FabMagUK- Issue 09-SPRING 2022

FABMAG UK

Forty & beyond

ISSUE 09 SPRING 2022

SPRING ISSUE HEALTH SPOTLIGHT

Egg Donation..

The gift Of life.

ENDOMETRIOSIS

I was Diagnosed with ADHD at 47.

Looking for LOVE in your 40’s

EMMA SKEATES

WOMEN IN BUSINESS We meet two more women who have followed their dreams.

MEET THE REAL-LIFE MERMAID

IS THE MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM MOTHER! MEET HER ON PAGE 28

FROM THE

EDITOR It’s been fun and busy here at FAB HQ. Our lovely designer Alix is working on other projects, some very exciting ones, so I have designed and edited this issue myself. It’s been a baptism of fire, but I did it (with Alix at the end of the phone whenever I needed to check something.) So welcome to the Spring issue of FAB! Spring is full of birthdays for my family so it’s always a happy time of the year. We are collaborating with some fantastic brands over on our social media for giveaways so please look out for those. This issue we have the fantastic Emma Skeates as our cover star. It took twice as long To get this interview in the bag, because quite frankly we laughed and laughed and laughed some more. Emma is without a doubt one of the funniest kindest and most bonkers women you could ever wish to have in your girl gang, and I adore her. I hope you love the interview and there are some fantastic stories, as always, in this issue from real life mermaids to adult diagnosis of ADHD and one woman’s selfless act of egg donation.

So please sit down somewhere quiet and have a moment and enjoy.

Zee x

Editor Forty & Beyond Magazine UK.

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CONTENTS 8 12

ADHD

Sophie Garner shares her story

UNDERWATER LOVE

We meet a real life mermaid

LIFE ON THE ROAD

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We catch up with our nomad Sibohan

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3 women share their stories

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Lets talk cash with Joanna streames

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MMM FEATURE INTERVIEW

ENDOMETRIOSIS MONEY MONEY

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Emma Skeates is The Menopausal Mayhem Mother!

34 THE GIFT OF LIFE

One womans story of egg donation

HACKED AND FIGHTING

38 BACK

What happens when your instagram profile is held to ransom?

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DATING APPS

Are they really any good in your 40’s?

12 44 ALPACA YOUR BAGS

Meet the woman who gave up her old life to start an Alpaca farm.

48 WOODLAND WONDERS Read about forest bathing and its benefits

52 PICKY OR YOU JUST

DON’T WANT TO SETTLE?

Why are women regarded as picky as we get older when dating and are we really being too harsh?

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OPS & OPS

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FABMAG UK

fortyandbeyondmaguk @gmail.com

THIS ISSUE I’M LOVING ZEE:

With special thanks to all of our contributors this month...

Emma Skeats,Sophie Garner,Lorna Bell, Gail Glenser,Sibohan Daniels,Chalita Frost,Chrissie Bray Katie Richards,Claire Lodge,Claire Sweet,Joanna Street.

Cover Image By Emma Smith Photography

Spring has always been my favourite season. The promise of new starts and lighter nights with, if we are lucky, brighter sunnier days. Its actually my birthday in April and I’m 49 this year and it’s also my Daughter Patsy Kay’s Birthday (pictured above) and she will be 29.

So a massive Happy Birthday to you kiddo I’m so proud of you! She will kill me for that!

Of course there’s Easter and however you celebrate Spring you can’t deny that chocolate eggs are a highlight!

We have mothers day which is a time to celebrate, thank or remember Mothers and Carers in all their guises.

Sending huge love to anyone who is missing their mother.

Love Zee xxx

Fabmag UK is a registered trademark and an online publication.

Reproduction in whole or in any part is strictly forbidden without written permission from the Editor, Zena Battersby.

The views expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the editor.

All images used are copyright to the photographers, who have been credited throughout the magazine.

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I was diagnosed with ADHD at 47 BY: SOPHIE GARNER I always felt different and at odds with other kids at school. Daily, during primary school I was made to stand against the naughty wall with the trouble making boys. I was always the only girl stood there.

It was during the period from age 10 onwards where things really got difficult.

I became the school joker, caused chaos, broke the rules and created my own.

I was unable to focus and therefore learning became difficult. The only thing I thrived in was singing and drama. In fact, I was at my best, getting cast in the lead role for the school production at the age of 14. It was the perfect creative outlet for all my energy. I was an absolute nightmare for my teachers.

I was awarded a certificate on the week of leaving for ‘most outrageous person’ 8

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SOPHIE GARNER 47

IMAGE UPSPLASH

“I WAS AWARDED MOST OUTRAGEOUS PERSON ”

unsurprisingly given for the whole of my upper school education I’d dyed my hair bright colours, shaved it and wore punk clothing, refusing to wear a uniform which almost got me expelled.

Jump forward into adulthood, 9 years ago I was wrongly misdiagnosed with bipolar, a common occurrence among woman over 40 with ADHD because the symptoms are similar. It’s a fact that most of the research on ADHD has been carried out on boys. It's only now the medical profession is really understand it. I spent the last 9 years on various anti-depressants for bipolar, none of which helped, in fact the final concoction was increased to the point where last year during lockdown having lost all my work as a full-time musician and singing teacher, I got more depressed and even had thoughts of 'no longer wishing to be here'.

It was then that enough was enough. I went to my doctor who lowered my dose which helped lift my mood. 6 weeks ago, a letter arrived to say I had an appointment to be diagnosed for ADHD. I was stunned. I'd been on a 2-year waiting list (this is the norm by the way). I had an intensive interview which was proceeded by a lengthy questionnaire plus one that my partner had to fill in. It was my partner Paul who first said, 'listen to this, it's completely' and then read out an article of symptoms of a middle-aged woman describied

ADHD. I was stunned. I ticked every box. I felt a wave of emotions upon diagnosis, relief, Joy, anger, regret, grief.nthere wasn't any understandiyou were just seen as a disruptive pain in the arse.

SOPHIE GARNER 47

I am now awaiting the next step in my journey which is to discuss support available, medication and CBT. There’s a lot you can do via dietary changes too. One of the first things I did was go on Facebook and search for ADHD groups. Upon joining I was stunned to see that wan of my age (48) had all recently been diagnosed. One of the first responses after posting to introduce myself was ‘welcome to the club, there’s lots of woman here like you’.

“ID SPENT THE LAST 9 YEARS ON BI-POLAR MEDICATION”

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describing ADHD. I was stunned. I ticked every box. I felt a wave of emotions upon diagnosis, relief, Joy, anger, regret, grief. I finally had an answer to so many things.

Part of me looked back at what I could have achieved if I’d been diagnosed when I was younger, but back in the 1980s there wasn’t any understanding of these conditions, you were just seen as a disruptive pain in the arse.

needed. It’s a reminder of the younger me who frustrated the hell out of all my teachers and went largely misunderstood by my school friends.

I am now awaiting the next step in my journey which is to discuss support available, medication and CBT. There’s a lot you can do via dietary changes too. One of the first things I did was go on Facebook and search for ADHD groups. Upon joining I was stunned to see that wan of my age (48) had all recently been diagnosed. One of the first responses after posting to introduce myself was ‘welcome to the club, there’s lots of woman here like you’. I embrace my quirks and my super quick creative mind. It’s the lack of concentration I need to get a hold on. I know I’m frustrating at times for those closest to me.

In fact, over the years, it’s cost me friendships with people who didn’t understand me or found me too intense or just too demanding on what Ineeded. I

I’m now on an inward journey of becoming more selfaware and learning to control my actions such as finishing people’s sentences when I’m one step ahead or trying to do 3 things at once but never completing them. It’s selfinduced stress so becoming self-aware in order to address these issues head on is important. I feel very blessed that my partner of 15 years has stood by me despite being a nightmare to live with. I don’t think I could have stayed with me which is an absolute testament to him. Clearly the positives and the essence of me and my energy have been and are enough. He’s never bored that’s for sure because my energy doesn’t stay still.

I think secretly he wouldn’t want to change that in me, I’m certainly never boring to be around that’s for sure!

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UNDERWATER LOVE EDITOR ZEE SPEAKS TO KATIE RICHARDS

M

maritime cultures since time immemorial. The ancient Greek epic poet Homer wrote of them in The Odyssey. In the ancient Far East, mermaids were the wives of powerful sea-dragons, and served as trusted messengers between their spouses and the emperors on land.

The aboriginal people of Australia call mermaids Yawkyawks – a name that may refer to their mesmerizing songs. The belief in mermaids may have arisen at the very dawn of our species. Magical female figures first appear in cave paintings in the late Palaeolithic (Stone Age) period some 30,000 years ago, when modern humans

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PHOTO BY MISCHIEF

ermaids those halfhuman, half-fish sirens of the sea are legendary sea creatures chronicled in

KATIE AKA TINKS IN HER TAIL

“MY MERMAID ALIAS IS TINK ”

gained dominion over the land and, presumably, began to sail the seas. Half-human creatures, called chimeras, also abound in mythology — in addition to mermaids, there were wise centaurs,

PHOTO BY MISCHIEF

wild satyrs, and frightful Minotaur’s, to name but a few. But are mermaids real?

No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found. Until now…… Meet Katie. A real-life mermaid!

With her flame red hair and green eyes, she is exactly what I hoped shed be. I grew up next to the sea in Poole Dorset and I was fascinated by tales of Mermaids and Mermen.

So, I was really excited to find Katie. OK, so Katie isn’t a real Mermaid, nor does she think she actually is one. Just to be clear. But Katie has been part of the Mer movement for some time and her Instagram posts full of colour and amazing underwater shots have everyone spell bound.

It seems like such a lovely whimsical hobby to have, and Katie make a beautiful mermaid in her downtime.

TAIL IN ACTION

“THE OCEAN IS PLENTY BIG ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US”

ZEE :Hi Katie it’s so lovely to chat to you today. How did your double life as a Mermaid begin? Do we refer to them now as Merpeople or in the realms of the Mer world is it still Mermaids and Mermen? What is your Mermaid alias called?

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KATIE Hi, my mermaid alias, Tinks, was born in Mermaid form around a year ago, but Tinks has always been a part of who I am; Tinks is the riskier, braver part of me, the creative soul, the part of me that isn’t mum and businesswoman. During lockdown I connected with an amazing lady called Emma, we were both on the vulnerable stay at home list but were both cold water swimmers, so we took to sharing sunrise swims at stupidly early o clock to ensure we weren’t bumping into anyone else. Emma is a wonderful human and a truly inspirational and stunning mermaid. Known as Mischief she’s been professional Mermaiding for a few years and is now one of Cornwall’s first and only fully qualified mermaid trainers. On one of these stupidly early swims Emma let me try on her tail and I guess you could say a spark was lit! Being in cold water and swimming has always been healing and restorative but adding a tail to the equation just added yet more fun, and some drama and escapism. I don’t think you can grow up on the coast of Cornwall and not be slightly intrigued my mermaids and all the legends and stories associated with them…

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I spent the best part of a year researching mermaid tails, longing after one, they aren’t an insignificant investment, and with lockdown I spent more time than ever in and under the water, the thought of having my own tail was monopolising my thoughts. In March of 2021 my swim group joined together to gift me, as a total surprise, my very own mermaid tail. And so, with plenty of tears shed and a hugely full heart Tinks was born on the beach at Grebe and she’s been a huge part life ever since. We have two wonderful pods locally and I swim with some wonderful Merpeople, mermen are a little rarer in these waters, but they do exist! Collectively and inclusively we most often refer to ourselves as merfolk.

“WE ARE COLLECTIVELY REFERED TO AS MERFOLK”

ZEE So I’ve always wondered a few things when I’ve seen your swimming videos, which are just beautiful. Firstly, how heavy is the tail and how do you get it on?

KATIE My tail is a fabric tail so it’s not that heavy at all in the water, silicone tails can weigh up to about 15-20kg, however they do have a natural buoyancy in the water.

My mono fin which is inserted into the fabric ‘skin’ weighs a couple of kg but again in the water it helps rather than hinders. Our tails fit quite snugly which is important to ensure they are safe in the water, they take a little wiggle, we refer to it as the ‘sushi roll’ – you find a lot of fish-based puns and innuendos in the Merwold – it’s definitely not the most glamourous part of Mermaiding so we try to make sure this happens out of eyesight of two leggers, especially the little two leggers.

There’s a responsibility with Mermaiding to keep the magic alive, a bit like the person who dresses up as Santa at Xmas not giving the game away.

ZEE How long can you hold your breath underwater?

Did it take you a while to train your lungs to be able to stay under a bit longer than normal? I also must ask; how do you have a wee!? Ha-ha.

KATIE Ha Ha that’s probably one of the most often asked questions by the little leggers, they’re fascinated by the toilet habits of merfolk!

Lots of jokes about sea-wee-d, but the truth is rather like a surfer in his wetsuit, we just wee in our tails! On cold days it can be a welcome moment of warmth! Breath training is really important for Merfolk, many of our pod are qualified free divers, the principles are the same for safety, however merfolk tend to be without masks, their legs bound together, a full face of Mer make up and trying to make the whole thing look magical and glamorous! We spend lots of time doing standard lengths in pools to ensure that our strength is up and many hours just messing around in our Mer-pod doing somersaults and spins, tail flips and duck dives. Practise, practise, practise as the more comfortable and confident you are in the water the more fun you can have with your tail on in the open water playing at mermaid.

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ZEE You do lots of events and children’s parties. Have inspired a new generation of Mermaids do you think?

KATIE. I hope that if I have inspired anything I have inspired children and adults alike to believe a little bit in magic, while also seeing that you really can be anything you want. The mermaid craze has been attributed to Disney’s the Little Mermaid and as a redheaded mermaid in a green tail I get asked about Ariel a lot! That movie is 25 years old now and I see no sign of the fascination with merfolk disappearing.

Merfolk have been a part of our local legends and folklore for hundreds of years and I think they will continue to be around for a very long time. The opportunities for kids to become merfolk are out there now, mermaid parties, mermaid swimming lessons….and if the thought of joining the Merwold is enough to encourage kids into the water and learning to swim safely then all the better!

Growing up and living on the coast being able to swim is not just fun, it’s a life skill, it keeps us safe and can potentially be the difference between life and death. The more merfolk the better, the ocean is plenty big enough for all of us, young and old.

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ZEE Of course you live between your regular life and your character as a mermaid.

Your cold-water swimming posts on Instagram must have inspired at lot of women to take the plunge! (I know I know rubbish pun!) But the health benefits of cold-water swimming have been spoken about a lot lately so would you recommend people try it?

Have you noticed a difference in your health?

KATIE. Cold Water Swimming is where it all started for me, I took the plunge after a hideous and emotionally draining divorce and those few minutes each day in the cold water were my reset button. For that short period of time, I couldn’t think about court dates and private investigators and police, all I could think about was the here and now. For me cold water swimming has it all, its grounding its blue mind, its community and friendship.

Based on my own experiences I set up our local swimming group, swimminwimmin and we are now 1400 members strong, every single one of those women could wax lyrical to you about the benefits, mental, emotional and physical that they have experienced first-hand. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia nearly 9 years ago, I take immune suppressant drugs to relieve my symptoms and because of this I’m considered vulnerable. I’m not a doctor but I can confidently say that since I started cold water swimming nearly 4 years ago, I’ve not had a cold or a day of sickness from work, for me it’s a tonic.

Cold water swimming has changed my life, it’s given me friendships that I treasure, experiences and adventures

experiences and adventures that I feel so lucky to have had and a newfound love and appreciation for my body. I can’t recommend it highly enough! I am one of those annoying people who will rave about it to strangers, and I share a lot of my experiences on my social media, from time to time I get messages from people who have been inspired to get in the water and every single one of those messages makes my heart sing.

ZEE Thank you so much for allowing me into your underwater world and meet your alter ego. I love talking to creative people and you really are doing something magical. And very cool.

You can follow Katie on Instagram at @katieswimsandmakes @swimminwimmincic @newquay_merpod

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New Beginnings BY: SIOBHAN DANIELS

W

hen I felt broken in my mid fifties because of life’s pressures, menopause, work, bereavements, to name a few, I knew that I could not carry on living the way I was. I wanted a new beginning in my life. t took me a few years but in 2019, when I was 60, I retired, got rid of my flat

I

and most of my possessions and bought my lovely motor home, Dora the Explora, and started travelling around Great Britain.

Now over two and a half years later I can look back and see how far I have come and how grateful I am that I managed to start living my life more positively in my 60s. Being on the road and living my Nomadic life has given me that tremendous sense of freedom that I have always been craving. I have seen some beautiful places and met so many wonderful and interesting people. I have been able to shed so many

SIBOHAN AND DORA

“ I HAD A GOOD SCREAM AND SHOUT AT A

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negative emotions that had been holding me back from really living. When I started my van trip I realised just how angry and cross I was with life because of all the struggles that I had along the way; being a single mother

while juggling full time work as a TV and radio journalist, having a hysterectomy in my late forties because of pre-cancerous cells, losing a brother and sister to cancer, finding myself struggling with the menopause and as a consequence, not feeling able to fight my corner in the last few years of my working life. I felt lost and voiceless. At one point I even questioned I if I wanted to carry on living. ll that changed early on during my motor home adventure when I had a good old scream and shout beside a Scottish Loch. I came to terms with my emotions and vowed to let go of the negativity and to use the bad situations to spur me on and to let me really embrace the positives in my life.

Even when I struggled during lock down, being alone in a field

A

in Norfolk, I managed to dig deep and find the resolve to use the time to find my inner strength that I knew I had but that I has lost through life’s ups and downs.

ON YER BIKE

“I HAVE BOOK COMING OUT NEXT YEAR”

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owadays I love how I feel as I am ageing. I am still experiencing new beginnings and allowing myself to enjoy the sense of fear and achievement along the way. For me they are now true emotions, they are not wrapped up in anger, I can breath freely.

There is so much for me to look forward to in my ageing process.

Recently I was in the National newspapers and on National

Television, championing positive ageing and stressing that you are never too old for adventure.

I have been booked to talk about my motor home travels and my campaign to change the narratives and images around ageing, at several major events and I have a book coming out later this year. am so glad that I managed to find my inner courage to embark on my new beginning and I am grateful for all the things I have experienced in my life, because it has made me the woman that I am today. I hope that my story inspires other women who are lost in midlife to find themselves and to have their new beginning whatever that

I

may be.

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Spotlight on

ENDOMETRIOSIS E

ndometriosis is a long-term condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows in other places, such as the ovaries and Fallopian tubes. Symptoms of endometriosis include pain in your lower tummy or back (pelvic pain), severe period pain and pain during or after sex. Treatments for endometriosis include painkillers, hormone medicines and surgery to remove the endometriosis tissue. It’s not clear what causes endometriosis. It may be linked to things like your genes or a problem with your immune system.

Symptoms of endometriosis include. Pain in your lower tummy or back (pelvic pain), severe period pain and pain during or after sex.

T

he symptoms of endometriosis can vary. Some women are badly affected, while others might not have any noticeable symptoms. The main symptoms of endometriosis are: Pain in your lower tummy or back (pelvic pain) – usually worse during your period pain that stops you doing your normal activities Pain during or after sex. Pain when peeing or pooing during your period Feeling sick, constipation, diarrhoea, or blood in your pee during your period difficulty getting pregnant You may also have heavy periods.

You might use lots of pads or tampons, or you may bleed through your clothes.

“ITS NOT CLEAR WHAT CLEAR WHAT CAUSES ENDOMETRIOSIS” 20

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Editor Zee has Endo.

T

here's currently no cure for endometriosis, but there are treatments that can help ease the symptoms.

T

reatments include: painkillers – such as ibuprofen and paracetamol hormone medicines and contraceptives – including the combined pill, the contraceptive patch, an intrauterine system (IUS), and medicines called gonadotrophin-releasing hormone (GnRH) analogues surgery to cut away patches of endometriosis tissue an operation to remove part or all of the organs affected by endometriosis – such as surgery to remove the womb (hysterectomy) Your doctor will discuss the options with you.

Sometimes they may suggest not starting treatment immediately to see if your symptoms improve on their own. Like many young women I started my periods at around 13. In PE for goodness’s sake. It wasn’t a massive deal. I knew what to expect and I just got on with it. It wasn’t until I reached about 18 that I started to have heavier periods. I used to get terrible irrational mood swings and I started to get more pain sometimes unbearable. Then at 19 I fell pregnant with my daughter Patsy.

I was in town, it was summer, and I bumped into a school friend. As we started chatting, I suddenly felt my underwear get really soggy and

“THERE IS CURRENTLY NO CURE FOR ENDO” And my friend, looking really alarmed, said oh my god you’re bleeding. My little summer dress was navy so luckily it wasn’t noticeable. Id only just told her I was pregnant. She immediately walked down to the health clinic with me and sat with me while I waited to be seen. Now this was the early 90’s and I didn’t have a mobile phone or an IPad, so I didn’t sit looking at Dr. Google while I waited. Instead, I came to the realisation that this may be a bad ending to what I hoped would be something else. Something happy in my far from OK life at the time. I ended up at the hospital and had every kind of scan and a laparoscopy. I was told I’d lost my baby and I had advanced endometriosis. I’d never heard of it so I was given some leaflets and told they just needed my bloods back and I could go home. My bloods kept showing I was still pregnant, and it turned out I was. Patsy is 29 now and a mother herself. Fast forward to 34 and after a few years of not much disruption I started to suffer with my periods

I also developed ulcerative colitis – which they are now saying is closely linked to endometriosis.

After a total removal of my bowel and a jpouch being made internally from my small intestine the pain each month got far worse. At 42 I went to see a gynaecologist who specialised in Endo, and I was told I have Endometriosis, adenomyosis, ovarian cysts, fibroids and I have extensive migrated endo tissue attached to under my stomach and my kidneys. It is still a very misunderstood disease but one that is slowly being given the attention it deserves. It’s very hard to diagnose with out investigation and many women suffer thinking it’s just how their periods are as they get older. It affects your mental health, your relationships, your self-esteem (as often you are really bloated with the very painful ‘Endobelly” ) I’m one of millions and the more this topic is talked about in older women the more supported we will all feel. If you don’t feel right go and seeyour GP who will refer you. Do not get fobbed off and ask to be listened to.

Don’t suffer in silence.

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Living with Endometriosis.

2 Women talk about their experiences.

Ihave been gaslit by doctors my whole life, I

have also had problems with my periods my whole life.

When I was eighteen, I ended up in hospital. I

was taken to theatre to have my appendix out.

My appendix wasn’t the problem. That was the start of it. I have had terrible experiences with doctors through my 20’s and 30’s, all of them male. I have felt alone every time I have had these experiences, because I am. I never have anyone with me, and no one really understands what it’s like go through pain daily or just the hormonal issues I must deal with all the time. I’m forty-two now. I’m waiting to go into hospital for the first time in my life for a laparoscopy and to remove something from my womb which, they are not sure what it is.

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A

fter twelve weeks of bleeding started in August 2021, a response to something else, I have been in and out of hospital and the doctors since then.

A

s I have gotten older things have gotten worse. I bleed through my clothes, menstrual cups and pads in the night, in the day, I am in excruciating pain a lot of the time, but I just must continue. I live in a foreign country; I must work to stay here. I have seen specialists in Ireland.

England and now Norway, where I live. And Norway, is the only place I haven’t had to argue with doctors about what’s going on.I have seen specialists in Ireland.

England and now Norway, where I live. And Norway, is

what’s going on. They have just immediately referred me, my gynaecologist here, even saying that I appear to be displaying every symptom of severe endometriosis.In December, once I was back to health and the bleeding had stopped, I changed my diet and started exercising, and to be honest this the only way I can keep what is happening to me at bay.

I cut out sugar and alcohol and, for me, that is the only way I can deal with this. It’s a constant battle to be heard and believed. Excruciatingly painful and heavy periods are not normal. If you feel that something isn’t right, or you are experiencing pain throughout your cycle go to your doctor and keep going until it’s taken seriously. We need this to change, women need to be understood and listened to. We know our bodies better than anyone.

By Jessica Hanly.

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elief. it might be hard to understand why receiving confirmation of having one of the most painful onditions known to medicine would leave me with a feeling of relief, so let me explain. At aged eleven I began my periods. I can remember walking round and round the playground as I had been told exercise was good for period pain.

I took to walking through all my break times in an attempt to get rid of the burning ache in my belly that spread down my thighs in waves. The exercise didn’t help, neither did the over-the-counter painkillers.At Thirteen I would wake in the night screaming. Cold sweats, sickness, head spinning.

The pain was indescribable. All I knew what that I was in pain, during my period and so I tokened the term ‘bad period pain’. Doctors also coined this term and would remind me each time my mother took me to the GP, “She’s just learning how to cope with having a period” or “ She will grow out of this soon enough.

knew there was something very wrong with me but as more time went on I began to truly believe it was all in my head, if it was physical the doctor would know and help me, right?

At aged 15, I’d learnt to maintain a very impressive poker face as pain threatened to shatter my abdomen into a thousand pieces. I could sit through earthquake like pulses of sharp, lightning boltsof heat as nail bombs exploded in my pelvis , while blood clots the size of two pence pieces left my body, and mot flinch. I’d learnt this response because this was very much my normal now. Doctors had shrugged from across their desk in blatant disbelief so many times that I’d given up all hope. And so, at aged 20 when a consultant looked me in the eye and said “ you were right, we found Endometriosis in your right ovary, behind your uterus, on the back wall of your bladder and in your bowel” I felt relieved. I felt heard, seen after 9 years of hell. Immediately followed were feelings of grief – for the missed opportunities to diagnose me, for the time wasted lying on a cold bathroom floor writhing in agony when my friends were being teenagers, for the children that may never be. Anger – for being pushed to feel as though I was delusional, for the way medicine has absorbed patriarchal norms and foisted them onto the way girls and women access and receive care. But mostly relief. Now I had to be helped, I had to be believed and listened to. Relieved because the thing ruining my life now had a name, and when demons are named it can make them easier to comprehend and fight them, or so I thought. By Catherine Lucey

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Money Money Money!

With Joanna Streames

Meet the Financial Services Expert Breaking Stereotypes to Make Financial Advice Accessible & Easy To Understand - Encouraging us all to ‘Protect Our World & Insure Our Hearts’ Joanna Streames, 50 from Great Oakley Northants, is on a mission to encourage and help families leave a legacy and protect what they’ve worked so hard for – “protect your world, insure your heart. Securing the people you love and the things you’ve worked so hard for is a topic close to my heart because my experience was exactly the opposite.”

What do you get when you mix an abundance of financial knowledge with a lived experience of real life money struggles, alongside a hefty dose of straight talk and a commitment to making every day count? A feisty female entrepreneur passionate about helping us all to protect our livelihoods, on a mission to shake up the insurance and protection industry – and change lives.

Joanna said; “I come from a hard-working-class family. My parents separated when I was young and when I was just 19 years 24

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old, my mother tragically died and I found myself Guardian to my 12-yearold sister. We struggled financially because there wasn’t enough provision in place. The Will was a mess and legal fees involved took a large chunk of our inheritance leaving us penniless. I was totally responsible for our wellbeing..

“Fast forward into adulthood and I’ve been motivated my entire life to make sure that nothing like that should ever happen to the ones I love. As I progressed through my career, I began to see that it doesn’t have to be the case for anyone else either.

The simple fact is that I don’t ever want anyone to face what we did. The trauma of losing a parent, followed by the stress of not being able to make ends meet was the most horrendous experience, compounding our grief and it doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t matter what your income is, with some sound financial planning, you and your loved ones can be secure, without breaking the bank. That’s the passion I have now, running my own

company, Velvet Mortgage and Insure Services. I want to help people protect what they’ve worked so hard for.

People often protect their pets more than they protect themselves and their family usually because the majority of us are blinded by financial science. Everyday people tell me they don’t trust mortgage and insurance advisers and that’s an indictment on the industry – we need to become more human, more approachable, more real and diverse otherwise the nation stays in a state of denial, and I know the damage that can cause and the pain and confusion when you’re the family left to pick up the pieces when things haven’t been put in place.

People don’t know what they don’t know and are scared of the stereotypical financial adviser and I’m on a mission to change that.

I think for most people they’re so overwhelmed by the products on the market, so it’s often easier to have another ‘duvet day’ and think, I’ll deal with that tomorrow – but sometimes tomorrow is too late.

People need good, uncomplicated, straightforward advice and someone to lead them through the best choices for them. My mum didn’t have that, and I never want anyone else to find themselves in the same position. I’m here saying ‘I’m ready to lead the change’ – I’m ready to be ‘the people’s protection service’ and I know I can change

Eight steps to consider to help you ‘Protect Your World and Insure Your Heart’ 1. Make a Will – it doesn’t matter in the slightest, what you have or what you think you don’t. You must make a Will to ensure that your wishes are carried out. The alternative is that you leave other people making decisions about your assets and those closest to you. You can choose to do this through a free or paid service but whatever you can do, don’t delay it. If you don’t currently have a Will, it’s got to be the next item on your “to-do” list.

2. Insure Yourself – You are your biggest asset and you can insure yourself for just a few pounds a week and create a healthy income if you need it for the worst times in life. I’ve met hundreds of people who spend more on insuring their pets than they do their own lives, properties and assets. Most people think their biggest asset is their house but actually it’s their income. The average wage of £1,950 per month over your working life can add up to over £1M and that’s without factoring in a pay rise! You are your biggest asset, so make sure you look after yourself.

3. Don’t wait for tomorrow! Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re too young or ‘it’ won’t ever happen. Unfortunately ‘**it’ happens every day to every single age group. Get covered at a younger age whilst you’re fit and well and lock in premiums at that same rate for the life of the policy.

4. Seek Trusted Advice – I’ve had 30 years in business and I still don’t know everything there is to know about insurance, inheritance, Wills and other policies. We can’t learn the ins and outs by ourselves. You need to seek insurance advice from an insurance expert. You need to seek Will writing advice from Will writing experts. You wouldn’t go to a dentist to remove a kidney would you? It sounds simple, but seeking expert advice will help you and pay dividends for you in the long run.

5. Trusts – these ensure your family gets every penny! This is the backbone of protecting yourself. If your life insurance policy is protected through a Trust then it cannot be taxed and is protected by ancient law meaning every penny goes where you want it to rather than the tax man getting a windfall. We do this for our clients as it is our day job.

Very few policies are in Trust because people just don’t know about it!

“I COME FROM A HARD WORKING CLASS FAMILY ”

lives with this approach.

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6. Create a Savings Pot – there are no instant rewards but you’ll be so glad you did save. You can even get banking apps these days with ‘pots’ so that you can distribute your funds and see your savings grow. Savings can be for something specific, or for that ‘rainy’ day… This together with appropriate insurance will make you financially adaptable and resilient.

7. Confide in someone you love and trust – God forbid that anything happens prematurely to any of us, but in the event that it does, difficult and emotional situations can be made worse when no-one knows anything about your affairs. Confide in someone you love and trust – tell them where things are kept and explain your wishes should the worse happen.

You can leave a letter of wishes with your Will and send copies to the people that will need it.

Peace during loss and bereavement can be maintained when things are clearly communicated.

Don’t leave your loved ones with the difficult task of being mind readers!

8. Finally, I believe we need to all encourage our children - I wanted to make sure that my girls were financially secure and taken care of, but I also wanted to make sure that they knew more than I did growing up. I didn’t want them to be financially ignorant otherwise the care I’ve taken to give them the best start, could be for nothing if they don’t know how to handle their own finances. We have to encourage our children and the next generation to become financially astute and educate them.

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Despite financial capability and adequacy being part of the UK national curriculum, since 2011, it’s still not prevalent enough — common sense on these matters should be taught in schools in the same way home economics has been taught historically – I am currently preparing advice for schools and regularly speak in schools and universities to encourage more women into the finance industry. In addition to schooling, I believe that as parents, single, together or otherwise… we have a responsibility to talk about money and educate our own kids and provide them with the opportunities to put that financial knowledge into practice. Teach them how to save young… teach budgeting… take them to the bank with you… show them online banking… set them an account up or a piggy bank or GoHenry account… also teach them about being financially resilient, financial stress is a big factor in wellbeing so if we have the tools from a young age surely things would improve all round.

For more information please visit: https://www.vmis.co.uk/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/velvetmortgageinsure/ • Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/velvetmortgageandinsure

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Emma Skeates is...

The Menopausal Mayhem Mother !

Emma talks to Editor Zee. and its mayhem!!

I first met Emma over a zoom call. It was chaotic, fun and like a breath of fresh air. I came away feeling like I could conquer the world!! It was part of a PR brain storming set up by our mutual friend Wayne.

Emma is fizzing with positivity, realness and a refreshingly honest attitude to her growing fame. I felt like I had known her for most of my life. That’s what you want a first meeting with any new friend to feel like. As we get older we get better at knowing whether or not this person you’ve just met is for you and Emma is one of my people.

If you haven’t come across her yet then let me enlighten you…

Emma Skeates is the author of the Facebook and Instagram pages ‘The Menopausal Mayhem Mothers’ which has over 28

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EMMA SKEATES

“HOW DID I GET HERE? I CAME BY BUS!”

300k followers. She is also a founding member of the private Facebook group, ‘Finding Me Again’ which has accumulated over 13k followers.

Following a full hysterectomy and hurtling headlong into the surgical menopause, Emma realised that not nearly enough was being done to help women feel normal and own their menopause journey. By sharing her hilarious and often cataclysmic mishaps, Emma’s following is continuously growing. In 2021 Emma released her first book ‘Confessions of The Menopausal Mother’, which became an instant best-seller.

When she lost her trusty but very naughty sidekick, her totally untrained Labrador, she wrote her second book ‘Mad Dogs and a Menopausal Englishwoman’ which highlights the trials and mysteries of the menopause and everyday life. Her mantra is to find a solution that works for you during your menopause and that life; laughter and sleep are the best medicine!

We sit down to discuss

EMMA SMITH PHOTOGRAPHY

“WHAT KEPT ME SANE? GIN!!” how Emma got here, her plans for the future and her two books. She’s recently acquired a new little sidekick called Fletcher.

He’s a black Labrador and I do wonder if he has any clue as to what he’s let himself for ha ha ha.

ZEE Hi Emma this is fantastic I’ve been looking forward to this for ages. At last we’ve got a chance to talk properly about YOU! I want to know how you got here, what drives you and what you did during the

lock downs to keep sane?

EMMA – How did I get here? Very good question.

I came by bus…….. just kidding, but an old story I heard during 11 years of travelling around the world on my own – you pick a few up! I think it all happened by chance really.

I am known by a few as “The happy accident”.

I did once have a fairly good career in print then decided to have a couple of kids, had no idea that I would fall in love with them (no-one REALLY warns you of that) and then became a bar maid and a part time road safety 4 officer. All whilst trying SPRING 2022/ ISSUE 09

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for 7 years until I met my current husband (he’s on thin ice…) who supported me and so the adventure of blogger and writer began.

What did I do during the lockdowns to stay sane?

Gin. Next question……….. oh and I wrote a couple of books!

ZEE How long did the first book take you to write and how did you manage to get everything you wanted to into it? Will there be another one?

EMMA I wrote the first book a matter of weeks after my darling Mum passed away from cancer. I had been asked for years by my followers and friends to write one, but honestly, I didn’t have the confidence to do it. When Mum died, I realised that we really do only get one life and when it’s over, it’s so final. It was now or never.

Weirdly, when you are at your saddest, your humour is at its sharpest. I wrote Confessions in a matter of 4 months. It is essentially a story of a girl (that would be this loon) who had a plan for her life, it all goes horribly wrong – as plans do – and I tell the journey of all the excrutiating embarrassments along the way, the sadness, the loneliness but mainly the crazy stories !

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We are exactly where we are supposed to be. It has landed on the desk of a HUGE film maker who is looking into making it into a feature film as it made her laugh so much.

I am still trying to work out if this is a good thing…………….

ZEE What have been the hardest parts of menopause for you to get a handle on? Do you think the support our there for us is getting better or is there still a long way to go in your opinion?

EMMA The hardest parts of the menopause for me have been mainly psychological – which in many ways are the worst. You feel like you have lost your sense of self. I became a ball of anxiety overnight, I stopped sleeping and this all spiralled into a kind of depression. Of course my

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my GP prescribed me anti-depressants and sleeping pills which is so often the case and although this helped a little, it wasn’t the root cause of the problem. I had gone into surgical menopause so had gone onto Eostrogen patches which I gave up on because I was allergic to them. It took a visit to a private menopause consultant who instantly put me onto an oral form of oestrogen and that, along with another supplement, was a game changer. I do talks for “women in business” for various corporations and it is mind blowing how many women are suffering out there.

Some in silence, some just not getting the correct help they need from their GP. My message to ALL of you is OESTROGEN matters!

We need it to stay healthy.

There are, of course, a small number of women who cannot take oestrogen, but a HUGE majority can and should! I also take an amazing solution called LYMA.life – it is not a cheap supplement because of the unbelievably concentrated ingredients in it. This has me sleeping 7 hours a night straight through and has also changed my life.

ZEE Tell us about your

ZEE Tell us about your husband, Men dare I say it out loud, need educating and our families and work places and friendship circles, all need to be aware of how this time in our lives read for everyone? It’s an easy read because of the humour but it’s an important read. What does he think and feel about it all?

EMMA – He has been brilliant. But then he WAS in the room when the surgeon warned him that after my hysterectomy there was a strong chance that a madwoman would emerge. Having already married said

He is possibly more menopausal than me, but when I have had meltdowns in the early days, he was really kind and could not understand how I managed to function on so little sleep and having witnessed the panic attacks, he actually really felt for me. To every man and woman out there, PLEASE get yourselves educated. Understand what is actually going two things happen when you do that (a) a better understanding of what is really causing this change in – well everything! From weight gain, to mood swings, hot flushes and a total change in personality for some ladies and THEN, armed with that

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knowledge – go into your GP – dressed as a viking if you must and DEMAND HRT! There are so much I want to tell you about how you can be the BEST version of yourselves at this amazing time of our lives, but you will possibly have to read the books then get me into your work place and I will blow your mind with some amazing tips that will change your life. ALL for free! ZEE So whats next for you and MMM? EMMA I am planning on getting out there into the business world and talking to women in the workplace, making them laugh and giving them knowledge about this time of their lives. I don’t do doom and gloom.

This is the harvest of our lives girls, we’ve done the crap stuff. IT’S OUR TIME NOW! I have been through so much and managed to totally reinvent myself and become a best selling author who talks to thousands of women weekly. It’s time to get you the help you need, be that HRT or LYMA or something that works for you. But get that help, talk about it.

I want you to be menopausal and proud! Too many women either don’t make it this far, or when they do they are flawed by it. NOOOOOO! We have made it, we are here and we are amazing! We know far more than most, many of us have degrees from a former life and a vast array of knowledge. We should be bloody running the world!

Images by Emma Smith Photgraphy

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So, get out there, demand to be helped and NOT just fobbed off. GP’s are great, but demand to see the one in your practise that spe cialises in women’s health and start feeling like YOU again. If you are in the middle of a divorce or your kids are leaving home and are feeling sad and lost : these are changes that were always going to happen and it’s time to embrace the rest of your fabulous life! We ALL need darkness and and sorrow to appreciate the beauty and colour of happiness. It’s your time now, get menopausal and start fighting! Oh yeah, and buy my daft now, get menopausal and start fighting!

Oh yeah, and buy my daft books, they WILL make you feel better about your own life, I promise!

ZEE Thank you so so much for taking the time to talk to me today its been as I knew it would be, a hoot hahahahaha. I cant wait to see what’s next for you and everything great coming your way couldn’t go to a more wonderful human

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The Gift of Life.

Lorna Bell talks about her decision to become an Egg Donor.

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aving given birth to four children in the last 16 years Lorna Bell is fairly Sure she won’t be having any more. In the next few weeks, months, or perhaps even years, she’s hoping hear that another woman, someone with whom she shares a unique bond, is pregnant. This woman is a total stranger. Lorna has never met her and doesn’t know her name. The 33-yearold, who lives near Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk, has given this stranger the most selfless, life-changing gift one woman can ever give to another: the chance to have a child. Last year Lorna became an altruistic egg donor, expecting nothing in return for the 11 eggs she gave through an agency to a woman unable have children that are biologically her own. All she knows about the couple who may one day have a family thanks to her incredible kindness is contained in a letter that was waiting for when she came round from the anaesthetic after her eggs were taken.

As she talks about that letter she starts to cry. “It’s the only thing about this whole process that makes me emotional,” she says. “It was just a beautiful letter in which they told me how in love they were and how much this meant to them.

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orna had never thought about being an egg donor until a friend shared a social media link to an agency that specialises in finding women to give this most precious gift to others. “I read about it and thought it might be a nice thing to do,” she says. “Before that moment I had never thought about it before in my life. I lost my eldest daughter, Ella, to cancer in 2006. She had a brain tumor and died just before her seventh birthday,

“I LOST MY ELDEST DAUGHTER ELLATO CANCER”

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o I know what it is like to love and lose a child.

I don’t understand what it is like never having had a child to love.The pain of losing a child I can only think, is like that of never being able have one when that is what you so desperately want it would probably similar in terms of the hurt you feel. It was five or six months after Ella died that it really hit me.

I didn’t deal with it very well emotionally but I had friends and family who were there for me. I think about her every day.

“

I’ve also got a few friends who have struggled to conceive naturally and have seen their pain but not been able to do anything for them. So when read about this I decided I would like to give it a go.”the window of opportunity was small for Lorna as Altrui, the agency she wanted to use, only accepts donors up to the age of 35. I thought, if I’m going to do it, I’ve got to do it now,” she says. “I’ve got a daughter of 14 and two younger daughters so I wasn’t envisaging having more myself at that moment.“After losing Ella I still had my second eldest, Charlotte, but for a long me the idea of ever having any more children myself wasn’t on my list at all.

It made me too scared. Then I met my husband, who had’nt had children, and I changed my mind. “I know what it is like to give birth to a child and have that rush of love. I wanted

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o help someone else feel that same rush of love. If someone is willing to put themselves through being an egg recipient, having IVF and all that entails they are probably going to be a parent who will love that child.”after talking it through with her family Lorna got in touch with the agency and was asked to create a profile of herself, listing height, weight, hair, eye colour and hobbies.

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hey got back in touch and said I had the right BMI (body mass index - measure of whether someone is a healthy weight for their height),” she says.

“The next step was going to Guy’s and St Thomas’ in London to have a counselling session, where you speak about your reasons for wanting to donate. They talk about your background and make sure you’re aware of what you are doing and that you understand the process.”After “passing” the counselling Lorna had a scan to make sure she had enough eggs to give and then underwent a series of health screening tests. It is a big time commitment as I had to go to London for all those tests,”she says. “When I was told all those checks were OK I had to inject with a drug to stimulate the ovaries.

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had to go to London for a scan every three days during this time. “On the day of donation you have a general anaesthetic while they remove the eggs. I think that took 10 minutes for me. Afterwards, they come and tell you how many eggs they have retrieved. They got 11 in my case but apparently 15-20 is average. Those eggs then belong to the woman I am donating to.” After the eggs are fertilised in a dish an embryo is implanted in the recipient. “If it works and she has a child the rest will be kept, frozen, in case the couple want more children in the future,” says Lorna. “If she doesn’t conceive at first she can try again with the others.” Lorna knows many women wouldn’t want to do what she has done. “I have spoken to friends who have said they couldn’t even think about doing it,” she says. “That is fine - for them. For me, carrying and giving birth to a child is entirely different from donating eggs. I can’t bond with an egg. I know that any child born will be genetically related to me and may even look like me or one of my children but it will not be my child.”Although Lorna has shared the heartache of friends who have had trouble conceiving she doesn’t feel she could have donated to someone she knew. “It would be different, watching a child grow up,” she says. “That

“That would be harder to deal with emotionally. Although the woman I donated to is a stranger to me she is a friend of someone else, who may feel like I feel about my friends.”

Lorna will be told if a pregnancy results from her donation, when the child is born and whether it is a girl or a boy. “That is all I will find out,” she says. “The fact that it was all anonymous was important to me. They don’t need to know much about my life. I would rather they didn’t know I had four children.

If it didn’t work for them, then I would feel guilty.” At 18, any child conceived from her eggs can find out more about her. “You don’t have to agree to them being able to find out more about you but that was my choice,” she says. “I would be happy to meet years down the line if that is what the child wants when they get to 18. If I was born to a couple and wasn’t genetically related to one of the parents I would like to find out where I came from genetically. But I wouldn’t judge a donor who didn’t want that.” In the UK it is illegal to pay for egg donation, meaning it is always done on a voluntary basis.

Donors with the agency Lorna used are allowed £750 “compensation” for travel, loss of earnings and other expenses.“There is no financial incentive for doing this,” she says.

Despite her selfless donation Lorna insists she is not an especially altruistic person. “I’ve done the odd charity run and did have my hair cut off to make wigs for young cancer patients. I watched my daughter lose her hair so I know how important that is for a little girl or boy.”

And having donated her eggs once, would she do it again? it can make such a huge difference to someone else,” she says.

“I haven’t ruled out doing it again but I want to ask the couple I donated to how they felt about it. I’d encourage othersto donate as well.

Lorna has recently learned the couple have given birth to a baby Girl.

Who can be an egg donor?

If you’d like to donate eggs, you need to: Be aged between 18 and 35 Be healthy, with no family history of serious or inherited illnesses Have a BMI of less than 35 Be a non-smoker Not currently be taking recreational drugs or excessive alcohol Not currently be trying to become pregnant yourself www.altrui.co.uk

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Hacked and Fighting Back.

My instagram was hacked BY: GAIL GLENSER

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y Instagram account was deleted a short time ago. ago. That’s right. The account I’ve spent two years working on, trying night and day to build up a following so I could send out my pro-aging message to a wide audience, was gone in a flash. I opened a link sent to me from a fake account posing as someone I knew, and that was all they needed. They got in, wreaked havoc, then deleted my account and held it for ransom. This left me feeling a lot of emotions I wasn’t used to feeling. I felt deflated. Violated. Defeated.

Like I just rolled down a hill I had spent years climbing. Instagram is a fun platform for some people, but for a pro-aging fitness enthusiast and lifestyle influencer like me and so many others , it’s a way to 38

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“I FELT DEFLATED AND VIOLATED ”

potentially make a living and send a message, in my case that people in midlife and beyond should not be pigeonholed into dressing, acting, and exercising a

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certain way. y 2022 did not get off to a good start, to put it mildly. Then a funny thing happened.

As I slowly started to pick up the pieces, I found that this unfortunate occurrence opened up some interesting possibilities for me. It made me realize things.

It added clarity to some potential decisions I was struggling with. It gave me a new perspective and allowed for growth. Could it be that my Instagram being compromised and deleted was a blessing in disguise? Was the universe sending me a message? (I can admit that at times I need to be hit over the head to change my behaviours). Finding the Positives Having my Instagram deleted had some unexpected positive effects. Sometimes in life,

GAIL FOUGHT BACK

“PEOPLE CAN BE TRULY SELFLESS”

it’s hard to discern who your real friends and supporters are. People can sing your praise all day long, but talk is cheap, as they say. This seemingly bad event put me in a unique position, however; it gave me the opportunity to discover who truly cared about me.

Dozens of “HELP GAIL” posts were created by

friends and the brands represent once word got out that my account had been hacked. All the magazines I have worked with showed their support as well. These magazines have large reaches and subscribers. They called on their followers to help me as a valued contributor to their publications.

None of these people or companies needed to help me. They did anyway, though, showing that people can be truly selfless when they believe in you and your message.

My following is still nowhere near what it was 4 before this happened.

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’ve talked a lot about overcoming obstacles in the past. Like everyone else, I have had my share of challenges and hurdles to get past. Real life challenges, i.e. divorce, losing my parents, growing out of long-standing friendships and physical challenges (that shoulder).

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y Instagram being hacked and deleted was my first test in the social media space, other than launching it, and I couldn’t have overcome it without all of you guys. From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank each and every one of my followers for sticking with me and doing what you can to pick me up off the mat after I got that “TKO”.

No matter what happens, you can count on me to continue pushing for fair representation in the fashion, lifestyle, and fitness spaces and to deliver our pro-aging message.

Doesn’t matter if I have 100 followers or 100,000. My mission remains the same.

I’m thankful this event gave me the opportunity to truly connect with my core group of followers and partnered companies.

Let’s do something special together in 2022.

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Wild Marine Collagen - nature’s secret to looking and feeling your best www.goodhealthpr.com SPRING 20222/ ISSUE 09

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Are dating apps crap?

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hile 40+ blogger Claire Kenny is open to the possibility of sharing her life with the right person, she’s less enthusiastic about what she’ll have to endure to meet them.Yes, we’re talking about online dating.

Ah, the grace and ease with which people fall into new relationships with normal, non-pathological people...

But alas, not for me that serendipitous series of events when thevet/dentist/butcher turns out to be attractive, single and interested in going on a date. That would be far too easy. Yep, it’s definitely difficult to meet potential suitors ‘the old fashioned way’.

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his is a little unfortunate, as I’ve discovered through gritty experience that online dating is unequivocally not my cup of tea. Having had several depressing deep dives into its soul-destroying depths,I learned the hard way that the clichés are real.

Hours of inane chat,

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Answering and asking the same questions, scrolling through endless pictures of men holding huge fish, stroking drugged tigers, or worse, looking menacingly into the camera as they lift weights. Then there’s the proliferation of serial daters who seem to jump on and off of the dating carousel because they do this shit for fun (even though their profile says they’re looking for a serious relationship). For me, nothing compares to the misery of the first date. The realisation on meeting that the profile photos were taken a decade and three stone ago (and that’s just mine), the painfully apparent lack of chemistry within five seconds but the obligation to sit there for an hour anyway, and the depressingly inevitable absence of reciprocity regardless of who likes who. Most anxiety-inducing of all is the mortification of being seen with an absolute minger by someone you know, but don’t know well enough to explain the situation to. So Janet from Accounts is left thinking that the man with the excruciatingly loud voice wearing jeans with pockets all the way down the legs is your new boyfriend.

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here will be few app users without a list of horror stories.

Mine include: The guy who WhatsApped me a photo of him wearing nothing below the waist, something I didn’t realise until 10pm that night having viewed the photo in preview mode and conducted normal, light conversation with him for most of that day. The guy who I texted by accident to say I didn’t fancy him halfway through our date (I thought I’d sent the text to my sister) The guy who clearly spent more on teeth whitening and tanning than I did on my monthly food shop. He spent the whole date talking about his hugely profitable IT consultancy and plans to buy a brand-new Audi and villa in Tenerife, then asked how do you want to do this?” when the bill arrived. It was for £23! I’ve also met some really lovely men. Ones who were kind and respectful and would have made ‘perfectly good’ partners. But cruelly, there was no laughter, and no spark. In spite of that, and although the prospect of a second and third date made me crave my sofa and a good boxset rather than light up in nervous excitement, I’d drag myself along anyway in case I suddenly discovered I was being ‘too fussy’.And

And that’s not fair on anyone.

I know that online dating can work.

After all, everything is a numbers game isn’t it. But for Me, it’s also soul destroying and anxiety-inducing. I truly admire my friends who stuck with it And now have lovely partners for their trouble, but no matter how much I like the idea of Meeting my forever person, I know I won’t be putting myself through it again. But I remain resolutely hopeful when I visit the vet/dentist/ butcher.

Claire can be found on Instagram and Facebook at @ my40pluslife.me

“NOTHING COMPARES TO THE MISERY OF A FIRST DATE”

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‘Have Life Your Way’

“I have a family of 8 Alpacas! How I Created the Perfect Life for Me!” Claire Sweet , 45, from Hoath, near Canterbury Kent is an award-winning financial adviser, money coach and Founder of Peace Together Money Coaching (https://peacetogether.co.uk) She lives in her dream property with her family in the Kent countryside - you’ll find her just as happy pottering around with her 8 alpacas in the garden, as travelling the world on global adventures… but life hasn’t always been so ‘sweet’ and Claire is passionate about helping others create their perfect life, no matter how many false starts they’ve had.

Life is never straightforward and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last 45 years it’s that. But I have great news today for anyone who feels like their ship has sailed and it’s too late to lead the life they want; it’s never too late to turn your ship around and plot a different course. You don’t have to live at the mercy of past money mistakes or future worries, or anyone else’s expectations....

You too, can create the life you want!

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I haven’t always been financially secure; in fact it’s something I’ve worked at to ensure that I kept afloat through whatever was going on in my private life.

Straight out of university and a heavily controlling relationship and having had No financial education at school I found myself with few options. But I had a Light-bulb moment and decided that I wasn’t going to let anyone else determine My future or my finances. So I took time to educate myself and put systems in Place to ensure that I was never trapped in a relationship that I couldn’t afford to Leave again. As I carried on through life I real

Realised that so many other people Didn’t have any idea of the options available to them and how to allow money to Enhance their life, rather than be a constant source of stress.

20 years later, I’m in the fortunate position of being financially independent. In Fact I’m now running a 6-figure business, but it’s clear to me through personal Experience, friendship and my work, that many of us live in fear of our financial Situation and we dread the unexpected.

This is why it’s my passion to tell my Story, as well as to coach women into their own financial freedom. I was fortunate to grow up in a loving home of the best intentions but, like many Of us, initially I found that I was following someone else’s expectations for my Life. I went to university to study hard and get a “‘suitable” job. I graduated with a Good degree and started my career in pharmacy before moving into mortgages And protection, and then qualifying as a financial adviser. For the last 15 years I’ve been advising others to take charge of their money and make it work for Them. I’m reminded every day, as I look at my own family and my extra furry Friends, that putting a plan into place and working backwards from it, is all you need to do to start to see the change you’re after.

I recently published my debut book, this is the next tool in my kitbag, it’s a really easy read called ‘Have Life Your Way’ and I’m thrilled that it’s on the shelves now. When I went into the world of finance, I always wanted to be a different sort of financial adviser - and in the same way, I wanted to create a different sort of finance book. Something user-friendly and easy to follow, that feels more like a holiday paperback than a business or financial guide – but, something that is packed with simple actionable steps that make a massive difference to how the

wealth-building journey.

In a fun and light-hearted way I share the lessons that I’ve learned from my journey, which has seen me going from food shopping with a £2.50 supermarket voucher to living in my dream home, running a thriving business with 4 staff!

I pull in the success stories from the hundreds of clients I’ve helped to plan for retirement, follow their dreams, protect their families and buy their dream homes and how these things can be possible for you too.

It’s not designed to be an epic read that you spend hours pouring over. Each chapter has a point to make, and offers an insight into the next step that will move you along your financial journey.

From managing your money and enjoying the benefits of your earnings to future planning and goal setting, this book will cover the topics you need, without overwhelming you with fluff… all with a view to helping you to &quote;live your wealthy life forever, without the money running out”.

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Here are 5 top tips you can utilise today to create the life You want: 1. Don’t Stick Your Head in the Sand - We have to deal with money and face it head on. What we don’t deal with today will only deal with us tomorrow.

You’ve heard the saying Q “how do you eat an elephant?”

A “One bite at a time!”

And that’s what we’re talking about. Open the bills, check the account Statements, gather together all the financial information you have about yourself and make time to look at it at least once a year.

It’s often not as daunting as you think and the more you do it the easier it will feel. You can do it, and there’s no shame. Seek an adviser if you need to and be brave in 2022.

2. Creating Your Money Goals - I know vision boards are a bit Marmite but I love a good vision board. You should enjoy every part of your life through Envisioning or dreaming about your future so that you can see your destination.

That gives you the motivation to decide on and then keep taking practical everyday steps to prioritise your money goals – but remember, the picture itself is not enough, you need a plan and then to take ACTION on it!

3. Make Your Money Work for You - Set up your spending pots - this sounds like the most basic financial lesson of all, and it’s so simple, but by carving out necessities from niceties and niceties from dream funds, you ensure you can live in peace knowing your everyday commitments are taken care of, and anything else carries a no-guilt price tag.

The days of squirrelling it all away for some imaginary point in the future are long gone – today people want to balance today’s needs with tomorrow’s dreams so that they get to enjoy the journey too.

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4. Journal Your Money Mindset - This is just the start but journalising is so Revealing and it can be the springboard for you to tackle unhealthy money mind-set. Journalising helps you understand how you really feel about finance, allowing you to re-discover beliefs and attitudes that might have been hidden since childhood…. And once you know what these are, you can choose to believe something different and act in a different way and have your own relationship with money, rather than one you’ve absorbed subconsciously from your parents and people from your past!

5. Pensions, Savings and All the Jazz - The very simplest thing I can say about this is that deciding to do something about it, and actually doing something about it, are two very different things. You can have the very best intentions, but if you don’t get some advice and act on it, you’ll be missing out on potentially hundreds of thousands of unsaved pounds and none of us can afford to do that. So if you haven’t already started putting into a pension, or other investment, please, please seek advice today and get on your way. It’s never too late to start creating a comfortable income for your retirement, even if you’re starting from an empty pot in your 40s.

● Claire’s book is available via https://book.peacetogether.co.uk/have-lifeyour-way/ ● Peace Together Money Coaching - https://peacetogether.co.uk ● YouTube - https://bit.ly/ClaireSweetYouTube ● Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/groups/itstheplacetobe ● Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/peacetogethermoneycoach/

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Woodland Wonders BY: CHALITA FROST

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s we begin to peel ourselves off the sofa to venture outside whilst relishing the warmer weather and brighter days - make time to consciously consider what nature can do for your overall well-being. ost people intuitively know that absorbing Vitamin D from natural daylight is beneficial, but

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studies now suggest that exposure to nature can create an antidepressant effect on our brains. he term ‘forest bathing’ is becoming more widely known and empirical studies are highlighting the impact it has upon holistic health. Research indicates that by immersing yourself amongst the trees regularly can help to reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood, balance emotions and boost energy levels. When we combine exercise with the great outdoors, magical things can happen!

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“FORSET BATHING CAN BALANCE YOUR EMOTIONS ”

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o, what is ‘forest bathing’ exactly? Quite literally, it is walking, running or sitting in the forest - bathing in the beauty of the trees. Breathe in the oxygenrich air as you look up to marvel at the tall natural structures (instead

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of looking down at our phones), this can-do wonders for our mind, body and spirit. I for one, am not at all averse to hugging trees, in fact I do it every time I venture to the forest! But if this feels a little odd to begin with, you can always opt to place your hand on the trunk or stand beneath the tree allowing all the natural energy to permeate your senses. rees also emit natural oils called phytoncides antimicrobial compounds thought to boost the human immune system, reduce blood pressure and even fight off cancer cells. It is also believed that these natural oils are how trees communicate with each other.

Imagine being able to soak up all the wonderful natural healing properties of the forest free of charge and choosing NOT to utilise them!

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ON YER BIKE

“SELF PRESCRIBE A DOSE OF NATURE”

firmly believe that all humans should self-prescribe a dose of nature daily.

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ncorporating nature into your routine as part of your personal self-care package can be life changing and enable you to become more balanced in other aspects of life. he restorative and energising attributes are not exclusive to the forest either, similar health benefits can be felt when spending time near a mass of water particularly the beach or open fields.

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ake space in your diary at least a couple of times a week to intentionally dedicate some time in nature wherever you live. It’s imperative to view this activity as vitally important to your general well-being, so do not allow scrolling through social media or catching up on the soaps to take precedence over it!

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opefully it may grow organically into a daily pursuit for you, as you listen to your body and recognise the positive benefits that it provides.

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ou can even make it a regular social event with friends as well as loved ones and as a Mum of teenagers I have first-hand knowledge of how it can positively impact children’s mental well-being

of all ages too. Encourage your children to implement it into their daily routine. Be creative, explore, make it an adventure. We live on a beautiful planet - we just must go outside and cherish it a little more.

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halita offers ‘walk and talk’ sessions. This is talking therapy and natural healing from nature wrapped into one! If you would like to explore this, please contact Chalita for a 30 minute consultation free of charge, using the code Forest30. www.chalitafrostnlpandlifecoaching.co.uk

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Picky or just particular?

By Chrissie Bray

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D ating over 40 as a woman is most definitely a challenge, physically our faces may have wrinkles (unless you've had Botox) and our breasts are less than perky and our pelvic floor is not as effective as it was a decade ago.

D ating as a woman over 40, there are probably two reasons why you

may not be attracting and holding the attention of sincere quality men.

Firstly, a critical and judgmental mind and attitude. Secondly, unrealistic expectations, as women we are well versed in "the list" a long list of attributes that a date or future husband must possess, a close-minded woman will immediately reject a man on superficial information, if a guy turns up to a date wearing a football strip, is follicle challenged or doesn't pay for the date we delete him from our spreadsheet or list!

Iwef don't we give them a second date and like his house, living ar-

rangements or the fact that he likes to go hill walking and cold-water swimming we close our minds to the possibility that this man is an intelligent, loving stable diamond ready to be dated! Speaking to other women in their 40s further feeds my amazement at the fantasy list of women.

Deep pockets, homeowner, luxury car, good job, good teeth etc, etc. One female friend told me she wouldn't go on a date with a man who had kids, whilst another said that they wouldn't go on a date with a man who watched Love Island!

“ As women over 40 do we need to ease up on our fantasy list?’

M any women over 40 have come out of relationships with

toxic partners or they have divorced their narcissistic, overbearing energy draining husband and they are now enjoying “me” time and as a major reaction to their relationship fallout conjure a long list of must have deal breakers that almost no male can measure up to. I have many girlfriends who can relate, and we’ve all got stories of men who have never made “ the list”. After a FaceTime with one potential beau, I spotted in his bedroom a sheet hung up in the window and an overflowing bin full of rubbish in his bedroom.

I couldn’t unsee that and it felt like I could see into the future and having got rid of my last partner who expected me to wait and pick up on him hand and foot that overflowing bin full of chocolates and cans was my red flag to delete him from my list.

Another potential date offered to take me out to the cinema and after pleasant conversation asked what movies I liked, I clearly told him I hated horror movies and then later in the week he messaged me to tell me that he was taking charge of the date and SPRING 20222/ ISSUE 09

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A nother potential date offered to take me

out to the cinema and after pleasant conversation asked what movies I liked, I clearly told him I hated horror movies and then later in the week he messaged me to tell me that he was taking charge of and that he had chosen a horror movie for us to see and that I could choose a movie of my preference at a later date! To cut a long story short, I made my excuses and didn’t go on that date.

A s women over 40 do we need to lower our standards, or do we need

to ease up on our fantasy list and give men a fair chance? Easing up on our lists could give men a chance to show their best and endearing qualities and as women we just might find an ideal partner but wrapped up in a different package. Until then I’m avoiding any that look like they need a full-time maid or that want me to be a horror movie enthusiast!

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IN OUR

Next issue SUMMER ISSUE

SUMMER

Lets make this Summer the best yet!

Fashion, Holidays, health, skin care and real stories. x Love, Zee x

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