FAB MAG UK Spring 2024

FABMAG UK

ISSUE 15 / SPRING 2024

Forty & beyond Spring Style Real Stories Health Menopause Midlife Inspo Loving yourself. & More...

Hello Spring 2024

FROM THE

EDITOR

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elcome to the Spring Issue of Forty & Beyond Mag! This issue is full of new contributors bringing you their midlife inspiration. My favourite part of editing is reading the stories that come in. For this issue I had so many articles I couldn’t fit them all in!! So some of those you will read in the Bumper Summer issue. As I sit here the weather couldn’t be further from the Spring we all hope for. It’s been raining for days here in Suffolk. The start to my year has been exciting to say the least. After spending Christmas house sitting at my daughter and son-in laws in the countryside, we decided to search for a home away from town.

By the end of January we had sold our house and completed on our dream forever home! I’ve also been offered my own radio show to run alongside this magazine on Islington Radio and been invited to a casting for a skin care brand. I was too old - oh the irony -but it was a really fun experience. So stay tuned, pun intended!

Wherever you are reading this I just want you to know how grateful I am for the support this midlife community gives to not just me but everyone who reads FAB MAG UK.

Zee x

Editor Forty & Beyond Magazine UK.

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CONTENTS 20 xx 8

GAIL GENSLER

11

PANTONE

12 14 18

K’O’ing agism and Paragidm’s

This years colour

CLAIRE KENNY Menopause and wilted rose

MARGO BURGERS Grief- getting over it.

EMMA JELL My Greek love affair

20 ANNA PARKES forever me

23 JUSTINA REYNOLDS fab’s resident tanning expert

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24 24 SAM MERCER Madame Butterfly

26 DEBBIE DUCKER midlife multitasking

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OPS & OPS

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FABMAG fortyandbeyondmaguk UK

@gmail.com

THIS ISSUE I’M LOVING In February Lee and I were lucky enough to be invited to experience life in The Tower of London by our friends Karen and Garry. Gaz is a Yeoman Warder and we had exclusive access to the Tower at night! It was magical and as I’ve never been I was in my history nerd heaven. We met some lovely people and got to enjoy a tour and the pub on site called The Keys. We had a wonderful time and can’t thank them enough for being such amazing hosts. I will be doing a feature on the wives of the Tower in a future issue . It’s such a unique way of life.

With special thanks to all of our contributors this month... |GAIL GENSLER| CLAIRE KENNY| |MARGO BURGERS|EMMA JELL| |ANNA PARKES|SAM MERCER|DEBBIE DUCKER| |ALL ADDITIONAL IMAGES SUPPLIED BY UNSPLASH|COVER IMAGE BY AVESUN

Fabmag UK is a registered trademark and an online publication.

Reproduction in whole or in any part is strictly forbidden without written permission from the Editor, Zena Battersby.

The views expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the editor.

All images used are copyright to the photographers, who have been credited throughout the magazine.

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In My Corner: KO’ing Ageism

Paradigm’s.

BY: GAIL GENSLER

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ow does one go about changing a paradigm?

I’ve always been a big fan of Joel Barker, who is a renowned futurist, author, and lecturer. He’s gone in depth as to how people can topple a paradigm and replace it with a new one.

He states that one of the core reasons why paradigms are so tough to get past is because many people believe that the future is “an extension of the past.”

This is the way things were, this is the way things are, and this is the way things will be. It is far from impossible to illicit change however, no matter how deepseeded a paradigm is.

“

Paradigm Pioneers,” as he calls them, must have intuition, courage, and commitment. These people have thick skin, a calculated approach, and are hard-working. They are usually on the outer fringes of society. There will surely be trials and tribulations; the first

“ I consider myself a “Paradigm Pioneer”

one through the wall always gets bloody, as they say. But they are steadfast, for no one said breaking down a paradigm would be easy.

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consider myself a “Paradigm Pioneer.” My target? Ageism in the fitness apparel space as it relates to marketing and advertising. Luckily, I’m not alone!

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he Problem(s) I’ve talked at length about how ageism is a prevalent theme in the fitness apparel industry. You won’t see a woman in midlife like me on the walls of a Lululemon store. People my age are not expected to box or lift weights or be an overall beast in the gym. Even though plenty of us are, the paradigms about people my age and fitness still exist.

This type of mindset also exists in business and fashion.

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ou ever see ads for “antiaging” products? I bet you have, because they’re everywhere. This term in itself is ageist. What’s wrong with aging?

Nothing! The idea that aging=bad is the core of the paradigms I’m trying to get over. “Anti-aging” should be replaced by “aging well” or “aging gracefully.” It happens to everyone; why are we acting like it’s a virus that must be treated before it spreads? And let’s not even begin with how women are taught to fight the aging process, while men are celebrated for looking more “distinguished” or

WORK HARD PLAY HARD

What’s wrong with aging?

not featuring midlife men and women is because the ones crafting the ads are young and unable to see through our lens. There’s

or “dashing.” We’re gonna throw a dash of sexism on top of the ageism??? Please.

You see this type of mindset in business as well, particularly during the hiring process. Companies all around the world are incentivized to hire younger candidates in lieu of older, more experienced ones.

Is it because they’re cheaper?

Companies assume they can handle technology better? I’ve always said that one of the root causes of marketing campaigns

no midlife perspective in the room where these decisions are being made, and in turn, we’re not represented on billboards, magazines, commercials, etc.

Paradigms on paradigms on paradigms, basically. That’s what me and my fellow midlife influencer’s are taking on each and every day.

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nspirations ’ve been chasing this dream of mine for a

few years now. When I started, I was just a 59-year-old boxing aficionado who loved fashion and travelling. I knew next to nothing about the midlife influencer community; I was just passionate about changing the mindset on aging around fitness and wanted to see if I could make a difference. Fast forward to today however, and I find myself drawing inspiration from my fellow influencer’s who share the same ultimate goal as me.

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hese people are DYNAMITE. I had no clue there was such a supportive and rock-solid community of influencer’s like me who also want to see these ageism paradigms end. I like to think I have the intuition, courage, and commitment needed to end this mindset, as Joel Barker highlighted.

But I’m certainly not alone in this pursuit.

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t certainly hasn’t been easy and I’m cognizant of the fact that I might not see my goal accomplished in my lifetime.

With a little help from my fellow “Paradigm Pioneers” though, we can KO ageism paradigms and leave our legacy for future generations.

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Feeling Peachy!?

PANTONE 13-1023 Peach Fuzz captures our desire to nurture ourselves and others.

It’s a velvety gentle peach tone whose allembracing spirit enriches mind, body, and soul. This years colour is Peach fuzz. The great new is, it really suits midlife skin and its tone. As it changes as we age . Here is a little bit of Peach Fuzz inspiration to get you going!

Zee xx

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Menopause; A wilted rose amongst bouquet of blessings.

BY: CLAIRE KENNY

The cruel irony of menopause is that it comes as you finally feel that you’re finding your feet. But I wouldn’t throw a bunch of roses away if only one had

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wilted, so why would I do that with my life?

y forties have unequivocally been my best decade. Envisaging them years ago, I assumed I’d have everything figured out and be in some worry-free, part time work utopia, but they certainly didn’t work out that way. I was deeply unhappy in my early forties, but in hindsight I see that as a blessing because it led me to work hard on my mindset. I now have a life that truly excites me, something I don’t think I felt capable of creating so intentionally until I hit midlife. used to heavily base my decisions on external guidance, almost seeking permission from someone - or something separate from me for fear of what people would think.

But I finally learned that I had everything I needed to

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“I NOW HAVE A LIFE THAT REALLY EXCITES ME”

not only live life, but love it, if I listened to and trusted myself. Which brought a wonderful dollop of unconditional happiness.

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PICTURE BY UNSPLASH

hen came menopause. The cruel irony is that it comes as you’re finally finding your feet, but although it certainly threw a temporary spanner in the works, it just deepened my commitment to be happy and grateful regardless of external factors.

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o I made a conscious effort to keep being grateful for what I did have rather than moan about what I didn’t. When I was younger I’d be far too quick to say “I’ll be happy when…” as though when one element of my life wasn’t perfect, it invalidated the rest. But I wouldn’t throw a bunch of roses away if only one had wilted, so why would I do that with my life?

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“THEN CAME MENOPAUSE”

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’ve grown to accept that things are never perfect, and that happiness is more plentiful - and simple - than I ever realised.

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enopause is just one wilted rose amongst a much larger bouquet of blessings.

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laire can be found on Instagram as my40pluslife.me, or on Jorvik Radio (online or 94.8FM) every Saturday from 4-6pm

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GETTING OVER IT. Margo shares her unique insight of grief, loss and love BY: MARGO BURGERS ADDITIONAL PICTURE BY UNSPLASH

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hat you see in the picture is a photograph of love, guilt, anger and sadness and much, much, more. Disbelief, anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance are all parts of the mourning process, although not necessary in that order.

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wo years ago a young mother took her own life by drowning herself in the big lake in my beloved arboretum. I don’t know her story, I don’t know what drove her to act as she did, but I will not condemn her for choosing death in preference to life. Some people’s lives are weighed down by sadness and misery and no single conversation can fix what ails a tortured soul, but she no longer has to live in her agony.

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arks aren’t just places of pleasure.

Romances have started and ended in them, and passers-by may not even see the cabaret that is playing out. One day I was sitting on a bench when two gentlemen approached me

and said that their mother had been sitting there in her favourite spot when she gently slipped out of life.

Since then I have always chosen to sit briefly on the bench that she sat in as her heart gave out, and

although I never met her, I cannot imagine nicer place or way to leave this life.

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think about all of my beloveds and their families, and I smile. ives are always temporary, and no matter how keenly a loss is first felt, the living survive. Some survivors rail at the moon and struggle drowning in the desperation and emptiness that they feel, while others change their homes and set about making them their own, and in the process they mend as their wounded hearts inevitably settle into acceptance.

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he process is hard to predict, there is no text book way to grieve, no formula for the right ay to mourn, and nothing that one feels is wrong. I warn my families that some people will see them and cross the road

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“I THINK ABOUT ALL MY BELOVEDS AND THEIR FAMILIES AND I SMILE” rather than speaking to them. Actually saying ‘I don’t know what to say’ is enough. Platitudes are trotted out and they enrage the bereft and bereaved who cannot imagine that time will heal their wounds, even though it does. It doesn’t take pain and the loss away, but time certainly does enable one to allow one’s feelings to settle and become manageable.

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liken grief to a dog in a basket, it circles and eventually lowers itself into place, then it wriggles a little and pushes things around until it is ready to settle. The imaginary dog basket full of grief is there, we are aware of it and cohabit with it, and occasionally the beast rears its head and nips at our heels. It can be prompted by a variety of sensations, a smell, music a random memory of this or that as it surfaces, and the grieving one is knocked sideways, floored by the physical pain that engulfs them.

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ome survivors get stuck, fearful of moving forward because they are frightened of what people might say.

In truth each of us does their mourning differently, we can do nothing else, and it is right….. for us.

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ll things are possible, and strange things happen in the wonderful thing called life.

©

Margo A. Burgers.

All Rights Reserved

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PICTURE BY UNSPLASH

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hat I do know is that love lasts and that hearts can expand to accommodate new and different loves without tarnishing that which went before. I believe that loving again is part of the legacy of having been well loved and if and when it finds someone, I hope that they don’t shun it for fear of devaluing the comfortable love that carried them thus far. A new love can, if allowed, help one to pick up the baton in the relay race of life.

“ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, AND STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN IN THE WONDERFUL THING CALLED LIFE ”

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My Greek Love Affair.

By Emma Jell

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hroughout civilization we have been trying to pin down the essence of LOVE. Greek has Philia, Phileo, Agape, Ludus, Pragma, Mania - words which express not only the passion of romantic, obsessive love, but also love of friends and love for family.

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ncient Greek culture divided life into Tragedies and Comedies in which Greek Gods ridiculed mere humans & abilities to direct their own lives. I recently stepped into my own

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reek tragedy and inability to direct anything when my Dad became life-threateningly ill in Crete. Not only had I just arrived the day before when all was fine but the contrast between stunning sun filled coastlines and hospital life could not have been more pronounced.

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s was the lack of Greek I could speak. I live abroad, am a qualified translator, but now I was struck dumb. The irony of it being all Greek to me was not lost. The urgency to communicate with doctors and nurses was overwhelming. All I could think was if I could speak Greek I would be more useful to Dad. started learning Greek by Dad’s bedside as fast as I knew how. Strangely weeks later I started to hear words which sounded a little Italianesque. I was picking up on how much Greek is in the languages I speak (there are an estimated 150,000 Greek words in nglish..). Every time I make a connection between words from different languages I have a mild eureka moment and a sense of euphoria.

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ake son and fish. It’s easy to see how one language travels to the other, carried across seas and mountains..

Gios - Greek Fglio - Italian, Hijos - Spanish, Filho - Portuguese Fils - French.

Greek - Psari French - Poisson Spanish - Pescado Danish - Fisk Welsh - Psygod

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anguage, like love, knows no boundary. Both do not recognise the barriers imposed by humans.

Both ebb and flow as they wish. Both evade control. Both cannot be suppressed. ove, like language, will always find a way. The roots of the language we speak reach deep into the past and the shoots are continually growing, stretching further into the future. Linguistic seeds carried by humans, gifted from one person to another in our quest to connect with each other. Language is the code of a people, a shared culture, a past and a future. Our shared history of evolution and migration is hidden in the way we communicate with each other.

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umans ability to adapt is recognised as one of the major pillars of our success. We pass on this humanity via stories in our shared languages, crisscrossing time and space into infinity.

Despite every natural disaster, from earthquakes to plagues, to all the stupidity of wars and every human death - we continue to thrive. As does my Greek.. Who knew Duo lingo was a trauma support app? At times I couldn’t bear the daily reminders but slowly I drifted back. It keeps me connected to this time of my life divided between hospital and beach, grief and wonder, incomprehension and comprehension. When time stood still and only the most crucial things in life were important IFE, my father’s life, the appreciation of being together, pulling together, doing our best and sacrificing everything else, for LOVE. Continuing to learn Greek pulls me back to the essentials of life as it has stood for centuries and centuries. It ties me to my father.

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υχαριστώ, Σ;αγαπώ Dad. It was a privilege to be there for you. Through our experience I received a gift which reconnects me forever with you, with love, with life, with the world.. and language.

EMMA AND HER FATHER ON HER GRADUATION

his pattern is the Greek Key of Love, representing the way love meanders through our lives like a river, overcoming all obstacles, 4 always progressing in an infinite, never ending pattern..

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Forever me!

BY: ANNA PARKES

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’ve recently crossed an invisible divide, a transitional point that’s not often discussed by way of preparation and yet becomes relevant to each of us, eventually. In January I became an OAP, a senior citizen no less, although in age only at this stage. I straddle two sectors of the population, those who are employed and those who are retired: the OAP’s. I must add that this isn’t a time of sadness or crisis for me, not at all. I’m still working full-time and will continue to do so until such times as I become either too tired or befuddled to carry on. However, ’ve at last reached the age when the government is obliged to return some of my money in the form of a monthly pension, which is great! But this a sudden

“I

CONSIDERED MYSELF YOUNG!”

awakening to the end of an era when I considered myself young. Middle age didn’t seem to appear on my radar, or rather, I failed to acknowledge it, as I was immersed in a job

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that was my passion for 25 years. It wasn’t that I was in denial, more that I didn’t realise that the years were gathering momentum behind me.

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ou see, like most or even dare I say, all of us, I carry inside my head a mental image of who I am. My Forever Me is the woman in the blurry photo below. She’s vivacious and carefree, and more to the point is only aged 23. I carry her girlishness inside me, her sense of fun and frivolity, with a ready laugh and optimistic viewpoint fuelling a strong belief that there are still lots of good times ahead.

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ike most of us, life has dealt me some knocks, but this young woman’s resilience continues to shine brightly within me.

“YOUNG AT HEART IS SUCH A CLICHÉ AND YET IT’S HOW I FEEL”

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he resides in the heart of me; newly married and blissfully happy, this is who I feel I really am.

It seems that the decades haven’t altered my vision of my inner self regardless of my actual age – a sentiment shared by others. I say this after talking to many women, including my mother-in-law, who some

years ago, was the first to agree that this youthful self we believe ourselves to be, this buoyant and static picture within, is sadly not the image who greets us in the mirror day after day. In her words, geing is a dirty trick that time plays on us. I often smile at her words and must admit that at the age of 66, I do indeed still feel as if I’m in my 20’s.

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oung at heart is such a cliché, and yet it’s how I feel.

Must I settle down to acting my age simply 4

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ecause I’m an OAP? And yet where does that leave me? My latest inspiration is Diana Nyad who at the age of 64 swam from Cuba to the Florida Keys – that’s 103 miles – without stopping!

Some years later she then went on to walk across the USA fundraising for charity along the way. At 74 she is still an unstoppable force deserving of every accolade she gets. I’ve read her book and watched her movie, Nyad, three times – her courage and tenacity are testament to the spirit of the woman. iana has inspired me in my daily sea swimming adventures: I no longer consider bad weather as a reason not to swim.

Instead, I treat rough seas and inclement weather as an opportunity for a tough training session, a reason to dig in deep, improve my stroke, to simply try harder, and the more I do, the stronger I swim on calm days. Age is no barrier to sea swimming; Diana has proven that. Apart from the physical aspect of wild swimming, the other lure for me is the meditative effect of swimming alone, the connection to this watery world; total immersion allowing me to

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he external signs of ageing may be evident thanks to my thickening waist and many laughter lines, but with the passage of time I’ve developed grit and determination that I never had when I was younger. Another positive aspect of ageing is that I care less about what people think of me; the people-pleaser of my youth has evaporated, leaving me more confident and self-assured.

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hether others think I’m mad because I go swimming in the rain or deluded because dress up for work in ridiculously high heels, it matters not one jot! This is my one and only life, so I’ll run with my heart’s desire, share my pleasures with likeminded souls. I’m still dancing to the beat of my own drum, and I urge you to do the same – find your happy place, be it through yoga, painting, mountain climbing or singing at the top of your voice. Find your tribe too and feed Forever You with joy and happiness, no matter what your age!

NEW EXPRESS OLIVETAN. A

chieve a Quick and Flawless Mediterranean Glow for Olive and Deep Skin Tones

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am excited to announce the launch of my newest Sienna X express Olive tanning solution and the Light-Medium 8 hr Olive solution.

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he 1HR express solution lasts for 5-7 days with its rapid development time and the nourishing ingredients are perfect for olive and deep skin tones that suntan easily without burning.

Y A glow,

ou will be left with a streak free Mediterranean

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chieve a Quick and Flawless Mediterranean Glow for Olive and Deep Skin Tones am excited to announce the launch of my newest Sienna X express Olive tanning solution and the Light-Medium 8 hr Olive solution.

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he 1HR express solution lasts for 5-7 days with its rapid development time and the nourishing ingredients are perfect for olive and deep skin tones that suntan easily without burning. ou will be left with a streak free Mediterranean glow,

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chieve a Quick and Flawless Mediterranean Glow for Olive and Deep Skin Tones

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Madame Butterfly How fashion played a part in finding myself again after Cancer BY: SAM MERCER

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ell hello my darlings! My name is Sam, I am 50 years fabulous and have lived in Northern Ireland for 22 years.

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y love affair with fashion started as a little girl sitting with my aunty Dot at her sewing machine that seemed to me to be the size of a house, ripping up old bed sheets, sewing bows and beads onto everything. Fast forward into the 80’s, a resourceful teenager, as poor as I was creative, with only the meagre funds scraped together from my weekly paper round, I learned to be very inventive with very little. Accessories became my focus once I discovered that some simple embellishment could transform a mundane outfit into something ostentatious! Moving into my adult years I became captivated with 50’s fashion, and in particular pinup models of this era.

My style icon was the wonderful Bettie page, from her trademark

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bangs to her effortless elegance, and above all her ability to put an outfit together. My captivation with 50’s style became the inspiration for starting my own business in 2007 creating Rockabilly and pinup inspired headpieces

and handbags. Despite finding happiness in having a creative outlet, I felt like an imposter because I lacked the confidence to embrace this style myself; until that is, my marriage exploded like a bin bag full of shit!

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think many can attest, changes in circumstances can bring with them a rude awakening,

and mine was that I was not my authentic self. I started a journey of self-discovery, I started wearing red lipstick not only for special occasions but for every day, I began shopping for pencil skirts and figure-hugging dresses, it was incredibly empowering but more importantly my confidence soared!

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nter bin bag full of shit number 2! At the beginning of 2023 I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Treatment was mentally and physically gruelling, and I found my confidence sliding back to how I felt years before.

My body changed dramatically and of course I lost my hair, I quickly gained weight so most of my beloved wardrobe became redundant. hemotherapy made me incredibly weak and at times I struggled to dress myself, so it was time to invoke my teenage self and learn to adapt

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“MY STYLE ICON IS THE WONDERFUL BETTIE PAGE”

and make cancer sexy, garments needed to be comfortable and functional but most importantly I wanted to look amazing!

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y closet started to incorporate jump suits, overalls, and dungarees coupled with bigger and more eccentric accessory choices. After a long difficult year of Chemo, Radiotherapy then surgery I feel like a butterfly

excited to see how fashion inspires the new version of me, but mostly I’m excited that age has brought me to a place of bravery in making bold fashion decisions without worrying about the opinions of others.

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ust as fashion moves through seasons, so does our relationship with it. I dress for myself, I dress for that little girl using her aunts sewing machine, for the teenager embellishing jackets and bags, for the entrepreneur making 50’s accessories, for the woman who survived cancer, and for the many versions of me I’m yet to discover.

I would urge every woman to do 4 the same. X

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Multitasking & the

MidlifeWoman.

Who am I? What do I know about the subject & why?

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BY: DEBBIE DUCKER

y name is Debbie.

After a long career in education & 25 years’ experience in the wellness space, I now have my own health & wellness business. I write from a place of calm. Mostly unruffled.

Happily empowered. Generally balanced. But it wasn’t always that way... A natural enthusiast at my core, with a determination that could conquer Everest, these attributes alone were not enough to counter all of life’s curveballs.

Especially when that adversity arrived unannounced in the form of overwhelm, paralysing midlife anxiety & panic attacks. Diagnosed just before a global pandemic... when no-one was coming. I had to rely on me...

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o, I unpacked my toolbox of natural, holistic therapies, mindset practices & coaching techniques & got to work.

Overcoming these challenges gave me the platform on which to build my own business, helping women navigate ‘next chapter’ transitions, especially menopause & beyond.

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“SO, LET’S TALK MULTITASKING... ”

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ultitasking is a myth...

Sorry to burst your bubble. Don’t worry, I was conned too... Most our adult lives are spent buying into this idea of multitasking & the perception of an ‘award-winning’ ability.

“Women are expert multitasker’s”, implying our daily aspiration is to spin as many plates as possible.

Quite frankly there’s better things to do.

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iewing life through a post-anxiety lens, I advocate that operating

from a place of calm is more of a superpower than swirling around like a tornado doing ‘all the things’ at warp speed. The dictionary definition of multitasking mostly cites computers! Hmm... History was never my best subject, but somewhere along our recent time line, it seems a decision was made that we must be efficient (like that computer), doing many things at once, preferably perfectly. ou’ve only got to look at the messages we’re bombarded with, especially as women; Run an efficient & clean home. Raise a healthy & happy family. Build a successful career. Manage finances - all whilst being ‘all things to all the people’ in our lives... and there’s a whole party of them too

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isn’t there? Partner/wife. Mum. Friend. Sister. aughter. Colleague.

Then, if like many women, you run your own business there’s a whole next level of roles! Convinced women ‘should’ (a word I can hop on a soap-box about) be these superefficient multi-tasker’s, otherwise we have failed in some way, has placed a label more akin to a fluorescent Post it note, to our heads!

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“SPINNING PLATES, SMART PHONES & SELF ESTEEM”

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pinning Plates, Smart phones & Self Esteem What happens when we try to attain this multitasking superwoman status then?

Enter side left, 3 extra spinning plates; overwhelm, stress & exhaustion. But we rarely ask “does doing it all like a Mac PC with 10 tabs open at once” bring joy and happiness? Peace would be nice! But no, this insane level of busyness puts the fire out in many a soul. At the very least dampened it to a wisp of smoke by a ‘to do list’ that’s longer than a giraffe’s neck! hen did you last have the chance to reflect?

“I’m far too busy to do that” I hear you absently4 minded answer,

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hilst wondering for the third time today where you’ve left your keys (probably in the fridge), as your mobile ‘pings’ with a message that you feel you must check immediately because that irritating noise signifies ‘I need your attention - now!’ Which brings me nicely to the other issue. Constant distraction. ould you let 10 people wander into your bedroom before you got up? Hair akimbo, less than flattering thermal nightie & woolly socks with an ‘I’m not sure what day it is let alone what I need to do first’ expression.

No, of course you wouldn’t. So WHY then do you look at your phone? With superwomen plates already spinning, we now have phones keeping us connected… and a relentless bombardment of messages, email’s , or social media

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o wonder that selfesteem takes a hit.

Constantly comparing what we ‘should’ (there it is again) be doing, alongside a new culture that encourages us to check up on strangers and their perfectly posed & photo shopped lives. Not so long ago, this would have just been plain nosey! I digress, the point is, there’s lots going on and our brain is just wired that way!

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options which demand bandwidth.

They also overstimulate our already busy brains. A maelstrom of noise & notifications.... Whoa

P

ACE, PERFORMANCE & PERFECTIONISM The pace, performance, and level of perfection that people feel they should (I know) achieve is leading to many issues; overwhelm, anxiety, low self-esteem, poor self-image, and depression. Our bodies and nervous systems begin to malfunction under this amount of stress and overload of expectation, resulting in physical issues and illnesses as well as mental ones.

W

e are exceptionally smart. We create, problem solve and so much more. But, whilst we can do several things at the same time, are any of them done well, and how long before something breaks under the pressure? Our brains, whilst the most amazing ‘computers’ aren’t wired to have so many tabs open at once, so we feel overwhelmed, stressed & forgetful. ..go check the fridge for those keys, while you remember! ees & Butterflies I like to use analogies, so bear with... Consider this. “Busy as a bee”, a description that sums up these tiny striped balls of fluff perfectly. They are very busy, but they are also focused; laser-focused. Have you ever been on the flight path of a bumblebee on a mission? These little guys are driven!! Never see them multitasking...

Butterflies gracefully float around. Gently drifting from one shrub to another... stopping occasionally to soak up the sun and just be... The insect equivalent of R&R. Watching them both in the garden, (unlikely, granted, as your spinning plates will come crashing down and you’re still trying to find your keys) you’d be forgiven for thinking that the bee has more to do.

B

B

ut they are both doing one thing, & importantly, neither of them multitask.

Both collect pollen but butterflies simply have a calmer way of going about the same task. You could argue that a bee collects pollen on a more industrial scale, but you get my drift. It’s not what you do, it’s the way you go about it... So, bee more butterfly (sorry!) Moving on with grace...

I

know what it feels like to be in that black hole of overwhelm.

Luckily, I had the experience and tools to dig myself out, but I understand that not everyone can do that. So, what to do? I know these are easier said than done if you are already feeling overwhelmed, so if you’d like some inspiration or advice follow me on my Instagram account

@

integrityandgraceuk where I post about this topic regularly or head to my website for more details about me or how I can help you.

I

n the meantime, watch those spinning plates, and take care of you.

Debs x

My top 5 tips are: 1) Establish good morning & evening routines 2) Mindfulness 3) Journalising 4) Good nutrition

5) Get some support

SPRING 2024 / ISSUE 15

29

IN OUR

next issue SUMMER TIME 2024

Summertime in the UK. This issue will be full of our lovely regulars along with some new faces.

So, get your flips flops.

We’ll see you there!

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Website: www.fortyandbeyondmagazine.com Email: fortyandbeyondmaguk@gmail.com Instagram: forty_and_beyond_mag_uk SPRING 2024 / ISSUE 15

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