Brave & Bold: FAITH VERSION: VOL 2

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GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

JOURNEY

FOR GUYS OF FAITH

DIG DEEPER

The Quest to Dig Deeper Welcome to your Brave & Bold Journey 2—a unique path with solid stepping stones to strengthen you on this adventure you are on. Life is not a sprint but a marathon. The topics in Journey 2 will support you for the rest of your life as you seek to establish some building blocks of emotional health.

The strong root system of a grand fruit tree is important for its health and longevity, enabling it to bear loads of good fruit. You are like this tree. We want to help you nourish a great root system so you will not just survive but thrive in life with the sweet fruits of personal growth, success, and healthy, positive relationships!

We challenge you to approach Journey 2 with an open heart and a willingness to learn and grow— which takes courage and grit. Be prepared to be surprised, challenged, empowered, affirmed, and transformed. You may experience healing moments from past pain, opening the door to newfound freedom, perspectives, hope, and joy.

Know that your Heavenly Father is dedicated to turning everything you go through into something that makes you brave and bold so you can step into life knowing how much you are worth. You were meant to be part of a caring community where you can build each other up and grow together. This is His plan for you.

As you ‘dig deeper,’ may each article and activity give you the refreshing water and nourishment you need so you can finish in victory!

With gratitude, The Brave & Bold Team

BRAVE & BOLD Copyright © 2025 Releasing Generations Published by Releasing Generations Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

All articles, art, and photographs have been published and printed with the permission of their creators.

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are taken from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the Holy Scriptures, Tree of Life Version*. Copyright © 2014,2016 by the Tree of Life Bible Society. Used by permission of the Tree of Life Bible Society.

Scripture quotations marked (NIrV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Reader’s Version®, NIrV® Copyright © 1995, 1996, 1998, 2014 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIrV” and “New International Reader’s Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ Art Direction and Graphic Design by: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and iStockphoto.

TheBraveSeries.com Through The Brave Series, we are on a mission to help youth and adults of all ages overcome insecurities about their value and purpose. The Brave Series empowers teens and adults to:

The Brave Series is a publication of Explicit Movement, one of three facets of the Releasing Generations organization. You can learn more about Explicit Movement at Explicitmovement.org

• Grow in confidence and emotional health.

Our leadership team has decades of combined experience working with, serving, and supporting teens, young adults, parents, community leaders, and church leaders within many denominations locally and globally.

• Gain wisdom and vision for their future, enabling them to step into their purpose and pursue their dreams.

• Become aware and equipped to safeguard themselves and others from exploitation and sex trafficking victimization.

You are not alone in your struggles.

Learn more at TheBraveSeries.com or visit us at ReleasingGenerations.org

Brave & Bold Volume 02 (Faith) – 1/2025

FOR GUYS OF FAITH

DIG DEEPER

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The Journey: 02

Journey

Journey

HE IS BRAVE & BOLD Defining What is Brave & Bold

LET IT GO .................................. 08 The Value of Forgiveness

KNOW YOURSELF Becoming Self-Aware

GOOD GRIEF .............................. 22 Dealing with Losses in Life

STAND FIRM Being Secure and Confident

UNRAVELLING EMOTIONS ........... 36 Navigating Anger, Fear, and Anxiety

CONNECTING WITH GOD Growing in Relationship with God

STAY THE COURSE ...................... 52 Persevering Through Hardships

YOUR DESIGN Discovering Your Uniqueness

PARENTS AND YOU ..................... 68 Exploring the Impact of Parents

BORN TO CREATE Activating Your Creativity

FORGED IN COMMUNITY ............. 82 The Value of Belonging to a Community

Discover Purpose

Dig Deeper

FREEDOM TO DREAM Dreaming Big for Your Life

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Dig Deeper

Journey

Journey

BUILDING YOUR CORE Establishing Character

PORNOGRAPHY The Negative Effects of Pornography

VALUES TO LIVE BY Embracing Key Values for Success

OVERCOMING TRAUMA Understanding Trauma

LEADERSHIP Becoming an Effective Leader

SEX ABUSE Addressing Sexual Abuse

FRIENDSHIP Building Healthy Friendships

SEX TRAFFICKING Protect Yourself and Others from Victimization

GUYS AND GIRLS Honoring Girls and Women

RISING STRONG Onward with Vision and Purpose

HE PROTECTS Guarding, Defending, and Supporting Others

THE BROTHERHOOD The Value of Men Arising

Develop Foundation

Daring Pursuit

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How’s Your Heart?

“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

Mathew 5:8 MSG

How is your soul doing? What is going on in your inner world?

We are more multifaceted than the eye can see. Caring about how we appear to the world is not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing, but do we ever take a look at what is on our inside and invest in our own emotional health? Our soul is made up of our mind, will, emotions, thoughts, attitudes, character, and even our moral makeup—in other words, our inner world.

The purpose of these next three chapters, Let it Go, Good Grief, and Unravelling Emotions, is to support you in navigating the negative emotions of anger, fear, and sadness. These common emotions are often ‘stuffed’ and handled in unhealthy ways that can affect us for years to come—and even our physical health over time.

Despite our cultural or family influences, we all have the potential to grow and heal emotionally and mentally, paving the way for a brighter future.

The last three chapters are related to emotional health as well. You will be strengthened to persevere through challenges, navigate issues with your parents whether they are present in your life or not, and embrace the value of being a part of a loving community.

This next article by Brandon Ahu will help prepare you to embark on this transformative journey of self-discovery.

THE CLOSET OF OUR HEART.

by Brandon Ahu

I hated cleaning my room as a kid. It was one of those things that my mom always threw at me if I ever asked to go out and play with my friends. “Did you clean your room?” was the question that would sentence me to at least 45 minutes of putting away things that had been thoughtlessly thrown across my floor, desk, and bed.

But one day, I cracked the code—rather than take the time to clean my room and go through everything, I just stuffed it all in my closet and closed the door! Problem solved! So, in the closet they went: toys, books, papers, shoes, backpack, dirty clothes, and used dishes. Every time my mom told me to clean my room, I got it done

What is not revealed cannot be healed.

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in less than 5 minutes. The floor, desk, and bed were clean, and I could go out and hang out with my friends.

wants to set you free from these things, but you must be willing to bring them into the light.

Everything was great, and my room looked amazing— until the closet got too full, and I couldn’t close the door. Even worse, a funny smell started coming from the closet. One thing about dirty clothes and used dishes is that you can only keep them hidden for so long. The smell started to creep out into other parts of my room.

Here’s what John 3:19-20 NIV says: This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.

Of course, my mom found out. And it wasn’t pretty. I had to soak and wash my dirty clothes multiple times to get the smells out, and some just had to be thrown away since they were so gross. Not to mention the dried-milk cereal bowls, old cups of orange juice, and caked-on cheese that wouldn’t come off the nacho plate I had last month. It was a catastrophe. Unloading the mess that I’d stuffed away in my closet for months took longer than if I had just dealt with things the right way.

Doesn’t this sound like hiding? IT IS! But keep reading, there’s good news: But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. John 3:21 NIV Even if you feel like what you’ve done is not good, God can handle that. He sees it all anyway. Nothing is outside of his sight, so we might as well bring it to him. All of it.

The good, the bad, and the ugly, as they say. Why would we do this? Because…

Sometimes, we treat our lives like I treated my room.

We all want a life that looks clean and well put together.

But messes happen to all of us. Rather than dirty clothes or used dishes, our messes can come in the form of thoughts, feelings, or habits that we just don’t want to deal with. Intrusive negative thoughts. Feelings of deep anger or rejection. Disappointment that something didn’t happen how we wanted it to. Hurt and pain toward a loved one, or even guilt and shame over things we’ve done that we’re not proud of. Adding sexual sin to all of this makes it even worse.

What is revealed gets healed.

And the opposite is true as well: What is not revealed cannot be healed. Yes, it takes courage to face it and bring it into the light. But don’t forget that it’s in the light that Jesus can forgive your sins, clean out the closet of your heart, and help you to walk in freedom.

We can easily think, “If anyone knew about this, they wouldn’t want to be around me.” So we ignore these feelings and try to distract ourselves with everything else: friends, video games, sports, social media—anything is better than the stuff we’re feeling now. We stuff our feelings away into the corners of our hearts. Where they sit there. And start to smell. And make other things in our lives smell.

Here’s what John says in his letter, found later in the Bible: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. – 1 John 1:7 NIV Don’t be afraid to deal with the things you are ashamed of. Jesus brings us life, freedom, and purity if we’re willing to open the closet of our hearts to him.

We were never made to live like this. Although it’s tough and may take a little longer, we must deal with what we are thinking and feeling. Don’t let unresolved issues and feelings sabotage the future that God has for you. He

“Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.”

Sarah Dessen

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“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT

Chapter 01

Let it go

How easy is it to get offended? Irritated?

Hurt by people’s actions or words?

But remember, forgiveness is always within our reach with God’s help. Forgiving yourself and others is part of the pathway to healing, wholeness, freedom, and joy in life. Open your heart and mind to the articles and stories in this chapter that will empower you to forgive, even when it is difficult.

It is the Lord’s desire for you to not only receive forgiveness but also be one to release forgiveness to others with His heart of mercy and grace.

Offenses are an inevitable part of life.

Even Jesus acknowledged this fact: “Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come...” in Luke 17:1 NKJV

Let’s grow deeper roots in the good soil of love and forgiveness.

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THE GREAT CHOICE.

by Jason Lehfeldt

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.”

Nelson Mandela

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Remember that time recently when someone’s words or actions made you feel annoyed, really angry, hurt, or just left out? Maybe they criticized you or yelled at you?

I bet you don't need to think too far back, probably just a day or two, to find a moment when someone’s actions got to you. It’s something we all deal with as part of our everyday reality.

Forgiveness is for our benefit so we can be free from the chains of unforgiveness. Holding on to unforgiveness can torment us mentally and emotionally, stealing away our joy and peace. Over time, holding on to bitterness can also increase our risk of suffering from physical health issues.

Forgiveness typically can be given fairly easily and quickly for minor hurts or irritations. Minor hurts are like getting a pinprick on your finger—it irritates, but it is easier to let go of.

Unfortunately, we do life every day with imperfect people. People will mess up, have bad days, or lose their temper. Sometimes, people can simply irritate us.

While other times, people can deeply wound our hearts in traumatic experiences.

As men, we can go through serious, traumatic experiences—like betrayal, abuse, or humiliation—that leave deep scars. A deep hurt feels like a knife through your heart. It is wounding and very painful. Forgiving deep hurts is a process that often involves getting help from others—don’t be afraid or ashamed to reach out to a pastor, church leader, professional counselor, or trusted mentor. It can take time to forgive someone and feel completely free from the pain. Be patient with yourself.

Let me share with you something I didn't learn until I was much older. These negative, hurtful events will change you. However, you get to decide if it's for better or worse. You choose. Let me explain.

Think about an older person, like an uncle, grandparent, or church leader, who you really enjoy being around.

They are loving, caring, supportive, and fun. Sure, they have a bad day here and there, but that's not the norm.

Like peeling an onion, sometimes our hurts find their roots in past experiences. God heals us layer by layer.

Ask God for help to forgive. God knows our hearts and is our Great Comforter in our pain, anger, and hurt.

Then, there are those other people. Some are crabby, complaining, and just not happy. Some people are seriously mean, abusive, manipulating others to get what they want, and just not safe to be around. These kinds of people didn’t become that way overnight; it’s been a gradual change over time that made them who they are today.

In the end, forgiveness is a choice.

The challenging truth.

There is another motivating factor in pursuing forgiveness. Jesus commands us to forgive.

So, your first choice to make is this. Of the kinds of people just described, what kind of person do you want to become?

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” – Matthew 6:14-15 NLT

What is an important key to living a happier life, having better, healthier relationships, and more fulfilling careers?

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." – Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT

It is in becoming a person who can forgive.

WAIT WHAT?! This sounds difficult and, at times, downright impossible. But let me assure you, anything God instructs us to do, He also will empower us to do!

Sometimes, it can seem easier to stuff the hurts and avoid thinking about them. But then we become the walking wounded without realizing it.

Forgiveness is very important to God.

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Know that God is pleased with a heart that pursues forgiveness and healing. He desires to restore you and make you whole through forgiveness. God heals our hearts in unique, creative, and unexpected ways.

Freedom awaits you!

At this point in my life, I am convinced that forgiving others is the best way to live. Don't let the actions of others negatively affect your life and who you are.

Forgive others and reap the rewards of being a caring, compassionate, peace-filled person.

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

Some common misconceptions about what forgiveness is:

1. “I should deny or ignore my hurt and anger.” In the forgiveness process, especially for deep hurts, it is normal to feel hurt and, at times, even angry. We should not deny or ‘stuff’ our negative feelings but ask God and others for help in working through and releasing those feelings.

2. “If I forgive, I’m saying what they did was OKAY and not wrong.” This is not what forgiveness is about at all. Forgiving someone starts with fully acknowledging that what they did was wrong and that it hurt you.

3. “They don’t deserve my forgiveness.” Lots of times, we wait for someone to apologize or show they feel sorry before we forgive them. But here’s the deal: forgiving is more about helping yourself in the long run. If you don’t forgive, it’s like staying stuck in a whirlpool of emotions; it lets the other person keep control over you. When you forgive, that’s when you take back your peace of mind. And, hey, just a reminder, we do not always deserve God’s forgiveness either—yet He forgives us.

4. “If I forgive, they’ll just hurt me again.” Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or welcoming the person back into your life. Forgiveness allows you to clear your head and heart so you can think clearly and decide whether restoring the relationship is the next right step. Most of the time, it is, but not always.

5. “I need to trust the person again.” You can forgive someone, but that does not mean that you need to be in a relationship with them or that you must now trust them.

Regaining your trust can take time. Seek godly wisdom.

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Let’s get started.

Steps in the forgiveness process The following are three helpful, easy-to-remember steps to take when forgiving someone who has hurt you. Remember, forgiveness is a process.

1. Get in touch with your feelings and ask God for forgiveness. To get started, find a way to express your thoughts and feelings. Share your heart with God and a trusted person.

If you have unforgiveness, rage, or judgment in your heart, you could pray something like this: “God, please forgive me for holding onto all of this anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, and hatred towards this person. I want to be free from all this turmoil in my heart and mind. I give all these feelings to you right now.”

“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” 1 John 1:9 NLT 2. Forgive the person in prayer: Forgiveness doesn’t mean we go to the person who hurt us and tell them, “I forgive you.” It’s all about turning to God and choosing to forgive. When we forgive, we are choosing to let go and release the hurtful things done or said to us into God’s hands. Forgiving is an act of faith. When we forgive, we say, “God, I trust you to handle this.”

Forgive the person in prayer. Imagine the person in front of you. This envisioning can help our hearts release unforgiveness more genuinely. Speak forgiveness to the person as if he/ she were right there.

Let’s do it right now. If you’re ready, pray something like: “God, I choose right now to forgive (Name of the person) , I forgive you for (name what they said or did that left you feeling hurt.) . ” Get specific with God and tell Him exactly what you forgive them for.

If you still feel angry or hurt, that is okay. Remember, healing is a process.

3. One last thing. Bless the person in prayer. Pray that God will bless the person who hurt you. God will continue to heal and restore your heart to peace as you ask Him to do something good for the person’s life who hurt you.

Think about jotting down one to a few positive hopes for that person, like hoping they get the help they need to improve or that they’ll turn their life around. Even if it’s tough, aim to pray for the best for them. If it feels hard, take it easy on yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Having positive hopes for them can be a sign of progress and victory for your own healing process.

“Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.”

Romans 12:14 NLT

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ACTIVIT Y A PRAYER FOR FORGIVENESS AND RELEASING NEGATIVE JUDGMENTS. The prayer below is a great tool to help you along your healing journey. Before praying this prayer, take a few minutes to make a list of the negative words you would use to describe the person who offended you:

Although these words may ring true, these judgments prevent you from seeing this person through God’s eyes of grace and honor.

The following prayer will help you to forgive and release your negative judgments to the Lord. Don’t rush. Take your time as you pray. Know that God is your Helper!

“Heavenly Father, I forgive (Name of the person who offended you) for (say what he/she did or said that hurt you) ” “Please forgive me for holding anger, hatred, and bitterness towards (name of person). Forgive me for having an unloving attitude, for holding onto unforgiveness, and for anything I said or did that was not right. Deep down, I have been really hurt. I give all the pain in my heart to you.”

“Heavenly Father, please forgive me for any devaluing labels and negative judgments I put on (Name of person) . ” (*Repeat the prayer sentence below, once for each negative word you wrote in the blanks above until you covered each word. For example, if one of the words you listed was ‘rude’ describing someone named Joe, you would say, “Lord, please forgive me for judging Joe as rude.” Go through each judgment word one by one in prayer.)

“Lord, please forgive me for judging (Name of person) as (name negative descriptive word/judgment) . ” When done, pray, “Lord, help me to see this person as you see this person.”

(Take a minute to ask God how He sees this person. God may whisper into your mind some words that evoke compassion and mercy in your heart, positive words, or a positive picture that symbolizes their value. If nothing comes to mind, ask the Lord to show you how He sees him/her in the coming days.)

Pray, “Father, thank you for forgiving me. I now bless (Name of person who you forgave) . I pray that they will know you and be transformed by you. May your perfect will be done in this relationship. Give me your heart of understanding and compassion towards this person. Please continue to guide me in your ways of love, wisdom, and forgiveness.”

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POWER CLEAN YOUR HEART! The enemy of our souls loves to trap, torment, and pile accusations upon us... in the darkness. Our hearts can have closets that we hide and stuff things in that we don't want to deal with. But in those hidden places, they fester.

There is an answer that can help! Confess your faults and struggles to a trusted fellow believer!

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” – James 5:16 NIV Do you know any righteous people? A righteous person is basically a person who has excellent godly character, and is loving and trustworthy. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you to the right person to confess your failures and struggles to. Yes, it can be scary because you don't want to be judged, but confession helps to bring victory and freedom from shame and ushers in God's healing light!

Confessing your mess-ups, struggles, and sins takes courage and risk, but oh! The healing and freedom that it can bring! Journaling your thoughts can help as a baby step toward confessing to a person—like a confession to yourself and to God. You could even use your journal entry as a reference when you decide to confide in someone.

Ask the Lord to forgive you and then receive his forgiveness.

Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be—you get a fresh start, your slate’s wiped clean. Count yourself lucky—God holds nothing against you and you’re holding nothing back from him. When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became daylong groans. The pressure never let up; all the juices of my life dried up. Then I let it all out; I said, “I’ll come clean about my failures to God.” Suddenly the pressure was gone—my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared. – Psalm 32:1-5 MSG

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i”m letting go of my old ways ACTIVITY Carrying rocks can weigh you down. Holding onto unforgiveness can feel like carrying heavy rocks in your backpack.

Label next to these rocks all the things you want to ‘let go’ of. Envision yourself throwing rocks and releasing them into a lake or river.

This is an activity to help you ‘let go’ of those things weighing heavy in you.

Draw more rocks if you need to.

Remember, for deeper hurts you may need to reach out a trusted person in your life who can walk with you through the forgiveness process.

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POWER CLEAN YOUR HEART! In the space below, draw a picture or write a poem about what freedom from unforgiveness looks like to you. Let your creativity flow!

“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive.

Forgive everybody.” – Maya Angelou

mindful doodling Use the space above to draw whatever you are inspired to draw as it relates to forgiveness, such as what forgiveness looks like.

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FORGIVE HIM?!

NOT A CHANCE.

by John Allison

I was bitter. Angry. The kind of anger that just doesn’t stop.

I hated him so much that I used to daydream in class about different ways he would die. Seeing him in the hallway or at lunch filled me with dread. I was afraid to talk to anyone because I thought it would only make things worse.

I had been bullied for years by a group of popular boys who starred in all the sports teams. To them, I was an easy target. I was smart and didn’t like basketball, football, or wrestling. My friends and I talked about comics, Pokemon, and video games. I endured bullying through middle school, and it continued into early high school.

Instead, my defense mechanism became sarcasm: I decided that if Scowl and the others were going to bully me, I would use my words to cut them down. I learned how to say the things that hurt the most. I could find an insecurity and say just the right thing to cut a person to the core.

One boy in particular seemed to have it out for me—let’s call him Scowl. The bullying from Scowl was always the worst. He encouraged the other boys in their bullying.

He called me the worst names, mocked me the most, and pointed out everything in me he thought was weak.

When Scowl was around, the abuse never stopped. And I hated him.

Unfortunately for everyone, I got good at it. I say, unfortunately, because it only made things worse.

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In the summer before my junior year, my life changed.

I was getting ready for school one morning when the Holy Spirit said, “What are you doing with your life?” I had no answer. I was doing whatever I felt like doing.

I knew at that moment that if I continued on my own way, I’d have more bitterness, more brokenness, and more anger. I also realized that if I followed Jesus, I would have purpose in my life. I said, “I don’t want my way anymore, Jesus. I want your way.”

Or so I thought.

About ten years later, I was eating lunch with a friend in my hometown. Scowl came into the restaurant. He didn’t recognize me (which was fine with me), and I realized I had no hard feelings toward him. I was surprised and thankful. Then, God had another surprise for me.

“John? Is that you?” Scowl asked when he came over to the table at the end of my meal. I told him that it was me.

It was the first time I began to follow Jesus for myself.

I began reading the Bible, and God was speaking to me! He was changing my heart. He was healing broken places in me that I didn’t know I had. He was helping me grow to love others and forgive others. And in that growing, he had a big challenge for me that I never saw coming: forgive Scowl.

“Hey, listen. I just wanted to apologize to you for all the terrible things I did to you when we were kids. I was a pretty messed up kid and really going through a lot, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry. I’m a Christian now, and I just wanted to let you know that my life has changed. I’m not the same as I used to be, and I wanted to ask for your forgiveness.”

No. There was no way. After all the things he had done to me over the years, it was not humanly possible. “Exactly,” he said. “You need my help, and I want to give it to you.”

I was stunned. Could this really be happening? I quickly told him that I had also started following Jesus and that Jesus had helped me forgive him a long time ago. In the rest of the short conversation, we celebrated the fact that we both had found Jesus.

The next year and a half was an amazing time of transformation for me as God was changing my heart from the inside. He used my church, he used two mentors who invested in me, he used what I was reading in the Bible, and he used the prayers of many people who cared about me and loved me. And to my surprise, I began to forgive Scowl.

Scowl had become a Smile. He said goodbye, and I never saw him again.

There’s a popular quote that’s been attributed to everyone from Mother Teresa to Buddha that says, “Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking a little poison every day, waiting for the other person to die.”

In my senior year, Scowl and I had different schedules, and the first time we crossed paths was in December.

As we walked toward each other, the Holy Spirit said, “Smile at Scowl.”

What I learned is that when we forgive others, they lose the power they have over our minds and hearts.

It’s almost never easy to forgive. It often takes the hard work of choosing to forgive every day, sometimes for years. But in the end, we realize that we have not only set that person free but also ourselves free.

Time slowed to a crawl. “No way! That’s weird. I’m not doing that. Forgiveness is one thing, but smiling at him?

That’s crazy.”

“Do you trust me? Smile at Scowl.”

A few weeks after I saw my former bully at lunch, I got a notification: “Smile has requested to be your friend.”

I grinned in disbelief as I clicked, “Accept.”

I went back and forth with God until Scowl and I were almost passing each other. Finally, I said, “Fine!

I trust you.”

I smiled. Scowl looked shocked and passed without saying anything. The next time I saw him was across the field at graduation. The end.

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Give yourself

grace “Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.”

Henri Nouwen

FORGIVE YOURSELF On a scale of 1 to 10, how much are you a perfectionist?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much grace and forgiveness do you give yourself when you mess up?

Sometimes, we have done things we are ashamed of and still feel pain about it. We know it is a sin to hold unforgiveness towards others, but did you know God also does NOT want you to hold unforgiveness towards yourself? Sometimes forgiving yourself is more difficult than forgiving someone else.

ACTIVITY If you struggle with forgiving yourself for something, try this: Go into your bedroom or bathroom, where there is a mirror you can look into. Have a private moment with yourself and God. Look deeply into your own eyes and say, “I forgive you.”

Then, say, “Lord, please forgive me for holding unforgiveness towards myself.”

This may be an easy task, or it can be an emotional task. Either way, you are ok. Spend a moment receiving God’s kind and gentle forgiveness and love. Just be. Just stand and be an object of His love and affection. He loves you, washes you clean as white as snow, and calls you forgiven.

Audrey Hepburn

Psalm 86:5 NLT

Romans 8:1 NIV

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Journal Letting go. Moments of pain from our past experiences can trigger and stir up feelings of shame and beliefs that can blur our perceptions. Part of the process of healing and being restored is forgiving.

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.” – Nelson Mandela Reflect on the following questions and journal what you feel led to write about. You can choose one or more prompts. ▶ ▶ ▶ ▶

What memories from the past trigger angry or painful feelings in you?

What do you wish you could tell the person who offended you about how you were hurt by them?

Who or what do you need to forgive?

Make a list of things you would like to ‘let go’ of, then go to God in prayer and ask Him to take your burdens as you release them to Him. (For deeper hurts, you may need to reach out to a trusted person in your life who can walk with you through the forgiveness process.)

Doodle something that expresses a take away from this chapter.

mindful doodling 26

Chapter 1: Let It Go ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• The Great Choice.

• Forgive Him?! Not a Chance.

Choose one or more action steps:

Doing a symbolic physical act can help us to release our tears, anger, unforgiveness, and pain to God. Note that it is easier to ‘let go’ of minor hurts and irritations, but forgiving deeper hurts is a process and can take time and commitment. Consider choosing one of the activities below to release forgiveness towards someone you are having difficulty forgiving:

1.

Go to a beach or lake and gather rocks along the shore. The rocks symbolize the pain and unforgiveness you are carrying. Throw the rocks one by one into the water as far as you can, releasing your burdens to God. Another option is to ask the Lord for a creative idea to tangibly release your burdens and unforgiveness through writing a song, a spoken-word poem, or another artistic expression.

2.

Write a letter (it will NOT be given to them) to the person who hurt you, and be raw and real in expressing your anger and pain. End the letter by praying for them, choosing to forgive them, or expressing your desire to be free from unforgiveness. Ask God to heal you. If you feel you are able, write a positive hope you have for that person who offended you. Rip the paper up into tiny pieces and throw it into the trash as an action of release.

forgive and release your pain into His hands. Remember, forgiveness often begins with a choice rather than a feeling. Envision yourself releasing those heavy burdens, like releasing a bunch of helium-filled balloons into the sky. You can tear up or crumple the paper and throw it away, symbolizing your trust in God to heal you and give you His heart of forgiveness and grace. Commit to trusting God on your journey to fully forgive others and yourself and receive God’s loving forgiveness.

4.

If you are struggling with forgiving yourself for something, you can speak out these positive declarations to yourself to reinforce these beliefs. As you speak them, what can help you emotionally is to either put your two hands over your heart or put your right hand on your left upper arm and your left hand on your right upper arm (as if you are gently hugging yourself).

• • • • • • • • •

I am a good person.

I forgive myself.

I will not beat myself up any longer.

What happened is in the past, and I am moving on.

I am forgiven.

I am loved.

I did my best at the time.

I know better now, so I will do better going forward.

I let go of my past and step into my positive future.

3.

Make a list of things you want to ‘let go’ of. Hold this list up to God in prayer. Ask Him to help you to fully

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

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“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

Psalm 56:8 NLT

Chapter 02

Good Grief

Sadness. Grief. Heartache. Despair. Sorrow.

There is a cultural lie that exists in some families that men should never cry. This is not the way God created men to be. Men have as deep feelings as women do.

Many of us would rather avoid these feelings, yet we all have experienced losses to varying degrees. People often try to numb their grief through various addictions and activities that distract them from feeling such painful emotions. However, avoiding working through grief leaves an unhealed wound in the heart that will affect life and relationships in unhealthy ways.

In this chapter, we will take a close-up look at this emotion called grief and gain keys to navigate those seasons of sadness in ways that heal and bring us into a place of great peace, rest, and joy.

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GOOD GRIEF!

by Sheryl Sarmento – Professional Counselor

“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept.” John 11:33-35 NIV

I’ve faced a lot of tough losses in my life. My folks split when I was a baby, and I bounced around between houses, schools, and neighborhoods more times than I can remember. Each change felt like another loss, and it was overwhelming. I didn’t know how to handle all those emotions, so I turned to drugs, alcohol, and other ways to escape.

Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” It is easy to be happy and excited with people who have something to be happy about, but have you ever tried to cry with someone who is crying and to be sad with someone who is sad? That is exactly what we are supposed to do... weep with those who weep, cry with those who are sad and who need to cry.

But then, as a teenager, I found Jesus. He turned things around for me. I asked him to come into my life and take control. Slowly, He helped me deal with the sadness and pain I’d been carrying. He also showed me that lots of His people struggle with grief and don’t realize that it’s okay to feel that way.

We all have losses in life:

When someone is hurting, our first instinct is often to try and make it better. But you know what? Sometimes, our attempts to fix things can actually make it worse.

Phrases like “They’re in a better place,” “Don’t be sad,” “God wants us to be happy,” or “Just pray” might seem good, but they’re not as helpful as we think.

Have you experienced any of these losses? Check off the ones in your life. ▶ loss of a pet. ▶ loss of a parent through death or divorce. ▶ loss of someone you were close to through death or a move in location.

▶ loss of a relationship or friendship. ▶ loss of hopes and dreams. ▶ loss of popularity on social media and more.

What really works when someone is grieving is being there for them, listening without trying to fix everything, and letting them express how they feel. Allowing them to be sad and helping them find ways to heal is what makes a difference.

Some common symptoms of grief:

All these losses cause sadness that affects us in one way or another.

▶ Heaviness in the chest or tightness in the throat. ▶ An ‘empty feeling’ or loss of appetite. ▶ Guilt over something said or done or something left unsaid or undone. ▶ Intense anger at the person for dying and later feelings of guilt for being angry. ▶ Mood changes over the slightest situations. ▶ Unexpected outbursts of anger or crying. ▶ Difficulty concentrating on a task at hand. ▶ A feeling that the loss isn’t real and didn’t happen at all. ▶ Sleeplessness, troubling dreams, or sleeping too much. ▶ A need to retell and remember things about their loved one to the point of repetition that burdens others. ▶ Suicidal thoughts. ▶ Feeling depressed.

You might not realize this, but Jesus experienced a lot of loss, too, so He gets what you’re going through. When you lose something, you will feel this thing called grief.

Grief digs up deep sadness that can stick around in our hearts, minds, and even our bodies. But you know what?

God’s given us ways to let that grief out.

Crying is a healthy way to process and release your sad emotions and can have many emotional and physical benefits. When you are dealing with a loss, crying can actually help you to heal.

Even Jesus, the ultimate example of a man being close to God, showed us that it’s fine to cry when you are hurting. He set an example that it’s okay to feel the pain of grief and let it out.

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Here are some of the ways that we might try to avoid our grief and pain: ▶ Taking drugs and alcohol. ▶ Having sex before marriage. ▶ Watching pornography. ▶ Escaping into activities such as playing video games.

▶ Cutting. ▶ Overeating. ▶ Addiction to social media. ▶ Isolating from others.

Here is what you can do instead: 6. Look at pictures, make a collage, watch a movie, or do something that reminds you of your loss and helps you to cry to get those feelings out.

1. Pray and ask the Lord to help you recognize and acknowledge your loss or losses. Make time to grieve.

2. In biblical days, the Jewish culture had an average minimum grief period of 30 days. (Deuteronomy 34:8). In today’s world, you can still carve out times when you can really focus on grieving.

7. Prepare yourself on birthdays, holidays, and whatever other days might bring back memories of your loss.

Try to be with someone or do something to help you get through that day.

3. If you are feeling down, talk to a close friend who can understand what you are going through. Sometimes, you just need someone to listen without trying to solve everything. If you go to church, you can ask for prayer.

8. You can ask for professional help and find a good Christian counselor, mentor, or grief group to help you walk through the journey to wholeness.

9. Take your sadness, loss, and grief to Jesus every day.

He knows and understands exactly how you feel and wants to heal you. Listen to worship music that helps you with your grief and draws you closer to Jesus, the One who ultimately will heal you from the pain that caused your grief.

4. Journal about your loss and how it makes you feel.

Be honest, and don’t hold anything back. Grief often causes anger, especially if something unjust happens to cause the grief. Writing your feelings and thoughts down can help release some of that pain to God. 5. If you like to express yourself creatively, draw or paint a picture, write a poem, write a song, do a craft, or create a dance to express yourself. The creative arts can help bring healing.

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“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights.

Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”

PSALM 56:8 MSG

DECLARATION TO RELEASE TEARS

by Sheryl Sarmento I declare that tears are good because God made them for our healing.

Tears are a gift from God and not to be suppressed.

Shedding tears is not a weakness, and it will even make me stronger when I do release those tears.

I have nothing to be ashamed of when I cry alone or in a crowd.

Men and women alike need to cry just like Jesus did.

Every tear matters to you, God, because you hold them in a bottle, and you count every one of them.

Lord, today, I commit myself to the grief process that you have provided for me.

In addition to shedding tears, I am open to whatever else I need to do to heal from the losses in my life.

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“God loves me because I am His beloved son.

I don’t have to perform to gain His love.”

SECURE IN GOD’S LOVE IN THE LOSSES.

by Rob Gross

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When I was a sophomore, my dad died after having a heart attack. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces, and I plunged into a very dark and lonely place. Feeling abandoned and confused, I started to shoplift regularly (I was acting out) and eventually got busted and spent a day in jail and had to appear before a juvenile judge. The judge cautioned me not to steal anymore and released me into my mother’s custody.

Fortunately, the Lord did not give up on me and sent my friend to help me heal from the emotional pain of losing my dad and the wall I had built around my heart to keep God out of my life.

I then began to experience the healing love of the Father heart of God more and more.

I was also raised in a family of professionals (doctors, engineers, professors, etc.). I equated getting good grades with success, and I believed that I had to earn or work for my parents’ love and approval through achievement. This lie led me to believe that if I didn’t achieve great things for God, I was a failure in His eyes, and He would not be pleased with me.

On the way home, I experienced the kindness of God through my mom when she gently said to me, “Why didn’t you ask me for the money to buy you what you stole? I would have gladly bought it for you.” I was shocked that my mom showed me unconditional love and compassion instead of punishing me.

I have since learned otherwise! God loves me because I am His beloved son. I don’t have to perform to gain His love.

Even though I experienced this tender love, I was still deeply wounded because of my dad’s death. I was filled with so much rage and anger that I got into fights regularly and even threatened a doctor in a parking lot when he spoke disrespectfully to my mother, who mistakenly had parked in his stall. I also got suspended for raging at my Japanese language teacher and was nearly expelled.

When God places you in a family, His plan is for your parents to reveal His nature to you—that He is a kind, forgiving Father who never stops loving and supporting you. Unfortunately, because of the hurtful experiences and the reality that our parents aren’t perfect, an inaccurate picture of Father God is formed in our hearts.

As a young adult, a friend called me many years later and said, “Rob, the Lord wants me to pray for you.” When I met with my friend, he prayed over me. As he prayed, I unexpectedly felt the deep pain I had about losing my dad. All of a sudden, with tears streaming down my face, I screamed, “Why, Dad, why!? Why did you leave me?!”

God wants you to know He loves you for who you are (His son or daughter), not what you do or achieve. The best way to determine if you are basing your worth on your performance is to be aware of how you respond when you don’t meet your personal expectations or even fail.

I had no idea that this feeling of abandonment had taken such a deep root within me. Thirty minutes later, my friend told me, “Rob, you’re mad at God too.” I told my friend I wasn’t mad at God, but he persisted. Before I knew it I was screaming at the Lord with my fist in the air, saying, “Why God!? Why!? Why did you take my dad!? Why!?”

John Maxwell says, “Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.” You will learn more from your failures than your successes.

The main thing I want you to grab hold of is the truth that despite your failures and mistakes, Father God loves you just as you are! Know that there is hope and healing for any wounds you carry. Pursue Him. The Lord desires to make us all whole and complete in every way—including healing us from the grief and sadness we feel when we experience a loss.

When my dad died, I believed the lie that “God would never be here for me.” This intense fear of abandonment led me to conclude that father figures (teachers, pastors, coaches, etc.) could not be trusted, including God Himself.

35

ACTIVITY 1 Through art expression, whether you consider yourself artistic or not, a person can help experience a sense of calmness, peace, and comfort, especially when dealing with emotions such as anger, sadness, stress, or depression. Doing an art activity can help develop a sense of well-being and focus. Enjoy! These art activities can help relax your mind.

In this first image, complete the picture by drawing lines in the same or similar pattern, adding more sections as you go. The drawing was started for you to complete and add on. Remember, there’s no pressure or expectation, just a simple and enjoyable activity to engage in.

This small graphic is a sample of what your finished art can look like. There is no right or wrong way, so take the freedom to make your own unique art.

Art by Angela Soh

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ACTIVITY 2 In the next image below, complete the picture by coloring in the spaces in a pattern using black or another color. The drawing has been started for you to complete.

This small graphic is a sample of what your finished art can look like. Make your own unique art.

Art by Angela Soh

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GRIEF AND SUFFERING TO GREAT PURPOSE.

by Chad Reis

“This is not fair,” I thought as I stared at the Instagram story. A friend had lost their battle with cancer. Dead.

Age 22. So much potential stolen too soon. I was their youth leader years ago when they were in middle school.

Suffering exists. In fact, Jesus warned us of this in John 16:33 NLT: “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

This led me to ask questions that you’ve probably asked:

Note that Jesus affirmed the fact, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows…”

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Does God cause people to suffer?

Why do some have to suffer more than others?

Let’s start there: Suffering is a certainty.

Numerous people in the Bible suffered as well!

I don’t have enough time or enough space to answer all of these questions in this article fully, but what I’m sure we agree on is that we all suffer.

▶ Sarah suffered from not being able to have a child until she was 90 years old. ▶ Many parents suffered when King Herod killed all the Israelite boys two years old and under when he heard Jesus was born. ▶ Israelites suffered while in slavery to Pharaoh and then while wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. ▶ King David and Prophet Elijah both experienced deep agony and depression. ▶ Apostle Paul was imprisoned and physically beaten multiple times. ▶ Followers of Jesus were stoned to death ▶ Jesus himself was known as the “suffering servant.”

Suffering and grieving losses are not something new to any of us, and nobody is exempt. We all suffer in different forms. We can suffer emotionally, mentally, physically, and relationally. It may not seem fair and could happen suddenly or for what feels like forever.

Suffering could range from a bad headache to a bad heartache.

From homework to hard work.

From the loss of a job to the loss of a friend or family member.

From anxiety and panic attacks to being bullied or physically attacked.

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1. Suffer with Jesus

If suffering is a certainty, instead of asking “why?” in a victim-minded way, let’s explore the purpose of suffering and some ways to walk through it.

Jesus is your faithful source of hope, strength, healing, and great comfort. You can suffer with Jesus, or you can suffer without him. One way makes things easier; the other makes things harder. Suffer with Jesus. Stay close to Him. Pray, read your Bible, put on some worship music, tell Him how you are feeling, be real, be honest, seek to hear Him, and journal. However, you do it; just stay close to Jesus. He will give you the strength to persevere.

The Lord has the power and desire to turn our pain into purpose.

Are you ready for the purpose of suffering? Here it is: Suffering is a tool that God can use to refine us in preparation to release the assignment He’s given to us.

2. Suffer in community.

Let me be clear that God may not cause suffering that could come from our own unwise choices or the devil, but God will leverage suffering to refine you and me, to release our potential, and to allow us to step into the assignment that He has given us as we trust Him, depend on Him, and walk with Him through our suffering. In the hands of the Lord, suffering will build us up, not break us down.

Share with others. Don’t isolate. Suffer in community.

Our natural tendency as guys is to isolate ourselves when we are suffering. We don’t want to seem weak; we don’t want to be a burden. We may think, “Everyone has their own problems. I don’t want to be a downer.” Such perspectives are half-truths, and most are full-on lies.

Suffering doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.

Many times, painful situations we go through can give us profound insights and increase our compassion and understanding, which can help comfort and strengthen others in the future.

Part of being human is that we need others to survive.

We need friends, we need community, and they need you, too! Walking with others through our suffering seasons can actually inspire them. When others encounter hard times, they will probably be more likely to confide in you because they know you will understand their pain.

Suffering produces something in us and through us that nothing else can.

Think of a glow stick. Remember those? I loved playing with them as a kid. The thing about glow sticks is that they don’t start out shining brightly. In fact, out of the package, they are pretty worthless, but they have tons of potential to produce light. What it takes to bring that light out is some breaking and some shaking. We could call that suffering. The more you break and shake a glow stick, the brighter the light becomes. Its assignment is fulfilled. The same is true with us. God’s purpose for suffering is not to break you down but to build you up.

What the enemy meant for evil, God can leverage for our good.

Hellen Keller once said: “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

I pray that, not if, but when, your next season of suffering comes, you suffer with Jesus, and you suffer in your community, staying connected to trustworthy friends and family. I believe that it will produce something in your life that will not only strengthen you but can potentially change the world for the better.

Remember, Jesus reminds us, “...Take heart, I have overcome the world...” John 16:33 NIV Now that we know the purpose of suffering let’s explore two ways to walk through a season of suffering:

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Journal Journal about a time in your life when you experienced some kind of loss. Maybe it was the loss of a loved one, a friend, a pet, a dream, a job—anything that caused you to feel sad and grieved. Share your healing journey. If you want to, you could instead write a poem about your experience.

If you are still grieving that loss, you can write a prayer to God, asking Him to comfort and heal you.

In the space below, sketch what sadness looks like or what healing from grief looks like.

mindful doodling 40

Chapter 2: Good Grief ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Good Grief.

• Secure in God’s Love in the Losses.

• Grief and Suffering to Great Purpose.

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

If you realize you have not allowed yourself to grieve over a loss in your life—take 10-15 minutes alone each day for a week to think about your loss.

During the 15 minutes, you could: • Journal your feelings and thoughts.

• If you lost a loved one, look over old photos or old letters/emails, and recall fond memories you shared.

Allow yourself to cry.

• Write a poem or goodbye letter to the person or pet you lost.

• Listen to a song that touches your heart in a good way. Allow yourself to cry.

2.

Create something out of broken pieces, or repair or refurbish something. This symbolic activity can help you remember that the shattered pieces of your life can be transformed into something great that can be put back together in a new way. It is an activity that says YES TO HOPE! You are symbolically taking the anger, despair, and sadness you feel and transforming it into something beautiful and inspiring.

True story: There was once a business in Japan called The Nozomi Project, which was inspired in 2011 when a massive tsunami devastated coastal cities and villages in Japan. Entire villages were wiped out, and

many lives were lost. One day, a missionary who was serving a village saw all the broken pottery scattered in the wreckage. God gave her the idea to create jewelry out of broken pottery pieces. Women in the village who traumatically lost their jobs, their homes, and loved ones were hired and trained to make this jewelry, which ended up being marketed globally! This restored hope and brought great healing to the villagers and many also came to Christ through this business!

3.

Did you know there is such a thing called ‘Garden Therapy’? To heal from a loss, you can garden, plant a small garden, or grow a plant from seed in a pot.

In Jeremiah, chapters 30 and 31, God shares his instruction and vision for his people to plant new vineyards and gardens after a time of great pain, loss, and grief.

When we plant a garden or grow a plant, it can symbolize new life sprouting forth in our lives after a time of sadness. “...They will be like a well-watered garden, and they will sorrow no more...”

Jeremiah 31:12 NIV

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

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“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul...”

Psalm 23:1-4 NIV

Chapter 03

Unraveling Emotions

Imagine being in the midst of a storm, with anger, fear, and anxiety swirling around you like relentless winds.

Sometimes, we can stuff these unpleasant emotions so deep within our own hearts that we can become unaware and out of touch with how we are really feeling.

We can easily turn to unhealthy activities and addictions to distract ourselves from dealing with such feelings.

However, when ignored and left unresolved, these emotions will continue to fester within us, affecting our decisions and relationships.

In this chapter, you will journey through the eye of the storm, learning helpful ways to manage these emotions with faith as your anchor. You will gain stepping stones toward overcoming the negative power of anger, fear, and anxiety, which will then lead you to a more resilient, emotionally healthy, and fulfilling life.

Think of your mind, your emotions, and your spirit as the ultimate garden. The way to ensure a bountiful, nourishing harvest is to plant seeds like love, warmth, and appreciation instead of seeds like disappointment, anger, and fear. – Tony Robbins

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THE ANGRY MAN TRANSFORMED. My Story.

by Allen Cardines

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

James 1:19-20 NIV

Offended. Rejected. Out of control. Angry. That was me.

My anger took on many forms. Many times, I would hide or mask my anger with things such as alcohol and drugs. But those things never helped me to heal the anger and pain that I carried around on the inside.

Sad to say, growing up as a boy and into my teen and young adult years, I never learned how to handle or control my emotions—especially when I couldn’t have my way. So, how did I deal with hard situations? I would blow up and flare up in anger. I was disrespectful and obnoxious and had such a bad attitude towards authority—especially my parents and others who got in my way. I was no fun to be around.

By the time high school came, I had become more physical in expressing my rage. I would often punch walls. One time, I even picked up a large piece of furniture and flung it at the window. By my teen years, I was in full-blown rebellion against my parents because I wanted MY way. I resorted to expressing rage as my weapon, and I started hurting the people I was supposed to love.

I observed various family members losing their temper, so exploding with anger was ‘normal’ to me. I rationalized that since those men and women in my family expressed unrestrained anger, it must be ok for me to express anger like they did. Those experiences shaped my belief system.

My anger even started to carry on into my workplace and my relationships from one person to another. I began to treat people as disposable diapers— easily disposing of relationships that didn’t meet my wants and moving on to the next. Through my teen and early young adult years, my life became littered with broken and hurt people because of my anger issues.

I really believed that being angry gave me power…but that was a lie.

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I was easily offended and easily felt rejected. The following is a list of real-life descriptions of myself as a teenager and young man. Can you relate to any of them?

He said, “Practice these three words.” He then wrote this on a napkin: positive mental attitude.

I thought to myself, “Well, that can’t be that hard, right?”

But I was mistaken! Keeping a positive mental attitude was hard! Donald would challenge me again and again to grow in this way of thinking.

▶ I was lonely, afraid, and insecure. ▶ I believed that nobody cared about me and that I did not ‘belong.’ ▶ Deep down inside, I felt worthless and useless. ▶ I was fiercely independent and believed I did not need other people. ▶ I would easily withdraw myself from situations when I felt uncomfortable. ▶ I could not trust anyone. ▶ Because I figured people would end up hurting me, I would hurt them first before they could hurt me. ▶ Because of my anger, I was unable to overcome challenges and conflicts. ▶ I would uphold a false image of myself and pretend I was good on the outside, but inside…I was a MESS. ▶ I would hurt the very people who loved me. I would think, “If I can’t control you, I will punish you.”

This was the pivotal point in my journey when I began shifting my belief system and mindset to embracing a positive mental attitude. How did I do it? I will share with you some practical wisdom on how I achieved this in my next article.

Fast forward. Who am I now? What has changed in me?

I like me. I actually like myself now. Before, I did NOT like who I was. This was the biggest change I experienced. I now get along with myself, and I can control myself.

I now have a greater capacity to genuinely love others and forgive people when they hurt me. I am growing in having unconditional love for people.

Now, anger is not a ‘bad’ emotion. As humans, we experience a range of emotions. Often, anger is a secondary emotion resulting from a primary emotion. You see, underneath all that anger in me lay hurt, hurt, and more hurt. I didn’t even realize the amount of pain I carried inside of me.

Having a positive mental attitude has affected my purpose and my passions. Today, if you want to partner with me in any project, you must have the goal to find positive, productive solutions to painful problems in life. People can often waste hours grumbling and gossiping about people instead of being part of the solution.

Let’s instead be part of the answer to problems.

A turning point came for me in my early 20s when I was working in the construction industry. I met an older gentleman in my workplace, Donald Vincent, who was the nicest Hawaiian guy. He was always smiling, positive, joyful, and never cussed.

I was impressed by the way he carried himself. When I met him, I thought to myself, “I want to be like him.” Because you see, for me to be joyful and happy at that time, I would have to drink cans of beer, shots of tequila, and margaritas!

Donald became someone I looked up to, and he became the reason for the change in me.

I love to share about how to live aloha (the Hawaiian word for “love”), love aloha, and share aloha. It’s a powerful, transformational culture of aloha that I am working to build and that the world so needs.

As a result, the impact I have had on my family, ministry, and community has touched, inspired, and equipped people all over the world! I have had the honor and privilege of being invited to speak at global conferences where I have testified of the positive transformation of lives and my community through the work that I do.

Donald took me and some other young construction workers under his wing, so to speak, and became a father figure to us.

He expressed all the time that he believed in us. He believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

If you struggle with anger, you are not alone. Though I don’t know you, I want to say that I believe in you. You are a man who has the courage and strength within you to overcome your struggles with the support of others, great resources around you (including counseling), and the Lord. Remember, it’s a process of growing and healing. If I can change, I know you can too.

I will never forget one conversation I had with Donald. We were getting lunch at a lunch wagon when he asked, “Allen, do you want to be successful in life?”

I answered, “Yes.”

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The Angry Man Transformed (Continues)

WISDOM TO LIVE BY

by Allen Cardines

“Turn your mess into a message.”

It took me several months to make progress in breaking my old habit of thinking negatively and instead developing a new habit of having a positive mental attitude—especially when I didn’t get my way.

This may shock you: although today, many would say I am one of the most joyful, positive people they know… I still get angry at times.

After reading my story in the previous article, I am sure many questions were stirred up within you, such as, “So Allen, how do you currently deal with your anger?”

Donald, my mentor, whom I mentioned in my story, also had me read Napoleon Hill’s “Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude,” which further practically helped me with my anger issue. I encourage you to read this book or another on the topic to equip yourself.

Here are some initial steps that helped me overcome my anger: 1. I had to realize that I had a problem—my negative attitude.

Interestingly, at the end of this book, author Napoleon Hill encouraged the readers to read the Bible if they wanted to continue to grow. Because I needed something more and something greater, I started to read the Bible and learned about God. I discovered that the principles in Napoleon Hill’s book were also in the Bible.

2. I had to realize that the problem was NOT the people around me. I was the problem.

3. Whenever I started falling into negative thinking, I would catch myself and think positive thoughts instead.

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3. My top goal in communication is to listen respectfully and to understand the other person. I will listen respectfully and seek to understand a person, whether the other person agrees with me or not. Oftentimes, people get angry when disagreements occur in conversations.

I have learned that you can’t change overnight. Change is a process; you have to want it, work at it, and you can’t give up.

Another helpful book I recommend is “Tongue Fu: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict,” by Sam Horn.

It taught me words to lose and new words to choose. Because of reading that book, I began to create some easy-to-remember positive quips to say out loud to help myself and others such as:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 NIV 4. My goal in confrontations and messy situations is to look for the treasures in people, places, and problems, not the trash. In the past, I would look for the trash and be negative. If you look hard enough, you will find treasures in every problem. Look for a way to find positive, productive solutions to painful problems in life. This is a game-changer.

Bless, don’t blast.

Turn your test into a testimony.

Turn your mess into a message.

A setback is a setup for something greater.

We need hope to float and hope to cope.

Be a peacemaker, not a troublemaker.

Speak prophetically, not pathetically.

5. Learn how to create healthy boundaries. A boundary is like a fence that keeps the bad stuff out and the good stuff in.

I have found establishing healthy goals for myself was crucial in controlling my anger.

6. Work on seeing yourself as God sees you. My anger stemmed from being hurt, so I had to learn the truth that my value, worth, gifts, and personality come from God and not from people or social media. In the past, I was getting my worth from what people thought of me. Some people will inevitably hurt and disappoint you—that’s life. But God will never abandon or forsake us. God restored my identity, my destiny, my worth, and my value.

Without having goals in life, especially if you have anger problems, it’s like having a football game without a goalpost or an end zone. You can run fast and run hard… but where are you going?

The following are some goals for you to consider adopting for yourself: Goals to Help Overcome Your Hurts, Habits and Hangups and Find Hope, Help, and Healing:

7. Surround yourselves with eagles, not turkeys. In other words, surround yourself with positive people who can fly and soar with you to greater heights in life, not people who are negative and who think small. You can’t fly with the eagles if you surround yourself with turkeys.

1. The only person I can control is myself, so I practice self-control. I realized that if I cannot control myself, then I am out of control. I cannot control other people. I cannot control the world. Note: This is hard work!

Over the years, I met amazing people who saw potential in me; they saw gifts in me that I had never seen in myself!

Put yourself in positive, empowering environments.

2. Is my goal to protect relationships or hurt relationships?

My goal is to protect relationships. I aim to build, protect, and strengthen heart-to-heart connections and not create distance. I aim to build bridges and not blow up bridges or build walls. I have this same goal even with people I dislike or disagree with because I view every human being as valuable.

“Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.” – Proverbs 19:11 NLT “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

Because I learned how to protect and strengthen relationships, I have been happily married to my beautiful wife for so many years, and I know how to build relationships with people near and dear to my heart.

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ACTIVIT Y

ANGER MANAGEMENT How do you handle your anger?

When guys feel angry, it’s common to feel frustratration, annoyance, or even extreme rage. It’s important to recognize that anger is a normal human emotion.

It is helpful to learn how to manage our anger in healthy ways.

Unmanaged anger can cause various hindrances in our lives, such as: • Relationship issues: Things we say and do in anger can hurt those around us.

• Our physical health: If we have regular angry bouts, health issues can begin to arise, such as heart problems or diabetes.

• Our mental and emotional health: Unmanaged anger can cause anxiety and stress in our lives, which can cause us to gravitate toward addictive behaviors (like drug and alcohol usage) to cope.

• Legal and financial problems: If we act out aggressively or violently, we can run into hardships due to such outcomes as assaulting someone or damaging property.

Be Self Aware!

We each have unique triggers that cause us to be angry, even rageful. Being aware of your triggers is the first step to learning to cope with them and respond in healthier ways. Even though we can’t always control circumstances, we can learn skills to grow in self-control and handle things better.

Check off the triggers that cause you to be outraged immediately:

— Being misunderstood.

— Being treated unfairly.

— Feeling you are not being ‘heard.’

— Being disrespected.

— Someone is not respecting your property.

— Being lied to.

— Being ignored.

— Being corrected.

— Being criticized.

— Feeling hurt.

— Not getting your way.

— Feeling lonely.

— Feeling unsafe and being afraid.

— Feeling powerless.

— Feeling tired.

— Feeling hungry.

— Feeling threatened or attacked.

— Feeling betrayed.

— Feeling disappointed.

— Losing something valuable.

— Losing a game.

— Feeling jealous.

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— When your wrong choice

leads to a negative outcome.

— Experiencing a

personal failure.

— Feeling envious of someone.

— When an unexpected situation spoils your ‘plan.’

— Stressful situations like driving in bad traffic.

— Feeling depressed.

— Being rejected.

— Being talked over or interrupted.

How Do You Handle It? How do you currently handle your anger? Check all that applies and/or fill in the blank for ‘other.’

— I tend to freeze by shutting down my emotions.

— I tend to withdraw from the situation and keep to myself.

— I tend to be aggressive and act out physically, like punching or throwing something.

— I imagine how I will get revenge on the person who angered me.

— I swear.

— I yell and express my angry thoughts to the

person who angered me.

— I express my feelings in prayer to God and ask Him for help.

— I gossip about the person who I am angry with.

— Other:

Journal: Reflect on a recent situation when you were angry. It can be helpful to know that anger is often a secondary emotion that hides a deeper emotion rooted in hurt, fear, or grief.

• What triggered that emotion?

• How did you handle the situation?

• What was the outcome?

• As you reflect, could you have responded differently in a more helpful way?

Have A Plan—Some First Steps!

The following are just some of the many calming actions you can do when you feel that eruption of anger beginning to rise within you. It can help to have a plan with a prayer! Once you calm down, you can respond more rationally.

If you need help, seek counsel and support from a mentor or professional counselor.

Choose one to a few calming actions you can start practicing in your life starting this week. Check the top 2-3 that you want to start applying:

— Go to a private place to breathe deeply and ask

— Draw or paint.

— Verbalize your anger, confiding your frustration

God to help you.

Count backwards from 100 by 5s. with a safe friend who can understand, — — Take five deep breaths, slowly inhaling and exhaling. empathize, listen, and be there to process with—and even better, pray for you when you — Take a 5-10+ minute walk, run outside, or do some physical activity. are ready to receive prayer.

If possible, scream privately into a pillow.

Repeat a calming word, phrase, or Bible verse to — — yourself like, “Calm down” or “Relax.”

— If possible, punch a pillow, not a wall or mirror.

Journal.

—

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COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR.

by Samuel Pyo

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 NLT

Fear is a powerful human emotion. When we let fear overwhelm us, it can express itself as anxiety, worry, and panic. However, when we do not allow fear to control us, we can use fear to motivate us to do the right thing and protect ourselves and others from danger.

our fears and anxieties into energy and strength that fuel our courage.

Did you know that the Bible mentions the phrase “Fear not” 365 times? God understands and cares so much about growing our courage and bravery in the face of feeling afraid.

Fear, at its worst, can prevent us from experiencing the fullness of what God wants for us.

Choose your response.

Even King David, a courageous king and military leader, struggled with fear. However, how you respond to fear is what matters. We stand firm and trust God.

There are various ways you and I can choose to respond to fear. We can freeze and allow fear to paralyze us.

We can flee and run away. We can fight. Or we can stand strong, trusting in God’s goodness and power.

“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.”

Psalm 56:3 NLT Young man, be not afraid of what is ahead of you. Be assured of what you will face, for we all have fears in our lives. However, we know one thing for certain:

President Franklin D. Roosevelt said in his inaugural address, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

In other words, fear should not paralyze us. Instead, acknowledging and facing our fears can be a catalyst for us to grow and change. We can choose to channel

We cannot let fear hold us down.

We cannot let fear have power over our lives.

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God calls us to live in boldness and bravery while we face the giants in our lives.

Military officers and soldiers are often models of great courage in the face of fear, willing to risk their lives.

Commander Robert W. Copeland was a United States military officer in WWII. He once said, “This will be a fight against overwhelming odds from which survival cannot be expected. We will do what damage we can.”

Sometimes, we need to look at those overwhelming odds, give it our best, and face all challenges head-on.

We can struggle with all kinds of fears, from phobias to certain bugs to fear of being abandoned to fear of failure—and the list goes on. We can even fear being judged publicly when in front of a crowd!

When I was in college, there was an opportunity to participate in a class called “Hip-Hop Theater.” Being a “hip-hop head,” I joined the class. One thing I knew would be a problem was that I was deathly afraid of public speaking and performing.

Know your identity in Christ. You are His mighty man of valor.

One of the greatest powers we have as men is to be able to look at the Goliaths in our lives and overcome them.

We are not to cower in fear because we are assured of who we are, not by the world’s standards, but by the God-given identity and authority we have in Him.

Once the performances began, I observed others approach the stage to do their performances. I saw some dancers dance with the confidence of a lifelong theater professional while some danced with the nerves of a child walking into the dentist’s office after a long Halloween night of binging on candy.

In the Bible, there was once a man named Gideon who feared the Midianites’ enemy forces during wartime. He was not on the battlefield, but he was in a solitary winepress trying to hide grains of wheat from enemy soldiers.

When the time came for me to perform solo in front of friends and family, I really wanted to hide and freeze! However, I quickly realized that all the performers probably had struggled with some level of fear. I decided that no matter what happened that night, I could embrace the attitude that my dance could be something amazing and wonderful, or I could expect it to be a completely humiliating failure!

Suddenly, Gideon encountered an angel.

“And the Angel of the Lord appeared to him, and said to him, ‘The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor!’” – Judges 6:12 NKJV “Then the Lord said to Gideon: ‘Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites.

I am sending you!’” – Judges 6:14 NLT

So, I stepped up and entered the stage area. I began to perform my rap with the confidence of Rakim, or Eminem. I moved and swayed the crowd with my smooth flow. People began to cheer, and eventually, it became an uproar… or at least that is how I remember it in my mind.

Gideon questioned the Lord about this since he did not believe he was a mighty man of courage. In time, Gideon followed the Lord’s instructions and became a mighty hero by leading his small army of 300 men to defeat 135,000 enemy Midianite soldiers with God’s help.

It probably wasn’t the performance of a lifetime, but it became something that I can remember with fondness because that was one experience when I was able to face my fears. I chose not to let fear hold back my life that day. I mustered up the courage to face my fears and take the leap. Sometimes, the power that exists within us is exactly what we need to overcome all challenges.

In whatever battle you face in life, God is with you. He is for you, and He calls you to be unafraid and go forward in His strength!

“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid, and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 NLT

Hey, I understand that sometimes our challenges may feel insurmountable and overwhelming. But we must still take a stand against fear. If we don’t, it would be like admitting defeat before the results are even posted.

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TRUST GOD. BE AT PEACE

Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?

Matthew 6:26 NLT

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Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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“We tend to assume that how we interpret or see a situation is true.”

OVERCOMING FEAR.

by Robert Okimura

Fear is no fun.

Another reaction may be to flee—to hide and withdraw.

For example, someone could avoid social situations due to a fear of rejection.

You probably know that from personally experiencing a scary situation. We can experience fear due to a real threat to our safety or well-being, like a car driving on the wrong side of the road and coming straight at us. There are situations when it’s normal and good to experience fear because it serves to protect us. Often, however, we may experience fear as a result of an unrealistic or imagined threat. Mark Twain said, “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

A situation that is feared may also lead someone to freeze—to become paralyzed mentally and/or physically.

For example a person may forget words to a song in a singing performance.

So, how can you deal with your fears and anxiety?

Anxiety is a more prolonged and continual state of fear, like worrying about something that might happen. The thing is, though, worrying doesn’t change the outcome of a situation if we cannot do anything about it.

Fight – Flee – Freeze When we believe something is a threat, one reaction may be to fight—to become angry, aggressive, and controlling.

For example, someone who is reminded to take care of a chore may react angrily and defensively in fear of a consequence for not doing it.

Fears have much to do with what you are automatically thinking. It’s easier to recognize the feeling of fear than to recognize the automatic thought that triggers the fear.

It takes practice to recognize the automatic thoughts that cause fear in us.

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Five Principles to Help Overcome Fears

Another example: A teacher gives constructive feedback to a group working on a project. One person in the group interprets the feedback as a threat and automatically fears that they might not get an “A” for the project, while another person in the same group responds with appreciation for the increased clarity about what they need to focus on. Two people can listen to the same thing but hear it differently. How you respond to a situation is influenced by your perception of it, and often, there is more than one way to interpret it.

The 1st principle is to pray and entrust your fears and concerns to God. Meditating and memorizing Bible verses that speak about fear and courage can strengthen you.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”

Psalm 58:3 NIV The 2nd principle is to change your beliefs about your fears and anxious thoughts. A thought in and of itself is not dangerous. Just because you have a thought does not mean it’s true or it’s a real threat.

The 5th principle is to deal with any negative beliefs about yourself. Grow in self-awareness. When the group of men commissioned by Moses returned to report what they saw in the land of Canaan, Caleb said they should go and take possession of the land, but the other men were afraid to do such a thing because they seemed like grasshoppers in their own eyes (Numbers 13:30-32). Their fear, influenced by how they saw themselves, prevented them from entering the land God promised them.

When Jesus appeared to His disciples after He rose from the dead, He said to them, Peace be with you. However, their reaction was not peace but fear because they automatically thought He was a ghost (Luke 24:36-37).

When you feel fear, take note of what you are thinking.

Notice the automatic thought and remind yourself that just because a fearful thought entered your mind doesn’t mean it’s true.

Here is another example: imagine two beginning guitarists attending a concert by an expert guitarist.

One of them thinks to himself, “If I keep practicing, maybe someday I will be able to play riffs like that.”

The other person thinks to himself, “I suck. I’ll never be able to play like that!” If you have a negative belief about yourself, like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not important,” you are more likely to have automatic negative interpretations of situations.

The 3rd principle is to manage your demands and expectations. When you have no control over the outcome of something, and it’s not going the way you expect, you can be more prone to fear. Rigid thinking is when you demand something to be a certain way, even when it’s beyond your power to make it happen.

Realistic thinking can help to reduce fear and anxiety about things beyond your control. Instead of thinking, “I demand this to happen,” choose to say to yourself, “I want this to happen, and I recognize what I can and cannot control.”

The 4th principle is to become mindful of how you are interpreting a situation. How we feel about a situation is influenced by our interpretation of it. We tend to assume that how we interpret or see a situation is true. For example, let’s say John texted a new friend, Dave, to ask if he wanted to hang out. Ten, twenty, thirty minutes go by, and no reply. All the while, John has a growing feeling of fear and anxiety. When an hour goes by, John thinks, “What a jerk. He’s ghosting me!” But what other reasons might there be for Dave not to reply as John expected? Just then, Dave texts back, “Went for a run and just got back. Let’s hang out! What time?”

The reality is you can face what you fear. Fear does not go away by distracting yourself with activities or numbing yourself with substances. When you face what you fear, you may discover that the circumstance causing your fear is not what it appears to be. You will also grow in confidence in who you are and be less vulnerable to an imagined fear that’s influenced by what you think.

Remember, just because you have an anxious thought does not mean it’s true.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV Robert Okimura is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

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TALK TO YOU A poem by Cameron Goya Lynde Talk to you.

Be your own gentle older brother.

Watch out for yourself.

And when you complain or when you’re in pain or when things aren’t plain Speak to yourself with understanding and patience.

Love yourself.

Give yourself what is best for you when you want to and when you don’t.

ACTIVITY Part of loving and being patient with yourself is being self-aware of what you are thinking and feeling. Do the following activity. Revisit these questions regularly to be aware of your thought life.

Emotions: Do you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster?

Are you stuffing your emotions?

Do you feel peaceful and content overall?

Are you even aware of your emotions, or do you avoid ‘going there?’

Reflect on the following questions and rate yourself from 1 to 10 (1 being poor, 10 being excellent)on your emotional health in the areas of your mind, will, and emotions:

Journal a few positive messages you can tell yourself. You can also include Bible verses or quotes that resonate with you and can help you to grow, encourage, and strengthen yourself.

Mind: How has your thought life been about yourself, others, and your circumstances?

Do you tend to have positive and hopeful thoughts, or do you find yourself stewing in fear or negative and cynical thoughts?

Will: How have you been managing the virtue of self-control?

Are you a pushover where you have little boundaries and can’t say no?

Are you a control freak?

Have you been trusting God and seeking godly direction or taking things into your own hands out of fear of losing control?

Have you been making good and wise choices?

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“Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.” – Brené Brown

Ever feel a mental mess of anxiety overcome you?

Entire books have been written on how to manage and overcome fear and anxiety, so we are just scratching the surface here!

UNRAVELING OUR MENTAL MESS!

by Michele Okimura

We can attempt to avoid feeling stressed by distracting ourselves through unhealthy means such as binge eating, gaming, or shopping to feel the thrill of buying stuff ! Some of us may have even turned to drugs, sex, or porn to medicate stress. Such actions may give us a moment of relief and comfort but will not be helpful for us in the long run.

Some good things can come out of feelings of anxiety.

Anxiety can: ▶ motivate us to accomplish our goals and creatively problem-solve. ▶ show us where we need to grow in trusting God. ▶ give us clues to any unhealthy thinking patterns that need adjustments. ▶ be a warning signal that we are in danger, moving us to take positive action.

When you are feeling anxious, ask yourself, “Why am I feeling anxious?” Reflecting on why you are feeling stressed can help uncover the internal dialogue you are having—a dialogue that you may not even be aware of.

What if what you are thinking is not true?

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”

Isaiah 26:3 NLT

Our thoughts directly affect our emotions. Faulty, distorted thinking happens when we believe something to be true that is false or could very well be false. Faulty thinking causes a huge ball of mental mess! It can fill us with hopelessness, paralyze us with fear or guilt, and trap us in unnecessary pain. It is dangerous because it affects your relationships and limits your potential.

All-or-nothing thinking: ‘All or nothing’ thinking exaggerates things to be much bigger than they are. Could you be assuming the worst-case scenario?

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Is your imagination going a bit wild? Are you thinking too black and white? Maybe you got a C on your report card, so you feel like a failure. Or someone offended you, so you think they are a horrible person. This is extreme thinking.

If you are experiencing fear and anxiety that is negatively affecting your daily functioning, seek professional help.

Your reactions could be rooted in a traumatic experience that God wants to heal. Having a professional counselor who gives you tools to manage your stress and walk you to victory can be extremely helpful.

If we use words like *always, *never, *all, *everybody in our statements, we probably have a faulty thought.

Constant, intense, fearful, anxious thoughts have a toxic effect on our physical bodies. Chronic fear and anxiety weaken our immune system. Therefore, it becomes very important to learn how to manage those emotions.

You take things personally: Do you take offense at something a person said or did before you have all the information? Could you be jumping too quickly to a negative conclusion? Could you be interpreting the situation wrongly? Maybe someone didn’t return your text, so you think he/she must be avoiding you. Perhaps they were sick in bed all day or had to tend to an important situation. Maybe someone you know didn’t greet you as you passed by, so you now think they must dislike you. Perhaps they did not notice you because they were deep in thought or depressed.

If you suffer from any of the symptoms below, seek support from the resources in your community: ▶ Difficulty concentrating. ▶ Constant irritability or emotional outbursts. ▶ Spending more time isolated and alone. ▶ Physical problems such as headaches or digestive issues. ▶ Difficulty sleeping or often having nightmares. ▶ Constantly feeling overwhelmed. ▶ Panic attacks (rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing).

Believing the positive before assuming the worst can be helpful. And... stop mind reading. Don’t assume you know someone’s intention without checking with them!

Communication is fragile, and we can easily misinterpret something—and sometimes even hear something that was not said! Checking your understanding with the person can be enlightening and helpful.

Hopeless thinking: This line of thinking affects our outlook for the future.

Hopeless thinking has a cynical and negative ring to it and can often include the words never and always.

Examples of hopeless thinking are: ▶ I’ll never be happy at this school. ▶ My family will always be messed up. ▶ I’ll never find a trustworthy friend.

We have so much hope for a positive future with God— nothing is impossible for your God, who wants to bless you with good things!

Life can be messy, and working on our mental mess is an ongoing process. Know that God cares about your mind and heart health and wants to enable you to rest in His peace, trusting Him! “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” – I Peter 5:7 NLT “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7 NIV “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

John 14:27 NIV

Do you suffer from severe fear and anxiety?

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JOURNAL: Journaling about your fears and anxiety can help you to see things from a different perspective.

You might discover reasons or roots for your fears that you never realized before. ▶ What is your greatest fear? Share details. ▶ Is your fear rooted in a past experience? If so, what was that experience? ▶ How has this fear held you back in life? ▶ What is at least one goal you can set to overcome this fear? Getting help from a counselor or trusted mentor can also help and support you in your journey toward overcoming your fears.

When you are facing a scary situation or find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety, pause.

When the winds of life roar against you and the negative “what ifs” torment your mind, pause.

When it feels like you are drowning in fear, pause.

DEEPER AND DEEPER STILL

Perhaps this is an opportunity to catch your bearings. Plant your feet and dig your toes more solidly into the soil of hope and grow your roots deeper.

Grow Deep Roots

Yes, it is true you may bend in the storm, and some branches may even fall off, but you can arise stronger if you hold onto hope.

Will you use such moments to allow your roots of fortitude to grow deeper, and deeper still?

Yes! You can!

Believe you will!

Like a tree, allow the storms to anchor you with deeper roots.

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Journal Write about your main takeaway from this chapter. What is something you learned about yourself?

What is something you want to grow in?

Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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Chapter 3: Unraveling emotions ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• The Angry Man Transformed. My Story.

• The Angry Man Transformed (Continues) Wisdom to Live By. • Courage in the Face of Fear.

• Overcoming Fear.

• Unraveling Our Mental Mess.

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Review the following anger management practices.

Start with choosing one of them to practice when you are feeling angry. Forming a new habit can take time, so start with practicing one habit. Once you find yourself naturally applying that one tip, then add another practice to your life.

• Pause and take several deep, slow breaths by breathing in through your nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth. Be mindful to relax your muscles.

• Visualize yourself calm and restful in a peaceful place with Jesus. Ask Jesus if there is anything He wants to tell you. Pay attention to positive thoughts that come to mind. Trust that God understands your anger and wants to help you.

• Exercise. Take a break to do some type of exercise to cool down like a brisk walk. This will give you time to think clearly and not react in anger which can cause you to say or do things that you could later regret.

• Change your thinking by asking God to help you recognize if you are jumping to a conclusion, assuming something without checking the facts, or having extreme thoughts that may be untrue. If needed, ask God to help you begin the forgiveness process.

2.

Pick a favorite Bible verse addressing fear and worry then: • • • •

Name the fear you have.

Read the verse aloud and memorize it.

Tell God about your fears and ask Him for help.

Activate your trust in God by taking a positive step to face your fear.

• Ask God for creative ideas to live out trust in this area.

• Consider asking for help from a trusted friend or mentor.

3.

Brainstorm and make a list of all your fears. If you fear rejection, failure, or success, please include them in your list. As an interesting fact, many Americans fear public speaking, bugs/snakes (scary animals), and heights.

Next, organize and rank them in order from smallest fears to greatest fears.

Choose the least scariest fear you listed to work on first.

You can ask for help from a trusted friend or mentor. A professional counselor can help with deep, paralyzing fears.

Pray and ask God for creative ideas and solutions to overcome this fear. Ask God to help you see the fear you are struggling with from His perspective. Research scriptures that can support your journey to overcome your fear.

Make sure to celebrate any progress you make!

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 61 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

James 1:12 NIV

Chapter 04

Stay the Course

with trust and faith in God, leads to remarkable transformation and success. Life’s challenges can be overwhelming, but with God’s strength, vision, commitment, and the support of others, you can turn obstacles into opportunities for growth and success.

Imagine running a marathon. The finish line is far off, your legs ache, and every step feels impossible.

Yet, with every stride, you hold onto a never-give-up mindset. As a result, you find yourself getting closer to your goal. This is what it means to stay the course and persevere.

Journey onwards toward conquering the hills and mountains that stand in your way!

This chapter is filled with practical wisdom and inspiring stories, showing how perseverance, coupled

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BORN ON PURPOSE.

by Tony Kim

“if you don’t quit, you win.”

The words “I want to be a failure when I grow up” never come from a child’s mouth. Why? Deep down, we know we are born for greatness.

cessful people are those who choose not to quit, not to stop, to keep going no matter what! In other words, if you don’t quit, you win! You are not a quitter. You are a finisher! That’s success!

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV states, “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Let’s keep going.

Galatians 6:9 NASB says, “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.”

There is greatness inside of you. So, what is the key that unlocks it? What is the difference between those who are “successful” and living a great life versus those who are not? Let’s talk about this.

In order to live this life, you need to have what we call “perseverance.” Perseverance is what gives a person the mental toughness and tenacity to keep on keeping on.

When passion and purpose meet, you persevere.

Some say those born into money and riches have a better chance of success, while others say those born without riches have a lesser chance. Well, there may be some level of truth to that, just maybe, but I know too many people born into money who are not “successful,” and those born without that definitely are.

There was a young man who grew up in a broken family in Northern California. This included violence in the home due to addictions, deep poverty where they dumpster dove for food, plus verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse.

In addition to these challenges, this 12-year-old found himself engaged in a life of gangs, running the streets, raging with anger. Much of his extended family gave up on him. At one point, this young person wanted to end

The key to being successful is not how much you start with. The choices you make every day—the right choices with the right people—get you to your finish line. Suc-

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3. Perseverance

his own life—until something powerful took place that changed everything.

Perseverance says, “I’ve come too far to go back now. I have a purpose I am passionate about.” Perseverance makes the sacrifice today to experience success tomorrow. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak are famous founders of Apple, Inc. How many of you heard of Ronald Wayne? Well, he was the third co-founder of Apple, Inc. What happened to him? When Apple, Inc. was founded, Ronald owned a 10% stake. Twelve days after co-founding Apple, Inc., he sold his share for $2,300 because he didn’t want to make the sacrifice to work in an office. Imagine if he had persevered. His 10% ownership would be worth $75 billion today. Many times, the tedious, “boring” stuff is what we need to persevere through. You never know; you could be giving up $75 billion because something is boring or difficult. Don’t quit!

One summer, he was sent to a youth camp run by the church his mother attended. It was there that he had a life-changing encounter with Jesus Christ. When the young man asked Jesus to be his personal Savior and Lord, everything changed. He found his purpose and passion for why he was created—to help people find their identity and fulfill their destiny.

Here are three keys to unlock your greatness from the inside out:

1. Purpose Purpose comes from knowing who you are. Your history or past wrongdoings do not define you. You were created on purpose to do good! When you know this, you stay focused and don’t let anyone deter you from being great!

That means no matter what peer pressure comes your way, no matter what your friends may say, and no matter what people think of you, you stay “REAL.” Real is not becoming someone or something else to be cool or fit in.

Being “real” means you are who God created you to be.

Now, back to the young man I was telling you about.

Through his relationship with Jesus, this young man found his Purpose, Passion, and Perseverance. This young man went from running the streets and wanting to take his own life to receiving the prestigious Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award in July 2022 and an Honorary Doctorate from Wagner University in October 2022.

Jeremiah 1:5 ESV says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you.”

I know this young man I’m telling you about. In fact, that young man was me!

God gave you a purpose before you were even born.

Only he knows who you truly are.

If I can do it, so can you! Don’t quit. Keep going.

Your life purpose, passion, and perseverance to keep going are first and foremost found in Christ. Remember, if your relationship with Jesus is not healthy, nothing will be healthy. Once you find Jesus, you have to find the right friends. Let go of the ones bringing you down.

Lastly, find a mentor. Behind every successful person is a mentor/coach. These three elements will help you to keep going when things get hard.

2. Passion Passion says, “I am willing to endure hardships and suffer for what I want to achieve.” Passion always pushes.

Passion does not mean being fired up emotionally, although it includes emotions. True passion means that a person is willing to push through hardships to achieve the goals they set for themselves. Bethany Hamilton inspired the world after returning as a professional surfer after losing an arm in a great white shark attack.

Her faith in God is what gave her the strength to keep going and not give up.

I’m cheering you on. Stay focused and keep going.

Remember, if you don’t quit, you win!

Romans 5:3 NASB says, “And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance...”

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“The advanced level is mastery of the basics.” – Ray Mancini, Martial Arts Master and Boxer

PERSEVERANCE AND THE POWER OF PRACTICE.

by Damon Gohata

“GOHATA! GO IN!” I excitedly jumped off the bench. We were trailing by two points with merely six seconds left on the clock.

It’d be epic to say that I was the star player and my coach trusted me to score and win the game. But the sad reality was that I usually only warmed the bench.

During basketball practice, I shot thousands of free throws. When I missed, Coach made me run sprints.

Sometimes, even if I successfully got the ball into the hoop, if it wasn’t a perfect “swish,” he still had me sprint.

I could’ve just jogged like the others, but I knew Coach had a plan. So, I pushed myself as hard as I could. He wanted me to be confident I could nail those free throws, even under insane pressure.

Halfway to the scorer’s table, I heard, “Actually, sit down.

Cooper, go in.” I then watched the final six seconds play out. Cooper, who got in instead of me, sank the winning three-pointer!

Then another game came up. I heard it again, “Gohata go in!”

And to top it off, my coach turned to me and asked, “Could you have made that shot?” My instant response was, “I don’t know.”

This was the big one—the game that might decide the league championship. It was seriously intense, and emotions ran high.

I didn’t get it back then, but Coach wasn’t out to make me feel bad. He saw something I didn’t. I WASN’T ready. Sure, I dreamt of making that winning shot and basking in the glory, but the truth was, I wasn’t totally confident I could pull it off. Even if I’d been on the court, I’d probably have missed, or more likely, not even taken the shot.

In the middle of the fourth quarter, we were trailing by fifteen points. When I got the call to jump in, we’d already started to bounce back with just eight points down and two minutes left. But then, after a controversial offensive foul, we lost our star player for the rest of the game.

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Then it happened. Wait! What’s going on? Coach signaled me to go onto the court at this pivotal moment. Was Coach giving up the game by sending me in, or did he know something I didn’t?

the hand motions needed to ‘wax on’ and ‘wax off’ while doing these chores. Daniel couldn’t understand why he had to do this stuff just to learn karate moves. Despite grumbling about it, he followed the instructions.

We were down by just two points with ten seconds to go, and we had possession. A teammate took a three-pointer that could’ve put us ahead, but it rebounded hard off the rim into the backcourt. I was nearest to the ball, so I hurried to grab it, aware that time was running out. In the chaos of getting the ball, an opponent grabbed me, and the ref called a foul. If I could nail two free throws, we could tie the game.

With time, doing these tasks helped Daniel build muscle memory in his arms and hands. When it came to making karate moves, those arm and hand actions he’d practiced became powerful defensive moves in a competition, helping him win! Those moves became automatic reflexes when he needed them.

You can probably see clips of this scene on YouTube under “Karate Kid, wax on, wax off” or watch the movie!

The other team’s band banged their drums. It sounded like thunder in the gym. In my head, I kept hearing the words “just like practice” on repeat.

The lesson here is that sticking with practice, even when you feel like giving up would be easier, is totally worth it!

This time, I was confident and knew that if I shot the ball just like I did during practice, I could nail it—three dribbles and then the shot. The ball bounced several times off of the rim…then, finally, the ball fell through the net!

Growing spiritually, just like anything else, requires practice and doing things over and over. Take memorizing scripture, regular prayer, reading the Bible, helping others, and developing the skills and talents God gave you—doing these things helps us grow and become stronger.

Then, I prepared for my second shot. Three dribbles.

Then the shot. The same result!

“Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:9 NLT

We headed into overtime, and we won the game! Right after the buzzer went off to end the game, my teammates hoisted me up on their shoulders, parading me around the gym as we celebrated our incredible comeback victory.

Becoming a master at anything in life involves practicing, repetition, and doing the basics over and over, whether it’s mastering a physical skill or building mental strength and positive mindsets to help you achieve your goals and dreams. In the process, watch your confidence grow!

WHOA! It was an incredible moment, but victory on the court would never have come without the hard work and struggle of practice.

“Practice puts brains in your muscles.”

Sam Snead, Professional Golfer

Practice. Practice. Practice. In psychology, they say doing something over and over is a killer way to learn or remember stuff. Think about it: practicing is key to getting better at any sport or just life in general. Practice helps us to form new habits. Practice can help make actions so automatic that muscle memory kicks in without us needing to think about it. Practice enables us to master a skill, change a mindset, and promote success!

“If people knew how hard I had to work to gain my mastery, it would not seem so wonderful at all.”

Michelangelo Buonarroti, Famous Italian Sculptor and Painter “You become a master in what you repeatedly do in consistency. Mastery is not born; it is acquired.

It is not blood-linked; it is skill-learnt!”

Israelmore Ayivor, Youth Leadership Coach

Ever watched the classic original movie Karate Kid? There is a scene where the karate teacher, Mr. Miyagi, instructs his teenage student, Daniel, to wax his cars and paint his fences using specific moves. He describes

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THE RHYTHM OF REST While you are persevering through life situations.

It is important to take time to rest.

“Most of the things we need to be most fully alive never come in busyness.

They grow in rest.”

“Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges.”

Bryant McGill, Social Entrepreneur

Mark Buchanan

SOME ‘RESTFUL’ ACTIVITIES YOU CAN START DOING TODAY! mentally, and emotionally. For example, you could take a walk, lie down and watch the clouds, watch the sunset, hike, or swim in the ocean or lake.

• Plan a time of quiet that includes conversations with God, journaling, worshiping, and meditating on God’s Word and truths.

• Carve out regular, unplanned, and unstructured time to rest—a time to rest your brain and body.

• How about sitting or lying in silence daily for 3-5 minutes? Resting your mind can take effort but can give you a moment of rest for your brain and body.

• Plan a time for recreational rest! What do you like to do for fun? What activities do you enjoy doing that does not require a lot of energy?

• God created the Sabbath to benefit us by resting one day out of seven. Aim to enter a restful place one day a week to refresh.

• Plan times to be in nature. Being in God’s beautiful creation refreshes us physically,

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Don’t forget to breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe again.

Breathe.

Did you know that deep breathing can actually calm you down? It can help clear your mind and reset your brain.

When we breathe normally, we rarely use our full lung capacity. Deep breathing gives our body a good dose of the oxygen it needs to thrive. Try the following steps and do this regularly: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Find a comfortable position.

Close your eyes.

Put one hand gently on your heart and the other on your belly. Take a slow, deep breath for about 3-4 seconds, inhaling through your nose. Your belly, not your chest, should expand.

Exhale slowly for 6-7 seconds through your mouth.

Repeat a few to several times, depending on how you feel. Try doing deep breathing at least once to a few times throughout the day and see how you feel, especially when you are stressed!

TIP: Practice deep breathing when you are waiting for someone or something, or simply take a break from what you are doing to breathe deeply.

TRY THIS ACTIVITY: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

Find a place to be alone and rest, preferably lying down.

Play some peaceful instrumental music.

Take three deep breaths, slowly exhaling. Imagine breathing in God’s Presence and Life.

Ask the Lord to speak to you.

Try to empty your mind and be in listening mode.

Just rest and relax for several minutes.

Pay attention to whatever pops into your mind. Don’t analyze; just keep focusing on the Lord.

If a picture or vision pops into your mind, ask the Lord what it means and be open to God’s thoughts.

Journal what you receive.

Hearing God’s voice takes practice and is a process. It is okay if you are not sure if it’s God or not. He will reveal Himself if you earnestly seek Him! If your mind is blank and you do not ‘receive’ anything, that is okay! This can be a great activity to do daily—even if for a few minutes!

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JOURNAL

You are smarter

and stronger than

you realize.

God wastes nothing!

Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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FINDING REST AND IDENTITY IN A BUSY WORLD.

by Brett Nakasone

“In Him, you’ll find the true rest and identity your soul longs for.”

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT It’s crazy to think that in four years, I will be celebrating my 20th reunion of high school. In case you are wondering, I (Brett) graduated in 2008, which means I am now considered old by many of you.

I remember those early mornings, like the 5:30 am workouts for baseball and the long days that followed with school, study hall, and practice. Then there were the late nights filled with dinner, homework, and talking to my girlfriend, often leaving me with just five hours of sleep. Life was a whirlwind, and finding rest seemed impossible.

Back then, I didn’t fully grasp the importance of rest—not just physical rest but rest for my soul. Our culture often glorifies busyness, equating a packed schedule with success. But deep down, many of us feel tired, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.

We all need the emotional, mental, and physical strength to endure and persevere through challenging times.

What did Jesus do to strengthen and refresh himself?

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Mark 1:35 NIV

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Jesus set an example for us by seeking solitude and prayer, even in the midst of his demanding ministry. Solitude isn’t just about being alone; it’s about creating space to connect with God and reflect on our lives.

Henri Nouwen said, “Solitude is not a private therapeutic place. Rather it is the place of conversion, the place where the old self dies, and the new self is born.”

When we strip away the distractions— no friends to talk with, no phone calls, no meetings, no music, no books—we’re left with just ourselves. This can be uncomfortable, facing our vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and brokenness. But it’s in these moments of solitude that we come face to face with our nothingness, realizing our deep need for God’s presence, and we gain strength for the journey.

“Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.” – Psalm 139:23-24 MSG Inviting Jesus into the ugliest parts of our hearts requires courage. It’s not easy

to confront our flaws and insecurities, but it is necessary for true transformation. We need a new rhythm that disrupts our normal patterns and draws us closer to God. Because here’s the thing: change only happens through a certain level of commitment. Information without application leads to stagnation. However, information through application is what leads to transformation—not by our own strength but by His Spirit. Scripture urges us not just to be hearers of the word but doers of the word. It’s the small daily decisions, rhythms, practices, and habits that make all the difference.

I want to be conformed, shaped, and modeled into His image. To be more like Him, to look like Him, to walk at His pace, and to respond to the world with His gentleness and grace. To reign and rule, build, create, and cultivate under His loving and sacrificial authority. But to do that, I have to look in His face, meet with Him, stay at His feet, and spend time with Him. It’s through this that we develop a new disposition of our heart.

In today’s era of social media, finding rest is even more challenging. Our phones and social media apps are constantly vying for our attention, pulling us into a cycle of doomscrolling, notifications, and comparisons. The pressure to keep up with the latest trends, share the perfect moments, and stay connected with everyone can be overwhelming.

Social media often leaves us feeling more connected yet more isolated than ever.

We compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reels, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and loneliness. The constant barrage of information and the pressure to present a curated version of our lives can drain us emotionally and spiritually.

To truly find rest, we need to disconnect from these distractions and reconnect with Who really matters. It’s not about abandoning social media entirely but about setting boundaries and being intentional with our time. Create moments of solitude away from the screen, where you can meet with God, reflect, and find true rest for your soul.

In a world that constantly demands our attention and energy, finding rest and our true identity in Christ is essential.

Jesus offers us rest for our souls, a rest that goes beyond physical relaxation.

It’s a rest that renews our spirit, redefines our identity, and realigns our priorities with His. So, as you navigate the busyness of your life—whether it’s school, sports, work, relationships, or the pull of social media—remember to take time for solitude.

Create space to meet with God, reflect, pray, and rest. Allow Him to transform you from the inside out, shaping you into the person He created you to be.

In Him, you’ll find the true rest and identity your soul longs for.

“Most of the things we need to be most fully alive never come in busyness. They grow in rest.”

Mark Buchanan

RESTING IN NATURE.

There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature—the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.” – Rachel Carson Numerous times in His Word, God refers to things in nature, such as trees, ocean waves, flowers, and various animals, to communicate a message. His creation reveals His power, creativity, majesty, glory, and love!

God refreshes, restores, and nourishes our souls through nature. As we soak in the beauty of His creation through the sights, sounds, smells, and our sense of touch, God speaks and reveals Himself. Just being in natural surroundings can help reduce stress and anxiety and give us a sense of peace in His Presence. For example, going on a hike, swimming in the ocean, or going on a boat ride can refresh our minds and reset our emotions.

Take time to soak in moments in nature as a regular habit!

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“You rule the raging of the sea; When its waves rise, You still them.”

Psalm 89:9 NKJV

Are you a mountain person or an ocean person?

Where is your favorite place to be outdoors?

Envision your favorite place in nature. Describe the view, the sounds, and the smells in this place that you love:

Why does this particular place bring you peace?

ACTIVITY Take a walk with your smartphone or camera. It could be around your neighborhood, at a park, or even at your school. Ask the Lord to highlight something in nature and take a photo of it. It could be a tree, a rock, a flower, a puddle of water—something in nature. When you have time, spend some quiet time looking at the photo you took and ask the Lord what He wants to communicate with you about that nature scene. Pay attention to the thoughts and impressions that come to you. Write your thoughts below:

I took a photo of a:

What I sensed the Lord speak to me about what the photo represents:

Make it a practice to take a pause when you are in nature and when something grabs your attention. What are your eyes feasting on, and what are your ears hearing? What is the Lord trying to say to you through this?

Soak it in and enjoy.

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Journal As we persevere, grit and character develop within us. A person with grit musters up the strength to persevere and is passionate and committed to the end goal.

Read the following passages and journal your reflections. What is God saying to you personally through these verses?

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” – Romans 5:3-5 NLT “Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT

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Chapter 4: Stay the Course

• • • • •

ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

Born On Purpose.

Perseverance and the Power of Practice.

The Rhythm of Rest.

Finding Rest and Identity in a Busy World.

Resting in Nature.

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Find a Bible verse that encourages you to persevere. Frame it or put it on a Post-it note where you will see it regularly. Commit it to memory!

2.

When persevering through hardships, it can help to keep goals and a vision for your future in mind.

Here are some practical steps that can help you keep moving forward and track your progress.

•

Write down your vision and/or end goals clearly on paper.

•

Break the goals into small steps and have daily or weekly goals you aim to accomplish. We naturally do not want to do things that make us uncomfortable or will challenge us, so taking small steps can be less intimidating and doable.

•

Find a Bible verse and/or quote you can memorize to help keep a positive mindset.

•

Be gentle with yourself when you experience failure or disappointment.

•

Celebrate your progress, even if you simply made it through another day without giving up!

3.

Interview a person of faith who went through a difficult time yet persevered through a challenge. Hear their story and how God helped them. Sometimes, we need some inspiration, wisdom, and counsel from someone who has endured a hard time.

4.

Watch a movie based on a true story about a sports team or someone who experienced victory and success after a season of hardship. The Lord can encourage you through a true story and testimony. To get some ideas, search the Internet for movies based on true stories of perseverance.

Journal the lessons gained through the movie.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 77 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“God’s grace empowers us to see our parents through His eyes, with compassion and forgiveness.”

Rick Warren

Chapter 05

Parents and You

Picture this: your parents, once tiny, cute, wide-eyed babies.

Hard to imagine, right? Yet, they started just like you, with hopes and dreams shaped by their childhood experiences. When you were born, they were faced with the challenge of navigating the responsibilities of parenthood with their own imperfect pasts. Some parents have done wonderfully well so far, while others have not. Many parents are still growing and learning how to be better.

By viewing your parents through the lens of God’s grace, you can begin to understand their struggles and efforts. This is a process. In the areas where your parents have fallen short, remember that your Heavenly Father provides the perfect model of unconditional love and patience.

It’s common for many people’s emotional issues to be traced back to their relationship or lack of relationship with one or more parents. Therefore, with courage and an open mind, let’s dive into this next chapter.

Let’s gain some helpful insights to help deal with our parental relationships in the best way possible.

This chapter explores the often complex relationships between young men and their parents. Whether your mom or dad is in your life or not, you probably have a number of longings, hurts, expectations, disappointments, gratitudes, and hopes to work through in time.

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WHAT HAVE MY PARENTS GOT TO DO WITH IT?

by Beth Bachran

Did you ever consider that your parents were once BABIES? Well, they used to be babies, and they used to be kids. Can you imagine that?! They used to be cute, little, drooling, innocent, wide-eyed babies. They maybe didn’t know it then, but they would have hopes and dreams about what life could be like, as little kids should.

Maybe there are days when your parents are fun and enjoyable to be around, and life is good! (We all like to focus on those days.) And maybe there are those days when you are kind and helpful towards them.

But when they were kids, they may not have been parented perfectly. Let’s face it—who is parented perfectly? NO ONE! Their hearts may have been broken over and over by being misunderstood.

Both sides need to be patient. Your parents are probably doing the best with what they have… they are still in the process of growing and learning.

Relationships are a two-way street!

The only One who can parent perfectly is your Good, Good Father God. He is safe, kind, patient, compassionate, all-wise, and powerful! He always gets it!

Maybe your parents ▶ were raised in a super strict home with harsh discipline. ▶ were rarely given love, kindness, or encouragement. ▶ were not given space to make mistakes. ▶ were not praised or affirmed. ▶ were abused and rejected. ▶ experienced various traumas—for which they still need healing. ▶ were abandoned by one or both parents. ▶ had parents who were so absorbed in their own struggles that they did not receive much attention.

However, the negative experiences you have had with your earthly parents can negatively affect how you see your Heavenly Father. Your view of God affects your ability to feel connected to Him. For example:

They grew up the best way they knew how—just like you are doing now.

Fast forward. Now they are YOUR mom or dad. WHAT?!

I know there are days when it seems they JUST DON’T GET IT! There are days when they silently hope they will get it right, but they cannot read your mind any more than you can read theirs. Conflict between you and your parents can feel really cringy… and it hurts.

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▶ If your parents rarely provide for your needs, it may be hard for you to trust God to provide for you. ▶ If your parents are usually mad and disapproving towards you, you may tend to see God as usually angry, just waiting for you to mess up. ▶ If your parents are not guiding you, it may be difficult to turn to God for help and wisdom because you are used to figuring things out on your own. ▶ If your parents do not show interest in your life, it may be hard for you to believe God cares about you— like REALLY cares about you. ▶ If you do not have a heart connection with your parents, then God may seem distant and detached.

On the positive side, If you have loving, supportive parents who are safe places for you to open up, then it is probably easier for you to trust God and feel secure in His love.

Him that you recognize could be rooted in your experiences with your earthly parents. Ask Him to show you the truth of who He really is for you!

God is Father, but He also has all the tender parts of motherly love, too…the kind of love that nurtures and holds tight and is safe as well. Yeah, He is both—even though that seems weird.

And at the same time, work on forgiving your parents for the ways you feel they have failed you. Pray a blessing for them.

The following is an activity to practice some of these things…

As you grow in your relationship with your Heavenly Father, give to God in prayer any negative perceptions you have about

If you have experienced rejection from a parent, take comfort in God’s promise to you: “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.” Psalm 27:10 NLT

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JOURNAL ACTIVITY 1.

Get a piece of paper.

2.

Write each parent a letter. *You will NOT be giving them this letter, so feel free to express yourself.

The treasure will be how your heart will feel when you express things that you may not even know need to be written down on this paper.

Your letter might look something like this sample: Dear Mom/Dad, I never reflected on the fact that you were once a teenager like me.

One thing I need from you is

One thing I want you to know about me is (could be a dream of yours or anything you want them to know about you)

One reason I am thankful for you is

Make the words your own and express whatever you want! If your letter happens to be full of negative emotions and hurtful words you expressed, it’s ok. Did you know that when we express pain, it actually helps our brains feel less of it? That’s better than holding it in!

3.

Once you are done writing, tear the letter up and throw it away.

4.

If you’re brave, you might want to show your parents kindness and cooperation. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and try to believe they are doing their best (even though it may not seem like it.)

Remember, your parents were once just babies who had to grow up!

If you want to, you may write a loving letter to your parents to give to them, expressing your needs, true feelings, dreams, thanks towards them, and positive desires for your relationship with them! It’s okay if you’re not ready to be that open, but maybe pop that in the back of your mind and think about this for the future. You are worth being heard and seen!

He is the perfect Father who loves you so relentlessly!

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JOURNAL

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My name is Merval Bud Phelan. It’s the name written on my birth certificate.

The Crow name given to me by my grandfather is Baawaalax’Baax’Be Eet’Koole Eeshakokaate,’ which means “Young man who carries the Holy Bible.” In my Native American culture, I was told your name IS who you are or will become.

Here, I share my story of pain…and hope.

“HELP ME. I DON’T CARE.”

by Merval Bud Phelan

On September 10, 1994, I was born on the Crow Indian reservation in Montana. My mom was from the Crow tribe in Montana, and my dad was from the Hidatsa tribe in North Dakota on the Fort Berthold Reservation.

I was raised with lots of beliefs…and lots of cousins. Growing up on the “Rez” in Montana was hard for me. It was particularly hard because I grew up in a fatherless home. My dad, Gary Phelan Sr., died when I was three. I don’t really remember him, but oddly, I remember the day he died. The smell of the hospital, the sounds of my mom and four sisters wailing when being told dad died, and the lamp being left on all night because my siblings and I could not sleep without a light on for a while after he passed.

Growing up without a dad made me yearn for a mentor, friend, and uncles who cared—men who would show me the sacred way of being a man. Instead, I was left with an abusive older brother who was hooked on meth when he was eighteen. He taught me everything I knew in my younger years.

I started using drugs and alcohol at an early age. By the time middle school rolled around, I realized what I was doing was unbelievably bad. When I was in 5th grade, I was handcuffed and put into the back of a police car for beating up a kid who made fun of my mom. Having only one parent made me a huge “momma’s boy,” so when she was made fun of, I took it personally.

I had deep-seated anger and rage inside of me. My decision-making came from a place of bitterness. I didn’t care that being suspended from school became normal for me, along with detention and acting cool with my “hood rat” friends.

While selling drugs, fighting, and rebelling during my middle and high school years, I secretly longed to have a dad who would show me how to be a man.

However, despite all the drama I created, I had a momma that prayed for me! If you have a praying momma, there is

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not much you can do because God shows favor to those praying mommas. She would take me to church. But being a proud Native American, I didn’t want to follow a “white man’s religion.” Instead, I followed my Native traditions. I got into Native American cultural ceremonies and would talk to “holy men” about life. One man told me to get an “Indian name,” so I did just that.

“Growing up without a dad made me yearn for a mentor, friend, and uncles who cared—men who would show me the sacred way of being a man

It was at this time that my grandfather gave me the name “Young Man who Carries the Holy Bible.”

Man! At first, I was so disappointed when I was given this name! As I mentioned earlier, in my culture, your name is who you are or who you will become—and at the time, I did NOT want to be that!

There were so many times when I was so hopeless and hardened that I didn’t care about many things. However, I didn’t realize that God’s deep care and relentless love were pursuing me all along.

Due to my mom’s prayers and God working in my life, I eventually gave my life to Jesus as an adult. He saved me and gave me meaning and purpose. He filled the empty hole in my life. It was then that my name, “Young Man who Carries the Holy Bible,” became a real blessing to me and affirmed my identity!

have experienced the tangible love of God through these men.

They do not model perfection, but they model the process of walking closely with God. They show me what it looks like to walk confidently as an honorable, godly, beloved son of the Lord. I no longer feel alone.

Remember, I was a fatherless child.

I learned that the Lord, our Heavenly Father, understands the need we all have to be lovingly fathered. We are all adopted

by Him. If you grew up fatherless like me, or you never had a loving, good father, be comforted by God’s promise:

My encouragement to you is to pursue growing in knowing and experiencing the father-heart of God. You will never be the same when you are touched by His transforming love and power.

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.” Psalm 27:10 NLT

In addition, ask God to provide mentors to support you. Seek out spiritual fathers who believe in you, love you, and are there to guide, protect, encourage, and strengthen you—and point you to God.

A significant Bible passage that hit me in my heart was 1 Corinthians 4:15, NKJV (capitals added), when Paul says, “For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you DO NOT have many Fathers….” This verse literally tells us to value spiritual fathers!

My Heavenly Father has brought so much hope, healing, and transformation into my life. All along, God knew my desire and need to have a positive father figure in life. I’m so grateful that through the years, God has provided both mentors and spiritual fathers who guide me, impart wisdom to me, and model for me what it means to be a good and great man. I

Be patient, as it can take time to find the right mentors.

Develop a willing, open, humble, and teachable heart. I believe you will find mentors, spiritual fathers, and even spiritual mothers who will walk with you in life, whether just for a short season or for years to come!

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1 NIV

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LETTER FROM A DAD What kind of a father did you have?

Loving?

Supportive?

Strong?

Irresponsible?

Abusive?

Absent?

Protective?

Controlling?

Uninvolved?

Hey guys, there are tons of different dads out there, and they’re all unique—strong in some ways, but they also have their flaws. No parent has it all figured out.

Each parent had their own deal growing up. Some dads are better at coping with emotions, while others might struggle with it. Some dads are quiet and keep to themselves, while others might be all about yelling and being in charge. Some get all the love and props from their kids, while others might have strained relationships.

Harsh?

Scary?

Now, if you are reading this and you do not currently have a dad in your life, maybe you can relate this letter to a father figure in your life. Parts of this letter may still speak to those of you who don’t have a dad.

Hopefully, this apology letter can push you to grow, see things differently, or maybe let go of some of that anger and pain that’s been holding you back.

Your dad may or may not relate to what this letter expresses, but it’s meant to give you an idea of what a dad might feel and regret. It could help you figure out things and maybe find some ways to heal.

Some dads just didn’t learn how to be good fathers because of their own issues they never dealt with.

As you go through the following letter, some parts might hit home while other parts might not, and that’s okay.

Your family situation is unique to you. This letter is to help you figure out if there are things with your dad that you might need to forgive. It’s a chance for you to think and feel like someone ‘gets’ where you are coming from.

This is from a real dad who’s been through it, reflecting on how he raised his son, hoping to make things right.

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.”

Psalm 27:10 NLT

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THE APOLOGY: I’m Sorry My Son by Don Mayer Dear Son, I never wanted to be like my dad when it came to parenting, yet I ended up making many of the same mistakes he made—and for this, I apologize. When you were born, I wasn’t ready to be a father. But the truth is, no one is ever fully prepared because every child is unique. I wanted to raise you to be a good and strong man, but I failed to include you in the process. I rarely asked you what you wanted... I didn’t know how, nor did I put effort into learning how.

Will you please forgive me?

I tried to teach you strength by being what I thought was ‘strong.’ But in doing so, I made you feel like I didn’t care about you. Nothing could be further from the truth. I acted the way I did because I cared deeply for you. However, like many men, I corrected you with harshness and anger. As a result, you likely felt rejected and put down.

Will you please forgive me for all the times I hurt you?

There were moments when I was not there for you like I should’ve been. I was absent, and I might have caused you to feel abandoned, unwanted, not important, or rejected. My lack of interest in your life left a gaping hole in your heart, whether you realize it or not.

I missed many chances to celebrate you and appreciate all the awesome things about you. There were times when you needed a pat on the back, some advice, or just someone to tell you it was going to be okay... and I wasn’t there. It probably made you feel like you had to handle everything on your own.

Will you please forgive me for the times I failed to really listen to you and acknowledge your voice?

It’s human nature to jump to the worst conclusions, which breeds fear. When we are scared, we start picturing the worst scenarios, and it gets tough to trust anyone. If I’d actually talked to you and listened, I’d have seen how much my fear messed with our bond. I made it worse by trying to control things with my authority. That pushed us apart. Looking back, I realize I was stuck in this same fear and power struggle with my dad, which I ended up repeating with you.

Will you please forgive me for responding to you too many times from a place of fear?

Some might say being a man means never admitting mistakes, but that is a lie. Being a man means owning your mistakes and doing what you can to fix them.

As you grow into manhood, I hope and pray you can break through the father/son barrier that separates many families. I ask you to see past my mistakes, not live in fear as I have, and learn to talk through difficulties with your future family.

Know that you have a perfect Heavenly Father who will never fail you, is always there for you, and is for you. He created you with tremendous value, purpose, gifts, talents, and heart to impact people and the world around you in your own unique and special way.

Remember, a good, strong man is also a kind and loving man.

I love you, my son!

Your Father

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LETTER FROM A MOM The role of a loving mom is important.

While reading this letter, some parts might be relatable to you, while others might not, and that’s completely fine. Your family situation is personal and unique to you.

Reflecting on this letter, you may discover some things you may want to forgive your mom for.

In the animal kingdom, mothers primarily have the special role of nurturing and caring for their newborn babies.

Moms are meant to help their babies and children feel safe as they explore the world—like creating a safe home base where they can return for comfort and support.

This apology letter is meant to encourage you to grow.

It gives you an opportunity to gain a new perspective.

Maybe it will help you to let go of some anger, disappointments, or pain that has been weighing you down.

There are loads of different kinds of moms in the world. You’ve got the ones who have a positive, tight relationship with their kids. On the flip side, you might have the controlling, harsh, or strict ones. Some are very emotional, and then there are ones who are very distant and detached.

Although your mom might see things differently than what’s in the letter, you will learn how a mom might feel and what she might regret. This is written by a real mom who is familiar with the regrets that mothers can have. Healing can happen in creative ways, and this may help your process.

Maybe you do not have a mom currently—but maybe you have a mother figure in your life. If you have a mom, what kind of relationship do you have with her?

Some moms have experienced a lot in their lives, facing tough challenges and traumas that make it hard for them to be the best moms they can be.

“...Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands...”

Isaiah 49:15-16 NLT

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THE APOLOGY: I’m Sorry My Son by Michele Okimura Dear Son, I wanted to be a good mom to you when you were born, yet I know there were areas I failed you—and for this, I apologize. When you were born, you were a precious child deserving of comfort, nurture, love, and support. I know there were times I did not meet your needs for these caring actions as you were growing up.

Will you please forgive me?

There were times I corrected you harshly. As a result, you likely felt rejected, disrespected, and put down.

I should have been one to build you up with my words, even in the midst of discipline, instead of reacting out of my rage and anger. I regret not having more self-control.

Will you please forgive me for all the times I hurt you?

There were times when you may have wished I was there for you, but I was not. This might have caused you to feel abandoned, not important, or even rejected. My lack of interest in what was going on in your life left a wound, whether you realize it or not.

I missed moments to celebrate you and appreciate all the amazing and noteworthy things about you.

Sometimes you needed my hug, a listening ear, wisdom, or someone to reassure you that everything would be okay... and I wasn’t there.

Will you please forgive me for not being there for you when you needed me?

When two people don’t communicate, situations can get hurtful and messy. At times, I assumed negative things about you instead of checking with you to see if my thoughts were accurate. I should’ve thought the best of you before jumping to negative conclusions. If I could, I’d go back in time and be a better listener. I am sorry that, at times, you felt that you couldn’t speak up and that I didn’t value your voice.

Will you please forgive me for the times I failed to really listen to you and acknowledge your voice?

When someone is scared, people usually jump to the worst conclusions in their imagination, like picturing the worst-case scenarios! I realize that in those times when I was full of fear and anxiety, I tried to control and manipulate you with guilt and shame, which actually made things worse in our relationship.

I regret not giving you more grace and patience when you made mistakes. I realize I did not choose my battles well... you did not need ‘discipline’ or ‘consequences’ for every little thing you did wrong. There are some situations I really should not have gotten so upset about. I regret not making you feel that it is okay to make mistakes because that is how we learn. There were times when I should’ve just comforted and encouraged you instead of getting upset.

Will you please forgive me for the times I was too reactive and responded from a place of fear?

You are a young man who is a gift to this world. You have immense value! You are worthy of honor and respect.

Know that you have a perfect Heavenly Father who will never fail you, is always there for you, and is for you. He created you with tremendous value, purpose, gifts, talents, and heart to impact people and the world around you in your own unique and special way.

I love you, my son!

Your Mother

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Journal Write your takeaways from this chapter on parents.

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Chapter 5: Parents and You

• • • •

ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

What Have My Parents Got To Do With It? “Help Me. I Don’t Care.”

Letter From A Dad. Letter From A Mom.

Choose one or more action steps:

“Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:2-3 NLT

1.

making a list of their positive strengths. We can focus on the negative weaknesses in others, but if we look hard enough, we will be able to see some good! Even parents need encouragement.

Pick a parent or a parent figure in your life and write an appreciation note or text. It is customary to give a parent a nice card on their birthday, Mother’s Day, or Father’s Day, but it is a kind gesture to send them a special message for no particular occasion.

Express your gratitude for what good they are doing for you or have done for you. You can also add words to encourage them if they happen to be going through a difficult time.

2.

3.

If you have unforgiveness or resentment towards a parent or parent figure, you can decide to work on forgiving them. Review the first chapter on forgiveness in this volume for helpful tips.

Here are some ideas:

If you are aware that you have hurt or offended a parent or parent figure in some way and you know you were wrong or didn’t handle the situation respectfully, you can humble yourself and ask for forgiveness for what you did that was not right. You can do your part in taking a step to heal the rift between you two.

• • •

You cannot control their response to your apology, but you can do what you can and be at peace with what you tried.

Ask God for creative ideas to bless your parent or parent figure. Even if you are going through a tense or rough time with them presently, doing something loving can help you repair the relationship.

• •

Purchase or make them a small gift.

Do a chore or service for them.

Simply give them hugs and say “I love you,’ regularly.

Express your appreciation for something they did.

Tell them what you like and love about them.

Giving them compliments or affirmations is a loving gesture, as words are powerful. You can start by

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

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“Community is where humility and glory touch.”

Henry Nouwen

Chapter 06

Forged in Community Close relationships involve real, face-to-face interactions where we are genuinely seen, heard, and, most importantly, understood.

Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room, longing for genuine connection amidst a sea of acquaintances? This common yet isolating feeling reveals our deep human need for authentic community.

But remember, you’re not alone in this feeling. We all long for relationships that combat the loneliness we sometimes feel.

Being part of a community can also help you feel part of something bigger than yourself. It’s about contributing to a cause, making a difference, and feeling purposeful.

Being part of one or more communities that include friends and, often, family members is vital to the journey of life. Like a beautiful sharp sword being forged, people in a good community can help shape, inspire, and support you into the fullness of who God created you to be.

In this chapter, we’ll explore how being “forged in community” shapes our character, gives us a place to belong, and helps us to grow and thrive.

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HOME.

by Joshua Ko

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“I have no friends...” Have you ever said that to yourself?

Whether you grew up in a loving, stable, healthy family or not, I believe each one of us has a desire to have a place called home where we are loved, appreciated, celebrated, and challenged to grow. A peaceful, safe place. A place where people see the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of us yet still love us and want the best for us.

These are the words and feelings that I once felt and expressed after coming home from a rough day at school.

That year was tough. Most of my closest friends had changed schools in the transition from middle to high school, and the “friends” who remained at my school were all getting into romantic relationships. There were still many people around, but just because there were many people around, that didn’t mean they were all friends. How can I be surrounded by so many people yet still feel so alone?

The one thing that everyone shares is suffering. Life is full of peaks and valleys. The relationships that are true are with those who, like Christ, will endure through your deepest pain.

While there were many people around me in my lonely season, I was the one who was not comfortable with people seeing me struggle. Of course, that is always risky, but I found that when you open up to people, they feel at liberty to do the same.

Have you ever felt that way? The feeling of being around people but not having deep connections?

While you may have many “friends” or followers on social media platforms, there is still a deep desire for something more than just the superficial. While technology was created to assist inner connectedness, it can never replace the need for human interaction. It seems like everyone is there for the main events of your life, but when it comes to the daily or even the painful moments, everyone is gone. Here is the reality: we were created to have connection and community.

As I returned back to school, I actually found a friend, someone who would later become my best friend, not because we had many things in common, but because he was honest and open to share some of his pain and struggles.

Challenge: Create Home Even though I felt alone, there were many opportunities for me to connect with others and live in a “community.”

I want to challenge you not to remain alone but to seek a positive, life-giving community. Find a group of people that will encourage and support you through the challenges of life. It could be a church, youth group, or some small group, but it is not limited to these.

We were not meant to be alone, but as human beings, we thrive best when we are in healthy relationships where we have a sense of belonging.

From the very beginning, God said that everything he created was good. From the highest peak of the mountains to the fish who dwelt in the depths, God saw all he created and said it was good... except one thing. God saw Adam alone and saw that it was not good. He then created a companion, a friend, and a helper to be by his side to carry on in life.

Be a safe place for others to be open, and open yourself up to them. As you build healthy, genuine relationships with others, you will experience a sense of home—a place to belong and a place where your contributions and presence are valued and important.

We were not created to be alone but to have a home.

Prayer: Sin has its way of putting up walls, so God sent Jesus to tear down sin, prejudice, and racism to create a new community based on transparency and unconditional love. I learned there is no room for judgment when Christ lives in me.

Father, I was created to connect with others. As I create connection and community with others, connection fills me with joy overflowing and a sense of purpose. Bring me friends with whom I can share your love and friends who would encourage me to run after you. Amen

The author of Hebrews writes, “Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on...” Hebrews 24-25 MSG

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THE POWER OF COMMUNITY: FINDING ME IN THEM.

by Mark Stinton

One of the biggest reasons I found my calling was because I was part of a community of friends who showed me who I was even when I couldn’t see it myself.

I was once at a summer camp in 8th grade, and the speaker said a line I’ll never forget: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” I thought about it. I didn’t have many friends, and the ones I did have didn’t exactly scream, “successful future.” I mean, they were great at the time. We played sports together, watched movies, cracked jokes, and had all the same interests.

But if it was true that my future was in their hands, I was in serious trouble!

to fit in with others. This is precisely where peer pressure gets dangerous —at the place where we will do anything to be recognized, liked, and accepted.

This deep desire inside of me to be liked enticed me to follow the wrong people into really harmful behaviors.

I actually got in trouble with the law twice. I told my parents, “My friends made me do it.” It was an excuse, but it was also slightly true. I was stuck in a jail cell, always trying to prove myself to others, even to the point of being arrested. I went to a Christian school, but even there, it was hard to find someone who really knew the real me. And until people could see me fully, I

In high school, I was a pretty good dude. I was kind, friendly, and easy to relate to. The problem was I wanted friends so badly that I started changing myself in order

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knew they wouldn’t be able to love me fully. It was love and belonging that I was after.

If you are struggling to find a community of friends—the kind that will make you a better human being overall— know you are not alone.

God showed up for me in a major way in the next season of life. I went to college, and, for the first time in my life, I met friends who loved God and sought a higher purpose. I grew super close to a small group of guys who cared about me, invited me to try new things, and got close enough to have deep, meaningful conversations about life. They were such good people that, over time, I became a little more like them. I sounded like them, acted like them, and little did I know, they started acting like me too.

I want to share two big lessons I learned along the way with you: First, know who God created you to be. Who has He called you to be? ▶ Have you thought about WHO you will be in 5 years (not just WHAT you’ll be doing)? ▶ Are you becoming kinder as a person? ▶ Are you more confident in your strengths? ▶ Are you more patient and flexible? ▶ Are you more faithful and able to make good decisions?

Being part of a community of friends has the ability to meld different people into sameness. People knew us as a group more than who we were as individual people. I finally realized what that infamous phrase meant, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” It is all about allowing yourself to be found in relationships with others.

Ask the Lord, “Who are you shaping me into?” I am convinced that is the most important question of your life. Seek a community that shares your values and vision.

Understanding this about yourself will help with the second nugget of wisdom: to be a good friend before you look for a good friend.

The comedian Steve Martin once said, “‘Be yourself’ is the worst advice. Especially when you’re young, you don’t know what your self is. It’s good to have a role model—a template that you can find your own authentic self within.”

We love people because God loved us first. In the same way, if you start loving people well, you’ll see that love come back. When you walk confidently in your own skin, soaked in your own purpose, you will be free enough to encourage others in their purpose and calling too.

Have you ever thought of a community of friends like that?

A place where you can get to know yourself better? These friends told me how smart I was, whereas my old friends used to tease me for being dumb. They encouraged me; they could see my strengths and abilities to help people, though I never noticed them. My old friends only ever talked about themselves.

I am now a pastor of a church that creates a place of community for others to belong, grow together, and step into their purpose. One of the biggest reasons I found my calling was because I was part of a community of friends who showed me who I was even when I couldn’t see it myself.

The Bible shares some ancient wisdom. In 1 Corinthians 15:33, the NIV says, “Bad company corrupts good character.”

Don’t settle for no friends. Don’t settle for bad friends. Go and find a great community to belong to. God designed us to need each other.

In Proverbs 13:20, the NLT says, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.”

Christian community is the place where we keep the flame of hope alive among us and take it seriously so that it can grow and become stronger in us. - Henry Nouwen

For me, these college friends were wise. They were good company, and I thank God for them because they gave me the influence I needed to grow as a young man.

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Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

Express what community means to you.

mindful doodling

Finding Community

“There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.”

Margaret J. Wheatley

ACTIVIT Y

List the communities you are a part of. This could include groups such as: • School clubs: • Sports teams: • Performance groups such as a band, choir, or dance troupe: • Interest groups or classes: • Your family (especially if you have a close-knit family and extended family): • Your social group of friends: • Community and church organizations you are a part of or volunteer at: • Your workplace: • An online community: • Other: Briefly journal about the community you feel the greatest sense of belonging to and share why. If you have yet to find a place to belong in a community, then describe the kind of community you would want to be a part of in the future.

CREATING YOUR OWN COMMUNITY Being a part of a community that shares the same values and vision as you can be a life-changing experience. We can belong to different communities of friends at different times in our lives.

“There is immense power when a group of people with similar interests gets together to work toward the same goals.” – Idowu Koyenikan

Have you considered being proactive and creating a community yourself or with a friend? Consider being the leader or catalyst who creates a community and invites others to join. For example, you could invite others to gather around a certain interest, activity, or worthy cause.

Many hands make light work, and people can accomplish much more together with others than by themselves.

Take some time to dream. If you could create a community, what would its purpose be? What kinds of activities would you do together? How large would you want this community to be? Who would you invite to be a part of this?

Freely journal your thoughts and consider starting and leading this community when you feel it is the right time.

Remember, you can begin with small steps. If one other person joins you, that is a great start!

Even if you never start your own community, this activity will give you valuable insights into what to look for in a community you want to join!

Consider the following quotes: “It only takes one person to mobilize a community and inspire change. Even if you don’t feel like you have it in you, it’s in you. You have to believe in yourself. People will see your vision and passion and follow you.” - Teyonah Parris

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Journal Journal any takeaways from this chapter on being Forged in Community.

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Chapter 6: Forged in Community ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Home.

• Power in Community: Finding Me in Them.

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Find out about local community events nearby and attend one you are most interested in. When you attend, notice the people running the event and how a group came together to serve others through this event. This may inspire you to volunteer to be a part of this community group or spark ideas to form a community of people to serve a need, create a specific support system, or start a club centered around a certain interest.

2.

If you are already in a community of friends, such as a sports team, a music class, school club, or church group, ask the Lord for creative ideas on how you can contribute more of your gifts, talents, ideas, and abilities to better that community.

3.

Express gratitude to a leader who leads a community of people by writing a thank-you note, approaching them to thank them in person for their service, or emailing them a note. Express specifically what you appreciate about them. Leading a community of people takes perseverance and hard work to keep moving forward and maintain unity. For example, you could thank one of your teachers, a club advisor, a coach, a boss at work, a pastor, or a parent trying to lead your family well. Your words and acts of kindness can strengthen and encourage them to continue.

If you are not currently involved in any community where you feel a sense of belonging, take action steps towards finding one, such as visiting a school club, community service group, charity, or interest group.

Explore to see if that community is for you.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

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