Voices Heard April 2023 SEEN! HEARD! EMPOWERED!

Voices H eard I N T E R AC T I V E E Z I N E | S P R I N G 2 02 3

SEEN! HEARD! EMPOWERED!

(SAAM) SEXUAL ABUSE AWARENESS MONTH TELLING IS HEALING RETURNING TO THE NEST POWERFUL AND POWERLESS GROOMED FROM A QUEER ELDER SURVIVOR DISMISSED FINDING YOUR VOICE THE SURVIVOR FOREST THE SURVIVOR FOREST EXPERIENCE

ARTWORK BY CLAIRE O’LEARY

VOICES HEARD

Spring 2023

EDITORIAL TEAM

CLAIRE O’LEARY

Fo un d e r, Edi to r- in - Chi e f Creative Director JULIE HART

Right-hand Counsel SHERYL BLAHNIK

Copy Editor

CONTRIBUTORS

C A R L A B E AT R I C E TINK BESS MAGGIE D ONOVAN RACHEL GRANT JULIE HART DONNA JENSON JOANNE KIRVES CLAIRE O’LEARY BETH SIEGLING JEN YOUNG

PHOTOGRAPHY VIDEOGRAPHY

C A R L A B E AT R I C E TINK BESS MAGGIE D ONOVAN JOANNE KIRVES CLAIRE O’LEARY TOMO SAITO BETH SIEGLING JEN YOUNG

®2023 THE EMPOWERED VOICE, VOICES HEARD ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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INSIDE THE STORIES THIS

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This is connection. This is warmth.

This caring and…

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FROM THE EDITOR ...SURVIVORS EMPOWERED 7 I truly have never felt more…

SAAM SEXUAL ABUSE AWARENESS MONTH

8 8

and until the men and women who have already lived this…

TELLING IS HEALING

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and every telling is a step toward...

RETURNING TO THE NEST

12 16

He drew the hidden, sexualized, already abused by…

POWERFUL AND POWERLESS

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20

I felt the bravery in myself, and in the room of…

GROOMED

24

I was groomed by a counselor, Ted, who was.…

FROM A QUEER ELDER SURVIVOR

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30

I felt her flowing through me as her words…

DISMISSED

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34

I felt helpless and embarrassed, walking the line of…

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34

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THE STORIES CONT. FINDING YOUR VOICE

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42

For the first time, I allowed myself to remember everything…

THE SURVIVOR FOREST

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Finding healing with other survivors,together in our…

THE SURVIVOR FOREST EXPERIENCE

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44

She heard my words and sculpted just the right piece in…

BUILDING RESILIENCE EMBODIMENT

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47

I followed the instructions to the letter. A long-standing habit…

RESOURCES BOOKS FOR ADULT SURVIVORS 50

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Books by survivors and professionals that help…

BOOKS FOR KIDS & TEENS

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Books by kids and professionals tor kids, teens and parent…

SHARE YOUR STORY

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Are you looking for a safe space to share...

ONLINE SUPPORT

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Online Support Groups for all…

IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN CRISIS

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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger and needs…

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THIS Joanne Kirves

I feel that this is right for me!

Oh, this feels so good.

It’s hard to describe it, but I’ll try.

This is connection.

This is warmth.

This caring and understanding, laughter and tears, it’s all of it and so much more.

It’s feeling so natural,

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how I was meant to be in the midst of who I was meant to be with.

It’s a coming home.

Coming home to a family I didn’t know of before I found this!

Here we are in the same space, so different and yet we come from the same place, in a matter of speaking.

We aren’t blood siblings, but they feel like my sisters.

My big sisters, my little sisters, my sisters.

There’s no definition by age, but what happens in the moment.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joanne has a BFA in Photography & Ceramics and an MA in Arts Administration. She spent three years as an artist before turning to arts administration for 20 years. In 2020 she returned to clay. Art has been vital in her healing journey from CSA. Find out more about her on Instagram@ JoanneKirves.

“ I found my voice in clay!“

Joanne Kirves

Each sister is all of the above, big and little.

It depends on the moment, who shows up.

And make no mistake – They Show Up! This is beautiful, powerful, safe and fun!

This is where I am supposed to be.

FROM THE EDITOR ...SURVIVORS EMPOWERED Claire O’Leary

Photo by Tomo Saito

As the

one

of

the

speakers

Statehouse

Massachusetts,

in I

can

at

Boston, attest

to the level of empowerment community and speaking out can have. I truly have never felt more empowered than after this experience.

The articles in this issue of Voices Heard this issue are heartfelt, encouraging and empowering beyond their words. Each article is from those speakers in gratitude and support of Senator Lovely’s life changing legislation. The articles are as the speeches were written but I can attest that rarely (at least for me) does a speech come out exactly as written so each article has a link to the spoken speech as well.

Whether you prefer print or video, the option is yours.

Each of us offer our response to the 3-day Survivor Nest reunion along with our speech shared at Senator Joan B. Lovely’s legislative briefing. Interspersed throughout are beautiful and poignant collages by Time to Tell moderators, Beth Siegling, Maggie Donovan and Karo Ska.

Joanne Kirves, who you may recall from the spring issue, shares her powerful poetry This, pg. 6 and Powerful and Powerless, read

by Jen Young, pg. 20. Donna Jenson, shares her story Telling Is Healing and reminds us what to say to someone who discloses on pg.

12; Carla Beatrice follows with Returning to the Nest, pg.16; Tink Bess follows with her compelling story Groomed, pg. 24; From a Queer Elder Survivor by Barbie Kristina is read for her in her absence by Maggie Donovan, pg. 30; Beth Siegling shares her story of teen abuse and her desire for a more trauma-informed legal system in Dismissed, pg. 34; Finding Your Voice by Claire O’Leary is my origin story and hope for survivors, pg.

38; Joanne Kirves introduces The Survivor Forest project on pg. 42 and continues with a response from Jen Young, pg. The Survivor Forest Experience, pg. 44.

Rachel Grant comes through again in the Building Resilience section with Embodiment, great videos and tools to embody wholeness and healing on pg. 47.

We have several new books in the Resources section – many for teens and young adults and links to online resources for kids, parents and adult survivors. Our theme for the Summer issue will be “Naturing Your Healing Journey.” Share your wisdom or your stories with me at Claire@ClaireOLeary.com.

“ I truly have never

felt more empowered than after this experience.

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SEXUAL ABUSE AWARENESS MONTH Julie Hart

“

...and until the men

and women who have 8

already lived this

trauma feel safe to share, to dance, to

write, to art, to free

themselves from old

narratives of shame

and unworthiness and

once and for all, finally break those chains.

It’s something… being the righthand of a woman on a mission.

This month, Sexual Assault Awareness Month is our common purpose.

To end sexual assault, childhood sexual abuse, and incest by speaking openly about it, by collaborating with other warriors, by showing up at the page even when it breaks our hearts…

By the late 1990s, many advocates began coordinating activities and events throughout the month of April, advancing the idea of a nationally recognized month for sexual violence awareness and prevention activities. Sexual Assault Awareness Month, or SAAM, was first observed nationally in April 2001.

Yes, she’s something else, folks!

In the last 22 years we have

We got on the phone last week and one of the first things she said was, “Guess what I did last week!”

seen change and growth and

A woman who shares the same passions:

And then she proceeded to tell me about her time spent with other women who open their hearts and tell their stories again and again and again, that not one more child will have to speak their story because they never had to live it... Because she, Claire O’Leary, spoke and Senator Joan Lovely, Massachusetts, listened. All those gathered at the State House in Boston shared and listened, learned and grew, then went back to their home states reinvigorated because that’s how it goes when a people with a common mission and vision gather and talk about their common purpose.

there is still much much much work to be done.

Senator Joan B. Lovely, MA has proposed legislation that will help eradicate childhood sexual abuse and ensure that victims have much more power in the process afterwards. It will make Massachusetts the first state in the country to have such comprehensive legislation.

(Perhaps Colorado might follow suit?)

And as Claire finished telling me about her time in Boston: gathering new branches for the nest that had spent the winter in a dark storage facility, driving it across the bridge, and riding in a convertible on the way back (one of her most favorite things to do, our

Claire), she told me this, the most poignant thing she said about the weekend:

“I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt worthy. I felt empowered!”

She was witnessed by a people who have either gone through the pain and shame and unspeakableness of sexual abuse or have capacity to be allies for those of us who have.

She felt witnessed. She felt powerful. She felt enlivened to get this magazine out with just 10 days lead time.

That’s how important this movement is to her... to both of us.

We will speak out loud, loudly and proudly, until:

Not One More Child...

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR For the last two decades, Julie Hart has been a preschool special educator and teacher, a domestic violence/sexual abuse counselor, a writer, public speaker, and advocate and now, a dancer.

...And until the men and women who have already lived this trauma feel safe to share, to dance, to write, to art, to free themselves from old narratives of shame and unworthiness and once and for all, finally break those chains.

Sometimes we must go away to plug back into... Renewed, regenerated, restored... Our purpose, our life’s work, our calling.

She does all the things still (except not officially teach nor counsel) for mental health awareness, survivors of childhood trauma (CPTSD), incest awareness, sensory processing disorder, ADHD, and those on all spectrums.

Most of all Julie is Mommy to Max (she is also right hand counsel extraordinaire). You can reach Julie on Facebook.

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TELLING IS HEALING Donna Jenson

“

But telling is healing and every telling is a

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step towards justice.

Donna Jenson, Time To Tell, speaks at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

For three days, I traveled, partied, supported, loved, presented, shared art, and dreamed of the future with a mighty group of survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

What a rare and glorious opportunity. Twenty years ago – when I started my activism on this issue, I was so very alone. Survivors taking leadership were few and far between. But our community has been building, relationships made, partnerships forged, all towards healing now and irradicating the injustice. What a thrill to be together at the Massachusetts Statehouse – joining forces with our sister survivor, Senator Joan Lovely, for her legislative briefing. And then on to the Cabot Performing Arts Center to view the magnificent film, Bittersweet, all about US – all about how we’re healing ourselves and each other in community and through the arts.

4/11/23 STATEHOUSE REMARKS: Good morning, I am Donna Jenson, Founder and Director of Time To Tell – with a mission to spark stories from lives affected by incest and sexual abuse to be told and heard. From the age of seven, after every rape, my father said – “You tell anyone, and I’ll kill you.”

That silencing was as wounding

Any one of those three statements can be life altering for a survivor.

Again: 1) That never should have happened, 2) I believe you and 3) It wasn’t your fault I’m going to read an excerpt written by Susan G. from our Saturday morning Writing Circle:

as the assaults.

To be forced to hold that secret is devastating. Our whole culture is wrapped up in that silencing – the taboo and distress around speaking the truth of childhood sexual abuse. But telling is healing and every telling is a step towards justice.

Which is why we are so grateful to Senator Lovely – for her life changing legislation AND her generous offer for us to be here today, to speak here today. It’s a very rare invitation and we survivors thank you deeply, Senator.

Time To Tell provides online writing circles for survivors to be in community, to write together and read their writing to each other. A collage is created with images from the writing. We have fifteen examples of them here today.

Interspersed with each one of us speaking, excerpts of survivor writings from our circles and other publications will be read.

As you listen consider these three things I offer when asked: “What should I say when a survivor shares with me?” I answer, “Tell them,

1) That never should have happened, 2) I believe you and 3) It wasn’t your fault.”

One Day

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Donna Jenson is the survivor support

by Susan G.

One day I want to stand up and scream out loud, “I was abused as a child!”

I am a survivor of incest and I’m here to tell you that I’m still standing, and it is far too prevalent in our world.

There are people who don’t want me to tell you this—people from my family of origin, as well as people I don’t personally know, because none of us want to believe just how frequently child sexual abuse happens.

Incest is like a snake that slithers just below the surface, just out of sight. It is camouflaged from the outside world, but insidious once it finds its way into our lives. It leaves us feeling worthless, guilty, ashamed, and powerless, which we are because we are children with few if any resources. We are small. We are alone, and so, we must dissociate to survive.

Therefore, those of us who have survived as intact adults must speak out and speak up for our younger selves and for all those present-day children in hiding.

One day is now.

Thank you for listening.

person for The Survivor Nest Project.

Author of Healing My Life From Incest to Joy, playwright of What She Knows: One Woman’s Way Through Incest to Joy, editor of the anthology, Survivor Voices; and producer and principle of the documentary Telling Is Healing. She has been leading writing circles for survivors since 2008. Find her on Time To Tell Instagram and her web site, Timetotell. org.

“

I am a survivor of

incest and I’m here to tell you that I’m still standing, and it is

far too prevalent in our world.

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RETURNING TO THE NEST Carla Beatrice

“

H e drew the hidden, sexualized, already abused by incest child. With that magic pencil,

Seymour was to put

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me under a spell.

It was a clear and crisp day in early spring. The nest spent the winter in a dark storage facility. It needed to be revitalized, and I knew exactly what to do; go back to the nest’s birthplace on the ocean. The path there was barren since new growth was yet to emerge. Brooke, my nest builder ally, told me she felt the path was like an umbilicus leading to the nest’s womb-space, birthing new life.

Carla Beatrice, The Survivor Nest Project, speaks at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

I remembered this as I led three new survivor friends down the path.

Claire, Jen, and Joanne traveled from afar to be there with me. We enjoyed the ocean view together, cut and dragged new vines up and out, ready to be added to the nest’s next two days’ events at Boston’s State House and Beverly’s Cabot Theatre. New art flanked the sides of the nest this spring; collages inspired by survivors’ writings.

What we all experienced together was new but also familiar to me, echoing the gathering in September 2021 for the Survivor Nest Project.

New bonds were formed. We nurtured each other in the most profound ways — through tears, laughter, and the quiet spaces in between.

Powerful and poignant moments emerged. I felt the magic again, the magic that comes about every spring when nature wakes up.

As long as we tend to the nest, more and more of us will find each other and healing through the arts will continue. Thank you nest for bringing Jen, Claire, and Joanne down your path!

Love, Carla

My name is Carla. I am an artist, and I am going to tell you why there is a giant nest inside the Statehouse. I am guessing this is a first, and I am sure you all may be wondering.

Simply put, the nest is a home.

I grew up in Massachusetts, and as soon as I graduated high school, I needed to get as far away as possible. I was never going to return…. Until I did. Eleven years ago, to be exact. Instead of going to my hometown, I went to the cemetery. The Seaside Cemetery in Gloucester. As I drove up, I whispered, “Nonno, I’m back”.

Now what does this all have to do with that nest, right there? My story now brings me to Rockport. 11 Story Street, to be exact.

Shortly before the stroke, my grandparents bought a house in Rockport, hoping to retire there. I spent the summers going to Front Beach with my grandmother, getting taffy at Tuck’s Candy House, selling lemonade with my brother at the ballpark down the street and hearing that loud siren call to the volunteer firemen.

My grandmother was cooking lasagna. A special guest was coming over for Sunday dinner. Nonna wanted to thank the art teacher for helping my grandfather. Lessons ended for him, since his abilities had waned, but on that day, that summertime day, when I was six and a half years old, the adults decided that private art lessons would start for me.

“

My perpetrator

Nonno is Italian for grandfather. My grandparents, immigrants from Italy in 1940, lived in Watertown, close to Boston, but wished to be buried facing the ocean, towards their home country across the Atlantic. Nonna, who made the best homemade lasagna ever, taught Italian at the Cambridge Center for Adult Education and Nonno, who enjoyed drawing, took some art classes there. Nonno was a doctor at Mount Auburn Hospital, and one of the few who still made house calls.

portrait. I remember rushing upstairs

sexually abused me

to pick my prettiest shirt. It was light blue cotton, scoop neck, with an eyelet ruffle. I remember sitting with my back straight in my grandfather’s smooth, wooden chair, at the head of the table.

told me I was special,

Simply put, a nest is nurturance.

That man with the magic was

When I was almost five my grandfather had a debilitating stroke, leaving him speechless and half of his body paralyzed. I became the helper, and the observer during the ten years my mother and grandmother took care of him. “Nonno, what’s my name?” I’d say as part of his speech therapy. “Carrrr-la” I would say. “Naaaaaa-Na”, was his answer.

Nonna was determined to rehabilitate him at home, so she invited the art teacher from the Cambridge Center to give him private sessions. I witnessed those lessons, in awe.

You see, to 5-year-old me, art was magic. I watched as this real-life artist made magic happen with a pencil—right there, at the kitchen table. You see, I loved to draw too.

Simply put, a nest is safety, and connection.

Imagine my excitement when the art teacher offered to do my

looking at ME. That man who could help me become a famous artist was now going to teach ME. It was a dream come true.

Seymour drew me out and he drew me in.

Both literally and figuratively. He drew the excited innocent child. And, he drew the hidden, sexualized, already abused by incest child. With that magic pencil, Seymour was able to put me under a spell.

Art was everything to me. Art is what brought me alive. Now Seymour and the attention he gave me became everything as well. Now Seymour brought me alive.

My perpetrator groomed me and sexually abused me for nine years. He told me I was special, wise beyond my years; he told me we were soul mates. He told me other things too.

groomed me and

for nine years. H e wise beyond my

years; he told me we

were soul mates. H e

told me other things too.

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He

told

me

inappropriate

that

I

when

was he

ended our art lessons at the beginning of high school. I was inappropriate. It was my fault.

That crushed me. I felt dead inside. I couldn’t draw anymore.

My dream betrayed me. My dream became my nightmare. And when 18 came, I flew the coop.

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“

Tell me, how inappropriate is it for a child to want a home, to want nurturance, to want safety, and to want connection?

Come home to myself.

But a nest? A nest is a place to

I needed to come home.

Come home to the exiled artist. And “come out” as a survivor.

Simply put, incest and childhood

A community built that nest, and as I stand here on solid ground at this podium, there is a sea of children living in our state today who need the safety and protection that a home, a nest, is meant to provide.

Simply put, I implore you to pass all legislation that is going to help our children, who like me, were not safe or protected.

Every stick counts. Help us make Massachusetts a home for our children protected from sexual predators. Let’s build this nest together. If you know an adult survivor, or a child that is not safe, add them to the nest today, with a stick, a drawing, or a note for them.

sexual abuse is far from simple.

heal all of that.

I needed to come home. Come home to myself. Come home to the exiled artist. And “come out” as a survivor.

I couldn’t do it alone. I brought together a group of artists, advocates, and allies to create the Survivor Nest Project, a transformative healing arts project for survivors of incest and childhood sexual abuse. I returned to the cemetery where my grandparents are buried and built the nest at the end of a winding path that opened to the ocean.

Photo by Katie Bourgeois

ABOUT THE AUTHOR My name is Carla Beatrice and I created Survivor Nest to offer art experiences for survivors of incest and childhood sexual abuse. As an artist and energy healer, my

When I went inside the nest, I

passion is to help people connect to their

faced that little girl artist and

creative center and support community,

let her know that she can draw herself back out and be safe.

The ocean had her back.

And now I can say, that because of this project, I have a survivor family who has mine.

connection, as well as offer an opportunity for healing.

When we all feel held, supported and safe, we can live a life that allows us to integrate all of our life experiences, even the most challenging and painful ones.

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POWERFUL AND POWERLESS (AN EXCERPT FROM THE TRUTH IS) Poem by Joanne Kirves , Read by Jen Young

“

I felt the bravery in myself, and in the room of our collective experience.

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What is most present in my mind from my three days with a powerful group of world changers, who are also survivors of CSA, is the importance of spending time with other survivors.

“

Jen Young reads “Powerful and Powerless” by Joanne Kirves at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

We traversed a narrow path leading to a breathtaking view. We rebuilt a human size nest, by collecting and adding vines then moved it through the streets of Beverly. There were experiences in giving, receiving, laughing, crying and holding space. We stood together in solidarity, celebrated and debriefed.

I remember being at the Statehouse, listening to other survivors speak, and the shame melting away from my own experience. I felt the bravery in myself, and in the room of our collective experience. Standing at the podium and reading Joanne’s words, I felt a bond with her, and really connected to them. I found it so empowering knowing that I was speaking words from my gut, and that together we had the opportunity to have an impact in the world through voice. When I finished speaking, I felt like I was floating back to my seat, being held by my survivor community.

I am in awe of the safe container that was present throughout. What was always encouraged was to say what we needed in any particular moment, and it was never necessary to explain, or justify what that was. It was a powerful healing in acceptance, and relationships.

Jen

POWERFUL AND POWERLESS I’m living in two worlds. One where certain people really see me.

And the one where I hide.

My story seems more appropriate in the dark, musty cave of my psyche.

No one gets in unless I let them.

The truth is…I feel like a fraud.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jen lives in Michigan where she regularly enjoys kayaking in the fresh waterways,

People see me as this happy, fun-loving person.

and being outdoors all year around. Art is

I’m sad.

process. Born from her journey, she has

I’m dark.

I have dirty secrets.

I cry a lot when I am alone.

an important part of her healing from CSA created a business called Art Connections, where she holds classes for kids, teens and adults around letting go of perfection, and enjoying art as a connection & wellness practice. Learn more about her on Jen’s Facebook page.

I beat myself up with negative thoughts.

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I want out but sometimes I stay in.

I want protection.

I want my Man to stand up for me, protect me from something that has already happened.

Can he protect me from myself? I think not.

The truth is…I want to tell my story.

AND I am scared.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Joanne has a BFA in Photography & Ceramics and an MA in Arts Administration. She spent

I was so honored to have Jen read my piece “Powerful and Powerless” at the Statehouse in Boston. I wasn’t ready to speak in the same way as the other survivors. I am in the process of slowly emerging as a survivor, baby steps. When Donna asked if another survivor could read one of my writings, it felt like the baby step I could tolerate. Jen and I have journeyed together for a few years now and to have her read my piece was closest it would come to me reading it. As I stood there watching her feel the piece and read it, I was in awe. And then the tears began to flow. Release, Release, Release! I could feel the healing in action. I was in a big hall surrounded by marble and bronze and yet I could feel the warmth of support coming from all the survivors.

Joanne

three years as an artist before turning to arts administration for 20 years. In 2020 she returned to clay. Art has been vital in her healing journey from CSA. Find out more about her on Instagram@ JoanneKirves.

“ I found my voice in clay!“

Joanne Kirves

GROOMED Tink Bess

“

I was groomed by a counselor, Ted, who

was in his early 30’s.

24

The week of April 10th, 2023 has been one of the most powerful.

It started the preceding week, as I was writing my story of the abuse. Being able to own the wrong doings, the violence done to me as a child, was so healing. It meant so much to me to know that telling my story was part of a much bigger picture that would help validate the passing of these bills that our Massachusetts Senator Joan Lovely was presenting to our Massachusetts legislature.

Tink Bess speaks at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

With the passing of these bills, we will be the first state in the country to have such comprehensive legislation that will help eradicate childhood sexual abuse and ensure that victims have much more power in the process afterwards. Knowing that telling my story would have impact beyond my own healing means so much to me.

The week itself reminded me of the power of survivors coming together…

It was: • Healing in action.

• Showing up and standing strong, as a survivor among other survivors, • A community of powerful, strong, brave people showing up to heal ourselves and help others.

• Remembering and knowing we are not alone.

• Knowing that finding a voice in community will reverberate and ripple out into the world • Reminds me that the possibilities are endless.

• Finding power and strength in coming together.

Like 1 in 4 children, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

The abuse I am talking about today, like most children, happened by an adult who was entrusted with my care.

I was 11 years old, at a summer camp in the beautiful quiet woods of New Hampshire on Lake Sunapee.

I was groomed by a counselor, Ted, who was in his early 30’s.

He slowly gave me a certain kind of attention that while confusing, I did not know how to process or understand what was happening, so before I knew it, he had created a relationship with me as if I was his girlfriend.

I was 11 – Ted was in his early 30s.

It’s so hard being 61, smart, educated, savvy, integrating the reality, that my 11-year-old, was THAT unaware, to be swallowed up by this pedophile of a man.

The most traumatic part of this whole summer experience was when he came into my cabin, encouraged me to quietly leave, stealing me out, into his car, drove me around on the deserted country roads, on a pitch-black moonless night, he pulled over onto the side of the road, put down a tarp on the stone hard surface, and raped me.

Had this legislation been in action when I was young, if I was educated early, I might have known to say no from the get-go.

Had I been educated to understand boundaries; what’s OK for adults to do with us; what isn’t, it’s quite possible I would have told someone.

I exhibited many behaviors after that summer, not doing well in school, becoming introverted, shutting down completely.

Had this legislation been in play it’s quite likely I could have been spared the depths of suffering, depression, and many other symptoms, common to survivors, if I had gotten attention soon after the trauma.

And yet...

Had my mother been educated

I do understand enough now about the combination of factors coming from an unstable home life with no boundaries, how vulnerable that left me, alongside, having zero education about what appropriate boundaries are, with no capacity or understanding that I could say no.

about the signs of abuse it’s

It all adds up to understand the easily created fertile ground for pedophiles.

In my vulnerable, already overwhelmed brain and body, I let him do whatever he wanted to me, including taking naked pictures of me every day in his cabin, and many other behaviors that were not appropriate.

Again, I’m 11, living outside myself, not understanding what is happening.

quite

possible

things

would

have been different for me.

But as it was, that 11-year-old summer, when my mother got home at the end of summer, from her job as a performer, and discovered a massive pile of love letters and some packages I had received from Ted. She confronted me in an angry, aggressive way “What is this?! What did you do?!”

At that moment, all I can remember now is that I screamed at her to leave me alone.

“This is none of your business!”

And in her confused overwhelm, with my shut down, with us screaming at each other, she let it go, other than calling the Camp to ask about it, and what they told her was that they fired him.

“

As time went on within a year, I

blocked out the entire experience, put it in the back of my

memory bank. It was

never mentioned again.

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The camp told her he moved on to another child and thus they knew something was not right and they fired him. That was the end of that.

It took me 41 years to remember the night that would impact my life forever – 41 years of traumatic memories held in my body since I was a small child.

She let it go, And, it was never

It is impossible to name, or

spoken of again,

understand

As time went on within a year, I blocked out the entire experience, put it in the back of my memory bank. It was never mentioned again.

“

H ad a grown up 26

approached me with care, understanding the possibility of

abuse, I may have confided and may have got ten help

early, instead of what happened.

the

consequences

amount

that

of

holding

41 years of that much buried trauma

can

cause

someone;

Thus, it was left to me and all

from physical, to emotional, to

the other children he molested

the choices made as a young

to bury, then sort and live with

adult and adult enduring an

the endless repercussions.

unrealized

Had the camp owners or counselors been educated/trained...

Had my mother been educated...

Had my teachers been educated...

Someone would have likely noticed and there may have been a different approach to “my problem”.

So much of my anguished life possibly spared.

Had a grown up approached me with care, understanding the possibility of abuse, I may have confided and may have gotten help early, instead of what happened; which was no one talked to me other than, the shouting match with my mom, so I had no recourse other than to block it out as survival.

I did not remember a single thing from that summer, when I was 11 years old, until I was in my early 20s when some of the memories started to surface.

While many aspects of that summer came back to me in my early twenties, it wasn’t until I was 52 that I remembered the rape and all that happened that night.

PTSD

with

no

visible proof.

Understanding what we know about blocking out traumatic memories, and how long it can take to remember them, I appreciate the legislation that smartly speaks to accommodating these gaps, thus changing the statute of limitations regarding criminal prosecution for crimes of sexual assault and rape of a child.

Sadly, rarely, is it only one time, one person, or one perpetrator.

High school for me was a vocational school for the arts; photography my passion. My primary photography instructor, Lou, a married father, who I spent most hours at school with, learning from, inspired by – a kind, caring, smart, talented, man I looked up to – my mentor shocked me when he tried to molest me in the dark room, pinning me down.

This was somebody I deeply respected who fully supported me, his guidance was my whole life at this point, and to realize that the most supportive adult in my life, could not hold a boundary, I must have felt destroyed once again.

Once again, my honed skills

“

of dissociation allowed me to block it out for years to come.

I was still stuck in a trauma body of deep denial, so that it never occurred to me to report him.

It feels crazy to me that in today’s world of understanding, with how many children and young people and teenagers are abused, over and over and over again that there have not been, yet more ways to protect this from happening.

Or at the very least, when it does happen, making it easier for the victim to be able to remember, to tell the truth, and to have support at the ready.

While we don’t have the power to control what other people do, we do have the power to change laws & make laws that might mitigate the damage done by other people’s actions.

I am very grateful to you all for allowing us survivors to speak today.

I am hopeful with such thoughtful comprehensive legislation that there would be no hesitancy to passing all of it.

That is the least we can do to honor all past survivors and hope to end future trauma.

Thank you for letting us have a voice, thank you for believing in us, and thank you for doing everything in your power to make a difference to today’s children and young adults.

This was somebody I

deeply respected who fully supported me,

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Having turned 60 this year, Tink Bess feels as though she is entering the prime of her life.

A few poignant past life experiences include social work for the elderly, being a hospice volunteer, and raising three entertaining children.

Her next chapter combines two of her deepest

passions;

dancing

&

being

in community with other survivors.

Beginning in May, Tink will be offering movement classes on zoom for survivors of sexual abuse. The hour long class is an opportunity to move into our most authentic selves while having fun & feeling powerful. No experience necessary; for all bodies & abilities.

Tink is a certified Let Your Yoga Dance® instructor — a movement practice bringing user friendly dance and the chakras together. This is an experience without pressure and much joy.

Join Tink’s free class, May 7th on zoom.

She will be offering ongoing zoom weekly classes. For more info email: Tink. Check out her Instagram page @ letyoursurvivordance and her website: letyoursurvivordance.com.

his guidance was my

whole life at this point, and to realize that the

most supportive adult in my life, could

not hold a boundary, I must have felt

destroyed once again,

27

FROM A QUEER ELDER SURVIVOR Written by Barbie Kristina | Read by Maggie Donovan

“

I felt her flowing through me as her words flowed out of my mouth,

This was the first time I’d ever gone up in front of a group of people and so publicly identified myself as a survivor.

Reading Barbie Kristina’s piece felt especially unique because of the connection I feel to her, a soul connection based on some similarities in our experiences. As a young queer survivor at the beginning of my journey, to read the words “From a queer elder survivor to you who might be beginning your journey…” from a survivor who I in many ways see myself in and look up to as a mentor, was unforgettable.

30

I felt so lucky that the stars aligned for it to happen this way. I felt her flowing through me as her words flowed out of my mouth, and felt her behind me with her hands on my shoulder as I spoke her truth—our truth.

Maggie Donovan reads Barbie Kristina’s From a Queer Elder Survivor at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Maggie

Donovan

(they/them)

is

a

psychology student, who works with the non-profit organization Time to Tell as a technical moderator for online writing circles. They also co-curate an e-Zine for queer survivors of sexual abuse and violence, Beneath the Soil. They hope to continue working with survivors as long as possible. Music and laughter are their best medicines.

From a Queer Elder Survivor to you who might be beginning the journey of recovery: Dear Friend, My recovery journey began in August 1992 when therapeutic services, and recovery literature, had started to come out of the “dark ages” but were not as robust and viable as they are today.

What I share in my little offering is somewhat terse because the times and processes available, were somewhat terse. I am so pleased for you that services today are so vastly improved. Kristina Never forget, No matter your fear or pain, Or any chatter of the mind, HEALING HAPPENS! Read stories of recovery.

Find warm hearts who will listen.

Talk until there are no more words And keep talking.

Keep feeling But do it safely.

In measured amounts.

Feelings can be like a run-away train.

My body discharged the pain in stages.

Your experience will be unique to you.

Go to any programs that might help: Art, music, dance, sports.

Deal with your addictions.

I went to 12 step programs and found LOVE<SUPPORT<VALIDATION>RELIEF. Seek out qualified and experienced Therapists.

Listen closely, even if in pain and confusion, to body, heart, and mind, when choosing the person.

I did not. But perhaps that was a path to learnings I needed.

Practice gratitude with every fiber of your being.

It keeps the lights on.

DO NOT GIVE UP! AND CRY! PLEASE CRY! TEARS ARE ESSENTIAL! QUENCHING OUR YEARNING SOULS!

BUT be always aware of how the experience affects you.

Leave promptly if overwhelmed.

Recovering is a tender time.

Be gentle.

On November 1, 2020, 33 years after a chance article in a magazine by a survivor, awakened me to my buried memories, and with diligent physical, emotional, and spiritual practice, a quiet feeling of acceptance, peace, and poignancy about my father came to me.

I loved my father. He abused me. He also loved me.

I have been cruel. I have, and continue to love. This is the human experience.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Barbara Jane Kristina Anne Stellas Orchard is a daughter, grand-daughter, and cousin of many wonderful strong womyn. Their tenacity, courage and brains run strong in her. Born in New Jersey in 1952, she, like her generation, is filled with the promise and hope of a future of peace and opportunity.

The

New Jersey can-do spirit is in her

blood.

Her purpose is to excite possibility through the creative arts of poetry, prose, theatrical producing and performance. Watch for her production INCEST AND EVOLUTION coming in 2027. If interested in being involved, email her at k.orchard@verizon.net.

31

DISMISSED Beth Siegling

“

I felt helpless

and embarrassed,

walking the line of a

teenager longing for

34

independence, and a

frightened child who

didn’ t understand what

was happening to me.

Beth Siegling ,Time To Tell speaks at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

Spending three days with a group of courageous and kind survivors was a truly healing opportunity.

I spoke my truth at the Massachusetts Statehouse and had the chance to connect with survivors in our community from all over the country. I am so grateful to share my story on my terms, and to be believed and supported by the powerful survivors around me.

Good morning. My name is Beth Siegling, and I am honored to speak with you today amongst so many courageous survivors, like the people standing beside me, I too am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

I was sexually abused by my 19-year-old boyfriend when I was 16 years old, while on a cultural exchange program funded by the US State Department. Knowing no one and unable to speak the language when I arrived in a foreign country, I quickly fell prey to a fellow American student who groomed and abused me. During those two years, I was drugged, raped, strangled, threatened, physically abused, isolated, and constantly told I was loved.

Sounds confusing, right?

surrounding the sexual abuse of teens and adolescents.

I was abused by a repeat offender, someone whose warning signs flew off the charts, but went completely unnoticed by the adults around us. He was charming and terrifying, dearly loved by everyone we knew. I felt helpless and embarrassed, walking the line of a teenager longing for independence, and a frightened child who didn’t understand what was happening to me, and why no one seemed to notice.

By the time I had healed enough from my own trauma to press charges for the abuse four years later, he had already moved onto another victim. While I hadn’t yet spoken out, my abuser was arrested and went on trial for allegations brought forward by another young woman.

Unfortunately, the legal system it

stands

today

Although

I

was

the

model

victim, ready and willing to provide

hours

of

grueling

testimony, going to therapy I struggled to finance, making straight A’s in college – I was

There are many misconceptions

as

I decided to press charges against my abuser 4 years after the fact, knowing that some of my charges faced statutes of limitation which necessitated swift action.

At 21, I spent 3 grueling hours in a police interrogation room, detailing the most horrifying experiences of my life to officers with no interest in a trauma-informed approach. I worked overtime to finance thousands of dollars on legal assistance and parsed through hundreds of pages of my case file, hoping that my legal actions now would prevent my abuser from harming another person.

knows

little justice when it comes to sexual abuse, and the victim’s complaints were dismissed.

not believed.

My case was thrown out in a stack of papers, which, amongst other things, explained to me that my “dissatisfaction” in this “sexual relationship” did not constitute abuse.

I was in high school when I experienced sexual abuse, and I was beginning college when I took on the criminal justice system in the hopes of stopping this from happening again. I took this on very young, and very alone, knowing that the clock was ticking for me to ever pursue legal action. The pressure of time limitations for pressing charges drastically interrupted my life and compromised my health.

There are a myriad of reasons that survivors like myself do not make reports in the immediate aftermath of sexual abuse. I won’t speak to all of them today. But I will say that even if we have access to the healthcare and therapeutic resources we need, many of us do not press charges for fear of stalking, violence, and retaliation from abusers for our most times fruitless legal pursuits.

“

At 21, I spent 3

grueling hours in a police interrogation room, detailing the most horrifying

experiences of my

life to officers with no interest in a traumainformed approach.

35

36

“

Working with and for

survivors has been one of the most healing and rewarding experiences

of my life; but it shouldn’ t have to be.

There is no timeline for the

I will continue to be one of those

healing of sexual abuse. We

adults and hope that our laws

live with it every day; we learn

will mirror the services and

to field its inconveniences and

policies that we, the survivors,

tolerate the emotional havoc it

so desperately need. Thank you

wreaks on our relationships.

for listening to my story and

There is no length of time after which the abuse becomes more acceptable, or less egregious. As such, there is no viable standard by which to defend statutes of limitations which serve only to protect abusers from judicial retribution and place undue stress on us as survivors.

When I look back on my experience as a survivor of sexual abuse, I see so many gaps in support, advocacy, and education in the adults who were around me. These adults were uncomfortable, inexperienced, afraid, aloof, or simply unconcerned. It is too late now for the course of my experience to be changed, but it will never be too late to prevent another child or teen from experiencing what I went through.

for welcoming us here today.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Beth Siegling (she/they) is a survivor and artist from North Carolina. They are currently wrapping up their BA in Theatre Arts and

And for the children who do

Gender Studies at Mount Holyoke College

face what I did, it should never

with a certificate in Queer, Trans, and

be too late for them to pursue

Sexuality Studies. Beth became involved with Time To Tell in 2019, where she has regularly

justice.

moderated writing circles and events for

I am proud to be here today as one representative of Time To Tell, an organization founded by Donna Jenson with the mission to spark stories of incest and childhood sexual abuse to be heard.

team for Beneath the Soil vol. ii, a magazine

survivors. Currently, Beth is on the editing which features artistic works from queer survivors of sexual abuse.

Beth is so grateful to be involved in survivor community spaces and extends all love,

Working with and for survivors has been one of the most healing and rewarding experiences of my life; but it shouldn’t have to be. I believe in a world where sexual abuse does not take the prevalence it does in our country today. I believe in the education of adults who notice the signs and know how to speak out, prevent, and support.

awe, and gratitude to survivors everywhere.

37

FINDING YOUR VOICE Claire O’Leary

“

For the first time,

I allowed myself to

remember everything, feel everything, see

38

everything, hear every word that was said.

Claire O’Leary, The Empowered Voice and Voices Heard speaks at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

Three power packed days of renewing the nest, speaking, being with a powerful group of survivors and advocates—my community— my second family and watching “Bittersweet” made me feel at home and understood.

The excitement began when Carla mentioned the event at the Statehouse and the documentary Bittersweet about The Survivor Nest Project. I knew I’d be there in support but was surprised when asked to speak as well. I found myself getting more and more nervous as time went on. This was different, this was in Boston, 2000 miles away. I’d shared my story in public many times but it never came out the same way twice. “What would come out of my mouth this time?”

But I needn’t have worried. This time it felt so powerful. I felt so powerful—as though this time people were really hearing me, listening carefully. I was finally seen and heard.

I have finally come home to myself. I am worthy!

Imagine being silent, keeping a secret for over 50 years. Some of us here today, like myself don’t have to imagine. We’ve lived it.

A few years ago, when I was on a panel of professionals and survivors, I discovered that the average age a Child Sexual Abuse survivor discloses their abuse is 58. I’ve recently read the average age is down now to 52 and even lower.

Fifty-eight (58) years old struck me because that is the same age that I realized my abuse – my incest – had turned me into a consummate “YES” girl.

That morning as I finished my writing, a little girl standing in the doorway flashed before my eyes. “Wow, I hadn’t seen her in over a year,” I thought to myself. “Why is she coming to me now?”

I’d done enough personal work to know this was something I needed to pay attention to. So, I gathered my journal and my pen, practiced some deep breathing until I was calm and centered. I started writing...Tears streamed down my face as I relived those moments from my childhood.

For the first time, I allowed myself to remember everything, feel everything, see everything, hear every word that was said.

I saw the small trailer, the kitchen, the bedroom where everything happened. I wasn’t supposed to go into the room where my younger sister was sleeping, for fear of waking her. But my uncle took my hand and led me into the room with him. My sister laid on the bed.

Ewe, I remembered how it felt to have him touch me at the young age of 5. Suddenly I knew that it was my uncle who

molested me at that young age.

As we heard the front door open, we knew it was my parents coming home. He was out of there in a flash. I stood in the doorway, afraid to walk out into the kitchen. Even though my uncle took me by the hand and led me in there – even though I said “NO” I felt that I’d done something wrong. “Will they still love me?” I wondered.

My uncle stood by the kitchen sink as though nothing happened. My parent’s sat at the kitchen table. “We told you not to go in the bedroom.” I heard my mother say. I tried to explain. “Don’t talk back,” my father said. I was silenced.

I decided in that moment that in order to be loved, I had to be anything anyone wanted me to be and to do anything anyone wanted me to do.

I became “the good little girl” at home, at school, with friends. As I got older, I became a “yes-girl” at work and in close relationships. I married a man who was abusive but didn’t realize it was abusive behavior for many years. The fear of being unloved and unaccepted always stood in the back of my mind. Always saying “yes” when I meant “no.” I took on the belief systems of those around me even though I didn’t agree with them.

I had no clue who I really was or what I believed in.

Unable to voice or even know my own opinion, “Will they still love me?” was my mantra for over 50 years. I lacked selfconfidence. Even with my second husband, if I did something I felt he wouldn’t agree with, guilt would ensue.

I lived by the decision of that 5-year-old until I finally allowed myself to go back there.

Allowed myself to remember – to feel it, to heal it.

“

I lived by the decision of that 5-year-old

until I finally allowed myself to go back

there. Allowed myself to remember – to feel it, to heal it.

39

When I stopped writing that day, I felt a weight that I didn’t know I’d been carrying lift from my shoulders as I realized I no longer needed to live by the decision I’d made at five.

In that moment, I knew it was time to empower others who’d been through the same. I knew it was time to help other survivors find their voice.

“

40

I felt a weight that

I didn’ t know I’ d been

carrying lift from my shoulders as I realized I no longer needed to live by the decision I’ d made at five.

I’m Claire O’Leary. Today, I empower survivors to shatter the long-held silence of their sexual abuse. I am the founder of Voices Heard – the interactive e-Zine that empowers sexual abuse survivors to shatter their silence through story-telling and expressive arts. Sharing their story not only helps them heal but helps others as well.

Through my advocacy, I have found

my

community,

my

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Founder of The Empowered Voice and Voices Heard, Claire O’Leary is a survivor of incest. She created Voices Heard as a safe space for survivors of sexual abuse to share their story so they can shatter the silence of their sexual abuse. Sharing their story empowers survivors to become more confident, feel comfortable in their skin, and be seen and heard.

second family which has been

Claire’s mission is to lower the average

a large part of my own healing.

age a CSA (child sexual abuse) survivor

If you or someone you know is a CSA survivor, don’t wait like I did until you’re 58 to heal from your trauma. Find someone to share your story with – a close friend or confidant – and begin your healing journey.

When you’re ready, join the community of those who share their story in Voices Heard.

We heal in community.

Help us change the average age a survivor discloses from 58 to 18. Break the silence of your abuse.

Help stop the abuse of children. Support Senator Lovely’s bill to help prevent sexual abuse of children and youth by adults in positions of authority or trust.

discloses their abuse from age 18.

Claire shares her own story as a Speaker, Mentor, and Advocate. She lives in Colorado with her husband and enjoys being a mother and grandmother to her adorable grandson. She is also a Reiki Master and artist, She’s an avid reader, meditates and dances her heart out whenever possible.

Find Claire on Facebook, and Instagram.

41

THE SURVIVOR FOREST A Project by Joanne Kirves

Finding healing

together

I

make

trees.

I

have

been

making ceramic trees since my return to art in 2020.

I was talking with a fellow survivor and writer, Donna Jenson, about my trees. She was encouraging me to keep sharing my story and my trees. She commented how common it is to hear other survivors talk about “their trees,” their hiding places from the abuse.

She asked if that was why I made trees.

42

Jen Young’s survivor tree by Joanne Kirves. Photos by Joanne Kirves.

No. I came to trees through grief after the death of my mom. My mom loved trees.

It was how I connected with her. One day in the studio I just began making trees and much of how I processed my grief came to me in visions of trees. After my conversation with Donna, I began to think about my tree.

Where did I hide? I, too, had a tree.

My art has been a powerful part of my healing journey.

It’s a space where I can go to process my feelings, get them out in clay, and truly be happy.

I have always wanted to find a way to share this with other survivors.

“

“

with other survivors, in our trees.

My conversation with Donna got me thinking. What if I worked with other survivors to tell their tree story and then I would create in clay. I circled back to Donna and asked if she’d like to be my first collaborator. She suggested I write and create my tree first. And so I did.

43

My process for working with survivors is to first share my tree story. Then send them off to write their own tree story. We meet up on Zoom as needed and then they read their tree story to me. We have a dialogue about their story, the process and connect as survivors. I then create their story in clay.

My first two collaborators were Donna Jenson and Jen Marie. When I realized we would be meeting up in the Boston area in April, I set a goal to complete their trees so I could present them in person.

It was a wonderful process to work with them and to have my work received in such a beautiful way.

And now I

am on to connect with more survivors!

Both tree projects will be released on my website soon! Visit https://www. joannekirvesart.com/roots to learn about my art and to sign up for an email alert when the trees are released.

Donna Jenson’s survivor tree by Joanne Kirves. Photos by Joanne Kirves.

THE SURVIVOR FOREST EXPERIENCE Jen Young

44

“

She heard my

words and sculpted

just the right piece in reflection of my writing.

Two trees by Joanne in the window. Photo by Jen Young.

One of the sweetest ways I’ve

I loved being on the listening

experienced

end for sure, and the receiving

love

and

care

recently was in being part of

end

Joanne

moments of growth.

Kirves

collaborative

“Survivor Forest” project.

There are many things I want to say about this whole project. For right now I’ll begin with the deep caring and intimacy that comes from hearing and seeing someone.

was

several

beautiful

Last Wednesday, I took in the tree Joanne created for me as she unveiled it in the presence of other survivors.

I immediately thought wow ...she nailed it.

She heard my words and sculpted just the right piece in reflection of my writing.

“

That was an amazing experience in and of itself, and my follow up with this piece at home was even better.

To lay wrapped up in my blankets, to hold it and really feel the loving energy from which it was made with was more healing than I can really put into words.

I spent a lot of time looking over the details...

Celebrating it as I recognized things about myself in what I shared with her.

And I sat with it for a while

To lay wrapped up in my blankets, to hold it and really feel the loving energy from which it was made with was more healing than I can really put into words.

just in appreciation for all the parts of it... The groves, the leaves, a hidden box, the scars, the places where light comes in, the branches holding the tree

45

so lovingly.

At one point, I placed it on my abdomen... this place where I’ve often been so numb, or have felt deep aches in. Rarely love.

Well, I’ll say that as I held it there and my breath moved it up and down, I felt the energy of it in my abdomen area. Then radiating through my whole body. Like a current running through

me… only

it

didn’t

exit... More like circled for a while. I just sat with it, until I was ready to find a home for the tree in my house.

For now, it’s on my desk, near the window. And when I am doing my dayto-day work, it’s sweet to look over and see a physical reminder of... Giving, receiving, growth, love, resilience, care, relationship and bravery.

Jen’s tree in the bed. Photo by Jen Young.

46

BUILDING RESILIENCE

EMBODIMENT Rachel Grant

47

Some of my favorite body/brain based strategies can be found in The 5 Key Brain Areas Involved in Trauma video above As I get older, I am more and more thankful for these moments of invitation to reflect on what was and dream into what will be.

hyper-vigilance, dysregulation, numbness, loneliness, disconnected, dissociation, fear, lack of confidence, low self-worth, and guilt (just to name a few).

Today, I find myself reflecting on the word embodiment and how this relates to the reclaiming/renewal work we must do as those who have experienced the physical violation of sexual trauma.

I am overwhelmed by a visual of the millions of people who are walking representations of wounded embodiment.

By definition, embodiment is “a tangible or visible form of an idea, quality, or feeling.”

When I think about the embodiment of trauma, the associated qualities that come to mind are a collapsed physical frame, darting or vacant eyes, low or blocked energy, lack of balance, instability, sallow skin tones, dark circles under the eyes, and restlessness (just to name a few).

The associated feelings that come to mind are depression, anxiety, anger, shame,

Now lest you think, “Dang Rachel, what a downer!”, here’s something wonderful about embodiment.

Synonyms are “manifestation”.

“realization”

and

This, my dearest ones, is the mission at hand. Shedding the “body, mind, spirit” of trauma and

embodying

manifesting)

(realizing, wholeness,

healing, “beyond survivingness”

“

The tangible qualities and feelings shift to peacefulness, confidence,

groundedness, self-esteem,

creativity, aliveness,

vitality,empowerment..

Another favorite video is How To Use External Senses to Build Internal Awareness

48

“

The great news is there are

many pathways to reinvention,

reclaiming, renewal, manifestation!

The tangible qualities and feelings shift to peacefulness, confidence, groundedness, self-esteem, creativity, aliveness, vitality, empowerment, playfulness, relaxation, bright eyes, standing tall, taking up space, freshness, emotional regulation, stability, and more!

Now I know you may be thinking that all sounds like a pipe dream, but I promise you it’s not!

The great news is there are many pathways to reinvention, reclaiming, renewal, manifestation!

A new image starts to take shape.

A

world

filled

with

millions of people who are walking

representations

of

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Rachel is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach. Rachel holds a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology and is the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse and Overcome the Fear of Abandonment. You can download both free on her website.

empowered embodiment.

She works with survivors of childhood

As always, if there’s anything I can do to be a support to you in your journey from wounded to empowered, don’t hesitate to reach out!

of abuse and finally feel normal.

sexual abuse to help them let go of the pain

Her

program,

Beyond

Surviving,

is

specifically designed to change the way we think about and heal from abuse. she has successfully used this program to help her clients break free from the past and move on with their lives.

Reach Rachel here or on Facebook.

SUPPORTING SURVIVORS

49

RESOURCES: BOOKS FOR ADULT SURVIVORS aims to help victims understand the impact sibling abuse has on survivors, provide tools to help them begin their healing journey and emphasize that survivors can leave the past behind and build happy lives ahead.

50

Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse by Rachel Grant. Author Rachel Grant brings to the table a passionate belief that you do not have to remain trapped or confronted daily by the thoughts or behaviors that result from abuse. Through her own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, she has gained insight and understanding about what it takes to overcome abuse.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity.

Forgiving The Nightmare, by Pastor Mark Sowersby begs the questions “How do you forgive when you’ve been wounded deeply?” “How do you move past the pain that keeps you up at night, leaves you isolated, untrusting, and afraid? How can you possibly forgive them, especially when they don’t deserve forgiveness?”

Glorious Awakenings, My Journey of God’s Healing by Chris Cline is about her journey of God’s healing from sexual abuse. It shares the abuse and the path she took to heal – God redeeming the pieces of her that were broken emotionally, physically, spiritually, and sexually. Chris says “It is a beautiful story of how Jesus saved me – how my journey healed me and brought me to a closer relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.”

Healing My Life: From Incest to Joy by Donna jenson. A deeply personal story that explores the sexual violence Jenson endured at the hands of her father, the refusal of her family to acknowledge her pain, and a rocky escape as a teenager from the Midwest to start anew in sixties-era California.

Jenson writes with her sense of humor firmly intact, reminding us that joy is possible in the face of great pain. Poignant, brave, and helpful, Healing My Life offers a much-needed testimony for anyone affected by childhood sexual abuse.

Healing Sibling Sexual Abuse: A Very Personal Story by Hannah Louise Cartwright RN, MA Memoir and self-help book for adult survivors of sibling sexual abuse written by a psychotherapist. Her book tells the personal story of recovering from sexual abuse at the hands of a sibling. Cartwright

Healing Steps by Sharyn Higdon Jones: A Gentle Path to Recovery for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse is a step-by-step guide to healing from the deep pain of early sexual abuse. Such profound abuse touches the core of a woman’s being: in unwanted memories, confusing feelings, distorted self-image, ongoing relationship struggles, and more.

This frank and thorough book, written by a therapist who has herself survived sexual abuse, offers clear-eyed advice, stories of struggles and recovery, and most importantly, exercises to guide you in your own healing.

The Journey of the Heart by Anna Cley. From floating boxes to lifesaving riddles to an enlightened mirror, The Journey

of the Heart is a timeless tale that speaks to the inner child in us all.

The Journey of the Heart offers heartfelt assurance that no matter what circumstances we are born into, our future is ours to write.

Leaving Darkness Behind by Elizabeth M. Altmaier. This book helps survivors find the road to recovery and learn healthy practices that will lead to thriving, not just surviving.

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse can begin a recovery journey informed by accurate understandings, not myths, and empowered by processes that help them thrive. Written for men and women by an author who is herself a survivor, this guide tells the truth about what complex trauma means for your physical and mental health.

Loving My Salt Drenched Bones

by Karo Ska. Karo Ska delivers an ensemble of poetic magic in her highly anticipated book,

loving my salt-drenched bones.

Ska’s mastery of emotional and interpersonal subject matter takes the reader on a journey into the bright side of darkness filled with love, heartache, joy, and the poetic tone that only Ska can manifest.

The MindBody Toolkit by Kim Deramo, D.O. Ten Tools to Instantly Increase Your Energy, Enhance Productivity, and Even Reverse Disease.

The MindBody Toolkit explains the science behind the mind-body connection and gives you 10 tools you can use anytime, anywhere to activate self-healing and awakening now!

Miss America by Day by Marilyn Van Derber. Former Miss America, Marilyn Van Derber, tells the story of how she was sexually violated by her father from age 5 to age 18. She was 53 years old before she was able to speak the words in public: “I am an incest survivor.”

Van Derbur describes in detail what specific “work” she did on her successful journey from victim to survivor.

My Pain is My Power by Tanisha Bankston. Tanisha’s life changed before it began at the age of 5 or 6 years old when she was raped by a friend of the family and she wasn’t believed. The damage caused her to have to relearn how to walk. Her pain continued through adulthood before she could finally enjoy life.

Shattered Innocence by Darlene J. Clark. Abuse happens too often.

Back in the 1960’s, it was taboo to speak about this - especially the sexual abuse. “Shattered Innocence” takes us on Darlene’s journey of discovery and healing.

Sibling Abuse: Hidden Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Trauma Second Edition by Vernon R. Wiehe Often excused by parents as `kids will be kids’ behavior, sibling abuse remains largely unrecognized. Symptoms of such abuse and its devastating effects on victims go undetected, victims do not receive appropriate therapeutic intervention, and transgressors do not come to the attention of the courts.

Sibling Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Confronting America’s Silent Epidemic by Brad Watts. This book is written by a counselor who rehabilitates offenders. The author gives insight into sibling sexual abuse—the causes, the effects and the devastating statistics.

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BOOKS FOR KIDS & TEENS story, assessment and treatment activities, and detailed parent handouts. Geared to children aged 4 to 12.

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Thriving After Sexual Abuse: Break Your Bondage to the Past and Live a Life You Love by Denise Bossarte. This book is an eloquent and empathetic selfdevelopment book laying out a blueprint for survivors to heal themselves. Bossarte writes with fierce candor as she shares her own traumatic experience with childhood sexual abuse.

Victim 2 Victor by Anu Verma.

This inspiring and brutally honest memoir details the struggle for survival and the search for healing and happiness. Raised in abuse and navigating through consequences, a young, broken soul finds the strength to embark on a journey to reclaim her self-worth. Her inspiring journey is a lifelong struggle to find self-worth on the ruins of self-esteem.

30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 8-11: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy

by Educate and Empower Kids.

This is a series that helps you discuss sex education as a family.

Having these talks with your child will establish a pattern of healthy conversations for the future. As you move through the discussions, these interactions will gain depth and your relationship will strengthen. Your child will become more comfortable talking to you about anything as he or she grows into the healthy, knowledgeable person he or she will become.

Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds by Kristen A. Jenson (Author), Debbie Fox (Illustrator) It’s not if our kids come across pornography, it’s when. This is a great book for parents to read to kids about why pornography can be harmful.

I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private

by Kimberly King and Zack King (Authors) and Sue Rama (Illustrator) Helping kids set healthy boundaries for their private parts can be a daunting and awkward task. Written from a kid’s point of view, I Said No! makes this task a lot easier.

The Ugliest Word by Annie Margis tells the story of a little girl named Lark whose father is molesting her, as she navigates childhood, and the woman she becomes. An aspiring writer and artist, Lark’s spunk and creativity buoy her as the abuse progresses.

The Ugliest Word is for those who survived childhood incest and for everyone who loves a survivor, is friends with or works with one.

What Do I Do Now? A Survival Guide for Mothers of Sexually Abused Children (MOSAC) by Mel Langston PhD and Leona Puma.

What do I do now? is a mother’s cry after she learns her child has been sexually abused. A mother’s belief in her child’s disclosure and her active support and protection after disclosure are essential to recovery from the horror of sexual abuse.

Cory Helps Kids Cope with Sexual Abuse First Edition by Liana Lowenstein This therapeutic story and collection of creative activities are designed to help children cope with sexual abuse and trauma. Therapeutic games, art, puppets, and other engaging techniques address the eight components of TF-CBT (TraumaFocused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Includes a reproducible

Please Tell: A Child’s Story About Sexual Abuse (Early Steps) by Jessie Written and illustrated by a young girl who was sexually

KIDS & TEENS CONT. molested by a family member, this book reaches out to other children in a way that no adult can, Jessie’s words carry the message, “It’s o.k. to tell; help can come when you tell.

And packed away in the moving boxes under her clothes and gymnastics trophies is a secret

Tootles the Turtle Tells the Truth

by Lenell Levy Melancon. This is a lovely book that playfully walks a child through a story about someone scaring a child into not telling. The characters ask interactive questions at the end of the book to engage readers in a candid discussion of good, bad and scary secrets.

Repair for Kids: A Children’s Program for Recovery from Incest and Childhood Sexual Abuse by Margie McKinnon (Author), and Tom W. McKinnon (Illustrator) R.E.P.A.I.R is Recognition, Entry, Process, Awareness, Insight, and Rhythm. Enter a Six-Stage Program with your child to cross the Bridge of Recovery and make available a whole new world of hope.

TEENS

Caprice by Coe Booth, written with extreme sensitivity and honesty for middle-grade readers, is a painful but ultimately healing novel about finding support from your parents and friends, articulating your truth, and choosing your own path.

As Caprice tries to figure out her future, she is pulled back toward her past, and the abuse she endured from her uncle when she was little -- an abuse she’s never

Ascend, a Zine for teen survivors of sexual assault and friends.

Ascend supports young people who are survivors of sexual assault.

Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept by Jayneen Sanders (Author), and Craig Smith (Illustrator).

A beautifully illustrated children’s picture book that sensitively broaches the subject of keeping children safe from inappropriate touch.

told anyone about.

From acclaimed author Kate Messner comes Chirp, the powerful story of a young girl with the courage to make her voice heard, set against the backdrop of a summertime mystery.

When Mia moves to Vermont the summer after seventh grade, she’s recovering from the broken arm she got falling off a balance beam.

she’d rather forget.

Fighting Words by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley In this powerful novel that explodes the stigma around child sexual abuse and leavens an intense tale with compassion and humor, Kimberly Brubaker Bradley tells a story about two sisters, linked by love and trauma, who must find their own voices before they can find their way back to each other.

Ten-year-old Della has always had her older sister, Suki. When their mom went to prison, Della had Suki. When their mom’s boyfriend took them in, Della had Suki. When that same boyfriend did something so awful they had to run fast, Della had Suki. Suki is Della’s own wolf--her protector.

But who has been protecting Suki? Della might get told off for swearing at school, but she has always known how to keep quiet where it counts. Then Suki tries to kill herself, and Della’s world turns so far upside down, it feels like it’s shaking her by the ankles. Maybe she’s been quiet about the wrong things. Maybe it’s time to be loud.

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KIDS & TEENS CONT.

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It Happened on Saturday by Sydney Dunlap. Thirteen-year-old Julia would much rather work with horses at the rescue barn than worry about things like dating and makeup. But when her BFF meets a boy at camp, Julia’s determined not to get left behind. After a makeover from her older sister, she posts a picture of herself online and gets a comment from Tyler a seemingly nice kid who lives across town. As they DM more and more, Julia’s sure that Tyler understands her in a way her family never has. Even better, their relationship earns her tons of attention at school. Then Julia finds out Tyler’s true plan...

The Secrets We Keep by Cassie Gustofson In the vein of The Way I Used to Be and Kelly Loy Gilbert’s Conviction, this “exceedingly well-written, powerful, and suspenseful” young adult novel follows a girl’s struggle to reconcile friendship, sexual abuse, and the secrets we bury deep down inside to survive.

High school freshman Emma Clark harbors a secret—a secret so vile it could implode her whole world, a secret she’s managed to keep buried…until the day her best friend, Hannah, accuses Emma’s father of a heinous crime.

SHARE YOUR STORY Are you looking for a safe space to share your stor y?

Share your stor y in Voices Heard, the interac tive e -Zine that emp owers you to S H AT T E R YO U R S I L E N C E .

Good Pictures Bad Pictures

by Kristen A Jenson (Author) and Debbie Fox (Illustrator). A comfortable way to talk with your kids about pornography.

This newly revised edition of the original bestseller from Defend Young Minds makes that daunting discussion easy! Good Pictures Bad Pictures is a read-aloud story about a mom and dad who explain what pornography is, why it’s dangerous, and how to reject it.

BE ONE OF THE VOICES HEARD! Let’s Talk About It by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan. The Teen’s Guide to Sex, Relationships, and Being a Human. Inclusive, accessible and honest graphic novel guide to growing up, from gender and sexuality to consent and safe sex. Perfect for any teen starting to ask questions.

O ur theme for the Summer issue is Naturing Your Healing Jou rney.

SUBMIT NOW

ONLINE SUPPORT ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS FOR SURVIVORS: 1 in 6 sponsors free anonymous chat-based support groups for male survivors of sexual abuse seeking a community of support.

Sessions are offered Monday through Friday. These written chat (no audio or video) groups focus on education and mutual support for males and are facilitated by a counselor.

Complicated Courage is a website and blog for sibling sexual abuse survivors.

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Healing PTSD Naturally iKathryn Berg, of Lotus Homeopathy offers support on Facebook for people who suffer from PTSD to help them discover natural methods of dealing with PTSD, no matter what the cause. This group supports all trauma not only sexual abuse survivors.

HelpRoom Offered by 360 Communites an affiliate of RAIIN, HelpRoom is an anonymous online group chat option that allows members of the community who have been affected by sexual violence to connect with one another.

Trained staff facilitate group discussions to ensure a safe environment for all visitors to discuss topics and experiences related to sexual violence.

Hidden Water Healing Circles meet weekly — either in-person or online — and are designed to enable participants to find the growing edge of their healing alongside others who have had similar experiences with childhood sexual abuse.

Incest AWARE is a group for those working to end incest and help survivors of incest abuse to heal.

The Incest AWARE Facebook was born following a large meeting of incest prevention advocates, healers, and authors who came together in February 2021 to talk about the opportunities and challenges we face today in our efforts to prevent incest.

Isurvive is an online abuse survivor support group. Their forums/chat

rooms are open to adult survivors and their loved ones seeking to heal from all forms of abuse including sexual, physical, verbal, emotional and ritual.

The Lamplighter Movement is dedicated to recovery from incest and child sexual abuse. They have chapters located throughout the US that organize groups for survivors.

National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse NAASCA has a list of recovery groups and services worldwide for adult survivors of abuse, including incest. Their online daytime recovery meetings are an open discussion forum about child abuse trauma and recovery and are hosted by volunteer members.

Sexual Assault Advocacy Network (SAAN) Facebook Group was founded to support the people who support sexual violence survivors. Their active Facebook group connects survivoradvocates who are working to support other incest and other sexual abuse survivors, change policy and raise awareness.

Survivors Of Childhood Trauma is a friendly Facebook group that offers help and advice to fellow survivors from all walks of life.

Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA) is a 12-step recovery program for adult survivors of incest. They offer a range of peersupport groups including virtual, phone and in-person – all free of cost. Their website also contains resources and information of interest to incest survivors.

Tail of the Bell is geared toward adult survivors of incest. It will soon be offering peer-to-peer incest survivor facilitated groups called YANA. Participants will become members of small groups of 6-8 survivors maximum who will meet weekly in a virtual space to offer mutual support and guidance.

Wings Support Groups offers a variety of virtual and in-person groups in the Denver Metro area.

Wings supports adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse to live

their fullest, healthiest lives as they speak about, heal from and thrive beyond CSA trauma.

SUPPORT FOR FAMILIES OF SURVIVORS M*OASIS Support (Mothers* Of Adult Survivors of Incest and Sexual Abuse) is a resource website and blog for anyone looking to understand how to support a survivor of incest and sexual abuse.

StopSO Support for Families Online Group is a safe and supportive space for family members of a sexual offender or for family members of someone who is worried that they may cause sexual harm. (StopSO also provides services for those at risk of offending and concerned about their thoughts or behavior.).

SEARCHABLE DATABASE Psychology Today’s website has a “Find a Therapist” directory of therapists, psychiatrists, treatment centers and support groups located throughout the US that is searchable by city or zip code.

RAINN’s National Resources for Sexual Assault Survivors and their Loved Ones resources and references NSVRC (National Sexual Violence Resource Center) has compiled a list of linkable websites and resources offering support and help for survivors, which includes links to support groups.

IF SOMEONE YO U K N OW I S IN CRISIS...

IF YOU O R SOM EO NE YOU K N OW IS IN I M M E D I AT E D A N G E R AND NEEDS M E D I C A L AT T E N T I O N , C A L L 9 11 .

N AT I O N A L

RAINN Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673) Live Chat 24/7 Crisis Text Line: Text “START” to 741741 55 Rain Website National Domestic Violence Hotline: Select “chat now” Or call 1.800.799.7233 (If you’re not alone text LOVEIS to 22522) NDVH Website

COLORADO

CCASA Hotline: 800.799.SAFE (7233) CCASA Website Advocate Safehouse Hotline: 970.285.0209 Response Hotline: 970.925.7233 Response Website Colorado Crisis Services: 844.493.TALK (8255) Text TALK to 38255 4 pm – 12 am 7 days a week

Voices Heard shatters the long held silence of sexual abuse survivors through story-telling and expressive arts.