VACUOUS C HAT Pointless Novelty Quiz!
- This Month - Has Your Crush on Your Favourite Celebrity Gone Too Far?
Look, we all have celebrities that we fancy. Most of them are paid to be pretty and a bit vapid, and you get the feeling that they'd accept your sexual advances with a mixture of condescension and boredom, which is the best you could hope for, really. However, there is a line between merely thinking about them in the library and full-on obsession. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.
When you write to-do lists, do you often list "think of <celebrity>'s face as one of the items? a) What? Never! b) Shut UP it only happened ONCE c) Yes, the satirical magazine I edit is late each month because every other item on my editing list is "think about Bob Dylan's face". (Ed. Very subtle Katie!) When you're invited to an event that requires a +1, do you a) find the nearest available person who resembles <celebrity> b) Of course you don't bring anyone! You're saving yourself for <celebrity>! c) You bring a life-sized cardboard cutout of said celebrity, wearing either a tuxedo or dinner gown. Or both. They were feeling fancy that evening. You understand them like that. Have you ever had a wonderful daydream that you were wanking off <celebrity> on the sofa? a) Oh my, yes. There was sunshine and bodily fluids everywhere. It was beautiful. b) Please stop asking me these questions. c) It was more of a nightmare and halfway through they turned into a spider. Haven't been able to read Charlotte's Web since. Do you follow them a) on twitter? b) on facebook? c) as they go about their day-to-day life? If someone else shows interest in said celebrity, do you a) feel glad that someone else is a fan b) Eye them with wariness. This is your thing, not theirs. c) Tear at their throat IT'S WHAT YOUR LOVE WOULD WANT. Have you ever sewn together a special little doll of <celebrity> which terrified your housemates? a) No. Never. Who does that. b) Maybe, just the once. c) Hundreds! Each and every one anatomically correct. Have you perfected an impression of said celebrity, so that you may hear their soothing tones crooning your name as you - ahem, well -? a) I'm really not into that sort of thing. b) That was supposed to be private c) Yes! And I made myself a special textured glove with their face on it. 1. a) 0 b) 1 c) 3 2. a) 1 b) 2 c) 3 3. a) 3 b) 0 c) 1 4. a) 1 b) 2 c) 3 5. a) 0 b) 2 c) 3 6. a) 0 b) 2 c) 3 7. a) 0 b) 1 c) 3 17+ Don't touch me. I know where you've been. 4-16 Your love may have grown unwieldy, and you may feel uncomfortable venturing outside without a photograph of your favourite celebrity, but you're just about striking a decent balance between your obession and being a normal human being. 0-3 You passionless freak! Are you dead inside? Where is your sense of wonder and/or pulsating sexuality?
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