Available now from Waterstones, Amazon and other great bookshops.
Welcome to the Winter Issue of FAB. This year has been a difficult one for me personally. The Summer Issue didn’t go to print because in all honesty I just didn’t have the mental capacity to do it all. On April 9th we lost our wonderful Mum. She fought Ovarian Cancer for 7 years and she did so with humour, grace and dignity. It has been an extremely hard thing to process and at times like so many of you who have been through the same, I felt totally lost, without an anchor. Some people can throw themselves into work to cope with grief but I am not one of those people. I let the waves come and I just couldn’t apply myself. Thank you all so much for your supportive messages and words of comfort. They have really been a huge help. Thank you to all my FAB contributors for their patience and love and support.There was a point where I felt like shutting down the mag, but as soon as I started to read all the wonderful articles for this issue I knew that this labour of love is something special. So please, sit down somewhere quiet, grab whatever beverage you fancy and read on. I thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart and I’m excited for 2023 and taking this lovely community to the next level. There is a podcast planned and some events but one thing at a time eh!? This issue is for you Mum.
Love Always
Siobhan Daniels tells us how she took control of her own destiny and made a life on the road.
We meet TV Presenter Hayley Palmer. Hayley talks to us about changing careers and asks is it ever too late?
London Home cook Julia Casandro-Watson shares her love of vegan cooking.
Our resident Mental Health and Wellbeing Coach Chalita Frost gives us some settling words for an unsettling time.
Editor Zee Sits down for a Q&A with Author Siobhan Daniels.
Editor Zee shares some of her favourite independent retailers on Instagram and Etsy for your Christmas shopping choices.
40+ Blogger Claire Kenny Tells us why being alone doesn’t have to be lonely.
Zee shares her new found love for REVOLUTION skin care.
Our girl in Miami Gail Glenser Loves her single life at 60 and she tells us why.
Looking back at the Christmases of yesteryear and the wholesome event it once was.
fortyandbeyondmaguk @gmail.com
The colder weather makes me happy! I much prefer my winter wardrobe. I love wrapping up and wearing my favourite @snag tights. I have lovely boots and coats and you can also hunker down and hibernate with box sets and of course Christmas films.
I’ve also gone blonde again! This time I got a professional to do it instead of frying it to a crisp myself ! It took 6 hours but the result was just what I wanted . I’m still growing it and I’ve even amazed myself as I normally cave at about this length. But you know, my ears are growing ( I swear they are) and my jowls are getting worse so really I’m just trying to hide everything under my hair!
Fabmag UK is a registered trademark and an online publication. Reproduction in whole or in any part is strictly forbidden without written permission from the Editor, Zena Battersby. The views expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the editor. All images used are copyright to the photographers, who have been credited throughout the magazine.
For too long in my fifties
I put my game face on and headed out to work pretending that everything was ok in my life. That was so far from the truth. Inside I was a gibbering wreck. My life was falling apart around me. Brothers and sisters had died from lung cancer. I wasn’t coping with the menopause symptoms and work was a battleground that I had to walk into every day. My daughter had left home after years of me being a single mother, I definitely felt the empty nest. I could not envisage ever being truly happy again.
Fast forward 5 years and I am standing on top of a hill on the Isle of Lewis, in the Outer Hebrides, with my arms outstretched, feeling stronger and happier than I have ever been in my life. I feel like a warrior who has battled through so much in life to get to this point. The journey here
Has been a rocky one but well worth it. A journey that so many other women are on. Ageing, menopause, bereavement, heartbreak, struggling in the workplace, and empty nest.has been a rocky one but well worth it. the workplace, and empty nest.
“ I COULD NOT ENVISAGE EVER BEING HAPPY AGAIN ”
When I retired at 60yrs and got rid of my flat and belongings and headed off in a motorhome to explore Great Britain in 2019, I wanted to find a way to live in the moment, to be authentic. To say what I meant and not to worry about what other people thought. I wanted to inspire other women, by showing them that it was possible to live life with very few possessions and still age positively and be incredibly happy. I wanted to prove that you are capable of coming back from bad things in life. I was not certain that I’d achieve this goal but I was going to have a blooming good try. I’d be a trailblazer for women losing their sense of purpose and fearing old age. I’d be a Retirement Rebel, showing that
I was not too old for adventure. I’d live off my work pension but I was not going to conform to the stereotypical retired pensioner.
At first I was a bit lost and scared. I just hoped that if I took the first step the rest would somehow follow.
I went with the flow and trusted that life would take me along and it did. I weathered storms and even a pandemic, all of which just served to make me stronger.
I have found so much courage on my travels fending for myself. I’ve met some incredible people and learnt to live in the moment and take in my surroundings. I have become the mistress of my own destiny.
My Nomadic life has enabled me to reflect on all of my life’s tribulations and come to the conclusion that I am a kind, strong, woman, who has a voice. I want to use that voice to help other women who’re struggling.
I regularly give Corporate and Women’s Institute talks about the stresses of ageing, facing fears, challenging ageism and how to age more positively. I also hope that my book ‘Retirement Rebel’, that is out in October with Vertebrate publishing, will be the kickstart for many women who need to reevaluate their life. It will help them to see that tomorrow is another day and they should cherish every moment and rebuild themselves and find their inner strength and courage. Now that I have got my mojo back again I will never let it go.
It always seems a nice idea, but why is it so hard to take that huge step? Giving up the 9-5 to ‘follow your dreams’ but how realistic is it, when you have bills to pay? So what happens if you take the plunge and take that risk? TV Presenter Hayley Palmer knows this only too well.
Iwas unhappy in my office job and I would dream of becoming a Presenter. I would sit and daydream of ways I could make it happen” Whilst behind her desk, Hayley came across a work placement at ITV Studios. “I had a feeling of excitement, followed by doubt. Was I too old? Being in my late thirties, was a work placement something I should have done in my teens?“
Hayley successfully got accepted for a 2 week work placement at ITV, and has since climbed the ladder to presenting and producing two weekly music shows for Sky. “We worry we’ve left it too late to change careers, when in fact it’s never to late, especially if you’re unhappy. People often feel like they have to stay in a job to pay the bills” she continued “taking a big risk is a huge part of your life, but whenever is there a good time?!”
“I had a feeling of excitement followed by doubt, was I too old?”
“Changing Careers - Is it ever too late?”
How many of us have dreaded the day in front of us, going to work only to be going through the daily routine, coming home, making dinner, watching tv and going through the same motions day in and day out. “Mindset is everything” adds Hayley “When you can shift your energy and believe in what you’re about to accomplish, things start to change.”
Hayley says it’s the best decision that she ever made, and has no regrets “Taking the first step is the hardest, but once I had decided enough was enough and I would take the plunge, I knew I could make it work. Waking up in the morning and knowing that I’m doing my dream job makes me happy. I set my to-do list the night before , and I’m raring to go, the complete opposite of how I used to be.”How can I start?
It all comes down to making a plan with daily achievable goals, weekly goals and yearly goals. Even the tiniest movements but in the right direction can make a huge difference. I set myself 5 goals a day, this could be tiny things like sending an email, but it’s all going in the right direction.
She also suggests getting a mix of work and pleasure. Working hard to achieve your goals, but also taking time out to look after yourself too. Sleep is very important, and exercise to get your mind on point.
Ithink it’s important to get a healthy balance.Set your goals and work hard, but also important to keep your mindset strong and healthy and keeping the vibrations high - going for a walk, taking an exercise class, is just as important too. I practice gratitude, affirmations, visualisation and meditation to start my day in the right way, it really does make a difference to the whole set up of your of your day.”Taking that big step :
Sometimes it can be so overwhelming to make such a big move, but actually having a daily routine and taking action can set you up in the right direction. There’s always a reason to put things off, but before you know it days, weeks, months and years have gone by.
It’s the best decision I’ve ever made - I’m now a Presenter on Sky, GB News & BBC Radio and living the Dream! Go for it, even if you can think of reasons why not, you won’t look back.
London based Home cook Julia CassandroWatson, shares one of her favourite dishes to make at home.
I grew up in a household where my Londoner mum cooked old English classics and my Italian immigrant dad cooked Italian food and it was always the biggest part of the day. Eating and cooking. While living in Asia for 15 years I learnt local dishes, poked my nose into street food stalls to see how they did it and prefer home cooking to eating out. I love punchy, tasty (and spicy) food that explodes in your mouth, but doesn’t cost the earth. I love using leftovers and buying whatever’s in season. Times can be hard and eating should be fun, affordable and tasty. OBVIOUSLY that’s not what you need to write!! But that’s basically why I love food. I feed people to show them love. And my happy place is a wet market in Asia, but now I’m in England, my happy place is always in an Asian supermarket!
Oh! And plant based as possible! Nowadays. But I don’t say I’m vegan, because I don’t agree with giving myself rules that I’ll probably break Now and then, and punish myself over. The whole vegan thing has helped me with my health and hormones NO END. It’s insane how much better I feel since eating plant based.
“MY HAPPY PLACE IS ALWAYS THE ASIAN MARKET!”
Slow roasted tomatoes: I had some cherry plum tomatoes going out of date, but you can use any small tomatoes and they don’t have to be going out of date.
Cut tomatoes in half and then lay cut side up (so the juices stay in) and if you like, you can pop garlic cloves in too.
Cut a bulb or cloves in half and place sliced side down (so the garlic flavour infuses) into the pan, scattered between the toms. Drizzle with a good amount of olive oil, enough to reach about half way up the tomatoes.
I also added rosemary, oregano, salt & pepper.
Shove in the oven at 120°C (250°F / Gas mark HALF - so below gas 1) for approx 2 hours.
Zucchini: literally dice, shove in the oven with a little olive oil at 200°C (400F/Gas 6) for approx 30 mins.
Bean hummus/dip: into a blender place a tin of cannellini beans (drained), juice of half a lemon, a little lemon zest, 1 heaped tbs tahini, 2 cloves garlic, salt, pepper and a good glug of olive oil. Add a little water if you need. Blend! Done.
Once this has all cooled down, keep it in the fridge and yeah! Make these toasts and whatever else you fancy! All goes great in a pasta salad also
As we find ourselves living in some unsettling times, take a moment to ask yourself this question; What can I do to be steadfast in my pursuit for inner peace?
External factors certainly can create a sense of imbalance. Any challenging times that we are exposed to can also add to existing stress and anxiety, they may even produce a feeling of hopelessness. The world that we are living in has undoubtedly changed. Regardless of your views, opinions or political stance, there is no denying that life has become increasingly more difficult in a variety of ways lately.
So, when dealing with outside difficulties beyond your control, how can you inwardly take control of yourself in order to ensure that your mind and overall well being remain as healthy as possible?
Settling words in an unsettling time from our resident life coach CHALITA FROST.
ellness experts are now recognising the benefits of mindfulness and meditation as an essential daily practise. Dedicating just 15 minutes a day to meditation breathing can increase your emotional and physical well being immensely.
But it’s also important to consider a more holistic approach to health and well being too.When the mind, body and soul are collectively aligned, an overall sense of inner peace can be achieved even through the darkest of times. A mind that is quiet and controlled as opposed to frantic and overwhelmed is one that can function in its optimum state. What can you do daily to imbue a sense of peace and calm within the mind?
Firstly, I would like to correct the common misconception that meditation is to ‘switch off one’s thoughts.’ It is not!Instead, it’s the ability to recognise those thoughts, allowing them to pass freely through the mind like clouds in the sky without focusing upon them.
The answer is to breathe! Yes, it really is that simple! Conscious breathwork is a superpower. Breathing purposefully particularly within a meditative state allows for a deeper understanding of what is required to bring maximum serenity.
Be the observer of those thoughts. Concentrating on the breath and counting each inhale and exhale can keep the mind focused and allow for some much needed time and space. Envisage breathing in peace, calm and love, whilst breathing out stress, anxiety and bitterness.
Meditation is a simple practise you can go to ground and centre yourself wherever you are in the world - and it doesn’t cost a thing.
Do not allow a tumultuous world to permeate your tranquil spirit.
The art of mindfulness is to be fully present in any one given moment, whilst bringing awareness to yourself and your surroundings. This includes thoughts, feelings and sensations within the body as well as external perceptions, using all of your senses. Mindfulness activities can include anything that brings solitude and focuses the mind entirely upon that very moment. In Buddhist terms, mindfulness simply means ‘bare awareness.’ What do you consider to be a daily mindful activity that you undertake?
Choose to be resolute in seeking inner peace daily for at least 15 minutes and marvel at how much calmer and in control you begin to feel throughout all aspects of your life.
Empirical studies now suggest that practising mindfulness meditation regularly, can improve the immune system, lower the risk of cardiovascular disease, help to balance blood pressure by lowering the heart rate, improve airflow to the lungs, reduce bouts of depression, anxiety and even reduce stress headaches.When we breathe slowly and deeply, nourishing every fibre of the body, the mind follows suit and calms down almost immediately
Chalita offers one to one wellness ses sions in person, by telephone or video call.
To book a 30 minute consultation free of charge using the code mindful30 visit; www.chalitafrostnlpandlifecoaching. co.uk
“
For those of you who have followed the magazine from its inception, you will all be really familiar with Siobhan. After the launch of Siobhan’s book “ RETIREMENT REBEL it got me thinking, There are going to be lots of women at a crossroads in life who are going to be inspired and want to give life on the road a go for themselves. So I wanted to ask some key questions from the one person who really knows the most about being a solo traveller. “
Zee- Hi Siobhan, thanks so much for taking time out to chat with me today. I’m bursting with questions!
Siobhan-It is my pleasure ..fire away with all your questions
Zee- So, when you are planning a route and a place to stay, what are the most important things you look for in a site?
Siobhan-Firstly I dont really do that much planning. When I embarked on this journey I said that my plan was to have no plan and to go with the flow and that is pretty much what I have done for the last three years. When I look for a site I make sure there is water and somewhere to empty my toilet. If it has an electric hook up that is a bonus but I can manage with gas and my leisure battery if not. I like quirky quiet sites, out of the way preferably on farms and in remote fields. I do not like the massive formal sites but they are good when I want to use their machines.
Zee- It can be quiet this time of year. Do you ever feel unsafe?
Siobhan- I do not feel unsafe as I have alarms and take several security measure s to protect both me and my motorhome. I do not wild camp in England because for me that is a step to far and I might be afraid then of people approaching my van. I like to stay on small sites for security.
Zee-What safety measures do you live by? Are there things you should and shouldn’t do when solo travelling?
Siobhan-I never post exactly where I am on social media. I keep it vague. I do let friends and family know where I am going and keep in regular contact with my daughter. I listen to my gut feeling when I arrive at places. If I do not feel safe I move on. I lock up the pedals and steering wheel whenever I park up. Even if I am popping to a supermarket so That I feel safe.
Zee-When you first decided this was the life for you, how many vans did you look at before buying and what tips do you have when shopping for a motorhome?
Siobhan-I looked at hundreds of vans online over many months. I then spent hours going around motorhome dealers, until I finally found ‘Dora the Explora’. She was exactly what I needed. When you are buying you have to decide how much your budget is. What kind of van you are after. Do you want a fixed bed? do you want garage space? Do you want a shower etc?. How will you be using the van? Will it just be short trips? or longer trips? because it really does effect how you see the facilities. I have shower heating oven grill microwave fridge freezer and bench type beds. I wanted some comforts. Get someone who knows about mechanics to give it a really thorough check. Also check for damp as that can be a big problem with secondhand vehicles.
Zee-Would you recommend doing a basic mechanics course before setting off on an adventure? What are the first things you should do if you break down?
Siobhan-I think that would be a good idea to do a mechanics course. Personally I did not but I have a good roadside recovery policy to call upon if I am in trouble. If you break down make sure you are in a safe place. Do not be afraid to ask for help of people around. There are so many kind people out there.
Zee What’s the first thing you do when you set up in a new area/ site?
Siobhan- I use my levellers under the tyres to make sure that the motorhome is level. I fill the tank with water and turn on the gas cylinders and connect to the electric supply. Then I arrange my ornaments and photographs and fruit bowl. And of course I set up my gin bar. I have such a routine now it does not take me long beforeI am settled. Then I stop and really take in the beauty of my surroundings with a cup of tea. Or G & T if it is later in the day.
Zee- Cold water swimming... talk to me!! How do you find a local group when traveling?
Siobhan-I just love cold water swimming. I feel so alive afterwards. I do not meet up with groups. I tend to do it alone or with friends I meet up with.
Zee-Is there a big community of female travellers? How have you found them?
Zee Im sure youve seen some incredible places, what have been your favorite and are there places you return to regularly?
Siobhan- I just cannot get enough of Scotland. The outer Hebrides trip earlier this year has been my highlight so far, closely followed by Ireland. That too was so beautiful. I want to revisit both places. I regularly go to a site in Kent near my daughter Sammy so that I can catch up with her. It is a beautiful location and the owners treat me very well when I stay there.
Siobhan-There are more and more women travelling alone in vans now and I interact with them a lot on social media and meet up with some along the way. Mostly I do tend to do my own thing and mix with people I meet along the way or catch up with family and friends on my travels rather than going to the rallies with all women.
Zee-Is there anything you wish you’d invented to make life on the road easier? What gadgets are an absolute lifesaver when living in a small space?
Siobhan-I do love my hand held vacuum cleaner that my daughter got me for Christmas. I can give the motorhome a quick clean most days. It is amazing how dusty it gets in a very short space of time. The fly swat is another gadget I love because they can drive you mad in the summer when they get stuck inside the motorhome. Just remember you CAN live with very little. You do not need all that STUFF you clutter your lives with. Just try it!
Zee-Is life on the road expensive? What things should you budget for and what things really are essential?
Zee- Im sure you have so many, but what is your favorite experience or memory so far?
Siobhan-
One of the most memorable experiences was when I got very emotional by the side of a Loch in Scotland early on in my adventure. It was a cathartic moment when I consciously decided to leave my anger and troubles behind me and focus on finding happiness and helping others do that. The other memorable time was at the top of a hill in The Outer Hebrides this year, when I knew that I had found my voice and my inner warrior and that I felt truly happy. Siobhans Book
Siobhan- Until recently I would say that life on the road is not expensive compared to living in the home. Petrol prince increases have impacted the way I travel now. I have to think twice before I make long journeys because it costs so much to fill up with Deisel. Also the cost of electricity has gone up so much that many sites have had to put their prices up to cover themselves. Saying that it is still very good value for money living a nomadic life.
40 plus blogger Claire Kenny has managed to reframe her thinking about time alone – and her #SoloSaturday events aims to help others do the same.
I’ve found the pool of people who are free to do things socially has shrunk as I’ve become single and reached midlife. In my early 40s, I spent many a Saturday evening on excruciating dates facilitated by Match and Tinder, but after a few years I gave that up. It was the right thing to do but it often meant staying in because the alternative was being the only single person in a sea of couples at dinner, or bar crawls and clubs. Neither appealed. After a period of sitting home feeling sad and resentful about my ‘aloneness’, I gradually identified that what was missing in my life was not necessarily ‘relationship-shaped’ and got fed up of feeling sorry for myself. I decided to do everything I could to embrace my single status and build a life
I loved, regardless of whether or not I had a partner. This involved a mixture of two things:
Embracing time at home alone Plucking up the courage to go out alone The latter was more challenging than I thought, especially deciding where to go that didn’t involve feel ing like I had to wave a sign saying “I’m normal!”. I felt limited by the connotations of being a woman alone in certain spaces – imagining people might think I’d either been stood up or was waiting to be picked up. I also felt a subtle sense of shame. Was I just a massive loser who should’ve stayed home and watched The Wheel?
“I
“Alone and lonely are two different things, and there’s no shame in either”.
But after my first few solo experiences, I felt my world open up. I felt proud that I’d dragged myself off of my sofa (harder than you think when the only person you’re letting down if youdon’t show up is yourself), and that I was strong enough to get out there and enjoy what life had to offer without a plus one. I also realised that my days of dreading Saturday nights in had finally gone, and that I actually found myself looking forward to my ‘solo Saturdays’, especially if I’ve been busy all week. Although for many people it’s the big night out, for me it’s my precious time to relax and recharge. I cook something lovely, watch what I want on the tv and enjoy my home. Bliss.
As a blogger, I’ve been think ing about how I could share my journey, and while happily cooking myself a solo Saturday supper recently, I had a light bulb moment: I’d host a #SoloSaturday Instagram live!
The premise for this is simple; To provide a friendly, welcoming space for anyone who wants to enjoy a bit of a social connection and a giggle on a Saturday night, and you even dont have to be single. loved it!
I did my first one last week and loved it! A wonderfully diverse range of people joined me, includ ing those who’d read my blogs and wanted to connect with likemind ed people. The conversation ranged from coping with the onset of darker nights through to hobbies such as volunteering at the local park run, joining a running club and our evening’s food and drink choices! I’ve received many mes sages since I started writing about aloneness, and one of the most heart-warming came straight after the first #SoloSaturday had fin ished. It was from a woman who’d booked a wreath making class in the run up to the festive season.
Her friend was no longer able to make it and she was going to cancel, even though she’d loved attending the previous year. But connecting with other likeminded people had given her the strength to go alone. Many of us miss out on what life has to offer because society hasn’t learned to differenti ate between alone and lonely. Or highlight that there’s actually no shame in either.
That’s exactly what #SoloSaturday is for. Claire can be found on Face book and Instagram as My40plus life.me and you can join her at:-
#SoloSaturday Instagram live between 7 and 8pm every Saturday.
“I had a lightbulb moment: I’d host a #SoloSaturday Instagram live!”
I often get complimented on my skin. I’m 49 and I have inherited my mums genes. However, I have never had the budget for expensive skin care. This issue I’m bringing you my skincare must haves by one of my favourite brands REVOLUTION.
“Ive never had the budget for expensive brands?”
Who are REVOLUTION? Revolution Beauty is a UK based beauty company that was founded in 2014 by Adam Minto and Tom Allsworth, it provides makeup, skincare and hair products.Every thing they produce is cruelty-free and always has been. They’re certificated to PETA and never allow animal testing at any stage of development for both ingredients and final products. Their mis sion is to become 100% vegan for all Revolution Skincare in 2021. They are working to increase the amount of vegan products they have across all their brands in the near future. Lets
This high performance peeling solution contains 30% AHA and 1.5% BHA. The AHA mix is a blend of Lactic Acid, Glycolic Acid, and Fruit Acids from Bilberry, Blue berry, Super Maple, Orange, and Lemon. These help to exfoliate away dead and dull skin, to reveal fresher, smoother skin below with refined tone and texture. The BHA is Salicylic Acid, which helps to get deep into pores to ease congestion and help prevent breakouts, leaving skin appearing smoother and more radiant
£10
Vitamin C 20% Serum. formulated with 20% Vitamin C, renowned for its radiance-boost ing abilities, this high strength creamy serum helps to improve skin brightness, fade dark spots and pigmentation, even out skin tone and protect against free radi cal damage. With Grape Seed Oil, a light and silky oil to help leave skin soft, hydrated and glowing, and Glycerin to help bind water to the skin to keep it moisturised. Natural fragrance. £12
Miracle Cream.
The supercharged skincare formula INSTANTLY hydrates skin from the first use and re-energizes your base for smoother, plumper and younger-looking skin. Suitable for all skin types, this lightweight and hydrating formula absorbs perfectly into the skin, leaving you with a smooth and nourished canvas for flawless makeup application. A great alternative to Charlotte Tilbury. £10
Get some Xtra! If you want to super charge your rountine add in these two products:-
Hydration Boost NightFormulated with Hyaluronic Acid to bind water to skin and provide ultimate hydration, and Glycogen, a moisturising agent shown to boost the efficiency of Hyaluronic Acid. This silky cream is perfect for nourishing skin and moisturising overnight. Illipe Seed Butter helps to soften and smooth the skin, working to reduce flakiness and tightness, and Peach Kernel Oil helps lock in moisture.
£10
1% Retinol Super Intense. Ideal for those who have already used retinol and are looking to continue their journey, this silky, lightweight oil blend contains 1% pure retinol combined with skin-calming peach kernel oil and vitamin-rich sweet almond oil for the ultimate smooth and even skin tone and texture. £12
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Wild Marine Collagen - nature’s secret to looking and feeling your best www.goodhealthpr.com
Our Girl in Miami Pro-ager, infulencer and all round inspiration, Gail Gensler talks the talk on being single at 60.
Ientered a new decade in 2021. Now, I’ve made it very clear how little I care about my age (60,so what?!) but being in my 60 ‘s is still something significant. I am also single. Being single at my age is certainly nontraditional, but my mentality towards the whole thing makes me live my best life no matter what. Here’s how I approach it.
Thin Pickings.. I’m not what you would call an ordinary 60 plus woman. People my age do not typically get after it in the gym like I do.
They do not travel or socialize or dress like I do either. Granted, as a proaging fitness enthusiast and lifestyle influencer, My goal is to change that!
But as of now, there aren’t many men in my age group that can keep up with me, and my preference is to stay within a decade of my age. Common references (music, shows, historic events) are important! These issues are compounded by the fact that the social activities I enjoy, such as art and fashion events. don’t typically have many eligible bachelors. Additionally, I want to spend this last part of my journey with someone whose moral compass and life goals are aligned with mine.
All in all, these factors limit my dating pool at 60 plus (and a badass one I might add!).
“Happiness is an inside job” is one my all-time favorite quotes. Many people rely on external factors to be happy. They need a good job companionship, a bubbling social life, etc. in order to smile every day. This is a mindset you need to break if you want to find consistent happiness. Being content starts within.
ISinglecould compromise and slow down in the gym and in my social life. Perhaps it would increase my dating options, but at what cost? The cost, ironically, would be my happiness. With that in mind, why would I settle for a lifestyle I’d pay for in joy? I won’t settle for the sake of finding the right guy, and neither should you. I deserve more-so do you I know my worth. If you want to be happy, consistently happy, work on yourself. Being single is a status, not a destiny. It’s a choice-and my choice is not to be defined by my being single but to use the time wisely to work on myself and gain clarity. My advice? Dress, socialize,and work out the way you want to, no matter how young or old you are.
Whatever is Meant to be, Will be!
Maybe the right guy will come strolling into my life one of these days. I’m hopeful he will, but I’m going to keep being the best version of myself in the meantime. There’s a word in Yiddish, “Beshert.” “Whatever is meant to be, will be.”If you’d like to adopt this mindset, , I’d love to inspire you!
Reach out to me on Instagram @ gailgensler or on my website, gailgensler.com
As my family face our first Christmas without our mum, I’ve been reminising on my childhood Christmasses and just how wholesome and exciting for a child in the 80’s they actually were.
Lets start with the build up. At school we would have the Christmas play and i always put myself forward. i loved getting involved and getting out of lessons. Then we had the christmas card post and as a prefect you were in charge of destributing the cards to each classroom. It was such a buzz to actually receive some. Then of course Blue Peter would be on hand to show you how to make some awful montrosisty to bestow on your parents and you would insist it was displayed every christmas there after. ( the christmas candle holder anyone!?) and there was your list, you would agonise over items in the catalogue, and in later years the Argos catalogue of dreams!
circling your most desired items and hoping for the best. Then finially in our household it was the arrival of our grandparents from Liverpool. This was the highlight for me. The house being filled with extra little christmassey bits
“THE RADIO TIMES WOULD APPEAR AND TURKISH DELIGHT! ”EVERY CHRISTMAS CAKE EVER IN THE 1980’S
my Nany Elsie had bought down with her. table decorations and giant crackers from George Henry Lees in Liverpool. Then there was the change in smell. Our house was a non smoking house but my grandparents smoked in the dining room that backed onto the garden. I loved the smell because it meant Christmas was nearly here. ( in later years i would pinch ciggies from their Benson and Hedges and im sure they must have known!)
The radio Times would appear and boxes of Turkish Delight and Nuts and Figs ( I dont even know if they ever got eaten?) Christmas cards were displayed on a string above the sofa and the Christmas angel came out. ( my mum found the original in the loft last year and gave it to me. she was unsalvagable so I found a replica on Ebay. It made me so happy. I was horse mad and would do anything to be out of the house and at the stables in all kinds of weather. The Christmas treasure hunt was the
most fun i could have every year and my Christmas presents after the age of about 10 were all horse focused. I remember waiting weeks for some spanking new Riding boots my dad had sent me and when they arrived i felt so elated i wore them round the house for days!!
My mum Cyndy was a talented dressmaker and so creative. some years our presents where homemade. We would wake up on Christmas morning to a heavy pillowcase resting on our feet, full to the brim with miniture toys, smelly erasers and our favourite dolls ( Sindy Dolls or Strawberry Shortcake dolls) would have brand new handmade outfits. She was so clever. I didnt inherit her skills but i am artistic. Mum would sit up of a night at her sewing machine making all sorts of wonders for us and our dolls. I cant show you any photos as i gave all my dolls and undercut at some point as well as my girls world!
“WE WOULD WAKE UP TO A HEAVY PILLOWCASE ON OUR FEET”
Christmas morning would start with bacon sandwiches and we had to be up and dressed for breakfast. It felt like hours waiting for everyone to finish before we could go into the lounge and open our presents! Mum would be there in charge of distribution in her pinny with a black bin bag for the wrapping paper. The dog would be in a collar of tinsle and we opened our presents to the radio blasting out Christmas music.
Once that was all over we would set about playing, sometimes arguing, while my mum and Nan got busy in the kitchen with the main event. The table was always decorated and Nan would bring down theres wonderful snowmen full of snowballs that contained presents. As a family we sat down every night for dinner anyway but with the extra grandparents we did of course utilise the “emergency chairs’ these were usually the stool from our dressing table and a deckchair of sorts!
My siblings and I were’nt fans of christmas cake or Christmas pudding. So our dessert of choice was the very fancy ( at the time)
Walls Vienetta. My sister and i were always expected to help clear up and wash and dry, something our little brother seemed to get out of EVERY year. Of course an argument over who would wash and who would dry would insude and then after threats of getting our heads banged togetherwe got on with it.
Eastenders was at its best and who can forget Dirty Den serving the poor Ange divorce papers on Christmas day? Mary Poppins and The Wizard of OZ would be on without fail and The Two Ronnies and Only Fools and Horses. It felt happy and magical. I can remember buying the Live Aid Single one year and being aloud to touch the WIFI and play it over and over. Then Top Of The Pops would be on and we all knew who had made the coverted No1 for Christmas.
“OUR DESSERT OF CHOICE WAS A VERY FANCY VIENETTA! ”SHOPPERS CAME TO BLOWS TO BAG A CABBAGE PATCH KID! STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE- I CAN SMELL HER NOW!
Its not that I dont enjoy Christmas as an adult. Its taken me a long time to fully appreciate the lengths my parents went to to ensure we had a lovely time and we were always grateful. But I do feel pangs of sadness and I yearn for it to be just like it was in the 80’s. It was wholesome and simple and all my friends and I were always so excited. Its become something of a “bragmass” now. With competitive people posting all over social media to show what wonderful gifts theyve received and the hundreds of presents they have bought for thier children. Its just , like so may other things, not what it used to be.
As a single mum through the 90’s I always worried that I wasnt giving my daughter the same experience that I had. But in reality she had two Christmases so she didnt know any different! Plus we would be at the family home so my mums magical christmas would be continued for the grandchildren.
But with Social media being so influential I just want to to reassure any single parents out there.. Just do your best. You dont need the matching pyjamas or the Christmas Eve box you just need to be present and enjoy it for what it is. Id go back to the 80”s in a heartbeat. It really was , for me, the most wonderful time of the year!
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This coming year FAB MAG UK will be supporting St Nicholas Hospice in Suffolk. They wrapped myself and my family up with care, love and support whilst caring for our mum. The work they do is incredible and We will be taking part in charity events in 2023 to support them and raise money to help another family get the care we did. If you would like to sponsor myself,my daughter and my Sister in a charity walk please find the donation page at:www.justgiving.com and look for Zena Battersby.
Thank You XX
