Beckie

SPOOKY VEGAN COOKIES

Ingredients:

300g plain flour (plus a little for the side/rolling dough) 110g caster sugar 200g vegan margarine (sub for normal if you want, but use 1-2 tsp vanilla if so!) 2 1/2 tsp vanilla extract 1/2 tsp salt (this helps bring out the buttery taste!)

1. Cream together the margarine and caster sugar, and then add in the vanilla extract and the salt, combine this thoroughly until it is of a smooth consistency. 2. Sift in the plain flour using a sieve and mix this into the buttery mixture until there are no lumps and it forms a dough. I found that mixing it in until it was mainly one big lump of dough and some breadcrumb bits and then using my hands to form the dough to be the best way to do this.

3. Roll the dough into a ball/lump and wrap this in cling film and place in the fridge for at least 30 minutes. I found the best thing to do is wait for an hour but half an hour will be okay if you’re in a rush!

4. Pre-heat the oven (140 degrees celsius for a fan oven, 160 degrees celsius for a conventional oven) and grease a baking tray/ use parchment paper (you do you here, I love parchment/reusable baking sheets!)

5. Roll the dough out until it is around 4mm in thickness, and then cut out your shapes using either cutters, or by cutting them out freehand with a knife (extra spooky points here!)

6. Place the biscuits on the tray and bake for 1517 minutes. When baked they will be a goldenbrown colour, so you’ll be able to tell by eye if you don’t like timing things or if your oven is a bit hotter/colder than most (all ovens are different and it baffles me!)

7. Once baked, allow them to cool for a bit and then move them onto a cooling rack, allowing them to cool evenly and become ready for either eating or icing!

8. Decorate. Eat. Dip in choc. ENJOY!

Truly Terrible Films

Over lockdown I was shielding, and in that time I consumed a lot of content. From my own experience, the best way to distract yourself is to watch something so bad it’s good and forget about the weird world around you. Terrible films make everything much better. So I present to you my top three terrible films that I saw in those over 84 days. They’re truly, truly awful, and I have zero regrets. If you’re not after spooky films these might just be the dose of stupidity you need in this bleak time - you’re welcome and no, I’m not sorry.

TerrorDactlyl (2016)

This one was truly brilliant, and made me forget all my woes. The title was sadly changed to Jurassic Wars but in my heart the first title stands. The film sees a classic LA day turn to chaos when a meteor shower rain over the city our ‘heroes’ Lars and Jonas decide to strike whilst the rocks are hot and sell one. Once in the possession of one however, Pterodactyls pursue them and cause city-wide chaos.They encounter bartender Valerie and her flatmate Sampson who are the romantic interests and together they decide to find a way to ensure the pterodactyls stay extinct forreal this time. Whilst it’s a 4.6/10 on IMDB, it’s so ridiculous and was really fun to watch so it’s a very solid 8/10 from me.

Kung Fury (2015)

We start this experience (yes, experience, not film, watch it and see why) in 1985. We follow the baddest, toughest, meanest martial artist/ law enforcer as he decides he is finally ready to go back in time to kill Hitler, or as he’s formally known as Kung Führer. It’s madness, magic, and really ruddy marvellous. The editing is exceptional and full of the traditional eighties vibes from the synthsounds to the neon-infused visuals. It’s thirty-one minutes of pure bliss and a 9/10, it had me in tears and awe at the same time. And it’s on Netflix? What a win!

The VelociPastor (2018)

This is the best worst film I’ve ever seen in all my twenty-three years. My flatmate showed me this and I’m so bloody glad. I have seen this film twice, the first I was very drunk for, and it’s totally brilliant. The film follows our protagonist Doug Jones, a priest, who after experiencing family loss decides to go to China and find some peace when he is unexpectedly injured by a tooth that gives him the power to turn into a dinosaur. In a series of twists and turns from making an unlikely ally in Carol the hooker slash premed/law, and with Father Stewart acting as the voice of reason and faith, Doug fights the powers of evil. And ninjas. So many ninjas. With the low-budget style we all know and love from typically bad films, you’re going to have a lot of fun with this and I guarantee you won’t find another film this weird and wonderful this easily. 10/10 film worth every second.

So after that predominantly dinosaur-fuelled rundown, I hope if you cannot choose between big blockbusters, honour the work done by low-budget films and have a good laugh. Life is far too short to not watch bad movies and forget the rest of the world for a while. Plus, bad CGI dinosaurs and really shitty editing intentional or otherwise are a winner in my eyes.