No matter how good you are, you still have to work hard, and you still sweat. We all want to improve, and we pride ourselves on working as a team. It’s the opposite of putting in your earbuds and going from machine to machine. Our community is eclectic—teens and seniors, super-fit folks and people who are new to exercise, pregnant women and athletes with disabilities.

Everyone does the same workout, but it can be adjusted for physical ability or disability. Finishing a workout together that seemed too challenging forges bonds, many of which extend outside the gym doors.

MAILL ARD HOWELL IS THE OWNER OF CROS SFIT PROSPECT HEIGHTS IN BRO OKLYN, NE W YORK , WHERE HE AL SO COACHES.

74 R E A L S I M P L E A U G U S T 2 0 1 8

Making your grandmother’s sweet potato pie, or another dish with meaning, for a potluck with strangers is a great way to introduce yourself. Sharing a personal story along with your dish can be transformational. Invite five neighbors or coworkers you don’t know well.

Encourage them to bring a friend.

Ask everyone to share an experience we’ve all had—for example, a time when they felt unwelcome. Forming unexpected connections can be deeply beautiful, especially at a time when we are often connected only to people who think or look like us.

REV. JENNIFER BAILEY IS AN ORDAINED MINISTER IN NASHVILLE. SHE COFOUNDED THE PEOPLE’S SUPPER, WHICH HAS HOSTED MORE THAN 1,0 0 0 SUPPERS IN 1 2 1 CITIES.

5

Welcome refugees.

I cherish the fact that my Mormon kids from Dallas are able to help Muslim refugee kids from war-torn Syria resettle. It’s made our kids reevaluate their lives. We don’t have to worry about shelling from opposition forces. It’s important for our kids to see that not everyone prays to the same God, speaks the same language, or lives in the same comfort. But we all need to be loved, to feel safe, to be educated, and to have the freedom to make changes so we can have a better, safer life. They see that the world is a big place and learn the value of lending a hand.

GREG CHRISTENSEN, AN ADVERTISING AGENCY CRE ATIVE DIRECTOR, VOLUNTEERS WITH REFUGEE SERVICES OF TE XAS, ALONG WITH HIS WIFE, SUZ Y, A TE ACHER, AND THEIR FOUR CHILDREN. THEY LIVE IN DALL AS.

K KG A S / STO C K SY

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R E L AT I N G

The author ’s older son in County Mayo, Ireland.

Good Read

Loaded Questions W H E N H E R Y O U N G S O N S T A R T E D A S K I N G A B O U T E V E RY T H I N G F R O M W A R T O P H Y S I C S ,

M Y S O N ’ S F I R S T WO R D WA S “toi-t.” It sounded like “toilet” and “torte” got together to make a new word, but what he meant was “turtle.” What mattered was I knew it. “Finally,” I thought, “we can communicate beyond gestures! Good times lie ahead.”

It turns out there’s a dark side to the ability to form words.

Now that my son can talk, his ceaseless chatter manages to threaten the foundations of my knowledge on a daily basis.

I’m talking about the Questions.

I’m still recovering from a recent episode. The morning was inauspicious—humdrum, really. My two boys, ages 2 and 4, came with me to the post office, to the grocery store. We ate lunch: tacos. It was sunny. We drove to a new park dedicated to veterans. At the entrance was a cannon. Seeing the weapon, my older son asked, “OK. So how do they get that thing on a pirate ship?”

76 R E A L S I M P L E A U G U S T 2 0 1 8

COURTESY OF ASHLEY LEFRAK GRIDER

A S H L E Y L E F R A K G R I D E R H A D T O C O N F R O N T W H A T S H E D I D N ’ T K N O W.

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SUM

MER 2018

exclusively at

© 2018 TIME INC. AFFLUENT MEDIA GROUP, A DIVISION OF MEREDITH CORP. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

DILLARDS.COM/SOUTHERNLIVING

W H AT, O R W H Y, O R H OW, O R H OW C O M E ? It’s impossible to predict when the big questions will arrive. Typically they start with little technical concerns that aren’t so hard to answer. “What’s inside bones?” he asks, innocuously enough.

The answer is still leaving my mouth when I’m walloped by the follow-up: “When, exactly, will you and Dad die?”

These heavy hitters are intermingled with questions that sound like either pure nonsense or riddles designed to grow my mind if only I gave them their proper due. “What is yesterday?” he asks. I try responding straightforwardly, but where to start? Memory? Time? Orbital revolution? “The day before today,” for whatever reason, does not satisfy.

I can smell my neurons frying.

I’m not saying the questions I field are consistently paradigm shifting. I would prefer chipping desiccated gum from a hot stretch of pavement than respond to a few. One son recently asked, “Why does Dad have no boobs?” What intrigues and feels instructive is hearing, in each new question, how my children angle themselves toward their surroundings for maximum absorption. I’ve been shown again and again how a question can evolve from the seemingly simple to something more layered. “Why are we in the car?” turns quickly to “Why do cars make noise?” My eyes will be midway to a complete blink when I hear, in the momentary flutter of darkness, “Why is moving sound?”

“I don’t know,” I say. Often. I don’t know, I-don’t-know, Idontknow. A mountain of maternal “I don’t knows” reaches new heights each day. I don’t know the steps by which paper

78 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

C E R TA I N W H O P P E R S , T H O U G H , like my son’s question about why there is war, have started to arrive with increased frequency. These no-joke questions—and in the past months they’ve ranged in topic from divorce to poverty, child soldiers to environmental destruction—have begun to make me squint with feigned focus at nothing whatsoever while heavily sweating, my way of registering the vast distance between what I want to say and what I ought to be saying.

What I want is to say, breezily, “Oh, it’s complicated,” followed by, “Let’s have a show of hands for pretzels!” What I want is for the responses to my child’s hard questions to match his goodness, his wish for everyone, everywhere, to be basically safe and happy and OK. What I want is to give him the answers he hopes for, to tell him the world is the way he imagines it should ABOUT be, and also not to be lying.

T H E AU T H O R What I sense, however, is that when he formuAshley Lefrak lates his Questions, he is owed some version of Grider’s writing the truth, by which I mean not Answers but genhas appeared in McSweeney’s uine conversation. When my son asked the cannonInternet inspired question about war, I wanted to ignore Tendency, The Rumpus, him, tell him to go play, change the topic, all things and Salon. She I’ve done in the past. Instead, this time, I dug in. lives in “Oh, it’s really dumb. I mean, it’s awful,” I started.

Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.

“But sometimes people resolve their conflicts with weapons instead of talking.” I refrained from addressing the outmoded nature of the cannon and the techniques of modern warfare to my wide-eyed child, but I was compelled to continue with this keeper: “People hurt each other in an attempt to resolve their conflicts. It’s not efective, and also people die, so it’s terrible and sad.”

He was silent. Small wonder. “Efective”? “Resolve”? Half the words were Greek to him; the other half were super scary.

D R E A M C AT C H E R : C H E R Y L Z I B I S K Y / G E T T Y I M A G E S ; A U T H O R P H O T O G R A P H C O U R T E S Y O F A S H L E Y L E F R A K G R I D E R

“Pulleys,” I said. “Pirates use pulleys to get leverage. Or they put the cannon on wheels…to decrease friction.” We’d recently read a book about pulleys and leverage and how wheels decrease friction. For a microsecond I enjoyed the illusory satisfaction that, by using these words in a new context, I was winning at something.

A quick glance at his face told me he was not into the physics of the thing. He wanted to know something else.

“Why do people want to kill eachother?”

My son still says “each other” as if it were alloneword.

He says “aminals” instead of “animals” and “losted” instead of “lost” but somehow, already, he is onto the cause of war.

is made or how a building’s foundations are laid. I don’t know the history of ninjas or the mechanics of…almost anything. It turns out I know practically nothing, really, about anything. Really. My knowledge of the world could be better described as not-knowledge punctuated by random facts.

This may sound like a fast track to humiliation, but it’s not. The questions mark a welcome shift in our relationship.

While I adored my boys as babies, the benefits of looking after them seemed to accrue, largely, with them, in the satisfying curve of new thigh fat or the occasional toothless grin. I felt mothering to be mostly an act of giving. Now that my boys are a bit older, our time together feels newly nourishing. Our conversations burst with what Robert Louis Stevenson called “random provocations.” To be in the presence of this roving, open curiosity, unlimited by preconception, snaps me to a level of attention that feels, in many ways, like the point of being alive.

R E L AT I N G

He repeated: “Why do people want to kill eachother?”

I reminded myself that he has nightmares about characters in kids’ books. He thinks that any rustle in the leaves is “really, probably a vemo-mous snake.” He was convinced there were monsters in his room until we made a dream catcher and, magically, they disappeared. I thought of all his 4-year-old fears and fantastic thinking and decided I owed him a strain of honesty tempered by love. “Most people don’t want to kill each other,” I said. “But sometimes, once in a while, there’s a war…between countries.”

I was far from crushing it. “War” is a word he doesn’t understand. “Countries” is an abstraction he barely gets.

The other day he shouted from a cardboard box he was sitting in with his little brother, “We’re on a ship leaving Pennsylvania and heading to Philadelphia!” Also, mine was a questionable form of honesty. “Sometimes” there’s war.

There’s been war every second since you were born, kid.

He continued, asking, “I won’t go to war, though, Momma.

Right?” At last it sank in that this was, in its sun-drenched, suburban, blue-skied way, a terrible moment. I said, “I hope not. I would not want you, or any child, to go to war.” I was awash in a wave of unjustifiable anger at the parkside can-

non. I was also starting to resent his relentless line of questioning. The pause between us grew longer while he digested what I was saying and I parsed how to be clear but not completely terrifying. Either what I said was not sinking in or my own bewilderment was being communicated too well and he didn’t like the unresolvedness of the whole thing. So he asked a version of the same question for the third time: “Why do some people go to war?”

“They think it’s the right thing to do,” I tried, “to protect their country and their values.” I did not mention nationalism, or the military-industrial complex, or the impossible economic strain that causes many to join the armed forces.

There is only so much one can accomplish in a morning.

Finally, he had enough of me and this abstract business about countries and values and killing eachother. The swings had started their cranky song, and he was suddenly aware of where we were. Our exchange ended as abruptly as it had begun. The seesaw called.

And me? I was left standing there by the car, confronting a few questions of my own. What am I doing? How did I get to this moment? Why is moving sound?

Mom?

R E L AT I N G

The Vets Will See You Now A N SW E R S TO YO U R H A I R I E ST P E T Q U E ST I O N S

B E AT T H E H E AT

OUT OF THEIR SHELL

MOUTHING OFF

We like to take our dog to the lake with us. Can he get sunburned? If so, how can I protect him against the UV rays?

We’re considering getting a hermit crab. What should I know about them first?

My cat has terrible breath. Is there anything I can do at home to help?

“They’re quite social, so get at least two,” says veterinarian Kristin Claricoates Valdes.

While not exactly crabby, these pets are particular. Two small crabs require a tank at least 20 gallons in size, kept between 75 and 85 degrees Fahrenheit and at 75 to 85 percent humidity. “They breathe through gills, so they need moisture to function,” explains Valdes. They also need hiding spots (halved logs or coconuts), bowls of dechlorinated fresh water and salt water (use dechlorinated aquarium salt) to submerge in, and a mix of protein (fresh shrimp, bloodworms) and fruit (blueberries, mango) to eat.

Also key: time to warm up to you. “Leave them in their tank for a few days,” says Valdes.

“When they don’t hunch in their shell when you look at them, wait another day and try to hold them. Over time, they get pretty friendly.”

If your cat has plaque, your vet can perform a cleaning, then show you how to do regular brushups to avoid coming in for a dental visit more than the recommended every two years. Brush at least weekly, using a finger brush and poultry-flavored enzymatic toothpaste, says veterinarian Gayle O’Konski. The trick is to avoid yanking open her mouth.

“Slip your finger onto the outside of her teeth,” says O’Konski. “Feel where the gum meets the tooth and concentrate there.” Start slowly, “eventually working up to longer sessions,” advises veterinarian Nancy Kay, and offer a treat afterward (try DentaLife Chicken Flavor Treats, $3; petco.com). If her smelly breath continues, have your vet check for an underlying medical issue.

Your pup can feel the burn.

Dogs with lighter skin, thin coats, or no hair (think Chinese crested and Mexican Hairless breeds) are most vulnerable, notes veterinarian Mary Gardner, but all canines are susceptible to burns on their noses and bellies. The best way to avoid overexposure is to dodge the harsh rays between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m., she says, but you can also dress your pup in UV-protective clothing or use a nongreasy sunscreen with UVA and UVB barriers (such as Petkin Doggy Sunstick, $9; amazon.com). It’s also safe to use baby sunscreen, assuming it’s zinc-free. Should he soak up too much sun, treat him with aloe or Solarcaine Aloe Extra Gel ($6; target.com).

“As long as a product is good for babies,” says Gardner, “it’s usually good for animals.”

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Kiehl’s Cuddly-Coat Grooming Shampoo and Spray-N-Play Cleansing Spritz Leave it to a trusted skin-care brand to give your pup a shinier and freshersmelling coat with soap-free shampoo infused with chamomile flower extract.

Use the spray between baths for a quick refresh.

TO BUY: Shampoo, $17, and spritz, $13; kiehls.com.

O U R E X P E RT S MARY GARDNER, DVM, L AP OF LOVE VE TERINARY HOSPICE, LOS ANGELES NANCY KAY, DVM, AUTHOR OF SPE AK ING FOR SP OT GAYLE O’KONSKI, DVM, MORRIS ANIMAL HOSPITAL , GRANGER, INDIANA KRISTIN CLARICOATES VALDES, DVM, CHICAGO E XOTIC S ANIMAL HOSPITAL , CHICAGO

80 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

H E R M I T C R A B : G E T T Y I M AG E S ; P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R

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Modern Manners R E A L S I M P L E ’ S E T I Q U E T T E E X P E R T, C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N , O F F E R S HER BEST ADVICE ON YO U R S O C I A L Q UA N DA R I E S.

E . D. A S K S …

C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y U L I K N Ö R Z E R

Our in-laws want to throw us an anniversary party, and while their home is lovely and very clean, they recently got two young dogs who run everywhere and jump on people when they come in. I didn’t grow up with pets, and I find this behavior just plain annoying. I think if this party is really for me, it should be the way I’d want it: animal-free. Is it rude to ask that their dogs not be present at the party?

On the one hand, the party is “really for you” insofar as your in-laws have generously ofered to host a celebration on your behalf.

On the other hand, the suggestion that it should be exactly how you want it made me smile—the same way I smiled when my son imagined aloud exactly how he wanted his sixth birthday party to be (with a frosted cake 10 stories high!). I don’t think it works quite like that. You could say nothing and hope they think to put the dogs upstairs.

But if you’d rather not have the party at their house at all than have a party plus dogs, then say, “You guys throw the best parties!

We love that you ofered. But I have this crazy phobia about dogs at a party—as you know, I didn’t grow up with pets—and I’m wondering if we should just host it ourselves.”

Ideally, they’ll reassure you that the dogs won’t be a problem or presence, and you can put aside your misgivings. But if they don’t, it would be better to throw your own dog-free event than risk being ungracious.

I l l u s t r a t i o n s b y Yo c o N a g a m i y a

H.K. ASKS…

My elementary-school-age daughter has a dilemma: A friend at school says, “You’re my best friend,” but my daughter doesn’t feel the same way. How can she respond without alienating her friend?

ABOUT C AT H E R I N E The author of One Mixed-Up Night, Catastrophic Happiness, and Waiting for Birdy, Catherine Newman has shared her wisdom on matters ranging from family and friends to happiness and pickling in numerous publications. She gets advice from her husband and two opinionated children in Amherst, Massachusetts.

My brother-in-law was once somewhat notorious for saying “Thank you” when women declared their love for him. (“Um. You’re welcome?”) I wouldn’t recommend that exact response, but something similar could work: “You’re such a good friend to me too!” If the friend presses, your daughter can add something about the term “best friend” being too exclusive for her comfort, which is what my own daughter used to say in similar situations: “I have lots of friends, and I don’t really like to rank them.” However she chooses to respond, encourage your daughter to respect her intuition on this issue. “Best friend” can be so constraining, backing children into awkward situations rather than allowing for the kind of adaptive, fluid relationships that grow with them.

AUGUST 2018 RE AL SIMPLE

83

R E L AT I N G

L .G. A S K S …

L .C . A S K S …

My kids have always used the “aunt” and “uncle” titles preceding first names for relatives on both sides of our family. But on my husband’s side, our nieces and nephews call us by our first names. It bothers me, but should it? I always refer to my husband as “Uncle —,” hoping they’ll pick up the clue. They are very respectful kids otherwise and typically address other adults with proper titles. I know they don’t mean to be disrespectful. Should I bring it up or let it go?

That depends! If your issue is that everyone else calls you by your plain old name and you want your nieces and nephews to denote the special kinship you share, then try to let it go. What these kids are demonstrating is a cozy absence of formality, which you could choose to appreciate in lieu of proper titles.

If, on the other hand, you find it rude for children not to use traditional honorifics with adults, then you can express your hope for change to their parents. “I was raised to feel that kids should use titles with adults,” you can explain, “even if that might sound old-fashioned.” But bear in mind that it’s easy to make kids nervous. Yes, you’ll probably get the “aunt” and “uncle” titles you’re seeking—but at the cost of comfort.

After waiting for two hours at the doctor’s office recently, I took a work call on my cellphone. A man seated across from me became irate and yelled at me about how rude I was being. I ended the call and apologized, but am I missing something? It’s acceptable, to my knowledge, to have a conversation with another person in a waiting room. What is the difference between talking to a person sitting next to you and talking on the phone in public if you’re speaking in a normal tone of voice?

I am, like your irate waiting room neighbor, put out by public phone use—and I was thrilled for an excuse to research why this might be so. Because I am also, like you, under the impression that there’s nothing rude about a (quiet) public face-to-face chat. And researchers seem to be fascinated by this diference as well. In a study in Psychological Science, Lauren Emberson, PhD, uses the delightful term “halfalogue” to describe the maddening one-sidedness of an overheard phone call. She and her colleagues hypothesize that we’re more distracted because our curious brains can’t help trying to fill in the bits we don’t hear, despite the fact that we’re unwillingly engaged in the first place. This theory is supported by a study at Michigan State University in which sociologists found that live conversations between two audible speakers were deemed less rude than any conversation—whether via phone or faceto-face—in which only one side could be heard. These researchers also noted what I’ve long suspected: People talk more loudly on their phones, which ups the annoyance factor. As a rule of thumb, I’d take calls outside or in a hallway whenever possible, since people in waiting rooms, like people on public transportation, are captive audiences—they can’t simply leave—and might be stressed-out to boot. If you must make a call in public, try to keep your halfalogue as short and quiet as possible. (And talk to your doctor’s office about the excessive wait times.)

HAVE AN E TIQUE T TE QUE STION? Submit your social conundrums to modernmanners@realsimple.com.

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84 RE AL SIMPLE AUGUST 2018

R E L AT I N G

How Much Privacy Should You Give Your Kids?

T H E Y U S E D T O T E L L Y O U E V E RY T H I N G . N O W T H E Y S L A M T H E I R L A P T O P S H U T W H E N Y O U W A L K I N T O T H E R O O M . W H A T ’ S A C O N C E R N E D PA R E N T T O D O ?

By Marisa Cohen

S NO OPI NG ON YOU R K I D S

used to be so much easier. When I was a teen, the phone was in the kitchen. Notes from camp friends came through the mail.

In those days, if parents wanted to know what their kid was up to, they didn’t have to try hard at all.

For the most part, my parents respected my privacy—except, occasionally, when they didn’t.

One day I was confronted by my mom, who was holding my diary open to a page on which I mentioned that a friend had smoked a cigarette in the bathroom at a bat mitzvah and ofered me a puf. (For the record, I coughed so much I never tried one again.)

I was outraged that she had snooped and vowed that when I had kids, I would never violate their privacy, as long as they didn’t give me any legitimate reason to worry. And I’ve kept my word. Not that I haven’t been tempted—I would love to know who my daughters have crushes on and whether cigarettes are still being smoked in bathrooms at bat mitzvahs. But I find out the old-

I l l u s t r a t i o n s b y S a m Ka l d a

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Cut it out already.

R E L AT I N G

school way: by asking. Of course, I realize I’m not getting an unedited rundown of every single thing that goes on in their lives, but I do get a pretty decent flow of information.

While the hands-of method works for my family, parents have to decide what makes sense for them. Many of my friends go the opposite way, frequently and unapologetically eyeballing their kids’ personal communications.

A recent survey by the Pew Research Center showed that 48 percent of parents of children ages 13 to 17 have read their kids’ text messages, while 61 percent have monitored which websites the kids are visiting. In a study sponsored by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, 68 percent of parents of kids ages 10 to 13 said they monitored their children’s phone activities.

“It’s our job to make sure kids make good choices, and sometimes we will dig into their business to be sure everything is OK,” says Maribeth, a mom of five kids ages 11 to 20 in New Hampshire.

This means checking social media, reading texts, and even going through backpacks, she says. “We’ve never had any pushback, and they come to us to talk about everything.” Other parents tell me that while they don’t peep into private conversations, they do follow their kids on all social media.

It’s a tricky balance: How do we give our kids space to grow while also protecting them, not only from the dangers we grew up with but also from a digital world in which a 40-year-old man can talk

to your tween by dubbing himself DaisyUnicorn14 and a single thoughtless text can be sent to practically the entire school? And on the spectrum of parental surveillance, where do we cross over from conscientiously monitoring to deceptively spying?

Then there’s the fact that your 9-year-old is probably more digitally proficient than you. Some kids block parents from seeing certain content. They may have a rinsta (a “real” Instagram account, which they let their parents follow, where they post photos of puppies and cupcakes) and a finsta (a “fake” account, where they share racier or darker images with a select group of followers, most definitely not Mom and Dad). And according to a survey by Common Sense Media, while 52 percent of parents of teens ages 14 to 17 say they are “extremely” or “very” aware of what their kids are doing online, just 30 percent of teens agree with that assessment.

“The more you spy on your children, the more you may drive them to be deceitful,” says Devorah Heitner, PhD, author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, who notes that kids crave privacy and will go deeper underground to get it.

A study from the Netherlands found that the more parents snooped, the greater efort their kids put into hiding information; the result was that the parents who pried wound up with less information than the parents who didn’t.

So how do we provide a safety net while also giving kids a fair measure of trust and privacy?

A few suggestions ahead.

1

Set the rules the moment you hand over a phone.

On average, American kids get their first smartphones around age 10, developmentally a tender age.

“Children that young don’t understand that anything on their phones could be transmitted to the world,” says Sierra Filucci, executive editor of Common Sense Media. “It’s hard for them to see the larger picture. They only see what’s right in front of them.”

Some parents of young users set up a plan that lets them view every text or email their kids receive.

Others simply share technology, allowing kids to text only from Mom’s or Dad’s phone. There is a benefit to introducing your kids to smartphones at grade-school age: Kids this young still feel very attached to their parents and will likely welcome their guidance.

“I use Instagram, and sometimes

R E L AT I N G

3

I text friends through social media,” says Sammy, an 11-yearold girl in New York. “If I’m not sure about a post, I’ll show it to my parents first to get their OK. They’ve never said no, but if they did, I’d ask why so I would know better for next time. I know it’s for the best because they love me and want to keep me safe.”

Lay out the rules early (you can also download parent-child phone contracts at teensafe.com). Think: Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want your grandma to see; it’s never OK to accept a friend request from someone you don’t know in real life; treat others with respect, and if they don’t treat you with respect, end the chat or talk to your parents. “Even with teens, there’s still a superego that senses what’s right and wrong, and you want to be that parental voice in their head keeping them from doing what they know is wrong,” says Robin Goldstein, PhD, author of The Parenting Bible. Samantha, 18, who will be a college freshman in Atlanta this fall, says her parents’ guidelines still ring in her head, something she appreciated when she was applying to schools last year. “They’ve said many times, ‘What goes on the internet stays there forever,’ and I think about that every time I post something,” she says.

The m ore you show trust and re s p e c t , th e m o re you r k id s ma y c i rc l e b a c k to yo u for advice.

If you’re going to spy, let them know.

2

Acknowledge and accept that you are no longer their main conidant.

By age 14, your child may start closing doors, keeping secrets, and going to friends for advice. Repeat this: It’s not about you.

“As kids become teens, they need to get some distance from their parents in order to develop a personal identity,” says Lucie Hemmen, PhD, author of Parenting a Teen Girl. “Part of healthy development is turning to peers as a source of contact and connection.” That means when teens want to know whether an outfit looks cool or they’re upset about a social snub, they’re going to talk to a friend. “A lot of kids think, ‘I’m not going to bring this up with my parents, because I’m going to be judged or hear a lecture,’ ” says Goldstein. “They can be more open with their friends.”

While this distance is a normal part of growing up, it can still suck for parents, who naturally mourn the closeness they once had with their children, not to mention the control they felt over them, says Hemmen. But she notes that the more you show trust and respect, the more your kids may circle back to you for advice: “If you can support healthy separation, you will have more entrée into their lives.”

Once you’ve laid out the rules and spent a few weeks regularly sitting down with your child to discuss the apps she’s using and what she’s posting, it’s time to make a mini assessment. If your child has shown she’s using social media appropriately—not getting caught up in friend drama or staying up all night texting, and never posting anything that will hurt others or come back to haunt her—you can start to step back, says Heitner. The bases have been covered, and your child hasn’t given you reason to doubt that she’s following your rules.

However, if your kid is getting swept up in social media storms (e.g., friend fights tend to grow exponentially more dramatic over a series of posts or texts), let her know you will be keeping an eye on things for her own safety.

5

“Don’t be sneaky—say it straightforwardly and unapologetically,” says Hemmen. “You also have to be willing to limit her use or shut it down if needed.”

This open monitoring—along with a clear message that technology is a privilege, not a right—is working for Teresa Sellinger, a mom of three in New Jersey. “I allow my kids privacy, with the understanding that if they break the rules, they will lose that privacy and/or that mode of communication,” she says.

4

Treat journals and diaries with respect.

Even in this digital world, there are kids who prefer to write down their thoughts on paper in a diary.

If you find one under your kid’s pile of stufed animals while changing the sheets, resist the urge to flip it open. Remember: These are conversations your child is having with himself, not thoughts that can be disseminated into cyberspace.

“Self-expression is so important to tweens and teens, and one of the best things they can do for their emotional development is write down their thoughts and feelings to work them out, sometimes using language that can be overdramatic or alarming to parents,” says Hemmen. She adds that reading these secret thoughts puts parents in an unwinnable position: “Things get weird because the parent either keeps what they learn a secret, but then is filled with confusion and anxiety about what’s really going on, or confronts the kid and becomes the ‘bad guy’ who can’t be trusted.”

Keep an eye out for red lags IRL. Of course, all these rules come with a major caveat: If you have reason to believe your child is in danger, hurting others, or otherwise engaging in harmful activity, you absolutely have the right to do some recon, says Goldstein. If you see changes in your child’s mood or behavior— she’s sleeping excessively, failing academically, not eating, isolating herself from friends, or disappearing for hours with no explanation—check what she’s up to on her devices. “Ofer a choice: ‘I’m going to look at your phone, or we can sit down and look at it together,’” advises Goldstein. “Say, ‘I’m doing this because I’m concerned and I love you.’” If you find something that raises an alarm, adds Goldstein, talk to a school counselor or mental health professional to help find solutions.

But if you let your kids know they can always come to you about any problems—no shame, no judgment—you’re more likely to keep the lines of communication open. “Your behavior as a supportive listener teaches your kids that you are an excellent go-to when they have a problem to discuss,” says Hemmen. “This way you have better odds of being kept in the loop instead of locked out of your teen’s private life, trying to get in.”

W H AT A B O U T T H E I R F R I E N D S ’ P R I VA C Y ?

When you peek at your kid’s conversations, you’re also invading the privacy of the friend on the other side. “A friend who is gay just came out to me, and he never would have if he thought my parents were listening,” says Michael, 15, from New York. Michael also points out that kids talk in a more candid way when they’re alone than when adults are around, using language parents might find alarming. “If a parent is snooping, they can cherry-pick one text where a kid says an inappropriate thing, and they’ll think he’s a bad kid,” says Michael, even if he’s actually a positive presence in your child’s life.

Also, you have to ask yourself: If you find out something truly bad about your child’s friend, what are you going to do?

Will you be the parent who reports what you find to the other family? There’s no right or wrong answer, but it is something you have to consider before you snoop, says Heitner.

A good rule of thumb: Anything that’s being broadcast to a large group (posts on Instagram, group chats among the soccer team) is fair game, but step back from anything that, in a pre-tech world, would have been said in a private talk between two kids hanging out in the basement.

PUT TWO & TWO

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W O R K , M O N E Y, A N D H E A L T H ADVICE FOR BUSY PEOPLE

TH E G O O D -M O O D S W ITCH Things don’t always go as planned. Never fear! You can snap out of a sour attitude— and regain a more positive STO C K SY

perspective on the day—with a few easy strategies.

By Jessica Migala

Photograph by Amy Covington

YO U H O P E F O R S U N S H I N E and rainbows, so when something difficult happens and you end up feeling more dark and stormy, you may think your day is destroyed. But guess what: “It’s normal to experience negative emotions. They’re not bad or wrong; they’re giving you important information,” says Rachel Hershenberg, PhD, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University and author of Activating Happiness. Listening to what your feelings are telling you—that you need to give yourself a break, enjoy quality time with a loved one, or be heard and appreciated—can help you take action to mentally feel much lighter. That’s why having a set of lift-yourself-up tactics in your tool belt is key for tackling problems big and small. A few (fast) ideas:

R E E N E RG I Z E :

Get moving.

T I M E : 5 minutes.

H O W -T O : Your initial urge may be to procrastinate, and you may even want to hop on the couch and turn on Netflix. Problem is, “low energy begets low energy,” says Hershenberg. “Instead of retreating, get a little active. That’s one of the best ways to give your mind a breather and change your emotional state so you can conquer the problem ahead.” There’s something uniquely revitalizing about heading out in the fresh air for a walk or going through a couple of stretches, but all you really need to do is stand up and move your body. Even routine activity that’s not exercise per se has been shown to lift feelings of boredom and dread, according to research in the journal Emotion.

Or bookmark a few favorite yoga videos on YouTube that take you through a quick series of poses.

D I S T R A C T YO U R S E L F :

Find an out.

10 minutes.

H O W -T O : When one annoying thing happens after another, it can feel like everything is going wrong. “Disrupt that pattern with a fast pick-me-up you know works,” something that gives you a “quick little win,” recommends Apryl Zarate Schlueter, author of Finding Success in Balance: My Journey to the Cheerful Mind. It could be an activity you’re great at (sing a song, poach an egg) or a quick scroll through recent wins at work (a thank-you email from your boss, your memory of a presentation gone well). “A confidence boost will shift your focus from the negative to the positive,” she says.

TIME:

Something is seriously weighing on you, and you’re consumed with worry.

REWIND:

Write it out.

5 to 20 minutes.

H O W -T O : “Worry can hijack your day by taking over real estate in your brain,” says Susan Biali Haas, MD, a wellness expert and life coach based in Vancouver, Canada. What’s more, it can keep you up at night. One strategy: Write out your worries. “This can help you work through your thoughts long before you have to go to bed,” says Hershenberg. If a few minutes is cathartic, that’s great. Keep the total time under 20 minutes, and don’t do this too close to bedtime. Set a timer; after it goes of, transition to another activity that’s more focused on the present, says Hershenberg.

TIME:

Your kid is really giving you sass, putting you at the end of your rope.

REFRESH:

Go solo.

15 minutes.

H O W -T O : “Talk to your partner and plan a time for a short break today to reconnect with an activity that really filled your cup before you had kids,” suggests Laura Froyen, PhD, a parenting and relationship coach in Madison, Wisconsin. That may be a hobby, like watercoloring, or something relaxing, like reading. “Incorporating these activities into your life can be a powerful way to recharge,” she says.

The trick is to be prepared for these moments, so buy the supplies you’ll need (paintbrushes and nice paper, for example) in advance and put them in an easy-to-access box—hidden away from prying kiddos, of course.

TIME:

T H I S PA G E : G E T T Y I M A G E S ; O P P O S I T E PA G E : R U T H B L A C K / S T O C K S Y

You’re dreading your looming deadline.

A bunch of little things are adding up—you spilled cofee on your pants, your commute was chaotic, and the list goes on.

BAL ANCE

You’re so frustrated you could cry.

You have a million tasks on your to-do list and are getting frantic.

REFO CUS:

Breathe.

T I M E : 1 minute.

H O W -T O : As soon as that chaotic feeling settles in, stop, pause, and breathe.

“We take small, shallow breaths when we’re stressed. Deep breathing can reduce anxiety and tension and gets more oxygen to your brain, helping you make better decisions,” says Biali Haas. Try 4-6-8 breathing, she says: Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of six, and exhale for a count of eight. “It will help clear your head and reenergize you,” she explains.

F E E L B E T T E R : Message someone you love.

T I M E : 2 minutes.

H O W -T O : Rather than ignoring your feelings, acknowledge what you’re going through. “It’s important not to shove things down. That may make you feel better in the moment, but you need to face your emotions as soon as possible,” says Biali Haas.

Feeling your feelings helps prevent you from turning to unhealthy stress relievers, like downing a massive glass of wine, overeating, or shopping online. One trick is calling someone supportive who will lend an ear to your venting. “My sister is my closest confidant, but sometimes she can’t talk during the day. I use an app that lets me send her a direct voicemail message. She may not hear it for hours, but I know I can say whatever I need to, and I know she’ll have my back,” says Biali Haas. (One app to try: Slydial, free; iOS and Android.)

You had an of day, and now your mind is racing a mile a minute, so you can’t sleep.

REL A X:

Try a quick meditation.

20 minutes.

H O W -T O : If ruminating about a bad day is a habit, “having a relaxation strategy in your pocket will help immensely,” says Hershenberg.

Download the app Insight Timer (free; iOS and Android), which gives you access to more than 9,000 guided meditations. Meditation not your thing? Create a playlist of calming tunes, especially ones linked to positive memories.

TIME:

You wake up already feeling terrible.

You have your weekly meeting with a coworker who’s always shooting down your (good!) ideas.

R E V E R S E I T:

F L I P T H E S C R I P T:

Show yourself love.

25 minutes.

H O W -T O : Do something nice for yourself today, even if that’s the last thing you feel like doing. “The worse we feel, the less we want to take care of ourselves, but doing so will improve your mood,” says Biali Haas.

Try small acts, like taking a longer shower than normal, sitting outside without distractions, saying no to something you don’t want to do, or reading a book for a few minutes.

Biali Haas stops by a cofee shop to pick up a steamed coconut milk with vanilla syrup. “It’s a cozy, comforting drink and a special treat that’s like a hug,” she says.

TIME:

A c k n ow l e d g e w h a t you ’re g o i n g th ro u g h — fe e l yo u r fe e l i n g s — ra th e r tha n s h ov i n g th i n g s d ow n .

Repeat a mantra.

5 seconds.

H O W -T O : Feeling as if you’re being judged, whether by a colleague or a family member, is easy to take personally and can put you in a bad mood fast, says Froyen. To snap back into a happier mindset (instead of letting the meeting ruin your workday), repeat a mantra that will help you stay in the right frame of mind and maintain your confidence. Try “We both have our own way of approaching the situation, and that’s OK” or “I have diferent ideas, and they’re just as worthy of being heard.”

TIME:

BAL ANCE

5 Things You Should Never Skimp On S O M E T I M E S I T R E A L LY D O E S PAY T O S P E N D M O R E .

1

2

3

4

5

Kitchen Knives

Safety Gear

House Paint

Pet Food

Oil Changes

Rather than buying a cheap but clunky set of 12 knives, put that money toward one good chef’s knife, says Sam Goldbroch, a chef at the Chopping Block, a recreational cooking school in Chicago. A chef’s knife is the workhorse of the kitchen, and a high-quality one with a comfortable handle can make your cooking safer and speedier.

Aside from an eight-inch chef’s knife, Goldbroch recommends that every home cook have a bread knife and a paring knife. Keep blades in good condition by swapping stone or glass cutting boards for wood or plastic ones, and never use a chef’s knife to cut frozen foods, bones, or bread.

It may be tempting to snag that garage-sale bike helmet, but unless you’re absolutely certain of its provenance (and know it’s never been in even a minor accident), experts advise against doing so. You can’t always spot whether a helmet has been damaged, which means your secondhand find may not keep you or your kids safe. Instead, head to a bike shop. There’s no standard sizing when it comes to helmets, so try on a few options.

Go with one that fits snugly, with the front edge no more than an inch or so above your eyebrows.

You’ll hold on to a few extra bucks by buying the cheapest gallons of paint, but that savings may be short-lived.

When Consumer Reports ran some 3,000 tests on more than 130 paints, researchers found that the least expensive paint (which cost less than $20 a gallon) tended to require more coats to cover darker colors and did not weather as well as slightly pricier gallons.

That doesn’t mean you need to max out your budget: Four of the five top-rated interior and exterior paints were hardware-store brands. Skip bargain paintbrushes too. Tug the bristles before you buy—they should feel tightly packed.

“I can’t stress enough how important diet is for pets,” says Amber Slaughter, DVM, a veterinarian at Medical District Veterinary Clinic at Illinois in Chicago.

Springing for highquality eats helps your dog or cat stay healthy and may help stave off conditions like diabetes, kidney disease, and dental issues that require medication or pricey prescription diets. To figure out whether your pet’s kibble is up to snuff, zero in on protein, says Slaughter. Even the priciest brands tend to include corn or grain by-products, but you want to make sure meat is listed in the top three ingredients.

The best way to keep your car on the road as long as possible is to get regular oil changes at intervals recommended by your car’s manufacturer, says Jenni Newman, editor in chief of Cars.com.

(Depending on the car and conditions, that could be every 7,500 to 10,000 miles. Peek at the owner’s manual for a mileage schedule.)

When your mechanic suggests the costlier oil, don’t bristle at the perceived upsell.

“Today’s finely tuned engines often require pricey synthetic motor oils,” says Newman.

“Using the expensive stuff when recommended by the automaker may help your engine run longer.”

KNIFE: GARY OMBLER; GET T Y IMAGES (4)

By Kate Ro ckwo o d

ĒĠĝ ěęĪĜ ĬĠęĬ

Ĭęģĝī ıħĭ ĬĠĝĪĝ ćĬƷī đġĥĨĤĝ ąĝĬ ĬĠĝ āęĨġĬęĤ čĦĝƥ ĔĝĦĬĭĪĝƥ ěęĪĜ Ĭħ ĝęĪĦ ĭĦĤġĥġĬĝĜ ĜħĭĚĤĝ ĥġĤĝī ħĦ ĝĮĝĪı ĨĭĪěĠęīĝ ĝĮĝĪı Ĝęı ęĦĜ ĪĝĜĝĝĥ ĬĠħīĝ ĥġĤĝī ĞħĪ ęĦı ǎ ġğĠĬ ħĦ ęĦı ęġĪĤġĦĝ

āĪĝĜġĬ ęĨĨĪħĮęĤ ĪĝĩĭġĪĝĜ ĐĝĜĝĝĥ ĥġĤĝī ĞħĪ ĬĪęĮĝĤ ħĦ ęĦı ęġĪĤġĦĝ ĚęīĝĜ ħĦ ęěĬĭęĤ ĬġěģĝĬ ĨĪġěĝ ęĬ Ĭġĥĝ ħĞ ĨĭĪěĠęīĝ člj ĝĪĝĜ Ěı āęĨġĬęĤ čĦĝ ĀęĦģ ÕēđÿÖ Č ÿ ƣ ! & āęĨġĬęĤ čĦĝ

BAL ANCE

D O N ’ T L E T T H O S E R A R E Q U I E T P E R I O D S G O T O WA ST E .

J U S T I N T I M E F O R T H E D O G D AY S O F S U M M E R , E X P E RT S S U G G E S T T I M E - F I L L E R S T H AT C A N B E N E F I T YO U R C A R E E R .

B y Yo l a n d a W i k i e l

When the office feels like a ghost town, revisit all those “someday” tasks. Tackle that screwy database or expense sheet. Get on top of your email. And don’t forget to tidy up your work space. “Things tend to accumulate over time, and the visual reminder can have a negative efect on your productivity,” says Cynthia Kyriazis, president of Productivity Partners Inc. and author of Get Organized.

Get Focused. Get Moving. A neat desk can put you in the right mindset to hit the ground running once the pace picks up again.

JAMIE JONES/GET T Y IMAGES

How to Make the Most of a Slow Day at Work

Get Yourself in Order

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Tally Up Accomplishments

Rethink Your Process It’s all too easy to get trapped in the “That’s how we’ve always done it” hamster wheel. When your colleagues are on vacation, take a step back and reevaluate.

“Just because a task, system, or program exists doesn’t mean it’s useful or as efficient as it could be,” says Morten T. Hansen, management professor at the University of California, Berkeley, and coauthor of Great by Choice.

Meetings may be one of the most dysfunctional time-sucks. The key to more productive ones, says Charles Duhigg, author of Smarter, Faster, Better, is a little preparation and a defined protocol. He points to Amazon, where big meetings start with everyone in the room silently reading a memo and writing notes. The process allows teams to have more thoughtful conversations about what a new product or service might mean for their customers and what is needed to get there.

“By inventorying your achievements, you’ll position yourself to have a more results-oriented conversation during performance reviews with your manager,” says productivity expert Carson Tate, author of Work Simply. Review your inbox for emails that contain praise from colleagues, vendor partners, or direct reports, and search for examples of how you’ve solved problems and created value for your organization.

Check sales reports and note your sales numbers, or take a look at your major projects and compile presentations or documents that illustrate your strengths. At the very least, you can’t deny that seeing evidence of all your feats is an amazing motivator.

Sneak in Some Networking Create a list of people you’d like to connect with, either in person or virtually, and note what you’d like to get out of the conversation, recommends Tate: “Do you want to gain perspective on how another department solved a similar problem? Do you want to learn more about a colleague’s career path?”

Being specific gives you a good opening line to approach someone with—and lets that person know exactly how to help. A quiet afternoon at the office is the perfect opportunity for a leisurely lunch.

Even posting fresh work-related content on social media or commenting on someone else’s post may help you open a dialogue with a new contact.

Daydream Lean into the lazy days of summer and imagine what your ideal next step would be, says Duhigg. Then use his SMART technique to break down that goal into manageable pieces. Say you want to be promoted to manager. S is for specific: Figure out what you’ll have to do to get promoted—perhaps take on a new project. M is for measurable: How will you evaluate your success? A is for achievable: Ask yourself (and mentors) whether getting promoted is within reach. R is for resources: Do you need a degree or extra training to be considered?

Finally, T is for timeline: Work out how long you’ll need to spend on obtaining this goal and set a date to talk with your boss.

Expand Your Skill Set Perplexed by public speaking?

Wish you were a stronger coder?

Take advantage of any development opportunities provided by your company. Often employers ofer free webinars related to your job. “There are even tons of free instructional videos to watch on YouTube to advance your technical and presentation skills,” says Tate. For in-depth lessons on targeted topics for a wide range of industries, check out the 80,000 online courses at udemy .com (priced from $20 to $200).

If you have a long stretch of free time, consider taking on a little a day. Hansen is a big believer in the 15-minute rule: Focus on one skill for the next three weeks, like mastering a sales pitch or participating better in meetings, and spend 15 minutes—no more— every day trying to improve.

Want to be more productive at work? For six tricks, go to realsimple.com/productivity.

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M a k i n g I t Wo r k

How do you form work connections?

By Jane Por ter

P H OTO G R A P H S C O U RT E SY O F S U B J ECTS

I’m really shy at first during networking events. It’s scary, but you just have to force yourself to go up to people and start a conversation.

To open, I introduce myself and say where I work—I don’t assume they know who I am.

I ask questions about them. A good opener is just “Tell me your story. What brings you here today?”

I never start out talking about how busy or stressed I am, because I think that can be off-putting.

It’s uncomfortable, but knowing that everybody else is in the same boat makes a huge difference.

ELIZABETH M C CALL , 33, AS SISTANT MASTER DISTILLER AT WO ODFORD RESERVE IN VERSAILLES, KENTUCKY

Illustration by Andrea Mongia

I have a hard time doing happy hours— they tend to be a younger person’s game or for someone who doesn’t have kids to pick up after school. Instead, I try to get coffee or lunch with coworkers or potential clients, whom I often meet through existing clients. I started my own marketing and branding firm five years ago, and I tell my clients that the highest compliment they can give is connecting us with other people. Everybody’s got to eat. You might as well eat with someone else and catch up or build a new relationship.

If you’re eating alone at lunch, you’re not networking.

CHRIS KOCEK, 40, CEO AND FOUNDER OF GALL ANT BRANDING IN AUSTIN, TE XAS

One thing I like to do to stay connected is send articles and notes to people. If I see that someone has been recognized in a magazine, I’ll cut out the story and send a copy of it to them with a little note.

I also send articles on topics of interest we might have discussed. And I keep stocks of cards at work and home and try to acknowledge significant events— work anniversaries, birthdays—especially for people I work with.

When I get those kinds of notes, I think, “How thoughtful.”

I want to do the same for someone else.

DEBBY BALL ARD, DIRECTOR OF COMMUNITY AFFAIRS AT SPRINT AND PRESIDENT OF THE SPRINT FOUNDATION IN OVERLAND PARK , K ANSAS

I’m involved with a couple of nonprofits I’m really proud of.

It’s a way to connect with amazing people I ordinarily would not have met. Getting involved in causes I care about helps me meet people with the same passions.

Another way I’ve built my network is through my children. I have two kids, ages 8 and 12, and I’ve established incredible connections with moms and dads in different fields whom I never would have been in touch with otherwise. We rely on one another as a network—whether we’re trying to find an intern or figure out summer camp for our kids.

RIPA RASHID, 48, COPRESIDENT OF THE CENTER FOR TALENT INNOVATION IN NE W YORK CIT Y

The primary way I’ve found connections is through LinkedIn. I once posted an article on entrepreneurship, and another female entrepreneur replied.

We went back and forth communicating and ended up meeting in person. I like that there are different LinkedIn groups for special interests that pertain to me.

As a single mom, I find it difficult to set aside the time to make those connections, but it’s important because you never know where they may take you.

SHERI AT WOOD, 39, FOUNDER OF SUPP ORTPAY, A FINANCIAL SERVICES PL ATFORM FOR DIVORCED PARENTS IN SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA

Ahhh...

The fast pace of life can cause us to lose touch with ourselves and our inner rhythm. Have you noticed? By slowing down the breath irst, you can ind the freedom of your own pace and inner spaciousness. Inhale slowly to a count of four, then exhale to the same slow count of four. This pace will calm your nerves and synchronize your heart, lungs, and brain. Continue breathing this way for at least a minute, more if it feels good. Next, let go of the counting and just allow the inhale to come, and when it comes to you, receive it. Allow the exhale to fall out like a gentle waterfall until it is inished. As you stay with this for another minute or longer, your breath will automatically ind its natural rhythm. Notice how you feel now and the pace at which you move into the next moment of your life.

MAURITIUS IMAGES/OFFSE T

— M A R G A R E T T O W N S E N D, thelivingbreath.com

No Cooking Re q u i r e d

Salmorejo with Prosciutto and HardBoiled Egg

S P I C Y, TA N G Y, S A LT Y, C R U N C H Y. Y O U ’ L L G E T T E X T U R E A N D B I G G L O B A L F L AV O R F R O M T H E S E D I N N E R R EC I P E S — W I T H O U T E V E R T U R N I N G O N YO U R OV E N .

BY

Ananda Eidelstein & Grace Elkus

P H O T O G R A P H S BY

Jen Causey

F O O D ST Y L I N G BY TO R I E C OX ; P RO P ST Y L I N G BY C L A I R E S P O L L E N

Marinated

Coconut-

Shrimp with Cucumber

and Jicama

S u m m e r Ta c o s with Scallion-Peanut Relish

SALMOREJO W I T H P RO S C I U T TO AND HARDBOILED EGG ACT I V E T I M E 2 0 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R , 3 0 M I N U T E S SERVES 6

C O C O N U TM A R I N AT E D SHRIMP WITH CUCUMBER AND JICAMA ACT I V E T I M E 2 0 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R , 2 0 M I N U T E S SERVES 6

1 13.5-oz. can coconut milk, well shaken and stirred 1 Tbsp. lime zest plus 1 cup fresh juice (from 8 limes)

2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar or sherry vinegar

6 medium ripe tomatoes (2 lb.), cored and chopped

2 lb. peeled, deveined, and cooked large shrimp

4 slices sourdough bread (about 6 oz.), torn into pieces

2 small Fresno chiles, seeded and thinly sliced crosswise

2 tsp. kosher salt tsp. freshly ground black pepper, plus more for garnish cup olive oil lb. thinly sliced serrano ham or prosciutto, torn into pieces 1 small serrano chile, seeded and very finely chopped 2 hard-boiled eggs together vinegar and tomato paste in a large bowl until smooth.

Stir in tomatoes, bread, garlic, salt, and pepper. Chill mixture, covered, until bread is soggy, about 15 minutes.

WHISK

L ADLE half of the tomato-bread mixture into a blender and add cup water. Process until mostly smooth, about 1 minute. Add remaining tomato-bread mixture and process, stopping to scrape down sides of bowl as needed, until smooth, about 2 minutes.

With motor running, drizzle in oil until combined, about 1 minute.

Chill soup, covered, for at least 1 hour and up to 1 day.

ladle chilled soup into bowls and top with ham and chile.

Using a Microplane or the smallest holes of a box grater, grate eggs over tops of bowls. Garnish with several grinds of pepper.

TO SERVE,

ACT I V E T I M E 2 5 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 2 5 M I N U T E S SERVES 6

tsp. freshly ground black pepper, divided

1 Tbsp. double-concentrated tomato paste (from tube)

2 cloves garlic, smashed

S U M M E R TA C O S WITH SCALLIONPEANUT RELISH

1

2 cups shredded carrots (from 3 medium carrots) cups shredded daikon

1

tsp. granulated sugar cup plus 2 Tbsp. unseasoned rice vinegar, divided

tsp. kosher salt, divided

tsp. kosher salt, divided

2 Persian cucumbers, sliced 1 small jicama (10 oz.), peeled and cut into matchsticks cup torn fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems Flaky sea salt, for serving

cup tamari or soy sauce 2 Tbsp. honey 1–2 tsp. sriracha 3 cups shredded rotisserie chicken cup roasted, salted peanuts, roughly chopped

Lime wedges, for serving together coconut milk, lime zest and juice, and teaspoon pepper in a large bowl until combined. Add shrimp and chiles and toss to coat. Cover and chill for 1 hour.

cup packed fresh mint, chopped

WHISK

shrimp and chiles, reserving marinade in a small bowl. Transfer shrimp and chiles to a large bowl teaspoon salt and season with and teaspoon pepper; toss to combine. Stir remaining teaspoon salt and teaspoon pepper into reserved marinade.

DRAIN

shrimp, chiles, cucumbers, and jicama on a serving platter and spoon 3 tablespoons reserved marinade over top.

Top with cilantro and flaky sea salt. Serve with lime wedges and remaining marinade for spooning over.

ARRANGE

5 scallions, thinly sliced 12 6-in. corn or flour tortillas together carrots, daikon, sugar, cup vinegar, and teaspoon salt in a large bowl.

Let stand at room temperature, tossing occasionally, for at least 15 minutes and up to 1 hour.

TOS S

WHISK together tamari, honey, sriracha, and remaining 2 tablespoons vinegar in a large bowl until honey dissolves. Transfer 2 tablespoons sauce to a small bowl and reserve. Add chicken to remaining sauce in large bowl and toss to coat.

MIX together peanuts, mint, and scallions in a separate bowl and season with remaining teaspoon salt.

tortillas over a low gas flame until very lightly charred or under a broiler for about 1 minute.

WARM

FILL tortillas with pickled carrot mixture and chicken. Top with scallion-peanut relish and drizzle with reserved sauce.

Spicy Street Corn Salad

Tu n a N i ç o i s e Baguette

Poke Lettuce Cups with WasabiLime Mayo

TUNA NIÇOISE BAGUE T TE ACT I V E T I M E 2 0 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R , 3 0 M I N U T E S SERVES 4

1 baguette (about 16 in. long) cup plus 1 Tbsp. olive oil, divided

SPICY STREE T CORN SAL AD ACT I V E T I M E 2 5 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 2 5 M I N U T E S SERVES 6

cup mayonnaise cup chopped fresh chives cup chopped fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems, plus cup whole leaves and tender stems 1 small jalapeño, seeded and finely chopped cup 1 Tbsp. lime zest plus fresh juice (from 3 limes) 1 tsp. chili powder tsp. freshly ground black pepper tsp. kosher salt 6 oz. cotija cheese, crumbled (about 1 cups), divided 1 15.5-oz. can pinto beans, drained and rinsed 3 cups fresh corn kernels (from 4 to 5 ears) 3 cups loosely packed arugula together mayonnaise, chives, chopped cilantro leaves and stems, jalapeño, lime zest and juice, chili powder, pepper, salt, and half of the cheese in a large bowl until combined. Add beans, corn, arugula, remaining cheese, and whole cilantro leaves and stems and toss to combine.

WHISK

1 cup loosely packed fresh basil leaves, torn

ACT I V E T I M E 2 5 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 2 5 M I N U T E S SERVES 6

cup mayonnaise

cup red wine vinegar

4 tsp. fresh lime juice (from 1 lime)

1 Tbsp. Dijon mustard tsp. kosher salt

2 tsp. wasabi paste

tsp. freshly ground black pepper

1 Tbsp. plus 1 tsp. mirin, divided tsp. kosher salt, divided

1 small red onion, thinly sliced

1 Tbsp. mixed black and white sesame seeds, toasted

1 6-oz. can solid white tuna in spring water, drained and flaked

1 Tbsp. crumbled toasted nori (from 1 sheet)

6 oz. green beans, trimmed and halved crosswise

3 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon)

cup pitted Niçoise olives, coarsely chopped cup roasted red peppers, torn if large cup packed fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves and tender stems SLICE baguette in half lengthwise without cutting all the way through. Brush bottom half with 1 tablespoon oil and arrange basil leaves on top. Set aside.

together vinegar, mustard, salt, and black pepper in a large bowl. Add onion and toss to combine. Set aside to marinate, about 10 minutes. Remove onion from bowl and arrange on top of basil.

Reserve vinegar mixture.

WHISK

whisk remaining cup oil into vinegar mixture. Add tuna, green beans, and olives. Toss and add mixture to baguette. Top with red peppers and parsley and close baguette.

SLOWLY

baguette tightly with plastic wrap and place between two baking sheets. Place a heavy skillet on top of baking sheet to compress.

WRAP

pressed, for at least 1 hour and up to 4 hours. Unwrap and slice crosswise into 4 sandwiches.

CHILL ,

For more ways to beat the heat, check out realsimple.com/ nobakedesserts.

POKE LET TUCE CUPS WITH WA S A B I - L I M E M AY O

1 tsp. toasted sesame oil 1

lb. sushi-grade tuna fillets, cut into -in. pieces 2 heads Bibb or Boston lettuce, leaves separated 3 cups thinly sliced red cabbage (from 1 small head) 2 ripe avocados, thinly sliced

MIX together mayonnaise, lime juice, wasabi paste, 1 teaspoon mirin, and teaspoon salt in a bowl. Stir together sesame seeds and nori in a separate bowl.

WHISK together lemon juice, sesame oil, and remaining 1 tableteaspoon spoon mirin and salt in a large bowl. Add tuna and gently toss to coat.

PICK 18 large leaves from lettuces (reserve remaining interior leaves for another use). Top leaves with cabbage, tuna mixture, and avocado slices.

with wasabi-lime mayonnaise and top with sesame seed mixture.

DRIZZLE

HOW TO SPLIT THE CHORES S O E V E RYO N E IS HAPPY W H E T H E R Y O U H AV E A B U S Y PA RT N E R , L A Z Y RO O M M AT E S, O R M E SSY K I D S, I T’ S ST I L L P O SS I B L E TO F I N D A FA I R D I V I S I O N O F L A B O R I N YO U R H O M E .

GR AB THE PEOPLE YOU LIVE WITH AND GE T RE ADY F O R A L I F E - C H A N G I N G H O U S E H O L D AU D I T. ( I F YO U R RO O M M AT E I S A D O G, W E ’ V E G OT N OT H I N G.)

BY A N N A M A LT BY I L LU S T R AT I O N S BY A S I A P I E T R Z Y K

I H AV E A G E N E R A L LY T E R R I B L E M E M O RY, but if one thing has seared itself into my brain, it’s the household chores the people I’ve cohabited with have done poorly—or left for me to do, no questions asked. There were the piles of body hair the two guys I lived with in college left on the bathroom floor. There were the dishes another roommate left in the sink after near-nightly cooking experiments. And nowadays there’s the sticky residue I discover on our white countertops (side note: Never get white countertops) after my husband has “cleaned” the kitchen.

That’s not to say I’m any kind of angel when it comes to housework.

I rarely take out the compost bin. I have a tendency to clean out the lint catcher after doing a load of laundry—then promptly leave the wad of lint on top of the dryer rather than throw it in the wastebasket that’s literally four feet away. And I act like an entitled, grumpy teen when I think the lion’s share of the housework is falling on my shoulders, even though I haven’t explicitly communicated that I want help.

We can laugh about it (sometimes), but dividing up household labor in a way that feels fair to all members is no joke. Bad situations with a “roommate”—whether yours is someone you’re romantically involved with, related to, or not— are more than annoying; they can breed toxicity in your relationship.

“In today’s world, almost everybody has too much to do. People are feeling overwhelmed by work and by how much they have to do in the family. If someone doesn’t seem to be doing their fair share, however an individual defines that for the couple, it is a tinderbox,” says Ellen Galinsky, president of the Families and Work Institute

and a senior research adviser to the Society for Human Resource Management. In a survey of recently divorced people, disagreeing about housework was cited as one of the top three reasons for the dissolution of the marriage.

Chore-related arguments ranked right below infidelity and drifting apart. Even if you and your partner have agreed you’ll take on more of the household chores, it can be challenging to work out what that means in reality.

A fair division of housework is not just about avoiding resentment, disagreements, and breakups. For women who work, it can significantly influence career decisions and opportunities.

While 43 percent of women who share responsibilities evenly with their partner aspire to become

top executives, only 34 percent of women who handle the majority of housework and childcare have the same aspiration, according to a 2016 McKinsey & Company– LeanIn.org study. And a 2015 study from the same group found that at every professional level, women were at least nine times as likely as men to say they do more childcare and at least four times as likely to say they do more chores. With so many women serving as chairperson and CEO at home (not to mention genderbased workplace discrimination and poor support for working parents), it’s no surprise that women are still underrepresented on every rung of the corporate ladder.

So is the goal a clean 50/50 split? Maybe not. All the experts I spoke to agreed that 50/50 simply doesn’t exist—and that’s OK. “The notion of 50/50 implies that things are equal, but it’s always shifting,” says Galinsky.

“We’ve got to give ourselves a little slack.” Much more important than minute-by-minute division of labor are the following makeor-break factors that have a huge impact on whether your home feels harmonious.

How do the other people in your life divide things up?

If you’re surrounded by couples, families, or roommates who seem to happily clean the bathrooms together every weekend, it’s going to feel pretty awful if you’re scrubbing the tub solo. “People assess their relationships in rela-

W H AT K I N D O F U N H A P P Y R O O M M AT E A R E YO U ? tion to others, and the more often others share a task, the worse it feels for you not to share it,” says Daniel Carlson, PhD, assistant professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. The reverse is true too: If your husband joyfully handles your kids’ bathtime routine every night while your friends’ partners have never wielded a rubber ducky, he’s going to look awesome.

Do you have kids, how did you get them, and who took parental leave, if anyone?

Parenthood adds a slew of new chores to a household and, along with them, a slew of new stressors. For heterosexual couples who both work, chances are good that if either parent gets paid leave, it’s the mom—and that sets a pattern it’s hard to break out of. “Women who take time of following a birth end up doing more housework while they’re at home, and dads tend to engage even more in the labor force to provide for their families,” says Carlson. That’s certainly true for me: When I was on maternity leave, I handled laundry, since I knew my husband would appreciate a little extra time with the baby when he was home from work. One year later, I’m still doing six loads of laundry for every one he does. “Even though we’re seeing both men and women embrace the notion of gender equality, we see this pressure toward more conventional behavior. It’s about the widespread lack of paternity leave and the workplace culture that assumes employees are always available,” says Carlson.

One category of parents who may be happier with how they

Communicating about your housework situation is key, but it’s also important to hold up a mirror and examine the ways you might be contributing to the issue.

The imaginary delegator You’re annoyed your partner didn’t wash the windows—even though you’ve never had a discussion about it.

The DIYer You take care of pretty much everything because it’s just easier that way. Maybe you do a better job too.

T H E F I X : Next time you’re grumbling, bring it up (kindly). They might be happy to do it if asked.

T H E F I X : Using the worksheet on page 127, discuss the tasks you’d like some help with. Then let yourself be helped.

The drill sergeant

The helpless helper

You bark orders every time you notice a dirty plate sitting in the sink.

Your partner does so much that when you chip in, you get frustrated because you can’t find supplies and aren’t sure how things work.

T H E F I X : Surprise attacks foster resentment. It’s OK if you have a handful of issues to chat about with your housemate—just address them all at once, when things don’t feel heated.

T H E F I X : Suggest you work together to find systems that feel logical to both. And take over some duties: Better to be a partner than a “helper.”

Shocking exactly no one, researchers at Harvard Business School found that people who spent more money on time-saving services, like house cleaners, were more satisfied in their relationships. It doesn’t have to be a ton of dough: The researchers found that spending even $100 to $200 a month increased happiness.

Thanks to digital marketplaces like TaskRabbit, it’s easier than you might think to find helping hands in a pinch. We asked TaskRabbit for average hourly rates for the top 10 most popular tasks across the United States. (TaskRabbit workers set their own rates.)

O RG A N I Z AT I O N $ 2 2 – $ 50

FURNITURE A S S E M B LY $ 31 – $ 55

CLEANING $ 35 – $ 58

YA R D W O R K & R E M OVA L $ 35 – $ 70

MINOR HOME R E PA I R S $38–$60

PA I N T I N G $ 41 – $ 6 8

H E AV Y LIFTING $ 41 – $ 70

MOUNTING $ 4 5 – $ 65

ELECTRIC AL WORK $ 50 – $ 80

P LU M B I N G $ 55 – $ 85

divvy things up, research finds: adoptive parents. That’s partly because of the absence of pregnancy and breastfeeding—both parents start out on a more equal playing field—but it’s also possible that the process of adopting a child can help create a stronger partnership. “People who may have dealt with miscarriages and infertility and IVF and the adoption process and are still together— they’re very resilient,” says Abbie

P RO T I P Can’t hire backup?

List tasks you’re u na b le to g e t to .

Keep it for when fr ie nd s o r fa mi l y offer to help.

Goldberg, PhD, a professor of psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, who studies parenthood, relationship quality, and well-being among different types of families. “Couples who’ve been through this long journey and haven’t broken up can sometimes be set up to be a really great team.”

What’s your work situation?

If both partners work full-time or if one partner works and the other stays at home, it should (theoretically at least) be relatively easy to decide how to allocate chores: In the first case, the couple try to share things equally; in the second, the stay-at-home partner takes on significantly more. The hardest scenario, particularly for straight

I C O N S F R O M N O U N P R O J EC T : B M I J N L I E F F, B O M S Y M B O L S , R U D E Z ST U D I O , L U I S P R A D O , L A ST S PA R K , B EC C A , J E N I E TO M B O C , P R O S Y M B O L S , J O E A R TC O N , C R E AT I V EC U B E

FA R M I T O U T

T H A N K YO U FOR SHARING It’s (very!) possible to be pleased with how chores are divvied up in your house. These Real Simple readers showed us how it’s done.

The modern marriage PAT, 40 / B I O M E D I C A L E L EC T RO N I C S T EC H N I C I A N / AL ABAMA / LIVES WITH HIS W I F E A N D DAU G H T E R , 8

“I do all the cooking and most of the cleaning, yard work, and maintenance. I pick up my daughter from school and make sure she gets her homework done. My wife is in charge of the financials, laundry, and planning and scheduling everything.”

All hands on deck C A R L A , 41 / “ M O M B O S S ” /

WORDS OF WISD OM: “Don’t keep score.”

TEXAS / LIVES WITH HER H U S B A N D, F I V E C H I L D R E N ( A G E S 1 T H RO U G H 2 4 ) , A N D 2 -Y E A R- O L D G R A N D DAU G H T E R

The divide & conquer couple

The seasonal workers

E M E R I E , 32 / P H O T O -

EDITOR / QUEBEC /

GR APHER / OHIO /

LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND

LIVES WITH HER WIFE

“My wife and I agreed early on to do the chores the other hated most. For me, that was floors (the worst!), and for her, that’s the bathroom.

As we’ve lived together, we’ve discovered that things simply get done more effectively if one person is the go-to. But when we get busy or caught up in life and the housework piles up, we offer to pitch in for the other.”

W O R D S O F W I S D O M : “A fresh and sincere thank-you is the foundation of a good partnership, no matter how many times you’ve said it before.”

MARIA, 43 / WEB CONTENT

“My husband is a landscaper, so in the summer, when he works long hours, I do more of the daily tidying; in the winter, he does it. On weekends, we take a morning to change sheets, vacuum, dust, mop, and buy groceries.”

W O R D S O F W I S D O M : “Don’t fixate. Your partner might not be doing the one job you want done but might be doing a bunch of other helpful things you didn’t notice.”

The team of two S A N D R A , 67 / R E T I R E D / P E N N S Y LVA N I A / LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND

“We work together. I clean the bathrooms and kitchen, and my husband dusts and moves the furniture to the middle of the room so I can vacuum, and then he pushes the furniture back. Now that we’re both retired, I cook and he clears.”

W O R D S O F W I S D O M : “I have fibromyalgia, and there are times when I can’t do it all. I’ve learned my limits, and my husband understands.”

“Our housework is divided up across all members of our family. I do a thorough cleaning on Friday so we are all set for the weekend, and my husband cleans on Sunday so we are ready for the week.

Throughout the week, the older kids are responsible for keeping their rooms clean, feeding the dog, taking out the garbage, and wiping counters in the bathrooms and kitchen as they are used.”

WORDS OF WISD OM: “It’s about teaching a sense of responsibility as well as not getting to a place of resentment. I don’t want anyone to feel like they do everything all the time, including me.”

Y E S, YO U R K I D S C A N H E L P “They will resist, drag heels, and often do a crummy job,” says Laura Kastner, PhD, author of Getting to Calm: The Early Years. “But it’s our responsibility to prepare them for life, and life is full of necessary drudgery. We should get their input on when and what but not whether.”

Tweens can…

Toddlers can…

O Hang their coat on

low hooks O Put dirty clothes in

the hamper O Put toys in a bin O Pour kibble into a

pet’s bowl O Categorize recyclables

Elementary school kids can…

O Put away their school

gear O Clear the table and load

the dishwasher O Clean the bathroom

sink and tub

O Mop the floor O Do the laundry O Organize their closet O Make lunch O Care for younger siblings

(after taking a babysitting safety class) O Clean the refrigerator

and stove O Wash windows O Help you with small

projects when they visit you at work O Purchase gifts for family

and friends

Teens can…

O Clean the garage

O Vacuum

O Mow the lawn

O Dust

O Grocery shop

O Clean the toilet

O Plan and make dinner

O Do yard work O Take garbage to the curb O Help prepare meals O Walk the dog O Scoop the litter box O Help select gifts for

family and friends O Make their lunch

for school (by fourth or fifth grade)

P RO T I P It’s not cheating to give extra help to kids, especially young ones. Cheer them on and keep them company.

couples, is when one partner— typically the male—works full-time and the other—typically the female—works part-time. “Things are much less clear-cut. There’s an expectation that she’s going to pitch in more, in terms of childcare or housework. But where does that stop? It’s very hard to negotiate what ‘a little bit more’ looks like,” says Goldberg. “In those couples, women are more likely to be dissatisfied. They feel like they’re just doing everything.”

How do you share powder-keg tasks?

Carlson’s most recent research looked at how specific housework tasks afect relationship quality among middle- and low-income heterosexual couples. His team found that couples today are much more likely to share most routine chores than couples were in the past. They also learned that it’s especially critical how partners divide two particular tasks: dishwashing and shopping. Women who wash all or nearly all the dishes are more likely to report relationship trouble and worse sex than women whose partners handle at least some of the dishes.

Why? Well, to begin with, washing dishes is gross (seriously!). It’s also thankless. “Everyone praises you for cooking a good meal. No one praises you for the clean silverware,” says Carlson. But when you share dishwashing duties—one person washes, one dries—it’s a chance to catch up, connect, and feel like a team. In fact, for women, washing dishes with a partner leads to more happiness than sharing any other household task.

For men, the key task seems to be shopping. While the efect isn’t as strong as with women and

dishwashing, it’s interesting (and a bit counterintuitive) that men are slightly less happy in their relationship when their partner does most of the shopping. If you’re the mayor of the supermarket, you might want to discuss a more even grocery split.

How do you show appreciation for your partner’s or kids’ eforts?

In my less charitable moments, I hesitate to thank my husband for picking up the living room—after all, no one really thanks me for putting away the baby’s toys and scrubbing sweet potato of the floor. But the experts say that’s a missed opportunity. “If you’re doing a ton around the house but

WOMEN WHO WA S H A L L O R N E A R LY A L L your partner is telling you every day, ‘Thank you for making a delicious meal, thank you for cleaning up my mess,’ that mitigates the resentment you might feel toward your partner,” says Goldberg.

Married friends of mine in Chicago give each other silly job titles: Czar of Laundry, Head of Waste Management, Tax Preparer, Weeknight Line Cook. It’s a fun way to acknowledge that the person doing that task is taking on important work. “Demonstrating to people that you value them is one of the most important, funda-

THE DISHES ARE M O R E L I K E LY TO R E P O RT R E L AT I O N S H I P TROUBLE AND WORSE SEX.

mental things you can do,” says Tifany Dufu, author of Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less. “It’s not about the task; it’s about the person. Anyone you’ve signed up to do life with is deserving and worthy of gratitude, and it goes a very, very long way.”

Are you a “gatekeeper”?

Helping someone out is no fun if that someone looks over your shoulder the whole time, corrects your technique, or redoes it all when you’ve finished. That’s called gatekeeping, and it’s a major issue when it comes to housework.

“The person who is responsible for a task assumes a psychological responsibility, and that person can often be critical of the other person doing the task, because they aren’t doing it the same way.

And that pushes the other person away from doing it,” says Galinsky.

When it comes to childcare, gatekeeping has the additional side efect of depriving your coparent of time and bonding opportunities with your kids.

Opening the metaphorical gates and allowing your partner to develop a unique approach may even help you discover a new, better way to do things. Take Dufu, for instance. She normally wakes up an hour before her kids so she can get ready and then get

them ready. While she was on her book tour last year, her husband took over the morning routine.

“I was thanking him for giving up so much sleep for me, and he said, ‘Thanks for the gratitude, but I’m not giving up any sleep,’ ” says Dufu. She couldn’t imagine how he was getting by without waking up at the crack of dawn. “When he explained, my mouth fell open,” she says. “He gets up at the same time he always does, and on his way to the bathroom, he wakes up the kids and says, ‘In 45 minutes, I need you at the front door with breakfast in your stomach, hair and teeth brushed, homework in your backpack, and coat and shoes on. Mom is not here, and I do not have time to get you guys ready.’ It turns out they can do that!”

Most important, how well do you communicate?

While we might like to imagine a world where household duties just magically fall into place, in reality they won’t get sorted without an open dialogue with your partner, roommate, or kids—or more likely, an ongoing series of dialogues. One strategy is to list every task you can think of, note who does it, and rate how satisfied you feel with that arrangement. Then share your notes.

(A worksheet to guide you is on the opposite page.)

Conversations like these are one reason same-sex couples

are somewhat more likely than straight couples to feel their division of chores is fair, notes Goldberg. Why are they better at chatting it out? When partners are of the same sex, they’re less likely to fall back on traditional gender roles and make assumptions about who will do what. “There’s a better chance these choices will be thought about, talked about, and most important, perhaps done based on preference, ability, and natural inclination,” says Goldberg.

In heterosexual relationships, the consequences of not having these conversations tend to afect women more. “Women often get the short end of the stick. Unless we’re intentional about the decisions we’re making, we’ll operate based on default norms,” says Dufu. Not talking about it and not sharing tasks well are also missed opportunities to deepen your bond with your partner or children.

I’ve certainly found that to be true. The most meaningful and fair-feeling division of household labor my husband and I have experienced? Taking care of our son, Aadi, who’s 1 year old.

We truly share childcare—diaper changes, feeding, early wake-ups, bedtime—as evenly as possible, and that’s a beautiful thing. It means we spend lots of time together and with Aadi; we both appreciate all the efort the other makes to ensure the baby is fed, clean, clothed, and happy; and we both get to admire the strength of our partner growing into a parent.

It’s almost enough for me to stop worrying about those blasted white countertops.

T H E G R E AT C H O R E AU D I T

P RO T I P D o this when you aren’t fuming about chores, says Galinsky.

When you’re ready for a discussion, tear out this page, make a copy (or visit realsimple.com/choreworksheet to print an extra), and fill it out with the person you share most of the household chores with. Then talk through each item together and figure out whether your approach needs to shift.

C I RC L E W H O YO U T H I N K D O E S E A C H TA S K A N D, O N A S C A L E O F 1 T O 5 , H O W H A P P Y YO U A R E W I T H T H E A R R A N G E M E N T.

D U ST I N G I C O N : G E T T Y I M AG E S ; I C O N S F R O M N O U N P R O J EC T : F O C U S L A B , A N D R E J S K I R M A , A L E R M A , LY N N C H A N G , A L E X D E STA S I O , I C O N S P R O D U C E R , PAU S E 0 8 , C H A N U T I S I N D U ST R I E S , A N B I L E R U A DA L E R U, E U C A LY P, V EC TO R S M A R K E T, K E V I N , B E N DAV I S , J O E A R TC O N , A N B I L E R U A DA L E R U ( 2 ) , A R T H U R S H L A I N , D I N O S O F T L A B S , O K S A N A L AT Y S H E VA , D E E M A K DA K S I N A , B L A I R A DA M S , FA R AG R A P H I C , M R FA

U S E T H E B O T T O M RO W T O F I L L I N TA S K S T H AT A R E U N I Q U E T O YO U R H O U S E H O L D.

MAKING BEDS

VA C U U M I N G

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

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CLEANING B AT H RO O M S

FO OD P R E PA R AT I O N

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

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DEEP CLEANING M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE 1 2 3

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TA K I N G O U T GARBAGE & R E C YC L I N G M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE 1 2 3

SCHOOL & CAMP C O M M U N I C AT I O N M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE 1 2 3

4

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BUYING PRESENTS FOR F R I E N D S & FA M I LY

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

5

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE 5

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C H AU F F E U R I N G KIDS

1 2 3

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M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE 4

5

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE 4

5

G RO C E RY SHOPPING

CAR MAINTENANCE

R E PA I R S A RO U N D THE HOUSE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

4

5

1 2 3

4

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1 2 3

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MAKING SOCIAL PL ANS

M A K I N G T R AV E L PL ANS

MAKING MEDICAL APPOINTMENTS

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

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M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE 1 2 3

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SHOPPING FOR KIDS’ NECESSITIES

1 2 3

P R E PA R AT I O N FOR EVENTS & ACTIVITIES

4

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M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

5

L AU N D RY

4

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DUSTING

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

5

OUTD O OR WORK

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

4

4

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

PET CARE

1 2 3

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CHILD CARE

M O S T LY M E SHARED M O S T LY PA RT N E R NO ONE

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1 2 3

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5

F I N A N C I A L TA S K S

1 2 3

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D I S H WA S H I N G

5

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the five-minute fa c e We challenged makeup artist Moani Lee to create pretty, polished looks using only two products (plus foundation).

Try one of these combos tomorrow morning and suddenly you will have time for that second cup of coffee.

BY H E AT H E R M U I R M A F F E I PHOTO GR APHS BY REMI P YRD OL

BURGUNDY L ASHES + COR AL LIPS Swapping black mascara for burgundy adds a subtle sparkle to your eyes, so you don’t need to worry about applying shadow or liner. Pair it with a coral balm to brighten your whole look.

BRONZED SKIN + COPPER LIDS For a fuss-free glow, dust bronzer along your cheekbones and jawline, across your forehead, and down your nose with a big, fluffy brush. Sweep copper shadow over your lids and along your bottom lash lines for definition.

FULL BROWS + FUCHSIA LIPS Beefing up brows doesn’t have to be a process. Brush on tinted gel in an upward motion to add oomph, then comb hairs toward the natural arch.

Tap on a fuchsia lip color and go.

ROSY GLOW + PEACH LIPS Make your skin the center of attention.

Dab pink cream blush on the apples of your cheeks with your fingertips, then blend out and up. Pop on a peach gloss to complete the fresh look.

two products are all you need

M A K E U P B Y M O A N I L E E AT B E A U T Y E X C H A N G E N Y C ; H A I R B Y Y U K I K O TA J I M A AT S E E M A N A G E M E N T ; F A S H I O N S T Y L I N G B Y J E S S I C A K I N G ; P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R S

BURGUNDY L ASHES + CORAL LIPS

BRONZED SKIN + COPPER LIDS

S AV E

S P LU RG E

S AV E

S P LU RG E

Lashes L’Oréal Paris Voluminous Original Mascara in Deep Burgundy TO BUY: $8; lorealparisusa.com.

Lashes YSL The Shock Volumizing Mascara in N.3 Rough Burgundy TO BUY: $29; yslbeautyus.com.

Bronzer Physicians Formula Butter Bronzer TO BUY: $15; physiciansformula.com.

Lips Clinique Chubby Stick Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm in Oversized Orange TO BUY: $17.50; clinique.com.

Lids Ulta Beauty Cream Eye Shadow in Rose Gold TO BUY: $8; ulta.com.

Bronzer Charlotte Tilbury Filmstar Bronze & Glow in Light/Medium TO BUY: $68; charlottetilbury.com.

Lips Rimmel London Oh My Gloss!

Oil Tint in Orange Mode TO BUY: $6; walgreens.com.

Lids RMS Beauty Eye Polish in Lucky TO BUY: $28; rmsbeauty.com.

ROSY GLOW + PEACH LIPS

FULL BROWS + FUCHSIA LIPS

S AV E

S P LU RG E

S AV E

S P LU RG E

Brows Maybelline New York Tattoo Studio Waterproof Brow Gel in Deep Brown TO BUY: $13; maybelline.com.

Brows MAC Cosmetics Pro Longwear Waterproof Brow Set in Brown Ebony TO BUY: $19; maccosmetics.com.

Cheeks E.L.F. Cosmetics Beautifully Bare Cheeky Glow in Soft Rose TO BUY: $4; elfcosmetics.com.

Cheeks Glossier Cloud Paint in Puff TO BUY: $18; glossier.com.

Lips ChapStick Total Hydration Moisture + Tint in Flaunt It Fuchsia TO BUY: $5; amazon.com.

Score the secret to bright lip color at realsimple.com/boldlip.

Lips Bite Beauty Amuse Bouche Lipstick in Dragonfruit TO BUY: $26; bitebeauty.com.

Lips Revlon Kiss Balm in Juicy Peach TO BUY: $3.50; target.com.

Lips Nars Afterglow Lip Balm in Orgasm TO BUY: $28; narscosmetics.com.

WA L K THIS WAY A simple stroll can change your mood, your health, even your relationships.

Read on for advice and inspiration that will get you on the best path.

WA L K I N G TO HEAL

By Jasmine Guillory F I V E Y E A R S AG O this past July, I woke up from a six-hour surgery to remove a massive tumor on my right ovary that all my doctors believed was cancerous, only to find out it was benign. I’d spent the months before my surgery unable to think beyond the summer; I used all my strength just to get up every day and pretend to the outside world that I was OK. After five days in the hospital and a week with family, I went back home to figure out what life looked like without a black cloud over my future.

Once the joy and relief faded, life looked pretty empty. I’d left my legal job a few months before and didn’t know if I even wanted to be a lawyer anymore. I’d dreamed of becoming a writer, but with a pile of

Guillory is the author of The Wedding Date and the upcoming The Proposal, which will be published September 4.

O P E N I N G PA G E : I LYA / S T O C K S Y. P R E V I O U S PA G E , C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T : C O U R T E S Y O F E M I LY K E H E ( 4 ) ; M A R TA M U N O Z - C A L E R O C A L D E R O N / S T O C K S Y ; I S A A C K O VA L / O F F S E T ; G O O D V I B R AT I O N S I M A G E S / S T O C K S Y ; A U R O R A P H O T O S / O F F S E T ; PA U L P H I L L I P S / S T O C K S Y ; C O U R T E S Y O F E M I LY K E H E . T H I S PA G E : G E T T Y I M A G E S

How Wa l k i n g Changed Me

rejections of my first novel and a stalled attempt on a second, I didn’t think that dream would come true. It felt wrong to be depressed and hopeless so soon after learning I didn’t have cancer, but I was.

The only thing that got me out of my apartment in those first few months after surgery was the need to walk my sister’s German shepherd, Lucy, while my sister was at her new, post-grad-school job all day. I was still pretty weak, and I’ve never been a person who liked exercise, but I couldn’t say no to the dog.

So once a day, Lucy and I would go for a walk. I started out unable to do much more than take her, very slowly, around the block. Every day, I got a tiny bit stronger, and soon I could get us all the way to the playground half a mile away and back. I listened to podcasts, waved at the neighbors I grew to recognize, and enjoyed the early fall Oakland, California, sunshine.

For a while, that daily walk with Lucy was the only thing that gave structure to my day. I missed it so much on weekends that I started taking walks in my neighborhood alone.

Those walks helped bring life back to me. One day, just after walking Lucy, I applied for a short-term job unlike any job I’d ever had, because I had nothing to lose. I got that job, which lasted three years instead of two weeks. I started writing again—not a book, not yet, but small things that helped me think of myself as someone who could be a writer.

I now work full-time, with two books to promote and another to write. My sister and Lucy live an hour away, and it’s gotten harder to find time to take walks.

Sometimes I get Lucy for the weekend, and when she wakes me up ready to go outside, I’m pretty grumpy about it. But those mornings also make me remember how much going for a walk, even a short one, makes my whole day better.

WA L K I N G T O W O R RY L E S S

10 Ways to Make Walking More Fun

By Kathleen Alcott I have had an imagination, it has carried me places meaningful and frightening, snagging always on potential catastrophe. There has only ever been one cure for this anxiety, and it is to walk at sunset. Watching the light go through the windows gives me the terrible feeling that I’ve missed something, but feeling it fade, out in the weather, makes me feel I’ve been a part of it.

I remember the first time I noticed this fear in myself: I was about 6, and my father had taken me to a matinee. As we emerged into the darkened parking lot, I started to bawl, having the strange feeling the world as I knew it had shifted unalterably without my knowing. The next day, as the sun went down, he made a point of our being witness to it. We went on a walk.

In my small hometown in Northern California, where I came to be known as the Little Girl Who Walked, the wooden

By Michele Stanten

F R O M T O P : C O U R T E S Y O F L A W R E N C E J . W H R I T E N O U R J R ; C O U R T E S Y O F E M I LY K E H E

FOR AS LONG AS

1 MAKE SOMEONE’S DAY. Instead of a simple hello, Sarah Schwallier, 33, who leads walking groups in Westminster, Colorado, offers compliments to those she passes.

She’ll say something like “Your bright shirt makes me happy.”

The smiles motivate her to keep going.

3 FIND YOUR CREW. We’ve all heard that exercising with others can keep you more accountable. But you don’t have to grab the same workout buddy every time. Dianne Broad, 53, of Toronto, shakes things up: Three days a week, she walks with a different friend each day, and on weekends, she joins a bigger group of four or five others. “It’s a source of support, whether for life issues, like raising kids or caring for aging parents, or just dealing with injuries or training for a race,” she says.

To find a group, visit meetup.com.

2 JOURNAL YOUR WALKS. People who track their workout intentions are more likely to follow through with them, says David Sabgir, MD, 48, a cardiologist in Westerville, Ohio, who started Walk with a Doc, a network of doctor-led walking groups across the U.S. and abroad. “It’s fun to go back and look at all the miles you’ve logged,” he says. Try Penzu (penzu.com) if you prefer a digital diary.

4 LISTEN ONLY WHILE YOU WALK. Bookworm Kristie Bittleston, 44, of Concord, North Carolina, has a rule: If she wants to find out what happens next in the audiobook she’s listening to, she has to lace up her sneakers. “It motivates me to get out the door,” she says. “Long walks give me a chance to listen to a good book or a motivational podcast. It’s treasured quiet time.”

7 DO A WALKING REHEARSAL. If there’s an important presentation or tough conversation in your future, practice it while you walk. When Beverly Smith, 48, of Winterport, Maine, was cast in a community theater production of On Golden Pond, she recorded the lines on her phone and rehearsed during long walks.

One reason it was better than running lines in the mirror: “Moving as I rehearsed my lines seemed to help me feel more comfortable moving onstage as I delivered them,” she says.

6 HELP OTHERS. When Ben Pobjoy, 37, of Toronto, started walking to work in an effort to improve his health, he observed things he had missed while whizzing by in a car—notably, hungry people. That’s why he started to make sandwiches and hand them out along his walks.

“It allows me to do a bit of good in the community,” he says. Another way to help while you walk: Use the app Charity Miles (free; iOS and Android), which directs corporate sponsors’ dollars to your selected charity for each mile you log.

Victorian houses took on another quality at dusk, the reds and golds and lilacs of the trim becoming softer, putting me in mind of artfully iced cakes. The slow river changed too, looking less brown and more green. The world was becoming diferent, as it did every night, but I held the magical belief that if I watched it, I would become diferent too, a girl who didn’t worry in bed about the absence of her parents—reporters who were often gone on a deadline until late—or the things she was learning in school that scared her, that people killed others because they were diferent, that the earth had frozen before and would someday freeze again. There were blackberries, wild and sour and uncut, growing across the street in the yard of my blind neighbor, and I would eat them at the end of my walk, making my face the same color as the sky.

Wherever I have lived, the years in New York City or summers in Maine or Vienna, the sunset walk has been the anchor of the day, and it still makes me feel powerful. I may no longer believe I’m changed by walking, but I remember all the things that remain the same, no matter how old I get: how much shorter I am than most trees, how many colors there are, more than I can imagine, more than I’ll ever forget.

Alcott is the author of, most recently, Infinite Home. Her next novel, America Was Hard to Find, will be published in 2019.

BEAT THE CLOCK. Pick a route you’d like to follow for a few weeks and time how long it takes for you to complete it.

Then see if you can finish the next walk just a little bit faster.

Bend your arms and take shorter, quicker steps to speed up. Seeing your progress over time can be inspiring.

WA L K I N G T O S U RV I V E

By Karen Auvinen I WA S B U I LT F O R endurance: My constitution runs solid instead of athletic. This makes me a hardy hiker. Ever since I moved to the mountains along Colorado’s Front Range nearly 25 years ago, I’ve roamed the hills, at first because my waytoo-fast husky, Elvis, needed to run ofleash, and later because I needed to feel the earth beneath my feet. Hiking grounds me in the present—in the ocean-wave sound of wind rushing through pines and the changing patterns of light scattered across a meadow. And although I absorb it all, there’s always a moment on steep terrain when my brain kicks in, demanding, “How much farther?” I’ve learned, over the years, to stubbornly focus on the little details—the soft clump of my hiking boots and the loamy scent of mountain air—to ignore my chattering brain and keep walking.

In this way, hiking prepared me to face my biggest challenge: losing everything.

Two months before I turned 40, a woodstove fire incinerated my remote cabin.

In a matter of hours, my entire life—not only possessions but also decades of writing—was reduced to two feet of ash and tiny bits of charred paper that blew

C O U R T E S Y O F L E S L I E YA Z E L

5

9 TAKE IN THE GOOD. Rather than barrel through a walk to get it done, stop and enjoy the beauty around you. Darcy Kitching, 45, a program coordinator for Walk2Connect in Boulder, Colorado, makes a brief mindfulness practice part of her groups’ routines: “We might stop to gaze at a mural, sniff daffodils, or delight in watching a dog play. We let go of everything else in our heads and fill ourselves with delightful presence and joy.”

F R O M TO P : C O U RT E SY O F K A R E N AU V I N E N ; C O U RT E SY O F K E V I N S E L S , @ K E V I N _ S E L S

8

like snow across the mountain. I was too stunned to grieve. My immediate thought was “Why bother?” Quitting seemed far more logical than starting from scratch. I had no idea how I would begin again.

Luckily, my body knew.

Its instinct, forged on so many trails, was to ignore my faltering thoughts. I began to organize each day around the most immediate tasks: buy underwear and a toothbrush, get supplies for my dog, borrow a laptop for teaching. I moved forward, relying on the same grit I’d once used to safely navigate a violent thunderstorm in a burned part of Yellowstone that brought hail, high winds, and trees that fell like matchsticks all around the 8½-mile loop I was on.

And I hiked. It was early spring and there was still snow on all my favorite mountain trails, so I took Elvis along the dirt road that meandered near our new cabin. After almost six weeks of repeatedly walking the same loop, I discovered a clump of pasqueflowers—the first wildflowers of the season—stubbornly opening their purple cups to the sun along an icy bank. I began to cry: If they could do it, so could I. Auvinen is the author of the memoir Rough Beauty: Forty Seasons of Mountain Living.

WALK AND DINE. Instead of parking yourself at a table from appetizer through dessert, break up an evening out with walks between courses. That’s what Olinda Reynaud, 48, of Moseley, Virginia, did with a friend recently. “We had wine and mussels at the first restaurant, and then we strolled to another place for our main course.

We finished with coffee a few blocks away,” she says.

10 SLOW DOWN. If you’ve been trying to walk faster but aren’t enjoying the challenge, you have permission to back off and go at a gentler speed.

Walking is good for your body and mind even if you aren’t breaking a major sweat—so pick a pace that feels good to you. The important thing is that you enjoy walking enough to make it a regular habit.

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AUG UST Before carpool starts and bookbags get packed, we’re squeezing out every last ounce of summer. That means laidback nights with chicken on the grill and lemony zucchini salad (page 143) or juicy BLTs with homemade mayo (page 152).

Too many tomatoes (as if there were such a thing)? Toss them into a pot with some colorful eggplant for a ratatouille you can eat now or freeze for the months to come (page 154).

When school starts, as it must, toss one of our nut-free snack picks (page 150) into the lunch boxes and trust that this year will be the best one yet.

Photograph by Jen Causey

FOOD

2 tsp. celery salt 1

tsp. dried thyme tsp. cayenne

1

tsp. black pepper, divided 5 Tbsp. olive oil, divided 4 6-oz. skinless tilapia fillets 2 ripe peaches, sliced 1 medium red onion

Easy Dinner 1

cup cherry tomatoes, halved

Blackened tilapia with peach-tomato salad ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Gluten-Free

SERVES 4

cup fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems 1 Tbsp. honey tsp. kosher salt 2 Tbsp. fresh lime juice (from 1 lime), plus wedges for serving

STIR together celery salt, thyme, cayenne, and 1 teaspoons pepper in a small bowl. Rub 1 tablespoon oil all over fish fillets and sprinkle evenly with pepper mixture. Let stand 5 minutes.

MEANWHILE, stir together peaches, onion, tomatoes, cilantro, honey, kosher salt, lime juice, 1 tablespoon oil, and remaining teaspoon pepper. Set aside.

remaining 3 tablespoons oil in a large skillet over high; add fish and cook, undisturbed, until charred on 1 side, about 3 minutes. Flip and cook until fish flakes easily with a fork, about 3 minutes.

HEAT

fish with peach-tomato salad, with lime wedges on the side.

SERVE

P E R S E RV I N G : 414 CALORIES, 20G FAT (3G SAT.), 85MG CHOL., 4G FIBER, 36G PRO., 25G CARB., 793MG SOD., 19G SUGAR

Photographs by Jen Causey

Easy Dinner 2

Spicy grilled chicken with shaved zucchini salad ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES

Quick Cooking 4 6-oz. boneless, skinless chicken breasts 6 Tbsp. olive oil, divided 1 1

Tbsp. Aleppo pepper or tsp. crushed red pepper flakes tsp. kosher salt, divided 1 tsp. black pepper, divided cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley 1 clove garlic, finely chopped 5 Tbsp. chopped fresh mint, divided 3 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice (from 2 lemons), divided 3 medium zucchini or yellow squash cup pine nuts

F O O D S T Y L I N G B Y E M I LY N A B O R S H A L L ; P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y A U D R E Y D AV I S

HEAT a grill or grill pan over high.

Rub chicken with 1 tablespoon oil and season all over with Aleppo pepper, 1 teaspoon salt, and teaspoon black pepper.

GRILL chicken, turning once, until lightly charred on both sides and a thermometer inserted in thickest portion registers 165ºF, about 6 minutes per side. Transfer to a cutting board and let rest 10 minutes.

stir together parsley, garlic, 3 tablespoons mint, 3 tablespoons oil, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, teaspoon salt, and teaspoon black pepper in a medium bowl.

MEANWHILE,

WHISK together remaining 2 tablespoons each lemon juice and teaspoon each salt and oil and black pepper in a small bowl.

a vegetable peeler, cut long, thin strips of zucchini. Toss zucchini strips, pine nuts, lemon juice mixture, and remaining 2 tablespoons mint in a large bowl. Serve chicken topped with parsley-garlic sauce, with zucchini salad on the side.

USING

P E R S E RV I N G : 507 CALORIES, 35G FAT (5G SAT.), 124MG CHOL., 3G FIBER, 42G PRO., 8G CARB., 933MG SOD., 4G SUGAR

Gluten-Free

SERVES 4

FOOD

STIR together mayonnaise, sour cream, pepper, 3 tablespoons blue cheese, 1 teaspoons vinegar, and teaspoon salt in a medium bowl.

HALVE tofu lengthwise to create 2 long pieces. Cut each piece crosswise into 6 slices (you should have 12 pieces total, inch thick). Gently each about press tofu between paper towels to absorb some of the liquid; season with remaining teaspoon salt. Place cornstarch in a shallow dish. Working with 1 piece at a time, add tofu and turn to coat.

cup mayonnaise cup sour cream tsp. black pepper 1

oz. blue cheese, crumbled (about cup), divided

2

tsp. white wine vinegar, divided tsp. kosher salt, divided 1 14-oz. pkg. extra-firm tofu

Easy Dinner 3

cup cornstarch

Buffalo tofu salad ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Vegetarian Gluten-Free Family Friendly

SERVES 4

cup plus 2 Tbsp. canola oil, divided cup buffalo-style hot sauce (such as Frank’s RedHot) 2 heads romaine lettuce, halved lengthwise 4 stalks celery, sliced 4 radishes, thinly sliced

HEAT cup oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high.

Add tofu and cook, turning once, until crispy, about 4 minutes per side. Transfer to a paper towel–lined plate.

whisk hot sauce with remaining 2 tablespoons oil and 1 teaspoon vinegar in a medium bowl. Add cooked tofu to hot sauce mixture and toss to coat.

MEANWHILE,

SERVE each head romaine topped with tofu, celery, radishes, blue cheese dressing, and remaining blue cheese.

P E R S E RV I N G : 492 CALORIES, 38G FAT (8G SAT.), 25MG CHOL., 9G FIBER, 17G PRO., 23G CARB., 890MG SOD., 6G SUGAR

PROMOTION

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FINDS

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FOOD

Easy Dinner 4

Crunchy Mediterranean chickpea bowl ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

Quick Cooking Make Ahead Vegetarian

1 large beet, peeled tsp. caraway seeds 4

Tbsp. olive oil, divided cup fresh lemon juice (from 2 lemons), divided 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided tsp. black pepper, divided 1 15.5-oz. can chickpeas, rinsed and drained 1 cup couscous 1 Tbsp. tahini 1 tsp. honey 1 cup prepared baba ghanoush cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

GRATE beet on large holes of a box grater; toss with caraway seeds, 1 tablespoons oil, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, and teaspoon each salt and pepper.

heat remaining 3 tablespoons oil in a large skillet over medium-high. Add chickpeas; cook, stirring, until brown and crispy, about 15 minutes. teaspoon salt.

Season with MEANWHILE,

1 cups water to a boil in a small pot. Add couscous and teaspoon salt, cover, and remove from heat; let steam 5 minutes. Fluff with a fork.

BRING

tahini with honey, remaining 3 tablespoons lemon juice, and remaining teaspoon each salt and pepper. Serve couscous topped with grated beet, chickpeas, baba ghanoush, tahini sauce, and parsley.

WHISK

P E R S E RV I N G : 629 CALORIES, 32G FAT (5G SAT.), 10MG CHOL., 12G FIBER, 14G PRO., 69G CARB., 927MG SOD., 11G SUGAR

CO OK WITH COZI Get Real Simple’s easy weeknight-dinner recipes in Cozi, a free meal-planning and organizing app from Meredith Corporation (available on iTunes and Google Play).

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Hillshire Farm® smoked sausage is seasoned perfectly. So it’s easy for you to create dinner deliciously.

Easy Smoked Sausage Skillet Serving Size: 4-6

Total Time: 20 minutes

Ingredients :

Instructions :

1 pkg. Hillshire Farm® smoked sausage, diagonally sliced thin 2 cloves garlic, crushed ¼ cup olive oil 1 large red bell pepper, sliced thin 1 small yellow onion, sliced thin 1 pkg. frozen broccoli, thawed ½ cup chicken broth (or water) ½ cup tomato sauce 2 cups instant rice ½ cup shredded Mozzarella cheese

Heat olive oil and garlic in skillet, stir in smoked sausage slices and cook until browned. Add pepper, onion, broccoli, broth and tomato sauce and simmer for 10 minutes until the vegetables are tender and the liquid is absorbed. In the meantime, prepare rice according to package instructions. Stir rice into the skillet, sprinkle with cheese and serve.

Visit HillshireFarm.com/recipes for delicious recipes perfect for any night of the week.

Easy Dinner 5

Open-faced Philly cheesesteaks ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES

SERVES 4

Quick Cooking Family Friendly 1 8-oz. baguette 1

lb. flank steak 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided tsp. black pepper, divided 1 Tbsp. canola oil 1 red bell pepper, thinly sliced 1 yellow onion, thinly sliced 4 oz. deli provolone cheese, thinly sliced

baguette lengthwise.

Scoop out and discard soft inside of baguette (reserve and freeze for bread crumbs), leaving a -inch crust. Place cut side up on a baking sheet.

SPLIT

broiler to high with oven rack 6 inches from heat. Season both sides of flank steak with teaspoon each salt and black pepper. Heat oil in a large castiron skillet over high; add steak and cook, turning once, until deeply browned on both sides, about 4 minutes per side for medium-rare. Transfer to a cutting board and let rest 10 minutes before thinly slicing.

PREHEAT

bell pepper and onion to skillet and cook, stirring, until tender, 6 to 8 minutes. Season with remaining teaspoon salt and teaspoon black pepper.

ADD

baguette halves with vegetables, steak, and cheese. Broil until cheese is melted and bubbly, about 1 minute. Cut into pieces before serving.

TOP

P E R S E RV I N G : 487 CALORIES, 32G FAT (10G SAT.), 112MG CHOL., 2G FIBER, 43G PRO., 27G CARB., 1,063MG SOD., 4G SUGAR

FOOD

R o a d Te s t

Lunch Box Snacks

BEST GR AHAM CR ACKER Nabisco Grahams Original The classic graham has a tender yet crispy texture, making it perfect smeared with SunButter (or used as the base for s’mores).

TO BUY: $5.30 for 14.4 oz.; at grocery stores.

N O N U T S? N O P RO B L E M. T H E S E S C H O O L - F R I E N D LY S N A C K S H A V E B E E N T E ST E D A N D A P P ROV E D BY K I D S — O U R S !

By Ananda Eidelstein

B E S T C H E D DA R C R A C K E R

B E S T F RU I T S AU C E P O U C H

Trader Joe’s Organic Apple Banana Fruit Sauce Crushers “Delicious! Can I eat the whole thing?” said one kid taster. The subtle sweetness was a hit with grown-ups too.

TO BUY: $2.80 for 4; at Trader Joe’s.

B E S T YO G U RT P O U C H

Stonyfield Organic Whole Milk Strawberry Beet Berry Pouch Thick and creamy yogurt gets blended with strawberries, raspberries, and beets for a gut-healthy snack loaded with the good stuff.

TO BUY: $5.70 for 4; at grocery stores.

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MadeGood Apple Cinnamon Granola Bars Processed in a facility free from the eight most common allergens, this sweetly spiced vegan option is 100 percent school-safe. We love the plump raisins and full serving of vegetables packed into every bar.

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YumEarth Organic Fruit Snacks These portable snack packs are filled with fruit-flavored gummies. Tasters loved their soft and chewy texture—and cute shapes.

TO BUY: $5 for 5; at grocery stores.

For creative ways to round out a lunch box, go to realsimple.com/lunchboxideas.

G R A N O L A A N D G R A H A M C R AC K E R S : K E V I N S W E E N E Y; OT H E R P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R S

Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies Real aged Cheddar flavor comes through in every bite. Baked with organic wheat flour, they’re a wholesome choice.

TO BUY: $3.50 for 7.5 oz.; at grocery stores.

© 2018 TIME INC. AFFLUENT MEDIA GROUP, A DIVISION OF MEREDITH CORP. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PHOTOGRAPHY BY KIRBY STENGER/GROVE COLLABORATIVE

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FOOD

Make It Yourself A D E L I C I O U S E SS E N T I A L T H AT’ S B E T T E R H O M E M A D E T H A N S T O R E - B O U G H T. W E ’ L L P RO V E I T. T H I S M O N T H : C L A S S I C M AYO N N A I S E

By Ananda Eidelstein

ACTIVE TIME 10 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 10 MINUTES MAKES 1 CUP

2 large egg yolks 1

tsp. Dijon mustard 1 tsp. fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon) tsp. kosher salt cup vegetable oil cup olive oil

egg yolks, 1 tablespoon cold water, mustard, lemon juice, and salt in a blender. Process until frothy, about 20 seconds.

While blender is running, slowly drizzle in vegetable oil through lid opening, followed by olive oil; process until smooth and thick, about 1 minute. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 1 week.

F O O D S T Y L I N G B Y E M I LY N A B O R S H A L L ; P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y C L A I R E S P O L L E N

COMBINE

P E R S E RV I N G ( 1 T B S P. ) : 97 CALORIES, 11G FAT (1G SAT.), 23MG CHOL., 0G FIBER, 0G PRO., 0G CARB., 47MG SOD., 0G SUGAR

Enjoy your mayo in one of our favorite sandwiches. Go to realsimple.com/roastbeef.

Photograph by Jen Causey

©2018 Reynolds® Consumer Products LLC.

With The New

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FOOD

Big Batch

Summer’s end ratatouille TOTAL TIME 1 HOUR, 10 MINUTES

MAKES 16 CUPS

10 Tbsp. olive oil, divided 4 red bell peppers, seeded and chopped 2 yellow onions, chopped 2 heads garlic, cloves peeled tsp. kosher salt, divided

2

2 eggplants, chopped 4 zucchini, chopped cup loosely packed fresh oregano leaves 2 Tbsp. fresh thyme leaves 4 pints cherry tomatoes, halved (quartered if large) 2 tsp. red wine vinegar 1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper 3 tablespoons oil in a large pot over medium-high. Add bell peppers, onions, garlic, and teaspoon salt; cook, stirring often, until slightly softened, 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl.

HEAT

4 tablespoons oil to pot. When oil is shimmering, add eggplants and cook, stirring often, until slightly softened, about 5 minutes; transfer to bowl with bell peppers.

ADD

remaining 3 tablespoons oil to pot. Add zucchini and teaspoon salt; cook, stirring often, until slightly softened, about 5 minutes.

ADD

bell pepper mixture, oregano, and thyme to pot; stir to combine.

Cover, reduce heat to medium-low, and cook, stirring halfway through, until tender, 10 to 12 minutes.

ADD

in tomatoes and teaspoon salt; cook, covered, until tomatoes burst, 8 to 10 minutes. Uncover and stir in vinegar, black pepper, and teaspoon salt. remaining

STIR

P E R S E RV I N G ( 1 C U P ) : 148 CALORIES, 10G FAT (1G SAT.), 0MG CHOL., 4G FIBER, 3G PRO., 14G CARB., 282MG SOD., 8G SUGAR

Recipe by Ananda Eidelstein Photograph by Jen Causey

F O O D S T Y L I N G B Y E M I LY N A B O R S H A L L ; P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y C L A I R E S P O L L E N

ACTIVE TIME 1 HOUR, 10 MINUTES

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The Struggle Is Real

Live the Feline Way Attitude

You’ve tried to achieve hygge like the Danes, to find what “sparks joy” with the Japanese art of decluttering, and to parent your bébés like the French. But why keep turning to other cultures for tips on how to live when there’s a guide closer to home? Try living the Feline Way! Enjoy your life more by looking to your cat for inspiration (just not directly at your cat, because that would really freak him out).

Home Maintenance Clutter: It’s everywhere!

But that won’t matter to you from now on. With the Feline Way, you can simply ignore everything around your house most of the day, then, when everyone else is trying to watch a crucial scene in their favorite show, race around at high speed

knocking down stacks of magazines and rolling around on them. Attack shoes as if they’d given you a grave insult. Somehow wrap your entire body in the cord for the window blinds, then run away with the string still attached to you and yank the blinds from the frame. Don’t bother to clean up anything behind you.

Time Management Life is short. You need to make the most of it—not waste time “picking out clothes” or “wondering where that bouncing red light on the wall is coming from and why all the people in the room are laughing at you.” Don’t plan anything.

Stop to take a bath midconversation. Depend on others to prepare and serve your food. When you’ve finished a meal, immediately forget you’ve eaten and ask for more.

Some people choose a mantra to live by and let everyone know about it. But you revel in mystery, in keeping others on their toes (sometimes literally, because you “accidentally” try to trip them). How to stay mysterious? Stare at your loved ones ominously, then walk away without saying anything. Find the person in the room who wants nothing to do with you and promptly sit on her lap. If you suddenly want to go outside even though you’ve never gone outside before, just stand in front of the door screaming like you’re outraged no one has opened the door for you yet.

Relaxation Your new way of life won’t be complete until you remember to embrace exactly who you are. Turn your ears backward just because you can. Have no fear of vacuum cleaners, but become inexplicably terrified when someone holds an orange jacket. If somebody gives you a present they think you’ll love, ignore it and then get really excited about a roll of tape. Make your own schedule. Don’t overthink things. And when the world becomes too much, go walk around in some spilled apple juice, find the lovely black skirt someone laid out for a dinner party, and take a nap on it for 7 to 16 hours.

TISHCHENKO/GE T T Y IMAGES

By Sarah Schmelling

IT’S MORE THAN A PIE. IT’S A LOVE LETTER.

No dress code. No deadlines. No to-dos or have-tos.