TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS:
MY ROAD TO PEACE AND AUTHENTICITY
ANGELENAHINDOCHA
Iwalkedfromthekitchenintothe livingroom,Ifeltanunexpected calmnesswashoverme.Ilookedat myhusbandofovertenyears,a manIloveddearlyandpassionately.
Idon’twantthisforthenext40 years,wasthethoughtspinningin myhead.Outloud,Isaid,“Idon’t thinkthisisworking.Ithinkweshould separate”
Hisresponsewasasimple,“Yeah”In thatmoment,Irealisedhehad alreadyemotionallyleftour relationship,hejusthadn’ttoldme!
InthemonthsthatfollowedItriedto navigate,planandorganisewhat mynewlifewouldlooklike.Ihadn’t anticipatedtheimmenseinternal shameandblameIwouldfeel.
Fromdayone,myfocuswasonwhat myboyswouldneed.
Iwasdeterminednottolettheirlives fallapart Iquicklyrealisedthat tryingtobesupermumforthem wasn’tgoingtowork.
Therewasnospaceforme noroom forAngelenatobeseen,heard,or valued.
Nopathforwardtobecomingokay, because,Iwasn’tok,Iwashurt,sad, andlost.
OneofthefirstthingsIdidwastoadd friendsintoaWhatsAppgroup,my innercircle.Thiswasn’tinitiallya healingorgrowthstrategy;Ijust didn’twanttokeeprepeatingmy storyoverandoveragain.
Thesewomenbecamemysupport network.I’vealwaysbeengreatat givingadviceandsupportbutterrible ataskingforit.
Ilackedthepatiencetoseekhelp, preferringtofixmyproblemsand moveon However,griefandloss requiretime,love,andnurturing.
My“fixitandmoveon”mentality wasn’tgoingtoworkhere.Ineeded MYTRIBE,mysafetynetofpeople readytocatchmewhenIfellapart.
ItoldmyfriendsthatImightneed them,thatthisgroupwasmywayof reachingoutandsaying,“I’mokay today,buttomorrowImightnotbe.”
Beingrealaboutmysituation, acceptingthatitcouldgetworse beforeitgotbetter,changedme.It mademestronger.
Forthefirsttime,Iputmyneedsfirst, realisingIwouldn’ttrulybealonewith mytribebesideme.
So,ifaskingforhelpfeltsofreeing, whatotherchangescouldImaketo positivelyimpactmylife?
Ah,the“Mask”,I’veoftenheardthe sayings,“Putyourmaskonfirst,”or “Youcan’tpourfromanemptycup.”I thoughtIunderstoodthem,butI didn’t.Ispentyearsputtingeveryone elsefirst,pleasingtheworldwithlittle regardformyself.
Infact,Icamesolowonmyownlistof prioritiesthateventhecatranked higher Iwasamother,wife,daughter, sister,teacher,andfriend,with Angelenasomewhereatthebottom.
Whenthetearscleared,Ipondered howIcouldchange,howIneededto seemylifemovingindifferent directions IrealisedIneededtorise uponmyownprioritylist.Idecidedto shiftmymindset,creatinganew prioritylistforeverydecision:
1Theboys'NEEDS 2MyNEEDS. .
3MyWANTS. .
4Theboys'WANTS. .
Atfirst,thisfeltselfish Iwasn’tusedto makingmyownneedsandwantsa priority.Makingdecisionsthisway ensuredallofourneedswerealways met.
Tosurvivetheemotionalstormahead,I neededtoputmymaskonfirstbefore addressingtheirwants.
Thisapproachhelpedmemakedifficult decisions,likewhentotellthemabouta newpartner.
Checkinginwithmyselftoseeifmy choicesmetmyboysneedsaswellas mineandallowingmyselftosay,thisis somethingIwantforme,ensuredour needswerealwaysmet,givingme spacetoslowdownandpourmoreinto myself.
MyboysandIarenowthriving,happy, andunitedasthethreemusketeers.The needs/wantsmodelhasworksforus
Iamthebestversionofmyself authenticallymeandincrediblyproud.
AngelenaHindochaisanACC ICFaccreditedTransformation MindsetCoachwithaDiploma inNeuroscienceforcoaches.
Helpingparentsrediscovertheir internalreasonforbeingand createlivesbulgingatthe seamswithjoy
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