Funeral Times issue 2 2023

Non-religious funeral and memorial ceremonies

Meaningful and memorable ceremonies

Humanist funerals and memorials are non-religious ceremonies which focus on the person who has died, the life they led, and the relationships they forged. They are based on the humanist perspective that every life is valuable and unique.

A humanist funeral or memorial is the perfec t option for families and fr iends who want a sincere, pers onal commemoratio n of their love d one, withou t religion.

Each funeral and memorial ceremony is tailore d to the person who has died, and the wishes of the people who love them, in the most fit ting way possible That may be an upbeat celebration of life or a ceremony with a more traditional tone.

Humanist funerals are inclusive and welcoming to people of all backgrounds and faiths They of ten include time for reflectio n on the person who has died, when those with religious beliefs can s ay a silent pr ayer, if they wish.

Humanist funerals and memorial ceremonies are conducted by our trained and accredited celebrants.

BALLYMENA

Lisa Wilkinson 07759 514139

BANBRIDGE

Joan Davis 07546 954222

BANGOR

Michael McAlinden 07305 892201

BELFAST

Richard Lavery 07802 839543

BELFAST

Máire De Buitléar 07841 860276

BELFAST

Maggie Smith 07858 373888

BELFAST

Rachel Smith 07957 474643

BELFAST

MaryLou McShane 07962 906236

BELFAST

Michael Conlon 07494 505033

DERRY

Julie Hassell 07510 851612

DROMORE

Sheena Bradley 07732 143183

DUNMURRY

Janni Knox 07890 861690

NEWTOWNABBEY Avril Hawthorne 07854 436914

NEWTOWNABBEY

Stewart Holden 07971 634098

NORTH DOWN

Trevor Molloy 07549 946622

Humanis t Ceremonies™ is part of Humanis ts UK , a registered char it y in England and Wales (no. 28 5987 ) and company limited by guarante e (no. 228781)

SEE US AT THE SHOW!

The magazine for Funeral Directors in Ireland

Disclaimer: Readers are urged to support the magazine’s advertisers, but the publishers cannot be held responsible for any claims made or implied in the advertisements. The publishers reserve the right to refuse advertising. Opinions expressed in this magazine by contributing writers and advertisers are not necessarily those of the publishers. Every effort is made to ensure the accuracy of information contributed for inclusion in this magazine but no legal responsibility will be accepted by the publishers for loss arising from the use of published articles. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior consent. Articles and photographs for inclusion are welcomed but the publishers cannot accept responsibility for their loss or damage however caused.

launch Excellence

FOR ALL ENQUIRIES PLEASE CONTACT DAMIAN

Creative Binding expanding

It has been a whirlwind few months for Damian and the team at Creative Binding. During this time they have had the pleasure of engaging with new customers from across the industry, expanding upon their long standing client base continually. It is this demand for their services which has led them to

solutions to the funeral industry in Ireland, Creative Binding Solutions are a valuable source for both printing and design needs. The ability to design, print and bind, all in one fell swoop makes it significantly more straightforward to customise a design that is truly personal to the business

Damian and the Team are able to offer to bring your business to the next level.

The demand for signage, including vinyl window displays and pull up banners has been noticeable in recent months and Damian is always ready to accommodate any requests.

Anyone wishing to contact

+353 1 625 1924

Your reputation is our reputation.

As a team we have the support of all the FPL management. They are encouraging, caring, inclusive, genuine, forward thinking and we have a superb working relationship and environment to be in. They are very community minded, support so many projects on an ongoing basis and are very much central to community life on a day to day basis.

Barbara Wilson, Funeral Arranger

John Gray & Co Funeral Directors

Steve Wilkinson, Acquisition & Mergers Director 07528 970 531 07834

531 822

It was absolutely the best thing that could have happened and I am brimming with pride to be part of such a fantastic company.

James Brown & Sons Community Fund increased to £25,000 to help organisations working to benefit people in Belfast

After a successful first year helping 19 organisations in and around Belfast, the James Brown & Sons Community Fund is returning to provide charities and not-for-profit organisations with valuable support at a crucial time.

Local Funeral Directors James Brown & Sons have been serving the people of Greater Belfast since 1904 and have increased the money available this year to £25,000 for projects which benefit local communities in the city and the surrounding areas.

Speaking about the fund, James Brown said: “It was an honour for me to see £20,000 distributed to such a wide range of worthy causes last year in our family name.

“I’m very pleased that this year, supported by Funeral Partners, we will be able to provide even more support with £25,000 in the James Brown & Sons Community Fund available to good causes.

“Times are hard for many of us right now, but things are especially difficult for the most vulnerable in society with the cost-of-living crisis.

“I hope this fund will not only help these organisations survive but continue to thrive and carry on their remarkable work.

“Last year we assisted everything from schemes which aim to prevent isolation and loneliness to a Social Supermarket which

redistributes surplus produce to families in food poverty for a nominal fee.

“There were also vital funds for a gardening community to buy new equipment, amongst many other incredible causes.”

The fund aims to benefit projects which are addressing the needs of the most disadvantaged in local

communities and are led by people who demonstrate a clear understanding of community need.

Other rounds of applications will open in July and November 2023.

For more details about the initiative visit www. jamesbrownfuneraldirectors. com/james-brown-sonscommunity-fund/

Emma Moore, Business Development Manager and Andrew Neale from James Brown & Sons

New role will help continue to build family and community links

Funeral Partners has created a new Funeral Manager role to help create closer ties with the wider community in Northern Ireland.

Barbara Wilson, who is already well known in Holywood, has been appointed to the role and will initially be working closely across the three John Gray & Co funeral homes in Holywood, Bangor and Newtownards.

The role will involve helping to run and support with the management of the branches, assisting with local community initiatives and helping ensure each of the homes meet the needs of families.

Barbara has worked for Funeral Partners for three-and-a-half years as a Funeral Arranger, becoming a loyal and trusted member of the team at John Gray & Co in Holywood. Having previously worked in sales, she then moved into funeral services after taking a career break to raise her family.

She said: “When I was ready to come back to work, the only criteria I set was that I wanted to come home at the end of the day knowing I had done something good. I have found that in spades in this job.

“I started part-time, and it got to the point where I found it very difficult to leave in the middle of the week, so when a full-time

Barbara Wilson

position became available, I took it straight away.

“With this new role, it proves there is both opportunities to change careers later in life and also scope to progress and move forward with the Funeral Partners in Northern Ireland.”

Barbara added: “I am excited to put my own mark and personality into this role and get involved supporting families in the wider North Down community.”

For more information about John Gray and Co, visit www.johngrayfuneraldirectors.com.

About Funeral Partners:

Funeral Partners is the UK’s third largest funeral business, with more than 230 funeral homes staffed by over 1000 dedicated funeral professionals serving communities across England, Scotland and Northern Ireland.

Chief Executive Sam Kershaw has over 40 years’ experience in the funeral profession, joining the business back in 2016 as Chief Operating Officer. Funeral Partners, celebrating its 15-year anniversary in 2022, has grown rapidly, building a strong reputation as a well-run, high-quality funeral services business overseeing more than 25,000 funerals each year. It now includes more than 125 family businesses, which have entrusted their reputation and heritage to Funeral Partners.

For more information about Funeral Partners or if you are considering selling your business visit: www.funeralpartnersnorthernireland.com

Peter’s in the saddle for Hope House Ireland

A well-known retired Funeral Director took on a tough cycling challenge to raise cash for a charity which provides vital respite for cancer patients.

Peter Mulholland, 70, from Mulhollands Funeral Directors was part of the Etape Loch Ness event where more than 6,000 participants follow a 66-mile closed road route around the famous freshwater site including a gruelling hill climb.

Along with his friend Jim Adams, Peter was fundraising for Hope House Ireland – a charity which provides a place for cancer patients and their carers to stay for rest and recuperation during or after their treatment.

Although he is a keen cyclist, often clocking 200 miles per week, Peter said ahead of the event that the near-five-mile climb would be the toughest element.

Peter said: “I took up cycling in 2010 when I was told I needed to do more exercise to lose a bit of weight – there are so many benefits mentally and physically.

“The event is a challenge especially the climb,

which is really quite steep, and to be honest, it filled me with a bit of trepidation.

“Hope House is about 14 miles from where I live in Carrickfergus, and I wanted to support a smaller local charity.

“With the current economic situation, charities, especially the smaller ones, will be struggling for funding.

“I’ve known people who have used Hope House and they’ve told me it is absolutely out of this world. The work they do is fabulous, and I am happy to support them.”

Megan Rodgers, Hope House General Manager, said: “We are so grateful that Peter and Jim have chosen Hope House Ireland as their charity.

“The chance to rest and recuperate away from the pressures of hospital treatments and appointments is so precious and any money raised will go towards providing this.”

You can still sponsor Peter and Jim by visiting: www.justgiving.com/PeterMulholland10

Jim Adams, Funeral Partners Business Development Manager Emma Moore, Hope House Ireland Trustee Sam McCullough and Peter Mulholland

complements

Launch of Irish Association of Funeral Directors Excellence Programme

Thefirst Excellence Programme workshop was held in Keadeen Hotel, Newbridge on 24th February 2024. The event was well attended and the participants were positive about the material presented to them. It is planned that the next step in the roll out will be to host a live webinar, which will provide an opportunity for a larger number of members to attend the workshop remotely. A suite of new support material has been developed by IAFD to enable Members to operate within the updated Quality Standard that has been developed inline with the European Standard for Funeral Services.

A copy of the new Quality Standard can be found at www.iafd.ie. If you would like to know more about our Excellence Programme please contact us at membership@ iafd.ie

Participants of the Excellence Programme workshop, held in Keadeen Hotel, Newbridge

Antoinette Barry - Griffins Funeral Directors, Limerick and Tom Lawless, President

Benefits of joining Irish Association of Funeral Directors

• Membership of a professional organisation recognised by the general public

• Board of funeral professionals available to assist members

• Funeral director led organisation for promoting and developing standards of funeral service including a Code of Practice for all Members

• Access to IAFD education programme

• Representation of Members with Government, local authorities and media

• Unique all-island network of funeral directors

• Professional Indemnity Insurance included as part of Membership fees

• Dispute resolution and Mediation - including legal advisory service

• Links to other trade associations

IAFD to collaborate with Down Syndrome

Ireland to improve client service for people with Down syndrome

IAFD and Down Syndrome Ireland are working together to develop a range of material that will help people with Down syndrome (and those with learning difficulties) deal with bereavement and enable funeral directors to better understand the needs of people with Down Syndrome. This can be simple steps such as reducing background noise and asking

one question at a time. We look forward to presenting this material to our members in due course.

IAFD Contacts

Tom Lawless (President)

Lawless Funeral Directors

Mucklagh, Tullamore, Co. Offaly

Ph: 057 9322622

Email: president@iafd.ie

Niall Mulligan (First Vice President and Hon. Treasurer)

Heffernan’s Funeral Directors

Trim, Co. Meath

Mobile: 086 8208501

Ph: 046 9438662

Email: heffernansfd@gmail.com

Niamh Sweeney (Second Vice President and Education Officer)

John Sweeney and Sons

Fairgreen

Arklow, Co Wicklow

Ph: 0402 32333

Email: education@iafd.ie

Dara Gillespie (Immediate Past President)

Finlays Funeral Service

Tierney Street

Ardee, Co. Louth

Mobile: 086 7923472

Email: dara.gillespie@finlaygrp.com

Keith Greaney (Hon. Secretary)

Conneely Funeral Directors

Flood Street

Galway 091 562866

Email: secretary@iafd.ie

Fintan Cooney (Membership Officer)

Fanagans

54 Aungier Street

Dublin 2

Ph: 01 4167700

Email: membership@iafd.ie

Donal Forde

Fordes Funeral Homes LTD

South Gate Bridge

Cork, Co. Cork

Ph: 021 4318222

Email: donal@fordesfuneralhome.ie

Kylie Gourley

Funeral Partners Northern Ireland

300 Newtownards Road

Belfast

BT4 1HF

Ph: 028 9045 1021

Email: kylie.gourley@funeralpartners.com

John Mark Griffin

Griffin Funerals

John’s Gate Pennywell

Limerick

Ph: 061 415000

Email: pro@iafd.ie

Peter Maguire

Massey Bros

Crumlin Road, Dublin

Ph: 01 4541666

Email: peter@masseybros.com

Paul Reilly

Oliver Reilly Ltd Funeral Directors

Leinster Street, Maynooth

Ph: 045-868230

Email: info@reillysfuneralhome.ie

Pat Smyth

Smyth’s Funeral Directors

Lanesboro Street, Roscommon

Ph: 0906 626122

Email: info@smythsroscommom.com

2023 SEES FINLAY CELEBRATE ITS 90TH ANNIVERSARY

Whatbegan in 1933 as a sawmilling and woodworking business, drawing felled trees and logs from forests and ports to our Tierney Street factory and sawmill site has evolved to become a focused producer and supplier to Funeral Professionals.

We would like to thank our Customers and our Team for the support and partnership which has made this anniversary possible.

We work hard to serve our Customers and we have worked hard to change and evolve our business to meet our customers’ needs.

The ongoing challenges presented by the huge input cost (energy, raw materials) increases to our process have been very difficult to manage but we are committed to the long term development of Funeral Supply and as we plan for 100 Years and beyond, in the current year we have plans to reinvest in our business including;

• Factory Layout reorganisation: This year we are reorganising the layout of our factory to improve efficiency and productivity.

• Solar Energy: This year we are investing in the installation of a Farm of Solar Panels on our factory roof which will provide a long term and sustainable source of our electricity needs.

• Factory equipment: During this year we will continue to invest in our Factory plant and equipment with a new wood waste burner installed in quarter 1 which will provide increased volumes of warm air heating for the factory.

• Vehicles: This year we have begun a fleet replacement with the first three vehicles ordered and two more planned for later this year and the balance planned for replacement in 2024.

Thank you for your Custom and your Support.

New Delivery - Quinn Hearse and Limousine

Padraic Cawley

Civil Funeral Celebrant

Celebrating the life of the deceased, reflecting their personal beliefs, wishes, values and traditions.

T: 087- 2676050

E: padraic@padraiccawley.ie

W: www.padraiccawley.ie

Helena from Hudson’s Funeral Directors, Arklow, Co. Wicklow upgraded her hearse to a new Quinn E Class 3 Door

GriefChat: We’re on your side

Most people expect to be very upset when someone close to them has died. What takes many people by surprise however is how strong the emotions can be, how they can change very quickly, and how long they can last.

Everyone grieves in a way that is unique to them and their relationship with the person who has died. Wellintentioned people may try to find words of comfort such as, ‘time is a great healer’sometimes however, it can seem that life becomes more difficult as the weeks and months go by. We know that no one can understand exactly what the loss of a loved one feels like except them. But we do understand that it’s sometimes easier to talk to someone outside of family and friends about grief which is why we are pleased to offer the GriefChat service via our website.

GriefChat was created by bereavement experts and by clicking on the GriefChat box, which you will find within our ‘Donate In Memory’ pages at www.nichs.org.uk, someone coping with a loss can talk directly to a specially trained counsellor. GriefChat counsellors are experienced in supporting bereaved people and will listen to their story, explore how their grief is affecting them and help them find any additional support they might need.

GriefChat is free and is available Monday to Friday, 9am to 9pm, excluding Bank Holidays.

We are so grateful to the families who support our vital work by requesting donations in lieu of flowers or setting up a tribute page or a regular gift with us in memory of their loved one. Their generosity and kindness at such a difficult time ensures we can continue to help the thousands of local people living with chest, heart and stroke conditions get back on their feet, as well as offer support to any family members who have also been impacted.

As almost 90% of our care and prevention services and research are funded exclusively by public donations however, we need your support now more than ever.

Through GriefChat we hope to offer a friendly, listening ear, in an easily accessible way, that will be of help and comfort to our supporters when they need it the most. If you have any questions or would like to find out more, please contact our community fundraising team on 028 9032 0184 or at communityfundraising@ nichs.org.uk

About Specialist Cleaning NI

Back in 2012 I started a simple, one woman, basic domestic cleaning service. The family business I was working for at the time faced financial difficulties and we received the news that our little cafe would be closing. With the prospect of losing my job amidst the recession, I had to think fast. I had been helping my friend and neighbour with their housekeeping due to her ill health, with more of my

friends and neighbours asking me to fit them in for cleaning, I decided to try and start a cleaning business. I became self-employed at the age of 25 with the idea it would just be temporary until something else came up.

Demand for my cleaning services grew and not just for domestic cleaning but for local businesses too, I remember that proud moment being asked to clean for the

opticians that my children attended and closely followed by the local solicitors, who had remembered me from my previous job. When my local estate agent asked me to do some end of tenancy cleaning, this opened a new area of work for me.

I earned the reputation of being able to tackle anything, the weird and wonderful, the good, the bad and the ugly. The natural progression of my

I have set a little goal to write something for each issue of this magazine for the next few months. I thought I’d start by briefly reintroducing myself, my name is Alana Gillen and I am a specialist cleaner.

cleaning led me to develop a specialist cleaning service. So in 2017 after a light-bulb moment I had a new direction for my business. I began to specialise in biohazard, crime scene and trauma cleaning. With many training courses and accreditations as well as

New

City and Guilds in this area I have continued to grow and develop Specialist Cleaning NI into what it is today.

I hope to continue to expand the business and become a name that is easily recognised for the services and work we can provide for families and

- Quinn

businesses alike. Myself and my small team will continue to provide compassionate clearance and cleaning throughout the country. Alana

FINLAY WELCOME A NEW SALES TEAM MEMBER

Finlay welcome Niall Mahony to our Customer Service Team. Niall will assist in the continued development and improvement of our Service to our Customers and we wish him the very best in his future with us and we all look forward to working with him.

Dermot and Hugh Quinn, Quinn Bros. Portadown Co. Armagh. with their new Quinn E Class Limousine

Delivery

Hearse and Limousine

The importance of creating a healthy work/life balance

- By Ian FeeLakelands Funeral Home & Crematorium, Cavan

WhenI started working in the funeral business back in 2019, it wasn’t long until something I suspected was proven true: my new job bore many similarities to my previous work as a member of the clergy. Having worked as a priest for over twenty years, I saw both in the work and the workers so many echoes of my past experiences, and, unfortunately, some of those echoes were not positive ones. Over those years in ministry, I was involved with so many funerals and so many families who had lost loved ones. I’ve long lost count of the times I was called to the scene of a death, whether it had happened quietly in a family home or a hospital, or tragically by an accident, through violence, or by someone choosing to end their own life. Invariably, among the first people to the scene, other than the priest and the emergency services, was the funeral director. Whatever he or she had been doing up until getting that call was set aside so that they could look after whatever needs were arising from that situation.

Those whom we minister to in those moments and in the days that follow, rely on us and need us to demonstrate that delicate balancing act of empathy and professionalism. What they don’t see - what so few really see - is what happens when we return to that personal life we set aside for them. During the last few years that I ministered in the priesthood, a greater awareness of the need for self-care came to light. Truth be told, some of us felt that we had to drag it into the light, for it was a concern that had gone unspoken and unaddressed for too long. Sadly, I see this in some I’ve come to know in the funeral business, both those I’ve known over the years and those I’ve come to know in my new professional encounters. I see the barely hidden burn-out, the thinning of tempers, the eroding of empathy that is replaced by a clinical, and occasionally cynical

professionalism. I see these in good people. I see businesses that are running as they have for generations without an openness to and admission of the modern approach that is needed. The updating of business practices is something that has to be done with professional insight and wisdom, but the personal challenges are more difficult for the problems are more insidious. It is true that the funeral business by its nature is a 24-7-365 commitment, but this is not an excuse to detach oneself from emotional, physical, and mental self-care. Our family life, our health, including our diets and how we relax and unwind, our setting of professional boundaries so that we can genuinely unplug from the business and entrust the work to others for an appropriate time each day, disciplining ourselves to get out of the unhealthy practices we wrongly but knowingly deem necessary, all of these and more have to become of paramount concern. Not a week goes by that we don’t encounter someone who probably felt they couldn’t be done without, but as we organise their funeral, their concerns are now someone else’s.

While it is sadly true in every walk of life that some people choose to lose themselves in their work so that they don’t have to face the responsibilities and challenges of their personal lives, surely the majority of us, given the chance, would seek to create that healthier balance in our lives, so that those we love and care for truly feel our presence deeply and meaningfully in their lives, while those we encounter through work experience a professional and caring person, who has the calmness, the compassion and the emotional equilibrium to accompany them in a sincere way through some sad and difficult days. We always have to remember that every person who comes through our doors is unique, with their own history, hopes, and fears. To do this well, we need to remember that the same thing applies to us.

RECENT CPL FIT OUTS

Pictured above are some recent CPL fit outs for:

PJ Quinn - Dungannon, Co. Tyrone

Mick Ryan - Ashbourne, Co. Meath

G. McCool - Ballybofey, Co. Donegal

J. Moloney - Mountmellick, Co. Laois

John Glennon - Allenwood, Co. Kildare

BIE News BIE News Ireland Division

Hi All, I hope everyone is keeping well and enjoying 2023 so far! We had our AGM and first meeting of 2023 on the 29th January in the Hamlet Court Hotel, Johnstownbridge. It was an absolutely lovely day and was so good to catch up with all our members. We really do appreciate everyone that showed up in person and through zoom. Also I would like to thank the Reps from ESCO fluids Richard Arnold for his presentation and to Nick Gormley from Gormley Mortuary Specialists for providing us with some samples on your products. It was very much appreciated and highly educational. This is just another product to add to your kit! We are trying

to provide the education for our members on different products on the market. I hope you all enjoyed it and anyone that was there came out with knowledge on the products. Also we had a presentation of

a certificate for our secretary Jenny Tighe who received the Trustees Award 2020 for highest marks in practical exams. Well done Jenny!

We have our next meeting coming up in July - keep an eye on your emails for confirmed dates and details on what’s coming up. This year also is the Funeral Times Trade show on the 3rd and 4th October which will be held in The Pavilion at Leopardstown Racecourse this will be an event that will not want to be missed!

On a final note, I just want to give a gentle reminder for any of our members that need to pay their annual subscription to do so ASAP.

BIE Irish Chairperson Niamh Cusack

BIE (Irish Division) Secretary, Jenny Tighe, receiving the Trustees Award Certificate for the highest marks in practical exams

List of BIE Officers and Appointed Representatives for 2022/2023

IRISH DIVISION

Chairperson & Divisional Liaison Officer:

Niamh Cusack MBIE

Ballingowan West, Villierstown, Cappoquin, Co. Waterford. Tel: 086 3744762

E: cusackembalmings@gmail.com

Vice Chairperson:

Cyril Gantley MBIE

336 Kildare Road Crumlin, Dublin 12 Mobile 0857671582

E.cyril.gantley@mortuaryscience.ie

Secretary & Public Relations Offcer:

Jennifer Tighe MBIE

St. Patrick Street, Boyle, Co. Roscommon

Tel: 086 8854333

E: Jennytighe30@yahoo.com

1st National Council Rep & National Educational Rep: Cyril Gantley MBIE

336 Kildare Road, Crumlin, Dublin 12 Mobile: 085 7671582

E: cyril.gantley@mortuaryscience.ie

2nd National Council Representative: Paul Fahy MBIE

96 Ard Alainn

Ballybane Co galway Mobile 0861775817

E.paulie_waulie@yahoo.com

Treasurer and Professional Standards Rep:

Susan Moran MBIE

20 Cedarwood Park

Newbridge Co Kilare Mobile 0860619500

E: susan.moran@mortuaryscience.ie

NORTHERN IRELAND DIVISION

Chairman

Pat Harley, MBIE

67 Creggan Road, L’derry

BT48 9DA

Tel: 07712 899137

E: pat.harley@hotmail.co.uk

Vice Chairman: Mrs N Taggart, MBIE

11 Alderley Crescent, Newtownabbey

BT36 7WY

Tel: 07917 220073

E: nikkiknockaning@aol.com

1st National Council Representative: Laurence O’Neill MBIE

98 Stewartstown Road, Belfast BT11 9JP

Tel: 028 9062 0099

E: oneill8210@hotmail.com

2nd National Council Representative: Ellison Sloan MBIE

Tel: 028 3833 6175

Treasurer: Andrew McMullan MBIE 22 High Street, Ballymoney

Co. Antrim BT53 6AQ

Tel: 028 2766 2265

E: andrew@mcmullanfunerals. com

Secretary: Liam Edwin Boyle, MBIE

4 Bradford Place Belfast

BT8 7AW

Tel: 07713 575501

E: liamboyle15@hotmail.co.uk

Public Relations Offcer:

Ciaran Bailie

Tel. 07523 477852

27 Navan Court

Armagh

1st Educational Committee Representative: Stephen Shields MBIE James Brown & Sons

300 Newtownards Road, Belfast Tel: 028 9045 1021

E: jamesbrown.belfast@ funeralpartners.com

Student Liaison Officer Mr Frank Harron MBIE

National President: Richard D. Van Nes MBIE

Imm. Past President: Bobby Hopkins-Hoggarth MBIE

1st Vice President: Dianne Hughes

2nd Vice President: Mrs Rachel Shipley MBIE

National PRO & National General Secretary: Karen Caney FBIE White Meadow Cottage, Brailsford, Derby DE6 3DA

Tel: 01335 361419

Mobile: 07786 432014

E: karencaney@btinternet.com

National Treasurer: Michael Liddle FBIE 10 Yew Tree Close, Silsoe MK45 4EQ

Business Tel: 01582 490005

Home Tel: 01525 860117

E: michael@silsloe.wanadoo.co.uk

Editor: Gwen Schofield FBIE

9 Seymour Walk, Meltham, Holmfirth HD9 4BP

Home Tel: 01484 851994

Mobile: 07778 279100

E: gwen.schofield@ntlworld.co.uk

Master Fellow: David Kaye FBIE

Student Liaison Officer: David Coster MBIE

Memorial Trees - an enduring act that helps heal the heart and the planet

As funeral directors, you are intimately familiar with the grief and heartbreak that accompanies the loss of a loved one.

During this difficult time, many families search for ways to honour the memory of their loved one and find comfort in the midst of their pain.

One enduring and deeply thoughtful act of compassion is the planting of a tree on behalf of the mourning family.

At irishtrees.ie, we offer a Memorial Tree Planting service that allows families to honour the memory of their loved one in a beautiful and lasting way.

Our trees are planted at a lakeside woodland surrounded by flowering bulbs in the spring and wildflowers throughout the summer and autumn.

Families can arrange to visit the woodland and take comfort in the knowledge that their loved one’s memory lives on through the growth and beauty of the tree.

The comfort that can be found in planting a tree is immeasurable. It is a tangible way to honour a loved one and create a lasting tribute to their memory.

Many families find that the process of planting a tree is

healing and provides a sense of closure during a difficult time. It is a powerful symbol of the cycle of life and death and can bring comfort to all who experience it.

We believe that planting a memorial tree is such a meaningful act and many families have inserted wording in the death notice on RIP. IE. Family Flowers only but should you like to arrange the Planting of a Memorial tree with IrishTrees.ie Click HERE. https://irishtrees.ie

This allows family and friends to show their support and love by contributing to the planting of a tree/s in memory of their loved one.

Charitable Tree Planting options are also available, providing families with the opportunity to make a donation in memory of their loved one while helping to

support important causes such as The Irish Hospice Foundation, LauraLynn, Feileacain, and Pieta.

At irishtrees.ie, we pride ourselves on our commitment to customer service.

We are rated as a 5-star company for both product and service and all enquiries will be handled both personally and professionally.

We understand that every family’s needs are unique and we will work with you to create a personalized experience that honours the memory of your loved one in a way that is meaningful and comforting to you.

When you choose to plant a memorial tree through irishtrees.ie, you can be assured that you are making a positive impact on the environment.

Trees are an important part of our ecosystem and planting a tree in memory of your loved one helps to support the health and well-being of our planet.

It is a beautiful and lasting way to honour the memory of your loved one while contributing to a sustainable future.

We invite you to consider

offering the planting of a memorial tree as an option to the families you serve.

It is a meaningful and enduring way to honour the memory of their loved one and provides comfort and healing during a difficult time.

If you have any questions or would like to learn more about our services, please

do not hesitate to contact us. Bob Hamilton, the owner of irishtrees.ie, can be reached by email at bob@ irishtrees.ie or by phone at 00353862558531.

Bob also owns www. IrishUrns.com – with over 120 unique Irish Designed and Irish Made Urn solutions and Keepsakes. Bob@irishurns.ie

Thank you for considering the planting of a Memorial Tree as a way to provide comfort and support to the families you serve. We are honoured to be a part of this meaningful tribute to the memory of their loved ones.

Bob

Feel the difference

High quality plastic card just like a credit card, our new memorial wallet cards help keep the memory of your clients’ loved-one close to hand for years to come in their purse or wallet.

Hamilton and Team at Irishtrees.ie

John and John Paul Meehan, Meehan’s Funeral Home, Newport, Co.Tipperary pictured with a new Quinn 3 door Passat

Meet the Humanist Ceremonies celebrants!

In the first of a series of profiles on Humanist Ceremonies trained and accredited celebrants in Northern Ireland, we meet three of the network.

Mary Lou became a celebrant four years ago having been a facilitator and counsellor. Much of her work prior to this was in helping others at times of difficulty or transition in the public and private sectors as well as self-employment. She combines an understanding of loss with an ability to express succinctly the thoughts and feelings of others. In addition, she is experienced in public speaking. She likes that designing ceremonies allows her to meet people in their humanity and gets great satisfaction from assisting them to make the last farewell to a loved one personal and meaningful.

Stewart grew up and was educated in Oxford before moving to Northern Ireland in 2008, where he has been a committee member of Northern Ireland Humanists since its foundation six years ago. A very experienced celebrant, he has conducted over 400 funeral services and enjoys the wide variety of people he gets to meet and help in difficult circumstances.

As well as conducting humanist funerals, weddings and naming ceremonies he has been involved in campaigning for reforms to the law on same-sex marriage, the education syllabus and other key social issues where change is needed in Northern Ireland.

He is married to Sarah-Jane and has three children, a black Labrador and a grumpy cat.

Joan graduated from QUB with an Honours degree in Political Science. Her passion for making a difference to others, following early life challenges led her to a 30 year career in the Voluntary sector, currently leading an NIwide family service.

In 2019 Joan completed the funeral celebrant training. Skills used throughout her career have proven transferrable: listening, empathising and translating a life story into a celebration of life, together with personal experience of family deaths place Joan in a privileged position to assist bereaved families through the process.

Joan is mum to three, granny to seven - and also has fur babies Scooby and Daisy.

All our celebrants are trained and accredited by Humanists UK, have a DBS check and insurance cover. As part of our quality assurance, there is regular peer review and a transparent complaints process for families and our professional partners. Full contact details of all our celebrants can be found on the inside front cover of this magazine or you can search for someone close to you at at https://humanists.uk/ ceremonies/find-a-celebrant/funerals/

MaryLou McShane (Belfast)

Stewart Holden (Newtownabbey)

Joan Davis (Banbridge)

Office News... Office News!

It’s all change at Bairds of Antrim!

In August 2022, with her wedding on the horizon, Linda Mitchell from Bairds of Antrim decided she needed to make some changes to her lifestyle and get healthy!

Linda decided to for it full throttle and get her colleagues involved too! Geoffrey Irons and William O’Neill decided to accompany Linda on her weight loss journey. She recently said, “We are all on a health kick here at Bairds of Antrim. I am trying to get these guys into the best shape of their lives. I myself have lost 3 stone since August last year. Who doesn’t want to be happier and healthier?”, she added, “Geoff is already buckling his belt 2 notches tighter. I nag them constantly to get off the fried food”. We at Funeral Times say “Well done to you all - keep up the great work!”

Everyone at Funeral Times would like to congratulate Linda Mitchell from Bairds of Antrim Funeral Directors on her wedding to Gerald Nugent which took place on 7th December 2022 at Antrim Civic Centre.

Linda pictured before and after her weight loss! Geoff and William enjoying their healthy treats

Office News... Office News!

Kirkwoods Funeral Directors first Easter Egg Campaign

Kirkwoods Funeral Directors in Newtownards, Co. Down, set a goal to collect 120 Easter Eggs for the Children’s Wards at the Ulster Hospital, Dundonald.

Janine Watton of Kirkwoods Funeral Directors in Newtownards says, “We were overwhelmed by the generosity of our community. We not only met our target, but we well exceeded it! We therefore decided to also donate Easter Eggs to the local community Foodbank”.

“We would like to give our sincere thanks to everyone in our local community who supported this great Easter Egg Campaign. It has been a huge success” she added.

If you have any fun photos or office news, please email Ruth at sales@funeraltimes.com for the next issue!

Easter eggs with Janine Watton & Tracy Pilson

sales@shepherds.ie

Waterless: It’s not just for edema anymore

By Rory McKeown

Rory has been a licensed funeral director and embalmer for over 30 years. Since 2013, Rory has served as a sales representative with The Dodge Company, covering Arizona, Colorado and New Mexico. Rory spent much of his funeral directing and embalming career in the Chicago area.

When waterless embalming comes up in a conversation, most embalmers think about edema, since the waterless approach is usually going to be the best way to overcome the problems associated with highly edematous bodies. In addition to the secondary dilution problem, the edema often carries nitrogenous waste that will neutralize much of the preservative effects of the formaldehyde. Additionally, moisture is going to accelerate the rate of decomposition of the tissue.

“I came back in the morning and found blisters on the legs. The body looked good when I left yesterday.” Has this ever happened to you?

This is something we hear more often than in prior years, and there is no doubt that the chemical demands of bodies we are embalming today are greater than ever before. Each case analysis will reveal a different approach for these bodies. As embalmers we need to have a toolbox full of ideas and supplies to thoroughly preserve and disinfect bodies when a family has chosen a viewing.

Waterless embalming can be intimidating if it’s a method that you’ve never tried before, but it’s a tool that every embalmer should know how to use. Any remains can be well embalmed using a waterless treatment, but it is especially beneficial when confronting a difficult case such as tissue gas or extreme edema. Any case that we think may be problematic during our case analysis would likely be a candidate for a waterless treatment. While waterless embalming treatment isn’t necessary for every case we

encounter, results show that the less water we’re using, the more well preserved the body is likely to be.

Preservation is always the primary concern of the embalmer. At a Dodge Seminar a few years ago, Bill Martin said, “There’s nothing that comes out of that spigot on the wall that says preservative,” during a conversation about waterless embalming. While this statement may seem simplistic, the point is that water isn’t carrying with it any preservative or disinfectant qualities. It is merely a dilution. Dilution, by definition, is only going to weaken the embalming chemical if water is our only vehicle to carry the chemical. With this in mind, it makes sense that our co injection should be something that will enhance our efforts.

Bill’s articles on waterless embalming and embalming in general are available on the Dodge website and worth reading.

Injecting a large volume of water with our chemical mix, unless a body is severely dehydrated and emaciated and where filling of the tissue is desired, probably isn’t going to increase the effectiveness of our solution when it comes to preservation. Even if filling out features is needed, that can be accomplished with a waterless solution along with Restorative and co-injections.

Often a completely waterless application may not be necessary, and just a reduction in the amount of water used in our “normal mix” will achieve excellent results. Depending on the case at hand, injecting with a small amount of warm water in our mixture can help in the

preservation. Not necessarily waterless, but less water. If we were to use two bottles of clot reducer, two bottles of water corrective, and two bottles of arterial chemical we would have 96 oz. of mix. Add to that 32 oz. of water to reach a full gallon. This would be a good starting point for those that have not used a waterless injection before.

After injecting the first gallon the embalmer can reassess whether he/she wants to increase the index, lessen the preservative, or keep going with what has been injected thus far. Co-injections like Rectifiant and Proflow are formulated specifically as co-solvents for the purpose of carrying the chemical and permeating the cell wall of the proteins. Water has none of these properties.

Blood is around 83% water, and the average human is about 60% water. At times this is enough. If the body has additional edema, the water demands of our arterial solution are nil, really. There have been cases where a good result was lost due to adding water to a solution that was a good mix before the water was added.

When the body being embalmed may need that second look, there are cases that particularly need a waterless injection, such as when blisters appear the following day on the lower portions of the body, or on the back of the thighs and calves, as well as the back of the arms, in more severe cases. Between death and

preparation, the fluids are gravitating toward these lower parts of the body, hence that’s where we see the blistering. The spongy soft tissue may not necessarily be evident when we begin our operation, but, with a suspicious case, a stronger solution, without adding water, will be the best course.

A strong, waterless solution, with Edemaco added, will help prevent the blistering. Postembalming, when these blisters appear, we want to hypodermically inject the area with a strong cauterant like Basic Dryene. Be sure to go deep into the tissue since we can see this tissue needs extra treatment. After draining any blisters, use a liberal external application of Dryene or Dryene II, or Syn Gel wrapped with Webril, followed by shrink wrap to get deep preservation to the outer layers of tissue.

Ship-out cases are good candidates for a stronger solution as we all know the feeling of waiting for the ship-in to arrive from an out-oftown funeral home and see where we’re at, as far as the condition of the body. We would like our colleagues and families receiving remains prepared by us to be pleased with our work. By using a waterless injection on a normal ship-out, we have the knowledge that there will likely be fewer problems that could arise during transport.

Delayed embalming requires a strong solution to achieve the preservation we desire. The sooner the better when it comes to distribution

and diffusion of our preservative chemicals. If several days have passed between death and embalming, there will likely be a need for a higher index mix. Additionally, we will need more co-injection and less water to achieve our preservation goals. As the body chemistry changes, Rectifiant will help adjust the pH and help prevent fibrin formation and Proflow will help disperse any clots which have formed due to the time delay. These co-injections also act as a lubricant to carry the arterial chemical and help restore and make the cell membrane more permeable.

When embalming, if the quality of the water is questionable, there is the possibility of the chemical not being evenly distributed throughout the capillaries when water is the primary ingredient of our arterial solution. Injection with no water and sufficient coinjection will help to overcome the diffusion problem. With the gravitation and coagulating of the blood that comes with time delay, it is important to have chemicals in our solution that will break up clots and thin the coagulated blood.

Decomposition and skin slip may be present in a delayed embalming, to a various extent. Any tissue showing signs of decomposition would benefit from a waterless solution to ensure dry, preserved tissue. The same with areas of skin slip. The area should receive definite diffusion of arterial chemical as well as a topical cauterant.

Edematous cases are always challenging. To me these are some of the most difficult ‘normal’ cases. Waterless embalming will help assure a thorough preservation without the worry of adding water to an already waterlogged body. If a family mentioned that an individual had gained say, thirty pounds in the time of the illness, and we see it is an edema case, we can assume we’re talking about a little over three gallons of water. If we mix a solution of the needed co-injections and arterial chemical, we have no need to add water to the mixture. The edematous fluid is going to neutralize much of the preservative properties of the solution, so we need to be sure we begin with a good strong mix. A 3/3/3 mix is a starting solution. Three bottles of Rectifiant, three bottles of Proflow,

and three bottles of arterial. In addition, add a bottle of Edemaco. Repeat the mix as needed. Restricted drainage would be a good choice during injection to build intravascular pressure to help ensure maximum diffusion into the capillaries.

Autopsy/Donor cases present an opportunity for a waterless injection. Since the circulatory system has been damaged during the autopsy, there will be a greater demand for a stronger arterial solution to assure complete preservation.

At times it may be desirable to separately inject the head, face, and arms. Use a smaller volume of a higher concentration of chemical. One embalmer I worked with would mix 16 oz. of Introfiant with 4 oz. of Rectifiant to inject into the head. This may seem like a strong solution for the face, but if we add Restorative to our mixture, we can control any possible dehydration of the tissue from the higher index solution and still achieve the complete preservation we seek to accomplish. Any hypodermic work can be done with a low water solution instead of a completely waterless injection.

The water we are using in our injection can have a negative effect on our solution. I recently sent four water samples from various cities in the Southwest for testing at our lab at Dodge. The results suggest using at least a half a bottle to a full bottle of Rectifiant per gallon to neutralize the pH, treat the chloride, and bring the water to a desirable pH. Rectifiant will help clean the cell wall to aid in diffusion and treat discoloration in addition to neutralizing the chemistry of the body fluids.

Chemotherapies will often neutralize the preservative qualities of our solution. Most of us have experienced a case where we used what we thought was a good mix only to find the body still softer than we would like post-embalming. This is a challenge that can be overcome with a waterless mixture with additional Restorative to combat dehydration and the addition of Proflow to regulate firming.

Bodies requiring long term preservation would also benefit from a waterless solution. In the Midwest and other northern regions, bodies embalmed in winter may need to be held until the ground thaws enough to dig the grave.

Often, with our mobile society, family

members may not be able to attend a service on short notice, so other arrangements will need to be made, and our body may need to be kept for an undetermined amount of time. A waterless embalming is also going to be the best preventative of mold on cases kept over time. For some time, anatomical embalming has shown the success of long-term embalming with minimal to no water being used in the arterial preservative.

What’s this going to cost me? In the scenario presented of the 3/3/3 mixture, depending on the arterial chemical chosen, the cost of embalming the body would be about $51.00 per injection of 144 oz. of chemical. Repeating the mix for the second injection, with the addition of 16 oz. of Restorative, would come to around $110 to thoroughly embalm the body and be assured of no difficulties in the future. This is a strong mixture, one I would use for a moderately difficult case. If the average charge for embalming of the remains on a GPL was used as comparison, the cost of chemicals is miniscule to ensure a well-preserved, dry remains.

While the thought of moving into waterless embalming may be daunting, Dodge has information on using the chemicals, as well as an embalmer’s tech line where you can access embalming tips and guidance from Dodge technicians.

If you would like to be added to the mailing list for the complementary Dodge Magazine which is printed quarterly or would like to discuss any of the products mentioned in this article, please contact us on the number below:

NAFD News

NAFD Bereavement in Education petition passes 11,000 signatures and secures commitment from UK Government

The NAFD’s campaign to add proactive teaching about loss and bereavement in schools took another huge step forward in March when the Government responded to the now 11,000-signature strong petition, confirming that it will now “assess whether content on bereavement is needed” when it reviews statutory Religious, Social and Health Education (RHSE) guidance.

In its response, the Department for Education (DfE) also acknowledges that “experiencing bereavement at a young age can have a significant impact on a child and that schools have a role to play to help children deal with the emotional impact of such a loss. It identifies the important role school can play in supporting children who are grieving, saying: “they are well placed to observe children dayto-day and identify those whose behaviour suggests that they may be going through a difficult time.”

The Department for Education (DfE) is undertaking the first review of the RSHE statutory guidance this year. As part of the review process, the DfE has confirmed that it will undertake a public consultation – which will allow supporters of the campaign a further opportunity to contribute their views to the Government. The next steps for the campaign will be to meet with ministers, including Schools Minister Nick Gibb MP, to discuss the forthcoming consultation proposals as well as maintaining pressure through the media and petition.

NAFD President John Adams said: “This is a very important and positive step forward and I would like to thank everybody who has signed or shared the petition – or supported the campaign in the press or on social media.

We still have a long way to go, but this is a very real commitment by the DfE to consider the overwhelming evidence that talking to children, in age appropriate ways, about death and dying before they experience a loss provides them with vital tools and resources to cope with bereavement and can engender compassion, understanding and empathy in the classroom, ensuring pupils who do suffer the loss of someone they love to feel supported and know how to ask for help.

“For me this is very simple: the RHSE curriculum ensures children are taught about how life begins, why don’t we equip them with the necessary skills and understanding to comprehend what happens and how we might feel if it ends?”

The NAFD campaigns in a variety of ways to improve the trading conditions directly or indirectly for members, in this case by playing a leading role in driving a national conversation with the public and stakeholders about loss, funerals and bereavement. In doing so, we can ensure the funeral profession is recognised by the public and by stakeholders, including Government, as committed to supporting and representing the needs of bereaved clients. This ongoing campaign has also enabled the NAFD and its members to build productive links with other organisations in the end-of-life sector and secure a seat at the table at key meetings between Government and other stakeholders.

Media coverage of the campaign continues, with John scheduled to appear on ITV News in the coming weeks, undertaking a number of press interviews and speaking regularly at events around the UK.

Category A

England, Wales, Nor thern Ireland, Scotland, the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands

Category B

* Category A members only

NAFD Member Benefits

Bu siness Advice & Suppor t

• Client Will search facility *

• Repatriation Helpline *

• * • Stationery solutions

• NAFD Energy Club

• NAFD Telecoms

• NAFD Legal Advisory Service

• Counselling helpline for staff/family

• Property Planning Advice

• Health & Safety advice

• PR Handbook and PR Helpline

• Merchant card services

• NAFD Fast Track Debt Recovery Service

Knowledge Shar ing

• Networking opportunities through Area Federation and Local Association meetings

• Conference and Autumn General Meeting

• Member website

• Attendance at National Funeral Exhibition (discount on stand space if exhibiting)

Professional Credibilit y

• Code of Practice and client dispute resolution service, NAFD Resolve *

• Listing on funeral-directory.co.uk *

• Listing on supplier member search on NAFD website

• Use of logos and marketing collateral

Category C Benefits

• Discount on stand space if exhibiting at the biennial National Funeral Exhibition

• A listing in the overseas member search on the Association’s website

• Monthly copy of Funeral Director Monthly

Financial

• Fleet breakdown cover *

• Fleet insurance *

• Perfect Choice Funeral Plans *

• £5m professional indemnity insurance *

• £150k employment claims insurance

• £150k H&S prosecution insurance

• £150k HMRC & VAT investigation insurance

• Personal/commercial insurance discounts

• Royal Mail Same Day Service

Communication/Representation

• Parliamentary campaigning

• Monthly copy of Funeral Director Monthly

• Discounted advertising in Funeral Director Monthly

• Free editorial in Funeral Director Monthly

• Monthly e-newsletter

• NAFD social media

• Regular e-communication updates on important issues affecting your business

Professional Development

•

• Election to NAFD boards/committees

General

• Volvo schemes offering preferential rates *

Category C

Overseas

• Free editorial in Funeral Director Monthly

• Discounted advertising in Funeral Director Monthly

• Use of NAFD overseas member logo

• Invitation to attend the NAFD Conference and Annual General Meeting.

For more in formation on any of these benefits you receive as a member of the NAFD, plea se call: 0121 711 1343 or emai l: su@nafd.org.uk

Packed room for NAFD Scotland AGM and members’ meeting

Members of NAFD Scotland gathered in Edinburgh in March to welcome in a new Scotland President and hear about the rollout of a consultation about how the NAFD will best serve its members in a new regulatory landscape.

A packed room and members online welcomed Mark Shaw, from Mark Shaw Funeral Services in Aberdeen, as the new President in Scotland, replacing Andrew Brown, from Co-op Funeralcare, who had held the post for three years. Tim Purves, from William Purves Funeral Directors, was installed as Vice-President and Fiona Kenny, who has been Secretary for NAFD in Scotland for an astonishing 37 years, stood down amid thanks, flowers and gifts from everyone in attendance, to be replaced by Michelle Cuthell, from Thomas Cuthell & Sons.

The AGM and members’ meeting was also attended by new NAFD Chief Executive Officer Andrew Judd and National President John Adams.

Members heard that, after six months of consultation with the Scotland Executive on how the Association will provide best value

to members in a new regulatory landscape in the country, following the impending implementation of regulation and licensing, a wider consultation seeking the views of all members in Scotland will be rolled out shortly.

The meeting heard an update from the Scottish Government about where they currently stand on licensing, regulation, the Code of Practice and the public consultation over water cremation, while good points were made during a wider discussion on the Code of Practice, including how it affects cross-border activity, what constitutes “first offices”, and refrigeration. Mr Judd and Mr Adams reflected on their periods as CEO and National President, Mr Adams talking about his successful campaign to promote bereavement teaching in schools and Mr Judd expressing how important it is that the Association engages with members locally and nationally - and is reinvigorated by members’ involvement and participation.

Mr Judd told the meeting: “We are an Association that belongs to you, our members, and it is important that you tell us how we can offer best value to you. It is important that you tell us your views.”

The return of remote death registration in England and Wales moves closer with new Government Bill

The choice to register deaths remotely in England and Wales was universally agreed to have been one of the positive outcomes of the Coronavirus Act 2020 and was something that the funeral profession, Government and consumers all expressed a desire to protect. However, despite an attempt by Government to secure their long-term retention, through a Private Members Bill brought forward by Solihull area MP for Saqib Bhatti (Meriden, Cons) for which the NAFD prepared the ground by briefing all Westminster MPs, without a

suitable legislative framework, the ability to register a death remotely ended in April 2022 with the sunset of the Act in Parliament. Finally, the government’s Data Protection and Digital Information (No. 2) Bill has been published and it includes provision for deaths to be registered remotely.]

The NAFD’s persistent efforts throughout 2021 and 2022 continued, both before and after the ending of remote registration, and included letter writing, briefing MPs, raising it at the AllParty Parliamentary Group in Westminster and

Cross-Party Group in the Senedd, and making the case repeatedly in the national media –as well as in private briefings with relevant ministers.

Andrew Judd, Chief Executive of the National Association of Funeral Directors, said: “This is another huge campaign success for the NAFD – our second in quick succession – after a huge amount of work by the team and an important step forward in the quest to give families choice

about how they register a death in England and Wales.

“I know from speaking to members how important this issue is and this is a core benefit of NAFD membership, we are relentless in pursuit of outcomes that support our members in running their businesses and providing care to bereaved families.”

NAFD shines a light on equity in the funeral profession for International Women’s Day

For the fifth year in a row, the NAFD showcased some of the UK’s fantastic female funeral professionals for its annual International Women’s Day (IWD) social media campaign in early March, with a focus on the concept of Equity, as part of the Association’s focus on Equity, Diversity and Inclusion in the funeral sector. IWD has occurred for well over a century, with the first IWD gathering in 1911 supported by over a million people. Today, IWD belongs to all groups collectively everywhere and is not country, group or organization specific. International Women’s Day in 2023 was held on Wednesday 8 March and the theme for this year was “Equality versus Equity: What’s the difference?”

“The IWD 2023 #EmbraceEquity campaign theme sought to get the world talking about why “equal opportunities are no longer enough” - and can in fact be exclusionary, rather than inclusive. In an article for international funeral directing organisation FIAT-IFTA, Past President Alison Crake, Chair of the NAFD Board of Education, notes: “Women are often portrayed in mainstream media as having more of the soft skills associated with a nurturing and caring role and this has sometimes been interpreted

as women having the ability to perform the role of funeral worker in a way that men can’t. It is sometimes assumed that women will be more approachable or easier to talk to, in comparison to a traditionally held view that men will be more reserved in their approach and the way in which they communicate. “I can understand how the media would present women in the profession in this way, but I think that continual gender stereotyping of roles, diminishes the very valuable contribution that all funeral workers continue to make to the bereaved families they care for.”

Exploring practical ways in which funeral firms can operate in a equitable way – and improve motivation and productivity in the process – Past President Abi Pattenden, who is part of the NAFD’s Equity Diversity and Inclusion group reflected on what equity might mean to the funeral profession. “To me, equity in the funeral industry means not making assumptions about roles that someone is suitable for,” she said. “Historically, we have always needed flexible approaches to working - for example, the funeral director role itself requires both the skills needed to work with the family in making arrangements, and those necessary to

ensure the funeral goes smoothly on the day. Companies can work with their teams with goals in mind and looking at what each individual needs rather than making assumptions.

“If, for example, you only employ people who can work 9-5 Monday to Friday, or you say all staff have to be available to work out of hours, you are missing out on people from a variety

of backgrounds and with valuable skills for your business. Job shares, training, and flexible policies are only some of the tactics you can employ to move towards being a more equitable employer. Most importantly, ask yourself why you do things the way you do - if it’s just because it has always been done that way, there is always room for improvement!”

NAFD Conference 2023: tickets selling fast!

Friday 19- Sunday 21 May 2023

Crowne Plaza Hotel, Stratford-upon-Avon

The2023 NAFD Conference and Annual General Meeting, chaired by NAFD President John Adams, takes place at the centrally located Crowne Plaza Hotel, in Shakespeare’s Stratford-upon-Avon from Friday 19- Sunday 21 May 2023 - offering a weekend of insight, education, networking and entertainment in the relaxed and convivial company of friends and

colleagues from across the funeral profession. With the prospect of more regulatory intervention in Scotland - and potentially in the rest of the UK too - and the second phase of the Fuller Inquiry and the Law Commission Review of Burial and Cremation Law getting underway, this is a critical time for the NAFD to come together to drive the future development

of the sector. We’ll be covering key topics such as direct cremation, alternative forms of disposal and ongoing challenges with the coronial service and registration.

There will also be a focus on essential tools and insights to help funeral directors with business challenges, looking at a range of topics including business risk, sustainability and professional development.

Wrapped around the Conference sessions is a packed social programme, with a boat trip on the River Avon on Friday evening - reflecting the

President’s naval background - and Conference banquet on Saturday evening raising money for Child Bereavement UK. We’ve also built in plenty of down time, to allow delegates to recharge, meet contacts and colleagues and explore our vibrant exhibition of suppliers to the funeral sector. Non-members are welcome to attend the Education sessions.

Tickets are on sale via the NAFD website, where you will find information and a link to the booking page: www.nafd.org.uk/ NAFDconference

NAFD lays the groundwork for participation in Fuller Inquiry

How funeral firms care for deceased people will come under the spotlight this year through both the Fuller Inquiry and the Law Commission Review of burial and cremation law – shaping the future of funerals and how we care for those who die for a generation.

The Inquiry, which began in 2022 with a focus firmly on the NHS Trust in Kent where hospital electrician David Fuller committed his crimes, set out to consider whether procedures and practices in other hospital and non-hospital settings - including funeral homes - where bodies of the deceased are kept, safeguard the security and dignity of the deceased in such a way as would prevent a recurrence of the crimes committed by Fuller.

During the first phase of the inquiry, Past President Jeremy Field OBE gave evidence, as his firm was one of several that interacted with the NHT Trust concerned and he reported back that the emphasis felt less about monitoring the behaviours of people working in mortuaries, and “rather more about knowing who has access to the deceased people in our care and how we’re managing access to them.”

For NAFD Director of Policy and Public Affairs

Rachel Bradburne, the actions of Fuller have

highlighted the vulnerability of deceased people, issues of access to deceased people, and the need to ensure that standards in the provision of funeral and death care are as high as possible. “The funeral profession has much to contribute to the second phase of the inquiry and the NAFD has an important role to play, as we set high professional standards for our members. Secure access to mortuaries restricted to authorised persons, and the provision of DBS checks are included in The Funeral Director Code and IFSO inspections ensure that they operate to high standards.

“Naturally, there will always be further improvements that could be made – but it will be important that any reforms which result from the public inquiry are proportionate to each setting.

“Ultimately, NAFD wants the sector to agree on a common approach to standards that prioritises independent oversight. This is, we consider, what consumers expect and deserve. NAFD will continue to work towards achieving consensus and a single mechanism for the implementation of agreed standards, sector wide.”

NAFD meets with Law Commission and HTA ahead of review of burial and cremation law

The NAFD has met with the Law Commission ahead of the commencement of its review into the legal framework surrounding death and funerals and has recently submitted a response to the Human Tissue Authority’s consultation on revised Guidance to Post-Mortem Standards, as part of regular dialogue with the HTA on care of deceased issues.

“The NAFD is being extremely active on behalf of members in this area as it is critical that oversight of care of deceased people is effective and proportionate – and any new

regulations must be drafted with the benefit of expert witness from the funeral sector,” said Rachel Bradburne.

“As well as contributing to the Fuller Inquiry, we are in liaison with the Scottish Government, which is a step ahead of colleagues in England and is preparing to introduce statutory oversight of standards in funeral homes. This topic is one of our major campaigning areas during 2023 on behalf of members and it should be a high priority for member firms in terms of operational risk and management discussions.”

NAFD President appointed advisor to Child Bereavement UK

NAFD President John Adams has been appointed Funeral Industry Advisor to Child Bereavement UK, in recognition of the work he is doing to support grieving children through his Bereavement in Education campaign.

Child Bereavement UK, which is John’s chosen charity for his presidential year, helps families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies. The charity supports children and young people (up to the age of 25) when someone important to them has died or is not expected to live, and parents and the wider family when a baby or child of any age dies or is dying. The charity provides training to professionals in health and social care, education, and

the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families.

John expressed his delight at the appointment, adding: “I share with the charity a

commitment to delivering the best possible support to bereaved families and children. Everyone grieves differently and there is no one-size-fits-all approach but, with compassion and empathy, it is possible to help families navigate the complex emotions and practical considerations that come with bereavement.”

Ann Chalmers, Chief Executive of Child Bereavement UK added: “We’re delighted that John has agreed to become an Advisor to Child Bereavement UK. John’s considerable experience and his support will allow us to forge closer links with funeral professionals and the families they serve, helping to rebuild lives by sharing information, expertise and insights.”

John Adams

Through our own personal experience we received the inspiration to set up Treasured Keepsakes, to give people a wide variety of options upon a loved one’s passing should they choose to keep a lock of hair, cremated remains, a piece of jewellery, a photograph or anything that is a personal reminder of their loved one in a small keepsake, keepsake pendant or urn.

Funeral directors we are currently working with have tailored our service to suit their needs. We have two options of how our service can work for you. If you wish you can buy our products from us at a wholesale price and sell them directly to your clients. Alternatively we can offer this service to your clients directly.

We would hope that by recommending our service we will enhance and add value to your business at no extra cost to you.

For more information contact us or visit our website

Tel: 01 825 4579 From NI: 00353 1 825 4579

info@treasuredkeepsakes.ie www.treasuredkeepsakes.ie

Eimer Duffy is a Social Media Consultant and Trainer at FIT Social Media. Through bespoke solutions, Eimer helps Funeral Professionals gain a better online presence, build communities and trust online with zero stress and hassle in a short space of time. She also co-hosts the only social media for business radio show in Ireland called “The Let’s Get Social Show” every Friday at 2pm on Dublin South FM and the show is on podcast too. Check out www. fitsocialmedia.ie to learn more.

Why use LinkedIn as a funeral professional?

Are you on LinkedIn? This is one of the most popular questions asked. Especially when at industry related conferences and exhibitions. And with The Funeral Times Trade Show on 3rd and 4th October 2023, there’s no better time to start using Linkedin.

More and more Funeral professionals are embracing the platform. Seeing it as an opportunity to showcase their services and connect with potential customers and other industry professionals.

So what is Linkedin, the benefits, how to stand out and leverage it? Let’s dive in:

What is Linkedin?

It is a social media platform for professionals. But to be honest, it’s more like an online networking room. It allows you to create a professional profile - think of it as your online business card rather than a CV. Linkedin is where you can connect with other Funeral industry professionals and peers. As well as potential customers and that’s not all. Your future staff and future employers are there too. You can join industry related groups and engage in discussions on a range of topics. Also you have the opportunity to attend events on LinkedIn. This can definitely help you grow your

network and help establish you as a credible and knowledgeable expert in your field.

What are some of the benefits?

Networking: This can be a great way to build a network of colleagues and more. Build upon resources for industry-specific advice and support. The platform has a professional tone and is a very comfortable space to be in.

Learning: Helps you to stay up to date on industry trends, best practices and relevant news. And you have the opportunity to share interesting content to help your network that they would value.

Recruiting: Linkedin can be a powerful tool for recruiting new staff members. With a company page, you can post job openings and search for qualified candidates.

If you are looking for your next role then LinkedIn is the place for you. With a professional and complete profile, you can

SEE ME AT THE SHOW!

showcase your skills and experience and share insight into your current position in the industry. You can follow the company, those connected to it and raise your visibility. From there, build up relationships and connect with a future employer.

Potential Customers: They are definitely on LinkedIn. And it’s a great way to connect and build relationships with them. There are a variety of ways to find customers on LinkedIn. Such as using the search bar. Joining relevant groups and networking with other professionals. Opening future opportunities to be able to refer you to potential customers.

How do I stand out on LinkedIn?

Let’s look at the main sections of a profile, what to post and how to raise your visibility using your engagement:

• Customised Linkedin Banner (large image at the top of your Linkedin profile)

• A recent professional Headshot

• A well crafted Headline to attract followers and connections

• About/Summary Section

• Work Experience

• Education

• Licences and Certifications

• Volunteer Experience

• Skills (List your skills and this gives others the opportunity to endorse you).

• Recommendations (great to receive and even better to give a recommendation).

• Publications

• Courses

• Honours and Awards

• Languages

• Organisations

• Interests

Having a completed profile will speak volumes and as we all know first impressions last. From there you need to be active with posting. Sharing content that resonates with your network. Use well crafted captions, relevant hashtags and even emojis for tone of voice. Post things that will engage your network to want to like, comment and even repost (share) out. And do engage back with other users on your posts, don’t post and ghost as they say. And if you are not posting that day, then you need to be engaging with other users daily. You will increase your visibility and position yourself as interested and interesting. This all contributes to your Linkedin strategy.

How do I connect with the right people?

Once you are all set up and active, you will want to expand your network. Think of who you can help and who can help you. Follow the right people and engage with them first. Like, comment and repost to show your interest. Once you have started to build engagement with the right people then you should take the next step. This is your LinkedIn Request connection outreach strategy. Always send a personalised message to that person with your connection request. Avoid sending a Linkedin Request without a message. The person needs to understand why you wish to connect them.

To conclude

Create a strong and complete profile, post a good mix of content and engage with other users. This will help build trust and credibility with growing your connections. And really leverage your networking and collaboration opportunities. As well as showcasing your expertise and helping you stay up-to-date

with industry news. You can also find future employees, potential customers and build upon going forward. LinkedIn is the platform choice of professionals. And it will definitely help grow your career and your Funeral business.

If you have any more questions, send them into Eimer and she will answer them for you, and we will publish them in our next edition. All questions submitted and published can be anonymous if you wish. You can contact Eimer by email at: eimer@fitsocialmedia.ie.

Dan Lyons from Lyons Funeral Directors, Listowel, Co. Kerry collecting his all new Ford Mondeo Hybrid from Pierce Coachbuilders

New Delivery Pierce Coachbuilders

Jennifer Muldowney is an event planner for memorials in the United States of America and Ireland and is currently partnered with the prestigious Frank E. Campbell - The Funeral Chapel in NYC as their in-house event planner.

Jennifer is also notable as author of Say Farewell Your Way, Tedx speaker of ‘Grief as Unique as your Heartbeat’ and host of ‘The Glam Reaper Podcast’. Check out Muldowney Memorials (.com) to learn more.

By Jennifer Muldowney

Our unique (carbon) footprint

The human species has a unique ability to shape the environment in which they live, and this ability comes with a responsibility to ensure that this impact is sustainable as much as physically possible. As humans, we alter landscapes, exploit natural resources, and emit pollutants that contribute to climate change.

Thefuneral industry is an area where our uniqueness as humans and our lasting impact on the environment is particularly relevant. Traditional funeral practices often have a significant environmental impact, including the use of embalming chemicals, non-biodegradable caskets, and burial vaults. However, there is a growing movement towards more sustainable funeral practices.

By embracing the uniqueness of our clients and considering their personal values and beliefs, we can help them make informed choices about end-of-life arrangements that align with the country’s environmental values. This can include opting for more eco-friendly funeral options, choosing a final resting place that aligns with their values, or engaging in green burial practices.

1. Eco-friendly disposition options: As mentioned earlier, traditional funeral practices can have a significant environmental impact. However, there are now many eco-friendly options available, such as natural burial, alkaline hydrolysis and terramation (human composting). These options can minimize the use of harmful chemicals and reduce the carbon footprint of

the funeral. Some of these are already available to us in Ireland and we should be able to educate our families on these options.

2. Donating a body to science: Donating a body to science can be a meaningful way to contribute to scientific research and education. This can help advance medical knowledge and potentially lead to new treatments for diseases.

3. Conservation efforts: Support for conservations can be left in a will but when it comes to the funeral we can also suggest a donation for environmental organizations. We can also encourage donations in lieu of flowers delivered to the family/funeral home.

4. A greener funeral: Green funerals can include a natural burial that involve placing the body in a biodegradable coffin or shroud and burying it in a natural setting. This can help promote biodiversity and support local ecosystems. But why let it stop there, we can encourage a service to be had at a park or in a green graveyard. Maybe the casket can be brought via a hearse bicycle as seen recently in France! Cutting down on travel for guests can

help with their carbon footprint. Using seeded paper or biodegradable printed items can also help. There are lots of ways to think creatively about adding environmentally friendly options to a funeral.

5. Reduce waste and consumption in the funeral home: You and your team can minimize your environmental impact including reducing waste, conserving resources, and supporting eco-friendly products and practices as much as possible.

Ultimately, recognizing our uniqueness as humans, we in the funeral industry can help create more meaningful and personalized end-of-life experiences that reflect the individuality of our clients while also minimizing our environmental impact.

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SAIF Annual General Meeting & Banquet Weekend

2nd - 5th March 2023

SAIF 2023 Annual General Meeting and Banquet weekend commenced on Thursday

2nd March at the Neville Golf Course where Brian Hart and Steve Tester led the golfers round the 18 holes. Bob Spittle won the individual prize and the team prize went to Team Tester: Steve Tester, Rob Forbes, Josh Prescott and Terry Tennens F.SAIF, with the awards being presented by Jo Parker.

On the Friday and Saturday we had our platinum, gold and silver sponsors exhibit their services in the Chandelier room, which was also where a light lunch was served on the Friday, with Jo Parker and her partner Steve Tester welcoming the guests.

After lunch, there was an interactive wellbeing session with Ged Flynn, CEO of PAPYRUS Jo Parker’s charity for her year where he discussed the charity and the support that it provides, followed by 2 empowering videos. Following Ged, Neil Laybourn and Jonny Benjamin each provided their own story into how they met the journey that they had taken, where they were at present and for the future into addressing the

impact that mental ill health can have including suicide.

This year, in the Friday evening we had a ‘Meet the Associates’ dinner where guests which included members, Fellows and Past Presidents were given presentations by key sponsors Golden Charter, Westerleigh Group, SAIFInsure, Ecclesiastical, Obitus, Life Ledger and Greenacres Group. This was followed by

Winning golf team: Steve Tester, Rob Forbes, Josh Prescott and Terry Tennens F.SAIF, with Jo Parker

Ged Flynn, CEO of PAPYRUS Jo Parker’s charity for her year

L-R: Jim Parker, Jo Parker and Chris Parker F.FSAIF (Jo’s mum and dad who have been Presidents of SAIF)

Focus on what you do best.

While SAIF promotes and protects your independent interests.

Saif NewS Saif NewS

the talented Dave Sharp who painted a picture of HM Queen Elizabeth to music, which was auctioned with the final total pledged by Brian Hart being £3,000 for the Presidents Charity.

Saturday was the working side of the weekend with over 130 members attending the Annual General Meeting.

It began with the National President Jo Parker welcoming the guests with 2nd Vice President Declan Maguire reading the obituaries with guests lighting a candle during the minute’s silence in memory of all those who had passed during the year.

Following apologies, National President Jo Parker mentioned that it had been an honour to serve SAIF travelling the 4 nations meeting members.

The AGM minutes from 2022 and the Accounts for the year end 31st December 2022, were proposed en bloc.

Terry Tennens F.SAIF then mentioned ‘Competitive Environment’ that is evolving highlighting the following key areas:

• Direct Cremation

• Fenix Funerals

• Diamond Partnership

• SAIF Vision 2028

• SAIF Digital

• SAIF Advocacy

Q&A panel

Lastly, highlighting that the ‘A’ in SAIF stands for ‘Allied’ with strength in unity and that this is the age for the independent / family funeral directors.

Elected to the National Executive Committee was David Massam and George Roberts with Simon Helliar-Moore being re-elected. Declan Maguire became 1st Vice President with Ross Hickton becoming 2nd Vice President.

There was a summary from each of the subcommittee leads on the reports included in the AGM booklet that was sent out to members with the Notice and Election Form.

Gary Neil F.SAIF provided an overview on SAIF Fellows with the following being invited to become Fellows of SAIF for their work and value for SAIF. Mark Porteous, Terry Tennens and Sean Martin.

The meeting formally closed at 11.30.

Following the AGM there was a Q&A Session provided by the following with a selection of questions provided from the audience which covered direct cremations, Human Tissue Act and celebrants:

Declan Maguire Digital Competition

Paul Allcock F.SAIF Government Liaison

Chris Parker F.SAIF Education for the profession

L-R: Declan Maguire 1st VP, Mark Horton National President and Ross Hickton 2nd VP

Saif NewS Saif NewS

Barbara Fowley Mortuary Matters

Craig Caldwell Mortuary security & the Fuller inquiry

Terry Tennens F.SAIF Host and Quality Assurance & business support service

Each panel member gave a summary of their topic

For those who had reserved lunch this was served in the Chandelier room providing further exposure to those associates exhibiting.

The afternoon was then kept free to those wishing to explore Royal Tunbridge Wells or take the opportunity to visit the Hotel’s Spa and leisure facilities.

The Saturday banquet commenced with a drink’s reception, where guests were entertained by Adam Smith ‘Magician’. During dinner there were the customary toasts followed by the raffle. Guests then danced the night away to the Big Kahuna band. Finally, the night ended with the customary bacon and egg rolls.

Sunday morning saw the installation of officers, with master of ceremonies Mark Woollard following on from last year who, together with the edited slide show, his wit and

amusing one liners, had the audience in streams of laughter from start to finish.

The formalities of the morning commenced with Jo Parker thanking the Officers and Executives and the staff at SAIF Business Centre for their guidance and help during her year in office.

Gratitude was provided to the officer’s present from kindred associations for their presence.

Thanks also went to the stewards, Mark Woollard and Brain Stock for their help over the weekend and grateful thanks were extended to everyone for the donations and support towards her chosen charity PAPYRUS.

The Presidential chain was then presented to Mark Horton who gave a short speech before officially bestowing Declan Maguire as 1st Vice President, who then in turn passed the 2nd Vice President chain to Ross Hickton.

Following Mark Hortons’s speech advising that his banquet weekend will be at The Principal Hotel, York next year during the weekend of 21st – 24th March and his chosen charity being The Honeypot Children’s Charity which supports young carers, the formalities of the morning were closed.

Kindred Associations with Jo Parker at the banquet

NI Kidney Research Fund exhibit again at The Balmoral Show 2023

Bella winning an honorary ‘Best in Show for Rare Breeds’ at the 2022 Balmoral Show!

Northern Ireland Kidney Research fund are excited to be exhibiting at The Balmoral Show again this year, after their very successful time at the event last year. They will have volunteers on their stand every day, along with their Ambassador Paula McIntyre who will also be joining them on the stand each day for a short period of time.

Bella, the kidney cow, will also be roaming around the show grounds, no doubt dreaming she will win the real ‘Best in Show for Rare Breeds’ this year!! Bella is also taking part in the Mascot race on Saturday and would love your support if you are visiting.

Grudges: The gift that keeps on giving

By Dr Bill Webster

Ithas been a long and painful journey for Brian. He attended my support group years ago after the death of his wife, but returned a few years later after the loss of his tragic younger brother.

Brian was uncharacteristically angry, furious over the fact that his brother Vince, only 50 years of age, had presented himself at the emergency room of a major hospital 3 times in 10 days complaining of increasingly excruciating stomach pain, only to have the doctors and staff refusing to admit him for tests or treatment, merely prescribing pain medication. The day after his third appearance at emergency Vince was found dead in his apartment of what was later discovered as a perforated ulcer. “The hospital dropped the ball with him. They could have done more to delve into really what his issues really were, but they chose to send him home,” said Vince. “My brother was a man of few words so instead of insisting on a fuller examination, he said nothing and the poor guy fell through the cracks.”

At the funeral, the anger was palpable. In the hierarchy of priorities, grief should come ahead of anger, but in reality it is often not the case. Admittedly they had every right to be angry over the whole sorry affair. But the real issue is the grief, which may not be expressed when all their energy is being focussed on the unfairness and their sense of helplessness over the situation.

Brian has held on to that resentment every day for over 4 years and in the process has suffered anxiety, depression, anger, insomnia, and physical ailments. But lately he learned that the gift grudges keep on giving is misery. The Buddha said “Resentment is like a hot coal: you

pick it up to throw it at someone else, but you are the one who gets burned.”

So when he invited me for breakfast a few weeks ago, I was thrilled when he said, “I can’t forget what the hospital did, but I’m learning to forgive myself.”

Most people think forgiveness is a good idea until they have something or someone to forgive. I wonder how many of us have held on to grudges, bitterness or resentment that has affected our lives, our relationships, or even our health, possibly for years. So here’s my question: ‘How’s that working for you?”

Here are four steps to consider:

1. Understand what forgiveness is - and isn’t. Many don’t want to forgive because they think that by forgiving they are saying the offender did nothing wrong. Not so! You can send an offender to jail but still forgive them.

People also think forgiveness requires reconciling with the person who mistreated them. It can, but it doesn’t have to. Brian has learned that forgiveness isn’t really about the offender at all. Instead, it’s about letting go of the anger that is eating you. It involves accepting that you were wronged but deciding to move on from your hurt, an act of selfrespect and self-care that takes courage and commitment on your part.

The word forgiveness in the original language means “Not being affected by it any longer.”

When you forgive, you don’t absolve anyone of responsibility. You let yourself off the hook. You are saying, “They have done this to me, but I am not going to let myself be adversely affected by it any longer.” Resentment can spoil your happiness for years. With forgiveness, you are

saying that you refuse to allow them or their actions to control you any longer.

2. Don’t wait for an apology. Sometimes the person who hurt you isn’t even aware they have done so. In other cases, they are incapable of understanding or even caring. The simple words “I’m sorry” can be healing … but so is deciding that you no longer need to hear them.

3. Celebrate who you have become. In a study, researchers asked approximately 200 people who’d been hurt by someone to write about either the traumatic aspects of the betrayal, or about things they’d gained as a consequence. Those who wrote about what they’d learned or how they’d grown were discovering they were more likely to forgive others and themselves and described feeling less bitter than others who were dwelling on the trauma did.

Life is a school for learning, and some of the lessons are painful ones. We can’t avoid being hurt. But we can decide not to let our hurt overshadow the rest of our lives. Choosing to let go and move on doesn’t leave you the same as you were before. It brings you greater

understanding, maturity and more compassion, toward others and toward yourself as well.

4. Liberating Principles

Change the way you describe yourself. Don’t be defined by the negatives. Sure, you were badly hurt but you’re also someone who was brave enough to choose to forgive, and smart enough to decide not to allow yourself to be affected by it any longer.

Decide to tell your story and acknowledge your hurt to someone you trust one more time, and then stop talking about it once and for all. Constantly repeating grievance stories can keep hurt alive and prevent you from being fully open to people and to life. Tell the story of your healing, not your hurt.

Choose not to let yourself be affected by it any more. Some of us really need to let go of resentment and anger that for too long has affected not the person who caused it, but us ourselves.

Life is too short to allow anything or anyone that has hurt us to control or have any effect on the rest of that life.

When you realize that, your whole life will go much better.

First you hurt, then you heal

Dr. Bill Webster understands grief not just in theory, but also from personal experience. In his book, “First you Hurt, Then you Heal”, Dr. Bill outlines a road map for the grief journey in a series of articles that take us through the process . He begins with a chapter entitled “I Didn’t Plan for This” that gives people an understanding of what they may experience in the early days after a loss. The book then goes on to give us an understanding of grief, some insights into various situations of loss, and some strategies to help us work through the process.

This book will be a helpful resource for those who are going through a grief process as well as containing much relevant and practical information for those who would like to know what they can say and how they can help someone who has experienced a significant loss. It will also serve as a basic knowledge and layman’s guide for those in the helping professions such as nurses, teachers, funeral directors and those who seek to support grieving people, young and old, through their work. “First you Hurt, Then you Heal” provides practical, down to earth and effective insight into one of the most difficult topics and most misunderstood experiences of life.

First you Hurt, Then you Heal: A Road Map for the Grief Journey (Kindle Edition) is available to buy on Amazon.

Stunning new Coleman Milne Mercedes for G.A Townroe & Son

Established by George Aubrey Townroe in 1947, G.A. Townroe & Son has remained a traditional family run Funeral service and

is now in the capable hands of George’s son, Eric Townroe and his granddaughters Elaine Townroe and Alison Jennison. Eric first started in 1966, taking over the Business in 1999 and Elaine and Alison have been in the business from a very young age.

G.A. Townroe & Son have been customers of Coleman Milne for many years. Following a visit to the Coleman Milne stand at last year’s National Funeral Exhibition the decision was made to order a new Mercedes Benz Hearse in Selenite Grey, “A decision that has been very well received from our customers” says Elaine, “we’ve received a lot of positive comments since taking delivery of the Hearse. It was a bold step to move away from black and we are really pleased with the result”.

Arthur Bell Funerals take delivery of new Hybrid fleet from Coleman Milne

The Bell family have served the Wakefield area, especially those of Stanley and Thornes since the beginning of the 20th century. Recently, John Bell, Owner and M.D. of Arthur Bell Wakefield Ltd since 1995, accepted delivery of their new Norwood and Rosedale Hybrid Fleet from Coleman Milne’s Eddie Marsden.

The new vehicles finished in black, are equipped with innovative Hybrid technology that intelligently switches between electric battery power and the internal combustion engine to deliver a fuel efficient, quiet, and sustainable drive. Passenger comfort is second to none with this range that has been engineered to maximise space and headroom all wrapped up in a luxurious leather interior. When commenting on the new purchase, Richard Bell said:

“Everyone at Coleman Milne have been brilliant throughout the whole process and have provided us with 2 fantastic cars that are taking us into the hybrid era.”

L-R; Richard Bell, John Bell, Eddie Marsden (Coleman Milne), Michael Bell

L-R; Eddie Marsden (Coleman Milne), Garry Hinchcliffe, Eric Townroe, Elaine Townroe and Dereck Burton.

Cotard’s Syndrome and deathbed requests

By Mattie Lennon

It was explained to me once that you can’t dream that you are dead unless you are actually dead. But I have learned recently that a person suffering from Cotard’s Syndrome believes he/she is dead. Cotard’s syndrome comprises any one of a series of delusions that range from a belief that one has lost organs, blood, or body parts to insisting that one has lost one’s soul or is dead.

Lying on his deathbed, in Castlegregory, County Kerry, Martin O’Connor made his final request to his wife: “Julia, I’m almost out of time, I’ve taken my last look at O‘Leary’s Island and there’s two things I want to do for me when I’m gone.“ She nodded her head and said, “You can count on me. Anything you ask, I’ll make sure it’s done.” In a weak voice Martin said, “Make sure John Kinsella sings Farewell to the Maharees at my funeral.” “No bother,” says Julia, “What’s the second one?”

“I want you to marry our neighbour Taidg Sheahan,” he said, his voice filled with emotion. Astonished, his wife replied, “Taidg? But I thought you couldn’t stand him!” He smiled and looked into her eyes as he answered, “That’s precisely why...”

I haven’t, as yet, heard of anyone saying on their deathbed, “I didn’t give myself enough hardship.”

However someone has come up with the following list of deathbed statements,

• I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

• I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

• I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

• I wish I had let myself be happier

Have you ever wondered about the turnout at your funeral. Mark Katz wrote the following in The New Yorker in 1997.

“I’ve left specific instructions on a stack of unused Kleenex: ATTENDING THE FUNERAL. If you find yourself asking, ‘Did I know Mark well enough to attend his funeral?’ the answer is yes. Valid or not, one measure of a life’s worth is the head count at the funeral, and, having reviewed the guest list, I realize that I must rely on acquaintances and friends of friends to reach critical mass. Each pewful of mourners is another round of ammo in my sendoff salute...”

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• Meeting, guiding and advising bereaved families

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• Administrative duties

• Driving all company vehicles

• Assisting with conducting funerals and monumental work

ESSENTIAL CRITERIA & REQUIRED SKILLS

• Ability to be flexible with working hours and our on-call out of hours rota

• Full UK Driving Licence. PSV Licence desirable

• Good level of physical fitness as this role will involve heavy lifting duties

• Smart Appearance