CLASSIC (non-faith-based version): VOL 2 by Explicit Movement

GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

urney

FOR GIRLS

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL (CLASSIC) Copyright © 2023 Releasing Generations Published by Releasing Generations Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. All articles, art, and photographs have been published and printed with the permission of their creators.

ISBN: 979-8-9862965-2-4 Art Direction and Graphic Design: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and Pixabay.

BRAVEANDBEAUTIFUL.WORLD Brave & Beautiful is a publication created by Explicit Movement, a Christian faith-based movement that heals and empowers youth and young adults to walk in sexual integrity and healthy relationships. We provide faith-based resources that equip youth, young adults, parents, and church leaders to have conversations concerning healthy dating and navigating sexuality issues with confidence, leading the way for young people to thrive in relationships. CREDITS COVER Floral pattern: Maria Galybina. 3 Photography by Luminous: Emily Ganiko. Dreamstime. 26 Photography: AmericanReject.movie 48 CDC study description from: About the CDC - Kaiser ACE Study: cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about. CDC quote on linking to brain development and chronic healthy problems: November, 2019, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) Preventing early trauma to improve adult healthy: cdc.gov/vitalsigns/aces/index.html. Descriptions of ACES from: ncjfcj.org/publications/findingyour-ace-score/.ncjfcj.org/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/Finding-Your-Ace-Score.pdf. 72 By @nataliaandreichenko1384

WELCOME BACK TO

Brave & Beautiful — vol.2

REAL TRUTH. REAL LOVE.

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Bave  Beauful Jurney

e l e ases

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Sh eB

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c o v

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l •• S h

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B ra ve

She s

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Journey 01

Journey 02

SHE IS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

SHE RELEASES

SHE DISCOVERS

SHE STANDS

30 SHE ACCEPTS

SHE CRIES

40 SHE BELIEVES

SHE PERSEVERES

58 SHE EXPRESSES

SHE PROTECTS

70 SHE SPARKLES

SHE BLOOMS

76 SHE RESTS BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Celebr ate s

es •• She Re sts a rk l

Pro

te c t s

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•• She Blooms •• She

Journey 03

Journey 04 Listen

PORNOGRAPHY

20 SHE LOVES

SEXUAL ABUSE & TRAUMA

30 SHE GIVES

SEX TRAFFICKING

40 SHE DREAMS

VOICES OF FREEDOM

48 SHE CREATES

HOPE RISING

SHE CELEBRATES

re a e t e s •• S h

ri s

s •• S

• She Crie s s • nd

eS ta

D r e am

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s •• She Give e v o s • eL •

She Lstens!

56 SHE ARISES 5

ve se

PART 1

She She She

Releases Stands Cries

how’s your heart? How is your soul doing? What is going on in your inner world?

own emotional health? We are made up of our mind, will, emotions, thoughts, attitudes, our character, and even have a moral makeup—in other words, our inner world.

can affect us for years to come—and even our physical health over time. The culture we live in and our family culture often may not model or teach us how to handle our emotions in a healthy way.

Caring how we appear to the world is not a ‘bad’ thing, but do we ever take a look at what is inside and invest in our

The purpose for these next three chapters, She Releases, She Stands, and She Cries, is to support you in navigating the negative emotions of anger, fear and sadness. These three common emotions are often ‘stuffed’ and handled in unhealthy ways that

Entire books have been written on each of these subjects! We hope to plant seeds of truth in your mind and heart and share some helpful tips along your journey to becoming ever more emotionally and mentally healthy, strong, and thriving!

e are so much deeper, wider, and more multifaceted than what the eye can see. For some of us, fashion and make-up and pedicures can be a fun way to express our own unique style and flair! Yet, ponder how much time and money we invest in improving what is on the inside.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Your Emotional Health Matters!

Did you know that your ability to achieve and sustain success is impacted by your emotional health? If we are in the depths of depression, filled with steaming rage, feeling bitter with unforgiveness, or paralyzed by fear, our life will be impacted. We can try to comfort ourselves through ways such as watching porn, shopping, obsessing over social media, getting good grades, drinking, doing drugs, having sex, gaming and even working to escape and distract ourselves for the moment. Your entire being is so important! IT'S OK TO GET HELP! If you feel you need additional support, for starters, you can go for counseling or seek out support from a trusted mentor. ACTIVITY: Reflect on the following questions and rate yourself from 1 to 10 (1 being poor, 10 being excellent) on your emotional health in the areas of your mind, will, and emotions: MIND:

How has your thought life been about yourself, others, your circumstances?

Do you tend to have positive and hopeful thoughts or do you find yourself stewing in negative and cynical thoughts?

WILL:

How have you been managing the virtue of self-control?

Are you a pushover where you have little boundaries and can’t say no? Are you a control freak?

Have you been making good and wise choices? EMOTIONS:

Do you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster? Are you stuffing your emotions?

Do you feel peaceful and contentment overall?

Are you aware of your emotions? Do you avoid facing your emotions?

NOTES

She Releases. Stands. Cries. 8

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E RELEASES

“If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive.” JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 08

MOTHER THERESA

ACTIVITY

Doodle or draw something that makes you angry or draw your anger.

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS.

Chart your feelings in a day to become more self-aware!

Hysterically happy! Cheerful Positive Peaceful Content Neutral Bored Little irritated grumpy Super annoyed Frustrated Depressed

8am

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10am

12pm

2pm

4pm

6pm

8pm

10 pm

steps. It also can be painful to face those hurts and work through them. Sometimes it can seem easier to stuff the hurts and avoid thinking about them. But then we become the BY MICHELE OKIMURA walking wounded without realizing it. A betrayal, an abuse, or a humiliation e ALL have experienced are examples of traumatic hurts that being hurt and offended! can take root in our hearts. A deep It is normal to go through hurt feels like a knife through your intense feelings of anger, sadness, heart—it is wounding and very painand pain when we are hurt by people ful! Forgiving such hurts is a process or situations. that often involves getting Forgiveness is a vital “You may not help from a mature mentor or professional component of our healing ‘feel’ like counselor—there is no process. Holding on forgiving, but shame in getting help and to unforgiveness can forgiveness is having others walk with torment us mentally and emotionally, stealing away also a choice.” you through your process of forgiveness! our joy and peace. Over

FORGIVENESS AND HEALING

time, holding on to bitterness can also increase our risk of suffering from physical health issues. Forgiveness is for our benefit so we can be free from the chains of unforgiveness. Isn’t it so easy to get annoyed by others? Forgiveness typically can be given fairly easily and quickly for minor hurts or irritations. Minor hurts are like getting a pin prick on your finger—it irritates, but it is easier to let go of. However, healing for deep hurts will usually take time and comes in

Like peeling an onion, sometimes our hurts find their roots in past experiences. Healing usually happens layer by layer as we pursue becoming whole and healthy. Have patience for yourself in the process. You may not ‘feel’ like forgiving, but forgiveness is also a choice. And it can take time. Your heart can heal in a variety of creative ways, so your healing experience will not look exactly like someone else’s. Beloved, pursue your healing through the pathway of forgiveness. Freedom awaits you!

what forgiveness is not

The following are two easy to remember steps you can take when forgiving someone who has hurt you. These steps can be part of your process of healing.

1. You can verbally forgive

the person (or yourself) in a private moment. Imagine the person is in front of you. Speak forgiveness to the person as if he/she were right there. I have found this envisioning can help our hearts to give forgiveness more genuinely. You can say something like this:

“(name of person), I forgive you for (say specifically what they did that hurt you).” If you still feel angry or hurt, that is ok. Remember, healing is a process.

2. Journal your reflections.

Consider writing down some positive hopes for that person, such as expressing hope that this person will get the help they need to be a better person, that they will have a turnaround in their life, or regardless, hope the best for them in their life. Being able to have a positive thought towards them can be a victory or a sign to yourself that you are healing.

FORGIVENESS DOES NOT MEAN: • We must deny our hurt or anger. • We have to work to change our feelings. Feelings will change over time in the process of healing. • We must ‘forget’ the offense. • The offender was not wrong. • The offender is not accountable. • It is the same as excusing what happened. • You need to now trust the person.

LETTING GO Moments of pain from our past experiences can trigger and stir up feelings of shame and beliefs that can blur our perceptions. Part of the process of healing and being restored is healing and forgiving.

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.

What memories from the past trigger angry feelings in you?

What do you wish you could tell the person you’re angry with about how you were hurt by them?

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.” NELSON MANDELA Who or what do you need to forgive?

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ACTIVITY Write on the balloons all the things you want to let go of. Envision yourself releasing the balloons with your burdens into the sky! This is an activity to help you ‘let go’ of those things weighing heavy in your heart. Draw more balloons if you need to. Feel free to color the balloons. For deeper hurts you may need to reach out to a trusted person in your life who can walk with you through the forgiveness process.

letting go:

POISON OR PEACE BY TISHA LEHFELDT

e have all been there. Someone says something rude to us. Or worse, the bad treatment towards us or someone we love can feel horrible. In an instant, our inner emotional world is upside down and a mess! Anger, hate, and unforgiveness have us spinning mad! However, now, you and I have a choice.

Do we forgive them or withhold our forgiveness? Friend, here's the truth. Unforgiveness will always trap and imprison us, and forgiveness will always set us free. I heard this saying once, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Wow. That's some truth. Here's another, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." I don't know about you, but being a prisoner or dying does not sound like fun. For me, I'm convinced that

choosing forgiveness, as difficult as it is, is always the best way to live. I want to share with you two personal secrets that have helped me move forward and forgive a person who has hurt or offended me. My first secret is: Keep the end in mind. Let me expand. At the end of my life, I want kindness and love to be my driving force. My passion is for people to believe in the goodness of others because of me. What about you? What is your end in mind? Please take a moment and think about it. If you don't have an anchor, which is the end in mind, you can drift and end your life way off course. Unforgiveness will lead you to be a person that is constantly angry, pent up, judgmental, bitter, and indifferent. Unfortunately, choosing not to forgive a person or yourself will always take you off course. My second secret is: To remember hurting people hurt people. Other people have damaged the person who hurt you. Perhaps their mom, dad, spouse, friend, or coworker said or did something awful to them in the past, and they are still hurting deeply from it. By remembering this truth, it allows me to tap into some real compassion and genuine mercy!

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Friend, today is your day. Don't let this moment pass by. Peace can be yours right now if you choose to forgive and release that person or yourself. Don't continue to be poisoned by unforgiveness and lead a life marked by hate, bitterness, and anger. Remember, if you invest love and forgiveness, you will tend to receive love and forgiveness. Choose to lead a life that exudes life, love, and kindness! And, peace will be yours!

Here are some questions to ask yourself: • What is my end in mind? • Why do I expect people not to fail me when I'm human and fail too? • How high a price am I willing to pay to stay angry? • Do I want a life filled with poison or peace?

I am hoping your answer is peace!

Power clean your heart! Sharing with a trusted mentor or counselor about your struggles can be helpful in courageously facing what is in your heart. Journaling or drawing what is in your heart can release thoughts and feelings that have been suppressed within you. You can begin the process of opening the door to more healing. It takes courage to do so. Maybe now is the time for you to journal or draw something to express what is in your heart regarding this subject of forgiveness—whatever it is! Use the space below to journal and/or draw what comes to you:

“It's not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”

TYLER PERRY

“It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” MAYA ANGELOU

doodle

WHAT’S MY PARENTS GOT TO DO WITH IT? BY BETH BACHRAN

id you ever consider that your parents were once BABIES? Well, they used to be babies and they used to be kids. Can you imagine that?! They used to be cute, little, innocent, wide- eyed, drooling little ones! They had hopes and dreams about what life could be like, as little kids should. BUT when they were kids, they may not have been parented perfectly. Let’s face it—who is parented perfectly? NO ONE! Their hearts may have been broken over and over by being misunderstood or hurt. Maybe your parents • were raised in a super strict home with harsh discipline. • were rarely given love, kindness, or encouragement. • were not given space to make mistakes. • were not praised or affirmed. • were abused and rejected. • experienced various traumas for which they still need healing. • were abandoned by one or both parents. • had parents who were so absorbed in their own struggles that they did not receive much attention.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

They grew up the best way they knew how—just like you are now. Fast forward. Now they are YOUR mom or your dad. I know there are days when it seems that they JUST DON’T GET IT! There are days when they are silently hoping they will get it right, but they cannot read your mind any more than you can read theirs. Conflicts between you and your parents can hurt your heart…and it hurts their hearts. Maybe there are days when your parents are fun and enjoyable to be around and life is good! (We all like to focus on those days.) And maybe there are those days when you are sweet, kind, and helpful towards them. What?! Haha And then there’s those days when you are ALL NOT connecting. Relationships are a two-way street! Both sides need to give patience and grace. And your parents are probably doing the best with what they have… they are still in the process of growing and learning as well. Negative experiences can start layering on top of each other. It can be tricky to trust and give your parents space to fail. And it can be really hard to want to cooperate when they’re just not there for you in the way you need.

One thing you can do is care for your own heart. You can be there for you and remind yourself that you will never leave you. You will listen to your heart and learn to be honest with yourself… you can trust that the future will be full of good times, (and difficult times too because, hey, we’re human!) However, the negative experiences can start to have a big effect on HOPE. For example: If your parents rarely provided for your needs, it may be hard for you to believe you will be cared for in your life. • If your parents are usually mad and disapproving towards you, you may tend to believe that all people are looking at you with eyes of judgment. • If your parents are not guiding you, it may be difficult to turn to other trusted adults, because you are used to figuring things out on your own. • If your parents do not show interest in your life, it may be hard for you to believe that others see just how wonderful you are! On the positive side…if you have loving, supportive, parents who are safe places for you to open up to, then it is probably

easier for you to trust that the future will be safe. Work on forgiving your parents for ways you feel they have failed you. This is something that will make you feel great happiness and freedom. It’s not that they haven’t hurt you, it’s just that you have the ability to let some things go! Here’s an activity to practice some of these things:

JOURNAL ACTIVITY 1. Get a piece of paper. 2. Journal by writing each parent a letter. *You will NOT be giving them this letter so feel free to express yourself. The treasure will be how your heart will feel when you express things on this paper that you may not even know need to be written down. Your letter might look something like this sample: Dear Mom/Dad, I never reflected on the fact that you were once a teenager like me. One thing I need from you is One thing I want you to know about me is (could be a dream of yours or anything you want them to know about you) One reason I am thankful for you is

Make the words your own and express whatever you want! If your letter happens to be full of negative emotions and hurtful words you expressed, it’s ok. Did you know that when we express pain, it actually helps our brains feel less of it? That’s better than holding it in!

3. Once you are done writing, tear the letter up and throw it away. Those were your private thoughts. 4. If you’re brave you might want to show your parents kindness and cooperation. I mean, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and try and believe they are doing their best (even though it may not seem like it to you). Remember, your parents were once just babies who had to grow up! If you want to, you may then write a loving letter to your parents to actually give to them, expressing your needs, your true feelings, your dreams, your thanks towards them, and your positive desires for your relationship with them. This step can feel really big! It’s ok if you’re not ready to be that open, but maybe pop that in the back of your mind and even think about this for the future. You are worth being heard and seen! I don’t know you, but I already think you’re wonderful!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

JOURNAL

doodle

FORGIVe YOUR SELF

“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” SUZANNE SOMERS

“Forgiving yourself, believing in yourself and choosing to love yourself are the best gifts one could receive.” BRITTANY BURGUNDER

“Forgive yourself; you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey.“ SHANNON YVETTE TANNER

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much are you a perfectionist? On a scale of 1 to 10, how much grace and forgiveness do you give yourself when you mess up?

Sometimes we have done things that we are ashamed of and still carry pain about it. Many of us know it is a good thing to forgive others, but did you know that it is a good thing to forgive yourself as well? Sometimes forgiving yourself is more difficult than forgiving someone else!

ACTIVITY Go into your bedroom or bathroom where there is a mirror you can look into. Have a private moment with yourself. Look deeply into your own eyes and say, “I forgive you.” Just be. This may be an easy task, or it can be an emotional task. Either way, you are ok. Spend a moment taking in your own gentle forgiveness to yourself!

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.” AUDREY HEPBURN

She Releases. Stands. Cries. 22

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E STAN DS JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 09

When you are afraid, you will stand. When you feel like shrinking in fear, you will stand. When you feel anxious, take courage. Stand firm. Believe for the best!

“Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.” BRENÉ BROWN

UNRAVELING OUR MENTAL MESS! BY MICHELE OKIMURA

Ever feel a mental mess of anxiety overcome you? Entire books have been written on how to manage and overcome fear and anxiety, so we are just scratching the surface here! We can attempt to avoid feeling stressed by distracting ourselves through unhealthy means such as binge eating or going shopping to feel the thrill of buying stuff! Some of us may have even turned to drugs, sex, or porn to medicate stress. Such actions may give us a moment of relief and comfort but will not be helpful for us in the long run.

When you are feeling anxious, ask yourself, “Why am I feeling anxious?” Reflecting on why you are feeling stressed can help uncover the internal dialogue you are having—a dialogue that you may not even be aware of! What if what you are thinking is not true?

There are some good things that can come out of feelings of anxiety.

Our thoughts directly affect our emotions. Faulty, distorted thinking happens when we believe something to be true that is false or could very well be false. Faulty thinking causes a huge ball of mental mess! It can fill us with hopelessness, paralyze us with fear or guilt, and trap us in unnecessary pain! It is dangerous because it affects your relationships and limits your potential.

Anxiety can:

All or nothing thinking:

• motivate us to accomplish our goals and creatively problem solve.

‘All or nothing’ thinking exaggerates things to be much bigger than they are. Could you be assuming the worst-case scenario? Is your imagination going a bit wild? Are you thinking too black and white? Maybe you got a C on your report card so you feel like a failure. Or someone offended you, so you think they are a horrible person. This is extreme thinking.

• give us clues to any unhealthy thinking patterns that need adjustments! • be a warning signal that we are in danger, moving us to take positive action.

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If we use words like *always, *never, *all, *everybody in our statements, we are probably having a faulty thought. You take things personally:

Do you take offense at something a person said or did before you have all the information? Could you be jumping too quickly to a negative conclusion? Could you be interpreting the situation wrongly? Maybe someone didn’t return your text so you think he/she must be avoiding you. Perhaps they were sick in bed all day, or maybe they had to tend to an important situation. Maybe someone you know didn’t greet you as you passed by, so you now think they must dislike you. Perhaps they did not notice you because they were deep in thought or depressed. Believing the positive before assuming the worst can be helpful. And...stop mind reading. Don’t assume you know someone’s intention without checking with them! Communication is so fragile in that we can so easily misinterpret something—and sometimes even hear something that was not said! Checking

your understanding with the person can be enlightening and helpful! Hopeless thinking:

This line of thinking affects our outlook for the future. Hopeless thinking has a cynical and negative ring to it and can often include the word “never” and “always.” Examples of hopeless thinking are: • I’ll never be happy at this school. • My family will always be messed up. • I’ll never find a trustworthy friend. Yet, there is so much hope for a positive future! Adopt a positive perspective and believe for the best.

Do you suffer from severe fear and anxiety? If you are experiencing fear and anxiety that is negatively affecting your daily functioning, seek professional help!

Your reactions could be rooted in a traumatic experience that needs healing. It can be extremely helpful to have a professional counselor give you tools to manage your stress and walk with you to victory!

• Difficulty sleeping or often having nightmares.

Constant, intense, fearful, anxious thoughts have a toxic effect on our physical bodies. Chronic fear and anxiety weaken our immune system. Therefore, it becomes so very important to learn how to manage those emotions.

Life can be messy and working on our mental mess is an ongoing process!

If you suffer from any of the symptoms below, seek support from the resources in your community: • Difficulty concentrating. • Constant irritability or emotional outbursts. • Spending more time isolated and alone.

• Constantly feeling overwhelmed. • Panic attacks (rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing).

Believe the best of people and circumstances before assuming the worst.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.” UNKNOWN

• Physical problems such as headaches or a digestive issue.

“Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” S.C. LOURIE

“Stress is self-created, I decided to stop manufacturing it. We can choose an internal calm and joy even amid the chaos.” BRENDON BURCHARD

DON’T LET THE FEAR OF REJECTION STOP YOU! BY KATHLEEN MONTELEONE

ejection. Yikes. Just saying it hurts. I never thought rejection would become such a huge theme in my life. I’ve lived with it, written a movie about it, talked about it on podcasts, and now here I am well, writing about it again. I’ve always wanted to be a big Broadway Star. I mean, huge. Not a few shows here and there, not the chorus girl in the back, but the headliner who wears a boa as a normal daily fashion choice. I’ve loved singing, dancing, and acting since I can remember, and I pursued all three through high school. By the time college came around, I knew I just had to go to New York City! I attended an arts college and got my degree in acting and musical theatre. So far, the dream was panning out perfectly. Post college I found myself auditioning for a brand-new reality show. Yes, the “American Idol” type where you pin a number to your chest and sing your heart out for 8 seconds for the judges to either accept you or decline you. Well, I was accepted and at 23, I was on National Television. My dream continued along just as planned. I made it to the top four, then, uh oh. I was voted off. Wait, what? I was planning on winning! How could America vote me off? Didn’t people like me? I’ve given my all to this. What happened to the dream? The plan? The second I “got the boot,” it felt like my heart took a dagger and poisoned me with embarrassment, grief, and straight up pain and confusion! I was just so, so sad. And I was so mad that I had come this far only for this to happen. This left me feeling so crappy!

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

It’s been 13 years since that moment of elimination, and rejection still hurts. But this is what I want to say about rejection; although it is disguised as the Big Bad Wolf, it can be one of our biggest helpers. It’s the friend who may have a prickly personality but can have your back. On the other side of rejection is a new path, a new idea, and a stronger and a happier you if you learn how to respond to it well. Rejection can tell you what to change, what to forgive, what to let go of, or what to hold onto. The mistake I made after my big elimination was that I let rejection sit around me like a blob of jello that complained all the time. It took over my thoughts and started telling me who I was and what I was going to be. Until one day, I spoke to rejection and said “I can’t just let you take up my space. I need to put you to work.” So, I started writing. Something I had never done before, but I did have this really unique, funny and bizarre experience of being on a

reality show. How many people can say that? I wrote out the funny, hard, painful moments, and the moments I wished would have happened. Thirteen years later, I wrote a movie called AMERICAN REJECT. I also produced it and starred in it! If someone would have told me on elimination night that this rejection would end up taking me from being a sad actor to launching a writing and producing career while building my acting career, I wouldn’t have believed you for a second! I say all this because I would never have stepped into these areas of creativity without rejection. People usually don’t step out and take risks because of the fear of failure and rejection. I get that. We want to protect ourselves. But I ask you: What do you have that you wish you could do that you haven’t done because of fear of rejection? Think of the thing you think you could be ridiculed for or possibly unfollowed on Instagram because of. Harsh. I know. Is it picking up a guitar? Sewing your own clothes? Sharing your poetry? Writing or performing a song? What is it? And if the mockery, fear and rejection were actually your helpers and the fuel to your engine, would you do it?

After I had finished the movie, I was on a run around the park near our house. I felt the feeling of “it is finished.” I could see and understand the entire bigger picture. I thought I was on the show to win and begin my big Broadway career. I realized that though I was on the show and rejected, that rejection gave me the inspiration to make this movie. If I had not been rejected, none of this would have happened. It was all about me ultimately making this movie to inspire others. The reality show was just the beginning. I was blown away that all along, I was destined to for this - something so much bigger than what I could see then. The next time rejection sinks in and tries to talk to you, talk back! Say, “Hey, how are you here to help me? What have you got for me today?” Let rejection teach you, help you, and guide you. You may be in for something in your future that is beyond your wildest dreams. I hope you can find your past rejections today, look them in the eye, and say, “Let’s get to work!”

When you are facing a scary situation or find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety, pause.

DEEPER AND DEEPER STILL

Grow Deep Roots

When the winds of life roar against you and the negative “what ifs” torment your mind, pause. When it feels like you are drowning in fear, pause. Perhaps this is an opportunity to catch your bearings. Plant your feet and dig your toes more solidly into the soil of hope and grow your roots deeper. Like a tree, allow the storms to anchor

yourself with deeper roots. Yes, it is true you may bend in the storm, and some branches may even fall off, but you can arise stronger if you hold onto hope. Will you use such moments to allow your roots of fortitude to grow deeper, and deeper still? Yes! You can! Believe you will!

Talk r to you… soul

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.” BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

ACTIVITY What are the three biggest things that cause you anxiety?

What three things would you love to do if you weren’t afraid?

Draw or describe someone you know who is often content and at peace.

What are some things you are very fearful of?

TRY THIS WHEN YOU FEEL ANXIOUS OR AFRAID: 1.

Try smiling. I know it may feel silly to do so, but there have been medical studies that showed that smiling can actually reduce stress!

“Peace begins with a smile.” MOTHER THERESA 2.

Stand up in a superhero stance for a minute with your legs slightly spread apart, chest out, chin up, and hands on your waist with your arms angled out. Science research has shown that standing this way alters our brain chemistry, so we feel more confident and fearless!

Declare a positive affirmation out loud such as, “I will get through this!” or “I am brave and believe everything will work out!” You can create your own affirmation that relates to your situation.

Take a walk, exercise, or do something fun that “fills you” and brings you joy. Many times, getting active, walking in the sunlight, seeing the vast sky can give our brains a reset to see things in a different perspective that brings us peace.

“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.” ABRAHAM LINCOLN

She Releases. Stands. Cries. 30

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E CRI ES

“If we can laugh, fine. And if we’ve got to cry, CHARLES BUKOWSKI

JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 10

we’ve got to cry.”

Doodle something that makes you SAD or expresses what sadness looks like to you.

Let Your Feelings Be Known.

GOOD GRIEF! BY SHERYL SARMENTO Professional Counselor

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

I’ve had many losses in life. My parents divorced when I was an infant, and I went from house to house throughout my childhood. I changed schools, neighborhoods, and houses more times than I could ever count. With every change, there were multiple losses. I did not know what to do with my feelings,

so I numbed them through drugs, alcohol, and other forms of escape. I eventually learned how to deal with my sadness and grief. Many people do not know how to grieve and do not understand that grief is good.

WE ALL HAVE LOSSES IN LIFE:

Have you experienced any of these losses? Check off the ones in your life.

o loss of a pet. o loss of a parent through death or divorce.

o loss of someone you were close to through death or move in location.

SOME COMMON SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF • Heaviness in the chest or tightness in the throat.

• Unexpected outbursts of anger or crying.

• An ‘empty feeling’ or loss of appetite.

• Difficulty concentrating on a task at hand.

• Feeing guilt over something said or done, or something left unsaid or undone.

• A feeling that the loss isn’t real and didn’t happen at all.

o loss of a relationship or

• Intense anger at the person for dying, and later feelings of guilt for being angry.

o loss of hopes and dreams.

• Mood changes over the slightest situations.

friendship.

o loss of popularity on social media and more.

All these losses cause sadness that affects us in one way or another. When a loss happens, it causes something called grief. Grief creates a deep sadness. That sadness has to go somewhere and often resides in our heart, our mind, and our body. It is easy to be happy and excited with people who have something to be happy about, but have you ever tried to cry with someone who is crying and to be sad with someone who is sad? That is exactly what we are supposed to do… weep with those that weep, cry with those who are sad and who need to cry. We naturally want to help a grieving person "fix their pain," but this can be more hurtful than helpful. Saying things like, "They are in a better place," or "Don't be sad," or "Just try to be happy," are all things that are counterproductive, even if we have good intentions. What helps grieving people to heal is being a good listener, allowing them to express their feelings, and letting sadness come out in ways that will help them heal.

• Sleeplessness or troubling dreams or sleeping too much. • A need to retell and remember things about their loved one, to a point of repetition that becomes a burden to others.

HERE ARE SOME WAYS WE MIGHT TRY TO AVOID OUR GRIEF • Taking drugs and alcohol.

• Overeating.

• Having sex with multiple partners.

• Addiction to social media.

• Watching pornography.

• Depression.

• Escaping into playing video games.

• Isolating from others.

• Cutting.

• Suicidal thoughts.

HERE IS WHAT YOU CAN DO INSTEAD: 1. Recognize and acknowledge your loss or losses. Take time and make time to grieve. 2. Interestingly, historically in the Jewish culture, people made time to grieve. The average grief period was 30 days minimum. In today's world, 30 days may not be possible for you; do what you can to carve out times where you can really focus on grieving.

5. If you like to express yourself creatively, draw or paint a picture, write a poem, write a song, do a craft, or create a dance to express yourself. The creative arts can help bring healing. 6. Look at pictures, make a collage, watch a movie or do something that reminds you of your loss and helps you to cry to get those feelings out.

3. Find a grief group or a close friend who can acknowledge your grief, listen to you without trying to fix your pain, and just be with you through your grief journey. If you go to church, you can ask for prayer.

7. Prepare yourself on birthdays, holidays, and whatever other days might bring back memories of your loss. Try to be with someone or do something that will help you get through that day.

4. Journal about your loss and how it makes you feel. Be honest and don't hold anything back. Grief often causes anger, especially if there was something unjust that happened to cause the grief. Writing your feelings and thoughts down can help release some of that pain.

8. You can ask for professional help and find a good counselor or mentor who can help you walk through the journey to wholeness.

Sometimes, it is so good just to cry it all out. There is healing in crying tears.

DECLARATION TO RELEASE TEARS BY SHERYL SARMENTO

I declare that tears are good because they help us to heal. Tears are a gift and are not to be suppressed. Shedding tears is not a weakness, and it will even make me stronger when I do release those tears. I have nothing to be ashamed of when I cry alone or in a crowd of people.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Men and women alike need to cry. Tears are one way that our body naturally releases our emotions and causes a cleansing feeling in the process. Today, I commit myself to the grief process fully and will do whatever else I need to do in addition to shedding tears to be healed of the losses in my life.

SADNESS. LONELINESS. HOPE. Navigating Loneliness BY ABI KROONTJE

t was not until I was 28 years old that I went on my first official date…ever. I always thought, well maybe it’s because I’m not pretty enough, because I’m not skinny enough. There must be something wrong with me, which is why I’m never the one chosen, why I’m always the pursuer and never the pursued. There was a deep loneliness that I felt that ached within my heart. I was longing to be loved. The loneliness of singleness is just one type of loneliness. There are many other reasons that loneliness finds a doorway to settle into our hearts.

moments are never wasted if we stop to recognize what it is we can learn from it.

• Conflict With Family: Maybe you feel like the people who should be closest with you don’t/can’t understand what you’re going through.

We feel that ache of loneliness in our hearts because we desire to be in authentic relationships with others. It is a strength to realize that we need people! To fully be independent, or fully dependent is not healthy. But a healthy amount of interdependence can open doors to a more fulfilling, impactful, and purposeful life. I know that we can rationalize in our heads that sometimes we would be better off without any close relationships because of the hurt and pain that they could potentially bring into our lives. But I would challenge you to look at the people who don’t have any close relationships with others. Many times, they are often cynical, grouchy, closed-off, and unhappy. No one enjoys being around them and “strong” is not a word that most people would use to describe them.

• Romantic Relationship: Maybe you look around at all the seemingly “perfect” couples on social media or in movies and feel that longing to be pursued by someone in that same way.

For a variety of reasons, people will come in and out of our lives and we’ll go through seasons of loneliness. However, we can choose how we want to go through those seasons and the things we want to prioritize in those times.

• Loss of a Loved One: Maybe you recently lost someone who was really close to you and you feel a deep void now that they’re gone.

Pursue meaningful relationships with authentic people.

• Close Friendships: Maybe you wish you had that close type of friend/s who really get you and who you can fully be your crazy self with.

Most, if not all of us, have felt varying degrees of loneliness at some point in our life. I used to think that my loneliness would be solved if only I had a boyfriend who loved me. But then I got a boyfriend, we got married, moved away from all of my friends and family, and I felt lonely again—even though my amazing husband treats me like a queen. Navigating loneliness is not easy, but it is worth it. It gives you time to build within yourself a foundation for the community that you want to be a part of. It is precious. It is deepening. It builds a grit that doesn’t come from times of lavishness, safety, or comfort. I find that seasons of loneliness can reveal deeper things in me if I take the time and the courage to process through it. Hard

I remember having a tight knit group of friends that formed during a time in my church youth group. We would constantly hang out with one another, laugh, play games, and we would never get bored of our time together. A friend of mine invited his co-worker to play volleyball with us on Sunday nights. I remember her being incredibly shy, and closed-off at first, but she kept coming out. She seemed to really enjoy herself and we could see her really open up. We became really great friends and later she shared with me that she had never been in such an amazing group of people before. She was super skeptical at first, unsure of why people were so nice, thinking that we just wanted something out of her. But we didn’t. We wanted to freely love her, not expecting anything in return. She had never experienced that type of community before.

We take great time and care towards the things that we prioritize in life. When we recognize the importance and meaningfulness of relationships, then we will shape our life to reflect this value. Relationships take hard work, and they take time. They take vulnerability—a willingness to be open and warm with people. If you are in the midst of a season of loneliness, take this time to reflect on the kind of community you want to be in. Our communities begin to reflect the type of people we are. What type of person do you genuinely want to be and what type of people will that attract? Then begin to shape your life to reflect these values. You must recognize that this type of authentic community doesn’t come overnight. It is a process of perseverance and can take time. This I know for sure. I am thankful for the seasons of loneliness as they taught me a lot about myself. But we were designed to thrive in community with other people, so invest well. When I was single, I had time to invest into my relationship with my girlfriends. I would ask them out for coffee or dinner dates to try different restaurants. Other times I’d offer to help them with projects they were doing, or we’d volunteer at non-profit events together. This furthered the time we spent together, and it helped us to do something that allowed us to care for other people. This is how I pursued community. As someone who is now married, my husband and I invite people over to our house for dinner and games, or to watch movies. We set aside a part of our paycheck so that we can purposefully be generous to other people. No matter the season, this value of relationships is a priority in our life, and we shape our lives and character to reflect that.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Spend some time processing how loneliness can actually be viewed as a gift to you… 1.

What would you want your community to look like?

Who are people that you would want to be in community with? What characteristics about them attract you? Do you possess those same qualities? If not, how could you grow in those areas?

What are areas of your life that you thought would fill your loneliness? Did they end up satisfying you? Why do you think humans feel lonely?

Do you have a relationship in your life (family, friends, boyfriend, etc.) where you have experienced being truly loved for who you are? What did that feel like?

How can you use the time you have now to invest into other relationships?

You can use this season to develop yourself as an individual before needing to care for someone else or needing to be cared for by them. You can find out who you are so that you are secure and confident when someone comes along, knowing that you don’t have to be someone else in order to be someone who can receive their love.

I feel so alone

We all want to have a place to belong. So many of us feel lonely at times, longing for loving connection with others That is a human need—to love and be loved. Sometimes we can feel lonely in a crowd. Did you know even the most famous, successful people can feel lonely? Know that you are not alone in your situation of feeling lonely! Think of someone you could reach out to and share your heart. Think of creative ideas you can act upon to grow and bloom even in the midst of feeling alone!

M IND F UL LET T ERING Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT. ••

she is Brave & Beautiful you!

She Releases. She Stands. She Cries.

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1. Doing a symbolic physical act can help us to

release our tears, anger, unforgiveness, and pain.

Try one of these activities to release forgiveness towards someone you are having difficulty

2. The following activity can help us with the fears we struggle with:

•

Pick a favorite quote addressing fear.

•

Name it! Name the fear you have.

forgiving.

•

Go to a beach or lake and gather rocks along the shore. The rocks symbolize the pain and

unforgiveness you are carrying. Throw the rocks

one by one into the water as far as you can,

releasing your burdens in your mind as each rock leaves your hand.

•

Write your thoughts about forgiveness on a

biodegradable helium-filled balloon. Go outside

and let the balloon go and watch it as it rises to the sky.

•

• Think of a positive step to face your fear and take that step, even if it is a small one.

3. If you realize you have not allowed yourself to

grieve over a loss in your life—take 10-15 minutes

alone each day for a week to think about your loss. During the 15 minutes, you could:

• Journal your feelings and thoughts. •

Write a letter (it will NOT be given to them) to

by choosing to forgive them or express your

desire to be free from unforgiveness. Then, rip the paper up into tiny pieces and throw it into

the trash as a symbol of letting the burden go.

If you lost a loved one, look over old photos or

old letters/emails, and recall fond memories you

shared. Allow yourself to cry.

the person who hurt you and be raw and real in

expressing your anger and pain. End the letter

Read it aloud.

• •

Write a poem or goodbye letter to the person or pet you lost.

Listen to a song that touches your heart in a

good way. Let the tears flow.

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PART 2

You are on a life journey from being hidden to being

Welcome to the next section of Brave and Beautiful

seen, and from seed to bloom. Take a moment to

where you will be encouraged to bloom right where

celebrate every step you make towards maturing and

you are planted and in every season of your life. As you

growing—You were meant to blossom.

bloom, you will encounter resistance to your growth

What does it take for a flower seed to bloom? At first, a seed is hidden. Over time, a seed becomes buried in soil. Then the seed must burst open—but that is just the beginning! The plant then senses the heat from the sunlight above, and the moisture of the soil creates the

—whether it be external trials that come your way or whether you struggle with the turmoil of the rough emotional seas of the heart.

You will

environment for it to push forth outwards and upwards. •

gain strength for the journey—yes you will need it!

•

learn ways to protect your heart so you grow

However, as the plant pushes upward, it meets resistance—the weight of soil that surrounds it. It also

healthy, strong, and tall.

must find a pathway through rubble and rocks that may block its way. That takes perseverance.

•

receive essentials for blooming in every season

The plant also has protective layers in its design as it

of life so you can release your gorgeous color to a

grows. Then, over time, the plant blooms…imagine

sometimes black and white world.

yourself blooming in full color in glorious display.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

She She She

Perseveres Protects Blooms

She Persev

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E PERSEVERES

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must

have perseverance and above

all confidence in ourselves. We

must believe that we are gifted for something and that this

thing must be attained.” MARIE CURIE

JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 11

veres.

DARE TO WALK ON WATER BY SILVIA HOFFMANBECK

ow many times do we hear that unique and unforgettable people are determined to defy the status quo of society, go against the current, and choose the road less traveled? Those people did not only withstand the status quo but by defying the laws of nature, they went against the currents of society, breaking the glass ceiling. They figuratively walked on water! The only thing that set them apart from others is that they dared to be different and did not settle for the status quo. When we go to school, we tend to follow trends. We can start believing society's lies that vanity equals success. Nothing is further from the truth! Open your eyes and look around to see the truth from the lies. Contrary to what society tries to portray, vanity does not equal happiness. On the other hand, a truly victorious life is carved with vision, one step at a time. Dedicate yourself to mastering your talents and passions wherever life finds you. Because there is no perfection in life, we persevere through the storms that come. Learn how to handle problems wisely and work hard to reach your full potential. Be patient and gentle with yourself in the process. Remember that no one is perfect on this earth.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Dare to reach for the stars while understanding that it will require perseverance. Life is not only about the destination. It is also about the process of growing, enjoying the journey, and taking steps forward. Do not doubt yourself, fall into negative peer pressure, or listen to voices that tear you down. You will start sinking when you see yourself through the

mirror of negative comments. It is possible that your ‘best self’ will be able to see how fearless, powerful, and beautiful you are. Looking at yourself in the mirror with true love for yourself will help you to shine. Your beauty can have a lasting effect! Who do you choose to believe? Is it the mirror that does not reflect the actual image of your true self? Or "the mirror

Walking On Water. Painting by Silvia Hoffmanbeck

of your best self" that reflects your power, bravery, and beauty? Do you see your glow from the inside out with joy and confidence? Sometimes as you push through the challenges of life, you need to consider who you are surrounding yourself with. Dare to walk away from unhealthy and abusive people or relationships. I know it is hard to persevere through

the stormy seas of life alone without support. Reach out and receive help from those who are trustworthy and wise. Your future is worth fighting for because 20 years from now, the only one who can help guarantee success is you… in the best version of yourself. It all starts now by making the right choices to become the best person you could ever be. Choose to push forward

despite your fears. Reach for your dreams and full potential, becoming the most extraordinary woman you could have ever dreamed of being. Dare to be your best friend, telling yourself how amazing and strong you are. Persevere through the storms of life and walk on water!

Heartbreak to Hope

BY THAYS LIMA, AUTHOR OF LUST FOR LOVE

Persevering through trials can be an up and down battle at times. We can have the raw emotions of feeling hopeless, deflated, discouraged, fearful, worried, angry or overwhelmed. We can even struggle with tormenting cynical and negative thoughts—after all, we are human! Random thoughts can sometimes swirl through our minds—but they express what is going on inside of us. Sometimes we can feel like taking a mental break and simply sit down and pause in the midst of the journey and ruminate in the observations and conclusions we make about what we see around us. Yet ,we can still speak to ourselves to get up once again to push forward with hope and a dream. This poem expresses the thought process of one brave young woman who journeyed from heartbreak to hope. Maybe you can connect to some of her words.

Nobody is perfect, but perfection is what we strive for.. Right when i really try to; My failures are looking back at me like - “Who are you??” Some people's integrity is going extinct, Never did i think that i'd be in a place where the choices i made, The risks i've taken, have been paid off in patience. Maybe it's the messes, The tests, the long days of being stressed, Not knowing if your friend is really a friend Or a snake slithering in the grass. But heartbreaks make us. They're a chance being given to our soul to replace parts, Being taken from the core of our faint hearts. And fear makes you do things you don't want to do. Questioning in your heart the only thing you know is true. Scared to be yourself, but that was a younger you. What really has changed though, if a front is what you put out too? "Happily married" is something many in our generation don't know about. Many parents are either not together or are but in doubt. Egos are high and true happiness is low. Some stay for the kids until everything explodes.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Generations of structure being broken down. It's not your fault if your parents are still in doubt, But you can't blame them for what you wish to have learned about. Growing up together is something that we should share. Listening with an open mind and not a judgement in your glare. I pray we live with no regrets. The moments we invest need to be selfless, To inspire change in the hearts of the helpless. True love is the only answer because it always wins!

JOURNAL Journal your thoughts about the concept of persevering. Here are some ideas for journaling, but feel free to journal what you want to: • Write about a past experience when you had to persevere through a difficult situation or season. What did you learn from that experience. • Journal about a current challenge you are persevering through. • Write your own poem about perseverance—be creative. Share your raw emotions and thoughts! • Draw a picture of what perseverance looks like to you.

doodle

STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDE TO SUNNY-SIDE-UP BY DAWN O’BRIEN

e are all just children trying to find home. I was nine when my parents got divorced. Done were the years of fights, cold shoulders, unspoken words, and the YELLING! You’d think it would have gotten better, but it was like jumping from a hot sidewalk into lava.

My Mom had custody of me and three little sisters. When we got to the airport, she said goodbye. She had a one-way to California; we were headed to live with her family in a poor country. We soon found ourselves in dark places—hungry, abandoned, bullied, and abused, even sexually. And so alone. There was no help or hope; just bad and worse. DARK PLACES

Many of us experience various types of trauma growing up. Trauma is just a word for intense bad things that happen to good kids and can cause them to make bad choices, like self-harm and suicide, or smoking, drinking, drugging, etc. Toxic stress from these traumas can damage brain development (yikes!) and is linked to mental illness and chronic health problems later in life.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

The CDC (Center for Disease Control) Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the largest research studies that investigated the connection between childhood traumas and later-life health and well-being. This study focused on 10 common traumas naming them Adverse Childhood Experiences known as ACEs. Have you experienced any of the following 10 ACEs? (experienced before a person turns 18 years old)

o Physical Abuse (Were you often

slapped, shoved, grabbed, or ever hit so hard that it left marks or injured you?)

o Emotional abuse (Were you often

sworn at, put down, or humiliated or made to feel afraid of being physically hurt?)

o Sexual Abuse (Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever touch your body in a sexual way or attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?) o Physical Neglect (Did you often not

have enough to eat, have to wear dirty

clothes, have no protection, or were you not given medical attention when you needed it?)

o Psychological neglect (Did you often

feel that nobody in your family loved you or thought you were special, or your family members did not feel close or did not support each other?)

o Addiction (Was anyone in your

household a problem drinker, an alcoholic, or addicted to street drugs?)

o Mental illness (Did a household

member suffer with depression, mental illness or attempt suicide?)

o Your mother treated violently (Did you often witness your mother treated with physical violence or threatened with a weapon?) o Separation/divorce of parents (Did you parents ever get separated or divorced?) o Incarcerated (Did a household member ever go to prison?)

Having ONE is damaging to a child; a high score is four or more. How many do you have? Being mindful of this may

help you to seek healing and resolve root issues in a winning way to possibly avoid health issues later in life. I have nine of the 10, so I joke that I’m a poster child for ACEs. I “aced” the ACEs test, LOL! What’s not funny is the bad choices I made and dark places I ended up. Like jail. Or my darkest and loneliest place: suicide.

SUNNY SIDE UP!

When I turned 14, I was over being a throwaway kid in a dumpster world. I planned my suicide for a Sunday afternoon. I walked into a church and heard a hope-filled message. My life flipped upside-right from death and darkness to life and light. It’s a roller coaster ride as I’m still working it

out…but OH THE RIDE! Friend, you’re reading this for a reason: you need to know that you are valuable beyond the mess and darkness. You DO have a future and a hope, and there IS HELP! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Find a trusted teacher, family member, or school counselor and get help! There are people in your community who care and want to help and support you!

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS

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B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E PROTECTS

Guard your heart and treasure yourself.

JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 12

ects.

GUARDING YOUR HEART BY CHARIS LOGAN

“Guard your heart. It’s a precious thing that not everyone deserves.” UNKNOWN

hen I was a teenager, I’m pretty sure I was the only one who was not allowed to have a boyfriend…and actually didn’t. From even before middle school, my parents had many conversations with my brothers and I about how the purpose of dating is for marriage, so we were not allowed to date until after we graduated from high school. “Just have fun,” they said. “Save yourself the needless heartache and drama. Just have lots of friends of the opposite gender. And guard your heart!” And we listened. Yes, there was a bit of fear in me of getting in trouble, but even more than that, I respected my parents and didn’t ever want anything to get in between us, which I knew a lie of that size would. Although that was in place, it was definitely not easy to fulfill this commitment. I was a “late bloomer” and guys didn’t start to notice me until 9th grade. Up until then I just saw myself as “the friend” and truly didn’t mind it. Of course, all that changed when I started to notice that guys were starting to notice me. Just don’t tell them, they would say. It could be our little secret. But I would confidently stay firm on my decision, to which they’d reply: Well, don’t worry…I’ll wait for you.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

I can’t tell you just how many times I heard that same conversation play out. But what became even more predictable was when they would inevitably grow tired of waiting and move on to the next girl who was ready to be their girlfriend. And yes, it hurt every time. Every. Single. Time.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW TO GUARD YOUR H.E.A.R.T. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DO START DATING:

It was not easy to see and hear about how this guy who seemed so interested in me—who told me that I was beautiful and amazing and worth the wait—was now dating and doing a lot of other unmentionable things with another girl (you know how word gets around). I was crushed.

Honesty

But each time it happened, I grew stronger, and I learned something very important about boys: Never trust what a guy says; trust what he does. Looking back on my teenage years, I can honestly say that I have no regrets when it comes to the guy arena. There’s never a day that I look back and wish that I had disobeyed my parents and dated. Seeing the guy’s true motive and character (after the fact), I’m pretty sure I know how it would’ve ended— needless heartache. I grew up hearing people quote a famous Hebraic Proverb, telling me to “guard my heart,” but I never really knew what that meant. Sure, it sounded good, but what did it actually look like? Only after being well into my adult years did I realize that my experiences of not dating as a teenager actually helped to equip me in guarding my heart. When I started dating, heartache did come along with it, but thankfully (for the most part) it wasn’t needless. You want to guard your heart because it is so precious and valuable. When you do this, a Hebraic Proverb says it will determine the course of your life.

Be honest with yourself and with others. You don’t have to tell the whole world when you are crushing on someone but begin by being honest with yourself! And as this crush starts to evolve, be honest with a few trustworthy individuals. Once you start to hide things, it gets easier to rationalize and justify poor choices, and deceit only leads to a bad relationship.

Emotions come second Your emotions and feelings for someone aren’t necessarily controllable, but your actions are. You may have heard the term “Follow your heart,” but what I like to say in this situation is, “Don’t follow your heart (emotions/feelings), follow your head!” Don’t let your emotions rule you and make the decisions for you. One of the best ways to guard your heart and have a clear head when trying to figure out if this person is for you is to not let the relationship get sexual. I know that it’s hard to not hold hands and hug for hours (and then all the other stuff too)! But trust me, when we get sexually involved, it messes with our head and all of a sudden, things are not so clear anymore.

Allow others in Allow others into your life. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for your relationship. Physical, emotional, and psychological boundaries are all important and you should never feel bad for setting them. But the truth is that boundaries are always hard to keep! This is why we need other people involved in our lives—no person was meant to be an island.

Get someone that you respect, love and want to imitate to help keep you accountable to the boundaries that you set. I believe that accountability starts with YOU. Accountability is taking ownership for our actions and allowing someone else to know about it. You may have heard the phrase “Don’t ask, don’t tell” but with accountability, the phrase should be “Don’t ask, DO tell.” This basically means that even if your “accountability partner” isn’t asking all the hard questions, you have assumed the responsibility to share ALL. Just because they didn’t ask the right question doesn’t mean that you don’t share it. Another good way to determine if this person is the one for you is to have others around. Let this person hang out with your friends and hang out with theirs. This is a good way to see how this person interacts with others. Does this person act the same way with different groups of friends? That will reveal a lot about their character.

Risk management High Risk Management is a business term that is used when a business is venturing out and it basically means that before they make any big decisions or changes, they must consider all the RISKS (e.g., liability, accidents, uncertainty in economy and finances, natural disasters, etc.). The same thing should be implemented in the process of a relationship. Because your heart is so precious, you should

take into considerations all the RISKS. Taking it to the next level could jeopardize your friendship, you risk getting your heart broken, or maybe people talking about you. It’s wisdom to consider all the risks before making a big decision like this.

Trust the process Taking things slowly may seem very insecure and scary but know that you can TRUST THE PROCESS. Are you just trying to not be single or are you trying to be in a meaningful, longlasting relationship? If your desire is the latter, you can trust the process. You don’t have to be afraid of your partner losing feelings for you, because if there really is something special there, it will only grow stronger! Part of this process is working on yourself. Be proactive in studying and learning signs of a healthy relationship versus being in a controlling or co-dependent relationship. Lastly, we all have an idea of what we want in a partner. If you’re like how I was, my “list” was VERY long lol! Patient, kind, strong, healthy…having a list is good, but I want to challenge you to BE WHAT YOU WANT. We can have a list that goes on forever, but we need to BE all of those things before putting that expectation on someone else. So, trust the process and work on YOU. Let a person who is worthy of your heart work hard to prove their worthiness. You are precious and loved and deserving of only the best!

KNOW THE SIGNS! BY MICHELE OKIMURA You may recognize many of the following names: Reese Witherspoon Rhianna Oprah Winfrey

Tina Turner

Whitney Houston

Gwyneth Paltrow

Halle Berry

Mariah Cary

Madonna

Charlize Theron

What do these celebrities have in common? They were all at one time the victim in an abusive relationship. Becoming involved in an abusive relationship is more common than you think! I recently had coffee with a girlfriend who shared about her abusive boyfriend that she had as a young adult woman. Her boyfriend had been mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive towards her for years. She eventually got out of it, but she went through a long journey of healing. She now works in a business office along with several other young adult women co-workers. She shared that she observed her coworkers’ behavior over many months—like how they would nervously rush to answer their phone and other behaviors she used to have when she was in an abusive relationship. She had her suspicions… and her hunches proved correct as over time, 11 of the women confessed they were in abusive relationships with their boyfriends! She tried to be of help to them. Wow. It can be that common.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

One key way to avoid being involved in an abusive relationship is to learn what makes up a healthy relationship. Invest in learning what a healthy, respectful, honoring, loving relationship looks like! You might wonder, well why on earth would someone get involved with an abusive partner? The relationship typically does not begin that way. Usually, the new friend is initially kind, friendly, charming, and loving. So, you can see how a person can get easily bonded to their new partner—even fall in love in the beginning stages of their relationship. KNOW THE SIGNS

This article is written to equip you to protect yourself from getting involved in an abusive relationship—and to seek help if you are in one. Another reason for this article is that maybe you are a friend of someone who may be in an abusive relationship, and you can do your part to help in some way—even if it is to encourage your abused friend to get help to leave their toxic relationship. It is best to be aware of the early signs of an abusive relationship, since it is easier to leave a controlling, abusive relationship early on rather than after a long period of time. If you are in an abusive relationship, you may find yourself often feeling fearful, anxious, hopeless, shame, confused, depressed, and guilty in the relationship. You may also suffer with nightmares due to the trauma you are experiencing.

Warning Signs

• The person displays a violent temper and physically hurts you in anger. • Displays cruelty to animals or children. MENTAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE

This happens when a person is controlling, manipulating, and intimidating in the relationship. This type of abuse causes the victim to feel mental stress and fear. Warning Signs

• A little jealousy can be normal, but extreme jealousy is a red flag. They are possessive and always want to know where you are and who you are with. • They have a very bad temper. They yell and swear when angry. • They act like they know what is best for you. • They want you to focus on their needs and how they feel, showing little or no concern for your needs and how you feel. • They try to isolate you from your friends and family over time, so they have you to themselves. • They ‘silence’ your voice and you don’t get to have a say in a lot of matters. They don’t respect your opinions. • They act like they can do no wrong and nothing is their fault.

There are 3 main types of abuse:

• They blame you for their behavior and think they can act the way they do because they are justified.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

• They twist the truth making you question your recollections.

This happens when a person is physically hurt through means such as kicking, hitting, choking or pinching.

• There is growing control over your life such as how you dress, your schedule, and your activities. In

HOW TO SUPPORT A FRIEND IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

extreme cases, even permission to go to the restroom is required by the abuser. • They try to manipulate you by threats to harm themself. They may even threaten to kill themself if you leave them or don’t do what they ask. Remember, you are not their savior. Such behavior is a sign they need more professional help. • They threaten to hurt you or hurt someone you care about if you do not do what they want you to do. • They ridicule, criticize, and put down you down regularly. They are sarcastic. • They publicly humiliate you. • They act nice to you when they want something. Sometimes they act very nice after abusing you, but the ‘niceness’ only lasts for a time before they are abusive once again. SEXUAL ABUSE

This can happen in nonconsensual or unwanted sexual behaviors. Warning Signs

• You are forced to watch pornography when you don’t want to. • Your partner inappropriately touches you and forces you to have sex (rape) without your consent.

It can be a challenge and bit tricky to know how to help a friend who you suspect or know of who is in an abusive relationship. The main thing is to be there to support them. Let them know you are there should they want to leave the relationship. You can be a resource to them for outside professional help in helping them to leave the relationship safely. It is ultimately their choice to leave the relationship or not. Yet, you can be a supportive friend in the process.

LEAVING THE RELATIONSHIP CAN BE THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME If you are in an abusive relationship, many times leaving the relationship can be a most dangerous time due to threats to harm you or those you care about. The abuser may very well carry out their threats, so it is important to get professional and expert help in creating and implementing a safe plan for you to leave. Advocate for yourself and your needs. Look for resources and find people you can safely share with and ask for help. You are not alone! You do not have to go through this by yourself. Look into counseling and support services. You deserve to be treated with honor and respect, brave and beautiful one!

WHERE TO GET HELP

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. 1-800-799-7233

• Your partner makes you feel guilty or fearful if you don’t comply to their demands—they manipulate you with their words to get you to do what they want. • Your partner forcibly takes off your clothes or makes you do things sexually that you don’t want to do.

In the same way, if we are striving to be good, lovely, and admirable people we have to be careful about what we add or mix into our minds and hearts. Zig Ziglar, a well-known motivational speaker, says it this way:

“You are what you are and where you are because of what has gone into your mind. You can change what you are and where you are by changing what goes into your mind.”

HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!

Protecting Your Heart BY ELISA NAKAMURA

Whenever I am in a new situation: moving to a new town, starting a new job, joining a new group, this cake has been a sure-fire way to make new friendships! Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees F˚

1 1 3 8 ½ 1

box chocolate cake mix (devil's food or regular chocolate) box chocolate pudding mix large eggs ounces sour cream cup oil cup water

Put all ingredients together in a bowl and mix until combined (batter may be slightly lumpy). Add 2 cups chocolate chips & mix. Spray a bundt pan with non-stick spray, then pour batter evenly into the pan. Bake for 1 hour, turn the oven off and open the door slightly. Allow the cake to remain in the oven for another hour with the heat off.

To serve: Remove cake from the oven and place a plate face down over the top so

that it covers the entire pan. Flip the pan & plate over together and remove the pan just before serving. This cake is rich enough to serve without icing, but if you want you can heat 1 cup of chocolate chips and 1/2 cup of whipping cream on low, whisking gently until a creamy chocolate glaze forms. Drizzle this over the cake before serving.

Optional: Go into the yard and get a teeny tiny piece of dog poop and add it to your

batter. No one will ever see it or even taste it. It will just be your little secret.

Wait! No! Who would ever ever do that? Of course you wouldn't want to make or

eat anything like that! Gross! You only want good, wholesome and delicious things in your cake, right?

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

So, we need to be selective about what we allow ourselves to watch, listen to and contemplate. We may tell ourselves, “Well it's only this one horror movie” or “That pornography is just my little secret” or “the sarcastic angry YouTuber is just funny.” But all of that is going into the mix of our souls. Mahatma Ghandi said, “True beauty consists of purity of heart.” Protecting what comes in through the windows of our eyes and ears—being picky about what you let into your mind and heart is a smart move. But what if you already have a bunch of junk in there? Good news—unlike a cake batter that’s already been mixed, there is a way to get the junk out of us. Just as you eat and wash every day, you can be deliberate about feeding your mind with good, noble, and admirable ideas. Additionally, you can work to “clean out” your mind by refusing to go over and over a past mistake in your mind; you can refuse to let the voices in your head tear you down. When those damaging thoughts start running around in your head, try saying out loud, “I am so grateful that I am not the person I used to be. I can learn from the past, but it doesn’t define me. I am excited about who I am becoming.” Choose to pour courageous, kind, wholesome, generous, and beautiful ideas into yourself. Now that’s a sweet recipe!

“

Love everyone, but don’t give your heart to just anyone. Your heart is not a gift, it is the prize. DR. TOYIN OMOFOYE

“Bloom where you are planted.” ANONYMOUS

She Bloom

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B RAVE & B EAUTI FU L JOU RN EY: SH E B LOO MS

JOU RN EY 02 • CHAPTER 13

ms.

Blooming in Every Season of Life. Painting by Elisa Nakamura

Draw yourself as a flower.

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

blooming in your season. H

knowing YOUR SEASON!

ow would you describe the season you are in now?

Spring blossoms? Like the intense pinks and reds of tulips? Falling orange and yellow maple leaves—or a wintry breeze? Or is it like a warm summery day drinking lemonade? Let your imagination speak.

Sometimes we don’t realize the season we are in and can take things into our own hands to control the situation! But the truth is, it can be too heavy a burden to try to control circumstances or people. This will cause anxiety, fear, and stress in our lives.

Doodle what season you are in now. Reflect why you identify with that season.

Are you in a season of learning? Resting? Persevering? Hardship? Waiting? When

you can realize what season you are in, it can help you to make the most of your situation and be patient with yourself.

“There is purpose in your season of waiting.” MEGAN SMALLEY

It is OK if things take time.

“Be aware of what season you are in and give yourself the grace to be there.” KRISTEN DALTON

“There is a season for everything under the sun—even when we can’t see the sun.” JARED BROCK

ACTIVITY

In each box, write a word or phrase, description, or sketch with a short interpretation of what each season means to you. How would you define each season for yourself?

WINTER

SPRING

SUMMER

FALL

“EVERY NEW SEASON OF YOUR LIFE WILL BE AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO LEARN AND GROW. DON'T CELEBRATE THE GOOD WITHOUT CELEBRATING THE BAD BECAUSE THEY BOTH WORK TOGETHER TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE NEXT SEASON OF YOUR LIFE.” THERESA LEWIS

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

“IF MY BODY WERE A TREE TRUNK, THE RINGS WOULD SURELY REVEAL THE TIME IT HAS HAD TO MATURE.” - ROBERT M. HENSEL

RINGS AND THINGS BY MICHELE OKIMURA

rees are amazing historians. They are like timekeepers, recording time. The rings of a tree reveal not only the length of its life, but recounted through its patterns and intricate designs is the record of its journey through life. • Moments of painful injury. • Times of persevering through the fires. • The years when it drank up the overflow of refreshing rain. • The years when the tree endured the painful push and strain to survive during times of dryness and lack. Yet the unique designs of the tree rings display a kind of beauty divine when looked at altogether. The shape of the

rings reminds us that the place which may seem like the sad ending may also be the beginning of something new and fresh. It actually could be the start of the next big thing in your life that causes you to bloom further! Like a tree, we grow season by season, adding a new layer to our lives each year. We become stronger and can bloom in new ways. Like the tree, you were not meant to have rings that look the same, even, and uninterrupted. Reflect on your past experiences. You have a history worth remembering. There is a glorious, brave beauty that is unveiled in your rings, the chapters of your life!

REFLECTION ACTIVITY

What do the various seasons of life express to you?

Spring

often represents new life. Winter has melted away, there is new growth, flower buds, and green sprouts. What does the spring season mean to you?

Summer

days can mean the freedom of vacation time, summer berries, and days basking in the warm sun. What does the summer season mean to you?

Fall

leaves can represent change and transition—the old leaves fall away making way for winter—yet what a vibrant

show fall leaves display! What does the fall season mean to you?

Winter

time can mean different things—like a time of rest when many plants and animals hibernate. It could also mean the festivities and fellowship of the holidays, or a time of chilly loneliness for some. What does the winter season mean to you?

Journal and describe a spring season you once had, sharing what you learned and how you grew.

Journal and describe a summer season you once had, sharing what you learned and how you grew.

Journal and describe a fall season you once had, sharing what you learned and how you grew.

Journal and describe a winter season you once had, sharing what you learned and how you grew.

WISDOM FROM EVERY SEASON What do you consider your biggest mistakes in life so far?

What were some lessons you learned from them? Wisdoms gained?

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

essentials for blooming: Keep a water bottle with you whenever possible! Add zing! You can add flavor to your water with:

Here are some preparation tips that can help ready your brain for good night’s sleep:

• slices of any citrus fruits (or juices)

• Don’t look at online devices or watch T.V. 30-60 minutes before you go to sleep. Researchers have found that exposure to the blue light that radiates from devices stimulates the brain and makes you less sleepy. Read something enjoyable instead!

• slices of cucumber or mint leaves • berries

EAT. DRINK.

Hydration! All living things from the tiniest bacteria to the largest elephant need water to survive. Drinking fresh water is essential for self-care and a healthy body so that you can bloom! How much water should you drink? Many experts say at least 6-8 cups per day is minimum! Benefits of drinking water: • It can improve your brain function and mood (When dehydrated, you can experience brain fog and feel grouchy!) • It can help lower your sugar cravings. (Too much sugar can weaken your immune system making you more vulnerable to illness.) • It can help improve your physical performance and energy levels. • It can help minimize headaches. (Dehydration can cause headaches.) • It helps prevent bladder infections and constipation! • It can help you maintain your weight. Not to be TMI, but how do you know if you are drinking enough water? If your urine is a pale yellow, this is usually a good sign you are hydrated.

Ok...so you may like your sweets and fast foods… and maybe you really don’t like fresh vegetable salads and fruit. But eating clean and healthy has a direct effect on our emotional, mental, and physical health! Even though the experts have conflicting opinions on how much protein we should eat or whether we should be gluten free, we do know that cutting down on our sugar intake, eating less processed foods, and eating more fresh vegetables and fruits is healthy. We can train our palate to enjoy eating healthy! The less sweets we eat, the less we will crave it.

“Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments.” BETHENNY FRANKEL

• Aim to go to sleep and wake up at the same time to get into a rhythm. • Get out in the sunlight! Some researchers have found that people who got more of the morning sun tended to fall asleep faster and wake up less compared to those who got less morning sun. Consider taking a walk for 10-15 minutes in the early morning sun. • Don’t drink caffeine late in the day. • Refrain from taking a long nap during the day! • Improve your bedroom environment so it is comfortable and conducive for a good night’s sleep. Reduce the noise (get earplugs if you must). Your body was created to sleep in the dark so make your room as dark as possible.

SLEEP.

Are you a night owl? Getting enough sleep is vital for your health! Plants and animals alike take time to rest and well…sleep, so to speak. A good night’s sleep restores and refreshes your body. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine has recommended that teenagers should sleep 8–10 hours per day! But it is not only the quantity of sleep, but the quality of sleep that is important as well.

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” IRISH PROVERB

There are so many times and seasons we go through. The following are just some examples. There is a time and season:

• to prepare and a time to maintain.

• to throw away and a time to gather up.

• to take apart and a time to put back together.

• to fight and a time for peace.

• to detach and a time to embrace.

• to be born and a time to pass away.

• to weep and a time to laugh.

• to be silent and a time to use your voice.

• to work hard and a time to rest.

• to break and a time to repair.

JOURNAL THIS It can be helpful to acknowledge the season you are in. Knowing your current season can bring understanding and a level of embracing this time. Looking at the bold phrases aboves, what season do you think you are in? You can choose a phrase above or use your own words to describe the season you are in. Why did you describe your current season this way?

ONE DAY AT A TIME

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

flourish.

M IND F UL LET T ERING Trace the lettering - it does not have to be perfect! Enjoy the process of creative lettering

BRAVE & BEAUTIFUL

Action Steps

YOU GO GIRL! LET’S WALK IT OUT. she is Brave & Beautiful you!

••

She Perseveres. She Protects. She Blooms.

CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS STEPS: 1. Purchase a flowering plant or buy seeds to grow a flowering plant. Follow the care instructions as

best you can. Use this plant as a reminder to bloom where you are! Whether you are successful or not

in growing the plant—it's ok! You just might discover you enjoy caring for plants!

4. Once you start dating, it can be especially helpful to create safe, appropriate boundaries to guard your

heart and relationship so it is as healthy as can be.

Consider interviewing successful couples you know

of who you admire and glean wisdom from them on what makes a great relationship and what can be helpful. Consider having a mentor support you as

2. Find a quote that encourages you to not give up!

you navigate your relationship.

Frame it or put it on a post-it note where you will see it regularly. Commit it to memory!

3. Think of someone you know going through a

challenging time. Write a card of encouragement

and give it to them—or send a text expressing that you are there for them and encourage them with your favorite quote about perseverance.

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M IND F UL C OLORING

“

ROYAL CROWNS ARE WORN BY ROYAL PRINCESSES. YOU ARE DESERVING OF HONOR. YOU ARE CROWNED WITH HONOR AND BEAUTY BECAUSE YOU ARE A SPECIAL AND VALUABLE TREASURE. WALK AS SOMEONE DESERVING OF HONOR AND RESPECT! THIS IS YOU. YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

S PA C E TO P RAC T IC E, D RAW, OR JOURNAL :

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