I AM l Vol. 3 No. 2

Photos by Ulia Ahn

Lena Jae

Brandon Choi

VOLUME 3 ISSUE 2| SPRING 2023 I Am

OUR MISSION

Meaning “the way” in Latin, In Via is a journal of Christian thought at Emory University. Through the publication of creative and intellectual expressions inspired by the gospel, we hope to contribute a clear, relevant, and compassionate Christian worldview to campus conversations.

Our name comes from John 14:6, where Jesus says, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Emory In Via gratefully acknowledges the support of the staff and members of the Augustine Collective, a network of Christian thought journals on college campuses throughout the United States and the United Kingdom. We are thankful for the support of our faculty advisor, Dr. Joseph Crespino, and staff members from Emory’s Office of Spiritual and Religious Life.

Design by Brandon Choi

emoryinvia@gmail.com

WEBSITE www.emoryinvia. wixsite.com/my-site

INSTAGRAM @emoryinvia

Scan to listen to In Via's recently launched podcast, "On the Way"!

Joesoep

by

Ulia Ahn

Letter From the Editor

Dear Reader,

As humans, we naturally seek definition, and in the modern world, many things compete to define us. We define ourselves by our occupations, our achievements, our social statuses, and more. Our identities are almost entirely formed by what the world says about us, often to the point that we forget who we really are. When someone asks, “who are you?” what exactly is it that we respond with?

In Exodus 3, Moses, the leader of the Israelites, encounters the God of Israel in the form of a burning bush. When Moses asks God for His name, He simply says “I am who I am.” In this declaration, God reveals his identity as simply being; He is complete, selfsufficient, and omnipresent. His existence itself is His definition.

As Christians, our identities are solely defined by Him. Through the redemptive blood of Jesus Christ, we are God’s beloved children, His followers, and His heirs. Yet, in our own walks of faith, we constantly wrestle with our identities as the world’s definitions of us conflict with God’s. In these moments, we remember that the God we worship is multifaceted. When the world wants us to think we are alone, God tells us that he is our friend. When the world makes us weak and hopeless, God reminds us that He is our king. When the world says we don’t deserve to be loved, God unconditionally embraces us as our father.

In our second issue of the year, you will engage with a range of pieces detailing who God is. While we cannot possibly encompass all of God’s character, we hope that you will come to know the One who uniquely loves each of us, yet universally invites all. Regardless of who you are, God has and always will define you as His own.

In Him,

Kevin Kim Editor-in-Chief

I Am Provider of Living Water

by Matthew Joesoep

i wonder, how can anyone see south peachtree creek— its gentle cascade, its quiet invitation to sit, listen, and ponder and fight, the urge to wonder: is this the work of someone greater? did He know, i would come thirsty, for peace, stillness, grace, rest. in how the stream takes the greatest care to soothe, not crash against the rocks i find the desire Jesus had to give the Samaritan woman a living water that would never leave us thirsty. if He could call weary King David away to be refreshed at quiet waters who am i to reject the quiet call of south peachtree creek’s leisurely-passing waters, as if He was saying: it’s okay, to be away from emory, responsibility, for I want you to seek Me— My living water.

Photos by Lena Jae

I Am the Provider

by Gabi Kim

Amid instances of social injustice, it can be easy to question where God is. During the 1968 Memphis Sanitation Strikes led by Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., people held up signs saying “I AM a Man.” These signs held by activists proved the often invisible status of Black women within their communities. Religious scholar Eboni Marshall Turman reflects on the “I AM a Man” placards in “Of Men and [Mountain] Tops: Black Women, Martin Luther King Jr., and the Ethics and Aesthetics of Invisibility in the Movement for Black Lives.” Though some have argued that women were included within the word “man,” Turman asserts: “King’s rhetoric at the overflowing mass meetings emphasized the human dignity of the strikers and of all poor people… Manhood as the vector of human dignity dispossesses Black women who are subordinated according to race and gender logics.1 Turman writes that while Black people were outraged at the condition of sanitation working conditions which led to the death of two workers and consequently started the strike, their vision for justice was primarily concerned about men, and women were an afterthought. It was not that Black women were not important, but the strikers were not putting the lives of women and the gender nonconforming at the front of their campaigns with the men. Therefore, while Christianity was supposed to be a vessel of hope for all people, Turman argues that Black women found themselves often feeling excluded from their community.

Still, womanist theologians give critical insight into how to deal with suffering in the world, beyond gender issues within the church and systematic racism. Delores Williams provides alternative responses to the violence and cruelty in the world in her book Sisters in the Wilderness: The Challenge of Womanist God-Talk. Because there is much suffering, Williams concludes, “when non-Jewish people… read the entire Hebrew testament from the point of view of the non-Hebrew slave, there is no clear indication that God is against their perpetual enslavement. Likewise, there is no clear opposition expressed in the Christian testament to the institution of slavery.”2 Essentially, Williams understands that God does not always liberate people.

Instead, when she meditates on the story of Hagar, she discovers that He instead might provide something else. Hagar, the handmaiden of Sarah, was often mistreated by her. Frustrated at God’s timing and her lack of ability to bear a child even though God promised Abraham a son, Sarah

1 Turman, Eboni Marshall. “Of Men and [Mountain] Tops: Black Women, Martin Luther King Jr., and the Ethics and Aesthetics of Invisibility in the Movement for Black Lives- Eboni Marshall Turman,” Journal of the Society of Christian Ethics, Volume 39, Number 1, Spring/Summer 2019, pp. 57-73, accessed 4 May 2021, https://muse.jhu.edu/article/730426.61.

2 Delores Williams, Sisters in the Wilderness, Markyknoll, New York: Orbis Books, 1993, 2013, 129130.

Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. God was with the boy as he grew up. He lived in the desert and became an archer.

Genesis 21: 19-20

gave her slave to her husband to bear a son on her behalf. But despite her consent, she still resented Hagar for God had closed her womb for the time being. After a while, Abraham sent Hagar and Ishmael, her son, away. Alone in the wilderness as a single mother, she cried out to God for her son to have a drink of water for he appeared to be dying. At that moment, God provided her water and blessed Ishmael, promising Hagar that He would bless him and their family for many generations.

Black womanist scholars have commented on their exclusion from Black liberationist scholars like James Cone, especially because He does not always liberate people from their oppression or harsh circumstances. But drawing from the story of Hagar, Williams writes that God provides “‘survival and a positive quality of life for Black women and their families in the presence and care of God.’”3 God does not save people from the suffering of life every time. Rather, He gives people the tools to discover a way of life to survive and endure in this world which repeatedly inflicts injustice onto people because of their gender and race. Because Hagar was given water in her moment of desperation, she claims this is proof that God does not promise an easy life, but He still provides for our daily needs.

Perhaps even going further, I would argue that God doesn’t just provide tools for survival for survival’s sake; at times, the suffering of the few can be used so that God can be greater glorified. When Lazarus passed away, Martha said to Jesus that if he was at their home, Lazarus would not have died; she believed Jesus could have saved him from his fatal illness. But Jesus, even though he loved Mary and Martha who were the sisters of Lazarus, did not alleviate them of their mourning over the death of their brother by healing him from the illness, even though He had

3 Williams, 155.

the power to do so. Instead, He left their home so that people would know for sure that Lazarus was dead, and later returned so He could raise him back to life to prove that the resurrection of the dead is a possibility. This was not merely a miracle but a way for people to understand that Jesus too could resurrect from the dead, and not just stop there, but also save humanity from sin because of His perfection. In short, while I do not suggest that suffering is a good thing, sometimes suffering can be used for His glory.

Oftentimes it can be difficult to understand how God can be good despite human suffering. When on the road to discovering one’s faith, it can be easy to question how the alleged good God could allow evil things to happen to “innocent” people. Yet, Williams’ critical insight that God provides the tools for survival can shed light on the conundrum between a good God and a fallen world.

If one believes people are inherently good then they might find themselves to be disappointed as people can very easily fail one another. On the other hand, if people are bad, then there is no hope in life. Still, I believe that the hope in humanity lies in the resurrection of Jesus. Despite living in a fallen world where people can face discrimination and must endure many hardships, the hope is that because Jesus died and rose again, we can have eternal life in Him. And, God does not leave us to suffer in a broken world but rather provides us with the tools to survive.

I Am the Rescuer

by Sydney Song

I stare at the pew in front of me, Following the scars of the wood with my eyes. My pastor is speaking, but I cannot hear him. His words blur together

I question, do I want to listen?

Every Sunday morning the same as the next I am stuck I am stuck I am stuck

I am at His house today

But only today.

Tomorrow, I will walk away

I always do.

I am stuck I am stuck I am stuck

I stand on the just-muddied path of the week passed

The lies told sprout like weeds in the field

My jealousies pollute the once blue lake

The dark clouds return to the field every week, pouring droplets of my desires

The mud below my feet swallows me

I flail my legs, trying to grab the air around me

The cold, heavy droplets strike my skin

I am stuck I am stuck I am stuck

I have tried to get out of the mud too many times. When I am free, I know I will fall in it once again. Now, I am tired

So I let myself sink.

Who will rescue me?

I am stuck I am stuck I am stuck

You sit at the pew in my house

Trailing the scars of the wood with your eyes. Your pastor is speaking

My child, Open your ears, I cry I am here I am here I am here

You are here today

Tomorrow, you will walk away You lie, you are jealous, you worship those who are not me Still, I am with you I am here I am here I am here

I am here in the field. You gasp, Frantically flailing your legs. Then your body goes still You sink in the mud. I reach for your hands bruised with cold, heavy droplets I pull you out. I am here I am here I am here

Photos by Brandon Choi

I Am the Word

by Sharon Hwang

Introduction

For the past month and a half, I journaled my thoughts as I read through the book of Acts because I started having doubts about the truth of the Bible. How can I trust the Bible is real? How can I trust that God is not something I created to console myself? What makes Christianity different? At first, I felt embarrassed sharing these doubts because I felt like these were foundational questions that I should know if I called myself a Christian, especially because I grew up hearing Bible stories every Sunday at church. However, I knew I didn’t want to delude myself or be deceived. I feel like I’m susceptible to this because I’ve grown up in church and constantly been told about God’s existence. I didn’t want to be brainwashed. I wanted to personally experience the truth.

In my first year of college, I experienced a hot and cold faith. I would turn to God during the Friday prayer meetings my church held and pour out – practically vomit out – my deepest emotions to Him. In these moments, it felt like my faith was sometimes on fire, but other times it felt dead.

However, in my second year of college, I lost these emotional ups and downs. Instead, my heart went numb. Because my faith was so emotion-based, I began doubting the reliability of all the experiences I had with God in my first year. It felt like my mind had created what I needed in that moment (relief, peace, etc.) and that I just attributed it to God. When I read the Bible, it felt like I was deceiving myself and extracting the message I wanted to hear instead of the Bible changing and transforming me. On top of that, I felt like there was no more of God to discover, that I had just reached the end, even though I knew that was impossible because the God I believed in was infinite.

Below are my honest reflections as I read through Acts. I chose Acts because I thought the Apostle Paul had written it, and I had previously read Philippians, another book he had written. Embarrassingly enough, Paul did not write Acts, although he does appear in the narrative in the later half. I did not want to reread any of the Gospels because in all honesty, they felt repetitive. I also realized that although I had heard a few sermons on select sections of Acts, I had never read the book completely and I had no idea what went on in it.

2/15 - Acts 1

I didn't really have any takeaways today. In an odd way, it’s satisfying to not get a message and to just read the passage as it is because whenever I feel like something resonated with me, my feeling just seems very fake, made up to console or help myself in the situation I’m in.

2/16 - Acts 2

I really really don’t want to do this… I just feel like I have to as a chore, but at least I’m doing it? Better than nothing. Although I have these questions about God and the Bible right now, in my heart I am trying to believe that God will bring me back to Him and on the right path.

2/17 - Acts 3

26 When God raised up his servant [Jesus], he sent him first to you to bless you by turning each of you from your wicked ways. I am kind of jealous. God’s love for the Israelites, despite their sinful ways, has always been quite special. Oddly, it feels unfair that Israelites get this privilege because it’s not like I chose to be born the way I am.

2/19 - Acts 4

20 As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.

2/20 - Acts 5

If the experiences I have had and the Christian faith is not of God, but of human origin, maybe it will fail. In what way, or what this even means, I have no idea. But if my faith is fake and grounded on my own imagination, it will fail when trials come.

2/22 - Acts 6

15 All who were sitting in the Sanhedrin looked intently at Stephen, and they saw that his face was like the face of an angel.

Wow, I just feel so horrible today. I got annoyed at everything and everyone, was so quick to criticize, had a horrible attitude, and was so rude (in my head/thoughts). I feel so embarrassed of the way I thought and acted today. I realized how rotten and evil I am on the inside. I wonder how it would be like to be cleaned, pure, rinsed of this hatred, judgment and just be filled to the brim with the Spirit that even my physical appearance reflects it. I just felt angry, empty, hollow today. I fall so short compared to someone like Stephen.

2/23 - Acts 7

Similar to when Jesus told the disciples to drop everything and follow him, God tells Abraham to go to a new land, leaving behind his family and inheritance at home. How did Abraham trust? Why did he trust? How was it not blind faith?

2/25 - Acts 7, 8

57 At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, Am I covering my ears so I do not hear God’s voice? Am I rejecting the message even though it is being told to me? How did God move in the Ethiopian eunuch’s heart? How did he believe after just being told the good news? How did he know it was even real or trustworthy?

2/27 - Acts 9

Why am I so bad with consistency? Why am I so weak?

God chooses the people we expect the least from. Who would’ve imagined: Saul?? Also, this must have been very difficult on Ananias’ part as well because Saul is someone Christians avoided in fear of persecution.

2/28 - Acts 10

Cornelius is a good man. He does good deeds. It almost seems though that he is able to receive the Holy Spirit because of his actions, not his faith.

Cornelius is described as someone who fears God, devout, gives generously, prays to God regularly, and does what is right. But are we not saved by God’s mercy, Jesus’ sacrifice, faith that Jesus died for our sins and resurrected?

Undated - Acts 11

The faith of the Greeks and other Gentiles is crazy. They were not familiar with God or Jesus. They also worshiped many gods (paganism) and had a different lifestyle, type of beliefs alto- gether. but the fact that they were able to forget, give up all these things and believe. Also, the men who went to Antioch are also blessed to have the chance to be used by God, to see God transform lives. To see God work. To be used by God. God could just do the work Himself (the easiest way), or entrust it to His angels, or give us the chance to do it. He gives us the opportunity to share the good news and be witnesses of God’s work.

3/3 - Acts 12

24 But the word of God continued to spread and flourish.

Undated - Acts 13

I want to get closer to the Holy Spirit and feel Him work in me. In Acts, the Holy Spirit’s role is very prevalent and He works and fills disciples endlessly. For me, who is confused about what I believe, or even my salvation, Acts is perfect because it endlessly repeats the gospel through the mouths of the disciples.

3/15 - Acts 14 12:58 AM

I skipped devotionals the entire spring break.

9 He listened to Paul as he was speaking. Paul looked directly at him, saw that he had faith to be healed.

What does it mean, how can you have faith to be healed? Paul tells the man to stand up on his feet and “the man jumped up and began to walk” Is this faith?

17 Yet he has not left himself without testimony. He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.

Even though it feels like God is silent, or that God is not in my life, even the smallest things in my life are set the way they are because of God’s will, design, plan.

3/23 - Acts 15-16 1:13AM

It’s so unexpected how the jailer became saved. It thought this story would be another one where God frees Paul and Silas and they leave the prison. However, they stay after the jailer’s pleas. Through this, the jailer and his whole household came to believe. It started from the jailer alone.

3/24 - Acts 17 - 8:39AM

2b he reasoned with them from the Scriptures

3 explaining and proving that the Messiah had to suffer and rise from the dead. I need to be reasoned with. I need explanations and evidence so my faith can be based on some- thing solid, not just going in blind.

11b for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true.

The Berean Jews have such an admirable attitude. Instead of expecting some solid proof, they themselves search Scriptures to see if what they find and hear from Paul is the same.

3/27 - Acts 18 12:43AM

Apollos refutes Jewish opponents through his knowledge of the Scriptures. For them, the Scriptures are where they find their faith. However, how can I refute people who do not believe the Bible is real in the first place? How can I show them that Jesus is the Messiah? I don't even know enough about the Bible or “secular”/science things. God uses people in their incompleteness and imperfection. But how can God use me to literally spread the gospel if I don’t know much? Also, I feel a sort of bitterness/anger towards God who won’t use me. If he can use people like Saul/Paul, but he does not use me, does that mean I am just not chosen? Sometimes, I feel like God’s child that He cares about to a certain degree but doesn’t love as much as He loved those in the Bible. Probably also because I also don’t have that devotion/love to God. I want to see and feel how God uses me, instead of being used without knowing it. Then how can I know, how can I be grateful or joyful about being part of His plan?

I want to be used in the lives of my friends, who are struggling a lot. I want God to use me very visibly so that I can have confirmation that He has chosen me.

3/29 - John 13:1-20

Jesus knew loneliness more than I did. In the hardest time, all his disciples were gone. When I feel loneliness, these questions always come to mind. What do I do with my life now, when it feels like I have no one? What have I been doing with my life? The only one who could truly understand my loneliness is Jesus. Jesus’ community of disciples and people who followed him was suddenly gone in his most difficult time. Yet, even though he knew that the disciples that followed him would scatter and Peter would deny him three times and Judas would betray him, he washes all their feet with love and humility.

I wonder if I’ll ever be able to obey God to death, like Jesus, and like some of the disciples did later.

Right now, the only answer I can produce is that I need to know more about Jesus and God’s character. The more I get to know God, the more I love Him, and the more I want to be like Him and obey His commands. Reading today made me realize that Jesus was a hundred times more familiar with loneliness, and that made me love Him and be grateful for what He has done, because I know that Jesus has experienced the sadness and hurt I have felt. Only He knows. And He is my example.

Reflection

Beginning this project, I doubted there would be any true change or realization, but a small part of my heart also hoped for a huge, unimaginable transformation like the disciples or Paul.

There was no huge, outwardly noticeable change. Even earlier today, I contemplated abandoning this piece because I felt like there was truly nothing that I could offer or anything to take away from this. I didn’t even finish the book of Acts like I intended to.

Ironically, I thought I would be done with Bible reading for a while after this project. Even during this piece, I had no consistency and motivation, constantly skipping out on reading the Bible.

Although John 13 was not part of Acts, I decided to include it as my final entry because as I was reading it with my bible study group, I felt a growing desire to read the Bible again. For the first time in a while, I saw Jesus’ character and truly felt love for Him, as well as hurt for what He went through. Because I saw His character, I wanted to read the Bible more out of genuine curiosity for who He was during His time on Earth.

One of the starting questions I asked was how I could trust if the Bible is real. Looking back, I realized that I hadn’t even read the Bible. How can I discuss the validity of the Bible if I have not fully read its contents and do not know the information it holds? Whether I want to discover more of God, or I want to prove the validity of the Bible, the answer lies in the Word.

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

I Am the God of Your Fathers

by Austin Park

He came first, little fist around finger, wrapped firm.

The first of every month, with his mother, and then without. Resting his knees on the stonemouth moving silently but He speaks a prayer. A hand, his, leaves flowers to wither with and within the grass, and in his absence we watch, in day, the stars not unsightly, but unseen, in their incandescence invisible.

Nightly we anticipate the same thing - for their return

as He does, first of every month, wielding flowers fresh and new every mourning

Author’s Note:

When God appeared to Moses in the burning bush, He reminded him of the blessing He had promised to his father Abraham and all his descendants, including Moses himself. God’s faithfulness to this promise endured through generations of Israelites, and ultimately culminated in Christ’s sacrifice, through which we have also been claimed as “Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise”.

In this poem, I wanted to examine images of faithfulness we might encounter in our own lives - a son who visits his father’s grave every month without fail, stars that disappear during the day but that we can expect to return every night - as a reminder to the ways in which God continually renews his promises to us.

Photo by Brandon Choi

I Am Joy

Inspired by “Sunflower” by Pauline Zoe Park

by Emily Jang

The sunflower needs not to be told to seek the light. It simply does.

It reaches for the sun–though it will never reach it. a broken alleluia.

And the sun is pleased with it. It pours Its full spectrum onto the flower

And the flower in its reception, can Do nothing. But soften its soul

Slowly, swaying, saturated

By warmth

By kindness

From root to face and face to petals

From remembrance to gratitude and gratitude to joy

The flower is entrenched–

Deeply steeped by the colors of The Light

Even in the darkest of days, the sun never leaves And the flower always knows, Always remembers

Illustration by Saeyeon Ju

I Am Jehovah-rapha

by Ulia Ahn

The first time God is referred to as a healer in the Bible, is in Exodus 15 when God assures the Israelites,“If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do that which is right in his eyes, and give ear to his commandments and keep all his statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you that I put on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, your healer.”1

In Hebrew, Jehovah-rapha translates to English as the “the Lord who heals”2 or “healer.” However, there are alternate translations where rapha means “to restore” or “to mend,” altering this title to “the Lord who fixes broken things.”3

I sometimes characterize myself as a “broken thing,” making mistakes each day such as being impatient with my roommate or forgetting about a meeting with a professor. But last semester, my body was physically broken as I sustained two significant injuries.

During this time of healing and reconciling my emotions, at my 2022 winter retreat center, I reflected on the previous semester while I sat on the lake’s shore and watched the sunset on a below-30-degree-day. Like this lake, I had allowed my heart to be iced over as a form of protection and survival during a non-stop semester. I had become very bitter about my circumstances and grew to neglect my spiritual and emotional health too.

I did not realize that my bitterness made me more cynical and apathetic. My normally cheerful disposition, like the flowing water trapped under the ice, could not escape the icy and distant facade I was displaying to myself and others. I did not believe that physical or emotional healing would come quickly enough and frustration slowly manifested over time like this icy surface.

Yet slowly, God’s grace–piercing like the sun even in even the coldest environments – broke down those bonds of bitterness in my heart to the softer layer of water underneath. Sure, the sun was setting, and the night was gradually getting colder, but I heard the efforts and progress of the lake; it was cracking under the pressure of the consistent warmth from the sun’s rays. Some of the cracks were small, but others were so large that I could hear their reverberations in the silence in this solitary moment.

If it were up to me, healing or fixing would be instantaneous. The lake could be melted in one day or my physical injuries fixed by the end of the week. In this moment of serenity and a little clarity, I realized that just as the sun rises and sets everyday with the same intensity of light to soften the lake’s frozen surface, so too does God heal and repair our bodies and hearts to even greater magnitudes that surpass human understanding.

The lake didn’t have to do anything except receive the culmination of the sun’s rays even in below freezing weather just as all I had to do was learn and accept that He was repairing my brokenness, outwardly and internally, during a crazy semester.

In Exodus 15:26, God assured the Israelites that if they put their trust in His statutes and commandments, He would protect them from any disease or plague.4 I too learned to trust in Him through my personal journey, remembering the same God who was able to heal and protect the Israelites in Egypt was healing me in 2022 into 2023. When the world has broken us down, we have to trust that healing is the process of being reminded that the Mender, Restorer, Healer is working and fixing us when we can’t do it ourselves.

1 Exodus 15:26. English Standard Version.

2 Ofori, Ekow. 2021. THE NAMES OF GOD. 147.

3 Ofori, Ekow. 2021. THE NAMES OF GOD. 147.

4 Exodus 15:26. English Standard Version

Photo by Ulia Ahn

I Am King of Kings

by Christine Kim

Afew summers ago, I came across this picture of Jesus de scribed by John in the book of Revelations. John was ex iled to an island due to his mission to spread the gospel. There, he received divine inspiration from Jesus Himself to prophesy about the end times for the sake of the seven churches of believers, represented by the lampstands in the excerpt. In Revelation 1:13-15 (NIV), John describes his encounter with Jesus:

“13 and among the lampstands was someone like a son of man, dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. 14 The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. 15 His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters…”

Later on in Revelation 19:12-14;16 (NIV), he also wrote on account of Jesus’s appearance:

“12 His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. 13 He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God.14 The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean…16 On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: king of kings and lord of lords.”

The image of Jesus that John described was nothing like the tender person He was in my past Bible readings. Here, Christ was regal and beautiful and I felt His power ripple out of the ancient text and into my present world. Why did this image of Jesus captivate me so much?

Jesus’ life and mission on earth were recounted in the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John). There, He came to fulfill the prophecy of the “Savior” or “Messiah” who was to redeem mankind from eternal death and destruction. The Jewish leaders and citizens responded with rejection, or only ran to Him to be healed or fed. Many did not understand His true purpose, nor did they see Him for who He truly was. This was because they expected the Messiah to be a King who could deliver them from the Roman Empire. Their vision of a savior was someone who would destroy the Romans, humiliate their enemies, and dethrone Caesar. Yet, Jesus defied their expectations and kept a low profile. His mission was to save humanity by cur ing diseases, teaching parables, eating with outcasts, and most importantly, dying on the cross for all of humanity.

Jesus came to fulfill many things, and among them was to be the“King of Kings.” Thus, in some ways, the Jewish leaders and citizens did rightfully expect Jesus to be a king. But their limited vision of the prophesied Messiah spurred them

to reject His life giving power and transformative impact. Therefore, this title does not only mean He is a humble and gentle King for the believers of His kingdom, but also over every dominion in this world. From the tangible governments, monarchies, and terrorists (Revelation 1:5, NIV; Daniel 4:17, NIV) to the unseen forces of spiritual darkness and even Satan himself (Ephesians 2:2, NIV), Jesus is their overlord. Hence, the “King of Kings and Lord of Lords'' written on His thigh in Revelations 19.

The things that are unseen and our daily battles against depression, anxiety, social pressure, idolatry, lust, gluttony, murder, hatred, etc., are not just rooted in the human propensity to sin. They are also orchestrated by the unseen gods, rulers and kings that stir grief, turmoil, and tempt people to commit every possible sin. We are constantly in unseen battles. Apart from Christ, we often fight them alone.

However, if we place our hope and trust in Christ, it will be as if thousands of armies are on our side. We can boldly wage war on the brokenness within and around us because of Jesus’ presence and reign. Furthermore, He has no empty promises when it comes to setting people free because there is nothing too dark for His love to reach. In Romans 3:38-39 (NIV), apostle Paul writes, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This passage refers to how Jesus' death and resurrection allowed mankind to have an unbreakable bond with God. The things that once threatened our eternal separation from God are now subjugated to Christ’s authority. Thus, there is always hope in Jesus’ love for us.

Scripture also says, “In him was the light, which was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:4-5, NIV). Jesus is referred to as the “light” of mankind in these verses. The line “has not overcome,” implies that ever since the existence of darkness until the present and into the future, evil can never overcome the light. Jesus’ eternal authority over the evil rulers and principalities means that they will always be brought below His throne.

Currently, I am in the final stretch of my college career. Everyday feels like an endless to-do list as I am fighting to make the most out of the little time that I have left. After an overwhelming day, I have often looked back and inquired: Jesus, were you really with me all along? I’ve heard Him reminding me that I am living upon the answered prayers of my guilt, sin, depression and rage ridden past. He has sometimes asked me why I only see Him in the mold of a loving parent or the faithful companionship of a friend. He has challenged me to believe that His power can do more than my greatest expectations.

Recently, however, He’s responded with only the image of Himself as the valiant and beautiful King I encountered through Scripture those couple summers ago. As I've been trying to figure out what it all means, and how I need to respond, I’ve also realized that perhaps I am not meant to do anything. Maybe He just wants me to be rest assured and know that His Kingship is real.

I Am Alpha and Omega

by Daniel Bell

The island of Patmos sits just off the coast of Turkey. It’s small–barely 17 miles across. In classical Greek mythology, Artemis and Apollo convinced Zeus to raise it from beneath the sea. Its fame, however, comes from it being the location where the Book of Revelation was written. A Christian apostle named John was exiled there by the Roman Empire in the early 1st century. One night, this exile experienced an extraordinary vision. He saw the end of the world - oceans boiling, mountains crumbling, heaven and earth colliding in a terrifying, beautiful image. And, through it all, a voice declaring “I am the Alpha and the Omega. Who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty”.

1Alpha and Omega, as John would have understood them, are the first and last letters of the Greek Alphabet. So what does it mean for God to declare that he is the A and the Z? The First and the Last?It tells us two things: what God is, and who God is.

What God is is a difficult question. Traditionally, God is often depicted as a human in the sky – someone with immense power and wisdom, but who behaves mostly in the same way a human being would if granted the same level of power or 1 Revelation

wisdom. God possesses human aspects, but defining God solely in terms of His humanity would be a mistake; God is more. We must remember that “God sees not as man sees”2. God does not experience “the future” in the way we do because He exists outside of time. God doesn’t exist in a place in the same we do, because God is omnipresent.. To say God is the “First and the Last” is to say that he is he beginning and the ending of all things, surrounding them and binding the Beginning and the End together. He is, as He said to John those centuries ago, “who is, who was, and who is to come.”

Trying to wrap one’s head around this can be frustrating, and I too have wasted many hours trying to grasp this. God, as the First and the Last, is a being of extraordinary power and ability. It’s this power and ability that makes the second aspect of this essay–who God is, all the more compelling.

The story of the Bible is one of a broken humanity finding redemption and salvation in God. This is accomplished through God’s presence among us. The belief in Jesus, God in human form, is central to the Christian faith, yet sometimes the implications of that belief are not fully appreciated. A being of such power comes to earth as god? A king?

2 1 Sam 16:17

No – He comes as a carpenter, in a poor, far-flung imperial province thousands of miles away from anything that could be considered as a relevant center of power. He lived at the bottom of society and among the last.

Furthermore, with whom did He associate? If we are discussing something on as grand a scale as the salvation of all mankind, it would be a reasonable assumption to make that He would engage with the “movers and shakers” – the wise, the strong, the powerful, people who could influence others. Once again, however, the logical choice is incorrect. God surrounded himself with the lowest rungs of society: poor workers, the ill, the outcast, even criminals.

One may assume these individuals had superb morals, regardless of their low social class. Perhaps they could influence their peers not through power but through their example. But they were not. The New Testament is full of countless stories of their failings. Three of his first disciples fell into a selfish bickering match about which one of them deserved the most power in the new order they had convinced themselves they were building3. Other, in their pride, insisted on the destruction of towns that had not received them well4. His family members called him insane. One of his closest confidants, the now-legendary Saint Peter, fled and denied him the second his own life came at risk5. And, in the end, he was sold over to be executed to the political authorities by one of his followers for some quick money.

This being, the most powerful being, the “First” set himself among the “Last,”or those who were at the bottom of society in every way imaginable. And, when eventually the powers-that-be began to see him as a threat to their established order and demanded his death, he did not stop them. Yet despite all this, the Bible is a story of the triumph and power of God. How is that possible?

It is possible because of the second meaning of “Alpha and Omega.” God does not view power in the same way we do. We see power, as the ability to bend others to our will – as something to be cherished, earned, and respected. God sees this power as something to not be worshiped but to be abandoned. Despite His immense power, he never uses it to control others, or exalt himself. Instead, he uses it to heal, to comfort, and to walk with the lowest among us.

In our world today, might makes right. Might is shown by military power as nations subjugate one another. It’s shown in wealth, fame, and charisma, as millions around the flock to celebrities and influencers. Jesus’ idea

of power, where might is messy, poor, and shown in humility and service, violates all of these things we’ve been trained to believe. It’s why the story of the Bible makes no sense when viewed through our traditional idea of what and who is “right.” This inversion, where the last things are made first through the One who exists as them both, is what I would argue is the second, deeper meaning of “Alpha and Omega.'' God can be the first and last because in His mind, there is no difference between the two. To be powerful, to be “First,” is to sacrifice and to give yourself freely for the sake of others or to be in all things the “Last”. Such an ideal doe not compute with our world. In fact, it broke our world which is full of violence, sorrow, fear, and death. The central tenet of the Christian mission is Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. He did not come back seeking revenge, or in grand majesty. He came back simply as it was, returned to those who had abandoned him, and gave them instructions to continue their journey. There is no glory, no personal satisfaction in this road. These things will fade in time, just like everything else in our world. True power – service, sacrifice, unconditional love – is all that remains.

Jesus comes to comfort those who suffer. We pray to Jesus as if He is outside of our suffering, failing to realize that He sits in torment there next to us. A being of such power, choosing to suffer with us. This is not a god who needs royalty, pleasure, but a god who instead suffers with us out of love. God is a God of the lost, a God of the lowly. He is the First and Last God of the last and lowest people. The powers and pains of the earth are still young, and eventually they will die. What we see as suffering and weakness is immeasurable strength in the eyes of God. He is an Alpha for every Omega. A beginning for all of our endings. This is the God of scripture. This was His nature for those who came before us, and it will be his nature for all those who came after us.

To say that Jesus is Alpha and Omega is to affirm a radically different view of the world than the one to which we are familiar. It presents not only a view of an idealized past but a triumphant future that can be found again, where power is something to be given, not taken. The vision of the end, which John saw on Patmos all those years ago, will be like the beginning. War, death, decay – all will finally fade in the face of the eternal power of a servant God who has loved us from the First days to the Last.

3 Mark 10:35

4 Luke 9:54-56

5 Mattthew 26:69-75

I Am Lord of lords

by Samuel Salameh

In the Bible, God is designated the title “Lord of lords.”1 What does it mean to be the Lord of lords? Could a true interpretation of this seemingly simple phrase uproot the very basis of Western Christian thought? This title is evidence of an ancient understanding lost with time. Presently, Christianity is often regarded as a monotheistic religion. However, that is not the case. Christianity is instead a monolatrous faith tradition.

In order to begin to understand monolatry, we must first disprove misconceptions of the phrase Lord of lords. Within the modern English language, the usage of the word lord has waned. For most, it's not a word commonly heard beyond Biblical context. Within old English, the term lord was often correlated to the terms prince or ruler. Presently, the title Lord of lords is incorrectly understood to mean that God reigns supreme over every other earthly authority, such as a prince. But what about the spiritual authorities of good and evil, Satan, demons, angels, saints, other gods, and even the “armies of heaven.”2 These are infrequently considered. There is a dilemma at hand. To which authority did God intend to reference? Earthly authorities or spiritual authorities? The latter would concede that there are other gods existing beyond merely the Christian God, and for some, that is an issue. Monolatry is the remedy.

The question of redundancy is another issue. In reference to Jesus Christ, the Bible states, “He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written: King of kings And Lord of lords.”3 As seen, the title Lord of lords is found directly succeeding King of kings. Traditionally, the word lord can be equated to master, ruler, monarch, prince, or even king. So, if the term lord can mean king, and the term king can mean lord, then, if not out of redundant emphasis, what is the reason for including both the title King of kings and Lord of lords in the same line? These titles portray two distinct lenses and are not an instance of superfluous redundancy, as seen in other portions of scripture. King of kings caters to the humanity of Christ, whereas Lord of lords caters to the divinity of Christ.

Knowing that Jesus Christ is fully human, we can begin to understand how King of kings is employed to represent the humanity of Christ. The title king of kings is only ever contextually applied to reference worldly kings who use the phrase to express their absolute sovereignty over surrounding nations. The Book of Daniel depicts King Nebuchadnezzar as “a king of kings.”4 Keenly note the capitalization and article. Instead of being the King of kings, King Nebuchadnezzar is merely a king of kings. This emphasizes the human-like implication of the title king of kings, seen many times throughout the Old Testament. While others are ascribed the title a king of kings, only Jesus Christ is ascribed the title

1 Revelation 19:16, The Orthodox Study Bible. Thomas Nelson, 2008.

the King of kings–implying his absolute dominion over the human realm.

On the other hand, Lord of lords is intended to represent the divinity of Christ and His supremacy over the divine realm. Unlike King of kings, where the root title king of kings is attributed to humans, the title Lord of lords is only ever attributed to Jesus Christ Himself. In reserving this powerful title, Biblical authors ascribe all glory to Christ, distinguishing Him as uniquely divine. Similarly, Jesus Christ, who is understood as one with God, is attributed the additional title “God of gods.”5 Both Lord of lords and God of gods draw on the divine nature of Christ and God. These two titles are interchangeable, and it is important first to discuss how the name Lord arose as a substitution for the name God.

The Hebrew name of God in the Old Testament is YHWH. Ancient translators, writers, and recorders of Old Testament texts followed a Jewish practice that “developed sometime after 500 BC,” which was to neither pronounce nor write the divine name YHWH out of reverence for the great sacredness of the name.6 After the Yahwists7 “became fearful of uttering the personal name of God,” Adonai became the substitute in “the spoken language.”8 Adonai is a Hebrew word that means “to judge.”9 In the Septuagint,10 however, the Greek word Kurios or Kyrios is used in place of the Hebrew Adonai.11Kyrios is then translated into English to mean both Lord and lord, depending on the scriptural context. Given this etymology, it is evident that the divine name of God (YHWH) has been replaced with Lord throughout history.

On these grounds, Lord can be equated to mean God. As provided in Revelation 19:16, Lord of lords can thus be interchangeably referred to as God of gods. To the contemporary mind, the latter elicits a different image than the former. Lord of lords produces the human-like image of rulers above rulers. Whereas God of gods produces the intended image of God above all other divine beings (gods). This is an issue for the Christian monotheist.

Monotheism, as a term, refers to the “belief that there is only one God.”12 Polytheism describes a religious

5 Deuteronomy 10:17, Psalm 49:1, Psalm 83:8, Psalm 135:2, Daniel 2:46, Daniel 3:90

6 Pike, Dana M.. “The Name and Titles of God in the Old Testament.” (2010)., 19

7 Regarded as those who worship Yahweh

8 Stacy, Robert D. “OLD TESTAMENT NAMES FOR GOD.” pp. 126–135., 13

9 Paul Heinisch, Theology of the Old Testament, trans. William Heidt (Collegeville, Minnesota: The Liturgical Press, 1950), 50

10 The Septuagint is a version of the Old Testament translated into ancient Greek

11 H. Wheeler Robinson, “The Characteristic Doctrines,” Record and Revelation Essays on the Old Testament by members of the Society for Old Testament Study, ed. H. Wheeler Robinson (Oxford: The Clarendon Press, 1938), 322

12 De Young, The V. Rev. Dr. Stephen. “Biblical Monotheism.” The Whole Counsel of God Blog, Ancient Faith Ministries, 28 Feb. 2019, https://blogs. ancientfaith.com/wholecounsel/2019/02/28/biblical-monotheism/

tradition “in which there are many gods and goddesses who are the object of worship and devotion.”13 An infrequently discussed theism is monolatry. A monolatrous religious tradition worships and serves only one God out of all gods that are believed to exist.

As seen, the testimony of scripture cannot be confined to the categories of monotheism or polytheism. Both God and gods can exist without destroying the very theological framework on which New Testament Christianity is grounded. Monolatry professes that a god is simply a spiritual being, a divine entity residing in the immaterial world. As seen, the word god or lord is used in reference to all kinds of divine beings. The key difference is that not all gods are equal. For Christians, there is only one god that is worshipped–the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, the one true God, existing in three divine persons. He is the creator of all things, including the other gods. Meaning all other divine beings are subject to the uncreated God, who eternally transcends both time and space. God holds all authority, power, and dominion over His entire creation. The authority which an auxiliary god might possess originates from God.

Who are the other gods? They are regarded as fallen angels, fallen, meaning willfully severed from the Creator. These divine beings can be revered as gods and worshipped, yet that does not make them worthy of such worship. According to the Christian perspective, worship of alternate gods is defiance of the one true God. The benevolent spiritual powers who are loyal to the one true God refuse the worship of human beings. The wicked spiritual powers seek to be worshipped instead of God. An alternate god demanding worship from humanity resides with evil. Those beings who reside in Christ strive not for the glory of oneself but of Him. Indeed this is also true of humanity. Just as humanity has the freedom to pursue God, so does minor divinity.

Monolatry broadens the Christian understanding of the spiritual realm. It answers some of the most disputed questions. Can monolatry not solve the everlasting debate of which god truly exists? Maybe all gods of all world religions do exist. That's it! Maybe, just maybe, this understanding of Christianity can suggest that religious coexistence is not only possible but the ever-present spiritual reality. “For even if there are socalled gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as there are many gods and many lords), yet for us, there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live.”14

Photo by Samuel Salameh

the Beginning and the End

by Carnes Mathis

In the beginning was my breath, the breath of the Word and the breath of Creation. Take refuge in my breath, for it is the breath of life. I am in you, for my breath is your breath. I am with you, for my Word is your word. Moments will pass, but I will remain the same.

My child, you exist in the now, straddling one moment to the next. Your heart beats in this current breath alone, but your mind is a traveler, trying to exist in every moment all at once.

You feel stuck because your body is a body of the now. You try to hold on to a past that you do not understand and a future that is beyond your comprehension. The present eludes you.

As the oscillations of your breath define your temporal existence, know that I transcend the breath of this world. Your body lives from breath to breath. My body lives from eternity to eternity.

I am a transcender, for I was, I AM, and I will be. I exist all at once, forever. Although you feel stuck in this moment, let the wholeness of my presence be your peace.

In the finite moment of your current breath, let your body find rest in my eternal body– the same body that gave life to Christ’s breath, your breath, and the breath of generations to come.

The breath of my body is the Word. Just as I am, so too the Word is. Find peace in this breath, my child. It is unlike the fleeting breaths of your now. Moments will pass, but the breath of my Word will remain the same.

As you live in the straddle of the present, know that I am your keeper and your holder. I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. When your breath gets heavy, know that I am with you. All of me is with you, for I am wholly God in this moment and in every moment for all of eternity.

My child, you see me in the now, thinking this is how I am, but it is merely a glimpse. I am in this now and all the nows that have yet to come. So as I hold you in this now, know that I will always be.

In the end was my breath, the breath of the Word and the breath of Creation. Take refuge in my breath, for it is the breath of life. I am in you, for my breath is your breath. Moments will pass, but I will remain the same, for I was, I AM, and I will be forevermore.

12 “Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done. 13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” Revelation 22:12-13

So it always is when all of what makes up some one thing does not exist all at once (omnia simul): if it could all be sensed, it would be more enjoyable than it would be individually. But far better than these is he who made all things, our God. He does not pass away, because nothing succeeds him.

- Augustine

Photos by Brandon Choi

I Am the Eternal Flame

by Joonha Ko

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:6-7

My faith has been like a fire in many ways. When I first understood that God was who I wanted to pursue, my heart was much like an ember. I went to church on Sundays and Fridays in hopes of learning more about God. I would consistently read the Bible and pray, yet there was still a void in my heart. There were many instances in which the ember would gain heat but die out right before it could catch flame. It may have been the feeling of a retreat high or even hanging out with my church friends on the weekend, but that high only lasted a few days or a week. For a long time, I felt very discouraged. Many times I questioned, “Was this all faith had to offer?”

However, in my eighth grade year with my pastor and friends' persuasion, I decided to join the praise team. I had no experience with any type of instrument and I felt like I was not qualified. Yet, I decided to give it my full effort, hoping to worship God with a serving heart. I had many countless nights just practicing the chords and memorizing the different scales on a piano. In our weekly praise team meetings, I had to demonstrate what I had practiced and I was so nervous. However, when it was over, the praise team leader had told me that he could really see that God worked and that my playing had been a blessing. We read 2 Timothy 1: 6-7 that same day and this was the moment a flame was lit in my heart. I realized that God continuously worked in our lives and that they weren’t meant to be lived alone. God was telling me to not be timid, but be confident in leading the church in worship, since God was with me. From that moment, there have been countless moments where the Spirit has given me power, love and self discipline.

In high school, I spent a lot of time with my basketbll teammates who did drugs, drank alcohol, and hooked up with many people. I knew that whatever they did, I did not want to be led astray from my pursuit of God. There were many moments when they would try to peer pressure me into taking a hit of the bong or take shots of tequila

the night before our big game. My desire to fit in shook me and I felt temptation creep in. However, in the back of my mind, I knew that God was always there for me and I did not need these things to satisfy myself. There were many times I was looked down upon for being the “party-pooper” and I was always judged as an athlete who was “different”. For a while, my heart struggled with feelings of bitterness towards my friends for trying to lead me down a path of unrighteousness. I especially struggled with this my senior year of highschool when they would come to games hungover and the coach would still give them more playing time than me. This was one of the darkest seasons of my life. My frustrations with my teammates and coach ultimately led me to opt out of playing basketball for my senior year. Stepping away from basketball really affected my relationship with many of my closest friends as they felt like I gave up on them.

Once my high school basketball career was cut short, I had the time to be able to attend my church’s winter retreat for the first time. During the last night, one of the topics we were encouraged to pray about was friends. I could not help but close my eyes and think about my basketball teammates. I felt a tear roll down my face. I realized that I should not be bitter towards them but rather pray for them with a heart of compassion and love. My own hardened heart was just as sinful as drinking and smoking – it was through this realization that God pushed me to change. As a believer of Christ, He calls us to love everyone in the world. God reminded me that only He could judge and that my spiritual pride was creating a superiority complex that was damaging my relationship with Him.

About a month or so after the prayer, God used what was stripped away from me to really bring a friend to Him. My church participated in many basketball tournaments annually and God called me to bring out one of my closest friends to church. Through the sport of basketball and bonding with the church community, my friend was really able to learn about the love that God has been trying to show him. Ultimately, he decided to pursue God and it was through this moment that I realized how faithful God’s plan had always been to me. From the moment of taking basketball away from me and using it again to bring another lost sheep to the light, God had been interceding in both of our lives and I understood that God really works in the broken and weak.

God was able to really transform my perspective through this revelation. The flame in my heart shed light on my path and guided me back to the Spirit. Through it all, I was able to find power, love, and self- discipline. Above my thankfulness for God giving me self-control in the face of temptations, I was even more glad that God rejuvenated and restored my perspective of my friends. Ever since having the desire to know God, He kindled a fire in my heart that has truly been able to guide my life. God really opened up a perspective on how I can differentiate myself as one of God’s children. There were times when I felt like the flame had gone out, yet it was lit again by the Spirit. I am God’s child and the Spirit is the flame in the dark moments of my life.

Photo by Ulia Ahn

Senior Farewells

Coming into college, I thought that I had planned not only the next four years, but even the rest of my life to perfection: I would study computer science, go to graduate school, work in the software industry, and comfortably live the rest of my life back home in Boston. I never once thought that anything could deter me from the path I had set out for myself, as it was the most “rational” course of action for my life.

Throughout the first semester I had spent at Emory, I was the happiest I had ever been: I was performing well academically, found a second family in the campus fellowship I had joined, and pursued my hobbies. After spring break of my second semester, all of it was taken away in an instant as the COVID pandemic swept over the world, and the rest of the year was spent isolated at home. Over the first few months alone, I grew bitter and angry towards God. Although I knew that He had intentionally brought me to Emory, I didn’t understand why He would separate me from it so quickly.

Although the pandemic took away many things, it gave me something I didn’t know I needed: time. In the midst of complete isolation and uncertainty, I had no choice but to sit with my thoughts and reflect instead of looking ahead, and it was during this season that I recognized the extent to which I was living according to my will and not His. God showed me that the plans that I had deemed “perfect” were simply a reflection of my lack of trust that He could do better. During this time, God engraved Proverbs 3:5-6 into my heart: He called me to rely on His wisdom instead of my own, to let go of my imperfect plans so that His perfect plan may unfold, and to acknowledge Him as Lord over the life that He graciously gave me.

These verses defined the rest of my college experience. Although I naturally seek control and certainty in almost every aspect of my life, I learned to give up control to God and place my hope in the certainty of His goodness. God then guided me out of a career that brought me false security, allowing me to pursue more fruitfully another that I had been too afraid to begin. He showed me the weakness of my rational mind, bringing me to humbly ask for the faith I lacked. Finally, He loved and served me when I didn’t deserve it, leading me to love and serve others even when I felt like I couldn’t. Through each of these processes, I witnessed God’s goodness and sovereignty as He straightened the paths that I had made crooked.

As I enter the next chapter of my life, there is still much that is uncertain, and paths that I cannot foresee. However, I trust that God has a better plan for me than I could ever imagine, and though there will be hardship along the way, I know who is with me at every step, and who waits for me at the end.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Our generation has endured too many tragedies. In college, we faced the pandemic, the Atlanta Spa Shooting among other acts of racial violence against people who look like me, school shootings, and protests for racial and social justice in reaction to instances of police brutality. These cruel moments led me to wonder if there is hope in this world we inherited. As I wrestled with this question, I found myself returning to Ecclesiastes. In it, the writer discusses the ways that although life can be difficult and injustice exists, at the end of the book, the narrator writes, “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 NIV). The main point of the book is that hope is found in keeping His commands and seeking wisdom from God, for in the end, all things will come to be judged by Him.

While this temporarily comforted me amid the tragedies, I still wondered what the commands are, so I turned to the gospels. There, Jesus declared that the greatest commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30 NIV). Understanding and recognizing His greatest commandment, I was able to restore my hope for humanity.

For me, loving God with my heart meant that I would continue to trust that God is still sovereign over this world, even despite the rampant sin that is present in our society. Loving God with my soul means praying to him daily and asking him to transform me from the inside out so I can embody the fruits of the spirit. Loving God with my mind meant that I needed to see the hope in history and now despite the racism and heteropatriarchy that are infused in so many structures in our society, and as I wrestled with difficult questions through my research. And finally, loving God with my strength meant that I at times needed to surrender to God when life felt difficult; His strength is always stronger than mine.

If I learned anything from college, it’s that despite the tragedies and despair in the world, God is present and is moving. I reinterpreted purpose in life to mean keeping his commands, which meant loving him with my heart, soul, mind, and strength. By reclaiming hope in Jesus regardless of our world condition, I was able to discover that glorifying and worshipping God is a holistic surrender to the One.

“How Are You?”

One of the first things that I learned when I first moved to Emory from Indonesia was that when someone asks “How are you?” more often than not, it’s just part of saying hello. As an international student, I found it really tough in the beginning of college to adjust to the rhythms of living here. Whether that was greeting someone, making friends, or just surviving, it took me a long time to feel comfortable here. Long story short, I finally settled in and felt comfortable the summer after sophomore year. I reflected a lot about what exactly had changed to allow that to happen for me, and it finally hit me once I heard a testimony which was referencing John 1:43-51. The testimony emphasized the manner in which Jesus invited Nathaniel and Philip to become His disciples, how in inviting them, Jesus had taken care to ensure that they were seen, known, and loved. And, in the same way that Jesus had invited Nathaniel and Philip, He was reaching out to us too. He sees us, knows us, and loves us!

I think that sums up how I learned to love, and be loved in college. Back in my freshman year, being the only Indonesian undergrad at Emory, it was so easy to feel that nobody could ever really understand the struggles I was facing with the transition to college. Yet that whole time, I realize now, with the benefit of hindsight, that God was always working. Whether through a chance badminton game or a totally random meal, God had introduced me to so many people who ultimately led me towards seeing Him working in my life. Through all these people, He has reminded me that He is faithful to us even when we don’t see it – that we cannot let our anxieties about the present or future overcome our knowledge of how He is faithful and how He loves us.

For those of you who enter times where it feels like you are not visible, that you are not known or sought after, or that you are not loved, I just want to encourage you all! It takes time to develop roots here at Emory, and in that time it takes to feel rooted, God is always working, laying the path ahead of us. I remind myself of this too, as I go into another season of change– that God is working in all things, even through someone asking, “How are you?”

When I first entered college, my perception of God was narrow-minded. I viewed God as a critical and distant figure who scorned my imperfections. I struggled to connect with Him – how could someone so unworthy and flawed like me be his child? Nothing I had to offer seemed of value.

This insecurity followed me throughout college, especially being surrounded by individuals who excelled in their interests and passions. Despite my artistic abilities, I felt they were meaningless as I was not pursuing a career related to art. I could not see how this ability could glorify God, and I questioned why He hadn’t given me more useful skills such as writing or singing.

Through In Via, I met people who celebrated God’s beauty and expressed it through their creations. Initially, it was intimidating to be surrounded by such talented and intellectual people. But I believe God placed me into this organization to reveal to me that my talents and works can be used to display His glory and power.

Creating artworks for the journals in the latter half of college gave me a glimpse into the meticulous care and infinite intricacy of God’s design. Through His grace, my view of creation changed from a worthless endeavor to one that is so intimately tied to my faith, inspiring me to seek God and remember His goodness. As I yearn to emulate God’s way of creating, I can feel my curiosity to understand how He works fuel my desire to know Him more deeply through His Word.

Despite the continuing imperfections in my life, God is perfect, constant, and guiding. Even when I feel overwhelmed by the pressure to be perfect and impactful, I am reassured that God is perfect, and that He provides in my weakness. My imperfections and flawed intentions cannot overcome His will.

I hope you can find comfort in knowing that God has you. No matter how insecure you feel or how much you fail, God has already prevailed and wants you, not what you can give Him. The aim of all our creative endeavors is to know Him. Even our imperfect creations are still beautiful because they point to our need for Christ.

Philippians 3:12

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.