Rochester Woman Online April 2017

Page 1

Mary Elizabeth Nesser Making Hoo-Ha’s Happy All Over Rochester

Spring Into Fashion

with RWO and the MTF Modeling Agency

Women Who Inspire

Joanna Armes Elizabeth SaintOurs

AnneMarie DeSalvo Making Rochester “GLOW”

SAVE 15% ON TWO INTERNATIONAL FAVORITES! Order tickets to Taj Express: The Bollywood Musical Revue OR Rockin’ Road to Dublin and SAVE 15%!* Taj Express: The Bollywood Musical Revue Sunday, Feb. 12, 7 p.m. Pre-show talk with the performers: 6 p.m. An award-winning East-meets-West, classical-meets-modern fusion of dance and music that captures the sounds and spectacle of Bollywood! Sponsored by: Dr. Dawn Lipson Media Sponsor: WXXI

Rockin’ Road to Dublin Saturday, Feb. 18, 8 p.m. Pre-show talk with the performers: 7 p.m. A breathtaking display of classic Irish contemporary costumes, and a dynamic light show! Sponsored by: Alan Cameros and Carolyn Ettinger

COMING S OON! Rochester City Ballet: Green Eggs & Ham Saturday, Feb. 4–Sunday, Feb. 5 Lightwire Theater: Moon Mouse A Space Odyssey Sunday, March 19 Suggested for ages 5+ and their families; 55 minutes with no intermission Russian National Ballet Theatre: Romeo & Juliet and Carmen Saturday, March 25 The Police Experience Saturday, April 29 Chris Perondi’s Stunt Dog Experience Saturday, May 6

TICKETS: Series sponsors: or 585-389-2170

How Can this Kitty Sell More Chevys than the Big Fat Cats?


Busy becoming the largest Chevrolet dealer in the Rochester area.

1338 Pittsford-Palmyra Road, Macedon, NY | 585-22-CHEVY |


{ table of COntents } COVER STORY 12



regulars 6



HER EDGE Maja Milicevic Klugh


WOMEN WHO INSPIRE Joanna Armes Elizabeth SaintOurs

100 THE MASTERMIND LOUNGE David Sieling 104




The Best You Spa


Mass Incarceration







Health & wellness 150













il 2017

{ table of contents }


regulars 176

RW SECRET Painting With A Twist



























48 118

food 114

PLATTER CHATTER Glen Edith Coffee Roasters



special features 136







{ from the publisher }

“Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently from everyone else.” - Sara Blakely (founder of Spanx)


Woman Entrepreneur is said to be a“Women who innovate initiate or adopt business actively are called women entrepreneurs.” Women entrepreneurship is based on women participation in equity and employment of a business enterprise.”-J. Schumpeter

So with that being said, it is fitting that this April’s women entrepreneurs edition of Rochester Woman Online would have Anne Marie DeSalvo on the cover. A woman who is at the helm of the Glow Sunless Tanning enterprise.Not only does she keep all of Rochester “Glowing”, but she is also a mother, a wife, and just a really amazing lady. One that I am happy to call my friend. Read all about her on page [12], or come meet her in person on Thursday, April 6th from 5:30-8pm at the Strathallan Hotel for our April launch party where she will be our guest of honor. This month we are brimming with over 228 pages of incredible features, tips, advertisers and some pretty amazing women here in Rochester. One fabulous lady that stands out from the crowd is model, immigrant, engineer Maja Milicevic Klugh. Read all about the brains behind the beauty on page [ 48].



Our April cover woman, Anne Marie DeSalvo, owner of the Glow Sunless Tanning empire , was shot on location by Karlie Lanni, owner of Lush Light Photography with hair design and makeup courtesy of Rae Giordano Salon Lidori Spray Tan by Gianna Collilli from Glow Sunless Tanning and nail design from Kimmie Nguyen at Glamour Nails.

Ever think about getting waxed? Contributing writer, Mary Elizabeth Nesser, or M.E. as she is known, has been making Hoo-Ha’s happy all across Rochester for years...and the stories she can tell! Well, actually she does tell them in her book series. You can read about Mark & M.E. Salon and Mary Elizabeth on page [128]. Fitting with our April theme, Rochester Woman is holding a Women Entrepreneurs Expo on Sunday, April 9th from 12-5pm at the Holiday Inn. Filled with over 135+ vendors, live performances, free samples, a show stopping Faashion Show and over $2500 in door prize items, bring all your friends and enjoy the ultimate ladies day out! Plus you can get a sneak peak of some of the fabulous styles that will be walking the runway in our special spring in to fashion section brought to you by the Mary Therese Friel Modeling Agency starting on page [19]. We will also have an incredible hair raising surprise for you courtesy ofTiffanie and her staff at Salon Bella Vita on page [65].



Hope to see everyone soon...


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{ a look at our team }




Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Cassondra Kubit Janie Ziemba Kelly Breuer Lush Light Photography Tim Toal Brandon Vick Jaci Riordon Kelly Sullivan Arturo David Hoyt Christopher Cove Photography Robert Frohne Julia Antenucci Cheryl Kates-Benman Jill Burress Mary Bushey Alana Calhoon Lisa Cove Rosa Davila Tracy Echeverri Mark Forrest Patrick Mary Therese Friel Marisol Hernandez Monica Infante Sarah Itkin Rebecca Jaffarian David Jenkins Doug Jones Jessica Kelly Sheila Kennedy Julia Khoury Candice Korts Cassondra Kubit Fabrice LeYon Angella Luyk Tamara MacDuff Michael Massielo Maja Milicevic Klugh Chrissy Monroe Mary Elizabeth Nesser James Payne Dr. Nate Riddle Kitty Teresi James Woods, MD Luci Zagari Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates Julia Antenucci Jessica Kelly

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at Download our current media kit at www. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

THIS REGION IS HOME TO LEADERS. This region is home to motivated people like Katie. Just weeks after Rochester Regional Health’s neurosurgeons removed a life-threatening tumor from her brain, she was back to coaching – leading her girls to victory.

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Anne Marie DeSalvo... Making Rochester “GLOW” for 10 years! Today, there are countless places where one can get a spray tan in Rochester, but this was not always so. A short decade ago, Anne Marie DeSalvo, owner of Glow Sunless Tanning salons, had a vision. Because of her drive, talent, and desire to help other women succeed, this vision has not only become her enterprise, but a means of catapulting the businesses of countless women across the greater Rochester area.

a toll on the psyche -- and the complexion. In the region of New York where Lake Effect weather reigns supreme, home-dwellers, seeking solace from the chilly temperatures, often turn as pale as the snow falling outside. When Anne Marie DeSalvo moved back to Rochester from Miami ten years ago, she felt the effects of Rochester’s winter gloom immediately.

If you thought that spray tans were for the carefully coiffed queens of Jersey Shore, you thought wrong. From competitive bodybuilders to vacationers looking for a healthy alternative to achieving a glowing complexion, a simple spray tan has the capability of boosting one’s confidence in the span of a single session.

“And the first thing I wanted to do was get a spray tan,” she said.

It’s no secret that Rochester winters can be difficult. Compounded by fickle snowstorms and seemingly endless gloomy days, it can take

At that point, it was near impossible to find custom spray tan services in Rochester’s West Side. After finally finding a woman who offered such a commodity, Anne Marie was less than enthralled with the experience. From start to finish, the spray tan process took 45 minutes in the confines of a small and claustrophobic room, where she had no choice but to inhale

the unpleasant fumes of the spray formula. Once the process was completed, she had to stand in front of a fan to dry off. But despite her dissatisfaction with the service, the experience ultimately inspired Anne Marie. “The gears in my mind started turning,” she said. “I knew in my heart that I didn’t want to go back to working for anyone. I’m not a typical eight-to-five person.I..I’m very independent. So I was determined to have my own business.” Spending the last $1,000 to her name, Anne Marie bought the necessary equipment and started offering spray tanning services from her small one-bedroom apartment. As she gained expertise and broadened her customer-base, Anne Marie’s customers began asking her to travel to their homes to perform spray tanning services. From there, “Glow

{ our cover story }

Today, she uses her platform as a leading custom spray tan specialist in the city to help other women succeed. “I was really drawn to helping other women with their businesses so I started training women with spray tanning and sold product to local salons as well as sole proprietors.”

on the Go,” was born, and for the first three years of business, Anne Marie travelled around the greater Rochester area as the first mobile tanning business in Rochester Already ahead of her time, Anne Marie utilized social media to promote Glow, taking to Myspace to connect with customers and spread the word about her services. And between Myspace and word-of-mouth referrals, Glow spread like wildfire across Rochester. “Things got crazy, fast,” Anne Marie said. Soon, Glow’s customer-base and demand became too much for the initial mobile structure. In 2010, Anne Marie opened the first Glow Sunless Tanning location in Brighton. Today, with a loyal customer-base that continues to grow, she has three locations across Rochester: in Brighton, Downtown 14


on Park Ave, and in Greece with plans of opening more in the very near future. There are a number of benefits associated with custom tanning. Unlike its highly dangerous counterpart that requires multiple visits to achieve a noticeable difference in skin tone, custom spray tanning offers you palpable results in minutes. From start to finish, the process of a custom spray tan takes no more than 15 minutes. From the minute you enter your private session with Anne Marie or one of her trained trained specialists, what might seem like an awkward encounter is already extremely comfortable. My spray tan with Anne Marie was my first private spray tan session to date, and I was admittedly nervous about stripping down. But she made me feel comfortable and talked me through every step of the process. Before we

began, she asked me to tell her exactly what I wanted and created a spray tan formula that catered to my specific needs. The spraying process was fast and straightforward, as Anne Marie gave clear instructions throughout. Within minutes, I was sprayed from head to toe. The spray itself, although cold, was brief and entirely odorless. After a short drying period, I looked in the mirror and I already noticed a difference -- my pale skin had transformed into the familiar honeyed-olive glow I typically achieve after days in the sun. With proper care and moisturizing, spray tans last anywhere between a week and ten days. At all three locations, Glow Salons offer a wide range of skin care and maintenance products from South Seas Skin Care. As her career was taking off, DeSalvo took a liking



{ our cover story }

“I knew in my heart that I didn’t want to go back to working for anyone. I’m not a typical eight-to-five person. I’m very independent. So I was determined to have my own business.” to the products due to their unparalleled quality. Eventually, she became the East Coast distributor for the brand.

said. “I’m very fortunate to have a husband who lets me follow my dreams and is by my side every step of the way.”

Today, she uses her platform as a leading custom spray tan specialist in the city to help other women succeed.

With the support of her husband and business partner, Anne Marie’s momentum doesn’t seem to be waning. In 2017, she tells me to expect exciting things coming from Glow Sunless Tanning salons.

“I was really drawn to helping other women with their businesses so I started training women with spray tanning and sold product to local salons as well as sole proprietors.” She continued, “It was such a good feeling for me to be able to help other women with their dream. I did that on my own so it felt great to help others.” In 2016, Anne Marie’s husband, AJ, joined the Glow team as Vice President. “AJ has been by my side and supportive of Glow since the day I met him in 2009. He has always believed in me and in Glow,” she 16


And today, Anne Marie’s purpose as an entrepreneur has taken on a whole new meaning. “Everything AJ and I do is for our son. Everyday we work hard for him and his future.” After all, spray tans may fade, but passion and dedication never cease to glow.


At Glow, the mission is to make each client feel comfortable and at ease at every visit. Glow uses the highest quality products along with

a trained and professional staff for flawless results each time . At Glow, they understand that everyone has different needs and expectations so they are committed to meeting and exceeding those needs and expectations. They stand behind their top-notch services with guaranteed satisfaction! Their quality is second to none!

Providing a safe tanning alternative

For many women, the desire to be tan presents a difficult conundrum. Although the sun and tanning beds give a sun kissed, beautiful look, they also have harmful side effects—from aesthetic issues like dark spots to serious issues such as skin cancer. Glow Sunless Tanning Salon & Spa in Rochester offers a safe option for men and women alike.


All models and photoshoot coordination provided by the Mary Therese Friel Modeling Agency

Model: amanda T. Designer: sojo designs

Model: amanda T. Designer: sojo designs

Model: amanda T. Designer: sojo designs

Model: Annaliese A. accesories: Pearl & Stone




Models: Semaj M. & Makenna P. accessories: pearl & stone

Model: Lashana r. accessories by: intrique

Models: baylee m. & Elana M. boutique: simplicity boutique

Model: baylee m. boutique: simplicity boutique

Model: Tory w. & Phoebe W. boutique: simplicity boutique

Simplicity Boutique

Women’s Clothing and Accessories for every Style and Season

See for yourselves all we have in store at the Fashion Show April 9th at the Holiday Inn, Rochester NY @ 12 p.m.!!

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } Model: maddy t. boutique: serendipity boutique



Models: sarah d. & Taylor Q. boutique: matilda jane

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Entire inventory up to

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*Some exclusions apply. See store for details.

M { her edge }

by cheryl kates benman, Esq. i PHOTOS BY BRANDON VICK PHOTOGRAPHY


As a young woman, Maja (Pronounced Maya) was always beautiful. She was born in Yugoslavia in a small town Kraljevo. Her country endured political turmoil. It was a very different climate than what we have in America. She learned early on in her life there were good people and bad people. She determined she wanted to be a good person.



It was hard being a woman in a maledominated world where women were constantly suppressed but Maja found a way to rise above and become not just a pretty face. The family upbringing was modest wherein Maja did not always have excess. But she didn’t know this as this is what was going on around her everywhere. Her family provided an atmosphere growing up where Maja never noticed what she didn’t have. In the close-knit family, love filled the gap. It was instilled to get ahead one had to work hard, respect other people and appreciate what you have. Maja always looked to her parents for inspiration. Her father never finished high school but he pushed his children to want more. All of the children, like Maja went on to graduate school as in the culture they lived in this was the only way to prove your worth. This also gave the children a fighting chance when living under an oppressive government. Maja’s mother defied the odds becoming a chemistry teacher. She faced much criticism and strife being a woman in this field. She led by example teaching her children to face obstacles and persevere no matter what. All of her life, Maja dreamed of leaving her homeland and coming to America. She watched and learned America was the land of opportunity. She could only imagine a world where anything you wanted money could buy. Maja used the solid foundation she was taught by her parents to excel. She enrolled

in college after completing high school. Maja planned wisely so she could become a foreign exchange student. She was given a scholarship to complete her Master’s degree in engineering. Her sister funded her opportunity to finally come to America. Maja loved art but she knew she must be practical to make it so this was set aside as a career goal for the time being.

Upon arriving in America, Maja was mesmerized. Freedom meant so much more to her as she spent many a nights in a bomb shelter. The first thing Maja noticed was the enormous roads and road signs. She couldn’t help but think “So this is what the road to freedom looks like”. Maja knew she belonged here and she would adapt. She was amazed with the people. A memory which stuck in her mind was how the strangers talked to anyone. “Why are they asking me all of these questions?” Oh she remembered its small talk. There is not small talk anywhere else in the world. Only in America… Maja started out working as a waitress. She was amazed at how she earned what her mother did in a month in two shifts. It was not an easy road. Many women in America use their looks to get ahead. It was a struggle not to. Maja took any odd job to be able to pay the bills and survive in a country that was not her own . Maja was a little disappointed as she had big dreams coming here with a degree in engineering. When she was at the top of the class in this male-dominated field, she


{ her edge }

didn’t expect it would be hard to be taken seriously. She applied for every engineering job she could find. Often she was told she was overqualified. Maja thought “I’m overqualified but I can clean tables and wash dishes”. Finally, she was given a chance. Maja was called in for an interview and landed a job at Xerox as a senior engineering technician. And just like that, she had her foot in the door at a major American international company. She was hired as a manufacturing engineer and supervisor in Xerox Global Manufacturing, Webster, NY. The best part of her job is that her education paved the way and it was not just her pretty face taking her to the top. “When people think I am just a pretty face, I used sarcasm. In a male-dominated field, I work hard every day, harder than most in fact to prove that I am just as worthy of every opportunity. I personally can’t understand people who do not aspire for more. In this country, you can be anything you want to be and so many people waste the opportunity. As someone who has reached the American Dream my advice is don’t be shy. No one is standing on the corner with handouts. ” Maja states. Many times people asked Maja to model or assumed she was already a model due to her 50


beautiful appearance and statuesque demeanor. She was not pursing these opportunities until after she secured her future. It still remained important to Maja to research and find a modeling agency where she could maintain her integrity and not be seen as only a pretty face. She came upon the Mary Therese Friel modeling agency. Mary Therese, former Miss USA was just the right fit. Mary Therese frowned upon her models being demeaned in any manner. She grounded their training in knowing they were not just a pretty face but so much more. She instilled in the models to be successful you had to respect yourself and always carry yourself with proper etiquette and grace. “My family is so proud of me. I came to a country on my own and have achieved a great deal in a short time. I am able to send money home to my family and share my good fortune. I would not change a thing. I would not be where I am today if I went down a different path” Maja reflects. Maja enjoys the volunteer opportunities she participates in for MTF Modeling Agency as well as at Xerox. Maja was instrumental in the Xerox Good Neighbor Program, Monroe

Community Hospital for Xerox Day of Caring and Xerox Angel Card programs for Andrew Center and Villa of Hope, Xerox Breast Cancer Fundraiser through annual Chili and Dog event raising money for Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester (BCCR) and Gilda’s Club. Through MTF, they raise money and collect gifts for the underprivileged at the holidays, programs at BCCR and Lollipop Farm. Maja always tries to give back to the community which gave her so much. Loving her jobs comes easily as at Xerox she is able to use her skills and knowledge she gained through her education. She loves that she feels challenged on a daily basis. “In my community service I love to help others less fortunate. I often see the immediate results and impact my work has on others. There is also the benefit of meeting many fabulous people and forming new friendships” Maja indicates. Maja also enjoys the opportunity to be a role-model for other young ladies. As a model and an engineer, Maja leads by example and sends a message to all women. “You can be professional. You can be a trendsetter and you can be a trailblazer but always remember the beauty is within” Maja reminds us. You can be more than a pretty face and Maja is a clear example of that.


M “In the MTF family, I am a role model to others by always being professional. No matter where I go, I am representing others and I take that role seriously. I tell the other girls to stand tall and proud, be gracious, respectful and smile. Always remember to appreciate and embrace every opportunity. There are others with far less and I know this as I have experienced it first-hand. Always remember you are much more than just a pretty face� Respectfully, Maja.

{ woman owned businesses }

Gloria’s giant flower love


{ woman owned businesses }

“Well behaved WOMEN seldom make history.” *** Glow Sunless Tanning is celebrating it’s 10 year history in Rochester and we want to make you GLOW. Enjoy $10 OFF your next custom airbrush tan to any of our locations when you Use Coupon Code GLOW10 when booking. Book Now At or Call 585-621-GLOW

Brighton 2241 Monroe Avenue Park Avenue 71 Park Avenue Greece 1343 Long Pond Road

{ woman owned businesses }

We are Now Offering A Non-Hormonal Therapy for Menopausal Women And Breast Cancer Survivors

Call us today for a FREE MonaLisa Touch consultation! Relieves: Vaginal Dryness • Painful Intercourse • Vaginal Health Issues The MonaLisa Touch is a non-hormonal, FDA-approved laser therapy that stimulates collagen production inside the vagina and promotes vaginal mucosal revitalization

Women are calling this “life-changing” Clinically Proven • In-Office Procedure • Immediate Results • Only 3 Treatments Less Than 5 Minutes • No Anesthesia • Painless • Safe & Hormone Free 43 Willow Pond Way – Penfield 585-377-5420

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When booking your appointment mention this ad and recieve $15 toward your first service.


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{ woman owned businesses }

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{ woman owned businesses }

{ woman owned businesses }

{ woman owned businesses }

Wesley Clark & Bates, LLP is one of the only majority women owned law firms in Rochester. A cornerstone of our practice is a close relationship among attorneys and with each client; this enables us to address a client’s present legal issue and also future planning and goals. Our firm is unique in that we have a general practice, where each attorney focuses primarily on one area of the law. Our attorneys’ experience is varied and wide reaching. Our practice areas include but are not limited to Family and Matrimonial Law, Personal Injury, Wrongful Death, DWI, Criminal Defense, Real Estate, Wills, Trusts and Estate Planning. Call (585)546-1734 today! I

{ woman owned businesses }

Mario’s Hair Studio



1474 Monroe Ave I Rochester, NY 14618 (585)473-8593 I

{ woman owned businesses }

“Mark and M.E. makes you feel sexy from head to toe!� 1775 Mt Hope Ave I Rochester, NY 14620 I

{ woman owned businesses }

(585) 473-7360 I

{ woman owned businesses }

{ woman owned businesses }





Creativity is intelligence having fun! 32 south Main Street i pittsford ny 14534 i 585.383.8482







MODELS: dejauna strongs & stephanie viriyakeh HAIR DESIGN: tiffanie MAKE-UP: sarah mastrella &







{ o talk with ortensia de loren }





{ o talk with ortensia de loren } PHOTOS BY LUSH LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHY

Hard work is just a part of a harder life. Reprieve would sometimes come through our icons. Figures who we looked at from afar, idolized, and inspired us to become the persons we are today. My icons were either real life heroines like Elizabeth I and Joan of Arc, or larger-than-life characters such as Wonder Woman and Carrie Bradshaw. In books, film, and television, these personalities became my role models, the women I aspired to be.

The ReDRAGucation of Miss Deelicious

Many of us grew up with the concept of the American Dream. As the daughter and granddaughter of immigrants, the concept was sacrosanct. The belief that every American citizen has a fair chance at success and prosperity through hard work, determination, and initiative. The notion that, through grit and grind, upward socioeconomic mobility lies ahead. How far that dream is from the nightmarish reality. For many, hard work doesn’t always come with the prospect of a better life.

A celebrity in her own right, Kim McEachern – better known as Miss Deelicious – has been a staple in the local drag community for over a decade. I first met her three years ago, when this drag neophyte took the stage for the very first time. She encouraged me in my craft, my aesthetic and, yes, my makeup! But I never knew who she was. I knew few details of her life behind the makeup, costumes and lashes. After begging and pleading with her, Deelicious finally allowed me to interview her. On a cold, wintry day in March, we sat down for coffee at Ugly Duck on a Saturday afternoon. Even after going out the night before, she still decided to get ‘dolled-up’. Her makeup was flawless, her face adorned with a neutral lip and 301 lashes, with a bun sitting atop her head. *** Born in 1980s Long Island, Deelicious grew up with her parents and six siblings. Good times were mixed with bad ones. Sibling conviviality turned to rivalry; brothers and sisters started fighting, moving out. Eventually, her parents separated, and Kim moved with her mother to Rochester. It was against this backdrop Kim came into her own person. “I always realized I was different, and always realized I liked boys,” she said with a slight grin on her face. While she ‘came out’ as gay in sixth grade, in middle school she began wearing girl’s clothing and growing out her hair. Hiding the clothes from her mother, she packed them and changed at school. Hoping to keep it away from her mother, a string of events on one Halloween changed her. Dressed up as her icon ‘Lil Kim, she went out with friends. “I wasn’t going out trick or treating,” Deelicious said, admitting she had been doing so up until her mid-teens. Paths crossed as her sister was leaving their mother’s house; Deelicious’s sister called their mother, who quickly reprimanded her. Thinking right on the spot, however, Deelicious had a good cover. Her mother, however, was not so easily convinced. A week later, all of her girl’s clothing were thrown out and, later, she was forced to cut her hair.

Forced to adapt to the situation, Kim found solace in a local group. Since 1996, The MOCHA Project – Men of Color Health Awareness – has been a staple in the black queer community. Providing resources for HIV/AIDS prevention, they also were a de facto after-school center for many youths in the community. Deelicious’s first time entering there left a great impression on her. Among those who supported her was Fatima, the first transwoman she’d ever met. “She was just so comfortable being herself; there was no shame in her game. She was the ultimate diva!” By random coincidence, Fatima was an acquaintance of Kim’s mother. Through the program, Kim encounter a plethora of individuals in Rochester and Buffalo. It was through MOCHA she regained the confidence to show herself to the world and, at sixteen, truly started living her life. Beginning her transitioning at sixteen, she identified as a woman. Not only in social circles and general public. It was at this time she started going by the name Kim. She also began experimenting with drag. Her first gig was at GQ (now Tilt) Nightclub. “I felt like I was really around people I could identify with…I thought the queens were like me!” Hosted by Dee Dee Dubois, her first performance impressed the queens. Eventually, she became one of the regular performers at the establishment. But she got a chance to co-host at another bar. Then known as Nasty D’s (140 Alex Bar & Grill), she co-hosted the Salad Bar Revue with Ambrosia Salad. “I just said the most random s**t!” Deelicious chuckled. Co-hosting not only improved her skills but also gained the attention of many audiences. After years of working between both clubs, Deelciious was offered her very own show in early 2010s. “That was my proudest moment! After all I went through, after fighting to make myself known, the moment I accepted the hosting gig I knew I made it.” For almost five years, Tilt’s Mighty Deelicious Show featured some of the area’s best performers, with local and national talents gracing the stage at Rochester’s best Saturday drag shows. In addition to her show, she remained a fixture at the weekly Tilta-Whirl Drag Show, hosted by DuBois, as well as performing at various venues throughout the area. From college shows to private parties, Deelicious became a well-known figure in the drag community. Born out of a desire to be an entertainer, this was a moment of triumph for Miss Deelicious. “Throwing a party. Performing for the people. Doing the damn thing on stage. It’s all I ever known!” ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ o talk with ortensia de loren }

“I felt like I was really around people I could identify with…I thought the queens were like me!”

Her increasing fame also attracted some detractors, some distant and others very close. “I’ve always been treated differently as far as I can remember,” she recollects. As one of the highest-paid performers in the city, as well as gaining exposure beyond the LGBTQ community, there were some who envied her success. “I would never say it was a race issue, but there were those who did not like seeing a confident, happy, and successful transwoman of color.” She began noticing the varied reactions of co-workers. What started as slight impasses gradually turned to overt forms of disrespect. “When you get poked at again and again, you can’t just sit there and take it anymore. And I couldn’t.” After ten years as a performer and hostess, the self-proclaimed ‘Chocolate Brownie’ left Tilt Nightclub in early March of this year. She cites artistic differences between herself and senior management. Despite changes, she was nevertheless flexible. But in recent weeks and months, she felt the show’s direction went contrary to her original concept. “It was about originality, uniqueness. Things were not turning out for the best.” As a transwoman of color, she has been a role model for many in the community. Most especially, for the 86


LGBTQ youth of color. Growing up, one this is certain: I didn’t have icons who looked like me. Sure, there were few iconic black women in media: Ororo Munroe (X-Men’s Storm), Whoopi Goldberg’s Guinan (Star Trek), and the all-female cast of Living Single. But that was it. And there were no prominent transwomen back in the day. (Ewww. Did I really just use that term? Not cool.) The few I can recollect were secondary characters, often but not always referenced in a comedic fashion. I even remember episodes of Ricki Lake where the audience had to figure out if guests were transgender or not! It was a bit degrading, if not downright embarrassing. Things have certainly changed since my youth. In the past eight years, we have seen the emergence of transwomen celebrities, authors – even politicians. Transsexuality has, in such a short time, shifted from the unknown to be an element of America’s mainstream society. Despite recent attempts to rewind the progress made, transwomen of ordinary and extraordinary qualities are refusing to back down. Nowadays, I don’t have to envision strong, courageous black transwomen of color. I am proud to say I know a few.

“Although my name was on the show, it was more than me. It was one of the few venues drag queens and kings of color could show themselves to the people of Rochester. It gave them a chance to show themselves to the world!” Despite the move, Miss Deelicious is optimistic of what lies ahead. From more shows and appearances, to the possibility of starting her own fashion line. When asked about what the future lies, she paused a looked out of the window. Sipping delicately on her cappuccino, she turned back to me and smiled. “The world is your oyster, love muffin!” For more information, as well as upcoming events, visit

A Fortunate Happenstance or Pleasant Surprise...




{ women who inspire }


Sojo Designs, owned and operated by Joanna Armes can be found nestled in a little shop just outside of Rochester, NY in the town of Geneva called Serendipity. Serendipity- a phrase coined by Horace Walpole in 1754 meaning “A fortunate happenstance or pleasant surprise”, seems very fitting for Joanna’s story. For someone that didn’t realize until her early 20’s that fashion design was her passion she has managed much success in less than a decade! Joanna, as you will read in this article and see as you glance at the photographs is just as beautiful on the outside as she is within. Her passion for people is genuinely refreshing. Here is her inspiring story.

Sojo Designs, the beginning... Beginning her fashion career in a small community in the Limburg Province of Belgium, Joanna Armes faced much adversity. The largest it would seem was the language barrier. The locals in Limburg spoke a combination of both Dutch and French known as Flemish, and although this made things tough, she was successful with home shows that sold both her fashion line as well as her wall art. Sojo was also launched in the United States while she was living overseas using such tools as Etsy and Facebook to both market and sell her clothing line. This too was a success. Moving back to the states just three years after moving overseas, Joanna and her family did not return to the West coast, but settled into Rochester, NY where admittedly she was a bit challenged with the unfamiliarity of the area, however this difficult transition was short lived. Reading an article in a local fashion paper shortly after moving here she saw that the city had just held their first ever fashion show and in true entrepreneur fashion she seized the opportunity to become involved in the very next event, and she hasn’t stopped yet! In the five years she has lived here, she has taken part in shops, runways, trunk shows, magazines and many creative collaborative endeavors. She and her business partner Trish Martin, former owner of Chandelier Boutique took part in the “Toast for Hope” last year with cowgirl hats and all inspired by Trish’s Boho Rodeo line that Joanna currently does the sewing for. She feels both honored and flattered to have been part of so many lives here in Western New York.

Something more than fashion... From other designers alike to make-up artists and other strong women she has forged relationships with, Joanna will take this experience with her as she embarks on yet another journey to Montana where she and her Fiance, Joshua Smith have a home. She plans to start the last leg of her second career that is equally as important to her as fashion design. Social Work has been in the forefront of Joannas life for some time. Currently completing her senior year at Roberts Wesleyan College, she plans to transfer straight into a Master’s Degree program in Missoula, Montana. When asked why she is drawn to social work she says that “helping make people feel beautiful is just as important as making them dress beautifully.” Both social work and fashion design she says, are very much connected, “I love making people feel beautiful, especially women in my designs, social work is a hands on approach to touching people’s lives in a very intimate and up close bases, some people need a hand and some need a beautiful dress!” She went on further to say, “I love seeing the good in all people, people’s lives are messy sometimes and that’s what art is all about, the beautiful mess and man, is life beautiful, it’s all what u make of it.”

A second chance: Joanna won’t be taking this journey alone, aside from her fiance, she has two children, her son Abe, 8 and her daughter Penny, 10. One thing she was very open on speaking about was the ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ women who inspire }


“Helping make people feel beautiful is just as important as making them dress beautifully.”

from everyday life with them and my fiance Joshua Smith. When asked what values she tries to instill most in her children, mainly focusing on her daughter Penny she says, “I am very big on instilling above all for my kids the LOVE for all people and the LOVE of ourselves. Without love inward and outward what is there? I believe everything stems from love and that’s when magic happens. It’s been so important to me to show my daughter Penny that Loving oneself is so important, especially for a young girl growing up with outside influences demeaning her very existence,” These outside influences we see everyday on social media and across news headlines including gender bias, body shaming and bullying. Many young women out there focus on all that is wrong with them without the role models to help them see if they focus on what’s right and love themselves for who they are and what they bring to the table then they can be a total success. Joanna goes on 90


each as individuals carry. Not leaving out her son Abe, Joanna says that she tries very hard to instill open mindedness and to teach both of her children to embrace people without judgement. Afterall, love, in her words is the answer to all things good!

further to say,”I tell her (Penny) that there is nothing, I mean NOTHING she can’t do! We are warrior women that come from a line of viking heritage (my dad is 100% Norwegian) and she is so strong.” Penny began modeling at age 3 in her mothers shows and has continued to be an inspiration through today for her mom. Also known as “her lucky penny”, Joannas daughter has seen and met people from all walks of life because of her experience in walking the runway from such a young age, and this, says her mother, is the catalyst for why she will grow to understand and embrace the beauty in all walks of life and in the differences we

Have no fear for those that love her fashion line, although leaving New York State she will not be dissolving Sojo Designs. She promises that her line will soon be available for custom orders online. She will be spending her last few weeks in Rochester attending the Rochester Woman Magazine event on April 9th as well as designing a custom dress for the up and coming young singer Brianna, featured in the March edition of Rochester Woman Online as well as a custom gown for the Policeman’s Ball being held in May for Rochester Woman Magazine’s very own Kelly Breuer. Visit Sojo Designs on Facebook at https://www.

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{ women who inspire }


ometimes the Pieces Most Broken are the Most Valuable of All…

I had the pleasure of interviewing Elizabeth Saint Ours, owner and operator of Q Tours of Western New York and Head of Accounting at her family’s business, Quality Services, LLC. She is a daughter, sister, wife, successful business owner and community role model, amongst many other things but in her words most important, a mother to two beautiful toddler boys who drive her to be what she is today. Here is her story.

Forty Years ago, a man with a truck and a vision for his family’s future stepped out to begin a small industrial steam cleaning company. That “small” company is now a family run corporation with some 200 employees. Beginning with Wegmans as their first client, Quality Services LLC., started on it’s journey of what would become a successful corporation. That success did not always come easy however, as Elizabeth Saint Ours, daughter of the founder explains, it came with sacrifice, hard work, late nights and a full family effort. Quality Services was only the beginning for Liz, as this was the catalyst for the start of her own thriving business, Q Tours of Western New York. Much like her father beginning with a single truck forty years ago, Liz was gifted a single limousine just three short years ago from her dad and told to make something of it! She is doing just that!

Her beginningElizabeth Saint Ours (Liz), began learning much about business and work ethic at the age of 12 using a pencil and ruler to draw out her father’s schedules for Quality Services. She learned invaluable lessons by helping with the basics like organizing the business receipts, paperwork, invoices etc. At 14, Liz moved to typing the invoices and schedules in the evenings after school from her dad’s office in their basement. By high school Liz was beginning to learn different computer programs like Microsoft Excel and started to mainstream the businesses forms and accounting practice using them. Towards the end of her high school career she had all but taken over the accounting side of her father’s now much larger business. She was torn between her dream of becoming a teacher and helping to run the family business so when she graduated she decided she was going to attempt both. Liz began by working at BOCES as a para educator while attending classes part-time at MCC for teaching. After just a few years at MCC Liz decided that she was going to put

teaching aside and devote her time to the family business. Her parents had given too much to build this business up for their family, so it was as she said, time for her to help them. Liz, much like her parents, wanted to show her own children, James (4) and Patrick (2) that you can be successful at both your career and being a present parent. She learned this much from watching her own mother who worked hard with her father in the evenings going out on jobs when they did not have the staff they do now, still managing to be at every school function, personal event and as Liz fondly recalls having fresh baked cookies on the table when she and her siblings would arrive home from school. Her father, although always by my side and never lets me fall and keeps me grounded. My children who make me laugh and who help me appreciate each day.” Family is of utmost importance to Liz when discussing how she got to where she is today. If it were not for her parents Liz makes it clear that she would not be where she is or have the opportunities she has had. While she supports women’s rights and those that wish to advocate these rights, she was very clear that she would not be where she is without the hard work of both of her parents and her father’s decision to start their original family business so long ago. Liz believes in working hard for everything you have no matter who you are and is the only female in the upper management of her family business. She is okay with that. She, as highlighted above started this endeavor at the age of 12 learning the basics and working her way up. Her father did not treat her any different because she was a woman. He wanted her to learn from his own experiences with failures and success. He was there to guide her and support her all while allowing her to find her own place in the world of business ownership. It was because of this that he chose the gift he had for her three years ago. When he handed her the keys to a stretch limousine and told her that it was ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ women who inspire } hers, to take it and make something of it she did not jump with joy as you may think! Her answer to this gift was one simple Thinking of her already large workload with their current business, she wondered how she was supposed to find time to make a success of another. Her father, with all the confidence in the world left her with those keys knowing she would in fact do exactly as he envisioned. This is how Q Tours began.

Q Tours:

Q Tours of Western New York prides itself on a simple philosophy, be a business that the community can both trust and respect. Liz has spent the last 3 years growing the business to a fleet of vehicles. She believes that any client coming to Q Tours should feel the same whether it is for a single event or for ongoing business. Every one of her drivers are dual trained, both as chauffeurs and New York State security guards. Liz is building this business with the intent of setting new standards in the industry and it shows. She and the staff at Q Tours work closely with each client’s individual needs making trust and respect from the client their biggest priority. Another focus for Liz is being involved in many local charities. She and her family believe in giving back to the community that has given them so much. They have taken part in helping a wide range of charities to include Just Breathe Foundation for Cystic Fibrosis, Hickok Center for Brain Injury, Making Strides Against Breast Cancer, Rochester, NY and one that her family has been involved in for many years, The Open Door Mission where every year they provide turkeys for Thanksgiving, hams for Christmas along with helping throughout the rest of the year. It is important to her as a mother to instill this community service in her children as early as possible showing them that you should always help others where help is needed. When asked what she wanted her legacy to be Liz answered, “I want to make sure that I keep the company going that my dad established over 40 years ago, and to have built our Limousine company Q Tours to a respected, well known Limousine company. I want my sons to be able to have a family company that they can one day take over. As a family we have worked very hard to make sure that our companies are ones that the community and our clients can trust and respect. I have also worked hard with local fundraisers/ Charities/ Groups, so I hope all the work that I have done and will continue to do makes a difference.” For more information visit Q Tours website at 94


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{ hype hair } BY MARY BUSHEY

Things change. Societal norms adjust along with the times. Masculine meets feminine. Hard meets soft. Classic gets a contemporary upgrade. The beauty of today’s style is that anything goes, no matter what your age or gender. The age of barbering is making a comeback along with fun colors and dramatic styles. If you want to wear a colorful rainbow in your hair go for it.

Today’s hair styles are changing what the world views as acceptable. Let’s face it before the times of today people had to worry about what they looked like and whether it was acceptable for their everyday life. Professionals such as doctors and lawyers would not dream of sporting some of the latest if it didn’t conform to what was expected of them as professionals.

Professional women and men can have even the slightest little shot of pink, purple, blue or red in their hair. In today’s fashion, it is expected to see a female executive with her hair tied back in a classic bun style, then to have her turn around and see that she has an undercut with a very edgy design shaved into the hair. Or maybe the male branch manager of a bank, his hair is slicked back and professional. But to see him out at happy hour, he can wear his hair long and it was only the sides and back that were cut short. The undercut is just one example of the mix of feminine and masculine.


dge& legan

If you take a look around, the fun colors are not for “punk style” kids anymore. Ladies of all ages are having fun with bright and vibrant colors. Achieving these colors often requires stripping or bleaching the hair. Special precautions must be taken to minimize damage to the hair.

Some of the hottest designers used the masculine hair styles on the runway. Ralph Lauren used a natural style with a center part on many models. The natural look for these styles, included where the models did not wear a lot of make-up.

Whether it’s a peek-a-boo shot of color or full bright highlights, it’s all acceptable and fun. Men are enjoying adding a little flash too. This is where the age and gender lines have crossed and blurred and intertwined. There are even elderly women walking around with purple hair. It’s the latest rave for everyone! Color your hair like an Easter egg! Become one with a jelly bean!

Flat iron waves are also very popular. The crimped hair look is also resurfacing and being found on the latest runways. Black ribbons were tied in low ponytails. There is a wide array of trending looks to choose from. Find your passion and run with it.

Ombre styles where the hair is two-toned have taken over and it will be rare to see women with mono-toned hair colors. Blorange is the latest rave of combining blonde and orange to resemble to colors of a sunset. These colors do not retain for long periods in hair (pastels and blorange).


As with other colors, using a color protectant shampoo is recommended. Straightened sleek hair accomplished with use of a flat iron is also a fashion trend. Damaged hair does not tend to look good in this type of hair style. To prevent burning of the hair make sure to use a hair protectant. Extensions have made a comeback and are being used by women of all ethnicities. There are many types of extensions available. You can use an economical extensions or ponytails purchased at Walgreens or Walmart. Hair beauty supply stores carry the clip on version and they can be quite more expensive. Long today, short tomorrow. The moral of the story is be you.

Mixing the barbering aspect of cutting and the softness of length gives the hair fashion a new and unique edge. The hard lines and edge-ups around the hairline or in a side or back undercut give the style a very sleek and clean look. Mixing that with multi colors and long locks gives a look all your own. That’s why this trend will be great for all ages. Your stylist can combine different cuts and colors to create an exclusive look just for you and your lifestyle. The overall concept of 2017 is “anything goes”. Let’s remember we only live once. Eat the cake. If you want pink hair dye your hair pink. If you want to have a rainbow, have one. Paint the town with your hair color! Leave a lasting impression. Always remember to make sure the damage caused by the procedure chosen is not counterproductive. Taking care of the hair is such a task. Other than that, color away. Have fun with it!

& nce

{ hype hair }





{ THE mastermind lounge } BY BOB BRENNA, JR.

with Davi

David was one of the first members of the MasterMind Lounge team. In the early years, the team spent countless hours crafting a clear vision of what the project would become. For David, the mission of MasterMind Lounge was easy to see. “When Bob (Brenna) came to me about MasterMind Lounge, I immediately saw what this model could accomplish. For starters, Bob had been mentoring me for years. I wouldn’t have made the decision to pursue a law degree but for his guidance and advice. So, I approached the project as someone who had already benefitted from the underlying principle: having someone of great experience mentor you is a great life advantage.”

David Sieling came to Rochester in 2004 to attend film school at RIT. In 2006, he left RIT to pursue a career in music and to direct a feature rockumentary titled “Asia: Thirty Years On.” During this time, David traveled as a performer and developed a promotions company built on an artist-centered model. David is currently completing a J.D. at the Syracuse College of Law and a Master’s Degree in Communications from the Newhouse School of Public Communications. On the MasterMind Lounge Team, David serves as as the Executive Assistant to the CEO.

MasterMind Lounge Founder and CEO Bob Brenna wasn’t the only MasterMind Lounge team member that helped David along the way. Bruce Pilato, currently serving as MasterMind’s Executive Director of Talent Acquisition and Marketing, was also instrumental in his life. “I was lucky in that I couldn’t have asked for better mentors along my path. Bruce Pilato, also on the MasterMind Lounge team, comes to mind. I happened to be sweeping floors in a venue where one of his artists, Carl Palmer of Emerson, Lake and Palmer and Asia, was rehearsing for a tour. He asked me to bring in my camera to get some footage of the rehearsal. That footage turned into a short feature. That short feature turned into a feature film shot in over a dozen countries. Meanwhile, the experience I was getting working on the Asia project allowed 100


me to work in television advertising. Bruce was a Newhouse graduate and later wrote my letter of recommendation when I came to Newhouse for my master’s degree. Actually, it was Bruce that introduced me to Bob Brenna. It all came from that one rehearsal.” David credits his mentors with the opportunities he enjoys today. He says that virtually every successful person can think back to a time when a teacher or friend offered guidance in their development, but also that, for many, the right mentor isn’t going to “stroll up and introduce themselves.” David also sees the opposite as true: people of experience won’t always happen to meet the people who can benefit from their experience the most. “By moving that process into cyberspace, breaking down the barriers of time and space,

and acknowledging the value that mentors have to offer, we can help people make those connections. There will always be those who find themselves in the right place at the right time to get the guidance they need, but through MasterMind Lounge that process is more efficient and more likely to benefit more people.”

David sees a big future for MasterMind Lounge, and notes the particular importance of the platform for women and other underrepresented groups. He says that MasterMind Lounge offers a unique way to find support and guidance when more traditional means fail. “When we were actually designing the final layout of the site, I thought about my wife, Becca. She’s one of the smartest people I know, but she isn’t the aggressive type that forces her way into that ‘backstage’ area. She wanted to change her career path, but she didn’t know what to do. She spent months unhappy with her career, until she made a connection with a female recruiter. Before that recruiter, no one had told her, or showed her, what she had been doing right in her career. The advice that recruiter gave Becca was invaluable- she knew exactly what barriers and challenges Becca faced. That advice set her on a path towards a new job that has offered her opportunities that neither of us imagined. Now, Becca was lucky to find this recruiter through a job she applied for and didn’t get, but I thought to myself- this is the connection that she could have made using MasterMind Lounge on day one.” MasterMind Lounge is a platform designed to help two distinct groups. First, “mentors” that have experience and guidance to offer, and second, “users” who want to learn from and/or meet those who inspire them. The


{ masterminds lounge }

id Sieling



{ THE mastermind lounge }

internet, David says, has not really changed the relationship between these groups. David explains with a metaphor.

“When Bob (Brenna) came to me about MasterMind Lounge, I immediately saw what this model could accomplish. For starters, Bob had been mentoring me for years. I wouldn’t have made the decision to pursue a law degree but for his guidance and advice. So, I approached the project as someone who had already benefitted from the underlying principle: having someone of great experience mentor

“The internet presence of a celebrity or highly sought mentor is essentially like a free concert or sporting event. You can watch and learn with the other thousands or millions of attendees, you can hear or see the performance or instruction, and if you have a good seat, you might shout at the sports field or the concert stage and get a glance or a generic reaction if you’re lucky. There is still, even in cyberspace, that proverbial ‘backstage’ pass that you don’t have. Just think of the lengths people go in ‘real space’ (a techie term for the physical world) to get ‘backstage,’ and how few succeed. Also, how many of those interactions result in a real conversation? Few to none. In my work as a concert promoter, I can tell you that we often had just as much security guarding the green room (where artists stay before and after a performance) as we did guarding anywhere else in the venue at any one time. The system has never been designed to make stars accessible in sports or music. That is also true when it comes to those who are the best of the best in



any specialty.” Sieling emphasizes that MasterMind Lounge will change that dynamic. By allowing mentors to control their schedule, set their prices, and meet users online, many barriers to mentor-user interactions disappear. The ‘backstage pass’ can be made available to anyone in a transparent way. However, David was quick to note that MasterMind Lounge isn’t just for superstars. “MasterMind Lounge isn’t just for celebrities who can’t go to the supermarket without having to pose for a selfie. Everyone from the piano teacher down the street to the adjunct professor

in another hemisphere can also reach more people more efficiently by using MasterMind Lounge’s simple scheduling system. When I taught voice lessons out of my apartment, I could only teach one lesson a day. I would drive home from the office, set up my teaching space, wait for the student to arrive, etc. A one hour lesson could easily take up two to three hours of my schedule.

Using MasterMind Lounge, I could have taught from anywhere, and easily doubled how many lessons I gave a day. Mastermind Lounge handles all the payments, all the scheduling, and allows teachers or mentors to focus on one thing: actually interacting with students.” MasterMind Lounge is in the final stages of development, and will soon be accessible at If you wish to learn more about becoming a mentor or a user, please email to be added to our mailing list.

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{ woman entrepreneur }

by Maja Millicevic-Klugh i photos by todd fleming

susan katz aser

woman entrepreneur



Entrepreneurs start companies when they see a need in the marketplace that they can fill, whether it is creating a new product or service or targeting an underserved segment of the market. Some may argue that women entrepreneurs are more adept than their male counterparts at seeing gaps in the market and seizing the opportunity. Women entrepreneurs are agile, innovative problem-solvers, meeting corporations’ needs quickly, adapting to marketplace changes and providing deep value. Susan Katz-Aser is one of them, a Woman Entrepreneur. A native of Brighton, NY, where she was born; raised; finished high school; and, met her husband, who was her childhood friend. Her husband is now her best friend and life partner in every adventure that Susan has become involved. Together, they formed a beautiful family with two children and two and one-half pets. “Family is not a family, without pets,� Susan stated. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ woman entrepreneur } Since one is a stray that comes and goes as she pleases, Susan refers to her pets as two and one-half cats. Even at an early age, Susan could see and identify business opportunities. Recognizing the need for cost-effective advertising for local stores through commercials, when she was only sixteen and experimenting with photography, she and her friend, Ardis, co-founded the Brighton Modeling Agency. For Susan, it was the perfect opportunity to incorporate business and social aspects by casting most of her friends in the commercials and finding sales representatives at the TV stations who would assist and/ or contribute to making and/or creating the commercials. Through the Brighton Modeling Agency, Susan was able to explore another of her interests building houses, remodeling, and interior design. Since 1983, she has designed additions for clients’ homes. Although Susan went to college to become a veterinarian, her passion for interior design became her number one priority and led her to switch directions. Again, an opportunity presented itself, this time in Palm Beach, Florida, where she decorated and designed condos.

exchange for the free promotion and publicity. Filmmakers hired her to be their Location and Scouting Manager. She was, and still is able, to sell homes to people in the movie industry by partnering with real estate agents in LA and Atlanta. In addition, while working closely with filmmakers, Susan found herself under consideration for the lead female role in many projects and she was asked to bring friends onto the set as extras. Susan often says: “I am also an actress. In my acting roles I have been a doctor; upset cellular customer; waitress; a crazy wife, who kills my husband; a daughter; and, me. Currently, I am on TV advertising lawn tractors!” Through years of hard work and dedication, and after setting simple, clearly defined goals,

endeavors. It wasn’t a big surprise for Susan to see that her daughter, who accompanied her on the sets, developed an interest in acting and became part of many projects. Susan’s daughter started working with an acting and voice coach and one thing led to another. She landed the lead roles in many movies shot in Rochester and the NYC area. During her daughter’s acting lessons, Susan grew close to her acting coach, Susan Gibney, who has had cameos on many TV shows and is best known for her role on STAR TREK Next Generation. Susan’s daughter was asked to be a model for a local designer, so she changed her focus from acting to modeling. She has appeared on runways and in catalogs in the Rochester, NYC, Orlando, and Toronto areas. A small team can make a big impact. Two women, Susan Katz-Aser and Susan Gibney, formed Two Sues’ Casting. It was another of Susan Katz-Aser’s brilliant ideas. As her casting and location company grew, clients were asking for more actors, not just locations. Susan turned to Susan Gibney as a resource since she was already working with a diverse group of aspiring actors. Directors benefit from Two Sues’ Casting, successfully making their films in a shorter period of time, staying on budget, and working with professionally trained and experienced actors.

Success comes only if there is a reward in sight and a goal is in place.

Back home in Rochester by the early 1990’s, Susan noticed a gap in the design and furniture business. She took a risk, followed her instincts, and opened a furniture store in the Village of Pittsford. Here, Susan could combine her interior design skills with selling custom furniture. Builders began asking Susan to decorate their model homes. Selecting the most essential details of every new home, she began staging homes with the exquisite taste and the attention to detail that make them prime for selling.

Success comes only if there is a reward in sight and a goal is in place. Working long hours, investing her energy into the furniture store, staging homes, and interior design led to a natural progression. Susan attained her real estate license and found that all of the aforementioned skills she had worked hard to perfect paid off. She was an almost immediate success in real estate. In 2005, while working in real estate, she also started a casting and location company. Then, a Hollywood opportunity appeared on the horizon. Friends in Hollywood needed tastefully decorated homes in the Rochester area to serve as backdrops for their movies. Scenes included local restaurants, offices, schools, grocery stores, etc. Real estate clients lent their homes; rental agents made their properties available; and, business owners provided Susan access to their companies in 106


she started making moves. A small casting and location company became a larger business that grew into one that provides full casting, coaching, and location assistance in Hollywood. Work-life balance is often an elusive concept for everyone these days. As Susan’s life was getting busier, both at home and at work, her vision of productivity and peace were often interrupted by the demands of her many roles. In spite of these challenges, Susan believes in taking a fun approach to business. Without any effort, she befriends her clients. Going the “extra mile” with her senior citizen clients, Susan meets all of their needs - from touring facilities, arranging for movers and cleaners, as well as assisting with out-of-town guests. Woman entrepreneurs have a special perspective on work-life balance because they are often expected to fulfill a particularly demanding role at home and at work. Women are expected to provide support in their relationships and in their families, yet still have the energy and excitement to pursue their business and career goals. For Susan, her work-life balance was achieved by incorporating her children in her many business

Their Facebook page bridges the gap between actors and film makers. The Two Sues’ Casting website is still in the development stages. It will be a great addition as it melds together the components of the two social media sites. Here is a Personal note from Susan: “I just turned 52. I feel I have earned every wrinkle, but not every gray hair! I love connecting people or businesses with other people and businesses. My favorite thing to do is to sit on my back porch and feed the birds, squirrels, deer and pet the chipmunks! Yes, I am a bit like Snow White… until I start to sing and they all scatter. I love movies and detective TV shows, but most of all I love watching my kids getting excited and succeeding in areas of their interests.” “I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.” -- Estée Lauder Estée Lauder defined success. Susan lives it, while always trying to perfect it.

Jacquelyn Johns Insurance Consultant

6605 Pittsford Palmyra Road

Fairport, NY 14450 Phone: 585-433-0000 Cell: 585-500-7334 Fax: 585-734-1515



The Perfect Time TO BUY A HOME

Find out why buying now, rather than waiting or refinancing your current home, will benefit your bottom line! ULTRA-LOW INTEREST RATES – NOW, BUT NOT FOREVER With affordable home prices and a healthy economy, the Rochester area is a great place to purchase a home. Paired with historically low interest rates, now is an excellent time to make this investment. But with recovery of the national and local economies taking effect, these ultralow rates and home prices are only going to rise! Experts predict the Federal Reserve to start inching up the rates sometime in 2015, and housing costs will climb as well. Therefore, getting in now before the market heats up can potentially save you thousands on your mortgage!



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C: 585.738.7087 O: 585.279.8288


2171 Monroe Ave. Rochester, NY 14618

You may think you can save some money by waiting – staying put or refinancing your current home. Your current property will appreciate in value over the next few years. However, purchasing now with an ultra-low rate on a more valuable home will see much higher appreciation. Buying now means that any appreciated value will go into your own net worth, while waiting will simply translate into a higher purchase price down the road!

BUYING VS. RENTING If you don’t already own a home, now is the time to make that investment! A report by Trulia (October 2014) shows that the average cost of homeownership (mortgage, insurance, taxes, maintenance, etc.) is considerably less expensive than the cost of renting. In the Rochester area, buying is 45% less expensive than renting!* Stop paying your landlord’s mortgage, and invest in a home of your own!

*Data according to

STEVE D’AMICO Loan Officer, NMLS# 37093

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{ the divas report }

BY CASSONDRA KUBIT & cheryl kates benman, esq.


Nestled in the town of Webster, “where life is worth living,” sits a cozy salon and spa on the busy hustle and bustle of Ridge Road. Once you enter the building, the craziness of life is left far behind. Christine Buff, the owner of The Best You Spa welcomes the customer so you feel comfortable and almost like you are right at home.

Spa treatments are known for being able to “leave everything else behind”. This month Rochester Woman Online’s Cheryl L. Kates Esq. (Managing Editor and Diva One) and Cassondra Kubuit ( Associate Editor and aspiring Diva) bring you the Diva’s Report on The Best You Salon and Spa in Webster.


I’ve worked in the spa industry for over 8 years and I can honestly say I’ve never had a mud wrap before. I’ve had plenty of facials, but never been wrapped up tight in mud. So, when I was asked by Kelly,(owner of Rochester Woman), to have a spa night with Christine, along with a facial, I , of course couldn’t refuse. We set up am appointment for later in the evening when it was nice and quiet and that that worked around our busy schedules. Christine met me at the door and led me through the salon to her spa which is located on the second floor. Each space I walked through was filled with personal detail. One of the rooms even had this interesting texture on the wall and Christine told me that it was brown paper bags glued glued into place instead of wallpaper. It was a very unique way of decorating and recycling which brought a lot of character to the space. Christine led me into her room where there was a spa robe set out for me to use. She then gave me paperwork to fill out that was very thorough, which made me feel better about having services done by her. I have very sensitive skin and a lot of allergies to chemicals and fragrances. So being able

to let her know about my skin sensitivities was important. She explained everything that she would be doing and what kind of products that she would be using on me. When she left, I climbed onto her table and sunk into a nice warm cocoon. Christine was very prompt at coming back to the room. She started with exfoliating my back, arms and legs and then she painted each body part with mud. Yes, she painted me with a spa product brush that looks like a paint brush! Then she wrapped me up tightly and made sure that I was warm. Christine then proceeded to do my facial, which was just lovely. Christine is a very friendly and passionate woman. I felt like I had known her for years instead of just meeting her that night. She loves what she does and loves being able to help women and men look their best. She has so many different treatments that she provides to her clients. The Best You offers a multitude of facials, peels, and body treatments. They also have an infrared blanket that helps with detoxifying the body, relieves sore muscles, improves the immune system, aids in the reduction of inflammation and can help with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. Cheryl, our other resident Diva, will be talking about her experience with this awesome treatment later in the report. Christine also does a treatment that is called the Ultra Sonic Cavitation Fat Reduction. It is the latest FDA approved alternative treatment to Liposuction. It helps reduce cellulite, shapes the body, promotes the

{ the divas report }

breakdown of fat cells. It is safe and pain free. Ther is also a Radio Frequency Skin Tightening treatment available that uses frequency to help tighten skin on the waist, back and abdomen, an alternative to a tummy tuck. These are just a few of the services that The Best You provides. Pretty amazing right?


room. This was achieved through soft music, dim lighting and unique touches such as velvety leaves on the corners of objects, giving things an interesting twist.

to coming in. Wide arrays of different facials are available, including anti-aging, reduction of rosacea and hydration facials with products to fit all skin types and or situations.

The services I enjoyed that evening were the infrared blanket treatment and an amazing full facial. The infrared blanket is an hour long treatment where the guest is wrapped in

The facial felt rejuvenating and my skin felt extremely clean and smooth afterwards. Both services were performed at the same time, so while you are able to relax and enjoy the treatments, they consider the constraints on personal time for many of their clients.

Treatments are individualized and professional. All services are the most beneficial treatments given for the wellness of all of your Skincare needs. Clients treated with the utmost respect and importance. Great deals and offers too!

There are three types of spa connoisseurs; those who go regularly, those who treat themselves every once in a while and those forced to go because they received a gift certificate for a birthday, Christmas, anniversary or Valentine’s Day. I am definitely a regular; a spa groupie. The relaxation for even a short time period when there is no choice but to out everything down and clear your mind is definitely a reason my main reason in going. Christine Buff is mindful of the costs associated with obtaining multiple services for her clients, and realizes that “making a day of it” is usually cost prohibitive for most. But, by offering reduced prices, including 20% off your first time package deals, ensures everyone can access her services.

It was clear, providing these services was more than just a job to Christine. She discussed her background including working as a life coach. Her demeanor immediately allowed the guest to feel comfortable and welcome, encouraging conversation as I do not normally do well with strangers. I just like being quiet and relaxing. The décor was warm and inviting in my spa



a cocoon-like blanket with your arms at your side then your entire body up to your neck is wrapped tightly. The treatment is designed to detoxify, quicken lipolysis, enhance absorption of additional products and nutrients, relieves sore muscles improves the immune system and reduces some inflammation. The service is extremely economical and assisted in relieving some of the body pain I was experiencing prior

In comparison with the dream spas, which Christine one day has a vision of owning, her services are excellent. It was her personal demeanor which stood out the most. Someone you trusted to care for you. As women, our face is one of the most important features we have, so to us we need someone we can trust not to damage it.

Additionally, some of the products she used were the same products used in the spas on the luxury cruise ships. Christine also offers state-ofthe-art technology services such as light wave treatments. These specialty services are used to treat acne, rejuvenate skin and enhance appearance by stimulating the body’s own natural rejuvenating systems. These treatments are offered over a period of time. So many options in this one woman owned business. This was an overall relaxing and rewarding experience. The comfortable atmosphere and welcoming nature made this an experience to remember. Check out the Best You Spa for some “me time”. It is worth the drive to Webster!



{ platter Chatter }

By Julia Antenucci | Photos by Brandon Vick

glen edith

COFFEE ROASTERS F rom Drip to D onut

For some, a cup a coffee is a means to an end: it’s the proverbial fuel that jettisons them into a week of (hopeful) productivity and creation. In soggy paper cups in the dim light of 7-Elevens at dawn from the Folgers drip at home, most don’t discriminate.

This probably won’t surprise you even a little bit, but I do. I expect a lot from my morning, mid-day and afternoon cup of coffee. Blame the college years spent working as a barista or my propensity to do everything the most difficult way possible, but I don’t feel that coffee should get a free pass for the sake of convenience. While I do take my coffee with cream, a well-brewed cup of coffee made from well-roasted beans at the right grind needs nothing but maybe a good donut to nibble between sips. From drip to donut, Glen Edith Coffee Roasters understands this. In their short time in Rochester, they’ve managed to become a mainstay in the third wave coffee community. With their coffee beans hand-selected responsibly and roasted on-site, the dually located shop offers coffees, tea, lattes, and a selection of beverages with a precision so notable that it’s clearly down to a science. But despite the high-brow products, the only noses you’ll find in the air will be the ones inhaling the aroma of freshly brewed coffee or chewy, caramelized waffles. Despite what you hear about



third-wave coffee shops, that’s just not what Glen Edith is about.

wave establishment generating buzz in Rochester’s coffee scene.

“We want to make good coffee, and we want it to be accessible to everyone,” said John, Glen Edith’s co-owner. “Even if that means adding milk.”

Now, with Glen Edith, Sapphire is able to truly nerd out on her passion. From tastings to scouting sustainably sourced products, finding the right products for Glen Edith is a full-time job.

Indeed, if you frequent one of Glen Edith’s two locations, you’ll notice that the spot is more of a community hub than anything. Chowing down on donuts on weekends or avocado toasts on gloomy Wednesday afternoons, families, students, and friends flock to the shop to convene over cups of freshly brewed chemex drips or subtly sweet cardamom lavender lattes. And when it comes to their coffee, the team at Glen Edith doesn’t mess around. Sapphire, the director of coffee, knows a thing or two about good brews. Starting ten years ago as a Wegmans barista, she found herself fascinated with the world of coffee, and strove to learn everything she could, from beans to brewing techniques. After eleven years in varying positions with Wegmans, she knew she needed to continue to grow and learn. She then went to work with Joe Bean, another third

A lot goes into a good cup of coffee. From flavor, balance, aroma to complexity, there are a number of factors to consider. For Sapphire and the team, value is knowing what the product’s story. From supporting a Rwandan, all female-owned coffee farm to working with fair trade importers, customers value Glen Edith’s investment in people just as much as they do in delicious coffee and food. “It’s not just about flavor and aroma -which is definitely important,” she said. “But it’s also about making an impact.” And it’s not just their coffee drinks that are making an impact in Rochester. If you’ve been poking around the internet or just about any coffee shop, you’ll notice a bit of a donut revolution taking hold. About eight months ago, Glen Edith

hired baker Rae Cody to start a baking program of sorts for the shops. Over the course of a few short months, Cody’s weekend offering inspired donut flavors have become a mainstay for weekend warriors and Sunday school slackers alike. From their perfectly risen texture to their Instagram-worthy appearances, the donuts have made their rounds. “We’ve even had people request donuts for weddings,” Jordan, Glenn Edith’s food director told me. Officially called BXCR, the donut journey doesn’t end there. In the coming months, BXCR will be opening a storefront of its own at the public market, where they’ll serve craft cocktails, fried chicken -- and, of course, donuts.

Bring your event to life Professional master of ceremonies, DJ entertainment and event lighting E X P E R I E N C E I T.

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5K &10K Races, Dog Walk & Pet Fest

Saturday, June 3, 2017 Join us for a Pet Festival, Pet Contests, Live Music, Food Truck Rodeo, FREE Vaccination & Microchip Clinic, and more! Rochester Animal Services, 184 Verona Street, Rochester, NY 14608 Race Registration begins at 7:00 am 8:00 am 10K Start • 8:15 am 5K Start 9:00 am Walk Registration • 11:00 am Walk Start $20 for 5K and $25 for 10K before May 31, 2017 • $25 for 5K and $30 for 10K after May 30,2017. • Free tech shirts for first 300 registered runners. • Runners can raise $50 to receive an aluminum water bottle. • Walkers: $25 registration fee includes a cotton t-shirt if registered before May 31, 2017. 5K- Top male / female finishers each receive a $50 Fleet Feet store voucher; medals will be awarded to the top male and female finishers in each age group. 10K- Top 3 male and female finishers receive a $100, $75, or $50 Fleet Feet store voucher; store vouchers for $15 - $40 are also awarded to top 3 male and female finishers in each age group. Plus great new fundraising prizes!

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Questions? Call 311•

{ badge of honor } by rebecca jaffarian

THE WOMEN BEHIND THE BADGE We’ve all heard the phrase, “There’s something about a man in uniform.” For those who have done nothing more than appreciate the view, there is a lot more to consider before making a decision to be a part of all the uniform entails. The two remarkable resilient women you are about to meet will tell you that being the wife of a police officer is not for the weak, self-centered, needy, clingy, insecure, or high maintenance type of woman.

“I also need to be responsible as a woman, to teach my daughters how to be strong, and carry themselves with dignity, integrity, and honesty.”

Sue Cirencione and her husband David have been married for 15 years. They first met about 18 years ago when she worked as a Probation Officer and he was working as a Child Protective Case Worker in Seneca County. Within months of getting married, he was hired by the Ontario County Sheriff’s Department. He had forgotten to inform his wife that he was on the list and wanted to be a police officer. David started the Monroe County Academy Police Academy Recruit Class 38 later that month. He is now a lieutenant in the Ontario County Sheriff’s Office and mainly supervises road patrols and related operations. They have three daughters. Kristen Ferguson met her husband, Russell, when he was managing a bar and grill in Brighton with the hopes of becoming a Police Officer. She did not marry into the life, she was volunteered for it, somewhere in her wedding vows. She laughs that she should have read the fine print. Today, her husband is a Rochester Police Officer on the Westside. They have two young daughters. For Kristen, one of the biggest challenges of

days. My husband is the reason the sacrifice that we all make feels like a commitment. We commit ourselves to each other as a family, and to our unseen families - to stand together for a greater good.” It’s true. We let go of our individual needs, simply because we have to. We serve those we’ve never seen or met, by letting someone we hold most dear walk out the door each night without question, and pray he returns safely. “My reward, knowing he’s happy serving those families and serving us in his own sacrifice. He doesn’t give us up for those in need, but because of those in need, and I’m perfectly fine with that.”

– Kristen Ferguson

being married to a law enforcement officer is parenting alone. “There are no easy shifts for officers, so you can count on weekends mostly alone, evenings, holidays, parties, even fears, any or all of it, alone. It’s a lonely life and you need to be tough. I run my kids to and from events by myself because he is either working or sleeping. I cheer for my kids alone. I cry with them alone. I discipline them alone. We go to mass alone. I trade that so my husband can have family meals with us every night of the week and tuck his kids in every night.” To them, that matters. “Daddy needs to be the last face they see when they go to sleep, and the first face they see before they get on the bus. Mommy is the one to hug everything else away, and trust me, just watching the news daily, I give out a lot of hugs. You do your best to shield them but children know. They feel it.” Her rewards come from knowing he’s happy. “To leave your family behind every day to face the unknown is extremely difficult. He makes that sacrifice willingly because he knows he makes a difference, even if it’s just in small ways some

According to statistics, police marriages fall victim to an extremely high divorce rate, and there is good reason for that. Sue Cirencione gave us some tips on how she handles being married to a law enforcement officer. “I’ve been in law enforcement myself (18 years as a Probation Officer) so I feel that gives me a little more appreciation of some of the issues that law enforcement officers face. David and I talk about his day (and mine back when I was out in the field), his frustrations, our fears. I feel like it is important for officers to be able to talk openly and honestly about what they face day and day out so they don’t carry that burden with them daily. My husband has seen some horrific things and I’ve seen them through him, but it’s what makes us a team.” It’s no surprise she counts her husband as her biggest inspiration in ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ badge of honor } her life. “He inspired me to be a better person and mother, because he is simply one of the best people I know.” After experiencing the journey of breast cancer a few years ago, she also counts her children as inspiring her to be as healthy as I can possibly be. “Those three girls are why I get up every day.” Kristen Ferguson said she takes one day at a time when it comes to how she handles being married to a law enforcement officer. Adding that she relies heavily on her faith in God, our marriage, and my girls, “I keep my mind occupied on life, never what if, or what could happen. Fear

is always there, but you can’t let it consume you. I focus on being a friend, and wife, and living right here, right now. I was very unaware going into this how different my life would so do I find ways to make the days ‘normal’ for us. I find it helps to really appreciate the time he has off, to recognize the value of the time we have. I take nothing for granted, I can’t.” One of Kristen’s biggest inspirations is a woman she met later in life. “She left a mark on me in the short time I had the privilege of knowing her, but none the less, Edith Ferguson inspires me constantly. She was a woman of true grace and kindness. She defined what it means to love unconditionally 122


and her strength defied all odds.” Kristen views her law enforcement wife role as a responsibility for sure, as both a role model for her children, and how society views law enforcement in general. “We live in a fishbowl, so everything I do should be worthy of the arm I share and that arm wears a uniform. He worked hard to wear that uniform. How selfish would it be of me to tarnish that for him, or any other Officer? I also need to be responsible as a woman, to teach my daughters how to be strong, and carry themselves with dignity, integrity, and honesty. I don’t wear the badge, but I have been there the entire way and paid

I’m proud to say I’m married to a Police Officer. I’m proud of him. He worked hard to be where he is, and he’s a good man. I’m blessed to be a part of this Law Enforcement Officer (LEO) family. It’s an instant connection that binds us all. When one is in need, we all come together, it’s never a question. When one rejoices, we all do. There is a saying, in this family, no one stands alone. Does that contradict what I mean by being a lonely life? Yes, a little. Inside my house my partner is missing, but in my family, I am surrounded by hundreds of brothers and sisters that would come to my aid at the drop of a hat. I can’t describe what a powerful

my own dues, so my own courage is not without its own merit and my girls need to realize how they have it within them as well - now, more than ever, as we are facing damaging viewpoints of law enforcement, and senseless violence against our officers.”

feeling that is, to belong to the biggest family in the world. It goes back to commitment vs. sacrifice. This life I live is not one I chose, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Strength isn’t always found, it needs to be taught and I’m a firm believer in leading by example. Do I have bad days? Absolutely! Do I want to engage with the people who say horrible things about the police? Of course! I don’t view it as a burden, ever. If it were the other way around, my husband would stand by me 100 percent, so

Both Kristen Ferguson and Sue Cirencione are volunteers with the Badge of Honor Association and are on the planning committee for the Policeman’s Ball. Join us on May 20th for the Bob Johnson Chevrolet Nissan Websmart Policeman’s Ball to benefit the Badge of Honor Association. Visit

{ A Mothers perspective } by luci zagari

The United States is the biggest jailer on the planet, with less than 5 percent of the world’s population but nearly 25 percent of its prisoners. Another 7 million Americans are either on probation or on parole. Operating all those federal and state prisons, plus running local jails, is generally said to cost the U.S. government about $80 billion a year. But in a recent study, researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that the $80 billion price tag is likely a gross underestimation, because it does not factor in the social costs of incarceration. “We find that for every dollar in corrections costs, incarceration generates an additional $10 in social costs,” Carrie Pettus-Davis, director of the university’s Concordance Institute for Advancing Social Justice and a co-author of the study. 124


At $1 trillion, the broader costs of incarceration dwarf the operational costs of the U.S. government. And disturbingly, more than half of that cost, researchers say, is borne by the families, children and communities of incarcerated people. A growing body of research has established that formerly incarcerated people who get jobs tend to have significantly diminished incomes, even long after they leave prison. Researchers at Washington University found that incarcerated people lose about $70 billion in wages they would have otherwise earned as part of the workforce. And people who do find employment after incarceration miss out on an estimated $230 billion in reduced earnings over the course of their lifetime. “Formerly incarcerated persons earn lower wages because they face occupational restrictions,

encounter discrimination in the hiring process, and have weaker social networks and less human capital due to their incarceration,” the researchers note. The formerly incarcerated also have a mortality rate 3.5 times higher than that of people who have never been incarcerated. Their shortened life spans collectively add a cost of almost $63 billion. But the single greatest cost the researchers found has to do with the fact that high levels of incarceration may actually increase crime, not deter it, by “reinforcing behavior and survival strategies that are maladaptive outside the prison environment.” The researchers note that there may be an additional destabilizing effect on communities where many people have been jailed, imprisoned

A Unique Look On


incarceration WHAT IT MEANS FROM ALL POINTS OF VIEW FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE A new study examining the economic toll of mass incarceration in the United States concludes that the full cost exceeds $1 trillion -with about half of that burden falling on the families, children and communities of people who have been locked up.

d or otherwise detained, thereby “weakening the social controls that bind neighborhoods together.” Altogether, researchers put those costs of the criminogenic nature of prison at a whopping $285 billion. The children of incarcerated people pay enormous costs. They are five times more likely to go to prison than their peers. They’re likely to be stigmatized and suffer long-term emotional and behavioral challenges. They also have a greater chance of living in poverty or general instability at home or becoming homeless themselves. Ten percent of children of incarcerated parents are unable to finish high school or attend college. Many teenage children of incarcerated parents forego their education and enter the labor force early in order to make up for lost

family income. And incarcerated people have triple the divorce rate of people who are convicted of a crime but not placed behind bars. Altogether, costs involving the children of the incarcerated reach over $185 billion. In the researchers’ estimation, the full economic burden of mass incarceration in the U.S. comes to about 6 percent of the country’s gross domestic product. It’s also over 11 times larger than the operational costs of correctional facilities. “Recent reports highlighting the costs to incarcerated persons, families, and communities have made it possible to estimate the true cost of incarceration,” Pettus-Davis said. “This is important because it suggests that the true cost has been grossly underestimated, perhaps resulting in a level of incarceration beyond that which is socially optimal.”

SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND AMERICA’S PRISON POPULATION The CASA report found that only 11% of all inmates with substance abuse and addiction disorders receive any treatment during their incarceration. Of the 2.3 million inmates crowding our nations prisons and jails, 1.5 million meet the DSM-IV medical criteria for substance abuse or addiction, and another 458,000, while not meeting the strict DSM-IV criteria, had histories of substance abuse; were under the influence of alcohol or other drugs at the time of their crime; committed their offense to get money to buy drugs; were incarcerated for an alcohol or drug law violation; or shared some combination of these characteristics, according to Behind Bars II: Substance Abuse

{ A Mothers perspective }



{ A Mothers perspective } and America’s Prison Population. Combined these two groups constitute 85% of the U.S. prison population.

however, none of the neighboring states’ prison populations grew by more than 13 percent.

The CASA report found that only 11% of all inmates with substance abuse and addiction disorders receive any treatment during their incarceration. The report found that if all inmates who needed treatment and aftercare received such services, the nation would break even in a year if just over 10% remained substance and crime free and employed. Thereafter, for each inmate who remained sober, employed and crime free the nation would reap an economic benefit of $90,953 per year.

The single largest driver in the increase in the federal prison population since 1998 is longer sentences for drug offenders.

“States complain mightily about their rising prison costs; yet they continue to hemorrhage public funds that could be saved if they provided treatment to inmates with alcohol and other drug problems and stepped up use of drug courts and prosecutorial drug treatment alternative programs,” said Susan E. Foster, CASA’s Vice President and Director of Policy Research and Analysis. The report also noted that in 2005, federal, state and local governments spent $74 billion on incarceration, court proceedings, probation and parole for substance-involved adult and juvenile offenders and less than 1% of that amount—$632 million--on prevention and treatment for them.

A Call for Action

To reduce the number of substance-involved inmates crowding our prisons, improve the health of inmates and reduce crime, the CASA report offers specific recommendations in its call for action by the nation’s criminal justice systems and federal, state, and local governments including these: - Use trained health care professionals to screen, assess and treat substance-involved offenders and provide care for co-occurring physical and mental health problems - Provide comprehensive pre-release planning and aftercare to continue treatment services for inmates with substance use disorders -Require addiction treatment for inmates to be medically managed - Expand the use of treatment-based alternatives to jail and prison - Require accreditation for prison- and jail-based treatment programs and providers “This report lays out the steps we need to take to address the treatment needs of offenders while holding them accountable for their crimes,” noted Foster. “We do not as a nation refuse to provide treatment for other chronic ailments like heart disease or diabetes. We should do so for addictive disorders, especially when the added benefits of treatment for offenders include significant reductions in crime and its costs to society.” From 2000 to 2008, the Indiana state’s prison population climbed from 20,125 to 28,322, a 41 percent increase. During the same time period,

Prison drug programs - over 51k in federal prisons on waiting lists for drug classes (2011). The Vera Institute of Justice released a study in 2012 that found the aggregate cost of prisons in 2010 in the 40 states that participated was $39 billion. The annual average taxpayer cost in these states was $31,286 per inmate. New York State was the most expensive, with an average cost of $60,000 per prison inmate. Aug 23, 2013. The most serious charge against 20 percent of state-prison inmates is a drug offense. That’s much lower than the 51 percent in federal prisons, though it’s still larger than any other single category of offense in state prisons. The average price of addiction treatment per residential patient episode has recently been estimated at $11,260. ** It is not rocket science here to do the math. I am not saying that prison doesn’t help anyone, but for those few who are lucky enough to benefit from the programs offered it may help, what about the other 89% that need it and qualify? I do agree that some offenders are better off serving out their sentences based on certain situations (such as violent offenders). But what about the 18-year-old kid, first time offense, hooked on drugs, needing help or has been begging for help and can’t get it (it happens daily, just ask me). Some say that addiction is not a disease it is a choice. To a degree I can see their point. For many, it was a choice to pick up that drug and use it. But it’s a choice that turns into a disease. Once addiction has set it, there is never a total recover. We never come back to what we used to be. Our minds are forever altered and for many so is our health. Not everyone became an addict by choice. When does the doctors’ offices who push the opiates take responsibility for their part? When does the pharmaceutical corporations have to answer to their sins? What about the poor 63-year-old woman who is addicted to opiate pain killers because the doctors have her on them for many years and continually upping her dosages? Did she in fact knowing choose to be an addict? Was she educated in the precautions to take before being given such things? At this point in the epidemic, does it really matter if the choice was made to do drugs? We have a serious crisis on our hands and regardless of the choice thousands upon thousands of people lose their lives to addiction and/or are incarcerated. We have a problem and it needs attention. Pointing fingers will not resolve the issue at hand. At some point as a community, we must come together and stop the blaming game and just try to come up with solutions. In my opinion, I do not believe we have peaked with this epidemic and with new

government in office things have a potential of getting better or worse. It is up to us to encourage positive changes by writing letters, raising our voices and advocating for education. The last few years it was easy to blame the parents, or the addict because of the lack of education. In today’s world we now know that addiction is a disease and we also know that any measures taken up until now have not slowed this mass genocide happening across the nation. The economic impact of incarceration pushes families through the revolving doors of the criminal justice system, and fuels a multigenerational cycle of poverty.

How mass incarceration affects the American job market… Mass incarceration greatly disrupts the American job market. Sixty-one percent of people in prison are between 18-39 years old -- in the prime of their working life. Removing able-bodied working-age people from the labor market lowers the quality of our work force and permanently damages their employment and educational opportunities. The formerly incarcerated face a daunting uphill battle with unemployment. In addition to gaps in employment and lack of work experience, the AFL-CIO resolution notes that many reentering civil society return to neighborhoods, “long suffering from economic divestment, high unemployment, poor infrastructure and isolation.” Most importantly, the formerly incarcerated face stigma and discrimination. Efforts to “ban the box” on employment forms asking about criminal records may have worked in earlier eras, but today a former convict’s past is only a quick Google search away. Given this reality, it is no surprise that sixty percent of formerly incarcerated people are unemployed, compared to 7.3 percent of the general population. High unemployment among ex-prisoners leads to higher state and federal government assistance payouts, loss of income tax revenue, and drains on spending for other essential programs. The diminished employment prospects of formerly incarcerated individuals also have an enormous effect on their partners and children. Currently, 1 in 28 children has a parent in prison. Having an incarcerated parent doubles a child’s chances of experiencing homelessness, and increases the likelihood that they’ll exhibit social problems, academic problems, and be incarcerated themselves. Nobel Prize Winning Economist Joseph Stiglitz noted in the New York Times, “A young American’s life prospects are more dependent on the income and education of his parents than in almost any other advanced country.” The economic impact of incarceration pushes families through the revolving doors of the criminal justice system, and fuels a multi-generational cycle of poverty. Citations: New York Times; CASA Reports; The Huffington Post

{ A womAn’s business }




It is 1956, and you are parking in the parking lot at Mt Hope Shopping plaza and you see this brand-new hair salon, Style-O-Rama. A young woman named Celia Nesser opened the salon. She became a hair stylist when she was 18-year-old and dreamed of owning her own place. Cecelia’s husband Joseph eventually joined her and they worked side by side for 40 years.

It is 1956, and you are parking in the parking lot at Mt Hope Shopping plaza and you see this brand-new hair salon, Style-O-Rama. A young woman named Celia Nesser opened the salon. She became a hair stylist when she was 18-year-old and dreamed of owning her own place. Cecelia’s husband Joseph eventually joined her and they worked side by side for 40 years. You would have never thought that that salon would eventually become known as the “Home To The 10 Minute Brazilian”.

You would have never thought that that salon would eventually become known as the “Home To The 10 Minute Brazilian”. Celia and Joseph had a son, Mark, who joined Style-O-Rama in 1980 as a hair stylist. He met a beautiful enthusiastic woman named Mary Elizabeth in 1984. Mary Elizabeth graduated from U of R and became a teacher in East Rochester. She also joined Style-O-Rama in 128


1987 as a nail tech with a certification, and worked at a tanning salon during this time. Mary Elizabeth quite teaching in 1992 and went to beauty school at continental in 1992 to help her husband and their newly acquired Style-O-Rama that he bought from his parents. They renamed their salon Mark & M.E. In the mid 90’s Mary Elizabeth got into doing Brazilian waxes, which at that time, she was one of the only people in Rochester doing Brazilian waxes. Mark & M.E. became known

as the home to Brazilian waxes, and now known as the Home of the 10 Minute Brazilian.

Mary Elizabeth says she can truly do a Brazilian wax in 4-7 minutes, but because they are painful she makes sure that her clients are as comfortable as they can be. She makes sure that she jokes around and talks the whole time to distract her clients. She is very serious about her work and she truly wants to in the future get back into teaching, but teaching beauty. She feels that education and safety are key when waxing. There are so many different types of skin out there that must be taken in to consideration. Mary Elizabeth also does male Brazilian waxes and she says those take her 15 minutes. Mary Elizabeth and Mark have been married for 30 years and have 3 children; 21, 24, and 25. They all have gone off to college, which was a rule in their family. Get a college degree.



{ A womAn’s business }

None of their children seem to want to take part in the family business at this time. Mary Elizabeth says that her and Mark work so well together because they keep their roles separate in the business. Mark does the hair, Mary Elizabeth keeps the accounting books in order and she does her waxing. Mark has told Mary Elizabeth that she is actually very good at hair, but hair isn’t her passion.


Mary Elizabeth is also the author of the three-part book series the Happy Hoo-Ha. It is all about Mary Elizabeth’s adventures of the past 20 years and what women say when getting a Brazilian Wax. Her books are available on Amazon and all you have to do is click on the first book and read the first paragraph and you’ll end up buying the trilogy because it totally grabs your attention.

Mark and Mary Elizabeth both had great mentors in business and in life from their parents. Mark’s parents worked together for 40 years and Mary Elizabeth’s parents also worked together for 40 years in the real state insurance business, Mary Elizabeth’s mother is still working in the business. Her father taught her to do a hard day’s work and honest work. Mary Elizabeth has also followed in her parent’s footsteps as did Mark. Mary Elizabeth owns rental properties in Rochester and in Florida.

With the success that they have had with the Brazilian waxing Mary Elizabeth and Mark have been for the last two years searching for a second location with no luck. They are looking to expand to Pittsford which is close to home. Mary Elizabeth and Mark are looking to have a small location just for waxing. They are in no rush Mary Elizabeth says. They don’t need a second location, they want a second location to be able to provide more services to more people. So hopefully in the future Pittsford will have a Mark & M.E. Wax It All open up.

Mark & M.E. is a full-service Salon that is family oriented. You can get a men’s clipper cut to a full out perm or color. They have regular and gel polish manicures and pedicures. They do not do acrylics except for one client who has been with Mary Elizabeth since the start. They also do facials, back facials, makeup applications, eye lashes, microblading and of course waxing of all kinds for women and men.

Mary Elizabeth is also the author of the threepart book series the Happy Hoo-Ha. It is all about Mary Elizabeth’s adventures of the past 20 years and what women say when getting a Brazilian Wax. Her books are available on Amazon and all you have to do is click on the first book and read the first paragraph and you’ll end up buying the trilogy because it totally grabs your attention.


You can also follow Mary Elizabeth on Twitter, Facebook and her own personal blog where she will entertain you with her stories of the Brazilian Rainforest as she likes to call it.

“A new client came in and started apologizing profusely. Apparently, she hadn’t dated in three years. She told me she had a Rastafarian Cootch that was dread-locking itself. In ten minutes, I gave that Jamaican v-j-jay a new bald look.” - February 7th Not only has Mary Elizabeth written 3 books all about Brazilian waxes she has also published 3 romance novels and she is working on the 4th of the series as we speak. She is also working on a self-help book for people who suffer from Fibromyalgia, something she has dealt with from a young age. So if you are a looking for a family oriented salon where everyone from your 1 year old to your 90 year old grandma can get a haircut, or if you are needing a manicure or pedicure, or you are looking for a relaxing facial, or you are in need of some TLC and hair sculpting, Mark & M.E. have you covered from A-Z. Also, pick up a good book that will make you laugh or make you fall in love written by M.E. Nesser on Amazon today.

{ Tuxedos pet corner }





{ Tuxedos pet corner } Mark Forrest Patrick, CDT VA, CMT

Bringing a puppy home can be an exciting time for you and your family member. Unfortunately, it can also be a stressful time for all concerned. Some pre-planning for the big event can reduce the stress and make the new puppy experience a true pleasure. First, you should put some thought into your puppy’s day-to-day routine, and for that we will start with feeding. You will want to look for a high-quality food with healthy ingredients. You should discuss any special nutritional needs for your breed or breed mix with your veterinarian. When feeding your puppy, you will want to establish feeding times and try to adhere as closely as possible to them; dogs are creatures of habit and will know when it is time to be fed. You may be tempted to leave food out for your canine friend so that they have access to it when you are not there. Avoid this temptation; some breeds have a habit of overeating if the food is available and run the risk of obesity and the health risks associated with it. Just as important, you want your puppy to understand that you are the provider of their food and therefore the “alpha dog”. Your dog will respect you as such and be more likely to obey and eager for their meal. Play time will be an important part of your puppy’s day and will give you the opportunity to establish yourself as the leader of the pack in your household. Understand that the leader (you) will start and stop all games. If your puppy brings you a toy as an invitation to play, take the toy and set it aside for a few minutes. Then, initiate the play time. Make sure you have possession of the toy when you are ready to end playtime. You never want to chase your puppy to regain possession of the toy. Possession of the toy establishes dominance in your puppy’s mind. Start early and train your puppy to drop the toy and bring the toy to you before ending playtime. Avoid roughhousing and tug-of-war games with your puppy. Roughhousing can establish rough and even aggressive behavior such as jumping on and mouthing you or other people in your home. Exercise is also an important part of your puppy’s daily routine. Initially, playtime may be enough, but as your puppy gets older, you will want to initiate daily walks. A comfortable fitting harness, 6 foot leash, and poop bags are all important to have when walking your puppy. A harness is recommended instead of

a collar; collars can slip off easily. A solid leash as opposed to a retractable leash is preferred. Retractable leashes tend to get tangled and don’t allow you as much control of your puppy and can also be a safety issue. Both playtime and walk time are opportunities to establish yourself as the alpha dog. You are going to want to use positive reinforcement training with your puppy this will give you and your dog an opportunity to bond. Good quality treats are an important part of positive reinforcement training. Always reward your puppy when they demonstrate good behavior

during the night, resist the temptation to put him into your bed. Once established, this is difficult habit to break. A dog in your bed may be cute, but think about sharing your bed with a full grown dog for ten-to-fifteen years. A lot of people do it, and that is ok. However, set the expectation now for the future. Just be aware of the long term consequences of bringing little Elmo or Lola to bed with you. Let’s review some of the basic steps you can take to prepare for your new family member arrival: Consult with your veterinarian about proper nutritional needs and vaccinations. Educate yourself about positive reinforcement training, either through literature or by contacting a Certified Trainer. Avoid the use of shock collars, prong collars; there is no need to use pain to train a puppy. You want to build a relationship with your dog through rewards and recognition. Start early and be consistent, you and your dog will be much happier with positive reinforcement and conditioning.

with either a treat or positive words, touching and tone. Sleep time for you and your new family member is just as important as the rest of the day. Your dog sleep quarters should be a small crate. Big enough for him to stand up and turn around. Keep the crate in a draft-free area. For the first three weeks, be prepared to take your dog out on a leash to a predetermined relieving area when he cries during the night or appears to be restless; it is their way of letting you know he “has to go.” When he is done, put him right back into his crate, no treats or playtime. He should go back to sleep fairly quickly if you follow these recommendations. A comfortable blanket and an unstuffed toy to snuggle with may help him transition from sleeping with his litter mates to sleeping alone. If he whines

Have the appropriate equipment ready: dog crate for sleeping and away time and a dog bed for napping while you are home. (This is good to have if you don’t want your dog on the furniture.) A harness and non-retractable leash for walking. Durable play and chew toys, (dogs like to chew and can ingest fragments; unfortunately they can’t digest them.) Your dog will quickly become a part of your family and you will want to give him all the love and good quality of life that the human members of your family to enjoy. May you have many happy years with the newest member of your family. Mark Forrest Patrick is a Certified Trainer, Veterinarian Assistant and Canine Massage Therapist. Mark is the Owner of Tuxedo’s K9 Training Camp, Inc located at 892 E. Ridge Road in Irondequoit. Tuxedo’s K9 offers Training, Dog Day Care and Boarding in a 24 Hour Staffed Facility. Check out for more details.



{ Tuxedos pet corner }

878 East Ridge Road

270-5511 Sue’s Creature Comforts All Breed Dog and Cat Grooming and Also Offering Pet Sitting in Your Home

(585) 615.7475

~All Alcohol-Free Shampoos ~All Hand-Drying ~No Drugs, No Crates ~By Appointment Only ~Woman-Owned and -Operated ~Two Locations: Ontario/Sodus Sue Dziedziech Certified Professional Groomer She is a graduate of, and an instructor at The Rochester Institute of Dog Grooming

{ Tuxedos pet corner }

“Training for you... Training for your dog”

Training Services Offered: • Private In Home Lessons • Puppy Socialization • Basic Obedience • Intermediate Obedience • Canine Good Citizen • Therapy Pets Unlimited and more...

Tuxedo’s: The boarding, day care and training facility where your dog is never alone!

Customized Nutrition for your Pets No Fillers, All Natural, No Chemicals Holistic Supplements and Wellness Products Ask about our “PawBox” to treat your pet Jan Thompson Independent petPro Cell: 585.755.9900 Email:

{ special feature }

by cassondra kubit i photos by jaci riordon

V-CUPS FOUNDER KAITILYN NICOLE Kaitilyn Nicole is a 27-year-old female entrepreneur making waves in the feminine hygiene world. She was tired of taking pills to reduce cramps, felt guilty about the waste disposable products were creating, and was frustrated with how much money was being spent. Every month it felt like the same routine, and she knew there had to be other options out there. After conducting some research she came across menstrual cups, a feminine hygiene product that many women in the United States are unfortunately unfamiliar with, despite their international popularity. Menstrual cups are not a new invention though, the first patent was established in 1937, and have been sold commercially since the 1980’s. Menstrual cups are classified as a class II medical device and require FDA registration. Made from 100% medical grade silicone, they offer a hygienic reusable solution to your feminine hygiene product needs. Menstrual cups are ecological, economical and a healthier option as opposed to tampons and disposable pads. Kaitilyn decided to take the leap out of her comfort zone and join the cupverted™ club. After purchasing a few different styles of cups to try, she instantly fell in love and wished she 136


had discovered them sooner. This is when she started to formulate her plan and started building the foundation for V-CUPS®. The goal was to create a company that not only educated women about feminine hygiene, but one that offered value, dependability and empowerment. She asked the questions that needed to be asked, such as: why hadn’t she heard of them before? Why are they so expensive for one cup? How do I know what my size is? How was she so oblivious to the negative health risk associated with tampons? Kaitilyn knew that she could not accomplish this task alone, she would need to build a team. So, she talked to everyone she could about her plan and was waited for her stars to align. In the summer of 2016, she traveled to San Jose, Costa Rica to volunteer on a construction and renovation project. She is extremely passionate about community service, and got a cultural shock after learning that she could not flush any paper products down the toilet. All products were to be placed in a waste bin, this is because the sewer systems were not integrated, and it would cause flooding. This is when she realized how strong the ecological benefits of menstrual cups were, and it ignited her passion even more.

While in Costa Rica, Kaitilyn was introduced to Dana Stricker and her daughter Alexis, who were assigned to the same volunteer project as she was. After learning that this was their second trip in 6 months to volunteer, Kaitilyn started telling Dana about her vision for V-CUPS. The stars had aligned perfectly. They instantly hit is off, within 10 minutes they were bouncing ideas off each other and exchanging email addresses. Dana Stricker has been practicing law in New York for over 25 years. Helping people inside and out of the courtroom, she does a good deal of pro bono legal work, and loves to volunteer her time to help others. She is an invaluable asset to V-CUPS. V-CUPS launched in October of 2016 after the two had become partners in the endeavor. V-CUPS can be found online at, and They are manufactured overseas and will be moving to the United States in the near future. They have a large overseas market and hope to make a much larger impact in the United States. Born and raised in Rochester, Kaitilyn hopes to align with some of the local grocery stores such as Wegmans, to better serve the community. Affordability was a major concern when creating the pricing structure of V-CUPS.

{ special feature } . The competition currently sells one cup for up to $40 each. Kaitilyn sells her package of menstrual cups for $34.99, which includes both size cups. V-CUPS is also 1 of 3 brands to offer a cleansing wash for their cups. This 12oz wash can be purchased separately for $12.99, or combined with the cups as a combo for $39.99. “It was a necessity to have both sizes in each box because every woman’s body is different and we want to take the guess work out of trying to calculate your size before purchasing”, says Kaitilyn. The unique bell shape of V-CUPS is also universal and can

along with my brother. We have it set up so whenever an order comes through on any platform, it makes a loud cash register sound on all of our mobile devices. We then call each other or shout through the house ‘order’, it’s a beautiful thing to have a family so supportive of your dreams.”

accommodate a high or a low cervix.

like a failure because she did not follow the tradition path many of had chose. She came to the realization that she couldn’t compare herself; it was unhealthy and not productive.

Growing up Kaitilyn has always looked up to her mother as a main source of inspiration. This is because she was raised by her single mother of three children who instilled in her a sense of gratitude for everything she has, and an impeccable work ethic. Her mother always said to her “If there is a will, there is a way. ” Her Mother truly supports her in chasing her dreams and building her business. Kaitilyn said this about her family and their support: “My mother has always been my #1 cheerleader, 138


In life you have to be prepared for all of the plot twists that will be thrown your way. This was a problem for Kaitilyn, who had tried planning her life out very rigidly. She would compare herself to her peers, and feel

The key was to be flexible and to always have an open mind. Kaitilyn said that once she took responsibility for her future and gave 100% that she came over the feeling of failure. She has been building her company around the notion of educating and empowering women about their feminine hygiene health. In many countries young girls and teens are missing school because they cannot afford feminine

hygiene products, this is a very serious issue. The average women spends around $180 a year on tampons/pads, a package of V-CUPS is $34.99, that’s a savings of at least $145 a year. This economical benefit makes feminine hygiene products more accessible to women across the world. Menstrual cups can be worn for up to 12 hours as well; this will eliminate children having to miss school and women missing work. Since V-CUPS launched in 2016 they have

teamed up with many different charities and fundraisers. In March, they teamed up with the Colon Cancer Coalition and V-CUPS donated 10% of their sales for the month. Kaitilyn chose this organization because her Grandfather, who played a large role in her life, passed away from colon cancer in 2013. This was her way to honor his memory. V-CUPS is leading the revolution in feminine hygiene products, be sure to check them out on social media or visit their website to learn more about joining the cupverted club!

{ law and hip hop } by CHERYL KATES-BENMAN, esq.

When watching the rehearsal and performance, it was clear Krystal found her voice to go on. The beating of the drums, the swish of the colorful costumes, watching the culture of the Caribbean was definitely a treat, but it was the sound of a songbird who belted out a melody penetrating overall. This is when I smiled. I smiled because I knew it was through the arts and singing Krystal was free.

PART 1: FINDING YOUR VOICE TO GO ON Last month, Rochester Woman Online

was granted behind the scenes access to a rehearsal prior to attending Leticia Ferrer-Rivera’s production “An Island in the Desert” at the Memorial Art Gallery. During the course of covering this story, Krystal Noriega-Santiago shared insight about how singing became her voice after battling to become free of a marriage plagued with domestic violence.

Many people judge a woman who remains in a domestic violence relationship. The common thought becomes “If he hits you why don’t you just leave?”. The women who are affected by this social epidemic are not undesirables. They are beautiful, intelligent, talented women who simply loved the wrong man. No one wakes up in the morning and says “I want to be a victim”. It’s much deeper than this. It’s more like “If I make his favorite food maybe today will be a good day”. “If I do my hair just right I’ll be okay today”. Krystal shared her journal entries to help us understand what it is like on a day-to-day basis to wake up in a domestic violence relationship and whether this day could be your last…

“In the beginning when my ex-husband and I first met, everything was about demonstrating loving behavior with gifts and by doing special things for me. At the time, I did not realize these were all tactics to set me up mentally and emotionally. As we were still getting through the beginnings of this honeymoon phase, he made an extraordinary attempt to keep me interested in him by getting my mother involved to accept his marriage proposal. Even during the supposed romantic trip to Jersey City and neighboring 140

Immediately, he started throwing things about in my bedroom. He flipped the mattress and forced me between the mattress and the box spring. I couldn’t breathe and began to suffocate I was terrified. I was pregnant and he didn’t care. He proceeded to beat me when I was trapped…I thought maybe this could be fixed by going to counseling and being a positive support system. I kept excusing his behavior because of his upbringing, intellectual inadequacies, lack of a religious background and even mental health. It wasn’t until the abuse carried over to my children that I drew the line”. (From Krystal’s Journal).


towns we took, he started acting out with his verbal abuse returning from disappearing to visit bad influences. As soon as I put my foot down and returned the engagement ring, he quickly started begging me to change my mind and stay with him. He promised to change his ways and be the suitable “Prince Charming” I deserved. I look back now and realize how gullible I was for trusting him, hoping for a real change… One day I remember getting out of the shower and he was on a mission to prevent me from going to work. He blockaded the doorway as he started carrying on how I was messing around with everyone at my job even my own family members. Ridiculous! So I continued making my way through the room to grab my undergarments and work uniform. Then he stared snatching every piece of wardrobe I attempted to put on. I reminded him that he didn’t pay my bills and I needed to go to work.

How does a mother find the strength to leave? When does the need to survive kick in over fear? The abuse is a process to destroy. There is no happiness. There is no peace. Life becomes a nightmare trapped in hell. “You can be strong enough to leave with a little help from God. I know from experience the repetitive cycle trap and the urgent feelings to continually try to fix the abuser or change the atmosphere to better support, peace and family unity…I soon found a domestic violence support group and became a survivor along with my daughters. I suggest of you or anyone you know, young or old are in any kind of domestic violence situation, make a choice to get out. It’s your time to connect to the resources available to you with God’s help be free from this kind of oppression” Krystal stated finding her strength based in her religion and wanted all women to know.


{ law and hip hop }

The bedroom is where he threw her down and took what he wanted even after she said no. The corner of the living room is where she slid down her back against the wall, lowering herself to the floor and crying begging God why me? For some, home is where she lost her life, beaten until her body could take no more, gasping for air as his hands closed around her neck. For those who are lucky enough to get out how do you change your prison back into a home?

PART 2: FINDING THE WAY BACK HOME As women, home is the center of our universe,

the place where you lay your head, your sanctuary, the place where you raise your family. We all know the saying “Home is where your heart is”. As victims of domestic violence, home is where your nightmare begins. The place you are beaten, humiliated, called a stupid bitch and further verbally abused. The kitchen right there by the refrigerator was the place she stood rubbing her jaw wondering what she possibly did to turn this man into a monster, a beast who raised his fist and followed through punching her in the face.

Is it possible to erase the memories haunting your every waking moment? Will you ever feel safe again? Lucila Matos, author of “My Life Was Guarded For Christ, Can’ t Stay Quiet About The Love Of God “ makes it a part of her life to educate and assist women to do just that find their way back home. She was a mentor to Krystal when she exited her situation. She found her purpose helping others.

“My life has a purpose. My story is important. My dreams count. My voice matters . I’m born to make an impact” Lucila lives by these tenements daily. Founder of a domestic violence walk in Rochester, Lucila Matos finds purpose in her own life by helping reach back to others giving them the final pull they need to leave from their own domestic violence situation. Lucila suffered as a victim of domestic violence herself for many years. In Lucila’s story it differed from Krystal ‘s 142


where Lucila and her significant other also had substance abuse issues. Leaving for any victim is a big step, but staying away is the challenge. The monster becomes Prince Charming to reel the person back in and often it works. “As days went by I asked myself what was going on with him ? You might not believe this but, I was missing him already. I didn’t know how to tell my friend how I was feeling. She used to tell me, you would be crazy if you go back with that monster. I told her that I would never go back, but inside of me , I missed him so much. I can’t explain what it was that I was missing. I cried day and night. It was a love that I couldn’t

explain. One day while my friend was at work, I called his mom and she said: “ Lucila , my daughter , where are you? My son is going crazy, he is suffering a lot. He doesn’t eat or sleep, he looks like a bum. Please, daughter come back. Tell me where you are and I will go pick you up right now. Please, my son needs you come back Lucy”. Those were the words I needed to hear…”Please forgive me. Don’t ever leave me again…Everything was happiness for that day and on the second day hell came back”, Lucila recalls.

Lucila did finally find the strength to leave. She is now happily married. Lucila inspires women daily when they read her story. She also runs a support group for women who were victims of domestic violence. Out of her darkness, Lucila inspired her mother, Sonia Rodriguez to also become involved in changing people’s lives. Sonia created a program to assist people suffering from drug abuse (Over Comers Outreach) and Out of the Darkness Ministry. Out of the Darkness Ministry provides shelter to victims leaving domestic violence situations and provides housing for women returning to the community from prison.

{ law and hip hop }


PART 3: SHARING THE VOICE Lucila Matos held a fundraiser April

1, 2017, to begin raising funds for the Domestic Violence Walk she holds annually. This year is the 6th walk and it will be held August 12, 2017, at 9:00am at the Maplewood Rose Garden Park. Information about the walk can be found at Facebook/ Walkagainstdomesticviolenceroc. The aim of the events are that “ Together we can break the silence of domestic violence”. Lucila produced a theatrical performance entitled “No More Domestic Violence”. The plays were based on real life stories of the actors performing. Additionally, at this event there was a silent auction of paintings and jewelry made by survivors. The performances, dances and artwork were very moving and touched you deeply to the soul. The performances especially were thought provoking and intense. “I believe many times people need to identify themselves with visual situations so they can react, understand and believe. Yesterday at my event, a woman approached me afterwards and honestly stated she did not know some of the circumstances presented were actually instances of domestic violence. This reinforced my belief, the visual was very important to bring awareness about what

November, 2017. Lucila leaves us telling others, “Trust the Lord at all times. If the abuser doesn’t treat his or her parents well they aren’t going to treat you well. Get to know people better. Give yourself time to get to know the person. Don’t tell them what you are missing from a relationship because an abuser will do everything you need to make you fall in love. Remember it’s not your fault. Your safety is your number one priority”.

domestic violence actually is and it includes a lot more than physical abuse” Lucila indicated. The plan is to expand the theatrical performances from small skits to a play coming soon in

As Krystal found her voice, Lucila helps women find their way back home, if you are in a domestic violence situation it is not going to get better. You cannot fix another person unless they themselves want to be fixed. There are people out here who will help you. Krystal and Lucila are two of them. Out of the Darkness Ministry can be reached at


Day of Empowering Women



MAY 7TH I 12:00PM-5:00PM I 3300 MONROE AVE

Join us for our A Day of Empowering Women...JUST FOR MOMS event and come enjoy a day for empowering women and girls of all ages and their incredible beauty both inside and out! it’s the ultimate ladies day out during the month we honor all mom’s! This is a day where you can enjoy shopping over 75+ local vendors promoting health, wellness, beauty, and more. Enjoy free product samples and services, pampering for all our mothers, shopping our great vendors for that perfect gift, and more! A $5 donation at the door includes a free goody bag from Ideal Image filled with great certificates, samples, and vendor information and a FREE bottle of Monster Energy. Amazing door prizes will be drawn as well as a GRAND PRIZE Mother’s Day package valued at over $1000! CONTACT ME TODAY AT NETWORKROCQUEEN@GMAIL.COM




{ all about m.e. } BY MARY ELIZABETH NESSER


on top

When you spend a career working with women, you learn a lot about their sexual preferences. Women that come to our beauty salon love to share intimate details about their sex lives. And what have I learned? I discovered that women like to be on top - figuratively and literally. Although I’m a fan of finding success and happiness inside the bedroom, our focus in this installment of Rochester Women’s Magazine is on women who have found success outside of the bedroom. No longer does the concept of being a business owner refer to a man. The definition refers to both sexes. But don’t fret; I’ll revisit the bedroom talk in another issue. A woman entrepreneur refers to a woman who owns her own business, which implies a greater financial risk than working for someone else. It’s actually disappointing that we have to make the distinction between the sexes of any privately owned business by using the word woman before the word entrepreneur. Regardless, it’s a very exciting time for women. Female owned businesses are popping up all over the world. It is no longer a man’s world; not exclusively, that is. Higher levels of education have given women options that didn’t always exist. We can do whatever a man does, and more! (They can’t have babies, can they?)

With the advances of the Internet, more women are able to stay home and run their own businesses online. Countless men and women worldwide are working remotely. It has exponentially opened up the workforce. The opportunities are endless. It is a very liberating time in our lives. Women can work full or part time and still raise their children. They don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. The changes in society have been empowering for women. We have so many more choices then we did twenty years ago. In the past, we had to make a choice between being a mom and being a 148


successful businesswoman. Now we have day care facilities and nannies to help out. There are even more men staying home and raising the kids. The options are endless. Women can control their destiny more today than ever before. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about a woman entrepreneur aside from a woman who owns her own business? Designer suits, expensive handbags, and overpriced shoes? I imagine some people would consider a woman entrepreneur as someone who makes a lot of money. But what is a lot of money? I think that is subjective. If you were brought up poor, fifty thousand dollars may seem like a lot. If you were raised in a more privileged home, you may think five hundred thousand is a lot - or even more. If a dollar amount can’t measure the level of a person’s success, then what does? I do not believe the number on the bottom of your tax return is an accurate measure of success or failure. On the contrary, the level of satisfaction a person feels from doing a job well and contributing in a positive way to society should be a more accurate determination of a person’s success. Obviously the owner of a large, corporate law firm is going to make more money than the owner of a small ‘ma and pa’ store. That doesn’t make one woman more important or more successful than the other. Quantity is not better; it’s just a number.

There are countless careers that women can find fulfillment in financially and emotionally that extend well outside the boundaries of being a doctor or a lawyer. I went to a private school that emphasized the importance of going to a reputable college so we could all get high paying jobs, because prosperity equated success. I don’t remember any teachers talking about finding a profession that we loved or about

the importance of being happy. I assumed happiness would happen if I made a lot of money. That isn’t always the case. I know a lot of rich people who are pretty damn miserable. Looking back, I realize that in some ways my high school did me a disservice. Money doesn’t mean a dang thing if you hate what you’re doing or don’t feel like you’re making a difference. We need to teach our children to find some kind of work that they feel passionate about. Even if they can’t find the perfect job, we need to teach them that they should always work hard and try to be the best at whatever they are doing. Growing up, I never imagined that I would make my living waxing v-j-jays all day for over twenty years. I didn’t even know waxing was a thing until my mid-twenties. It may be mainstream now, but it sure wasn’t a possibility when I graduated college in 1987. My bizarre career choice has brought me more happiness than I thought possible. The bonus is that I have the ability to make a good living. It’s a win-win in my mind. Work hard doing something that you feel passionate about and you will be rewarded in kind. I like to think of an entrepreneur as a woman who is independent, bright, and savvy, with the guts to control her destiny. This woman is tired of taking orders and not being a vital part of the decision process that affects her life. She is confident in her ability to be successful and isn’t afraid of taking a risk. She believes in not only her abilities, but also the abilities of the people she surrounds herself with. Basically, she is a Rock Star in her own mind, which is just the right attitude to have. I applaud every woman with the moxie to do her own thing. No matter if you’re pulling out pubic hair by the roots or running a multi-million dollar empire, I admire your determination and passion to be true to yourself. Rock on ladies!



{ senior lifestyles } by jim payne

MY PARENTS HAVE SO MUCH FUN! There are those people that have the “organizing gene” and then there are the rest of the world. Although I try to avoid clutter and make every effort to get organized, the stuff keeps coming back like a bad penny. It is a never-ending battle to get organized and ultimately downsize the stuff we accumulate in life. Although I never look forward to the frustrating task of downsizing my unimportant stuff, sooner or later you take a look and think “oh man, I have to do something about all this stuff”. But then six months later, you still have the same stuff, but now it has grown to an even more challenging task. But then consider the clutter that a person can accumulate in life by the time they are in their 70s or later. For any of us, downsizing can be a challenging task, but consider how much more challenging it is for people that might not have endurance, strength or may have some diminished cognitive capacity to handle the overwhelming tasks required to downsize a home. When I talk with senior adults or their children, I often hear that the senior(s) need to downsize

before they can move to a more manageable lifestyle in independent or assisted living. That means that the senior(s) and or their family are going to have to find the time to allocate potentially extensive hours to downsize their parents’ possessions. They also need to figure out an organized plan on how to decide what will be kept and what should be done with everything that will not be saved and brought to their new residence.


Yes, there are professionals who can solve the downsizing blues, so you don’t have to do it yourself. Professional “move managers” often have training, an organized system and experience helping many other families downsize their processions. They have seen it all, so they know how to handle the tasks and the emotions that go along with downsizing. When hiring a professional move manager, realize that the price is directly related to the size of the task. If dad and or mom has junk to the ceiling or a large home it could take much

longer, be more complex and more expensive than a small home. But, I have seen many cases where the results from a professional move manager not only save time and frustration, but they have been able to do a much better job of allowing the senior to decide what cherish possessions should go to what family members or what has enough value to sell. When hiring a move manager, do your homework like any service provider you hire. Referrals are always important so ask friends or professionals in senior living and care industries who they prefer and why. Then meet with the top few on your list and see if their professional approach and personal style fits with your parents and your comfort level. Then get a quote as it could be more (or less) than you expect, so compare and decide on what level of services you need and can afford.


1. You Can’t Do the Whole House at Once One of the hardest things for any of us to do, is to get the motivation to start an overwhelming job that we know will be frustrating. Consequently, ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ senior lifestyles }

, many of us just put it off hoping we will feel better about doing the job if we wait until next week, next month or next year. We all know it won’t get easier and we won’t be more motivated until there is no other choice. Unfortunately, most of the time the job cannot be done in one event or day, it will take a sustained effort over time. Once we accept the inevitable, we need to take an organized approach to breaking down the job into manageable bites that we can handle without being overwhelmed. Break the job down into rooms and take a room at a time so that you can see progress along the way. Set a clock and say you will work for two hours or four hours today and then stop before you are frustrated. Getting frustrated will just make it harder to start out the next time. 2. No Shades of Gray Frame any decisions as Yes or No with no room for shades of gray. Questions and discussions only extend the time and avoid the hard decisions that will be revisited again and again. Putting off a yes by no decision on what to do with any item means you are just procrastinating the inevitable decision that ultimately needs to be made. Do I hear a “Yes”? 3. Fill the New Space First Whether on paper or physically filling the new space with possessions, select the items that are wanted or absolutely needed first to determine what should go into the new apartment or house. That will provide a gauge of how much needs to “go” rather than “how are we going to fit all this stuff in the new place?” If possible. move into the new apartment or home before completing the downsizing project. Living in the new residence without the burden of all the old stuff can promote a refreshed feeling of space and comfort that was not possible in a cluttered space that was created over years of collecting possessions. 152


or neighbors. Allowing adult children or relatives to have their own color Post-It Notes will allow them to put their note on items that they have a personal connection to so that their parents can decide who will truly appreciate their possessions.


4. Handle It Once Setting items aside as “maybe” or “not sure” means you will revisit it again and again and again. Repeatedly handing the same items will extend the process and make it harder than it needs to be with the same result in the end. Once you touch an item, decide what will be done with it and don’t let go until you have decided and taken action on it. Don’t look back, just move on to the next item and keep moving with the same determination. Purging is refreshing for the soul, so keep it moving and fill that soul with as much refreshment as you can. 5. Concentrate on Everyday Items First and foremost, concentrate on what is used every day and needed in the new residence. Select those everyday items first so that you are sure they will be selected and not left out of everyday life. Valuable or old does not necessarily mean important to your parents. By concentrating on the everyday items first, you will also be determining how much space will be available for those additional cherished items that will create the “icing on the cake” for the new residence. 6. Post-It Notes Before you start, go out and buy a bag full of Post-It Notes in red, green and several other colors. Now classify categories by color based on where items will end up and slap a corresponding color Post-It Note on the items. For example: Green-items to be kept and will go to the new residence, Red-Items will be thrown out, Yellow-to be sold, Blue- to be donated, Other colors-for items that will be given to children, grandchildren, friends

An old friend of mine who frequently shared his down-home Texas proverbs felt that he could solve all problems and situations through those magical words of wisdom. Although they often made us city slickers laugh, one in particular applies well when it comes to downsizing and life in general for that matter. “If you have to eat a frog today, you’d best not stare at it too long” So, If you have to downsize, don’t stare at it too long. Get to it and bite off its head and get started today! What’s on Your Mind? We would love to know what you would like discussed in future issues of Senior Lifestyles. Knowledge is power when it comes to creating the best lifestyle for seniors and their care providers, so let’s start a dialog on what matters to you. Feel free to contact me directly. Jim Payne has provided consulting and held executive positions for companies offering senior living/care communities and services. Jim is a certified Eden Alternative Associate and has also held a three-year cabinet position with Leading Age New York, the premier association of senior living and care communities. Seniors’ Choice Communities is a developer of senior living and care communities serving the needs of upstate New York by offering independent and assisted living communities with unique upscale amenities and services including the new Chateau at Heritage Square in Brockport.

Chateau at Heritage Square

ENJOY CATERED LIVING With unique amenities and services, Chateau at Heritage Square was created from the ground up to genuinely enhance the quality of life for seniors without all the worry, obligations and unpredictable cost of owning a home. • Located on a wooded property near the quaint Victorian Village of Brockport • Six luxurious apartments styles from studios to 2 BR-2 ½ Bath 1,400 sq. ft. • Apartments include: Granite counters Stainless steel appliances Washer & dryer in each apartment Tiled baths with walk-in shower Fireplaces Weekly housekeeping and linen services All utilities (except phone) Flat screen TV FREE cable and Wi-Fi internet • Meal plan at Madeleine that is open to the public • Clair de Lune cocktail lounge that is open to the public • Services Free Transportation services Valet parking Concierge services 24 hr. maintenance and security Personal emergency alert system • Amenities Luxurious salon and spa that is open to the public Modern fitness center that is open to the public Pet friendly community Library Extensive arts, cultural and educational activities calendar Educational collaborations with the College at Brockport

NOW OPEN! Call us today to select your beautiful new apartement

585.431.3474 100 Isla Way, Brockport


{ cooking with Julia k }


“Automation” for The

welcome to

Julia K’s Loft 154



{ cooking with Julia k }

We thought we would do some cooking with cocktails, cordials and liqueurs. These are all light and easy ideas that can transfer to many recipes, we like to pair them with some local products and have some fun. Whiskey Cake – Here is a standard recipe and we used Rochester’s own Black Button Distilling Bourbon. Also, we crumbled some bacon from our friends at Swan Market with some caramel. Sweet and Salty deliciousness. Oranges Grand Marnier – This is great hot or cold and we used it on some wonderful Hedonists Chocolates vanilla bean ice cream. It can also can be used for main dishes like pork chops or loin. Simple steps are 1 tablespoon each of water, honey, cinnamon. Wait for small bubbles to form, add ½ cup Grand Marnier (stand back it will flame!) wait for the flame to burn out. Serve warm or cold. It does get better as it sits in the refrigerator. Pama – This is a great versatile pomegranate liqueur that

we used two ways. The first is a simple whipped cream using Pittsford Farms Dairy cream. Any standard recipe for whipped cream will do and as it whips pour in a little Pama to taste. We made a simple berry crepe and topped the whipped cream with pecans and pomegranate seeds. Lastly we made a Pama and Soda – Very simple seltzer with a shot of Pama and we put some pomegranate seeds in for crunch and a snap of sweetness. Super refreshing and easy. Thank you for joining us. We are excited the weather seems to be turning. Get out there and check out the local food growers, makers and purveyors. Next month let’s get the grill going! Thank you for joining us.

Julia K.

{ self love }




{ self love } BY ALANA CAHOON


Think Your Body Is BEAUTIFUL. Do You

Every January the gym is crowded. There are no spots in the parking lot. All of the classes are full. And you have to wait to use the equipment. But by April, that’s not true any more. The thrill of New Year’s resolutions is over. You never really liked to exercise anyway. And summer’s still a season away. Why bother? Here’s why.

You don’t need a new year’s resolution to inspire you. Just look in the mirror, and tell me what you see. More importantly, don’t look in the mirror and tell me how you feel. Often, one effects the other.

When you are active, you feel more alive. It may sound counter-intuitive but the more you move, the more energy you have. That’s why I don’t advise working out at night. It may keep you up. With that logic, wouldn’t it make sense to start your day off with a brisk walk, 15 minutes of exercise or a yoga practice? Yes!

Now I’m not about diets. Trust me. I’ve been on them all. From macrobiotic (that’s only eating raw vegetables and fruits) to gluten free, dairy free, count your calories… the list goes on. Here’s what I’ve found. Nothing works. No matter how much I watched my diet, sacrificed my favs. No matter how much weight I lost, it all came right back, and sometimes more.

I think your body is beautiful. Do you?

While exercise is really really important, (do not underestimate the importance of movement) it is of equal value to pay attention to your relationship with food. What? Yes. You have a relationship with food. After all, you spend enough time with it! How do you manage this relationship? First by understanding it. That requires bringing awareness into your daily eating habits, otherwise known as ‘Mindful Eating’. Ask yourself these questions: • What time do you eat breakfast? • What do you eat? • Where are you eating? ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ self love }

You don’t need a new year’s resolution to inspire you. Just look in the mirror, and tell me what you see. More importantly, don’t look in the mirror and tell me how you feel. Often, one effects the other.

• Is anyone with you? • Are you in a rush? Are you sitting? Driving? Talking? • How hungry are you prior to your meal? • Are you satisfied after? Or are you still hungry? • Do you feel energized? Or full, tired and groggy? • Do you find yourself criticizing or guilting yourself? Or did you enjoy your meal? Do this exercise with every meal, and you’ll begin to notice a pattern. Not only of your relationship with food, but your relationship with yourself. Don’t you want to look in the mirror and blow a kiss at your reflection? There’s no need to wait. Start with blowing kisses your way now. The food can wait! And the movement, well, that’s every step you take. The mindfulness of eating continues with the senses. How better to eat than to taste the bounty of your food? Let’s begin with the sense of sight. That’s where your digestion begins. It’s true. All you really have to do to start the digestive process is to simply think about food. The saliva begins to form. You can sometimes even smell the meal!



Let’s imagine that your meal is front of you. NOTICE what it looks like. When you really see your food, you are more aware of its nutrients. You are more aware of its caloric content. And you can see whether it is all that appealing to you or not.

texture in the crunch or lack thereof. Experience the sensation of flavors exploding in your mouth. Trust that this food that you have chosen for yourself will nurture you and replenish you, giving you the strength and health to move about your day with ease and grace.

Some of the greatest chefs in the world are famous for plating. It’s the perfect picture of food on a plate. The colors complement one another. The sauce is drizzled on like a design. It actually makes you stop and admire the amazing gift that nature has brought for you.

Pay attention to your belly. Stop when you are full. Even beforehand. Take a breather. Allow your meal to digest and settle. If you are still truly hungry, allow your self to eat more. But avoid feeling bloated. There is nothing worse! You will feel so much better.

Take in comparison, a fast food meal you are eating out of the bag while driving between appointments. Yikes!

Now that you’ve experienced the art of mindful eating, take it on the road! Observe your eating patterns - how, what, why, where and with whom you are eating - and enjoy the experience of your meals using all of your senses - sight, smell, taste, touch. And when you’re done, get up, get moving, and walk it off!

When we see our food, we start paying attention. Then, breathe in the aroma of the food. That’s right, smell your meal. Is it sweet? Sour? Pungent? Gamey? Fresh? Spicy? This also begins to aide in the digestive process, which is needed, by the way to begin the process of your metabolism. Now your taste buds are activated and you are more than ready and eager to take your first bite. Mmmm. Take your time here. You don’t want to waste any precious moment of this first taste. This is where you get to be the critic. Notice its

I think you’re beautiful. Alana Cahoon is the Creative Coach & Founder of Grow 2 B U. Her Signature Program, ‘Getting the Body I Want!’ is a holistic approach to weight loss & body image. She can be reached at www.

{ self love }





{ unraveled } BY SHEILA KENNEDY


Getting OLD or Getting BETTER Who is having a birthday this year? Getting older has been on my mind a whole bunch lately. I was recently mistaken for a young twenty-something’s mother. It freaked me out until I realized that at 45, I could in fact be her mother. This past week I went to California to speak at a teen conference and they looked at me like I was ancient? When did that happen? When did I get that old? Aging could truly bum me out if I let it. Instead I am committing to being more than the wrinkles on my face and sagging of my skin. I truly love the wisdom I have acquired in every laugh line and gray hair. I wouldn’t give that up to look like I am twenty for all the money in the world. I am making a commitment to age like a leader. Here are some of the key principles that I believe will help me. Are you with me? * Commit to showing up! It will be tough on some days, but that is the difference between a leader and everyone else. * Commit to loving people where they are and begin with yourself. Do not seek, nor expect perfection from anyone, especially yourself. Perfection is a dangerous illusion that clouds judgement and creates an environment of stress, pressure and poverty. Let perfection play no part in the itinerary of this adventure called life. * Commit to leading with love. Extending love and forgiveness for the moments that are disappointing and celebrating the moments that are not. Love is a gift especially when it is hard. * Commit to leading from abundance rather than from a place of desperation, scarcity and lack. “Not enough” and “can’t” will no longer enter your mind. * Commit to being confident. Trust that you are supported in every moment regardless of the situation. You have no evidence whatsoever to believe that you won’t have everything you need in every moment you breathe. * Commit to believing you are worthy of the support showing up. All things are created for your eventual good ~ even the negative,

uncomfortable events and people in your life. Remain singularly focused on the fact that you were created and that alone makes you worthy. * Commit to dancing with the divine in you. You have been given the power to create miracles. The act of creation – no matter what you create – is evidence that demonstrates your divinity and power. * Commit to being powerful. Not the power that exerts authority over others, but standing in authority that the wisdom you possess is personal, hard won and worthy of sharing. * Commit to showing up and being present when you interact with others. Interact so that others believe that they are the most important person in your world when you engage, because in that moment, they are. *Commit to being honest. Mess up. Fall. Make mistakes and bad choices. Hit grand slams. Serve, succeed, learn and make excellent choices. Be honest about all of it and remove the veil of secrecy that only dims your light. * Commit to shining even in the darkness. It is that pursuit that allows you to interact with the divine in everyday life. The more you dance with the divine, the more light and peace you radiate. * Commit to forgiveness. You are flawed and imperfect. Forgive yourself for all of it and commit to learning and growing in the presence of your imperfections. * Commit to a beautiful and honorable relationship with your body. Like all relationships, if you don’t show up in love and care, it stops working. Respect your body and release any negative judgment of it. Take care of it and make that a priority. Desire to perform at your highest level every day. That isn’t possible with a broken-down body that no longer supports you and your lifestyle. * Commit to learning something new every day. The universe is awesome at teaching you lessons

until you master them. Commit to being a more aware, open and persistent learner. Recognize that closed doors mean new opportunity is waiting down the hall. Recognize that every open door is not a fit for you no matter how attractive the other side may be. Believe with all your heart that all things point you towards your highest good ~ even the things that hurt and disappoint you. * Commit to nurturing an adventuresome spirit. When you see fear, say thank you for showing up and move through it anyway. Embrace courage. Strive for delight and joy to be your new comfort zone. * Commit to being better. Each day pursue something that improves your life and enhances your interaction with others.

* Commit to taking your time and being patient. Beauty, truth and even love take time to develop. Stop hurrying. Practice patience because it is the container for many lessons and opportunities to expand your strength, tenacity and fortitude. You build more character while waiting than in any other experience. * Commit to bringing out the best in people. Being a part of the light in someone else only brightens your own. Pursue their light with wild abandon. * Commit in these ways, not out of obligation, but because you can. You get to choose and what a gift you have been given. Every time you choose, you add more power and more light. Bask in the radiance of this gift. Above all else, commit to a life wrapped in gratitude. Do not just pay it lip service, but let it be a way of life. With every act and spoken thanks, you amplify abundance. So what do you think? I think getting older seems a whole lot more attractive this way! This kind of aging woman becomes a fiercely powerful goddess rock-star! I personally like the sound of that. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


etiquette & manners { you can be...! } by mary therese friel

Welcome to my column… You Can Be…! I am going to discuss with you Etiquette and Manners, two things that are very dear to my heart. I hope they will also become so to yours. They are very important, especially in this ever changing and evolving world of ours today.

Your personal behavior has the power to improve your environment and the lives of the people around you. I want you to know the positive reasons for why etiquette and manners are such a valuable investment of your time and energy. Webster’s Dictionary describes etiquette as “the unwritten or conventional laws observed in the common interest, by members of a particular profession.” Manners are defined by Webster’s as, “personal style of acting,” or “distinguished deportment.” In simpler terms, following proper etiquette and using good manners, means behaving with civility: having respect for yourself, caring about others, knowing right from wrong and acting accordingly and responsibly. Basically, etiquette is the unwritten code of social rules. It helps us all get along. Manners are your actions, how you express yourself and how you treat others. Please consider the importance of these thoughts: • Treat others as you want to be treated • Don’t bully people, or put others down to elevate yourself • Be a positive influence
 • Be polite and considerate 
 • Be caring and thoughtful 
 • Be nice, helpful and patient
 • Be a good person, kind and fair 
 • Say “please” and “thank you” 
 • Respect yourself and others • Don’t gossip • Don’t swear or don’t talk back

• Don’t lie, manipulate or cheat 

 • Go the extra mile and always give100%

Some particular situations that can be enhanced by using proper etiquette and manners at home and out in public...

Example #1:

A job interview A perspective employer will be impressed with an applicant who is well dressed, well groomed, on time and prepared. 
This shows respect and will start the interview on the right foot and set a favorable tone for you.

Professional Example #2:

The workplace On your own, do your job and do it to the best of your ability. Give your employer the respect due him or her. They hired you because they believe in you and your abilities to get the job done. Believe in yourself and show them they made the right choice. Working well with others is also important. Be a team player. Give congratulations when due, or support when needed. Coworkers who share the work, share the rewards. Strive to work well together.

A Leisure Time Example:

Out on a date Your date will be pleased as well as impressed, if you have taken the time to adequately prepare, putting both the time and effort into your presentation. Your date will also be impressed, by a person who; is on time, has good manners, is interesting and has a range of things to talk about. Most importantly they will be impressed with a person who is honest, thoughtful, considerate and respectful.

A Personal 

Sharing a meal You can make an attempt to treat this time with the utmost consideration. By using good

table manners, kind gestures and engaging in interesting conversation, you will enhance the bonding experience for yourself and those in your company. If you are not the one preparing the meal, you can offer to contribute a hand with the preparation, or the cleanup. At the table When dining in the company of others, use proper table manners. If you want something, ask for it, don’t reach over and take it. Be sure to put your napkin on your lap. Chew with your mouth closed. Don’t talk with your mouth full. Always use appropriate and tasteful conversation at the dining table. Use one hand, not two, to drink from your glass. Don’t play with your food. Don’t spear your food, collect it onto your fork or spoon. Keep your elbows off the table. Don’t make a mess. Clean up after yourself. When you need to leave, excuse yourself, then do what you must do and return quickly. Introductions The purpose of introductions is to make people feel comfortable and at ease. In keeping with that thought, know that, if by chance, someone forgets to introduce you, it is acceptable to introduce yourself. Names And Name Association Try to remember names, but do not be embarrassed if you forget. Be honest and ask. To avoid future uncomfortable situations, put a picture to the name. Ex.: Mrs. Cardinal (picture the bird). When there is no possible word association, it will be necessary to pay very close attention, repeating it, then committing it to memory. It is very nice to meet you, Mrs. Jones. Note: To help make an introduction more memorable, explain your association. My doctor - Dr. Smith, my colleague - Mrs. Jones, my teacher - Professor White, my friend - John Black. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ you can be... } Greetings If you use “Hi!” as a passing greeting, that’s fine. If you use ”Hi, how are you?” as a passing greeting, stay around long enough to find out the answer. Embarrassing Moments Life is not always smooth sailing. Things will happen that cause you to be thrown off track. Try to take them in stride. No matter what the situation, it will always seem worse than it really is. Try to handle the uncomfortable situation with grace and poise. Don’t overreact. You can and will, rise above it. Believe in yourself, it will be alright. Gentle Reminders • Be true to your word • Always do the right thing • Keep your promises • Be trustworthy • Be kind to all
 • Ask for help if you need it • 
Never assume • Don’t make excuses • Don’t take things that aren’t yours; leave things as you find them
 • Don’t be rude • Apologize if you hurt someone’s feelings • Admit if you’ve made a mistake • Avoid bad habits
 • Don’t lie or cheat
 • Stand up for your convictions
 • Know when to back down; pick your battles carefully
 • Consider those less fortunate
 • Share with others

Party Time!

Throwing a Party... • Invite people who are interesting. Be sure to invite people who will get along. 
 • Invite each person to your party personally, either by phone or written invitation. Don’t ask 
someone to pass along an invitation. 
 • Give accurate directions to your event. 
 • Greet your guests in a friendly, warm manner and thank them for coming. 
 • Make sure your guests really enjoy themselves.

Be a good host.

Attending a Party… • Be a good and gracious guest. 
 • When you are a guest, remember to bring a little gift — flowers, candy, something 
 • After the party, send a thank you, to your host telling them what a delightful party it was. 
 I hope that some of these thoughts and suggestions will brighten your day and give you some great ideas of how to brighten someone else’s. *For additional information on etiquette and manners, we recommend books by Elizabeth L. Post, Amy Vanderbilt and Letitia Baldridge. 164


{ woman owned businesses }

{ woman owned businesses }

{ woman owned businesses }

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AND VENDOR FAIR WEDNESDAY, MAY 3RD 6:00-9:00PM Burgundy Basin Inn, 1361 Marsh Road, Pittsford Tickets: $30 in Advance, $10 for children under 16

Bring your mother, daughter, sister or friend and enjoy a pre-Mother's Day Fashion Show featuring local businesses, including prom dresses modeled by YWCP students!


Shop with 20+ Vendors * Goodie Bags * Cash Bar * Free Apps * Raffle Prizes

Proceeds benefit summer enrichment opportunities for students at Young Women's College Prep Charter School.


To purchase tickets, visit or call 585-445-3245. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017




{ ask the angels } By Sarah Itkin, LCSW

Dear Chrissy,

Yes, planning ahead for a move is a great idea! The angels have shown me that it is possible to get what we want when we believe that it’s attainable. For example, if you ask the universe for a villa on the coast of Italy and it feels too far-fetched to be a possibility, it won’t happen. However, if you ask the universe for a new house you can actually picture yourself in, there is no reason why you wouldn’t receive it.

Dear Sarah, My husband and I are thinking about moving in a few years but we’re not sure if it will be doable financially. Is planning for this a good idea? Thanks, Chrissy

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to channel angels, because they provide me with a tailored action plan for you and your husband so you can manifest your desires. The two of you should sit together in your bedroom in the evening and write about everything you want in your new house. Light a candle and play some uplifting music to create a celebratory atmosphere, as a reminder to have FUN engaging in this creative process. Imagine what neighborhood your house is in, what it looks like on the outside, what kind of neighbors you want, the ideal location, whether or not you want the bathroom of my dreams (an ensuite with a jacuzzi bathtub of course). Include how many bedrooms you want, whether or not you want hardwood floors, etc… You want to be as specific as possible while at the same time being open to receiving something even better than what you imagine. Carve out some time to get inspired by looking at different houses you love. I’m getting that your husband has an artistic side, like drawing or photography. Use his gift to as a manifestation tool as well! Perhaps he can draw the house you envisioned. The next step would be to create a vision board. A vision board is a visual way of manifesting a specific life goal by placing images or inspirational words/quotes on a poster board. You can cut pictures out of housing magazines of the type of houses you want, and interior designs that are most appealing to you. Place the vision board beside the mirror over your dresser so you can view it every day. Then do visualizations of your family living in the house. I see that you and your husband have a very loving relationship and you have been able to create a wonderful life together so far. I’m intuiting that you really wanted the house you’re living in now and you were able to get it by focusing on your intentions together and manifesting accordingly. The two of you have also been able to provide for your family even though it has felt tight at times. I know finances are a concern, but the universe always provides when we are willing to receive. Definitely consider different avenues of bringing in more money, but it’s important to let go of the ‘how’ and trust that the money will flow in both expected and unexpected ways. For you I see an increase of income through

creative side projects you’re involved in. I also see you receiving a check from a family member as a gift. Call in Archangel Gabriel for help in increasing financial abundance. Buy a citrine, which also represents abundance and place it by your vision board. Imagine the angels lifting the words off the pages in your journal and carrying them off to the realm of creation. Remember to enjoy the process!

Dear Sarah,

I recently changed jobs and I’m feeling unfulfilled in my current position. I’m not sure what I should do at this point. Thanks, Yolanda

Dear Yolanda,

I’m sorry you’re feeling unfulfilled at your current work situation. The good news is that this feeling of discomfort is a signal for you to pursue your highest potential in your career. Discomfort stimulates growth. I’m getting that you are very creative and worked in a leadership position in Rochester. Now you are working for someone else, which stifles your creativity because the person you work for isn’t receptive to your ideas. I see that you are a natural leader and you can use your expertise to create your own organization. I also see that you have knowledge that would beneficial for others to learn. Sharing this information with adults in a teaching capacity would be very fulfilling. Finally, I see that you are an excellent writer. Have you thought about writing a book? I have a clear image of a book with your name on the cover as the author. The book is about one of your professional endeavors and will inspire others to replicate your services. Trying to figure out which avenue to work towards first can be overwhelming. I suggest meditating on which one feels the best to start with and remember you can start small. For example, if you wanted to work on your book first, you can write one paragraph per day just to get the creative juices flowing. Even if you don’t use what you write in your book, you’ll get yourself into the creative vibration that will be the catalyst in jump starting your project. Have fun with this! You have a lot to offer. I’m looking forward to hearing from more of you! Please email your question to asktheangels777@ Type Ask the Angels in the subject line and indicate how I should address you (using your real name, just initials, etc…) in my response. Feel free to visit my website if you’d like to learn more about my work at www. or find me on Facebook at @ sarahitkinintuitivehealer. DISCLAIMER: Despite confirmed psychic ability, intuitive visions and messages are not always 100% accurate. Therefore, Sarah Itkin and any sponsors must disclaim any and all liability to all persons and parties who act or rely upon her intuition. This column is for entertainment purposes only.

Y G R E N E HEALING Is It ? { healthy woman } By Cassondra Kubit


I am sure we have all heard about energy healers somewhere in our lives. Some people scuff at it and others are curious about it. What is energy healing? What kinds of treatments fall under the title of energy healing? Have you heard of Chakra Balancing, Reiki, Craniosacral Therapy, Acupuncture, Shiatsu, Reflexology, Crystal Healing, or Energy Healing? These are just a few different types of energy healing out there. Rochester has a vast population of energy healers in the area. Most of them fall under the practice of a Licensed Massage Therapist (LMT), but there are a few styles where you don’t have to be a LMT to practice. Acupuncture is its own license and training. Acupuncture is old world medicine, or alternative medicine, and can be dated back to the Egyptians, but for the most part was primarily practiced in China and has spread throughout the world. Acupuncture works on the basis of the 12 Chinese Meridians where there are specific points that if inserted with a needle will help change the flow of the energy of the body. There are specific ways of inserting the needle to help either release the energy if there is too much, or to help open the area so the energy can flow unimpeded if the energy is too low or blocked. Acupuncture has a wide range of treatments for pretty much every type of ailment. When you have an Acupuncture treatment it doesn’t only

involve needles. Acupuncture sessions are usually made up of a mixture of cupping, moxibustion, GuaSha, and Tui Na. It all depends on what kind of treatment is being asked for.

Shiatsu is a form of Japanese bodywork that is based on the Chinese Meridians. Shiatsu means finger pressure. It includes massaging with the fingers, thumbs, palms, and feet. It also includes stretching, joint manipulation and mobilization. Shiatsu massages and manipulates the points of the Chinese Meridians much like Acupuncture, but without the needles. This style of work you are fully clothed and is performed by a Licensed Massage Therapist. In New York State, close to half of the Massage program and state exam is made up of Shiatsu, but there are not too many that practice this style. Reflexology, also known as Zone Therapy, is another energy therapy that is well known and practiced by many. Reflexology involves different pressure techniques used primarily on the hands and feet. The hands and feet are separated into zones that match up with the internal organs and different parts of the body. When these points are worked on they help realign the energies of the body to help heal the areas that may be causing issues. Chakra balancing is a totally different animal and has a few different ways of bringing in the chakras into alignment. There are 7 chakras in the body starting from above the head with the crown chakra (white/

light purple), the eye chakra (dark purple), the throat chakra (blue), the heart chakra (green), the solar plexus chakra (yellow), the sacral chakra (orange), and the root chakra (red). Chakra balancing can be done a few different ways. Some people use different hand placements, some use corresponding colored crystals, some with meditation and sound therapy as well. Chakra balancing can be practiced on its own of in conjunction with other energy healing styles. Reiki is a form of alternative medicine that was designed by a Japanese Buddhist, Mikao Usui. Reiki is a form of energy healing that using special hand placements that helps draws out the “universal energy” from the practitioner’s hands to the receiver’s body to help with emotional and physical healing. Reiki can be done without touching the receiver and fully clothed at all times. Reiki has been shown to be very useful with cancer patients and patients who do not like to be touched. Craniosacral Therapy is another style of treatment where the receiver is fully clothed at all times. This style of healing was created by John Upledger in the 1970’s. Craniosacral Therapy is a very light pressure that is applied to specific points of the skull, spine and sacrum. It is designed to manipulate the synarthrodial joints of the skull. This style of work falls under energy healing a lot of the time because of the light pressure that is used, but wasn’t designed for that purpose.

{ A little rw history }

. With each hand placement and hold, it is designed to move the cranial bones to help relieve different types of pain associated with head, neck and spine. It is an off shoot of osteopathy. Crystal Healing is all about the energies and therapeutic properties of the crystals and gemstones that are being used. Crystals can be used in different ways. You can place crystals in water and ingest the water for the healing properties. You can wear them or place them around your bedroom or work space depending on what you are needing them for. Some practitioners will place the stones in specific areas of the body to construct and energy grid to promote healing. Chakra balancing uses the stones over the chakras. There is a style of gem stone healing called Aurum Manus, also known as the “Golden Hand”. This take spherical gemstones and



they are used in a specific pattern to help with Migraines and Tinnitus. They have been using this style of treatment in Germany since the late 90’s to help treatment of Tinnitus. They use different kinds of gemstones since each one has different healing properties and can be used to give full body massages or just facial massages. The most popular gems are jade, rose quartz, serpentine, citrine, amethyst, rock crystal, and quartz. These are the most easily found and are the most cost efficient. Then you have Energy Healing, which you ask what is the difference from all of the above styles of energy healing? It’s a good question. There are energy healers that don’t fit under a certain category or title. They consider themselves energy healers. They may “feel” the energies of other people or “read” the energies and work with them. They may not even know how they work with the energies of other people. Some

people just have to walk into a room and they can change the whole atmosphere just because of their presence. A calming energy or a feeling of peace may follow that person around. Energy Healing has many names and styles, but we can all agree that the world is made up of energies of one form or another. We may think we have an understanding of how the body works, but every day there are new discoveries.

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{ it’s a Rw secret } BY CASSONDRA KUBIT

Our world is so wrapped up in social media we forget to take the time out and actually enjoy real live people. We wanted to find a unique place that offered some type of hands on experience. We ended up coming across Painting With A Twist in Greece. Mike and I of course are not artists, but we had been told that everyone’s painting comes out beautiful. So, we went online and looked at the different paintings that were available for each day and picked a tree picture, since I joked around that my clinic needed new art work and trees are our theme. At Painting With A Twist you can bring your own bottle of wine and snacks to eat. Which of course is the twist! We decided to bring one of my favorites; Port from Glenora located on Seneca Lake and apart of Fingerlakes Wine Trail. We also brought donuts from Dunkin Donuts. Who doesn’t paint with donuts?


I was once again on a quest of having a date night with Mike with some parameters. The main one’s included not going out for dinner, going to a bar, or a watching a movie. But this time we added that no cell phones were allowed!

We walked into Painting With A Twist with our donuts and bottle of wine talking to each other about how we “failed” art class while we were in school and joking around that this was going to be a disaster. We found our seats that were nicely labeled with our names. We checked in at the desk and got our canvas. Mike asked for a second one so if he screwed up he could start over, a little bit of a perfectionist. After getting out canvas we sat down at our spots and looked over the contents of what we would be using. There were two paint brushes and two sponges. Had no idea that we were going to be doing sponge painting when I signed up for the class, but sponge painting is really fun. Heather, our art teacher for the night, started the class on a high note of telling us she finally switched her last name but she went back to her maiden name for the night because she was fighting with her husband. Of course, we all got a good laugh and it put the class at ease. Almost everyone was new to the shop, but those who had been there before really enjoyed their experiences so far. The class started out with Heather explaining that she would be taking us step by step at painting the painting of the night. She assured us that no two paintings are every the same and that everyone’s painting will be beautiful. If we truly didn’t like out painting or didn’t finish it within the two hours, Painting With A Twist has a SOS night where you can go for free and sit down with one of the teachers and they will help you finish or fix your painting. They just ask that you call and let them know you are coming in. I thought that was a great idea and gesture. They truly want you to enjoy your experience. Heather took us step by step in painting the lovely night sky that took us a good hour or more to truly get the look we were looking for.

Most of the paintings are spent more on the foreground of the painting but this painting was more about the background with all of its colors. It definitely took me back to art class where we learned the color wheel. She had us blending colors together and one of the other students was hilarious in describing all of his colors that he was creating. At the halfway mark, we got to take a break and we took a walk around to see everyone else’s paintings. It was very interesting to see how each and every person’s paintings were so different even though we were all trying to paint the same picture. Everyone was saying they hated their own pictures but were really liking everyone else’s. We tend to be our harshest critics. We finished up the background after the break and went into painting trees. I cringed about painting the trees. I really like my background and contemplated not painting the trees, but Heather showed us what to do and we practiced painting on the table clothes first (paper table clothes, no ruining anything this time.) So, I painted the trees…they came out not too bad. Mikes came out looking like bonsai trees. Whenever one was done and the two hours were up we went around looking at everyone’s paintings and they were all completely different and pretty cool looking. Of course, at the end of the class they took a class picture and posted it on Facebook. While we were on our break Heather was telling us about the startup of the company. It was a very interesting and inspiring story. The company began with two women who had survived Hurricane Katrina. They started getting some of their family and friends together for a paint night to bring them back together and to help ease the worries of the everyday life. Each time they had a paint night more and more people started to show up. They figured out that they could really start a business with this foundation. They started charging money and it took off. Anyone who owns a piece of the franchise has to have one paint night a month that the proceeds are donated to a local fundraiser or cause. The company is a community based company and believes in giving back. You can go on their website every month and see which foundation they are involved with and what night it will be. Mike and I truly enjoyed the two-hour paint class. Mike rated the date night a 9/10 and he said he would do another class in the future. It was very enjoyable. They really keep you engaged in what you are doing and the two hours truly flew by. I really enjoyed getting back to painting and art. I also am very happy to have learned how to paint a tree, not that my trees were perfect, but I have attempted unsuccessfully them before and I am pretty happy with how mine turned out.

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{ special feature } By H Douglas Jones M.Ed., BCH, CI

Needed Downtime in an Uptime World

Women today are busier than ever. Errands to run, texts to respond to, kids and pets to feed, meetings to attend, and decisions to make around the house and at work. You feel somedays like the showcase act on America’s Got Talent… juggling multiple tasks with poise, ease, and perfect hair, of course. It is a job on top of your regular job, coordinating and organizing all the “stuff” required to keep things running smoothly both in your career and personal life.

In a recent session, a client told me “I’m too busy and never put myself first.” I shared with her a common scenario that many people can relate to. On my way to Las Vegas for a hypnosis conference, as I waited for the flight to take off, the flight attendants began their pre-flight safety spiel: • Buckle your seatbelts…easy enough. • Seat back and folding trays are in their full upright position…not sure why, but OK. • In case of an emergency, an oxygen mask will appear. Secure your mask first, then assist others….hmmph! Seems a little selfish, doesn’t it? I asked the client, “Why do they ask you to put on your mask first?” I could see the lightbulb go off in her eyes. “Without first helping myself how would I be able to help another if I could not breathe?”

Winner-winner, chicken dinner! That’s it! How are we able to help others if we do not have enough to motivate and sustain ourselves?

Too often in your busy day you forget to take care of yourself. You remember the 17 emails in your Inbox at work, or the present you have to buy for Aunt Kay’s birthday this weekend. You remember that little Samantha needs poster board for a school project or your partner-in-crime has to renew the Sirius subscription.

1. Sit in a chair or lay comfortably.

2. Close your eyes and start to notice your heart beating. 3.Breathe in and out slowly and comfortably. 4. Start to notice the rhythm of your breathing. 5. If your mind starts to wander, bring your attention back to the beating of the heart and continue to breathe slowly and comfortably.

It’s overwhelming.

6. Continue the exercise for 2-3 minutes and when you are ready, open your eyes and notice how good you feel.

It is time to remember what YOU need… your much-needed downtime…your “me” time. A time for you to indulge yourself by going to the gym for a spin class, a time to sit and meditate, maybe a massage or a time to read a book.

You cannot always control the hustle and bustle of your life, but by setting aside “me” time and putting on your own “oxygen mask” first, you will stay relaxed and prepared so you can assist others when needed.

Self-hypnosis and relaxation is another way to refuel your body and mind. You may have also heard the term “mindfulness.” These are all very similar techniques that will make you feel more relaxed in a short amount of time. The more you practice, the better you will get at bringing your body to this relaxed state. Let’s try a relaxation technique called heart breathing:

On a side note: I returned to Rochester the day of the big blizzard. Needless to say, I paid attention when the flight crew started their safety checks. About the Author H. Douglas Jones III is a Board Certified Hypnotist and Instructor with the National Guild of Hypnotists. He has a Masters in Education from Roberts Wesleyan College and is a New York certified teacher and sports coach. His interest in hypnosis started in 1989 when he learned self-hypnosis. He now teaches hypnosis full time.



{ everyday push } by tracy echeverri

JUST DO IT Back in September I made one of the biggest moves of my life. My husband was offered an amazing opportunity in Long Island and we would have to relocate to the NYC area. Before this though he asked me if I was willing to move for his career and i agreed but never did I expect it to happen as fast as it did. So in a nut shell he was offered a position last September and we then immediately had to look for housing (going to NYC every weekend for a straight 3/4 weekends) and then packing up our house after signing on a lease to an apartment and finally moving in less than a months time. Driving down and traveling with our two dogs, my parents, two cars and a U-haul where we moved in on a late Friday night and by Monday morning my husband was at his new job and my parents were on a train heading back to Rochester New York. INTENSE, to say the least. I was able to keep my job due to working mostly remotely the past few years so work wise my job wouldn’t really change-but did our normal everyday lives did! Not to mention we had already planned a second wedding ceremony in Rochester, NY so we had to continue planning for the wedding as well as commute back and forth for the bridal shower and then the big day- back to Rochester. We also had my husband’s mother come from Colombia for the wedding and she also stayed with us for another two months following our wedding. Constant challenges right? So you can imagine the stress, the changes, the new lifestyle and just getting familiar with a new city and i haven’t even gone into our main challenge, which was staying healthy and fit and continuing our gym regiment. After moving to NYC we had issues with our Planet Fitness memberships. With the commute to the gym being too tedious and at the time of night we wanted to go, it was overcrowded. So we then tried to go super early and that was just exhausting and in the end switched to a different gym altogether and tried to start a regiment at a new location.

This move was nothing to joke about but ultimately more changes were lurking ahead. For a while I was unhappy at my job and was constantly contemplating looking for another career. I held off on job hunting for several months after we moved to NYC so we could settle in and adapt to this new life but i continued to grow more miserable. I knew there were so many more opportunities out there for me now that i was in NYC. A unlimited amount of jobs and possible career paths i could go on. But in the back of my head, i felt a sense of loyalty to my company, being there for almost 4 years and also knew my new job would hold even more changes to my life. At that moment I worked mostly from home, had a lot of freedom and really didn’t have to report to anyone and so on. On the hand i knew there was no room for growth, i felt no motivation and honestly my boss was nothing but negative and in no way helping the situation at hand. But it was scary and new and i was well aware that my life would drastically change. So i made the step, applied and honestly within a few weeks time was offered an amazing opportunity in Sports Advertising. I took the job and here i am. So you wonder what was the point to this? Change. With this new job our lives changed once again. I no longer worked from home and dinner wasn’t ready when my husband arrived and the shopping and laundry wasn’t already started. Things i was once able to do before where I had major flexibility with my schedule all came to an abrupt end. So a new job presented me with a better salary, a job that made me happy, and so much room for growth that I already started feeling taller my second week at the new job. But then the reality set in and questions started to arise. When would we work out? How can we go to the gym after being away all day from our dogs. Will I have time for anything? I have an hour commute each way every day, AHHHHHHHH. So my husband and I sat down and created


a serious schedule. Continuing our healthy lifestyle would now be even harder than before but it was something super important that we could not let fall to the way side. We decided to work out at least 1-2 times during the week and always on Saturday and Sunday. The dogs would be walked every morning and night which is also great exercise for us! I would make our lunches at night so we always ate healthy and also so I didn’t have to worry about making the lunches in the morning. This then opened up free time to walk the two dogs before going to work myself. Instead of taking a bus to the subway station I would walk to get more exercise and I chose to take the stairs to the 10th floor everyday instead of the elevator. I also do stairs on my lunch for the last few minutes just to get my heart pumping. Every little change I could make that could be in my favor health wise, I am adding to my life. One small step at a time. Change is good, but it is not usually easy. Starting a new job or lifestyle can be scary but also immensely rewarding. Deciding to get healthy is a huge change and an immense step in life. Deciding to quit drinking, or smoking, is a monumental step that I would only applaud anyone on being able to do. I wanted to talk about my lifestyle change in the last year to show that although change is difficult, it is nothing to be afraid of. If you are unhappy in your job or not satisfied with your body image, do something about it. Don’t stay in a situation that makes you miserable daily. Don’t just settle on how your body looks when you would really like it to look different. Don’t be scared of change, ever. Just make the jump and do it!

Write your own ticket!





{ a woman’s perspective } by jill burress I photo by brandon vick

You know what I mean…there are some people we just know are going to make history and be really successful in life. Brownie Wise wasn’t that woman. Wise was a divorced, single mom with no formal training in sales and an eighth grade education. Does this sound like a woman of great potential to you? Well, if not, this is a lesson in “don’t make assumptions and anyone can achieve their dreams!” And you are still wondering, “Who is Brownie? Is she the woman who created the most delicious type of chocolate dessert, the brownie?!” No, but I do want to thank that person who did invent my all time favorite dessert! In all seriousness, Brownie Wise and her entrepreneurial spirit, made Tupperware famous and what it is today, a billion-dollar business. She became the first woman to ever appear on the cover of Business Week Magazine.

“Write your own ticket! Set in motion powerful forces which we cannot explain.” These are the words of inspiration spoken by an unassuming entrepreneur in history, Brownie Wise, when she was the convocation speaker at a college in Mississippi in 1957. Most of you are saying to yourself right now, “Who is Brownie Wise?” Well, I did some digging in the Journal of Women’s History and I thought I’d share with you the woman who wasn’t supposed to be what she became.

This was a huge feat in 1954 when “working women” were just starting to become accepted in the workforce. Thanks to her ingenious idea of taking Tupperware off the shelves of stores and into the houses of women, Tupperware sales increased dramatically. Women gathered together to learn about the product through demonstrations by hostesses. This allowed women to juggle home life and work during World War 2 while their husbands were off fighting a war. This meant, they could work from their home, care for their children and earn a living. And not just make a living but a become a part of the American dream. This concept convinced many women to become a part of this endeavor. Brownie’s ambition was the first to kickoff the thousands of businesses who have copied that style of marketing and sales in the past 60 years. Back in the 1950s, home parties allowed women to reap the financial blessings of sales but there is more to it because the tradition lives on in the relationships and connections that have blossomed throughout the years. As I ponder the various parties I have attended or been invited to in the last twenty years, I’m convinced there’s more to it than earning and spending money. I’d dare to say the social aspect of the gathering together is just as important. I’m chuckling as I write this because I recall being young and attending Home Interior parties with my mom. Yes, this is back in the 1980s and the business has since folded. Just a side note, Home Interior Gifts was started

back in the 1950’s by a woman named Mary Crowley, who was aspired to provide career opportunities to women as well as decorate their homes. Look at that…so many women entrepreneurs and we didn’t even know it! Back to the parties in the 80s…this is what I recall. My mom would book a party from her friend, who held the party, then her friend would book a party from my mom and host it within the next couple weeks. Then her friend would book one and it seemed like we were going to parties with the same women attending each time. Selling the same products! Do you see where I’m going with this? The mingling, snacking and spending were all equally important aspects of the night. Women need to get out of the house sometimes, right?! Well, home parties are the perfect excuse. Except if your husband is like mine, you may hear, “don’t spend too much money!” as the door closes behind you. Its amazing to think of how one woman’s need for earning money and having a daring spirit to do something different has influenced our culture so greatly. Think about it, America is now riddled with businesses such as Pampered Chef, LuLaroe, and Mary Kay. Oh I can’t forget one of my recent favorites, Young Living Oils. If it wasn’t for that party, I would not have been introduced to natural ways of medicine in which my husband calls, “voodoo.” What does he know, do only women understand such things? Well there you have it, a little snippet of history to encourage us to look around and be thankful for the women who have braved to do something different and out of the ordinary. Just think this could be you if you just “write your own ticket” and set your dreams in motion! Jill Burress is a full time Speech-Language Pathologist at NTID/RIT along with another full time schedule of “randomness.” As a pastor’s wife and mother of two, she is passionate about inspiring women to be the best they can be! Find her on Instagram, https://www. and www. Dress designed by Mary Ellen Hill: https:// Make up by Diamond Expressions Studio: top/?q=diamond%20expressions%20studio

{ in her defense } by dave jenkins



{ in her defense } This month’s column is for two great reasons. One is to show how easily a predator can strike, and the other is to share an eye opening story from a Mom who attended a self defense course with us recently. Runners, especially female runners, have been targeted quite often – considerably more than men. Locally, there have been quite a few incidents that have made the discussion circles or the news. What are the commonalities? Solo runners in remote areas. Here’s one success story to learn from. Last month, a female runner in the Seattle area was attacked from behind by a man at a park near a public washroom. “He lunged at me and I immediately just started to go into fight mode. He threw me on the ground and started punching me. I crawled into a stall, but he followed me and kept trying to turn me onto my stomach. All I kept screaming during the attack was, ‘Not today, motherf***er.’ I was screaming it like an animal. It was the most vicious, savage part of my being. There was no way I was going to let this guy rape me,” she told investigators. While in the stall, the 36-year-old told investigators, her attacker was beating her in the face with his hand. While she fought back by scratching him, she started to feel like she would lose consciousness. A surge of adrenaline propelled her to grab the door and get out, she told the outlet. A stranger had a carabiner they used to lock the man in the bathroom. Convicted sex offender Gary Steiner has been charged with attempted rape and assault, according to police. The attacker is classified by the sheriff’s office as a Transient Level III Sex Offender, or the level most likely to reoffend. “My face is stitched, my body is bruised, but my spirit is intact” Kelly had attended a self defense course a few weeks prior to the attack. She remembered how to fight back and she did. Surveys from running magazines state that 43% of female runners have been followed, harassed, or attacked while on a run. What can we all learn from Kelly’s experience? A lot.

One: ALWAYS fight back. NEVER give

up. You always have a chance, an option, a way to win.

Two: Be aware of your surroundings. Be

ready to react to anything that is unsafe or threatening.

Three: Never stop fighting. Not until

the attacker has left or is unable to keep hurting you.

Four: Take a ‘combative’ self defense

course. NOW. Not when it is convenient. Your safety and health are more important than anything else right now. You will be happy you did it now, rather than after an attack. Why a ‘Combative’ self defense course? Because they are better than just going to a short, feel good seminar, where you will do some basic static skills. You need to dedicate more than 2-3 hrs to your safety. In the EQUALIZER course series, you will learn how you can even the odds, use intuitive skills, and how to channel your abilities to win against whatever comes your way. Here’s a testimonial from a woman that wanted to ensure her daughter’s and her own safety: “Yesterday was an eye-opener. I first heard of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC on Kimberly & Beck a while back when they were on as guests. I called a few weeks ago and spoke with the founder, Dave Jenkins, for some more info and to register my daughter. I wanted to get her on the right track to fending for herself, God forbid that day ever come. “ On the day of the course, my Daughter Shea, her friend Madisun and I walked in - pumped and ready to go for a grueling 8-9 hr. day of training and real-life scenarios. We were promptly greeted by our Instructors, Lew and Darcie, who welcomed us and made us feel at home. After introducing himself, Lew gave a brief background of his years and qualifications, and I was confident we were in good hands. There were ten in our class, and ultimately, I feel we all had great chemistry working together. Our group was invested in giving 100% as a whole. We got that back and then some. Our instructors were phenomenal. We were taught not only to survive - but to WIN - in any physical confrontation. We

were taught that using only our bodies and leverage, we have more than needed to give us a fighting chance in an ugly situation. The class offered a great balance of grass-roots fight-back techniques, what-if situations, reallife scenarios, humor & plenty of laughter. At the end of the day, I hurt. Everywhere. AND I FELT AMAZING. I was blown away at what my daughter, her friend and I were leaving with. I was grateful for the opportunity we’d been given and only wondered what had taken me so long to call. I left with far more peace-of-mind and confidence about my daughter going off to college in a couple of years. Shea’s Dad, already familiar with Dave, was on board the whole time. Before leaving on Saturday, Shea and I were registered for the next level, The EQUALIZER II class, and we cannot wait! We’d like to extend a sincere thank you to everyone @ RPD. Your sincerity and commitment to helping others is appreciated, and we had a riot. We look forward to working with you again and highly recommend RPD to all family and friends.” I can guarantee you that their eye opening experience has changed them for the batter. Courses such as the EQUALIZER series can become lifelong lessons that create a better and safer you. Now it’s your turn to come and experience the EQUALIZER series of self defense courses with us at Rochester Personal Defense, LLC. Don’t wait. Make YOUR safety a priority. There is no other option. Dave Jenkins is the founder of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC, Rochester’s choice for self defense training. Come join the other women that have learned how to be safe, keep their family safe, and how they became their own bodyguards. This recurring column by Dave Jenkins of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC will explore different areas and methods of personal protection and self defense. Topics will range from using specific tools, techniques, or even yourself and your mind as the weapon. The goal is to create a more aware and safer you! Questions or suggestions are welcome! You can reach Dave and his team of lady instructors at www.rochesterpersonaldefense. com or 585-406-6758. You can even email them at

Rochester Personal Defense, LLC | (585) 406-6758 I

{ Think opposite } by alison donaghey

Consider the Opposite What a privilege it is to be able to talk to you about Thinking Opposite! But wait… what IS Thinking Opposite? That is a really good question. Thinking Opposite is just that… thinking the opposite of what you presently think. Suspend your belief. Consider the opposite. Proceed with perspective.

Now, why would you want to do that? For many reasons: • Maybe your opinion is wrong.

• It’s easier to talk with someone else if we try to understand their perspective. • We want other people to take the time to understand us too. • The world has become very polarized and we are forgetting how to talk to people who disagree with us. • We get buried in our “tribes” and begin to think we are more right than we are. • There is SO much to learn that we can’t possibly know all aspects of a perspective or belief • And the list can go on…

When we take the time to stop and think about what we think, about what other people think, and about why they may be doing things the way they are doing them, we can gain so much clarity and freedom. Take this example that you can try today. Let’s say you are driving to work and you didn’t sleep well and you are a bit cranky. Yes, this could happen! And a car pulls up behind you and won’t stop tailgating you. Your first instinct is to get mad, or slow down, or yell obscenities. After all, does he really have to drive so close? Even if he gets ahead of you, he can only get as far as the car in front of you. You have two choices. You can follow your first instinct. Get mad. Go to work and tell everyone who will listen what a jerk you had following you into work. The upside is you get a great story to tell everyone, but the downside is you are reliving that angst all day. This guy behind you becomes, for however long, the focus of your energy. And there is a pretty good chance that the guy will get to his work and have a great story about the car in front of him who was driving so slow! OR, you can suspend your belief that this driver is a jerk, consider the opposite (that he is a nice guy), and gain some perspective. Perhaps he just got a call that his wife went into early labour and is in the Hospital, and that he is rushing to hold his wife’s hand while she is going through her contractions and to see the birth of his new baby. Are you able to still hold your same level of anger for him, or does your stance soften when you try to see him as a real person with reasons for his action? I know what you might be thinking – “What



are the chances that he is going to be a dad today of all days?” Well, what are the chances he is not? You see, both “He is a Jerk” and “He is a Great Husband”, are stories you can tell yourself. Your brain and your energy are going to respond to the story you decide to believe. I can almost guarantee that if you chose the story “He is a Great Husband” you will be able to let go of the ill feelings you are harbouring and allow your mind to focus on things that actually matter to you. It’s unlikely you will go into work in a tizzy about his driving and your energy will be available for more positive endeavours. Do you see how just this simple practise can change the trajectory of your day? If you can start to apply this thinking to something so simple and change the outcome of your day, imagine what you can do when you start applying it to other situations? What about when you child comes home with a new idea you are not very fond of? Think Opposite. Maybe you can suspend your belief and have an information-seeking conversation with her about this new idea. Maybe it’s not as bad as you thought. Maybe it is, but at least she will feel heard. What about when a customer comes into your store with a complaint? Yes, you may have a policy, but perhaps it doesn’t have to be applied in the same way for this particular customer. What about when you are trying to get fit and argue with yourself about getting up at 5AM to go to the gym? Both the “YOU, who is trying to sleep” and the “YOU, who

is trying to get fit” have very good reasons for wanting what YOU want. Acknowledging each YOU is important because both are valid. This will allow you to be gentle, to acknowledge the YOU that is trying to keep you warm and stay asleep, and then to get up out of bed and go to the gym! What about when we believe strongly in something like pro-life or pro-choice? Both sides feel very “right” about their perspective and maybe talking to the other side will stop the polarization and lead to a result everyone can live with. Or maybe not, but the benefits of trying is always worth it. It makes me sad to think of the people who have lost friendships over which political party is going to win. Clearly long-term friendships must be worth more, are they not? When we suspend our belief and think opposite, it doesn’t mean we are wrong or that we have to change our mind; it just means that the other person matters too. Perhaps we can learn something from their perspective and in turn become more educated about our own. So until next month’s column try not to hate the guy driving behind you!






{ ladies in literature }

Tangled JUSTICE bY J.a. goodman


Local Rochester author, J. A. Goodman presenting a signed copy of her novel TANGLED JUSTICE to her professor, C. Perri, who requested it years ago after reading a short story she wrote for his creative writing class at MCC. “Mr Perri said, he thought, my story was wellturned, the dialogue was convincing, revealing and well-rendered. He added that it would make a great first chapter to a mystery novel and he wanted an autographed copy when it was published. It took me nine years, but I kept my promise to turn that story into a novel and present him with a signed copy.” This is the first in her series of Emma Mason Mysteries. Her second novel, DOMESTIC JUSTICE, is scheduled for publication in June, 2017. The stories are rich with investigative science and clip along the streets of Rochester at an invigorating pace, highlighting events that made the city famous. Many factual observations about the city are woven into these stories of romance and murder. For instance, Emma

Mason is a hard working Homicide Detective who works for the city of Rochester, NY. She attends the Lilac Festival where she hears a local band, Tommy and the Tremors. She also meets a wealthy businessman who lives in Rochester but has business interests as far away as the United Kingdom. “Because I volunteer my time to the Cities Visitors Bureau and have worked at the Rochester Lilac Festival for many years, I incorporated information about this event into the conversations of my characters. I also volunteer with Missing and Exploited Children, and mention their work. Tommy and the Tremors are a real band.” “There is a lot of research that goes into a book that is a police procedural set in a particular city. I have toured the Forensic Lab, talked with the current Medical Examiner and the police. When I found I was going to encounter an unclaimed body, I made several phone calls to ask about the procedures that would be followed when this occurred. At one point, I even invented tools for my detectives to use.” Ms Goodman is a life long resident of the Town of Greece. She graduated from Charlotte High School in 1960. Married for 13 years, then divorced, she raised her four children and in 1991 accomplished one dream by earning an Associate in Applied Science with Distinction, in Marketing, from MCC. She was also inducted into the Phi Theta Kappa Society and awarded the Academic Achievement Certificate by the faculty. Even now she continues her education attending Osher Life Long Learning at RIT. Ms. Goodman commented that while writing her novel, she created 46 characters and since it was a mystery about a serial killer, she also ended some of their lives as easily as she had created them. She found she had a flare for not only storytelling, but murder as well, thankfully only as an author.

TANGLED JUSTICE an Emma Mason Mystery, is self-published by and is available on, Kindle, Nook, Barnes and Noble (online) and Amazon. She also donated two copies to the Greece Town Library. “As far back as I have memories, I wanted to write a book. I loved to read and would lose myself in the characters and stories that became real, as my imagination worked in conjunction with the author to make the stories come alive. I loved to tell and retell stories that lived in my imagination as well as my life. Sometimes the two would become intertwined and my children would complain that I lost sight of reality. I found that I had a natural skill or gift for making the ordinary sound extraordinary, although my children would call it a curse when the story was about them. Especially if I exaggerated by adding humor or a twist to the story. I like to incorporate unexpected endings. Over the years I made several attempts at writing my novel. My first attempt was at the age of 8 or 9 when I began a book I titled The Bobbsey Twins in Canada. I had read all of the Bobbsey Twins books and my family vacationed every summer in Canada. Even at that tender age I knew to write about what I had experienced, and plagiarism was not a word I was familiar with. I continued to dream about writing a book even as I married then 13 years later divorced, raised my four children and worked at Eastman Kodak Company. I became a Quality Control Technician at Kodak and refined my writing skills by learning how to write technical reports, publications and training manuals. I continued taking technical and creative writing courses at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) and Monroe Community College (MCC) until age 46, when I quit my job so I could attend MCC full time. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ ladies & literature }

Still I clung to my dream, I wanted to write a book. I created storylines and characters, but life got in the way, and they ultimately fell by the wayside. In 2004 I attended MCC with my granddaughter Amanda and we both took a creative writing class taught by Mr. Chris Perri. I wrote a short story called Turning Point about two very different people having a conversation in an alley. I incorporated a surprise ending that went over well with the class. Again, I put that story aside, but the dream lived on. When I turned 70, I joined Osher Lifelong Learning at RIT and in January 2015, I signed up for the Memoirs class and a creative writing class. I received so much encouragement from my fellow classmates that I pulled that short story out and began to write my book. I spent the next year and a half creating and writing my manuscript, using my computer and that wonderful invention, spell check. I have several challenges including dyslexia, ADHD and OCD, so spell check has been a real bonus for me. On the other hand, I was blessed with tenacity, curiosity and empathy. When I write, my characters tell me what they want to say. 192


In this novel, we accompany Detective Emma Mason and her partner Mitch, a former Marine, as they work to protect the city of Rochester from a psychopathic killer, even as he falls deeper into the abyss of his mental disorder. This novel is in the style of Colombo, where you know who did it, and why. You are privy to his private thoughts and actions even as he falls deeper into the delusions of his illness. In my second novel, you only know what the police know. It continues the romance and characters that inhabit the first book.

My target audience is the reader looking for an entertaining read sprinkled with little jewels of laugh out loud fun and miscellaneous facts, woven together with suspense and romance. Rochesterians will especially enjoy the story as it moves along familiar streets and explores events that made their hometown famous. The book is dedicated to Rochesterians, past, present and future. Those people not fortunate enough to have lived in Rochester, will read about all the wonderful experiences they are missing, and perhaps they will visit our city.

In both novels, we explore the world of police procedures, working with the crime unit, the coroner’s office, ballistics and the patrol officers who serve our cities. We will read about real techniques as well as conceptual ones that I developed because they could certainly enhance the repertoire of law enforcement should they be available in the future.

I hope my experiences as a senior citizen achieving her dreams will encourage other seniors to go for it. You’ll never know until you try, and you are never too old to try something new.

Woven into the story is the tale of an extremely wealthy man who falls head over heels for Emma. Travel with them as their two very different worlds collide in unexpected ways. Join Emma as she fights her emotions, even as he ignites her repressed passions.

Speaking of something new, I would like to mention that publishing this book has lead to an unexpected career of teaching. I’m not only doing book signings, but I’m being hired to lead group discussions on writing. I recently lead a Memoirs 101 class at the Greece town library. Anyone interested in having me lead a group or a book signing can contact me at: E-mail: Facebook: J A Goodman

{ angella’s advice } by angella Luyk


WHY Are You Doing THIS If you are about to start off in business you will have no doubt heard these comments: “So many businesses fail. Why are you doing this?” “I hear that you need a large amount of money to get a business off the ground these days.” “Why are you throwing away the security of your job?” These, and more of the same, are typical of the barriers that so-called friends and advisors, put in your way if you are thinking of starting a business. These barriers are built on the back of myths about the pitfalls and challenges which surround running your own business. Your friends mean well, but let’s take a look at some of these myths and reveal them to be exactly that … just myths! Don’t get me wrong, being an entrepreneur can be tough and there are hurdles to cross, but let’s bring some common sense into the debate! 1.) You Don’t Have a Personal Life Yes, you will! It will be hard juggling the responsibilities of running your own business and spending time with the family, but at the end of the day, you are going to have far more flexibility with your personal life, than any employee will ever have. The real issue is, do you have the time management and planning skills to get things done, thereby allowing you time to spend with your family. 2.) You must Be Cunning and Ruthless to Be a Successful Entrepreneur Ok, it may help you in the short term but this is not a sound, long term strategy. To be a successful entrepreneur you need to build relationships with both customers and suppliers who will stick by you during the rough times. Being ruthless and over pricing may get you one or two good deals but you are unlikely to build a lasting and profitable relationship. Your aim should be to strike a balance between what you want

and what your customer or supplier wants. 3.) You Won’t Have to Work as Hard Your current job may be stressful and subject you to long hours. The idea of running your own business is appealing because you can slow down and take life at your own pace. To a degree this is true but there’s no getting away from the fact that it will be hard work. Most small businesses don’t achieve profitability until year 3 and so it’s a long slog. Remember, if was easy, everyone would be doing it! What does make the difference though, is that you are finally doing something you love and so the hours and the struggles don’t seem like hard work at all. So perhaps this myth may be true after all! 4.) You must Have an Original Idea No, you don’t. Most businesses are built around a central idea. The difference is usually how it’s delivered. The core products of all fast food places are the same, as are clothes shops, newsagents etc. You can make a decent living effectively copying someone else’s idea but done in a slightly different way. Don’t be put off by the doomsayers who will gleefully point out that “it’s been done before”. Your response should be, ‘Great! That shows the idea works!” 5.) You Will Be Your Own Boss No way! There’s only one boss in your new business … the customer. They are essential to your success. When you were working for that large, faceless Corporation, the loss of the odd client wasn’t that big a deal - plenty more where they came from. In your new world, you must do whatever it takes to keep your customers and keep them happy. The customer is the one who calls the tunes. You must listen and take note, before someone else does. However, at

the end of the day, when all their demands are met, then perhaps you can have some time to yourself and enjoy the pleasures of being your own boss after all! 6.) You Need a Lot Of Money To Get a Business Off The Ground Some businesses do need a fair bit of cash to get moving but there are many areas you can go into without the need to invest in a large amount of stock, machinery or equipment. The low-capital businesses involve the use of three very cheap commodities – your brain power, your knowledge and your time. A business where you sell your expertise, not actual goods, to other people can be cheaper to set up and carry high profit margins. All you may need is a PC, a desk and a telephone line. What’s stopping you? 7.) You Only Must Do What You Want to Do Unfortunately, this myth is wrong. We all have areas or skills in which we excel and it’s this expertise which usually forms the basis of your business. Your dedication to paperwork, bank statements and the small details may not be that high, but branching out on your own doesn’t mean you have the choice to avoid these terrible tasks. While you could do this when you were sitting in the big corporate office, you can no longer hide. These tasks must be done otherwise the deck of cards can start to collapse. If you do have serious misgivings on certain areas, marketing for example, then consider taking a course to improve your skills. If it’s something you seriously can’t do, then go and find someone to do it for you – don’t hope it will go away because it won’t. The greatest advice I was given as an entrepreneur was to hire smarter people than me. If you are determined to start a business and have no desire to learn certain skills, then outsource them, but plan for this in your budget.


Close the Door To Opportunity



{ CNY Latino } by Marisol Hernandez

Jacklyn Ortiz was born and raised in Rochester, NY on the city’s Northeast side but her mother’s family is originally from Villalba, PR. Her father’s family is split so her paternal grandfather is also from PR (Cayei) and her paternal grandmother is from Linares, Mexico and became a citizen in her 50’s. “I have always considered myself both Mexican and Puerto Rican. I am one of 3 children, my brother Robert unfortunately passed away in 2003 at 21 and my sister Kristina is currently 27 and also resides here in Rochester”, Jackie says. She primarily grew up with her mother because her parents separated early on in their marriage. Unfortunately substance abuse can take a very large toll on families and break them up. Fortunately although rough in the beginning both of her parents are happy, healthy and successful individuals who have found their place with new loves in their lives.

understand but is comfortable in engaging with both languages. It is most definitely a link and defining characteristic of who we are that we are not willing to lose. It’s interesting because today I would not describe myself as overly religious in fact would probably even say I’m a horrible Catholic since church attendance can be quite sparse. But, we feel compelled to ensure our son participates in catecismo, first communion, confirmation, etc. Despite where we each are, we feel it important to give him

Jackie grew up in a very large family. Her mother is one of 16 children who when Jackie was a child all pretty much lived in Rochester at some point (holidays were great), but now many have moved away back to PR and many down south. Her father’s family although not as large, he is the baby of 5 children. Both sides of her family were very religious so they were very much Catholic growing up and did all of the customary things a devout Catholic family would.

For Jackie and Juan it is extremely important to instill the values and many of their traditions they grew up with. They feel that today young people do not show adults the respect they deserve, even for something as simple as a greeting. We both grew up asking for “bendiciones”, it is respect and to this day we do it so our son will as well”. “My Mexican side of the family also always required us to answer when called with the word “mande” so that is also important for us. Beyond singular words, our language is critical to teach and ensure Cristian can not only

She was approached by a friend who knew someone affiliated with Jackie’s current company. “I remember the conversation well, he said [You should meet my wife, you would be great at this, look into it]. What he was referring to was the Insurance and Financial Service Industry. She worked for State Farm. Jackie had a learning curve but she received a lot of support. It has allowed her the opportunity to grow, prosper and the flexibility to engage in other areas of interest as well. “It was not the path I originally envisioned but I am happy to say that is was the right one”, shares Jackie. Jackie believes that we all have barriers and challenges placed in front us of and succumbing to them or self-pity is useless. “Get up, keep moving, believe there is a grand plan and help yourself. Be unafraid to ask for help, seek out those who can, stay positive, change course when needed and be true to yourself”, strongly recommends Jackie. She also tells us that being a conscientious person in this world who very much believes we all have something to contribute and work tirelessly to do whatever I can to fulfil that, which includes reminding others we are blessed and have a heartfelt obligation to bestow our knowledge and gifts unto others.

Jackie grew up speaking Spanish primarily due to the fact that her grandparents on all sides did not speak much English and quite frankly she is thankful for that because if not for them she would not have been blessed with the ability to speak both. “It forced me to learn in order to communicate with them. It also helped that they were my babysitters”, says Jackie. Today, she is engaged and lives with her fiancé Juan, their 2 year old son Cristian and our 4 dogs (1 pit-bull Ramses, and 3 Chihuahuas Evie, Lily and Bo) on the city’s NW side in Charlotte. “We are avid dog lovers”, Jackie shares with a smile.

advertising industry and she was blessed to actually do just that. “I enjoyed my time working in Marketing but unfortunately a negative company culture can make you change gears in a major way and it is exactly what happened to me. I was no longer thrilled where I was”, says Jackie.

the same foundation and allow him to make his own choices thereafter”, says Jackie. Holiday traditions, food preparations, special treats and music are also central in Jackie’s home and they take pride in carrying on traditions. Education was always very important to Jackie’s mother and she is known for her saying [you need to use your head for more than a hat rack] “so it stuck with me and not to mention you would be facing a chancletazo if you didn’t”, says Jackie with a chuckle. Jackie never set out to actually own her own business. She graduated from Wilson Magnet High School and went on to graduate from Cornell University with a degree in Management and Marketing. Her goal was to work in the

Jackie believes Rochester is a great place to live and work. Rochester is progressive and welcoming place with a rich history. It is ever changing and a burgeoning Latino community. This city, this state and this country in her opinion provide for the prospect that anyone who is dedicated to their cause, takes time to plan and reflect, seeks out like minded individuals and resources can and will be successful. “That is a beautiful thing and anything is possible”, says Jackie with a smile. Jackie keeps her options open and never closes the door to opportunities that may present themselves. She enjoys where she is at in life but has always been keen on prospects that may allow for a bit more experiencing of the world. She wants her son to know the world is much larger than Rochester, NY.






{ You’re worth it }

by lisa cove i photo by christopher cove



“Entrepreneurship encompasses business ventures that share a commitment to turning an idea into a profitable business.” http://www. Then I decided to google “women”. This came up; “wom·an (wo͝om′ən) n. pl. wom·en (wĭm′ĭn) 1. An adult female human. 2. Women considered as a group; womankind: “Woman feels the invidious distinctions of sex exactly as the black man does those of color” (Elizabeth Cady Stanton). 3. An adult female human belonging to a specified occupation, group, nationality, or other category. Often used in combination: an Englishwoman; congresswoman; a saleswoman. 4. A female servant or subordinate. 5. Informal a. A wife.


This month’s focus for Rochester Woman on-line is “women entrepreneurs”. I have to admit, I really did not know exactly what an entrepreneur was, let alone how to spell it correctly. So, I decided to google it to give me some starting ground.

Combining an adult female with a commitment to turning an idea into a profitable business is the perfect definition. I know many successful female business owners that have done just that. However, can entepreneurship be that simplistically restricted to only an outside business? How about we substitute the word business for the words your life. I like to look at my life as a personal business. I did not start a company from the ground up. I did not take out a loan to build stock or rent a building. I do not focus on one specific idea, brand or item. I do not sell retail. I do not provide a single service. Yet I consider myself a woman entrepreneur of my life. You too can become an entrepreneur of your own life. Ask yourself; do you feel control over your time? Do you do the things you enjoy, feel passionate about and feel empowered by? Are you running your own life (business)? So often you hear about people looking forward to retirement. Their reasoning is not so they can sit around doing nothing. It is so they can enjoy their time doing what they like to do. Yes, you have to make a living and earn money to pay your bills, but when is the cost of “your” living worth your time? Is having leather seats in your car more important for you or can you settle for cloth? Do you need a home that is 3,000 sq feet or can you live in one that is less? Do you need to accept that higher paying job that takes up all your time and energy or can you take less money for more peace of mind? People that start their own businesses include that focus in their plan. They are inspired by how they can control their lives within a personally designated business. They ask themselves, “How will this business affect my lifestyle, my time and my relationships?” “Will it serve my needs, my passions, and my expectations?” With entrepreneurship comes risk, but control. I consider myself an entrepreneur of the business of my life. I am fortunate to have enough means to decide that more money is not what is best for my family and me. My

husband works a 60-plus hour/week, high stress job. His schedule is limited, and his time off is sparse. If we had to manipulate two schedules, we’d never see each other, which would make for a difficult relationship. So I developed my own full-time job with lots of part time commitments. I schedule my days around my husband and children’s schedules. I walk my dog and take some time to care for my body (yoga, run, gym). I am attentive to my mental health (meet with friends) http:// I maintain my professional connections by attending meetings with CEO’s of major companies though sitting on community boards. I raise money for charities and educate the community on numerous health topics to fulfill my nursing degree obligations, and I help people find yoga, through instruction and encouragement. Every moment of my days are utilized in a way that makes me happy. This philosophy and lifestyle took some time to figure out. But I have been practicing ever since my children were born, and I decided to be a “stay-at-homemom”, that doesn’t stay home much! http:// I never thought this title really described a mom that does not work full-time in one job, but I guess that’s what they call it. I like to call variety of activities as a mom that dictates her use of time, a woman entrepreneur. I feel successful in fulfilling the formal use of the definition of woman entrepreneur; I am the adult female human that has turned the idea of personal passions (husband, family, fitness, mental challenge, community service and professional education) into a profitable business (making enough collaborative money to live within my means). So, as you contemplate the way you run your life (business) ask yourself; “Am I using my moments doing what I love?” “Do I feel control over my life?” “Am I an entrepreneur of my life?” I hope this article helps provoke thought to encourage insight of either gratitude or the need for change,

...because you’re worth it!





{ brawn to buff } BY KITTY TERESI

Although genetics play an important role in our lives, it will not keep you fit and give you all the benefits of physical training. Being actively fit and healthy is far more beneficial to our well being and aging process. Being a fitness professional has given me the opportunity to engage in physical training with people of all ages, fitness levels, with disabilities and injuries. My advice to all of them has been the same. Train your body for life! The more you keep your body fit now, the more you will be able to enjoy life for years to come.

AGING AND FITNESS... An Amazing Partnership!

Have you ever met someone that works out regularly? You ask them their age and you are blown away by their response. You thought they were much younger than what they were. This is the wonderful side effect of being fit. The sad thing is, many folks have this idea that people who are fit must be out of the ordinary, or were just born with good genetics…

Time is usually the excuse people use for not working out. Unfortunately, if you don’t make time to work out, your retirement will be spent depending on others to care for you instead of enjoying your freedom! There is no way a senior citizen wants to be stuck at home waiting for someone to assist them. Unfortunately it happens because people do not make their fitness a priority. There is no sense of urgency to work out, but you can bet they won’t miss or be late to their social meetings and doctors appointments. Well, you need to add to your calendar a scheduled fitness time each day and give it your highest priority level. If you do this, you will spend less time at the doctor’s office and more time enjoying life! It’s never too late! Even if you start a fitness program in your senior years, you will immediately start feeling the benefits of your investment. There are plenty of apps available to help you track your activity, and alert you when you have been inactive for to long! Believe me, tomorrow you will be thankful for the fitness steps you took today. Keep it simple. To ensure you have a well rounded exercise plan, be sure to incorporate exercises that focus on strength and conditioning, balance, cardio, and flexibility. If you are injured or have disabilities, have no fear! Ask your fitness advisor for modifications to help you stay engaged in activities. There are absolutely no excuses not to have some sort of fitness regimen. Let’s go over some of the advantages of aging with fitness: - Have this feeling of well being.

- Posture is better. - Enjoy increased energy. - Kick depression and anxiety in the butt. - Manage a healthier weight. - Have a healthier lifestyle enjoying your independence by getting out and exploring the world. - Sleep better. - Continue to engage in fun physical activities. - Less likely to fall. - Have increased flexibility and reflexes. - It will help you focus and sharpen your memory. - Have an improved immune system and healthier blood pressure. - Lower risk of diseases like diabetes, heart disease, and obesity just to name a few. The bottom line is, you will add years to your life, while adding life to your years! You should be ready to commit to your fitness regimen now that you know all of the benefits fitness brings! Quick story… This past weekend I had the opportunity to chat with a friend whom I don’t see very often. My husband and I asked him when he was going to stop practicing martial arts and relax. His response was, “I once asked an old gentleman when he planned on retiring and settling down. The gentleman replied, ‘If I stop moving, I will grow roots, and then they will bury me.’ That is why I keep moving and doing what I do.” It all made very good sense to me. First thing that came to my mind was the saying, a body in motion stays in motion! Thank you Kaz! With that said, I want you to schedule (with the highest priority in your calendar) just 30 minutes of exercise at least every other day! And please keep in mind that we are all in this life long adventure to be better than we were yesterday! Let’s make the rest of your life the best of your life! For your fitness, nutritional challenges, motivation, advice and coaching, Follow me at #KitFit5pt0 !! Kitty Teresi BEDROC MMA





S Meet Ryan Scott: Social Media Moxie Builds Her Business I met Ryan a couple of years ago while we were volunteering for the same local nonprofit and working on the same fundraising event committee. Ryan is amazing. She’s smart. She’s creative.


{ SOCIAL MEDIA MOXIE } by tamara macduff

Most of all, Ryan is engaging. When you talk to Ryan she looks you in the eye. She listens to what you are saying and she responds accordingly. As our conversations turned into friendship, neighbors and networking colleagues, I learned a lot about Ryan which made me think she was perfect to introduce to you for the way she grows her business with social media moxie. She’s got it. Introducing Ryan Scott: Rodan + Fields Skincare Consultant Ryan used to work in corporate America as an accounting professional. She loved and hated her job. She was great at what she did, something was missing for her. She left her corporate position to begin a new career in the direct sales industry with Rodan + Fields, after some hesitation and much encouragement from her friend who was also a consultant. Ryan says, “My daughter pointed out my wrinkles. THAT was when I thought about using Rodan + Fields from my friend.” Kids say the darndest things. They are usually always the catalyst to our taking action and Ryan is no different. She became a consultant soon after using her Rodan + Fields products because she saw the value in the referral. She knew people who used the products and loved them. Her friends used them and she saw great results in her friend’s postings on Facebook.

Ryan’s Social Media Moxie

I asked Ryan where she found her social media moxie. She said something I rarely hear from business owners who do their social media strategy. Ryan said, “I just thought about what I would normally scroll past. I was my own ideal client. I posted regularly and I listened to what my customers/friends were saying on my posts.” Because she is posting regularly and strategically across her platforms, she actually got a sale from a post on Instagram! She was surprised because she isn’t all about the sales, she’s about building relationships and knowing her customers. Ryan has figured out what social media moxie is for her and her business. It’s all about the customer – listening and providing what they want and need. It’s not a big secret though this one piece of advice I give out frequently goes unheard or unheeded by business owners. 20 Seconds of Courage: Just Do It. I asked Ryan if she had a mantra. She faced down common fears we all have when we start new ventures or begin to learn something new. How did she get herself through that? Ryan explained, “I heard a long time ago about the 20 second rule of courage. You only need 20 seconds of courage to do great things. Once you use your 20 seconds of courage, you are

well on your way to accomplishing whatever you set out to do.” I thought that was great advice! I hear many business owners who are afraid of social media, afraid of posting the wrong thing and getting caught in the weeds. I also hear business owners who are afraid of trying something new – a new social media trick, a new idea to grow their business. Think of what we could all accomplish if we took Ryan’s advice of using 20 seconds of courage?

Going Beyond Clicks, Likes & Follows

While Rodan + Fields and other company’s do lay out a strategy for social media and provide training, what sets them apart from others is that they do lead by example. They, as a company, believe in the power of relationship building for growing their consultant’s business and their own. Ryan told me they often tell consultants to focus on the business and fall back on the products. Social media is powerful, there’s no doubt about that. It takes relationship building and thinking conversation to move the needle in the social media world. This is something that Rodan + Fields and Ryan have embraced.

Finding YOUR Social Media Moxie

Follow these simple steps to finding your own social media moxie for your business. 1) Listen to your audience. What do they want you to talk about? What questions do they have for you? What solutions does your business provide for them? 2) Engage with your audience. Posting is not a strategy. Consistent posting is not a strategy. Engage and listen – the two skills often overlooked yet critical to social media success. 3) Be Active, Helpful & Consistent. How often you post and the quality of the content you post is critical to your success. Ask yourself before you post anything – even if your company tells you to post it – “will this bring value to MY following?” If the answer is No for your following find a way to re-purpose that content so it will provide value or don’t post it at all. Still have questions about finding your social media moxie? Connect with me online and let’s talk. I love conversations with others and I help where I can. In the meantime, connect with Ryan on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest or LinkedIn. She would love to hear from you and answer your skincare questions. Tamara MacDuff, an award-winning business owner at Web Moxie Media. She empowers business owner to get real results from their social media efforts & teaches workshops on social media, social media strategy and content creation & strategy. For more information visit her website at or reach out on Twitter (@WebMoxieMedia), Facebook (fb. com/webmoxiemedia) or LinkedIn ( tamaramacduff) She loves great coffee and conversation. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ mind, body & Spirit }




H { mind, body & Spirit }


appy estrovera

I have always been puzzled and marveled by the Easter egg. Raised as a Spanish Catholic young woman, I could never quite make out what all the fuss was about. Foreigner to all the pagan traditions that enrich the Anglo-Saxon world, I failed to infer any meaning in the egg phenomenon. They were pretty, in fact some of them were true works of art. But really, what was eluding me? What untold stories was I missing about these eggs? What had eggs to do with the brutality of the beloved sacrifice?

I have always been puzzled and marveled by the Easter egg. Raised as a Spanish Catholic young woman, I could never quite make out what all the fuss was about. Foreigner to all the pagan traditions that enrich the Anglo-Saxon world, I failed to infer any meaning in the egg phenomenon. They were pretty, in fact some of them were true works of art. But really, what was eluding me? What untold stories was I missing about these eggs? What had eggs to do with the brutality of the beloved sacrifice?

As a child, Easter was a cognitive dissonance for me. The popular life representations of the Passion of Christ and the street processions terrified me and put an end to my faith in the God of Christianity. Yet the child longing for the divine didn’t stop. By my mid-twenties I could no longer identify with the Christian patriarchal god. I abandoned the church but found myself craving for communion out of dogma and scriptures. So the search for the Holy Grail began. Tracing my Celtic ancestry I came across their pagan traditions and Celtic Wheel of the Year. I observed its festivals and visited its spiritual heart centers: Stonehenge, Avebury and Glastonbury. I learned from druids about Equinoxes and Solstices, and I danced tirelessly with Wiccans in oak groves throughout England and Wales. I followed the phases of the Moon and the stereotypes she represents in a woman’s life. I encountered Goddess Spirituality and I met Ostara.

Ostara, Eostre, Eastre are some of the many names the goddess of fertility that ancient Germanic traditions celebrated on the Spring/ Vernal Equinox. She stands as one of the oldest creational myths in our culture, and her festivities

and rites commemorate the magnificent power of Nature to come back from the hibernation of winter months. But what unlocked the mystery of the eggs hidden beyond the imbued meaning of death and rebirth cycles came as an etymological discovery for me, not a religious one. Finding that the word estrogen derived from Eostre came as mystical epiphany. The light went on! All those pretty eggs aren’t chickens eggs?, goose eggs?, ostrich eggs?, robin eggs?, cardinal eggs?, woodpeckers’ eggs?, mockingbird eggs?, or even blue bird eggs? Nope. Eostara’s secret meaning presents us with the opportunity to celebrate a woman’s creational power literally and metaphorically speaking. The eggs we are to be celebrating are our own eggs! Yes, and although we do not think about it in those terms, we do lay eggs. Imagine if we taught our pubescent girls to place all that love, care, dedication, respect and sense of awe we displace onto all those Easter eggs onto their own eggs, instead of loading them with unpleasant cultural ideas about menstruation and menopause. Would that increase their selfesteem and aid them to be successful? Would the millions of dollars spent on PMS medication be freed to buy books and art supplies? Would respect for the egg’s life span and natural life cycles create a society that doesn’t stigmatize and victimize young pregnant women and dichotomize itself over pro-choice and pro-life? After all they are doing what Mother Nature knows how to do best! Would respect for our reproductive self help us to create the kind of society that delivers the networks and infrastructures necessary to support their journey? Of course, our culture has made ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: april 2017


{ mind, body & Spirit } amazing strides to separate our biology from our biography, and I am not here suggesting anything contrary to Simon de Beauvoir’s ideas, yet the reality is that most women are still bound to the dilemma of having to choose career versus maternity and struggling with the emotional, psychological and financial consequences of their choices.

entice us into believing we are free, that we are in control of our reproductive destiny. It is a dangerous illusion, and the underlined truth is that we are still boxed into the Mother archetype. Even today, an emancipated, self reliant and accomplished woman can easily encounter the intangible social pressure to procreate. Yet many women find themselves

without unknowingly participating in the perpetuating of patriarchy in order to fulfill their lives.

The Golden Egg myth has been reinvented, and the commodity of 21st-century assistedfertility technology is dangled ahead of us in an absurd attempt to attain the elusive equal status with men in the working fields. We have created the illusion that we can have children as late in life as we want. Now more than ever we can have it all and we are literally buying into it. That is, as long as you can afford it. Once again, procreation rights and privileges divide us instead of unite us.

trapped in a motherhood role that steals their true creative power.

beyond stereotypes of feminity and womanhood, to come together in a big sisterhood where we can finally set aside discrepancies and differences and heal the world around us.

Women are being presented with choices that 208


Eostara is a time to celebrate women’s birthright to be the creatress of the reality she inhabits. This is why it is so important that we unite, regardless of where we stand on reproductive rights and policies. We need to support each other, even when we may not agree with our most intimate choices. It is necessary that we come together and construct a society where woman choose the roles they want to play,

Eostara offers us the chance to look at our potential and develop it, to create the lives we dream and deserve, child in arm or childless. She guides us to create a new order to live our lives

We need to stretch out of our own egg shells to develop the absolute compassion towards one another and practice the unconditional love that characterizes the teachings that led Jesus to his crucifixion. May you have a happy Eostara celebration full of new ideas, projects and collaborations with the awesome women in your community.

{ given wings } BY JESSICA KELLY

FIRST IMPRESSIONS are everything Three to five seconds - that’s it! That’s the amount of time it takes your potential customers to analyze you and your business from their first impression of your website. This snap judgement of your business’s character and reliability is done in less time than it takes to read the navigation menu on your website.

through their story faster as if they were reading CliffNotes on their business.

Why so quick? Because potential customers want to identify with the businesses they choose to do patronize. They want to feel your entire business’s story and identify with it’s message before they spend a dime with you.

1. Better Visitor Experience

Because of this snap judgement, businesses are going packing a punch and pouring their souls out on their homepages. Some are even pairing multi-page websites down to only one page so their audience gets a full glimpse of their offerings without having to click around. Navigation bars no longer send their customers down a rabbit hole of clicks to poke around for information. Instead, business share their entire soul on the first and only page and use their navigation as hot links to sections on their pageless site to help their customers skim 210


If you’re planning on launching a new business in 2017, think about going “pageless” with your web design. Here are my Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Go Pageless with your next web design: Think about everything you have to offer and putting it all in one easy to navigate page. You visitors won’t have to worry about getting lost in the pages and you can rest assure that they’ll see everything you have to offer.

2. Easier Navigation

When designing a one page site, navigation is a beautiful thing. Rather than taking you to multiple pages where your information is hidden, your navigation will bring your visitors to sections on the one page. You can rest assure that all your information is seen by your visitor whether they’re scrolling down the page or using your navigation.

3. Higher Google Rating

Let’s be honest. Having the highest Goolge

rating is every business owner’s goal. When you have a one page website there is higher chance for better Google ranking. Because your site is only one page, your high Google ranking would be applied to the whole site, increasing the traffic to you site.

4. Easier Site Maintenance

It’s a no brainer that a one page website would be easier to maintain. And when you’re focusing on kicking off a new business, having an easy-to-maintain website is a beautiful thing. When you need to make some changes to the site, it’s a lot simpler than a site with a lot of pages, leaving time for you to get back to your real job.

5. Best First Impression

One page websites are not the norm. When your potential customer visits your unique site, they’ll surely be impressed with your innovative design. Before you contact a web designer, keep in mind the option to design a simple, expression and very informative “pageless” site for your new business.


{ calendar of events }

RWO march launch party




TIMe: 5:30-8pm

TIMe: 12:00-4:00pm

more info: networkrocqueen@




day of empowering women events... WOMEN ENTREPRENEURS EXPO location: HOLIDAY INN DOWNTOWN 70 STATE STREET TIMe: 12-5PM more info: www.dayofempowering



location Rochester Theatre

time 6:30-9:

more ticketmaster



location: ochester Broadway heatre League

time: :30pm




{ calendar of events }

Spring Break ZooCamp

2017 Roc City Tattoo Expo


location: Seneca Park Zoo

location: holiday inn downtown 70 state street


TIMe: April 21 at 1pmapril 23rd at 6pm

TIMe: 6:00-9:00pm

TIMe: APril 17-21 9am-4pm more info:


more info: www.roccitytattooexpo. com








Burgundy Basin Inn, 1361 Marsh R Tickets: $30 in Advance, $10 for ch

Bring your mother, daughter, sister or friend and enjo Show featuring local businesses, including prom dress


Shop with 20+ Vendors * Goodie Bags * Cash Bar

Proceeds benefit summer enrichment opportunities for students at You


To purchase tickets, visit www.YoungWomensCollegePr

{ menopause moment }

By James Woods, M.D., and Elizabeth Warner, M.D.


MENOPAUSE THE STORY OF PROGESTERONE The hormone progesterone frequently is discussed with regard to menstruation, fertility, pregnancy, and contraception during reproductive years or in the context of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) with estrogen in menopause. Women, however, often have questions as to the nature of “natural” progesterone as compared with a progestin, which is a synthetic version, or why the route of administration may at times create different reactions, risks, and benefits. Progesterone’s role in the menstrual cycle is well understood. The reproductive cycle is controlled by a small group of neurons in the hypothalamus called the KNDy neurons (kisspepsin, neurokinin B, and dynorphin), which become active at puberty. Under their control, gonadotrophin-releasing hormone neurons in the hypothalamus activate the pituitary to release follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinizing hormone (LH) to stimulate the ovaries to advance follicle development. During the follicular or growth phase of the menstrual cycle, estrogen secretion from the ovaries acts on the endometrium, the lining of the uterus, to thicken it by converting short, straight, narrow glands in the decidua to long, tortuous glands. A spike of LH leads to extrusion of the ovum (ovulation). The fimbria of the fallopian tubes captures the ovum and, if sperm are available, fertilization can follow. The ovarian site of ovulation, now called the corpus luteum, begins to produce progesterone to further develop the endometrium in order to maintain the anticipated early pregnancy. With failure of fertilization, estrogen and progesterone levels fall, decidual ischemia develops, and menses results. Discerning the biologic effect of progesterone can first be traced to R. deGraaf (1672) and later to L.A. Prenent and G. Born (1898). Others, in the early 1900s, wrote of the effects of secretions from the corpus luteum upon the endometrium. Then, in 1929, G.W. Corner and W.A. Allen demonstrated the importance of the corpus luteum for maintaining the early pregnancy. But understanding the structure of the hormone and not just its actions was achieved by R.E.

Marker at The Pennsylvania State College (later University) who started with Sarsasapogenin, a plant steroid isolated from Sarsaparilla. He produced progesterone in a three-step chemical process that became known as the “Marker Degradation”. Using Sarsasapogenin and its laboratory manipulation, however, was very expensive. The next historical step was to utilize the Beth root from the lily family to produce Diogenin, a compound which previously had been isolated by the Japanese from a yam of the Dioscorea family. Then, in 1941, Marker learned of a plant called Cabeza de Negro, also of the Dioscorea family, existing in Vercruz, Mexico. When no U.S. company was interested, Marker returned to Mexico and dried ten tons of it to make 3 kilograms of progesterone. Through the 1940s, Marker formed or joined several companies as other investigators began taking the lead to economically develop progesterone production from plants. Synthetic progestins, in contrast, were birthed in a laboratory. Scientists, applying techniques used to convert testosterone to estrone and estradiol, coupled with additional known chemical steps, produced norethindrone. Norethindrone, a progestin, is one of the two active components (along with an estrogen) of the first oral contraceptive pills (OCP). Later generations of progestins in OCPs and HRT formulations differed from each other in their affinities for estrogen, androgen, and progesterone receptors with resulting differing side effects. With the ability to inhibit ovulation, alone or in combination with estrogens, progestins now are accepted as critical components of oral contraceptives, intrauterine devices, and progesterone contraceptive implants. The role of progesterone and progestins in menopause medicine as part of HRT, however, has been more controversial. Progesterone was not always a part of HRT. The effectiveness of estrogen to reduce menopausal symptoms led the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to approve diethylstilbestrol (DES) in 1941 and Premarin® in 1942. As a result, estrogen use soared in the 1960s and early 1970s until mid-1970 when reports of estrogen-related endometrial hyperplasia and cancer began to appear. The addition of a progestin to counter the stimulatory effect of estrogen on the endometrium resulted

in PremPro®, a combination of Premarin®, a conjugated group of estrogens derived from the urine of pregnant mares and medroxyprogesterone acetate, a progestin. This product was employed in the Women’s Health Initiative (WHI), a study with the intent to prove the efficacy of menopausal hormones for bone and heart health. Instead it demonstrated a small increased risk of breast cancer, a shocking result that was not found in the second arm of that study that only employed Premarin® for women who did not have a uterus. The use of all HRT plummeted after 2002 when the results were published and the study prematurely stopped. Today, current thinking is that the responsible agent was the progestin when combined with Premarin®. Modern HRT requires that a menopausal woman with a uterus who is on estrogen must take some type of progesterone. While progestins are still used by some, oral micronized progesterone has become the standard. Some have used a daily dose of 100 mg. Others use 200 mg for 14 days at the end of every three months. But premenstrual-like discomfort is often described as a side effect of this higher dose. Because oral progesterone must be absorbed by the intestine and has a “first pass” through the liver, this route is often bypassed by using progesterone as a vaginal suppository. Studies of infertility patients on progesterone indicate that the vaginal route is a more effective way to deliver progesterone to the uterus. The science of hormones continues to have its champions and its critics. Still, progress is being made as scientists and clinicians combine laboratory and clinical studies to improve women’s health. By James Woods, M.D., and Elizabeth Warner, M.D./menopause blog: https://www.urmc. James Woods, M.D. is a practicing gynecologist certified in menopausal medicine and a regular contributor to Rochester Woman Magazine. Elizabeth Warner, M.D., is a retired gynecologist living in Rochester, NY. For questions regarding this menoPAUSE or other menopausal issues you would like to see addressed in future editions, please call him at (585) 271-7800 or email him at

Jim Woods MD

We have a BLOG for Menopause! Why me? Why have the years when I was having children been so well orchestrated for the preservation of the species, only to leave me feeling like this? When I see my doctor, my first thoughts are “What has happened to my memory, why am I gaining weight, why is my skin drying up, what is bone loss, why is intercourse painful, in fact why do I not care for sex at all and why do I go from urinary tract infection, to vaginal yeast infection, to other infections around my vagina, and then back to urinary tract infection? What are these bursting moments of hot flashes, why do my moods swing so widely, and what are these new awkward aches? Why does my doctor talk to me about my cardiac risks when fear of breast cancer is my mountain to climb, and what are my options for management of these problems? If my doctor talks about hormonal management, I am really confused regarding what are bioidentical hormones, should I go on hormones and for how long, and what are the differences between the estrogen patch and the pill?” For several months we have provided short discussions regarding aspects of menopause in our BLOG that can be reached by We hope you will enjoy and learn from these discussions. Jim Woods MD (UR Medicine: Menopause and Women’s Health ;formerly Hess/Woods Gyn) Phone 585 2717800.

H { new in the roc } BY JULIA ANTENUCCI


We go to salons because we want to feel different. Whether it’s a simple trim or dramatic color transformation, nothing can help a person feel confident and ready for anything like a day at the hair salon.

I walked into HUE Salons on Marketplace Drive looking for change and expecting palpable transformation. I not only got just that, but I received the kind of immersive beauty experience that I don’t just crave, but one that I feel is often missing in typical hair and beauty settings.



Welcome to HUE Salons, an immersive, fullservice hair and beauty salon spearheaded by Blake Dufault, a seasoned stylist that hopes to change the structure of traditional salons and how we experience even the simplest of beauty services.

HUE Salons offers professional hair and beauty treatments, using exclusively Paul Mitchell and CAO Cosmetics products. With an extensive color bar and a team of young, creative stylists and makeup artists, HUE offers looks that not only make you feel beautiful, but will bring out a side of you that you never knew you had.

Originally from Rochester, Blake always knew that he wanted to be a stylist. He earned his chops at the Paul Mitchell Hair School in Orlando Florida, where he worked and excelled in his craft. Upon graduation, he even had the opportunity to assist the school’s owner, Giulio Veglio, in opening a Paul Mitchell franchise, Lunatic Fringe Salon. Soonafter graduation, Blake returned to Rochester. Upon returning, he worked in premier salons, attending numerous workshops as a continuation of his craft. But as Blake continued to gain expertise and experience, he began dreaming of opening a salon of his own. And with the help of his girlfriend, Amanda Sparrin, HUE Salons came to life, with the mission

of changing the way we think about our hair experience. One of the pillars of HUE Salon’s mission and beliefs is to give back to the Rochester community. Every Sunday, the stylists volunteer their time to give haircuts to those in need. In addition, the salon is the very first adaptive salon in Rochester, meaning that it accommodates to individuals with a range of special needs and abilities. Another unique facet of HUE is its payment structure. The color and cuts are extremely affordable, and are also offered on a subscription basis. On a range of tiers, subscribers can receive unlimited cuts, colors, waxes, and other premier services from HUE. Before my time with HUE, I was experiencing what I would like to call a hair lull. Typically, I’m someone who likes to experiment with her hair and overall look. After all, life is short, youth is fleeting, and if there’s one thing that’s certain, it’s that hair always grows back well, mine does at least. But after a year of varying shades of blonde, pastels, and dramatic haircuts, I let my hair take its natural course. It looked fine -- I’m lucky to have loose natural waves that although stubborn at times, seem to look alright after a night of tossing and turning.

{ new in the roc }



{ new in the roc }

But I was bored. In the weight of major life changes, such as a move and leaving my career of almost two years, I needed my outer appearance to match the fiery uncertainty I felt churning within.

But I was bored. In the weight of major life changes, such as a move and leaving my career of almost two years, I needed my outer appearance to match the fiery uncertainty I felt churning within. As soon as I spoke to Blake, I knew I was in good hands. Before even stepping into the salon, we discussed my goals, past styles and what I wanted out of the experience. I told him to let his team have fun with my work, and he assured me I would not be disappointed.simplistic design 220


elements, I felt relaxed in the sophisticated environment as my style and makeup team gently poked and prodded at my hair and face. And then there’s the haircut. I’ve tried it all, but Blake decided to push my limits, suggesting an asymmetrical cut. Again, I sucked my cheeks, held my breath, and decided to go for it. Using a razoring technique, he worked quickly and expertly, quite literally transforming

my once-brown overgrown bob into a fiery, cutting-edge do. And the results? To be honest, when I looked in the mirror, I almost didn’t recognize myself. But I mean that in a good way. I didn’t go to HUE to maintain a cut (something they can certainly do). I wanted to feel different, emboldened. And rest assured, with my electrifying red hair and smoldering lip, I felt ready for anything.

T { toddlers & Tykes } by monica infante.

When my son was three months old, I made a decision that improved my experience of motherhood—and changed my life. I created Flower City Mamas, a Meetup group aimed at first-time moms whose babies were born in 2012, the same year as my son. The group was more successful than I had imagined, at its peak reaching 100 mom members, and the sisterhood and camaraderie we shared were invaluable. That experience led me to launch Babies & Bumps in 2013. The now-annual event—which we’ve so far brought to four other cities—helps prepare new and soon-to-be parents for all aspects of having a baby and connects them with a wealth of local resources for new families. In the four years since, Babies & Bumps has continued to educate and empower.

Toddlers & Tykes: A Day of Education and Information for Parents of Little Ones

Like many new moms, I found myself struggling after the birth of my first child. Breastfeeding was difficult at first, and an unexpected C-section meant a painful recovery. Though I had an incredibly supportive husband and good friends to cheer me on, I felt isolated as I cared for my new baby.



Two years after my son was born, we welcomed a daughter, and today our children are two and four years old. Each stage of a child’s development brings new joys and challenges for parents, and I know firsthand that our need for support, education, and local connections remains just as strong when our kids move past the baby stage into toddlerhood and beyond. That’s why this year I decided to launch a companion event to Babies & Bumps called Toddlers & Tykes. Designed for parents and caregivers of children aged two to five, this new venture will allow us to grow with families as their needs evolve. No longer preoccupied by getting up to speed on pregnancy and childbirth, newborn care, baby’s first solid food, and the many other topics that consume the minds of new parents and parentsto-be, our audience for Toddlers & Tykes has begun to think about things like potty training, parenting philosophies, preschool selection, and fun and educational classes for their kids. For those who decide to add a second child to the mix, new issues pop up, such as preparing a first child for the new addition, and dealing with sibling rivalries.

While Toddlers & Tykes enables us to address new subjects, we’ll continue to focus on our core values. We’re committed to giving parents the knowledge to make important decisions for their children and families, exposing them to local resources they may not be familiar with, boosting their confidence as moms and dads, and easing their worries and fears—all in a supportive, judgment-free zone. As parents know, and as parents-to-be soon find out, today there are countless books, magazines, websites, blogs, and online discussion groups devoted to raising children. Being faced with so many tools can give us information overload, and that’s where Toddlers & Tykes comes in. Unlike the experience of reading a parenting book or doing an online search, attending an event like Toddlers & Tykes means that you can meet experts face-to-face (not to mention other parents!), ask the specific questions you’ve had

on your mind, and get the answers you want. Here are some of the information-packed seminars, helpful demonstrations, and other activities that parents will find at Rochester’s first annual Toddlers & Tykes:

Live Demonstrations of Local Classes

Our demonstrations provide parents with a unique way to learn about potential activities for their little ones. Going beyond a brief description you might read on a local website, our special live demos give parents a window into the classroom—plus the chance to meet the instructors—that will help them decide which classes and organizations are the best fit for their kids. Our schedule includes music, dance, martial arts, and more.

Seminars and Workshops for Parents

To give parents the information they need to enrich their children’s lives and guide their development, we’re also offering learning opportunities of all sorts, in which local businesses and organizations will share their expertise. Parents will hear from the New York Wine & Culinary Center on cooking for kids, Trinity Montessori School on how to apply Montessori principles in the home, and Small Fry Art Studio on creating a home art studio, just to name a few. This year’s seminars cover a variety of topics relevant to parents of toddlers, preschoolers, and kindergarteners, including mindful parenting, little ones’ big emotions, and sibling preparation. A representative from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children will speak on child safety, and Progressive Early Learning will discuss the power of play. My hope for Toddlers & Tykes is that, just as with Babies & Bumps, the parents who attend will leave with the tools to put their chosen activities and techniques into practice at home—whether they’ve learned potty training tips, proven parenting techniques, or ways to choose a preschool—and will benefit from their new familiarity with the many resources in the Rochester area that enhance life for families with young kids. Raffles will be held at both events, and 100% of raffle ticket sales will be donated to Baby Safe Sleep Coalition and the Crisis Nursery, a program of the Center for Youth. Attendees are also encouraged to bring cloth and disposable diapers, as well as wipes, creams, and other diapering supplies, to donate to ROC City Bottoms. Toddlers & Tykes will be held on Sunday, April 9th, and Babies & Bumps will be held the day before, on Saturday, April 8th. Both events run from 9:30AM to 2PM at the RIT Inn & Conference Center (5257 West Henrietta Road, Henrietta, NY 14467). Tickets for each event are $25 for individuals, $40 for pairs, and $15 per person for groups of six or more and attendees must pre-register online at babies-and-bumps. com. If available, tickets will be sold at the door for $30. All attendees will receive a gift bag with product samples, along with information and special offers from local organizations. For more information visit or email




{ wise up }


BEYOND TAXES Taxes seem to be the topic of choice for April, but should they be? I would suggest no! Here’s why. Think about it, why not use an effective strategy throughout the year not just in April when our tax returns are due? I believe one reason is because for many of us this time of year is viewed as a painful reminder. Concerns about how much I’ll owe and how to pay it seem to dominate our conversations. Not to mention increasing our stress level.


For example, if you are getting back $3,000 that’s $250/month you could have used in your cash flow. Please don’t insult yourself by trying to justify “but I like getting money back” or I use it for all these great and wonderful purposes! Really, no not actually! An interest free 12-15 month free loan to the state and federal government instead of yourself? Why?

I suggest a better way. First, we know this time comes every year so why not plan for it accordingly? In advance? Like yesterday?

I hear the ‘forced savings’ camp about to comment. Yes, possible just not very efficient. You will do better by setting up your own monthly savings i.e. emergency account! In the example above you could set aside the $250/month and then decide where to allocate the money!

I’m often amazed how reasonably intelligent people rejoice at getting a large refund! Think, that’s actually an interest free loan of your money to our friends in Albany and Washington. Moreover, that’s your money you could have used for a number of things. Retirement fund, vacations, various purchases, paying down or not using debt, helping family and friends. In my opinion there are so many better uses. It just requires discipline and a little planning in advance.

I find it funny that April is targeted as the financial literacy month, yet so many do the wrong things with money in April. With a little time and discipline I believe we could be so much better off and put ourselves in a better financial position. Much of the current financial news sites and articles are printing the message of how unprepared and under saved we are for retirement. Health issues, emergencies and life in general. Pay attention. Please! I urge you to wake up – these issues are

real and will have a devastating impact on your future. If you are a small business owner I think you should seriously consider a retirement plan for you and your employees. If you are an employee, ask your employer about setting up a retirement plan. The bare minimum you should consider in my opinion is an IRA or a Roth IRA. There are a number of retirement plan options to consider. They are beyond the scope of this article. The two other articles on employment and retirement might be worth revisiting. There are also a number of excellent source books on finance and personal financial topics. A word of caution, pay attention to actual practitioners, experts, and researchers, not the hyped Hollywood types that claim to know finances and are selling you on their marketing and sizzle, not actual knowledge. Michael A. Masiello is a partner in the FourBridges Fiancial Group. A full service financial planning firm. He can be reached via email at mmasiello@fourbridgesfinancial. com or by phone at 585-720-0590.

{ women elect }

The WomenElect Training Program From October 1st—16th of 2013, the federal government shutdown due to partisan fighting in Congress. That shutdown and stopped paychecks to government employees and retirees who relied on social security and veterans. It halted important work in research and oversight, education and healthcare. It put families and our society at risk, all over a political disagreement. It was widely reported that it was the women members of the U.S. Senate who continued to work in a bi-partisan fashion to craft a compromise that would end the shutdown and get the federal government back to the work of serving the citizens.


primarily by women in the Senate.” Senator Susan Collins remarked, “Although we span the ideological spectrum, we are used to working together in a collaborative way. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that women were so heavily involved in trying to end this stalemate”. This is one small example of why it is so important that women serve the public as elected officials. This is why WEPac, a non partisan political action committee, founded the WomenElect program in 2009 to help women say, “yes!” to running for office. The WomenElect program is a four month leadership development program that helps women assess their inner strengths and networks of support through a local political lens. The program came to Rochester in 2016 with the first class of 6 women graduating this spring. Research has shown that when women run, women win at the same rates as their male counterparts. But the dismal numbers of representation in our government seems to tell another story. Only 19% of members in the U.S. House of Representatives are women so, the answer to the question of disparity is that not enough women step up to run.

The women shunned the notion that because they were not united by a political party they should avoid talking to one another. Instead the women of the Senate continued their regular potlucks sharing food, getting to know each other, and doing the business of a legislative body by working to find a solution that could garner enough votes to re-open the government.

WomenElect is a program that seeks to empower women who are involved in their communities to take that work a step further to public office. The program is meant to be taken long before she seeks a specific office and to help her understand the process, get involved in the local political community and to think through her own message and her values in order to effectively communicate her vision to others.

After that vote Senator John McCain said, “Leadership, I must fully admit, was provided

The WomenElect training program runs twice a year in Buffalo and Rochester, NY and is


currently expanding to locations across the state. It is a non-partisan program which means that members of any political party can apply, with one requirement, that all of the participants are pro-choice to ensure protection of women’s reproductive rights. Classes are taught by local professionals and builds on skills such as talking with the media, creating campaign budgets, fund raising and networking. The tuition is low and flexible so that cost is not a barrier to encouraging a varied demographic of women to enter the class. “As a trained parent leader, I’ve grown to love and understand the Greater Rochester community, educators, specialists, leaders, entrepreneurs, businesses, advocates and philanthropist. All are key players in ensuring a healthy and strong community for our children to grow in. But it’s time to step it up and have greater representation of our needs as a community in local, regional and national policies and laws. The WomenElect four month training program is a positive way to make this happen. It has been an inspiring pleasure to have trained along side my fellow WomenElect classmates with our local political leaders and political professionals. With a new level of confidence and preparedness, we are ready to civically engage as women leaders with the ability to one day run successfully for political open office.”(Heather Dulisse, WomenElect Rochester Cohort 1). If you, or someone your know is interested in more information about the WomenElect program, or to become a member of WEPac, please visit WomenElect – striving for 50%!

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