RWO September 2017

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howe caverns A RWO SECRET

cooking with F. OLIVERS


RW Education

festival fun


Eastman School of Music Young Women’s College Prep

Jessica Lahr wanting to LIGHTS...CAMERA... have it Fun In The Sun



ALL! with RWO Making Rochester “GLOW”


{ table of COntents }

64 n[p nj

regulars 6




46 53


ON THE WAY UP Willie Monroe






HER EDGE Heather Crowe Clark


IN HER OWN WORDS Renee Jacobson


women who isnpire Christy Dunster Michelle Singh Karen Cole



regulars 140 UNRAVELED


142 RESOLVE 146







The Auto Stop Soap Estella


FOR A GOOD CAUSE Walk Against Domestic Violence

er 2017

{ table of COntents } COVER STORY 12 LIGHTS...CAMERA...FASHION! Behind the Scenes with Artistix

regulars 216








270 274








all about m.e.



















Ruby Ribbon Shapewear












fashion & BEAUTY


A little hair origami with HUE Salons









Health & wellness 174












special features 50

RW events Rock The Runway


RW education Hochstein Dr. Lynn McGrath Ruth Cahn Homeschooling YWCP 108 SURVIVE TO THRIVE GLOBAL




{ from the publisher }

“With Artistix, you’re not just wearing a piece of clothing, you’re wearing art, something that came from somebody’s soul.” - Greg Polisseni


ducation is the process of facilitating learning, or the acquisition of knowledge, skills, values, beliefs, and habits. Educational methods include storytelling, discussion, teaching, training, and directed research. Education frequently takes place under the guidance of educators, but learners may also educate themselves.[1] Education can take place in formal or informal settings and any experience that has a formative effect on the way one thinks, feels, or acts may be considered educational. The methodology of teaching is called pedagogy. In this month’s edition of Rochester Woman Online, we not only dive in to some hot stopics on educaton such as the controversy of homeschooling on page [74 ], but we are also highlighting some of Rochester’s incredible musical education schools such as Hochstein [ 60] and Eastman School of Music [64 ]. Plus we even have some amazing teachers and educators in the community, and some inspiring students such as those from the Young Women’s College Prep on page [ 82 ].



Behind the scenes with the fashion designs of ARTISTIX by Greg Polisseni at Rock the Runway held at Victory Church in Henrietta on Thursday, August 17th for a sneak preview before their runway debut at Fashion Week of NYC on September 11th. Photo by Michael Zappia Photography.


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

As many fashion followers know, Fashion Week across the country is held during the month of September. In honor of RWO being a trend setter, we decided to feature the behind the scenes from fashion designers Greg Polisseni and Andy Hilfiger with their ARTISTIX Fall clothing line. We had the honor of having a preview of some of the fall line that was being featured in NYC’s Fashion Week runway show on September 11th in August at our Rock The Runway Hair and Fashion Show here in Rochester. WOW what a show it was! Michael Zappia captured some absolutely stunning shots both behind the scenes (which people rarely get to see all that goes on with coordination of such a large event), to models and designer Greg Polisseni walking the runway at both our show here locally and in NYC. Check it our starting on page [12]. Rochester Woman also had the honor of being one of the media sources present for the local Mayoral Primary debate and then the After Party on page [ ]. Editor Cheryl Kates-Benman got a chance to interview candidates Rachel Barnhardt, James Sheppard and Lovely Warren for our ongoing RW Politics column and see what the hot topics were, what everyone thought of the primaries, and what is being planned for the November election. As you may know, Lovely Wareen won by a landslide and we are excited to announce she will be gracing the RWO cover for our November edition! Try and enjoy some time to yourself while the kids are back-to-school and read all the great articles in this edition of Rochester Woman Online!


{ a look at our team }




Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Cassondra Kubit Kelly Breuer Michael Zappia John Myers Sandy Arena Brandon Vick Christopher “GoodKnews” Cardwell Daniel Delucenay Sheila Sepúlveda Julia Antenucci Kathy Mcclare Cheryl Kates-Benman Sandy Arena Alana Calhoon Jamie Betteridge Alison Donaghey Christine Buff Mary Therese Friel Sami Sheehan Phyllis Haberer Dani Polidor Paul Iatomasi Bill Wynkoop Sarah Itkin Toya Cornelius Rebecca Jaffarian Frank Randall David Jenkins Amy Cavalier Sheila Kennedy Kimberlee Hawthorne Julia Khoury Karen Dietz Cassondra Kubit Chloe Corcoran Tamara MacDuff Denisse Dirlam Julie M. May Diane Rivoli Debbie McQ Renee Jacobson Maja Milicevic Klugh Emma Cooksey Stephanie Nitya Armstrong Mary Elizabeth Nesser Jason Pierce Lauren Harrison Robert L. Brenna, Jr. Jes Sutton Monica Infante Doug Jones Debbie Santillo Allison Omalley Lauren Frankfurter Beth Mandyck Sharee Turpin Renee Jacobson Kelly Breuer Cassondra Kubit Brandon DeWind

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at Download our current media kit at www. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

Photo by: Stephen S. Reardon Photography Presented by

Get ready! Get your tail waggin! Go! Join us on Saturday, September 30th, for the Lollypop Farm Barktober Fest Walk for the Animals. Create a Tail Waggin’ Team, fundraise, and walk to help homeless and abused animals. It’s the biggest pet-friendly walk and festival to help Rochester’s homeless and abused pets! Sign Up Today

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ARTISTIX is a unique clothing brand founded by artist, Greg Polisseni. Greg has found passion in his artwork since childhood by creating original paintings, which serve as the inspiration for his fashion lines. ARTISTIX has become a way for him to express his art, design, and creativity not only on a canvas but on clothing as well. The goal of our brand is to bring a fun, edgy, and distinctive vibe to our clothing to complement your personal style. Rochester Woman Online was lucky enough to feature some of the Fall Harvest Collection


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

before it hit the NYC runway on September 11th. Designer Greg Polisseni stated, “Harvest, is inspired by the time of year which all hard work is there to benefit your body and soul, and start all over again. We cannot survive without the many men and women that provide harvest for everyone…Harvest is a symbol for the circle of life.”. A military inspiration ran through Artistix men’s and women’s collections. Andy Hilfiger and Greg Polisseni designed a line of ribbed sweaters, paired them with jeans and cargo pants, jumpsuits and jeans

decorated with military patches, and some outerwear pieces, including a men’s bomber and a women’s parka, were splashed with a multicolor camouflage pattern. The color palette was focused on fall, warm tones of the abstract paintings of Polisseni’s “Harvest” series along with their Spring and Summer line called Equality as well. The artworks were actually reproduced on the clothing making these pieces wearable art. The lineup also included a flight suit, white high-cut bathing suit, jumpers and more.


Touching up her lips before heading on stage with the signature Stars and Stripes scarf used as a hair wrap.

Rock band Candlebox made a surprise appearance at Roch the Runway and played for our audience with a heartfelt tribute to Polisseni’s late dog Halle. RWO wants to give a very special THANK YOU to Salon Bella Vita and its talented team for providing all the hair and makeup for the Artistix models.

The Line-Up

Behind the scenes as models are lining up in the hallway, for their debut on stage at Rock the Runway.

Model Tyler Aser

Wearing the Equality jumper with Artistix white leather jack over the top. Hair and Makeup provided by Salon Bella Vita.

The TRibute

Rock Band Candlebox made a surprise appearance to perform an emotional trbute song to Polisseni’s late dog Halle for our Rock the Runway audience.

take flight

Artistix model wearing the new Fall Harvest CCollection’s flightsuite.

Model Anthony

Rocking the runway with the men’s euality inspired jacket along with Artistix pants and t-shirt.

Stars & Stripes Equality The stars and stripes signature shirt wrap paired with the equality 2-piece bikini.

“With Artistix, you’re not just wearing a piece of clothing, you’re wearing art, something that came from somebody’s soul.” - Greg Polisseni


Advertising Weddings Seniors Models Families Musicians

(585) 235-2860

Available for all your events!

{ the perfect hue }


Origami (折り紙, from ori meaning

“folding”, and kami meaning “paper” (kami changes to gami due to rendaku)) is the art of paper folding, which is often associated with Japanese culture. In modern usage, the word “origami” is used as an inclusive term for all folding practices, regardless of their culture of origin. The goal is to transform a flat sheet square of paper into a finished sculpture through folding and sculpting techniques. Modern origami practitioners generally discourage the use of cuts, glue, or markings on the paper. Origami folders often use the Japanese w o r d kirigami to refer to designs w h i c h use cuts, although cutting is more characteristic of Chinese papercrafts. 46

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

Inspired by origami, the Japanese art of paper folding, HUE SALONS director Blake Dufault and his team of talented artists gave the audience at Rock The Runway on August 17th an innovative live show on stage showcasing the process for dramatic transformation after reflecting on the beauty an origami artist discovers

with a single sheet of paper. “Origami is about working cleanly and precisely: crisp folds, placed just right,” said Mitchell. “The same goes for coloring hair—but it’s not just about sharp lines. If you’ve mastered your craft, even when you use a more organic technique, there is a precision of intention. Origami teaches us this: if you practice your craft with excellence, it rises to the level of an art.” Du f a u l t transformer hair model ... on stage with a whole new hairstyle using the hair origami techniues, and a rice hat to create an incredible new look.All while the audience watched in awe, waiting to see what the end result would be after he literally cut around the rice hat on her head, never removing it until the very end.

{ rw fashion feature }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

{ rw fashion feature } Origami takes a simple piece of paper, and turns it into something beautiful. Hair color has the same power to create this dramatic transformation.

the nation’s largest bedding manufacture. But, while she made her way through the corporate world, her childhood fascination with swimwear drove her to indulge in her passion. She often made yearly trips to see her grandparents in Tarpon Springs Florida, just north of Tampa. On every visit she would also have to see what the latest swimwear t re n d s we re a n d purchase either a new summer swimsuit or cover up. Once she moved to Florida she noticed a trend. A lot of women’s swimsuits looked the same. She became tired of seeing the same thing over and over again and wanted something different. Callista’s style can best be described as eclectic. She feels fashion and creates from her emotions like a painter creating a masterpiece. She grew up idolizing the fashion styles of Audrey Hepburn and Coco Chanel and their ability to create sophistication and make breathtaking statements through nuanced styling. Those ideas can be seen through her two current lines of swimwear, and the new

upcoming ‘Summer Romance’ line that will be released in the Spring of 2018. If you swim regularly, you’ll know that the materials used in fabrication are very important when it comes to choosing your swimwear. This is why the top swimwear

manufacturers invest a great deal of money in researching and developing new materials that can help you improve your performance, comfort levels and the longevity of your suit. For those of us who have rarely thought about why this is so crucial to swimwear design, below you will find a comprehensive guide to the different types of technical materials used by the top swimwear brands and why they are used. Sexiness isn’t about being young, hot and wearing a bikini. It’s about being powerful and feeling like you belong in your skin and it feels good. Your bikini should complement your style, and they should work to frame your body. Blue Coral Swimwear and Callista GiffordDehart are focused on making women feel beautiful in their own skin. Callista’s experience in manufacturing and sewing ensures that these manufactured in America women’s swimsuits and cover ups will last many seasons.

{ rock the runway }

{ rock the runway }

Rock The Runway Hair & Fashion Show on Thursday, August 17th, 2017 at Victory Church. Presented by ARTISTIX by Greg Polisseni Photos by Brandon Vick, Michael Zappia, Deb McGwin, Daniel Delucenay and Michael Crisafulli.

{ rock the runway }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

{ rock the runway }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ rock the runway }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

{ rock the runway }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ rock the runway }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

{ rock the runway }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


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{ rw education }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ rw education } by Maja Millicevic-Klugh

Hochstein School of Music & Dance Try dancing without

music and you will end up looking like a ludicrous caricature. Whether you are listening to one of Beethoven’s nine symphonies or to a rap song by Eminem, you might not be able to sit still for long.

You would be energized into moving your body parts and some dance form will not only overtake you but flow out of you. Scientists have known for some time that even a fetus in the womb can hear music and react to it. It starts moving its limbs in an attempt to dance, though it does not even know what dance is. Music moves us, literally. All human cultures dance to music and music’s kinetic faculty is exploited in everything from military marches and political rallies to social gatherings and romance. This crossmodal relationship is so fundamental that in many languages the words for music and dance are often interchangeable, if not the same. An experiment was conducted with children between 1 and 2 years of age, who were made to listen to Credence Clearwater Revival’s “Heard It Through the Grapevine.” Within a minute of listening to the insistent drums and guitar riffs, the babies started to move in synchronicity with the song. Even if they fell, they resumed immediately even as they were sitting or lying. With this experiment, one could surmise that dance is an innate talent, existing from birth, which can be enjoyed throughout life. Dance classes can further enhance the enjoyment of the art form.

In dance, you can connect the rhythm of the music to the rhythm of the movement; using music to direct movement and create dance. Music with movement can tell a story. They both correspond to share emotions and work to express something. The two art forms, music and dance, together create an emotional quotient, always complementing each other. Music can produce emotions and those emotions can find an outlet in dancing. A great resource for training in both music and dance is the Hochstein School of Music & Dance, which was founded in 1920 and celebrates its 100th anniversary in 2020. The city with the largest concentration of professional musicians in the nation is Nashville, with Rochester in second place. Some of the credit for that goes to the Hochstein School, which is one of the largest community music schools in the nation (among comparably sized cities). Hochstein has a long history of providing excellent, sequential music and dance instruction, based primarily in the classical western European tradition. Over the years, a lively, diverse population of musicians and dancers have gathered at Hochstein and over the past two decades, the school has grown its ensembles program, providing many opportunities for students to play, sing, and dance together. Hochstein’s music therapy program has expanded significantly since the program began in 1975. More ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


recently, the school has recognized the need to include technology as an instructional resource and has built the Music Lab as a means of providing that resource to students and faculty. The Hochstein School is committed to the highest quality of music and dance instruction, performance, and overall artistic expression. The school tailors instruction to the individual goals and needs of each student. Highly regarded for the expertise and commitment of its faculty and for creating a nurturing environment and sense of community, Hochstein welcomes students of all ages, proficiency levels, ethnicities, and socioeconomic levels and includes those with special needs in a barrier-free environment that provides artistic opportunities for all. The school’s mission ¬– to make this instruction available to anyone interested, regardless of age, level of experience or skill, or ability to pay – makes it unique. In 2015-16, Hochstein served 3,950 individuals in its music, dance, and music 62

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therapy programs: 2,400 in music and dance, 850 in music therapy, and 700 in music and dance programs through various schools and community centers in our area. The same school year, approximately 1,385 individuals were helped to participate in music, dance, and music therapy programs through the tuition assistance program. Hochstein annually awards between $265,000 and $340,000 in need-based scholarships. While Hochstein is not a degree-granting institution, it is one of only 13 Community Schools of the Arts, nationwide, to be accredited by the National Association of Schools of Music. For the serious student, Hochstein offers an Honors Certificate Program. Entrance to this program is gained by audition, and those completing the requirements are well prepared to continue their music education at any of the country’s finest conservatories. Hochstein plays an active role in the Rochester community by working collaboratively with its community

partners, by being good neighbors and teaching values that foster responsible citizenship. Hochstein uses the resources entrusted to it in the most effective way possible to ensure the fulfillment of its mission. Hochstein believes that melding the unique skills, talents, and abilities of everyone involved in a respectful and cooperative environment produces art that excites and inspires. The Hochstein culture fosters a sense of community that is positive, creative, engaging, and a safe haven in which students are inspired to achieve and grow through supportive relationships with faculty, staff, friends, and colleagues. The depth of Hochstein’s instructional and performance opportunities help promote a sense of vitality and exploration for students, faculty, staff, and the greater community. To learn more about the Hochstein School, visit the website at

{ rw education }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ rw education }

by rebecca jaffarian i photos by brandon vick photography


It has been said that poetry is music, and nothing but music. Words with musical emphasis. Newly appointed to the Eastman Community Music School, guitarist Dr. Lynn Mc Grath often receives rave reviews from music critics who say she manages to achieve that elusive perfect artistic balance between poetry and music along with stage presence and acting skills. Dr. Mc Grath has performed and lectured on four continents. Some of the international festivals she has participated in include the Niksic Festival (Montenegro), Silesian Guitar Autumn Festival (Poland), and the Guitar Foundation of America Festival (US). She has toured the UK, Peru and New Zealand, where she performed on New Zealand National Public Radio in 2015. After receiving degrees in Spanish Language and Literature as well as Education, Lynn completed a music degree with Douglas Rubio at the Crane School of Music, SUNY Potsdam (where she later taught as a full time instructor) and earned a MM and DMA from the University of Southern California. When Rochester Woman Online caught up with her, she was teaching at festival in Montana.

When and why did you start playing guitair?

I was six when I started half-hour folk guitar lessons in the village of Rouses Point, NY with Mrs. Sutton (who probably never imagined I would become a professional musician!). I don’t remember ever choosing guitar or

asking for lessons, but my parents had an intuitive understanding of the benefits of music education without any expectation or desire that I pursue a career in music. In fact, I often complained, dragged my feet, and I’m embarrassed to say that I faked a few injuries to avoid going! I’m so glad that they insisted I continued lessons, even when I protested. I learned, I grew more confident, and when I heard classical guitar music for the first time at the age of 11, I fell head over heels in love with the guitar. I had no idea so much was possible on the instrument! My exposure to the fundamentals made it possible for me to really appreciate that style, and also allowed me to assimilate it rather quickly even when I was mostly self-taught from that point until my serious study of the instrument in college.

What was the first tune you learned to play?

I feel lucky to have played a lot of beautiful folk melodies while building more facility on the instrument. Folk music is naturally tuneful and works so well in early education with singing or playing an instrument.

Is your family musical? Please describe their musical interests and abilities.

I don’t come from a musical family, though music is an important part of their lives. My father has a woodworking hobby, and would blast music mostly from the 70’s over the sound of his power tools. My mother hums

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


and sings around the house often, and has a lot of natural talent, but never had the opportunity to take lessons while growing up.

What or who has been your greatest influence?

There are so many composers and performers, in multiple styles, who have been highly influential in my musical development. I think the Ancient Greeks were on to something when they discussed the power of music to not only affect the mood, but also to help us understand the universe. As with the visual arts, it’s a complex vocabulary of expression that has a power beyond words. The music of J.S. Bach moves me in a way that no other composer does. I get goose bumps and feel elation in specific moments in Arvo Pärt’s Berlin Mass, and am consumed with sweet melancholy when I listen to a certain works by Guillaume de Machaut. And it’s not just about the composers! Great performers have a way of bringing out and serving the music’s truth. They share a part of themselves as they 66

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weave a thread of connection that starts with the composer, and moves through the performer until reaching the listener. Musicians who can do this while also crafting an informed and convicted interpretation have had the greatest influence on me.

What woman inspires you and why?

I’m inspired by so many women in my life, starting first with my mother who, despite facing incredible challenges from early childhood, is one of the most caring, generous, and loving human beings I have ever known. My life is filled with women who continue to persevere and contribute in a myriad of ways to our communities, despite the additional difficulties they face as they navigate a culture that is so often colored by bias and inequality. In the field of classical guitar, the vast majority of concertizing artists and full-time teachers are men. U.S.-based guitarists such as Lily Afshar, Olga Amelkina-Vera (also an exceptional composer), Laura Husbands, Sharon Isbin,

Martha Masters, Kim Perlak, Connie Sheu, and Ana Vidovic are all examples of women who have achieved success in performing, teaching, and administration. They have found ways contribute to the field at the highest of levels, despite those additional challenges they have faced due to their gender.

What were your fondest musical memories?

My fondest musical memories are now almost entirely comprised of performances of my students. There is nothing more satisfying than hearing a student realize their potential. When they express on a deep level, and are able to feel the power of connection with an audience, I feel joy that goes beyond what I feel when I do the same on stage. I can imagine how their love of music will spread and affect so many people’s lives in a positive way.

Were you influenced by old records? If so who and why?

{ rw education } “I was six when I started half-hour folk guitar lessons in the village of Rouses Point, NY with Mrs. Sutton (who probably never imagined I would become a professional musician!).”

I’ve been working on my record collection for some time, so old records are now a much more important part of my life than they were when I was younger. What I love most about listening to a record is that I feel a deeper level of ceremony, and that translates to a deeper listening experience. I clean the record, carefully set up the needle, and sit down in a comfortable chair to actively listen. When I play music on my turntable, it’s not background music…it’s more like being in the middle of a concert, and I have the best seat in the house.

What was your dream job as a kid and why?

I wanted to be a visual artist from a very young age. My art projects would consume me…I would think about them outside of art class, and dreamt of thousands of paintings and sculptures that I never actually took the time to create in real life. Later, music took this same position in my life…through music I’m able to craft soundscapes, and I revel in tone color. While I never imagined I would become a musician until I was already an adult, I now see that my interest in art fits quite well with music, and I’m figuring out ways that I can combine the two, much like I already do with my love of Spanish poetry and guitar.

What would you say is your greatest professio n al accomplishment to date?

The most prestigious group I have performed with was the Santa Fe opera and it was an unforgettable experience to work with such exceptional musicians. However, I feel that there was a lot of luck involved in getting that “gig,” as is the case with may opportunities in the music field (and honestly, the music was quite easy!). So, what I’m most proud of is the project that makes up the core of my solo performances. While teaching at SUNY Potsdam’s Crane School of Music, I was also completing my Doctoral degree at the University of Southern California

and had one recital left to graduate. The performance required a Spanish narrator, but when the date got closer, I realized that I simply could not afford to fly a narrator and myself to Los Angeles and back. So, I started to memorize the Spanish text, and then to slowly and painstakingly work to theatrically narrate the text according to the manuscript while also performing the intricate guitar part.

of work and takes self-discipline and at times can be very frustrating. Kids can learn and grow so much in a very short time. However, I have seen very talented students develop to a point at which the going gets tough, they say its not fun, and they quit. I would have quit if my parents had let me…but it took until I had reached a certain age and level for everything to “click” for me.

Even though I’ve been working on it for over ten years, it’s still one of the most challenging things I have ever attempted. I have to act, speak in a second language, and play the guitar music, all simultaneously.

Through music I learned so much about life and developed skills that have served me in so many ways! I owe my parents so much for their support and for not allowing me to quit when the going got tough. Also, music study is not just for kids, it’s for everyone! If you have always wanted to study music, or even recently become interested make it a part of your life. It’s never too late!

What’s the best advice you have received in music and teaching that you would like to pass on to RWM On Line Readers? Learning an instrument is fun, but it’s also a lot

How do you balance your music with other obligations?

It is a huge challenge to find balance in my life. I love to teach for so many reasons and cannot imagine a life without teaching regularly. I also own a music management business, present lectures and clinics and several topics, adjudicate, and direct events for the Guitar Foundation of America. I have been working very hard to improve my time management by setting timers and reminders in my calendar, and getting ahead when I can to allow more practice time when I have concerts coming up that will require additional practicing time.

What is on your bucket list?

I’ve been steadily checking things off my bucket list…from visiting Machu Picchu to being an extra in a movie. I have a long list, and close to the top is to run a halfmarathon, and to visit India and China and am always adding new things to the list. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


What do you for fun and relaxation?

I find being in nature very restorative, so now that I’m back in New York, I’m looking forward to more hiking and kayaking. I’ve always enjoyed reading and always have books on my reading list.

What is the number o n e perso n al a n d professional goal you plan to accomplish over the next year?

My number one personal goal is to find a better balance and creating a clearer boundary between work and my personal life. I’m very passionate about my work, but it has a tendency to colonize my mind, not leaving enough room for me to explore my other interests 68

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and it can make it more difficult to nurture my personal relationships.

If you were asked to write a book what would the topic be and why?

I have two books in progress, one for young children learning the guitar, and another delving into very specific aspects of technique for adult learners. I’m constantly adding materials to based on content created for my students, and I hope to find a publisher willing to work with me to make it happen soon!

Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers?

I feel that there is a mystique about classical music and many stereotypes that have had an unfairly negative impact on our field. Classical

music is a living genre, even if some of the music is quite old. It’s a true, deep, expansive art form and it needs your support! Go to concerts and feel the power of this music, especially when it is performed live. Learn about it, familiarize yourself with it, and you will be able to enjoy it at an even a higher level.

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{ rw education }

by rebecca jaffarian i photos by brandon vick photography

Music flows through Ruth Cahn’s veins. Ruth performed for 35 years as full-time percussionist with the Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra. She currently serves as Chair of the Eastman Community Music School Wind, Brass, and Percussion Department and is founder and director of the Music Horizon Program for talented high school age musicians now in its 27th year. In 2013, Ruth received the Lifetime Achievement in Education Award from The Percussive Arts Society. The award recognizes the contributions of the most highly regarded leaders in percussion education. Recipients have a significant history of exceptional and innovative teaching practices. Here are some insights into Ruth Cahn’s background as well as her viewpoints on the importance of music education.

Music Flows Through Her Veins... RUTH KAHN

Why is music education important for today’s students?

Hands on exposure of playing in school music programs is very important in that you can play some wonderful music and learn how to work with others. Doing private music teaching, as we do at ECMS, is also life changing in that a fine teacher will develop your musical skills ( in some cases skills you never thought you had), help a student to understand how they learn, and help students to learn how to present themselves in performance and in other life situations. When young people have the opportunity to play great music- well- it is like your favorite flavor or ice cream and you will enjoy it life long.

Tell us about your role as founder and Director of the Music Horizon Program?

I felt a very strong need to create a program that focused on the challenges of selecting a career in music (being honest about those challenges and helping students acquire skills needed to give it their best try). I also wanted to assist students in assessing their decision of pursuing collegiate studies in music or another field. Today, many students do a double major in music and another field.

When and why did you start playing?

I began playing percussion in a wonderful school music program in 6th grade, but I began piano study in 3rd grade. We also had an old pump organ at home that was an endless source of fun. (I still have that organ and a song book from my Dad at my home!)

What was the first tune you learned?

One of my favorite composition to listen to (and dance around) as a child was the Academic Festival Overture by Brahms. I also learned may folksongs by rote, probably 30 or so and loved to sing them as a child.

Is your family musical? Please describe their musical interests and abilities.

My Father played violin in high school and after a stressful day at work, would come home, take out the violin and play. He could play almost any song that he heard on violin and could do the same on piano (he never had a piano lesson)! My brother played trombone, Mom played piano and loved to sing at church. My Father also took me to see/hear operas before I was in school. I still love opera and opera singers!

What or who has been your greatest influence in music and why?

The beauty of orchestral music and its power to reach people has always been my greatest influence. As a high school percussionist I was able to study with Stanley Leonard, timpanist in the Pittsburgh Symphony, who inspired, encouraged and guided my musical interests. His influence was so strong that I wanted to follow his model of teaching at the pre-collegiate level and being a mentor to my own students. I have been delighted to be able to do that as a member of the ECMS faculty for 40 years.

If you could invite some great musicians for play 3 concerts around the world ... Who would you call ? Where ? Why?

Johann Sebastian Bach would be my first call. My students and I love his music and would like to hear from him “exactly how he wanted it played”. David Zinnman, former RPO conductor and now world famous conductor, I would like to again play a concert with him and the RPO in the Eastman Theatre. Kahmud Ranjan Banargee from Lucknow India, was my teacher in Hindustani Classical Music (voice and table). I would love to hear him sing again. He taught me that to be a great teacher, you have to learn how to “tune into” your students deeply. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


What woman inspires you and why?’

There were no women percussionists in symphony orchestras that I could use for inspiration. So, I was inspired by great musicians and great orchestras that I heard. As an early member of NOW, I was encouraged by Gloria Steinman and Betty Friedan’s continuing advice to young women that “with strength of character, strong will, endurance and tenacity, we could do it!” What were your fondest musical memories? Hearing Rostropovich, great Russian cellist, play a concerto with the Pittsburgh Symphony. He was able to transcend the limits of his instrument and he and the instrument were one.

Were you influenced by old records? If so who and why?

I had my own record player and a collection of “Greatest Classical Hits of all Time”. My Father was a real “hi-fi” devotee and he had a wonderful collection of music, both classical and world music that I could enjoy.

What was your dream job as a kid and why?

I have always been very interested in the sciences. I was accepted to college in both physics and engineering in addition to music. This makes it easy for me to understand and support the interests of my ECMS percussion students, 72

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many of whom share the science interest.

W hat wo u ld yo u say is your greatest professio n al accomplishment to date?

As with many musicians, I have multiple career segments:

I love to kayak, flat water only, and am a fanatic reader. (Currently revisiting all the Greek Classics.)

What’s the best advice you have received in music and teaching that you would like to pass on to RW On Line Readers?

As a music administrator-11 years as summer session director of the Eastman School of Music As a percussion teacher- 40 years teaching at the Eastman Community Music School

The depth of experience of the studio teacher as a performer and educator is a requisite tool. Teachers need many strategies to reach and supercharge music learning including: psychology, learning styles, repertory knowledge, continuing updates on connections between neuro science and learning, positive teaching ability, compassion, organization and inspiration for a start!

How do you balance your music with other obligations?

Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers?

As a percussionist- 35 years playing with the RPO

I decided early on in my career, that if I wanted “to do this”, I would need to do it 100%. So, I have made life decisions that made that goal possible. My husband Bill, a wonderful professional percussionist, shares this same focus on music too!

What does a percussionist do for f u n a n d relaxation?

I love animals and have shared my life with West Highland Terriers, Scotties and currently 2 cats.

The mentorship and support of other women is very important especially when one is entering a career field that is male dominated. Women need to accept the task of mentoring other women/often younger women, even if the mentoree is interested in a differing field. Women need to help and encourage other women to develop leadership skills, which will serve women in all of our many career paths: professional Mom, PTA leader, community volunteer, teacher, academic or artist……….. our options are growing but there is still lots


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ rw education }

by Sandy Arena i Photos by Michelle Pauly and Sandy Arena

As Mandela so eloquently summarizes education matters - and especially when it comes to providing the best learning environments, opportunities and resources for our children who are our future, and who are at the center of this mother’s heart.


I am the mother of five children ranging in age from 13 to 25, including two of which have joined our family through adoption. While we have had our children enrolled in many types of educational environments over the past 20 years including homeschooling, Montessori, public and Christian schools, homeschool education has been the model which has remained consistent in our family’s lives for the past 11 years, during which time I have homeschooled all five of our children at one time or another, and yes also - all at once. With my years of experience, I have been given the privilege to share our home school journey with the readers of Rochester Woman Online. My intent is not to argue the value of one educational choice verses another, but rather to enlighten. My opinion is all children and family circumstances vary, and the option to homeschool has helped us find that “sweet spot” in our children’s learning styles, preferences, personalities and goals to ultimately guide them into their best futures.

Home Schooling Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. – Nelson Mandela

My hope is that readers will find value in this information and in learning more about my family’s experiences. Perhaps some of you have thought about home schooling your own children, only to immediately write it off saying what I at one time said, “NO WAY! I would never do that!” Or maybe, you are just wondering about it, because homeschooling, after all, is somewhat of a curiosity.

But First, The Statistics

When it comes to life, it can be comforting to know you are not alone. Currently, I know AT LEAST one hundred homeschool families in the upstate New York area, if not more, and additionally, upon doing a little research, I also discovered homeschooling is increasing in its popularity across the United States. The National Home Education Research Institute (www.nheri.og) shared an article titled “Research Facts on Homeschooling” written by Brian D. Ray, Ph.D. on March 23, 2016. In this informative piece, Ray reported homeschooling was considered pioneering at one time, but now may be the “fastest growing form of education in our country” with 2.3

million homeschoolers in the United States, up from 2 million in 2010. He further summarized the effectiveness of homeschooling reporting the following: 1. Homeschool students score above average on achievement tests regardless of their parents’ level of formal education or their family’s household income. 2. Whether homeschool parents were ever certified teachers is not related to their children’s academic achievement. 3. Degree of state control and regulation of homeschooling is not related to academic achievement. 3. Home-educated students typically score above average on the SAT and ACT tests that colleges consider for admissions. 4. Homeschool students are increasingly being actively recruited by colleges. 5. The home-educated typically score 15 to 30 percentile points above public-school students on standardized academic achievement tests. (The public school average is the 50th percentile; scores range from 1 to 99.) With information like these then, it’s a wonder why I had only met ONE home school family before moving to Rochester, NY in 2002. This particular family lived in New Jersey where I used to reside with my oldest daughter Alexis before I met and married my husband Sam and moved to Upstate New York. This family’s son was a fellow, first grader at the Christian school my oldest daughter was attending back then. (She is 25 years old now!) We were at this family’s home for a birthday party, and I noticed an unusual amount of bookshelves, books, educational games and workbooks in their family room. I kind of mentioned it out loud to our host - like “Wow, look at all of those books!” The mom informed me she used to homeschool and hence why the book overload. She also told me she was a teacher in a school system. This information led me to falsely believe that only “trained and certified and real” teachers could homeschool (I was a publicist and writer by profession and not a “teacher” then), so end of that conversation. However, I have to admit I found the whole notion of homeschooling at that time mysterious, and a little bit strange, and I was way too polite to pry. So how did we go from A to B in this journey

{ rw education } There are hundreds of online and in person homeschool groups, organizations, classes and resources available to help families navigate through questions and to build wonderful experiences for their children. A good place to start is to search online in your area and also ask to join homeschool groups on Facebook. Upstate New York has many of them.

to the point where I have acquired a certain level of expertise on this subject and where I too now have a freakish amount of bookshelves, books, educational games and tools, and workbook areas throughout my house? Sadly, it all started with bullying. One of our children was targeted and I’ll leave it at that so not to re-live the trauma. We were angry and disappointed on behalf of our child, and at a loss as to what to do. Homeschooling was at the forefront of our solution. Unlike my experiences in New Jersey where I only had ever met one woman who homeschooled, in Rochester I was connected with many homeschool families, and they didn’t seem as unusual as my initial misconceived notions believed. At this point, we honestly felt the best course of action would be to bring our child home and embark on this journey. It felt pioneering and empowering for all of us. We also bought our child a dog that would be there to love when our hugs and good intentions were not enough, and my daily goal then became to love my child back. During these early days when everything was new, I found myself mentors who connected me with groups, resources, classes, ideas and paperwork/ reporting instructions. It was slow going at first and hard for me to adjust since I was running a dance studio and also taking care of two other children. Regardless, every day we strived for progress seeking out projects, curriculum and resources through trial and error that fit our child’s interests, fulfilled our New York 76

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state requirements, and maintained my daily goal to refill our child’s love bucket. I made many mistakes during those early years, the first one being purchasing an entire DVD instructional curriculum for $1000 that required students to sit and watch a recording of a teacher teaching a class, and then do homework assignments and tests based off these DVDs. It was basically recreating a traditional classroom model at home, while missing the true flavor of homeschooling which aims at developing an atmosphere of individualized learning inside and outside the home, and empowering lifetime learners and problem solvers. In these early days, I lacked the confidence, knowledge and resourcefulness needed to create and find curriculum and educational tools that would best fit our child’s needs and interest levels. Both of us needed to detox our “school” mindset to understand that sitting in front of teaching DVDs all day was not cutting it. We ended up finishing off that first year hiring a tutor who came to our house weekly to oversee instruction, tests and assignments and to guide me on the process. It was progress.

Eventually our other two children joined us in homeschooling. They had been enrolled in public school prior to this. Our twins - who joined our family through adoption - were not living with us permanently at that time, although I did homeschool them several times over the years when they would live with us temporarily during crisis times in their personal lives. Bringing the other children home during these early and middle years was a decision I will never regret. It was better for me to not have my feet in two worlds, and I felt at that point if I was going to really do it right, I needed to immerse our entire family in this lifestyle in order for it to work. I am happy to report that eventually our child’s smiles and confidence returned and with each passing day we became more adept at finding opportunities and instructional programs that worked, as well as seeking a new community of friendships and relationships. Because the resources and options available for homeschooling are vast, here are some tips and information that may be helpful and/or interesting:

1. There are

hundreds of online and in person homeschool groups, organizations, classes and resources available to help families navigate through questions and to build wonder ful experiences for their children. A good place to start is to search online in your area and also ask

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


2. Find mentors who will guide you through

the paperwork and reporting processes in regards to your school district, your state’s homeschool regulations, attendance rules, lesson plan development, and quarterly and annual testing and evaluations. I have found homeschool families to be generous with information and resource sharing, and always willing to embrace a newbie into the fold. I would have never made it through our first few years without the support and guidance of other families.

3. Think of yourself as an educational manager

in search of classes, field trip experiences, books and curriculum, volunteer work, as well as business and career development and opportunities. Two of our children have their own personal websites which initially started as homeschool assignments, for example. Our 78

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youngest daughter has clocked over 1500 hours of volunteer work in the past five years and has received two national awards and a Certificate of Special Recognition from Mayor Warren Lovely for her volunteer achievements in our community. Our son had the wonderful opportunity to attend an outdoor homeschool educational class at Camp Arrowhead in Pittsford during elementary school where they participated in awesome learning activities like recreating the Oregon Trail in the woods. He usually came home covered in dirt, happy and bubbling over with information about what he learned. As a geography supplement to our regular curriculum a few years back, our youngest two decided to make a Monopoly Geography Game with each section on the board representing a country, and the cards and game movements conducive to learning about geography. They worked on this project

together every day for a few months exercising their own individual gifts in creating the board. At that time, our son was more of a visionary, while our daughter was more gifted in patience, writing and drawing for this project, so her role was to carry out his ideas. One year, art class for our oldest daughter was weekly Friday night scrapbooking sessions with a friend who made our daughter laugh and who was very skilled at working with paper and teaching scrapbooking techniques. It was joyful, and also provided quality time for my child and me to connect over memories.

4. Make a bucket list with your children of

field trips and activities or books to read, and be intentional about fulfilling your dreams. (see number 3!)

5. Do not worry about your child missing out

Currently, I know AT LEAST one hundred homeschool families in the upstate New York area, if not more, and additionally, upon doing a little research, I also discovered homeschooling is increasing in its popularity across the United States.

t on some of those typical experiences associated with traditional schooling. If there is a will, there is a way. Our oldest daughter found a homeschool prom to attend her senior year because that was important to her. There are many homeschool groups and co-ops that offer and organize these types of enrichment activities including field trips, yearbooks, school portraits, spelling bees and standardized testing. Our youngest daughter is a freakishly good speller because she has such a keen memory. One year, she decided she wanted to participate in a homeschool spelling bee hosted in our region. I purchased a spelling bee guide for her (probably on Amazon), and every day while I ran on our treadmill that was in our bedroom, she would sit on our bed and study. When she had memorized a round, I would then test her while still running! That was the year I trained for a half marathon on that treadmill, by the way. In the end, I finished my marathon and she ended up winning our local, homeschool group spelling bee competition where she was competing again high school students, and then went on to win the regional spelling bee! There was no state competition that we knew of, otherwise she probably would have begged to do that, too! She was only in fourth grade at the time.

6. Save and document

everything you do on a daily basis. Take pictures and make copies. Not only is this helpful when adhering to your reporting requirements, but it is also wonderful as a tool for filling out college applications, writing resumes and filling out job applications.

7.Consider community

college as a resource. We eventually enrolled our oldest daughter in community college when she entered

high school. This is a wonderful option for homeschool students to achieve their state required high school credits in an environment that does not – as our daughter said – include “forced socialization.” Community colleges accept homeschool students as long as they pass

could be! Our daughter graduated from high school with 24 college credits earned and was accepted into two colleges of her choice by the end of her senior year.

the placement test. Our college advisor told us they typically found homeschool students – even as young as age 15 – better adjusted as independent learners and more adept at communicating with adults. Our daughter successfully rose into this environment gaining acceptance into their honor society, and even successfully arguing for a better grade with a professor when she felt she had not been evaluated fairly. She also shocked another professor when he found out her age. Apparently the professors were not made aware that she was under the age of 18. One day, a teacher asked the students in class who had voted in the election that year. If a student raised their hand to say they hadn’t voted, he made him or her publicly explain why. When he got to our daughter, she told him “because I’m only 16.” He was shocked and asked her to stay after class to fill him in as to how this

Maybe you would like an idea of how we have done it over the years. I am only homeschooling one child, this year, so this schedule pertains to how we did it when I had multiples in elementary school.

Typical Day During the Elementary School Years

8 am to 9 am – This is when I would clean, check email/social media, take care of the dogs, start laundry and make lists for errands, phone calls I need make, appointments I need to schedule, or grocery shopping that needs to be done. This stuff, plus (probably) 100 things more. 9 am to noon – Both of our elementary age children would wake up and we would settle on the couch to read and review their independent learning planners which I would map out for each of them on Sundays. This is when we would go through our core subjects and curriculum guidelines, read our textbooks and answer questions, read aloud literature, watch teaching DVDs or documentaries (depending on what we were doing), and work on science experiments. If it was nice outside, we would do this outside sitting on our front porch, or going to the library or a bagel shop located just a few blocks down the street from our home (which we joked was our cafeteria).

{{ SHIFT+CONTROL rw education }} My hope is that readers will find value in this information and in learning more about my family’s experiences.

. Sometimes we would sit on the trampoline and read together just for a change of pace, and then I would let them jump for 15 minutes to release their energy before going inside. Noon – My husband would come home for lunch every day and this became our “dinner” time where we would actually sit together, converse and eat a meal. My husband and son would catch up on sports’ scores and everyone would relax their brains. I would re-clean and straighten up, of course. 1 pm to 5 pm – This is when I would run on my treadmill (because God help us all if I don’t exercise) and take a shower (ha!). The kids would lean their rooms and do their chores, work on their workbooks, note booking assignments, research and writing projects, read, study and do MATH. Let’s talk about math. There is a beautiful curriculum out there that goes from grade school math to pre-calculus called Teaching Textbooks. It costs a little under $200 per year and is worth every penny to me. Every day the kids work on a lesson taught on a DVD program, and then work on problems pertinent to the lesson. If they get a problem wrong, there is a place where they can click to learn why they got the problem wrong. The program also administers quizzes and tests and automatically maintains grades! It takes the student usually about 30 minutes to an hour per day. 80

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4 pm to 8 pm – Rest, dinner, extracurricular activities, sports, music lessons, rehearsals, games, dance training or rehearsals. I hope this information satisfies curious minds by sharing just a bit about homeschooling. The best take away is to adhere to the philosophy that there is more than one way to complete a task and fulfill a state educational requirement, and when it comes to engaging in a homeschool lifestyle, learning opportunities are unlimited, especially in this age of information. If you are leaning towards this option, trust your

instincts and try it. I never then or now would ever commit to more than one year at a time. I would have never made it otherwise. The years I have engaged in this role and lifestyle with my children are priceless and I am very grateful to have had them including the good and the hard times. I am proud of what we have built as a family. I’ll end to say my son - who entered public school in 9th grade at Pittsford Mendon High School - finished his freshman year with an above 90 average, is taking an AP class, is captain of his JV football team, and is well liked by friends, coaches and teachers. He loves school. I say all this not to brag, but to say homeschooling for him worked and it was not as much about me being a great teacher, but about him embracing the learning culture we had at home, developing good character traits, working hard and being disciplined, and exercising positivity and kindness. These things have served him well. But like I said, one year at a time. Please feel free to be in touch with questions. I would be happy to help.

{ young women’s College prep }

NOT your typical school day by laurie bonnell

It wasn’t your typical school day for the students of Young Women’s College Prep Charter School (YWCP), as they stepped off their busses, making their way into The Little Theatre’s entrance on a Friday morning in September. The wind carried an early autumn chill; accompanied by the laughter and chatter of 400 young ladies and their teachers. It was not yet Halloween, but they were in for a treat. Thanks to a generous grant from the The Farash Foundation, all of the students and staff of YWCP had the opportunity to attend a free, private screening of “STEP,” an inspiring and


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

award-winning documentary that was filmed at the Baltimore Leadership School for Young Women – a sister school of YWCP – and tells the story of an all-girls high school step team set against the background of the heart of Baltimore. These young women learn to laugh, love and thrive – on and off the stage – even when the world seems to work against them. Empowered by their teachers, teammates, counselors, coaches and families, they chase their ultimate dreams: to win a step championship and to be accepted into college. The stories of the three main characters - Blessin’,

Taylor, and Cori - hold more relevance now than ever before, as Young Women’s College Prep prepares for its first senior class to graduate on June 23rd. In the documentary, each girl experienced different adversities, from worrying grades and being able to afford college to where their next meal would come from. A crowd favorite seemed to be Blessin’, a student who had plenty of heart and good intentions, but often fell short of expectations due to difficulties at home that resulted in a lack of motivation in the classroom. She found therapy on stage through stepping, which inspired her to be her best and not give up. YWCP student and

“I thought the movie was really, really great, and I started crying when I saw how hard Blessin’ was trying because she didn’t do what she was supposed to do. Yet her mom still got to see her cross the stage.” senior Januai Simmons shared her feedback on the film, ”I thought the movie was really, really great, and I started crying when I saw how hard Blessin’ was trying because she didn’t do what she was supposed to do. Yet her mom still got to see her cross the stage.” She said, “That’s what hit me, the white cap and gown.... It was just very emotional. It inspired me to do what I have to do and get the grades that I need to get in order to go to college to make my mom and my dad proud.”

academic year. The girls who started as 7th graders are now members of the school’s first senior class. YWCP is an affiliate of the Young Women’s Leadership Network (YWLN), which supports five highly successful single-gender schools in NYC and 13 affiliates across the country. The Baltimore Leadership School for Young Women, featured in the documentary, is also a YWLN affiliate. It opened only two years earlier than YWCP, and has had at least a 98% graduation rate each year.

Young Women’s College Prep Charter School is Rochester’s only all-girls public school. It opened in 2012 and just recently began its sixth

Camille Zitz, assistant principal for grades 9-12 at YWCP, called the movie an inspirational experience for everyone. “It’s so important for

our students to see other girls just like them, maybe struggling to overcome some challenges, but working hard and achieving their goals. I think it will give inspiration to all of our students, but especially our seniors, as they begin this very critical year.” Many students left the theatre wiping away tears, hugging each other and their teachers and advisors. “This is the end,” said Keonna Nelson, a YWCP senior. “It’s the end of high school, and it’s a new beginning in our lives!”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ pet corner with lollypop farm }

11 Reasons

to Join the Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest by lollypop farm staff i photos by stephen reardon

Rochester Woman Online will be joining Lollypop Farm Saturday, September 30th for the 20th Anniversary of the Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest! This annual event is it the biggest pet-friendly walk and festival to help Rochester’s pets in need. Here’s just 11 of the many reasons you should join Rochester Woman Online and Lollypop Farm at the Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest.

7. All the delicious tastings in the inflatable brew pub.

4. V.I.P. access to the Iron Smoke Distillery tent. When

11. You could win big! There’s

6. Make your dog jump for joy…through hoops! Try your

3. All the slobbery kisses.

always a ton of great prizes being raffled at Barktober Fest, and this year is no exception. You could win two overnight stays at Home2Suites by Hilton and other great prizes. Now that’s what we call double the fun to help pets in need!

10. Giveaways from Rochester’s favorite petrelated businesses. Friends of the

animals like Pet$aver Healthy Pet Superstore, Bark∙a∙licious, Rochester Woman Online, and Mighty Paw will be joining us to support homeless and abused pets. Learn more about what Rochester’s local pet-friendly businesses have to offer while your pups sample their tasty wares.

9. A chance to prove your pooch is a hotdog eating champion. Is your dog an

eating machine? Make their dreams come true when you compete in the hot dog bobbing contest. Not only will you go home with a happy puppy, but you may win some fun prizes from Pet$aver Healthy Pet Superstore too!

8.You don’t have to wait till Halloween to have some dress up fun. Do you dress up your

dog for Halloween every year? Well here’s another chance to show off their favorite costume. Enter the Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest costume contest and you could go home with some awesome petrelated prizes. 84

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

We couldn’t be more excited about this new addition to the Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest. This party pub has been taking Rochester by storm, and will be filled with delicious tasting and pints from Three Heads Brewing, Honeoye Falls Distillery, and many others!

dog’s paw out in the sport of agility with the Lollypop Farm behavior and training team. Your dog will have a blast jumping over hoops and climbing over walls.

5. Food trucks to please every palate! You’ll have a hard time

choosing between all the scrumptious food trucks gathering to help Rochester’s pets in need. Dive into a meatball sub at The Meatball Truck or grab a slider at the Chef’s Catering truck. And Rochester festival is complete without some funnel cake from Nancy’s Fried Dough. We’re drooling just thinking about it!

you raise or donate over $250 to help pets in need you’ll gain V.I.P. access to the Iron Smoke Distillery tent. These hand-crafted spirits are well-balanced and distilled in small batches in Fairport, NY for a delicious tasting experience you won’t want to miss. It’ll really get you in the “spirit” of Barktober Fest! Monroe Veterinary Associates is sponsoring a dog kissing booth in partnership with Lollypop Farm’s pet assisted therapy program. For just $1, you can get a big wet kiss, learn about pet assisted therapy, and help homeless and abused pets.

2. A fun day for the whole family! (Furry friends included) With so

many activities for pets and humans alike, the Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest is the biggest pet-friendly festival and walk to help Rochester’s pets in need! You’ll have fun mingling with pet lovers from all over the community and meeting all their furry best-friends. And who knows? Maybe your pup will make a new friend too! And the #1 reason to join for the Lollypop Farm Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest is…

1. You’ll be a hero. The Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest may very well be the most fun you can have while making a huge difference for Rochester’s pets in need. Your registration and the money you raise fundraising will help provide homeless pets with the shelter, veterinary services, and compassionate care they need. It also helps support the Humane Law Enforcement Department who investigates and enforces animal cruelty for our area. You’ll be making a big difference for Rochester’s homeless and abused pets. So, what are you waiting for? Join Rochester Woman Online and hundreds of other animal lovers at the Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest. Sign up today at

{ pet corner with lollypop farm } And the #1 reason to join for the Lollypop Farm Walk for the Animals at Barktober Fest is…

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ the thread of inspiration }


Every journey begins with a step, and that step many times begins with inspiration: found, given or taken, as the circumstance may be. Ernestine Shepherd is truly an amazing woman. I first was introduced to her by my trainer, Jean-Claude (JC), on a day in early January 2015 when I was struggling to get through a set. My birthday was approaching and as I huffed and puffed, I complained a bit too loudly about getting old. JC promptly pulled out his phone and showed me a video of what “being old” could look like: there was Ms. Ernie, a striking woman with a timeless beauty. Her long, flowing salt and pepper hair was pulled back into a regal braid, so that she could do things that women — and some men — half her age would struggle with. I was humbled, so on I went. And, not to be completely lost in the moment, I was reminded why JC is a trainer extraordinaire. Somehow, yet again, he knew the right button to push to help me get the most out of myself. Regarding the footage, when you see Ernestine Shepherd, you can NOT be anything, but inspired. Such was certainly the case for me. Many months later — after my first competition — my husband heard me tell this story so he sent a letter to Ms. Ernie. She was completely gracious 86

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in her reply, and has since made a habit of contacting me before each of my subsequent competitions, all seven of them, to wish me luck and give me encouragement. Although it has not been a terribly long time since we made our connection, it is a gift that I frequently point to when people ask me how I began my somewhat unusual journey to become a competitive Masters bodybuilder. After all, what sane person embarks on such a thing when they are in their fifties? In mulling it over, I think the answer to

that question is actually much less rooted in the age when one starts, but rather it is what sparks that first step. These are not things that I normally tend to think much about. However, my husband of 21 years is a university teacher who deeply believes in “paying things forward”. Although he has been by my side on this journey with me, many times, he can see outside of what I see. So, as I began to climb the ropes from the local to the regional to the national level, he gave me a prism to reflect that what I was doing— with inspiration from Ms. Ernie — was in turn, providing the same to others. At first, this felt a bit uncomfortable to acknowledge, but once it did become so, I found that many people were interested i n m y s t o r y. Not necessarily because they wanted to become a bodybuilder themselves, or even to regularly start going to the gym; it seemed to be more that IF someone they knew could do what I had done, then they could do something too… on whatever path they chose.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ the thread of inspiration } At this time, my competitive bodybuilding journey is short, only eighteen months old, so it is still very much in the process of being written. What I never would or could have expected is that there would be the opportunity to carry forward the thread of inspiration that I myself originally found in Ernestine Shepherd.


This past May, I was interviewed by Spectrum News. The reporter, Melanie Johnson, spent an hour with me at the gym for the interview. The next time I saw her, she was back at the gym, in her workout clothes, and with a workout buddy. They had both signed on to train with JC for the summer. The same is true for Maci Prinzing, a high school senior who goes to our gym who I had not met, but who had seen me working out. She approached JC to ask if she could do my workouts with him.

found two Facebook requests from the media for interviews. One was from Kimberly Ray with whom I had the chance to meet a week later for a segment on the KIMBERLY & BECK SHOW. Her opening line to me to me came back to what was now becoming a familiar topic: that of being an inspiration.

I competed in my first national competition this past July 19th. In waking up that Wednesday morning, I

At this time, my competitive bodybuilding journey is short, only eighteen months old, so it is still very much in the process

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

The other contact was from Amanda Fern. She told me that her aunt had read my story and that she was now inspired to get back into shape.

of being written. What I never would or could have expected is that there would be the opportunity to carry forward the thread of inspiration that I myself originally found in Ernestine Shepherd. Now that I have realized it, I would like to use it to encourage women (and men) of all ages to become active, eat better and pursue their own path to a healthy life. As I replied to Amanda when she told me about her aunt, anyone who wants to start just needs to take that first step.

How Can this Kitty Sell More Chevys than the Big Fat Cats?


Busy becoming the largest Chevrolet dealer in the Rochester area.

1338 Pittsford-Palmyra Road, Macedon, NY | 585-22-CHEVY |

{ on the way up }

Willie Monroe


Our own champion, Mr. Willie Monroe Jr., a Rochester native, faces off in London with Billy Joe Saunders Saturday, September 16, 2017, in a WBO middle-weight title bout at Copper Box Arena. Monroe is currently ranked no. 5 by WBO. Saunders (27-year-old.), a Manchester native, comes in with an undefeated record of (24-0) with 12 knock outs. His original fight was scheduled against an alternative boxer who was removed from competition due to criminal allegations. Monroe (30-years-old) presents with a (21-6, 6 knock out record) (Idec, 2017). Willie Monroe, the person is a humble, family-oriented man. His smile is bright and lights up the room. To share some of the personal attributes of this champion, Monroe appeared donning the traditional black Michael Jackson jacket complete with the red sparkly cuff on the arm, because it was Michael Jackson’s birthday the day of the press conference. He alerted the press, “wait until my son gets here!” When asked how important was the support of his family, Monroe smiled ear-to-ear and stated: “My family is everything”. 90

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

While awaiting Monroe’s arrival, one of RWO’s own was on the scene, Paul Iatomasi Jr., a writer, professional bodybuilder, model and Monroe’s diet coach. Paul and his father are working with Willie to ensure he is at his healthiest,

going into this fight. They explained part of the pre-fight process. Paul Sr. indicated: “It’s really important for a fighter to have a proper diet. It is so important to spend enough time so he doesn’t have to rush doing this. We do a lot with hydration, as he is losing weight as it is very detrimental for a fighter to go into the ring dehydrated”. Paul Jr. shared: “We use a lot of newschool nutritional methods, nutrient timing with certain times of food and training to maximize muscle mass and fat loss. The final week, we set up a special diet. We don’t cut water out of his diet. We transfer water out of his muscle and skin. He won’t have to use hot tubs or saunas to dehydrate etc. The last week is the most important to make sure he feels phenomenal the day of the bout. Willie is sponsored by a company called “Snack“ through Victor Conte, out of California. He uses their products and we intermix some natural supplements. He gets drug tested. I consider myself a master of supplements so that works out well”.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ young up and coming hot beauty trend alert }}


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

{ on the way up } Willie Monroe, the person is a humble, family-oriented man. His smile is bright and lights up the room.

They both agree Monroe is an elite athlete. The pair explain the process of weight requirements etc. “He fights as a middle-weight. So, it’s 160 pounds. He has to make that weight or something can happen with the title being on the line”. Part of the pre-fight process as we see on TV is the fighters go back-and-forth in attempts to intimidate or size up the other fighter. Part of the buzz included Saunders telling he felt Monroe was “mentally weak”. Monroe perked right up indicating he was at the “top of his game”.

In the press promotion, Monroe says: “I am happy for this world title opportunity. I’m always in the gym and I’m ready to go now. I live the life. I can’t wait to show up and show out in London. Saunders is a good fighter and a worthy world champion, but I’m coming for that belt. I gave a good account for myself against Golovkin, but I will admit that I got caught up in the moment. Billie Joe has had a lot of luxuries throughout his career that I haven’t had. All of his fights have been here in his own backyard, he hasn’t had to go into the “Lion’s Den” to prove himself. He calls me mentally weak but we’ll see on September 16th.

Monroe comes from a family of fighters so being in the ring comes naturally, it’s in his blood. Both his father and grandfather were boxing champions. Outside of the ring, Monroe is a singer and is part of a group called “ Signature”. His group has opened for Trey Songz, Tank, Genuine among others. His wife is currently expecting, so he hopes to come out of London as the new champion and new father! Resources Idec, K., ( 2017). Billy Joe Saunders to Fight Willie Monroe Jr. on 9/16 in London, Retrieved August 29, 2017 from www.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

{ rochester { SHIFT+CONTROL woman politics } }


THE NEW KID ON THE BLOCK by cheryl l. kates-benman


As we wind down to the primary, turning the corner in our local political race for mayor, who will come out on top? Next week will determine it all! Ready! Set! Vote! I couldn’t help feel sorry for underdog, Rachel Barnhart last week at the mayoral candidate debate. When Lovely first was planning on not debating due to her illness, Sheppard refused to debate Barnhart stating she wasn’t a legitimate candidate. Then when the debate got underway, in the full heat of the moment, Mayor Lovely Warren got down-and-dirty and informed Rachel she could write a check and pay her delinquent water bill at any time! Shepphard rebutted he was disappointed in Rachel when she put forth indicating a lawsuit was permitted to go forward against him when he was Police Chief in a negligent supervisory role. It was far from boring! Rachel Barnhart, the new kid on the block, surprisingly, held her own. Rachel believes in herself as a viable candidate and boldly tells Rochester Woman Online, “I am the only candidate offering change. My opponents have failed records and want to maintain the status quo. We need to bridge the digital divide, locate jobs in the city on transit lines and desegregate our schools”. Rachel currently serves as the Chief Development Officer, for a local not-forprofit organization which ser vices the community dealing with issues regarding poverty. As Valedictorian of her class in 1994, at Marshall High School, Rachel was no stranger to what growing up in the city

meant. She lived it. She remains a city resident in a Beechwood neighborhood. Her parents were teachers in the District and she did go on to Cornell University earning a Bachelor’s Degree. Does having an 18-year career in journalism prepare an individual to be fit to run the city? This is the question voters are faced with. Do we need a career politician or a newbie to turn our city around? Times are definitely tough and the Mayor must bring change. In 216, Rachel previously left journalism and ran for NYS Assembly. Rachel pointed out during the mayoral debate and on her campaign website (, 1/3 of our city residents and more than half of our children live in poverty (1). The city’s unemployment rate is 14% and this number when exclusively looking at minorities is higher (1) How will we as a city pan out over the next four years under the Trump Administration? This is a scary thought. The election and the upcoming years will definitely be a time which could make or break Rochester. One of the challenges in Rochester is people work in the city but they live elsewhere.

Downtown Rochester is a dead-zone after 5:00 PM and on weekends. Can downtown be vibrant again? Midtown Plaza was the center of our community. Who didn’t take their kids down to visit Santa, ride the monorail and see the clock every Christmas? Will plans for Parcel 5 allow this to be the norm again? A theater? A Performing Arts Center? Casino? which will be the right choice? Rachel believes to be successful, “We must preserve our past and maintain the character and architectural integrity of our neighborhoods… demolition is not economic development” (1). “The city would work with Monroe County to administer the additional subsidies to allow 1,000 more for child care. The cost would be 6 million or 6,000 per child, doubling local spending. Less than 22% of parents needing assistance receive it” (1). But is Barnhart’s hope the state will help cover this cost reasonable? Or better yet, the back- up plan to fund this idea is to reduce “administrative bloat” ? Is this another unfundable idea which will never come into play? I guess this election is like any other, we will see what the outcome is? It will either be status quo, the new kid on the block or Mr. Officer. Stay tuned for more coverage next month on Local Rochester Politics, as we enter the end-stretch of who our next Mayor will be. Make your voice count! Get out and vote. Resources (1) R a c h e l Barnhart (2017). Retrieved September 11, 2017 from www.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ i do...}


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ rochester woman pRIMARY }

Rochester Politics: The Nitty Gritty; Primary Day

As the political race turns the corner to the final stretch of the election process, the primary in Rochester, there’s a split in the Democratic Party with three candidates facing off September 12, 2017.

By cheryl l. kates-benman

First, we have the incumbent, Rochester Mayor Lovely Warren, then former Rochester Police Chief and County Legislator James Shepphard, and lastbut-not-least former newscaster Rachel Barnhart. In a last attempt to sway voters, the three went head-to-head in a League of Women Voters’, mayoral debate at WROC Channel 8 News. Oh, what a circus it was! Complete with mud-slinging and cackling, and references to national politics, with the incumbent mayor at one point, referencing “The Trump election” and comparing her plight to Hillary’s. The debate focused on the normal political issues; campaign finance, taxes, education, crime, the heroin epidemic and individual issues of the candidates. This is the last chance for voters to pay attention, listen carefully and make your vote count. What is most troubling is the national issue which will play a part in whether the next mayor can implement any of the ideas they have and that is based on how much federal money Rochester receives and because we are “a sanctuary city for immigrants” we are heavy on the chopping block. Up until last week, there were reports the debate was not going to happen with all three candidates, as Lovely Warren was ill and James Shepphard refused to debate Rachel Barnhart as “ she was not a legitimate” candidate. Rachel Barnhart was upset when learning no one wanted to debate her and responded by stating: “Neither wants to debate me and this is terribly unfortunate. Voters deserve to see

all of the candidates they deserve to have information” (1). One of the most shocking moments of the debate is when Mayor Lovely Warren pointed out Barnhart had a delinquent water bill and Rachel could send her payment at any time. Mayor Lovely closed with reminding all, Mayoral Candidate James Shepphard hadn’t voted in 30 years. Shepphard explained to Rochester Woman when being interviewed previously, he felt it was his position as a public servant to remain neutral. In the race, Shepphard’s camp filed a complaint against Mayor Warren regarding the misuse of campaign funds. During the debate, candidate Barnhart repeatedly asked Warren did she receive anything from the Board of Elections indicting she didn’t do anything wrong and it was highlighted Warren returned the money. There were questions about both Shepphard’s and Barnhart’s finances too. Lovely urged voters not to fall for this attempt to throw mud and to think about what just happened with Trump being elected. Sheppard runs with the slogan “Restoring Rochester’s Promise: A Blue print to get Rochester Working Again”. While Barnhart’s claim is “Your City Working for You: A Bold Vision To Grow the Economy and improve Lives”. During the debate, all candidates threw statistics out which were all different in regard to ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Former Chief Shepphard also supports the county-wide education program. He indicates based on the statistics the RSCD is 90% minority and 52% in poverty something must be done to address this failure. In the debate, he points out the children must see others who are successful to know what success is.

unemployment rates, poverty etc. and this was used as an example demonstrating the current regime failed miserably. Can these statistics be relied on when trying to gauge the success of Lovely Warren? Her defense to the claims were citing the economic development on Hudson Avenue and the creation of so many jobs, but is our city really where it should be? Our city schools are in a great deficit with low graduation rates and even lower grades on standard skills testing. Violent crime is a problem in our city with frequent shootings and homicides. Barnhart indicates she herself attended Marshall High School, and that people with means abandon the city limits and seek a better life in the suburbs. Her solution to this problem is to desegregate the schools imposing a county-wide education system. Her vision is this will create diverse schools. She left the voters with “Separate is not Equal”. Will this idea help our community or harm it? Monroe County houses one of the best school districts in the nation. Will putting this plan in action help or diminish all schools? Mayor Lovely Warren disagrees with this position. She takes the position as a mother she wants what she wants for her child for all children. She in her term did initiate programs to assist with early enrollment 100

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and the 3-in-3 program focusing on identifying children with special needs for early intervention before they reach the third grade. She indicted she was pleased with the new person in charge and has faith in them turning RSCD around. Former Chief Shepphard also supports

the county-wide education program. He indicates based on the statistics the RSCD is 90% minority and 52% in poverty something must be done to address this failure. In the debate, he points out the children must see others who are successful to know what success is. One of the accusations Barnhart made, against our current Mayor is that “she plays fast and loose with the truth”. Although being the underdog, Ms. Barnhart tried to hold her own in the debate and even interrupted Mayor Lovely when she tried to sidestep a question Barnhart posed about the allegations of campaign finance misconduct. Sheppard seemed to conduct his city analysis over the past 20 years and not just at Lovely’s term. Lovely rested with something along the lines of- We are changing lives, we made programs for people coming home from prison, who are cleaning the streets, look at the downtown development, we have talent, universities, oh my! Tuesday is the day September 12. Get out and vote! Our city depends on it! Resources 1. Rachel Barnhart ( 2017), retrieved from www.rochesterfirst. com , (Update on Mayoral Debate August 30, 2017.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ rochester woman “after party” } By cheryl l. kates-benman

The After Party

Despite valiant efforts, by both mayoral Democratic challengers, the incumbent prevailed!

Lovely Warren, who drove through the streets of Rochester on the days leading up to the primary with her DJ playing “Lovely Day!” once again was triumphant. Lovely appeared with her family, her husband and daughter, at her after party at the Strath. Lovely told her supporters after the results were announced: “The race wasn’t easy but my campaign was able to gut it out. We were the underdog in the committee process but we persevered! Our opponents distorted our record, challenged our successes, but we believed”. Part of her victory speech included the issue which needed to be addressed prior to the November election; the divide of the Democratic Party. This election took on characteristics of national elections complete with mudslinging etc. It spanned through the lines of social media including Facebook and Twitter. What will come next? James Sheppard indicated in words to WHEC his campaign was finished. Rachel Barnhart will not run further. So Lovely it is for the Dems. Rachel Barnhart was proud of what she accomplished. She was graceful and congratulated Lovely. She also indicted there must be unity among the Democrats. She parted the campaign stating: “The fact we got so many votes with two hands tied behind our backs was extraordinary. We accomplished a lot in this campaign, brought crucial issues to light and gave people a vital choice”. Her Twitter feed gave us the following


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

parting words, “We showed we are viable hanging right there with a guy who spent 200k. We spent about 50K. Experience wasn’t the issue I hung right in there with Sheppard. A three-way race is very hard. I was underfunded. It will be interesting to see what Warren does with the D party. If she doesn’t work from within there’s no party left. She proved that. This isn’t a night for disappointment. It’s a night to be proud of what we accomplished and hopefully what’s yet to come” (1). James Sheppard was a very viable candidate with years of experience through his role as the police chief and as a county legislator. He pointed out campaign violations filing a complaint against Lovely and Rachel during the election season for alleged mishaps. He indicated he was an honorable man and an honorable candidate in an interview with Spectrum News just leading up to the results (2). Does the results in a primary always show who the winner is in an election? Ace Project details the party magnitude is an important factor in determining who will be elected (3). As we go forward, Lovely Warren is the Democratic candidate for mayor going into the final election process. At the after party, the crowd chanted “4 More Years”. Rochester Woman will keep all of our readers posted, as we head into the November election. Resources 1.Barnhart, Rachel, (2017). Twitter Feed. 2.Spectrum News (2017). Live interview, James Sheppard Twitter Feed, September 12, 2017. 3. ACE (2017). Parties and Candidate Studies, retrieved September 13, 2017 from

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



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{ a woman’s perspective }



The education of women is a topic that is heavily discussed around the world. Though many agree that it is an important subject, there are still so many diverse ways, in which it is practiced. What are some of the key differences as well as links that contribute to the overall picture of women’s education both within the United States and abroad? One of the reasons women’s education is such a highly-debated topic is because there are still many differences in how people believe it should be done. Some places stress the importance of increasing the number of women who are educated not only locally, but globally as well. However, there are also many places that do not see the advantage or purpose of educating women. These differences in belief have caused a rift to form, when it comes how to actually going about educating women.

A Woman’s Perspective on Education

“We educate women because it is smart. We educate women because it changes the world.” - Drew Fuast

In many parts of the world there is still a gap between where women’s education is and where it needs to be. The gap is caused by a number of issues. One issue is the restriction of women’s education in comparison with men’s education. There are fields that are still male dominated, and are viewed that way not only in foreign countries but in the United States as well. Another issue has to do with the approach or level of importance of women’s education. Around the world today there are still so many differences in how education is achieved. While some places are progressing forward at remarkable rates, other places have not progressed at all and see no need to increase the number of women being educated. In most cases the method used for determining who gets educated and how they are educated is determined by the head of state or government. They control how the money is distributed and which sections of a country receive what portion. Another factor that often plays a part in the education of males and females in different countries deals with the family status. One’s family plays a vital part in how a person’s life turns out. Family can impact a person’s upbringing whether they are present and active or nonexistent in a person’s life. In the United States the climb for women’s education started as a means for women to have the chance to enjoy a self-esteem boost and gain the increased earning power that accompanies a college education. However, as more opportunities grew and more fields became women-friendly, women’s education has transformed into women holding 26% of the nation’s colleges and universities leadership. Women now serve as presidents and provosts of today’s public and private coed institutions. The education of women still has a long way to go in both the United States and other countries. There is at least evidence that shows that if given the proper attention and effort, women’s education can progress. The

way education is done is just as important as having access to education. Reviewing the differences between education in the United States and the education of women in other countries, the process is crucial in helping to understand the similarities and differences between the two. In a third world counties for girls was found that one reason there was a low rate of attendance was due to the long distances between homes and schools. Also in many cases girls could not attend the same schools that male teachers teach. They are left without an education opportunity when no female teacher is available. The quality of the education people have access to can greatly impact the way education is received. When it comes to comparing different practices in education on an international level it is important to consider the multicultural relationship between the countries being compared. Every culture has a different method of teaching or educating their youth. The practice they use is inspired and related to the area where they live. For example, some places are poorer in comparison to other places where the level of education that they are financially able to give may be lower. The educational practices of other places can be affected by regions. Women’s education in the United States has changed from women receiving no education at all, to receiving education in only certain fields. From receiving education in a wide variety of areas to concluding with women having the same access to education that males have in the country. There are still some fields that are male dominated, such as engineering. With the passing of the Equal Access Legislation women have been given the opportunity to pursue an education in any field that they choose in the United States.


• The ability to be able to receive an education, even a basic one, is beneficial to one’s life. • Education opens doors, and provides a better understanding of concepts, objects, and people. Therefore, with the increase of women’s education, women and also the people around them are able to add onto their knowledge by cooperating, sharing, and learning from each other women citizens of that country learn how to elevate themselves. • The world is a very diverse place. What one person is not able to accomplish the next person might be able to accomplish and exceed expectations on. Knowing that societies were founded on the different contributions and ideas of people should be a driving force in the goal towards the pursuit of education. “If you educate a man, you educate an individual. But if you educate a woman, you educate a nation.” African Proverb

{ a woman’s perspective }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ special feature }

the heart of a survivor by cheryl l. kates benman

Rochester Woman Online(RWO) went on a road trip! Editor Cheryl L. Kates-Benman Esq. and staff packed up the rented SUV and hit the road this month all the way to Manhattan! RWO writer, Chrissy Monroe formerly of (“Love and Hip Hop” VH-1 Reality series) sponsored her first event for the not-for-profit organization “Survive to Thrive Global”. Chrissy created this organization after living through the trials and tribulations of being a survivor of domestic violence. She learned first-hand what an individual goes through seeking justice from the criminal justice system. It becomes more of an issue of “Just Us” rather than justice. The event was held at the renowned 212 Steak House with the purpose of educating and empowering victims of domestic violence to break free from the violence and thrive! Chrissy through partnering with others, assists victims in repairing their credit, fixing broken teeth, and assisting with locating housing and providing emotional support. Chrissy shares:, “As a survivor of domestic violence, myself, I know it takes a lot of emotional support from friends and family to get out of the bad situation. My aim is to help 108

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women empower themselves and to rise above the past!” Chrissy founded the organization last year after she herself was a victim of abuse. At the same time, Chrissy joined Rochester Woman Online as our Fashion Forward writer. The journey for Chrissy as a survivor personally has challenged her to new heights. She often tears up when talking about the abuse she suffered. Chrissy tells RWO, “Even the most beautiful person can feel ugly. Even the toughest person can become someone who is abused. Hitting a woman makes you a coward, not a man. We as women have to love ourselves first. Respect ourselves to walk away from a man who is abusive, even if you love him. Get help before it is too late.”

“The 2018 vision for Survive to Thrive Global is to continue to make strides in empowering and bringing awareness to the plight of domestic violence abuse survivors. Most of these forgotten members of society usually escape their abusers with nothing but the clothes on their backs. They enter safe havens with no true access to the resources needed to rebuild their inner and outer beauty, finances, confidence and other basic and essential skills to ensure that they are employable. It is our mission to continue building stronger partnerships and relationships which will allow STG to continue to assist the voiceless to strive and overcome abuse. In 2018, our aim is to build stronger community ties through implementation of our public school-outreach program. We are also taking our message globally via social media and have plans for a blog in the future where survivors will be able to tell their story”, Vice Chairperson Benita Bortey shares with RWO. The “Survive to Thrive Global” Board consists of the Founder and Chairperson of the Board, Chrissy Monroe; Vice Chairperson Benita Bortey; Claudia Pollack Esq.; Dr. Jack O’Brien; Dawn Florio Esq.; Dena Lancry (celebrity stylist); Nicole

Flores (publicist and activist); Michelle Fletcher (publisher and entrepreneur); and Alex Hill (award-winning journalist). Vice Chairwoman Bortey shares, “The purpose of the fundraiser was to raise funds needed to get resources to the victims who cannot afford to help themselves. The foundation will continue with fundraising efforts to continue to aide people seeking our help”. Guests attending the event said, “This event was unexpected and quite emotional. I’m leaving with a renewed sense of self and heart, committed to helping the voiceless

victims of domestic violence” ( Destiny). “This is the first of many beautiful gatherings. Thrive, as much as we like your outfits and beautiful faces, we love your gracious support and commitment to empowerment more” (Valencia Woods, Actress and fashion consultant). VC Bortey (also CEO of Posh Africa) also points out, “There are children as young as 13 -years-old, who suffer from abuse from their so-called girlfriends or boyfriends, who don’t even know what is actually happening to them. STG believes in and values the lives of our youth as they are our future. If we can open their eyes,

hearts and minds about abuse at a young age, then they will have a fighting chance to survive abuse and thrive. We are not saying that we can end this vicious cycle of abuse with this generation, but we can improve their situation. STG welcomes all because love knows no boundary and love does not hurt. This foundation is here to help every survivor regardless of race, color or sexual orientation”. You can contact Chrissy or Bernita at www.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


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{ #jessaying }


September always brings back that feeling of excitement, the first day of school, and seeing the friends that you didn’t see all summer and meeting the new kids in the class! It also brings curiosity of learning something new! I was not a good student, I mean I was a good student, I was not a book student. I loved creating, building, pondering and thinking of new and better ways to do things. I was an entrepreneur before I knew what the word meant. You see at a young age I found unique rocks and tried to sell them to the neighborhood kids. I also remember driving by a field of wild flowers and telling my family “you know someone could make a living off selling those” at the age of 5. As the years went on I thought I would get into clothing, making or in the fashion industry, or some sort of magazine work. I love magazines, something about getting them and flipping through the pages. As I found my way in to the cosmetology industry, I loved working with helping create and shape people’s identities. As time went on, I would always hear clients say, “I can never do it the way you do.” So, with that I started creating time in my book to help them understand what & why I was doing to the hair. Then we created client session for groups of them to come in at the same time to help them with creating their styles. We would have them bring in what they use at home from products, brushes and blow driers. Helping them understand what to use in their hair and why, how to hold the brush and blow drier, makes such a huge difference. We created a service in our menu called ‘Bro-Style” clients loved it, they got to see what others struggled with and learned by watching and doing it themselves. I always tell clients to practice styling the hair on days they are not going anywhere, so that way they don’t feel uncomfortable walking in to an event. Practice & patience is really the Golden Rule when learning how to style your hair. There are two times of year I think are great times to try something new with your hair style or color: end of summer and late winter. 112

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Those months not much is going on, so if you want to try something shorter, longer, lighter or brighter…I say do it! Take the time to find out what works for your lifestyle, face shape & hair texture. Don’t be afraid to ask your stylist/barber to have a complimentary consultation, most will offer 15-30 minute one. Have pictures of styles and cuts you are drawn to, let them know what you like about them and what you don’t. Let them help you determine what your hair is able to do that suits you. Also understanding what it takes to achieve the desired style. Do you need to use certain products to give it volume, straighten or create the perfect curl? What brushes are the right ones for your hair type. When you think about going to get a haircut, most of the time that’s what you’re paying for

and getting, if the description says wash, cut & style, then they should take the time to talk to you before the service starts about your hair goals. Then as they cut they should start sharing what you should do to prep that hair to style it, how you should wash and condition and prep products to help support the style you are to achieve. Then when they go to blow dry, that’s when the work really comes in. Learning the temperature, air flow, brush and how to hold the drier and brush to get that perfect style. Speaking of products; understanding your hair, as for is it thick, thin, stressed, damaged. And what it needs to achieve your hair goals not just for that day but every day, also a healthy scalp makes for healthy hair. Did you know medications, hard water, smoking and even you’re eating habits influence your hair, from the rate of growth, shine and elasticity. Even your water temperature will have effects on your scalp and shine of your hair, too hot of water will dry out your scalp and hair, and if you color your hair it will pull the color off! Your hair is the one thing that you wear every day, so make the time to get to know it and what it needs to achieve the look that best suits you. And find a barber / stylist that wants to give you more than just another haircut! Make sure to check in with your barber/ stylist every few haircuts to see about tweaking it as the seasons change. So now that you have read all this advice of getting perfect hair, leave this out for the men in your life so they know what to look for in a barber/stylist and to get their perfect hair!


Jes Sutton Men’s Hairstylist & Chief Creative Operating Officer @ Barbetoium, Barbetorium Education & ROC Hair Exchange Co-Vice President of N.O.T.A.B.A

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ her edge }

A Rochester icon... Heather Crowe Clark BY JULIE M. MAY

She’s determined and smart. She’s a wife and a mother of three young children. Her daughters are ages 5 and 2 and her son is just five months old. She’s incredibly gorgeous and friendly… And she’s on the way up. Meet Heather Crowe-Clark owner of New York Icons, Inc. known as the best all-star cheer and tumbling gym and training facility in Western NY. Incredibly, Heather started her first gym specializing in cheerleading training when she was just 18 years old. At the time, she was going to college to be a teacher “I saw that I had a niche in this industry I was passionate for and wanted to evolve the sport for our area. NY cheer had really been behind for


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

a long time. No teams had ever been to the cheerleading worlds from our state. I really didn’t even consider that I could fail.” Heather never looked back. She is extremely passionate about her businesses. “Cheerleading is a true sport. It takes incredible athleticism and team work. Icons offers so much in addition to All-Star Cheerleading, we also do choreography & Stunt Camps all over the country, we work with many of the area’s high schools, we offer Levels 1-5 tumble classes and even Birthday Parties. It is my goal to elevate the level of cheerleading in New York by creating a gym that educates, trains and nurtures our athletes at an elite level.” After a few successful years in her hometown of Bath NY, Heather saw a huge market for cheerleading in Rochester where she later

brought her company. Currently New York Icons is located on West Ridge Road in Greece. Icons took off, which lead her to expand the business, opening gyms in Arkport & Buffalo. Heather, her director and Managers are planning on opening a second Rochester location in Fairport this October. “People are willing to drive incredible distances to be a part of Icons. Our interest from communities all over New York State is huge. I really put a lot of thought into the benefit of any new location. For not only the community, but also Icons. Each location we have opened has been extremely successful.” For now Heather wants to focus on the 4 Locations she has, but is not opposed to expansion in the future. Heather’s typical day starts before 7 AM, getting her oldest daughter ready for Kindergarten.

{ her edge }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ her edge } “Our athletes create friendships that truly last a lifetime. We are also showing our youth that hard work and dedication pays off. I hope my influence on these young athletes will impact them throughout their lives and shape them into future leaders.”

“Then I have anywhere from 40 to 90 text messages to respond to from the staff, athletes and parents. I usually head to the office at 9:30 a.m. and depending on the day, I might be there until 10 p.m. I check in with some of my coaches to see how practices went, register teams for competitions, order uniforms, complete all the invoicing, answer emails from parents and people inquiring about joining icons. Then of course, I personally coach the Senior Co Ed Level 5 team with three other coaches and I coach our Youth Level 1 team this year. ” Having the support of a nanny, who she once coached, and the support of her mother, mother-in-law, grandmother and husband make it possible to balance her crazy schedule with her home life. Her husband is just as busy, having just opened Clutch Kitchen and Sports Bar on Latta Road in Greece. They reserve Wednesday, Friday & Sunday Evenings as family nights, so her husband and three children can have some down time together to connect. No cell phones are allowed during family time. The range of ages of New York Icons athletes is from three to 30. “We have Tiny Teams that are kids from three to six-years-old, and train right up to people competing at the collegiate level,” Heather said. She herself started participating in cheerleading when she was just eight. Heather admits she could probably delegate more and do less administrative work. She however feels she needs to have her hands involved in every aspect of the company. “I find myself working 70-80 hours a week.” “I try to always remind myself ‘If you are always working IN your business, you are not working ON your business.’

As a business owner, it’s super important for me to step back and keep an eye on the big picture of the program and brand. It’s also important that I am a good employer, so I need to spend time with my staff, checking in, seeing how they are doing. I like to be involved in their day.” She brings it up again to make sure I don’t forget to mention how proud she is of her team. “Please don’t forget to mention my incredible staff. I literally have hired the absolute best people I could find to manage my gyms and train our athletes. I want to make sure they know how much I appreciate them and all

the work they do to make New York Icons the area’s premier training facility.” She starts listing names, but it quickly becomes apparent that there are just too many people to list. Heather says her favorite part of the job is educating youth. “I love kids and I love coaching. It is a balancing act with our athletes every day to make sure they are safe but pushed, learning and growing. I also feel sometimes like I am a politician because I am also dealing with the athletes, coaches and parents concerns,” she laughs. “Some days I even feel like a guidance counselor, helping the kids with their personal challenges, and then on the other side I am also helping parents understand what is going on with their kids.” When asked what she wants the public to know about New York Icons, she says that “New York Icons is a family. Our entire organization is committed to being there for one another. I wouldn’t hire anyone I wouldn’t trust with my own children. I also want people to know it’s affordable. We have a program for all families.” Her future goals are to “Continue raising the standards for New York State Cheerleading, and be considered one of the world’s best Cheerleading Programs.” “The New York Icons brand is also not just about cheerleading,” she says. “Our athletes create friendships that truly last a lifetime. We are also showing our youth that hard work and dedication pays off. I hope my influence on these young athletes will impact them throughout their lives and shape them into future leaders.”

{ platter Chatter }

By Julia Antenucci | Photos by Brandon Vick PHOTOGRAPHY

radio city social Where Form Matches Content It’s an Instagram world and we’re all living in it. Whether you’re arranging your breakfast just so in order to snap the perfect food picture or have adjusted the lighting in your bedroom for the umpteenth time in order to convey the wondrous aura of your creative workspace, it seems that we’re all reaching to both capture and evoke feelings in the images we curate. I’m guilty of this as much as the next person, and I don’t see it as a bad thing. As a lover of nostalgia and all things beautiful, I see nothing wrong with responsibly curated spaces and the unspeakable emotional gestalt they produce. I am a food blogger, after all. The first time I set foot in Radio Social, I was overcome with this uncanny sense that I was in the middle of a place that was the epicenter for this kind of nostalgiainducing curation I mentioned above. Unlike other bowling alley I’ve ever seen, Radio Social is more of an experience than anything else. Its massive, warehouse ceilings echoed with the boom of crashing

bowling pins and drawl of pulsing indie rock. With its bright, forward colors and generous execution of negative space, the mid-century-gone-modern bowling alley designed by local design firm Staach gives one the feeling that they’re not just a person at any old place, but instead part of a larger zeitgeist. Perhaps what I find most interesting about Radio Social, is that their execution of design and concept translates all the way through – right down to the menu. Originally a radio production factory dating all the way back to World War II, Radio Social is a bowling and entertainment center, fully equipped with a craft cocktail bar and a full-service kitchen. Featuring 34 games in addition to bowling and it’s food and spirits program, Radio Social opened its doors to the public in May of this year. The space is yet another imagining from Chuck Cerankosky, co-owner of some of Rochester’s favorite food spots such as Good Luck and Cure. “The Clover brand had a bowling ‘alley’ context that did not allow for a reimagined entertainment concept nor a reengineered business model,” Cerankosky said in a


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

release earlier this year. “The new location is our commitment to the city we love – it’s a commitment to urbanization and bringing economic benefit to the city.” In February, Radio Social brought Steve Eakins on as Head Chef, a Rochester native who has worked with some of the best and brightest minds of New York City’s culinary scene. In between working at several of renowned Chef Marc Murphy’s NYC restaurants, Eakins competed on Chopped. Eakins came in to Radio Social with an eclectic palate and experience working in a spectrum of cuisines. Throughout the earlier years of his career, Eakins visited a number of places, including Italy, Spain, and other regions of the United States. “I feel like I’ve gathered knowledge through each of these trips, and I’m heavily inspired by cuisine culture.” Fittingly enough, in preparation for curating Radio Social’s menu, Eakins set off for Israel to gain an understanding of Mediterranean/Middle Eastern cuisine. And the result? Texture, color, contrast, and flavor. Heat, sweetness, acidity, and herbaceousness; crunch, creaminess and tenderness; all of these elements somehow manage to come together in Eakin’s dishes, resulting in a textural and gustatory tour de force. With this inspiration, Eakins and his culinary “dream team” brings something special to even the simplest of foods. While the central focus of the menu are

the flavors of Israel, Eakins and his culinary team put a unique New American, globallyminded spin of the dishes, with influences from regions such as Africa, parts of Asia, Northern Africa, and the Middle East. These influences are clear in a wide range of the dishes I tasted, like the cauliflower three ways: a dish composed of roasted cauliflower, pickled cauliflower, and a cauliflower puree paired with a melt-inyour-mouth beef fat vinaigrette. Dried golden raisins add a ringing sweetness that cuts through the fatty vinaigrette and creamy, forward taste of the cauliflower. Slivered almonds add yet another variant of texture and a subtly sweet, variantly rich element to the plate. The menu at Radio Social is generally vegetable-focused, something that Eakins attributes to the incredible agricultural scene that Rochester and the Finger Lakes Region at large has to offer. “I have the freedom to create so many cool things here – no doubt part of that freedom is because I have some of the best ingredients at my fingertips,” Eakins told me. “I’m so fortunate to work in a region where I’m so close to local products and farms that inspire me every day.” While he sources majority of his ingredients locally, Eakins isn’t afraid to seek out of the best of the best when it comes to his staples. For example, take the tahini that’s used in a number of dishes such as the hummus topped with lamb ragout. Eakins gets his tahini in mass quantities from a famed tahini producer located in Philadelphia.

Maybe it’s my penchant to love foods with faces and names to their ingredients a little bit more, but you really can taste the difference in their hummus. Overall, Eakins tells me, it’s a 24-hour process. The chickpeas are soaked overnight in baking soda water then cooked to perfection. With the aid of the famed tahini and a thoughtful addition of spices, the result is the creamiest, most cohesive hummus I have ever had. At Radio Social, something that is so often overlooked at merely a dip or a vessel for pita bread is approached with the utmost thought and deliberateness. Here, what might be thought of as an earnest pita sandwich, is a carefully layered amalgamation of textures and flavors. The sandwich contains shredded lamb, roasted tomatoes, a spicy labneh (think brie and yogurt’s indulgent lovechild), garlic tahini, and an Amba (harissa) sauce with a medley of robust, and comforting spices that bring this sandwich together like a hug in your mouth. At first, patrons were undoubtedly thrown off by the menu, as they were accustomed to the standard fare of hotdogs, nachos doused in yellow cheese goo, and hot pretzels. But like most good things, people just needed to sit down and smell the fried halloumi, to experience its crunch and creaminess with sweet bite of the mango chutney, to realize that once we step outside of our comfort zones, we start realizing what we’ve been longing for all this time. Radio Social is about to release their fall menu, and has plans to roll out weekend brunch later this month.

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{ all about m.e. }

the peach facial Does your bikini line

need a facial? I bet that is a something you haven’t asked yourself before.

by mary elizabeth nesser

Believe it or not, it is a legitimate question that any woman with an irritated bikini line might think to ask. I know that I’d do anything I could to make that area as pretty as possible.

exfoliated, we are able to extract any stubborn hairs under the skin or any congested pores. Once the extractions are finished, we apply a soothing masque that sits on the area for roughly ten minutes.

Since this month’s issue is dedicated to education, I thought I would tell you about a salon service that you may or may not have heard about. You won’t find this specialized service on most salon menus, but it is becoming more popular through the United States and abroad. At the Mark & M.E. Salon we call this service “The Pampered Peach Facial.” Other salons refer to it as a vajacial or a vagina facial. No, I’m not kidding. It’s a real thing. So you must be asking yourself, what exactly is a vagina facial?

I know you must be thinking that getting a facial on your bikini area sounds strange, but it really isn’t. Think of the countless women who are getting Brazilian Bikini Waxes around the world. They need to be naked from the waist down to receive that service. And if the area is irritated for whatever reason, why not do whatever you can to make the skin look and feel better?

The skin surrounding the bikini line tends to be very sensitive. Whether you wax, laser, shave, tweeze, epilate, thread or do nothing, that area is prone to irritation. That is why estheticians are offering to perform a facial on your bikini to improve its condition. Usually, the client will remove her clothes from the waist down. Some salons will offer disposable panties. It’s a personal preference. I think it’s important for the technician to see all of the area that is irritated, which is why we have our clients lie on the table sans panties. The first thing we do is thoroughly cleanse the skin. We use a gentle cleanser made for sensitive skin. The second step is to gently exfoliate the skin to loosen up any ingrown hairs or clogged pores. Our exfoliant has salicylic acid in it to provide a deeper cleaning. Once the area is thoroughly

Since I have spent my career performing Brazilian Bikini Waxes, I am a huge fan of that part of your body. I recommend that you get a Pampered Peach Facial roughly one week after your Brazilian. If you get irritated from shaving, then I recommend you come two-three days after you shave. You don’t want to get a Pampered Peach Facial the day after you remove the hair on your bikini line, because it could actually cause more irritation. You’d be surprised how much cleaner, brighter and smoother your skin will feel after this treatment. Think of how amazing it feels to have a facial performed on your face. Just imagine how good it would feel down below!

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


“Mark and M.E. makes you feel sexy from head to toe!”

1775 Mt Hope Ave I Rochester, NY 14620

0 I (585) 473-7360 I

{ in her own words }



In October 2012, under the guidance of a doctor, Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson slowly tapered off clonazepam, an anti-anxiety medication she’d taken as prescribed for 7 years. Shortly after weaning, she experienced hundreds of terrifying physical, emotional and psychological symptoms – none of which were present before taking the medication. Always a social person, comfortable speaking in front of large groups of people, suddenly, she was certain everyone wanted to harm her. For over a year, she endured terrifying auditory and visual hallucinations as well as excruciating physical pain.

story with strangers via social media, she realized how many people are struggling to overcome invisible obstacles of their own and - while she’d never expressed herself in such a way before – she felt compelled to paint impressionistic portraits based on the stories people shared. Four years later, Renée is quieter and

Disabled and isolated, she never thought she would heal. Distraught be her inability to do much of anything at all, Renée began doodling as a way to distract from the relentless withdrawal symptoms that tormented her. When visitors told her that they liked her work, she set up a Facebook Page where she sold hundreds of tiny paintings in quick succession. Early on, Renée recognized there was a profound disconnection between how she looked and how she felt. In sharing her 126

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more introspective than she once was. In addition to painting and offering art classes, Renée teaches at Writers & Books, and privately counsels people going through withdrawal themselves. It has also become part of Renée’s mission

to educate the public about the dangers of using psychotropic drugs long-term. “If someone told me I’d lose four years of my life, I never would’ve put that pill in my mouth,” she says. “Patients need to be fully informed of the risks involved before agreeing to take drugs which impact brain chemistry.” Renée will be in residence at her upcoming opening at Whitman Works Company on September 16, 2017 from 6 PM - 9PM. Her exhibit “STATE OF UNDRESS: THE HEALING OF RASJACOBSON” will exhibit 70 paintings created during her on-going journey to improved mental health. The show will continue in the WWC Gallery through October 7th, during which time Renée will offer a live painting demonstration and a master art class. Regular gallery hours are Tuesday through Saturday, 11 AM – 6 PM. For additional information, please visit the shop in person or online. RASJACOBSON can be found in Studio 254 at The Hungerford Building on the First Friday of every month and by appointment. Her artwork can be seen HERE.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ women who inspire { SHIFT+CONTROL } }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ WOmen who inspire } BY CHERYL L. KATES BENMAN

Tiaras of Hope:

Christy Dunster Mrs. American Dream 2017

At age 55, Diane Garvis was named Mrs. Elite American Dream. Tiaras of Hope is a program started by Dianne. This program after a long heart-wrenching battle she endured with her father as he suffered through having cancer. This experience forever changed Diane and gave her an expanded level of compassion for others, propelling her forward to try to make a difference in the lives of others. The purpose of “Tiaras of Hope” is to bring sparkly tiaras to little girls and women who are battling life-threatening and terminal illness. Diane sees this as her call to help the broken and the ability to assist all to feel like Cinderella. Diane described the pageant and how it helped her make the decision to give back: “The American Dream Pageant system is a powerful system that empowers women who are leading by example. Giving them a platform to truly make a difference on a larger scale. I have embraced this crown and will work throughout my reign, continuing as a motivational speaker and singer, sharing my message of ashes to beauty” (Tiaras of Hope, 2017). Mrs. American Dream (2017), Christy Dunster as an ambassador of “Tiaras of Hope” shares with us the meaning of being a part of this program:“I am truly blessed and thankful for this opportunity to b e the ambassador for Tiaras of Hope in New York! I am honored to have the privilege to make women and girls sparkle

and shine. They all deserve a moment. I cannot wait to start giving! Community service means a lot to me. I find Tiaras of Hope to be a lovely organization with a truly wonderful cause, simply to make someone feel beautiful” (Tiaras of Hope, 2017). Amanda McQuinn serves as the Canadian Ambassador. She indicted: “There are a lot of people who would like to participate in a beauty pageant but can’t because they’re stuck in the hospital with a life-threatening illness. I have the privilege of going around to hospitals and placing tiaras on the heads of children. Kids who deserve to be treated like royalty because they are just kids who are going through a tough challenge in their lives. I’m not a doctor but I have known all my life the best medicine is hope. Tiaras of Hope gives just that, hope” (Tiaras of Hope, 2017). Diane is searching for 50 Ambassadors of Hope with a pageantry background so the program can be nation-wide. Pageant Directors may nominate members by seeking the form jsh8b7BTi7qHE3LC3. Christy Dunster is no stranger to Rochester Woman Online. In fact, recently we spent the day with her marching for victims of domestic violence. What is important to know is Mrs. Dunster is committed and ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


dedicated to community service and she truly believes in all she does. She is Mrs. NY American Dream 2016 /2017. She was Mrs. Syracuse America 2014/2015. She began competing in pageants because she wanted to be a role model for her granddaughter and do something positive. Christy earned an Associates in criminal justice and currently works as a school sentry in the Syracuse School District. While competing, Christy finds herself in a difficult situation. She is a size 12. She barely makes it to be considered a plus-size candidate, which mostly occurs once you 130

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are a size 14. Christy reminds us pageants are not just based on physical looks. She feels she has just as much of a chance to win as a skinny girl. With winning a national title recently, Christy proved just that. Christy is proud she was able to prove this to the world. Doors are open now for women of all sizes. Plus-size models are all over on the runway. Christy despite being on the cusp, has no problem demonstrating because she is not a size 2, she is still beautiful and can compete right along with the smaller women and still win. Being a woman, we

must be comfortable with who we are. It’s not just about society’s view. Love yourself and the skin that you are in. Christy Dunster can be reached through the Tiaras of Hope website or facebook. Resources Tiaras of Hope (2017). Retrieved August 20, 2017 from www.tiarasofhopecom.

Call us today for your complimentary consultation

11 State Street in the Village Of Pittsford(Inside the ESL Credit Union Building upstairs) Suite 205 Pittsford, NY 14534 i 585-737-7466.

{ women who inspire }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ women who inspire } BY JULIE M. MAY

Michelle was traveling a great deal for work and her husband was on the road after he started his own trucking company. “I remember having to go to China for work when my son was 6 weeks old. My hormones were all over the place and I was pumping on an airplane and in closets. And at the same time my husband was on the road, only home on the weekends.” With two small children at home, Michelle says they were doing well financially “but other aspects of our life were a struggle.” They had originally moved back to Rochester after getting married in India in 2014, to be closer to her parents. Family was important, but with their work schedules Michelle felt her own family was suffering.

The Many Hats of Michelle Singh

Michelle Singh and her husband Kanwal began looking at local businesses and franchise opportunities in 2016 to ground them.

“Our traveling was too much and with small children we really want to focus on being home more for them,” she said. The couple was considering buying a Subway franchise, when Michelle saw an ad for a “popular coffee shop.” She had seen it a year prior, but hadn’t been ready to take the plunge of business ownership. “My husband believes ‘if it is meant for us then it will be for us’.” “So I saw the ad again and thought ‘wow, this could be meant for us!’ So we went to visit Boulder Coffee. I had not been there in about 10 years as a customer since I had not been living nearby,” Michelle says. “As soon as we went into the space we felt like we belonged there and that it was a business we wanted to own and nurture.” So they made it happen. Since June of 2017, Michelle and her husband are the new owners of Boulder Coffee located at 100 Alexander Street in Rochester. Well known as a hip cafe and lounge featuring coffee, cocktails and sandwiches, Boulder also offers live music and open mic nights, in an eclectic neighborhood. Michelle is putting her stamp on the business which has meant “changing out some of the older furnishings for some pieces with more life left to them. Cleaning, rotating out some of the artwork, and some subtle menu changes towards fresher, more locally sourced products.

“Our goal is to be locally sourced and globally inspired. Where possible we have switched from large distribution companies to smaller local distributors. This includes many of our baked goods being locally made by small bakeries, our vegetables being locally sourced, and locally or regionally crafted beers and ciders.” They also recently have finished hosting their first art opening for Mariah Rose Art and hope to continue these to support local artists. In addition to us buying the café on Alexander, Michelle personally purchased the roaster at the public market. “This was not something my husband wanted to venture into so we decided that I would buy it myself. In that respect, the coffee brand is 100 % woman owned.” Michelle said “I wanted to ensure that the ‘Boulder Coffee’ product itself could remain a legacy. It also gives me a platform from which to expand, as I hope to do, into other restaurants, cafes, shops, and online retail. I have had the website redesigned and am proud to say that Boulder Coffee is finally available for online purchase! I hope to make the brand well known in the area as a truly superior coffee that is accessible to all.” “In the past there were several accounts using Boulder coffee and that kind of fell away over the past several years. It really is an excellent coffee and I know it can come back as a prized brand in Rochester.” Michelle says the most surprising thing is how much of a community exists at Boulder. “I know many of the regulars were nervous about a change in ownership and what we might do to the place. I think as people get to know us it calms those fears a bit. We want all of our customers to feel at home here and part of something. Our goal is inclusion and empowerment.” Michelle was also most surprised by the incredible talent that performs on stage every Wednesday at the open-mic night. “It is truly an inclusive experience where the entire group emits overwhelming support of one another.” ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


Michelle was born in Rochester at the old Genesee Hospital in 1981. She grew up in Byron and went to Byron-Bergen. She and her husband and two children now live there as well.

expression and a daily learning opportunity. It is food processing and sales, accounting and charity, public service and private is all things wrapped into one and that is exciting to me.”

Michelle says her favorite part of owning Boulder is twofold. “One is being so much a part of the local community. The other is that it is so varied. Being a small business owner you wear many hats. I think most people, and especially most women, wear many hats regardless. I have many interests in life and it has always been hard to pin down what I am most passionate about.

Michelle can be found working at the café almost every day. She works at her full-time job as a Program/Project Manager for a regulatory research and data science team from a basement office. On breaks, lunches, weekends and evening she is focused more on the “books” aspect of the café, “things like payroll, scheduling of events, marketing, donations, collaborations, sales calls for the roasting business, experimentation and strategy, packaging design, accounting, social media, website update, employee relations, generally talking to people, etc.

“I told my husband that we are not just buying a business we are buying a lifestyle. That lifestyle is one full of challenges, diversity, arts and music, food and drink, business and family, community and the public, physical space and ethereal meaning of the space, a platform for our personal 134

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

“My husband is at Boulder about four days a week and handles the inventory, ordering, menu, vendor relations, daily operations, and you can find him behind

the counter serving customers, something he loves to do. The other days he is on the road driving his semi and I handle the daily operations, but do not work shifts behind the counter as I also need to be on calls for my other job.” In the future, Kanwal plans to stop driving once we have good cashflow from the café and I plan to focus more on the growth of the roasting business. Michelle adds that she “believes strongly in the principles of trust, transparency, empowerment, diversity, and inclusion. You will start to see these reflected more publicly in the coffee brand as well as some of the events we hope to host at the café and in the ways we give back to the community once we are financially able.” To learn more about the business and to order locally roasted coffee visit their updated website at

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } { women who inspire


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ women who inspire } BY sharee turpin


The Right Person

Beauty is usually not a word you associate death with. When a loved one dies, it can quickly become a harsh reality no one is prepared to face or deal with. What if there was someone who made it their mission to prepare you and your loved one for the inevitable? For Rochester, that person right now is Karin Cole.

As the massage therapy and bereavement coordinator at University of Rochester, Karin provides direct care to adult and pediatric patients in the hospital setting, but also directs anyone to the proper resources when they leave. A typical day for her includes meetings in the mornings at the hospital to discuss patients in need of massages, or patients who have passed, going out to homes of clients from Rochester Wellness in the afternoon and by evening she is most likely at Integrative Monarch Care. Though it may seem like the end of her day, it’s only just begun.

Coming up on a year anniversary in October, Monarch Integrative Care (MIC), has been an open door to people of any and every background experiencing a serious illness. From assisting caregivers with helpful information and counseling to therapy for a person who has been given three months to live, it welcomes the chance to comfort. Right about now you’re asking yourself why someone would start such a task. A task that is not created for everyone to step into but involves stepping out to anyone who needs it. As she sits in a lightly dim office that is calming to the ear, Karin speaks of a woman who was active and was aware of where she was needed most. A woman that did not hesitate helping a stranger in need. Karin’s grandmother has played a crucial role in why she has such

a passion in palliative care and hospice care. In April of 2000, her grandmother suffered a stroke and her family was in shock. They did not understand that she way dying and in her words, if they did know, she could have died a better death. “There’s a better way to die,” she says. The mission became simple; maximize the experience and don’t miss the moments that are important. She wanted to provide a service to help clients make decisions, see the big picture and provide the best quality of life. She does this with a variety of therapies and amenities that include Reiki, aromatherapy, mindfulness and meditation. Shamanism, is a popular way Karin connects with her clients. “It’s not a religion, it’s a methodology.” It’s a belief everything having a spirit and helps those involved reflect on who we are as a humanity and who we are as a world. When it comes to Reiki, Karin focuses more on physics with it being an energetic technique. Overall, clients can expect a gentle experience based on their own comfortability. With 14 practitioners joining her, Karin has seen rewarding moments already just shy of a year old. The tough moments for her are when she can relate to a situation or any case dealing with a child. However, she quickly notes that even in these situations a reminder sets in and it can become an honor. “They are me. Every person has a ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


The mission became simple; maximize the experience and don’t miss the moments that are important. turn to be at the bedside,” she states. “It offers an opportunity to be with someone… and be grateful for that moment. We are in this together.” As the sun fades on the fireplace nearby, Karin hopes to help this community as much as she can in the near future. “No one knows who to call,” she says. “Illness or not, people are looking.” Her hope is not just for Rochester but for the communities in surrounding areas and perhaps beyond. 138

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

She touches on humans being much more than just a physical make up but also a social, a psychological, and emotional bond. Rochester is very fortunate to have someone such as Karin Cole in our community. Not everyone is comfortable speaking of death let alone approaching it head on just to make sure their life ends in bliss as best it can. She is someone who wants to educate, encourage and pass along the idea of making the taboo issue of death or

illness safe and comforting. She is indeed a crown of nourishment. For more information on these services, please visit of call their office at 585-270-1223.


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{ unraveled } BY SHEILA KENNEDY


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ unraveled } BY SHEILA KENNEDY

I was fiercely protective of my mask. I didn’t need it to cover bruises or black eyes and I am so very grateful for that. I needed it to hide the shame and the humiliation I felt because I was continually on the losing end of a power struggle within my marriage. The mask of perfectionism, and of everything looking just fine, was the only thing I felt I could control. I clung tightly to that as you can imagine as someone who felt powerless most of the time.

removing one mask at a time

In 2013, I wrote a book about the masks we wear and how to take them off. Sounds cliché now, but at the time it felt like I discovered gold. Maybe that is because finally ripping off the mask I was wearing was so liberating. I thought everyone needed to do it.

Next month I will be attending Resolve of Greater Rochester’s Masked Event, which is a fundraiser to support eliminating domestic violence. I love the idea behind the masks. Let’s stop hiding that domestic violence is in our community. Let’s share our stories and bring the darkness and isolation of this phenomenon into the light. Do you realize that in the Monroe County Community, we have an incidence rate of 50% higher than the rest of the state? That is devastating when you realize that the statistics these days are as high as 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men are experiencing some sort of domestic violence. That means right here in our own community the numbers are double that – that is too many people who are hurting that we have no idea are hurting. Why? Because they are clinging tightly to their masks of everything is alright. When most people think domestic violence, they believe it is battering or physical violence. The truth is that violence can take many forms. It can be psychological – living with the threat of violence or fear of a possible violent outburst can wreak havoc on someone’s life. This also involves the gradual tearing down of a person’s self-esteem and worth through insults, demeaning comments and statements made to purposely keep someone feeling inferior. It can be sexual in nature - being coerced or forced into activities that are not wanted to assault, and even rape. It can also be financial. Not having access to money or having no control over how money is spent can create an unhealthy dependence and power struggle. These are just a few of the ways that domestic violence is present in our community today and none of them involve physical battering. I never in a million years thought that

domestic violence would be something that I would be involved in. I strongly advocate for its prevention, for healthy relationships, healthy boundary setting and self-care. I don’t know that we will ever truly eradicate this destructive force in our society, but I would like to think we can try. Resolve of Greater Rochester helped me see that even though I thought I had shed the masks that kept me in pain and hiding from the world in 2013, I was still wearing them. Feeling freer than ever because of the work they have helped me do, I am a willing advocate for what they do for our community. They gave me my life back. The number of incidents in this community are too high to ignore. Keep your eyes and ears open as you interact with people around you. You could make a difference in their lives by showing kindness and empathy. You could invite them to take their mask off for a while and let them know you are concerned about them. You could also support organizations like Resolve and come on out to have a great time at the Masked Event on October 21. The money raised for Resolve does amazing work in the community in prevention and raising awareness about what domestic violence is and how the cycles of abuse can end. Their trauma recovery program is second to none too. Power struggles look different in every relationship. Unbalanced relationships can be extremely harmful. To compensate for those imbalances, many resort to mask wearing. Being aware of that will change how you interact with those around you. Maybe you will recognize an unhealthy relationship in your own life or you might be suspect of one in someone else’s life. Abuse doesn’t always look like we think it is going to look. The encouraging news is that domestic violence and abuse don’t have to continue to be a reality for anyone. We can be in healthy relationships. We can work together to create balance and shared power. What was, does not have to continue. We are powerful beyond measure and together we can make a difference removing one mask at a time.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ resolve }

Unwanted Advances: Enough is Enough by Allison D. O’Malley, CEO

Last month, Taylor Swift made headlines for taking a sexual harassment case to court and winning. The case was not about money, she sued him for $1; it was about accountability. It was about a young woman using the tools at her disposal to stop a man who thought he was somehow entitled to touch her body without her permission. It was a powerful example of a woman standing up for herself, claiming her body as her own, and establishing that she will stand for nothing less than being treated with respect. Every woman does not have the resources of Ms. Swift, but nearly every woman has her own story of being on the receiving end of unwanted advances that include inappropriate, even offensive comments, looks, or touching. It happens every day with men that we know and men that we don’t. It happens everywhere: on the street, at the gym, in the workplace, at the mall, in the grocery store, on the bus, at PTA meetings, and even in churches. Of course it happens at bars, nightclubs and house parties too, but let us not pretend that sexual harassment only happens in the dark. What I’ve come to realize – after my most recent experience with sexual harassment – is that women are crazy to think that we have the power to stop it. We do not. Sexual harassment is an accepted behavior in our culture and men will continue to get away with it until women stop playing nice. It’s time that we stop trying to make everyone else comfortable at the expense of our own comfort. It’s time we stop worrying about being called a bitch or worse when we stand up for 142

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ourselves. It’s time that we stop questioning what we did wrong and start calling out offensive behavior for what it is, when it happens. Every violation will not rise to a criminal standard, but we can raise our voices. We must. Like most women that I know, I can list numerous times when I have been on the receiving end of unwanted advances or inappropriate suggestions from men – both familiar and strangers. In every case, I was targeted and dehumanized. My body was viewed as something to be used for other’s gratification. Most recently, on the day of the solar eclipse, I entered a golf tournament with my husband at one of the nicest golf clubs in the area, and found myself in the sights of a stranger who decided that his fun during the day was more important that my dignity.

Sexual harassment in the light of day My husband and I signed up late for the tournament, so we were paired up with two

guys we didn’t know. As soon as we met our partners, it was clear that one of them wasn’t thrilled about a woman in the group; and that my presence was not going to ruin his good time. He started drinking at the second hole. By the 8th hole, he was making crude and inappropriate jokes every time I said anything. The f-bombs were flying, and what started out as high fives, became uncomfortable little pecks on my cheek. As we stood on the green to putt, he would stand too close and several times he draped his arm over my shoulder as he laughed at his own jokes and inferred that I was baiting him. At the 15th hole, I dropped a putt and he smacked me on the rear end. I was stunned and honestly, humiliated. My husband approached him immediately and told him he had crossed the line and to back off. He didn’t get it. On the next tee, I hit a really good drive and he came toward me quickly, dropped to his knees with his hands up at breast height. I visibly flinched and avoided him. He said, “What, no high five?” I said, “No! I guess that’s what happens when you hit me on the ass,” to which he replied indignantly. “[Expletive], I didn’t realize you were such a prude.” As I got in the cart, I was visibly shaken. His words cut me to the core. He actually found a way to blame me for what he had done. My husband was fuming and his partner was stunned. When I walked onto the green, his partner said, “He’s out of control. I’m so sorry.”

{ resolve } By doing everything right; that is by being a good woman, by assuming the best in him; by trying to make the group comfortable, by not making a scene. Sound familiar?

In the clubhouse, his partner apologized to me repeatedly. The jerk never apologized. Instead, he played the victim and kept defending himself, saying “I’m not that kind of guy”, “I didn’t mean anything by it”. Then he tried to try to buy my forgiveness. He bought me a glass of wine, gave me the team prize and told me “he hopes that we can golf together again next year because our foursome had the best time on the course that day”

he began pushing my boundaries at hello. How did I respond to it? By doing everything right; that is by being a good woman, by assuming the best in him; by trying to make the group comfortable, by not making a scene. Sound familiar? Like so many women, I have internalized that my safety is less important than other people’s comfort. Why? Because we live in a society that values men’s comfort over women’s safety.

The fall out

I have traveled a roller coaster of emotions after this experience – from humiliation to

Reflecting on this experience, I realize that

fear, from anger to shame. As much as I know intellectually that I did not invite his advances, other than leaving the tournament or hitting him with a golf club, I was powerless to protect myself. I understand now, that being a nice girl does not keep women safe. It’s time that women everywhere follow Taylor Swift’s lead and settle for nothing less than respect.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ all women rock }

All Women Rock Out With JESSICA NHIAL by tonya cornelius

Ambitious, generous and goal driven are just a few words to describe Jessica R. Nhial. All Women Rock connected with Jessica to ROCK OUT with us for the month of September. Jessica R. Nhial, M.S., was born and raised in the City of Rochester, NY. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and a Master of Science in Criminal Justice from SUNY College at Buffalo State. While living on the west side of the city and being educated by the public school system, Jessica encountered many challenges that notoriously plague urban communities and often lead to a life of criminality at very young ages. Through these experiences, a deep conviction grew within Jessica to enhance the lives of people who may not have had the knowledge, support, or opportunity to make healthier decisions and ultimately avoid the life of crime. Jessica is currently employed by New York State Department of Corrections (DOCCS) as a counselor for incarcerated women. In the past, she has worked as a catalyst to assist gang members and gun offenders achieve more productive, fulfilling lifestyles. Jessica has also served as a counselor and service broker for youth on the brink of Juvenile Justice System involvement. In addition, Jessica is a member of the Community Advisory Council through Rochester-Monroe AntiPoverty Initiative and the Plymouth–Exchange (PLEX) Neighborhood Association. Although Jessica is fulfilled with working in her role with the Criminal Justice System she extended her heart and hands and formed her own organization; Linda’s love society (LLS) which is a growing nonprofit organization that strives to enhance the lives of persons involved with, or at increased risk to become involved with, the Juvenile and Criminal Justice Systems. Through asset-based community development, LLS utilizes the skills, resources, and experiences of everyday people within our community to pour into the lives of LLS participants. This method leverages existing strengths while encouraging positive relationships and creating opportunities for sustainable individual and community development. For the individual, Linda’s Love Society promotes self-understanding, self-worth, and self-investment and while creating opportunities for personal growth, fostering healthy associations, and making it apparent that the community understands their status and actively supports their transition. One of LLS’s primary objectives is to lessen the gap between law enforcement agencies and the served community by means ofinformation sharing, advocacy, and partnership. LLSbelieve that honest, well-intended collaboration between these historically opposing sides is an essential piece of the foundation in which we can achieve a more cohesive community.

Jessica shared with AWR insight on what prompted her to form Linda’s Love Society. LLS was formed in an effort to mitigate programmatic barriers that often prevent the offending population from receiving necessary resources and opportunities. For example, law enforcement agencies are traditionally in search of organizations to absorb those who are involved with or at increased risk to become involved with the Justice System. However, often due to funding-related constraints or lack of space or available personnel, many are not able to receive the necessary attention or services they need -- particularly in expedient, non-threatening, relatable ways. On the contrary, LLS seeks to service this special population by directly approaching referring agencies not only with opportunities for their referred individuals, but also for them to be actively involved in supporting their transition. It is our goal to reduce these individual’s risk to re-offend, and ultimately be sent to jail or prison. In turn, this makes for a safer, more cohesive community. Social science research suggests that community support is a core factor in the motivation for offenders to establish goals and aspire towards them. Public recognition of their hard work fuels their desire not only to achieve their educational goals, but also to desist in the life of crime. In turn, their probability to involve in criminal activity decreases significantly, ultimately making Rochester a safer place to live. When asked what LLS’s mission statement is, Jessica shared with us it’s simply “Grow Love” and where this short, yet powerful mission statement derived from. This phrase is a commanding reminder for all involved to cultivate a forgiving, nurturing environment where persons, whom are often in their most vulnerable state, are able to receive resources, support, exposure, and understanding. LLS is careful to foster a healthy, unbiased environment where participants are challenged in a respectful manner. LLS offers an array of services that one can really benefit from, Jessica shared with us that Linda’s Love Society works to overcome effects of the Justice System by promoting opportunities for personal growth and understanding, and also to inspire participants through the emphasis of community support. Each year, Linda’s Love Society collects donations from the Rochester Community and distributes them to persons under Probation and Parole Supervision. Once the supplies are gathered, they are distributed to persons involved with community supervision agencies as they report to these specified locations. Recipients are made aware of the opportunity by their supervising officers, which is vital as it requires the supervising officer to demonstrate knowledge and support of the individual’s and/or their family’s academic goals.

Linda’s Love Society facilitates a winter clothing drive for youth involved with or on the verge to become involved with the Justice System. LLS collaborates with area businesses that are willing use their space as donation sites and then distributes collected items to those in need at specified locations in which these youth report. Linda’s Love Society offers haircuts to men and boys in our community who are involved with the justice system in order to prepare them for school. A wellknown, community based barbershop partnered with LLS and was willing to solicit donations from their customers to sponsor free haircuts for carefully selected recipients. The purpose of this initiative is to combat truancy and to demonstrate community support. In addition, the barbers have valuable insight due to their own experience with the Justice System, and are excited to use their time to talk about their experiences, and why it is a personal investment to desist in the life of crime. Linda’s Love Society facilitates small groups comprised of demographically sorted cohort participants where topic constructive, informative topics deemed important by the group are addressed. Individuals from within the community volunteer their time to assist in topic facilitation. Sessions are held on a weekly basis for three consecutive months and also include outings. Linda’s Love Society is currently working with the community on yet another ground-breaking opportunity for persons involved with the Justice System who have demonstrated dedication towards accomplishing their goals. Please stay tuned for additional information and a chance for involvement! Being a young female entrepreneur has challenges of its own, so we asked Jessica what mindset did she take on in order to stay focus, grounded and land up being successful in what she set out to accomplish with LLS. The mindset that makes me successful and allows me to infiltrate those elements into LLS, is “If it can be done, then I can do it.” This reminds me that all things -- even if it is a remote possibility -- are possible through Christ who strengthens me. If it challenges me and I’m passionate about it, I always push the limit. In today’s society competition is inevitable, yet with LLS it’s explained and presented in a way that if other organizations developed this mindset, many more people can be serviced just by working together as a team. Jessica shared her thoughts on how LLS view their competitors. Linda’s Love Society is distinguished because no individual or entity is considered a competitor. Organizations that offer similar services or have similar objectives have the full support of Linda’s Love Society and it is ideal for future collaboration.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


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{ law forum with brenna boyce }


As the Department Chair of Trusts and Estates at Brenna Boyce, I enjoy the opportunity to bring order to an often chaotic part of life: the death of a loved one. Working so often, and in such close proximity, to the end of life removes the natural difficulty in approaching this necessary subject. For our team, death is simply a part of life. It triggers some definite legal consequences that we are hired to anticipate and ameliorate. For the vast majority of people, however, the death of a friend or family member hits like an emotional hammer blow. It is disorienting and created an urgency to settle the decedent’s affairs. Let me assure you that in all but a very few cases, panic is both unwarranted and unproductive. I cannot tell you the number of telephone calls that we have received within hours of the death of the caller’s loved one, upset because the decedent’s copy of the will can’t be found, or the bank settlements can’t be located, or any one of a hundred things must be done. The English have a very apt saying for time like these; “Keep calm, carry on.” Let’s go back in time days, weeks, or even years before the decedent’s untimely death. After all, from the decedent’s point of view, death is almost always untimely. What should be done to ease the transition for survivors when the time comes? This is the easy part. To avoid these unpleasant last minute worries, plan ahead. Review a copy of your Will every three or four years. Do the same with your Health Care Proxy, Living Will, Disposition of Remains, and Power of Attorney. Consider if in the intervening years there have been any milestones: the birth of a child or grandchild, marriages or divorces, employment changes or retirements, anticipated educational expenses, any special needs for a family 164

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

member, the economic circumstances of potential beneficiaries, a change in the relationship between you and your friends or family, and a host of other, sometimes very personal, considerations. Review your assets; are they different than when you made your Will? How are those assets titled? Should you make beneficiary designations or title property jointly? What life and disability insurance is provided by your employer? Have you purchased any on your own? Should ownership of those policies remain in your own name or should ownership be titled to someone else? When? While it may look complicated, this is the easy part. Now imagine the hard part. Your lawyer should handle the hard part. Have the original copy of your Will stored either with your attorney or with the Surrogate’s Court Clerk’s office of the county in which you are domiciled. Maintain a copy with your important papers clearly indicating, on its face, where or with whom the original is stored. Make and periodically update a list of your assets, passwords, account numbers, etc. Make a record of any private lending you have done, the location of any stock shares, particularly in any family or closely held corporations. If you own an ongoing business, either in your own name or as a closely held corporation, have a business succession plan. Consider key man insurance to protect your family from financial impact on the business of a transition to new management. If you anticipate your business continuing as an ongoing concern after your death, consult with your management team, your accountant, and your beneficiaries on who you should choose to manage the business on an interim basis during the

administration of your estate. Notice, I did not say to make a unilateral decision to select the person who, at the time you draft your Will, appears to have the most experience. Not unless you would like to have large portions of your estate spent on litigation. You are no doubt thinking, “how arrogant is this lawyer! I have made this business successful and I alone know what is best for it!” It is not arrogance but rather forty years of experience that has proven that the grant of sudden responsibility and authority can have unintended consequences that often change lifelong relationships and divide families. Discuss your Will and your wishes with, at the very least, your nominated Executor (the person who will control the disposition of your estate) and your Trustee (the person who will manage assets that do not immediately go to a beneficiary) if you have one. DO NOT give private instructions to your Executor that are not contained in your Will regarding the disposition of your assets. Do not make a bequest to your Executor with the understanding that he or she will follow some secret plan to distribute the assets in a way not set out in your Will. Discuss this in detail with your attorney to determine whether or not you may be the rare exception to these rules. Consider discussing the provisions of your Will with all of the beneficiaries. Harder still, consider discussing its terms, or disclosing them by a writing, with those who will be disappointed by its terms. Again, a candid conversation with an attorney you trust can be essential regarding these matters. If you have a relative who is a caregiver, consider whether you want your estate to reward them for their sacrifice in caring for you. This can be done by the Will itself, or by a separate written agreement which


specifies the compensation owed to them by the estate.

unless you limit that power in the “Power of Attorney” document itself.

Execute a “Power of Attorney,” and review it periodically. Discuss your choice of “Attorney in Fact” (the person(s) who are appoint by the “Power of Attorney” document) with your lawyer, who will question you about your financial circumstances, those of the person you are thinking of appointing, and that person’s relationship to others in your family and business associates. Remember, if you appoint someone as your attorney in fact, they will have all the powers you grant them to act with or without your knowledge, at any time, even while you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself,

If you have done these things, and periodically updated and reviewed them, you will avoid making your passing the cause of confusion and anxiety that so often compounds grief.

honorable Edmund A. Calvaruso, including ten years as attorney and then chief clerk for the Monroe County Surrogate’s Court. He has served as the Chair of Brenna Boyce’s Trusts and Estates Department for over six years.

In the next installment, we will discuss the first steps your family and Executor must take before probate. Bill Brongo served as the Beartue Chief of Investigations with the Monroe County District Attorney’s Office. He then served as the confidential law clerk for the honorable Charles Siragusa. He later served with the ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ TALKING law with bob brenna }

And You Swore You Would Never Wear A Tie... by ROBERT L. BRENNA, JR.

I called my daughter, who graduated from Park School of Communication at Ithaca College, to let her know I had been asked to do this column, rather than just the radio spots or interviews I had done for years. I needed advice. How do I get started, now that I’ve been thinking about it for weeks? What should I write about for my first column? It’s a strange feeling when you realize that you are at a point in life when you ask your kid for advice.

in a hospital’s psych department. I moved to Boston and lived in what was politely called a neighborhood that was being “re-gentrified.” I was supposedly playing in a band for a living, but that barely bought food. I also worked at Massachusetts Rehab Hospital, at one of the country’s first pain clinics, lived in a brownstone with my dog and a few college buddies, and tried to sort it all out. I worked my rent down to $25 a month by helping to rehab the brownstone.

As usual, she was great. “Just write about yourself, Dad. Let it be an introduction, so your readers will know who you are. People take more interest in reading about what someone has to say when they know more about the author as a person.” Sage advice. “Tell them you weren’t sure you wanted to be a lawyer when you were in college at Syracuse, and that you swore you would never wear a tie. I always get a kick out of that.” She always found that ironic. Even though I’ve always loved the law, what it stands for, how it empowers me to help others and all the law can accomplish, there was a point in my life when I would have laughed at anyone who told me that I would someday have a closet full of courtroom attire.

After a while, music became like a job and

Especially ties ! Before going to law school, I was a drummer, because that was what I loved. I was studying psych and pre-med, and toying with all kinds of ideas about my life. My first job was working in a small electronics assembly plant. I did everything from beginning to end of production.After a while, I found work 168

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

If only everything were that straightforward and black and white now. After the age of five, things became increasingly complicated. But, there is comfort in knowing that the next generation is there for me. My wife and I joke about the fact that the geography and history lobes of my brain never developed to the point of being even marginally functional. Luckily, my son knows more about when and which civilizations flourished over another, what battles led to the language and cultural changes on most of the globe, and many obscure facts the busy workday seems to keep me from learning. I love the law. I love the fact that when the weight of the world is on someone’s back, they turn to me, out of all the people on the entire planet, to help make it right and to seek justice in an unjust world. But, at the end of it all, when I try to sort it all out — which I still occasionally have to do — it’s a strange feeling asking your kids for advice.

I started yearning for school again. Even if I wasn’t going to practice, I knew I wanted to go to law school. I knew I needed the intellectual challenge. Although I’m only 28, this coming May will mark 40 years since I graduated from law school. When I was four or five years old, life was easy. I knew I was going to be a lawyer, and there were no doubts. In fact, when my cousin asked if I wanted to be an alter boy when I got older, I started crying and said “No. I want to be a lawyer like my Daddy.”

Robert L. Brenna Jr. is a partner in the Rochester law firm of Brenna, Brenna & Boyce PLLC, which his father founded. He serves on the board of directors for the New York State Trial Lawyers Association and concentrates his practice in the areas of estates and trusts, medial malpractice and personal injury. Brenna also hosts a popular Sunday morning radio program entitled “The Brenna & Brenna Law Forum,” on WHAM 1180 AM. ‘


Law Forum Radio Show Sundays 8 - 9AM


Experienced, Effective, and Smart. Personal Injury | Business and Estate Litigation | Medicaid Planning Probate | Military and Security Clearances | Second Amendment Law

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{ rw foodie }

Feeding Your Garden, So It Can Feed You BY DEBBIE SANTILLO

Did you know that a large percentage of people plant their gardens and then neglect to feed them? Your plants will show you. They will not look healthy, sturdy, or green. They will not have healthy leaves, stalks, or produce bright beautiful flowers, fruits, or vegetables. Yes, you need to feed your plants just like we need to eat. If you feed your fruits and vegetables, they will feed you in return. First, let’s learn how to prepare your garden soil and then what your plants might need along the way. In Spring, prepare your soil. When planting in soaked soil from excessive rain, the soil may become too compact for tiny roots of beginner plants. Then the young plants cannot pull nutrients from the soil or have enough air. Sometimes it starts off to be a dry Spring, but then, turns rainy. If your plants start off fine, but then comes the rain, there is a solution. A fish-based spray can be applied directly to their leaves to temporarily feed them. If your young plants could talk, they would cry out for you to first test your soil. Preferable soil is somewhat acidic to neutral for vegetables in a range of 6.5-6.8, which allows nutrients to absorb properly. If your soil is a bit too high, add some peat moss. If it is a bit too low, just adding a little lime will help. Plant your plants, somewhat away from shrubs and trees, or they will have to compete for nutrients and water. Give each plant enough space. If planting vegetables in 170

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

planters, make sure they are big enough and drain well. It is a good idea to plant close to your home, to keep wild life from eating your potential crops, and for ease of watering. Plant in the Spring, after frost warnings in area are over. Choosing an area where there is sun for 7-8 hours is recommended. OK, now let’s feed your soil. There are plenty of chemicals and potting soil mixes, too many to mention. If using chemical products, be sure to read and follow instructions carefully. Using too much can lead to your plants burning out. Feeding your plants with granular or

liquid fertilizer products can be done in 3 ways. 1: They can be distributed at the base of the plant near stems and watered in. 2: You can soak the ground with a liquid fertilizer or solution. 3: You can spray liquid fertilizer solution directly on plant leaves. The best time to feed your plants is when first starting them, when they are young and then flowering, and once they start to produce. Fertilize plants in gardens once every 2-3 weeks and plants in pots every 2 weeks. Feeding properly help plants to flower and fruit more abundantly, fend off pests and help to resist drought and other weather stresses. Some plants such as tomatoes, cabbage, broccoli, sunflowers, and onions tend to be high feeders and need to be fed more often. Once it is late in the season, it is no longer necessary to keep up a feed routine. If you decide to get good potting and gardening soil, that is a great start. They are loaded with great boosters for your plants. Gardening soil is a mixture of peat moss, bark or aged compost and perlite or vermiculite. Pe r l i t e i s a naturally occurring volcanic glass, that when heated to 1600 degrees puffs up, like popcorn. It helps keep soil moist and helps aerate soil.

Did you know that a large percentage of people plant their gardens and then neglect to feed them? Mixing your own potting or gardening soil can be less expensive. All you need is 2 parts of soil, one-part peat moss and 1-part perlite. Before adding peat, make sure you water it. The water will cling to it, keeping your soil wet for longer periods of time. Peat moss is great for starting your seeds in, and helps both flower and vegetable gardens, but it is nonrenewable and expensive. If you are up to it, you can start your own compost pile and use that instead. Adding peat moss or compost to your dirt, helps it stay moist longer, adds space in between dirt particles and therefore, adds air and nutrients. Adding compost adds more nutrients than peat. Both peat moss and compost add drainage for plants. Fertilizer is composed of Nitrogen, Phosphorus and Potassium, which keep leaves green, helps

plants grow and creates protein. There are traces of other chemicals in very small quantities, such as calcium, magnesium, and sulfur. Making your own compost? Put food scraps in a container with air flow. You’ll need heat. Throwing in leaves with your food scraps helps to decompose by adding carbon and nitrogen, which produces heat. Add some grass clippings. Throw in together such things as coffee grounds, egg shells, vegetable and fruit peels and scraps, used tea bags, old bread or left-over crusts, spoiled milk and other left overs. Never add meat, grease, oil, cheese, poultry, or fish to your compost. Turning your compost daily and making sure it stays moist helps all the microorganisms to break down. You know your compost is at a proper moisture level, if you grab some and it holds together.

Something else you can do is add food scraps directly into the soil near the roots of plants. Bury deep enough so animals don’t detect them and try to unbury them to have a snack. Coffee grounds add Nitrogen. Eggshells add Protein. Add banana peels for Potassium and aphids hate them. Orange peels keep cats away. Pests hate garlic. If you tend to your plants by watering them, giving them enough sunlight, and feeding them, you will be delighted at the results. Feeding your plants, directly reflects the quantity and quality of what will feed you. Your dinner table will be a direct reflection of your effort. Now go ahead and enjoy your garden-based recipes.

{ it’s a rodeo }

IT’S A RODEO... Food Truck That Is! Cheryl L. Kates Benman Esq. and Debbie Napoli Santillo

Rochester Woman Online ventured out on location. The last Wednesday of the month, throughout the summer, the Rochester Public Market delivers a great treat! A “happy hour” like no other! A food truck rodeo! Complete with live entertainment, treats such as fresh-made macaroons, chocolate-covered strawberries, rice and beans, empanadas, pizza, wine slushies, you name it, there was a truck. Interestingly, the food truck idea dates to the late 17th century popping up in many large east coast cities (1). In 1691, NYC began regulating street vendors with street carts (1). By the 1850’s we saw street dining cars (1). In 1866, Charles Goodnight invented the chuck wagon feeding wagon trains and or cattlemen in the Wild, Wild West (1). Then, in 1936, Oscar Meyer followed with the mobile wiener (1). Who doesn’t remember that bell, and running down the street yelling “Skippy!” for the ice cream truck peddling bomb pops and strawberry scooters? Tacos anybody? You got it, tacos were next (1974) (1). In June 2014, the National Food Truck Association was formed (1). Debbie interviewed Rob of Rob’s Kabobs as a


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

pre-cursor to checking out the festivities. Robert Loncoa, owner of Rob’s Kabobs wanted to serve up a food dish which was not yet represented. Although he was raised in the Rochester area, Kabobs, AKA pinchos in Puerto Rico, became his primary entrée choice, because the food item came from his heritage. Rob creates his own recipes, which involves use of a marinade for approx. 24 hours. He utilizes three other employees now, but still works around the clock. He prides himself on the use of fresh produce and quality meats making his offerings the best and freshest available. Main entrée skewers were, Savory Steak, Sweet Heat Barbecue, Pesto Chicken, and Lemon Pepper Shrimp. When we approached Rob’s Kabobs, the smells from his grill were wonderful and tempted our stomachs. Among the affordable sides for the combo plates were rice and beans, garlic truffle fries, tostados, arancini and pernil (a slow-roasted, marinated, shredded pork shoulder roast). Cheryl, myself and our companions for the evening sampled the sweet BBQ Chicken selection with rice and beans, tostados and

truffle fries, and the Savory Steak kabob. The chicken was scrumptious, very juicy and the sauce was appropriately spiced and so was the steak. The rice and beans were on the bland side and the beans were a bit skimpy, but overall, the meal was satisfying and we were pleasantly full after eating. Juan and Maria’s Empanada Stop (280 N. Union St.) is no stranger to the market and they have a permanent stall. We ordered the beef and chicken selections. One of our companions sampled the rice and beans as a side and was delighted. The empanadas are fried. Everyone loved the empanadas. In 2016, the stall was closed for a month when the original stall was demolished. The structure was up for 17 years prior to demolition. In 2017, Jane C. gave a Yelp review regarding the empanada stand indicating: “The line is always so long but it’s worth it to order some empanadas to enjoy at the market. To me it’s part of the experience” (2) Despite, not being a traditional food truck. Juan and Maria’s was open at the rodeo. This stall

is known as part of the history of the market. Debbie interviewed the proprietor of “Wraps on Wheels” Lou DiMarco. This is one of the more healthier selections of the rodeo and included “the lighter choice” as part of their logo. They have two food trucks and are often serving lunches in the parking lots of local businesses (4). They are proud they use fresh produce from local markets for their ingredients (4). Brian “ Raspy” Raspallo left a review on the “Wraps on Wheels” website indicting: “Solid food. Awesome, courteous and friendly folks on the truck. Thanks again for the delicious Chicken Caesar wrap” (4) When interviewing Lou, we learned his employees were partially his grandchildren, helping him out on the truck. He has years of experience, which includes owning Dirosato’s Pizza and Pasta restaurant for 30 years. We can’t forget the best part, desert. Our group sampled a combo of strawberries, bananas and marshmallows, dipped in chocolate, and

chilled on a stick. They were so fresh and the chocolate was delicious. Our second choice was some pastries from an additional vendor, Sweet Sammie Jane’s. Sweet Sammie Jane’s, Angela Marmo (pastry chef) leaned down and shared the history of her transition to include a food truck to her existing bakery on Park Avenue. The bakery is a family business where Angela and her mother-in-law Kathie(caterer) work together to delight the palettes of Rochesterians. In 2006, Angela attended L’Art de Pastissere in Chicago (3). Thereafter, she returned to Rochester. Her daughter is named Samantha Jane, coincidentally (Sammie Janes) (3). We sampled the red velvet, expresso Nutella and salted caramel macaroons. Cheryl grabbed her favorite, a chocolate chip cookie. The presentation and freshness of the products were wonderful. The visual display on the truck was also very teasing and delightful to the eye. Overall, this was a pleasant experience, with good food, great people and delicious deserts.

The music was enjoyable. The atmosphere was safe and secure. The security guards checked all bags upon entrance. This was a limited seating (some bleachers) event. Most people brought their own chairs. A fine reason to get up, get out and do something in Rochester, the food truck rodeo at the market. Resources (in order of citation) 1. Myrick, Richard (2017). The Complete History of American Food Trucks. Mobile Cuisine. Retrieved August 31, 2017 from 2. YELP review (2017). Juan and Marias Empanada Stop, Retrieved August 31, 2017 from https// 3. Sweet Sammie Jane’s (2017). Retrieved August 31, 2017, from 4. Wraps on Wheels (2017). Retrieved August 31, 2017 from

{ healthy is wealthy }

Healthy is wealthy by BILL WYNKOP i photos by christopher cardwell

Healthy Is Wealthy is not just the name of my store. It is my true belief and my passion in life: having one’s health is something that simply is not able to be replaced, so there is no greater wealth than being able to enjoy a healthy life. Specifically, there is no time for poor choices, because healthy is wealthy. As such, whenever people approach me about training — be it to tone up, to lose weight, to get ready for a competition, or for whatever reason — I tell them one very true thing: whatever you do in the gym, it will only be 25% of the overall equation. The remaining 75% is diet. That is not what most people want to hear because human nature wants hard work and sweat to equate to a tangible change, and they want to see that transformation happen quickly! The hard truth is that lasting change does not 174


happen overnight. The counter balance to that — the good truth — is the realization that slower changes tend to be more durable. After all, what has taken months or years to develop in a body cannot truly be expected to be different overnight? For the clients that I work with, the 25% in the gym are workouts custom-tailored to meet specific needs and target particular areas. The duration and frequency are functions of the initial goals that a client establishes with me when we begin a journey together. Along the way, they may be updated and/or replaced as milestones are achieved. The time in the gym is meant to be fluid and dynamic because progress is being made each time we are together. On the diet side of the equation, we start with

trying to make healthier choices with foods: a higher intake of vegetables, less sodium, less sugar and fewer carbohydrates. These things alone do not complete the equation as they take time to implement, but they reinforce the process of making conscious, healthy choices. A focus on protein, 200 or more grams per day is at the heart of every program. Protein has many benefits, chief among them it gives a boost to energy levels allowing for muscle development and more efficient calorie consumption. It also stabilizes blood sugar levels while it helps to improve focus and concentration. Beyond any food, QUALITY vitamins and supplements will become part of the conversation. When I say QUALITY, I mean that every ingredient in the formula has a specific purpose, and that purpose is targeted to the goals that

At the show, the promoter, Joe Lazzaro brought us both onstage to highlight our combined weight loss of more than 200 pounds. The crowd cheered us on, Rob gave me a kiss and then we posed together to the applause.

each person is trying to reach.The approach I use is NOT magic, and it is not for everyone. But it has worked well for many of my clients, two of which would like to share their story with you. CRYSTAL and ROB OUELLETTE It was August 31st, 2014. We had been in Salam, Massachusetts, for a vacation. When we came home, Rob proposed. In looking over the pictures, I realized how big I truly was and I refused to get married looking like that. On September 20th, 2014, I purchased a scale — I know the date because I kept a diary. It said 275 pounds. That was the day I decided I had to change. I had lost weight in the past, but in unhealthy ways so I never could keep it off. In October, I starting to change my diet, and challenged myself to learn how to eat better. In February 2015, we started going to the gym with Rob jumping on board. He started at 350 pounds. Fast forward 16 months to our wedding day (6/616), and I was 185 pounds while Rob was 275. Together we had lost 165 pounds, almost all of me! We met JC soon thereafter and started training with him in October of 2016. He listened to our needs and took in all of our history after which he put together a workout plan specifically for us and then he advised us on our diet. And as we worked out over the winter of 2016, we set a goal: to

compete — on stage, for the first time ever — at the Mr/Ms Buffalo Championships. The event was held in Niagara Falls this past April. I weighed in another 30 pounds lighter with Rob having shed another 15. At the show, the promoter, Joe Lazzaro brought us both onstage to highlight our combined weight loss of more than 200 pounds. The crowd cheered us on, Rob gave me a kiss and then we posed together to the applause. As we exited the stage, JC was right there to congratulate us. It was

an evening that neither of us will ever forget. In our time together with JC, he opened our minds to a whole new way of training. He taught us how to look outside of the box, showing us many different ways to train all the while explaining the benefits. I had no intentions of competing in a bodybuilding show, but with JC’s guidance, he not only helped me transform my body, but he helped me build my self-confidence. The best thing about having JC as a trainer is that he actually listens to you and takes into account everything you say. I have dealt with trainers in the past that didn’t care about your concerns and just continued with text book, cookie cutter training and nutrition, which wasn’t yielding results for me and Rob. One thing JC says that truly stuck with me is “ Listen to your body, no one knows your body like you do”. Whether it is about training or nutrition, it is with his guidance that we are where we are today. He treats you like you are family. He truly cares for his clients and it shows. He treats each and every one of us as individuals based on their own training and nutritional needs. Most of all, he wants you to succeed as much as you do. Jean-Claude Desardouin is a certified personal trainer. He is also a decorated bodybuilder with XX years of competitive experience. In 2013, he captured the prestigious NPC (National Physique Committee) title of Mr. Universe. He is sought out not only for training and nutrition needs, but — on a national level — for his competitive advice.


poor C H O I C E S


wealthy ”

Photo cortesy of Bill Wyhkoop

HEALTHY IS WEALTHY VITAMINS AND SUPPLEMENTS Healthy choices are the choices that we make everyday. Whether you want to be a competitive bodybuilder or just feel fit and have more energy, we offer you the tools with personal training, customized diet plans and quality vitamins and supplements After all, there is no time for poor choices because Healthy is Wealthy

Jean - Claude




PRINT THIS OFFER OR USE THE CODE WEALTHY585 ONLINE 585 865-7222 464 Ridge Road W. / Rochester, NY 14615

ADD SOME EXCITEMENT TO YOUR WATER THIS SUMMER! FACT: The average woman applies over 300 chemicals a day to her body just through soaps, makeup, shampoos and hair care products. 80 of those are applied every day before breakfast. What to learn more about getting those numbers down, get the yuck out, live more chemical free TODAY. See why 80% of women choose Young Living Essential Oils in just 30 minutes to start living chemical free. Click here to learn more http:// This month only 10% SAVINGS on your finalized enrollment and a complimentary personal body scan to see just what your body needs!

{ living above the line }

Dizzy and Falling “Out” of Bed by debbie mcq

Please make it STOP When was the last time you really learned

about something that amazed you. I think that we can sometimes get to a certain point in our life that we settle into our lifestyle and stop trying to learn new things. Through previous experiences, friends and family our lives become comfortable around that which we know. Now I admit, there are certainly things we are always learning about thru the news, our kids, work and social media, but few are a surprise and end up changing our lives as quickly as what I share with you now. One thing our family loves to do in the summer is camping!!! We have traveled to so many places with our pop up camper that we have never been and we also return to a few key places each year. Since I was 6 months old, my family and I have been heading on up to the Adirondacks to a small lake near Old Forge and Inlet NY - Limekiln Lake. It is the most perfect lake and this year was no different. We swam, canoed, fished, and climbed a mountain, you name it we did it! But, different than any year before when we were out on “THE ISLAND”, jumping off the rocks my head hit the water in a weird way and I ended up with a terrible case of Vertigo. I noticed it first that night when I was going to bed in the camper. I got so dizzy and I felt nauseous as I laid down. I signed it off to a long day and maybe a little water in my ears and quickly fell asleep. The next day was our packing day so I was so busy packing up that I thought I was still a bit tired and got ready for the ride home. When I went to bed that night, I noticed the dizziness again, far more pronounced this time, but since I was tired 178

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

after the travel day I signed it off again. BUT, the next morning there was no more signing it off. I was still on vacation (it was a Friday) and it only got worse over the next few days. Laying down, turning to quick, picking something up, it seemed no matter what I did I was dizzy. I would overheat and just feel awful in my tummy. As the week went on, I went back to work still so unsteady and I began imagining the worse. It was clearly NOT just water in my ear from the lake. I began to research essential oils remedies (of course) as well as reasons why I could be so dizzy so suddenly. I found information on Webmd, random web sites and in various books I had. I will say it was a overwhelming. All the resources mentioned everything from stress, Vitamin B deficiency, ear infections, and many more concerning conditions. But each and every time I read about Vertigo, I really felt like it was describing what I was feeling. Earlier in the week I had been with my best friend Bonnie and she shared a similar story about her dad

having the same experience and she landed on researching a home remedy specifically for vertigo that involved moving ROCKS in the ear. That’s about all she remembered, but explained it was a massage sort of treatment that helped moved these tiny things called rocks back into their proper place in the ear canal. That Thursday morning, as I was getting into bed, I almost fell out of bed. I totally missed it, the room was spinning and my husband said “That’s it. Tomorrow you are going to the doctor!” I agreed and went on to have a the worst night sleep since getting home from camping. The next morning I was sitting with my son Jacob and he asked me about the rock massage that Bonnie had shared. I had checked it out a bit before he got up and found out a simple way to test if it was vertigo I was experiencing and if indeed it was, how to ‘move the rocks’ as Bonnie told me. As we watched the YOUTUBE video we both found it to be a simple technique that has a good amount of credibility. And there we went, up to my bedroom to perform the technique known as: The Epley Maneuver. It can take a up to 48 hours to feel the full remedy if successful, but I thought I have to try this. As both Jacob and Hayden helped with the diagnosis part of our ‘treatment’, they were overwhelmed watching my eyes twitch. This test involves laying on your back, with your head somewhat off the end of the bed tilted back and then turning to each side. The confirmation of vertigo is if your eyes twitch when you turn your head to either side. For me, the test showed it was on my right side. Now the Epley Maneuver! We performed the technique treating my

right side and I honestly thought I was going to pass out or be sick the whole time. Tipping my head back was horrible, but after we finished, I was confident we did something good. Fast forward to Sunday and I felt so much better. When I laid down that night I was so stable. I never once got dizzy when I turned during the night and by Monday I was feeling great. I am back to my normal self doing everything I love to do with out the room spinning or terrible feelings that go along with dizziness. Check out this link - it will blow your mind! The Epley Maneuver: com/watch?v=9SLm76jQg3g I say to you this - learn!!!! Educate yourself and be open to learning! There is so much in life to try to learn about, and for me this was one. I had hear the term vertigo but NEVER NEVER knew what it was or really concerned

myself with it. ROCKS or crystals in your ear canal? Crazy uh? And, yes I did use oils. I stayed committed to my Ningxia Red - I wasn’t eating well at all and needed to get whatever I could in me. Peppermint spritzer - the overheating was way too much to handle. Cool Azul - my neck and behind my ears was so sore. And, Ginger - yes Ginger is respected for supporting Vertigo. So LEARN, open yourself up to new things!!! I had people suggesting to me to get a CAT SCAN, that is was part of menopause, and you have vertigo. All could have been accurate, but I took the time to learn and helped myself by learning. Not all things will go this easy - but

don’t ever be afraid to learn something new. Whether it be a new activity, a way to help you body, or learn about the stars in our sky. Just learn!!!! I promise you will never run out of things to learn about!!! This world and our bodies are amazing and full of surprises. Be Well! And as always - Let’s chat about this or how Young Living Essential Oils - the best on the planet, can help support a more healthy lifestyle and kick the yuck and toxins in our life to the curb! Debbie McCue 716-870-0234

{ women who inspire }

{ fun for the fall }

SKY RIDES Enjoy the beautiful autumn colors on a scenic sky ride!

Looking for fun options for the fall weekends?

Enjoy the beautiful autumn colors of the Finger Lakes from the Comet Express chairlift to the summit of Bristol Mountain. This tranquil 15-20 minute ride is for people of all ages to experience the Bristol Hills and the valley below in all its splendor. On a clear day, a glimpse of Canandaigua Lake is visible from the summit. Fall foliage chairlift rides will enhance your Wine Trail tour. Experience the beauty of the Bristol Hills from the summit of the tallest ski resort between the Adirondack and Rocky Mountains. Planning your visit? Consider climbing or zipping at our Bristol Mountain Aerial Adventures located at the summit of the mountain or check out this great list of things to do in the area.

Saturday/Sunday- Fall Sky Rides from 12pm-4pm. Purchase at least one day in advance online and save on the adult ticket. Be sure to tune in next month as the “diva’s” take a ride in the sky at Bristol and tell you all about thier experience!

Boudoir Marathon by Monnalisa Boudoir When: October 8th 2017 Where: A secret hotel location in Greater Rochester Area Who: Adult women or couple 18+ years. This fabulous Boudoir Marathon is limited to 6 clients per day Cost: Early Bird $200 until September 24th $250 after that date Availability: Now booking! What: Professional Hair Stylist and Makeup Artist will both be on-location (and included in the price) to glam YOU up, followed by a fun + fancy photo shoot to show-off your sensual side Why: You deserve to be pampered, it’s incredibly confidence-boosting, it’s super fun, + your sweetheart will thank you for it and something fun and sexy to do with your partner

Event Website: I Phone #585-397-4346

{ The “o” Talk }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ a little insite on a life } bY chloe corcoran


Hi! I hope that’s the proper way to introduce myself in this space. My name is Chloe and I hope you’ll join me every month for a little insight on a life that may be slightly different than your own. Like many readers, I am a woman. I’ve always been a woman. It’s my first real memory of life. However, due to a constellation of variables I am sure will never be understood, I was born with the body of a male. I am a transgender woman. I realize that many of you may not know someone who is transgender, so I hope you’ll find time to get to know me a bit through this column. I will never claim to speak for all trans women, as there is no “standard” story, but I will give insight into how life can be a bit trickier for us at times. “Dear God, when I wake up tomorrow, please, please let me be a girl”. This was my nightly plea. Every. Single. Night. For as long as I can remember. I woke up each morning with crushing disappointment that would later grow into despair as I survived three decades. Eventually, this plea was offered up less and less. The pervasive social cues informed me that this was not to be. So I grew up. Sort of. Like most girls, I played football in high school. Ok, maybe not most girls. Or any other girls I knew. But, I did. I played it well enough to be named team captain my senior year, go on to play four years of

collegiate football, and adapted enough to coach for a year. I excelled academically, was named homecoming king my sophomore year of high school, and even won an award from my college team as the person who would best carry forward the values of the team after graduation. The accolades, I desperately hoped, would allow me to be loud enough to be quiet. Nobody could know I was a girl. Whether anyone else knew or not, I couldn’t quiet my own distressing thoughts. Dejectedly, and fearful of being seen walking through those doors, I stole away to the campus Counseling Center. Here, I likely earned a place in therapeutic lore as one of the most frustrating clients the Center ever encountered. Multiple counselors couldn’t figure out what I wasn’t saying. With patience running thin from all parties, I then encountered a counselor who confirmed my worst fears. I was transgender. It wouldn’t change. And I couldn’t forget it. But, I realized, I could hide it. I could deny it. My attempts to do so may have resembled the toxic masculinity that so many women have encountered over the years. I graduated, found a full-time job, and put my size to use as a bouncer at a small watering hole on the weekends. Did you ever go to a bar and wonder why the bouncer at the door was usually reading a book? That was me. This lifestyle lasted ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ chloe’s corner }

“Dear God, when I wake up tomorrow, please, please let me be a girl”. This was my nightly plea. Every. Single. Night. For as long as I can remember.”


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

until I couldn’t take it anymore, at which point I knew everything had to change. So I sought a geographic cure, trekking down to Baltimore for a handful of years, where I just knew I could be the person I wanted. A few years later, I set up residence in Boston, knowing that, THIS time, I would finally change my life. Instead, I trudged on in my ill-fitting disguise. While I began venturing out as a woman thanks to the help and support of a few trusted friends, I also began to self-destruct.

including being verbally harassed (54%), physically attacked (24%), and sexually assaulted (13%) because they were transgender… In the year prior to completing the survey, 30% of respondents who had a job reported being fired, denied a promotion, or experiencing some other form of mistreatment in the workplace due to their gender identity or expression, such as being verbally harassed or physically or sexually assaulted at work” (National Center for Transgender Equality, 2016).

After graduate school, I moved back to Rochester. I had to settle for life as a desperately miserable male-bodied woman. I earned a great position with a career track, had wonderful friends, saw my family regularly, went out often, and slowly died inside. I didn’t think it would be long before I died on the outside as well. It was fear that propelled me out of bed every day.

Much of this is not illegal in many states. My community is facing serious hardships, and it is worse for transgender people of color. I devoured every statistic I could find, including the heartbreaking news that over 40% of transgender individuals attempt suicide at some point in their lives (Williams Institute, 2014), to further my argument that I could never be successful.

The enveloping misery brought about a reprisal of my role as the world’s worst therapeutic client. I took it upon myself to convince all ears that had the chore of sitting across from me about how miserable life was, how nobody could survive as a transgender woman while looking like me, and a host of other complaints, albeit with a hue of truth, about being a social pariah. I came armed with facts. Recent research from a survey conducted by the National Center for Transgender Equality bolstered my doomsday prophecies. “In the year prior to completing the survey, 46% of respondents were verbally harassed and 9% were physically attacked because of being transgender”, and “The majority of respondents who were out or perceived as transgender while in school (K–12) experienced some form of mistreatment,

Eventually, I gave up. But not how it sounds. I acknowledged I could no longer live my life as a male. I gave myself nine months to prepare for a new life, if I could make it. Please visit me next month to learn about those nine months, and the nine months since then. Thanks for reading! References James, S. E., Herman, J. L., Rankin, S., Keisling, M., Mottet, L., & Anafi, M. (2016). The Report of the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey. Washington, DC: National Center for Transgender Equality. Haas, A. P., Rodgers, P. L., & Herman, J. L. (2014). Suicide attempts among transgender and gender non-conforming adults. ().Williams Institute.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ tuxedo’s pet corner }

{ tuxedo’s pet corner }

{ an ideal education }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



{ tuxedo’s pet corner }

I t ’ s t i me f o r two... Bringing another dog into your home when there is already one.

bY mark forrest patrick

If you will be bringing another dog into your home, following these simple tips will make the process a lot easier for everyone involved. Let’s talk about the right way to introduce two dogs.

1. Keep it friendly - It may be

possible to introduce the dogs in a relaxed manner by just letting them sniff and play, as long as both are known to be friendly with other dogs.

2. Take it slow - If you are not sure

how the dogs will react, start off cautiously by taking them for a walk together on neutral territory (e.g. a park, not your yard). When they show friendly behavior toward each other or begin to ignore each other, move the exercise to your back yard. Finally, allow the dogs to be together in your home.

3. Watch for signs - Be aware

that wagging tails do not necessarily mean that dogs are happy to see each other. A straight up tail that wags stiffly is a dominant sign that may signal aggression. If one dog’s tail is tucked down between its legs, that dog is afraid and nervous. This calls for a gradual, well-supervised approach to avoid making the dog even more fearful. If a dog’s tail is horizontal and wagging in a relaxed fashion, it’s all systems go!

pretty scary. The dogs will maneuver around each other and may even scuffle to the point at which one dog ends up on his back, with the other dog standing over him. There may be some nipping and grabbing of the neck or throat. Try not to worry too much when this happens. It is normal for dogs to engage in such roughness. Once the dominant dog establishes himself, he probably won’t feel the need to repeat these maneuvers.

5. Support the dominant dog - Once the dogs are together, make

sure that you support one dog as dominant (this will probably be the resident dog). Show him that he is number one. He should be fed first, petted first, given attention first and given the favorite sleeping area. Don’t expect the dogs to share. Sharing isn’t normal for most dogs. Feed the dogs separately (across the room) and don’t give really delicious chew toys (rawhides, pig ears) at first. Once the hierarchy is secure, you’ll probably be able to give the dogs all the chew toys they want. Introducing a new dog into the home can be a lot simpler when it’s done correctly. Don’t get upset when the resident dog tells the newcomer to “bug off.” This is how the new dog learns the house rules. Eventually they should become fast friends.

4. The dominant dog will emerge - When the dogs eventually

meet off-leash, one of them is going to need to establish dominance. This is a normal and necessary step in a dog-dog relationship, but sometimes the process can look and sound ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


“The World is but a canvas to the imagination.” Henry David Thor

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{ mind, body, spirit }

Why do children need to meditate? by alANA CALHOON

I’ll never forget the day when my 10 year old came home and said, “I’m stressed out.” At first I wondered if he actually understood what that meant. Then I watched and listened as he took all of his projects out of his backpack and displayed them on the dining room table. They were all due on the same day, he explained. And that wasn’t all. He then showed me a list of his upcoming tests and quizzes all scheduled within the same week. The same week of the due date of his projects, that is. I started to feel like he worked in my office. Where was play in all of this?

game. So maybe another question to ask is, how do we manage this? For our children?

Here’s how.

More and more teachers are bringing meditation techniques into their classrooms. Trust me, it doesn’t only benefit the children, it benefits the adults, as well!

Who is at fault? I don’t like to play the blame 194

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

Tips on bringing meditation to the classroom

Tibetan bells

These are beautiful sounding bells that create a signal for stopping, taking a breath and bringing awareness to a situation. They are often used during a sitting meditation practice to signal the beginning or ending of a session or to mark intervals throughout.

As a pro-active mom, I made an appointment to meet with his teacher and asked her what to make of it. I could see that she was stressed out herself. The load of work she had to manage was unsurmountable. She had deadlines to meet along with state regulations and national school status to maintain. To be clear. I loved this school and truly admired this teacher. What I discovered was, that even though it was only fifth grade, there were multiple teachers teaching the same group of children. This was a fairly new concept at the time, and their communication wasn’t quite in alignment. For instance, she hadn’t realized that the science project was due on the same day that the English project was due and that there would be a Math test that very morning. Oh bother!

children depending on their attention span and personality styles. I find this true with adults. Sitting cross-legged on a pillow may be the last thing in the world you want to do, but walking in nature may be right up your alley. With this in mind, explore and discover what works and what doesn’t.


With a classroom of chill kids, teaching and getting through an assignment is far more reachable. Enjoyable even. And far less stressful. So how does a teacher introduce meditation to their students? Creatively! Know your audience. How long will your student sit in silence? You may explore offering different meditative activities to different

While lighting a match may not be kosher in the classroom, the ritual and aroma of burning incense can induce quiet reflection. Scent is often a subtle quality that induces a pleasant memory. Most fragrances are based on this theory that you will feel differently, ideally, better upon breathing in the aroma than you did before. Imagine the scent of roses or lavender. Even thinking about them creates a sense of happiness.

Singing bowls

Another form of sound, these offer the student the ability to perform a relaxing task by simply taking the wooden stick and slowly but steadily moving it around the rim of the bowl, making a bell-like sound. The


{ mind, body & spirit } More and more teachers are bringing meditation techniques into their classrooms. Trust me, it doesn’t only benefit the children, it benefits the adults, as well!

vibrations of sound emitted literally move outward and through the person ringing the bowl bringing balance to the body and mind of the individual. Try it for yourself!


Om is the universal syllable and symbol representing unity. By offering an activity that includes song, children are able to engage fully in breath, exercise and emotion. I’m a singer. Trust me. It is definitely a form of exercise! Repetitive sound or mantra magnifies this experience bringing the individual to a place of being versus doing. This place is called inner peace.

Exercise for adults

This works for adults, too. Replace any word listed above that is labeled ‘children’ with ‘adult’ and try it on. It’s no different, and that simple. Higher education implements meditation in their meditation rooms. While it may

be a fairly new setting, most colleges and universities host such environments where students can relax, focus, and remove themselves from day-to-day activities. It allows students to relieve themselves from the worry of achievement, success and failure, in a nut-shell, the unknown. Finding a meditation center within your college setting may be a bit of a quagmire. But most likely one exists. You may want to begin your search with yoga. This trend in the west has a number of years ahead of meditation. Many American colleges offer yoga as a credited course, and host a yoga studio to accompany it. While many of us understand yoga to be a physical exercise, it is, indeed, much more. The philosophy of yoga incorporates the practice of Nadi breathing as well as sitting meditation. Variations of this includes balancing the chakras or energy enters. Let’s take a look at Nadi breathing. In my

own practice, I focus on the breath. Whether you are sitting in silence or moving through yoga asanas. But Nadi - Nadi Shodhana Pranayama or Alternate Nostril Breathing technique is very specific. You hold one nostril closed as you breathe in from the other, then breathe out and in from the first nostril. Then switch and repeat. Sounds easy, right? Try it. Go ahead, while no one’s looking. Try it now. The next time, try it for a few breaths longer. That’s right. Take your time. Focus on your breath. Allow everything else to just fall away. Breathe. Alana Cahoon is the Founder of Grow 2 B U, providing a holistic approach to transition, leadership & entrepreneurship through creative coaching & meditation. Visit www.alanacahoon. com or to learn more.

{ Think opposite }

An Unexamined Education is a Deadly Virus by alison donaghey

When we don’t look at what and how we learn and what and how we teach, we are flying blind and that is dangerous.

Is English important? YES

We MUST ask what our children are learning, and if it is serving their best future self. We must also ask what we are learning, and if it is serving our best future self.

But through it all, we must teach our children how to THINK - how to think about what they think about. Because when people don’t examine their beliefs, they won’t own their beliefs, but instead their beliefs will own them. Their beliefs dictate who they hang out with,

Let’s look at children first. With our everchanging world, I am not sure we are equipped to teach this upcoming generation. How can a teacher stay on top of what our children are learning on their own on the Internet; they have access to so much information and do they have to tools to evaluate it? By the time a teacher sees the information, creates content around it according to curriculum and presents it, it is old information. Let’s face it; 5 minutes after a person sees something on the Internet, it is old information. The children have moved on. I don’t think we understand the minds of our youth well enough to give them what they need, so what happens? What is left when we can’t keep up? Because THINK OPPOSITE is my crusade, I, of course, think the best thing to teach is critical thinking - awareness of the other, awareness of self, awareness of source, and critical analysis. What am I thinking, what do other people think about this topic, how do I feel about that, where is the information coming from, and what are the ramifications?


Is art important? HELL YEAH

who they marry, who they work for, and if they don’t look at the root of their perspectives, then they end up living a life that is not theirs. They end up associating with only those who are like them and they then become polarized. It is that polarization that will end humanity, as we know it. Let’s not send our children to that place. So when we educate our youth, they need so much more than what we did when we were their age. We can teach them to THINK OPPOSITE Suspend their belief – pretend it’s like a favourite sweater. Take it off, fold it gently, put it in the dresser. Put it back on any time they like. Consider the opposite – the person who opposes an idea didn’t arrive at their perspective lightly. They have legitimate reasons for believing what they believe, just like our children do. So teach them to put themselves in that person’s shoes... why might they think what they think? Where is the validity in their statements? Remember no one is ever 100% right or 100% wrong (except for maybe in math) Proceed with perspective – feel free to put their sweater back on. Does it feel different? Does it fit tighter? Is it still your favourite sweater?

That’s all we’ve got to give. Everything else is just icing.

As adults our learning is different. We are not spending our days in the awareness of learning; we are just picking up and assimilating information as we move through our lives.

Is math important? YES

Cardio is not good for a person.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

Children should never fail at school. Macs are better than PC’s. Humans are not supposed to eat meat. So we, stop running, advocate for our child’s self esteem, buy a Mac, become vegan. BUT, should we? Or should we think about what we are “learning”? WHO said cardio is bad? Why do we believe that? Is it bad for everyone? Is all cardio bad? Is passing a student the only way to preserve their self-esteem? What happens when a child gets a job and gets fired? How do they cope? Is failure good? Is it necessary? Is their education level at graduation substandard or above average as a result? Was this written by a Mac lover? Who is paying for the ad? Why is it true? If it is true is it always true?

WHO said we are not built to eat meat? A scientist? Who paid for the movie or the research? Is there a hidden agenda? Biologically, do we need the enzymes in meat? Is all meat created equally?

it they are passing on half-truths, un-researched facts, feelings and opinions on topics that are complex and beyond many of our understanding. Information has so many layers and we have so little time to delve into them.

We are like sponges taking in information without the awareness (or the time) to contemplate the implications of it. When we, just like our children, don’t examine the information we are letting into our belief system, we are no longer in charge of our life.

Sometimes the best way is to just have conversations with people. To Think Opposite.

I sometimes think the “after we leave school” education is so much harder to articulate and far more dangerous.

To learn more about THINK OPPOSITE or to hire Alison to speak visit www.dominothinking. com for a free audio version of Think Opposite: Using the Domino Effect to Change Your Business, Change the World – available in bookstores everywhere in September 2017 or email info@

When we are in a classroom, we are aware we are in a learning environment. We know that we need to focus on, well, the learning. But when we leave that environment, we are fed bits of information through the media and our friends, politics, laws etc. that we take in without the awareness of the learning perspective. It’s sneaky. Before a person knows

Suspend your belief. Consider the opposite. Proceed with perspective.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017




{ you don’t know my story } bY emma cooksey

a very visible issue... homeless in rochester

Homelessness in Rochester has become a very visible issue but what about the homeless population and issues that aren’t as visible?

A disturbingly number of the homeless men and women alike are suffering from a system that penalizes them for past discretions. Most of the homeless population utilizes the existing resources such as local shelters and soup kitchens. But by far, it’s not enough to relieve those hidden entities that plague the homeless. Mental and emotional issues usually go undiagnosed paving the way for severe depression and hopelessness and low self-esteem. As mentioned, a system that penalizes the homeless also includes but not limited to restrictions from receipt of Social services. Lack of assistance from the Department of Social Services which places sanctions on individuals for reasons that can either be positive (rewards) or negative (punishment), in any case; it is seemingly the latter of the two thus thwarting goals and ambitions to become positive members in their communities. The previously incarcerated homeless also face biases that beget negative momentums that impede their abilities to obtain their lively hood and welfares. Rejection and rebuff starts to become all too common place and then ultimately acceptance. Other hidden factors that are usually not visible are the fact that most of the women and men are trying to overcome the effects of sexual trauma, substance and alcohol abuse, family abandonment, community rejection, lack of resources, and other criteria’s that are limiting. One case in point is a gentleman that’s desperately seeking a way out of his incarcerated freedoms, is a homeless man by the name of Ron. Ron has been plagued with substance abuse and alcohol issues throughout his whole life. He has been saddled with intent of acquiring ill-gotten gains that ultimately promoted his status of recidivisms. But on approach, Ron was more than willing to engage in conversation about his dire situation(s). As opinions would go, the probability is that one would be very bitter about his or her current status, which was not the case with Ron. Ron lit a cigarette, paced a little to find that comfortable spot, gathered himself and began to speak, visibly engrossing the opportunity to “Tell His Story’ to me. Immediately I was caught by his articulation which I gave acknowledgement, he confesses that his nurturing was by his Mother and other extending family and not the typical educational system that others may be privy of. Ron dropped out of school at the age of twelve, post his first introduction to alcohol at the innocent age of eight. Ron complained of a tooth ache that had not been addressed. His father whom Ron came to realize as he grew older was an alcoholic, but at the age of eight, Ron by nature, entrusted his father with his protection and safety, as all eight year old children do. In an attempt to bring relief to Ron, Ron’s father self-medicated him with what Ron recalls “something.’ “I don’t know what it was and I don’t remember falling asleep, but when I awoke, I just know I didn’t have a tooth ache anymore”, (we both smiled), Ron confesses,” from there on I was hooked”, he added.”

As the interview continued, Ron became a bit distracted; I noticed he would throw quick glances over my shoulders. I thought that it may have been the passing locomotive train that was located just outside an entrance that was causing his distraction. But as I looked and turned to see what was so interesting; I quickly realized that his observance was on a young lady whom also was being interviewed by another “You Don’t Know My Story” outreach volunteer and founder, Emma Travis. His current girlfriend Christina is also homeless and actively seeking shelter. The two have been together for the past nine years and have a daughter together. The child is nine years old and is currently being looked after by a member of Christian’s family. As I had spoken of earlier, the homeless suffer from non-visible issues. In this case, a mother, father and child are displaced. Both parents are actively seeking stabile housing but until then, they will not be able to function as family until circumstances change. Fortunately, in this case, their child is safe with relatives, for others intervention of local agencies usually the protocol but yet still for others some type of violence or tragedy happens. For men, the chances for getting placed are far greater than women. The utilization of shelters, (for those that accept women and children) are very limited. In most cases, to place a woman and her child (ren), they have to suffer from some type of domestic violence, neglect and or eviction and even then in order to be placed, their chances are still very slim if not next to none. Other factor to include is both unavailability of beds and the space to accommodate mother and child (ren) which is the case with Christina, what a travesty, a total failure and misrepresentation of Human services. As Ron and I returned to our interview, it quickly became apparent he was a bit agitated, hesitantly I inquired. It turned out that on that particular day of the interview it was his birthday…I was stunned! My reaction wasn’t because it was his birthday in which I then proceeded to gave him a big hug and well wishes and blessing for his day. But for the way he was holding up in spite of his current situation. During the entire interview, Ron was poised, positive, and optimistic in every sense, never lending to disgruntlement, compliant or blame, we continued. Part of Ron’s situation is that upon release from prison the second time was sanctioned by DSS, which does not make him eligible for services. During this entire ordeal Ron says he’s holding up, showing no embarrassment or shame but only regret that he could have made better choices in spite of his nurturing, harsh environment, parental neglect and in addition punitive consequences. Ron says he will continue to seek diligently for housing and employment for himself and his family.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017




{ local business matters }


The Auto-Stop is a woman- owned business, as well as a full-service repair garage, where service is available for all makes and models of cars. Marcie Nicastro prides herself in growing her business in a diverse neighborhood, where she ensures the best automotive care at reasonable prices. Nicastro follows the footprints the original owners (Bruce and Deb Stanton) who established in (1977) and many of the original customers still receive auto services at the Auto-Stop. Marcie believes as an entrepreneur, it is her responsibility to maintain the daily operation of the shop, but she has surrounded herself with good employees so she can stay out of their way. Marcie is married and her husband also is in the automotive field. He runs Elmer’s Garage in Brighton. When she isn’t in the shop, Marcie is keeping up with her two children and two dogs. She is still a Mom. She attends school and sports activities when needed. Being a business owner requires sacrifice so there are times where Marcie must “put on her big girl pants”. When thinking about who her biggest influence was, Marcie responds quickly, “My Dad”. He was also a business owner. Marcie recalls her father making large sacrifices where he stayed home instead of joining the family on vacations and outings. A big lesson around the house was always; “Things may not 204

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

go your way, but you have to ride out the storm. Think forward, if you are thinking or dwelling in the past, your efforts and energy is going in the wrong direction”. Marcie also cites a woman who inspires her is Oprah Winfrey. She watched her begin as an interviewer but enjoyed her personality as she managed to always connect with

people. Her success was not based on luck. It was because she set her goals high and went after them. Marcie particularly liked a quote Oprah once said and she gains insight from saying it: “Be thankful for what you have and you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you’ll never have enough!” Marcie cites the best decision of her life was joining her husband in the family business. She feels she is heading in the right direction but she’s just getting started. Lessons have been learned. “We learned we can’t trust everyone”, she says. Being the business owner is a lot different than just going to work. Marcie first set goals to become a forensic accountant when in college. But after two years of study, she felt she needed something with more customer contact as opposed to staring at numbers all day. Marcie knows her shop is unique in that it is a womanowned business. She invests her time in her business and by doing so the company grew to enjoy a solid reputation in the neighborhood with long-term customers. One of her focuses are being “really fun to hang out with when the customers’ cars are being worked on”. She uses her sign in front as a marketing tool using whimsical slogans. Marcie shares for other business owners: “One thing I’ve learned about being a small-business owner is, you

“We’re in a unique situation, as the Auto Stop is a woman-owned shop. To my knowledge there are only 2 or 3 in the Rochester area. I pride myself in my team caring about the look and the feel of the shop and the services provided to my customers.”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ local business matters } “One thing I’ve learned about being a small-business owner is, you are the business and the business is you. You have to build a team and recognize each member’s strengths and weaknesses. You must find a way to work together.”

are the business and the business is you. You have to build a team and recognize each member’s strengths and weaknesses. You must find a way to work together. You have to be flexible. There are ebbs and flows on any given day and you have to be able to roll with it. It’s important to us that we realize that many times customers are not prepared when repairs are needed on their vehicles and if they had the ability to fix them themselves they certainly would”. Marcie sees her business continuing to grow. She makes aspirations for the future and plans her shop will be the most successful woman-owned shop. She would like to build her reputation and become the go-to garage for anyone living within a 5 -mile radius. The best part of her job Marcie says is that it is her shop. She cares if the waiting room is dirty. She cares if the coffee is stale. She enjoys the most meeting people of all walk of life. “At the end of the day, we want to provide the best experience we can knowing for the most part, our door is not one people want to walk through. We are sensitive to the fact many repairs are unplanned- and we try 206

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

to partner with our customers to service and maintain their vehicles. We’re in a unique situation, as the Auto Stop is a woman-owned shop. To my knowledge there are only 2 or 3 in the Rochester area. I pride myself

in my team caring about the look and the feel of the shop and the services provided to my customers. I’m not going to lie, when I started I knew more about purses and shoes than cars. I have surrounded myself with a strong team of mechanics and my husband” says Marcie. Marcie Nicastro is a woman who inspires. She entered a maledominated field and came out on top. She is a great example of a gogetter. Rochester Woman Online salutes you! Committed to providing honest and reliable service. The Auto Stop is on 552 Bay St, Rochester, NY 14609. www.

The Auto Stop

Complete Automotive Repair (since 1977) One of Rochester’s Only Woman Owned Repair Facilities We can handle all of your vehicle needs! Corner of Bay & Goodman I 553 Bay Street I Rochester, NY (585) 288-7610

{ local business matters }

Pamper Your Skin with Soap Estella by Denisse Dirlam i product photos by sandy arena

Your skin is your largest organ and it’s incredibly good at absorbing what you put on it. What does that mean? Well, told by owner of Soap Estella, your skin deserves the best possible ingredients. If you know Mary, you know she has always had a love for body products. So starting her own line of soap and body lotions is no surprise. I had the chance to chat with Mary to learn more about her business and how she became so passionate about body products. Mary is by far the sweetest girl and loves what she does! Growing up, Mary considered herself a tomboy, but with a love for bath and body products. She made sure she always had a collection of the nicest soaps and lotions. This led Mary into wanting to learn more about how she could make her own. She started purchasing books on soap making, researching and started trying to make this as a fun hobby at first. Then as life went on Mary met Mike her husband, and then came baby! Mary became pregnant with her daughter and it was then she decided to really start looking into what else she could do with her passion for soaps and body lotions, while staying home with her baby. It was early January of 2015 that Soap Estella was born; which was named after her baby girl! Mary started selling what she was making and started compiling positive feedback, what worked, what didn’t, 208

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

time and coordinating it all. One thing for sure that took a lot of researching and trial and error was sourcing all her items. What worked and how to achieve the best outcome for what she wanted to accomplish and have represent Soap Estella. Her business started at home for one year, and soon after she started seeing her hard

work come to a reality when people were loving her products. That is when she had to start looking for a location to work out of, since her home base for her business was becoming over crowded! Mary and Mike then found a storefront in the village of Macedon where they were able to work and sell her products out of. Mary started not only with selling soaps and lotions, but started producing additional bath products, sugar scrubs, shampoo bars, and lip balms. Her customers were raving about her products and soon Mary’s client base started to grow with both returning customers and new customers that were referred to check out her amazing products. When an amazing opportunity presented itself, Mary and her husband Mike thought it would be great to take on and being present as a vendor at the Eastview Mall was their next step. With the traffic that the Eastview Mall carries and the holiday season around the corner, this was too good to pass up. They are now using their Macedon storefront as a storage and work space and running the business out of her kiosk in the Lord & Taylor Wing of the mall. I asked Mary what was her best seller, and she definitely said people love Lilac, Lavender, and Citrus scents. Those are always her basic and must haves, however she loves making new scents and trying

{ local business matters }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ local business matters } When an amazing opportunity presented itself, Mary and her husband Mike thought it would be great to take on and being present as a vendor at the Eastview Mall was their next step.

new things. With the holiday season around the corner pumpkin scent is always a favorite as well as apple. One surprise she shared with me was Grape! She wasn’t sure but it has become one of her top sellers. They are always present at the Grape Festival in Naples and they sell out on all her Grape products. Surprisingly she said it smells amazing! I asked Mary what kind of encouragement she would give any one starting a new business and one of the first pieces of advice she said was to never think it’s too late to start. Never think you can’t attain something, as long as you keep your mindset towards what you want to see in your future and research, you will be able to attain anything


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

you put your mind to. Mary said make it a point to keep on learning, and never lose your confidence. What are the best things you love about living in Rochester; Mary quickly answered with the nature in her backyard. It inspires her every day. Even though Rochester may get negative attention about the winters, she loves her seasons and allows her to get inspired. Being close to the amazing Great Lakes in our backyard, she was inspired and named a soap that has become a popular seller; of course named Great Lakes! What inspires Mary? Her beautiful daughter Estella. She has become part of this journey of her business as her inspiration and what

started her vision. At the end of the day she is most importantly a mom, and wants to provide and be a positive role model for daughter. She wants to show her how you can be a strong working female and be the best version of yourself. If you would like to visit Soap Estella, please go visit her at the Eastview Mall by Lord and Taylor and the American Eagle stores. These make great gifts for co-workers, teachers, and neighbors this holiday season! And of course treat yourself to some amazing products. I myself will be making a purchase and love lip balms and sugar scrubs! Questions, special request? Email Mary at

{ mential health with karyn dietz }

A Beginner’s Guide

to Engaging in Mental Health Treatment BY karyn dietz

As a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC), I frequently am contacted by individuals who are unfamiliar with the mental health field and aren’t sure where to start, how to proceed, or what to expect. The first question most people start with is “Do I need therapy?” My general response is: if you are thinking it could be useful, it probably would be. A lot of the time, I think people talk themselves out of therapy because of the idea that it is for “crazy” people. I’m a definite believer that the majority of people would benefit from therapy at least a few times across their life. Most people would be amazed to learn how many people in their lives are seeing, or have seen, a therapist but aren’t talking about it. It doesn’t have to be extreme anxiety, profound depression, or substantial trauma that brings you to counseling. Mild social anxiety, feelings of grief that haven’t gone away over the years, or troublesome relationship patterns are just some examples of things people might not realize are appropriate for counseling. Once you decide that you want to attend, the question of how to get engaged comes up. There are both private and clinic settings for traditional outpatient therapy. Private therapists are generally less likely to take many, or any, insurances. One of the benefits of private therapists, however, is that their notes are not included in your medical record, so they are truly private unless you choose to share them (or if there is a court order). Clinics are likely to be able to bill most insurance companies, but the setting may feel somewhat more medical and may have less open availability. Clinics often have a psychiatrist on site, or at least partnered, if medication management is recommended. When it comes to finding a therapist, recommendations are great, but there are limits to be aware of. Recommendations from other professionals, such as your doctor or nurse practitioner are great resources, as they get feedback from their patients about who is helpful. Recommendations from immediate family members or close friends, on the other hand, are not going to be your best option due to conflict of interest. You wouldn’t want your therapist to also be your brother’s therapist if you

two get into a huge conflict! Recommendations from coworkers or less close acquaintances may prove more beneficial because your lives are not as intertwined. If you don’t have any recommendations, the internet can help. There are many websites that serve as directories for therapists and can be filtered based on your zip code, gender preference, and specialties you are looking for. Take your time in looking at profiles, as therapist fit is very important. Consider things such as who you find to be most supportive in your life, how you like to learn things, and what characteristics help you feel comfortable. By considering these factors, you can help yourself find a therapist who will is most likely to provide a good fit. A lot of private therapists will engage in brief phone or in-office consults for free to determine whether the relationship feels comfortable and if they are well-suited to support your concerns.

Once you decide to make the call, try to remind yourself that you no longer have to be in charge of knowing what comes next. When we take the call for someone new, we know that this can be an uncomfortable or intimidating process. The therapist will ask questions, such as what you are looking to work on or what types of availability you have, and should address payment and insurance options. Don’t worry if you feel nervous or think it shows. We expect that, and it’s our job to help you get to a comfortable place. When the day comes for your first appointment, again, remember that your only job is to engage. Your therapist will take the lead by asking questions about your history (the first appointment will involve a lot of questions, but they won’t all be like that). There may be questions that are uncomfortable or that you aren’t ready to answer. My recommendation in those circumstances is to try to let the therapist know that you aren’t ready yet, rather than saying something untrue. This allows them to realize that this is something to be worked up to and they can try to return to later on, as opposed to being unaware of it altogether. As I mentioned, therapist fit is important. If you start seeing a therapist and you don’t feel like the approach is a good fit for you, the first suggestion is to try to talk about this and see if they can be flexible to what your needs are. If you really do not feel comfortable with the therapist, or if it is agreed that they cannot match your needs, definitely look into finding a new therapist. Just because you start with someone doesn’t mean you are locked in! Your primary responsibility is to yourself, so try not to worry about offending the therapist if you do not continue. Part of our job is to understand and be okay with knowing we will not be the right fit for every client that comes through. I hope that this brief guide has been useful in answering some of the common questions about starting therapy. It is an incredibly useful tool that most of us can benefit from. If you have been considering engaging, or putting it off, now might be a great time to reach out!



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{ for a good cause }


Lucila Matos was featured previously in Rochester Woman Online. She is an author. She is an evangelist and she is a survivor of domestic violence. Lucila sponsored the 6th Annual Walk Against Domestic Violence. Cheryl L. Kates- Benman RWO editor took part as one of the spokespersons on behalf of the walk. Lucila, herself was a victim and fought her way back from the bottom of the barrel. She now prides herself on extending her hand to others to assist pulling them out of the darkness. Lucila’s husband who is a pastor stands beside her in her quest to assist others. Pastor Eddie Matos shares, “I wanted to take part in this campaign because it’s so easy to forget the many women who live their lives in fear because of domestic violence. Men have an important role to play sending out the message that real men do not hurt or abuse their partners”. He is a great support to Lucila in her work at the church and on the campaign against domestic violence. He stands right next to Lucila every step of the way. He showed her what love was all over again and restored her view real men exist and that it is possible to be in a loving, healthy relationship. Lucila planned the 6th annual Domestic Violence Walk which was held in Rochester, NY at Maplewood Garden on Lake and Driving 214

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

Park this past August. This was a faith-based event and prayer was offered during the rally. One of the defining moments was watching a woman burst out into tears in the audience while the rally was getting everyone who attended hyped up to walk. The compassion and support in the crowd was amazing. People offered hugs of support and prayer to console the woman.

Many people joined Cheryl and Lucila in supporting this event. Among friends of Rochester Woman Online were: Jobie King, consultant, Stephanie Viriyakul, super model, Cynthia Andresen; dancer, Christy Dunster, Mrs. American Dream 2017; and Latiffany Anderson, Kurvie Kulture. Jobie King shares his experience walking the walk: and say, “To be walking in solidarity to raise awareness for a national issue such as domestic violence was an honor and a privilege. To be in conversation with so many strong, compassionate and intelligent people in this community was truly breathtaking. When I’m back in Rochester, it’s truly empowering to see those, who make it a truly remarkable city. I am grateful to all of those I met and that supported the walk. I greatly look forward to participating again next year!” Christy Dunster (Mrs. American Dream, 2017) shares her experience walking the Domestic Violence Walk by saying, “It was so wonderful to walk and support so many women who had the strength to be in a situation and get up and leave! It was very powerful and moving!” Cynthia Andresen, choreographer and dancer expressed the empowering feeling participating gave her.

She says, “To me, participating in the “No More Domestic Violence Walk” the chant gave me the opportunity to help wake up the silent voices. It was an honorable march with such loving, kind, compassionate folks and gave me great hope for victims to come forward and speak out.” Latiffany Anderson, owner of Kurvie Kulture Boutique and Pageants discussed her experience: by saying, “When I first learned about the walk, I knew I had to participate because the walk holds a special place in my heart. It was overwhelming to see the support and love from the

community. To walk side-by-side with survivors was amazing and empowering. I know I will be walking every year”. Lucila is planning an event October 7th which will take place at Maplewood Park. The notion is to paint the city purple. The event is to create a photo shoot where people come together and represent the purple ribbon. Additionally, Lucila and the “Stop Domestic Violence” campaign will participate in RWO’s October event.

returning from jail or prison and to victims of domestic violence. The charity is affiliated with ministry and is faith-based. Lucila strongly believes the work is her calling and that God gave her the strength the leave her own situation.

Lucila’s charity runs a shelter for victims which provides services to women just ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ queen of arts }

Movement is life by cYNTHIA ANDERSON

MASK Removal Event…

MASK Removal is an “Event of Transparency” for brave invited folks of any gender and age to remove illusions from their own mask that may possibly best define the personality one portrays to others. As Tonya Cornelius describes: “Once the mask is removed we want to hear from the real “You! Transparency equals Elevation.” On Saturday, September 16, 2017 I will be dancing in Mask Removal at the Roc Brainery in Rochester, hosted by Tonya Cornelius from Simply T Events… I will be bringing a few masks that I designed and made for the sake of the dance piece. As well as wearing all of them at once, (just for a moment though). Tonya encounters the following lovey poem to capture the love and hearts for the participants and spectators to feel at ease and enjoy the work Mask Removal through its own art.


We wear the masks That cover our truths And shield our insecurities Blur our imperfections And hide our fears Let this be the day for discovery For healing For restoration For revealing our true selves in comfort and peace… My dance for the Mask Removal is from seventeen years ago performed at Nazareth College in my 216

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undergrad Final Presentation in English Literature Fables Class titled: “BEAST.” For Mask Removal I have reconstructed some of the choreography and extended the title to “BEAST! Coming Home to Myself.” BEAST title is from the French Fable/Tale Book Beauty and the Beast, along with the 1946

movie and of course a touch of Disney’s magic. The concept of the entire dance: Of course I had to write a synopsis and give a short lecture. I was asked to explain how I plan to make the connection of the proposed fable project to the fable genre/theory as a fable by doing a fable as literature in your chosen application. What? Okay, so I was truly starting to learn how to put my dance theory(s) academically, and it was a great challenge. I loved it. That is when I began to understand what continuing in higher education really met. Hence! With that being said, my entire being’ changed to appreciate personally, why I love to dance.

Okay, here goes…

In order for me to make the connection of the proposed fable project to the fable genre/theory as a fable by doing a fable as literature in your chosen application. (Phew) The genre is from the very famous French folk tale “Beauty and the Beast.” The Dance performance will mostly be in abstract levels, character dance and in using Isadora Duncan technique along with her spiral theory. (i.e. a sequence in turns). Isadora Duncan beliefs in contacting the inner self of dance is working from the solar plexus, which is located in the heart and upper abdominal area of the physical body.

She incorporates a spiral form to raise up to the universe as opposed to many other dances that work from the waist down, working the energy towards the lower part to the earth. In her time, she believed that working from the pelvis and legs, the energy seizes to raise up to the heavens. Her “Dance of the Furies” better known as the “Gates of Hell” is a proof of the lower energy pulling down to negativity and fighting to rise up to the heavens. Furthermore, she used the ancient Greek tunic for the “Freedom of Movement. With permission from 3rd generation of the Isadora Duncan Foundation, NYC, Lori Belilove; in using a fragment of Isadora Duncan’s choreography for the second segment of this dance; I incorporated parts of her “Gates of Hell” and/or “Dance of the Furies” piece with today’s modern music. My concept is to give the abstract vision and deepest emotion from the beast within oneself. The beginning segment is a narration of the beast

transformational curse. The second segment, the music is very dramatic with a tormenting struggle to escape the anxiety of negativity. And the third segment is the beast starting to transform the awakening and acceptance of one self’s diabolical side, then to the death of acceptance to that side, and/or to the death of the actual physical body. The final segment is the resurrection of the breakthrough of acceptance and the true meaning of “Love.” I will be performing this dance on a spiritual and metaphorical level wearing the simplicity of a red tunic that I designed and constructed. I chose to use a simple mask, for many masks that oneself covers and hides in as well as to expose the ugliness within. In continuing my explanation towards the choice of this tale is to express words from the narration and then express “No Words.” I also believe that many tales, fables, stories are “The Poetry of Motion.” From the beginning of time, movement has been the universal language. Now with all that being explained…

For Saturday’s, September 16 performance, I added the subtitle Coming Home to Myself. My synopsis/concept is to transform the awakening and acceptance of one self’s diabolical side, then to the resurrection of the breakthrough of acceptance and the true meaning/feeling of “Love” to dovetail with the Mask Removal Event through their “Transparency equals Elevation.” It amazes me how connected we all are. Now for the subtitle: Coming Home to Myself… Coming Home to Myself is quite a popular phrase and I was introduced to it back in 2002 from my Women’s, Health and Culture Science Class. The class was extraordinary in regards to expand an understanding of the conceptualization of women through metaphors. It was an intense class and yes, of course for my final presentation I chose to dance, again. I titled the dance “Body Tears” after a poem I wrote back in the late 1980’s. It did receive an American Collegiate Poets Anthology Special Award in 1996.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ queen of arts } Poem: Body Tears…

My body is humanity’s tears. It moves to emotions of Happiness, sadness and contentment, Belonging to essence. The emotion is breathless, wordless, and sacred, With genuine love flowing through the blood of my body, Longing to give to you as much as receiving back. To me this is the true gift of love and my God. The spirits call to my body, the instrument, That one may deliver their message through my dance. To hear the silent sounds of the great heavens, Hoping to have reached the most humbled. Written 8/8/95 Published 1996 American Collegiate Poets Anthology Los Angeles, California International Publications So here I am 17 years later challenging my beast within again at the MASK Removal Event. And I am so grateful that I am still moving and so honored to share this great program. Moving on to: Stages of Being a Women Dance… Stages of Being a Woman is a poem I discovered in 1998 on email with the author being unknown; this poem has been an inspiration and on my bucket list since then. Again, I am so grateful that I have lived this long to perform it. I am now a Senior Citizen and my dance experience has been designed for expressing and sharing the process of real life. As a dancer, choreographer and artistic director to our Young Senior Citizen Dance Ensemble known as the Blue Diamond Dancers; I feel the need to communicate who I am and to share what I have to give to all generations. For its sole purpose, Stages of Being a Woman Dancing on the Enneagram is our way to express an understanding for ALL women in their daily ordinary lives and surviving acts against them through our dance. Though, it is more in growth than entertainment, my aim is to intrigue the audience and draw them into our world of movement, expression and the present moment. If we accomplish this, then the audience has experienced the universal language of movement through the dance as well as speaking out through body language. The performance Stages of Being a Woman Dancing on the Enneagram is what the title reveals; it opens in silence, then to brilliant music for the fight for conception into discovering the stages of life. The music becomes versatile to 218

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happy, sad and content emotions most women have experienced. The following is a brief sketch about Stages of Being a Woman and how it allowed me to have a voice; whether silent or loud my voice is through movement; the Dance. All of our performances and lecture demos happen because it has to; we have to get it out by speaking out with body language; a silent and/or loud voice proclaiming awareness for what we believe in; and most important, encouraging those in need of support no matter what gender or age. Today, both men and women survivors speak out with inspiration to confront the violence against women when it comes to rape, sexual and domestic violence of all ages and genders. Although these acts of crime may never end; speaking out proclaims awareness in helping protect our communities, nurture the wounded and help decrease criminal acts. I have become a survivor of such violence and hope to help others understand that being victimized gives great strength to survive and be the victor. We can never change the past but we are capable of changing the future with encouraging programs such as this and many others. In 2002 at Nazareth College, Take Back the Night, gave me the courage to give a personal presentation to speak out, share and support, especially through dance. Stages of Being a Woman Dancing on the Enneagram offers Dance Lecture Demos and/or a full dance concert (performance). There are no fees, this is a pure knowledge of awareness and pay it forward labor of love series. However, any monies taken for the Blue Diamond Dancers’ series of Stages of Being a Woman Dancing on the Enneagram Concert performance(s), whether for charity or programs, will be donated to a Women’s Awareness Fund Raiser. The Enneagram The definitive guide to the Ancient System for understanding yourself and the others in your life…combine Western approaches to psychological growth with a spiritual model of human personality types with its roots in centuries-old Middle Eastern traditions, intricate and enigmatic, its use in the West has until now been limited to those with years of training and practice…

The Poem: Stages of Being a Woman Age 8: Looks at herself and sees Cinderella/

Sleeping Beauty etc. Age 15: Looks at herself and sees Cinderella/ Sleeping Beauty/Cheerleader or if she is PMS’ing: sees Fat/Pimples/UGLY (“Mom I can’t go to school looking like this!”) Age 20: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, to straight/to curly,” yet decides she’s is going anywhere anyway.” Age 30: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, to straight/to curly,” yet decides she does not have time to fix it and goes away. Age 40: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, to straight/to curly,” yet says, “At least, I’m clean” and goes away. Age 50: Looks at herself and sees “I am” and goes wherever she wants to. Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who cannot even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out to participate in the world. Age 80: Doesn’t bother to look. Just puts on a red hat and goes out to participate in the world. Age 90: Cannot see and so does not worry about it!!! In HONOR and gratitude to ALL WOMEN!!! Unknown (1998) In essence, my dance is my prayer, my salvation and very much my life’s healing process. I love sharing all of its ALL! “My Dance is my Design and my Design is my Dance.” Now; that is a whole other tale!

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



HEALING MASSAGE RETREAT I BLDG C, 550 Latona Rd #305 I Rochester

RELAX WITH US Introductory Prices For New Clients

60 minute Swedish Massage $40 60 minute Deep Tissue Massage $60 60 Minute Hot Stone Massage $60 60 Minute Facial $45 60 Minute Reiki $40 Swedish Massage & Facial $99 Treatment Massage & Acupuncture $135 Manual Lymph Drainage, Body Contouring Treatments & Waxing Available

ochester, NY 14626 I (585) 227-6816 I

{ healthy WOMan }

Chronic pain awareness month by cassondra kubit

September is Chronic Pain Awareness Month. So, this month I am writing in honor of anyone who suffers from Chronic Pain of any kind. Statistics say that close to 52% of the world’s population has or is suffering from Chronic Pain at one point in their lives. As someone who is a chronic pain suffer myself I was floored by that number. I truly had no idea that that number was so large, especially with how I have come across some many who have no sympathy for those with chronic pain. As a health care worker, including Massage Therapy, my main goal is to help those with chronic pain get some relief, even if it is just a few minutes out of their day. I have made it my life’s goal for the last 9 years to expand my knowledge on different styles and alternative treatments to help with chronic pain of all types. If you have read any of my articles in the past 2 years you would have read some interesting treatments that I have learned or that I have experienced that has truly helped me throughout my journey of 20 years of dealing with my Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome. Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome is a syndrome that is almost always misdiagnosed and put into the category of Fibromyalgia. They are very similar when you read about them and it is truly understandable of why they are confused, but one of the biggest differences is that Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome has Trigger Points and Fibromyalgia does not. Trigger Points are not to be confused with the Tender Points of Fibromyalgia. Tender Points are the spots that 222

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MD’s use to diagnose Fibromyalgia, and there are 18 of them. Trigger Points are pieces of a muscle that have been injured and they cause referred pain to specific areas. These areas were mapped out by Dr. Janet Travell. Dr. Janet Travell mapped out every single trigger point that each muscle has and where the referral pain pattern is located for each spot. She also mapped out every single motor point in the body as well. Motor Points are the spot in the muscle when stimulated can help reset the muscle when it is causing pain. Resetting the Motor Points with Acupuncture that uses electrical stimulation, Motor Point Acupuncture, is an awesome alternative to pain killers. If you like electrical stim, most Chronic Pain patients have at least tried once or twice in their search of pain relief, Motor Point Acupuncture is a must try. Motor Point Acupuncture takes the topical stimulation deeper into the muscles with the application of the needle being placed directly into the motor

point and pin pointing the stimulation to the area that needs to be rebooted. Before you freak out about needles, if you have had a tattoo that is at least 100x more intense. If you have had a shot of some sort that is at least 10X more intense. Most acupuncture needles are thinner than the smallest sewing needle you can buy at a craft store, and when they are inserted they are less painful then you pinching yourself for a split second. Treating the Motor Points are one step in a treatment to combat muscle chronic pain, there are many types of chronic pain but muscles are 90% of those reasons, the other 10% is organs, bones, and nerves. Knowing that Motor Point Acupuncture can reboot the muscles, the question to really ask is why do we need a reboot in the first place. The answer is we have to look at the muscles and figure out what is the underlying issue. Do we have trigger points? Do we have myofascial tightness? Do we have weakened muscles? Those three questions can 99% of time be answered yes. They all go hand in hand. The next question would be why do we have any of those in the first place. Are we predisposed? Did we have a major injury? Or do we have a job that causes repeated movement that has caused a longterm overuse injury? Knowing the cause is very important in moving forward in treatments, because dealing with chronic pain is a lifestyle change. To get rid of the pain it might just take a small adjustment of how your computer is set

set up, or your chair. It could be getting a new bed or as simple as changing out your pillow. It might also be looking at alternative treatments like Massage, Chiropractic, Physical Therapy, or going towards a more specific kind of treatment like Trigger Point Therapy, Myofascial Release Therapy, & Motor Point Acupuncture. It’s about finding out what works best for you and sticking with it. Finding out what kind of maintenance plan you need to be on. It might start out as once a week and move on to once a month, or you might end up finding out that once a week is what you need to do to function at your highest capacity. Having chronic pain and working on a plan to help cope and relieve the pain takes dedication and trial and error. I tell everyone of my clients that you have to take it one day at a time and

stick with it, even on days where it is impossible to get out of bed. You have to get out of bed, don’t let the pain defeat or control you. You control the pain! I know those days, but push past it. I have found that it isn’t just one piece that treats the pain its multiple. My pieces are Trigger Point Therapy, Acupuncture, Cupping, Chiropractic, and of course Massage Therapy, you can’t neglect the rest of the muscles just because it is only a few that are the issue. I have found that once you treat the few you end up with others because of over compensation. The nose is connected to the toes by the fascial tracts of the body. So, if one part is “out” the rest is “out”. I also work out 3-4 times a week lifting weights and on occasion I will get back into do Yoga which is probably the best kind of workout you

can have when you are in a bad flare up. Yoga is a systemic exercise that also incorporates a lot of stretching. Perfect for those who have chronic pain that tends to get flared up by lifting weights. Living with Chronic Pain truly takes a lifestyle change to deal and cope, but don’t be discouraged there are hundreds of options and treatments that do not include taking prescription pain killers. It takes commitment to your treatment. It won’t be a quick fix but a long-term fix. Check out Healing Massage Retreat for more on Motor Point Acupuncture, Trigger Point Therapy, Myofascial Release Therapy, Massage, Cupping, Reiki, and other typed of Body Treatments. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


D { diva’s report }


Cosmetic acupuncture is a natural antiaging treatment that’s intended to stimulate the body’s healing energies and increase circulation to reduce wrinkles, fine lines and folds.

As I get older I have been noticing the fine lines and wrinkles around the eyes and the redness on the cheeks. I have tried fillers and botox, and makeup to hide the aging lines that all women have to contend with as they start to age. I have talked about my experience with Acupuncture on Facebook over the last 2 years and how much I love it. Acupuncture has helped with my menstrual cramps, neck pain and my headaches. I found out that Acupuncture is a great alternative method to treat aging skin, breakouts, acne, wrinkles, eczema, sagging skin, dark spots, dry skin, dullness and enlarged pores. Almost anything can affect complexion, from stress, poor sleep, bad diet, hormonal imbalances and environmental factors, which acupuncture has been proven time and time again. Acupuncturists have been using acupuncture for cosmetics since the Sung Dynasty (960-1279 AD). They inserted needles into specific points on the face that stimulate collagen turnover and blood flow to nourish the skin and reduce the appearance of wrinkles. It has been nicknamed the “Acupuncture Facelift.”

The Acupuncture Facelift, also known as the Facial Rejuvenation Acupuncture, is an effective non-surgical, painless way to lessen the appearance of fine lines as well as deep wrinkles. According to Chinese medicine, it helps improve circulation and stimulates the body’s natural anti-aging powers. It helps increase blood and lymph to the face. This carries oxygen and nutrients, and aids in


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eliminating toxins. The Facial Rejuvenation Acupuncture may erase up to 15 years from the face, according to research. Sounds a bit scary to have needles in your face, but assure you that they do not. I have had the pleasure of going through a whole series of 10 treatments and I really started to see a difference in how my skin laid smoother around session 6, which is what I was told would happen. Amanda Balseca, L.Ac., who practices out of Healing Massage Retreat, uses hair-thin needles that are gently inserted into specific points on the face to facilitate the movement if blood and to stimulate the production of collagen. What I felt was super relaxed throughout the entire session. What you can look forward to with this treatment is those pesky fine lines maybe completely eliminated and deeper wrinkles diminished. The bags under the eyes can be reduced, the puffiness eliminated, droopy eyelids lifted and double chins minimized. Increased collagen production, muscle tone, and dermal contractions, brightened eyes, improved hormonal balance to help acne, and reduction of stress is a bonus to this Acupuncture treatment. I know you are supposed to do many treatments to see a result but every time I walked out I see results immediately. My skin was glowing, more voluminous, brighter. I noticed the dark circles around my eyes deminished greatly, the overall texture and


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“I have tried Botox and Fillers, and honestly loved the results from the facial acupuncture even better because they will last so much longer and are absolutely painless.” brightness of my face is much healther looking. Crows feet almost erased and the lines around my lips are greatly diminished. The most significant line reduction was from my nose to the corners of my mouth. These are completely gone. I feel so much better about about my looks and would refer others to Amanda Brilliante at Healing Massage Retreat. Before you decide to have facial acupuncture, you should make sure that the practitioner you choose is licensed and is an experienced one. 226

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While treatment preparation may vary slightly depending on the specialist you choose, the placement of the needles is similar for each treatment: with common insertion points being on the chin, around the nose, on the forehead, and on the sides of the face. No aftercare is needed with an acupuncture face lift and the risk of side effects is low. The treatment itself is quite painless, although if you don’t like needles, at first you might be a little aprehensive. Just close your eyes, relax and let the Acupuncturist go to work.

I have tried Botox and Fillers, and honestly loved the results from the facial acupuncture even better because they will last so much longer and are absolutely painless. Make sure you contact Amanda Brilliante at Healing Massage Retreat and get your free consultation today! Mention Rochester Woman Online and receive 25% Off with 10 sessions paid in full!

Acupuncture Facial Rejuvenator:

HEALING MASSAGE RETREAT I BLDG C, 550 Latona Rd #305 I Rochester, NY 14626 (585) 227-6816 I


Winter is coming

and have you started to get ready? by DAVID JENKINS

This recurring column by David S Jenkins of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC will explore different areas and methods of personal protection and self defense. Topics will range from using specific tools, techniques, or even yourself and your mind as the weapon. The goal is to create a more aware and safer you! Questions or suggestions are welcome! Winter is coming and have you started to get ready? I know, it’s only September but the word preparedness means being ready before the weather changes, not scrambling at the last minute  So, usually, I will write about self defense or safety. But this month, it’s going to be about weather emergencies and preparedness. Let’s look at what we, here in Western NY will face shortly – cold and snow. Being prepared alleviates a lot of stress. Preparedness also means that you can spend your valuable time doing your everyday tasks rather than having to put them off while you attend to the emergency that was created by neglect or procrastination. Some of the following are probably what we call ‘The common tips’ and some may be new to you but they bear repeating as a lot of people fail to adequately plan ahead and then are left to be rescued or assisted by someone who has prepared themselves. Starting at home, let’s look at some basic needs and tasks that you’ll want to check off the list:

1 Y o u r heati n g system. Have it

serviced now before its cold enough to use and you find something isn’t working. Change the filters, make sure the gas supply is stable, ensure the fan and ductwork is cleaned. Also, unblock your heat and cold air returns so that the air can circulate. It would be best to have a professional do a service call to ensure the complete system is operating efficiently. Everyone waits until the cold hits to fire up the furnace, only to find it won’t work. That’s when you’ll have a longer wait or a more expensive emergency service call.

3. Your winter weather gear. This may sound like Mom, but get

2. Windows and doors.

4. Alternative heat and power sources. It’s rare that

Windows and doors that do not close or seal will make the cold weather miserable. Check them now. Fix then so they close, latch, or seal correctly. If they’re old single pane windows, get that plastic film wrap and install over the windows. Believe it or not, that method does save you some money and prevents those drafty windows.

out your Winter gear and make sure everything is in good working condition. There’s nothing like having to scramble into the dark recesses of your attic, crawlspace, or basement to dig them out because we got 12” of snow overnight. If you have to walk somewhere, a good pair of solid, dry and warm boots will make the journey mush easier and healthier. Yes, dress in layers and be ready to shed them as needed.

we go a Winter without a heavy snowfall. That snow can pull trees down and with that, power lines. Do you have a backup generator that can power the essentials for your home? Think of the bare necessities you’ll need such as: Refrigerator, lights, furnace fan, sump pump, hot water heater, and a couple outlets to keep phones and much needed electronics charged. Extras would be TV’s, microwave ovens, garage door openers, and more lights. The average home will need pretty close to 8,000 watts at a minimum. It’s OK to have a bit too much power but too little won’t cut it. If you do get one, make sure you install a transfer switch (or have an electrician do it) so that you don’t end up with any problems later. An automatic standby setup is best as it can run off of propane or natural gas. Gasoline is hard to store for long terms and may not be readily available. Some experts suggest installing a large propane tank as that method will be a sure guarantee. For

by dave jenkins

heat, consider a vent free gas fireplace, wood stove, or pellet stove. NEVER use candles or kerosene heaters indoors.

5. Light sources. If the lights

do go out, you’ll need another source. Have a couple different flashlights within easy access. Don’t forget the spare batteries as well. Consider using these after dark but only in an emergency. Since we spend a vast majority of our time driving, what about our cars? 1. Get in the habit of keeping the fuel tank as near to full as possible. Not only will you be able to get somewhere at short notice, but it is better for your fuel system in the winter. 2. Tires. If they are near their service life, replace them now. Low tread or old tires will make you unpredictable on the snow and ice. 3. Lights, windows, etc. Get them checked and fixed now. Replace any bulbs that are not perfect.

4. Emergency kit. Do you have a first aid kit? What about a vehicle kit? A medium sized duffle bag will keep everything you need: Spare blanket, mittens or gloves, extra thick socks, warm hat, protein bars, water (if you don’t travel with some), an emergency radio, flares or reflective/lighted warning triangles. 5. Plan your routes and know a couple optional ones if there are road closures or travel issues. Now……. there’s you. The human factor in the equation. What are you physically able to do? Let’s say you had to walk to the nearest store for supplies. In the knee deep snow. Without power, it will be less likely that the area will be lowed and you’ll have to walk. Are you capable of that walk? Other basic needs: You’ll need access to food, water, and medication as well. Have enough for everyone in the houseincluding pets. Some experts say a week, some will say a month. It all depends on how much room you have. You’ll need at least a gallon of water a day – per person for drinking. As for food, everyone is different so you should

figure out what your calorie needs are and have that much per day available. Multiply that by a week, or month and you’ll have an idea on how much you’ll need. Do not depend on someone else to provide for you in an outage, emergency, or other incident where normal access to food, fuel, or travel is restricted or prevented. Responsibility means self reliance and self sustainability. As evidenced by recent events in the Midwest, Texas, and now Florida, being prepared is important. Deciding at the last minute to gather the items you’ll need will cause you to panic. Look at the news. Those that were prepared evacuated early enough, or they were able to shelter in place safely. The good news is that if you are ready, you’ll most likely survive with little stress, damage, and interruption of your normal life. David S Jenkins is the Founder and Primary Instructor for Rochester Personal Defense, LLC, based here in Rochester. Contact him through or at 585-406-6758 to see what programs he offers and how you can get involved


{ RW reads & writes } BY DIANE RIVOLI

Windshield wipers and snow were the only things flying down 390 South that morning. Cars were creeping; bumper to bumper, inch by inch; doing the Rochester Snowstormy Morning Rush Hour Crawl. I couldn’t help but stare down the Chevy Malibu that crawled ahead of me, willing it to move faster, hoping that at any second the throttle would open on this stop and go, five-miles-per-hour trek, and traffic would start doing something that more closely resembled moving. But staring and hoping and willing it to happen with all the powers that I possessed proved useless. I took a deep breath, searching for patience, trying to settle down, when I noticed the letters on the license plate of that Malibu ahead of me. A R Z. And a word burst into my head like a hot kernel of popping corn. ARiZona. I was following Arizona through the storm.


Inspiration can come from anywhere – a glass of wine, a scrap of fabric, the speckled belly of a hawk as it soars, a drop of dew glistening on a vine. For me, inspiration struck one frigid February morning as hard and fast as the snow that dashed against my window and made my windshield wipers fly.


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

That little phrase really brightened me up. If I was following something, I must be moving. If I was moving, even if it was foot by foot, not mile by mile, I had to at some point arrive! Now, let’s clarify something here. I am an adult, 62 to be exact. But, to be honest, I have never been a stern or stiff adult, exuding maturity. I giggle a lot. I pounce on autumn’s painted leaves lying dry along the sidewalk, delighting as they crunch and crush under my feet. I sing at the top of my lungs in the shower, or while I’m mowing the lawn, or when I’m driving my car. And that’s what I started doing next, sitting in my car with the frost climbing up my windshield, inching down 390 South. Not some pop rock favorite or an oldie but goodie; instead, it was a silly little made up ditty that I sang, to the tune of the Gilligan’s Island theme song, about following Arizona through storm tossed seas. I even used words that popped into my head from the letters on other license plates around me to add more verses as I went along. And that’s when inspiration really struck. A great idea! If I could make up a song using words that popped into my head from the letters on license plates, I could make up a whole story just as well. I did, finally, get to work that day. And then I started my list of license plate inspired words with the goal in mind that I would write a short story using as many of the words from my list as I could. Everyday my eyes flew to the license plate of every vehicle I passed – on the street, in driveways, in parking lots! I was obsessed! Several weeks later I had compiled a list of 106 words but I had no idea what to do with them! Inspiration had left me. The words were just a jumbled tumble of disassociation I couldn’t seem to connect. Somehow I needed to bring this blur into focus. So I grouped the words into categories: names, foods, adjectives, verbs. And then I alphabetized them. Finally a spark and the realization that I should

start where it all began – by following Arizona. And so the story began - DiXiE had followed ARiZona all the way down to North Creek and then gotten on the HiGhwaY. The sun shining through the windows was like an ELiXir, leading her AWaY from her FruMPy beginnings towards the BoNanZa of a new DAY. I called my short story Driver’s License, and I used an unbelievable sixty-three of the 106 words that were on my list. But now I couldn’t stop! I was flying down the road. The words kept popping. My list kept growing. Driver’s License became the first chapter, and the chapters kept flowing. I followed those words wherever they led me. There was no outline, no planned destination. I didn’t know what would happen until it happened. I didn’t know where I was going until eighteen months (and 986 license plate words from a list that had grown to over 1200) later, I got there. And License – A Novel was born. We all change as we grow older, from an infant to an adult. Toothless grins become smiles, curiosity becomes knowledge, impetuous becomes prudent, boundless becomes measured. Naivety gets lost to experience. Daydreams, grand schemes, awe and wonder fade in the glare of maturity. But now, I was changed again. The inspiration sparked in the front seat of my south bound sedan nearly two years ago had coaxed out my inner child to scratch three letters on a scrap of paper and run with them. And my life will never be the same. My painfully shy self gave way to one intrepid and confident. I had a story to tell and a message to spread. There were book signings, readings and presentations before crowds of people. There were guest speaker engagements on public radio. It was almost as if I had become a different person. Or perhaps it was simply that I had become bold enough to let the person I had always been out, ready finally to seize the glory of my day. Everyone is born with a license – to live, to love, to dream, to be inspired. It’s never too late. When inspiration knocks, answer the door. Invite friends to share a bottle of wine and dinner when that glass of wine alone on your deck spurs thoughts of them. Drag out your sewing machine and bring to life the quilted table runner that scrap of fabric ignited in your imagination. Let awe and wonder move you as you watch that broad winged hawk soar. Pick up your pen and write of that drop of dew as it catches the sun and glitters silvery. Any moment, the moment can change. Grab onto that inspiration, follow it where it leads you, take your own amazing ride, and let yourself soar. Diane Rivoli is the author of License – A Novel and Every Moment is a Poem, Every Poem a Song. For more information, or to purchase her books, please visit or If you would like to contact Diane, please email her at


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


Our Mission: Providing people with developmental, physical or intellectual disabilities a barrier-free, safe, accessible place to experience the health benefits and joy of play through baseball, other team sports, and adaptive recreational equipment.

No Boundaries, Only Possibilities.

Serving children and adults from throughout Monroe County.

To learn more or make a donation, visit

Decorative Bench

The only fully accessible outdoor playing field and boundless playground in our community.

{ fashion forward }

Freaky Fall Make-Up:

Go Bold or Stay-At-Home, Get Your Freak On! by cheryl l. kates-benman and mary bushey

If you told us a couple years ago, any of us here at Rochester Woman would be sporting pink, red, or midnight blue hair we would have laughed and thought you were crazy. But amazingly, bright, bold colors are the norm. I remember first thinking people looked like unicorn fairies and the trend would stay for the young-atheart. Amazingly, the trend crossed over and people of all backgrounds and ages are walking around town with bright, bold color statements reflective of their personalities. As women, we are throwing the middle-finger to the wind of what others expect or think we should be. Selfexpression, the window to the soul. I am free to be me and you are free to be you. Is there a point where we must draw the line with these freaky fashions and beauty trends? Or will we go forward with anything goes? As we see our time lines, as NY Fashion Week is coming out full-fledged it looks like we’re gonna go with anything goes. We started with waxing our brows and shaping so we have a crisp line, add a little color definition by using a stencil and BOOM we look like the everyday super model. Who doesn’t want to be glamourous? Sexy? Exotic? We in unison agree, is there a point the new trends are just freaky? Is there a place where we say: “Let’s end the madness?” According to Rachel Hosie, of Independent, “ No beauty trend is too weird for 2017” (1) Weird it is. Who in their right mind wants to walk around as if their eyebrows or lips are little snakes? The trend looks amateurish as Hosie points out “like a toddler scribbled on your face with a crayon” (1). But I am sure some fashionable people may grab on to this trend. Whomp there it is! It is the new wave of makeup ideas to make life colorful. Interestingly, 236

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this fashion is achieved by shaping the brows with washable glue rather than plucking, waxing or shaving the brow so the wiggle brow is not permanent (1). Thank God, I know some of our teen-aged parents are sighing! Don’t throw away your crayons kids! AOL Lifestyle’s Martha Tesema points out the squiggle brow was in for about a week and now people moved on to braided eyebrows (2) Are these pretty brows real or just an illusion as several sources indicate the pictures are photo shopped? If it’s a faux it’s sad. We could have been trendsetters as “Rainbow Bright braided brow divas! What about feathered brows? Or colored eye mascara? Let’s get freaky with it! Brooklyn and Bailey, present a video on You Tube: “5 Popular Instagram Beauty Trends”. The girls try to perform the trends on each other! They try, faux freckles, where there is a kit with a stencil. They put the nose strip with fake freckles. The girls are disappointed as the clear plastic is visible and they feel the trend does not appear natural. The pair conclude if the stencil was lighter, or

more spread out it might be cute, but it gets a “kind of works” rating (3). What about glitter cheeks? Brooklyn and Bailey purchased confetti and glue sticks. They actually glue the confetti to their faces. It looks pretty but the question we have is how painful will the pieces be to remove glued on jewels or will this damage their skin? The girls like it and conclude they would wear it every day (3). Another trendy idea is feathered eyebrows. This idea involves putting gel in the eyebrow and separating the eyebrow in two different directions. The look is completed by penciling in where the brow hair is deficient. The girls conclude the look is “hideous” (3). Pink anyone? What about colored mascara? There is neon eye color and mascara. The girls tried blue and purple. By trying the mascara alone, Brooklyn and Bailey learned the product wasn’t visible so they tried using black mascara as primer. (3) This made the colored mascara pop! Is this world even real anymore? Unicorn fairies, feathered, squiggly or braided eyebrows. The world is a different place where we can all be who we want to be. It seems lately the freakier the better. Rainbow Bright, sparkly and bold. Ladies, this fall’s make-up trends can be summarized as “ Get Your Freak On!” Resources 1. Hosie, Rachel (2017). Squiggle Eyebrows and Lips Are The Latest Bizarre Online Beauty Trends. Independent, Retrieved September 11, 2017, from 2. Tesema, Martha (2017). Braided Brows are the Latest Absurd Beauty Trend, AOL Lifestyle, retrieved September 11, 2017 from http://www. 3. You Tube (2017). Brooklyn and Bailey. 5 Popular Instagram Beauty Trends Retrieved September 11, 2017.

Mario’s Hair Studio




CALL FOR YOUR FREE CONSULTATION TODAY! 1474 Monroe Ave I Rochester, NY 14618 (585)473-8593 I


{ you can be...! }

hair & makeup by mary therese friel

Welcome to my column! Last month we talked about hair and makeup and the personal choices that you can make to look and feel your best. This month we are continuing with this topic and talking more specifically about the products and application that you can use to achieve your desired look.

Use a brick-tone for redheads.

Looking your best and feeling fantastic about the results is the goal! Let’s start by assembling what you will need.

Ex.: For light colored lips or very young lips use clear gloss, neutral tones or light pink. For pinkish lips use shades of a darker pink. For mauve colored or maroon lips use shades of maroon or burgundy. Redheads should use shades of brick (reddish brown).

Cover stick

Use the stick (not the liquid), in one shade lighter than your skin.


Use the liquid (not the combination liquid/ powder), in a shade that matches your skin.


Use a powder in a shade that matches your foundation, or is translucent. (It can be loose or in a compact.)


Choose a light to medium mauve or plum for most skin tones. Use a dark mauve or dark plum for dark skin tones. Use a very light mauve or light-medium muted pink for light skin tones.


Choose a color the same, or 1/2 shade to 1 shade darker than your lips (which is an amplification of your natural lip color). This will be for your everyday look.

Lip liner

Choose one that matches your lipstick. Use this to shape your lips and keep your lipstick from “bleeding”.


Use an eyeliner pencil (not liquid) that matches the color of your lashes that can be used to accentuate your lower lashes.


Use one that is a 1/2 to 1 shade darker than your lashes and brows. Light blondes use brown. Dark blondes use brownish black. Brunettes use black. Black hair use very black. Redheads:

light redheads see light blondes, dark redheads see dark blondes.

Eye shadow

Choose a neutral shade 1-4 times darker than your skin for contouring, a shade 1-2 times lighter than your skin for highlighting. (Colors are optional.)

Eyebrow Pencil

Choose one that matches your brow color. Use to fill in and shape.

Makeup Brush

Use a natural-hair brush (when possible) with a 1” - 1 1/2” inch expanse. Have a few different sizes available.

Eyelash Curler

Use to curl and accentuate skimpy lashes.

Eyebrow Tweezers

Use to pluck stray hairs, shape and clean up brows.

Eyelash/Eyebrow Comb & Brush

Choose one that combs and separates the lashes and shapes the brow.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ you can be... } When you are all done, stand back and look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Do you feel pretty and confident? If something feels amiss or not comfortable, make gentle changes and tweak until it looks, feels and fits just right.


sweep to lift and “open” the eye.

1. Begin with the cover stick. Cover stick is used to cover up blemishes, scars, moles, freckles, dark circles, lines or wrinkles. Cover only that area that needs it (extending past the area only highlights it). Apply with the tip of the cover stick, a small brush, Q-tip or your pinky finger.

4. Powder. Powder is used to set the makeup, reduce shine, and give your face that “finished look.”

2. Next apply the foundation. The purpose of foundation is to create a smooth and even look. It acts as a base. Use the warmth of your fingers or a clean sponge to apply. Begin by blending the makeup up and out (like a fountain) up to the hairline.

- Use a brush (not a pad) to apply powder. The brush will give you a more natural look. 
 - Brush the powder on everywhere you applied your foundation (except the lips) Follow the 
same diagram for foundation application. 
 - Do brush the powder over lashes before applying mascara (to make lashes look longer and thicker).

then finish with the left eye (lower lashes). If your mascara clumps, use your eyelash comb here. 6. Blush Blush is used to accentuate the cheek bone. To create that “high cheekbone” look, apply the blush into the hollow directly under the cheekbone. - Apply blush with a brush directly underneath the cheekbone, sweeping back toward the ear. (To find this area, look in the mirror and suck in your cheeks). If you apply too much blush, apply a light dusting of your powder over the blush to lighten it (rubbing it off will only redden the area). 7. Eye shadow Eye shadow is used to contour or highlight under the brow area, or to add color to the lid.

- Begin at the forehead between the brows. 
 - Travel down and over the whole nose next. 
 - Apply over each eyelid and under each eyebrow.

- Apply your contour shadow from the outer most corner of the eye where the eyeliner stops up to meet the brow (in an upward sweeping motion).

- Next go to where the corner of the eye meets the nose. Blend gently and smoothly over the undereye area, then out toward the temple rounding down toward the ear. Then drop down a little starting at the first spot and work the foundation out smoothly over the cheek toward the earlobe (smoothing back the tiny side hairs). Then drop down again. Do this until you’ve completed one side of the face - then go to the other side and do the same.

- Apply your highlighting shadow under the arch of the brow. A light dusting of your blush over the entire eye area will bring the look together.
 - Place color only on the lid area itself.
 8. Lip liner and Lipstick - Line your lips to define their shape, then fill in with your matching lipstick.

- Now go under the nose to the skin above the lips (the “mustache” area) and apply your foundation. Next, apply to your lips (it will help your lipstick last longer). Continue down over the chin area toward the neck and lastly, extend the foundation down the neck slightly (to blend).

Lipstick is used to accentuate the lips, add color, depth, and moisture. It brightens the whole picture and brings it all together.

3. Now go to the Eyeliner Eyeliner was designed to go under the lower lashes to accentuate them. It is also used to join and extend out, the upper and lower lashes, drawing additional attention to the eyes.

5. Mascara. Mascara is used to accentuate the lashes. Apply mascara in an outward, upward motion, starting nearest the eye and sweeping toward the tip of the lash.

- Start with the first visible eyelash on the bottom (near the nose) and draw a thin line (under the lashes) out to the last lash, extending it slightly farther. Then go to the upper lashes and draw a thin line out from the last lash (closest to the ear) to meet the bottom line connecting the upper and lower lashes. This should create a triangle at the outside of the eye. End in a slightly upward

*If you choose to curl your lashes, do so before applying mascara. *If you choose to use an eyebrow pencil use it before you do your mascara. - Start with the right eye (upper lashes) then go to the left eye (upper lashes). 
 - Next go back to the right eye (lower lashes),

Apply to the top lip first. Start in the middle and go to the right, then go back to the middle and go to the left. Follow the natural curve of the lip or lip liner outline. Next, apply to the bottom lip. Starting from the right side and go smoothly over to the left. FYI: The lighter the lipstick, the younger the look, the darker the lipstick, the older the look. When you are all done, stand back and look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Do you feel pretty and confident? If something feels amiss or not comfortable, make gentle changes and tweak until it looks, feels and fits just right.

{ rochester drinks }

COCKTAILS & SPIRITS OH MY! by jason pearce

Cocktails and spirits have seen a tremendous resurgence in recent years and the Rochester bar scene has kept pace with the trend toward luxury spirits and fine fresh ingredients mixed by inspired hospitality professionals at the top of their game. These days you don’t have to go far from home to find a bar or restaurant devoted to taking guests beyond their old standby order of a pint of beer or a glass of wine. The Rochester chapter of the United States Bartenders Guild is full of inspired men and women who have dedicated their lives to advancing their craft and their chosen career of bartending. These professionals love what they do and it shows. They host and attend educational seminars all over the country and travel worldwide to study with the most knowledgeable spirit makers, learning intimate details about amazing liquors, and how they can be used to create delicious cocktails for us. The best of the best even enter international bartending competitions like “USBG World Class” where they compete for the title of National Bartender of the Year and Global Bartender of the Year. Rochester patrons have responded enthusiastically to the efforts of these mixologists, but there are still guests who feel unsure of themselves, or even intimidated, when it comes time to step up to the bar and order a cocktail. Many people have one or two cocktails they know they like and stick to those. Others leave it up to somebody else to order 242

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for them. Some even take a wild shot in the dark and order something they heard somebody else order that sounded cool. While there are really no hard and fast rules to ordering at your favorite watering hole, we can give you some loose guidelines. First, figure out what you like. A little preparty research at sites like us.thebar. com can help you learn some bar basics, the recipes for many popular cocktails, and help you know what to expect. Do you typically prefer sweet, sour, bitter, or

even spicy? Do you know that you like the juniper taste of gin, but do not like the smoky character of scotch? Do you want a drink that is strong and boozy, or something fruity or even sweet? Second, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Most bartenders are happy to guide you along the path to the right drink. But be prepared to answer a couple simple questions about your preferences, and be sure not to take up too much of their time. Remember there are others waiting to order. If the bartender is busy or if asking for help is not your thing, check out the drink list. Drink lists are there for your convenience. The drinks on the list are usually classic cocktails or modern riffs on tried and true recipes that have been proven winners since before you were born. Trust that somebody put a lot of thought into the drinks that make it onto their list. Place your order with the full confidence that the staff have made these drinks so many times they can mix you up a consistently great cocktail with speed and dexterity. Finally, discreetly take a picture of the drink or even the cocktail list, so you can remember what you liked and share your adventures in elevated cocktails with your friends and family. Next time you step up to the bar or visit the local liquor store to get ingredients to mix up your own cocktails at home you will be able to look back at the last great cocktail you enjoyed.

{ rochester drinks } Next time you step up to the bar or visit the local liquor store to get ingredients to mix up your own cocktails at home you will be able to look back at the last great cocktail you enjoyed.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ woman entrepreneur }


Simply T Events is a successful event planning and managing company founded by Tonya Cornelius. Tonya was born and raised in Louisiana, she then relocated to Rochester NY in the late 90’s. Although Simply T is a new brand name for Tonya, her love for organization and throwing successful events has been instilled in her since 2008 under her previous entertainment company 232Entertainment.Tonya prides herself on enjoying the simply things out of life that will hold everlasting memories, which then inspired her the name and love for Simply T Events. Located in the Greater Rochester area Simply T prides itself on excellent management, proper promotion and organization. Over the years, the event organizing for weddings, birthday party, receptions, corporate and private parties industry has grown enormously. Event planners fill up this gap by providing the special attention required in organizing events. At Simply T we believe with proper planning, a clear vision, a pinch of creativity and attention to detail no matter how big or small will leave you and your attendants with wonderful memories. With planning and managing your event our team will assure you that time and cost will be used effectively. There are crucial steps Simply T approaches when taking on a job assignment for a special event or whether hosting its own events. The first step in planning is to 244

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select and form a committee. We pride our company on selecting a planning committee that is well-organized and focused. We then formulate a budget for the occasion. A specific team is delegated to this task. Our goal is to make sure the budget doesn’t go overboard, but caters for all the expenses. Proper management of finances is a crucial element to a successful party. We work closely with the client in selecting a

location for their event. Special details such as ensuring that it is big enough to accommodate all the attendants is crucial for the success of the event. Our services also includes helping the client look for a place that has various hotels within the vicinity for accommodations of outside guests. Another important element we use in assuring a successful event, is informing all the potential attendants. In certain occasions some attendants are informed a year out in advance. With the latest technology development, social media is an important tool for promoting your event. Considering that most people use at least one social media constantly advertising the event on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram will increase the likelihood of reaching most people. It is also an easy and efficient method of promoting the event and reminding people constantly about it. Our services also includes assistance with the selection of the food, activities and decorations. The type of food served is determined by the time and the place that you hold the event and the occasion of for the event. Decorations are subject to guidelines of the facility selected. Each event is unique and perfectly crafted for each client, our commitment to you is to provide courteous customer service, genuine attention and details, elements of surprise and safety in assuring you that your vision and dreams will come true.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ speaking social media with tamara }

Fantasy Football Has Lessons for Social Media BY TAMARA MACDUFF

You’ve heard of Fantasy Football leagues where you pick certain players and earn points on a specific player. What if we had a Social Media Fantasy league? We could have teams of our favorite social media people that we follow and get points for every time they get certain engagements. I love playing Fantasy Football. For the third year, I am playing in a league started by some of my social media influencer friends. This fantasy football season has just begun. Our draft was just the other day; and it got me thinking about who would be on my fantasy team for social media? There are a lot of great players in the space to be sure. Fantasy Football Players Are the Metrics In fantasy football, players who get drafted are chosen based on their position as a Quarterback, Running Back, Wide Receiver, Kicker, Team Defense and some for the bench. This choice is also made based on statistics - what is the players standing in the entire fantasy football realm? where do they play? how is the team performing overall? what is usually a team strategy? For example, I have the kicker for New England because his stats show he can make field goal kicks from 45+ yards away and he’s pretty accurate. When I told my husband, he said, “That’s true - too bad New England doesn’t usually kick field goals - they are a touchdown team.” It’s true - New England usually does use their running backs and now they are using their tight ends a lot - and usually put 246

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touchdown points on the board. That’s their usual strategy.

terms, you must watch the “tape” of your competition and your clients.

However, last year, they made great use of their kicker and he got me into our championship where I won 2nd place out of 10 teams for the 2nd year in a row.

Many football teams watch tapes of their games and their competitors games. Few players watch as many hours of tape as Tom Brady and Bill Belichick do. This is what gives them the edge. They go to the game prepared to do whatever it takes to win – or to at least play their best. They know when their opponent zigs and when they zag; and they create their play calls based on what is happening in the moment, because they are prepared. As a business owner in the social sphere, you need to do the same.

Go To The Tape

The thing about strategy is that strategies move fast. The platforms move slow. If you know anything about business or the New England Patriots, you know that you have to be able to pivot in any given situation regardless of what you would normally do. As a business owner, you can’t keep doing what you’ve always done – or you will get what you’ve always gotten. You must be willing and able to see what is happening on your field (or in your niche, in your industry, your client’s business, etc.) and then pivot accordingly. In football

What are the trending topics or issues in your industry or niche? What are your clients most pressing concerns, questions or problems? Are you hearing those same things from other clients or others in the industry? Sounds like an opportunity you can capitalize on with your solution or knowledge.

S ocial M edia T u r n s M etrics I n to Tactics

If you take that into the world of business strategy and social media tactics, just because a business’ favorite platform is Facebook, their metrics may show that the target audience is somewhere else. The social strategy should take the metrics for their

target market into a bigger accounting than the favorite platform with higher numbers. If the majority of their target audience is on Pinterest or LinkedIn, yet they feel safer on Facebook, they may not be making their goals. Football Team Advice for Social Media To sum it up, the words of Coach Bill Belichick “Do Your Job” meaning find out your strengths, your targets and make your tactics work best within those. Every client wants to increase sales. Got it. Great goal to have and achieve. How do you do that by standing out in the crowded playing field that is your industry or social media? How are the conversations your client is having different from those that their competition is having? For example, one of my clients is a local favorite restaurant. Every restaurant highlights their specials, their food, drink specials, etc. What is unique about my

client? The reason so many come to have dinner, drinks and lunch there – the people. So we highlight the servers, the bar tenders, the history of the restaurant, etc. Where do they get their foods? We highlight the local farm they resource some of their meat from. Where does their seafood come from? We highlighted the area of Hawaii they get their food from – and even did a before and after picture of their featured fish selection. The result? More engagement, more diners, more people coming in for lunch and engaging with the staff offline about their Facebook page. Define the job of each platform and define where your target audience is then introduced to the tactics. Align the job of each platform with the goal of the business. Social media platforms have their own conversation style, not just different demographics for your target audience. Also, you want to do

research to find the right platform where you can shine and own; some place your competitor are not. Just for fun - your business could have their own Social Media fantasy team in your organization. Here’s how it could work: Determine which of your team members controls which platform. Pick your best team members based on their engagement stats for getting your business found & engaged with. Add points for the best fantasy team and create prizes for the week. Who would some of your favorite social media people be on your Fantasy Social Media team? Tamara MacDuff, an award-winning business owner at NOW Digital Marketing. She drives sales for business using social media and content strategies. She also teaches workshops on social media, social media strategy and content creation & strategy. For more information reach out on Twitter (@tamaramacduff1, Facebook ( or LinkedIn ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ it’s a rw secret }


Mike and I decided that we would be taking a weekend camping trip instead of doing a date night. We live in Rochester, NY and we tend to forget that there is an entire world outside of our normal day lives. We have camped at many of New York State parks and have explored all of Seneca Lake and the lower portion of Cayuga Lake, but we have never explored the upper portion of Cayuga Lake. With our camping trips, we have different rules that we follow. Number one rule of course is no cellphones for the whole duration other than checking in with family and the occasional phone call from my Wellness Center, Healing Massage Retreat. The second rule is we cook breakfast & dinner over the fire each night. The third rule we forget all our worries and enjoy being outside and with each other. We set out on a Saturday afternoon at least 3 hours later then we wanted to because we never seem to be able to pack the night before, even when we say we are going to. The drive to Cayuga State Park takes about an hour and 20 some odd minutes, and it was a beautiful drive up until GPS decided to reroute us to take a different exit then we would normally do. We ended up having to drive the back roads because there were fire trucks redirecting the traffic. So, with the off course drive we ended up at the Montezuma Winery, which is Mikes absolute favorite, Fat Frog Red in particular. If you have ever been up at the top of Cayuga Lake 248

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this is a stop you must take. You walk in to a nice quaint winery that is always busy and friendly. They have released 10 new wines to their tasting list which was a pleasant surprise, because there were a few I had wanted to try before deciding to buy. They also have released a new wine called Hope Dry Rose and it is in honor of Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month and the Hope for Heather Foundation. A portion of the sales of this wine will be donated to the Hope For Heather, please check out for more information.

Heather passed away January 1, 2009, at the age of 24, of ovarian cancer and she lived in Liverpool, New York. After our little detour, we continued our drive towards the state park but ended up stopping at another familiar winery, Varick Winery. We had stopped there earlier in the year and happened upon their awesome Cherry Festival, and we were happy to come across them on accident once again. This time we really got to enjoy taste testing their wines. They even pair their wines with different cheeses and desserts to truly showcase the flavors of their wines. They will also sell you a bottle of wine and uncork it so you can sit outside and enjoy the view of the lake as you drink and relax. We did not do so, but we will eventually stop again. After walking through Varick Winery and taste testing all of their different oils, dips, jellies, sauces, and cheese we hit the road again, mind you there is like only 5-6 miles from Montezuma Winery to the state park. We finally made it to our destination and the skies were starting to get a little gray. We checked in and got to our site. We were a bit disappointed in the site that we got this time. It wasn’t a private spot like more of the Cayuga State Park spots were, but we were very close to the bathroom and on higher ground, which came in handy later that evening. We set up our tent in record time and got ourselves situated to start cooking dinner and the sky decided it was time to rain. We opted to eat the hot dogs (the Wegman’s chicken

apple sausage and turkey cheddar dogs, to die for) which cooked up quickly. We tucked in for a damp and cold night hoping that the next day would be better. Sunday morning rolled around and it was still raining, but we got up and broke our rule of cooking breakfast and went and found a place to grab a bit to eat. After that we headed towards the Waterloo Outlet Mall to do some shopping…it was a mad house! We had to wait in line just to park and spun around the parking lot for a good 10 minutes. Will not be shopping at the Outlets this close to school starting again. But we did find some good deals and spent some money we probably should have. When we were done shopping, we headed back to the campgrounds, where to our surprise a lot of campers left. We set to starting a fire to cook some dinner, and once again the skies said it was time to rain. We were still able to cook to find out that we had no silverware to eat with. So, we became barbarians and ate with our fingers. That’s what I get for trying to consolidate our camping gear. We bunkered down for another night of rain, 250

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but it wasn’t as cold as the night before and we were looking forward to the 80 degree weather the weatherman was promising for the next day. The next morning was full of Mike cooking breakfast and me packing up our site to head home, and yes Mike is an awesome cook and does a lot of the cooking. Once we had the car packed we headed down Cayuga Lake to hit a few more wineries before heading home. We decided to try a few new wineries that we haven’t tried. We drove a few miles down to Swedish Hill. I’ve heard of them but I have never had the pleasure of tasting their wine. They have a very soft flavor from their sweet to dry. Very enjoyable. They have a very nice and large winery so large groups are able to stop in without a reservation. After that we decided that we were going to go to Goose Winery but didn’t make it. We were hungry once again and saw a big sign for Knapp Winery and Restaurant. Knapp Winery and Vineyard Restaurant is an absolute gem and a must stop for wine and food. We got to sit outside and eat gourmet

food that you wouldn’t find anywhere in Rochester that I know of. I ordered a duck burger that was too big to finish. We had an awesome butternut acorn squash soup and a flight of 3 of their wines that were absolutely to die for and pairing them with what we ate was perfect. We weren’t going to go into the winery but with tasting the wine with lunch (we didn’t break our rule for no dinner on date night), but we wanted to see what they offered. We got to meet a very nice elderly gentleman that was very enthusiastic about the Knapp Wines and let us taste more then what we paid for. I believe Mike may have drank everything on the list, I had to drive after that. Very enjoyable experience at Knapp Winery and Vineyard Restaurant. If you get a chance to travel to the Finger Lakes make sure you stop at the tippy top of Cayuga Lake and visit the local wineries and fall in love with New York Wines. Till next month.

{ rw fitness }

WHEN IT COMES TO FITNESS... by kathy mcclare

When it comes to fitness, we each have goals, opinions, varying levels of interest and certainly varying levels of time to devout to such pursuits. For women, being fit and staying fit can be especially hard to balance for a litany of reasons. Finding what aligns with your lifestyle, or what time you have available based on life demands, can be an exercise unto itself. My assertion is if all you have is 10 minutes a day toward your wellness pursuits, you CAN progress. A 10-minute bodyweight workout, Yoga or a brisk walk are just a few things you can do that will positively affect your wellbeing. Endorphins kick in rather soon and will boost your spirits as well. Without good health, much is at stake in all facets of one’s life. What we derive from being well and feeling fit transcends to other seemingly unrelated areas in our life. Your awareness that you CAN do a particular feat (be it summit Mount Everest or jog your first mile) is fodder for future goals and not necessarily fitness related. When you feel fit, able and well, you are more apt to address other situations in your life with optimism, vive or an appreciation that you know you can accomplish it over time. I view Fitness as a Mind-Style more so that a Lifestyle. Family, loved ones, friends each have a perception of us. When you are fit and healthy, you are more likely to present self-respect and self-love, both of which are fundamental attributes. What better way to showcase good health and being fit? 252

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What about your career? Are you a single mom? Do you hold down two jobs? Do you have children entering college? Are you caring for a parent alongside caring for your own family? Does you job require extensive hours sitting at a desk? Do you travel on a regular basis? Are there numerous after-work meetings and functions? Now…imagine doing any of that without feeling healthy and fit. How effective will you be? How capable will you be? How exhausted will you be!? IF your schedule prevents you from going to a fitness center or meeting with a personal trainer, the phrase “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” holds true. As a single mom since 2007 and a business owner since 1995, along with recently being a caregiver to my mother for a few years, I can attest, life comes on hard. What was the first thing to diminish? My ‘free time”

to take care of ME. Health problems can arise as a result. And they did. Mind you, I have been in the fitness industry and a world class Natural Pro-Bodybuilder for 30 years. I should know better right?! Testament to the fact that yes, a little bit does go a long way. In either direction! Recognizing that something is amiss (maybe you feel tired all the time, perhaps your sleep is disturbed or you are on edge more often) is key. Pressing on despite your body’s efforts to communicate with you will further diminish your health and wellbeing. That is why I suggest a 10-minute daily wellness activity if that is the tidbit of time you have available. As I said above, a little bit really does go a long way. Consider the personal pride you derive from feeling good from within; the personal pride you have from looking healthy and fit. Imagine if you were not permitted to exercise. Imagine if recreational pursuits and physical fitness activities were banned. What if wellness activities were permitted on certain days of the week and you could never access that based on your schedule or your lifestyle? How much would you value being fit? How much desire would you have to maintain your health? Think about how lucky you are to have many options available. Having shared myriad thoughts above, my intention is simple and genuine: that you embrace YOUR uniqueness and assess your fitness goals and options. From 10 minutes a day to hours at a time, whatever FITS for you is ideal.


{ law and hip hop } by CHERYL KATES-BENMAN, esq.

“Respect L i fe ” Comes to Rochester

Sherrod Davidson, is a familiar promoter and actor in the Rochester area. He frequently sponsors rap battles. He is in the process of starting a new urban magazine called K.L.O.U.T.


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He offers many events at urban venues in the Rochester area. His vision is to give local, upstate artists a platform to shine. Sometime in the near future, Davidson is planning to host a series of rap battles for a championship belt, focusing on the often forgotten, upstate rappers. Interestingly, K.L.O.U.T will team up with local DJ Yotti (Robert Johnson), to offer a new service for kids. The pair plan to offer birthday party services. As a native Rochestarian, he is someone to watch in the hip-hop industry. Davidson, owner of K.L.O.U.T. magazine, sponsored an event recently on Saturday August 19th, 2017 at Mexican Village featuring the stars of a Brooklyn “You Tube” web series, “Respect Life”. Melo (Boom Pacino or Boom P), Tareek, Ray and Billy, actors in the show were at the event. Local DJ, Robert Johnson aka DJ Yotti and DJ Kharismatik Wor’lstaar were the DJs for the event. The series, in its third season, is directed by Romelo “Melo” Cotton. This is an hour- long series filmed mostly in Bed Stuy. The series, reflective of everyday life in the hood, deals with everyday social issues which are weaved into the story-line. The series is described as a true-to-life street tale and is geared with those themes in mind. Interestingly, some of the issues in the series reflect everyday problems experienced in the city of Rochester every day. The drug trade is part of the story line. There are scenes depicting the social ill of corner stores serving as fronts for drug transactions. A character was recently released from being away in

prison. People were leery of him as he could be working for “the man”. A murder in a building makes it hot. Drug dealers handle people trying to rob them. There are rap artists seeking promotion. All the nitty-gritty of an inner city is reflected. There is much more to the story of “Respect Life”. Actor, Director and writer, Melo aka “Boom P”, who is also a character of the series, is a battle rapper. He experiences daily what it takes to strive to be noticed as a rapper. The theme song is his work. He posts his latest rap music videos on “You Tube”. What was most interesting is Melo is self-taught. He did not go to school for screen-play writing, filming or editing. He bought a camera, the editing program on his laptop, watched a video and taught himself how to produce this show. They’re now in their third season. The cast of “Respect Life” share a unique respect for each other. They are friends who came together to support Melo’s dream. Each one when asked what was in their future, indicated they wanted to do more acting. The group shared the vision of doing a “Respect Life” movie. By helping their friend follow his dreams, they found theirs. One of the first things learned when you live life in the streets is “you live by the sword, you die by the sword”. Statistically speaking, the proof is in the pudding, young African-American males face many obstacles in living in America. Antonio Moore of the Huffington Post points out: “ The Black Male Incarceration Problem is Real and It’s Catastrophic” (1). President Obama indicated

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respect life

“We have more work to do when young, black men languish in prison then attend colleges and universities across America” (1). The number one cause of death of AfricanAmerican males aged (15-34) is murder (2). “Respect Life” was named so from a “Tale in the Hood” and character “Tareek” shared the origin. His character is a drug-dealer. He describes himself on the show as a: “ laid-back guy”. He tells us the name came from a “big homie” who “screamed on us” …”Respect Life”. He instilled in them all, life was precious and young men today were not doing that. Billy was younger and he was having issues with an older guy. They were about to “put hands on each other”. As they grew up, the lesson made sense. Sometimes things are not worth losing life over. They named the show “Respect Life”. Melo was most proud he can use his show to send a message to viewers by portraying sensitive issues such as homosexuality, HIV etc. We discussed how some people are afraid to include these types of issues due to the stigma and his insight to do this makes him a pioneer in the business. He wants to tell “every little 256

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story”. He looks forward to doing a “Respect Life” movie. Melo describes his character Boom P, as someone “on the fence” between what is right and wrong. He is stuck in the streets but he’s trying to do the right thing. At any given moment, (the devil vs. angel) on his shoulder could steer him any-way. This was a conflict many of the characters face in “Respect Life”. Melo/Boom P is described as a “renaissance man” in the industry. Two years prior to starting the show, a friend and he did a short film. This gave him the inspiration to do more. “In 2015, I knew if I don’t do this now, I am never going to do it. We did episode one. As far as the hood was concerned, it was a hit. By episode four or five, we knew we were onto something. The show is bi-weekly, we work, go to school and have families so we try to respect each other’s schedule. We are more friends off-camera, then on-camera. We grew up together”. He talks about the series positively and notes they will expand. He talks about he and the cast were childhood friends and how it was

natural for all of them to fall into these roles as they mirrored things they experienced in everyday life in Bed Stuy. Rochester Woman Online is proud to share this story as it represents people doing positive things in the community. Using a platform through entertainment to send a message, can be a powerful thing. Melo and Sherrod are on to something! These young men have chosen to learn from their experiences and turn them into something positive. Resources 1. Moore, Antonio, (2015) The Black Male Incarceration Problem is Real and It’s Catastrophic”, Huffington Post Blog, Retrieved September 5, 2017 from 2. Qui, Linda (2014) Juan Williams: No.1 Cause of Death for African American Males 15-34 is Murder. PolitiFact, Retrieved September 4, 2017 from

{ the best you }

Let’s Get Down To It! by Christine Buff, LE, CPLC

So you have decided to get a facial to improve your skin’s appearance for whatever reason you have. Congratulations on taking the step to your skin’s wellness. Your first appointment at the Spa will have you walking out feeling refreshed, relaxed and pampered. There are those that wonder why they would need consistent facials in the first place. Allow me to answer that for you. First and foremost, we all want to find our “Fountain of Youth”. How do we do that without great skincare and diet as well? Skin Therapists or as we all commonly know them as Estheticians, have the keys and knowledge to get you to what your skincare goals are through their education research and ongoing education. Our skin consist of layers; the Epidermis(top layer), Dermis(second layer which does a lot for your skin and is much thicker), and Subcutaneous Fat(Bottom layer). Let’s take a closer look at these layers and their functions:


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The Epidermis is your skin’s top layer and is the thinnest part of your skin on your eyelids, and the thickest part of your skin on the bottom of your feet. The Epidermis is in charge of making new skin cells, giving skin it’s color, and protecting your body which also protects your immune system to keep you healthy.


In the Dermis many jobs take place which included making sweat. Little pockets in the dermis are called sweat glands. They make sweat which comes through little tubes and comes out of holes called pores. It also gives the individual a way to get rid of the bad stuff your body doesn’t need. The Dermis also helps you feel things through Nerve Endings sending signals to the brain so you know how something feels. The Dermis also grows hair. Hair consists of the

root which connects to the muscle that tightens and gives you goose bumps. Making oil is another function of the Dermis. The oil keeps your skin soft, smooth, and waterproof. Sometimes it can make too much oil to give your pimples. The Dermis brings blood to your skin and feeds your skin and takes away the bad things through tubes called blood vessels.

Subcutaneous Fat

Is the bottom layer of your skin which plays an important role in your body by: Attaching the dermis to your muscles and bones with connecting tissues. Helps the blood vessels and nerve cells in which when they get bigger in the dermis go to the rest of your body from here.

RWO and Rochester Drinks want to encourage you to look beyond lawnmower beer, summer ales, and malt beverages to expertly crafted cocktails and tiki inspire concoctions. Summer is a time for rum, gin, and of course vodka.

Controls your body temperature from getting too warm or too cold. Stores your fat which gives these pads to your muscle and bones and protects them from bumps and falls. During a facial and after the double cleanse, the Esthetician will exfoliate your face or body. This is done to get rid of any dead skin cells in order for new ones to be made. Cell turnover is different for us all. It’s faster the younger we are and slower as we get older. It’s a natural process that takes two weeks for babies, three to four weeks for teens. Once past your teens your skin renews itself once a month, about every 30-40 days. But takes even longer after 50 renewing itself at only 45-90 days. So it’s very important to incorporate the exfoliation of your skin at least 3 times a week with a minimum of 1 day a week depending on your skin type. A professional Esthetician can educate you with your skin type if you do not know it. 260

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The benefits of exfoliation can help skin that has rough appearance or texture, acne or other breakouts, discoloration, uneven skin tone or texture, sun or age spots, dullness, or dry, flaky or irritated skin, reduces the appearance of lines and wrinkles. It’s a very important part of a facial as it also aids in product absorption which the skin will most benefit from. There are different types of exfoliates which include and not limited to products, microdermabrasion (mechanical exfoliation), micro needling, and chemical peels. Make sure your Esthetician is properly trained in these methods or it can result in damaging your skin. At home methods can be a nice way to continue your home regimen in between skin care visits at the spa. Please make sure to consult with your Esthetician to see which ones are best for you and your skin. It’s very important to always wear sunscreen year round (with a minimum of SPF 30) after any type of exfoliation to protect your skin as it

can become photosensitive and cause irritation and hyperpigmentation. At The Best You Spa in Webster, we are always striving to continue to bring you the best skincare through research and continuing education. We care for you and your skin’s wellness. In addition to relaxation and pampering, we will educate you on your skin type and product use for the best benefit of your skin. Our purpose for all that walk in our treatment room with wanting help with their skin will walk out with the knowledge they need to help them feel ‘The Best You’ they can be!

The Best You...Believe it, Achieve it!

Enjoy A 10% OFF A FACIAL at the Best You Spa!

847 Ridge Road I Webster, NY 14580 I 585- 298-6618 I

{ tips for women }


Products You’ll Love To Wear by KIMBERLEE HAWTHORNE

As an executive and mom, our Founder and CEO Anna Zornosa spent many years climbing the corporate ladder. And like many other women, she was always on the hunt for clothes that helped her look and feel her most fabulous. This was no small feat for someone who had struggled with weight issues throughout her life. Several years ago, however, she discovered a secret weapon: shapewear. After many trips back and forth to her local department store and lots of experimenting, she found a few foundational shapewear pieces that she couldn’t live without. She incorporated these pieces into her daily wardrobe, and was amazed by the boost of confidence she felt. Then one day she had an a-ha moment: realizing it would be fantastic if she could figure out a way to combine shapewear with everyday clothing! She tracked down the best and brightest lingerie, fashion and active wear designers, marrying their skills and learning something from each along the way, creating a collection of exciting, new shaping basics that can easily work with any woman’s existing wardrobe. Ruby Ribbon was inspired by her simple desire to create a company built around the idea of empowering women to look and feel their best, while chasing their dreams! OUR VALUES 262

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WE ARE FRIENDS, mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, caretakers, and breadwinners. Each and every one of us are on the same TEAM; women who believe in themselves, each other, bound together by a ribbon of connection.


WE SPEND OUR TIME purposefully and thoughtfully, always remembering to use it to honor our commitments to our family, our friendships, our goals and, most of all, to ourselves. Our TIME is a precious gift and we treat it as such.


WE EMBRACE diversity, individuality and believe every woman is beautiful inside and out. Our CONFIDENCE inspires others as it shines through everything we do; everywhere we go as we live our lives aloud.


WE SUPPORT each other through the difficulties of life, love and everything in-between. All this GROWTH binds us together as a family and reminds us where we have come from and where we are going.


WE CELEBRATE our success and the success of our whole community, the RESULTS of which we embrace with open arms and hearts. We achieve big because each one of us is worth all the hard work it takes to get there. YOUR NEW SECRET WEAPON Our garments solve a number of common body challenges such as smoothing your core, (the dreaded muffin top and back bra bulge) shaping/ slimming your hips, and supporting your bust line. “STAY PUT” INNER SLIP Our silicone gripper edge ensures that our garments remain anchored, avoiding any “riding up” or rolling. Featured in all of our camis plus a few of our skirts, you can be sure that wherever you leave it, there it stays!

HIDDEN SHAPEWEAR Many of our pieces feature smoothing and shaping elements that only you will know about! Almost all of the pieces in our collection are designed for everyday wear--remaining comfortable, wearable, and breathable. 5” TUMMY PANEL We want every woman who wears our clothing to feel smoothed out and confident, and our extra wide 5” tummy panel does the trick. With 20% spandex, you’ll feel like you just got back from Pilates class.

We don’t design our clothing for mannequins; we design it for women just like you (and us!). With cutting-edge construction techniques, fashionable designs, and our Intomi by Ruby Ribbon™ technology, you will not find anything else on the market like the Ruby Ribbon collection. Each piece is designed to bring out the confidence of every woman who wears it, no matter her size or shape. We truly believe that each of you deserve to feel beautiful, both inside and out.

Ruby Ribbon is honored to be a proud supporter of City of Hope, a leading research and treatment center for cancer, diabetes and other life-threatening diseases. In October 2016, we were thrilled to raise and donate over $5,000 through our “Be-Cause We Care” collection! Ruby Ribbon is changing the world! We are a company on a mission! We celebrate confidence in all women and aim to replace bras and uncomfortable shapewear with our revolutionary cami and Demiette™. We embrace diversity, are size agnostic, and

believe all women are beautiful. We love that our customers come to us exclusively through their connection with their Ruby Ribbon Independent Stylist. We are proud to provide women everywhere the opportunity to thrive with their own businesses, at their own pace, making meaningful income 264

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while retaining flexibility in their lives. As a customer, a hostess, a Stylist – we invite you to join our revolution! Curious to see if a cami or Demiette™ could replace YOUR bra? Trying is believing. Step into my booth and into a cami Sunday

October 15, 2017 at the Webster Sports Dome at the THINK PINK AND PURPLE event and fundraiser. No matter your size, I am confident you will love it! Let’s try it!

{ no excuses }


We spend most of our waking hours at our jobs. What would it take to have the career of your dreams? Do you start dreading the work week on Sunday afternoons? Do you wake up Monday and fantasize about calling in sick? Perhaps your boss or co-workers are awful. Maybe you don’t like the schedule or your customers. Perhaps you spend all day dreaming about retirement, calculating the years, months, and days until the time comes… If any of those feelings strike a cord, here are the top 3 signs that you might need a new job. You are less productive at work, lack passion, and are bored. If you’re checking Facebook every ten minutes, playing around with Pinterest, constantly find yourself on YouTube, you need to look for a more mentally stimulating job. Your conversations with your family and friends become dominated by complaints about your work day. If every dinner conversation starts and ends with a negative commentary about your day at work, it might be time to find a job that will incite discussion about the day’s highlights. You have increased your consumption of food, alcohol or drugs to escape your problems. While it’s okay to relax with a glass of wine after work, your day shouldn’t be driving 266

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you to down an entire bottle. If you find that your work is causing your copious consumption of alcohol, drugs or food, you need to take some time to reflect on your professional situation. Of course, these signs can be indicators of other personal, emotional, or physical problems, but if you are stressed about work and experiencing some of these symptoms then you certainly need to reevaluate your employment situation. In fact, studies show up to 70% of Americans hate their job. But you only have one life. Why not try to join the 30% who love what they do for a living? Now is the time to take those feelings of frustration and use it as motivation to

find a career or position that is challenging, satisfying and emotionally fulfilling. The first question you must ask yourself is “if money were not an issue, what would you do in life?” If you truly cannot answer that question, start with some soul-searching research. Dr. Paula Caligiuri’s book Get a Life, Not a Job: Do What You Love and Let Your Talents Work For You has excellent personal discovery exercises throughout. What’s Next? by Kerry Hannon is filled with inspiring stories from real people who have changed careers mid-life and can provide an exciting roadmap for anyone looking to make their next job their dream job. If you need a college degree in the field you want to work in, you are in luck. Every year, thousands of college degrees are being earned by adult learners who are just as busy and financially tapped-out as you are. Shannon is a 35-year-old executive assistant who really wants to be a nurse. “First, I took a few self assessments to figure out what I do like about my current position, which is helping other people. That’s my true passion. Then I looked at my strengths which are communication and empathy. What I hate about my job is the constant repetition, and sitting all day at a desk.”

“So I took a bunch of free online career tests, and nursing kept coming up as a common recommendation. So I started evening courses at MCC and I couldn’t be more excited about the program. At first I thought I was way too old, but there are women and men in my classes ranging in age from 18 to 55. I am going to work for almost 30 more years of my life. I really need to find something fulfilling, so I am going for it. Sure I am stressed and busy, but me and the kids do our homework together and that’s kind of fun too.” If like Shannon, you are considering completing your degree now -- never have there been so many flexible and affordable college options for college students. One of the best resources for adult learners? Online courses which allow you to start college in a low-risk, self paced environment. Sandy had been in the non-profit sector for years as a fundraiser, but after 10 years in the same position, found herself bored. “What I really wanted to do was run a non-profit, but work experience is not

enough. All the open positions required a Masters Degree.” “I wrote a list of pro’s and con’s of going back to school and hung it on the refrigerator. For two years that list hung there while I did nothing. And there were a lot of con’s. Less time for family, financial concerns, could I even remember how to study? In the meantime I saw dozens of jobs that I would have loved pass me by because I didn’t have a Masters Degree. Finally I got the motivation to tear the list up and sign up for an online degree program.” Sandy’s degree was designed to be completed in as fast as 15 months, but also could be completed at her own pace. “It took me three years. Depending on what was going on with the kids and at work, I would take fewer or more courses. Work ended up contributing a good chunk of money through their tuition reimbursement program, and we cut back on vacation spending, dining out and I did a lot more shopping at discount stores those years.”

The investment paid off. Her boss retired and she is now President of her organization. “I would have never even been considered without my Masters. And now my salary is twice what it was so it makes the three years of scrimping so worthwhile. Now I love my job, it’s exciting and challenging again, and I am planning to take my entire family to Europe for two weeks. I literally could not be happier. My only regret was not starting sooner because of all my fears.” Still another option if you don’t know what you want to do or money is the barrier is start taking free online classes. The free classes can help you pin down your interests or perhaps make your current job more exciting as you learn new things about your potential. There are free online courses from major universities available. While you may not be earning college credits, you’ll be learning new skills to make you more marketable during a job hunt. The list of free online ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ no excuses } Forget about the list of what’s holding you back… the list is doing just that… holding you back.

courses ranges from accounting, languages, engineering, project management, marketing and virtually everything in between. Massachusetts Institute of Technology is the pioneer of the Open Courseware movement, which starting placing professors’ lectures into the public sphere for anyone to view in 2002. Now universities such as Harvard and Berkely have started providing free or very low cost online courses through Jill, who has a Phd in engineering is always taking free MIT courses . “Watching the lectures from the teacher


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and hearing his emphasis adds a lot to the learning experience,” Jill said. “You don’t get that out of just reading textbooks. Just the fact that I am always learning something new has really improved my satisfaction with my job. What I was missing out on was learning something new and challenging at work. My boss now lets me take a class each semester during work hours so it’s even easier to fit in education. When they saw how energized I was, a few of my co-workers have started taking classes too.”

time to find out. Start exploring now what your dream job looks like and what it’s going to take to get it.

So what would make you want to jump out of bed Monday mornings, run to the shower and sing all the way to work? It’s

So get started now. No excuses.

Forget about the list of what’s holding you back… the list is doing just that… holding you back. The time to pursue your dream job is now. And the boring job that you hate just might be someone else’s dream career once you’ve vacated your chair.


The Mortgage Process by PHYLLIS HABERER

There are quite a few things that happen from the beginning to end of the process. Here’s an overview: 1. Apply for a mortgage pre-approval 2. Make an offer 3. The Seller accepts your offer 4. Schedule an Engineer’s Inspection 5. Apply for the Mortgage 6. Property Appraisal 7. Processing - During processing, the loan file is examined to ensure that all information is complete and accurate and meets the end investor’s requirements. Verifications, appraisals, credit reports and other necessary documents will be ordered at this time. The goal during processing is to gather accurate facts that will be used to make decisions about the loan. Once the loan file is complete, the processor turns the file over to the underwriter. 8. Underwriting - Underwriting involves the evaluation of the loan application file. All documents will be verified and reviewed for completeness and accuracy. The underwriter will compare the factual information contained in the loan package to the guidelines of the lender and when the information is completely reviewed, will submit the application to the lender. 9. Arrange Home Owner’s Insurance 10. Closing - This is the final step! At closing documents are prepared, assembled, signed and recorded. The mortgage is created and funds are dispersed. The title of the property passes from the seller to the buyer who makes a legal obligation to repay the debt. _____________________________

What to bring to your first appointment with Phyllis: To help determine an amount you may be able to spend on a home, we have a pre-approval process. To proceed with a pre-approval, we will need the following financial items from you: Copy of pay-stubs covering the last 30-day period

Copy of W2 Forms and Federal Tax Returns for the last two years Copy of all pages of your bank statements for the past 2 months Government issued photo identification If you’ve found your home, bring a copy of your purchase contract _____________________________

Common Mortgage Terms: Closing Costs The amount of money, in cash, needed at the time of signing ownership documents on the mortgage. Closing costs generally include: down payment, first year taxes, lawyers fees, survey/abstract fees, homeowner’s insurance, etc.

FICO A type of credit score that makes up a substantial portion of the credit report that lenders use to assess an applicant’s credit risk and whether to extend a loan. Takes into account payment history, current level of indebtedness, types of credit used and length of credit history, and new credit. Interest Rate Interest is essentially a rental, or leasing charge to the borrower, for the asset’s use. When the borrower is a lowrisk party, they will usually be charged a low interest rate; if the borrower is considered high risk, the interest rate that they are charged will be higher. Loan Officer Also referred to as “Mortgage Loan Originators”, they work for banking institutions facilitating loan applications from pre-approval to closing. PITI Acroynm for Principal, Interest, Taxes and Insurance. Principal Principal is the money used to pay down the balance of the loan. Monthly mortgag e payments usually include Principal, Interest, Insurance, and Taxes. Principal is the actual balance on the loan. LTV (Loan-To-Value Ratio) A lending risk assessment ratio that financial institutions and other lenders examine before approving a mortgage.


What NOT to do after being preapproved: DON’T

apply for a new credit card or line of credit (this includes going to a furniture store and buying furniture for your new home and using the “2 Years Same As Cash” option).


make any large purchases like a car, flat screen TV, or appliances.


allow anyone to pull your credit report or go on-line and check it yourself.


make any late payments, pay all bills when due.


change jobs or quit your job or otherwise change your employment circumstances without informing your Loan Officer.


co-sign a loan for anyone.


change or close any bank accounts.


make any large deposits or withdrawals to or from your Checking, Savings or Retirement Accounts


spend any money that is set aside for closing costs. When you’re ready to learn more about securing a mortgage plan, call Phyllis Haberer at Premium Mortgage Corporation: (585) 314-8511. You can also email her:

Home is where your story begins... Let us help you write the First Chapter The Local Expert in Home Financing

Phyllis Haberer


Senior Loan Officer | NMLS# 58078

585.314.8511 CALL OR TEXT!

585.363.7087 585.241.0000 x104


(direct) (office)

Call me today for a FREE, no-obligation Pre-Approval!

shop local! Phyllis Haberer is a Rochester native and Fairport H.S. Grad TEMPS ARE GETTING HOTTER, AND SO IS THE HOUSING MARKET!

Contact Phyllis Haberer today! 585.314.8511

Many Financing Programs Available! CONVENTIONAL · FHA · USDA · 203K · VA · PORTFOLIO




2541 Monroe Avenue, Rochester, NY 14618 | (585) 241-0000 | Equal Housing Lender | NMLS# 3254 | Licensed Mortgage Banker NYSDFS

{ everyday push }

Prepare Your Mind and Body For Your Workout! by kit teresi

Although warming up and cooling down adds a few minutes to your daily workout, think of the benefits you get from it.

Warming up:

The goal for your warm up is to literally get your body warm. Your muscles and joints should feel more flexible, and your mind should feel ready for your exercise session! Warming up increases the blood flow to your muscles, which enhances the delivery of oxygen and nutrients. It warms your muscles, which improves your athletic performance. It prepares your heart for an increase in activity. It prepares you mentally for the upcoming exercise. Warming up prevents unnecessary stress and fatigue that would normally be placed on your muscles and heart if you exercised strenuously without a warm-up. Warm ups and cool downs generally involve doing your activity at a slower pace and reduced intensity. Here’s how and when we warm up. Plan your warm up right before you begin your scheduled exercise session. Warm up the large muscle groups first, such as your hamstrings, chest, back, and quadriceps, just to name a few. Do your warm up at a low, and slow pace… gradually increasing in speed to a comfortable level. Your warm up will bring your body to a point of producing a mild sweat. You should not be out of breath, or fatigued. Here are a few warm up exercises: - Jumping Jacks, Jump Rope - Walking, Jogging, Cycling - Front to Back Leg Swings - Cross-Body Leg Swings - Arm Swings - Arm Circles (forwards and backwards) - Push Ups, Bent Knee Push Ups, 272

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- Shadow Boxing (with full body movement) - Stretches (most beneficial after your warm up and cool down phase) Stretching allows for greater range of motion and eases stress on your joints and tendons, which could possibly prevent injury. As your stretch your body, be sure to include each of the muscle groups you will be using in your chosen activity. - Sport Specific Warm ups: Some of the best ways to warm up is to perform the exercises you will be doing during your session, but at a slow pace. This will allow you to simulate at low intensity the movements you are about to perform at higher intensity during your chosen activity.

Cooling down:

The goal of your cool down it so help your body with a smooth transition from exercise back to a steady state of rest. Cooling down after your exercise session allows your body to gradually recover . It’s especially important for endurance athletes because it helps regulate blood flow. Right after your exercise sessions, your heart is still beating faster than normal, and your body temperature is higher than normal. If you stop too fast, you could pass out, or feel sick. A cool down after your exercise session allows a gradual decrease in your heart beating and body temperature leaving your mind and body in a much better state. Once again, warm ups and cool downs generally involve doing your activity at a slower pace and reduced intensity. Here’s how and when we cool down. Plan your cool down right after you complete your scheduled exercise session. Your cool down is similar to your warm up. It will add about five more minutes or so to your session. Your cool down will be performed

at a slower pace and reduced intensity. Focus on deep breathing to gradually bring your heart rate back to normal. Stretch your target muscles, choosing a few stretches for muscles that were trained in your exercise session. Hold stretches for at least 10-15 seconds. Remember not to bounce when holding the stretch.

Here are a few cool down exercises:

- Walk or relaxing jog. Cycling - Air Squats, Lunges - Light Core Exercises - Yoga (Downward Facing Dog, Child’s Pose, and Warrior Pose are just a few of the many unique and effective stretches yoga has to offer! - Swimming - Stretches (most beneficial after your warm up and cool down phase) If you want to safe some time and you life close to your training facility, think about walking to and from the gym… It can be your warm-up and cool-down! Please note: Even though it is not proven whether warming up and cooling down can prevent injuries, they give your heart and blood vessels a chance to ease into, and out of your exercise sessions. Train Smart!! Be the best version of yourself!! From the House of KitFit5pt0….. Commit to Fit!! Kitty Teresi BEDROC MMA Mixed Martial Artist Personal Training to Success!

{ SHIFT+CONTROL { city sense } }

Design for a Difference! BY DANI PALIDOR

Design Transforms Lives is the new American Society of Interior Designer’s Vision Statement. Member Firm, Suite Artistry perfectly balances boutique service, and creativity with the strength and positive attitude that only extensive experience and years of being on the cutting edge of design can provide, it is housed in the all new Rochester Design Center at 127 East Ave, Downtown Rochester. It is important for us to be at the forefront of bringing the restorative and transformative elements of great design to all projects.

Collaboration Creates Excellence

Dani Polidor, owner of Suite Artistry, carefully curates local, reputable businesses representing different aspects of the design build industry that are capable of meeting the Rochester Design Center’s high standards. These professionals cooperate to bring fresh ideas to Upstate New York and deliver the epitome of design excellence to clients. Polidor explains, “Universal design represents the pinnacle of good design. It’s highly calculated to be accessible, useful, and breathtakingly gorgeous today and at any point in the future.” In other words, it’s exquisite design without an expiration date in style and functionality. Universal design can have a strong impact on a client’s life. The homeowners happily describe their experience with Polidor. “She not only exceeded our expectations, she became a friend. She 274

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showed us designs that totally changed the look and feel of our home and used trustworthy contractors that also felt like family.”

Expanding the Dream Team

In addition to á la carte selection for any size or type of project, the Rochester Design Center expands the traditional scope of design build services. For those who are buying or selling their home, the dream team includes the client, builder, designer and realtor. As a designer/realtor Polidor recognizes a home’s potential to be transformed to meet individual needs. “I see homes and locations with their capacity to be made perfect for a client.” This unique design studio service brings ease and continuity to a new level for clients. It is also a meeting place for brainstorming how

various charities and businesses can thrive.

Designing it Forward

Polidor’s talents are well-recognized in the industry. In autumn 2014, The International Design Guild held the second “Design for a Difference” event and bestowed a Regional Design Competition award to Polidor and Messner Carpet, A Rochester-based flooring studio, for their entry to revamp the counties only emergency shelter, Alternatives for Battered Women (ABW). She was also honored to participate in the Guild’s annual contest, Design for Difference where. In addition to the prize money for her charity, Dani was honored to participate in the build with five other exceptional designers from across the country for a new movement to highlight the positive effects that great interiors have on the inhabitants of the spaces. “Design for a Difference” was conceived by Mark Brunetz, the designer with the popular TV series, “Clean House” as an opportunity to bring the design community together for the greater good. “Lifelong friendships were created under Mark’s guidance and influence,” says Polidor. In addition to listing and selling real estate, designing homes, kitchens and baths, and showrooms for the trade, Polidor supports Willow Domestic Violence Center, Habitat for Humanity, Camp Puzzle Peace and The Family Autism Center.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ flower city bitties DIY }


from a teacher’s perspective by lauren harrison

I am a teacher. My formal education is in teaching English and Special Education, but anyone who teaches content (in any form) knows that the fundamentals necessary to teach are similar no matter the content. I have taught in-person crafting classes locally since 2015 in addition to my full time teaching position at a local public school. While teaching in a public school was beyond rewarding in a way that is difficult to verbalize, I always felt the pull to do something more with my life; that is why Flower City Bitties and eventually materialized. Flower City Bitties inperson classes allow me to have more personal connections and Craft N a Box allows me to share my creative expertise and products with those beyond my local community. To teach, you need an idea, the materials, a rough idea of method, step-by-step directions, and exemplars. If I had to guess, the crafters that sign up for my classes at local studios and wineries probably don’t spend a considerable amount of time considering what it is like to run my crafting class. They just assume that when they walk in the door, they will be presented with an expert who will guide them seamlessly through the class and ensure that they will be successful (I don’t actively think about the teacher’s preparation for classes I take, so I don’t blame them!). I do guarantee success in my classes, but it takes considerable time and preparation to ensure that every creative spirit that I teach is truly happy and enjoys the experience. Here is what is it like to be in my craft-brain on the daily...I am Pinterest 276

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inspired, so my personal DIY decor and classes offered are direct manifestations of items that I have seen online. My job, and my biggest passion, is to take those pictures and turn them into tangible products. This isn’t the easiest task to do, as I always know when browsing online that the crafts I am pinning potentially need to be cost-effective and doable in a two hour time frame to fit my classes. If any of you follow me on Pinterest (FlowerCityBitty) you will see the 1,000’s of ideas that I have collected over the last six years. Surprisingly, and probably to my husbands pleasure, I do not have the time or means to create everything I see online. This same filter is used when I am selecting the crafts that I want to teach in a class. Once I have narrowed down which crafts would

be suitable for a class, I start making exemplars to make sure they truly are doable. We have all seen the Pinterest fails, and while I don’t have too many of those at this point (I know my strengths and weaknesses enough to avoid total flops), I have to make sure that not only can I make this DIY craft but that people of all ability levels can. I recognize that while I have great luck with hot glue guns, some people have never held a glue gun in their life and could potentially walk away from my class with minor finger burns and clumps of glue plastered to themselves. This isn’t the ideal scenario for any teacher. Again, this is what most craft class participants probably don’t think about when they walk into my classes, but I try to consider everything possible when selecting and preparing for these classes. This doesn’t mean I avoid any class with hot glue, it simply means that I make sure to give tutorials and guidance on best-use strategies at the beginning of those classes. Then, I always do multiple practice rounds with the craft class products. The first practice round is simply me taking two solid hours, sitting down, and plowing away with my materials. I keep mental notes as I work, but don’t actively write anything down. I am not sure where this method came from, but it is always how I have prepared for my craft classes. When that craft is complete, I critique it to the point of exhaustion. Then I start again, avoiding the mistakes from my first round. This time I take

notes and jot down ‘need to know’ comments that I MUST share with my students so they feel comfortable, at ease, and happy with their craft. This step always leaves me a bit nervous. Are my steps clear enough? Will everyone of all ability levels be able to do this? Have I broken these steps and materials down enough so they aren’t overwhelming? At this point, my process is much more streamlined and by the time I arrive to teach a craft class, I feel 100% confident that class will run smoothly. However, I am by no means perfect. So my preparation for craft classes doesn’t end the second I walk into the room to teach.

It continues throughout the entire class. I am constantly asking for feedback, listening as my visionaries work away. I cannot tell you how many times I have taught a class, and my students put their own personal spins on the craft AND give me incredibly helpful suggestions. That is partially why I continue to hold in-person craft class, despite having a blossoming ecommerce Craft N a Box business (that takes less personal time, but gives less personal interaction). I love watching people gain confidence as they progress through my classes and I need their insight. I take constructive criticism openly, as it means that my next group of creative crafters will have that much MORE fun and success.

So no, I don’t expect participants to deconstruct my classes and consider what it is like for me as the teacher. That isn’t the point of my classes; they are about my students, relaxation, and creativity. But, the time and attention needed to ensure everyone leaves feeling relaxed and happy is considerable, and I LOVE every minute of it. Lauren Harrison, Founder Flower City Bitties: Craft N a Box

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017



S RITA ASKS Dear Sarah,

Where is my life heading? Am I going in the right direction?

{ ask the angels } By Sarah Itkin, LCSW

I’m seeing that you are successful in your career, although you may experience time periods when your flow of clients seems to ebb. You’re very social and outgoing. You spend a lot of time tending to the needs of others, especially your immediate and extended family. I’m getting that you are seen as a matriarch. You’re great at planning parties and hosting celebrations. You bring so much joy to others by caring for people when they’re sick and providing counsel for your friends. Your life is rich in many ways, but I can see that you feel like something is missing. I have been giving readings for so many men and women who feel unsure about whether or not they are fulfilling their highest potential in life. My theory is that we have been called to make a shift and step into our power by fully utilizing our creativity and talents. This shift is occurring to offset the widespread negativity and hate that has recently boiled to the surface of the world. You are absolutely headed in the right direction because you have already done so much for others in your personal life and career. You completed an important next step, which is honoring yourself by revaluating your life from a place of authenticity.

Although societal gender roles are shifting, many women have been socialized to accommodate others before taking care of themselves. I feel that this applies to you, and you are now awakening to the truth of who you are in this moment. While you’ve done a great job of following your bliss in the past in terms of creating a family and career, you may have, like many other women, ignored your inner voice in order to fulfill the role of wife and mother. As of right now, you need to focus on allowing your inner voice to flow, as she will be your guide. Find an activity that makes you feel happy and centered. I have an image of you playing the flute and/or piano. If that doesn’t resonate, create a quiet, sacred space in your home and listen to music with piano or flute as primary instruments. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and tell yourself that you are safe in exploring your true desires. Ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and free write your answer in a journal that is dedicated to this new phase in your life. Notice the negative thoughts that might pop up as you write, and let them float away. Journaling in general is a very good way for you to process your thoughts and feelings.

Speaking of writing, I see you working on a project that brings you joy. It looks like you are documenting stories about your parents and great-grand parents’ lives. I see you looking at a photo album of old pictures of your family members. Honoring your lineage is an important part of your life’s mission. I’m also hearing that you are a great story teller, and it’s time to put those talents on paper.

after taking care of so many people. You MUST create time every day to nurture yourself by meditating, journaling, getting your nails done, or exercising. It would be healthier for you to create boundaries with people in your life who rely on you more than is necessary. By taking a step back, your loved ones may realize they need to be more self-reliant in solving their own problems.

I also see that you are a pillar in your community. You are good at taking leadership positions and standing up for just causes. Have you ever thought of running for office, or chairing large scale events that benefit society? If so, the angels are providing validation that you should go for it!

You are a busy woman and my advice may feel overwhelming. Remember to take everything one step at a time. Choose to work on whatever feels right to you in the moment and remember there is absolutely no rush. Congratulate yourself for all the wonderful things you’ve done in your life so far. Be gentle and loving to yourself as your inner light continues to unfold.

Remember that taking care of yourself comes first. You often feel exhausted 280

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I’m looking forward to hearing from more

of you! Please email your question to Type Ask the Angels in the subject line and indicate how I should address you (using your real name, just initials, etc…) in my response. Feel free to visit my website if you’d like to schedule a reading or learn more about my offerings at or find me on Facebook at @sarahitkinintuitivehealer. DISCLAIMER: Despite confirmed psychic ability, intuitive visions and messages are not always 100% accurate. Therefore, Sarah Itkin and any sponsors must disclaim any and all liability to all persons and parties who act or rely upon her intuition. This column is for entertainment purposes only.

{get hypnotized with rw }

Back to school… not just for kids by howie jones

September is the time that kids go back to school. It’s also the time that most people get back to their regular schedule or start a new schedule to work out and eat right. If you’re like me, you spent the summer at parties, picnics, and get-togethers eating and drinking what you wanted. You may have even put on a pound…or five. As the kids go back to school, its time for you to get on the road to a healthy lifestyle. Most of my weight loss clients have the same questions. Here are some best practices and tips to help answer the most common weight loss questions. How much should I eat? Look at your hand. Your hand is the key and guide to eating correctly at each meal. • Your palm is the size of a piece of meat or protein. • 1/2 of your palm is the amount of bread or starch. • 3/4 of your palm is the amount of fruits. • 2 palms together is the amount of greens.

So the next time you look down at your hand you’ll have the perfect scale and model of what your plate should look like.

5000-10000 steps a day. Since I already walk I track my steps with a pedometer, I get extra steps by parking farther and walking more.

When should I eat? Eating times vary per person, but regardless of your schedule your day should include three meals at least three hours apart. Fasting 3 hours in between each meal is an important part of eating. During that time your body has time to digest, distribute nutrients around the body, and stabilize your blood sugar. If you must snack between meals grab a small handful of nuts or veggies.

So welcome back to school and welcome back to your routines. Weight loss and weight control does not have to be hard if you follow these few simple things. If you find you need more motivation, confidence, or even better weight control, find a professional to help you. If you need someone to help with the best foods for you, consult a nutritionist. If you’re drastically changing your diet and adding exercise, consult your doctor. Remember, there is no silver bullet to weight loss and weight control. Pills and get thin quick schemes will not get you there. It will take some effort on your part to eat right and exercise, but your body will thank you in the end.

Where should I eat? Eat meals at your table or any place that does not distract you from your food. Too many of my clients say they eat in front of the TV. The television is the biggest hypnotizer and distractor; this makes for mindless eating, which keeps your body from letting you know when your full. How much should I exercise? You must move to control your weight or to lose weight. Join a gym if you like, take a yoga class, try Tai Chi, take a walk with friends. Start slow, but start. I like to walk daily and the government recommends

About the Author H. Douglas Jones is the owner of Jones Hypnosis and the Howie Hypnotize Comedy Hypnosis Show. He is a Board Certified Hypnotist (BCH) and instructor with the National Guild of Hypnotists.

{ motherhood matters }

The Kids Are Back to School – Now It’s Your Turn! by monica infante

Making positive changes to my family’s eating habits has been on my to-do list for ages. It often felt like spending time on meal preparation (and especially on learning and experimenting) was a luxury, and with so many other responsibilities competing for attention, it just kept getting pushed farther and farther down on my list of priorities. Besides, I just didn’t know where to start – so much so that it felt paralyzing at times. But this summer, I decided to take the first step by turning to my best friend for help. Deb and I met at the Simon School here in Rochester many years ago, and to celebrate both my birthday and the end of my business’ event season, I treated myself to a vacation and visited her in Houston. Deb, who has been married for almost 20 years and has a 4-year-old son, is a terrific cook with literally decades of experience in meal-planning and cooking for herself and for her family. She took me to Kroger (nice, but it’s no Wegmans!) to share the ins and outs of picking produce, pantry basics to keep on hand, and other useful tips. We also took a

trip to Williams Sonoma, where she taught me about pots, pans, and utensils, and pointed out the gadgets to avoid as well as the ones I won’t want to live without. Now when I cook my grandmother’s pierogies for Christmas, I’ll know to use a spider (a kind of metal skimmer) to make them even more efficiently. Back at her house, Deb showed me basic cooking techniques and encouraged me to roll up my sleeves; she also gave me guidance on how to plan balanced, kid-friendly meals for my own family. As I experimented and learned in her kitchen, I felt like a kid again myself. I gained a lot of confidence—I knew a lot more than I gave myself credit for—and also learned from my (many) mistakes. I didn’t just learn useful skills this summer—I learned something about myself. To my surprise ... I love to cook! I’ve enjoyed involving my kids, too, as I hope to pass on what I learn to them (tonight, my 5-year-old made strawberries with a balsamic vinegar sauce and ricotta cream for dessert!). The combination of investing a little time in myself, being open to something new

(and being open to failure), and learning to follow my intuition, has been both invigorating and meditative. Of course, you don’t have to travel to a different state to improve your cooking abilities. You can get subscriptions to online learning resources like, visit Epicurious and countless other websites, and of course, watch The Food Network. Here in Rochester, one of my favorite options is the New York Wine and Culinary Center. I recently took a knife skills class there, which taught me a great deal in only an hour or two – it was also made for a fun afternoon date with my husband. You can enjoy a meal at their restaurant, too, and spending time in Canandaigua, with the view of the lake, the shopping opportunities downtown, and more, is always a bonus. Tops has a cooking school, as does Small World Food and Rochester Brainery, while organizations like Whole Bytes will come right to your home to teach you all the skills you need. (Unfortunately, Wegmans reduced their class offerings early this year

when they closed the Menu Cooking School at their Pittsford store.)

Watercolor Painting, Comedy Improvisation, and Cats 101.

Maybe you’re already a whiz in the kitchen—or maybe your partner is the chef in the household. Fortunately, Rochester holds so many other learning opportunities for you to invest in yourself. (Why should your kids have all the fun of learning new things?)

Move and groove: Rochester has many dance studios that can teach you all sorts of dance. Try swing dancing at Groove Juice or take a class with the Rochester Swing Dance Network, learn flamenco at the Hochstein School, or take ballroom dancing at Inikori Dance. The Draper Center can teach you ballet and jazz, while the Garth Fagan Dance School has an adult community class.

Here’s just a sampling:

Address your stress: As meditation becomes more mainstream, more places are offering the chance to try it. Locally, you can visit the Rochester Zen Center for workshops in Zen meditation, among others (and also check out their podcasts, videos, and streaming audio). Breathe Yoga has open meditation, guided meditation, and even online meditations. Learn almost anything: Rochester Brainery has an incredible variety of class choices, all at reasonable prices—ranging from cooking, photography, fitness, crafting, gardening, technology, and more. Their upcoming classes include Make Your Own Kombucha, Intro to

Get creative: With the thriving arts scene in Rochester, it’s not surprising that beginners can learn to create art here in so many ways. The Creative Workshop at the Memorial Art Gallery is a great place to start—it has classes in drawing, painting, weaving, pottery making, jewelry making, and more. To try your hand at glassmaking, you don’t have to go all the way to Corning (my hometown!)—check out The Rochester Arc + Flame Center or Studio 34 Creative Arts Learning Center. Learn a language: You can connect with local

Meetup groups ( that focus on learning and speaking Spanish, Japanese, and Russian, just to name a few. For more formal ways to learn, try the Rochester German School, St. Stanislaus Polish School, or the Rochester School for the Deaf (for ASL), or contact your local recreation department. Older adults can attend Rochester Oasis classes in Arabic, Latin, Italian, and more. Whether you choose one of the classes above or go with one of the countless others to choose from in our community, you’ll be so glad you did. Besides learning something new or getting better at a favorite pastime, you’ll boost your confidence and benefit from taking the time to do something just for yourself—and you may even make a friend or two. And, just as I’m sharing my new cooking skills with my kids, you may soon find yourself passing on your newfound knowledge to other eager learners. Monica Infante is the founder of Babies & Bumps and Toddlers & Tykes, annual events designed to educate parents and connect them with local resources that support their growing families. She lives in Brighton with her husband and two young children.

{ Building your Business with Biqi }

Understanding Your Audience BY Stephanie Nitya Armstrong

Engaging your Audience Effectively The way we speak to our consumers has (or at least it should have) changed drastically over the past ten years. In the age of the internet, our entire digital experience is completely customized to us. With big data and enormous amounts of analysis and programming, Google and Social Media platforms now have an incredibly accurate profile of who each user is – identifiable by an IP address. Just how accurate is their data? We can now specifically target much more than just ages and genders like common Neilson markers used in traditional media. Digital campaigns can target household incomes, parents with children of specific age ranges, people who are planning on getting married, buying a house or purchasing a vehicle, people who like yoga, people of specific job titles and so much more. Using behavioral data, we can now accurately identify individuals with


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

incredible precision, which has made hypertargeted creative content and messaging crucial to campaign success. In traditional media, generic messaging is typically best practice since advertisements will be shared with a wide range of individuals; however, the same methodology can’t be effectively applied to digital media since individuals on digital platforms are expecting a customized digital experience. Marketers and business owners now need to deeply expand their relationships with their consumers, understanding exactly who they are as people and why they engage with your brand. The focus of your marketing communication should no longer be focused on your product or service – it should be focused on your consumer. For example, BiQi provides digital and social media marketing services. That is what we do. But what we do is not very engaging, wouldn’t you agree? BiQi effectively engages

consumers through advanced pycho-social profiling and hyper-targeted social and digital marketing campaigns. This describes how we do what we do, which is a little better, but still not quite as engaging as we’d like to reach our audience of business owners. Too many service-focused language and not enough consumer-focused language. BiQi’s mission is to empower business owners in their personal, professional and economic expansion to their level of desired success, breaking through barriers, crushing goals and paving the path to prosperity and abundance of every kind. That is why we do what we do – and that’s a bit more compelling, right? For an awesome understanding of the inspiration of this method, watch Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” Ted Talk. Understanding why you do what you do is critical to authentically engaging with your audience. Why you do what you do should

be so deeply rooted in creating a solution or providing value in the lives of your consumer that they don’t just enjoy engaging with your business – they demand it. Look at brands who have done this effectively: Apple, Under Armour, Amazon, Wegmans. People don’t just casually buy their products. They’re obsessed. They don’t just engage with the brand. The brand is how they live their life. We’re not saying every company has this kind of handle on their marketing messages and truthfully, this kind of brand relationship takes time to build. What we are saying is, this is the level of marketing we should all be striving for. So where do you start? How do you start to understand more than your average consumer’s age and gender and start to get to the foundation of their relationship with you? The first place is, by talking to your consumers. There are many ways to find out more about them, the simplest being by talking to them about why they

chose your business over your competitors. What do you do differently? What is your competitive advantage? You can also provide surveys to gather pertinent information or utilize data gathering tools like Google Analytics or Facebook Insights to learn more about who your audience is and how they engage with your brand. Using this information, we can develop consumer personas, that is, a psycho-social profile of who your audience is – and target them with photos, videos, verbiage and other creative content personally. Not sure if this level of insight is necessary? The stats speak for themselves: • 74% of customers feel frustrated when website content is not personalized [Infosys] • 63% of respondents are highly annoyed by the way brands continue to rely on the old-fashioned strategy of blasting generic ad messages repeatedly [Marketo]

• 63% of consumers said they’d think more positively of a brand if it gave them content that was more valuable, interesting or relevant [Rapt Media] Make sure your brand stands out. Learn who your consumers are on a very personal level, segment your audiences and speak to them from the heart. You’ll be glad you did. Want to be an authentic, effective and demanded brand but not sure where to start? Contact us today – we’ll help you get started:

{ surviving & thriving }

No one ever expects it to happen by jamie betteridge

Many non-profits do great work and speak about the warning sides of suicide including: Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself; Looking for a way to kill oneself; Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose; Talking about feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain; Talking about being a burden to others; Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs; Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless; Sleeping too little or too much; Withdrawing or feeling isolated; Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge; and displaying extreme mood swings. Now I will say something that may be hard to swallow; we have all of these warning signs that are given to us yet when we lose people we love to suicide it is still a surprise. No one ever expects it to happen and perhaps it is because we always hope for the best and don’t want to think of something so sad and gruesome. Yet, when those closest to the ones lost look back, they always say “I should have noticed the signs.” Maybe we should have noticed the signs or maybe we did notice the signs, but did not want to acknowledge the worst. Maybe it is the combination of the stigma associated with mental illness and societies pressure to ‘rise above’, I should know, I worked myself into an emotional rut 288

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

that was very difficult to get out of. I began asking myself, “How did I get here?” After examining my life, it all became so clear. I realized that society and the culture that we, especially as American’s, surround ourselves in does not allow for breaks. It does not allow for failure. Think about the mottos that most American’s live by; “Pain is weakness leaving the body”, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”, “The best revenge is success” and the plethora of others. I realized this as I listened to my daily “motivational speeches” on YouTube where these phrases and concepts are running rampant. So take my daily brain programing and

pepper in high expectations at work to do the job of a million which could have been considered the “perfect storm” (turn over, illness, challenging employees and clients – dear God, how did I get through this again?), and it took me down a trail I couldn’t turn around from. They say hind sight is 20/20 but there is something to be said in the underlining cultural belief in our society that if you can’t “rise to the occasion”, even when those expectations are outrageous, you are perceived as less than. When are we ‘allowed’ to say enough is enough? As the school year starts, it is important to realize that children face this same pressure. They have to keep up with their classes, their friends, any extracurricular, apply for colleges and survive the maze of perfectionism that is social media. Then we have us, the adults. Honestly, I look at those superwomen on social media and wonder how they do it. How they manage to make their kids lunch every day, dominate their careers, while having a flawless contour. But the truth is, it is all bullshit. The internet is, mostly, a lie and no one really knows the full truth. Even in person, no one really knows someone’s full

truth. Even in person, no one really knows someone’s full truth completely. Yet we continue to put the pressure on ourselves and on others. We dictate how people should parent, engage in their relationships, handle their career, and basically every life choice is under a microscope and dear God I need to stress that we do this to each other and we do this to ourselves. It is almost sick. It is sick. So I propose that we take this time and engage in learning during these times of awareness. I propose that we check in on each other more often and with positive intention. That if we notice our friend not acting like themselves, if they continue to express how stressed they

are, we pay attention. We act on it. Invite them out for coffee, a movie, something. Tell them how wonderful they are and how much you care. I can tell you, that during my darkest times hearing from friends just to say that they are there for me and honestly not allowing me to cancel on them yet again meant the world. It showed I wasn’t alone.

If you or someone else is experiencing thoughts of suicide, haplessness, depression, etc. there is help. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Call 1-800-273-8255 Available 24 hours everyday.

And for those who feel alone and are struggling, know that you aren’t alone. You are important, you have worth, and you deserve happiness and I tell you it will come. It is okay to not be okay; we are here to hold you up. Breathe.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


Priceless Vessels, Inc. (PV) an organization---more like a sisterhood--of ethnically diverse professional women who are empowered and empower other women to excel in their professional, spiritual and personal lives.

All “Rockin’ Women” are Welcome! Join us on THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2017 at 6:00 pm for our “Fall Kick-off Event” for “Rockin’ Women” only ~~ We will have an interactive discussion on “WHAT AM I WORTH” led by Dr. CYNTHIA MCGILL, PV’s President. Dinner, wine, sodas and dessert included for only $39.00 at the lovely Chatterbox Club. Go online to learn more and register:

{ financial literacy with frank }

PART II by frank randall

Welcome to our second of a ten part series about financial literacy! Last month we covered the basic steps to Bucket Budgeting to help take control over our monthly finances. This month we will be Understanding How to Manage Your Debt and to learn the differences between good and bad debt. Simply put, debt is an amount of money borrowed by one party from another. A debt arrangement gives the borrowing party permission to borrow money under the condition that it is to be paid back at a later date, usually with interest. Good debt is usually an investment debt that creates value later on. Some examples of good debt would be buying a new home, taking a loan to improve a loan, or taking out a student loan to further your education. On the other hand we have bad debt. That is usually the purchase of disposable items or durable goods using high interest rate credit cards and then not paying the balance in full. Think when you are making a purchase at a store and


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

they ask you to sign up for an additional credit card. Yes, many store cards or credit cards have great rewards but they usually carry higher interest rates. When these credit cards grow to have high balances and are not paid off monthly that $700 credit card purchase can soon become a $1,100 purchase. As a matter of fact, the average household has $132,086 in total debt (home, student loan, cars etc…) and over $15,000 of that debt is credit card debt! Additionally, the average household is paying a total of $6600 in interest this year. How do we manage this debt? How do we have less of the bad debt? And what can we do? The Ten Steps to Managing

Your Debts are:

1) List all your debts 2) Make peace with your debts 3) rack household spending 4) Find the right tool 5) Be honest about your goals 6) Keep up with minimum payments 7) Pay extra towards your highest interests debts

8) Move balances to lower the amount of interest owed 9) Keep digging – don’t give up! 10) Think before you spend Some of these steps may sound familiar from last month, and are great practices to put into place! Listing All Your Debts with the total balance, monthly payment, and even the interest rate will help us decide where to focus our efforts to make the most powerful impact. Secondly, Making Peace with Your Debt will give you the confidence to make positive changes. We need to acknowledge that debt is a complex subject and know that debt can be a burden or a tremendous assistance in building wealth and financial freedom when used responsibility. Making peace with your debt is important because, often, debt is incurred by uncontrollable circumstances like an illness or unemployment. Knowing that with the proper plan we can manage it effectively.

Simply put, debt is an amount of money borrowed by one party from another. A debt arrangement gives the borrowing party permission to borrow money under the condition that it is to be paid back at a later date, usually with interest.

The third step is to Track Household Spending. Tracking the spending will help control the bad debt with credit card purchases. Who does the spending usually and what are they buying? Many times, parents give access to their card to other family members and before they know it the amount that was charged for far exceeds what was expected. Tracking household spending is something that will change month over month. When monthly purchases are made we want to track it to have control of what types of interest, if any at all, will be occurring on those purchases. Fourth, Find the Right Tool to help manage debt. There are many options out there when it comes to viewing all your debts in one place, and to create a personalized plan on the fly to help regularly track your progress. One of these resources that works well is MINT from MINT. com or in your app store.

types of debt before any more debt is taken. Keeping up with Minimum Payments is one of the most important things we can do to manage our debt. Missing payments does significant damage to credit scores and it’s always better to take the time to set up minimum payment plans. Falling behind on payments can increase the interest rates and make future borrowing more difficult as this is one of the main factors that can change your credit score. Paying Extra Towards Your Highest-Rate Debt will help you make meaning impacts on how much and how long you pay over time. For example, a credit card with 19% interest should be put at a priority before a credit card with 10% (keeping in mind to always pay minimums and not miss a payment). One of the other impactful ways to pay down high rate debt first is to Move the Balances to Lower the Amount of Interest Owed by consolidating.

over for a limited time at 0% interest. This way every dollar that you spend will go towards your balance and can pay off that debt quicker. By shifting debt to lower rates it can save thousands of dollars or years off your loans. Additionally using a Home Equity Loan or Personal Loan to move the credit card debt from 19% to 5, 6, or 7% is a smart way to manage your debt. Finally it is important to remember the last two steps, Keep Digging – Don’t Give Up, and, Think Before You Spend. Managing and getting out of debt is not something that happens in a week, month, or even a year – it is something that takes time and is not impossible. Before spending ask yourself, will this potential debt help you reach your goals? Do you really need it? Or how long will this take to pay off? These are the kind of questions that we need to ask ourselves before we make purchases on credit. That concludes this month’s workshop! Next month we will be covering How to Understand and Raise Your Credit Score. So be sure to return! And as always, if anyone has any questions on how to make a meaningful impact on their debt or help managing it please feel free to reach out. Frank Randall 585-288-4690 175 Winton Rd N. Rochester Ny 14610

Next is to Be Honest about Your Goals. Ask yourself if your spending habits are in sync with your values and goals? If you have a goal to save up for a home purchase then making excessive credit card purchases won’t help you with that goal. Being honest about your goals means to commit to yourself to pay down the bad

A great example of consolidating debt is to open a new credit card with a Balance Transfer option. For example, with a balance transfer you can take $3,500 in debt at 19% and move it to 0% for 15 months. How? Well if you get approved for a new credit card, many times they have promotional rates to transfer the debt


{ special feature }


ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ woman entrepreneur }

by rebecca jaffarian i photo by Daniel delucenay

1.How did you get your idea or concept for Thrive Potential?

My background in communication has always driven my professional direction. Working as a manager as far back as 1994, I recognized a need for organizational changes to increase the effectiveness of communicating inside and outside of the company. As a consultant I worked with people at every corporate level to define and implement the behaviors and messages they felt were most important to organizational success. This was very illuminating because I had the opportunity to see the inner workings of these companies. They all had one thing in common: leaders who were stuck in some way. So, I decided to learn everything I could to help individuals be their best selves at work. Everyone has the potential to be a leader. I believe that for an organization to thrive it must focus on growing the individuals within it. This underlies all of the work we do at Thrive Potential, as well as the teaching I do at RIT.

2. What was your mission at the outset


Our mission was—and still is—to help professionals be their best selves. In the early years I limited this to women, whose unique workplace challenges I have experienced. Many of my efforts still focus on women exclusively. For example, I helped create and continue to deliver the Step Forward Leadership program in conjunction with the Saunders College of Business. I quickly realized that struggles with bias, confidence and prioritization are not unique to women. Anyone who has the courage to say “I can be better” should have the opportunity to be supported in that journey. I believe in the potential of all people to thrive in the environments they choose, and we’re dedicated to helping them.

3.Please tell us about your background. How you were brought up? Who were some of your role models growing up?

I was born to young hippies in California, who unintentionally (I think!) passed on a bit of that counter-culture mentality. I have always been motivated to improve the status quo. I know some of this comes from my innate behavioral style but I can’t help thinking some comes from the fact that I spent my toddler-hood living in a school bus on a commune. True story. Because both of my parents worked (and it was the 70’s) I became independent at an early age. I became fascinated with human behavior (my best friend and I formed a spy club) and entrepreneurship (we also washed cars and managed our own lemonade stand). The coach (and rebel) in me resists the term “role model”. While I deeply admire and respect many peers, mentors, and historical figures, I believe we should all serve as our own role models. That said,

the first person who really inspired me was Dr. Diane Hope, one of my communication professors. She was smart, strong and funny; she worked to make the world a better place for women and people of color.

4. To what do you attribute your success?

To the extent that works in progress can be deemed successes, I’d say my success is being built on a solid foundation of personal development, internal motivation and external support. After leaving my job as a consultant, I spent a year focused on my own growth. Completing my Master’s degree while immersing myself in a leadership and coaching program was transformational. I am naturally driven to help others and to learn, which keeps me motivated to be of service and continually grow. I like connecting with new people, which gives me an ever-growing network of professional opportunities. My parents and my husband all supported me in many ways to get the education and experience I needed to get Thrive Potential to, well, thrive. My children make me feel successful even when things look dark. My clients are wonderful. My friends are so supportive. And there are so many authors who have unknowingly sparked in me ideas for developing Thrive Potential programs and approaches.

5. What advice would you give to young women who want to succeed in the workplace? This is hard. I’d want to meet them, to understand the unique challenges and try to address those specifically. But in general, I’d say women have to be especially intentional. We know from experience that bias against powerful women exists. We see it reflected in media portrayals, political theater and outspoken businesswomen. It’s important to be aware of others’ expectations and adapt our behavior in certain circumstances. And it’s important to balance that with confident expression of our true selves.

So, I would say: find what you’re best at doing, discuss it with friends, mentors, family, and maybe a coach. Determine a direction, proceed and don’t be afraid if the course winds around or if the terrain gets difficult. The path to success is not straight. Making a sharp turn does not mean you are lost.. . . And don’t think you have to do it alone. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

6.Do you think women feel intimidated in business? By men or other women?

This is a big topic, one that continues to be researched and written about. One reason women may shy away from working with men is the difference between how these genders tend to communicate. In general, men see interactions through a status lens, while women view interactions in terms of relationship. If someone who is ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017


{ woman entrepreneur } concerned with relationship perceives someone else who wants to be in a power-up position, she is likely to be more tentative about how she interacts with him.

still have a Rochester presence. And there are so many places in the US I still want to see. I also want to read more. (Preferably in the sun, on a beach!)

Intimidation can also be often a product of our own internal storytelling. When we tell ourselves, “I don’t know how” or, “They think they’re better than me”, we impact our ability to assert ourselves in a rational way. A lot of the coaching we do at Thrive Potential helps women change those stories, which can be very empowering.

9. What have you learned about leadership, entrepreneurship and mentoring others?

Another contributor to intimidation is behavioral style. People who have steady or analytical styles can feel intimidated by those who are dominant or gregarious. I’m a big fan of using DISC assessments to help clients appreciate different styles, how they may react, and how they can adapt to be more effective. Our past experiences and social norms provide an extra layer of complication. Women have unique experiences in business—you can simply look at the wage gap to see there are some pretty major differences. And the bias I mentioned before represents a real issue for women: we tend to be judged more harshly than our male counterparts, pushed to the extremes of typecasting. If a woman is aggressive she’s likely to encounter backlash. If she’s caring and gentle, she compromises her agency. I deliver a workshop on this, called The Bitch or the Doormat™.

7. Who or what are your biggest inspirations for your career? Your life?

I’m inspired by need and the potential we all have to be better. When we consider the problems in our own lives, in businesses, and even the world, we each have the choice to be part of the problem or part of the solution. To be part of the solution means helping others and growing in the process. That’s what I try to do.

8. What are some of your professional goals for the future? What’s on your bucket list? Personally and Professionally.

I want to grow Thrive Potential to reach more people who need it. I’m starting to do more virtual coaching so I can connect with people outside of Rochester. I’m also doing more collaboration with other local businesswomen. I really believe we are stronger together, so I’m trying to be better at teaming with people who provide complementary services. I am working on becoming to a more disciplined writer. I’m excited to take Jane Sutter’s upcoming Blogging 201 class at Writers and Books, and am creating some ebooks with content I’ve already created. I’d like to live abroad for a while. Our family has discussed this and dismissed it for the short term but it’s a very compelling desire in me. This is another reason why I want to leverage technology. I could live anywhere and 296

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: september 2017

Mentoring and leading are as much about learning as teaching. Anyone can be a leader, entrepreneur or mentor. I was at the Mayor’s “Inspiring Beauty” red carpet event this spring and a young woman spoke about the skincare company she recently launched. She makes everything in her home, distributes it herself and donates a portion to charity. She’s been featured on the local news and national television talk shows. She was there that night encouraging the attendees to dream big and take risks. She’s 16.

10. What has the role of luck been in your success?

When I work with women who are transitioning out of homelessness, I know that luck is the biggest difference between us. I’m lucky to have been born with middle-class, white privilege into a well-educated, supportive and loving family. The educational and leadership opportunities I’ve pursued may have been much more difficult to attain had my circumstances been different. I’m lucky my family is healthy, my parents still active, and that I live in an area of the world that’s relatively accepting of me as a person and a businesswoman.

11. What is the one thing you find to be true that most people would disagree with? I believe that telling the person across from us that, “you hurt my feelings” is only accurate if we are looking in the mirror. Our feelings don’t get hurt unless we participate. People can only upset us if we let them.

12. What were some of the biggest lessons that have impacted the way you work? What was the lesson, and what was it like before and after?

I learned a lot from my first semester of teaching at RIT. As a facilitator and coach, I initially adjusted my style to be more lecture based. While some lecture is needed, I learned that the students (like adult learners) prefer interactive lessons. Now I use a more experiential approach, incorporating activities in every class. I was also reminded to not take myself too seriously. As the instructor for the only communication course many of these students will take in college, I feel a great sense of responsibility for them to learn as much as possible. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun while doing it. So, I loosened up a bit and now we do things like reading Dr. Seuss aloud

to prepare for public speaking.

13. Define “Success”.

For me success is a journey, not a destination. I know I’m successful if I feel energized, happy, present and focused. I believe success is messy, non-linear and full of exciting opportunities.

14. What did you learn from the worst boss you ever had?

Management is an appointment; leadership is a commitment.

15. What’s your favorite book?

I really can’t pick one favorite book (or movie, or food, or color, or place). I am slightly addicted to non-fiction books related to leadership, communication and social issues (most recently: Presence and The New Jim Crow). I love novels (most recently: Commonwealth), classics (most recently: The Tale of Two Cities), and funny memoir (most recently: Amy Schumer).

16. What did you learn from your biggest failure?

My biggest failure is yet to come! If you don’t reach past your grasp, you don’t grow. Inherent in reaching out like that is the very real risk of failure, and I’m reaching out every day.

17. What would you like the readers of Rochester Woman Online Magazine to know about you?

People meet me and think I’m outgoing and gregarious. While that’s true, I’m also a bit of an introvert who used to be petrified of speaking in front of even a small group. Now, I choose to spend much of my professional life in front of an audience. It just took a little while to discover my potential and thrive.

18. Why is community service important to you?

I believe in, and try to model, servant leadership. As a leader in the community, I see it as part of my responsibility to serve others. Some of my most meaningful experiences happen as part of my community service.

19. What are your three (3) biggest accomplishments?

My family. My first keynote address. Being able to pay others who help Thrive Potential be successful.

20. What other female leaders do you admire or look up to? Why?

We just visited Seneca Falls the other day. A woman was dressed as Elizabeth Cady Stanton. The woman was very well versed in Stanton’s biography and psychology, and I learned a lot that I didn’t know. It’s hard to have heroes (as I mentioned above), and I realize now why. Stanton was mostly perfect: she was interested in human rights, remained a good friend to both Frederick Douglass and Susan B. Anthony and mothered seven children.


{ calendar of events }

Pop Up Sip and Sun Happy Hour

location: Fairport Brewery 99 S. Main St., Fairport, New York time: 5:30-6:30pm

Mossa Dance Presents “Obstacles” At Rochester Fringe Festival

location: School of the Arts 45 Prince St, Rochester, New York 14607 TIMe: 5:30-6:30pm

The Naples Grape Festival

location: 137 N Main St, Naples, NY TIMe: 10am-5pm more info: www.naplesgrapefest. org

more info: http://rochesterfringe. com/tickets-and-shows/ obstacles




The Purpl Lady® 7th Fest

loca 845 Yellow Palmyra

TIMe: 9

more www.thepurplepaintedlady festival


le Painted h Annual tival

ation: ellow Mills Road almyra NY 14522


e info: thepurplepaintedlady



{ calendar of events }

Barktober Fest Walk for the Animals

Monnalisa Boudoir Marathon

RMSC After Dark: Carnival of Curiosity

location: 99 Victor Rd, Fairport, New York 14450

location: rochester, ny

location: 657 East Ave, Rochester, New York 14607

TIMe: 10am-4pm more info:


TIMe: 11am-2pm more info: http://gscollo. monnalisaboudoir


TIMe: 7-11pm more info: https://11302.


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