Year 4: Support

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I n 1 0 t i o n a l

Y e a r 4 S u p p o r t

Life often throws us curves balls you never know when you are going to need your spouse's support. Our fourth year of marriage was one of those years. I literally got fired three times in a year in a half! That sounds crazy, right? Well, it happened. Let me tell you about it.

During my third year of coaching high school football, my head coach and I were accused of illegally recruiting players. I know, how ironic! Especially that now in high school and college sports it's practically a free agency for athletes. Anyways, he was suspended and fired and I was placed on probation. The entire investigation blackballed me and forced me to step away from high school football.

That was devastating for me. I put a lot of time and energy into shaping young men through football. It was so important that the night before my wedding instead of hanging out and partying with the fellas, I was coaching a football game. It really meant a lot to me. I loved the coaching staff, the boys, and the grind. So when it was taken away from me, I was broken. Nevertheless, in the midst of it, my wife was there to encourage and support me.

She understood how important coaching was to me and how much it made me happy, so she encouraged me to apply for new opportunities. First, I took a position as the defensive coordinator at Vernon High School in Panama City, FL with my former head coach Willie Spears. It was nice being back on the field but I was commuting three times a week to Vernon and it was tough. I was content but not really happy.

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Then God answered my prayers. A high school friend of mine (Derrick Lett) referred me for a coaching opportunity at Eastern Kentucky University. I interviewed for the job and was hired. Just like that, I was a defensive assistant for a D1 college program. I was extremely excited but there was one problem, we would have to leave Pensacola and I didn't know how my wife would feel about that.

Surprisingly when I told her about the opportunity she was 100 percent on board. We had no idea where we were going to live and I didn't have all the details ironed out either. I just knew I had to report the mid-July. My wife and I are totally different in this area. I am extremely ambitious and she is very cautious and needs security. Nevertheless, she didn't rain on my parade, she supported me. I believe she just wanted to see me happy again.

We ended up moving to Kentucky but things were not perfect. My wife had to live and work in Louisville, KY and I was in Richmond, KY. That was like 2.5 hours away and we did not see each other but every other weekend but we made it work. Coaching college football was a great experience. I learned so much about the game, flew on a private team jet, and coached on ESPN against Kentucky University. We almost beat them too! Nevertheless, the dream came to an end after one season. Our entire staff was let go at the end of the season. Yup, I was fired again! I couldn't believe it.

We moved all the way to Kentucky and I lost my job. I started to believe God was punishing me or something. But again my wife was there to encourage and support me. She told me to start looking for new opportunities and where God leads us that's where we are moving. I eventually moved back to Louisville with her to sort things out.

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I applied for different coaching positions and was not hired. So I started working in a warehouse to bring in some extra money. I want to take my hat off to all warehouse employees because standing on your feet for 10-12 hour shifts was brutal. It was surreal for me. Just 3 months ago I was living a dream and now I am living a nightmare. I was irritable, mad, and depressed. One day I hit my boiling point.

That particular day it was extremely cold outside and my car had no heat. So you can imagine what type of mood I was in. To make a long story short, I got in an argument with one of the floor supervisors about a dress code violation. It escalated quickly and my pride got the best of me. I argued with the supervisor and was sent home for the day. I told my wife that they let us off early. Then I received a call and was told not to return back to the facilities. Yes, for the third time I was fired!

I was extremely embarrassed. I was so embarrassed that I didn't tell my wife. To buy time, I told her that I was off a few days due to hours being cut back. Then every day she went to work, I got on the computer to look for another job or go to an interview. Eventually, the embarrassment and guilt were too much and I broke down. I remember laying in the bed and I just started crying. I am not a crier, so she knew something was wrong. I explained to her what happen and instead of getting upset about my lying, she held me.

Although the lying was wrong, she knew the tears were not about the job but really about everything. Once again she encouraged and supported me. That night our relationship was strengthened. She showed me that in my weakest moments she would be there to support me even when my behavior was wrong. That truly meant a lot.

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C l o s i n g O u t t h e Y e a r

In your spouse's lowest point in life, you must be i n t e n t i o n a l about being supportive . Here are some ways you can show support in your relationship:

L i s t e n : When we are embarrassed it's sometimes hard to talk about it. Create a safe zone for each other to share and listen. E n c o u r a g e m e n t : It will lead to confidence, then action, and then accomplishment. P u s h T h e m : When you first learned how to swing at the playground, we all needed a push. Well, life is like that swing, the right person pushing you can take you to the next level. Push each other to do better in every area of your lives. T o g e t h e r : When life brings obstacles, stand together, go together and be together.