Year 3: Growth

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I n 1 0 t i o n a l

Y e a r 3 G r o w t h

John Maxwell stated that change is inevitable but growth is optional. I find that statement to be so interesting. Change is the altering, modifying, or replacing of something. But Growth is the process of increasing maturity, value, or importance. You can change something without going through the proper process but you can't grow without going through a process. So growth must be i n t e n t i o n a l .

Sometimes in a marriage, we focus too much on temporary changes instead of helping each other grow. In order for a tree to grow a seed must be planted, watered and it must receive sunshine on a regular basis. If it does not receive those essential things then it will die. Furthermore, if the tree receives those things then they are taken away it will also eventually die. Just like a tree, love must be planted, watered, and shined upon for your relationship to grow stronger.

Sometimes in a relationship over time, we can get very complacent. That is exactly what I did in our third year of marriage. I was happy with our marriage but I got complacent. I stop recognizing the little things. I stop being i n t e n t i o n a l !

Some of you may be saying "I do the big things" , so why are the little things so important? Well, let me explain. I am not one of the handiest people in the world and when it comes to assembling anything I get very frustrated. Nevertheless, what I found out about assembling tables, chairs, ect... what keeps the large parts together is usually a little screw. Without the little screw, the table is not stable and will eventually fall apart.

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Relationships are exactly the same. Although the big things play a huge part, the little things provide stability and keep the relationship from falling apart. The small things are usually not about how elaborate or expensive your act or gift might be but more about how thoughtful you are. Furthermore, it can communicate or display your affection or love for your significant other.

Some of us might say that our significant other shouldn't need that type of affirmation or validation but in reality, we all do. Matter of fact if we don't get it at home, we will desire it from someone else.

What I realized was that the "little things" are different for every relationship. Some need quality time and others flowers. Some need compliments and others a simple act of appreciation. It is up to you to find out your spouse's little things and be sure to provide them as needed. A good book to read is "Love Language" by Gary Chapman.

One of my wife's "little things" is quality time. She realizes that I function better when I am focused on several tasks. So when I set aside time for her, it means a lot. That particular year we decided to do a little thing in a big way. We took a road trip to my hometown Coatesville, PA. It was our first road trip further than 7 hours. We decided to stop in Atlanta, North Carolina, and Washington D.C. on the trip to see family and friends too. It was amazing. We spent much-needed quality time and connected on another level.

Focusing on the little things helped our marriage grow in a big way. What I love about marriage is that every day you are given the opportunity to either plant, water or shine on your spouse to see them or your relationship grow. I can't wait to see our oak tree at the end of this journey.

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C l o s i n g O u t t h e Y e a r

Again change is inevitable but for growth to take place you must be i n t e n t i o n a l . For your relationship to grow here are some "little things" you can focus on:

C o m p l i m e n t : Never underestimate the value of recognizing or saying something nice. It has the power to change the atmosphere. S a y T h a n k Y o u : Expressing gratitude makes your spouse feel appreciated and it is absolutely free. B e T o u c h y - F e e l y : Everyone wants to feel wanted and touching expresses that need. Be sure to regularly hold hands, hug, rub, kiss, massage, play footsies, cuddle, and rub her butt ;-) ect... J u s t B e c a u s e : Sometimes do something for your spouse just to make them feel good and smile. There are simple things you can do such as make a social media post, pick up flowers or her favorite food (my wife only wants food lol), take her on a surprise date and so much more. There shouldn't be any limitation to making each other happy.