The Town Crier
Horley Edition
Serving the communities of Horley, Smallfield, Gatwick, Copthorne, Burstow, Outwood, Salfords and the surrounding areas
Let’s Thrive! Issue 6, July2025
Welcome to the July 2025 issue of the Horley Town Crier !
I am delighted to present the July 2025 issue of the Horley Town Crier community magazine.
The groups, clubs, societies, charities, artists and businesses of the community present yet again a varied and interesting read that I’m confident you will enjoy.
So once more, my heartfelt thanks to everyone who played their part in putting this issue together.
The Town Crier is becoming a stronger and stronger voice and forum for the community.
And just to briefly reiterate some Town Crier Policies regarding free promotion, paid advertising and so forth, please see this page where I've tried to give you a succinct guide.
For more details, go to the website here
Become a Columnist
I’m very pleased to acknowledge those who have kindly agreed to contribute a column of tips and advice and fascinating features each month for the general edification and enlightenment of the community.
If you feel you have something to offer and would like to become a monthly columnist, please feel free to contact me at any time. Thank you!
Submit!
The door is now wide open for your submissions for the August issue. The deadline for the August issue is 6pm on August 19th.
For a guide as to the type of features we are looking for and how to submit, please visit the Town Crier website here
The cover photograph is by Horley’s favourite photographer Julie Suttle.
In this issue . . .
JJ’s Epic Eats page 3
Portland Vets page 4
Holidays in France page 5
Franklin Music page 6
Ring-a-Ding at St Barts! page 8
Horley Flower Club Saphire Show page 9
Promote Yourself in the Town Crier page 12
The Henry Smith Charity page 13
The Horley Lions page 14
The Horley Repair Café page 16
Westvale Community Christian Trust page 17
Story Garden page 18
The Moira Smiley Singing Workshop page 20
Let’s Dance Melange page 21
Horley United FC page 22
What Do French People Eat page 24
A Song for Camelot page 25
A Recipe That Probably Won’t Kill You page 27
Local Government in Surrey page 29
To contact the editor, please email: horleytowncrier@gmail.com
JJ’s Epic Eats - the Best Grub
This month: JJ
We went to Ye Olde Six Bells in Horley this month.
It looks really cool inside, in keeping with its history, with wood, exposed bricks and fancy chairs. There are old pictures and things from the building’s past history on the walls which is adds a nice touch.
There is a bar area, indoor restaurant area with a raised section which makes the tables feel less exposed and outdoor garden area with pub benches and nicer tables and chairs. Just a note that the toilets are upstairs and the stairs are a tad steep, but they were very clean.
When we arrived, having pre booked our table, we were asked if we wanted to sit inside or outside, which was good. We chose to sit inside.
We ordered starters and mains. Mum had a glass of white wine (there were lots of wines by the glass to pick from), and I had a giant Pepsi Max. The only thing was that the straw was kind of short for the glass so that was funny.
It took about 25 minutes to get our starters, which was a bit long because the place wasn’t super busy, but while we waited our drinks came and the waiter, Gok, was talking to us and he was really friendly.
For starters I tried some of Mum’s pate and bread with chutney; it tasted good but there was more bread than pate! The calamari I ordered was really yummy, super soft and fresh, but it was a bit lonely on the plate with just a lemon wedge. It needed a little salad or something green to make it more appealing.
Then it was about 20 minutes before our mains came, which was about right timewise. I had a ribeye steak medium rare and it was cooked perfectly. Super tasty and tender. It came with triple cooked chips (I demolished them all), and a grilled tomato. I had peppercorn sauce with it and it was awesome. Also the steak knife I was given to use was nice and heavy and cut through the meat like butter. I do like a good steak knife!
Mum had seabass with creamy prawn sauce, roasted new potatoes, broccoli and broad beans. The skin of the seabass was crispy (which Mum says is how it should be). The sauce was a little
Guide in Town
’s Epic eats goes to a Pub
the steak again, mum said she would have a skewer which comes as a ‘mix and match’ type dish where you pick the meat and the sides you like, a great idea.
Ratings:
• Decor: 9/10
• Food: 8/10
• Service: 8/10
• Waiter (Gok): 9.5/10
• Overall: 8.5/10
Are you going to France for your holidays?
As you probably know, France deserts the towns and cities to go to the seaside, the mountains or the countryside during the summer holidays.
People take a whole month off either in July or August. Yes, it is usual, and it means a real break from it all.
But if you didn’t know about it, you might get a few surprises, good or bad, on the way so before you head off to the ferry or the Tunnel, here are a few things to think about and take into account:
• Because of such a rush to go on holiday, the motorways can end up extremely busy, nightmarish actually, so avoid going by car on weekends if you can and check what the traffic will be like wherever you are driving ahead of time. You can go on the Bison Futé (clever bison) Website and check the predictions to avoid being stuck in traffic jams. The address is https://www.bison-fute.gouv.fr. There will be other ways to check of course.
• Make sure to have plenty of water with you in the car, as well as some food.
• Have your route well mapped.
• For any emergency, you can call 112 free from any mobile phone. This is a EU-wide number to contact the police, firefighters, ambulance, etc. But not UberEat…
• A lot of businesses and shops close down for up to a month, except in tourist areas, so wherever you drive through you might not find what you need, so think ahead of what you want to have in the car before setting off.
• Learn a few words of French. Saying Bonjour, Merci, Au revoir, goes a long way to ingratiate you with the locals. Teach your children, there’s nothing as heart warming as a little cutie making the effort to speak the local language.
• Don’t forget to pack plug adaptors.
• Try and work out the things you won’t find easily in France and that you will need and make sure to bring them with you.
• There have been major fires raging in the South, and various areas are being marked as presenting risk of further fires. This is due to human negligence and very hot, dry conditions; check whether the region you are about to visit is on the list of those regions that could see some fires.
• But most of all… Don’t forget to enjoy yourself! Bonnes vacances!
French translator and interpreter Passionate about good food, organic growing and herbal remedies domicook64@gmail.com
Dominique
What’s Coming Up in September
Although we’re taking a break from events for the rest of August, September is packed with musical treats you won’t want to miss:
Suppertime Concert with Immy Churchill
Kick off the month with an evening of beautiful music from Royal Academy of Music graduate, Immy Churchill.
Immy will be performing a selection of her own original songs alongside songwriting inspirations such as Joni Mitchell, James Taylor and Nick Drake. It will be an intimate concert celebrating songwriting legends and showcasing Immy’s original material through her stripped-back acoustic guitar and vocal delivery.
Tuesday 2 September 2025 6:30pm – 7:30pm
St John’s Church, Earlswood Tickets: £10
Musicians Collective -AllAbilities Welcome
A Monthly Meet-Up for Instrumentalists at The Ivory Lounge. A platform for musicians of all levels to play, learn and connect. Each session offers space to build confidence, explore new techniques, and collaborate in a relaxed, informal setting.
Held on the 2nd Tuesday of each month Tuesday 9 September 2025 7:30pm – 9:30pm
The Ivory Lounge, Church Street, Reigate RH2 0AD Tickets: £15 (Booking essential)
Each evening includes:
• Jam sessions
• Performance tips
• Soloing techniques
• A relaxed space to meet & play with other musicians
Vocal Collective – All Voices Welcome
Monthly Vocal Workshop & Social for Singers at The Ivory Lounge.
A new gathering for singers of all levels to explore,
grow, and connect. Each session includes group warm-ups, vocal techniques, performance skills, and an open mic-style sharing space , all in a welcoming and supportive setting.
Held on the 4th Tuesday of each month. Tuesday 23 September 2025 7:30pm – 9:30pm
The Ivory Lounge, Church Street, Reigate RH2 0AD Tickets: £15 (Booking essential)
Each evening includes:
• Vocal warm-up & techniques
• Performance tips & confidence building
• Opportunities to sing solo and in harmony
• A relaxed space to meet & sing with other vocalists
Monthly Open Mic Night
Back by popular demand! Bring your voice, your instrument, or just your enthusiasm and join us for a night of local talent.
Tuesday 16 September 2025 7:30pm – 10:00pm
The Old Chestnut, Station Approach West, Earlswood RH1 6HP Just a short walk from Earlswood Station – perfect for those coming from Horley or beyond.
15-minute slots available – sign up in advance on our website or on the night.
Discover St Barts Church in Horley APlace of History, Community and the Joy of Bell Ringing
Nestled in the heart of Horley, St Bartholomew’s Church, known locally as St Barts, is a cherished historical landmark and spiritual home for the local community. With its striking tower and centuriesold architecture, the church stands as a testament to the town’s deep roots and enduring traditions.
St Barts dates back over 800 years, with records of bell ringing traditions spanning nearly as far. For generations, the sound of the church bells has marked weddings, celebrated holidays, and called the community to worship. This time-honoured art of bell ringing has been passed down through the centuries, with local volunteers taking pride in
keeping the tradition alive.
Now, the church is inviting you to become a part of that history.
Whether you’re a complete beginner or someone curious about this fascinating English tradition, St Bart’s is offering a chance to “learn the ropes” and have a go at bell ringing. No experience is needed, just a willingness to give it a try and help keep this musical heritage alive.
Simply text ‘BELLS’ to 07761 890772 to find out more and join the bell ringing team.
You’ll not only be learning a unique and rewarding skill, but also becoming part of a centuries-old community tradition. So why not give it a go? Ring in a new experience today at St Barts!
Revd Kerry Jane Evans
Assistant Curate Horley Team Ministry
Horley Flower Club Sapphire Show
An afternoon of creativity, colour and community spirit.
It was a joyful, colourful and well-deserved celebration of six and a half decades of floral creativity in Horley.
Each month a group of flower enthusiasts gathers at The Regent Hall on Albert Road in Horley sharing a love for floral artistry. The Horley Flower Club meets at 7.30pm on the first Tuesday of every month, offering an inspiring mix of flower arranging demonstrations, guest talks, hands-on workshops and lively social events throughout the year.
ASapphire Celebration
To mark their 65th anniversary – the club’s Sapphire Year – members hosted a spectacular flower show on July 5th at English Martyrs Church Hall in Vicarage Road. Aptly titled “Let’s Celebrate…65 Years”, the event drew together members, friends, family and visitors for a day bursting with beauty and creativity.
The flower show was a competitive showcase featuring ten themed classes, with something for everyone - from beginners and those with more experience to seasoned arrangers. The ‘Master Class’ was reserved for the most experienced members, while the rest were open to all, ensuring a vibrant variety of styles and interpretations.
Floral Brilliance on Display
Participants were given a detailed schedule outlining design dimensions, background colours, and judging criteria. They had the option to bring in completed
Carole Fitchett winner of the Master Class for ‘Rhapsody in Blue’ also awarded Best in Show
Joyce Worts winner Intermediate Class for ‘Green and Gorgeous’ also awarded Best use of Texture
arrangements or create them from scratch on site during a three-hour setup window.
By late morning, 35 dazzling floral designs filled the hall. An accredited NAFAS (National Association of Flower Arranging Societies) judge, Jackie Squance, arrived to assess the entries, awarding places and providing helpful written feedback on each display.
ABuzzing Afternoon
At 1.30pm, the hall opened to the public. The air was electric as competitors checked the results, shared congratulations and admired each other’s work. Visitors strolled among the breathtaking arrangements, enjoyed homemade cakes, tested their luck at the tombola and picked up raffle tickets.
The afternoon concluded with a speech by Pam Askew, retired Chair of the RHS Wisley Flower Show who praised the club’s spirit and presented certificates and trophies to the winners.
Blooming Into the Future
The Horley Flower Club’s 65th anniversary flower show was a clear success, celebrating not just flowers but the friendships and community spirit that have kept the club thriving for over six decades.
If you’re local and love flowers, why not stop by at one of their monthly meetings? You might just find yourself inspired to join the fun.
You can also follow them on their Facebook page or visit their website at horleyflowerclub.org.uk.
Horley Flower Club is part of the Surrey Area of Flower Clubs affiliated with NAFAS.
For flower-lovers looking for more events around Surrey, head over to surreynafas.com
Marcia Atkinson winner of the Open Class titled ‘Floral Fiesta’ and the club’s ‘Horley in Bloom’ award
Angela Twine winner of the Open Class ‘All Tied Up’ and voted the Visitor’s Choice.
Jackie Squance judging the entries
Trophy Table
Translations into and from French 30 years experience
Turnaround and prices to suit your needs
WHETHER YOU NEED THE TRANSLATION OF :
• Awebsite
• Training manuals
• House purchase agreements
OR
Calls made to French-speaking countries
I can help!
I cater for businesses, large or small, as well as private individuals, keeping my prices competitive while understanding that speed is of the essence. Of course, quality will never be sacrificed in the process.
QUALIFICATIONS
• Holder of the Diploma in Translation from the Chartered Institute of Linguists
• Member of the Chartered Institute of Linguists
• Translating professionally since 1995
• Level 3 community interpreter
NO AGENCY FEES
When dealing directly with the translator, you benefit from:
• More affordable prices
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• Availability outside normal working hours to speak with you when necessary
• Visit to your home or office if necessary to go over your requirements
EXPERIENCE
• Technical
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REVIEWS
“I have recommended your excellent services as a translator, thank you once again for your help.”
"Dominique has been helping us negotiate some of the more incomprehensible areas of French red tape for some years now! We would have found things a lot more difficult, if not impossible, without her willing & able assistance."
"Dominique is super friendly so I can recommend her for calls and/or translations!"
• General and business correspondence
• House sale documents
• Birth, marriage and death certificates
• Brochures
• Websites
Dominique Cook
French translator since 1995
MCIOL, DipTrans, CIOL
Phone: 07948 702788
Email: domicook64 @gmail.com
Genghis Kant
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Available in Paperback or injected straight into your brain
Buy it now while it’s still legal
Promote Yourself in the Town Crier
If you belong to or are active in the communities embraced by this magazine, you can promote yourself, your community activity, charity, club society, special interest, hobby, cause célèbre or small local business in it.
Free promotion
If you are a charity or not-for-profit club, society, association or group, you can promote free of charge. In exchange, if you can contribute a small donation this will be appreciated. Donations are not obligatory but in the interests of fairness, those who have helped with donations will, where need arises, be given priority in proportion to their generosity.
As we want to avoid the Town Crier becoming just another advertiser in which articles play second-fiddle to advertisements, we ask that where possible you submit an article about your charity, activity, event and so forth that will provide an interesting and engaging read. Such articles can be any length up to about 600 words and should be accompanied where possible with some pictures that will help grab attention plus any contact/ website/social media details you would like people to have.
Having said that, we will also do our best to place your announcements, event promo and so forth so please do send them in.
Best formats for images are JPEG and PNG.
Free Promotion for Local Businesses
If you are a local for-profit operation we will provide one free advertorial-style article per business. As described above we are looking for something that will engage, inform, inspire or interest our readers. Length can be up to 600 words, which would give you a full page of free advertising. Please also provide some pictures and full contact/website/social media details. Alongside the opportunity for a free advertorial we also provide very affordable advertising space (see below).
Become a Columnist
Another way to promote your enterprise (whether for-profit or not-for-profit) is to become a columnist for the magazine providing a monthly article that gives people advice and tips from your area of expertise - a great way to promote your competence and good will. In exchange for providing interesting material for our readers and perhaps a small donation you get monthly free advertising. To apply to have a column please email the editor at egtowncrier@gmail.com and we’ll give your proposal fair consideration.
PaidAdvertising in the Town Crier
In order to avoid becoming just another advertiser over-filled with ads, we are making only a limited amount of space available for advertising. This amounts to the equivalent of one page of advertising for every four pages of articles. It is to the benefit of advertisers in any case to have a magazine full of content people will want to read without a barrage of advertisements competing for their attention.
Advertising costs are being kept low and amount to the equivalent of roughly £10 or less per week for a quarter page ad. Our full pricing structure can be found here
To give further value for your paid advert, while you have a paid ad running in the magazine we will not run a paid ad for a competitor selling the same product or service. Where your ad clashes with a free advertorial by a competitor the advertorial will be placed in a different part of the magazine and every effort made to have your paid ad appear earlier in the magazine. Our policies regarding paid advertising are further explained here
We have also made advertising space available on the Town Crier website. See the details here
The door is also open for you to submit humorous/ satirical articles, poetry and verse, “how-to” tips and advice, interesting/entertaining news and titbits, recipes etc and if we publish your submission you can include a link to the website of your choice.
Henry Smith Charity, Horley
Henry Smith Charity, Horley, has been helping people who are facing financial challenges as a result of their social or economic circumstances since 1628.
In case you are wondering how this local charity is funded; we are one of about 150 similar local charities across England that receives an annual grant from the Henry Smith National Charity. Each one was set up in about 1628 in accordance with the Will of Henry Smith who was a City of London Merchant. The Horley Charity is independently registered with the Charity Commission and received a revised Constitution in 2024.
We provide monetary grants to people living within the Ancient Parish of Horley who are facing poverty as a result of their social or economic circumstances. We also provide grants to support charities and community organisations having similar objects to those of the Henry Smith Horley Charity and working within the Ancient Parish for the benefit of the public.
More specifically, we help individuals and families who live in Horley, Salfords, Sidlow and South Earlswood who need clothes and shoes for themselves and their children, including school uniforms.
In addition, we help with funding for replacement cookers, fridges, tumble dryers and mattresses.
We also help students going into university and technical training who need help with study materials and trade equipment.
This is just a sample of the things we help to fund but however we assist, our aim is to improve the circumstances for each person that we assist.
All you have to do is contact us
There’s no cost or obligation for you.
So why not visit our website, download an Application Form, fill it in, then email or text it to us.
Everything is confidential and we’ll sort things out quickly.
www.henrysmithcharityhorley.org.uk
Pictured above is the donation made by the Horley Lions to the Stripy Stork charity this month.
The funds were raised from the various fundraising events & activities we hold throughout the year so a huge thank you to everyone who supports the Horley Lions and also those organisations who sponsor our club and those local businesses who have raised funds for the club as well.
The money will be used to help buy equipment for those children that need a bit of help with school uniforms as well as books, pens & pencils etc.
Stripey Stork is a baby bank service available across Surrey and Croydon, who want to work with more schools to offer support to families who need help with essential items. Find out more about Stripey Stork here
The Horley Lions Club was formed 1n 1963 and is dedicated to raising funds for charities and good causes. Find out more about the club and what it does here
At Your Service
The Horley Repair Café inAction
Pictured Above
Two of our volunteers, a vacuum being successfully repaired, and our clock expert is always busy!
right
Two punctures successfully repaired, a happy customer
Pictured
Westvale Community Christian Trust to manage Westvale Park Neighbourhood Hall
Westvale Community Christian Trust has been chosen to operate and manage Westvale Park Neighbourhood Hall once it opens in a few months.
The fully accessible building will provide a welcoming community and social hub offering a varied programme of activities and events, covering family and young people’s support, health and wellbeing, education and training and faith and spirituality.
The Trust will be working with a range of organisations and groups to enable more opportunities to socialise and be active, as well as a community outreach programme. The space will also be available to hire for private functions and events.
Their appointment follows a two-stage assessment and selection process, including how the new facility will contribute to meeting local community needs.
Pictured, some of the trustees, left to right: Mr Steve Hill (Chair), Revd Kerry Evans, Revd Martin Shorey, Miranda Beaumont, and Simon Capper.
The Summer Reading Challenge is aimed at primary aged school children, but children and teens of all ages can sign up for free at their local library.
Children will receive rewards for every book they read and when they complete the Challenge after their sixth book read, they will receive a certificate and a colourful wristband.
The Challenge is suitable for all reading abilities and the aim is to keep children reading over the
Dear Editor . . .
Bees are essentially our allies in our pursuit of survival. Indeed we would be wise to regard all of nature as our ally and not some sort of foe to be crushed. The latter folly has for too long driven unethical or even criminal elements of the food industry to wreak tremendous damage to our biosphere.
So all efforts to supplant such destructive behaviour with ethical practices should be encouraged. Our survival and that of our children depends upon it.
Apart from obvious common-sense practices such as refusing to contaminate our gardens, allotments and so forth with poisons such as glyphosate, here is a simple thing any gardener or allotmenteer can do to help the bees and other insects flourish:
All Horley Library's summer holiday events and activities can be found here Events and activities at Horley Library - Surrey County Council
Social Media - Follow us for up-to-date news on events & activities!
Facebook: @Horleylibrary @surreylibrariesUK Instagram: @horleylibrary
X/Twitter: @HorleyLibrary @SurreyLibraries
Horley Library - Surrey County Council
Always make sure you have a section of your garden or allotment given over to borage and/or lavender.
Our insect friends love them and their presence fills your space with life.
I am sure there are other plants equally as beefriendly and perhaps your readers could write in and suggest some they have found helpful.
Let’s work together to help our planet thrive!
Editor’s note: please send all letters to the editor to horleytowncrier@gmail.com
Horley Library's big event of the summer is the Summer Reading Challenge, designed by The Reading Agency, delivered by libraries.
summer holidays when there can sometimes be a ‘reading dip’.
Moira Smiley singing workshop
Tuesday 7th October in Bletchingley, Surrey
“An impeccable musician, gracious, collaborative, kind and open”
This event is taking place in the neighbouring community of Bletchingly but we are pleased to feature it here as we are sure it will be of help and interest to choirs and singers of the Horley area.
Bletchingley Community Choir are hosting the workshop on Tuesday 7th October 7.00 pm to 9.30 pm at Bletchingley Village Primary School, Conebury RH1 4PP. Tickets are £15.
Moira Smiley is an American Grammy-nominated singer and composer, renowned for her mastery of the voice and ability to inspire singers of all levels. She is a celebrated educator, teaching at leading musical institutions and inspiring singers of all backgrounds. She has published over 100 choral works that are sung by millions of singers world-wide. With a deep respect for the cultural roles of singing, Moira blends teaching, composing and performing to empower communities and celebrate the transformative power of music.
BCC are very lucky that Moria has agreed to come to Bletchingley while she is on tour in the UK, to hold a workshop for us, and we don’t want to keep it to ourselves, so we are inviting friends from other choirs, and anyone else who would like to be
End
inspired by her teaching to come and join us.
So please come along to the workshop; discover and develop flexibility within your own voice and range - both technically and artistically. Moira will lead warmups, musical games and the singing of new and old folk songs in rich vocal harmony. The workshop is open to singers of all levels and ages, whatever your singing style.
For more information and to book tickets please email paulinecbcc@gmail.com.
of Stock Baby
Towels for sale!
£5 per towel, £8 for two, mix and match. Good quality cotton. White with white border, white with blue border or Panda towel. Free delivery in Horley area or P&P £3.95 Contact dominique.cook@lineone.net
Let’s Dance Mélange are having a break forAugust but we will be back in September!
Our first dance sessions after the summer break will be held on 1 and 2 September at Perrywood Sports & Social Club and Horley Baptist Church respectively (see details on our accompanying leaflet)
*STOP PRESS!!* Take advantage of our Special September Offer - first dance session FREE!*
Thereafter £6 per session (pay-asyou-go) and we ask that you join our membership at your second session for only £12 per annumpayable pro rata (e.g. £3 if joining in October)
(* offer applicable during September only)
Come along and try out a (no obligation) fun dance session at Salfords or Horley.... PLUS Let’s Dance Mélange members and their (optional) guests can enjoy upcoming social events, including an autumn Barn Dance and Quiz Night!
We look forward to seeing you there!
~ Let’s Dance Mélange ~
A dance-for-fitness club
Improve health and wellbeing
Fun, friendship and social
EAST SURREYWALKERS
We are the friendly local Ramblers group with members throughout the Tandridge district - which includes Lingfield and Dormansland - and beyond.
Horley United FC Monthly Roundup
July 2025
SURREY FA GRASSROOT AWARDS 2025
The highlight of the month for the club was the Surrey FA Grassroot Awards 2025 at Thorpe Park. A fantastic evening and what a privilege to be a part of such a prestigious event. To be HIGHLY COMMENDED CLUB OF THE YEAR by Surrey FA after just 2 years of existence AND receiving 35 nominations, blew us away. Our heartfelt thanks to all the nominees and Surrey FA for an evening we as a club will never forget.
Continued on next page
Horley United continued from previous page
TESCO STRONGER STARTS GRANT
Horley United FC have been selected for the Tesco Stronger Starts Grant. Votes are casted by the blue tokens available at Tesco Gatwick, Tesco Express Horley and Tesco Express Dorking. Collect your blue token once you have paid for your shopping. Please support the growth of our club to give back to the children in our community. Voting is available until 30th September 2025 and there is no minimum spend, something as little as a pint of milk!
2025/26 NEW KITS HAVE STARTED TO ARRIVE
Horley United FC U13 Gold
Horley United FC U15
What do French people really eat?
by Dominique Cook
Is it all escargots and boeuf bourguignon?
Quite often, when people find out that I am French, the conversation turns to food and specifically what French people cook and eat at home.
A lot of people seem to think that we French people all cook like Raymond Blanc. This is very flattering, however most of us eat quite simply most days, just differently to how one eats in the UK or in other countries.
The food can also vary widely whether you are in the North or in the South of France, or in one of the French islands, i.e. Réunion, Guadeloupe, Corsica, etc.
One major difference is that we eat our main meals at lunchtime and a light dinner in the evening. And often, lunchtime is a two-course meal, with a simple starter and a main, sometimes a main and a pudding.
Most days, dessert will come in the form of a yogurt, a piece of fruit or some cheese. Or all three. At my parents’, there were always 3 or 4 cheeses on offer.
When I told my (British) grandchildren that yogurt or fruit was pudding when I grew up, they thought it was sad, i.e. how can that be pudding, but that was the norm. We had a sweet pudding on Sundays, or when having guests, but not usually during the week. Often, this would be a cake or tart bought from the neighbourhood boulangerie.
But what type of dishes do we eat? It is true that boeuf bourguignon is on the table often. Cheap to make and delicious, in my childhood home it was eaten with rice, some have it with potatoes. To this day, I make it regularly at home; it is not something I can do without.
But sometimes it will be simple steak and chips with a salad. Fish is the staple on Fridays for a lot of people.
We usually have a roast on Sundays with roast potatoes and vegetables. Gravy is made with the cooking juices.
Starters are simple, such as “crudités”, i.e. carrot or beetroot salad, or it could be a soup or asparagus with homemade mayonnaise. Simple stuff.
In the evenings, we often have soup, or salad with cold meats and cheese, or pasta.
However, for big occasions, such as marriages, anniversaries, etc. then meals go on forever. You could be eating from lunchtime well into the evening, with breaks in between to walk about or dance. Those types of meals could comprise 3 starters, 3 mains, cheeses galore, 3 sets of puddings, with drinks flowing constantly, alcoholic or not.
But back in the UK, I really like a good fish and chips. And a proper full English breakfast is so satisfying. And believe it or not, when I go to visit family in France, I am asked to bring Blue Stilton, Cornish Yarg and a good Cheddar. So, I do. And this year, I will be bringing Cornish pasties across the English Channel. We’ll see what the verdict is. I’m sure they will like it.
Until next time, Au revoir!
Dominique Cook, Dip.Trans. CIOL. French translator and interpreter. Visit my website at www.linguafrancafrenchtranslations.com
Or email domicook64@gmail.com
A Song for Camelot
Excerpt from "Merlinus Ambrosius" one of two plays that Shakespeare should have written had he lived long enough, the other being “Boadicea."
by Steve Awake!
For morning draws the sword of sleep
From the cold unyielding grip of Dreaming stone.
King and mage now stand without the gates; The pound of staff and stave ‘Pon ancient oak resounds. So raise the raven and the nightingale To madrigal and round, Where, not knowing the other’s co-existence, In silence faked their sleep alone.
Awake!
The sound of song reverberates, Let slip once more from silent tongues, Like the sun returns its touch to shadowed strands, Like the folded hands of smitten heroes stirs and Strokes to sleep tired dogs of war, Then deftly turns the virgin page.
Spruce fingers now afire unspring
The lock of lost conviction and palliate The hex of might-have-been desires, While the sweep of the quickened brush atones For the blank canvas of the slumbering sage.
Awake!
You have spun epics for heroes in your time, Your tapestries adorned the towers of kings With odysseys of impudent design. You strummed the lyre, raised the totem that inspired Mariners to sail dream-driven For horizons of some dire Aegean quest.
And, yes, you braved Medusa’s scowl, The storm’s howl, where the glowering ocean Towered broad-shouldered over the listing deck. You wrote your songs in runes, And they were sung in taverns, Carried in the raven’s beak
To stay the slap of Odin’s petulant hand.
You stroked that hand as it steered
The floundering longship to safe havens, Breaching new shores behind the mind’s eye. You brought cargoes of dream, sagas of revelation To unmade harbours on Asgard’s brooding shore And buried your hoard for those as yet unborn.
And more! In your time you have breathed
Validation on inspiration’s guttering flame, Taken sweet morning to the diffident Muse And coaxed her to waken.
Your own quest would some poet’s stave befit, Some song like this, for you have forayed
The long shores of time’s tempestuous shifts, Flanked by the storm’s waves on every hand.
As you searched for the islands that men of wit
Unwitting of themselves have made,
How many futile songs were never heard, How much treasure never graced the oft-turned page
Or wisdom uttered out of earshot escaped
The corner of the up-turned eye?
Like a Valkyrie you have shaken the poet
And frog-marched him to pathways of his fame,
Yet how much unread and unadored has come to rest
Upon the forlorn headstones of forgotten graves?
The weeping Shades guard their treasures well, These gifts bequeathed by Midas to the widowed Muse,
Who despairs of some arcane magic scant begun And counting his coin in exile, turns blind to the sun.
With anguished cries in tragic ways
We fell each one upon the bard’s still singing blade, Yet here stands our Camelot inured to folly and despair,
Glimmering in the twilight, shimmering like The Sultan’s towers in the desert air.
Now, deep within her dawn-lit bowers, The pen dragon stirs, shakes off the scales of sleep; The warrior-poet unsheathes his quill
To bring the rescue of maidens, The salvation of cities and of citadels
To the world’s as yet unwritten page.
What hath the power to blast that hopeful breach
Into the stalwart ramparts of despair
If not th’explosive alchemy of ideas?
Once more then, into that hopeful breach my friends, once more!
Attention all bards!
Submit your poems for possible publication in the Town Crier
Next-generation digital currency will make everybody rich
over the internet wherever people are accepting Kleptos in exchange for their goods or services.
Simple! Yet brilliant!
Excitement reaches fever pitch as klepto-currency enables ordinary people to become capitalists and enslave the planet.
by Steve Cook Typo City
Following on from the success of crypto-currencies, an entrepreneur operating from a laptop in Melton Mowbray has created a new digital currency that he promises, "will make everybody rich."
Posting excitedly on Twitter at the launch of the new currency, which he has dubbed "Kleptocurrency", Tom Swindler told the world he is "very, very excited" about his new moneymaking system, which uses the miracle of the internet to provide a means of getting rich that completely bypasses the usual central banking system and other scams.
"It may still be capitalism in its most literal sense," he said, "but this is an equal-opportunities development that will enable even genetically inferior people such as the hoi polloi and other riffraff to become money-grubbing parasites. It promises to CHANGE THE WORLD - this time even for the better - almost overnight without anyone having to do anything to change it, such as treating other people fairly, not slaughtering anyone or not electing criminals into government."
He explained further that, "Klepto-currency will enable all of us to become incredibly rich and live in the lap of idle luxury for the rest of our days without anybody having to produce anything such as things to buy with our klepto-currency - except, that is, those who don't have any of it or enough of it, who will become our slaves! And that, surely is a Good Thing!"
The system is simplicity itself. He creates the new money ("the Klepto") digitally on his laptop. One Klepto is worth, at the current rate of exchange at this writing, £10. So if you send him, for example, a thousand of your outmoded, soon-to-be-redundant dollars, he will send you a hundred of the new exciting, state-of-the-art Kleptos by email.
You can then go ahead and spend your Kleptos all
But it is even more brilliant than that! Why?
Because if you become a Klepto Dealer (or Klepto Maniac in the popular parlance) and persuade all your friends and family and other marks to buy Kleptos from you, you STIMULATE DEMAND and once there is a demand or even HYSTERIA that makes Kleptos scarce relative to . . . er, demand, the price of your Kleptos can go up!
So if you bought your Kleptos five minutes ago at, say, £60 per Klepto (see above), you can by now sell your Klepos for as much as £85! This makes you £25 on the Klepto without you having to lift a finger except as far as your computer keyboard or do anything at all except persuade everybody else to buy them from you!
It is very easy to see that very soon we will all have a THRIVING ECONOMY with the value of the Klepto in your online Kleptobank steadily rising!
When others see its value rising, they too will want to get rich as well and be falling over themselves to buy it from you, thus pushing up the price of your Kleptos even further!
This we call the PROSPERITY BUBBLE, which can just go on expanding and expanding forever, making everybody extremely wealthy without having to do anything boring such as producing something!
And another sure-fire indicator of just how totally brilliant and exciting this scheme is and why you should not miss out by hesitating, or indeed thinking, for a nano second is the number of exclamation marks we could not help but use when explaining it!!!!
So don't delay, get on the gravy train today before it leaves the station! Buy your Kleptos now while they are still only £129 per Klepto!
Continued on next page
Klepto currency continued from previous page
Here at the Town Crier we have plenty of them to sell so just send us all your money right away and you'll become incredibly rich but of course not as rich as we shall.
And don't forget, if you missed out due to lack of foresight or brain cells or testicles and become one of the saddoes who don't have any Kleptos, you will automatically become our slave!
And in case you were wondering what happens to all the dollars or pounds or yen or whatever of the old fashioned, useless money you exchanged for your new brilliant, much cleverer money? Swindler explained it for the layman thus:
"In simple terms, the old-fashioned completely stupid money that is doomed to become a relic will be phased out and recycled mainly by me buying lots of yachts, helicopters, villas and countries with it."
Another Recipe that Probably Won’t Kill You
Organic 100% Natural Protein Powder
Here is a very straightforward way to make your own natural protein powder that works and tastes great in your porridge, shakes and smoothies and so forth, or on its own!
It probably also saves you a bob or two although I’ve not yet accurately costed it.
Its advantages are that it takes very little time to make and enables you to control completely what’s in it, so no hidden nasties etc.
Take 25g each of the following organic nuts and
On Dogs and Cats
I highly recommend that young people adopt either a dog or a cat.
The invaluable experience of looking after them and catering for their needs provides some very good preparation for parenthood.
Dogs, for instance, prepare you for having a baby.
Whilst cats prepare you for having a teenager.
Enough said
seeds:
Pistachios
Walnuts
Pumpkin seeds
Chia seeds
Brown linseeds
Sesame seeds
Almonds
White quinoa
Add a spoonful of Ashwaganda powder (optional)
Put all the ingredients into a blender and blend thoroughly until they form a powder.
And that’s it!
Got a healthy/tasty recipe you would like to share? Then please send it in!
Here’s a gem I picked up off one of the local groups but I’ ve lost my note as to who posted it.
But it’s too good not to share, so if anyone knows who is responsible for this delightful witticism, please let me know so that I can give them the credit they deserve.
“God created me a woman I identify as a woman.
But according to Tesco’s Sticky Toffee Pudding, I am a family of four.”
And as another wag pointed out:
“The time to really worry is when your bathroom scales confirm it . . . “
Farewell for now!
We hope you enjoyed this issue of the Town Crier. TheAugust issue is already under construction so please don’t miss out and get your submissions in early. Browse this website for more info and look out for Town Crier bulletins and updates.