RWO Nov-Dec 2018 by Rochester Woman Online

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Worth More Nation

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ROBIN DEWIND IN HER OWN WORDS

IS YOUR HOO-HA HAPPY? Mary Elizabeth Nesser GOES VIRAL

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Curious where to host your holiday event? The holidays are a special time of year â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and every event deserves a venue just as special: the RMSC. Located in Rochesterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s historic East End, the RMSC offers elegant, classic, and science-inspired venues for your holiday event. This season, consider the intimate Cunningham House, the spacious Eisenhart Auditorium, or our formal Ballroom and Palm Court. Or for an out-of-the-ordinary experience, host your event in the Science Museum. We can help arrange a truly unique experience for intimate groups of 40 to 60 guests or larger groups of 150 to 200. To learn more, contact our hospitality coordinator: hospitality@rmsc.org or 585.697.1943.

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nov.-dec

COVER STORY 18 HOME OF THE HAPPY HOO-HA mary elizabeth nesser

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146

c. 2018

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REGULARS 52

WORTH MORE NATION

CENTERSTAGE

IN HER OWN WORDS Robin Dewind

LOCAL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT Q Salon

FOR A GOOD CAUSE Upstate Special Needs Planning CDS Life Transitions

104

IN HER OWN WORDS Denise Davis Cruz

108

FINANCIALLY SPEAKING

116

VISIONARY MINDS

122

134

WOMEN WHO INSPIRE Linda Wilson Joelle

142

REEL TALK

146

LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS Hair We Love Salon

162

THE INTELLIGENT TRAVELER

166

MORTGAGE TIPS FOR WOMEN

178

STRATAGEM

188

PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY

192

LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS Doc Popcorn

200

ASK SHARON

240

LAW & HIPHOP

248

PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT CBD

258

A WOMANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S PERSPECTIVE

262 268

IN HER WORDS HARNESS YOUR OWN ABILITIES

nov.-dec.2018 { TABLE OF CONTENTS }

258

REGULARS

HEALTH & WELLNESS

274 376 284 286 294 300

278 280 296

YOU MATTER

IT’S A SUITE LIFE

THE GUTSY WOMAN

MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE DIY WITH TRACY WOMEN LEADERSHIP

HEALTH & WELLNESS

92 154

112 162 206 210 214 218 222

BE BALANCED CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN SKIN MIND, BODY, SPIRIT

DIGGING INTO YOUR MIND

THE COUNSELING MOVEMENT

FASHION & BEAUTY 122

RESPONSIBLE BEAUTY

174

STYLIN WITH ASHLEY

234

AUD MAKEUP TALK

SPECIAL FEATURES 28

HOLIDAY GIFT GIVING GUIDE

SOUND & THE CITY

TRISTAN’S STORY

ASK THE DOCTOR

FOOD

EMPOWERED LIVING

THE HONEYBROOK HEALTH CORNER

226 242 254

COACHING WITH GINNY

IN HER DEFENSE CRAZY FIT MAMA

PLATTER CHATTER Roam Cafe

184

MEALS BY DELEO

A BALANCED LIFE

136

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{ FROM THE PUBLISHER }

“The holiday season is the perfect time to reflect on our blessings and seek out ways to make life better for those around us.”

onquering the world is just what the Diva’s of Rochester Woman Online plan to do...the world of online publishing that is!

Ladie’s, is your hoo-ha happy? Well Mary Elizabeth Nesser female entrepreneur, author, and now viral sensation can make that happen in just 10 minutes with her brazilian waxing technique that has made her the “home of the happy hoo-ha”. Read all about her exploits, why she has gone viral, and what her plans are for the future in this edition of Rochester Woman Online starting on page [18]. Or, go and visit her and wax it all before the holidays! The yearly holiday edition is always one of our largest of the year. Filled with incredible stories, gift ideas, local places to shop for that perfect gift, and even tips for making it through this crazy season. Starting on page [ ] , check out some fabulous finds, local business and great gift ideas from the diva’s at RWO.

Kelly T T

ON OUR COVER

The viral sensation, and “home of the happy hoo-ha” and the 10 minute brazilian wax female entrepreneur, Mary Elizabeth Nesser was photographed on location at Wax It All Spa by Devin Mack of DFunLife Photohraphy.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ A LOOK AT OUR TEAM }

PUBLISHER EDITOR-IN CHIEF CREATIVE DIRECTOR/GRAPHIC DESIGN PHOTOGRAPHY

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

ADVERTISING SALES

Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Kelly Breuer Devin Mack Marisa Nicodemus Sarah Salvilla - Artistic Photography Sandy Arena Joe Marino Michele Ashlee Stratagem Cheryl Kates-Benman Ashley Michaelsen Liza Pabon Phyllis Haberer Gloria Onderdonk Olga Monacell Dave Jenkins Alana Cahoon Audrey Avirett Malena Guadagnino Linda Harris Jason Kropidlowski Alexis Santos Shari Santos Ralph Merato Tracy Brucato Joy Leccese Tammy Reese Judi Swanson Michaele C. Gantz Roberta Goheen Nicole Lambert Tracy Echeverri Paulette Petix Sharon Quarteart Michael Quarteart Karen Harmon Darin Fass

Robin DeWind Hannah Brook Tunya Griffin Denise Davis Cruz Shanna Marr Ginny Hronek Meg Tudman Burton Gustavo Judi Swanson Lisa Wagner Dr Larry Peshkin Jillian Hannold Leticia Ferrar Sandy Arena Anna Coon Kelly Betz Holborn Bonnie Floyd Lori Nolan Allison Warren

Kelly Breuer

SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR

The Next Design

WEB DESIGN & MANAGEMENT

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Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

Saturday, Oct. 5, 2018 - April, 2019

Have you ever wondered how you hear, see, and feel sound? Discover how sound is made in hands-on exhibits that let you see the motion from sound waves. Feel sound move through you in the butt-kicker chair. Dance under sound domes, groove to different genres of music, discover how instruments make music, and relax in a sensory-friendly space. Plus, explore musicâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s roots around the world with one-of-a-kind items from RMSCâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s collections. This exhibit experience is presented by:

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IS YOUR HO { COVER STORY }

Happy? 18

BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN, ESQ. I PHOTOS BY DEVIN MACK ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

OO-HA { COVER STORY }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{{ COVER COVER STORY STORY }} “Mark & M.E. is known as the home of the “ten-minute Brazilian” because I developed a technique twenty years ago, allowing me to safely and efficiently perform the service in 10 minutes or less. My sense of humor is included as a bonus.”

Local female entrepreneur, Mary Elizabeth Nesser is the brains behind the latest example of social media marketing Gone Wild!!! You may have caught her video that has gone viral all over social media promoting her salon Wax It All. It currently has over 6 million views showcasing her claim to fame of doing the 10 minute Brazilian at the “Home of the Happy Hoo-Ha”.

I believe this is what makes women come in from Rochester and beyond! Clients come in from surrounding areas and it’s humbling to have such a wide service-base”.

The video shows what a woman goes through from driving to the appointment for the first time, to the entire experience of receing the service, and all of the comical and entertianing moments that can happen while you are there, exposed. It’s the raw and very real deal! It’ the Brazilian wax 101 video diary. The video was a risky strategy, as the person in the video is honestly portraying what it feels like to have your most intimate areas waxed. Mary Elizabeth can attest that her technique is widely sought after and women come in from all over to obtain her services. So she is trulymore than just locally known for her “10 minute” claim to fame. She tells us that “Mark & M.E. is known as the home of the “tenminute Brazilian” because I developed a technique twenty years ago, allowing me to safely and efficiently perform the service in 10 minutes or less. My sense of humor is included as a bonus.

Mary Elizabeth came to Rochester in 1984, where she attended the University of Rochester. She obtained a BA in Sociology. She then continued for a Master’s at Nazareth. She met Mark, her soul mate and they married in her

senior year of college. She took a nail class and began doing artificial nails at the family business (Mark’s), Style-ORama while attending grad school. Mark purchased the business from his parents. It is now re-named (Mark & M.E.). The M.E. for Mary Elizabeth. Mary Elizabeth then attended beauty school. The couple comes from families who were entrepreneur’s and they followed in their parents’ footsteps. Mary Elizabeth reports she always loved to wax, and she indicates she was the first to do Brazilians in the Rochester area in the early nineties. She was selftaught as this wasn’t n option in school when she attended. This became her niche. She indicates:“I love making women feel sexy. There is something very empowering about getting a Brazilian. I love giving women that sense of power and confidence. I’ve also enjoyed getting to know thousands of women intimately over the years. As Brazilians have become more mainstream, I am waxing women of all sizes, shapes and ages. People assume bigger clients are more difficult, but that isn’t the case. The only part of waxing that bothers me is when I come across unclean body parts. But I treat it like I am a nurse and just try to look past unhygienic customers and treat each person the same.” In January 2018, Mary Elizabeth opened the second location of the business; Wax ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

it All, in Pittsford, NY. She’s always wanted a waxing salon and it was fun to bring her specialized technique to the East Side. Mark & M.E. is located in Henrietta. While in college, Mary Elizabeth, in addition to doing nails, taught school in East Rochester where she also owns rental properties. She remembers some words of wisdom from a lecture she gave stating, “Find a job you’re passionate about and embrace the things that make you happy. I was a good teacher, but I didn’t love it. I did both jobs for three years until I felt secure enough to be busy at the salon. 22

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

I believe if you love your job, the rest of your life will be more fulfilling because we spend so much time at work”. Mary Elizabeth says waxing is not friendly on the body. Ten years ago, she herniated a disc in her neck waxing a client with stubborn hair. Since then, her neck is severely degenerated. Additionally, other areas of her body developed arthritis and tendonitis. She doesn’t let this deter her from what she loves. She additionally, has suffered from the condition Fibromyalgia since a teen. Mary Elizabeth indicated her husband

Mark is a source of inspiration to her and being married for 31 years is definitely a solid foundation for her success. She also has three grown children who are all “college educated and awesome people”. She shares with us that, “Our children are our greatest accomplishments in life. We are busy, but both my husband and I like to be productive, so we budget our time. We exercise, eat well, travel and work hard. I love the concept that we work hard, play hard and love even harder!” Mary Elizabeth was also a writer for

{ COVER STORY } “I am really proud of the name and logo “The Happy Hoo-Ha”. I think it’s impossible not to look at the logo and its name and not smile”.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ {SHIFT+CONTROL COVER STORY } } “Currently, our video has well over 6 million views. Some people really do scream like that, but it isn’t common for most people to act that crazy. We are aspiring to have Ellen pick up the video and have us on her show!.”

Rochester Woman Online, where she shared her wealth of knowledge with our readers for a two-year period. She had a cheeky twist to her columns that would make readers laugh out loud. She is also the author of a “humorous non-fiction trilogy” The Happy Hoo-Ha and a “sexy fictional series” A Promise of Passion, available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Now, her viral video definitely demonstrates her philosophy: “I am really proud of the name and logo “The Happy Hoo-Ha”. I think it’s

Let’s all visit her on social media, view her video, and help her get on Ellen! Trust me, you don’t want to miss it because it is hysterical.

After developing her unique branding concept and logo, Mary Elizabeth sees a future with “The Happy Hoo-Ha” and envisions a product-line or theatrical production. She is grateful her husband is supportive of her and believes in her ideas, “even the crazy ones” including her two stand-up routines. Her latest endeavor is a memoir, “F” You Fibro”. This is an inspirational memoir about living a productive and happy life, in spite of suffering from this condition. Mary Elizabeth is confident she can help others suffering from chronic pain by sharing her story. She is currently looking for an agent. Her future will entail continuing to write. She looks forward to sharing her love and knowledge of waxing!

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

She continued discussing the video saying, “Currently, our video has well over 6 million views. Some people really do scream like that, but it isn’t common for most people to act that crazy. We are aspiring to have Ellen pick up the video and have us on her show!”.

RWO leaves you with the question of the day: “ Is your Hoo-Ha happy? If not, go see Mary Elizabeth at Wax it All! Waxing is one of the most popular services performed each week at Mark & M.E., and they offer all types of body waxing for both women and men. Legs, arms, brows, backs, and all types of bikinis are done by our talented and experienced wax specialists. They have a very large and loyal clientele who love their waxing style, and we’re sure you’ll love it too!

impossible not to look at the logo and its name and not smile”.

Wax It All 3300 Monroe Ave Suite 201, Loehmanns Plaza,

NY 14618 www.markandme.com

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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

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IT WAS CHRISTMAS 2007 ARTICLE & PHOTOS BY SANDY ARENA

It was Christmas 2007. I had met up with our twins at a Christmas party my 501C3, faith-based dance studio had hosted for mothers in need and their children. They had walked into the party with their younger cousin Shakur and their older sister Jhyni, and I noticed them right away through the crowds, noise and the festivities. My heart beat a little faster and I couldn’t take my eyes off them. They were walking around together – timid and curious - taking it all in, wide-eyed and innocent. I had known they were coming because I knew of their story and I was told they were going to be there. And, because I knew of their story, I was poised and ready to love on them perhaps in an even greater measure than the 100 or so other children in need that were also there that day. Likewise and for some reason I can’t explain except that it was divine knowledge, I was also well aware that they were going to be in our lives well beyond this charity event we were hosting. Their 15-year-old cousin Bam Bam had been shot in the dark of night in an inner city park in Rochester a few years prior to the time of our party. The twins – only 6 years old at the time - had prayed God would reveal who murdered him. Their prayer was answered when the family miraculously discovered years later through a confession made by the killer to his cellmate that he had indeed shot Bam Bam. This person – 52

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

who was actually a family friend - was in jail at the time of the confession for a different crime than the one he had just admitted. A degree of justice had been served. Bam Bam was a football player and the family had suffered terribly in the aftermath – addiction, hopelessness, rage, poverty. It was an unthinkable and horrendous circumstance. I asked myself how this could have happened just 15 minutes from my comfortable, predictable,

safe and violent-free world. This world, to which I had been introduced by the twins, was a world I had previously known nothing about. I felt ashamed, shallow, and ignorant. They made me see that which was uncomfortable to see, and once I saw, I wanted to shelter, love, help and comfort them. I wanted to keep them away from violence and the realities of gunshot murder from family friends. As they were leaving the party, I hugged them all good-bye and scooped Shakur into my arms and

prayed for him. I told him he was a king. I knew I would see them all again. Christmas was a few days after the party and some folks associated with our dance studio had some gifts to give to Shakur (Bam Bam’s younger brother). My family – husband Sam, and children Alexis, Caleb and Annaliese – drove around Monroe County picking up the gifts on Christmas Eve. We called Shakur and learned that he was at his aunt’s house – the home of the twins. We drove over there in the late afternoon, grey clouds looming over the thick, cold air, sun slipping quickly away into the darkness of the Rochester night. We found their home in the middle of inner city – amidst broken down buildings and businesses, and e m p t y, t r a s h filled lots. Like the sinking sun, there was a feeling of barrenness and sadness. We knocked on the door and no one came. We let ourselves in feeling overdressed in our holiday wear. We were planning to drop the gifts and head off to a neighbor’s party in our town of Pittsford. The house was empty and dim. No people. No furniture. No food. I remember there were a few eggs boiling in a pot on the stove, but there were no adults tending to the pot. The air was also thick inside. Smoke filled to the point of breathlessness, mixed with

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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

This Christmas we a for some children in o our organization, ou will forever be etche heart, and to help bri fos

are doing something special our community in honor of ur twins and their story that ed in the deep places of my ighten the day of children in ster care.

a scent of grease. I felt a stinging in my eyes. We called out to the emptiness and then noticed the children alone in the furniture-less, living room. There they were - the twins, Jhyni, and Shakur. There were no adults. No Christmas trees. No festivities. No presents. No food. We put Shakur’s gifts down and quickly looked at each other knowingly and said we had some gifts for Shakur but that we would be back with more gifts for the other children and also food, which we quickly tended to and made our way back. When we arrived an hour or so later, there was an ambulance out front and we were appalled. What in the world? We ran to the door fearful of what had transpired. It turns out their biological mother had been there in the home after all, and she was in labor. As if the whole evening wasn’t surreal enough, their younger brother Daunte was born that Christmas Eve just like the call on our family’s life was also born. In the dark, stillness of the night, I knew our family would never be the same. Fast forward to today where the twins now live with our family full time. 56

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

This story is not just to tell of their sad stories, but also to perhaps inspire you into action. Our twins are just a few kids who at one time lived like many kids still live in our city, our country and in our world today. Currently, there are 117,000 foster children in our country awaiting adoption to permanent, loving homes. While we can’t help all of them, we can do something to help some of them. Claudia – one of the twins – and I started an organization a year ago called Worth More Nation which empowers kids in foster care to know they are Worth More. We have had several initiatives over the past year including our Miss Worth More Nation Pageant for Girls in Foster Care and our Claudia’s Closet offering special occasion wear for girls in foster care. This Christmas we are doing something special for some children in our community in honor of our organization, our twins and their story that will forever be etched in the deep places of my heart, and to help brighten the day of children in foster care. Please read more of the details about our Foster Care Gift Drive

and consider helping! I always say that the twins have blessed me more than the other way around, and I am sure if you open your heart and mind to the idea of helping a child in need, you too will be deeply blessed. See the information below, and always remember that you are WORTH MORE! We are collecting Christmas gifts for children in foster care for an agency in upstate New York. Please email us at info@worthmorenation.org if you would like to bring some extra love to a child this Christmas or visit our Sign Up Genius at: https://www.signupgenius. com/go/70a084aa8ab28a7fb6-foster. We have children on our list ages 3 weeks to 13, both male and female, as well as a list of suggested gifts and clothing sizes for each child. We will be collecting gifts at our Worth More Nation studios in Fairport Village and also at Mossa Dance’s original ballet - Snow White - at Cobblestone Arts Center on November 30 through December 2. Please drop off new, unwrapped gifts.

{ THE CENTERSTAGE }

QUEENS VS. THE KING BY RALPH MERATO

IN NEW COMEDY AT JCC CENTERSTAGE It probably says a lot about the way Drag Culture has filtered down through all levels of society that one of America’s most popular new comedies is Matthew Lopez’ The Legend of Georgia McBride. Set in a Florida dive bar, the comedy explores unexpected paths for all the characters when Casey (Kevin Plinkze) a down-onhis-luck Elvis impersonator, with a pregnant wife at home, loses his gig to a pair of Drag queens. Arguably we can thank RuPaul‘s Drag Race for making Drag part of the m a i n s t re a m America, but there is no question we can thank the iconic show for making national names of Rochester’s Mrs. Kasha Davis (Season 7), Darienne Lake (Season 6) and Pandora Box (season 1). Fresh off her run in the Rocky Horror Show at Blackfriars Theatre, Mrs. Kasha Davis pairs with her BIG

WIGS cohort Miss Aggy Dune in The Legend of Georgia McBride, a show that explores both the onstage and behind-the-scene world of drag. Aggy Dune, a.k.a. Thomas Smalley, also serves as choreographer and costume/wig/make-up designer for the show. Audiences can expect fun characters,

a taste of drag and am impactful story all rolled into 90 minutes of music and humor. For those that enjoy that taste of drag, they will be able to return to the JCC later in December for a full on drag show starring the two BIG WIGS themselves in their

annual New Year’s Eve weekend shows. The Legend of Georgia McBride is written by Matthew Lopez, a Latinx playwright who did not write any Latinx characters into the play, but often plays with themes of diversity, acceptance and prejudice in his works. Local Latinx writers will take part in a post-show talk back “Latinx Voices, American Stories” on December 13 in conjunction with Rochester’s Latino Theatre Company Themes of acceptance weight heavily in The Legend of Georgia McBride as each character learns to navigate new ground. Incorporating serious themes into a highly entertaining comedy is a continuing theme for the CenterStage this season. Coming fresh off a hit with Becoming Dr. Ruth, Artistic Director Ralph Meranto steals a line from Dr. Ruth or he says “a lesson learned with humor as a lesson remembered.” The Legend of Georgia McBride DECEMBER 1-16, 2018

{ THE CENTERSTAGE }

PHOTO BY TAMMY SWALES

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ THE CENTERSTAGE } Audiences can expect fun characters, a taste of drag and am impactful story all rolled into 90 minutes of music and humor. For those that enjoy that taste of drag, they will be able to return to the JCC later in December for a full on drag show starring the two BIG WIGS themselves in their annual New Year’s Eve weekend shows.

A Comedy by Matthew Lopez Directed by David Runzo Special Appearances by Mrs. Kasha Davis and Aggy Dune AREA PREMIERE - When a downon-his-luck Elvis impersonator, with a pregnant wife at home, loses his gig to a pair of B-level drag queens, the stage is set for a hilarious and entertaining stand-off, complete with sequins, feather boas, and that iconic white jumpsuit. Before Elvis 60

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

leaves the building, can a couple of drag queens teach him what it takes to be a “real” man? · Saturday, December 1 at 8pm · Sunday, December 2 at 2pm · Thursday, December 6 at 7pm · Saturday, December 8 at 8pm · Sunday, December 9 at 2pm - Live Open Captioned Performance · Thursday, December 13 at 7pm Live Open Captioned Performance

· Saturday, December 15 at 8pm · Sunday, December 16 at 2pm TICKET INFORMATION: Reserved Seating: $33/$29 for JCC Members/$20 Students Tickets available online: jcccenterstage. org<http://jcccenterstage.org/> Phone: (585) 461-2000

{ IN HER OWN WORDS }

ROBIN DEWIND BY ROBIN DEWIND I PHOTOS BY STRATAGEM

I think life is really a series of chapters. I remember one that stands out from the others. I had to make a choice about my career. I was four months shy of turning fifty, and I felt pretty comfortable.

Leaving behind a hefty paycheck, health benefits, and 401K contributions was hard to imagine. Having to look my ten year old daughter in the face and tell her I was taking a chance on me, was trickier.

She had nailed what had been nagging me on my drive home.

I had an established career as a local broadcast journalist. I spent many chapters working hard to establish myself and to get comfortable. The missed weekends, baby showers, weddings, holidays, late nights, early mornings, brutal weather live shots and ruined high heels were all worth it. I was halfway through my book, and I loved how the story read.

Children have this incredible perspective. They sit strapped in the back seat of the car for most their young lives listening to us rant, rave and complain. I had to look in the mirror everyday for my job, but I had never noticed the reflection she had so easily seen.

On a Thursday afternoon I got the call to go upstairs and was asked to make a choice. I could stay with concessions, or I could explore “new opportunities.”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

She cried. But then she stopped. “Mom, you haven’t seemed happy for a long time.”

That is a word I am now very uncomfortable with.

I thought at my age I d i d n’t n e e d n e w opportunities. It was a tighter economy and businesses had mastered the art of doing more with less. There was a choice to be made, and rather than stay, I decided to turn the page.

She was confused and sad but then reflective about how this change was going to affect her status at school. Not many mommies are on television.

I had already moved on from the work, but not the job. Complacency had taken over, and I was too comfortable to notice. For the next 527 days I looked for work. A new chapter had to be written but I didn’t have the words, not even the first sentence. It was June and third grade was wrapping up. I believe in being direct, so I just told her “Mommy won’t be on TV anymore.”

My 28 year career was now buried on the last page of my resume that had to be downloaded as a file to an online job application which then required pages of generic questions and a pass code so

{ {COVER HER EDGE STORY } }

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

“I think life is really a series of chapters. I remember one that stands out from the others. I had to make a choice about my career. I was four months shy of turning fifty, and I felt pretty comfortable. That is a word I am now very uncomfortable with. ”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ IN HER OWN WORDS} } { SHIFT+CONTROL “Career success mattered, but being present requires more effort. I was now able to watch my daughter grow up with a front row seat.”

a faceless talent acquisition specialist could pick mine out from the hundreds submitted. Door knocking seemed as outdated as my job searching skills. I was always a runner up, never landing the big job. My skills just didn’t match up. The rejection was exhausting, so I decided to stop looking. I took a deep breath, and chose to embrace the daily details that had become my life while I was waiting for my next life to happen. I had nowhere to go; except school. I drove my daughter to and from fourth grade every day. The school pickup was the most fascinating. Fifteen minutes before the bell rings all the moms, dads, grandparents and babysitters gather for social networking. It’s the stayat-home version of the water cooler. Friendships are formed, deals are sealed and numbers are exchanged. The commonality was strange at first. I met parents who had former careers, those who had lost their jobs, others who worked at home. I used to loath the school functions because all I saw were “moms” who prioritized carpools and crafts, and fundraisers. I wrote checks. I did not bake, volunteer, or give a crap about their crap. I would chuckle with superiority at how I was getting it all done. I was always late, tired and preoccupied.

I was a working mother! But now I was in their world and what I learned shocked me. They are the village. They say it takes a village. It really just takes some like-minded women with a cell phone and a van to get it all done. These ride-sharing organizers who always showed up and made the field trips fun, and the end of year carnivals happen were suddenly in my phone contacts. I wasn’t sure anymore why I didn’t like them. Maybe I just was envious. Maybe my anger was really all about what I wasn’t able to do for my daughter for all of those years. Career success mattered, but being present requires more effort. I was now able to watch my daughter grow up with a front row seat. The electric bill, mortgage and car payments were still sitting there. And creditors were not as enthralled with my new discovery that there is life after a career.

my new work life. Starbucks was no longer about coffee for me, it was a place to meet, and greet and learn and get enthusiastic again. I had something to offer. One referral, led to a big job, which led to another client. RDW Media Group was hatched. Knocking on doors still matters, relationships count and being tenacious pays off. While I was looking for a job, my next career found me. I was eventually able to say out loud that I was in business for myself. “Seeking new opportunities” was finally the truth. It occurred to me that if no one was going to give me a job I was going to make my own. My early chapters were filled with experience, skill and savvy, enough to make the second half of my book a real page turner. Chapter 49 is entitled “choices”.

There was also a simple truth - I liked to work and I knew I had more left. Along my job-search journey, and after school drop off and before pick up, I discovered this hidden network of professionals who know what it’s like to be “in transition” too. These are pay-it-forward people who would pop up in an unexpected email and invite you to coffee. They’ve passed through the exit, dusted off the dirt and understand the road of humility. Referrals, leads, and lunches became ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

Painting at the JCC

The Art of Painting

Mondays, January 7–February 25 10am–2pm An open studio for painters of all levels and all medium, with instructor support available for questions and guidance. A great opportunity to meet other painters and learn new techniques. Bring your own supplies. Instructor: Allison Roberts $80 Member: $56 Drop-in Rate: $12 Member: $9

SPECIAL PAINT NIGHT! Canvas & Cupcakes Tuesday, January 29, 7–9pm

Paint cheery flowers to brighten up your walls during these winter months while enjoying a sweet treat. Supplies provided. Instructor: Allison Roberts $25 Member: $20

(585) 461-2000 | JCCROCHESTER.ORG

1200 edgewood Ave, ROchester, NY 14618

{ SPECIAL FEATURE }

TRISTIAN’S STORY: FINDING LIGHT OUT OF DARKNESS BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN, ESQ.

I am sure we can all agree a parent’s worst nightmare is losing a child. Christopher Folk Esq, an Assistant District Attorney of Seneca County and Town Justice and his wife Tiffany (Seneca County’s Republican Election Commissioner) experienced this nightmare first-hand when their 18-year-old son Tristian committed suicide. Tristian was very involved in his community. He was a member of the “Youth Interact Club” (Rotary International Organization) where he participated in many community activities from fundraising to service projects. He was an Eagle Scout (Troop 74). He was one of few, who were selected for and completed “the National Youth Leadership Academy” and the “American Legion Boy’s State Program”. He was a member of the National Honor Society. In high school, Tristian was a member of Waterloo’s golf team, track and field team, the indoor track team, and the Waterloo High School band. He played the trombone and was in the jazz band. He earned a merit-based scholarship to attend RIT. The Folks’ were very proud of their son’s accomplishments and he did all of this before he was 18-years70

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old. While attending RIT, he was a member of the Pep Band and was in the Cybersecurity Club. Tristian was a freshman in college, who just received his congressional nomination and completing his applications to the service academy. He had everything going for him and looked like he was on the path of success on the outside. On December 21, 2017, the Folks lives changed forever. Tristian Folks committed suicide.

his grades from RIT and was going to a physical fitness test required to enter the service. He was scheduled to attend RIT for a year, as he was waitlisted to enter the Coast Guard. Everything was normal in their household. The message here is what happened to the Folks can happen to anyone. This tragedy can strike any family, no matter how much or how little as parents, you are involved in your children’s’ lives. Father, Christopher Folks shared, “In retrospect, he seemed a little “off “ on the day this occurred. It was only after-thefact, we realized he was not his usual self. I was presiding over a jury trial. My wife, Tiffany was finishing up Christmas shopping. Tristian’s older brother Chris was home on leave. At the time of the incident, Tristian’s siblings, Calista, Chris and myself, were home. Tiffany and my daughter, Trinity were out.

The Folks share, there were no warning signs, no history of mental health issues, no outbursts, no social anxieties. They had no idea there was anything bothering their son leading up to his suicide. They did not have any concerns about their son whatsoever. This tragedy hit them, and they were blind-sided. Tristian was home from college on winter break. That Friday, he was scheduled to receive

I am unsure if he took his life before I arrived home, or just as I was returning, December 21, 2017. I thought he was with Tiffany, but my son Chris said he thought Tristian was home and he saw him go upstairs. I went upstairs to check on him and his door was locked. When I pounded on it, I didn’t hear anything. I ran downstairs, grabbed a hammer, broke the door down and that was when I discovered him. Unfortunately, I did not react very

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ SPECIAL FEATURE } The Folks share, there were no warning signs, no history of mental health issues, no outbursts, no social anxieties. They had no idea there was anything bothering their son leading up to his suicide. They did not have any concerns about their son whatsoever.

and my oldest son Chris ended up coming upstairs also. He performed chest compressions to no avail”. How does a family recovery after enduring such a tragedy? An unexpected event, where they lose a child and sibling? Finding the light out of darkness is what aided in turning the Folks’ tragedy into something positive. In an attempt to find a “light”, the Folks started a foundation to bring awareness to suicide. Obviously, every day they wake up and their son is still gone. There is nothing which can be done to change that. The family established a non-profit organization focusing on suicide awareness and prevention. Additionally, they will work on lobbying to create awareness for colleges establishing the schools should have something in place addressing this issue.

The Folks’ indicated, “We had three other kids and a community that expected us to move forward . We aren’t the same people and we don’t consider ourselves strong. We simply get up, get moving and keep on living. We honestly have no idea what else to do. It would be so easy to just lock ourselves up in our home, curl up in a ball and never venture out again. Tristian deserves better than that and we were fortunate enough to have built some strong community connections and we knew that tragically, we were in a position to take action and to help effectuate change. This story is ongoing, I don’t think we’ve coped, and we certainly haven’t healed. I don’t think a parent can ever truly recover from the tragic loss of a child. I do know we understand we need to work to help raise awareness and promote prevention efforts.

The kids have talked to professionals with some mixed results. Ask!! We have attended TALK Saves Lives and ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training) courses in the past several months. We never thought that this was something that would affect us. Tristian was extremely bright, successful, and we thought, happy. Knowing what we know now, even if there are no outward signs, the transition from middle-school to high-school to a new school, to life events , and critically the transition phase from high-school to university , the workforce, or the military are key points in life and deserve extra attention and focus”. The Tristian Foundation is a Delaware non-profit the Folks started to bring awareness to these types of situations. More information is available at

www.thetristianfoundation.org

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

How does a family recovery after enduring such a tragedy? Finding the light out of darkness is what aided in t

An unexpected event, where they lose a child and sibling? turning the Folksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; tragedy into something positive.

{ DISHING WITH THE DIVAS }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S } BY THE DIVA’S OF RWO I PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

Roam EAT, DRINK & BE HAPPY

It’s the holidays! Time to eat, drink and be happy. The Divas decided to highlight the Park Avenue area this year as a prime location to do some holiday shopping, holiday dining and of course to get your hair done. Don’t miss the holiday open houses on November 29th in the “Spirit of the Holidays”. It’s held this year from (5 pm-9 pm). There are 80 Park Avenue businesses, listed as participating businesses. A list is available on the Park Ave. Merchants website. The event will include live music, horse-drawn wagons and Santa will be on hand to visit with the kids.

ROAM: Eat, Drink and Be Happy ROAM café is located at 260 Park Avenue. This is a full-service restaurant which offers a champagne brunch on Sundays ($ 2.00 Mimosas and $ 6.00 Bloody Mary’s). In the summer, there is a great patio for outside dining where you can enjoy people watching. The atmosphere is cozy, inviting and somewhere where you can go for dinner, grab a drink at happy hour or simply stop in for a business meeting. There is a party room “The Champagne Room” open in the back of the restaurant, where private events can be held ( seating 10-12 ppl). The restaurant also offers paleo

and vegetarian friendly entrees! There’s something for everyone. Stop in and “Eat, Drink and ROAM”. The story behind how ROAM came to be is an interesting one. Marie Nye and her husband Drew were consumers of the prior establishment (ROAM Café). This was a café which showcased Italian Vespa’s. The pair heard the owner announcing they were going to sell the business. At the time, there was a small bar. To open the café, much had to be updated and renovated. Drew was already a partner with Maurice “Moe” Kusminsky at Dubland Underground located on Alexander St. The partners decided to keep the name “ROAM” when re-opening but changed the concept. The idea of the name ROAM was a play on words (ROAM vs. Rome). The word ROAM was used thinking of the word “Roaming”. The establishment is in business now for 7 years and doing well. RWO asked Marie, “Why the restaurant business?”: “Drew studied service and hotel management at RIT and was formerly a bartender/ manager. He then opened “Dubland” with his business partner. I was the general manager for “Black and Blue Steakhouse”, “and the “Village Bakery”. These experiences ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ PLATTER CHATTER }

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{ DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S } provided us with the backbone of serving skills, management and a focus on quality. The décor of art and color was a skill I learned from my fine arts degree at RIT. Our other partner Moe has an MBA and helped to initialize the East and Alexander area by opening “Whiskey” many years ago before, there were 20 bars and restaurants in the area. He also partnered to open O’Callaghan’s Pub and then later Dubland. Drew and Moe later opened “Blossom Road Pub” along with third partner Marcus Lenear”. The three partners at ROAM bring a vast array of skills, which when combined equaled success. The restaurant business is fun as the establishments brings people together, but there is definitely a huge demand on a family’s time. Marie shares saying, “We treat our business-like family. We want it to be comfortable, enjoyable fun and real!” The biggest challenge for ROAM, because of their location is the issue of parking and that there is only street parking available. In the beginning, this was challenging due to their location. There are many restaurants, so the partners had to make sure they let people know where they were on Park Avenue. Marie advises new entrepreneurs with some interesting advice telling us, “Have respect for yourself and remember you can hold your own. Owning your own place can be challenging, but so rewarding! Let your work speak for itself and have pride in your decisions”. Marie indicates her mom is her biggest inspiration. She has a PhD. She always worked full-time balancing her career and raising her daughter. She always instilled lessons as a woman you must carry yourself as a confident woman, showing empathy for others and always continue to learn. The Divas stopped in at ROAM to check it out. What an awesome place to spend time! We sampled some of the signature drinks including the “Expresso Martini”, “Margarita”, “Bloody Mary” “The Rorschach” and the “Mimosa”. The drinks were prepared artfully and

creatively. There was the right amount of alcohol in each drink. The drinks were smooth and satisfying. Marie tells us,“Our menu has always tried to offer something for everyone. We are proud of our chef Peter Fuino and the amazing staff he cultivated in the kitchen. The consistency and their creativity gives us an edge. Our daily specials are always unique (something like lamb or ahi tuna or a great cut of steak). Having good specials keeps the “regulars” intrigued and gives a glimpse of bigger potential. Our manager, Samantha Bonacci always brings everything together. We just released our “winter” menu, so now we’ll help our guests enjoy the holiday time and hope to facilitate many great meals and memories around the tables at ROAM. We are approachable and friendly. The options are open. You can stop in for a drink or a three-course entrée. Our staff truly enjoys coming to work and we want an atmosphere where the guests and the staff can be comfortable and have a good time. We are always welcoming new guests, but are thankful that we’ve attracted so many regulars, who know us all by name. We love what ROAM has become and hope to continue this for many years”. The Divas sampled the menu while at ROAM. We tried the Arancini for an appetizer. The house-made arborio rice croquette stuffed with mozzarella was covered with a blush sauce. It was delicious! We then sampled the artisan pizza, a 10-inch hand-made pie, made with fresh dough supplied from “Baker Street”. The pizza was cooked just right, and the combination of toppings made the pizza a delight to eat. We then tried the macaroni and cheese and an Angus Reserve steak. Again, the food was delightful. We also had a grilled shrimp salad. The food was perfect in every way. As if the above was not enough, a peanut butter pie was the desert. Thumbs up from Diva one!!! For me, Diva #2, I had never tried a Bloody Mary...So there is always a first time for everything! YUMMY! That was the first of the sampling that day. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ PLATTER CHATTER }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

Then we sat and the food came and I honestly didnt know what to try first. Each plate looked better then the next. I was in heaven, since everyone knows how I like to eat. I truly enjoyed the atmosphere, and talking with the owners and their adorable son. It was just so interesting to hear how they got started, what they are planning and how we wanted to come back again. Just how passionate they are about what they do just makes Roam even more inviting. But, the food...honestly it doesnt get much better. My favorite was definately the grilled shrimp salad. (I even got an extra one to take home). Roam is truly a little hidden food gem on Park Ave.and I can’t wait to come back for Diav’s Nite in the near future.

one of the owner’s Marie, and she is a wonderful woman. Now let’s talk about the food for a moment… I will have to say there is a little bit of everything for you to choose from on the menu and it is all incredible. The seasoning is outstanding, and the display was fabulous. The desert was incredible. I would highly recommend this restaurant to anyone who wishes to have a nice experience dining out with friends, your significant other or a get together”. Park Avenue is a great place to grab a bite. ROAM is a cozy, warm place where you can create awesome memories for years to come.

Photographer, Marisa Nicodemus joined the Divas on this awesome excursion. Marisa shares her experience at ROAM: “This is not just a café. It’s a beautiful restaurant located on Park Ave. You walk in and you just feel like you matter. They have a very unique atmosphere and you are greeted by any or all staff as you walk in. They have some of the best drinks I’ve had in a while, whether it is an authentic cocktail or an expresso. The staff members are pleasant and are there to make sure you are happy and have everything you need. I met ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

{ BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT }

KEEPING IT Q: KIM AND MICAH BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN, ESQ. I PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

Just a hop over from Park Avenue is a new salon located on South Goodman Avenue. Stylists Kim Goetz and Micah R. Sylvester are ready and willing to welcome new customers to take a seat in their styling chairs. The salon has a beautiful, unique décor with an art deco feel to it. Both stylists are engagingly funny and make it a delight to utilize their services. The Divas stopped in at Q salon and checked it out, and you should too!

KIM GOETZ

Kim shares that she entered the business after working as a model. She loved fashion and her mom owned two successful salons “Super Nails”. Kim was not interested in doing nails, so she focused on hair and make-up. She entered the BOCES training program in Fairport. After graduating high school, she obtained her first job at Remington Steel Salon in Fairport. The owner, Rich Gundry was an educator for Matrix and was a presenter at BOCES while Kim was in school. She went in responding to a call as a hair model and came out with her first salon job as a hairdresser. Kim spent her first 7 years in the business at this salon and is grateful for Rich and his wife for all that she learned while there. By modeling the behavior, she learned growing up from her mom and the lessons at the salon, Kim developed a great work ethic. Kim aid she had many obstacles she had 84

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overcome and stated, “I have overcome so many big and small obstacles. It’s best to say what I learned from them. What I learned is to stay strong, keep positive, keep moving forward and above all, do not lose yourself. Remember to always breathe and be the best you! Enjoy the journey called life with a smile and always be appreciative and grateful to who and what you have at every moment”.

have been a constant inspiration and source of support, as well as my significant other Todd. Todd is a great encourager for me to just be me and let things all fall into place. He helps me stay on track and celebrates the small and large victories. He reminds me who I am and where I came from and what I will and can be. With all of them supporting, it helps me be me and a better me each and every day”.

When asked who the most significant person

Kim loves being in the spa industry as she is able to interact with new and exciting clients and at the same time make them feel good about themselves. She loves enhancing and helping them create and express their individuality.

in her life, Kim responded by saying, “I have a few significant people in my life. They keep me truly inspired and encouraged. First, I have my faith and hope which keeps me going. My beautiful, smart, bundle of joy daughter keeps a smile on my face and makes me push through obstacles because I’m her teacher and I want her to be happy, with great views, respect, love, and appreciation. My goal for her is to have a driven successful life. My family and friends

She shares “Whether it is reserved, artsy, punky, metro, classic, elegant, simple, colorful, short or long, anything goes! Each person is a beautiful, unique person inside and out. Each person is a masterpiece. Every time they sit in my chair, it is my job to help them look it, feel it, know it and own it! I love the constant different looks and people in our industry. The most challenging part is when customers don’t respect our time and don’t show up or cancel appointments the day of service”. In closing Kim says, “I have been doing hair now for 27 years. I have been in this industry my whole life. I spent three years as a TIGI hair rep, served as a platform artist/ educator for Alterna and also tried being

{{ {JOURNEYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S BUSINESS SPECIAL SPOTLIGHT FEATURE BY KARIN} }}

q salon

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g a travelling stylist. Micah and I met when we were in our twenties at the Thomas Laurence Salon and were good friends ever since. When the salon located where we are moved, we decided to go into business together. I love us as partners at Q Salon. We work amazing together. We help each other balance and grow. We inspire each other with different things and it works!”

MICAH R. SYLVESTER

Micah shares her parents decided it was best for her to learn a vocation while in high school and she enrolled in the BOCES program. She then went on to college majoring in art. She attributes she is proud as a young woman she overcame being dependent on her parents and created a life where she

was financially independent. Micah also has an interesting hobby where she enjoys rebuilding car engines. She does this with her friend Dave Fuller, who she indicates as being the most significant person in her life. Micah shares with us, “He teaches me all the best tips and tricks. He makes me feel a sense of importance and validity when we are working on these projects”. When asked why she chose a career in the spa industry she said, “I really enjoy the personal interaction with people. I love getting to know them and I love making people feel pretty/handsome and beautiful. The worst part of our business is when people are late and or don’t show up for

their appointments. I run a tight ship, and this throws my whole day off and makes me insane! I hope that as a stylist I am able to inspire people, including the younger generation regardless of their gender to follow their dreams and build a great business. I always look forward to the holidays. I have various updos and formal styles to bring to life”.

DIVA’S REPORT

Q Salon is having fun for the holidays and are running some awesome specials including 25 deals of Christmas. Products are BOGO 50%, There are special incentives when buying holiday gift cards, so you can get a deal for yourself too. All first- time haircuts

{ BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT } “Kim and Micah were amazing, humorous and down to earth. You immediately felt like this was “your place for hair.”

are 50% OFF . There are deals on updos. The salon offers waxing, paraffin treatments, all phases of hair care and make up. The ladies want all customers to feel welcome, comfortable and beautiful! Upon arriving at Q Salon, the Divas were awed with the décor, the invitability and comfort of the salon. It was a beautiful Victorian house with parking in the back. The salon was welcoming and somewhere you immediately felt “at home”. The hospitality at the salon was great and with amenities of coffee and snacks. Kim and Micah were amazing, humorous and down to earth. You immediately felt like this was “your place for hair”. Kelly and Cheryl sat with Kim and had their hair curled and styled. Marisa saw Micah and was given a messy bun updo. We all were pleased and were looking beautiful when we left Q. Cheryl shared, “Kim is coming to us with 88

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27 years of experience in the industry. For a new salon, Q really has it together and the ladies are phenomenal. I am glad they are a new edition to the team at RWO and look forward to seeing their creations on the runway and at photo shoots in the future. We are very excited to be working with them!” “I just love Kim’s “wonder woman” personality. She is not going to let anyone or anything stand in the way of making her dream a reality. I just felt so in tuned with her and her goals and how inspiring her story was, ” said Diva Two. “ I can’t wait to work more with Kim and Q Salon and these talented ladies on Park Ave.” Marisa said, “Q is unique, stylish and most definitely reminds me of a cozy, elegant place to come to and enjoy getting yourself treated to a haircut and or an updo to make

yourself feel brand new. The two stylists are beautiful and happy women who love what they do with personalities to match. They take the time to talk with you and make you feel comfortable. They are there to make you feel beautiful. I highly recommend this place to anyone who wants a holiday updo or haircut. When I was there taking pictures, I got the chance to sit in Micah’s chair and have Micah work on an updo for me. I was so happy to see what my hair could look like different, as we sat there chatting up a storm. By far an awesome experience”. Check out Q Salon and go see Kim and Micah!

Let Us Get You Photoshoot Ready!

32 S. MAIN ST. I PITTSFORD, NY 14534 (585) 383-8482 I WWW.SALONBELLAVITAPITTSFORD.COM

{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE }

UPSTATE SPECIAL NEEDS PLANNING BY I PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

Nicole VanGorder has never been one to sit on the sidelines. Growing up with much adversity, Nicole learned at an early age the importance of advocating for yourself in order to get ahead in life. Originally from Buffalo, New York, Nicole came to Rochester to attend undergraduate studies at St. John Fisher College. After graduation, she worked at a financial services firm where she met her husband and now business partner, James Tr a y l o r. I n 2014, the two broke off from their previous firm and founded Upstate Special Needs Pl a n n i n g , a firm specializing in financial planning for families who are caring for a loved one with special needs. Nicole oversees the day to day operations, long term strategy and relationship management while James is involved in client interactions and oversees the investment management portion of the firm. ‘We are very much the ying and the yang. We balance each other out and bring different skills to our business.’ Nicole said. In addition to the financial planning practice they also have a full service consulting firm (Upstate Special Needs Consulting) which provides life care planning for individuals and their 92

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families to ensure a lifetime of care and support. With over 450 clients across New York State, Nicole is committed to continuing the firm’s growth in hiring and geographic expansion. Nicole shared ‘Rochester will always be our home base and we have a commitment to the local area. In the next 5 years we plan to have a downstate

office. We continue to do more and more work in the Long Island/New York City metro area and see a great need for the work we do. We are excited about the possibilities for expansion.’ The firm most recently bought and moved into a new space in downtown Rochester. Nicole stated ‘We are so excited to be part of the renaissance that is happening downtown. With the inner loop project

and several new businesses filling into the area we are happy to be part of the change.’ The vision of being downtown came very naturally to Nicole but the process of finding a space, learning building compliance and financing presented a learning curve. Nicole searched for two years before finding their now office at 28 Lawrence St. The duo bootstrapped the funds themselves and made the project a reality this past October. James shared ‘We always wanted our own space and now we feel we finally have a home for our clients that reflects who we are.’ The space is unique with contemporary finishes, sit stand desks, a candy bar and who can miss the custom arcade game, affectionately n a m e d ‘Traylortron.’ You can’t help but feel at home when you walk into the place. The firm itself is unique in that each person on the Upstate team has a child or a loved one with special needs. Nicole has spent a tremendous amount of time creating a female friendly culture. ‘Typically, in the financial services industry there is hierarchy and women tend to be in secondary roles. At Upstate, we treat each other as equals and take our losses and

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â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;We are very much the ying and the yang. We balance each other out and bring different skills to our business.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;

{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE } ‘Rochester will always be our home base and we have a commitment to the local area. In the next 5 years we plan to have a downstate office. We continue to do more and more work in the Long Island/New York City metro area and see a great need for the work we do. We are excited about the possibilities for expansion.’

our clients that reflects who we are.’ The space is unique with contemporary finishes, sit stand desks, a candy bar and who can miss the custom arcade game, affectionately named ‘Traylortron.’ You can’t help but feel at home when you walk into the place. The firm itself is unique in that each person on the Upstate team has a child or a loved one with special needs. Nicole has spent a tremendous amount of time creating a female friendly culture. ‘Typically, in the financial services industry there is hierarchy and women tend to be in secondary roles. At Upstate, we treat each other as equals and take our losses and wins as a team. Each person is critical to our success in their own way and in the skills they bring.’ In addition to professional growth, 96

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Traylor and VanGorder are expecting their first child this Spring. Nicole said ‘I feel there are a lot of “expectations and opinions” around how women are supposed to manage a career and raising children. I personally do not view them as mutually exclusive of one another. I have created my personal and professional life to support both and that works for me. I don’t see anything wrong with being the woman who is chairing the board meeting while breast feeding her baby.’… ‘Today more than ever women need to be supportive of other women. Times are different and as a business owner I view it as my personal responsibility to make sure everyone in our workplace has the support they need to take care of what they need professionally and

personally. Whether it be needing time to attend a mental health appointment or leaving early to make the school play. It’s a fact. Businesses do better and are more profitable when people are happy.’ Nicole encourages women of all ages to be their ‘best advocate.’ Nicole stated ‘whether it be reading or attending a conference, educating yourself is imperative in not only getting ahead but getting what you want.’ When she is not running her business or taking care of one of their rental properties, Nicole volunteers with many organizations in the Rochester area and enjoys relaxing with her husband although she admits she’s still figuring out the whole ‘relaxing’ part.

We’re hiring compassionate people like you! • Direct Support Professional ($500 signing bonus!) • I/DD RN ($1500 signing bonus!)

• Mission-driven culture • Affordable healthcare • Professional development • Wellness reimbursement

Apply online: cdslt.org/careers

{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE }

CDS LIFE TRANSITIONS BY ALLISON WARREN

CDS Life Transitions Continues to Find Growth in Unprecedented Places When you arrive at the Wolf Life Transitions Center on Hard Road in Webster, it’s hard to tell that a few local parents founded this now massive non-for profit company. These parents had one goal of ensuring quality services for their children. They never could have imagined the immense growth CDS Life Transitions would see. With more than 30 properties and six subsidiaries, CDS Life Transitions now improves the lives of roughly 5,000 people in 22 counties across Upstate New York. When CDS Life Transitions was formed in 1977, it was called Continuing Developmental Services, Inc. (CDS). It focused solely on meeting the needs of individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities, and their families, regardless of their socioeconomic status. This became CDS Monarch, which now serves intellectually and developmentally disabled people through housing and day programs, as well as employment training, and family support services. The founders craved continuity for individuals with intellectual and 100

developmental disabilities from high school to adulthood. New residences and day programs were added, and Unistel Industries was formed out of a need for career services. Unistel Industries has two light manufacturing facilities that provide job training and individual placement for over 200 individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities. One of the Unistel facilities houses a spice business called Salute Seasonings. Salute Seasonings

is the largest supplier of spices to the U.S. Military, and continues to grow each year. The growth is truly a reflection of CDS Life Transitions’ commitment to the founders’ core mission: helping individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities lead successful lives integrated in their community. Salute Seasonings is not the only connection to the U.S. military at CDS Life Transitions. In 2010, CDS identified the lack of resources

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available to veterans in the Rochester area. With much of the needed clinical infrastructure already in place, Warrior Salute Veteran Services was formed, which serves veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and other trauma. The program has continued to grow and in 2012, Warrior Salute purchased a home and converted it to a transitional house for veterans. All housing, food, clinical services and transitional services are provided free of charge to veterans. More than 200 veterans have turned to Warrior Salute since its inception, and more than 50 have been served in 2018. Expanding CDS Life Transitions to provide services to other populations that were outside of their core mission seemed risky for the non-profit. However, Warrior Salute Veteran Services was founded because, as President and CEO Sankar Sewnauth says, “Simply, it was the right thing to do.” Growth is a word you hear a lot at CDS, and it doesn’t end with Warrior Salute. CDS Housing was founded to provide high-quality, independent and affordable housing for seniors, people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, families and veterans. There are currently two properties open in Webster, with two more to be completed in December, and one more set to open in Elmira before the New Year as well. The company also broke ground

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are currently two properties open in Webster, with two more to be completed in December, and one more set to open in Elmira before the New Year as well. The company also broke ground in Cicero in October. CDS Housings exemplifies the companyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s commitment to helping more underserved populations in the Rochester area, while staying true to the original mission. These lively, active communities are easily accessible, and allow people to remain close to all community ammenitiies. In 2012, CDS Life Transitions began to prepare for New York Stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shift to managed care. iCircle Services was formed by a collaboration of many providers across Upstate New York, including CDS Life Transitions, and currently provides managed long-term care (MLTC) for those who are chronically ill or disabled, and who

wish to continue living in their homes and communities. CDS Life Transitions founded iCircle as a way to ensure that when New York State moves to managed care for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities, there is a quality, local plan available to the individuals currently served by the founding providers. The MLTC currently serves 3000 members across 22 counties. With the fast-paced expansion that CDS Life Transitions has experienced in recent years, the focus has turned to recruiting staff members and employees who embody the core values of CDS Life Transitions. In 2016, CDS employed 688 people. Today, CDS Life Transitions employs 756 employees. There is a need for staff at almost all of CDS Life Transitionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s six subsidiaries, with new job openings being posted each day.

As the staff grows, so do the opportunities. CDS Life Transitions has made a major commitment to growing from within, by providing leadership-training opportunities for employees at all levels of the company. CDS Life Transitions has expanded into many different facets of nonprofit work. From individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities, to seniors, to veterans, and people with chronic illnesses, CDS Life Transitions has tirelessly worked to ensure that underserved populations receive the services and care that they need, no matter their socioeconomic status, in order to lead active, fulfilling lives in their communities. In the coming years, CDS Life Transitions has committed to continued expansion into uncharted territory to ensure that the world-or at least, our little slice of it-is a better place for everyone.

{ IN HER OWN WORDS }

FOREVER CHANGED... BY DENISE DAVIS CRUZ

My life as a mother forever changed on May 14, 1996 (which is the day before my birthday) I went in for an ultrasound because I was either farther along or having twins. Once I got situated on the table along with my mom and my two daughters (who were than six and four years old) I close my eyes and I said there’s only one in there right? Her response…….Congratulations you’re having twins!!!!!!!! I was shocked, happy, and excited to say the least. My mom was holding my younger daughter on her lap and almost dropped her ha ha…. A few weeks after that, and staring at the sonogram pictures of “Baby A” and “Baby B” became a reality. I was going to have twins, my due date was November 8 of 1996. A month later I went for another ultrasound to see how the babies were progressing into find out their genders first “Baby A”, and it’s a girl (crossing my fingers hoping that the other one would be a boy) “Baby B”…. it’s a boy I couldn’t of been more thrilled and made my pregnancy even more surreal. After many discussions about names, their father and I decided on Alyssa Denise and Anthony David. They are no longer “Baby A” and “Baby B”. I had a normal pregnancy and only gaining 33 pounds with them. Typically twins come early as Alyssa and Anthony did. They were 104

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born on Wednesday, October 9 Alyssa was born at 10:48 PM and weighed 5 pounds 3 1/4 ounces she was 18 inches long and then Anthony was born at 10:55pm, he was 6 pounds 5 1/2 ounces and 18 inches long. I had a normal vaginal delivery and labored lasting about five hours. We stayed in the hospital for three days I adjustedit easily to the babies being home, as well as caring for my girls (along with

help from my mom and my family) The babies were doing well And Kyla and Kelsey (my daughters) loved helping in the big sister role, but before I know what my life would forever be changed. On December 30, 1996 at 8:23 AM A mother’s worst nightmare became a reality for me I heard Anthony crying on the monitor. So I went into their room and as I put the blanket back Alyssa had somehow turned herself around during the

night and her head was it Anthony’s feet. They slept in the same crib because they didn’t like to be separated and they had begun to start moving their upper bodies and bumped against each other a lot so I had put a Alyssa at one end of the crib and Anthony at the other. I went to pick up Anthony I noticed something was off about Alyssa she was blue! I frantically picked her up and started screaming to her father “she’s not breathing, she’s not breathing!” I called 911, as I was on the phone with them they instructed me had to do CPR on Alyssa until paramedics got there, I remember doing everything I could trying to get Alyssa to come back. One of the paramedics ran in my house and said “where is the baby?”, I handed Alyssa to him and begged him to help her. The police, and fire department were there. I remember calling my mom and told her Alyssa wasn’t breathing and to come get me to take me to the hospital. The fire chief was at my house and told my mom I will take Denise, just meet us at the emergency room. That not even five minute drive seemed like forever. Once we got there, I was taken into a room away from the people in the waiting room. The minutes seem like hours as they worked

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{ IN HER OWN WORDS } “One thing I’ve said is please don’t feel sorry for me, be happy that we were blessed to have Alyssa and our lives for 2 1/2 months.”

on Alyssa (thankfully her pediatrician was there) but, he unfortunately had to come in and tell me that my precious Alyssa was gone.

the hardest thing I had to do and it broke my heart even more and there’s they didn’t understand why and I had no answer for them.

I stood up and screamed in grief, and the next thing I remember is opening my eyes and the doctor, my mom, social worker and nurses were picking me up off the floor.

The next day I found out her death was ruled as SIDS. We had to make Alyssa‘s funeral arrangements, I thought how is this possible???!!!! I’m planning my daughters funeral this isn’t fair it’s not right why god and why Alyssa???!!!!!

I couldn’t believe it, my precious Alyssa was gone and my heart was torn out of my chest. I needed to see her, hold her, and just say goodbye. The doctor and nurse took my mother and I to the room where they had worked on Alyssa ( my family had arrived right after)she was so cold. And still looked as precious as ever. Just as if she was sleeping. They had wrapped her in a blanket and I sat in a chair and held her close to my heart I just kept praying she would start breathing again. This was a nightmare and I wanted it to just be over. A while later they came in and said they had to take her she was going to Rochester for an autopsy (the doctor said he wanted her to go there since they had more experience with infant deaths). Trying to hold Alyssa for longer, I had to let her go forever. This will be the last time I got to hold my baby. How can it be??!!! It’s not fair, why me and most of all, why my Alyssa? On the way to my moms car, while still crying in disbelief, I kept saying to myself what was I going to say to Kyla and Kelsey? How do you try to explain to a 6 and 4 year old their baby sister is gone? That was

And January 2, 1997 we had her calling hours and funeral and burial all in one day (she’s buried next to my grandfather my grandmother had offered for us to have Alyssa buried there so could be around her family) I was so grateful for all the people that came to show their love and support even my OB doctor came too. After the service, we made our way to the cemetery. There she was, in a small white

casket about 2 feet long (and we chose not to have a viewing). Once we were there I thought to myself, this is it, I’m burying my baby, how can this be? The Rev said a few more words as we stood there in silence. I stepped closer and kneeled down putting my hand on her casket and telling her how much I loved her and I kissed the top of the casket. All the people that came got to say their goodbyes as well. Part of me wanted to die so I could be with her but I have three other children needed me yes I am a mother who lost her daughter said it never gets easier some days are better than others, birthdays and holidays are very hard. I have my memories that I will cherish, the 2 1/2 months Alyssa was with us. Not a day goes by that I’m not thinking about her and what she would look like, what she would be doing, and what kind of career she would have. This December 30, will be 22 years Alyssa has been gone and yet it still seems like yesterday. You never get over the loss of a child and in time you heal from all stages of grief, but it doesn’t make the heart ache go away. And it still hasn’t gotten any easier. One thing I’ve said is please don’t feel sorry for me. Be happy that we were blessed to have Alyssa and our lives for 2 1/2 months. I’m honored to say I have a angel in heaven and my daughter looks over us every day and guides us. There is still no known cause for SIDS.

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{ FINANCIALLY SPEAKING }

INTRODUCING NEW YORK LIFE BY DARIN FASS

At New York Life, we believe it’s possible to get ahead and do the right thing. This belief is at the heart of how we do business and it shows in the people we partner with. As a New York Life agent,you’ll help bring peace of mind to your clients as you help them achieve financial stability.

part; no experience needed. HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DO: As a New York Life Financial

Yo u ’ l l m a k e a significant difference in your clients’ lives and in your community— today and for generations to come. As the Managing Partner of the New York Life Fi n g e r L a k e s General Office, located in Fairport New York, I am building a team of entrepreneurial, motivated selfstarters looking to grow their own business and make a difference in the lives of others. Bring your love for learning, and we’ll provide training, support and professional development you need to be successful. The best 108

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fixed annuities, long-term care insurance, and other products for insurance and retirement planning. You’ll develop and implement business and marketing plans. Prospect for potential clients, discuss financial concerns and needs of individuals. Present potential solutions using our suite of products and services, and develop your professional skills and knowledge. You’ll have the freedom and autonomy of running your own business for yourself – but never by yourself. Looking for a noble career? Let’s talk. We would love to meet with you in person, at your convenience a t o u r Fa i r p o r t office located at 375 Woodcliff Drive. Please call 585 2486734 to schedule your appointment today.

Professional, you’ll obtain licenses to offer high-quality life insurance,

Darin Fass, CLU, CLF Managing Partner New York Life Ins. Co. Finger Lakes General Office 375 Woodcliff Drive Fairport, New York 14450

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{ BE BALANCED }

Calming Your Internal Stress BY DAWN CUTILLO

When people think about anxiety, they often think about the underlying mental and emotional reason for it, such as stress from a new job, a problem in their relationship, financial issues, or other stressors connected to something in their life. Many people will seek out the help of a psychologist who will counsel them on ways to deal with the psychological component or thought pattern that brings on anxiety, but not the physiological component. Insulin and Stress Your diet is the largest physiological change you can make. The hormone insulin is often ignored, but it plays a big part in our blood sugar. Balancing blood sugar daily is something that needs to be monitored in order to keep a calm state and not bring on anxiety or exacerbate our reaction to situations that would normally cause us anxiety or worry. When a woman has not eaten for several hours, her blood sugar can begin to crash. Symptoms of this can be anxiety, irritability, or even in severe cases, panic attacks. Other things that can cause blood sugar to rise quickly and then fall sharply are abuse of caffeine, alcohol, and refined sugars.

HOW YOUR HORMONES AFFECT STRESS

In addition to balancing your diet, another physiological component of stress is actually hormonal. Women in our society have an overwhelming amount of stress, and unfortunately, this has become the norm. Even girls as young as high school are expected to achieve high grades, participate in extracurricular activities, and have both a social life and a part-time job. Not to mention the added stress of getting into 112

college, paying off their student loans, the pressure of starting their career in a saturated work force, and then, of course, becoming a multitasking mother while also focusing on their career! This constant stress raises the stress hormone called cortisol. When the need for cortisol is high, because our stress is high, the body needs to convert a secondary sex hormone, progesterone, and convert it to make cortisol. This leaves the woman in the state of “estrogen dominance.”

by raising progesterone levels and lowering cortisol. This is the best way to calm the body and to alleviate anxiety. BeBalanced uses a homeopathic formula in our balancing creams. Our creams are absorbed through the skin so that the hormones are able to balance quickly. This helps provide a balanced hormone foundation to avoid excess worry and anxiety on a daily basis. Daily eating patterns are also very important to maintain blood sugar balance providing more stabilization, or as I like to say, “the icing on the cake,” in a woman feeling her best!

SOME TIPS O N H OW T O BALANCE YOUR BLOOD SUGAR:

Do not have caffeine by itself in the morning. Also, have caffeine with some type of protein or fat, as it will help stabilize your blood sugar. My favorite is to put coconut oil and some stevia in my morning coffee.

T H E RO L E O F G A M M A AMINOBUTYRIC ACID (GABA)

Most women have plenty of estrogen but are deficient in progesterone. Progesterone is a very calming hormone. It increases the brain neurochemical called Gamma-Aminobutyric Acid (GABA). GABA is very calming and relaxing, and it is the neurochemical that many of the benzodiazepine drugs will try to increase. These drugs are of course very addicting. However, there is good news! You can balance your hormones naturally

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Eat every three hours to stabilize and maintain your blood sugar. I try to eat three meals a day and an afternoon snack between lunch and dinner. And always have something to eat an hour before bedtime. This prevents waking up in the middle of night with hot flashes and night sweats, which can be triggered by crashes in blood sugar. A good vegetable protein blend with some medium-chain triglyceride (MCT) oil or coconut oil with coconut or almond milk blended or shaken will taste great and calm you so that you fall asleep easier and sleep through the night!

{ BE BALANCED } Your diet is the largest physiological change you can make. The hormone insulin is often ignored, but it plays a big part in our blood sugar. Balancing blood sugar daily is something that needs to be monitored in order to keep a calm state and not bring on anxiety or exacerbate our reaction to situations that would normally cause us anxiety or worry.

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Eat protein and some fat, even if it’s just a tablespoon, at each meal. Then add some carbohydrates, such as a grain. If you desire flour carbohydrates, such as bread or crackers, it is even more important to watch the protein and fat content in order to balance your blood sugar.

be laid for a much calmer state of mind. By adding in simple dietary changes to monitor blood sugar, you will be able to handle normal day-to-day stress, as well as unexpected events, with a calm and rational state of mind. So get balanced for a balanced lifestyle that can truly be anxiety-free.

Take a digestive enzyme daily to aid in breaking down your ingested fat and protein fully. This will allow macronutrients to get into the bloodstream faster and balance carbohydrates that break down quickly. How BeBalanced Can Help There are also ways to deal with anxiety such as meditation, sound wave therapy, yoga, Reiki, or counseling. The body cannot be ignored in this process, though, because everything is connected. By stabilizing the sex hormones, estrogen and progesterone, with natural hormone balancing, the foundation will

You deserve to look and feel your best! Let your hormones work to your advantage, not cause stress and anxiety! Balancing your hormones can stabilize your mood and help you feel more centered. To see if you have a hormone imbalance, take our free hormone assessment. At BeBalanced, our healthy weight loss program has helped over 5,000 women reach their goals by balancing hormones and helping affect wellness in all areas of life! You could be next. Don’t lose hope, find BeBalanced!

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For more information on any of the topics mentioned here, you can contact your local BeBalanced Center, or email us at info@ bebalancedcenters.com. You can also take our free hormone assessment to start your journey to getting back to your best self! Be Slimmer, Be Happier, Be Energized, BeBalanced! Dawn Cutillo is the author of “The Hormone Shift: Using Natural Hormone Balancing for Your…Mood, Weight, Sleep & Female Health” and has been in the health field for over 25 years. She is also the founder and hormone health consultant of BeBalanced Hormone Weight Loss Centers and is degreed and certified in health and nutrition. In addition to overseeing the operation of the BeBalanced flagship center in Lancaster, PA, Dawn owns Infinity Health LLC, a national consulting company that advises healthcare practitioners on how to aid patients in balancing their hormones for weight, mood, sleep, and health issues.

{ VISIONARY MINDS }

FROM REFUGEE CAMP TO BUSINESS OWNER BY TAMMY REESE

Fatuma Mohamud has recently opened Guleyso Learning Childcare’’ in somali ‘’Guleyso’’ means ‘’Succeed’’ her goal in the day care is for each child to succeed in school and become a role model for other children that came from different backgrounds.

Kakuma. In January 2013, Fatuma passed five regents exams in 11th grade allowing her to make honor roll. Continuing walking through the tunnel, knowing that light

After spending 18 years in a refugee camp called Kakuma ,Kenya. Fatuma Mohamud along with her mother and grandmother moved to the USA on 6/21/2012 after getting resettlement through United Nations to Syracuse, NY. The new environment was totally different from the one she came from. Knowing that this would be her biggest hurdle that would have to be overcome especially as a new immigrant, and the only daughter in her family who was spoke English. When she left from the camp and came to Syracuse she wanted to attend high school to earn a high school diploma, but was told that she was too old to go to high school because of her age. That didn’t stop her to earn that diploma in the United States. Immediately Fatuma contacted Mr. Haji Adan the Director of RISE- A refugee center, who helped throughout the process getting enrolled in Fowler high school grade 11 in September 2012. Fatuma has always been hardworking, determined and had passionate for education. She was always the number one student back in 116

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stage when she was learning to accustom herself to a new culture, and customs. Moving to a brand new country, you are not just learning and adjusting to one culture, but hundreds of cultures to become an real global citizen. You are also fighting external stereotypes and internal ones that were imbedded in yourself, so it was Fatuma’s decision to make the experience living in the states positive or negative. The journey across the dark tunnel has taught her a priceless lesson: “Confidence is the result of hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.” Making her mother proud when she walked the stage in 2014 with an advance diploma. Her mom has been an huge inspiration to Fatuma. Telling her to take education very seriously. Her mom was a single mother in the refugee camp, she used to sell vegetables in the sun just to earn money to pay school fees. In the camp there was no financial aid that will pay your school fee, no insurance that will pay your medical bills, no welfare that will help you when you lose your job, because of this Fatuma says she will never take America for granted taking advantage of every opportunity that came her way.

will finally be visible. The doors finally opened for her, but it took great effort. Life was complicated during the transition

After graduating from high school, she attended Bryant and Stratton College where she earned an associate degree in medical assistanting. Later realizing the medical field was not meant for her. However she

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{ VISIONARY MINDS } The most important thing she has put in my mind every day is to embed yourself in the society you are living in and to be a productive citizen without losing your identity and values.

always loved helping people in every aspect. Since coming to Syracuse being involved in different resettlement agencies such as Interfaith, CYO, Rise where she helped newcomers with translation and interpretation services with hospitals, legal services and helping them with documentation. In July 2017, She got involved in the community where meeting Khadija, an immigrant Somali woman who started a nonprofit organization where she empowered women from different communities not only the Somali community. She is the founder of New American Women Empowerment. Fatuma started working with these girls in middle school and high school. Women were 118

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coming for English classes and citizenship class. A lot of women were not able to come to the classes, because they didn’t have babysitter. In November 2017, Fatuma saw the demand of having a licensed provider to look after children. Working with children and making a difference in their lives is Fatuma’s passion. She is living the ‘’American Dream’’, and has earned it. Working hard is the core of American society as well as sustaining good work ethics that will help you sustain the lifestyle you are dreaming of. She believes you can get where you want to be as long as you work hard, develop yourself and stay out of trouble . Bottom line there is no

one who will hand you anything because nothing is free in this world. YOU HAVE TO EARN IT. The most important thing she has put in my mind every day is to embed yourself in the society you are living in and to be an productive citizen without losing your identity and values. Fatuma is very proud of herself making a difference in the City of Syracuse as an immigrant, refugee and Muslim woman. Her overall goal is to make the immigrant kids and their parents to value education and to help them overcome language and cultural barrier. Also to help the parents and the children to navigate the system by providing them resources.

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3 BEAUTY TIPS BY GLORIA D. ONDERDONK

To Help You Get Your Holiday Glow Skin on This Holiday Season Would you be surprised to learn that most everyone is stressed out around the holidays? We didn’t think so. According to a 2015 Healthline survey, up to 65 percent of all respondents said they felt stressed during the holidays. (I might add that the other 35% get stressed out after the holidays . . . when the bills come due!). Don’t let the holiday stress affect your skin and steal your healthy glow for your holiday parties! The skin is an external road map of what’s happening inside your body. Skin is the first to be exposed to the cold, dry wintry days, and the holiday season brings its own stresses with long nights preparing your favorite meals, traveling, shopping, wrapping gifts, sending cards, etc.! There is a lot going on. Unfortunately, the holiday season is particularly stressful for our skin, and it coincides with that particular 122

time of year when you want to look your best--spending time with family, going out with friends, attending work parties, and then ringing in the New Year! Here are 3 simple tips to help counteract stress, find relief and maintain a healthy skin during the upcoming season. First of all, you

have to recognize that during this time of year you actually have to be more diligent in taking care of your skin. Are you ready? 1. Make time for stress relief each day. Planning ahead, using lists, and buying less will give you a feeling of satisfaction and it will make extra time for you (even 15 or more minutes)

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just for you to relieve all the stresses. Taking walks through nature, going to the gym or taking a few minutes to practice yoga or meditation will help you feel refreshed, energized, and more relaxed at the end. A 2015 study by the University of Turku found that people who exercised reported an increase in confidence. Exercise is one of the best methods for dealing with stress because it helps you burn off frustration and stimulates circulation (which also helps your skin look more refreshed and attractive), while meditation will help you stay focus and maintain some calm during this season. Making time each day to get out of your routine schedule and fully immerse all your senses in the moment is a simple beautyhealth-boosting tip. 2. Give your body the nourishment it craves - get more antioxidants in your diet and drink plenty water. You really are what you eat. Keeping a well-balanced, mostly plant-based diet during the holidays is very hard especially with all the parties, but since diet plays such a large role in

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;When one sees the Kaia Earth logo, the beautiful lady silhouetted inside a leaf speaks a truth that beauty is simple, natural and contained within. Such is the essence of the Kaia Earth skincare line. Before you know it, Kaia Earth will help your skin look its best.â&#x20AC;?

{ RESPONSIBLE BEAUTY } Unfortunately, the holiday season is particularly stressful for our skin, and it coincides with that particular time of year when you want to look your best--spending time with family, going out with friends, attending work parties, and then ringing in the New Year!

daily routine, and you will be glad you did. The key to achieving healthy, wellbalanced skin is to nourish the skin with natural plant-based ingredients, rich in vitamins, minerals, and free from toxins and harsh synthetics. Once absorbed by your skin, these nutrients, found in Kaia Earth Skin Care, products work symbiotically with your skin’s essential processes 126

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helping to leave your skin vibrant and healthy. It’s worth living a vibrant and healthy life, it’s worth looking after your skin. The more you take care of your skin, the better your skin can do its job in taking care of you because true beauty starts with healthy skin.

Gloria D. Onderdonk Kaia Earth Skin Care Founder

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LINDA WILSON: REALTOR BY LINDA HARRIS I PHOTOS BY JOE MARINO

Linda Wilson is an Associate Broker with Howard Hanna Real Estate Services. With over thirty years of experience, Linda provides services to buyers and sellers within the Rochester region, and also mentors and supports fellow agents in the area. After high school, Linda Wilson pursued and completed her Associates Degree in Criminal Justice with a minor in Psychology. Upon completion of her degree, the plan was to become a police officer. LInda completed police training to include the written test, agility test and civil service test. She passed all requirements and was put on a wait list. While waiting to reach the top of the list, Linda applied for other jobs. She was offered a position at Dupont. Linda was satisfied with the money she was making, had weekends off and best of all did not have to worry about being in danger. She learned just about every positions, if not all at the factory. Linda enjoyed the variety of tasks and that every day she could work in a different area. She is not a huge fan of repetitive work. When rumors traveled around the workplace that a possible layoff would be in the near future, Linda decided quickly she needed to start working on her next steps in her career. Linda knew whatever career she choose, she wanted a career where each day would be slightly different. The idea of working in real estate dawned on her. She picked up the newspaper, circled and applied for the top two postings in the classified section. Prior 130

to this, she never thought about a career in real estate. She attended her first open house, in pursuit of her new career. She started out working with an agency part time, while simultaneously working at Dupont. LInda quickly realized that the job of a realtor is more than just sales. A big part of the job is developing relationships and building trust. “People are trusting you with their biggest investment.” Linda realized this was the job she loved and decided to pursue her new found career full time.

As with any career, you can face challenges starting out. Linda described the main challenge faced was the lack of training or mentorship programs when she started out. It is hard starting out with little to no experience and not having a formal program to guide you through. She describes her first experience as “Here’s your desk, there’s your phone, and good luck.” Nowadays, new agents have a lot more resources than she

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had. Many agencies partner a brand new agent with a more seasoned agent to learn the ropes. Linda was determined to succeed in her new career and spent numerous hours researching on her free time. She also listened and read the works of many motivational and inspirational speakers to include Tom Ferry and Zig Ziglar. When asked what challenges for females in general did women face during the beginning of her career, Linda stated the main concern was safety. During that time, safety measurements was not like they are today. Linda made sure to go to showings with a partner and also felt more secure with her previous police training and accomplishment of reaching an upper belt in Karate. Although there are other ways of purchasing property, without the use of an agent, Linda is convinced the benefits of hiring a reputable agent is essential. Realtors follow a strict code of ethics. Linda notes that whether you are buying or selling, one of the many jobs of the realtor is to screen and make sure to the best of the ability, that they are connecting quality people together. They are showing property to potential buyers and know where that prospect works, lives and potential buying power. Homeowners looking to sell, can feel confident leaving their home for a showing in the hands of a realtor. Linda specializes in the buying and selling of commercial, luxury home, first time buyers,

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“Everybody needs a place to live. It is the American dream to own a home.” She is grateful she gets to take part in that journey.”

{ WOMAN { SHIFT+CONTROL WHO INSPIRES } } Her father taught her, “Your word is your bond. If you say something, you better really mean what you’re saying, or don’t say anything at all.”

move up home, residential, investment and new construction. Her favorite areas are a toss for ironically opposite reasons, between the sale of a first time home buyer and a step down buyer. There is joy with the purchase of a new home, and LInda often times find that the relationship during that process transitions from “My real estate agent to my friend”. Linda also states “Everybody needs a place to live. It is the American dream to own a home.”

out the foundation and the roof. Both of which is hard to show in the snow and dark. Other than that aspect Linda loves her job and mentioned several times that hse is “blessed”.

She is grateful she gets to take part in that journey. Step down buyers, are on the other hand not so full of joy. Most of the time, step down buyers are older and are looking to purchase a new home due to maybe a spouse passing on. Linda feels with her thirty plus years of experience with this type of situation, she know how to comfort people during this very difficult transition. She feels it is imperative to give back to people, especially during this phase in their life. She even encourages giving back, by using “AOK” at the end of the Greater Rochester Association of Realtors meeting, which she is the President of. AOK stands for Acts of Kindness. “Someone helped you along the way, and you should be helping others.” The least favorite part of Linda’s job is not the job itself, its the sometimes brutal winter weather in Rochester, NY. Between the snow and the fact that it gets dark much earlier, it makes it hard to show several houses to a potential buyer after traditional work hours. Linda stressed the importance of checking 134

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what you’re saying, or don’t say anything at all.” She makes sure that she keeps it real with her clients and sticks to her word. Her mother made sure Linda knew she could do anything she wanted and don’t be afraid to do it. Linda also has three brothers who are military veterans and she credits determination and self discipline traits to them. Linda also credits her best friend Lisa for being her sounding board and pushing her to be a stronger person each day. They bounce opinions off of each other, and Linda values not only her professional expertise, but friendship as well. Linda made an amazing accomplishment by becoming the first African American female president of the Greater Rochester Association of Realtors (GRAR). What is more coincidental is that the GRAR was formed on October 6, 1910 and LInda was born on October 6th. Linda is also honored to be able to represent over 3.000 members at the National level when voting. She is grateful for the trust that her association has in her and her leadership skills. Final thoughts with LInda is “I love what I’m doing and I’m truly blessed.”

Linda credits her values she takes with her both at work and off to her family support system from early upbringing. Her father taught her, “Your word is your bond. If you say something, you better really mean

To learn more about Linda Wilson or to set up an appointment to discuss your current real estate needs, please visit her webpage at https://lindawilson.howardhanna. com/Agent/Content/111167432/about_me

Buying & selling your home is one of the largest financial decisions that most people make. Having an experienced agent to help educate and guide you through the process is key, With over 30+ years of experience helping buyers and sellers I’m the connection you need to succeed! Designations

• E-Pro: Advanced Real Estate Technology and Social Media Proficient • Certified Residential Specialist (CRS) • Certified Buyers Representative (CBR) • Residential Certified Construction (RCC) • Short Sales and Foreclosure Resource Certification(SFR)

Affiliations

Make that Connection, Connect with Linda for all your real estate needs! 585-750-5034 2349 Monroe Ave., Rochester, New York 14618 linda.wilson5034@gmail.com lindawilson.howardhanna.com

• Greater Rochester Association of REALTORS® Board President 2017, 2018 • Residential Real Estate Council State President 2017, 2018 • Greater Rochester Association of REALTORS® Board of Directors • New York State Association of REALTORS® Board of Directors • Women’s Council of REALTORS®, Past President - 2009 • National Association of REALTORS®

Awards & Honors

• Platinum Sales Award • National Sales Excellence Award • Sales Master Gold • Sales Master

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JOELLE ADOLFI ESLER BY AUDREY AVERITT I PHOTOS BY STRATAGEM

Getting to know how fate led Joelle Adolfi Esler to The Rochester Museum & Science Center When was the last time you visited The Rochester Museum & Science Center, located at 657 East Ave., Rochester, NY? A few months, no? A few years, no? Maybe it’s been a few decades… or maybe you have never been at all? Have you ever asked yourself “Why?” Maybe you assume RMSC is the same as any other museum or that it hasn’t changed since the last time you have been. On the contrary, RMSC is constantly growing and changing – just like you. Most of that growth can be attributed to the staff members who have decided to dedicate their time to updating and improving the learning environment to be more engaging and fun for people of all ages. I had the pleasure of getting to know one of the staff members directly involved with the growth of this establishment – the Associate Director of Youth and Family Programs, Joelle Adolfi Esler. “Something I want your readers to know about me is that I am passionate about educating, engaging, and exciting our visitors in informal educational experiences that ignite their curiosity and interests to deepen their understanding in both history and science. My objective is to lead and energize people’s own interests through my passion and knowledge for the sciences, art, history, and community building.” Joelle is most inspired by Michelle Obama. “She exudes the type of grace, kindness, and elegance that people strive to have. She empowers and inspires people across gender and age.” And, like Michelle Obama, 136

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Joelle has dedicated her time to inspiring and empowering others. She grew up in Cazenovia NY, just outside of Syracuse. She moved to the Greater Rochester Area in 2005, shortly after high school, to attend Monroe Community College. Her first experience with RMSC was actually during her time in college. She was in Archaeology

Field School at St. John Fisher College ¬– finishing her Anthropology Degree in the Summer of 2010. Her professor had written a Grant to implement Archaeology into classroom settings, and ended up partnering with RMSC for their Archaeology camp program. Joelle was hired on as her professor’s assistant for the camp week. “We spent a week bringing RMSC Summer

Fun Campers down to our site just off of Canadice Lake, where we taught them about Archaeology and the techniques used in site excavation and artifact analysis.” She goes on to explain that she wasn’t officially working for the museum at that time but, that was her first experience working with RMSC. It was around December 2010 when she was officially hired as a Merit Badge Scout Instructor – teaching the Archaeology and Indian Lore Merit Badges on the weekends. The following Spring, she was brought on full-time as the Volunteer Coordinator for the Summer Fun Camp program. “The whole experience of beginning my career path at the museum was so exciting! I have had a fascination and adoration for museums and a curiosity for science ever since I was younger. I can remember being at the Science Museum of Boston and thinking to myself, ‘I am going to work in a museum one day,’ so it was like fate when the opportunity to get my foot in the door at the RMSC presented itself.” She learned so much that Summer and some of the most important lessons that have helped shape her advancement at RMSC – customer service, problem solving, staff management, etc. “The greatest lesson I took away from that experience was that this job is amazing! We get to engage and participate in the ignition of another’s curiosity and passion for learning. We get to utilize the museum as an amazing teaching tool to help make those experiences for those campers authentic.” RMSC is passionate about engaging and exciting the public in informal educational experiences in the unique setting of the museum. They create the spark that ignites the curiosity in a person to want to know more and gain a deeper understanding. In 2013, as a Program Supervisor, Joelle

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{ WOMAN WHO INSPIRES } “Something I want your readers to know about me is that I am passionate about educating, engaging, and exciting our visitors in informal educational experiences that ignite their curiosity and interests to deepen their understanding in both history and science.”

implemented the RMSC After Dark program, their 21+ adult evening event. “It was my pet project… It always bothered me that when I told my peers where I was working, their answer to me 9 times out of 10 was that they hadn’t been to RMSC since they went on a field trip back in the 3rd grade [or something similar]. I wanted people to see the museum the way I do – that it is this AWESOME place with SO MANY nooks and crannies to explore and discover. The best part has been watching that program grow and providing opportunities for that audience to experience the museum again.” The RMSC After Dark program is a series of afterhours social events for adults 21 and over featuring full museum access, cash bars, and various exciting science demonstrations. The next event is Friday, Feb. 8, 7–11pm (VIP Entrance at 6pm), and the theme is 1960s. For more details about the After Dark program, make sure to visit the website: http://www.rmsc.org/sciencemuseum/programs-and-events/item/127rmsc-after-dark From getting to know Joelle and her background, I have gathered that she is a very gracious and humble person who has great work ethic, perseverance, 138

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self-motivation, professionalism, and impressive diplomacy. When asked about her success, her reply was truly insightful about her personality, “I think that I was fortunate to have had great mentors who saw my passion and determination, and took a chance on a young professional.” She tends to be reserved at first, but she can quickly come out of her shell. She is naturally curious and mostly optimistic about

life. “I’d rather find the silver lining in every situation. I believe in laughter, it is so important to do every day. And to also enjoy life, family, friends, and the world we live in while we still have it.” Her biggest regret is not having more professional courage earlier in her career. Outside of work, Joelle spends a lot

of her time with her husband, Greg, exploring the outdoors. During the Summer, they like to spend their time enjoying Lake Ontario on their sailboat. “We also like to take our 4-year-old Blue Tick Hound, who has boundless energy, on lots of walks.” Make sure to plan a trip to RMSC and check out some of the changes. The museum has something for literally everyone. Don’t believe me? See for yourself… Ask your friends and/ or family to come along too! Can’t make it during the day? Then you should at least try to be there for the After Dark event on February 8th. Look for Joelle, and let her know what you think about her and this article. I’m sure she would love to meet all of you in person! Here are a few t h i n g s Jo e l l e reminds herself often and wants to share with all of you: 1) Keep your head up; you can’t be everything to everyone. 2) Be a life-long learner, and keep in mind that “FAIL” is an acronym for First Attempt In Learning. 3) Find a work life/home life balance; we work to live, not live to work.

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GIRLCHAT’S TUNYA GRIFFIN BY SHANNON ROXBOROUGH

A Rochester Advocate Working for Women’s Empowerment

and young women, many of whom come from poverty-stricken, broken homes and have been victims of mental, physical and sexual abuse.

In a time when women are still faced with well-documented unfairness and injustice, the importance of standing together to create a community and larger world filled with positivity, unity and shared goals has never had more appeal.

Griffin’s personal story is one of transformative change. A former teenage mother who has faced more than her share of adversity, she overcame the odds and graduated with bachelor’s in organizational management from Roberts

The #MeToo era, which could be called the women’s rights movement 2.0, has inspired women who have been taken advantage of and marginalized to talk about and stand up for issues of gender equality and balanced societal standards. Now, one local advocate in Rochester has hybridized her passions—faith, community service, activism, mentorship—to promote a message of hope, women-driven leadership and female empowerment. Meet Tunya Griffin, a Rochester native with a track record of neighborhood outreach initiatives and a deep desire to help others. For years, Griffin has thrown her enthusiastic support behind the cause of making a positive impact on society by serving as a confidant, life coach and professional mentor to girls 142

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adversity in her personal life. And it has come to define Griffin’s confidence, passion and dedication to public service. Her résumé in business (she once held a longtime sales role with a Fortune 500 company), networking skills (honed over the years as a Web talk radio host who has interviewed a range of professionals and celebrities), dedication to community service (through neighborhood and youth activism) and commitment to a higher purpose (as an ordained Christian minister) has come together in a deep belief that “we are at our best when helping others.”

Wesleyan College and a master’s in divinity from the college’s Northeastern Theological Seminary, where she is working toward completion of a Ph.D. (According to the National Conference of State Legislatures, only 38 percent of African-American teen moms ever graduate from high school.)

As such, Griffin’s take on the modern women’s movement that’s less about protest and more about empowering women to create value in their lives and in the lives of others. And it is this approach that lead her to create GirlChat, an annual event that she uses as a platform to empower and advocate for women by creating healthy dialogue that informs, educates and inspires. GirlChat’s goal is to build “sisterhood relationships, advance educational opportunities for women and girls, assist with leadership development, and organize community advocacy.”

Her faith has given her the strength and will to persevere and to overcome

Since its founding a few short years ago, GirlChat has attracted a lineup of

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{ REAL TALK } With GirlChat, Griffin ultimately works to instill in women (and girls) a strong sense of selfconfidence, can-do spirit, know-how and direction. And she is doing it one life at a time.

accomplished speakers that included Mayor Lovely Warren (in 2015, Mayor Warren, Rochester’s first female mayor, officially proclaimed May 21st GirlChat Day); partnered with the Girl Scouts of Western New York for its STEMa-palooza event, steering girls toward Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (STEM) careers; supported the American Heart Association’s Go Red For Women campaign to help raise awareness of heart disease and stroke among women; and been featured on Fox Rochester’s “Good Morning Rochester.” Gr i f f i n’s l i f e has been one built on female empowerment, with every step serving to open doors for a diverse legion of females from all backgrounds, experiences, ethnicities and ages, placing her at the forefront of an important corner of the modern women’s movement. Her goal of making a real difference in the Rochester community and the larger world is based on the belief that there’s no better way to empower women and change the social dynamic than through educating and grooming females to assume leadership roles to transform society. Griffin and GirlChat are on to something. A substantial body of research has shown 144

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that women lead well. Generally speaking, female leaders in the corporate, small business and entrepreneurial world tend to create more respectful workplaces that hire and promote more women and pay them more equally.

collaboration and leverage public and private resources, Griffin and GirlChat are focused on supporting those primed to become the influencers and heavy hitters of tomorrow by preparing them for the future as it unfolds.

Woman also tend to bring their personal life experiences and perspectives into the decision-making process, which makes businesses more profitable since they

With GirlChat, Griffin ultimately works to instill in women (and girls) a strong sense of self-confidence, can-do spirit, know-how and direction. And she is doing it one life at a time. Fo r m o r e information about next spring’s GirlChat Conference, which will be held on May 25, 2019 at Roberts Wesleyan College i n R o c h e s t e r, v i s i t w w w. girlchatconference. info. To arrange s p e a k i n g engagements, guest appearances, collaborations or partnerships, e-mail Tunya Griffin at griffintunya@gmail. com or call her at (585) 281-2141.

tend to connect well with other women, who make three-quarters of all consumer purchasing decisions. In government and nonprofit settings, women have been shown to be less partisan and more collaborative, and promote policies that support women, children, families and social causes. By aiming to boost self-esteem, foster

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Shannon Roxborough is a widely published, longtime freelance writer, journalist and marketing content strategist based in Rochester who has written for numerous leading news, business and lifestyle magazines, newspapers and websites.

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{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS } PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

HAIR WE LOVE HAS

Expanded Hair We Love Salon has been open or almost eight years now, starting in May of 2011. Now they have expanded, and their new digs are gorgeous! Rochester Woman Online did a feature on owner Dorinda Pestke easlier this year, but now they have expanded! Just three years after the opening of a small studio in the village of Fairport, Pestke has now decided to go big or go home! She expanded her shop along with staff after taking over the empty space next door that use to be a local restaurant that closed down. Pestke took the opportunity to redesign the space to offer even more services then before.

16 years and loving every minute of it. Being a business owner is empowering and keeps me on my toes at all times! I love meeting new people and in the industry as well. Its exciting and never a dull moment. “ You can come see the new space at 303 Macedon Center Road in Fairport, meet Dorinda and some of her amazing staff, and enjoy shopping over 25 local vendors and crafters when RWO holds their Holiday Shopping Extravagaza there on Sunday, December 16th from 12-6pm. Hope to see you there. They are going to have amazing specials for that day and incredible door prizes!

The new services include: more hair stations, a nail bar, waxing, eyelash extension and even a boutique. A variety of services for all your shopping needs. Hair We Love is also offering all services 20%off for new clientele and they do loyalty programs for return customers. Pestke says, “I’ve been doing hair for ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

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HOME OF THE PICKLE PIZZA BY LINDA HARRIS I PHOTOS BY DEVIN MACK

Have you ever wondered, why recently independent distilleries and craft breweries are popping up all over NY? Did you know, for a 13-year period, alcohol manufacturing was banned in the United States? Rochester Woman Online wanted to know, so we could share this interesting piece of history with you, our readers. The first distillery in NY showed its face around 1640 (1). The Prohibition dried up most of the distilleries until recently, when they began to make a comeback in 2004 (1). NY is one of the top five craft spirit producers, with as of (2015) a 2.4-billion-dollar retail business (1). As for the breweries, there are approximately 6,000 producers responsible for the brewing in the United States (2). In 1920, the 18th amendment was passed forbidding the sale, manufacturing and distribution of alcohol (3). This was during the great depression and contributed to it widely (3). This movement was pushed by a lobbying force referred to as the “drys”. The push behind the ban was an action to decrease immigration, strengthen families and increase morality (3). It was largely a religious push (3). The ban did basically nothing but push alcohol to the black market/bootlegging and became a dangerous substitution when people began distilling their own alcohol (3). It is estimated 1,000 people a year died between (1920-1933) from alcohol poisoning (3). The biggest 154

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impact of the prohibition was economical as the government lost an 11-billion-dollar tax revenue during the time the prohibition took place (3). The urban population, for the most part, opposed the prohibition and a repeal movement began (3). The prohibition increased violent criminal acts as opposed to decreasing crimes (3). The repeal movement was largely based on the encroachment of

freedom (3). In 1922, the 21st amendment was passed repealing the 18th amendment and America was wet again! (3). Al Capone made millions. This movement attributed to the birth of “speak easy and jazz music private venues” (3).

MAKING NY WET AGAIN LAKEWARD SPIRITS

RWO took a road trip! Just over an hour away, we headed off to Buffalo, NY. Many

of us have visited the mall, passed through stopping off on the way to Niagara Falls, or even spent a day watching the Buffalo Bills. We all know about Anchor Bar and the Buffalo Chicken Wings. Do you know about the Barrel Factory? Its an awesome building which houses some cool businesses! Among them are Lakeward Spirits and Pressure Drop Brewing.

L A K EWA R D S P I R I TS DISTILLING WITH THE DIVAS!

There was a downfall in the “Buffalo area, malt houses” after the prohibition was lifted by the 21st amendment. Lakeward Spirits is a one-of-a kind distillery, found within the Barrel Factory. This is a 115-year-old (1903) building located in Buffalo’s 1st Ward on the Tecumsah Canal. The bricks were made onsite when the 40,000 sq. foot factory was erected. The entire building was rebuilt using repurposed metal which provides a special cozy environment in an industrial, old world back drop. Some of the wood used in the building’s restoration include wood from a 200-year-old barn. It is a family-owned business, where the moto is “creation, stewardship, community, #looklakeward!” Their products include Grain Canyon Vodka, Evergreen Gin, Inland Sea Rum, and Wild Gin. The cocktails served are considered a work of love and art. On any given day, stop in and grab a “Porch Peach” or a “Bees Knees”. Maybe you’d

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{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS } “Through the creation of quality spirits, to accompany the daily adventures, along with the responsible use of resources and continued stewardship over their local watershed, there is investment in the community to keep the local community, neighborhood, region and country strong!”

rather “The French Quarter” or a “Buffalo Negroni”. There’s something for everyone. In 1927, the original Barrel Factory experienced a fire. You can still see some of the damage caused as some charring still is visible. The Western NY Paranormal Society did a show on investigation of paranormal activities. Employees reported during the restoration they experienced some strange happenings. When the flooring was being done, employees experienced an energy with a brisk chill in the air and lights flickering. While on the second floor, an employee thought he heard a machine running and smelled the after effect of the machine running but he did not turn on the machine. A friend reported seeing a 158

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female ghost walking back and forth on the second floor. While investigating, the team found evidence of spirits. This was an interesting part of getting the Barrel Factory up and running for business! Lakeward prides themselves as helping contribute to revitalization of Buffalo’s Old First Ward. They also are proud they support using American-made products in their manufacturing plant. Their mission states, “Through the creation of quality spirits, to accompany the daily adventures, along with the responsible use of resources and continued stewardship over their local watershed, there is investment in the community to keep the local community,

neighborhood, region and country strong!” (see website) Until recently, the major bulk of malting was conducted in the Midwest and California. There are now 4 malters in WNY. These malters, help provide quality barley for use. Lakeward Spirits’ 5,000-gallon reservoir is in their floor, where the copper stills are cooled. This heat sink allows Lakeward to reuse water indefinitely. They further recycle and offer spent mash to local farmers for use as compost and feed. The business gives back to the locals.

THE SPIRITS

Wild Gin- This is a 16-botanical blend. The thought is “the sweet fresh aroma permeating from a path between a field

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{ THE INTELLIGENT TRAVELER }

INTRODUCING THE INTELLIGENT TRAVELER BY ERIN COON

My name is Erin Coon, and I am a mother of two, a wife, a U.S. Army veteran, crafter, photographer, and at home travel agent. I live a very full an busy life with lots of fun and adventure. My favorite thing to do is travel, so I decided to become a travel agent. I live with my camera attached to my hand and love to photograph all the places I have been. I am a professional photographer that specializes in portraits of most genres and wedding and event photography. I was excited to become a travel agent because i not only can photo document your special day, but also help book destinations weddings, honeymoons, family reunions, and special birthday or anniversary trips for you as well.

I have spent a lot of time in the midwest, particularly in Missouri near Kansas City. I have learned of the historical sites such as presidential libraries and more out that way that have been not only educational but fun to visit. I live in upstate NY and know the ins and outs of most places up this way. Although I have never been to Niagara Falls and it’s only about a two hour drive. It is on my list of new places to go this summer with the kids. Ive been on a few of the Finger Lakes wine trails and have

I am proud to be a certified specialist in Royal Caribbean Cruises, an MSC MasterAgent, and a Commodore level graduate of the Princess Cruises Academy. I have also attended many learning events through my agency, InteleTravel.com, and have access to exclusive offers and added bonuses for my clients that can’t be found through other agents or even directly from the cruise lines! I have been to many destinations in the world between my personal travel and army adventures. I have been to Germany and lived there for over a year, and i have been able to experience a lot the amazing destinations there. I have experienced an authentic October Fest in Munich, the old city of Nuremberg, the castle of Wurtzburg, the warm Christmas wine at the little holiday festivals in the small remote town of Schweinfurt, and so much more. I was in Iraq for a year and was allowed to take leave in Qatar for a weekend and experience the beautiful architecture and deep sea fishing available as an excursion. There are so many excursions to take there but the deep sea fishing was my favorite. We went on a large tow level boat and caught red snappers that were cooked right on the boat for lunch, then enjoyed a nice swim in the sea. 162

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wine tasting in NY pretty well mapped out to the best of the best. My favorite place to go in NY though is the Adirondacks, it is by far the most beautiful place in the state no matter the season. I spent two weeks in Alaska, one week on land and the other week at sea on a Princess Cruise for my honeymoon. We spent a few days in Fairbanks and saw a lot of the hot spot tours and the state fair was also happening at that time that we unfortunately did not get to attend at that time. We went gold panning and visited the Alaskan oil pipeline, visited every local restaurant establishment we could find,

stayed at the Princess Lodges in Fairbanks, Denali, and Mt. McKinley. We bussed and trained our way to Whittier to board a beautiful Princess Cruise ship. There I spent a week either at sea enjoying the features of the cruise or on land exploring the towns and taking excursions and tours to dig a little deeper into the Alaskan culture and experiences that are available. This is one of my favorite trips and one of my most educational. I have visited many states here in the US and have a lot more to go on my bucket list. Between the military and personal travel I have learned a lot of travel tips. From packing for individual to family with big kids and small to first time flight tips for travelers of all ages. Picking hotels with certain amenities, finding the right rental car for the terrain and size group, individual travel, small and large group travel, driving, bussing, and flying, overseas and local. My experiences vary widely and can help you along the way. In future articles I will be sharing trip tips, destination stories, group travel advise, booking secrets, travel deals, travel safety, to get or not to get travel insurance, and so much more. I am a woman full of knowledge and experiences that I love sharing to help people with their future experiences. I’ll share the nitty gritty and what made or broke the trip. Ill share photos I took along the way for a peak at the possibilities that you can have while at these amazing places. I will be sharing the amazing information that I learn in my trainings for becoming certified as a specialist in certain destinations or cruise lines. I will also share with you deals that are becoming available and how to be on my mailing list so that you can receive up to date deals consistently. I also will be sharing my love of photography and how to capture amazing moments to take home with you and have forever, where to go to find these amazing shots to take and more

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Have the long, cold days of winter got you down? Sick of shoveling snow and barely seeing any daylight? Why don't you ditch the scarf and gloves for some flip flops, sunshine and bathing suits?! Get out of that monotonous routine and give yourself a well-deserved taste of summertime! Your tropical vacation is ready and waiting for you! If you have ever thought of traveling or travel frequently, have you ever used a travel agent to assist you in booking your travel? There are many benefits to having a travel agent help you. Travel agents can find itineraries that are unique to your personality and help you with an indepth search to find events and excursions that are not open to the general public. Along with many other benefits such as being able to assist you if something goes wrong, a travel agents cares and is there for you. If you would love some help booking your destination this winter, I'd be happy to assist you.

Erin Coon Independent Travel Agent erincoontravel@gmail.com 3155757784 erincoon.inteletravel.com For All Your Travel Needs

{ MORTGAGE TIPS FOR WOMEN }

DOWN PAYMENT FUNDS BY PHYLLIS HABERER

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT GIFTS

One of the most challenging aspects of buying a home is saving up for the down payment required to make the purchase. In some cases, you may have a family member who wants to help by contributing to the down payment. That’s wonderful, of course! However, there are rules and regulations that potential homebuyers need to be aware of. I’m here to help you ensure your funds are used properly and that it doesn’t delay or prevent you from closing on your new home! TYPES OF GIFTS The most common type of gift is simply money from one or more individuals. Most mortgage loan types restrict gifts to relatives, however FHA loans actually have a broader gift acceptance, providing flexibility for gifts from people such as a family friend, employer, or even a grant. A different type of down payment gift comes in the form of home equity. This occurs when a family member offers to sell their home to you for less than its appraised value. The price difference that you’re saving can be used as a down payment, very similar to a cash gift. Giving a gift of equity doesn’t have to be a complicated matter, so long as both 166

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parties meet the mortgage documentation requirements and the donor files the necessary tax paperwork. GIFT RULES There are several types of mortgage loans, and each has different rules regarding using gifts as a down payment. Most, but not all, options require you to also pay a certain percentage of your own money on top of the down payment.

is a gift (and doesn’t need to be repaid). This paperwork is called a gift letter. The gift letter must be written and provided to your lender by the person or persons who provided the gift (funds or equity). It must include their contact information, relationship, the gift amount, and written documentation identifying that the money as a gift. Your mortgage loan provider will be happy to give information on what details the letter should include. Whether or not you have gift funds for down payment, if you are ready to begin the process, come see me at Premium Mortgage. I’ll take personal care in getting you the best mortgage program to suit your individual needs!

Regardless of which type of mortgage applied for, cash is not an acceptable form of payment for a gift. Like all major financial transactions, mortgage gifts require a paper trail. PAPERWORK REQUIREMENTS Speaking of a paper trail, your mortgage lender will have specific records and documents that you will need to provide in order to verify that the transfer of funds

If you are in the process of purchasing a new home or have questions about refinancing and the associated closing costs, call Phyllis Haberer at Premium Mortgage Corporation: 1 (585) 314-8511. You can also email her: phyllis@premiummortgage. com Phyllis Haberer Senior Loan Officer | NMLS# 58078 2541 Monroe Avenue, Rochester, NY 14618 (585) 314-8511 NMLS #3254 Equal Housing Lender Licensed Mortgage Banker NYSDFS

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Premium Mortgage would like to wish you

Happy Holidays! Don’t miss out - the winter real estate market could give you an opportunity to purchase the perfect home for a great price! Not sure where to start? Give me a call. I’m happy to help safely guide you on this journey toward home ownership.

The Local Expert in Home Financing

Phyllis Haberer Senior Loan Officer | NMLS#58078

C: 585.314.8511 D: 585.363.7087 O: 585.241.0000 x104

Phyllis@PremiumMortgage.com

www.PremiumMortgage.com

PrmMtg

2541 Monroe Ave. Rochester NY 14618 | Equal Housing Lender | Licensed Mortgage Banker NYSDFS | NMLS#3254 Premium Mortgage Corporation does not intend to solicit business away from other mortgage banking professionals. If you are currently working with another mortgage banking professional, this communication is not intended for you. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

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WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP BY MEG BURTON TUDMAN

When things are going really well for you, are you waiting for the other shoe to drop? Often we experience awesome breakthroughs in one area of our lives only to sabotage another area. For instance, we’re promoted at work and then we pick a fight with our partner at home that night. Or we rock a presentation and then fixate on the one piece of constructive criticism. It’s not just with work either, we may book our dream vacation and then spend all of our time worrying about money. Part of the challenge here is that we find ways to avoid relishing our achievements and enjoying our abundance, we self-sabotage as a way to feel safe and to get back to the familiar setting or feeling we know best. The appeal of that setting or feeling isn’t that it’s enjoyable because it’s not, rather it’s the devil we know. At its most basic, self-sabotage is any behavior, thought or action that holds you back from your conscious desires. It’s quite possible that you don’t even realize you’re engaging in these self-limiting patterns. In addition to picking a fight, focusing on the negative and worrying, self-sabotage may manifest as not sleeping enough, drinking too much, obsessive thinking, working too much, perfectionism or pessimism. All of that prevents us from living our best lives, feeling confident and enjoying the realities we create. There’s good news though, we have incredible internal power to shift those behaviors and reset in a way that positively serves us and allows us to experience and enjoy 168

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breakthroughs in all areas of our lives. Here are some of my favorite ways to release self-sabotaging behaviors: Recognize Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior: Throughout each day make time to notice your behaviors and ask yourself how those behaviors are serving you. If you find it

the judgment and criticism around them and instead make a mental note “oh, that’s self-sabotage.” Simply recognizing your self-sabotaging behavior has a considerable impact on helping you shift. Monitor Your Negative Thinking: Our patterns of thinking are a major influence on how we experience life. As with recognizing your self-sabotaging behavior, start to notice how you talk to yourself. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, replace that thought with something positive. The point here is not to stop all negative thoughts, rather it is to consciously choose to engage with positive and supportive thoughts rather than negative ones. Create New Self-Supporting Rituals: A lot of our self-sabotaging behaviors are habits and we engage in them without even thinking. Instead of letting habits rule, practice more mindful self-care. This might include being present as you drink a cup of tea and tuning into all of your senses, noticing the sounds of your environment for a few moments, putting your phone away while you enjoy your meals and consciously connecting with people whose energy lifts you up. The point is to be fully present and enjoy the ritual of seemingly everyday actions or occurrences.

difficult to remember to tune in and notice, set a calendar reminder for multiple times throughout the day. When you notice a self-sabotaging behavior, write it down and keep a list of what you notice. Your list serves as a reminder of your habits that prevent you from realizing your desires. As you recognize those behaviors, drop

Refocus on Your Goal or Intention: Identify and write down your goals and intentions and keep them in a place where you will see them often. The purpose of this is twofold, first, it allows you to continuously remind yourself of your desires and second, it allows you to recognize when you’ve realized a particular desire. Recognizing and celebrating your breakthroughs and

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{ CONFIDENT { SHIFT+CONTROL IN YOUR OWN } SKIN } At its most basic, self-sabotage is any behavior, thought or action that holds you back from your conscious desires. It’s quite possible that you don’t even realize you’re engaging in these self-limiting patterns.

accomplishments are just as import as the journey to achieving them. Tune into Your Self-Beliefs: What we believe about ourselves plays a huge role in our thought and behavior patterns. Give yourself some time and space to write down answers to these questions: What does success look like for me? What do I believe about money? What are my most valuable strengths? What are my top five values? What do I believe about love? When I look in the mirror what do I say to myself? From a place of love and nonjudgment, review your answers and identify any gaps between what you believe and what you desire, as well as any self-limiting beliefs. The beliefs you identify are opportunities to flip your script and rewire new beliefs that support rather than sabotage. Write those new, empowering beliefs on a separate 170

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sheet of paper and read them out loud daily in order to crowd out the self-beliefs that keep you stuck. Change Your Perspective: There is nothing that says only one area of our lives can be good at a time. While everything may not always be rainbows and butterflies, that doesn’t mean that we can’t celebrate what is working and what we’re accomplishing. By focusing on gratitude, focusing on successes, focusing on kindness and focusing on continuous growth, we are able to create an environment that supports us. Make a conscious choice to focus on the good. I invite you to empower yourself to make small changes in order to feel more confident in your own skin and support your best self. As you work to make these shifts, please remember that this is a practice, not

a perfect. Each moment affords you with the opportunity to make a choice, one that serves you in a positive way, allows you to support yourself, enables you to enjoy your breakthroughs and successes, and relish the life you’ve created for yourself. Take this practice one breath and one moment at a time and start to crowd out the self-limiting behaviors, beliefs and thoughts. You’re worth the effort and you have everything you need within you to thrive and soar! ---Meg Burton Tudman helps successful women who feel stressed and exhausted (yet are still striving for more!) master their mindset for a complete inner and outer transformation, that empowers them to live authentically and actually enjoy the life they’ve created for themselves. Click here for your free Reset Your Mindset Toolkit with 7 quick reset strategies, plus a weekly checklist. https://www. megburtontudman.com/reset-your-mindset

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Although we all love the idea of cuddling up with someone by the fire place and drinking hot coco, think about all the other great things you can do as a single woman!â&#x20AC;?

{ STYLIN WITH ASHLEY }

12 DAYS OF BEING SINGLE DURING THE HOLIDAYS BY ASHLEY MICHAELSEN I PHOTOS BY DREW DAILEY IMAGES

Although we all love the idea of cuddling up with someone by the fire place and drinking hot coco, think about all the other great things you can do as a single woman! Repeat your favorite holiday songs and movies, shop til you drop on Black Friday or cyber Monday. Decline or accept holiday parties without having a converse with someone else! There is always an upside. I’ve created my own “12 days of Christmas”(for the single woman)

so stressful sometimes and we forgot to actually relax and be with the ones we care about the most. Relax, sleep in, get a massage, spend the day in your thermals. Take time off from work to do something (or absolutely nothing) for yourself!

10) You can pass out in your glittery party dress. The next morning you won’t have to deal with the eye rolls, and someone reminding you of your holiday extravaganza.

2. No stress on impressing your significant others friends or family. You can eat that extra pie and drink that extra cocktail!

4. It’s always hard to find gifts for guys, Let’s be honest they can be difficult to shop for. Use that extra money for your friends and family, or even a special Xmas present for yourself. 5) You can be LAZY. Holidays can be 174

8) Every single person is looking for someone to get through the winters with. Go on some holiday dates and take advantage of that holiday spirit. Put on your charm, and mingle with others at holiday parties. Love is in the air... 9) You can sing Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is you ” at the top of your lungs and loop it all season long! No questions asked!

1. All the holiday events are on your schedule -You can do whatever you want from Thanksgiving through New Year’s and not worry about splitting your time with a significant other.

3. You can plan a solo trip anywhere you want, or go on a single girls trip. Embrace your freedom, you won’t have to sit at home and wait on someone else’s agenda.

the exact way you want it!

11) You can watch “Love Actually” on repeat as much as you want and cuddle up with the tissue box. Or binge watch the hallmark and lifetime movie channels.

6. You can flirt with whoever you want at holidays parties! You may just find yourself under the mistletoe. 7. You can decorate your house however you want. Real tree, fake tree, pink tree. Decisions are all up to you. So put some carols on, sip on champagne and decorate your place

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12) We all want love especially over the holidays, but how about loving yourself this season. You don’t always need a guy to get you through the cold seasons. Look at all the things you can do without having to compromise! Spend this time to reflect on last year and set amazing personal and business goals for the new year!

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{ STRATAGEM }

MAKE YOUR SPIRIT (AND YOURSELF) BRIGHT BY LIZA PABON

This Holiday Season Find Your Inner and Outer Glow With Help from Aveda As the holiday standard goes, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. That being said, the holidays can be majorly stressful. There are gatherings to plan, meals to make, cookies to bake, presents to buy, donations to be made, trees to decorate … the list can seem endless and overwhelming and can definitely dull your holiday sparkle. If you need a little help getting your shine back, don’t fret — Stratagem can help you make your spirit bright all season long with a little help from Aveda. Try some aromaology. Our Pure-Fume aromas are painstakingly created with essential oils to transport and transform you. For an uplifting boost, opt for Beautifying, one of our most beloved heritage aromas. Its blend of certified organic rosemary, lavender, bergamot and other pure plant and flower essences will awaken your senses and give you a bright, happy burst of aroma. You can experience Beautifying in many different ways, from the Body Moisturizer to Radiance Polish and Composition Oil. Wear it like perfume or use the Composition Oil from head to toe; it’ll uplift you from scalp to soul. Pop by Stratagem for a shine treatment. Don’t have a ton of time to get your hair colored during holiday craziness? Our hair color shine treatments are perfect for anyone who’s short on 178

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{ STRATAGEM } Give in to glitter. If there’s any time to indulge your love of anything sparkly, it’s the holiday season.

time but still wants high shine and a quick color refresh. You can enliven your current color, try a gloss in a trendy shade or just get a gloss to really amplify your shine, and the best part? It takes just 20 minutes or less! The treatments are infused with plant oils that actually improve your hair’s condition, and the service can be added to your existing cut or color service too. Book one at www. followstratagem.com/booknow and get glowing. BRIGHTEN UP YOUR SKIN CARE ROUTINE. Get your glow back with a Dual xfoliation Peel or a facial at Stratagem, and don’t forget to exfoliate regularly. Our Tulasāra Bright Concentrate serum instantly restores radiance, visibly evens skin tone and reduces discoloration, and when you pair it with the Tulasāra Wedding Masque Overnight in the PM and Renew Morning Crème in the AM, you’ll start seeing a seriously enhanced glow just in time for the family holiday photos. GIVE IN TO GLITTER. If there’s any time to indulge your love of anything sparkly, it’s the holiday season. We’re currently obsessing over the limited-edition holiday Lip Glaze in Golden Lily, a warm and sparkly golden shade. Wear it solo for a subtle sheen or layer it over your favorite lipsticks for a rich, glam look. Really want to make a statement? Out Aveda makeup artists are currently loving eco-friendly glitter from Universal Soul.

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{ STRATAGEM } If you need a little help getting your shine back, don’t fret — Stratagem can help you make your spirit bright all season long with a little help from Aveda.

MAKE TIME FOR WELLNESS. Staying hydrated, eating healthy and exercising can be hard to accomplish during the holidays and their accompanying swirl of parties, treats and to-dos, but to feel your best during these busy months, maintain that commitment to yourself. Book time with yourself to exercise, grocery shop or even set reminders on your 180

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phone or smart watch to take a break or drink more water. It’s as simple as that! GET SOME SLEEP. Go to bed a little earlier than usual — easy during daylight savings time, when the days get shorter — and make a point to mute your devices and unwind tech-free. Need help drifting

off into dreamland? We love falling asleep after applying little bit of Aveda Shampure Composition Oil to hands and feet. You’ll be able to greet every day (and every item on your to-do list) fresh and well-rested.

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{ MEALS BY DELEO }

HOLIDAY CHEER, ALL YEAR! BY JASON DELEO I PHOTOS BY CHRIS CONLON

With thanksgiving behind us we are heading full speed into Christmas. What have your kids asked for? What gotta have gift are you stressing about this year? Have you put up your lights? Is your tree just right? Will our annual Christmas party be the best? Should we say Christmas? Will we offend the same people that are celebrating? Did we volunteer to show how we care this season? Do we feel warm and fuzzy about it?

to reflect on what we are thankful for. If all we have is breath in our lungs, and no more we can be thankful. Our family if we have one, our food, our clothing, our job, our teachers, our morning coffee, policeman, firefighters, our veterans, our loved ones, this could become a mindset.

WHAT IF-

We made this action a way of life. What if we found the one thing the world

Oh , the things that run through our mind this time of year. We’re all guilty! Have you considered The Christmas season is for us. Like most gifts, we take them for granted. We loose sight of the giver, we loose sight of what’s meant for us to enjoy. I understand that television, radio, our phones are bombarded with messages pushing us to keep up, spend money, to remember what’s important ( the newest gadget our loved ones must have) That helps us play the victim like most excuses we use in life. Ya know, “why are they selling holiday stuff after Halloween “? We’ve all noticed. Because we buy what their selling. Black Friday , cyber Monday, we’re buying!!

WHAT IF-

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needed and filled in that spot. What if we gave what we could, instead of stressing about we couldn’t. What if we gave our time? What would others think? What if we had some peace? True actual peace? What if we helped someone that could do nothing for us? As a matter of fact what if we did it in seceret - not even a minute to bask in the glory of our kindness?

I’m not sure what the answer is, I’m not sure how to do this. I know it’s a good idea. By the way, not mine. I have in my life, lived this, moments, days, weeks, even months. I can attest to the peace, the joy, the love you feel. For others, yes, for yourself, that was the crazy part. I tell my boys concerning self esteem, if you want it , do esteemable things. It’s why I said the gift were given is lost trying to out give, keep up. Rather than taking the idea of the season and allowing to penetrate our minds and hearts. Not as a passing though, or when our favorite song plays. But like going to the gym, committing to a daily action. The Christmas spirit, Christmas itself for any and all who participate, Hanukkah, whatever is for us to realize what we have. What we can give from that, our time, our treasure, our ability to bring joy, and peace. I promise in that we receive our gifts. Now I know what your saying, Jason your bringing God into this. Well there you have it. Let that be your stumbling block, your excuse, Or find your peace, your joy, your purpose receive your gift this season, and give gifts the rest of the year, Peace!!

Jason DeLeo

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{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY }

THE FINGER LAKES ALZHEIMER’S CAREGIVER BY OLGA MONACELL

While more than 1 million individuals in New York State provide over 1 billion hours of unpaid care to their family members and friends who live with Alzheimer’s or another dementia, many of those people don’t think of themselves as caregivers. They think of themselves as family or friends who are there to help because that is just what family and friends do. In collaboration with Lifespan of Greater Rochester, the Alzheimer’s Association operates the Finger Lakes Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute, a program designed for family members and friends who care for their loved ones.

to the needs of our parents. Olga: Does caregiving for someone with dementia differ from caregiving for individuals without dementia? Ann Marie:Taking care of a family member with dementia brings a different level of complexity and emotion to caregiving. Dementia caregiving tends to be more expensive and more timeintensive than caregiving for older individuals without dementia.

Recently, I sat down with Ann Marie Cook, President/CEO of Lifespan, to talk about the challenges of caregiving for those who live with Alzheimer’s and other dementias, and about the resources available for family caregivers in our region.

Although I had a lot of background knowledge about dementia and knew where to find support for myself and my family, when the caregiving responsibility fell to me, I felt overwhelmed. I needed guidance on how to adequately respond 188

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I always fear that caregivers largely do it alone, bearing their grief and their responsibilities. At the Finger Lakes Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute, we may not be able to take the emotional aspect of caregiving out of it. But we can be there to provide support so that families know that they are not alone on this journey. If you are a family caregiver who feels stretched thin, you may be able to benefit from several of our programs designed to alleviate the stress of dementia caregiving— from care consultations to respite and to social engagement activities. The Alzheimer’s Association’s respite program offers families of those living with dementia a monthly stipend for professional caregiving services. Many family caregivers use this opportunity to make time for themselves while professional caregivers take care for their loved ones, giving them peace of mind that their loved one is in caring and competent hands.

Olga: National surveys have found that approximately one quarter of dementia caregivers are the so-called sandwich generation caregivers who care not only for their aging parents, but also for children under the age of 18— while being employed full-time or part-time. Ann Marie: I was one of those caregivers. A few years ago, my husband and I moved closer to his and my aging parents. At the time, I had two young children and a full-time job, while providing assistance with daily activities to my father and both of my in-laws. I didn’t identify myself as a caregiver at first. I thought of myself simply as a daughter and a daughter-in-law. I felt that helping parents is what daughters do. Not until my caregiving duties became really hard, did I say, “I’m the caregiver I talk about all the time.”

and I understood the decline, but it was hard to accept what was happening to my father and my in-laws. People without experience of care for a parent who lives with dementia don’t realize how deep the grief is while your loved one is still alive.

The need for caregiving arises when our parent is no longer able to perform activities of daily living such as handling money and making meals. As the disease progresses, people with dementia require more extensive assistance such as walking independently, dressing, bathing and eating. The care many of us provide may be as simple as weekly runs for groceries or as challenging as living with our parents. We don’t talk about being caregivers until we have to spend the night with our parents. Eventually, my own family situation became so overwhelming that, even though I relied on all the resources available here at Lifespan, I still found it difficult. I understood the disease

Olga: According to national surveys, long-distance caregivers comprise 12 percent of family members who care for their loved ones with dementia. Typically, these caregivers live more than an hour away from their parents. The long-distance caregivers are said to incur higher out-of-pocket costs and report more emotional distress than the caregivers who live with or near their care recipient. Ann Marie: We often get phone calls from adult children who don’t live in the same town or the same state where they parents are. These long-distance caregivers share with us how scared they are for the wellbeing of their parents. They also live with continuous guilt because they cannot check on their parents on a daily basis.

{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY } My advice to women is don’t take it all on alone, reach out for help, make that first call. We at the Finger Lakes Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute will be with you for the entire journey, for however long it takes.

ariesmith

“The house where I grew up and where mom has lived for the last 65 years is no longer safe. I worry about mom’s safety. She needs aroundthe-clock care,” shared “Mary,” a daughter. Mary was stressed during the day, when she was at work, and couldn’t sleep at night. She would spend her sleepless hours doing online research on dementia and trying to figure out how to select an assisted living facility for her mother. Although many resources are available online, the elder care process is so complex that adult children need professional help to make the right decision on behalf of their parents. “I felt completely alone. I needed to talk to someone,” said Mary. A care manager from Lifespan or the Alzheimer’s Association helps family caregivers

such as Mary understand the options each family has and guide each family through this complex process. We helped find a place for Mary’s mom. Mary called back and shared that her mom really likes her new home. Olga: According to the 2018 Alzheimer’s Association Facts and Figures Report, approximately two-thirds of dementia caregivers are women. I know you are frequently invited to speak and share your leadership experience with women interested in advancing their careers. Do you think family caregiving prevents some women from pursuing career advancement? Ann Marie: Caregiving remains a woman’s issue. I always say a “typical” caregiver is a 47-year-old,

working daughter who provides care for her mom. Many of those women report having to make adjustments to their careers due to caregiving responsibilities. This includes turning down promotions, scaling back work hours or even leaving their jobs. Most of these women do it willingly. I use every networking opportunity to talk to employers about elder care. Just like we address childcare in the workforce, we need to support working caregivers. My advice to women is don’t take it all on alone, reach out for help, make that first call. We at the Finger Lakes Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute will be with you for the entire journey, for however long it takes.

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MEET LAURIE KLATT A “POP”RIETOR BY LINDA HARRIS I PHOTOS BY DEVIN MACK

The Finger Lakes area is known for having some of the best festivals. If you are a festival lover, you probably ran into Laurie Klatt, franchise owner of Doc Popcorn & Dippin Dots, a delicious and healthier option to one of America’s favorite snacks. During the spring and summer months, you can find Laurie and her family, popping away around Monroe County at many of the fun festivals. In the fall and winter season, Laurie’s Popshop can be found at craft fairs and a semi permanent location from October through April at Monroe Community College.

months, it works out perfectly for high school and college students. Laurie sons play a huge role in the success of her business. Her sons help with pretty much all aspects of the business to include customer service and business sales. They get to learn and see what hard work looks like while learning all aspects of running a business. She hopes to instill an entrepreneur spirit into her boys and states “Not every job is a 9-5.” You can find a job or own your business while having fun, doing what you

Raised in Fairport, Laurie currently resides in Pennfield. She is married to Scott, a financial advisor with North Landing Financial Partners, for twenty six years and they have three sons, Josh, Jared and Jordan. In July of 2012, on her twentieth wedding anniversary, Laurie started her Doc Popcorn Business. Laurie told RWO that she had an entrepreneur spirit for as long as she could remember. She felt a Doc Popcorn business was the right move for her for several reasons, some of which was that it was a way for her family to have something fun to do together, where they can bond. Her sons would be able to gain some valuable skills, she could give back to the community and they can make some money together. Around the time Laurie launched her business, she recalls job opportunities, particularly for high school and college students was limited. Throughout the years, she has employed her children’s friends and others that have a hard time finding work. Since her business is somewhat seasonal, with the busy season being the spring and summer 192

throughout the year where she donates a portion of sales to help the cause. Recently she participated in a huge event for breast cancer awareness which was named Dippin and Poppin for Pink, which raised closed to $300. Dippin Dots is another product within the company line. She also works with organizations that are interested in raising money such as youth sporting teams or school organizations. A percentage of sales are given back to the organization. Laurie offers some advice for woman considering joining the entrepreneur world. “Don’t be afraid of hard work.” “The beauty of being your own boss is you can make your own schedule.”

want, setting your own schedule and working on your own terms. You just have to “Think outside of the box.” You can do this and make a difference within the community. Laurie participates in many charity events and provide “fun raising” yes you read that right, “fun raising” opportunities to organizations within the community. Laurie participates in various charitable events

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“You reap what you sow.” “Try it and don’t be afraid of failure.” Is another piece of advice Laurie offers to RWO readers. Throughout the years, she has tried several options on events and type of establishments to conduct business at. You have to try new things to find out what works and what doesn’t for you. Make modifications along the way and keep moving forward is a key point for new entrepreneurs. During the years, Laurie has branched out to test the market at several locations to include a mall and airport. She was able to set up a steady location over the slower months at Monroe Community College. She loves the fact that the college goes off the school schedule, which allows for her to be off on the holidays and spend quality time with her family. You can find Laurie’s Popshop in the Marketplace at the

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Don’t be afraid of hard work. The beauty of being our own boss is you can make your own schedule. You reap what you sow. Try it and don’t be afraid of failure.”

{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS } With the holiday season about to make its way, you should start contacting Laurie now for your holiday gifts. She can also help you choose a flavor or flavors that will satisfy your taste buds.

Brighton Campus location. The hours of operation are Monday and Tuesday 10:30 - 1:30 with select Thursdays. Laurie’s goals for this upcoming year is to secure more business providing services for special events. Laurie is able to set up a table counter unit display, two large poppers, and even an 8 foot cart, which is generally used at larger festivals such as the Lilac Festival. She can pop a combination of Doc Popcorns twenty plus flavors which will help you please all your guests whether they have a sweet, spicy, or salty taste bud. You have to make sure to book in advance, because some of the flavors are seasonal. A couple of the popular flavors that are in season at the moment is the Apple Crisp and the Cookies and Cream. Another cool 196

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thing about booking Laurie for your next event is that she can coordinate the color of your fresh popcorn to the color of your event. How cool is that? This adds to a creative twist for events such as weddings, baby or bridal showers, or even your next holiday party. With the holiday season about to make its way, you should start contacting Laurie now for your holiday gifts. She can also help you choose a flavor or flavors that will satisfy your taste buds. When asked which flavor was her favorite, Laurie responded with “It depends on the day. Lately the Hoppin Jalapeno has been my go to for snacking pleasures.” If your a business looking for a special gift for your clients, you can can purchase tins with your company logo on

it. You can also purchase gift certificates and holiday tins perfect for those holiday movie night baskets you want to put together. A bonus is that Laurie also provides delivery and shipping services for her customers. To place your orders you can contact her through social media, email, or cell phone. You can also find her on December 1st at the Eastside YMCA in Penfield and on December 8th at the Village Gate. Make sure to let her know Rochester Women Online sent you. Final thoughts for Laurie is “ I am truly blessed to be in this business and I get to do it with my family and friends.” You can contact Laurie Klatt at 585-760-4364, email Laurie. Klatt@Docpopcorn.com http://facebook.com/ Pop It Forward

{ ASK SHARON }

LET’S ASK SHARON BY SHARON QUATAERT

Q: SHOULD I WAIT UNTIL SPRING TO SELL MY HOUSE? The holiday season from November through January is often thought of as a less than desirable time to put a house on the market. While the thought of selling your house during the winter months may dampen your holiday spirit, the season does have its advantages: holiday buyers tend to be more serious and competition is less fierce with fewer homes being actively marketed. It may be advantageous to take advantage of the Holiday season, keeping the following tips in mind.

time of year. PRICE IT TO SELL. No matter what time of year, a home that’s priced right will move! This is NOT the time of year to ‘test’ the market. Make curb appeal a top priority.

RELAX — THE NEW YEAR IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER. The holidays are stressful enough with gifts to buy, dinners to prepare and relatives to entertain. Take a moment to remind yourself that if you don’t sell now, there’s always next year, which, luckily, is only a few days away.

DECK THE HALLS, BUT DON’T GO OVERBOARD. Houses often look their best during the holidays, but sellers should be careful not to overdo it on the decor. Adornments that are too large or too many can crowd your home and distract buyers. HIRE A RELIABLE REAL ESTATE AGENT. That means someone who will work hard for you and won’t disappear during Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year’s. Always look for experience and a realtor with a great reputation. SEEK OUT MOTIVATED BUYERS. Anyone house hunting during the holidays must have a good reason for doing so. An experienced Realtor will be able to navigate you through this 200

ENSURE YOU HAVE HIGH QUALITY REAL ESTATE PHOTOS. When the weather outside is frightful, homebuyers are likely to start their house hunt from the comfort of their homes by browsing listings on the Internet. Make a good first impression by ensuring your listing has lots of flattering, high-quality photos of your home. If possible, have a summer or spring photo of your home available so buyers can see how it looks year-round.

What does the Real Estate forecast look like for 2019? Most markets will still favor sellers over buyers.

When autumn rolls around and the trees start to lose their leaves, maintaining the exterior of your home becomes even more important. Bare trees equal a more exposed home, so touch up the paint, clean the gutters and spruce up the yard. Keep buyers’ safety in mind as well by making sure stairs and walkways are free of snow, ice and leaves.

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Inventory shortages affected many housing markets across the country during 2017 and 2018. And this will likely continue, to some extent, in 2019 as well. Limited supply is also one of the reasons housing prices are expected to continue to rise. An imbalanced supply-and-demand picture will continue to put upward pressure on home prices in 2019.

{ ASK SHARON }

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Of course, all of these trends can vary from one area to the next. Some real estate markets across the U.S. are more “balanced” than others, with enough supply to meet demand. Most cities, however, are experiencing low levels of inventory at present.

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a steady upward. So clearly, rates are higher now than at the start of the year. The question is, what might they do going forward? And what will the real estate market do in 2019 if mortgage rates climb even higher?

Mortgage rates are approaching 5%, for a 30-year loan. Here’s the short version: Mortgage rates are higher now than they were at the start of this year, and experts are predicting they’ll climb even higher by the end of 2018.

In June 2018, the Mortgage Bankers Association (MBA) updated its longrange forecast. They predicted that average 30-year mortgage rates would rise to 4.9% by the fourth quarter of 2018, and inch upward in 2019 as well. Economists from Freddie Mac made a similar prediction recently.

Here’s the back story: The average rate for a 30-year fixed mortgage hovered below 4% for much of 2017. Then, at the start of 2018, it began

What might the real estate market do in 2019, in response to rising rates? Well, assuming that event actually happens, we could see a decline in

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home purchases in the months ahead. But we don’t expect it to have a major impact on real estate sales. The economy is strong and employment is high, so there is steady demand for homes in most housing markets across the country. A modest rise in mortgage rates probably wouldn’t do much to dampen it. Home prices will continue rising in most U.S. cities. Given the current supply-and-demand situation, it appears likely that home prices in most U.S. cities will continue to rise throughout 2019. This would be the continuation of an ongoing trend, rather than a new development.

{ LETICIA’S INTUITION }

RITUALS TO WELCOME THE NEW YEAR 2019 BY LETICIA FERRER-RIVERA

In all cultures around the Planet there are different rituals and customs during the transition of saying goodbye to the “old year” and welcome the new one. No matter which is the religious or ethnic background we all have a way to receive the new year. 2019 in the Chinese Calendar is The Year of the Pig. It is connected to the Earth Element and it is also related to Wealth. Let’s start with the lucky charms for the ones who feel connected to the Chinese culture. For the Year of the Pig it is recommended to place a metal chime in the front of the house and make it sound several times during the week either with the air blowing or stop by and move it on your own. This is great to make the energy flow and attract wealth and abundance to your life. For attracting happiness in to your home, place a figure of the Happy Buddha in a corner of the living room, he likes to see worries and issues to go away and to see everyone happy! Yes, finally this is your moment to also rub his belly for good fortune! Let’s now move to what my tradition from my family who came from Spain. This is also a very popular tradition for many people around the World who has adopted it from “La Madre Patria”. The night of New Year’s Eve (Día de Año Viejo), around 11:00 PM we prepare a cup with 12 grapes per person joining 204

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the celebration. At 12:00 AM after we all hug each other and congratulate everyone for having the blessing to see one more year coming, each person grabs their own cup and eat all the 12 grapes. The grapes are based on what is available in the market at that time and personal preference. But if you like to buy them by color purple is connected to the abundance, health and happiness and green is for attracting money and

pleasant temperature water. Add some Rose Water or Gardenia or Jazmine Oil to the water. You can also use Mint, Eucalyptus or any other oil of your choice depending on the intention. Add some petals of autumn flowers to the water or you can get Rose petals too. Place a white candle on a safe place in the bathroom on an area you can see it and meditate for some minutes with its light. This is great for saying your intention and grounding. If you have a standing style shower you can do the following: Get some orange peel for extra rubbing or a soap that has sage or citrus or Fr a n k i n c e n s e and Myrrh. You can also use a scrub with sea or Himalayan salt. Light a white candle in a place you can see the light. Say your intention while performing the cleansing.

love. You can buy both and make a cup with six purple grapes and six green grapes! This is a yummy yet elegant and very traditional way to receive the 2019. For those who want to prepare your body and soul with a cleansing before the New Year arrives the following is my Witchy recommendation. Just be safe with the candles and make sure you are not allergic to any of the ingredients. If you have a bathtub fill it with warm

There are many other rituals we can incorporate for traveling, love, money, prosperity, health and more. If you want a personalized ritual based on your Zodiac and personal events in life including a 6-month or 12-month Tarot Reading or Crystals Casting please feel free to contact me in order to create it for you at dancingcrownsusa@gmail. com or visit our Facebook page Crystal Moon Psychic!

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{ MIND, BODY, SPIRIT }

CHEERS TO YOUR HEALTH BY ALANA CAHOON

It’s never too soon to start thinking about your health. As you embark on your holiday season, consider the following. Raise your glass to recognize your self and others. Here’s to us! Here’s to our health! Here’s to being our best! Join a gym prior to new year’s day! Start a new routine. Sign up for a winter sport. Enroll in a mindfulness and/or yoga class.

FIRST. Enjoy the holidays! The music. The social activities. It’s meant to bring you cheer. It’s when you get caught up in the whirlwind that wreaks havoc.

is what you eat. My diet may be to eat lots of leafy greens at noon whereas yours might be to eat sandwiches. If your diet is healthy, keep it that way.

SECOND. Slow down! Pace your self. That applies to everything. If you enter a break room and gaze upon a plate of frosted sugar cookies, take one. Take a bite. And pace your self. You may not even be hungry. Take another bite if you’d like. But consider taking the rest of the cookie back to your

When an unusual amount of food is placed in front of you because it’s seasonal, it doesn’t mean that you HAVE to eat it. You actually DON’T have to. You can, however, break the rules a bit and have dessert if it’s not on your usual diet. That’s up to you. You know yourself better than anyone. If it means it will lead to unstoppable eating due to sugar craving & addiction, then you may be better off resisting the urge to indulge at all.

Eat mindfully Choose healthy meals. Skip dessert or only select one serving. Make lunch your biggest meal of the day. Don’t eat past dinner. Drink wisely In addition to cheering to your health … Drink a glass of water before and after each alcoholic beverage. Remember that liquids have calories. Count them. Be sober enough to drive. Don’t dance on the table wearing a lampshade - unless you’re with very close friends! As we enter the holiday season, it’s easy to get caught off guard. The parties. The family dinners. The treats brought in to the office. Don’t let these take away all that you’ve worked toward. It’s just not worth it. So how does one enjoy the holiday season and avoid the temptations? With great care, my friend. 206

FIFTH. Did I mention water? Drink as much water as possible! This will serve you in several ways. It will fill you up. It will assist in detoxifying any alcohol intake. It will help to metabolize food intake. And it will aide in purifying any sugar consumption. Water. Drink plenty!

desk with you to enjoy later in the day.

THIRD. Don’t stop your positive routines. If you have an exercise routine in place, continue doing it. Don’t let holiday events interfere. In fact, let them inspire you. Know that you can and will wear that sleek red dress! FOURTH. Stay on your diet. This may simply mean eat until you’re full and then stop. We tend to interpret a ‘diet’ as only a means to losing weight. In reality a diet

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SIXTH. Keep moving! Whether you belong to a gym or not, the true secret to staying slim is to move more than you eat. It may not be easy. Especially if you sit at a desk most of the day. Here are a few ways to stay active. Take the stairs. Sounds simple but most people avoid them like the plague. Why? Because they’re hard work! Who wants to work on their break? Here’s why. They will improve your vitality. Instead of tiring you out, hiking up and/or down that set of stairs - or 2 - or 3 - will invigorate you! Try it and you’ll see what I mean. It will burn calories, get your heart rate up, your metabolism burning, and increase your

BY ALANA CAHOON

vitality. You’ll feel refreshed when returning to your project at hand. When you’re socializing, stand up instead of sitting down. Move around. If there’s dancing, join in. You may think you look like Elaine from Seinfeld, but no one looks like Elaine! Seventh. Start a game. No matter what it is, whether it involves athletic skills, creativity or knowledge, being engaged in an activity other than eating or drinking takes your mind off of both. You’ll have more fun and get to know others. Eighth. Think ahead. Start reviewing your past year. What did you accomplish in 2018? What would you still like to check off your list? Do you like the gym or yoga practice that 208

you’re currently engaged in? Or would you like to scout around? Maybe join a class for your first time. Start looking. Ask your friends, family and colleagues what they’re doing. Who is their favorite teacher? Sport or practice? Look at the variety of ways you can achieve your ideal weight. There are a lot of programs out there. Do your research. Again, ask around. Do what feels right and sign up ahead. When new year’s day rolls around, you’ll be ready! Ninth. Volunteer. It’s easy to get lost in the glitz and hype of the season. Know that there are many others who may be even more lost. They may be lonely, hurting, and hungry. Pitch in to help. You will not only be making their spirits bright, but increasing the light in yours.

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Tenth. Last but not least, take time out to reflect. Pause. Step back and look at your life. All that you’ve done and wish to do. Offer gratitude. For everyone who has come into your life and everything that has shown up for you. Be grateful for the 4 walls that house you, the heat that warms you, the heart that loves you. Give thanks for the first gift you were given. The breath of life. Alana Cahoon is Creative Coach & Founder of Grow 2 B U, LLC, leading professionals to bring balance, joy & prosperity to their lives. Check out her Weight Loss & Body Image program, Body Mind Connection this January. www.AlanaCahoon.com

FALLING OUT OF DEPRESSION BY ALEXIS SANTOS, PRACTITIONER OF AYURVEDIC MEDICINE

The holiday season of 2018 has officially started, and just like that another year is in the history books. As we all gear up for what is meant to be the “most wonderful time of the year” I can’t help but to notice the lack of joy and increase in hostility that comes with it. As children, our perception of the holidays is vastly different than through the eyes of most adults. The anticipation of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, seeing cousins and family from near and far, the sweet and savory tastes and aromas that are forever imprinted in our brains. We pick and choose the best parts and build those nostalgic memories, creating traditions within our lives that we hope to carry on in families of our own someday. Fast forward to today, and the reality of adulting sets in. As each day grows closer to the holidays, parking lots become battle grounds and navigating through Wegmans becomes an obstacle course as you try to avoid being ran over by fellow shoppers. From the obligatory (and personally often stressful) family get-togethers, to shopping for your overly picky and rarely satisfied in-laws, the days just get shorter and the nights colder. In these moments, when we are left to feel as if we just need to “get through it” we become jaded, bitter and worn down. Overwhelmed by the expectations yet underwhelmed by the lackluster of the main event and sensations of just going through the motions. Maybe it’s the letdown, or maybe the exceedingly high expectations we put on ourselves and each other. In reality the holidays should be a time of reflection, 210

joy and gratitude. Symbolic in its essence, another year down is another year lived. Are you fed? Roof over your head? Are you able to walk, talk and see? Most importantly, are you alive? Well, if you’re reading this then the likelihood is yes. What a gift life is, so much so that the loss of life is the most difficult and grief filled experience

that we can have as humans. Yet life or being alive is very often taken for granted and the most unappreciated gift that one can receive. To experience love, laughter, heartache, anger or sadness are all honestly gifts because they are just that, experienced. Please understand, that by no means am I talking about those suffering from mental

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illness or who are contemplating or have committed suicide. In fact, just the contrary. What I mean is that as a collective our society has set us up to determine the value of our lives based on that of material objects or that which are purely physical in nature. The holidays in particular tend to shine a spotlight on this concept. The most joyous time of year can also be when we feel what is most lacking in our lives. Romance, money, family or friendship. When I have that luxury vehicle I’ll be happy, or a half a million dollar house, when I lose 20 pounds, have a significant other, the perfect job, hair, or profile picture. We are so focused on what we are missing and the outer reflection of who we are that we tend to lose sight of our inner light, allowing it to be dimmed. When we solely focus on the physical, we are skipping over our understanding of the most integral aspect of our drive. The Mercedes Benz or Red Bottoms are just physical reflections of how we want to feel validated. Losing 20 pounds or having a 6 pack are our way of feeling good enough in our own skin. There is nothing wrong with wanting or having any of these things but understanding why we want them is the key. When we don’t feel validated, worthy or comfortable in our own skin we are operating from the ego. The ego is associated with out lowest chakras, primarily 1st and 2nd. The word Chakra literally translates to “wheel” or “disk.” There are 7 chakras in the body. Chakras are spinning or rotating energy centers throughout the body that are situated along the spine. These Chakras are

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Take this holiday season as a time to reflect. All that glitters isn’t gold, and taking a step back to gain some perspective allows us to see things clearly.

formed from the intersecting energetic flows of Ida and Pingala (the 2 major nadis) along the Shushumna or central channel. Nadis are the subtle energetic channels dispersed throughout the entire body, and there are 72,000 of these channels. Chakras contain energy and information collected through experiences such as memories and beliefs systems. Each Chakra holds a purpose and is oriented to different aspects of the self. These chakras can become out of balance, either in excess or deficiency. Depending on their state of balance often determines the way they are expressed by the individual. The 1st chakra otherwise known as the Root or Mooladhara is located the very base of the spine and is ego, survival and security based. It is our sense of grounding, trust, prosperity, boundaries and belonging. The notion of “I don’t have the right to be present or to obtain the things I desire” is its illusion. When balanced we experience good health, vigor and vitality, being grounded within ourselves and comfortable in our own bodies, and the ability to feel safe and secure. When deficient we become disconnected from our bodies, filled with fear or anxiety, have difficulty focusing, lack discipline or boundaries and can be visibly underweight. In excess, there becomes a fixation on material possessions, an increase in greed, an addiction to “security”, fear of change, ironclad boundaries and tendencies toward obesity and overeating. These imbalances can manifest themselves physically as disorders of the colon, anus, bones or teeth, eating disorders and frequent illness such as colds. Ways to balance the 1st chakra are through yoga practice, meditation, connecting to our bodies through touch such as abhyanga (self oil massage), dance, exercise etc. 212

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The second chakra or Swadhisthana located in the lower abdomen governs over our connection and emotional flow. It creates the illusion of “I don’t have the right to feel or experience.” When balanced, we are graceful and flowing in our movements, have emotional intelligence such as compassion and empathy, the ability to experience pleasure, to nurture ourselves and others, the

ability to “go with the flow” and change and create healthy boundaries. When deficient, we experience rigidity in our bodies and attitudes, frigidness, fear of sex, lack social skills, deny ourselves of pleasure, create excessive boundaries, become fearful of change and lack passion, desire or excitement. In excess, there can be sexual addiction or acting out, addiction to pleasures including food, very strong emotions or being ruled by emotions/overly emotional, having

poor boundaries, use seduction as a means of manipulation, emotional dependency and obsessive attachment to people or things. Physically, reproductive disorders, urogenital and menstrual disorders, sexual dysfunction, lower back or knee problems are manifestations of 2nd chakra imbalance. Modalities to help correct these imbalances are movement therapy such as yoga or dance, containing or releasing emotions as needed, abhyanga (self-oil massage) and self-care such as massages, facials, Epsom salt baths etc. Take this holiday season as a time to reflect. All that glitters isn’t gold, and taking a step back to gain some perspective allows us to see things clearly. Reflect upon your goals and desires, and your true motivation behind them. Understand that you are not perfect, nor is anyone else and that is just fine. You are more than enough and deserve to be treated with love and respect no matter what you look like or what you have. If you are dealing with toxic friends or family members, distance yourself. If you can’t afford to ball out on gifts for people, don’t. Give yourself the gift of peace of mind. You don’t need to always sacrifice yourself for the benefit of other, especially if it isn’t reciprocated or it doesn’t make you feel good. Our energy influences our experiences. If you find areas of your life being unfulfilled, try not to focus on the negatives but the truly unlimited possibilities, and maybe set some goals on how you can go about creating the types of experiences you want. As cliché as it sounds, focus on the positives and count your blessings. It can always be worse, but you always have the option of making things better.

{ SOUND & THE CITY }

THE POWER OF GEMSTONES AND CRYSTALS BY SHARI SANTOS

Gemstones and crystals have been used for thousands of years in a multitude of ways. They are worn as an adornment and to signify one’s material wealth and social standing. They are worn for protection and to achieve higher states of consciousness. They are used to cure ailments and remove blockages in the physical, mental and spiritual body. They are as old as the Earth and contain a vast amount of information about this beautiful planet. They belong to the Mineral Kingdom, and their matrixes follow the pattern of sacred geometry. These beautiful stones and crystals are living organisms and they usually grow in clusters. They emit a life force energy and resonate their own specific frequency. They are vastly underrated by those without knowledge about their powerful and healing metaphysical properties and their ability to significantly raise the frequency of anyone or anything they come into contact with. One only has to wear or carry a gemstone or crystal or have it nearby to experience the positive effects. These stones correspond to the planets in our solar system, the elements, our chakras and organs. There are thousands of them, but here are some of the more recognized stones and their properties. Amethyst is a stone of spirituality and is often used to connect to the higher realms in meditation. It has the power 214

to absorb negative energy while emitting positive energy. Called the Stone of Sobriety, it can assist in overcoming addictions as it promotes peace and a calm mind while reducing fear, anxiety, fear and stress. Works with the third eye and crown chakras and enhances psychic abilities and intuition. White Agate is a grounding and spiritual stone and brings courage to the wearer.

It may help chronic coughs, digestion and can strengthen sight and hearing. Brings clarity, balance, love and helps remove negativity. Gives wealth, luck, protection and security. Ideal for pregnant woman as it may help alleviate morning sickness and delivery pain. Green Jade is a powerful healing stone that benefits the renal system by helping the body expel stones from the kidneys and spleen and aid in recovery. Kidney

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and bladder infections including cystitis are also helped by jade. Supports longevity, wisdom and wealth. Jade is ideal for students as it enhances memory, knowledge and concentration. Brings happiness, trust, love, positivity and mental stability. Pink Jade is called the “Divine Stone” in India and is a powerful stone that helps to heal the nervous system. Pink Jade promotes compassion and justice. It provides protection and attracts wealth and optimism. Soothes the mind and brings harmony, tranquility and assists in gaining clarity regarding dreams. Pink Jade is a Goddess Stone and can invoke one’s inner courage. Citrine is known as the “Merchant’s Stone” or “Success Stone” and helps to manifests wealth and abundance. It a c t i va t e s t h e imagination via the second, third and sixth chakras and enhances mental clarity and creative visualization. Excellent for meditation, it is very effective in strengthening the mind and increases intelligence, kindness, generosity and sobriety. Citrine is a joyous, protective stone that wards off risk of injury or attack. Aventurine is known as the “Stone of Opportunity” because it is a stone of luck and invites abundance and wealth into

FUSION WHO LEADERSHIP { {WOMAN INSPIRES} }

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{ SOUND & THE CITY } It is very important to buy genuine crystals and stones that are unheated and untreated. The lab created stones do not possess the powerful properties of a crystal or stone that has grown in the Earth.

one’s life. A stone of love and joy, it heals the heart and solar plexus chakra and is powerful for clearing toxic emotions that get stuck in these areas. Aventurine helps to control hyperactivity, short temper and helps skin disease like acne and eczema. Peridot is known as a stone of compassion and helps heal the heart chakra by re m ov i n g a n g e r and jealousy and promoting harmony in relationships. Known as the “Gem of the Sun” by ancient Egyptians, it brings abundance and prosperity, strengthens ESP abilities and makes a shield of protection around the body. This amazing stone also slows aging, heals ulcers and aids in digestive problems. Green Onyx is another powerful healing stone. It is associated with the root and heart chakras and is a “bridge” stone between the upper and lower chakras. This beautiful stone boosts confidence in all ways including public speaking. It is a stone of youth and fertility and is said to strengthen bone marrow, increase physical endurance and balance. Green Onyx promotes self control and balances the male/female polarities which aids in relationship bonds. This gem also represents growth, abundance and material success. 216

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Rose Quartz is known as the “Love Stone” and has been used for centuries in love rituals and ceremonies. This stone resonates with the heart chakra and opens and heals the physical and emotional heart by raising consciousness to a higher level. This allows compassion, empathy, forgiveness and understanding of self and others. Rose Quartz dispels fear and anger and provides comfort,

bonding, serenity, joy and trust. This beautiful gemstone is soft pink and exerts a calming influence on the wearer and those in close proximity. Yellow Topaz is a powerful healing stone that helps heal the liver, kidneys and bladder. It aids in spiritual understanding and activates joy, confidence and positive relationships into one’s life. Yellow Topaz

eradicates anger, rage and negative past experiences. This gem represents happiness, clarity and sunlight. It instills confidence it the ability to manifest good things. These are just a few examples of the countless crystals and stones available. It is very important to buy genuine crystals and stones that are unheated and untreated. The lab created stones do not possess the powerful properties of a crystal or stone that has grown in the Earth. They should have a certificate of Authenticity. Another way to tell if they are real is that they will be room temperature. They can feel quite cool, even cold when you first put them on but will warm to your body temperature rather quickly. If you hold a genuine stone necklace or bracelet in one hand and a fake in another, you will intuitively feel the difference. In essence, if you’re going to adorn yourselves with jewelry, why not get the genuine article? There are many affordable options out there, but I buy overseas for the best. Rudraksha Ratna in India has many types of gemstones, necklaces, malas, bracelets, rings, etc available and they are blessed and energized by their extremely skilled team. Your chakras, skin, organs and aura will thank you immensely for it!

{ ASK THE DOCTOR }

WHAT IS UPPER CROSSED SYNDROME (TEXT-NECK)? BY DR. LARRY PESHKIN

Your posture plays an important role in your overall health. Poor posture leads to chronic strain and discomfort. “Upper crossed syndrome” describes poor posture that results from excessive tightness in your shoulders and chest with weakness in your neck and midback. This combination forces your shoulders to roll inward and your head to project forward. To help understand how upper crossed syndrome causes trouble, think of your spine as a telephone pole and your head as a bowling ball that sits on top. When the bowling ball is positioned directly over the top of the upright post, very little effort is required to keep it in place. If you tip the post forward and the ball begins to roll over the edge of the post, significantly more effort would be required from the muscles trying to hold it there. This effort results in chronic strain of the muscles of your neck and upper back. The chronic strain is uncomfortable and may also lead to neck pain, upper back pain, headaches, TMJ pain, and ultimatelyarthritis. This postural problem is exceptionally common in computer workstation users. Correction of this problem is accomplished by stretching the tight muscles, strengthening weak muscles, and modifying your workstation. Here are some information we give our patients at Irondequoit Chiropractic Center to use when modifying your work station:

WORKSTATION ERGONOMICS

Ergonomics is the science of adjusting your workstation to minimize strain in

the following ways: ✓ Monitors should be visible without leaning or straining and the top line of type should be 15 degrees below eye level. ✓ Use audio equipment that keeps you from bending your neck (i.e., Bluetooth, speakerphones, headsets).

✓ Take a 10-second break every 20 minutes: Micro activities include: walking, stretching, or moving your head in a “plus sign” fashion. ✓ Periodically, perform the “Brugger relief position” -Position your body at a chair’s edge, feet pointed outward. Weight should be on your legs and your abdomen should be relaxed. Tilt your pelvis forward, lift your sternum, arch your back, drop your arms, and roll out your palms while squeezing your shoulders together. Take a few deep cleansing breaths.

S I T T I N WORKSTATIONS

✓ Hips and knees bent 90 degrees, feet flat on floor or footrest. ✓ Use a lumbar roll for lower back support. ✓ Avoid sitting on anything that would create an imbalance or uneven pressure (like your wallet).

S T A N D I N G WORKSTATIONS

✓ Keep your head, neck, torso, and legs vertically aligned

✓ Keep your shoulders relaxed and elbows bent to 90 degrees. ✓ Wrists should not be bent while at the keyboard. Forearms and wrists should not be leaning on a hard edge. ✓ Keep frequently used objects, like your telephone, close to your body to prevent excessive reaching.

✓ Wear shoes that provide proper arch support ✓ Use a footrest to shift your weight from foot to foot. ✓ Adjust the footrest to approximately 10% of your total body height. Thanks,

Dr. P

{ COVER STORY }

IRONDEQUOIT CHIROPRACTIC CENTER 2164 Hudson Ave I Rochester, New York 14617 I (585) 467-7070 www.irondequoitchiropractic.com

{ THE HONEYBROOK HEALTH CORNER }

COLLECTIVE AWAKENING BY HANNAH BROOK

Honey Brook began in 2015, and was based between the Northern New York Adirondack region and Rochester, New York. Honey Brook was founded on printmaking, letterpress, teaching educational workshops on journal making, printmaking, and papermaking, and a selection of paper products such as handmade journals and cards. St. Lawrence University provided a space to work and grow the year after I graduated in 2015 with a BA in Fine Arts, Outdoor Studies, and English. After battling years of environmentally related illness since 2012 and a severe case of lead and mercury poisoning in 2017, I decided to change the scope of Honey Brook and the focus of my mission. After having no choice but to leave multiple full time jobs, art studio’s, and a gym that were compromising my health and well being; I realized I also needed to say goodbye to some of facets of my business that helped to birth Honey 222

Brook. Printmaking became toxic for my body just as those other work places turned out to be as well. My body is so much happier and healthier now on my new path. I shifted gears to dedicate my business to educating on a variety of aspects of health and wellness, paired with handmade

being able to find beeswax candles poured in containers, I had an idea. Why don’t I just make my own?  All the beeswax used in my candles is sourced from two Western New York farmers, Laura’s Raw Honey and Midgard Winery. These two families are committed to the health and well being of the earth, no matter what it takes. Laura’s Raw Honey tastes like cinnamon and sunshine and Midgard W i n e r y produces honey apple meads unlike any you have yet to experience.

journals, educational workshops, freelance graphic design services, and my personal favorite, my non-toxic, lead-free, beeswax candles. After realizing many commercial candles are not lead-free, and not

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They are mindful of their impact on the world and pay close attention to the biodynamic-based approach to the health of their bees, their land, and how that in turns supports their work and prolongs the health of the larger surrounding environment. Through thoughtful practices like these, they too are a part of the

{ THE HONEYBROOK HEALTH CORNER }

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{ THE HONEYBROOK HEALTH CORNER }

collective awakening that it will take to create real change in our world. Don’t forget; we make our reality, we have choices. Honey Brook chooses to support other local, ethically managed businesses. This practice upholds my mission to support others in our region that are good to the earth. The farmer is paid what they are worth and that is my bottom line, because without the environment, without our farmers and caretakers of the earth, we become poor is so many ways. With Honey Brook, you know 224

you are making the best choice for your home, your environment, and your local economy. No Round Up sprayed soy, no toxic petroleum, just simply- natures most perfect wax from the hardworking bees of our region! Honey Brook provides candles unmatched in quality, beauty, and functionality. I invite you to find out for yourself! Along with a bounty of beeswax candles in a variety of scents like Simply Honey, Balsam & Beeswax, Cinnamon & Ginger, Peppermint & Lemon, Hemlock & Vetiver, and

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Orange & Vanilla, Honey Brook also carries a line of all-natural fire starters, beautiful handmade journals, handmade cards, and leather journal covers. Come find me this holiday season and provide yourself and your loved ones an experience they won’t forget. I can’t wait to meet you and share Honey Brook with you! (By: Hannah Brook Smith, owner/operator of Honey Brook) www.honeybrookartandwellness.com www.facebook.com/honeyandthebrook

{ IN HER DEFENSE }

HERE WE ARE ENTERING THE HOLIDAYS... BY DAVE JENKINS

This recurring column by David S Jenkins of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC will explore different areas and methods of personal protection and self defense. Topics will range from using specific tools, techniques, or even yourself and your mind as the weapon. The goal is to create a more aware and safer you! Questions or suggestions are welcome!

are fake or the check is drawn on a closed account. People feel more comfortable about handing over the merchandise to an actual person, especially if that person is giving them a check face-to-face. 3) The straight up robbery- You show up to either buy or sell something only

Here we are, entering the holidays and we all will be doing a lot of shopping. In stores, online, everywhere. Do you know how to safeguard yourself, your money, and your identity? There are quite a few ways that scammers, thieves, and other predators will try to get you, and here are a few tips to avoid the most common ones:

2) Make the exchange in a public place. You should not bring buyers into your house. Nor should you go to their residence. It’s simply too dangerous. Pick a public place with lots of people around. If you are especially worried, ask the person to meet you in your local police department parking lot for the transaction. Many police departments now have marked sections of their parking lots under video surveillance just to allow their residents to conduct transactions with more safety.

Let’s start with buying off of social media sites and Craigslist. 1) Counterfeit Check- The buyer gives you a personal or business check. You give him the merchandise. The check bounces or is fraudulent. There have been more counterfeit business checks involved in this scam than personal ones. Buyers are more likely to take a business check and sometimes it takes a little while longer for the bank to detect that they are counterfeit or forged. 2) The “assistant scam”- The buyer is always from out of state. He contacts the seller and offers to send his “assistant” or “friend” over with cash or a check to immediately pick up the merchandise being sold. Like the scam above, the bills 226

was going to meet someone to buy or sell something from Craigslist, I would ask them for their name and phone number. I would then ask them to take a photo of their driver’s license and text it to me using the same number. If someone will jump through those hoops, they probably aren’t going to jack you. If they do, you will have everything police need to track the guy down.

to find out it is a set up. You are met by at least one armed person who then steals your money or whatever you are selling. This one is especially common when sellers are attempting to sell high dollar jewelry or firearms. Here are a few safety tips you can implement to avoid these scams if you plan on buying anything on eBay or Craigslist: 1) Know who you are dealing with. Criminals don’t want to be identified. If I

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3) If possible, go to the meet with a friend. There is safety in numbers. Having a friend to watch your back may dissuade some kinds of violence. 4) Don’t deal with anyone except the buyer/seller. Most of the scams I see involve some sort of “intermediary.” If the buyer offers to send a friend or business partner to pick up the item, I wouldn’t accept the offer. Better safe than sorry. 5) Don’t take checks or make change. Can you tell the difference between a counterfeit check or money order and a legitimate one?

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{ IN HER DEFENSE }

Here we are, entering the holidays and we all will be doing a lot of shopping. In sto your id

you tell the difference between a counterfeit check or money order and a legitimate one? I can’t. I bet you can’t either. Take cash only or deal with an intermediary site like PayPal. Now, what about buying online? It’s so convenient that we sometimes forget to pay attention or use good online habits – and we get stung.

Here are some tips from Lifelock:

5. Use a VPN Consider installing and using a VPN— short for “virtual private network”—on all mobile devices and computers before connecting to any Wi-Fi network. A VPN creates an encrypted connection between your smartphones and computers and the VPN server. Think of it as a secure tunnel your Internet traffic travels through while you browse the web, making your data safer from interception by nearby hackers.

1. Shop at websites you trust To play it safe, consider doing online business only with retailers you trust and have shopped with before. 2. Check out the business Break out your detective skills whenever you want to buy something from a new merchant. Does the company interact with a social media following? What do its customer reviews say? If there’s no email address, phone number or address for a brick-and-mortar location that could be a signal that it’s a fake company. 3. Beware rock-bottom prices If a website offers something that looks too good to be true, then it probably is. Compare prices and pictures of the merchandise at similar websites. Rock-bottom prices could be a red flag that the business doesn’t have those items in stock. The website may exist only to get your personal information. 4. Avoid public Wi-Fi You might be tempted to take your shopping spree to a coffee shop for a cup of Joe. With a little tech know-how and the freely available Wi-Fi password at your favorite cafe, someone can intercept what you’re looking at on the web. Bottom line: It’s never a good idea to shop online or log in to any website while you’re connected to public Wi-Fi. 228

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6. Create Strong Passwords If someone has the password to your account, they can log in, change the shipping address, and order things while you get stuck with the bill. Help keep your account safe by locking it with a strong password—“Santa123” won’t do. Here are some tips on how: • Use a complex set of lowercase and uppercase numbers, letters, and symbols. • Don’t use personal information that others

{ IN HER DEFENSE }

ores, online, everywhere. Do you know how to safeguard yourself, your money, and dentity?

can find or guess, such as birthdates, your kids’ names, or your favorite color. • Don’t use the same password—however strong—on multiple accounts. A data breach at one company could give criminals access to your other, shared-password accounts. 7. Check out website security That small lock icon in the corner of your URL field tells you that the web page

you’re on has privacy protection installed. The URL will start with “https.” These websites mask and transfer data you share, typically on pages that ask for passwords or financial information. If you don’t see that lock or the “s” after “http,” then the webpage isn’t secure. There is no privacy protection attached to these pages.

can stir your holiday consumer cravings. Clicking on emails from unknown senders and unrecognizable sellers could infect your computer with viruses and malware. It’s better to play it safe. Delete them, don’t click on any links, and don’t open any attachments from individuals or businesses you are unfamiliar with.

8. Watch out for email scams Sometimes something in your email in-box

9. Don’t give out too much information No shopping website will ever need your Social Security number. If you’re asked for very personal details, call the customer service line and ask whether you can supply some other identifying information. 10. Pay with a credit card Attention, holiday shoppers: You’ll usually get the best liability protection—online and offline—when you use a credit card. Here’s why. If someone racks up unauthorized charges on your credit card, federal regulations say you won’t have to pay while the card company investigates. Most major credit cards offer $0 liability for fraudulent purchases. Keep in mind, your liability for unauthorized charges on your debit card is capped at $50, if you report it within two business days. But if someone uses your account and you don’t report the theft, after 60 days you may not be reimbursed at all. You can also try a virtual credit card. Some banks offer this nifty tool that acts like an online version of your card. With a virtual credit card, the issuer will randomly generate a number that’s linked to your account, and you can use it anywhere online and choose when the number expires. It might be best to generate a new number every time you buy something online, or when you shop with a new retailer. Anyone who tries to use that number will be out of luck.

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{ IN HER DEFENSE } Essentially, the holidays are not only the retailer’s busy season; it’s also busy for the criminals as well.

11. Check your statements Robust holiday shopping can add pages to your credit card statements. Check your statements for fraudulent charges at least once a week, or set up account alerts. When you receive a text or email about a charge, you can check the message and likely easily recall whether you made the charge. 12. Mind the details The holiday season is a busy time, but it’s smart to stay organized. After you make the purchase, keep the receipt, order confirmation number, and postal tracking number in a safe place. If you have a problem with the order, this information will help the merchant resolve the problem. 13. Take action if you don’t get your goods Call the merchant and provide the details noted in Tip 12. If the merchant turns out to be fake, or they’re just plain unhelpful, then your credit card provider can help you sort out the problem. Often, they can remove the charge from your statement. 14. Report the company This is no time for holiday cheer. If you suspect the business is bogus, notify your credit card company about the charge and close your account. File a complaint with the U.S. Federal Trade Commission. The FTC offers an identity theft recovery plan, should you need it. 230

And, of course, there will be inevitable trip to the mall, big box store, or even that little, favorite shop you like. There are more safety and security tips I’d suggest: 1. DO NOT leave your purse, wallet, phone, tablet, or other valuables in plain view in your car. You are just asking for a broken window and a huge headache – or worse. 2. Know the route. Make sure you know

4. Don’t get focused on the shopping. Relax. Enjoy yourself and be confident in your presence. Potential attackers will see you acting in this way and they’ll avoid you. 5. Get the store’s assistance with heavy packages or large quantities of packages. This way, you will have someone else there (Safety in numbers) and you won’t be bogged down with bags, making you an easy target. 6. When loading the car, look up and around every few seconds. Don’t be so consumed with getting it all inside the car and not paying attention around you. Essentially, the holidays are not only the retailer’s busy season; it’s also busy for the criminals as well. It’s up to you to ensure that you are safe, your family is safe, and that you do not get hurt financially by taking precautions.

where the place is, and what kind of traffic, obstacles, or other issues such as weather, you may face. Plan to be able to mitigate those factors and enjoy a safe trip. 3. Keep an eye out for anyone following you. This will be difficult in the crowds but a face that shows up everywhere you go, for no reason, may be a problem. Especially if they are following you to your car.

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Look Dave Jenkins up on his company’s website at www.safeinrochester.com, or call him at 585-406-6758. He always more than willing to educate, chat, or work with you to obtain your goal of education and safety. Rochester Personal Defense and The LionsPride Training Group are the area’s predominant self defense and personal protection education company. Come find out why!

{{ AUD SHIFT+CONTROL MAKEUP TALK} }

AUD MAKEUP TALK – KIT AND PREP TIPS BY AUDREY AVIRETT I PHOTOS BY TODD FLEMING

Let’s face it… Most people that own makeup offer to do makeup for friends and family (simply because it is usually cheaper, easier, and theoretically more fun than hiring a makeup artist – You just haven’t met me yet if you think I might be boring… Haha!). I just want to start by saying there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with doing makeup on friends and family! BUT, I do feel the need to caution you and share some tips about your kit to help better your experience (and theirs). I’ll refer to your friends/family as “clients” to help make this easier. Giving clients the best service requires keeping them safe and giving them a positive experience. Sincerely listening to their wants/needs and meeting those wants/needs is THE most important part of your service to them. After all, you are doing it for THEM and not for you. (Don’t FORCE your opinions about what you think looks good on them… Their feelings about their own appearances is essential.) Now, let’s talk about cleanliness… A HUGE deal when it comes to makeup! Probably THE biggest deal, realistically. (After all, we only have one face... We should take care of the skin underneath all that Makeup. Granted, a lot of the care is based around Skincare Routines.....But that is a WHOLE other topic for a different day.) Bacteria and other microorganisms LOVE to hang out with unsuspecting victims. When these germs are transferred from client to client or from your brush to your products, the effects can be harmful and epidemic. This is called cross contamination and it is something that must be AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS! Below is a list of what NOT to do as a makeup artist (when working with a client, especially, but also when it 234

comes to working on your own face). Be diligent about keeping your products, yourself, AND your clients clean and safe. Your cleanliness is probably the second most important thing to your clients...the first being they actually enjoy your work. Don’t have them leaving with instant regret.

WAYS TO CROSS CONTAMINATE:

• Unwashed hands (Your hands come in direct contact with SO MANY germs, don’t touch people with them without washing them!)

BEFORE application, and refuse application if anyone even seems sickly to you.) • Blowing on brushes instead of tapping off excess makeup (No one needs your spit and germs on their face.) • Not sharpening pencils or cleaning lipsticks before or after each use (Very important... You can give someone an eye infection that could possibly even cause blindness. In and around our lips, you can find bacteria just lurking around, so it is EXTREMELY important to clean your lipstick!) • Not using disinfectant sprays or alcohol (I prefer 70% Isopropyl Alcohol because higher percentages dry too fast and don’t properly Sanitize.) on powder products after each use • Not using proper disposable products like sponges or lip gloss/lipstick/mascara aands (You don’t want to use the applicator from your personal liquid lipsticks/lip glosses/ mascaras on your own face then also use them on your clients. You are LITERALLY sharing your germs at that point!)

• Dirty Makeup Brushes (Brushes should be washed weekly and ALWAYS before using them on clients. Using a brush on your face then using that same brush on your client without washing it is a HUGE NO NO!) • Double dipping (touching a client with a brush, for example, then putting that brush into a cream product that can’t easily be disinfected) • Working on sick clients or clients with allergies (Ask about illness and allergies

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• Using expired Makeup (If you are unsure of when makeup expires, refer to last month’s issue of Aud Makeup Talk – page 210 OR my blog on my website, where I discussed makeup expiration.) • Not properly sterilizing tools (For example, you shouldn’t use tools on your client’s face that you left on your dirty bathroom counter.) • Not keeping containers closed when not in use (Leaving them open welcomes in all those pesky germs just floating in the air...)

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ AUD MAKEUP TALK} Giving clients the best service requires keeping them safe and giving them a positive experience.

• Not keeping soiled tools or brushes separate from clean ones (It is VERY important to have TWO separate areas for clean tools and dirty tools. You don’t want germs hopping from tool to tool or get mixed up and dip a brush covered in a cream product in one of your powder products.) • Not properly labeling bottles and jars (You don’t want to spray water on your client’s face instead of setting spray, then ruin all of your hard work.) *It’s easy to get caught up in the fun of makeup application and forget about these things, but it is SO important to be VERY careful when playing with makeup. Unclean areas/ products can be harmful and sometimes deadly.*

TOP TIPS TO REMEMBER:

• WASH YOUR HANDS!

• Make sure your client isn’t sick in ANY way and doesn’t have open wounds. • Sanitize your products before/after using them on anyone else. • NEVER use your dirty brushes on anyone else... Clean your brushes every week, so you

everything you do… Don’t be nasty!

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• Separate your dirty brushes and tools from your clean ones… You don’t want to get mixed up and have an ugly result. • HAVE FUN! Take notes and share with your friends/family if you find this information helpful. Spread the knowledge and keep makeup application fun and safe... Feel free to contact me if you feel I left anything out or if would like to know more about proper client care. I always love hearing for y’all!

RECAP: Be mindful of

Preparing for the client is just as important as your cleanliness! You must ensure that your kit is clean and organized, your tools are properly sterilized, and you have refilled/replaced anything that needed to be refilled/replaced. When you arrive at the location of the makeup job—whether you’re at home/work or someone else’s place of convenience— proper setup is vital for doing your job accurately. Staying organized and keeping your space clean makes everything faster and easier. (I keep paper towels and a clean table cloth in my kit to lay all of my products and tools on, just make sure I ALWAYS have a clean Surface when working with clients. I clean and organize my entire kit before every job, just to make sure it is tidy and everything is in stock and in place.)

• Make SURE your products aren’t expired before offering to use them on someone else…Especially any type of eye Makeup. Eye infections happen too regularly, and in some extreme cases, can cause blindness.

And, as always, remember: Be lovely. BeYOUtiful. Be inspired.

avoid putting bacteria on your own face. • Avoid double dipping in cream products – Just scrape out a small amount of each cream product that you may use onto a sterilized metal plate that you can properly clean when you are done. • Be mindful of the space…if you will be sharing with other Artists – Don’t be a hog! • Don’t EVER blow on your brushes or products… You don’t need to share your germs with anyone else.

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We b s i t e : w w w. AudMakeupArtistry.com (All contact information, including social media info, can be found on my website. ♥) *Special thanks to Todd Fleming for capturing me behind the scenes of an educational Fashion Expo (hosted by Kady Hayle of KKreations Fashion Designs). It can be SO CRAZY behind the scenes of events like this where we can have dozens of people on set, so it means A LOT to me that you took the time to capture me just doing my thing (with model Imanii Watson). Another shout out to my girl, India Peterson, for always being a great help on set and being such a great and supportive friend. I don’t know what I would do without you at these big events we book together!

2018-19 Season The greatest books in the universe come alive at TYKEs! Rochester’s #1 Professional Children’s Theatre

Jan. Nov. 12-20 10-18

Mar. 9-17

Apr. 1-6

TICKETS AT TYKESTHEATRE.ORG OR CALL (585) 461-2000

{ LAW & HIPHOP }

FOR THE CAUSE: WRONGFUL CONVICTION BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN, ESQ. I PHOTO BY MARISA NICODEMUS

In October, I announced my position as Ms. Spirit of Rochester and I will be running in the Miss Spirit of NY Pageant held in July 2019. As part of being a pageant contestant, you must identify a platform. I am a defense attorney, involved in the criminal justice movement for reform. I chose my platform to coincide what my work is, as this is where my passion lies. My platform is centered around wrongful conviction and seeking criminal justice reform. As we covered in our former articles of wrongful conviction, I support the Jeffrey Deskovic Foundation and worked assisting the organization’s lobbying regarding establishing a Commission on Prosecutorial Misconduct. The bill was signed into law in August by Governor Cuomo. Although, this was a huge victory to be a small part of this movement and NYS becoming the first state with prosecutorial misconduct, our work is not done. One of the issues surrounding prosecutorial misconduct, involves the failure of the prosecutor in releasing Brady material (exculpatory evidence) to the defense. In lay person’s terms concealing evidence which could point to innocence or is favorable to the defense to raise issues of doubt. We all enjoy the rights we are given under the US Constitution. One of those rights involves due process. The right to be free from malicious prosecution which equates to due process. The state cannot deprive an individual of liberty without due process. A second issue involves the NYS Parole Board. When a defendant is given a sentence of (25-Life) this means they serve the minimum sentence of 25 years and then begin seeing the Parole Board to apply for release. They can be seen every two years until a Board grants permission to go home. The Executive Law outlines provisions or a criterion, in 240

which the Parole Board must follow when rendering these decisions. A person who was wrongfully convicted is often faced with deciding to lie and admit they committed the crime in hopes of release. When they deny responsibility, the Parole Board often denies parole indicating they lack remorse and insight into their conviction. There is no provision regarding any consideration of innocence. This must change.

you the issues, this campaign will educate the public this issue is real. It can happen to you. You should pay attention and care. THE ISSUE: IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU October 2, nation-wide is wrongful conviction day. When you hear about wrongful conviction people always associate this with the Innocence Project which is only one of the organizations fighting across the nation to exonerate the innocent. There are many organizations, as the Innocence Project solely assists with only DNA exoneration cases. How is someone wrongfully convicted you may ask, aren’t we innocent until proven guilty? Many times, prosecutors secure convictions through a plea bargain where a defendant pleads out to an offer. This is sometimes done out of fear and or poor legal advice when a defendant is threatened with a large sentence for the crimes he is accused of. Sometimes, after lengthy or brutal interrogation by law enforcement innocent people confess. Other times, people are set up. There are false eyewitness identifications. Prosecutors use people as snitches and sometimes they lie in their testimony. Co-defendants lie to receive a lighter sentence. There are issues with forensics. Lastly, there is prosecutorial misconduct or DNA issues.

RWO is planning a series surrounding the issue of wrongful conviction. We will bring you the background, the faces of wrongful conviction and the people who help to stop this from happening. In this series we will cover something on this every month leading up to a conference in the spring. The conference will include a panel of some of the people you will read about focusing on the issue of wrongful conviction. Hopefully, through sharing the stories and bringing

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The criminal justice system does not provide enough protection so people cannot be wrongfully convicted. It can happen to you. The worst part is people languish decades in prison trying to prove their innocence. The court process to appeal and or file post-conviction remedies is not a quick fix. Join us as we present this issue over the next year. Learn about that this is real. Learn what you can do to stop innocent people from being imprisoned decades before proving their innocence and getting their life back.

{ LAW & HIPHOP }

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{ CRAZY, FIT MAMA }

MAMA BEAR INSTINCTS BY TRACY ECHEVERRI

What happens after you have a kid We all have heard of the story of the mother picking up the car to save her kid from under it right? The super human strength that can’t really be explained because there is no way a woman could pick up a car or is there? There are all these things that happen to a woman after she gives birth. From having creepy f ’d up dreams of bad things happening to your kid, becoming insanely protective and aggressive towards others regarding anything from feeding to holding your child and even losing your hair and chipping your teeth because you have started to grind at them at night due to your anxiety. I have had all of these. No, I have not picked up a car yet but darn it if I have to-I will surely try -if it means saving my baby girl. I am still a new mom of a threemonth-old-almost four-monthold baby girl. I am trying to document things and have discussions about what happens after you bear a child and all the craziness that comes along with it. From my teeth chipping recently and getting them fixed to slowly getting small thinning patches of hair on my headmost of these changes are not enjoyable. But I can only be amazed at what our bodies did in utero and continue to do to protect our children even if its stripping the minerals out of my body for this little girl. Unfortunately, those are not the only uncomfortable things you must endure after having your baby- you have

to deal with people. You never imagine having issues with your in laws or having to talk to someone about burping your baby or not force-feeding it-but you will; I promise you that. You will watch people touch your child in ways you don’t like or the way they act

only met her once before) and she adamantly held her and fed her till I had to beg for her back because she literally refused to hand her over and also deciding she should feed my child-not me, even when I told her I wanted to. I was internally enraged and awkwardly anxious but stayed quiet till I could not anymore and asked for the kid back-politely. I asked her if she would give me my child back- yes that sounds quite ridiculous because it is!! These situations are so uncomfortable, and you would think people would be more respectful, but they are actually the complete opposite. They think your child is a doll that can be passed around and played with, poked, squeezed, kissed, constantly stimulated, and spoken to in baby talk (which is just weird.). They feel they can swoop the baby away into different rooms, so they can do whatever they wish without your supervision. Ultimately these people (family or friends) think they have a right to do those things-they do not. I don’t care who they are-if you don’t like it- it needs to be discussed and then put to an abrupt stop.

around them and you can choose to hold your tongue or speak your mind. I have chosen to talk, and I recommend you do the same. I had a woman literally just take my baby out of my arms at a party (mind you I had

You need to remind everyoneeven your mom or dad or mother/father in law that those things are not ok. This is your child and it will be treated to your liking. You need to set rules regarding what you are comfortable with. It doesn’t matter where there from, their culture or how they were raised; they need to do things your way or they cannot be around. Never forget

I am still a new mom of a three-month-old-almost four-month-old baby girl. I am trying to document things and have discussions about what happens after you bear a child and all the craziness that comes along with it.

{ CRAZY, FIT MAMA } Good Luck Moms of the World and Do NOT Hold Your Tongue!

that this is your child and you need to be comfortable-no one else. Since having my little Mina these obsessive emotions are aggressive and raw. They take over my mind and I am always in an ears length from her when she is alone or in the company of guests. This is normal and natural and anyone who makes you feel bad for being this way-you can tell them to screw off! Being a mother, you have these instincts that consume where all you think about is the safety and well-being of 244

your baby and that is a good thing. You are not overreacting or being rude when you tell someone to hand over your child because you want to comfort them when they start to cry or just because you want to be with them. At first I felt I had to apologize for my thoughts and feelings and came to realize that this was my baby and I had all the right to decide what I wanted and did not want for my child-even if it is as simple as telling someone how you want them to hold them, feed them or to just leave them be.

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You never know about these types of situations till they happen. You are never prepared for it and it will always be awkward and very uncomfortable. Remember who you are in this situation-the mom-the parent. That little one came out of you and you do know what is best for that baby. Do not second guess your opinions or feelings for the sake of someone else. It is about you and your little one and you are doing everything one possibly can for this baby to grow up safe and sound.

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{ PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT }

CBD: WHAT’S ALL THE BUZZ ABOUT? BY STEVE CLOUGH

Well actually there is no buzz. Just a growing movement for better health and wellness. And here’s why. First, let’s define what CBD (a specific type cannabinoid) is. CBD is one of many of the 113 cannabinoids that can be derived from the hemp plant or marijuana plant. The main difference between hemp and marijuana is how they are each cultivated. Hemp is cultivated so that it produces significantly less THC (THC is the psychoactive component of marijuana that creates the “high”) than marijuana. Under current statute, if the hemp has less than 0.3% THC it can be sold in most states specified in the Farm Bill Agricultural Act of 2014. This hemp is what is currently being sold and used as CBD. Marijuana has much more THC in it. CBD which contains very little or no THC in it, therefore it’s users do not get high. Both THC and CBD are used medicinally to provide users varied benefits.

they are the responsible for the physiological processes on the body. There is an exhaustive list of maladies both in humans and in animals that can be treated with CBD. Some of these are anxiety/depression, ADHD, certain types of epilepsy, chronic pain syndromes ( neuropathy, neurogenic pain, post herpetic neuralgia, migraine, arthritis), muscle aches, psoriasis and menstrual cramps.

Generally speaking, CBDs medical use is based upon the interaction of the compound with the endocannabinoid system within the body. CBD exhibits its effects through different biological receptors within the body. These receptors are called CB1 and CB2 and are located throughout the body. CB 1 receptors are located in the brain, central nervous system and many other parts of the body while CB 2 receptors are found on cells associated with the immune system. It is this interaction or agonism of CBD with these receptors that produces the physiological effect. It is worth noting that the agonism of CBD with both of the CBD 1 and CBD 2 receptors affects the release of two naturally occurring endocannabinoids within the body, anandamide and 2-AG (arachidonoylglycerol). Without getting into the biochemical weeds of the function that these two endocannabinoids exhibit, 248

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This list seems to grow every day with anecdotal reports generated almost daily. Which ever ailment you are interested in treating with CBD, it is imperative to discuss this option with a healthcare practitioner. CBD is metabolized by the liver so make sure that any of your current medications do not interact with CBD. CBD is available in many formulations. There are oral forms, inhalation forms

{ PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT } CBD is one of many of the 113 cannabinoids that can be derived from the hemp plant or marijuana plant. The main difference between hemp and marijuana is how they are each cultivated.

based upon personal choice as well as what you tend to treat. Your healthcare provider can help you decide which one is best for your situation. Below is some of these forms. Oral: Capsules, gummies, tablets, tinctures (under the tongue administration). Inhalation: Flower ( the actual bud from hemp), e-juice or commonly called vape juice.

Topical: Bath bombs, creams, and lotions. As with any type of medication, CBD is not without side effects. The most common side effects, are nausea and GI problems, agitation, somnolence, insomnia, rash from topical formulations, cough from inhalation formulations. Hypersensitivity can occur, so before you take any form of CBD check the ingredients first to make sure you are not sensitive to any of them and discuss this with your healthcare provider.

There are many manufacturers and distributors of CBD. It is always a good idea to check the source of the CBD, where it is farmed, the quality of the ingredients, the reputation of the company to make sure you get what is advertised. Just like anything else, you get what you pay for. Make sure you find a company that you can trust, has the highest quality products, are fairly priced that can fit your budget and above all has a what is called a CoA which is a Certificate or Analysis by an independent laboratory that should include: • Pesticide testing • Microbiological testing • Residual solvents testing • THC concentration Another important thing to consider is taste and ease of application. There are some products that taste horrible while the other products are virtually tasteless. Some of the products are infused with mint or fruity flavoring to provide a more palatable taste. This is more often the case with the oil tinctures and the vape products. There are many topical formulations available and not all of them are easy to use. Some of the ointments and creams become hard and are not easily applied. Look for products that are easily applied and give consistent results dose after dose. Unfortunately, most retailers do not provide samples that you can try before you buy so it may be a good idea to check the return policy before you purchase your CBD. One important thing to remember is to ask how should the CBD be taken. Most retailers have the knowledge on how you should take CBD. This is extremely important because the proper route of administration can affect the results you are seeking. There are many retail outlets that are now selling CBD and it seems that this list ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

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{ PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT } Generally speaking, CBDs medical use is based upon the interaction of the compound with the endocannabinoid system within the body. CBD exhibits its effects through different biological receptors within the body.

supporting your local economy; third, you can get the proper education you need to find the right product that suites your need. When you walk into a retail store or shop online you will notice that there are almost too many different CBD products to choose from. There are many different sizes and strengths of the same types of forms. This can be confusing and frustrating! One way to simplify the buying process is to compare cost per mg of CBD. Let me explain here. You are looking to try a CBD tincture. There are three strengths on the shelve at the local store. There is a 500mg priced at $48.95, a 1000mg at $89.95 and a 3000mg at $149.95. On a cost per mg, the 3000mg is the least expensive at $0.05/mg, the 1000

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mg is $0.09/mg and the 500mg is about $.10/mg. A little math can help. If this is your first time trying the product you may not want to spend a lot of money and go with the least expensive product but when you notice the results and you have decided that you want to use CBD routinely, the higher strength may be a more cost effective option. As with any purchase, doing some research before you put your toe in the water can be very helpful. A helpful resource can be your personal physician, a trusted pharmacist and PubMed which has an enormous amount of medical information about cannabis (THC and CBD). Of course, you will always find personal

friends and acquaintances that swear by their experiences with CBD. While this can be an interesting and thought provoking conversation, and with some clinical merit; trust your instincts and research through reputable sources before making an investment in CBD. I hope this has shed some light on the “buzz” and helped you learn a little bit more about CBD and it’s benefits.

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{ A BALANCED LIFE }

WHY WORK WITH A HEALTH COACH? BY LORI NOLAN

Most people don’t even know what a Health Coach is and what we do. There are countless folks out there who represent a wellness product and call themselves “coaches”, so it gets confusing for sure. So how do you distinguish them? A Certified Health Coach has gone to a reputable school and put in a certain amount of hours and has demonstrated through rigorous testing the ability to be certified in the area of Health Coaching. The field itself is relatively new, coming on the scene about 20-25 years ago. Until recently, it hasn’t gotten much attention. But with more people on medication than ever before, obesity on the rise, as is stress levels, fad and trendy diets, that seem to change all the time, leaving people questioning, Health Coaches have made their debut. My name is Lori Nolan, and my official designation is “Integrative Nutrition Health Coach”, which I received from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, one of the leading and most prestigious schools for Health Coach training. I am also certified through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners. My passion has always been centered around wellness. I spent many years as a certified personal trainer in the fitness world helping people. I have worked for myself, as well as in a big gym setting. This ever changing world of nutrition was really drawing my attention, especially 254

when my body started changing and I needed more education to help myself. That’s when the shift happened and I went back to school to learn more…... and I haven’t stopped! Many physicians today, are partnering with Health Coaches, and even bringing them on their staff to be the “liaison”

day, it quickly changes, and the “experts” are telling you something different. Most people google their current symptoms and get several different answers and approaches, but what is true and what will actually work for them? There is definitely confusion when it comes to food and health. What most folks don’t take into consideration, are the major components in their life that may be driving poor health and poor food choices. Things like relationships, career, stress levels, no time for physical activity or spending time on a spiritual practice. This is where someone would choose to work with me. I have my own private Health Coaching practice in Pittsford, “Balanced Life Health Coaching”. I am a guide and mentor who empowers my clients and provide ongoing support and guidance so they can set goals and make sustainable changes that improve their health and happiness. I listen carefully, and we explore their background, their current life situations, to include, relationships, career, etc…. and we navigate the contradictory world of nutrition and health advice together and find what truly works from them.

if you will, to spend the time with the patients that they can’t, to learn more about them personally, their background, lifestyle and other pertinent information, so that they can be properly supported, both nutritionally and medically. It seems every time you read something about nutrition and the “fad” diet of the

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I use the word Bio-individuality a lot. It basically means we are all different. One cookie cutter approach to weight loss, alleviating depression, increasing energy levels or even food choices won’t work the same for everybody. We come from different ethnic backgrounds, different childhood and adult experiences and we all live different lives than the next

{ A BALANCED LIFE }

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{ A BALANCED LIFE } “Lori provides a safe, non- judgmental space for me to truly open up and reveal what’s going on with me, I now have freedom with food and a healthy relationship with it”...…. Jean D.

person. All that takes some time to navigate and find sustainable changes that will work. Here are some things my clients have said while they were working with me, and afterwards: “Lori provides real time feedback when I send her my food journal, providing meal planning ideas, and even supermarket tours so I know what to look for when I shop” ……. Sarah G. “Lori provides a safe, non- judgmental space for me to truly open up and reveal what’s going on with me, I now have freedom

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with food and a healthy relationship with it”...…. Jean D. “My most significant change I noticed when working with Lori, was that I learned my overall well-being is being affected by more things than just the food I was eating, I was able to look at my physical activity and relationships and see how they were affecting my health ” ….. Carol L. “I was able to lose 17 pounds and keep it off. My knees and ankles don’t hurt anymore. This was one of goals I set in the first month. My inflammation has diminished”…… Sue H.

“When I started seeing Lori I was a mess, taking several prescribed medications. She was instrumental in finding me a new physician that was open to getting me off the medications as I supported myself nutritionally with her guidance, and we all worked together to make this happen. Now I feel better than ever”…… Amy K. If you are interested in learning more, or if Health Coaching may be right for you or having me come in and do a wellness workshop at your place of business, contact me for an initial consultation and we can go from there to create a plan for you to have a more Balanced Life.

Why Work With A Health Coach?

* Tired of a one- size fits all approach to Nutrition? * Confused by the latest fads and trends with food? * Drained from toxic relationships? * Overwhelmed by stress at work? * Fed up with nagging cravings and stubborn weight challenges? As an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, I will guide and empower you, while providing ongoing support as you set goals and make sustainable changes that improve your health and happiness. Together we will navigate your unique bioindividulaity to find what truly works best for you to achieve a more Balanced Life.

WOMEN WHO INSPIRE } } } WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE { {A WOMAN WHO INSPIRES

THE JOURNAL OF A STAY AT HOME MOM BY LINDA HARRIS I PHOTOS BY JOE MARINO

Are you one of the many people that participate in a thirty days of gratitude challenge? Between managing my large family and pursuing my boss mommy endeavors, I am lucky if i can remember to return a phone call. I made it a point to take a day this month to really think about my life and what I have to be thankful for.

Financially it made more sense to stay at home. Emotionally, it wasn’t for me. I blame a big part of why it didn’t work for me due to my age. Some momma’s can’t last the SAH lifestyle due to the

T h i s y e a r, i ’v e experienced several life changes.The major change I’ve experienced has been the transition from career woman to stay at home mom. Whether you decide to use the term stay at home mom, homemaker, housewife or any of the other many terms used out there, the choice and job of a stay at home mom is serious work. This is my third and final attempt of trying to master the life of a stay at home mom. Each attempt i learned some valuable lessons which has helped me to enjoy this final opportunity. My first attempt at the stay at home mom life, i was eighteen. I was not a SAHM due to personal choice, I was a SAHM due to it being the most practical thing to do. The cost of childcare for children in daycare exceeded the amount of money I would make. 258

social isolation. Being a young mom and living in an area far from my family made this part even worse for me. You can feel there is no need to get dressed

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up, possibly leave the house once a week to do errands, and constantly listen to children themed songs all day. How can anyone “find themselves” when they are young and in the house all day? I eventually ended up getting a job and basically was working for someone else (daycare) to raise and teach my children eight plus hours in the day. Lessons learned in that first attempt: whether your SAHM situation is embraced or not, it really is a blessing to be at home with your children. Times have seriously changed over the last eighteen years, and now more than ever, you really have to be careful who you let watch your children. The cost of daycare is outrageous. If you can once a month, try to make some time for Mommy time and create a healthy social life. Joining mommy and me groups, library story times or even just making a weekly trip to the playground can help you get out that rut of not wanting to do anything outside of the house. Finally, make time for personal development. Whether you want to learn how to cook new recipes, bake, coupon, scrapbook, or knit, there are many free or reasonably priced classes available.

WOMENWHO WHOINSPIRES INSPIRE } } { { WOMAN

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{ A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE } Good Luck Moms of the World and Do NOT Hold Your Tongue!

knit, there are many free or reasonably priced classes available. My second attempt as a stay at home mom was quite comical in my opinion. I set some very high, unrealistic expectations for myself. Over the years, I met a lot of stay at home moms and I thought I would be able to mimic the many moms I had the pleasure of meeting. I thought i was going to be this perfect Mom that could outdo Martha Stewart. I would learn to knit, crotchet, sew, become a DIY pro, a master chef and the list literally went on. Thinking back, I really wish i could remember how long it took me to come to terms that I set the bar way too high. After many unfinished projects around the house, chains of yarn that went from being a blanket, to a scarf, to a oven mit, to a scarf for a barbie doll- I’m very serious, I like to brag that my biggest accomplishment during that period was that I baked bread from scratch. I also would like to add, without a bread machine and it was edible. 260

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It took me less than a year to realize I was not ready to be a stay at home mom and to let my lessons from that period soak in. First lesson I learned is

me a “perfect mom”. I also learned that i did not have a passion for any of the above and just felt the need to do it because that is what “society” expects for those parents that stay at home. Final lesson learned during that attempt, was to stop comparing myself to other parents. My final attempt at this stay at home mom life, i made sure to know and fully understand my “why”. Why do I want to be a stay at home mom. With anything in life knowing your “why” can give you motivation when you are not feeling it. Believe me, i have not made my year mark yet, and i’ve had plenty of days when I wasn’t feeling the lifestyle. I have a bucket list of things i would like to accomplish. I’ve built a flexible schedule, because nothing ever goes the way i planned and I try to make some time for me.

that there is no such thing as a perfect mom. I guess i thought if I learned to do all the things above, it would make

As we transition from a season of giving thanks to the season of giving, i will continue express my gratitude and be thankful for the life i am creating. Make sure to check out this monthly column to read about the challenges of joys of the life of a stay at home mom.

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{ IN HER OWN WORDS }

HOW ONE LITTLE YES HAS CHANGED MY LIFE BY KELLY BETZ HOLBORN

How many times have I been down this road? How many times have I made promises to myself and my family that I would make healthier choices only to fail miserably each time. I failed to the point where when I would look at my online medical chart, the words morbidly obese stared at me. It wasn’t until I was introduced to a new company that everything changed.. The company Vasayo has transformed my life. It has saved me in ways I didn’t know I needed to be saved. Vasayo is creating health and wealth in my world. While most of you have never heard of Vasayo, I’m here to share with you how incredible these products have become and how they are changing the wellness industry. Vasayo is a holistic, plant-based supplement company that has been disrupting the health and wellness industry the last 22 months. Bringing in $49 million in only the first year, they are setting the stage to be a legacy brand. Founders and CEO Dallin and Karree Larsen are no strangers to the network marketing area. Building two legacy brands prior to Vasayo, they have recently come out of retirement to build their third and final legacy. Knowing this duo has already built two billion dollar brands already, leads many to believe they are going to 262

do it again. With disruptive products, cutting edge science, the right timing, lucrative rewards and a worthwhile cause, they have made their mark in this industry. More importantly, they have made a profound mark on me. That being said Vasayo has also drawn attention to some of the worlds’ best

I have been taught proper business acumen and how to use the vehicle of network marketing to utilize the power of leverage and duplication. Six and seven figure earners pour into their teams weekly, letting it be known that their success is contingent upon OUR success. Retention rates are like no other, staggering as high as 90%. Success leaves clues, and the clues are being duplicated with success.

leaders who have jumped on board to be part of this incredible company. These leaders have inspired me and lit fires for me like no one has done before. They believe in me and want to see me succeed in all aspects of my journey.

What makes us different? It’s quite simple. Our advanced delivery technology is what sets us apart. Good health is dependent upon healthy digestive and gut function. It is imperative to have the absorption of key nutrients. “You are what you eat” is one of the most common phrases we hear but in reality, are we looking at it all wrong? Should it be “you are what you absorb” ? Unfortunately over the years, poor farming practices have depleted the amount and quality of nutrients. If the soil isn’t providing enough nutrients, our food will never absorb enough nutrients, therefore our body will never receive the nutrients needed for optimal health.

Unlike any other network marketing company, Vasayo separates themselves by offering a free business school that focuses on systems of wealth creation.

As a consumer buying fruits and veggies in the store, your needs are no longer being met. What nutritional value does your food truly have? In this day and

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age, supplements are a must. Another important factor to think about is that as we age, our bodies have a difficult time breaking down food and absorbing the proper nutrients. The Vasayo brand was born with the vision of delivering solutions. We are the first company to have launched a premium line of nutritional liposomal based products called Microlife. Liposomes are used as double layered bubbles, or lipids, which create a protective sphere around the nutrients which allows them to pass the harsh environments of the digestive system. Microlife is the answer to maximize the nutrient delivery and finally deliver the raw material your body needs to perform at its best. 264

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With only 8 products out at this time, there is something for everyone. Products have been formulated to help in the following areas: core multi-vitamins and minerals, weight management, energy, joint health, sleep, brain health, anti-aging and detoxing of your organs. In just a few short months, Vasayo will be releasing two more products that will be like nothing currently on the market. Keep your ears open! The fact that this company is less than 2 years old, launched in 12 countries thus far, offers a lucrative rewards plan/comp plan that pays 8 ways, and helps a worthwhile cause of drilling wells in Africa to decrease waterborne

diseases, just confirms why I made the right decision to link arms with this company. Never in a million years could I have imagined myself joining a health and wellness company. But here I am. Motivated and dreaming big of what my future looks like. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s projected that we will hit a billion in sales at the 3-5 year mark. We are not even at 2 years! 2019 is going to be an exciting year for Vasayo. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m happy it came into my life 4 months ago and has helped me be the best version of myself that is possible.

Plant based supplements using innovative Liposomal absorption technology to aid in several categories: •Joint Health •Energy •Sleep •Detox of organs •Brain Health •Weight loss •Anti aging •Core multi-vitamins

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{ HARNESS YOUR ABILITY } BY JASON KROPIDLOWSKI

AND THE BENEFITS OF HYPNOSIS Diabetes is a chronic disease that affects more than 30-million Americans, according to the Centers for Disease Control. It was the 7th leading cause of deaths in the United States in 2015. While there isn’t yet a cure for diabetes, it is a very successfully treated disease, in which many who properly manage it can live long, healthy, happy lives. Treatments for diabetes depends on the type of diabetes and severity, but are typically; medications, diet and exercise, and hypnosis. HYPNOSIS?!

one’s chances for type 2 diabetes.

Hypnosis is quickly gaining popularity for those who are diagnosed with diabetes, and scientific medical research is continually finding more evidence of its effectiveness in managing the disease and its related symptoms. Not only that, but research suggests that management of certain lifestyle habits through hypnosis can greatly decrease

While everyone experiences naturally occurring hypnotic states daily, one must be open to the process to be purposely hypnotized by a trained hypnotist. Their desires to create these changes must be greater than their desires to remain in their current situation, however will-power is not necessary, and effort is minimal over

So, what makes hypnosis effective at managing diabetes one might ask? Well, first and foremost it’s important to understand what hypnosis really is, to understand it’s benefits. Hypnosis isn’t magic or voodoo, nor mind-control by a hypnotist, as books and Hollywood often depict it as being. Hypnosis is a tools, achieved in a natural meditative state, in which one can create positive healthy habits and emotional change.

a short period of time, compared to other traditional methods. Through hypnosis, a myriad of healthy lifestyle habits can be achieved and maintained to effectively manage diabetes. These include following a well balanced nutritional regimen, participating in regular exercise, reducing sweets and high sugar foods, reducing stress, building up self esteem and confidence, overcoming procrastination, and dealing with depression. It estimated that at least 50% of those diagnosed with diabetes will also be diagnosed with depression. Studies show that high blood sugar levels cause biochemical changes within the brain itself that can lead to depression. Unlike relying on conscious willpower alone to maintain a diet or to continue with an exercise program,

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{ HARNESS YOUR ABILITY } Unlike relying on conscious will-power alone to maintain a diet or to continue with an exercise program, hypnosis work both at a conscious and subconscious level to create the healthier lifestyle changes necessary , and then through repetition allows these behaviors to become habits.

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hypnosis work both at a conscious and subconscious level to create the healthier lifestyle changes necessary , and then through repetition allows these behaviors to become habits. Once the habit is formed, little effort is needed to maintain the healthier ways of life, increasing oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s success in long-term management of their diabetes. Again, these same strategies can be implemented using hypnosis for a person who has not been diagnosed with diabetes, to greatly reduce their risk of developing type 2 diabetes as a result of unhealthy lifestyle behaviors.

struggle do to emotional factors & unhealthy lifestyle habits that will-power alone typically will not get long-term resolution. Hypnosis is not a cure or fix either, since diabetes is not currently a curable disease. However, hypnosis is by far showing greater potential in studies for long-term management of diabetes by creating healthy lifestyle habits, which medications do not. A combined approach of medication, if necessary, and hypnosis make a great complimentary approach to successful management of diabetes, and reduction of the effects of depression.

While medication is sometimes necessary, it is not a fix for the underlying causes of diabetes; genetics and/or lifestyle habits. Even when medications are used, often a person will continue to

If you are curious as if hypnosis might be an appropriate management tool for your diabetes, seek a consultation with a highly trained clinical hypnotist. He or she should be able to assess if you

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would be a candidate, and as to which hypnotic approaches you may respond best towards. Worst case is that you are not a candidate, and then can fall back on relying on current medicine and attempts at a healthy lifestyle. ROC Hypnosis, Rochesterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leading clinical hypnosis practice, is available to assist those interested. We offer a free, noobligation screening to determine if you are a candidate, and to create a customized plan to suit your specific needs to assist you in successful management of your diabetes. Feel free to contact us to schedule your free screening at (585) 267-5756.

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Home of the most unique, extrodinary stylists. Our talented team can do everything from color, cut, treatments, and lash extensions to a manicure/pedicure and makeup application! Gift certificates available for the HOLIDAYS!

{ YOU MATTER }

HATE is defined BY JUDI SWANSON

Hate is defined as intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury in the MerriamWebster dictionary. Recently this feeling (as hate is a feeling) seems directed towards so many people. If you listen and watch what is going on in the world there is so much hate. People have become skilled at justifying their hate, dislike, sense of loathing towards others.

with us. If you detest and hate someone or something that hate is coming from within you and resides in you. It is part of the fiber of your being and each breath you take. As Buddha said it is truly like taking poison intended for someone else and injecting it into your soul.

Ever y single human being is born in a pretty similar way. An egg and sperm connect, the grow and bloom in a female’s belly until the time comes to make an entrance into the world.

How is that so?

Hate is growing. People seem to be more divided, more fearful, angry, hateful. We quickly dismiss or discharge people from our life who don’t totally agree with us. Guess what everybody. Hate begins 274

Seems like we hold the power and influence to change both. To love and be kinder to ourselves and to others at the same time. There is an unlimited supply of love to be had for ourselves and for others. We can be agents of change.

If we strongly don’t like another person, or group, we might hate them and feel it is perfectly acceptable because our personal beliefs and values make it understandable to hate. That somehow what we feel and believe makes us a better person.

Hate has a variety of degrees from hating the weather to extremist groups who hate another group. Belittling, criticizing, mocking, gossiping are degrees of hate. When you are putting someone else down your mouth and brain are forming the words and speaking them.

exists within us. The other is our feelings of unhappiness we spew at the world around us.

It seems part of the problem is our unhappiness with ourselves. Do you want to be living your life with hate, meanness, unkind words and actions residing of you? Or do you live your life feeling acceptance, love, happiness within you? This problem of hate has two dimensions. One is the feelings of unhappiness that

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We are born with hearts, brains, bones, and blood. Everyone needs oxygen, water, food to keep us alive. If you think about it if we could not see anyone’s exterior parts we would all look alike in the inside. People are not born with any hate or loathing of themselves or of others. There are no cells or DNA that have hate imbedded into them. We are taught by the world around us. Our experiences and exposure can cause multiple insecurities within us. The messages we are taught impact the way we view other people in the world.

If we strongly donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like another person, or group, we might hate them and feel it is perfectly acceptable because our personal beliefs and values make it understandable to hate.

What are your voices in your head saying about you? About others? Our thought patterns have created thinking habits in our brains. Research reports it takes 66 days to develop a consistent new way of thinking, feeling, being. ONLY 66 days! It does require repetition and being thoughtful about your words and actions. It does require effort. Change can occur. How does this happen? You begin by using strength based, positive self-talk. Throw the criticism out the door. Everyone has flaws and imperfections. You have some too. Change the words you speak about others. Change the words you speak about yourself. Everyday say positive things about yourself. Everyday practice gratitude and kindness to others. 276

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As Michael Jackson said “If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change”. An incredible opportunity is being presented to you. To trust that you will might love yourself all the more. To dig deep inside and work to change for the better. An experience rich with potential and possibility of also better understanding the people and world we live in. Oziem Cekic does an amazing TED talk titled “Why I have coffee with people who send me hate mail”. One of the most incredible statement she made is quoting her friend, Sergeot Uzan, who lost his son in a terrorist attack on a Jewish Synagogue. Sergio rejected any suggestion of revenge and said “Evil can only be defeated by kindness between people. Kindness demands courage”.

You matter. When you bring your original, magnificent you to the world everyone benefits. Everyone has something good to share and give. Just think about what this world would be like if we all became champions and cheerleaders of ourselves and each other. If we embraced differences with listening, learning, and compassion. As Sergeot said kindness demands courage. To put fear to the side, to trust and be kind to one another. To be kind to ourselves. I am all in on this. I promise to be a kinder, more loving person to myself and to everyone in the world around me. I vow every day to put more love, kindness, compassion and understanding into my daily life. Want to join me?

{ COACHING WITH GINNY }

OVERCOMING SHAME: STEERING THE BRAIN BY GINNY HRONEK I PHOTO BY RENEE VENISKY

I’m so ugly; I’m so fat, so stupid, why did I say that? When will I get this any of this right? If it sounds remotely familiar, it’s not surprising. The mind is programmed to go to the negative. Yep, your good ‘ole brain, the one your relied on to get through school, get a job, accept or reject a love, has been playing tricks on you. Shouldn’t you have a little more control on this 3 lb.

of mass matter? Well, you do. The brain gives more attention, or energy, to negative thoughts than positive thoughts. It’s part of the protective “fight or flight” syndrome that steers you away from the deer in your headlights or running the other way in the face of danger. Now that’s all good, but how about diminishing those negative thoughts. Easy? Ha! Yet, highly possible. 278

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We have a choice with how we interact with our thoughts. There are several strategies. I’ll share a few. 1. Give that negative thought a name. Maybe it reminds you of Aunt Agnes, the ‘queen of ain’t it awful’. We all have at least one of those is our life. You know,

you say it’s a beautiful sunny day and she says well, it’s gonna rain tomorrow. Oye! So when that negative thought rears it’s ugly head, say out loud, or to yourself: Go away Aunt Agnes! 2. Flood yourself with positive thoughts and practices. Not always so easy. Create your own, i.e. I’m a good person, I like who I am, I’m generous, I help others, My volunteer work is meaningful. My

partner/kids/pets love me. I look the grocery checker in the eye and say thank you, and add her/his name. 3. Loving-kindness. Oh no, not that touchy feely stuff! It really is not. Research shows, unequivocally, loving kindness meditation has an positive impact on changing the brain waves. Check out Sharon Salzman,

the Loving Kindness guru. I am hooked on the 10% Happier App that includes her series on this topic. My morning ritual. It’s free for the first 30 days. For a COMPLIMENTARY 30 minute session, please contact me at ginny@ytcoach or text/call 585-241-3020. To your best life!

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ DIGGING INTO YOUR MIND }

WELCOME Bonnie to the RWO Team BY BONNIE FLOYD

My name is Bonnie J. Floyd. I’m a New York state licensed clinical psychologist, with a specialization in health psychology. I completed my doctorate in Clinical Health Psychology through Albert Einstein College of Medicine/Yeshiva University, Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology. My specialization is facilitating enhanced psychosocial adaptation to chronic illness. My philosophy is to focus on one’s remaining capabilities, as opposed to highlighting illnessinduced limitations. I’ve held a wide variety of positions within the field of clinical psychology, ranging from psychological pain management to neuropsychological assessment of geriatric residents. I’ve participated in completing initial psychological evaluations, as well as administering comprehensive neuropsychological test batteries. I lived in Illinois for many years, prior to moving back to New York in 2014. I currently teach Abnormal Psychology, at S.U.N.Y. Geneseo. I really love teaching. I also evaluate geriatric patients in a local nursing home. 280

I first met the editors of Rochester Woman Online in December 2017, by participating in a vendor event. I design colorful, unique polymer clay jewelry and accessories. My accessories include wine bottle stoppers, bottle openers, embossed tins, key chains/purse ornaments,

I’m an artist, specializing in colored pencil portraits. I enjoy architectural themes, abstract designs, and floral arrangements. I’ve been taking oil painting classes for the past year, which I absolutely love. My original artwork has been translated into a line of clothing, accessories, handbags, and household furnishings, available through the international company, VIDA. Currently, I’m in the process of writing a book about my dual experiences as practitioner and patient. I’ve been diagnosed with several chronic illnesses, despite appearing relatively healthy. I’m no longer working on a full-time basis, but I remain very busy in a wide variety of interesting activities. I’d like to invite women to feel free to ask questions related to psychological aspects of appearance, health, and wellness.

and magnets. I offer my designs at multiple local craft shows. I really enjoy having the opportunity to meet a wide variety of individuals through participation in vendor events. My products are also available through Penelope’s Pendants, via my Facebook group.

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I strongly wish to assist women with feeling more positive about their appearances, and to encourage them to realize that beauty exists in many different forms. I really look forward to joining Rochester Woman Online’s team of writers.

{ DIGGING INTO YOUR MIND }

I really look forward to joining Rochester Woman Onlineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s team of writers.

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penelopes pendants

LEAP INTO THE NEW YEAR … WITH JOY LECCESE – Transformational Life Coaching and Consulting

Create your Life by Design: Go Gutsy!

THEGUTSYWOMANCOACH@GMAIL.COM OR CALL ME: 585-484-1891

{ THE GUTSY WOMAN }

IT’S UP TO YOU! BY JOY LECESSE

“Bah, Humbug!” or “Man, that was FUN!”

mind the commercial stuff: it’s always going to be over the top, and it starts earlier ever year.

Every December, I tell myself that this year I’m going to celebrate the holidays with simplicity. No more extravagant decorations that take a week to put up and another week in January to dismantle, pack and store for another 11 months. And for the most part, I succeed – at the storage part, anyway. But lately I wonder if I’m being to much of a grinch. My adult kids are in their thirties, with families of their own, and traditions of their own.

If you’re a solo-preneur, or a shop owner, you know the drill. But on the personal side of things – when you get home from the work day and close the door behind you, it’s time to breathe and detach from the hectic pace. It’s when you get to take

One of the “next-gen” traditions they have is to get their Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving; they decorate it on that weekend, and they take it down the day after Christmas! The schedule itself is a ritual, and it works for them. I’ve had years when I stared at dead pine needles until there were buds on the trees in my yard. Embarrassing. So, it’s really all about where your mojo is in any given year. The main thing is to not let it disappear completely. Whether this is a banner year – because you’re engaged to be married on January 1st, so everything this holiday season has a wedding bell attached to it – or it’s a year when something else adds a significant accent to the ordinary celebrations: you get to choose how much you want to put into this season. Never 284

a few moments to be with yourself, even if you have to steal yourself away from the spouse and kids for a bit. Literally, breathing changes things. Inhaling the shift in pace, exhaling the tension of the traffic on the way home… it helps you make that shift from “have to” to “want to”. It lowers your blood pressure, allows you to relax, and makes it possible for you to actually

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take in the present moment, and make it your own. It’s about creating space: inner and outer. It’s about making a time and a place for what’s within, so that you’re not dragged kicking and screaming to every holiday event, commercial or otherwise. Stay centered in what is important to YOU about the season, regardless of how you are expected to celebrate. When you rid yourself of others’ expectations of you, you create space for yourself: and in the end, that’s who makes the decisions about how much ho-ho-ho you have this month. Your own Gutsy Woman is in charge. Listen to her, and make it a great season! January is right around the corner, and she’ll be there waiting to celebrate the New Year with you! Stay tuned for The GutsyWoman Coach programs in 2019: getting out of your own way, and moving from surviving to thriving! Questions? Email me at thegutsywomancoach@ gmail.com, or call 585484-1891 for a free strategy conversation on making this next year your Gutsy Woman banner year! Joy Leccese is The GutsyWoman Coach. www. thegutsywomancoach.com Transformational Life Coaching and Consulting: Life by Design: Go Gutsy!

Stay centered in what is important to YOU about the season, regardless of how you are expected to celebrate.

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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE }

BRIGHTENING YOUR HOLIDAY SPIRIT BY LISA A. WAGNER

It’s that time of year, when the world falls in love…. you probably know that song. This is such a sacred time of year for most and for those who are or feel alone, it can be one of deep sadness and anxiety. So, how does one go about bringing light into the season? I love to do creative activities that echo the holidays. Being of service to others is another thing that brings about joy. Both can touch even those who may be in the deepest of despair. Cooking for those you love, inciting smells and tastes that harken them back to a beautiful memory. Decorating cookies, singing carols or songs of the holiday you celebrate, or time spent with our loved ones. For my family, our tradition is the Ugly Cookie Contest that has us deep belly laughing for an hour! So many things during this time of year can bring joy to even the most hardened heart. This has me envisioning Ebenezer Scrooge’s drastic transformation from fear to one of unbridled love. The holidays are a time, too for us to re-evaluate where our lives are currently and what we’d like to manifest in the upcoming year. It’s a time of tidying up our relationship to our hearts and bringing a healing that it may deeply have been asking for. What a beautiful 286

gift that would be not just be for you but for all those whose lives you touch. Just think about what that would be like if we all gave ourselves the gift of healing old wounds and bringing more light into a sometimes very dark world. My wonderful husband, Paul owns a business and almost every year we try to choose what we would like to do for others at the holiday season. His

generosity is what makes me adore him that much more. A few years ago, we delivered gifts to needy families in underserved areas. We asked them to provide us with what their children would like from Santa but they could not afford. We all dressed up for the deliveries, one person as an elf, the rest of us as Santa’s helpers. It was quite a sight to behold! When going to people’s doors, wrapped gifts in

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hand, the reception we received was so heartwarming and also humbling. It made such a huge difference for these families and gave us deeper gratitude for what we were blessed to have. Now, that’s not to say I would expect others to do what we were had the wherewithal to do. There are so many other ways to shine your light so that others may feel its warmth. It may just be that you need to smile at a stranger, hold a door or elevator, wish someone a wonderful day or kindly wave to the sweet soul that finally let you over in heavy traffic. The little things add up and make a difference that we probably will never get to witness. For myself, there are times when all I am able to do is warmly smile or hope that either my artwork or my words are what brings someone joy during a dark time. Little acts of kindness are what add up and can help us heal our painful wounds. It cost us nothing and asks only of our momentary mindfulness. Over the last few years, I have been setting an intention when I paint a piece, it somehow adds more light and joy into the universe. That the Universe/God/Spirit (whichever you choose to call it by name), speaks to those who view it and it then brings them into a place of love, even if for

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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE } So, how does one go about bringing light into the season? I love to do creative activities that echo the holidays.

only a moment. I pray that my viewer is allowed space from everyday stresses and fear and that they find a blissful bit of peace. This is something they can then carry into their day and hopefully their everyday lives. Selfishly, it can at times be just as gratifying and hopeful for me. The painting process allows such bliss for me that I don’t even remember doing the painting at times. It’s like it poured out of me from something or someone far greater and much more talented than I could ever be on my 288

own. Those are magical moments of serendipity that I believe can be felt by all those who view it. That gift is one I am fortunate to be able to have every day. It’s the gift that keeps on giving like a stream of beautiful abundance. I would encourage you to meditate on what our contribution to the light of the holidays can and should truly be and carry that into the upcoming year. Spread joy by being in perfect alignment with who you are. We are

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all filled with that brightness and are so beautifully perfect. We are brilliantly enough. May you choose to intensify that for all the universe and be a part of the change you wish to see. What an incredibly impactful act of love that would be. You could be the reason for the shift in our world. May you be deeply and eternally blessed. Now, go shine like the brightest star!

{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS }

KIMBERLY JARRETT 5STAR BY CHERYL L. KATES-BENMAN, ESQ.

Kim Jarrett, a Rochester native who attended School of the Arts, left Rochester and moved to the “big city”. She found herself through experiencing trauma and ended up coming home. When other people were dreaming about getting married and starting a family, Kimberly kept a journal “What would You Like To Be When You Grow Up? Through this, she became an entrepreneur. She owns 5Star Medical Transport. Kim shares, “As a young, biracial (black and white) girl, I used to dream about having my own business. I circled the word entrepreneur in my journal “What Would You Like To Be When You Grow Up?” Looking back, I didn’t even know what that word meant. Most girls dreamed about their wedding and kids (in the 70’s) but that was never a goal of mine. I don’t know why. I always felt like something was wrong with me since I didn’t dream about having a wedding, husband and kids. I wish I could’ve been ambitious enough to have all three. I’m amazed by women who handle it all. I attended the “old” School of the Arts on Alexander Street and was encouraged to pursue the arts based on my drawing and singing ability. I loved the arts, but knew I loved making money more. I always loved reading about businesses, how they got started, who started them, how they came up with an idea or product., how they market etc. I still do this today. I love marketing and design as well. I was a very successful retail store manager, because I always looked at it as it was my name on the outside of the building and what it would take annually to increase sales revenue. I saw 290

sales, marketing and branding, as a talent. I’ve always been into art as fashion and interior design, which is why I pursued a career in retail after attending Alfred University College of Arts. I wanted to learn how to manage a business from personal experience and not school, as I wasn’t great at sitting in classes”. Kim learned her life’s lessons from her mom. She shares when growing up, her

mother was a single-mother of 5, who always had two jobs, but who was able to ensure her children knew her most important job was being their Mom. Kim decided she wanted to “give birth” to her business. She wanted something she could call her own, so she never had the issue of thinking about getting a business partner because she never wanted one. She tells RWO, “I didn’t want to share, and I never wanted a business partner. I wanted to accomplish this goal all on

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my own! There wasn’t a day that went by, where I didn’t think about what kind of business I wanted to start. As a former artist, (drawing was my talent but not my passion) I had many silly business ideas (most of which are now family jokes) but I always knew helping others was a big passion of mine. Drawing from my 401K , going 2.5 months with less than half of what I was used to living on and working endless hours was the best decision of my life! I’m rewarded every single day by my customers, my team and the appreciation I feel from both about my company. I now wake up full of enthusiasm and joy for what I’ve accomplished. I don’t have anyone holding the keys to my future except me. I absolutely love what I do. I love the team. I have my customers and most of all the freedom to have my own business in this amazing country! I was able to make my dream come true with an incredible amount of hard work, dedication, determination and believing in myself. My mother and family were an extremely important part of my self-worth “ Kim left Rochester at age 28. She wanted to work in retail and to live closer to one of the fashion capitals of the world. Working and living in NYC, was one of the greatest experiences in Kim’s life. She loved the people, the energy and the lifestyle. She never planned to leave the city and return to Rochester, but she states, “God had another plan for me, Cancer”. Kim says, “I don’t talk a lot about my experience with Cancer because I learned that people are suffering daily from things that they haven’t found a cure for like Diabetes and depression. I had a horrible

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{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS } I decided on the name 5Star Medical Transport for my business because it’s extremely important for us to earn our customers’ business and know that we strive every day to provide 5star ratings from them.

experience (physically and financially) but I prefer to focus on what I learned from that experience. I learned that our health is more important than our wealth, that nurses are amazing individuals who are angels, and that there are a lot of good people in the world willing to help you when you ask for it. I was without health insurance for the first time in my life, and had stage 3 cancer. Once in remission, I thought my cancer would come back and because I went through it mostly alone in NYC, I decided I didn’t want it to happen again and go through it alone, so I moved back to Rochester”. Kim sought employment in retail upon her return. Through her experiences in NYC and here, she has 23 years of experience learning the retail end of things and the “art” of managing a company. Her mom was one of the greatest influences in her life and she respects her for raising 5 children on her own working two jobs her entire life until she retired. Kim indicates she taught the children to seek higher education, whether they knew how they were going to pay for it or not, morals, values, respect for self and helping others as a framing base of life. Kim describes her mom, “She is the strongest women I know. She is smart and funny! She is a saint to have to put up with all of us! She taught us you can accomplish your dreams when you set your mind to it! ” Kim learned to handle her obstacles. Her biggest obstacle was learning to handle depression and anxiety. She lives her life accepting herself for who she is. Kim indicates the business she chose, chose her. She lost her father to diabetes in 2016. Upon returning to work at her retail job she was fired. Her brother Johnathan told her she should start a Non-Emergency Transport business like 292

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himself. He owns Care Fare in Syracuse, NY. Kim thought about it and jumped in. She withdrew what little money she had saved in her 401K and started her business from the ground up. She tells us, “My father used to rely on NEMT so I was aware of all of the challenges in this business (customer’s late for appointments, driver’s smoking in cars, speeding, customers getting picked up hours after their appointments etc.) I knew it was up to me to change things for people like my father. 5Star Medical Transport customers are picked up from their appointments within 30 minutes or less. We are 96% accurate on this time, since I track this while dispatching. We work closely with a lot of the hospitals in the area to get their patients home quickly, with pick ups in less than 30 minutes from the hospital as well. My company and team are praised daily by our best critics, our customers. I absolutely love my customers and they know it and can feel it, My team does to. My passion is making sure my employees are happy because if they’re happy, they’ll make our customers happy. I’m proud to say that this year is my second year in business. I am offering a 401K plan for my employees. I take pride in my professional staff with excellent driving records, clean cars, and helpful customer service we provide and our customers often say, “ They feel like they’re riding with family”. That’s what makes me the happiest. I have the best team who have been with me from the beginning and as we grow I will continue to strive for only quality employees and to be the best for them. I decided on the name 5Star Medical Transport for my business because it’s extremely important for us to earn our

customers’ business and know that we strive every day to provide 5star ratings from them. You can name your company anything, but with 5Star as our name, we have to work harder to maintain this rating! We’re rapidly expanding and with this growth, comes new challenges. Our goal is to stay consistent with a 30-minute pick up time, excellent drivers, clean cars and excellent service”. My advice for others, first, do your research. Second, be passionate about what you want to do because entrepreneurship is a 24 hour job. Lastly, reach out to other business owners and ask a lot of questions. People want others to succeed. I worked for an amazing couple, Austin and Gisele Haines, owners of Clix Photo Studio in Rochester, NY. They were a huge support system in answering my questions as a new business owner and I still reach out to them and others for help and advice. It’s important to never stop learning and growing both personally and professionally.” You can find more information at info@5StarNEMT,com

{ DIY WITH TRACY }

SNOWY PINECONE LUMINARY BY TRACY BRUCATO

With the holiday season upon us and the snow beginning to fall, my inspiration for this monthly DIY project is the Winter season! This quick and easy Snowy Pinecone Luminary took approximately 10 minutes to make, other than the paints dry time! Materials Needed: Glass jar (I used a glass Ball Mason Jar in Quart size) 2 Medium Pinecones Ribbon, Lace or Twine Wire Hot Glue Gun Snow-Tex or similar type snow paint Epsom Salt (I used Sparkle White Terrarium Fill) Votive candle or tiny white Fairy Lights Decorative surround for bottom if desired Begin by thoroughly washing and drying your glass jar. You may also use rubbing alcohol if desired to clear all debris and dirt. Next, I filled the Mason Jar about a quarter of the way up with the white fill used in some flower arrangements and terrariums. You can also use the flaky type of Epsom Salt if you prefer. Open and stir up your bottle of Snow-Tex. Snow-Tex is a thick, white paint that is the consistency of paste. There are other various brands. Some is sparkled, others are not. This is your preference. Stir it up well upon opening. I used a butter knife to stir this up. 294

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } This quick and easy Snowy Pinecone Luminary took approximately 10 minutes to make, other than the paints dry time!

Apply the first layer to the top of your glass jar. Apply using a butter or pallet knife, wooden stick or your fingers. You have the most control using your fingers. Apply in a patting motion. Put this wherever you desire around the top and onto the sides of the jar, appearing as snow cascading down the sides. Please allow a half hour for this to dry. After drying, repeat until you get the thickness you desire. Always dry between coats! Take your two pinecones and wrap a thin piece of wire around each individually. Bend the wire to hang over the top of the jar. Apply Snow-Tex to the edges of the pine cones and any wire showing over the jar. Once these are hung, the wire will blend with the paint on the jar. Let these dry. Cut a small amount of ribbon, lace or twine to hot glue gun around the top of the jar. I used a thin ribbon, as that is what I had on hand. Take either your votive candle (I recommend battery operated for safety reason) or fairy lights and place into jar. You may need tongs in order to place this properly inside. As an extra, I added a white, sparkle ring of faux branches around the bottom. You may do so as desired. All in all, this beautiful, easy Winter Pinecone Luminary took roughly 10 minutes plus dry time for the Snow-Tex to dry. It cost less than $5 dollars to make depending on the supplies you may have on hand. This luminary goes well in any themed dĂŠcor and is also an easy and fun project to make with kids!

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{ THE COUNSELING { {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVA’S REPORT MOVEMENT }} }

THE LINK BETWEEN POOR BODY IMAGE AND DEPRESSION BY NICOLE LAMBERT

We used to think of body image struggles as the embodiment of the classic definition for Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). This is defined as a preoccupation with a real or perceived physical defect. It can impact both men and women, and can be extremely distressing, especially in situations that call attention to the perceived defect. More recently, we have seen an increase in weight or shape related BDD, where the preoccupation is on an individual’s body shape and or their weight, and not solely on one specific body part or feature. This doesn’t mean that these concerns (shape and weight) weren’t present before, but with the strong rise in the fitness industry and the push to “get fit”, it is in the spotlight more than ever before. The body size of women portrayed in the media continues to get smaller and “more toned”, and for men, bigger and more muscular. Poor body image can begin at a very young age. Shockingly, over 50% of 9-10 year old girls reported that they feel better about themselves if they are on a diet, and over 80% of girls in this age group state that they gone on a diet in hopes to lose weight and change their body shape. Advancements in research on this topic show that there is growing evidence that depression and the importance one places on their appearance have a stronger link than we once originally thought. When body image struggles and depression are 296

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co-occurring for an individual, there is a greater chance that they will experience more severe depressive symptoms.

in relationships, increased isolation, hopelessness, worthlessness, helplessness, and at times, suicidal thoughts.

Researchers at Bradley Hospital, Butler Hospital, and Brown Medical School conducted a study with adolescent patients in the inpatient psychiatric unit. They found that those patients with body image concerns were more

This presents a real concern because often times, many of those struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts don’t express that their poor body image could be an underlying factor of their depression. In turn, they most likely aren’t getting all of the help that they need. Individuals may express low self-esteem but ultimately, the body image issues can go undetected and untreated. They may not feel comfortable bringing up body image concerns, they may not know how., or may not recognize it as part of their depression. On the other hand, clinicians may not always know how to best assess for body image concerns. Either way, the issue can continue to go undetected.

severely ill than patients who did not report their body image as a concern. The patients who did report that body image was an issue showed higher levels of symptoms of depression, anxiety, and suicidality. In my own practice, I’ve noticed that those presenting with body image distress often experience low mood, more negative thoughts about themself and the world, difficulty

Body image concerns can be extremely impairing, distressing, and preoccupying. For the individual struggling with this, it can take up a great deal of mental energy, especially when it is coupled with depression. Some things to look out for: - Hyperfocus on certain aspects of appearance - Frequent checking of certain features, body parts, weight, or size - Frequent reassurance seeking in terms of appearance - Avoidance of people, places, poses, practices - Frequent hiding or appearance fixing - Belief that looks play an important role in determining self-worth

{ THE COUNSELING { {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S REPORT MOVEMENT }} } Shockingly, over 50% of 9-10 year old girls reported that they feel better about themselves if they are on a diet, and over 80% of girls in this age group state that they gone on a diet in hopes to lose weight and change their body shape.

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{ THE COUNSELING MOVEMENT } The body size of women portrayed in the media continues to get smaller and “more toned”, and for men, bigger and more muscular. Poor Body image can begin at a young age.

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- Locate a professional who can help

References

My colleague, Maryellen Dance, LMHC, and I (Nicole Lambert, LMHC) will be running a women’s self-self-discovery group starting in January 2019. The group is designed for women who want to improve their relationship and struggle to put themselves first. Body image and ways to improve it will be one of the main topics! Feel free to call 585-257-0529 or 585-294-1390 if interested!

Lifespan. (2006, June 6). Negative Body Image Related To Depression, Anxiety And Suicidality.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

ScienceDaily. Retrieved November 6, 2018 from w w w. s c i e n c e d a i l y. c o m / releases/2006/06/060606224541.htm Park, S. (2005). The influence of presumed media influence on women’s desire to be thin.Communication Research, 32(5), 594-614.

Hargreaves, D. A., &Tiggemann, M. (2004). Idealized media images and adolescent body image: “comparing” boys and girls. Body Image, 1(4), 351-361. M, Irwin CE & Scully S: Disordered eating characteristics in girls: A survey of middle class children. Journal of the American Dietetic Association. 1992

Do you Þnd that while you strive to be physically healthy and strong, your emotional and mental health is suffering? My aim is to help you Þnd a balance between your mind and body; to create a still mind for your active body. My name is Nicole Lambert. I am a: - Licensed Mental Health Counselor - Nationally CertiÞed Counselor I specialize in: - Body Image Issues - Emotional Eating - Weight Loss Goals & Maintenance - Self-Esteem - Depression - Anxiety - Athletes/Student Athletes - Those who are active/want to be more active

I work with: - Adolescents - Teens - Adults of all ages I also work with a wide range of individuals with other emotional or mental health challenges. What ever it is you are going through, don't hesitate to reach out. I’d love to learn more about you and I’m happy to help!

www.movementcounselingservicves.com

(585) 257-0529

{ WOMEN { {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVA’SLEADERSHIP REPORT } } }

SEVEN SUCCESSFUL PRACTICES OF WOMEN LEADERS BY BOBBIE GOHEEN

“CHANCE FAVORS A PREPARED MIND.” When you see any woman who has excelled in her profession you will find a woman who has invested in herself. Very few are promoted or gain awards without the ability to grow and develop as a leader. I have had the good fortune to experience the positive impact of education and professional development in my career. In addition, I have had the opportunity to work with many successful executive women and seen how the investment i n t h e m s e l ve s determined the altitude of their trajectory.

advance their understanding of the world. They have a coach to continue to hone the asset of who they are in all venues. They are not cheap when it comes to investing in themselves to ensure they have every advantage to achieving their goal. 2. CLARITY OF VISION – they

He re a re fundamentals to achievement and growth for women leaders: 1. CONSISTENT INVESTMENT– in education, development and professional growth. Successful women executives and entrepreneurs consistently attend conferences to learn what is evolving in their genre of work. They join peer groups to learn and ignite their growth. They have many mentors. They attend leadership and executive programs to 300

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have a true sense of purpose. They understand their “why”. They are clear in their goals, they develop a plan, they focus on the essentials, and they communicate well. They consistently listen and learn to find even better ways to achieve their goals. 3. CONNECTION SYNERGY – they

know they will not achieve their goals alone. They create strong and valued alliances, partnerships, relationships, colleagues and staff who feel valued to be a part of building the dream. They keep their connections over time even when the active engagement may be less, they cherish and appreciate those who helped them get to where they are today and where they are going. Those who know them feel like their lives are better for the connection and value their leadership and vision. 4. CHARACTER- they are perfectly imperfect. They are not always the most loved person in the room and often they are the most respected. They speak their truth with clarity and confidence. They are not trying to be the perfect leader or professional, they are more focused on achieving something which has a positive impact on the many. They have an astute, analytical mind for their area of professional interest and usually apply their skills creatively. They are multi-faceted. They may be focused, brilliant and driven on achieving their professional goals, while being feminine, fun, and frivolous when hanging out with their girlfriends. They are dynamic women.

{ WOMEN { {SHIFT+CONTROL DIVAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;SLEADERSHIP REPORT } } } If you are hungry to rise in your profession, your career, your marketplace, etc. Invest in you. Take every opportunity that is offered to learn.

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{ WOMEN LEADERSHIP } When you see any woman who has excelled in her profession you will find a woman who has invested in herself.

l interest and usually apply their skills creatively. They are multi-faceted. They may be focused, brilliant and driven on achieving their professional goals, while being feminine, fun, and frivolous when hanging out with their girlfriends. They are dynamic women. 5. CONTINUUM OF KNOWLEDGE – they have wide and varied interests. They are curious about the world around them and learn in all scenarios. They are not one dimensional but multi- faceted in their experience and knowledge of the world. They are hungry to understand what they don’t know and eager to explore unknown arenas. They have odd bits of knowledge on a variety of topics. This ability to learn beyond their world creates a continuum of knowledge 302

and resourcefulness to utilize creatively in their work and play. 6. WORLD PLAYERS – they look at their work as having a global impact. They see beyond the day-to-day into the larger world. They communicate their vision as having an impact on the world and generations to come. Because of this ability they make positive change happen that indeed makes the world a better place. 7. COURAGEOUS STORYTELLING – they communicate well in all venues about the journey of their life. All of us experience tough and difficult situations. Some communicate these moments as reasons to stay stuck. Successful women leaders communicate these moments as

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seminal life insights which led them to the path they are on. They focus on the choices they made to honor themselves in tough situations. This storytelling of personal heroism is part of the fuel and drive of the leader. They are mindful to not use words against themselves in any way. If you are hungry to rise in your profession, your career, your marketplace, etc. Invest in you. Take every opportunity that is offered to learn. Be a student of life and your professional field. Take the initiative to invest in yourself. Always remember the old adage, “buy cheap, get….” Invest the best in you! Bobbie Goheen

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