The Ugly Duckling A Day in the Life: StudentTeacher Communication
Today’s News Damian Claims New Catchphras
Dear teacher, Sorry to email you at 11:08 p.m. but no one really has a life right now. I think you have kids but they should be asleep by now. Anyways, I’m confused about the homework. I know you went through it in class but if I’m being completely honest, I was watching Tasty Cooking videos. Paying attention has not been a strong suit of mine lately since I am home 24/7.
When asked if he would reveal it, Jones commented: “Great question — the answer is no!”
Administration’s Quest to Rid Burke of Clubs Almost Complet “No talking at lunch means they can only meet on Mondays … but then we schedule other things on Mondays instead! Aahahhahahhahah”
Dear student, I understand this is a di cult time for you and we are here to help. If you’re struggling mentally, feel better. Since our schedules are compressed, I will still assign insane amounts of homework and provide virtually no help (get it, virtually!). I will also continue to test you on material you have not learned. However, please continue to ask questions, and I’ll decide whether or not I will answer them fully.
Atrium Bird Disappointed By Habitat Invasio “I thought they were gone for good! And now, they’re back. So much for my raging parties. How will I ever get Daisy to love me?”
Dear teacher, Sorry I didn’t come to class this morning. I decided to pull an unintentional all-nighter and fell asleep at 7am. But I’ll just say that my WiFi was down and we’ll leave it at that. I can’t promise that this won’t happen again.
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Dear student. That’s completely ne. I understand this is a di cult time for everyone. However, that does not excuse your absence. You should have found a way to email me with no WiFi. With that being said, please limit the amount of class time you miss since we only have a couple weeks left with each other.
uglyducklingmagazine @gmail.com
Fast Facts:
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• Joe Biden is likely to mysteriously disappear and reappear while President, according to one of our inside sources (Dr. Johnny Bananas) • You have ⅕ chance of being robbed tonight • The rst two facts may or may not be related.
“If you put all your ducklings in a muddy puddle of feathers, they’ll quack before you can cook them in a wood replace.”
Dear Diary This Christmas I feel really bad about what’s going on with the pandemic … but at the same time, who cares? Finally these spoiled brats will just sit down, open their gifts, eat their food and go to bed. Like, geez. I am so tired of having to host the dinners and get not one thank you, like, hello! I am freaking superwoman. Y’all are just my mediocre justice league. Anyways don’t even get me started on the annoying Burke students. It's like they get weirder and crazier during the holidays. Whose bright idea was it to give them candy canes all week? My kids think they are going to get a lot of gifts from Santa this year, but I’ve decided to prank them with coal and post it
on my instagram. It would be so hilarious! And I’ll get so many more followers! I also told my kids Santa wasn’t real. They were stubborn, but eventually I made them cry. I’m planning on giving my students so much reading and writing for homework this break it will be impossible to nish. I am so evil! I love it! Diary, you are the only thing that knows about how much of a Grinch I am. Everyone else thinks I am this nice sweet goody two shoes. Blech! The ruse is getting annoying. All I wanna do is scream at my eighth graders, “Christmas sucks! I miss Halloween!” But I can’t, or there will be ‘consequences like we told you last time’ or whatever. I can’t wait for this year to be over. It was more annoying than the previous one, and that's saying a lot.
Gift Ideas for Everyone For the person who keeps losing their glasses: A matching set of monocles! For the school gossip detective: A pipe and hat! For the person who sleeps in the cabinets: Cabinet bed!
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For the nosy neighbor: Camou age opera glasses! For the person who gets hairballs when they give their cats baths: Extra strong dental oss!
We apologize that the previous link was incorrect. The person responsible was forced to read Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk.
Product Review: Easy-Bake Oven (5 stars) The secret to my success is all in that little 40 volt light bulb. Every single famous dish I’ve made was cooked in that oven. It cooks everything from sou és to carrot cakes. It leaves them gooey on the inside and crispy on the outside. It makes the best lobster bisques in the world! I’ve even roasted a whole goose in there. As anyone that works at my world famous restaurant knows, the only oven in there is powered by a lightbulb hot enough to melt my hand o if I’m not careful
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- Gordon Ramsay
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Except from Alexis’s Diary